EVERFREE: The Bitter Boogie of a Mare From Skaia

CD felt like something was off. Her eyes snapped awake, and she immediately drew her legendary bow from the STRIFE SPECIBUS card (which was essentially an inventory slot specifically for a weapon) she kept on her. Though ponies weren’t built for walking on their hind legs, they could easily stay up if need be, which CD took to her advantage as she notched an arrow onto the string, and surveyed the landscape of the world beyond the balcony of the castle.

No monsters, yet. Celestia was not aiming the sun directly at her face, yet. Twilight had not discovered the power behind alchemizing endless coffee, yet.
She held that thought, and checked her inventory. No, her pocket alchemiter was still there. The lyrics on her Karaoke modus sang, ’You should'a tried to hide it, belie it, deny it / Now this is as good as it gets / And there is nothing that can keep the job and you from integrating / So you better get used to it’ to her, and she had to hold back from singing along to the melodies in her head. She put her fetch modus away and returned to eyeing the sky, checking for her last current concern.

No. Princess Luna had not come by with Discord to do a double-dunkaroo-discharge combo. “Good,” C-Side thought, “then this is just anxiety.”
“And anxiety goes away with a lovely day,” Dandy followed up. She looked up at the sky to appreciate the weather, and only then did she see it.

A Skaian gate was hovering in the sky, not moving, not producing anything like meteors or mysterious packages and enigmatic contents, and that alone made her fur stand on end. All confidence she had in escaping Skaia was lost. She stared at the intricate lines that ran over and over again through its radius, a pattern that had come to mean doom for her.

Finally, to her relief and dismay, something emerged. A worm-shaped, lightning bright purple creature fell from the gate and landed on the balcony in front of CD with a horrid splat, to which she backed up as much as she could while still being able to see it. Its shape thrashed and trembled as it took the form of a ghostly figure, with the head of a last-generation radio one would find in a flea market.
It was CD's Sprite from her Skaian session, the thing that was meant to teach her the ways of the Game even though she had already known long before entering Paradox Space. It was corrupted and jittery, and moved like it was aware that it had essentially been recovered from the great recycling bin of the void.

"No. Nononononono. Why are you here." CD muttered in fear. "What is Skaia doing here?"
The Radiosprite made a horrid KKSSRCCHHRGGGTTTT as it seemed to tune into this universe’s frequency. The static melted away as a freakishly familiar voice made its way through the air waves.

“YOU’RE LISTENING TO 413 POINT π FM RADIO (GENERIC CROWD CHEERING), THE HOTTEST GUIDE IN PARADOX SPACE. WE PLAY NOTHING BUT [KRRRT] [BEEEPDDEPEEPEEEEEP] AND [BWWWWWWWWWWWWOUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]. WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST INTERVIEW TODAY WITH SESSION ESCAPEES [BLEEEP] AND [BEEEP].”

CD winced.
“OH. APOLOGIES FOLKS, THERE’S BEEN AN EDITORIAL ERROR. THOSE NAMES HAVE BEEN SET ASIDE FOR A CHARACTER INVOLVED IN A MORE RELEVANT NARRATIVE. WE'RE HERE WITH [C-SIDE DISCO] AND [DANDY CURACAO] TO INFORM THEM THAT THEIR ROLE AS HUMANITY'S AMBASSADOR IS FAR! FAR! FAR! (FOGHORN SFX) FROM OVER!"

C-Side flattened her ears. Dandy raised an eyebrow.
“There’s humans in this universe, though. We’ve seen them.” Dandy clarified. “And we’re kinda.. we’re busy fixing the moon, uh.. it’s not gonna buy that, it doesn’t give a shit about a moon. or Luna.” C-Side muttered to herself.
“THOUGH YOU ARE CORRECT IN NOTING THAT HUMANS EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE, DO TAKE NOTE! SAME NAMES! SAME COLORS! IT IS A MIRROR WORLD, BUILT ON A FACSIMILE OF THIS REALITY! ONLY SELECT FEW HAVE NO COUNTERPART TO SPEAK OF! LIKE YOU! CONGRATULATIONS.”

