Flim Flam's Famous Freakshow

by Jest

Rating: everyone
Tags: Flim and Flam, Dark, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Romance
Length: 8763

Rarity has fallen on hard times, and now finds herself a correspondent for a shady newspaper. Worse still, she has to lower herself to 'reviewing' a freak show. Though perhaps this is the start of something amazing.

Rarity has fallen on hard times, and now finds herself a correspondent for a shady newspaper. Worse still, she has to lower herself to 'reviewing' a freak show. Though perhaps this is the start of something amazing.

This story was viewable early for supporters.

I will update whenever I get a request, or I feel like it.

Published 2022-07-31 23:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2022-07-31 23:50:04 UTC

First Impressions

Rarity sighed as she looked down on the brightly lit clearing at the easternmost edge of Ponyville. The area had been a corn field a week earlier, but now it was so trampled that it was little more than a mud hole filled with tents in it. The sight filled the mare with dread and she subtly adjusted her fedora and saddle bags, feeling the weight of her notepad and pencils shifting inside of them.

It wasn't exactly a stylish look, and Rarity regretted not bringing boots, but it did have a way of setting ponies at ease. As if the simple playing card sticking out of her hat was a badge signifying the unicorn as a member of the press. Even if the publication she wrote for was a third-rate pulp magazine with a readership smaller than the town she stood in, though no one needed to know that.

Sighing, Rarity straightened her back. “You can't always do what you want Rarity. Sometimes you have to do assignments,” the mare muttered to herself, her frown growing. “Even if those assignments are little more than advertisements masked as journalism which was paid for by the ponies I’m supposed to be reviewing.”

The unicorn considered turning right around and leaving the mud pit as well as the carnival it contained behind her. She considered quitting or at least turning down this job only to think better of it in the end. She had a sister to support now that her parents were no longer around, and with her dress shop having gone under a few years earlier she didn't have a lot of other options.

“Think of Sweetie Belle,” Rarity reminded herself as she gazed down on the brightly lit tents, and the dozens of ponies walking to and fro. “Think of the nice school you could get her into so she doesn't end up where you did.”

With the beginnings of a crude smile crawling onto her face, Rarity proceeded down the hill, the sun behind her and her future ahead of her.

The mud immediately began to cling to her hooves, and though a small part of her cried out in agony due to this small irritation, Rarity stifled that voice. She made a note to check on how much it was to rent this small section of land, as Rarity had a feeling that it wasn't exactly a very large amount. There were better options, ones closer to town, but they probably went for a little more than some random field.

She paused as she neared the large arch displaying the traveling circus’ name, noting that the half-moon-shaped piece of wood was itself quite old, and most of the paint on it was flaking. The Royal Equestrian Circus was a terribly generic name, but Rarity had done enough research to know that it wasn't their original one. This particular circus had started as Flim and Flam’s traveling circus, but after some legal trouble and a bit of bad press, they had it changed.

And then changed it seven more times after that and evidently hadn't bothered to repaint the entire thing each time.

“At least they didn't call it the greatest show on Equis. How gouache would that have been?” muttered Rarity as she passed through the arch and began to look around, flitting through the small crowds and inspecting the carnival games. “Now where is the guide I’m being saddled with?”

“That would be me,” stated a deep, rumbling voice.

“Eep!” Rarity cried, spinning around and finding herself face to face with one of the largest earth ponies she had ever seen.

Though not overly tall, the pony was built like a fridge and had more muscle than four ponies packed together. Their straw-colored mane and tail were both cut short, and atop their head was a battered stetson that had clearly seen better days. Rarity found her gaze drawn to the pony’s piercing green eyes, the journalist trying desperately to figure out what gender they were without having to ask and potentially upset the individual.

Their fur was a deep orange, and upon their flanks were three red apples, mirroring the gems on Rarity’s own flanks. It was at that moment that Rarity realized that she had been staring for an uncomfortable amount of time without saying anything.

“Errr-” Rarity began awkwardly, only to be cut off.

“I’m a mare.” stated the gruff pony. “Though I don't care for labels, so you can call me whatever.”

“So you must be Applejack then?” Rarity replied, extending a hoof. “Charmed.”

