Deep underground in a dark and gloomy temple stood a towering armoured monster of a man known as Sarevok. Behind a barred steel horned helmet, he smiled at the sight of Durzane, otherwise known as Gorion's Ward entering the temple. These bars over his face were like jagged dragon teeth. His glowing yellow eyes stared menacingly at his foe.
However, he soon found himself chuckling at the sight of Durzane’s companions.
Minsc, a dimwitted ranger and his hamster Boo. The fool is so protective of his witch, Dynaheir. Sarevok found himself wishing just to capture him alive so that he could see him raping Dynaheir to death. Sarevok felt that would make his father pleased with him. Once the fool is done crying, he will put him out of his misery.
Jaheira, a silly nature-loving druid, and her pansy of a husband, Khalid. He will enjoy seeing her cry as he tortures her husband to death. Her tears will help please his father.
Imoen. The childhood friend of Durzane. She is weak and pathetic. But she is quite pretty; he will enjoy raping her before killing her.
And last but not least, Gorion's Ward, Durzane. He was a mighty dwarven warrior clad in heavy plate armour. He possessed a huge tower shield and a mighty magical axe.
Sarevok allowed Gorion's Ward to prepare themselves for battle before facing him. Manners were important. He saw them casting many spells and drinking potions to buff themselves before the battle.
In fact… they spent a good few days doing this sort of thing. Sarevok was patient. It was rude to attack someone when they weren’t ready.
When they were finally… ready, they stepped forward to face him. And before battle, they would talk. Talk is important before the battle.
Sarevok spoke with a deep voice ripe with confidence. “You are indeed family. No other could have lived to oppose me in person. Of course, it will not matter in the end. Ultimately I will prevail, and a new era will be born onto the Realms. For unlike you, I embrace the darkness.”
Durzane spoke in a deep voice of his own but far more gentle in nature. “You are a madman. What do you hope to gain by resurrecting a dead god?”
“Killing is our father's work; embrace it as I have! You are weak. I don’t expect someone with such petty notions of love, compassion and mercy to understand. You are a hero to the Sword Coast, who has been undermining my plans for mass murder. Father Bhall may be dead, but the slaughter I will orchestrate shall prove me to be his most worthy successor. It will rise from the ashes. The world will run red with blood when my work is finished.”
“Successor? Deities are not known for sharing their power willingly.”
“Fool! I do not wish to restore his power, merely raise it. With the divine blood that flows through my veins, I shall assume control over which he so foolishly lost. I will become Bhall! That is the only acceptable outcome. All that is left in a manner befitting our heritage. Face me! The new Lord of Murder. Angelo! Tazok! Reveal yourselves, and let’s finish this.”
With his right hand, Sarevok drew a massive black claymore out of a black scabbard attached to his back. His mighty strength allowed him to wield the sword in one hand. He raised his sword before charging at Gorion's Ward. However, when he drew closer, he noticed the place was riddled with Skull Traps, floating in mid-air. He was subsequently hit by a blast of electricity from the exploding magical skulls.
Sarevok collapsed to the floor in a pool of his own blood on his back. His body came to lay upon a grinning human skull engraved into the floor. “Cheesed to death…. curse you, Gorion's Ward,” came his raspy voice before everything faded to black.
Sarevok opened his eyes to find himself lying down in what appeared to be a forest. He could see tall and mighty oak trees looming over him. Thankfully, the shade of the trees blocked out the sun touching his eyes. The pain and the wounds he suffered appeared to have vanished. Did the Gods intervene to save him? Was he teleported here? He had so many questions.
With a grunt, he stumbled onto his armoured feet. Questions can wait for later; for now, he just wanted to rape and kill something to vent his frustration of being in such a situation. So, with that, he lifted his right hand up and drew his mighty black blade out of its scabbard. He then slowly began marching forward, his sword held high, ready to kill the first thing he saw in an orgy of blood and gore.
Sarevok continued to venture forth through the forest in search of something to rape and kill. He came across animals such as rabbits, deer, and whatever. However, they were not what he was looking for; his prey needed to be sapient-minded. If his prey is female, he perhaps could rape her with his massive penis before killing her.
His thoughts throughout the journey were. ‘Kill-kill-kill! Rape-rape-rape! Kill-kill-kill! Kill-kill-kill! Rape-rape-rape! Kill-kill-kill!’
His gaze zoned in on what appeared to be a mere animal. A small yellow equine creature, about as tall as a dwarf. Who had what appeared to be pink butterfly markings on her flanks. The creature also seemed to possess feathery wings on her back. A pegasus, a celestial creature of goodness. His father would be pleased if he managed to kill one of those.