“Eh, it has a point there, Sweetheart.” Dandy conceded. C-Side’s frown only deepened. It explained a lot about why Equestria Girls was Like That - at least in this reality. In hers, it was just a marketing ploy of debatable laziness.

“LET’S GET RIGHT DOWN TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER - THE HEARTS! THE FOUR DARK HEARTS OF HUMANITY HAVE BEEN RESTORED FROM OBLIVION AND HAVE COME TO TAKE ROOST IN BEAUTIFUL, IDYLLIC, SUN-REIGNED EQUESTRIA!” At this moment, the Skaia gate spat out the aforementioned Hearts - horrid sculptures of anatomically correct human hearts, all of them mutilated in their own freakish way. Then it imploded into non-existence once again, leaving this corrupted ghost of a machine alone with CD, the four hearts orbiting around the Sprite.
“DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO CARRY THEM IN YOU AND UNDERSTAND THE ULTIMATE ART? DO YOU KNOW THE LYRICS TO THE GREATEST SONG OF ALL? NOT YET! SHOULD YOU SUCCEED, THE SKAIA WILL NOT COME TO COLLECT ANY DEBTS THAT YOU MAY OWE - GUARANTEED!”

“And if we... don’t...?” C-Side squeaked.
“YOU WON’T REGRET IT BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT OF YOU TO REGRET WITH!”

The Four Dark Hearts darted away in the sky from the castle and over the horizon. CD did her best to keep an eye on where each one landed from her vantage point, but they were going for quite the distance. She grimaced.
“Are you at least going to provide... assistance again?”
“NOPE! YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN BUDDY! THIS HAS BEEN FUZZBALL MCLAUGHERTY, SIGNING OFF INTO THE VOID ONCE AND FOR ALL! FAREWELL!”

The sprite exploded violently and sent CD flying.

“I’m telling you, she probably just went back home!” Lyra argued. They were walking away from the entrance of the castle, looking around for CD.
Bon Bon wasn’t having it. “We need to find her, and make sure that she isn’t doing anythin-”

A loud explosion rang from the top of the castle. Lyra and Bon Bon looked up, and saw that CD was falling off the side of the balcony - and they knew it was her because she had still never taken off that gaudy outfit.
Her agonized scream came to a halt with the pavement, and she spent the next few minutes nursing her injuries and resetting a few bones. Lyra found it disturbing, but Bon Bon was actually providing pointers for CD, which CD found immensely helpful.

“Are you going to be ok?” Lyra asked, rubbing her forearm with her free hoof in squeamishness.
CD tested her limbs a bit. She stood up, winced, and then made a few steps, only to decisively start floating. “I’ll need to get something from our inventory, but I think afterwards we’ll be okay.”
"And that explosion, where did it come from?" Bon Bon asked.
"You wouldn't really believe us if we told you."

Bon Bon and CD stared at each other in silence for about ten seconds, before Bon Bon shook her head.
"No, no, you're right! I wouldn't. Whatever it was, you still have to deal with the moon and Princess Luna's magic, and-"

A small beeping went off somewhere. Instinctively, C-Side muttered a little ditty - "Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me" - pulled out her phone and checked it. Bon Bon gave a confused look at C-Side, before seeing that Lyra pulled out her magic pager. The little light was flashing, indicating that SMILE had summoned her, and C-Side assumed that Bon Bon would leave as well since they were unofficially their own unit in many ways. C-Side put away her phone, and gave a shrug.

“Well... we gotta go fix the moon. Have fun at work. We’ll be in the guest room.” C-Side said with a hint of victory. She floated away from the duo before being engulfed in Lyra’s magic and pulled back.
“Nope! It’s just me!” She gestured to Bon Bon, who revealed her own pager wasn’t beeping like Lyra’s was. “ So you gotta stick with her! Twilight’s orders!”
CD and Bon Bon gave a slight frown at the same time.

