A Most Inglorious Night

by Spiritsl94

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Porn, Fetish, Self Insert, Slice of Life
Length: 5386

With the Princess desperate to pee, you as her guard must get her to a bathroom, but that's easier said than done with so many lines!

Stuck in the middle of a crowded ball with a bursting bladder, Princess Luna relies on you, her personal guard, to help her reach a toilet in time. You're more than up to the task, but will you be able to get her to a bathroom without a line?

Published 2022-07-27 20:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2022-07-27 20:40:04 UTC

Moon Princess in Distress

For all of her natural authority, regal command, and effortless grace, Princess Luna had precious little ability to hide what bothered her, no matter how embarrassing the issue at hoof was. That didn't stop her from trying to hide things, mind you. The Princess of the Night was famously secretive and proud.

You knew all that well, as one of her most trusted guards, but you were clinging to some hope that her subjects were too dazzled by her royalty to notice anything amiss…

Because it was very obvious to you that her majesty needed to pee.

Atop the dais that held their thrones and beheld from a distance, Princess Luna appeared to only be rocking her hips from side to side in simple appreciation for the steady music. Close as you were, you could see the unfortunate truth. The base of her tail was clamped firmly in place over her marehood, likely to help her keep the floodgates sealed in the middle of a crowded castle, and her haunches were tense as a board. Then there was the sweat starting to shimmer on her coat, the way her rump clenched and her legs crossed and uncrossed, and the expression of increasing discomfort and concern on her face. Faint sounds of considerable urgency slipped from her muzzle every time she had enough space between herself and her subjects.

You were in crisis mode yourself, because as her guard for the evening, surely you had to do something?!

A constantly watching crowd made you hesitant to act. Luna was doing an excellent job appearing chipper when ponies approached her, though for the first time ever you were grateful she was receiving much less fanfare than Celestia. The more popular princess was attracting most of the crowd, and in the process, unknowingly leaving her sister some precious moments of freedom to catch her breath. Quite literally; you noticed Luna was starting to become winded, her sides expanding for deep gulps of air as she began to feel the exertion of her efforts. That was to say nothing of the bulge on her middle, where a balloon sized swell was making the fullness of her bladder known to the outside world. The Princess was running out of time.

Thankfully, she was smart enough to know that. Cyan eyes turned to you damp with tears of panic, a painful admission of need in their depths, and you hurried to her side without delay.

"Your majesty, are you alright?" you whispered in a hurry, almost tripping over yourself to help. There was no delicate way to say it, but time was obviously running out and the two of you needed to do something quickly to avoid… an unfathomable diplomatic tragedy. Still, you tried to be tactful with your words.

A small cough disguised your next question. "Do we need to… leave?"

—///—

Luna felt her knees threaten to give as a fresh wave of humiliation crashed over her, your awareness of her emergency making things all the worse. It was bad enough that she was in this situation, but for it to be so obvious that you knew she was in such ridiculously dire need of a toilet… You were the last pony she ever would want to see her in such a state. However, her most loyal and trusted of guards, she also had to take some comfort in the fact it was you who was standing beside her at this precarious moment. With you she had a fighting chance.

"Yes!" she hissed through clenched teeth, a single tear dropping down her cheek as her bladder trembled through a spasm. Thankfully her billowing mane shielded her expression from the crowd, preventing anypony from catching her small breakdown, but she knew such luck couldn't be counted on for long. A winding line was still inching up the stairs to see the Royal Sisters, and there was a massive party stretching through the palace… There were many variables that made this all too delicate of a situation to linger in.

"I will get us out of here." you vowed, touching her with your loyalty. This was going to be well rewarded, she was sure of that, but she hadn't a clue how to adequately reward such selflessness. A kingdom or two of your own, perhaps? Another burst of agony through her embattled marehood kept such thoughts of secondary importance at the moment, her urethra throbbing after enduring such pressure for so long. Every inch of her mound felt hot, and with the growing amount of sweat on her coat she could no longer determine if the wet heat was a sign her floodgates were failing… Merciful Midnight, why hadn't she forced a moment for a bathroom break before she was on the verge of peeing herself?

"Princess Luna, I've just received a message; your presence is required for a quick matter regarding the… refreshments!"