The earth pony clopped her hoof against the unicorn’s, dirtying the journalist’s hoof even more. “Nice to meetcha Miss Rarity. You must be that reporter from the sun,” Applejack remarked.

Rarity shook her hoof vigorously while doing her best to hold back her urge to wince in pain. “I can tell you’ve heard of our esteemed paper,” Rarity exclaimed with a false smile.

Applejack snorted. “I heard of that rag. I also know the bosses paid you to write some puff piece about the carnival.”

“Now now, I wouldn't go that far.” Rarity retorted politely. “I am merely paid to observe the establishment and give my thoughts. They have only paid for my presence.”

The earth pony raised an eyebrow. “Sure ya are.”

“Regardless, shouldn't we get moving? I had heard that some important show was supposed to start soon.” Rarity stated, silently hoping to escape the large mare’s piercing gaze and intimidating presence.

“We got a few minutes before the freak show begins. Don't you worry none,” Applejack replied.

“You mean the variety hour?” Rarity corrected.

Again, Applejack snorted. “You can call it whatever ya want to call it. Doesn't change the fact that it's a freak show.”

“Now that's just rude.”

“I’m in it,” Applejack stated.

Rarity cocked her head. “Oh? I had assumed you were the security.”

“I am,” Applejack replied, motioning towards a distant tent and beginning to trot in its direction.

Rarity followed close behind. “So you do both then?”

“I set up the tents, take 'em down, work security, put on a show, do the accounting, cooking, and cleaning,” remarked the earth pony tiredly.

“That is… quite the workload.” Rarity exclaimed, glancing at the deep bags under her guide’s eyes which she hadn't initially noticed. “Why may I ask do you do so much for these Flim Flam fellows?”

“My reasons are my own,” Applejack quickly declared, giving the much smaller mare a firm look. “And I expect you to respect that.”

Rarity nodded eagerly, gulping down the sliver of fear which had wormed its way into her throat. “Of course darling, of course.”

Applejack kept her gaze locked on the other pony for several seconds before she turned away, stopping in front of a large green tent. “I’ll let you in the back, make sure to stand. Seats are for payin customers only.”

“Alright then. Will you be sticking with me during the show?” Rarity inquired.

The earth pony nodded slowly. “I’m up first, after that I’ll come stand with ya so I can answer any of yer questions.”

While also making sure I write something favorable. Rarity thought bitterly to herself. “Sounds wonderful darling. Break a leg, as they say.”

Applejack’s face remained neutral as she lifted the back of the tent, revealing a small stage with curtains on either side and an audience that was only half full. Cheap wooden chairs half stuck in the muddy earth were packed close together, filling the majority of the tent. Hearing the flap fall behind her, Rarity quickly pulled her pad of paper and a pencil from her bag before trotting to the back.

From there she looked out over the small gathering of ponies curiously, idly noting that they all seemed to be local, and most were young. Before she could get too carried away pony-watching, a tall lanky stallion wearing a straw hat stepped dramatically out onto the stage. He wore a striped vest over a simple white shirt with the sleeves rolled up as well as a black bow tie.

Upon his flank was the image of a single slice from an apple, and his wavy mane and tail were mostly red with the odd stripe of white. He was also painfully thin and instantly struck Rarity as a pony who would sell out his own mother for a good payday from just the look of him.

“Welcome one and all!” exclaimed the stallion in an exuberant tone, a forehoof raised. “To the finest act this side of Canterlot. My name is Flim, and on behalf of both myself and my brother Flam I am happy to present to you the stupendous, variety hour!”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

The Strongest Mare

He smiled and leaned forward, cupping a hoof to his ear. “What is the variety hour you might be asking? Why it is the most magical, mystifying, and mysterious collection of performers ever gathered in a single location!”

“We have the strongest mare in Equestria,” he smirked and leaned in a little closer as if telling the audience a secret. “Though I’d say she's a shoe-in for the strongest stallion too.”

The audience snickered while Rarity merely groaned to herself.

“But that's not all, no not even close!” shouted the stallion, rising back to his full height. “We also have the largest pegasus ever to walk the earth, an earth pony who can read your mind, a pegasus who can talk to any animal, and last but not least we have the fabled Twilight sisters.”