The foolish creature appeared to be gathering red berries from a large bush. She picked them with her hooves and placed them in a basket next to her on the right. Sarevok smiled as he drew closer to his prey. The creature didn’t seem to notice, even as his steel boots clanked heavily on the ground below.
He stood behind her, ready to strike. He lifted his mighty sword high into the air but found himself hesitating for the first time in his life, his hand trembling as he held his sword in mid-air. Sarevok shook his head, drowning out the light, before slamming his blade down upon her back.
Sarevok blinked when his sword smacked against her body with a loud bang. It seemed her body was made of stone… somehow. Or something even stronger. There was not even a mark left on her from his strike. He growled in anger and hit her with his sword again, only to get the same result.
“No… it can’t be,” he said in horror.
The pegasus turned to face him and gave him a warm smile before speaking in a beautiful soft voice. “Oh, hello there, Mr Edgelord. My name is Fluttershy. What’s yours?”
Sarevok simply growled before slashing her across the face with his sword. While this action did not physically hurt Fluttershy, it did cause tears to well up in her eyes.
“Don’t be so mean, Mr Edgelord. I just want to be your friend,” Sarevok bent down to his knees, and tightly grasped his hands around her neck in an attempt to choke her. Fluttershy wailed in grief, tears freely falling down her cheeks, but otherwise remained fine.
“Why won’t you die?!” he shouted.
“I’m sorry, MR Edgelord. Humans and ponies are meant to make sweet love to each other. Evil edgelords such as yourself get sent to Tartarus, where you can never hurt the feelings of a pony again.”
“Are humans slaves? If so, what must I do to earn the rank of slavemaster?”
Fluttershy gasped, her mouth forming an ‘O’ shape before she glared at him with her eyes narrowing into slits. “No! Humans are our friends.”
“What? Despite being invulnerable, you don’t make humans your slaves? Why not? What’s stopping you? Or why don’t you simply kill them all?”
“Because that’s wrong! Ponies being obsessively cruel to humans will become weaker and weaker. In fact, a pony killing a human will make them lose their immortality. We have nothing to gain from being bullies to humans. Through the magic of human and pony love and friendship, ponies get stronger; why would we be cruel to them?”
“Don’t you throw them in Tartarus if they are cruel to you?”
“They may be released if they truly redeem themselves. We like giving second chances here; even edgelords like yourself are given a chance at redemption. And before you ask, no, we don’t torture them. We just come over and ask them every so often if they would like a nice cup of tea and have a nice chat, and maybe even a hug.”
She continued. “It’s nice to give people a second chance. Kindness is better than being cruel. Ponies are meant to be good, and the few who end up being cruel become mortal."
“How can you be such pansies?! What is there to gain by being nice to people? My father, Bhall, the Lord of Murder, is displeased by such petty notions of kindness. If I were to become good, I would never become a god and gain immortality. I, Sarevok, must kill in other to prove myself worthy.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “No, Sarevok. You are wrong. Humans can gain immortality through the magic of human and pony love and friendship.”
Sarevok found himself gagging from hearing such words. “Surely, you can’t be serious?”
Fluttershy stared at him with sad, puggy dog eyes. “Look into my eyes, Sarevok. Let go of your hate. I know, deep down, there’s a spark of light in you. You have good manners; you waited until Gorion's Ward’s was ready to kill you rather than rush him the moment he entered the temple.”
“And Gorion's Ward allowed you to make your long-winded speech before he killed you by spamming Skull Traps, cast by Dynaheir.”
For the first time ever, Sarevok felt tears welling in his eyes. “It is too late for me, Fluttershy,” he spoke in a low, deep voice. “I am a mass murdering monster… I can never be redeemed. Lock me away in Tartarus. I’m too edgy for this world.”
Fluttershy lunged forward to wrap her two front legs around his armorued waist. “No, Sarevok. There is good in you. You need to believe in yourself.”
“Maybe… you’re right… perhaps there is still a chance I can–.”
A deep, evil voice then spoke up. “Don’t be a beta male bitch, Sarevok. You are meant to be a heartless killer. Don’t become like Gorion's Ward.”
“No, you are not my master anymore. I will go my own way. My blood does not define me. I reject the darkness. I will no longer be a retarded edgelord. I will be a kind gentleman.”
There came a flash, and Sarevok’s armoured disappeared and became replaced with a fine black tuxedo.
“You did it, Sarevok! You defeated your inner darkness,” said Fluttershy with tears of joy falling down her cheeks.
“Thank you, Fluttershy. You have proved that even a retarded edgelord like myself can find redemption.”
