Tea Time With Pink & Purple

by lewd

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Porn, Second Person, Fetish, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 9137

Pinkie Pie invites you to tea time with (your crush) Twilight. Things don't go as planned.

Pinkie Pie invites you to tea time with (your crush) Twilight.

Things don't go as planned.

***

Contains Human x Pony clop. Quirky, zany, sexy clop.

Featuring a kinky Pinkie Pie, cupcakes, and an adorkable, oblivious librarian.

Published 2022-08-01 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-08-01 00:00:01 UTC

Wednesday

***

Sigh.

Waving as the door shuts behind the last customer, you let out a tired sigh, hanging your head.

“Pinkie...come on….seriously, that’s—Pinkie. Stop.”

Shaking your head, you take a step back from the counter, glancing down. You can see a comically large feather protruding from the shelf beneath the display case, the tip of it brushing against your calf.

A giggle escapes from the darkness beneath, two, bright blue eyes peering out beneath a frazzled shock of poofy, pink mane.

Flashing you a bright smile, you watch the pink earth pony emerge from the crawlspace, her darker pink tail just as wild.

Catching sight of your flat stare, she giggles again, casually glancing off to the side.

“Ohhhhhh? What’s that, Nonny? I didn’t see you there.”

Another giggle. You roll your eyes.

This mare.

It had been nearly two months since you’d moved into Sugarcube Corner. You’d known Mr. and Mrs. Cake for a while before then—the two were some of the first ponies you’d come to talk to at length since coming to Equestria. When they’d said they could use some extra hooves to tend to the shop during their extended vacation, accepting their offer hadn’t seemed like a bad deal.

You’d been a patissier—at least a part time one—back in your world, anyways. Getting back into the kitchen hadn’t sounded too bad. While you wouldn’t call baking your passion, you were at least pretty decent at it.

You’d known Pinkie Pie for a little while as well. By association through the Cakes, mostly. She and her friends had a bit of a reputation in Ponyville.

While she’d always seemed friendly enough in passing, the conversations you’d had with her had always left you feeling a bit overwhelmed. There was just so much energy there, it was hard to know how to respond to it.

Having had the last month and some to get to know her better—just the two of you—that feeling hadn’t changed. Her chatterbox nature still made it difficult for you to get a word in edgewise, sometimes.

What had changed was the fact that Pinkie Pie, now left to her own devices, wouldn’t stop pranking you.

It had been harmless enough at first. The mare accidentally putting sugar in the salt shaker. Accidentally filling your shampoo bottle with "super bubble bath extreme." Accidentally turning off the hot water when you showered.

But the way things had kept happening had begun to grow a bit old at this point.

Waking up to rubber snakes in your bed every morning. Realizing all the clocks in the store were set exactly eleven minutes apart. Finding whoopee cushions on every single seat you sat down in.

You sigh, rubbing at your temples.

The hardest thing to deal with was the fact you knew she wasn’t doing any of it out of spite. If anything, the playful innocence with which she pulled it all off was frustratingly endearing. The fact you’d only responded with the occasional “really?” or “c’mon, Pinkie” was a testament to her bubbly, wholesome nature.

It was your own fault for not being more up front with her from the start. The fact these things had already been going on for as long as they had been now made it that much more awkward to broach the subject.

You shake your head.

It was only another week and a half until the Cakes got back, anyhow. You could tough it out until then. Your pink roommate would probably settle back down once they were back in town.

The sound of a jingling bell at the front door manages to rouse you from your thoughts. Glancing up, you can see a familiar, lavender unicorn stepping through the threshold, her mane and tail a deeper purple with a magenta streak.

“Twilight!”

Bouncing up in the air beside you—and hanging there for just a few too many seconds to seem natural—you watch as Pinkie Pie darts forward, eyes sparkling with excitement.

The purple mare smiles warmly in turn—closing one of her eyes as Pinkie pie wraps her hooves around her neck in a hug.

“Ha, hey Pinkie.”

Averting your gaze on instinct, you glance down at your shoes, a faint warmth rising in your cheeks.

You’d done your best to keep it quiet, but you’d always had a bit of a thing for Twilight. Her smile. The way she’d been so earnest about finding a way back home for you when you'd first arrived. Her bookish demeanor in general. She hit a lot of the right notes for you.

You shake your head.

That said, she was Princess Celestia’s protege. It wasn't like you really had a chance. Twilight was always helping out other ponies anyways—you doubted she saw you as anyone particularly special. Well, aside from your status as an ongoing science experiment.

Glancing up a bit, you can see Twilight's smile shift in your direction amid their embrace, the warmth in your cheeks rising as your eyes meet.

“Hey, Anon! It’s been a while. How are things here at Sugarcube Corner?”

You cough, replying with an awkward smile of your own.

“Oh. Hey there, um, Twilight. It’s going well, I guess. Just, you know, working like usual.”

You hold back the urge to roll your eyes. Why did everything you say around her sound so boring?

For her credit, though, Twilight’s smile doesn’t waver.

“That’s good to hear. I was just coming by for tea time with Pinkie Pie."

Her eyes brighten a bit as she tilts her head to the side.

"You're free to join us, if you'd like. I'm sure Pinkie wouldn't mind.”

You can feel your eyes widen a fraction, a sudden wave of realization settling in.

That’s right, it’s Wednesday.

You scratch the back of your neck.

Usually you made a point to seem busy at this hour. This exact situation—the thought of sitting down one-on-two with your crush—was dauting. But as things stood at the moment, the store was pretty much empty.

Clearing your throat, you glance around, searching for a good excuse. Though you knew Twilight was good-natured enough not to care about you being your awkward self, your heart wasn’t quite prepared for something of this level coming out of the blue.

Your eyes slowly drift toward the back room.

“Oh, um, tea time? That sounds...fun."

You scratch at the back of your neck.

