Like Father,Like Son

Ch. 8 Hearth’s warming (Christmas)

Luna paused for a moment at my question. I saw a look in her eyes, but I couldn’t tell if it was happiness or sadness. “To answer your question, you are an Alicorn. You’ll live forever.”

“What about BlueBlood?” I asked out of pure curiosity.

“He is a pegacorn he has a normal life span as does Cheerilee” Luna said with a wink

“Ok. I was just curious.” I said, and sat on the couch. I was tired, but I had a great night, and I didn’t have anything to complain about.

“So how was the date?” Luna asked with a small giggle

“It was great, mom. Perfect.” I said, happy with how my first date went. I decided that I hadn’t used my wings at all, and thought I would like to have some time with Luna by flying with her.

“So have you gotten BlueBlood for hearth's warming?” Luna asked with a smile

“I haven’t decided what I should get him. Its a few weeks away, so I still have time to get his wish list from him and get BlueBlood what he wants for Christmas.” I said

“Umm Steel hearths warming is like Christmas”

“Really? Then I’ll just call it Christmas. For me, the word Christmas rolls off the tongue a lot smoother and makes more sense.” I said

“But up here ponies do not know what Christmas it is called Hearths warming” Luna stated

“Ok, but to me, it will be christmas. I’ll just what ponies call it.” I said, and I stopped there because I didn’t want to confuse the two holidays with one another.

“Well that is what we call it here and please for the our sake say it” Luna asked with pleading eyes

“Ok. I’ll see what I can get him for Hearth’s Warming.” I said. I had an idea on how I could spend some alone time with Luna since I hadn’t seen her for 34 ½ years. “Hey mom, want to fly together? I haven’t used my wings yet and I want to know what it’s like to fly.” I said with a hint of eagerness.

“That will take time your wings are still wear from growing so it will take time” Luna said

“I’m a fast learner Mom. Trust me.” I said. The fast learner part was true. I wanted to show her a trick I learned. “Hey mom, watch this.” I said, and I did a double front flip in front of her and landed. I was in my Pony form.

“When did you learn that!?” Luna shouted

“It was a trick that I learned.” I said. “Like I said, I am a FAST learner.”

“That was amazing” Luna exclaimed

“Yeah, watch this!” I said, jumping into the air again, this time doing a double backflip and I was in my Anthro form again. “Try it!” I said

“I think i like you on all fours” Luna giggled out

I chuckled. “Really? I guess I could go on all fours to get used to it.” I said, doing a double front flip and landed on all fours. “Changing which form I am in was the easy part. Learning to to a double frontflip and double backflip was the hard part.” I said. “So Mom, think we could fly together?” I asked again, hoping to get some time with her so I could catch up on what happened for the last 34 ½ years.
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I learned how to fly after a few weeks and was about to head out when BlueBlood came up to me with a list in his mouth. “Wish list?” I asked, taking it.

“Yes it is” BlueBlood said

“Ok. I’ll get as much of these things as I can, ok Son?” I said, getting my coat on and putting his wish list in my wallet.

“Wait your going out now?”

“Yeah. Hearth’s Warming day is only 3 or 4 days away. I’m going to see if I can get as much of your wish list as I can.” I said and opened the front door. “Can I trust you not to burn the house down while I’m gone?” I asked

“Yes what do i look like a house burner” BlueBlood half asked

I smiled and went out. I got in my truck and started it, then headed to the store. When I got to the store, I saw Luna there. I waved to her as I got out. “Morning Mom!” I said as I did my double frontflip and walked up to her in my pony form.

“Good Steel” Luna said with a smile
“Want to help me get what’s on BlueBlood’s wish list?” I asked, levitating the list in front of me.

“Hmm why not” Luna said

I smiled and we went about getting what was on Blueblood’s wish list. An hour and a half later we were walking out of the store with BIG bags of presents.

“It would be smart to hide those from him” Luna suggested

“I will Mom. Don’t worry about that.” I said, as we loaded the bags into my truck. As I finished my double backflip to become an anthro again, I saw a flyer for a talent show that night. “I love talent shows. Should I enter?” I asked while looking at the flyer

“Only if you want to”

I smiled and signed up. “I have a natural talent for voice impersonating and singing.” I said.

“Well then you should enter it if you want to” Luna smiled

“I already did. They are going to have their minds blown away by my ability to impersonate voices.” I said

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Later on that night, the talent show was going on. Many ponies were doing their talents and some did well, some, not so much. I had spent all day practicing my George carlin impression and I decided to give the audience a treat.

When it was my turn. I went up on stage and introduced myself to the audience. I then started with my George Carlin impersonation.

“Here’s another idea. I’m gonna save you a whole lot of money on prisons, but at the same time, we are still going to REMOVE from society many of our more annoying citizens. 4 groups are going away, permanently.