Your voice cut through her fog just sharply enough to give her a little startle, but she recovered quickly once she recognized a way out of her torment. Standing straight even though it pained her straining bladder, she forced a smile and nodded, bidding a quick "I'll be back" to her sister in the form of a nod.

"Of course! Please, excuse me!" she announced, hoping the struggle in her voice might be mistaken for an effort to be heard over the crowd. Breathing deeply, the Royal mare followed you off the back entrance to the dais and down a concealed flight of stairs, clenching her teeth at every painful step. Each bounce jostled her bladder like a great water balloon, sending it sloshing inside of her with enough force to make her urethra ache at the fresh struggle to hold it all in. Ice filled her veins as something warm dribbled down the contours of her inner thigh when her back hoof touched the floor. Running on the assumption it was sweat, she clamped down her tail even harder.

—///—

"W-where is the nearest… b-b-bathroom!" Princess Luna gasped out as soon as the two of you slipped behind a pair of curtains, taking advantage of the privacy to cross her legs like a vice and bounce on the spot to try and relieve some of the tension. Delicate horseshoes tapped out a rapid melody on the tile as she hopped her weight to each hoof. Seeing the Princess shift into a desperate potty dance nearly tied your tongue, but urgency helped you find your voice. You had enough crisis training to know not a second could be wasted gaping or gawking.

"There is one used by the staff just past the dining area. So long as it's not the shift change, we don't have to worry about witnesses!" you explained, pointing down an access hallway that was roped off from guests. It would attract little attention to duck through such an exit, and it was the fastest way out of the main ballroom, allowing you to save the Princess from as much humiliation as possible.

"Lead the way, posthaste!" she commanded, sounding more pleading than authoritative. Your breath caught at her tone, something within you jumping to attention at the sights and sounds of a Princess desperate to pee. Not daring to indulge such things, you quickly shut it down and pretended you were nothing but focused and confident for the task at hoof. Holding your head high, you guided Luna out into the open. Thankfully, ponies didn't hesitate to clear the way for royalty led by a guard. Most would assume your quest was for something important and not of their concern, and plenty were too busy socializing to care at all.

In the brief calm, your dedication was challenged by another burst of… fascination, and your eyes shifted backwards to absorb everything happening behind you. Princess Luna had her head held high, but she was starting to flounder in her presentation. By now the sweat dripping down her coat was readily apparent in her dark fur, shimmering in the light with every slow step she took across the tile. A fine tremor ran through her muscles from nerves and exertion. The worst was in her knees, which wobbled so considerably you feared she might trip on any given step. That would be a disaster of the most tragic magnitude… You couldn't even imagine a Princess tripping before such a crowd, only to soil herself, the flood gushing out over the expensive tile-

Stop it! You demanded of yourself, blushing as your heart hammered against your breastplate and the image left your body tingling. Why was this situation bringing out these feelings and thoughts that you had never experienced before? You were loyal to the Princess, no matter what, and no part of you found any pleasure in this predicament for her. You were just fulfilling a mission!

A tiny whimper tested your mettle and found it wanting. Lips pressed tightly into a line, Luna audibly gasped as the two of you all but stumbled into the hallway, the loss of an audience smashing her fake calm. Despite the mere minutes that had passed since she'd first admitted her need, she was already in far more dire straits, her rump visibly flexing as she tried to add more pressure on the outside. Without any eyes on her, she became openly urgent, shamelessly bouncing her rump from side to side. Her hindlimbs rubbed together as she briefly leaned on a wall for support and caught her breath with a few panicked huffs.

"We m-must move quickly!" she pleaded when she could talk again, sending a bolt of lighting straight back to the meeting point of your own hind legs. It was now impossible for you to ignore whatever was awakening within you, but that didn't mean it had to be your focus. For her, you would give it your all.

"Of course, Princess!"

—///—

Princess Luna was just attempting not to cry as she followed you down the narrow but blissfully empty hallway, her eyes burning with tears of pain, shame, and utter mortification. Were it not for you, she doubted she'd have made it this far, and she certainly wouldn't have been in any state to search for a toilet. You were owed more already than she had the capacity to give.