"The thing is, there’s a few shelves in the back I was going to—”

“Nonny would love to have tea with us! He even said so earlier!”

A flurry of motion catches your eye as Pinkie Pie stands up on her hind legs, donning a white-collared patissier’s shirt like your own out from—seemingly—nowhere.

“Boy would I love to have tea with you and Twilight today, Pinkie. Do you mind if I come along, too?”

Another flurry of motion and the patissier’s shirt is gone.

“Of course, Nonny! I’ll even bake my super-extra-special-double-chocolate-extreme cupcakes for us to share!”

Twilight closes her eyes, laughing as she brings her hoof up to her lips.

“Well why didn’t you say so, Anon? Pinkie Pie and I would love to have you.”

You blink, your stare vacant as you feel your shoulders tense again.

What had just happened here?

You glance back at Pinkie Pie, eyes wide. You can see her wink in return before turning back to Twilight, her usual excitement bubbling over the top.

“Why don’t you head to the kitchen and start making the tea, Twilight? Nonny and I will will go get the streamers and party hats!”

You can see Twilight grin, a look of pride crossing her face.

“Well I guess I do make a pretty good cup of Canterlot Gray. I’ll leave the rest of the party favors to you two.”

With another smile, the lavender mare waves to the both of you, disappearing through the swinging doors into the next room.

Immediately, your eyes dart over to the pink mare at your side. You can see her continuing to wave in Twilight’s direction, eyes closed with a bright smile on her face.

“Pinkie! What are you doing!?”

The pink mare turns to you, giggling as she brings a hoof to her lips.

“Oh, don’t worry, Nonny. You don’t have to thank me.”

“Thank you!? Pinkie, I—”

You shake your head, not even sure what to say at this point. It wasn't like you could be mad at her for inviting you to their tea party. You were all adults here.

Giggling again, Pinkie Pie leans forward, holding up a hoof to whisper in your direction.

“Don’t worry, Nonny. I won’t tell Twilight you have a crush on her.”

Your eyes widen again, the tension in your shoulders suddenly spreading to your whole body.

Since when had Pinkie Pie known about that?

You can see Pinkie grin at your reaction, spinning on hoof as she turns back to the counter.

“Come on, Nonny! I’ll go get the streamers while you grab the party hats!”

With a sigh—there wasn’t much else you could do at this point—you turn, making your way toward the closet as Pinkie Pie’s happy humming fills the room.

This wasn’t really the circumstance you wanted to be meeting with Twilight in, but then again, maybe that was just you being overly self conscious. Maybe Pinkie Pie was doing you a bit of a favor here. Getting out of your comfort zone for a little bit might be a good thing.

You roll your eyes, reaching toward the door labeled “Emergency Party Hats” with a bit of resignation.

Oh boy. You were getting life help from Pinkie Pie now. Maybe it was time to rethink a few things.

Standing back up with an armful of the cardboard cones—spares were sometimes a necessity, as you’d come to learn—you can just make out Pinkie’s tail behind the counter, swishing back and forth in the corner of your vision.

You shake your head, the sound of her humming still filtering in across the room.

She’d catch up eventually. Might as well get things brought in there ahead of time.

Taking a few steps back to flip the sign on the front door to “closed” you make your way back toward the kitchen, pushing open the doors with your forearm. You find yourself stooping a bit as normal—pony doors weren’t usually built with someone of your height in mind.

As you enter the kitchen you can see Twilight glance up over her shoulder, a tea kettle in the process of boiling on the stove before her. She offers you another smile as you make eye contact, the little gesture sending another blush through your cheeks.

“Hey, Anon! Feel free to take a seat. I already set the table for the three of us.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

You nod somewhat awkwardly, glancing at the table behind your armful of party hats. You can see three of the four chairs at the circular table set with cups and plates, a teabag waiting in each of the three mugs. In a very Twilight fashion, the three are arranged with perfect precision—silverware lined up identically on each placemat.

The sight does manage to bring a small smile to your lips. It was things like that you couldn’t help but find cute.

You shake your head, realizing you hadn’t moved yet.

“—ah, right.”

Twilight lets out another chuckle as you walk over, the redness in your cheeks no doubt growing deeper.

Glancing at the three seats, you opt for the one on the far side of the table. Though she’d been the one to drag you into this, at least Pinkie Pie could serve as a good buffer between you two.

Donning one of the hats and setting the rest off to the empty placemat for the time being—getting “party-ready” was second nature at this point—you can hear the tea kettle begin to whistle from the stove, a faint hum filling the air as Twilight’s magic lifts it by the handle.

A look of pride on her face, she trots back over in your direction, pouring the water into the three mugs with her eyes closed.

“You see, the trick here is to heat the water to two-hundred and ten degrees, instead of bringing it all the way to two-hundred and twelve. Spike and I figured that out when we ran a double blinded taste test study after the Summer Sun Celebration last year.”

You clench your teeth, nodding as you close your eyes. It really wasn’t fair. How cute she was, that is.

Giving another proud nod as she finishes pouring your cups, you watch Twilight take the seat opposite to you, levitating one of the party horns onto her own head. You can’t help but crack a smile at the sight, though you do your best to hide it. Something about unicorns wearing party hats still made you smirk, after all this time.

You don’t have much time to enjoy the sight, however, as a sudden explosion rockets outward from the side of the room.

PAFWHEEEEZE!

Ears ringing, you blink as your vision slowly starts to reassert itself, confetti and streamers drifting down from the ceiling like fallout after armageddon. A similarly shell-shocked expression rests on Twilight’s face, a familiar chorus of giggles erupting from the empty seat between the two of you.

“Let’s get this tea party started!”

You blink again, pressing against your ear as Pinkie Pie hops up into the chair next to you, her party canon disappearing behind her back as it usually did.

