Poker Knight at the Armory

by MetalGearSamus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Trixie, Fancypants, Gilda, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mayor Mare
Length: 4270

Ponies play poker

Ponies play poker.

Gilda is there too.

Published 2012-09-26 00:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-26 00:34:01 UTC

Poker Knight at the Armory

Poker Knight at The Armory

“So,” the unicorn said, shuffling the deck with his magic, “Is this your first night in Canterlot? We don’t get many griffins in here.”

His guest shrugged, swirling a finger around on the poker table as she waited for him to deal. “Yeah. I heard there was some sweet stuff goin’ on, so I decided to drop by.”

He smiled, and began dealing. “Well, I hope it’s met your expectations. Are you going to tomorrow’s Hearth’s Warming Eve play? I hear the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony are going to be there.”

“Pff. Don’t make me laugh.” The griffin smirked at him. “Everyone in this town is either a stuck up snob or some sorta beatnik dweeb. And I’ve got better things to do than sit through some lame sing-a-long.”

“Oh.” The stallion frowned. “Well I hope your experience at The Armory will be more enjoyable.” He placed the final card in front of him, and glanced at his hand. A four of clovers and a Nightmare Moon of hearts. No, he reminded himself, it’s a Luna of hearts now. The cards looked much too similar. Either way it wasn’t a promising hand, but he kept his expression neutral, and turned to the table’s third occupant.

“So, Miss Mayor,” he said, “it’s been a long time since you’ve stopped by. Need to replenish the town coffers again?” He grinned, and the mare laughed.

“Oh please, Jack, give me some credit,” she chided, “I’ve just had a meeting with the Princess, and I thought I’d have some fun tonight.”

He chuckled. “I hope you enjoy yourself then. And are you going to the play?”

“Of course!” she said, “Ponyville’s putting it on this year, and I’m sure it will be magnificent!”

“Hey, lamebrains!” the griffin cried, snapping her fingers at the two, “I came to play poker, not babble about my day.” The Mayor rolled her eyes, but then looked down at her cards. She adjusted her glasses with a hoof.

“Sorry, Miss Gilda. I’ll get right on with it,” Jack said, “I like a social table, you see.”

“Whatever. Just bid.” The griffin sighed, rubbing her eyes with a claw and grumbling to herself as she threw her bits into the pot.

The round continued in relative silence, and Jack grew worried. He liked talking to his clients, it kept his job interesting. It also kept people friendly. Otherwise the players tended to get edgy as the game went on and more bits were lost, and the last thing he wanted was a disgruntled griffin lashing out at him. He scanned the room, looking for a regular he could call over to help spark up a conversation. He recognized a few faces at the bar, but none that he knew liked to gamble.

The griffin won the first hand with a pair of princes, and Jack dealt out more cards. During the next round, he tried to strike up conversation with the griffin, but she shrugged him off and continued to frown at her cards and the pot. He glanced at The Mayor and she rolled her eyes again, tossing a few bits into the pot. Then an idea struck him.

“Oh, Miss Mayor,” he said, “I heard you finally broke your losing streak at last year’s Winter Wrap Up. Congratulations!"

“Thank you, Jack,” she replied, “but it was Twilight Sparkle who managed to snap everypony into shape. I just hope she can repeat it this year.”

“Twilight Sparkle? She’s the Princess’s pupil, right?” He tapped a hoof against his chin, and levitated more bits into the table’s center. “I’ve been hearing a lot about her recently.”

“Oh yes..." The Mayor groaned. “It seems like almost every week she and her friends are creating some new sort of calamity for us to deal with. We’ve had to rebuild the entire town twice now!” She sighed. “I even had to give Rainbow Dash her own property-damage tax.”

“Huh?” The griffin perked up at the mention of the pegasus, “She’s got her own tax now?”

“Oh, uh, yes.” The Mayor turned to the griffin. “It’s quite frustrating, actually. You’d think that a pegasus trying to get into the Wonderbolts would have mastered basic landing techniques, but she still crashes through rooftops and windows all the time. Our construction workers can’t get anything new built because they’re so busy fixing all the things she’s broken!” The older mare threw down more bits, hardly paying attention to the game.

