Chapters The first time it happened, I assumed I’d been abandoned.
It was hardly the first time a lover left me by the time the sun set the next evening. I had been officially declared Princess for a mere fifty or sixty years at that point, and most ponies were undecided whether to think along the lines of “Luna is a mare in a powerful position, and must therefore be looking for a suitor who will help relieve her of some (or all) of that burden, responsibility, and authority,” or “Luna is either too young or too old to be within courtship age, and since she is an alicorn we shall not ask which because she looks like she could have gotten her cutie mark a few moons ago, and has looked like that for as long as our parents can remember.”
This had the unfortunate side effect of granting me a mix of both rabid suitors who did not wish to know Luna the Actual Pony the moment court was no longer in session, and a host of ponies who reverently declined any advances I attempted to make, for to them I could only ever be Luna the Alicorn Princess.
I wasn’t entirely certain which category my latest guest had fallen under, but I’d long since established a protocol for dealing with such ponies who’d gotten my hopes up, and I couldn’t be bothered with puzzling it out one way or the other.
“Captain Ferros,” I grumbled towards the door of my chambers, rolling myself away from the squintingly bright light of sunset, which, due to a slight spatial miscalculation, left me tumbling off the far end of it.
“Yes, Highness?” The guard outside of my room turned sharply on the edge of his hooves to face my rumpled bed. I would have been embarrassed if I’d had any dignity left to lose, but the guards who aided me directly after I awakened were different than those who tended to Celestia’s needs after the moon set. I was sure they’d swapped stories, but they’d stopped there, by royal decree and on threat of being Celestia’s coffee delivery pony for the rest of their career.
I spat out the corner of my pillowcase. “When did my company leave yesterday? I wish to note down his name and profession, so that I may warn my sister appropriately.” It was a pity, he hadn’t been terrible company, and while I doubted Celestia did more than glance over the list of names I’d been appending onto, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she kept a closer eye on them for safety and future teasing reasons.
Ferros saluted smartly, and I tiredly wondered if he’d ever knocked his own helmet off while practicing in front of a mirror. “Nopony left your chambers by wing or by hoof, Highness.”
“Are you sure? He wasn’t a unicorn.” I peeled away the blanket that had managed to get a decent stranglehold on me in my restless sleep as I made a valiant attempt to think the matter through.. “I… I did have somepony in my chambers last morning, right?” I didn’t feel especially hungover, but it never hurt to be certain.
There was a brief pause before he answered. “You had a stallion by the name of Limerence in your company early in the morning. He had a warm grey coat, a light yellow mane, and golden eyes. His cutie mark was in the shape of an hourglass, and his gait suggested that he had a twelve hooflength long d-”
“Thank you, yes, I remember,” I said, suddenly more awake than I’d intended to be. “And you didn’t see him leave?”
The captain gave me the patient frown of a pony who’d been assigned to babysit royalty. “No, Highness. I did not see nor hear anything suspicious last night.”
“Excellent. Go…” I waved my hoof towards the door while I waited for the rest of the sentence to form in my mind. Why must sundown arrive so early each evening? “Go find where he went, then.”
Ferros’s brow crinkled, mane shifting stiffly under his helmet. “With all due respect, he might be hiding in your room. I would like to request a search of your chambers before consulting the local citizens. He might be a threat.”
“Sure. Do what you must.” I contemplated the state of my mane, then decided to deal with it later. None of the stuffiest members of the court could be bothered to deal with me this early in the evening. They’d learned their lessons long ago. “I will be at my usual seat should you need me.”
“Of course,” he said, and saluted again as I sluggishly made my way towards the dining hall. A gentle rustle told me that he’d already begun searching for the mysterious stallion as soon as my back was fully turned.
That was fine. It would sort itself out. If that Limerence pony wanted to harm me, he could have done so while I was asleep. My greatest priority was, naturally, breakfast, and nopony would dare stand in between me and a decent meal. Most of them had learned.
The youngest officials often expressed a strange measure of shock at the fact that I slept at all. I was just a pony, and whenever the sun was in the sky, I found my strength draining from my body. My sister felt the need to rest during the nighttime just as I did during the day. In that manner, we were balanced.
There was not nearly as much for me to do during the night. I always had the option to dreamwalk, but I found little pleasure in sifting through countless dreams that even I could rarely make heads nor tails of. The worst dreams were from those that were hurting, and I was painfully aware that I lacked the experience necessary to ease their pain. It was much better, I’d decided, to keep well away.
Sleeping had its benefits, however: it was the perfect way to skip time during the dreadfully bright light of day, and it was through my repeated complaints that the concept of the sleep mask was born. My sister had flatly rejected my initial solution, claiming rather insistently that dimming the sun was impractical .
That argument had not ended well, but in my defense, I had just woken up then, too, in the middle of the day . I gave myself a bit of a reputation for being thoroughly unpleasant soon after waking, but most of the time it benefited me. It meant that when I arrived at the dining table, I found a plate piled high with food and a fresh mug of tea waiting for me, and - best of all - nopony I was required to make conversation with.
The peaceful silence lasted all of twenty or so minutes, during which I resolutely ignored my guards marching through the corridors and steadily made my way through the delicate wisps of melon slices layered between clover leaves that the chefs had so painstakingly prepared for my evening meal. I was just, in fact, making a mental note to thank them when Ferros returned, gingerly clunking his way into the stone room.
“Your Highness, there’s a mare at the door who’s requested an audience with you.”
“Whamph?” I took a drink of juice to clear my mouth, and another to wake up my mind a little more. “I don’t believe I have any appointments scheduled, correct?”
“Yes, your Highness, but we found…” The way he trailed off made me a bit nervous, and I took a moment to brace myself for whatever mess I’d get to resolve before the moonrise.
“You found Limerence?” I said, running a wingtip through my mane in an attempt to straighten the constellations a bit. “I take it he was not, in fact, hiding in my room?”
“No, your Highness.” Ferros slumped slightly in his armor, the closest to exhaustion I’d ever seen him display. “We think we’ve found him in the outskirts of Canterlot. He works at an inn, and, uh,” The captain cleared his throat, visibly working out how to say something. “He said he’s never met you in his life.”
I pursed my lips together and stared hard at my mostly-finished breakfast. That was a new one. I wasn’t sure what to do with flat-out denial. “You said you think you found him?”
“Yes. Highness, there’s no easy way to say this, but I’d seen the stallion and I swear on my post that this is the correct one, but…” Was he sweating ?
I downed most of my tea. “But what? Spit it out, Captain, I don’t have all night.”
“His cutie mark changed.”
It was, in immediate retrospect, a mistake to take another long dreg of tea at that moment. “Cutie marks can’t change, Captain,” I choked out. “Barring Cutie Pox, they’re an unyielding part of who we are. If his cutie mark is different, then he’s the wrong Limerence.” Maybe I’d gotten close to his twin brother, or somepony had played an elaborate prank for some indiscernible reason.
“I would normally agree with you,” Ferros said, deceptively calm for somepony who’d announced the impossible as though it were the midnight menu. “But the mare that’s insisted upon meeting with you has the same cutie mark that Limerence possessed.”
I snorted into my tea, for lack of a better response. It was far too early in the night to deal with impossible things, but there was no way I was going to let Celestia hear about this ordeal until I solved it or she would never let me live it down. “Very well. Give me five minutes, and I shall meet her in the throne room.”
“... Highness?”
“Yes?” I was halfway out the door.
“You have a comb stuck in your mane.”
“Ah.” I regarded it with a cold lack of amusement. “Make that ten minutes, Captain.”
“As you wish, your Highness.”
The unicorn mare in front of me was a pearly cerulean that complemented her seafoam coat. She knelt in front of me, trembling as far too many still did. I must have looked regally intimidating or, at the very least, reasonably well put together.
“Your Highness,” the mare began timidly, and I could see the anxiety in her daytime-sky-blue eyes. “I owe you an apology and an explanation.”
“I believe you do, Limerence, if that is, in fact, your true identity.” I ruffled my wings at my side. How Celestia sat at her throne for hours at a time during the day was beyond me. My hind leg was falling asleep and I’d only been there for a few minutes.
“It was, but not anymore, your Highness. Today I am Rip Tide, and I do not know who I will be tomorrow, but Rip Tide will most likely not be me.” She tilted her head up slightly and gave me a hesitant smile.
I almost returned it, but I struggled to wrap my head around the concept. “Most likely? Who is Rip Tide? Who was Limerence? How do I know you are the same pony? Why has your cutie mark shifted? Why-” I took a deep shuddering breath. When had I started shaking?
Rip Tide gingerly pulled herself out of the bow and sat down in front of the throne. “Why did I leave you last night?” She bit her lip. “I don’t know, Highness, and I’m sorry. I’d initially come to ask if you knew how to help me, but you were interesting to talk to and the night slipped away from me, and before I knew it, I was gone.”
I hummed. “You truly came to me for help?” That was rare. Usually, when ponies sought me out, it was because they felt my sister had made an irrational decision. Irritatingly enough, the issues they had with her rulings were never ones I found myself agreeing with, so it was delightfully novel to have somepony come to me for… me .
“Of course!” Rip Tide beamed at me as though we’d known each other for a long time. In a way, I suppose she - he? - knew me better than most any other pony bothered to try. “It happens shortly after moonset, though there have been nights where I do not switch at all. My cutie mark comes with me, and, there’s no good way to say this, but I inhabit somepony’s body.
“The one I was in returns to where it was before I woke up in it, with no memory of what occurred. The bodies of whomever I inhabited retain anything that I’ve done to them, though, and if something were to happen to me, I don’t know if I’d die, or… Well. I have no idea who each pony is when I become them, and I’ve been unable to discern a consistent pattern regarding who I become, though it is usually somepony in a small town’s radius of where I disappeared from.” She frowned. “Usually.”
“Fascinating. Presuming all that you’ve told me is true, your cutie mark is still…” I gestured for her to turn.
She stood up so quickly she nearly tripped over her own hooves. “Yes, my apologies! Here, it’s the hourglass you see here.”
It was, to the best of my recollection, exactly the one I had seen gracing Limerence’s flanks the night before. “It does appear to be the same mark. Has this always happened, Rip Tide, or do you prefer something else, or…”
“I don’t have a name,” she said softly, lost in recollections of thousands of lifetimes, “Or, to be more precise, I have never had a relatively consistent one. I spent a long time in my home village as different members of a family of doctors, but that’s the only instance I know of where I’ve been called similar things for a while…”
“Would Doctor do, then?” I interjected, trying to sound as kind and as understanding as Tia managed to during moments like these when she surely knew she was out of her league. “If you do disappear again, it would be simple to tell Captain Ferros that my Doctor is asking for me.”
“That fits as well as any other name,” my Doctor said, and I noted with a strange concern that the timidness had returned to her voice. “I can wake up as either gender, as you can see, but I do have a slight preference towards being male.” Ah, his voice, then.
I stretched on my throne as subtly as I could manage. “I appreciate the clarification, and, getting back to the subject at hoof, have you always had this condition, or is this a more recent development?” Curses were not my specialty, but I would gladly start reading up on them if they were all this intriguing!
The unicorn’s ears drooped slightly, and a part of me immediately regretted asking the question. “No, your Highness. It began when I was just a colt. My family and I had taken a vacation to the boroughs of Trottingham, and it was incredible , Highness. Everypony there lived a completely different life, and I realized that each pony was so unique, and it was such a beautiful thought…”
An uneasy feeling had grown in the pit of my stomach. “That was when you got your cutie mark, am I correct?”
My Doctor nodded mutely and stared at his flank for a moment. “It was the happiest day of my life, your Highness. My parents and I didn’t know what it meant, but I remember us coming up with wilder and wilder ideas late into the night. My father thought I would have some sort of time-telling talent, and my mother’s favorite theory was that I’d create new devices.” He swallowed noisily. “They were both wrong.”
“Wait.” I sat up in my chair, my back popping quietly from my previous poor posture. “Did you switch that morning? Did your parents not notice you were missing? Surely they saw that something was amiss, right?”
He shook his head. “No. I woke up as the butcher’s daughter halfway across Trottingham, and by the time I’d worked out where I was, they had already left for home. Perhaps with a different version of me along for the journey, I suppose. I wish I could say that I attempted to correct them, but I realized… that that wasn’t me. Whoever their son was when I awoke as somepony else, it wasn’t a pony I could guarantee becoming.”
“I would be more than happy to help find-”
“No.” The firmness in his voice startled me. Only my sister dared to speak to me like that, but my Doctor met my gaze with fierce borrowed eyes. “You can’t. Their descendents are unaware that I exist, and I’d prefer it remain that way. I refuse to be anypony’s burden but my own.”
My voice came out as more of a strangled whisper than I intended it to be. “Their descendents? Doctor-”
“My parents are dead,” He said simply, in a voice that made it clear he would accept no pity. “The pony I used to be passed away recently, which is why I felt comfortable enough to meet with you at last.” He gave me an understanding half-smile. “I appreciate your concern, Highness, but it is best to leave the past in the past.”
“Very well.” I was unsure about what else to say, and the silence in the room stretched on as I sat there, thinking. It didn’t sound like any sort of curse I could help fix, but I got the strange feeling that he wasn’t looking for any solution in particular. “I would like to see this strange teleportation, if you don’t mind.”
A tired smile flickered across my Doctor’s muzzle, and he picked himself up once more, stretching in a body that was never his to begin with. “I’d like that.”
We stayed up late into the night, doing little more than simply… talking. He did most of it, sharing details of some of his most interesting past lives and the personas he had to improvise when he reappeared in the middle of an early-morning event.
It was a normal conversation, albeit one that stretched into the morning’s first rays, one that anypony else would have on a daily basis. It was friendly. It was open. It was sincere.
It was bizarre , and I decided I wanted more of it.
A few seconds later, I realized he’d asked me a question, and I gave him an embarrassed chuckle. “Would you mind repeating that?” Was this what everypony felt like, all the time?
He gave me a charming smile, one I could not help but trust a little. I’d have been suspicious if I could figure out what it was he could get from being with me. Status? Favors? There was nothing I could think of that would last. All he seemed interested in was me, for my own sake.
Well, that, and a few other questions I wished I were used to answering. “Of course, your Highness. I asked if you are, in fact, the Princess of Dreams as well as the Night, as they say?”
I nodded. “I can interact with ponies’ dreams, and alter the dreamscape itself as required.” He nodded, satisfied, but I wanted to tell him more . Nopony other than my sister had bothered asking. “Admittedly, I do not dreamwalk often. Some ponies’ nightmares would give me nightmares if I could dream myself.”
My Doctor gave me a warm chuckle, sipping a mug of tea as we relaxed in my chambers, watching the sun rise. “We have that much in common, then. I haven’t dreamed since I was a foal.”
I hummed. “Are you certain? Perhaps you just cannot remember them. I could, of course, attempt to check for you, but it might be difficult, figuring out whose dreams to watch next.”
He set his tea down. “I wouldn’t want you to sift through dreams you are uncomfortable with, Princess. As I’ve said, I’m fairly certain I cannot dream at all.”
“Maybe I’ll look through them all, then!” I blurted. My expression must have looked ridiculous, for he laughed, a sweet feminine laugh, and I felt my face heating up. “It would be worth it, to know what a pony who has lived a thousand lives dreams about at night.”
“Oh, Princess,” he said with a smile, looking out as the golden light stretched shadows across valleys and rooftops. “After such lovely company tonight, I’m certain I’d dream of talking more with you.”
My grin turned into a half-stifled yawn, and it earned me another sweet giggle. “Speaking of dreams,” My Doctor said, leaning back in his chair. “It seems that this morning is one of the rare ones I get to see. Make no mistake,” he added hastily at the scowl that threatened to pull down my muzzle. “I love the night and all its beauty, and I appreciate every new evening as it arrives.”
His horn lit up, and I watched the magic gently lift the mussed sheets of my bed invitingly. “Sleep, Princess. It seems I’ll be here when you wake up, and we can continue our conversation.”
“But… but I don’t want to miss another moment with-” The next yawn took me by surprise, cutting me off for a full few seconds.
“You won’t,” he said soothingly, turning so his back was to the window. “I will be here when you need me.”
I slunk into the covers, and the warmth of a strange mare’s magic tucked the sheets around me. The last thing I heard was a soft humming, lulling me to my dreamless sleep.
I awoke a mere few hours later to a harsh rapping against the window-grate right outside my bed. Regally, I slumped from my mattress to the floor and said something that was supposed to sound like “Are we being attacked, and how may I best assist in this dire emergency?”
There was a moment of confused silence, during which a healthy dose of adrenaline woke me up an unreasonable amount, considering it was still day outside, and my mind caught up with the fact that the noise I had actually made was a series of bewildered mumblings.
“It’s your Doctor,” a voice called out from my window. I opened the grate uncertainly and watched a lanky pegasus with a poor mane-cut wedge himself through the window.
“It’s you, Princess,” he said, with no small amount of awe in his voice. “When you sleep, the moment you fell asleep, I…”
I stared at him. He stared back.
“I’ll never sleep again,” I whispered in horror.
He was next to me in an instant, the perfect height to offer a wing. A wing of comfort . I felt myself leaning into it. Only my sister had ever offered to do such a thing, and Celestia… she wasn’t here. This was my bit of happiness. Mine. Most ponies treated her like the ideal Princess, but never before had somepony prioritized me .
My Doctor seemed to want to prioritize me more than I did. “Don’t promise that. I’ve lived this way long enough to know I’m perfectly able to manage on my own.”
It was a light chastise, but I felt a little better, in a way, that he’d scolded me. I did not mean to compare him to my sister, but it felt different, coming from him. He didn’t treat me like a filly, nor as some goddess. “I know you can,” I said, slipping into his embrace, his wing curling around me slightly to shield my eyes from the bright afternoon sun. “But you don’t have to, now.”
I pulled away from him as a sudden uncomfortable thought occurred to me. “You don’t have to say yes, of course. I know this might be uncomfortably fast, and you can always say no at any time and walk away, and I will understand. I-” Why was I sniffling? “-I know I’m a young Princess, and that can be rather difficult to deal with, but…”
He looked at me, expression thoughtful but otherwise unreadable. “I promise,” he said at last. “If, for some reason, I am uncomfortable with how things are going and we are unable to resolve it through discussion, I will not feel obligated to return. I swear this to you, Luna, if and only if you can promise the same.”
I was crying, and I knew they were happy tears, but it took me a moment to realize why . He’d taken me seriously . A request for mutual respect, as much of an equal relationship as I could receive, and all I could say was “Of course, Doctor. I swear.”
“Perfect,” he said, and ruffled his wings. “Now, let us go and explain to your guard that I did not , in fact, break into your room, and after that we might see if the kitchen could spare us something sweet to nibble on.”
“Not the cake,” I giggled, wiping my eyes and leading the way. “That’s for my sister only .”
I’d never had a relationship last more than a few moons. Most of the ponies who had proclaimed interest in me were far more transparent about their true intentions than they most likely intended. For a relationship that lasted ten years … I wasn’t quite sure what to do, at first, but it was clear that I had to celebrate the occasion somehow.
I’d just finished the best draft of the only thing I could think of making when a hard hoof rapped gently against my door. After shuffling a few papers stubbornly clinging to the static on my fur, I swung open the door to reveal… Captain Ferros, looking uncharacteristically amused.
“Captain?” I asked, ears slowly tilting back. If this was my sister’s idea of a jest, it was decidedly not funny .
The guard shook his head and gestured to his armored flank, realized halfway through the motion that it was futile, and gave me a sheepish grin. “It’s Doctor, actually, your Highness.”
“Oh, perfect!” I smiled, and he beamed back at me, and just like that, the pony in front of me was the one I had been dating for a full year. His posture, his smile, it was the same pony inside, even if it didn’t match the outside. “You have arrived at the perfect time, for I’ve just finished a gift for us! It has been precisely ten years since we met, and I know for us that isn’t terribly long, but I wanted to surprise you with a song I wrote.” I pulled a lyre into the crook of my wing, gently strumming each string in turn. Perfectly in tune, and the song… I knew he’d like it.
“Really? Come now, I’d love to hear it, dear Princess,” he murmured, settling next to me. “And here I’d forgotten to bring a gift of my own.”
“Your presence is gift enough, Doctor,” I said, setting the page of finished lyrics in front of me before I plucked out the simple harmony and began to sing.
Your eyes shine brighter than the stars They rain down when you weep I’d pay whatever price there is To never go to sleep
Your soft embrace, the last I feel Before you’re swept away If only I were strong enough I’d fight for you to stay
“Luna, it’s nearly sunrise,” came the gentle voice just outside my door. I could just barely see the tip of a pearly-white horn through the doorframe.
“Oh, do go away, Tia, I’m almost done,” I snapped back before entirely failing to play the next chord correctly. My Doctor graciously pretended not to notice the sour note as I finished the last verse.
I’ll search the cosmos for you, love Through ever-shifting hues If I could dream, my dearest one I’d only dream of you
“Marvelous,” he breathed, hooves clapping together once before they fell, transfixed, to his lap. “You absolutely have a talent, my dear. Are you certain you don’t have a second mark for songwriting?”
I giggled, for how could I not? “No, I’m quite sure I only have the one.”
“You are positive, then? Let me see.” He squinted at my hindquarters, and I felt my cheeks go hot. “Nonsense, Princess, it’s right there, tucked into the curve of the moon!”
It most certainly was not , and I found that delightful, and he knew it would amuse me, and that made me even happier . “There is no second mark, Doctor! Look!” I flicked my tail away.
This was the opening he had been waiting for, it seemed. Stealthily, he booped me on the flank. “Ah, it’s there, now, see?” He said with a delighted laugh. “Now there, and there!” His gentle pokes became tickles, and I laughed louder than I had in a long, long time. “Quite a mystery you have here, Princess! It seems I’m not the only one with a traveling cutie mark after all!”
My wings, he’d discovered moons ago, were sensitive to tickling, and he had the audacity to use them to distract me long enough to swoop in for a kiss.
Nopony else would have dared. Not with a Princess. Not with an Alicorn. And most certainly not with Celestia’s sister!
I loved him for it. He was bold, he endured in a way I wished I was strong enough to, and he loved me as Luna the Pony, and nothing more.
It was a gentle kiss, I realized, light-headed. It wasn’t rushed. It wasn’t in the heat of the moment. It wasn’t frantic, as though we were running out of time. It was careful, deliberate, planned, as though we had all the time in the world.
I found myself wishing our moment could last forever.
And as I kissed him back, the thought refused to leave my mind, growing louder and louder. Just one night, with him, forever. It would have been perfect . He would never need to find me again.
That morning, I could have sworn I dreamt .
I awoke the next evening to a strange, eerie silence.
“Captain?” I called out immediately, fumbling for Doctor’s hoof. I could have sworn he’d fallen asleep right next to… no, no, if I’d fallen asleep, he was probably making it back to me.
The sheets felt different. Tighter, somehow, wrapped around my hooves. I kicked at them, but they stubbornly refused to unwind. “Captain Ferros?” I yelled again, struggling against them. Why was it so dark ? Had I slept past sunset? I never slept that late, but it had been quite the wonderful night.
There was no reason to panic, I told myself. None whatsoever.
… but Captain Ferros was always there.
“HELP!” I shrieked, flinging myself upwards, beating my wings. They felt wrong , far too heavy. Had a blanket caught on them? I felt my sheets R-I-I-I-P loudly, falling away into shreds, but they felt so far away. Everything felt too far away, and too high up.
I bolted for the door, missing the frame by a few inches that shouldn’t have been inches at all and raced down the stairs.
The dining room was empty. That most certainly was not right. Where was the food? Where was the kitchen staff? Had something happened to them? I found myself wishing that I had learned their names.
“CAPTAIN?” I raced for the throne room. Perhaps my sister had called him away for something important. Was he hurt? Did the Doctor ask for his assistance? The Doctor wasn’t still him, was he?
I burst into the throne room, my hoofsteps echoing louder than I’d expected. I stumbled , blinking into the gentle light shining from the window. It was my moon, of course, and it was beautiful .
Standing in that light was my Captain. He wasn’t looking at me, nor was he moving. He simply stood, one hoof on the dais, staring up at the night sky. He did not appear to be alarmed, which calmed my racing heart somewhat. It was going to be okay, I thought. He would have the answers, and a reasonable explanation.
“Highness,” he said quietly, but there was an edge to his voice that I did not recognize.
I felt only relief. “Oh, Captain, I have been looking for you everywhere. Where is everypony? Did something-”
He turned around to look at me, and his eyes widened slightly. I’d seen him give me many looks underneath that helmet, but fear had never been one of them. Neither, I noted with no shortage of alarm, had anger.
“Have you ever considered what happens to the ponies that your precious Doctor borrows when they awaken the next morning? Most of them don’t have the luxury of guessing what happened during the strange gap in their memory.” He straightened, head tilting up to meet mine, and I idly wondered if he’d gotten shorter. “I almost wish that I were among them, Highness. Ignorance would have been far better.”
I felt lost in a way that I hadn’t felt since I first ascended to the throne. “You returned to your home, just as the others do, did you not?”
“I did. I woke up in my bed smelling of you, Highness.” He took a slow, measured breath out. “My husband noticed, and I wish I could have honestly told him that I had no idea what happened, and why your scent was where it was.”
“Oh.” I was unsure about how best to respond to that. An apology, perhaps, but he of all ponies knew that my Doctor couldn’t help who he became. I could have waited, in retrospect, for somepony else to have taken his place, but he’d never mentioned hearing about such troubles before , and I hadn’t thought about it until then.
“But you could explain it,” I said, and there was a renewed hope in my heart. “And you know that he cannot help it. His actions, yes, and we will be more careful in the future.” I couldn’t stop the relieved laugh that came with my realization. “Is that why everypony is missing? You let me oversleep, and now everypony has already gone to bed. Captain, I understand your frustration, but-”
“I’m not your Captain,” Ferros shouted, stomping a hoof down in front of my throne. “I resigned my post the moment we realized the moon never set. I thought I could reason with you, show you how you were hurting ponies, but-”
“Hurting ponies?” That was too far. “I’ve done nothing of the sort! They avoid me, Ferros, or they treat me like I either know everything or nothing! These past years I’ve been happier than I have ever been in my life, and yet-”
“And yet you’ve missed how your carelessness has hurt others! Look at tonight!” He gestured out the window at my beautiful moon, then at me. “Look at yourself! Your ignorance has made a monster of you, Luna, and you can’t even see what you’ve become.”
I felt a tingling in my horn, and my head buzzed with anger. “I deserve to be happy ,” I said slowly, and my voice sounded far away, and loud, and I did not care. “I found the one pony that loves me for who I am, somepony who hasn’t set me aside, and you will not take that away from me.”
“Your Highness…” he said, and there was real fear in his voice now. Good. He called me a monster for wanting something, somepony for myself. “I’m certain he doesn’t mean it, but you’re both hurting ponies, other relationships, by being together. Surely you can see how dangerous-”
“DO NOT TOUCH HIM!” I snarled, and launched myself towards my former captain, vision blurring then sharpening all at once. He barely dodged to the side in time, and my hooves cracked the stone at the foot of my throne. “HE ISN’T DANGEROUS, AND I AM HAPPY FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!”
Panting, Ferros held up an armored hoof. One of his other hoofguards had fallen off, and his mane was in disarray. “Highness, I’m not saying his existence is dangerous,” he said quickly, and I could have sworn that he was trembling. “You both need to reconsider how you are affecting other ponies.” He gave me a smile that was halfway to a grimace, and his eyes pleaded with me.
“You could begin by lowering the moon.”
I wheeled around to the familiar voice. So my sister had come to lecture me too, then? “Why should I?” I snapped, and the tingling in my horn burned against the groves. My magic had never felt like that before. It had never felt so… alive . “Why can’t my happiness last without somepony ruining it?”
“It’s not about you, nor your happiness,” Celestia said coldly, in a tone I’d only ever heard when she was rebuking a noble. She was talking down at me, still? How dare she?
I laughed, my magic humming in my ears, growing to a dull roar. “Why can’t it be? Why can I not have ONE THING for myself without somepony taking it away? You can’t take this from me, Celestia. Nopony can.”
If I never lowered the moon, I’d never have to sleep again. My Doctor could always be with me.
My night, I thought as power that I never knew I’d had surging through my veins, could last forever .
“Don’t make me stop you,” I thought I heard my sister whisper. Ferros, my Captain , took a deliberate hoofstep towards her. To be at my sister’s side.
That traitor . I trusted him, I trusted him with everything, and he chose her .
Instead of me.
I screamed, my horn lighting with the raw force of my anger, and a beam of brilliant light sliced through the moonlit dust.
I would crush them all. I deserved to be happy , we deserved to be together, my Doctor and I, and nopony would stand in our way. It didn’t have to end. None of this had to end.
My sister’s mouth moved as she watched Ferros sail past her, but I couldn’t hear anything. The pony I thought was almost my friend hit the wall, and I watched passively as he crumpled to the ground. His resistance was useless, for there was nothing worth resisting. There was only my night, and those who tried to put a stop to it would fall.
Ferros would come around, or he wouldn’t, but my sister… she had turned back to me, her mouth moving in helpless rage that the pulse of my magic drowned out. I used to be afraid of the very sight of her anger, but now I only felt a grim determination. She’d always stood in the way of my happiness. She had no difficulty being respected. She was never alone. I wouldn’t let her take my only source of joy, the only pony who loved me and chose me -
My Doctor. I blinked, and the moon shone brighter. Where was he? Had he appeared far away? Was he on his way? I couldn’t wait to show him that we could be together for as long as he wanted, finally , and he’d never have to wake up as somepony else again.
Celestia struck me in my moment of distraction, and I skidded across the floor, the sound of my perfect night the only noise I made.
“You think you can stop me?” I scoffed, my own voice as loud as thunder.
I saw her lips form the word “No,” and then some other words. A plea for mercy? A surrender? It didn’t matter. I didn’t trust her. I couldn’t . Not when she stood in my way.
My energy surged as I flapped my wings, rising with my back to the moon, my shadow overtaking my sister. She looked so small, even as she pulled something from her bags, and I knew in that moment I’d never need to fear her again.
The nameless spell erupted from my horn just as the items she’d brought with her lit up like the sun’s agonizing light, and for a moment, I could hear something.
It was the sound of my sister, crying.
I felt an eternal moment of agony, as though I were being torn out of myself, and then there was silence once more.
And then I was alone .
I’d forgotten what alone felt like.
It was not something I missed.
No, no, I deserved to be happy.
… but not like this.
I didn’t mean to…
… but I did… and I wanted it…
I realized found I could still connect to dreams, but the first one I looked at was a nightmare.
I was the Nightmare.
The moon was quiet.
Was the moon as lonely as I was?
I couldn’t sleep.
Of course I couldn’t sleep. I was on the Moon.
Maybe….
The dreamscape was not as scary as it once had been. Not when the worst thing I could find was me.
They were just nightmares.
If I could get through them, then other ponies could too.
And maybe …..
He hadn’t lied.
He really couldn’t dream, could he?
For the first time, I wished he’d lied to me.
Just once.
Just about this.
How long had it been?
Would she leave me alone forever?
Something was…
Different. Yes, something was too different, it felt like I was everywhere and nowhere and the feelings I’d felt the moment I left came rushing back and it was all too much and-
Maybe, I thought as I distantly felt my hooves meet ground for the first time in a thousand years, this is how he felt every sunset.
I remember waking, my fury abating in a flash of light, with six ponies I had never seen before standing around me in shock.
I remember apologizing to my sister, and returning to the castle with her by my side.
I remember Celestia tucking me into a bed that was not mine and, after a moment, leaving me to my thoughts.
I did not sleep that morning. There was nothing I could do but wait .
Wait, with baited breath and hope beyond hope.
Perhaps, after all those years, my Doctor would return. Even after everything, there was a chance that he would still have chosen me.
I sat next to a window and watched the movement of a city I no longer recognized shift underneath the moving heavens.
After three days, Celestia came to visit. I do not know how I would have reacted if she had been angry, but she said nothing and only sat there next to me.
It wasn’t until nightfall that I realized she’d been waiting for me to speak first.
The words were hard to get out, at first, but once they’d started, I could not stop. I told her about my Doctor, and his strange condition, and everything I had felt for him, and what had happened between Ferros and I. It was only after I’d begun repeating myself for the third time that I trailed off into silence.
Tia listened, without interruption, and only when it was clear I would say no more did she speak.
“Oh, Luna, why didn’t you tell -” My sister cut herself off with a sharp exhalation, tears shining in the corners of her eyes. Was she grieving for lost time, or for something else?
“I…” What could I say? Was there a good reason why I’d never spoken with her about my Doctor? I’d gotten so wrapped up in my own happiness that I’d shut her out as much as she’d shut me out, hadn’t I? “I’m sorry, sister. I am sorry that I did not bring this matter to you. I was young, and I wanted something for myself, something you could never have.”
Celestia snorted, and I realized what that sounded like. “Wait,” I stuttered as a genuine smile threatened to tug up her muzzle. “Wait, Tia, I didn’t mean to make it sound like you couldn’t, you know, couldn’t find anypony who would, would, um…”
She nuzzled me. “I understand what you meant, Luna, and I am the one who should be sorry. If I had only seen the loneliness you had been going through, the isolation that made you feel like you couldn’t come to me, things would have been different. Neither of you would have had to have gone through this alone.”
I gave her the best smile I could manage. “It’s okay, sister. I know where I erred. My selfishness led to blindness, and I should have talked with you about this. I now understand the night’s place. It is my duty to be alone. Trust me,” I added. “I have been alone for a thousand years. I am more than used to watching .”
“You should not have to be.” I heard her take a deep breath, and I knew what was coming. “I would be more than happy to help search for him, sister. It could be as subtle or overt an effort as you’d like. Why, I could submit a request to the Cutie Mark registry and we could go over any that match your memory of his mark, whenever you’d like.”
“He’s gone, I’m certain,” I said at last, resting against Tia’s downy chest. “If he’s survived this long, he’s most likely moved on, or…” or died, I wished to say, but I didn’t dare voice my fears aloud. I had no delusions that he was invincible to all harm. “Besides, he did not return. It has been three days, and we… we made a promise. ”
One of her hooves stroked my mane, weaving between the stars. “A promise to return?”
“No,” I said, and for some reason I felt almost okay. Not happy, not yet, but a little bit better. “It was a promise to let go.”
I would not have usually considered staying so long at a wedding reception, but it was Ponyville, and I felt that I had owed something to the place that knew me as Luna as much as they revered me as Princess.
Most of the guests had left to follow Matilda outside, Mr. Doodle trailing behind them, my sister included. She knew I would join them when I felt like it; while my nights were no longer lonely, I had quickly discovered that I did not do terribly well with crowds for too long.
“Princess?” Somepony was calling out to me. I was in Ponyville, I reminded myself as I put on my best friendly smile in the reflection on the window. They loved me, often to an extent that I did not get nearly enough time alone, but it was genuine love all the same. Four years, and I still wasn’t quite used to it.
“Yes? Sorry, I was just taking a moment to myself. Did you need something?” I watched the silhouette of-
“I’ve waited so long to meet you again.” A stallion. Did he remember me from Nightmare Night, or something else?
“Oh? I apologize, but I’ve met so many ponies today, I can’t quite recall your name.” I turned, and there stood an unremarkable brown stallion wrapped in the most ridiculous scarf I had ever seen in my life. While I felt like I would have remembered the scarf, there was something about this pony that tugged at some long-forgotten memory.
“I’ve had many names,” he said with a friendly shrug. “But I’ve solved my, shall we say, identity crisis , and I’ve waited for a long time to be able to give you something in return.”
“Oh?” Was he a changeling? Some of the Ponyville citizens would accept that, I supposed. “I apologize, I don’t quite follow.”
He smiled gently, took a hesitant step towards me, and began singing a tune I’d never thought I’d hear again in my life.
I linger in the dawn’s first light Sun’s slow but steady creep No cost’s too high for one more night To watch you as you sleep
It’s been a thousand years since then I promised you I’d stay Through time and absence, years and lives I won’t be kept away
My Doctor had… he had found me at last. I’d made my peace with his decision to never return, but…
I would have been lying if I said that I felt anything other than pure, radiant hope as he tilted his hips just enough for me to see his mark. The hourglass. It was all I could do not to rush into his hooves.
He had waited for a thousand years to find me once more. I decided that I could forgive him for waiting four more. I was not the pony that he’d first fallen in love with, and he had likely grown over the centuries, but the thought did not scare me.
It meant I’d get the chance to fall in love with him all over again.
I’ve searched the land for sea-glass eyes Cloaked in the shadows blue If I could dream, my dearest one I’d only dream of you
And then… we were together. It was that simple, and there was such beauty in that simplicity. There was no need for pretending, no need for Royal Commands or court posturing. I was Luna around him, and that was all I had to be.
The days blended together, as they had before I met my Doctor, but it was a good sort of indistinction. It was the type where I looked forward to each day as they came, and the minor annoyances stopped overwhelming me quite as often.
There had been questions, of course, and rumors I’d had to dispel. A few fearmongering ponies periodically insisted that there was a contagious case of sleepwalking going around, or that the young Princesses were mind-controlling ponies, or that their subconscious had manifested into an entirely different personality that would leave them waking with a disparate lack of quality rest. I’d put an end to a few of the most egregious rumors, and my sister handled a few others, but most of them were quickly forgotten, as the herd mentality decided something else was equally terrifying.
My Doctor said that he’d be more than happy to visit elsewhere for a while, in an attempt to dispel rumors, but it wouldn’t have helped, I insisted. There were always ponies coming up with new things to be terrified of, and if his presence didn’t cause it, something else inevitably would.
Celestia had hesitantly learned to respect my privacy when I met with “mysterious strangers” most nights, though I’d noted that she didn’t do nearly enough to stop the rumors of my supposed promiscuity from spreading. If I had been with anypony else, or any other situation, I would probably have been furious, but I couldn’t bring myself to care what the court whispered. Let them whisper. I deserved to be happy!
The strange parade of mismatched suitors made their way to my wing of the castle each night, and Captain Ferros began to relax slightly more. Even my sister stayed out of my way, spending more and more time with the day court and the love of thousands of ponies.
I was loved by thousands of ponies too, and yet I only had the true adoration of one. That was okay, though. I was happier, every night, and most every night he came to greet me. Some nights, I stayed up all day just so we could be together longer, but during the day I found myself tiring and he could not bear to watch me linger in exhaustion.
But that was okay. We agreed that if either of us had enough, we would walk away. Days and moons passed, and neither of us did. Years passed, multiple years, and I was still happy, and happier still, because…
For the first time, I felt like it could last .