You really weren’t sure why you hadn’t seen that coming. She always started things off with her party canon.

Always.

Always.

Twilight—having known Pinkie Pie for even longer than you have—seems to recover a few moments before you do.

“There you are, Pinkie. I was just telling Anon about the tea recipe that Spike and I figured out last year. Did you know that 76 percent of ponies in the study preferred tea bags that were—”

Despite yourself, you smile, settling into your chair as you grab your own mug up in your hands.

This was nice, even if it had been a bit unexpected. Though very different individuals, Pinkie Pie and Twilight were both good friends and two of the nicest ponies you’d met since coming to Equestria. Getting a chance to sit here and listen in on their conversation—chiming in every once and a while—it was relaxing. Comforting. Nice.

You glance at the pink mare beside you, a party hat atop her head despite the fact she hadn’t taken one from the pile.

Maybe you didn’t give Pinkie Pie enough credit. She might seem impulsive, and maybe a bit overly friendly, but she was a good pony who seemed to have others’ best interests in mind. Yours included.

You nod to yourself.

You’d have to make it up to her sometime. For inviting you along like this.

“And so I said, ‘peanut butter hoof? Yuck! Not even with jelly!’”

Across the table you can see Twilight chuckle, bringing a hoof to her lips as Pinkie giggles and snorts aloud.

You give your eyes a little roll. You were pretty sure Pinkie shared that one at just about every party, no matter the occasion. The excitement with which she told the joke made it difficult not to smile, though.

A sudden *gasp!* from beside you pulls you from your thoughts. Both you and Twilight find your gazes shifting to the pink mare between you, her hooves clamped around her mouth and her blue eyes wide.

“Ohmygosh! I forgot to bring the cupcakes!”

You can see Twilight give a little sigh of relief. You can feel your heart flutter at the sight. She really did care about her friends.

You glance back to your side as Pinkie disappears from her chair in a puff of smoke, reappearing with a poing! poing! as she bounces up and down in front of the kitchen door.

“Twilight! Nonny! You two guard the table! I’ll go find the cupcakes!”

Your eyes widen a fraction.

Wait, she was leaving?

You steal a glance back at Twilight.

Leaving the two of you alone?

You shake your head, reaching a hand out toward the pink mare as you hear your own voice crack.

“Ah, Pinkie! Wait! That’s alright! It’s you and Twilight’s party, after all. I can see about—”

Pinkie Pie shakes her head, saluting you and Twilight beneath the green army helmet that’s suddenly appeared on her head.

“No can do, General Nonny. This mare is on a mission!”

You watch the mare smile brightly a moment later, offering the two of you a giggle.

“You two have fun talking for a bit! I’ll be right back!”

She raises a hoof, shielding—albeit poorly—her expression from Twilight as she flashes you a very obvious wink with her bright blue eyes.

You can feel your cheeks go warm, your own eyes darting over toward Twilight. You sigh in relief as she simply raises an eyebrow, apparently not picking up on the subtext.

You press your palm against your face. Celestia, Pinkie wasn’t making this easy on your heart.

With a giggle, Pinkie Pie flashes the two of you another wave, disappearing through the door behind her. Glancing back across the table, you see Twilight wave in reply before turning, a brief silence hanging in the air for a few moments.

Twilight offers you an awkward smile before clearing her throat.

“Ehem. Well. That’s Pinkie Pie for you.”

“Oh. Yeah. She’s...something.”

You fight the urge to plant your forehead against the table as Twilight chuckles.

You really, really needed to work on your conversational skills.

For her credit, Twilight doesn’t seem to find issue with your response, taking it in stride.

“Have the two of you gotten to know each other a little better since you moved in?”

You steel yourself, nodding.

Idle conversation with your crush. You could do this.

“Um, yeah, I think. She’s been a lot of help. She really knows her way around the kitchen.”

Twilight nods, a smile breaking across her lips.

“That’s good. She was really excited when the Cakes told her you’d be coming to stay with them like she was.”

You blink, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, really?”

Twilight nods again, replying with another chuckle.

“Mhm! She was up late almost every night the week before, planning out the perfect welcome party to Sugarcube Corner.”

The new information comes as a bit of a surprise.

You could remember the “All-Night Welcome-Palooza!” that Pinkie had thrown when you first moved in. It had been your first exposure her party-throwing tendencies, after all. The explosion from the party canon had seemed to come out of nowhere, nearly laying you out onto the ground when it went off after you’d walked through the door.

The streamers and banners and music had seemed excessive at the time, but gradually you’d gotten use to such things as a part of everyday life.

Looking back though—now that you really thought about it—that first party had been a bit more colorful than most you'd seen since. A lot of the banners had been hoof painted with words like “Welcome!” “Bienvenidos!” and “Bonjour!”—for your sanity, you’d learned not to question the similarities here to your own world—and the party snacks had all been ones you’d told the Cakes were your favorite in passing.

You bring an absent hand to your lips.

Pinkie Pie really had pulled out all the stops for that one, hadn’t she?

Realizing you’ve been spacing out, you glance back up at Twilight, eyes wide. You can see her smiling back at you, eyes closed, giving you a little nod as she takes a sip from her mug.

You glance down at your own mug.

And now Pinkie was trying to help you get closer to Twilight in her own clumsy, slightly-more-obvious-than-you-would-like sort of way.

You can feel a small pang of guilt creep into your chest.

You'd have to make it up to her, sometime. The pink mare had done a lot for you. You were a guest here. A stranger in a lot of ways. Not many ponies would go out of their way to do that much for you.

You nod to yourself.

Starting now, you’d try to be a bit friendlier to Pinkie. Have more patience for her antics. It was the least you could do for her.

Click. Zzzzzip. Fwish!

Your eyes widen as you sputter into your drink, choking on the liquid as Twilight suddenly glances up at you across the table.