The griffin smiled. “Oh man, that gal hasn’t changed a bit since flight camp. I remember this one time, we were playing dodgeball in gym, and she bucks one so hard that it goes flying through about seventy clouds-worth of wall and hits one of the factory rainbow-makers just right so that it blows and goes flying halfway to Dragonland. Ha!” She laughed, slapping her hand against the table. “It took her two weeks to clean all the rainbow bits outta the sky. And they never did find out what happened to that rainbow-maker...”

By now The Mayor was laughing too, and Jack had become so focused on the tale that he hadn’t noticed the stallion who had trotted up to the table. The new arrival coughed politely, and flashed Jack a smile as he took notice.

“Ah, good afternoon Mr. Fancy Pants.” Jack said. “Would you like to buy in?”

“Indeed I would,” he replied, taking up a seat next to the griffin. Her smile dropped, and she scooted as far away from him as she could without looking suspicious. Jack dealt him some cards as an exotic-looking mare slid up to Fancy’s side, holding a plate full of drinks in her mouth. The aristocrat levitated them off the platter, and set them down in front of each player. The slim mare then stepped back into the crowd, reappearing a moment later without the plate, and draped herself over Fancy’s flank.

“I don’t mean to be presumptuous,” the stallion said, “but I bought a round for the table. I hope you all like sarsaparilla.” He grinned, and levitated a monocle to his eye to examine his cards. “Now, what do we have here...”

“Hrm.” The griffin took a sip from her glass. “Not too bad... I guess.” She stopped glaring at the stallion, but kept herself slightly closer to The Mayor.

“Thank you very much, Sir.” Jack said, raising his glass in salute before taking a drink. He turned to the mare. “And should I also deal in you, Miss?” He still didn’t know the name of Fancy Pants’s companion, though he had served them dozens of times in the past.

“No thank you,” the mare replied, batting a lock of hair from her eyes as she posed for paparazzi that weren’t there. “I’m not in the mood tonight.”

“Very well,” Jack said, “Let’s continue, then.”

The next round played out quietly. The griffin couldn't stop glancing at the mare on Fancy’s flank. She posed there, head held in hooves, seeming content to gaze at the dead ceiling fans for the rest of the night. Finally, after The Mayor whooped in triumph and raked in a pile of bits, the white mare tilted her head to the griffin and spoke.

“By the by, this Rainbow Dash you were discussing earlier wouldn’t happen to be acquainted with a Miss Rarity, would she?” she asked, “I believe I’ve heard of her before, but I cannot seem to place from where.”

“Oh, uh, I wouldn’t know,” the griffin said, clutching her cards up to her chest, “I don’t know much about her friends.”

“You don’t keep in contact?” The mare leaned in closer.

“No. We don’t. What’s it to you, anyway?” the griffin snapped.

“Oh.” The mare raised her eyebrows in understanding, and relaxed back into her original pose. “What a shame...”

The griffin grunted in reply, and then turned back to the game. Jack had been watching the exchange, and when she noticed she glared at him. He quickly looked away and dealt the last card. It was a ten of hearts.

"Well drat, there goes my straight," Fancy said before folding. The Mayor and the griffin both stayed in. The latter won the pot.

"Heh heh," she cackled, "All mine!" The Mayor rolled her eyes.

Just then, the doors to The Armory burst open, and a stunning blue mare strutted in. An enormous hat, styled after that of a wizard, sat on her head, and a star-covered cape flowed around her sides. She walked straight up to the poker table, nose held high, and shoved her way into the table's center, between Fancy Pants and the griffin.

"Is there a spot available at this table?" she asked, "The Great and Powerful Trixie would very much enjoy a game." The griffin, sneering, opened her mouth to make a comment, but Jack spoke before she could say anything dangerous.

"Of course, miss Trix—"

"The Great and Powerful Trixie," Trixie corrected. The griffin smacked her face with a claw, The Mayor scoffed under her breath, and Fancy Pants raised an eyebrow. Trixie seemed not to notice any of these reactions.

"Of course you may play, ma'am," Jack said with a grimace, "I always welcome... interesting company." He dealt out the next hand, but gave himself no cards. There were enough payers now to keep things going without his help. As the bidding went around, Fancy Pants was the first to try and revive conversation.

"I must say, miss Great and Powerful Trixie, you look simply dazzling in that outfit. What brings you to this fine establishment, if I may ask?"

"Indeed," said the mare on Fancy's flank, "she looks like a diva. Or a circus clown." The Mayor snickered.