Bon Bon was always fussy about presentation. She gingerly brushed her best friend’s mane, gently making sure that she didn’t yank too hard on any knots she found. This was one of the few times that Lyra held still, which Bon Bon cherished, and was extra careful to brush it down just the way Lyra liked it- leaving the one short strand of hair sitting halfway across her face, letting another strand wrap around her neck as the rest cascaded down her shoulders. She then moved to adjust Lyra’s tie, to not pulling it too tight for Lyra while keeping it in a professional state. Lyra tugged a bit at it anyway, but Bon Bon didn’t seem to mind.
“You be careful out there.” She whispered to Lyra.
“Of course. I wouldn’t risk losing my best friend just because I did something dumb.” Lyra grinned, flipped her sunglasses onto her head, and trotted out the door. Bon Bon wordlessly walked into another part of the house.

CD slowly, quietly, and motionlessly floated into the guest room and shut the door with tact. She exhaled, and shuffled through her inventory. “See, Dandy?” C-Side whispered in her head. “Absolutely gay.”
“It’s a mystery that didn’t need solving yet, I think. They probably aren’t aware of it yet.”
“Yet.... hm. Do you think we’re fucking up the narrative?”
“Oh, absolutely. I’m pretty sure Celestia and Luna weren’t out of commission in the show.”
Finally, she found what she was looking for. She had a few cards dedicated to these, but her supply obviously had run low during her escape. She moved to deploy the pocket alchemiter, singing the lyrics quietly to herself as the relatively small machine thumped onto the ground. CD winced, and looked at the door to see if it had gotten Bon Bon’s attention.

Nope. Sweet.
She loaded her desired card onto the machinery and checked her materials. She didn’t even really need to - killing thousands of monsters during her escape attempt left her filthy rich with alchemy material from her session, and so for now, she could make practically anything she wanted. She watched as the machine produced a totem, carved it, and then printed the item with a needle-like extension. There, a small roll of ground up plant sat on the surface of the machine.

Dandy grinned. She had personally named this combination of sweet, beloved, medicinal herbs “Everywhere At The End of Margaritaville”. All the couchlock of sativa with all of the medical benefits of the best healing powers in Skaia. A friend, a Life player, managed to find this recipe during their quest. Their sacrifices would not be forgotten. CD gave a silent salute mimicking the TF2 Sniper’s melee taunt, and Dandy equipped her weapon - the Strife Specibus read “BartenderKind”, and took hold of an ornate lighter with the visage of Lt. Columbo engraved into the rich metals. This lighter was the type that automatically lit the flame when it was opened, which was immensely convenient for their current finger-less form. They moved to the window, opened it quietly, and lit the joint.

The electrochemistry in CD’s body was satisfied as they took a few hits of the blunt, keeping a steady eye on their sobriety - but before she knew it, she went too far, and then kept going for good measure. Their eyes drooped, their smile wobbled into a wide giggle, and their body began to sway back and forth gently. After finishing off most of the joint, they snuffed it out with a hoof and captchalogued it to dispose of safely later. They then pulled out a candle, the label reading, “Oceanside Marriage” - whatever the hell that meant - and lit it. Within minutes, the smell of salty air filled the room. C-Side enjoyed the fact that her nerves were no longer on edge, and her bones were definitely no longer broken. She could get to work with a clear mind, she thought.
Dandy knew better, of course.

Bon Bon’s store was connected to their house. It made things convenient for her, and even more convenient when Lyra moved in. Even now, the dividends kept paying out, because now she could remain in civilian mode while keeping an eye on CD. While she had been busy helping out customers pick out what candy they might’ve wanted, the store was now quite silent. Bon Bon realized she wasn’t a fan of how equally quiet CD was being. She looked up from her confections in progress, and decided that it could wait a few minutes. She flipped the sign on her business door, which said “Will return at”, and a clock with paper hands pointing to about ten minutes from now.
Inside the house proper, she heard a deep, low buzz, followed by a sharp PFFT, and a cascade of fizzles and crackles, like a firework going off. She knocked on CD’s door.
“..Yea?”
“What are you up to now?”
“..We’re working?”
“On?”
“The magic pool.”
“Can I come in?”
“I guess.”