You can see her raise a hoof in concern, moving to get up from her chair.

“Anon? Are you alright?”

You shake your head, eyes widening further as you wave a hand back at the lavender mare.

“No! *cough cough* ...it’s… *cough* …alright. I’m fine. I’m fine.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow, leaning in from her edge of the seat.

“Are you sure?”

You nod again, more forcefully.

“Yes...*cough*...yes, I’m...I’m sure.”

A faint look of concern still on her face, Twilight nods, levitating a napkin over in your direction. Nodding hurriedly, you accept the floating, folded cloth, bringing it to your mouth as your mind rushes forward in a jumbled mess.

What the hell was going on?

Trying not to let Twilight catch your gaze, you glance down at your lap, your eyes going wide.

It takes you a moment to make sense of the image you’re seeing.

Your belt undone. Your pants around your ankles. A pink, poofy-maned mare staring up at you with bright blue eyes and a wide grin.

“Pinkie!”

You hiss the name as quietly as you can, to the point where it almost sounds like a breath.

She was “pantsing” you? Here? Now? Really?

Pinkie Pie stares up at you between your legs, a hoof to her lips as she mimes a giggle in response, no sound coming out.

Your eyes dart back up to Twilight, her attention fixed on the tea kettle hovering before her as she pours herself some more hot water.

Taking advantage of the brief distraction, you glance back down, staring daggers at the pink earth pony beneath the table.

You mouth your next words, struggling to keep from voicing them aloud.

[Pinkie! What are you doing!?]

Pinkie Pie replies with another silent giggle. You can see her move her lips as well, yellow text appearing beneath her as she speaks.

[Gotcha!]

You feel your brow furrow further.

How did she even get there? You hadn’t seen her come in.

You glance back toward the kitchen doors, watching as the twin door flaps rock back and forth, slowly settling back into place.

Celestia damn it, Pinkie.

You glance back down at the pink mare. She smiles at the return of your gaze, flashing you a wink from between your legs.

You fight the urge to bark back at her.

What did she think she was doing? This was taking things too far. Twilight was right there, for Celestia’s sake! This would be embarrassing enough in normal company, but with her in particular—

“Um, Anon?”

You glance back up, face paling as you see Twilight stare back at you, tilting her head to one side.

Shit.

“Ah, sorry. Just...remembered something I forgot to take care of, earlier.”

Twilight nods, the look disappearing as she sits back in her chair.

“Oh? Something important?”

Your eyes narrow for a brief moment as you catch Pinkie offering another silent giggle beneath you, before shaking your head in response.

“Not—not really. I can deal with it, um, later.”

You can see Twilight nod, taking another sip.

“That’s good. I wonder where Pinkie Pie is, though. I thought she’d be back by now.”

Your shoulders tense.

“Um, I'm sure she’ll be back soon. She, um…”

You click your teeth, searching for something.

“Maybe she ended up taking Gummy for a quick walk? He’s been a bit, um, excitable, lately.”

Despite the situation, you immediately feel another small pang of guilt as the lie leaves you lips. “Excitable” was the last word you would use to describe the small alligator’s demeanor.

Twilight, however, seems to take the excuse in stride, nodding from the other side of the table.

“Oh, that makes sense. Owlowiscious gets a bit restless in the spring, too.”

You watch the unicorn raise an academic hoof into the air.

“Most animals in Equestria actually have their mating season in the spring. The warmer weather stimulates their urge to procreate, so they start to behave more—”

You feel a faint blush in your cheeks, despite yourself.

It was juvenile, you knew, but hearing Twilight throw out words like “mate” and “procreate” was enough to take your mind places you didn’t want it to go.

You click your teeth.

The fact she was only saying them with innocent, scientific intent as a response to your own fib only compounded your irritation with yourself.

You blink as you feel a shifting between your legs, your self-chiding thoughts interrupted.

Glancing down, you can see Pinkie Pie meet your eyes, a smug grin on her face as she raises an eyebrow in your direction.

You stare back at her, narrowing your eyes. What was she smirking about?

You can see her nod, pointing between your legs with another silent giggle.

Your eyes drop lower. Your cheeks go red.

Oh shit.

You glance back up at Twilight, the mare’s eyes still closed in the midst of her scientific monologue.

“—in both male avians and reptiles, testosterone levels actually start to rise in the spring, leading to an increased level of—”

You glance back down at your lap. Something noticeable was starting to rise beneath your boxers, your open belt and zipper not offering the resistance that they usually would.

You click your teeth again.

Really? Now? In this situation? Why were you like this?

Staring back up at you, you can see Pinkie Pie grin, meeting your gaze.

Realizing the pink mare's proximity to...it...your blush grows another shade deeper as you realize the implications.

You shake your head, steeling yourself.

Now was not the time to panic. You had to stop this before things got out of hand.

You can hear Twilight's tone suddenly shift across the table.

“—oh! I actually borrowed a few books from Fluttershy on the subject, Anon. If you’d like to read them too, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem.”

You glance back up, the warmth still in your cheeks as you see Twilight smile in your direction. Panic starts to creep in again as you realize she’s waiting for a response.

“Oh, um, yeah! I would…love...to.”

You watch the Lavender mare reply with a beaming smile.

“Great! Stop by the library sometime—I’ll set it aside for you.”

You nod absently, your focus divided between the mare across from you and the mare between your legs.

“Ah, right. Right. I’ll, um, do that.”

You shake your head. This wasn’t good. You didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that Pinkie Pie was sitting there beneath the two of you, but if you let this go on much longer, things would start to get awkward down below.

You search your mind for another topic. Another distraction.

[Psst! Ask her about her shopping trip with Rarity!]

You blink, watching the yellow text hover in the air in front of Pinkie Pie. You stifle a glare.

She was giving you advice in this situation? Really?

You click your teeth.

