Celestia POV:

Celestia was a pony that thought in the long term, she had to be; it was demanded of her. Duty, responsibility and leadership had been burdened upon her from as early as she could remember.

After she and Luna had been orphaned by Discord, Celestia had been forced to take care of her younger sister as they fled their home.

They were lost and alone, trying to survive in a world going mad and Celestia was little more than a foal herself. What did she know about foraging for food or constructing shelter for the night? She tried so hard to protect her younger sister.

It almost wasn't enough.

The unwanted and unbidden memory resurfaced at the forefront of her mind.

The young alicorn filly trudged miserably through the underbrush of the forest floor.

Her small legs strained in exhaustion. The fevered, emaciated form of her sister was draped over her back, swaddled in whatever scraps of cloth she could find in a ruined village that they found a week earlier. It did almost nothing to stop Luna’s shivering.

Adding to her struggles was the tiny, makeshift sledge that Celestia dragged behind her. It contained the meagre amount of supplies that she had managed to gather but wasn't big or stable enough to carry her sister. It was little more than a basket tied down to a cobbled-together board of curved, wooden planks taken from an abandoned cooperage. The hemp rope that she used to drag it choked her around the neck and almost caused her to stumble every time the sledge got caught in the rough foliage.

Celestia didn't know how long she had been walking before she tripped over a rock. Her tired legs gave out as she lost her balance. She desperately contorted her body to keep Luna from falling off her back and landed painfully as her outstretched wing crumpled underneath her.

“Nnnnnnggghhhhh” She mewled in a high-pitched, pained whimper. Agony erupted from her side as Luna’s swaddled form slowly slid off of her back. However, Celestia was cognizant enough to use her remaining wing to lower her gently to the ground.

The young alicorn tried to find the energy to rise back to her hooves but failed. Tears streamed down her face as she curled up into the foetal position and sobbed.

Celestia’s exhausted body yearned for resting but she knew that she could not. She had seen the light of a campfire down in the valley last night. The first sign of other ponies since they had fled High Hoof.

Her parents had taught her to never trust strangers, especially lowlanders. However, she was desperate to find help for Luna. She didn't know how much longer she could keep going and her baby sister grew more frail by the day. Luna wouldn't survive another frigid night.

With whatever strength she could muster, she hauled herself up onto shaky hooves.

A chilling wind suddenly blew through the forest, causing Celestia to shiver. The light of the sun was fading and the air started to grow cold. The night was nearly upon them, she needed to hurry.

Taking care not to move her injured wing as she moved, the young alicorn picked up her sister in her magic and rested Luna on her back.

She looked at the wooden sledge in contemplation before turning away and carrying on her trek without it. It would only slow her down and if she didn't find help down in the valley before sunset, then supplies wouldn't matter anyway.

Had Celestia not stumbled across Starswirl's encampment that night, then Luna would have died and she would have followed not long after.

Even though they had been saved, it didn't mark the beginning of an easy life for either of them. The austere halls of a tower under siege by Discord's abominations were a poor environment to rear a foal. There were no other fillies in the College; and with Celestia increasingly drawn into Starswirl's demanding tutelage, it was a lonely fillyhood indeed for Luna.

Despite Celestia’s self-appointed role as Luna’s protector, she drifted ever further apart from her sister as they grew older. The younger alicorn withdrew into herself, while Celestia’s focus became consumed by the conflict against Discord and the search for the Elements of Harmony.

The division between them only grew worse when they were thrust into the highest echelons of politics and fought desperately to hold a shattered kingdom together.

The weight of an entire nation rested on the weary shoulders of two princesses…

…and now that same weight rested on the shoulders of one princess.

Celestia let out a saddened sigh as she sat at her desk and read over the letter that her sister left behind.

For the last hundred years, she had spent countless hours every day planning and strategizing a path forward for her kingdom. She took into account every variable and developed contingencies accordingly.

Nothing was supposed to be left to chance, so how could she have been so blindsided?

She knew that Luna was lonely and disenfranchised, but surely she could have seen that it was only a temporary inconvenience. They would both live for ten thousand years. They had time, time enough to slowly change things for the better. Incredible progress had been made in reconstructing Equestria over the last hundred years, and it would only be two or three more centuries before they had enough power to defang the nobility permanently.

Already Celestia had begun to plan the construction of an elite “School for Gifted Unicorns” where she could sculpt the next generation of nobility into being more amenable to her vision for Equestria.