Bon Bon tentatively entered the room, only to see that yes, they were indeed working on the magic pool. She could tell because there was a somewhat unstable orb, about the size of a baseball, of navy blue magic hovering above them, which immediately caught her attention. But for a second, she could’ve sworn that CD looked slightly different with some of Luna’s magic removed from her, but she couldn’t tell quite how. Taller, maybe?

Once again, the sound of a firework went off as the magic exploded and rocketed back into CD. Bon Bon covered her eyes. Once she was sure the flash was gone, she looked back at CD, who was prone on the ground, belly up, alternating between C-Side’s swears and giggles and Dandy’s reassurances that they were on the right track.
Dandy looked up at Bon Bon, and said, “I’ve elected that we are taking a break.”
Bon Bon sniffed the air. “It smells like a bonfire at Silver Shoals. What did you do in here?”

She then observed CD’s wavering motions as they attempted to stand back up. “And what happened to you?”
Dandy was better at acting sober. “It’s a side effect of our medicine that we use to recover from emergency injury. Just some.. minor inebriation.”
Bon Bon’s jaw tightened, her nose wrinkled, and she squinted. “Sure, medicine, and not ‘marijuana’.”
“Mm, well, I didn’t say what herb it was, to be fair!”
“Weed is not a medicinal herb!” Bon Bon stomped the ground lightly, making the floor shake just a bit.
“It can be. It’s a really good painkiller. Humans used it all the time!” Dandy assured. “And moreover, this one is mixed with herbs that actually do heal rapidly, a friend of ours obtained them before their untimely demise in Paradox Space.”

Bon Bon’s initial bristle softened, as every ounce of her realized what that meant. She figured CD could lie about space-deities and universe creation myths, or other universes dominated by furless primates, or whatever else this mare had in store.
But internally she knew, undoubtedly, this mare wouldn’t lie about death. “Oh. You.. your friends died out there?”

CD’s inebriated smile lessened. “Mhhm. We’re.. the only ones left from our universe - we are the only proof it ever existed.” Her blue eye began to water up, her red eye remained soft and cool.
“Is that why you came here? You had nopony left in your life?”
“You could say that. But let’s not think about that - for now, at least.” Dandy softly said, wiping the tear from her eye.
She straightened up again. “Something hands-on to distract us and recenter our vibes would be good for us, I think. You need any help at your store?”
Bon Bon sized up Dandy’s offer. Of course she’d know about the store. But having an extra pair of hooves while Lyra was gone would be useful, even if they were just responsible for the front of the store while Bon Bon made her confections.

“You have any experience selling stuff?”
“We did work a lot of retail in our old universe. It was a hardware store.”
“That should be fine then. But I am not letting you in there until you take off that outfit first.” She pointed a hoof at CD’s godtier outfit.

Lyra arrived at Canterlot station a few hours later. Her sunglasses and sharp suit made her nigh-unrecognizable to other ponies, so she walked with confidence towards the briefing at the Undisclosed Location.
That was the name of the store. “Undisclosed Location”. It was a storefront with multiple functions - First, for offloading any dead or worthless artifacts and spinning them as antique decorations for ponies to buy. Second, SMILE used it to keep an eye out for any ponies who would know the significance of any of these items. If they did, they were taken into the back to have their knowledge of the item erased. After the Alicorn Amulet incident, nopony could be too careful.