"Hmph." Trixie pouted. "Trixie is no mere performer, she is the most dazzling and awe-inspiring magician in all of Equestria. Far and wide, across all of the land, throngs of adoring fans flock to see the amazing magic of The Great and Powerful Trixie!" A small array of fireworks exploded in the air behind her. The smoke made Jack cough.

"Pfffft. Yeah right."

"Quiet, griffin!" Trixie snapped, "You only wish you had half as much talent as Trixie."

"Whatever," she replied, rolling her eyes, "You gunna play or not?"

"Yes," she answered, teleporting some bits into the pot with a burst of magic, "The Great and Powerful Trixie has had a trying day of dazzling crowds, and a simple game of cards is exactly what this performer needs to relax."

Jack had enough experience with losing customers to know that Poker could be the opposite of relaxing, but so far it seemed that these ponies weren't in it for the money. The griffin, on the other hoof, definitely was, but luckily for him she was winning.

"So, Great and Powerful Trixie," Fancy Pants said as the griffin shoveled in her earnings, "you're a magician? I hear that is an exceptionally competitive industry. Most performers struggle to secure even a single stable venue, am I correct?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Trixie sighed. "Most magicians are doomed to eke out an existence, limited by time and their Cutie Mark. However, unlike most unicorns, Trixie is not limited to the five or six spells which related to her special talent, for Trixie's talent is spell casting! Is that not glorious? Any spell in the world is only a lesson away, while the same task can take whole lifetimes for those who are not so great and powerful."

"I say, that is most impressive!"

"Oh wow. That's so cool..." Across from Jack, the griffin rolled her eyes. She made a point to flex her wings before flicking bits into the pot with her spare claw.

"Indeed it is," Fancy Pants said, ignoring the griffin's sarcasm, "I'd be very interested to see you perform. I know a lot of ponies who would be very glad to see a good magician."

"Hmm... The Great and Powerful Trixie supposes there could be time for an unscheduled appearance." She sounded indecisive, but Jack was close enough to her to see a glint of need in her eyes. She might have been farther behind her boast than he'd first thought.

"Excellent." Fancy smiled. "We can arrange it after the game, then." Trixie nodded her approval, and the round continued. Jack placed the next card, and everyone but The Mayor folded. She looked surprised as she realized she had won the round.

Jack gathered up the cards and shuffled the deck just as a second stallion plodded up to the table. It was Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard, and he looked tired. His mane was droopy and his fur was not nearly as neat as it was when he patrolled the city. He was also out of uniform, which usually meant he was here for a game.

"Good evening, Mr. Armor," Jack said, beginning to deal out five hands, "I assume you want to join in?"

"Yes. Thank you Black Jack." Shining sat on the free side of Fancy Pants. He levitated a pouch of money from his side and bought in. The griffin looked up from her cards, registered who Shining was, and then snapped her gaze back down again. She held her cards up as if she were trying to hide behind them. Jack gave her a curious look, and then turned back to Shining.

"You look tired today," he commented.

"Yeah. It was a rough day. Ugh." Shining rubbed his eyes with a foreleg. "We spent all afternoon running around Canterlot, trying to track down a thief. By the time we gave up I'd forgotten what he was supposed to look like." He looked at his cards, and tapped a hoof against the table to call.

"Really? You couldn't find a lone thief?" Fancy Pants asked.

"Yeah, we galloped all around the city trying to catch up to him, but he was a pretty sneaky pegasus. Or at least I think it was a pegasus."

"You think?" the griffin asked, lowering her cards a little.

"Yeah. My guards got close enough to make out his wings, but by the time I caught up to them he'd given us the slip. Big fellow too, apparently, though nopony could give us any more details. I'm still not sure how me missed him..."

"Ah, what a shame," said Fancy Pants.

"Yeah," agreed the griffin, "too bad."

"And what was it, pray tell, that this lowlife stole?" asked The Great and Powerful Trixie as she placed her bet, "and how was it that nopony could identify him committing such an obvious crime?"

"He stole two bushels of tomatoes from one of the venders at the farmer's market, but the pony he stole it from didn't catch him doing it until he was halfway down an alley. After that we could only chase hearsay and rumor." He sighed. "He's probably eaten most of the fruit by now, anyway, so there's not much point in continuing the search." The griffin opened her mouth to say something, but instead belched. Shining didn't seem to notice, and she quickly retreated behind her cards.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Sir," Jack replied. He had served under Shining for a few months before he retired from the guard, and he hated to see the young prodigy so downcast.