What was more frustrating was that you had nothing better to go on.

“Um...so Pinkie Pie told me you went shopping the other day. With, um, Rarity? How did...how did that go?”

Your eyes widen as you see Twilight blush.

Wait, what?

You blink.

Why was she reacting like that?

Glancing back up, Twilight replies with an awkward smile, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof.

“Oh? She told you about that?” She chuckles faintly. “That’s a little embarrassing.”

You blink again, glancing down at Pinkie Pie. Your shoulders tense again as she flashes you another wink.

You glance back up at Twilight. The purple mare looks off into the air beside her, her awkward smile persisting as she waves her hoof to the side.

“With summer coming up, Rarity said we should all go pick up new swimsuits to wear to the beach. I was busy a couple weeks ago when she and the others went to get theirs.”

Twilight in a swimsuit.

Your eyes widen. The warmth in your cheeks was ever-present at this point.

Since coming to Equestria, you’d come to terms with ponies’ take on clothing over time. Unlike where you were from, clothes were more like accessories than anything. Things to be worn to fit the mood or occasion, not necessarily a base expectation for everyday public interaction.

The thought of Twilight in a swimsuit, though. For some weird reason, it made your heart beat faster. Was it just the novelty of the thought? The fact that it was something that she wouldn’t usually wear? The fact that, where you were from, swimsuits usually offered a bit more of a view than normal attire usually did?

You shake your head.

What was wrong with you?

Another shifting of movement catches your attention below.

Your gaze sinks lower. Your eyes widen in horror.

You can see Pinkie stare back up at you, a hoof cupped over a mouth as she giggles with her eyes shut. In front of her, you can see a massive tent rising in you boxers, the outline of...it...pressing firmly against the fabric.

Oh no no no no no no no.

You can feel the sparks on either side of your head as your mind short circuits.

This was bad. This was bad. This was beyond embarrassing.

Having Pinkie Pie seeing your...self, was bad enough. But with Twilight across the table? This didn’t look good by any stretch of the imagination. Indecent public exposure was a real thing, you knew.

Twilight's voice continues to filter in across the table.

“—I’ve never actually worn one before, so it was a little awkward. Rarity seemed to know what she was doing, though.”

You blink, eyes darting back up toward the purple mare.

Wait, was she going into even more detail?

Eyes zeroing in on the persisting look of embarrassment on her face, you can see the unicorn nod to herself, continuing.

“It's a little tighter than I’m used to. Rarity said they’re supposed to be a bit snug, though.”

You can feel yourself mouthing her words, your mind starting to drift.

“...a bit...tight...”

The image of Twilight leaning forward, using her magic to tug the seam of a blue, one-piece, school issued swimsuit into place around her rump flashes through your mind.

Your eyes widen.

Twitch.

You can feel the rising tent in your boxers jump, straining against the fabric.

Shit!

You glance back down at Pinkie Pie, the mare raising her eyebrow with another smirk.

[!]

You only take passing note of the fact that the yellow subtitles seem to be appearing for you now, too. You quickly push that thought aside though—hardly your main focus at this point.

In front of you, Twilight glances back up, shaking her head as she responds to your mumbled reply.

“Oh! That’s not to say they were uncomfortable or anything. Rarity made sure we found something that fit well in the end.”

She chuckles.

“Some of the ones that Rarity had me try on before that were a little interesting, though. It was hard to imagine they would provide much of a benefit in the water.”

“...the ones before?…”

Your eyes widen as you realize you’ve said that aloud. You’re basically just echoing her words at this point.

Twilight nods, her initial embarrassment seeming to have faded somewhat.

“Yeah. They didn’t really seem to fit as well. The one with the white and blue stripes wasn’t too bad, but it stood out a bit more than I’d have liked.”

Another image. Twilight in a sandy volleyball pit. Flanks swaying back in forth as she waited for the serve. Her tail poking out through a tight, striped, swimsuit bottom stretched across the curves of her rump.

Twitch twitch.

Shit!

You can feel your erection strain against your boxers again.

What even was this situation?

Hearing a faint shifting of movement, you glance down to see Pinkie’s head disappear between your legs. You can see her digging for something beneath your chair for a moment, your body tensing as the muted, captioned echoes of tin cans, pianos, and rubber chickens meet your eyes.

A moment later, you see Pinkie Pie reappear between your legs, offering you a bright smile. Raising a hoof, she points to it with the other, your eyes moving to take in the sight of the item in question.

A cupcake?

You blink for the umpteenth time, once again taking aback by the absurdity of the situation.

Why did she have a cupcake?

You glance at the purple confection. Usually the cupcakes that pinkie served were buried in heaps of frosting and sprinkles. This one looked like it had just come out of the oven.

Pinkie Pie flashes you another wink, nodding toward the table above.

You glance up at Twilight. Back down to Pinkie. Then back to the cupcake.

How did that explain anything?

You catch sight of Twilight gesturing with her hoof again.

“—Fluttershy had picked up something pretty similar to that, anyways. Rarity thought it would be best to keep looking around.”

You stare back up, a complicated jumble of emotions fighting for control in your chest.

She was still going?

You can see Twilight nod, her earlier hesitance forgotten at this point. She seemed to be talking with you as freely as she’d been talking with Pinkie earlier, a small token you would have been giddy about if it weren’t for the current situation.

“It sounds like Rainbow Dash just ended up picking up a new competition swimsuit to replace her old one and Applejack went with a striped bathing suit. Pinkie’s was frillier and pink, from what Rarity told me.”

Between your legs, you can see Pinkie smile, nodding emphatically.

Twilight chuckles across from you, still unaware of the pink mare's presence.

“There was a more expensive one Rarity had me try on that made me laugh, though." She giggles again, her voice rising as she taps the table with a hoof. "There was hardly enough fabric there to call it a swimsuit!”