A fresh eruption of heat and agony at her posterior nearly tore a most indignant yelp from her throat. Swallowing it down and scrunching up her muzzle with distaste, she didn't dare look at you as she followed a short distance behind, her shoes clacking against the stone with every forceful step. Each subsequent echo was like a taunting clock, ticking ever closer to the inevitable, mocking her with how little time she had left before she would no longer be in control…

Another tickle of wet heat down her thighs made her bite her lip fearfully, the underside of her tail sticking to her marehood with what she was no longer confident was merely sweat. Considering how much warmth was down there now, it was impossible to say if she was even still holding it in or had started to leak continuously.

"Here, your majesty, just ahead!" you hissed, encouraging her to run as you closed in on the end of the hallway. A saintly choir seemed to beckon her to the glow ahead, her hooves growing light at the prospect of all her torment coming to a blissful end… Not even a far more palpable trickle running down her leg spoiled her mood.

Taking the lead, you pointed ahead, and she began to plan on the best way to get her larger than average frame over a toilet designed for normal ponies. It would have to be quick, she doubted she would be able to hold it long enough to dally for anything, but it would be heaven. She nearly cried fresh tears of joy…

"Here, I-oh…"

The sound of your voice fading to hopeless silence brought her skidding to a halt, and just in time to see the line that was waiting outside of the bathroom. A row of guards, cooks, maids and other workers stood in a queue for the stall, likely just now getting the chance to go after the changing of shifts that she had just missed… They would all know exactly what was happening if her guard ordered them aside for the Princess.

Anguish didn't quite describe the weight of the emotion that nearly dropped Luna to the floor, but she hardly had time to linger in her grief. Scrambling back into the small amount of privacy provided by the hallway, she let go of dignity and threw her hooves beneath her as she flipped her tail aside, leaning against the wall as she pressed her fancy horseshoes into her marehood. Bulging bladder on clear display, she sobbed as she teetered on the edge of an accident, struggling not to pee then and there.

"Too many ponies! I won't make… we must find one without a line!" she begged, forcing herself to be okay with you beholding her in such a state so long as she found a toilet in time. Wide eyes found yours, and to no one's surprise you were frozen on the spot, your hooves rooted to the tile in absolute shock. Why wouldn't you be? She was Princess of the Night, responsible for raising the moon into the sky, and she was about to have an accident! Of course you were distraught!

Adrenaline flooded her veins as she lost control and squirted into her hoof, the piping hot piss spraying over the fine filigree and herself before pattering to the floor. Only her dark coat saved her from showing visible dampness, though she was already quite wet from the strain of her hold. Both of you pretended she hadn't leaked right there as she looked into your eyes for a last chance. The trembling in her knees was so great it shook her voice, which was hardly more than a whisper. "Please, please, please tell me you know one…"

Like a final bastion against her total humiliation, you came through with a solution, encouraging her to put all four hooves on the ground and keep going with a frantic point of your hoof.

"Over by the water features! There's a bathroom, and it's usually way less crowded. Let's hurry!"

—///—

You were fairly certain your heart was about to beat out of your chest, either due to the exercise of running at full speed or the exhilaration of everything going on, and you weren't certain which would be worse.

There were no longer just bursts of arousal distracting you from your duty, you felt like your whole body was on fire. Throbbing need between your legs gave off so much heat you had to be nervous it might be discovered. Only your armor was hiding your shame, and the gleaming metal did little to distract from the exuberance you didn't have time to hide. Hopefully the Princess was reading your wide eyes and rapid breaths as urgency for her sake, especially as the two of you raced down the hall together. To be fair, that wasn't entirely untrue. No amount of arousal could stop you from wanting what was best for the Princess.

That didn't make focusing easy, however. Luna made a sound of pain each and every time her hooves met the tile, sending rhythmic jolts of euphoria up your spine even as you looked at nothing but the path ahead. All you had to do was get her to the toilet, and the bathrooms up this way were rarely occupied, even during such large parties. Considering how this wing was absolutely bursting with fountains, indoor ponds and other water features, you weren't too surprised so few fancy ponies chose it as a gathering spot. Fine gowns and flowing water rarely mixed.