"Indeed. You have my deepest sympathies," Fancy Pants added.

"Thanks. Really, I'm just glad I can rest."

The griffin won again, but she took her earnings without much fanfare. Jack dealt the next hand.

"Sir Shining, you're Twilight Sparkle's brother, right?" asked The Mayor.

"Yes, I am." He frowned at his cards and folded. "How do you know her?"

"Oh, why, I'm the mayor of her town," she replied, "I hear a lot about her from the Princess, and she's a very... active member of the community."

"Really?" Shining's ears perked up. "That's great! She used to be a bit of a loner. I was getting worried about her."

"You don't keep in touch?" The grey haired mare looked concerned. The griffin tossed some bits into the pot with a quick swipe of her claw, and The Mayor matched her, though she had not bothered to look at her cards.

"We do," he said, "just not very frequently. My job keeps me very busy, and Twily has to write letters to the princess almost every week, so there's not much time to say anything substantial."

"That is quite unfortunate," interjected The Great and Powerful Trixie. Her eyes slid over to look at The Mayor. "And you said the Princess talks about this Twilight frequently? What makes her Highness so interested in a commoner?"

Shining looked shocked at that comment, and opened his mouth to retort, but the mare on Fancy's pants beat him to it.

"I didn't realize being the sister of the Captain of the Guard and the pupil of Princess Celestia made one a 'commoner.'" She smiled mischievously. Fancy Pants scrutinized his cards, still debating whether or not to call.

"Yeah," added Shining, "she and her friends saved Equestria twice. I'm surprised somepony who travels so much missed something like that." He glared across the table at her.

"Well," Trixie huffed, "it's a big world. The Great and Powerful Trixie only asked because Trixie remembered hearing such a name from a performance and wondered if she may have mention Trixie's truly awesome magic." As she spoke the last phrase The Mayor's eyes widened in recognition, and she jabbed a hoof at Trixie, causing the griffin to flinch back from the table.

"It was you!" she yelled. Jack frowned at her outburst.

"W-what?" sputtered The Great and Powerful Trixie.

"You're that magician that brought that Ursa to my town!" Trixie gasped. Now Jack was just confused.

"You're the mayor of that town?" She leaned forward onto the table and stabbed a hoof at The Mayor. "Those ruffians you call citizens ruined my caravan. How dare you accuse me of doing something so brutish?"

"Ladies, calm down—" began Shining.

"Ruffians? Well I never. How dare you insult my people after you wreck our town?"

"Miss Mayor, please—"

"How dare I? Those two brats brought that Ursa to your town to get me to try some stupid stunt and you blame me? They caused all that destruction. They nearly robbed me of my livelihood—"

"Ladies—"

"—in fact, I demand compensation!"

"What!?" The Mayor was livid.

Jack would have intervened, but the griffin, who had been stuck between the two arguing mares, decided she'd had enough of it and scooped up her earnings. She tried to slink away, but Jack coughed and caught her eye with a glare. She glared back and scurried over to him.

"What?" she hissed.

"I'm sorry ma'am," Jack began, "but if you want to leave before the game's complete, you must forfeit a quarter of your earnings. House rules."

"Look, dude," the griffin motioned across the table. Shining had jumped in between the two mares, straining to keep them from clawing at each other. "I'm pretty sure the game's over."

"Actually," Jack pointed to Fancy, "It's Mr. Pants's turn, and he's still deliberating." The griffin looked over at him.

"Hmm," he said, turning to his companion, "What do you think, dear? Should I raise?" She shrugged.

"No outside help, Sir," Jack shouted at him. The mares' argument was getting loud enough to draw attention from the bar.

"I should sue—!" Trixie declared.

"Oh, yes, of course. Forgive me." Fancy continued frowning at his cards. Jack turned back to the griffin with a smile, and she slapped her face with a claw.

"Just try it, hollow-horn!" The Mayor spit. Trixie gasped, taken aback, and Shining slipped onto the ground.

"Oh that is it," the performer snarled. She launched herself at The Mayor, and the two began brawling.

"Ugh. Fine, whatever." The griffin dropped a handful of bits onto the table, and then turned to crouch. Trixie slapped The Mayor with a hoof.

"No flying indoors—"

Trixie yelped as The Mayor bit down on one of her forelegs. Jack cringed and tried to think of what spell he could use for this situation. He didn't have many that weren't card related, and he was out of practice on the ones from his Guard days.