Your eyes widen.

“...hardly...enough...to...”

You clamp a hand over your own mouth. Your inane, absent-minded comments weren’t helping.

Twilight nods, meeting your gaze.

“I'm sure there's plenty of ponies out there with different tastes. It was more Rarity’s style than mine I think, though. What did she call it, again?”

The lavender mare tilted her head, tapping a hoof to her chin.

“Oh! That’s right! A thong!”

You nearly choke, despite not having taken a sip from your mug in minutes.

A thong!?

Warmth.

Your body tenses, shoulders going rigid.

What.

You glance back down into your lap, eyes wide.

Your boxers have made their way down to your ankles, too. You didn’t know when that had happened.

The sight before you is so bewildering, it takes a moment for you to comprehend.

You can see Pinkie Pie there, beneath the table, her head still poking up between your legs. One of her hooves now rests on your inner thigh, holding herself in place. The other still holds the same cupcake from earlier, the same smirk on her face as she meets your eyes.

There’s a difference, this time, however.

The head of your exposed member is pressed against the domed top of the purple confection, the pink mare holding it upside down in the crook of her hoof like some absurd, leavened fleshlight.

It’s still warm.

You have no words. You barely have breath.

Everything in your body has seemingly shut down, gone silent, the beating of your heart included.

What was...why was…

“—yeah, you wouldn’t believe the prices on those! With that little material, you’d think they’d sell for a lot less. That’s fashion for you, though.”

You glance back up at Twilight, dimly aware of the horrified expression on your face.

The unicorn nods, too caught up in the memory to register the look.

“There were a lot of stallions looking through that section, too, actually. I thought the store usually specialized in swimsuits for mares, but maybe they had more sizes in the back? Or maybe they were buying them as presents? There were one or two that asked what our sizes were. Probably for reference.”

You shake your head, unable to say a word.

You knew the lavender mare wasn’t trying to make things more difficult, but her words weren’t helping. You were past the point of innocent thoughts—every description she offered you sent a new image flashing through your mind.

Twitch.

You can feel your dick pulse, the warmth of the spongy surface pressing against your cockhead. A faint shifting sensation follows as your eyes widen, Pinkie’s hoof pressing the cupcake more firmly against its underside. You grit your teeth as you feel your head pop fully inside, suddenly enveloped by a moist warmth.

You glance back down, staring in exasperation at the pink mare.

Pinkie stares back at you with another smirk—eyes half lidded—her hoof wrapped around the cupcake currently wrapped around your dick.

As your eyes meet, you flinch, the pink mare suddenly raising her hoof. You grit your teeth as the moist surface sucks at your cockhead, popping free for a brief moment before plunging back down.

What did she think she was doing?

You can hear Twilight laugh across from you.

“It was actually hard to figure out how to put it on, at first! I think I put one of my hooves in the wrong opening—it wouldn’t fit around my flank when I tried to pull it up!”

Your mind flashes again.

Twilight. In a changing room. Bent over. Frowning as she tries to pull a tiny swimsuit up past her legs. Her rump jiggling as she dances around, trying to pull it higher as the fabric pulls taught against it.

Your dick twitches. You can feel Pinkie start to work the cakesleeve up and down, settling into a rhythm.

[Pinkie!]

You glance down at the sight, immediately losing your resolve to speak as you see the pink pony hold your gaze, jacking you off with her hoof.

You’ve gone past the point of pranks now. Misunderstandings. Benefits of the doubt.

She knew what she was doing.

Pinkie raises an eyebrow, offering you another mischievous grin.

[What’s wrong, Nonny? Shouldn’t you be listening to Twilight’s story?]

As if prompted, the lavender mare continues her unintentional assault on your sanity.

“I figured it out eventually, though. It just took a couple tries. It took a good half hour for all the stretch marks on my flanks to disappear, though.”

Twilight. Glancing at her rump in the mirror. Frowning at the faint, red marks just below the crease in her cheeks as she swishes her tail back and forth.

Your dick jumps again, the warmth around it sinking down to envelop the next couple inches of your shaft as Pinkie begins to pick up her pace.

Fucking—

You can feel your breathing starting to grow uneven.

You glance back up into Pinkie’s eyes. She continues to grin up from between your legs, leaning in a bit to brace herself as she continues to pump your cock from beneath the table.

Your eyes widen as you realize, for the first time, the similarities between the color of the cupcake and the unicorn sitting at the table across from you.

Purple. More of a lavender, really. Almost a perfect match.

Your cake-smothered dick leaps again at the thought. You find your eyes shooting back up toward Twilight's voice.

“It was still pretty tight when I finally got it on, though. I suppose something like that would have to be, to stay in place.”

“...Nngh…”

Your eyes widen as you’re unable to swallow a grunt.

You can feel Pinkie Pie's other hoof join in, the earth mare still holding your gaze as her hooves pump the purple cakesleeve up and down. The added resistance is enough to make you grit your teeth, the warm contours of the moist, spongy interior tugging at your cockhead. Gripping it. Swallowing it. As if it were—

“It sat kind of high on my waist, though. Didn’t even really cover much of my cutie mark.”

Twilight. In a black, thigh-high thong. The dark whale-tail stretched flank tight over the curve of her plump, purple rump.

You can feel your self-control, what little you were able to muster, quickly fading.

You can almost see yourself in Twilight’s memory. Invisible. In that same fitting room. The library mare bent over in front of you. Her heart shaped backside swinging in front of you. The fabric stretched to its limits.

Sensing your breaking composure, Pinkie’s hooves move faster against your cock, her bright blue eyes not leaving yours as she stares up from beneath the table. You see her grin, shaking her head.

[You're not being a very good listener, Nonny.]

Sensing movement above, you can see Twilight bring a hoof to her chin in thought.