Then again, neither did flowing water and bursting bladders…

Shaking your head to clear the distractions, you skidded to a halt as your destination rapidly came up, the Princess nearly crashing into you from behind as she did the same. Metal shoes struggling to find purchase on the smooth stone, Luna nearly lost her footing and tripped just before she regained control and dug in her hooves. There was a thin squeak from the tile as she slid to a halt at your side.

In the half second before she slammed her rump to the ground and jammed a heel between her legs, you very clearly saw a thin spurt of pee escape her tight and sopping lips, the resulting tinkle forming a tiny puddle below her. Keening and shoving her front hooves between her thighs, the shaking mare looked to you in helpless need, so far into her desperation she couldn't think clearly. In the room beyond, a million gallons of water trickling and splashing and gushing over fancy fountains did nothing to aid her. Having not thought in depth about how her majesty might handle getting to the bathroom without losing control in such a state, you made an executive decision to carry her if her legs proved too weak. Even if she was a solid mare, you couldn't just let things fail after she'd come so far. Not when she was mere feet from relief!

Luna whimpered and whispered, her voice just clear enough for you to understand as she hung her head in shame and exhaustion. "W-where-?"

"Right over-!" you stopped just as you completed an about face, your heart crashing to the stones below as you beheld the one thing you hadn't been anticipating; a line.

Your words died pitifully on your lips. "...There."

Oblivious to the potential diplomatic disaster they were causing, a not too short queue of ponies waited patiently for the lonely little bathroom, which had just closed its door for the latest occupant. Even if you were able to come up with a convincing lie, there was no way to empty the bathroom without causing a scene, one that would take far too long to clear up. You had failed your Princess yet again.

"No!" Luna whined just loudly enough to be heard, a spurt of pee splashing none too quietly over the tile beneath her cheeks. It was too much to be denied twice, you could see that much in her expression of absolute hopelessness. Even with her legs crossed and her hooves squeezing her marehood like a vice, there was no way she could keep this up, and she seemed to think her time had come. A second tinkle against the stone echoed in the lonely hallway as she pleaded quietly, hooves quivering in near total exhaustion. "No… no…"

Refusing to give up, you offered your hoof to help her stand, knees wobbling despite your certainty in your mission. This couldn't end here. "Princess, please-"

Your offer wasn't even noticed. Her tightly shut eyes leaked tears freely, the absolute hopelessness she felt at her situation impossible to breach.

"Ohh! I'm… I can't! I'm going to pee!" Luna declared in humiliation, a deep red blush blooming across her entire muzzle at her own words. Hearing her say it out loud made you freeze in unexpected euphoria, but your loyalty stood the test well, refusing to accept defeat or give in completely to temptation. You remembered now; there was one last hope for your Princess.

"Not yet!" you declared, ignoring all protocol to scoop under her middle and help her rise to her hooves. A spurt of urine gushed out of her as soon as she was halfway up, but you pretended not to notice how close it came to splashing you, or how many tiny puddles were now scattered about. Pointing the way you'd come, you hoped she wouldn't be angry that you had forgotten about a helpful resource in your prior panic. "There's a private bathroom for the guards just up this hall! We can still make it!"

Instead of jumping to agree as expected, Luna remained quiet and closed her eyes again, lips pressed into a thin, trembling line as she processed the offer in a panicked rush. Thankfully there was no anger in her expression, but her desperation and near surrender gave you no comfort. For a split second you feared she was surrendering to desperation.

Snapping open her eyes without warning, she jumped to her hooves and nodded in a frenzy, willing to give it one final go. Still, her voice was almost choked with urgency. "Hurry! We must hurry!"

You had never run faster in your entire life, but she still managed to overtake you in a few strides, following your direction from just ahead. Considering how she was down to the wire, you found it logical for her to lead; seconds would make the difference between victory and defeat. Following just behind, your eyes slipped between her legs for a heartbeat, just in time for you to catch sight of her tail rising. A now continuous flow sprinkled over the hallway in her wake, her marehood clenching valiantly as it used the last of its failing strength to hold it in. Hopefully nopony would come through here until everything had a chance to dry…

Pssttt!