"Oh come on—"

For the second time that night, the doors to the Armory burst open. A pair of royal guards, clad in black armor, marched inside. They were followed by an angry-looking brown pony with burgundy hair. The guards surveyed the chaos in front of them, and then stomped their hooves against the ground to draw attention. The pounding worked, and the room went quiet. The mares' fight ground to a halt. Everyone looked at the brown stallion questioningly. He scanned the room, and his eyes locked onto the griffin.

"That's the thief!" he said, pointing, "It was her!" Shining Armor gasped, and tried to scrambled up form the floor.

"Uh oh." The griffin vaulted into the air, and crashed through a nearby window. The sudden movements caused Jack to lose control of the deck, and cards scattered across the table. Bits fell in a rain behind the griffin, clinking onto the floor and a few unfortunate ponies' heads. The two guard who had just entered galloped off after her, while a recovered Shining Armor leaped through the broken window. There was a dull thud as he landed in the garbage dumpster below it. Jack ran up to the window seal.

"Sir?" he called down.

Shining's head popped up from the pile of refuse. "I'm okay!" He shook a banana peel from his horn and pulled himself out of the dumpster. "I'm okay." He galloped down the alley before Jack could say another word. The card dealer turned back to the casino. On the floor near the poker table, The Mayor and Trixie sat panting, recovering form their tussle. The Mayor's hair was impaled on the blue pony's horn, and her glasses were smashed on the floor. Trixie was covered in hoof-marks, and her cape had been ripped to shreds.

"I think I shall go... all in," declared Fancy Pants. He laid his cards out on the table and looked up. The smile he had worn dropped as he saw he was the only pony still sitting at the table. "Oh. Does this mean I win?"

"Er... sure," said Jack. He was busy picking up all the fallen cards. "Everypony can take away their earnings so far and we'll call it good, deal?"

"Excellent!" Fancy said, levitating his money into a purse. "Now—ah! Great and Powerful Trixie!" he called, "I do believe we need to work out the details of your performance. I have many friends I would like to invite but most are terribly busy. Do you have an hour to spare so I can set up a schedule?" He started for the Armory's entrance, the exotic white mare at his side.

"Oh, uh, yes." Trixie, now unstuck from The Mayor, trotted after him, a hat full of bits in tow. She looked back long enough to stick her tongue out at her new found foe, and then disappeared down the street. The Mayor snorted defiantly, and then stooped down to pick up her shattered spectacles, but Jack levitated them up for her. She smiled at him. Around them, the Armory regulars had returned to their normal murmur.

"Well, that was an interesting game." The Mayor said, putting her fractured glasses back on. A chunk of the lens dropped onto the floor with a clunk. Her face fell, and she took them back off.

"Heh. You should see what happens when the Night and Day Guards get together for a game," Jack said. He levitated all the pieces of her broken glasses back together, and tried to cast a fixing spell on them. A bead of sweat formed on his brow as he focused, but nothing happened. The Mayor bit them from the air to stop him.

"Don't bother," she said, "they're ruined."

"But you can hardly see without them."

"Yes, but my hotel's only a few blocks from here..." She grinned at him. "Though it wouldn't hurt to have an escort."

He smiled back. "It would be my pleasure." He levitated her glasses into a nearby trashcan and started for the door, but The Mayor looked back at the poker table.

"Jack, wait. What about this whole mess?" Cards, golden bits, and shards of glass were strewn around the floor, and Shining Armor's latest bet still sat on the table.

"Oh don't worry," Black Jack said, "the janitor will get it." The Mayor laughed at that. "And I'll reimburse Shining for anything he lost."

"Alright Jack, if you say so."

The two trotted out of the Armory together, and breathed in the crisp night air. The street was quiet around them. Their hooves clacked against the stone sidewalk, and they moved together in silence. They arrived at Mayor's hotel, and Jack wished her goodnight.

"Hmm, thank you," she replied, "for the... interesting evening." He chuckled.

"You're welcome." She turned to entered the hotel, and he began walking away.

"You should visit Ponyville sometime," she said over her shoulder. Jack looked back. "It's always nice to have friends stop by."

"I'll do that. I hear it's a pleasant town."

"Only when it's not being destroyed." They both let out a small laugh.

"Well then, goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight, Jackie." She winked at him, and disappeared through the yellow light of the doorway. Jack smiled, and then trotted away.