“It was kind of strange, though. The fabric on that last swimsuit didn’t seem very waterproof. The design was kind of weird for one, too. Usually swimsuits just have one hole for the tail.”

"Usually just one—"

You choke. For real this time. You immediately pull back, trying to play it off as a cough as best you can.

You shake your head, feeling yourself on the verge of breaking completely.

Twilight. No. Please.

Across from you, you can see Twilight shrug, turning back to meet your gaze with a nod.

“Yeah, the one I tried on had three, for some reason. When I asked Rarity about it, she said I'd understand when I got a coltfriend.”

Your eyes widen.

The fitting room. Twilight. Black thong stretched across her rump, fabric disappearing into the cleft of her purple plot cheeks. Her pleading eyes staring up at you. Her tail swishing to the side, revealing access to her waiting—

You lose it.

“Fuck!”

Head pitching forward, you bite your lip, gripping onto the edge of the table. You unload into Twilight’s warm, simulated insides, imagining her jiggling, purple rump and cutie marks squashing up against your lower stomach as you pull her onto you.

Your neck twitches as you creampie the lavender bookmare. Filling her up until she overflows. You can feel her wet, spongy walls shudder and grip you on all sides. Hear her faint whimpers as you spurt inside her again and again.

You stifle a grunt. A groan. Twitch as you empty yourself. Feel yourself start to deflate after what seems like ages.

The moment the sensation fades, you can feel your mind go blank.

You were a dead man. This was it. Everything was over.

Goodbye, Sugarcube Corner. Goodbye, Ponyville. Goodbye, Equestria, if Tartarus had holding cells that could accommodate humans.

“Oh! There you are, Pinkie Pie! We were just wondering where you’d ran off to.”

Through the fog of your postcoital haze, you hear Twilight’s chipper voice directed toward the doorway, her attention not set on you whatsoever.

Glancing up in confusion, you can see Pinkie Pie entering the kitchen once more, a bright smile etched on her face as she balances a tray on one of her hooves.

Wait, what?

You glance down at your lap, eyes going wide.

Pinkie Pie wasn’t there. Your pants were no longer around your ankles, either. Your belt was neatly clipped together in place.

Wait. What?!

You glance back up at Twilight and Pinkie Pie, the two of them exchanging a few chuckles and giggles as Pinkie slides in to take a seat at your side. You watch the pink mare scratch at the back of her mane with a hoof.

“Sorry about that! Gummy had a bit of a tummy ache, so I took him to the little gator’s room!”

You blink, feeling a new kind of panic rising up in your mind.

What had just happened? Were you hallucinating?

You reach a hand to the back of your neck. Your armpit.

Drenched. You were sweating like crazy.

You blink. Rapidly.

What had just...had that been...how could that…

You glance up as you feel a hoof land atop your head, your gaze shifting to meet the eyes of a concerned looking Pinkie Pie.

“What’s wrong, Nonny? Do you have a tummy ache, too?”

Your eyes widen as you glance between the pink mare at Twilight beside her, a concerned expression breaking over the unicorn’s face as well.

"You do look a little flushed all of a sudden, Anon. Are you feeling alright?"

You can feel yourself on the edge of a minor breakdown, what little composure you have left keeping you from cursing aloud.

“Um...I’m...fine…I think. Just a bit dizzy…all of a sudden…”

Pinkie flashes you a wide smile, patting the top of your head.

“That’s alright, Nonny! I bet you’re just hungry!”

Letting out another bubbly giggle, Pinkie Pie reaches behind her, a tray of baked goods appearing in her waiting hoof.

“Time for some of of Pinkie Pie’s patented super-extra-special-double-chocolate-extreme cupcakes with extra sprinkles!”

You can see Twilight laugh across the table, bringing a hoof to her lips.

“Pinkie, that names a bit of a mouthful, you know.”

You shake your head, your breathing finally slowing to normal as Pinkie Pie places the tray in the center of the table. You can see her reach to place one on her own plate, Twilight’s magic humming to life as she floats one over to herself as well.

You were at a loss for words.

Were you stressed or something? Sick? Crazy? That scene had been overwhelmingly vivid, but now...now you weren’t sure. Was the magic of Equestria suddenly starting to affect your mind? After all this time?

“And a super-extra-special-double-chocolate-extreme cupcake for you, Nonny!”

You glance up, eyes meeting the table as Pinkie Pie deposits one of the wrapped cupcakes onto your plate as well. Despite the word “chocolate” in their title, the small confection and its frosting are a vibrant green—no doubt thanks to liberal use of food coloring. You’d seen the industrial-sized tanks of it Pinkie had in her section of the pantry. Color options were important.

You shake your head, glancing back up at Pinkie Pie with a weak smile.

“Oh. Thanks, Pinkie. I—”

Your voice stops short. You can see Pinkie’s plate as well, a bright pink cupcake sitting beneath an equally pink tower of frosting perched atop it. On Twilight’s plate, though—

You blink.

Purple.

A warm rush comes to your cheeks as you turn to Pinkie Pie, your own eyes wild. The pink mare doesn’t seem to pick up on your confusion, however, her eyes closed in another beaming smile as she motions to your plate with a hoof.

You struggle to respond.

The memory, the image, the illusion—whatever it was—

You shake your head.

You were going to visit the hospital after this. Something really wasn’t right with you. It was probably best you tried not to worry the two mares in front of you for now, though.

You nod, returning Pinkie’s smile as best you can.

“Thanks, Pinkie. It looks good.”

The mare flashes you another bright smile.

“Thanks, Nonny!”

You exhale, leaning back in your chair. Reaching forward, you take a sip of tea from your mug, the liquid lukewarm at this point, but refreshing, considering how much you'd been sweating.

Glancing back at the green cupcake, you sigh, reaching out for it as well.

To be honest, maybe hunger was a factor in whatever that vision had been. The least you could do was try to keep the sensation from coming back.