‘How could Luna abandon all that we have built over hurt feelings?’

Celestia recoiled at the thought. When had she grown so dismissive of Luna’s emotions and trauma?

The Solar Princess wanted to blame her sister for deserting her duties, but her wrath found no purchase to cling onto.

She was the one who had been negligent in her responsibility. After their near-death experience in the forest, Celestia had sworn to herself, on the memory of their parents, that she would always look out for Luna. Yet, recently she had treated her younger sister as little more than a politically convenient tool; who would bear the brunt of the nobility's ire in order to push for the reforms that the two of them wanted.

She replayed in her mind all the notable events in Luna’s political life. The failed reforms, the vetoed amendments, the budget cuts to her projects; the failed war that Celestia had pressured her into, and so much more.

It was such an insidious line of thinking that had infected Celestia’s thoughts. The expectation that Luna was required, demanded, to always sacrifice and endure in the name of a greater good. Yet, looking back on it in totality, she could see how Luna would have lost any faith in the plan that Celestia thought she had.

How many times could she be humiliated before she finally gave up?

Could Celestia really blame Luna for leaving? When all the future promised was only more misery, and the rewards were always so distant.

The eldest alicorn had gotten so wrapped up in her long-term aspirations that she had neglected the here and now. She had neglected Luna in the here and now.

Her eyes drifted to the diary that sat at the edge of her desk. Her expression twisted into a sneer.

Oh, how she wished to burn the damnable thing.

She didn't know why Luna had decided to break open the enchantments and read its contents. Perhaps she wanted to spite her older sister for the Saddle Arabian debacle; perhaps she was simply curious.

‘Perhaps she simply wanted to better understand the mind of an estranged sister who hadn't had an earnest conversation with her in years.’

The last thought almost brought tears to Celestia’s eyes as she considered it as a realistic possibility.

What would Luna have thought as she read it? She must have been horrified and appalled.

Celestia had started writing in the diary years ago. It was her outlet, her escape.

To truly become the perfect princess that she aspired to be, she could afford no mistakes, no outbursts and no scandals.

She needed to be flawless, unblemished and pure.

It was vital that every word, action or emotion was carefully curated and tailored for the optimal political outcome. But however hard she tried to suppress her baser instincts and primal emotions, they still bubbled ceaselessly within her.

So, each day she poured out every bit of accumulated frustration and vitriol onto the diary's pages. Every slight against her was harshly retaliated, every mistake from her staff was maliciously judged and every failing from her sister was spitefully condemned.

Celestia usually didn't think much about what she had written after the cathartic release of writing it. However, rereading it all at once for the first time made her feel nauseous.

Is this what her psyche had been reduced to? A boiling well of anger and bitterness beneath a hollowed-out shell of immaculate, alabaster porcelain?

She had sacrificed everything for a brighter future for Equestria; her happiness, her sister, herself. Yet what has she gained? An estranged and miserable sister; a defiantly rebellious nobility, and now Chaos Magic and cults.

Everything seemed to be falling apart before her eyes. It had been for a very long time, but she was too blind and confident to realise it.

Tears leaked from her eyes and dripped down onto her desk as she considered the magnitude of her failures.

Her baby sister was somewhere in the world; alone and sad. She probably thought that Celestia had abandoned her and in a way, she wasn't wrong.

She hoped that wherever Luna was, she was safe. The fact that the moon still rose and fell gave her hope.

Celestia looked up from her desk and gazed through the large window at the starry night that lay beyond. A vast, deep blue canvas sprinkled with shimmering stars, the night sky glowed under a magnolia moon, casting a gentle light across quiet landscapes.

She yearned to cast aside her duties and immediately begin the search in person, but the pragmatic side of Celestia knew that if Equestria crumbled in her absence, it would turn an already terrible situation into a cataclysmic one.

This wasn't the end. Luna and her would meet again, someday. Celestia was sure of that. With the resources of an empire, it was only a matter of when, not if, Luna left a clue as to her whereabouts.

She would find her sister, fix her mistakes and make up for lost time.

‘I still have time…surely?’

Author's Note

Wow, that was stressful to write with all the hype that the long-awaited Celestia POV had built up. I hope that you all enjoyed it.

I've created a Discord. I'll be posting updates there about this story and any future projects, as well as justing chatting and hanging out with all of you.

https://discord.gg/QhnsC8zNNz

Big thanks to my Beta-readers:
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/803999/FableBitMe
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/644525/History+Student

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