A far thicker gush of piss hissed loudly as it escaped her majesty, making her stumble and cry out as she tried to reseal the floodgates. It occurred to you then that she really might not make it, and that you had no idea what to do if she didn't. There was nothing in your training about princesses having accidents! Not wanting it to come to that, you did the only thing you could; encourage her to keep going and pray she could hold it.

"Just a little more, your Majesty!" you shouted, now just able to see the doorway that marked the private bathroom. It was within reach, right down the hall, she could do this! The two of you would be able to forget about it all-

Ppppsssssttttt!

Another burst of urine nearly splashed over your muzzle, silencing you on the spot. Though you didn't realize it consciously, you slid to a halt just when Luna did in front of you, the Royal mare losing control of all her legs at once. Front knees buckling and haunches going up, she trembled from overexertion as exhaustion caught her at last, her body losing the strength to fight right in front of you. Another hot spurt of piss surged out as the floodgates continued to fail, spattering across the tile in front of you. A few droplets splashed on your hooves.

Gulping, you took a few panicked steps back, unable to look away. Watching enraptured as a thin dribble of pee cascaded continuously down her legs, you realized it was over. The flow only thickened with each passing second, trickling audibly as more and more started raining down from her marehood. You were frozen for many reasons, one of them being shock and the rest being a kind of awe. You choked out a lame offer of aid, knowing in your heart it was futile and she was done. Even her legs were spreading wide in unwitting acceptance. "You-your majesty-?"

"I can't… I c-can't hold it anym-more!" Luna keened, tail flipping completely out of the way as another hot gush surged right to the floor. Tears cascaded down her cheeks as the floodgates came down right in front of you, her legs spreading and bending to help with the release she no longer had the power to stop. With a final cry of defeat, her wings went limp at her sides and she lost the battle with her bladder completely. "I'm sorry, I-I-I… I can't s-stop it! Ohhh-!"

—///—

Luna closed her eyes as her bladder emptied itself despite all of her protests, sending a waterfall of urine surging down between her spread and shaking back legs to splash on the tile below. A fiery blush filled her entire muzzle as the ridiculous sounds of her accident met her sensitive ears, from the loud hiss of her stream leaving her body to the cacophonous spatter of it hitting the cold tile, along with the faint rippling as it formed a puddle. She was helpless to do anything but submit, her shaking body refusing to heed her commands to try and run. Not even her incredible powers were enough to overcome the call of nature.

A helpless sound of disbelief broke her brief silence as her body pushed down against her will, keeping the surge of urine going strong despite all of her ongoing protests. At the edge of her vision the bathroom she'd failed to reach seemed to mock her, taunting her with the fact all her struggle had been for nothing, that a Princess couldn't make it to the toilet… She couldn't even move her legs to try and shield herself, there was too much gushing out of her, the flood of piss so loud it echoed down the hallways. A million emotions swam through her; despair, humiliation, disbelief…

But, and she was forced to accept she felt it at all, there was also relief.

In the deepest part of her being, there was no denying the rush of piss leaving her bursting bladder was like heaven, the burden that had so pained her finally fading into relaxation that soothed her tense limbs and throbbing marehood… It was impossible not to tilt her head back with a sigh as the first wave of relief washed over her, the endorphins relaxing her to help her go faster. Actually pushing of her own volition, she nearly let a smile grace her lips as her stream surged to a new peak. She could feel the warmth as errant rivulets raced down her legs, tickling her worn out muscles, rewarding her with so many wonderful sensations…

Then, just as she was getting almost comfortable, she remembered a most unfortunate fact; she wasn't alone.

A panicked glance over her shoulder brought everything back, and she whimpered in helpless humiliation as she beheld her audience just as her stream surged from another push.

There you were, her faithful guard, getting an eyeful of her peeing herself.

You looked shocked, your jaw hanging open and your eyes wide as you stood motionless behind her, your hooves just shy of her growing puddle. Whimpering again, she tried in vain to stop her ongoing accident, clenching her lips and wiggling her hips. The waterfall continued to fall with only minor interruptions in its impressive flow, her bladder refusing even a compromise. The juxtaposition between incredible pleasure and unfathomable humiliation left her thoroughly distraught.