Third, to be a secure meetup place for anypony within the organization. Lyra casually sauntered inside, and flashed her badge at the stallion running the counter, who pressed a button under the register to open the back door.
She didn’t expect Princess Celestia and Luna to be there, sitting at a table that was not built for their statures nor their status.
“Agent Heartstrings.” Celestia greeted, casually sipping on a cup of tea. Luna looked like she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep at all since the incident - her mane was matted and starless, her eyes had deep circles, and she looked to be only half-present to the situation. Celestia didn’t look much better.

“Princess Celestia,” Lyra gave a polite kneel, choosing to maintain her distance unless offered a place at the table.
“Please, come and sit with us.” Celestia offered, to which Lyra complied. Once she had gotten relatively comfortable, Celestia began to speak once more.

“I understand you’ve become C-Side Disco’s chaperone while she endeavors to return my sister’s magic.”
“Mhhm.”
“Has she told you anything about an entity known as ‘Skaia’?”
“A lot, actually. Mostly the fact that it is responsible for the quote, ‘death and birth of universes’.”
“Did she mention anything about immortality.” More a statement of dread than a question.
“Also a lot. Claimed to be a ‘Seer of Blood’.”

“Okay, so she’s not even hiding it.”
“No, ma’am.”
“It could be worse. Could be a Thief or Rogue, or something of Doom or Rage. A Seer can be relatively harmless, should she know her purpose.” Luna contributed half-heartedly.

“There’s another thing I feel like I should report.” Lyra braced herself.
“Go ahead, agent.”
“She claims she used to be a ‘human’ before arriving in Equestria.”

Celestia’s face darkened. Lyra had never seen a scowl like this from the matron of the Sun, and she was afraid. Celestia took a moment to breathe, collect herself, and calmly put the teacup down before she magically picked up a random piece of wood in the room and crushed it into splinters.

“She also .. thinks you hate her guts?” Lyra gulped, looking at the sawdust next to the table.
“She is not totally incorrect.” Celestia admitted. "If I were able to, I would gladly banish her from this universe."
Lyra gawked a little. Celestia then shook her head, clearing her mind.
"No, no, that's hyperbole. I'm lashing out. But it's more because of her heritage. What could follow in its wake. An encounter with a human in Equestria has never ended on peaceful terms.”
“Humans are ... creatures of disharmony and war, of greed and grief, and nightmares.” Luna began. “One in control of my magic is already woeful, for she is not looking after the realm of dreams. Nightmares run amok in the minds of ponies everywhere. One who is a goddess of Skaia is something to be feared.”
“But she wants to fix things and return your magic to you?” Lyra squeaked.
“She knows she cannot win a fight against the Elements of Harmony. She will return my magic and leave this universe without quarrel, I believe.” Luna muttered.

“Permission to speak out of turn?”
“Granted.” Celestia nodded.
“If Agent Sweetie Drops and I.. managed to, say, bring her to understand the magic of harmony, and, maybe, reject her humanity, would she be allowed to stay?”
Luna and Celestia looked at each other.
“Why?”
“If what you’ve told me about humans is true.. she’s like an outlier. She hasn’t done anything violent or greedy. In fact, if I may be so bold? She said she was, quote, ‘Stoked to be a pony’.”
The sisters slowly tilted their heads, looking at Lyra like she had five eyes. Then back at each other, back at Lyra, back to the table, back to Lyra.

“Give us time to think about it. In the meantime, we grant you full authorization to begin befriending C-Side Disco to try and sway her from her origins.” Celestia nodded. “If she detests humans as much as we do, there may be hope to ensure that Equestria doesn’t fall to her godly influences. However - if she shows any signs of drive to take the story of Equestria into her own hooves, you report it right away. Your past assignments have shown you have a knack for figuring out a pony’s true intentions.”
Lyra nodded.
“Thou art dismissed, Agent Heartstrings.” Luna sleepily waved a hoof. “And good luck.”

Alone in the room together, Celestia turned to Luna. “At least it doesn’t seem like C-Side knows about us in the slightest. Let’s get some donuts and go home.”