1st group, violent criminals. Here’s what you do with these emmy award winners. You take the entire state of Kansas. You move everybody out. You give them $200 for their inconvenience you know, that’ll be fair. Then, you move them out and put a big 10 story electric fence around Kansas and Kansas becomes a permanent prison farm for violent criminals. No police, no parole, no supplies. The only thing you give them is lethal weapons and live ammunition so they can communicate in a meaningful way.

Then you put the whole thing on cable TV. The violence network, VNN. For a corporate sponsor, you get one of those companies that loves to smear its logo feces all over the landscape. Budweiser will jump at this shit in ½ a minute.

Next group, Sex criminals. Completely incurable, you gotta lock them up. You could outlaw religion and most of these sex crimes will disappear in a couple of generations. But we don’t have time for rational solutions. Much easier to fence off another rectangular state. Rectangular states are cheaper to fence, saves the taxpayers money, you know?

This time Wyoming. But only for true sex offenders. We’re not going to bother consenting adults who like to dress up in leather boy scout uniforms and smash each other in the head with ball peen hammers while they take turns blowing their cat. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that, it’s a victimless hobby, and think of how good the cat must feel.

No, we’re only going to lock up rapists and molesters. those hopeless romantics. Who are so full of love, they can’t help getting a little of it on ya. Usually on your leg. You take all these heavy breathing fun-seekers, and you stick them in Wyoming. Then you let them suck, fuck and fondle, you let them blow, chew, sniff, lick, whip, gobble, and cornhole each other, until their testicles are whistling O cum O ye faithful.

Then you turn on the cameras and yo got the Sperm Channel! Don’t forget our corporate sponsor, we’re going to let Budweiser put little logo patches on the rapists’ pants right here, this bud’s for you!

Ok, next group, drug addicts and alcoholics. Not all of them, don’t get nervous. Just the ones who are making life difficult for at least one other person. We’re going to bother 1st offenders. People deserve a chance to clean up. Everyone will get, 12 chances to clean up. Ok, ok, 15. 15, that’s fine, and that’s it. If you can’t make it in 15 tries off you go to Colorado! Colorado. The perfect place for staying loaded. Each week, all of the illegal drugs confiscated in the United States, that the police and DEA don’t keep for their own personal use, will be airdropped into Colorado. We’re going to turn the Coors brewery over to the beer drinking assholes, and everyone can stay wasted, wired, stoned, bombed, hammered, smashed and shitfaced round the clock on another new cable channel, Shitface Central , this is the REAL rocky mountain high!

Ok, I saved my favorite group for last. The maniacs and crazy people. Yeah. The ones who live out where the busses don’t run. And I distinguish between maniacs and crazy people. A maniac will beat 9 people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person will beat 9 people to death with a steel didlo, but he’ll be wearing a bugs bunny suit at the time.

So you can’t put them all away. You gotta keep some of them around just for the entertainment. Like a guy who tells you the king of Sweden is using his penis as a radio transmitter to send anti semitic lesbian meatloaf recipes to soupy sales and Marvin Hamlisch. A guy like that you want to give him his own radio show.
No, the maniac farm will be reserved strictly for hopeless cases, like a guy who gets a big tattoo on his chest of Liza Minnelli taking a shit. You know? And he tells you if he wiggles a certain way it looks like she’s wiping her add, you know?

A guy like that, you want to get him into custody as quickly as possible. Now, for the maniac farm, it’s no question we gotta go with Utah. Utah, easy to fence, easy to fence and right next to Wyoming and Colorado and Colorado is right next to Kansas, and that means, all four groups. Of our most amusing citizens, are now in one place. Except for the big fences. And I think I have another one of my really good ideas for cable TV. Gates.

Small sliding gates in the fences. Think of what you got here, think of what you got. Predators, Degenerates, Crackheads and fruitcakes. 900 miles of fence separating them. Every 50 miles, you put a small sliding gate. But, the gates are only 10 inches wide, and they’re only open once a month, for 7 seconds. You know something, fuck cable, this shit has got to be on Pay-per view. If those gates are only open 7 seconds a month, you are going to have some mighty interesting people, pushing and shoving to be first online. Deeply disturbed, armed, cranky lunatics, on drugs. You know the ones, a lot of tattoos, a lot of teeth broken off at the gumline.

The true face of America. And every time you open the gates, a few of the more aggressive ones are going to get through. The Creme de le Creme, the alphas. They’re going to find each other and they’re going to cross breed. Soon you have a melting pot of Child killers, Corpse fuckers, Drug zombies and full blown wackaloons.

Wandering the landscape in search of truth and fun. Just like now. Everyone will have guns, everyone will have drugs, and no one will be in charge, just like now. But at least we’ll have a balanced budget.” I finished and walked off stage. I met up with Luna after the talent show. “Did you like my impression of George Carlin?” I asked, then explained who George Carlin was.

“I Loved the impression you did, son.” Luna said with a smile.

“Want to fly to my house with me?” I asked, and I knew how to fly, so I was feeling confident. “I learned how to fly, and I want show you.”

“well then lets fly” Lua said sprouting her wings

I smiled and flared my wings, and took off for my house.