"I can't s-stop!" she cried out, voice shaking as the conflicting feelings left her torn between keening and moaning. There was so much raw pleasure washing through her, from the relief of letting everything out to something she'd never experienced before… Yet, somehow the humiliation of peeing herself was far from the most important thing she was feeling. If anything, it was second to a mystery pleasure tingling through every part of her you were getting an eyeful of. It was with even greater shock that she realized what was causing it; having you as an audience felt good.

Feeling herself drop below half of her usual capacity, she gave up completely on stopping herself, not that she would have had much success. Overworked muscles gleefully let herself continue to urinate, the naughty delight coursing through her only making that better. In a fog of contradicting emotions, she wasn't quite able to do much beyond submit. Ample physical pleasure made that far easier than she would have liked.

—///—

"Ahhhh…"

A soft sigh from the Princess nearly did you in, not that you weren't already dealing with far too much to begin with. The puddle she was still adding to had now grown enough to force you back further, though no part of you wanted a more distant view. This was, to put it quite simply and bluntly and shamefully, the hottest thing you'd ever seen. Your desire not to feel that way did nothing to lessen your shame at your own enjoyment. It was bad enough that you could feel yourself throbbing under your armor, but you couldn't even look away! Trying not to make a sound revealing yourself, you bit your lip to keep deathly quiet.

Luna bore an expression of total relief as she emptied herself, her tail draped over her back in relaxation. When her stream briefly sagged from the dropping pressure she merely pushed again, going right back to full force and keeping her waterfall going strong. You could hear every pitter patter, and see the ripples spreading across the puddle's surface in the moonlight streaming down from a window…

Far too soon, her flow started to sag with greater frequency, the stream and it's accompanying hiss slowing down. Luna sighed again and continued finishing up, spread legs quivering as she finally closed in on full relief. There was no bulge on her front any longer, and she appeared to finally be relaxing from head to tail, the tremble fading from her limbs as she did so and began to sink to the tile. It was impossible to imagine how tortured she'd felt…

A splash against your hoof gave you a slightly better idea, at least, after you beheld the size of the lake lapping at your hooves. Even for a mare of her size, it was beyond impressive. You were sure she must have gone the entire day without a single bathroom break.

Realization dawned on her face as her stream stopped for the first time, though it quickly started up again as a weak dribble. In seconds it no longer had enough of an arc to even clear her lips, instead dribbling down her legs and splashing messily to the floor. Soft sounds passed over her lips as she visibly clenched to finish peeing, the rivulets leaving her legs and backside absolutely soaked. A slightly closer inspection revealed the faintest wisps of steam rising from her dripping fur. You watched every droplet as they fell in an increasingly slow procession.

Then, just like that, the Princess of the Night was finished.

There was silence like no other, the lack of a surging stream emphasizing that the two of you were indeed alone. In the absence of an active emergency you realized you had no clue what to do or say. Did she want help? Did she want you to leave? It was with no small measure of guilt you accepted a possible termination of your job, given that you had failed to get her to a bathroom in time…

"I… I am… finished." Luna said simply, not moving from her crumpled position amidst her ocean. Still quite wobbly, she shivered from a growing chill, her once steaming release turning cold quite quickly. She appeared to be just as lost as you were…

Not wanting to let her down further, you quickly pushed aside everything holding you back and moved to help. Stepping carefully around her puddle, you came to her front and offered your hoof. "Y-your majesty?" you said sheepishly, nearly losing your nerve at the lingering blush in her cheeks as she looked up at you. Gulping, you continued, wanting nothing more than to make things better at what had to be one of her worst moments. "We can still… clean you up… There are plenty of towels in the bathroom and it is rarely visited. Nopony will know."

She was silent for only a moment, sniffling as your words registered.

Nopony will know.

It was a promise to never tell, that your loyalty to her meant this little incident wouldn't exist beyond a stretch of hallway. Nodding quietly, she took your hoof, a different kind of relief apparent on her face.

Author's Note

Had this one sitting around FOREVER and finally got myself to finish it, I'm absolutely planning on following up with some Celestia, and I'm still thinking of ideas for all the rest of the Mane Six... Time will tell what I end up posting next! If you like my writing, I'm also open to commissions!