I just want to be at home watching the sunset with my friends, not be here in a place where no sun exists. this place doesn't look as pretty as it did a year ago. The grass is brown and withered and the sky is grey and empty. It seems wrong to call something like this "day" or "night" when there isn't even a sun or moon to be seen. It was nice for a little while, though. It had felt like we were floating high above the ground, up above everything else, looking down on everypony below us. It was magical.
And then it just ended. I thought... maybe there would have been something more to come after that feeling of being able to do anything you wanted. But that's not how it works, is it? Nothing can last forever. Everything comes to an end, eventually. If only it meant I'd have a little more time with my friends. I think about them now and again, whenever I see something new any beautiful. I try to imagine their reactions, and sometimes I can almost picture them next to me. Other times, I can barely remember their faces, or their voices.
I should be with them. This would never have happened if I'd been quicker. I wonder if they're watching me, from wherever they are now. Do they miss me? Or have they forgotten all about me? I sigh as I turn and walk away from the forest's edge. I'm already losing track of how many times I've done this. How many times I've walked into those woods. How many times I've tried to find a way out.
There's nothing left to do. There's nothing left to see. I start walking back to the castle. I don't know why I bother trying to find a way out anymore. Every time I try, the same thing happens. Everypony dies again.
And I'll just watch. Again.
Maybe one day I'll stop being a coward and actually face the end. But until then, I may as well sit back and enjoy what little comes my way. Besides, it gives me time to think. Time to remember. Time to feel.
I sit down next to the stream in the center of the clearing, staring at my reflection in its surface. I try to smile. My reflection frowns at me.
You're not supposed to cry over things that you can't change, it says. You're supposed to smile and pretend that everything will be okay someday. After all, that's all anypony is taught to do. We shouldn't complain because every little victory has its price. We must accept this reality.
I close my eyes, and imagine that none of this is real. That this is all some horrible nightmare, and any moment Princess Luna will come and rescue me. But I know better. Even so, my mind taunts me.
Eventually, the world will heal, it says. Eventually, the sun will rise again, and warm even the coldest winter days, and ponies will resume their lives. Eventually I'll wake up again in my bed and all of the events of yesterday will become nothing more than distant dreams, nothing more than faint memories that fade further with each passing moment.
I'll wake up, and I'll laugh and I'll say I'm fine, but it won't be true. I'll be crying myself to sleep each night, wondering if this will be the last time I see my parents, or my brother, or my friends. And then I'll finally fall asleep dreaming of better times in which I'll feel more confident in my future and the world won't seem so scary anymore.
I try to imagine what a "healed" world would look like. Maybe one day Luna and Celestia will return, and bring the Sun and Moon with them. Or maybe another pony will be able to undo what's been done, and save ponykind. Will they remember us? Will they remember that we tried? Or will our final failure doom us to be forgotten? What could I have done differently? Perhaps if I'd been quicker, or stronger this wouldn't have happened. Maybe, in another world, this didn't happen, and my friends and I are still together. Maybe we're sitting at a table at Sugarcube Corner listening to Rainbow Dash brag about the latest trick she's mastered.
Maybe we're still out fighting. Still trying to save Equestria from the near-constant and almost comical parade of villains out to destroy us all. I admit, thinking about it makes me the slightest bit jealous. I'd take fighting Sombra or Tirek or whoever instead of being trapped in this prison of my own making. The though gives me hope, but it soon leaves. There's no getting out of this. Not without my friends.
I can't even remember their voices, but I can remember what made my friends who they were. I try to hold on to that, as the shadows draw near. Hopefully, if there is an afterlife, I'll be able to see them again. I'll be able to look them in the eyes and hug them all one more time. I'll be in tears in seconds, and Rainbow will mock me for it, but I won't care. I'd do anything to see them again. I wonder if they'll forgive me for failing them. If they'll forgive me for letting them die and the world be destroyed. I can't imagine why they might, but something in my heart tells me not to worry.
The world is crumbling around me, and yet I remain perfectly calm. Because I can't bring myself to be happy, and sadness has long since abandoned me. I know that my pain will only grow worse later, but this time I'll face it alone. The darkness will consume me before long. It's a good thing my friends aren't here for this. At least they were spared the worst.
All I need now is time. Time to forget this world, and finally move on.
Author's Note
Something that's been lingering in my head for a while now. Had to get it written, or it'd drive me crazy. Hopefully it's not too bad.