You take a bite, Pinkie Pie inhaling hers in one gulp as Twilight levitates hers into the air in front of her.

Not surprisingly, it’s incredible. Pinkie Pie really was a Cake in all but name. Sweet, chewy, chocolaty, but somehow not overpowering. A perfect blend of sugar, flower and cocoa with a hint of vanilla extract.

You could hear Pinkie Pie giggle, the sound pulling your attention to your side. You could see the mare bring a hoof to her lips, offering you and Twilight another giggle.

“Gotcha! I secretly added an extra special secret ingredient to one of the cupcakes! The one who picks it gets a super extra special secret surprise present for next week’s tea party!”

You raise an eyebrow.

Secret ingredient? Like that game where you put tobasco sauce inside a random cookie?

You shake your head, eyeing the bite mark you’d left in your own cupcake.

You doubted it was something that extreme. Pinkie Pie ruining a treat with something gross was sacrilege. Maybe it was a small candy? Something like a truffle?

You sigh, smiling as you shake your head.

Hadn’t Pinkie been the one who baked them, though? Wouldn’t she already know which one it was in? Not much of a game that way, was it? With just you and Twilight playing?

Silly mare.

“Mm!”

Across the table, you can see Twilight’s eyes widen. Holding a hoof to her lips, she nods excitedly toward you and Pinkie.

“Pinkie Pie! I think I got it! Was it the one with filling?”

Pinkie smiles beside you, clapping her hooves together.

“Yep! Looks like you’re the super extra special secret surprise winner, Twilight!”

PAFWHEEEZE!

You flinch, managing to weather the ensuing rain of confetti with a little more composure this time.

Always another party canon somewhere.

Always.

You roll your eyes, watching as Pinkie Pie bounces around the room, breaking out into a song making liberal use of the words “super extra special secret surprise” over and over before landing back in her chair, offering Twilight two, neon pink tickets.

“The surprise is...two tickets to an all you can eat dessert bar at Sugarcube Corner!”

You can hear Twilight laugh from the other side of the table, closing her eyes as she waves a hoof in Pinkie’s direction.

“Pinkie Pie, isn’t that pretty much what we always do anyways?”

You roll your eyes, a small smile breaking over your lips regardless.

Though she could be a bit much sometimes, Pinkie Pie was fun to be around. That much was certain. She had a knack for making people smile. Not just by being funny, but by reaching out to them in a way to let them know she really cared.

She was a good pony to have as a friend. You’d have to make sure you remembered that.

Reaching for your drink to finish it off, you nod, watching Pinkie break into another tangent as Twilight nods beside her, returning to her cupcake.

It seems like attending the tea party had been a good idea after all. So long as your exam at the hospital came back clear after this—you weren’t kidding about that visit—maybe you’d see about dropping by next week as well.

You stop, mid-swig, your smile suddenly fading as you stare directly forward.

Suspended in the air next to the lavender unicorn across from you, you can see Twilight's purple cupcake hovering a few inches from her muzzle. Now that she’s taken a couple bites, you can see the filling she’d been talking about—a white, creamy center that your own confection lacked.

More than its presence, though, you note the shape of the mold it seems to fit into. Not round or oblong, like you might expect. But bulbous. As if its center had been injected by a thick, flared nozzle from above.

Your face goes white. Your shoulders tense. Your skin cold.

Your eyes widen as you see Twilight lean in for another bite, a thin strand of the white filling trailing off from her muzzle. As she closes her eyes to sip from her mug, you can see a little of it at the corner of her mouth.

Eyes cracking back open, she catches your gaze, tilting her head to the side.

You see her briefly swish the tea around in her mouth before swallowing. The small bulge disappears down her throat.

She flashes you a Twilight smile.

“Something wrong, Anon? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

You don’t respond.

“Anon? Are you—Pinkie!”

Interrupting the purple mare, you see Pinkie Pie lean across the table, her tongue darting out to lap up the small string of filling on the unicorn's cheek. You can see another blush rise in Twilight’s cheeks as Pinkie Pie giggles.

“Nonny’s just super excited that he could be part of our tea party today!”

The pink mare glances in your direction, a sly, half-lidded smirk creeping across her lips as she flashes you a wink.

“Isn’t that right, Nonny?”

You don’t respond. You can’t.

Beside her, Twilight sighs, giving Pinkie a tired, but friendly nudge.

“Alright, Pinkie. I get it. I get it.”

You blink.

Dimly, in the back of your mind you wonder, get what?

Twilight turns to you, her magic humming as she levitates one of the tickets in your direction.

Another bright, perfect smile.

“For you, Anon. I was planning on giving you the other one, anyways. Seems that Pinkie Pie wants the three of us to spend more time together.”

You absently reach for the ticket, still unable to tear your eyes away from Twilight. Pinkie. The cupcake.

“...Thanks…” is all you manage to muster.

Twilight responds with a happy bob of her head.

“Mm! Any time, Anon. Spending time with you and Pinkie Pie is a treat!”

She chuckles again. Cute, bookish, innocent laughter.

“To good friends and good treats!”

Before you can respond, she takes another bite of the cupcake, lapping up the last of the filling with her wide tongue and chewing happily.

You’re vaguely aware of the heavy thud that registers across the room as you fall to the floor, your chair clattering down on the ground beside you. Twilight’s worried voice soon follows, a vague, blurry image of her profile darting in front of you as you feel the frantic tapping of a hoof against your shoulder.

You’re dimly aware of her saying something about “—going to get Nurse Redheart!” before disappearing, the sound of the bell at the front door ringing a moment later.

There’s a few moments of echoing silence before you see the blurry image of Pinkie Pie step into the same frame, her voice slightly clearer as she leans in and giggles softly into your ear.

“Rest up, Nonny. Next week’s party will be even better.”

***