How to Beat Your Cheating Unicorn

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Original Character, Comedy, Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 1281

Starlight Glimmer tried to cheat in Jenga. Unfortunately for her, she forgot how well Ponyille's resident human knew unicorns.

While playing the Equestrian version of Jenga with Eric Reed, Starlight Glimmer found herself facing seemingly imminent defeat. However, as a pony with a devious streak that rarely minds "bending" the rules, she chose to use her magic in unfair ways as a last resort. Obviously, she was met with objections from Eric.

But unluckily for Starlight, she forgot her human opponent knew how unicorn magic works quite well...

This story is one of a series of stories that all take place after A Giant Adventure to Equestria. However, it is not necessary to read any of them to understand this story, but "A Giant Adventure to Equestria" does show how and why the human OC Eric Reed is in Equestria and how his bond with Starlight formed.

If you enjoy this story and would be interested in reading any of the other stories with Eric, you can find the list of all current ones here.

EDIT on 08/26/22: Now has an audio hearing by The Mystery Fluttershy Fan!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvB9jc_e_RU

Published 2022-08-21 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-08-21 15:10:01 UTC

First/only step: *spoiler* and (optional) pet them

First/only step: *spoiler* and (optional) pet them

It was do or die. I had to summon all my gentleness. The Jenga tower was poised to collapse and blow raspberries at me. Again.

However, history wasn’t gonna repeat itself this time. No way was I losing to Starlight four times in a row! Two losses in a row I can stomach and three were embarrassing enough, but me, Eric "Buggie" Reed, suffering four straight losses?! Nope, nay, negative, not a chance, insert any other synonym for “no”!

It was even worse how “Starie” wore such a smug smile on her face, lying on her stomach and on the other side of the stack. One more reason for that mare to go down, so it would smack that smirk off her face!

Finally, I started to push a block out of the tower, bit by bit, willing my hand to stay firm and steady. With how several “floors” only had one block left, even the slightest goof-up would end in a fourth, painful defeat.

Got it halfway out. So far so good. Come on tower, stand strong for daddy! Just got an inch left to go!

And…there! Slid my block fully out without causing an avalanche! Blew a big ‘ol sigh of defeat-defying relief.

Still, it wasn’t over yet; I had to place it on top of the tower without the structure keeling over. If I choked, there would be one gleeful pony and one sore human here in Twilight’s library. Half-inch by half-inch, I lowered my hand and laid my block as lightly as possible on the highest block available. Stay, stay!

Yes! Set it without a collapse! Actually, there was a collapse: a glorious one of my favorite unicorn’s smirk.

“Ha! Who’s the man?!” As soon as those words flew from my mouth, Starlight’s eyelashes reminded me that she isn’t even male, and I’m Equestria’s only man anyway. “Before you become Snarklight, don’t answer that. Point is, I didn’t lose.”

“Aww! I was sure it was going to fall!”

I straightened my hat. I must have dove deep into the zone for me to not notice it had shifted on my head. “Well, you were wrong, but I have good news.”

“What?”

I pointed to the stack. It felt like it was battling its non-existent teeth and nails to remain standing. “That thing has to be at its limit. At this point, just blowing over it might knock it over.”

“How is that ‘good news’ for me? It’s my turn!”

“I never said it was good news for you.”

“Hee hee, okay, that was clever.” She leaned closer to and stared at the stack. “There’s gotta be something I can do. I can feel it!”

“Stare all day if you want. It’ll just delay my ‘W’ and your ‘L’.”

The imminent loser continued her examinations from one angle after another, even walking around the tower in circles in the process. She stopped walking and a sly smile curled on her face–what was going on in that head of hers this time? “Hold on to your victory speech, because there is a move I can make.”

“Doubt it. Just accept your ‘L’, so we can play again and I shoot for a two-game winning streak.”

“Oh, really?” Her smile grew wider and slyer. “Would you like to bet twenty bits that I can’t?”

Of all the bets Starlight had ever proposed for us, this would be the easiest to win yet. Props for the mare putting her bits where her mouth is, but she might have well just given them to me on a literal silver platter!

“Why not? I can use more bits, so I’ll take that bet.”

“Good.”

Starlight’s horn glowed; all the blocks lit in turquoise magic. A block, the last one on its floor, slid out and floated onto the top. The stack was now in two halves, yet it didn’t fall due to being held up by magic. That big cheater!

“It looks like the start of your winning streak will have to wait, Buggie. Sorry/not sorry.”

“Hey! That’s cheating!”

“Whaaaat? ‘Cheating’? Whatever do you mean?” the cheater asked, trying to sound and smile innocently – and failed miserably at looking innocent.

“You know ‘whatever’ I mean, Starcheat! Even if ponies other than unicorns rarely try to play this game for obvious reasons, there has to be a rule against this!”

“Well, I don't know about human rules for Jenga, but it doesn’t break any Equestrian rules.” She floated one of many books off a bookshelf in Twilight’s library – knowing Twi, the Princess of Books, she’d prefer to have more – and laid it in front of me. I skimmed through the book, yet found jack about unicorns and alicorns being forbidden from supporting Jenga towers with magic.

Then again, it was fishy that Starlight already knew that rulebook’s exact location. Could this have been set up beforehoof?

"See?"

“Okay, no rule says unicorns can’t do that, but how do I know you didn’t cast some spell to re-write this book earlier?”

“Would I be devious enough to do that?” Starlight’s fake innocent smiles might suck, but they at least look cute.

“Yes. You’re Starlight Glimmer.”

“Touché, but I still won our bet.” Starlight levitated herself over to me and petted me on my head with a hoof – she loves doing that any time she owns me – then expectantly hung the same head-petting hoof outstretched in front of me. “My bits please.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll fork over your stinking bits lat–wait, I have an idea.”

“What is it?”

“I bet you forty bits that I can win.”

Her eyes widened. A little surprised my bet offer didn’t shock her into falling, but nope; Starie managed to keep herself airborne. “What?! How?! You know I would let go as soon as you try to move a block and make you lose, right?”

“Then I guess youmissed a move open to me.” I pulled out my own sly smirk. “Or are you scared I might pull off the ‘W’ despite you ‘bending’ rules?”

“N-no! If you really want to lose more bits, I won’t talk you out of it.”

“Then it’s a bet?”

She nodded. “It’s a bet.”

Perfect. Now that she took the bait, I tapped her horn. It stopped glowing and both Starlight and the Jenga tower hit the floor; the former grunted on impact and blocks from the latter shattered every which way. Never loved it more that a unicorn’s magic can be canceled by tapping their horn. Including a certain cheating unicorn I’m castlemates with.

“Since I technically didn’t say it was my turn, I believe the ‘L’ belongs to you, Starie. Hold it high!”

“B-b-but that’s not fair!”

“I would joke about how you can’t talk, but there’s something more important for me to do and say.” I leaned down to the outwitted cheater and petted her head, then stretched out my hand in front of her. “My bits please. Heh heh.”

I might have gotten the sweet last laugh on her that time, but our shenanigans brought back warm memories of my two big sisters’ and my shenanigans from my old world, especially Erica’s. Erica and I in particular always tried to one-up each other any chance we got, whether during competitions, playing baseball, or whatever. It was fun re-creating that in Equestria sometimes with an Equestrian big sister.

Besides, it’s not like I can go back to that world, so this was the best I had.

Author's Note

Starlight just learned a valuable lesson: cheaters never win. Just look past how it's not strictly true. :moustache: