The Mines By: Echo Night

by Echo Night

Rating: teen
Tags:
Length: 382

Constructive Criticizm Please. And any thoughts on next chapters.PS My first story. Some errors.

My first Story here. Constructive comments please. Send me thoughts for what to type next…Im new to this so don't be mad….Please?

Please be honest about my work…..

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-18 14:35:14 UTC

Ch 1: The Problems

My life......What can I say? Was it great? No....It was a living torture....No rest....No nurshment....No light.....In the Mines......

^Sub section 83 tunnel 18

"Cave in! Everypony out!" yelled a lime green earth pony as the

rock ceiling starts to crumble. "Go,go,go!" He yelled to the crowd only to follow it leaving a lavender pony in the dust as the rock fell.

"Arrrrgggg!!! The pain!!!!" Cried the earth pony as a giant slab of rock fell onto her hind legs. "Somepony! Anypony! Help!!!" She starts to sob in pain as the rocks move and shift threateningly above her. "Hel-" She never finished her sentence as the rocks finally finished their work and collapsed onto the rest of her.

^Command Central Level 14 Hall 7

"Dammit!Another tunnel just collapsed boss!" Called the dark brown pony with a yellow mane and tail to the orange pony up top on her chair with her bloody stanton on her head.She glared "Where?"

"Tunnel 18 of section 83."He said as he cowered under her blood red and slit eyes. " You mean 'ar main coal tunnel?"

"Yes?" He said cautious as he could backing up. He was dead in the next minute as she bucked him directly into the chest.

She sighs trying to calm herself before her blood-lust could take over. "Corporeal Red are there' any new.....'Recruits' ready?" The red and blue mane and tailed pony with a blood dripping from her black fur shook her head. "I'm sorry to say, Lady Applejack, that the games are not for another 2 weeks."

"Then move it up, dammit!" She yelled. "You know what happened last time remember?" Applejack flinched;she did indeed remember what happened. It was a mess.

"Fine," She stated, "but as soon as th'y start tell me;we need to replace the 4 we lost and build up our forces." Red nodded "Yes ma'm..." she said and galloped off as the orange pony looked at the screen "So close to our prize.... after 58 years great grand'papy..." She breaks out into a fit of diluted laughter.

OK Like I said Its my first story So its not my best please give me constructive words,& Some Ideas for the next Ch if you want....I dont know what to type....*Sad face*