Rarity watched as the other showgoers whispered to each other in hushed tones, leaving the journalist rather confused.

“Now without further ado, put your hooves together for Applejack the strong!” shouted the stallion, subtly slipping off the stage as the curtains pulled back to reveal the aforementioned earth pony.

Several weights rested on the ground around her, each one labeled with bright white paint indicating their weight. There was also what looked like a cannon as well as an oversized scale near the center of the space. Now alone on the stage, Applejack bowed low to the crowd before turning and gesturing towards a rather hefty kettle weight.

The crowd grew silent as the earth pony approached it and highlighted the listed poundage of two hundred and fifty. She then proceeded to grab the weight with a single hoof and lift the entire thing off the ground with practiced ease. Instantly Rarity couldn't help but feel a little impressed, as well as a little worried for the performer’s safety given that she was holding it above her head.

As the journalist scratched out a few notes on her pad of paper, Applejack trotted over to the scale and placed the weight upon it. The numbers on the scale shot up, stopping after reaching two hundred and fifty pounds even. Applejack lifted the weight once more, curled it a few times, yawned and placed it back where she had got it.

The crowd chuckled at the strongmare’s antics but quickly quieted when she approached a much larger weight. The numbers five zero zero were clearly painted across its side, though Rarity quickly deduced that that must have been false. Nopony could lift that much with a single hoof, not even the absolute unit of a mare standing before her.

And yet, after spitting into her hooves and rubbing them together, Applejack did just that, hefting the weight above her head in a single, practiced motion. The crowd was silent, as they watched Applejack stand there, a smirk on her face as she held the weight aloft. She then trotted back over to the scale, where she dropped the weight, shattering the entire thing and causing a spring to shoot into the audience.

Applejack winced comically and shrugged to the paying customers who erupted in laughter and applause. Rarity however was too busy making notes to offer up applause of her own, her pencil flicking rapidly across the page. On stage, Applejack swept the broken scale and weights aside before pointing to the cannon, a smirk on her face.

The audience grew silent once more, watching curiously as the enormous earth pony grabbed a large black cannonball from just off stage. She then tipped the cannon up, dropped the ball inside, and moved the piece of artillery so it faced her once more. She then drew forth a match from her hat and glanced over at the audience with a knowing smile.

Rarity found herself transfixed, staring with wide eyes as the performer lit the match, then the fuse before calmly walking in front of the firing end. The reporter wanted to yell at the performer to get out of the way, but she stopped herself before opening her mouth. This was a show after all, and though she got the feeling Flim Flam may be willing to risk Applejack’s life for a quick buck, the mare herself didn't seem the type.

And so Rarity sat there, watching as the fuse slowly burnt down while Applejack merely rose onto her back legs. With forelegs extended, Applejack’s gaze narrowed, her entire body tensing up as the fuse began to burn low.

A dull boom shook the tent, and Rarity watched in twisted curiosity as Applejack somehow managed to catch the enormous orb. Though she slid back a few feet, the earth pony seemed unharmed and raised the cannonball above her head after a moment of silence. The crowd cheered, stomping or pounding their hooves together while a few mares and a single brave stallion whistled at the pony.

After basking in the praise for a moment, Applejack placed the cannonball aside and walked into the center of the stage where she bowed low once more. The cheering continued right up until the curtain descended and the scrawny stallion returned to the stage, a wide smile on his face.

“That was quite something, wasn't it folks?” he shouted.

The crowd cheered, and Rarity politely clopped her hooves together.

“If you thought that was strange and fantastic then just you wait until you see what we have in store for you next,” the stallion chuckled. “No she is not a beached whale, nor is she some pampered Canterlot noble pulled fresh from her mansion. She is Rainbow Dash, the world's fattest mare!”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

The Fattest Mare

The curtain lifted to reveal the single largest pony Rarity had ever seen in her entire life. Her fur was a light teal, and her mane was a long flowing rainbow of colors, but even her strange coloration didn't grab Rarity’s attention. Rather it was the enormous bloated body and bent wing which stuck out from the pony’s back that stole the journalist’s gaze.

The prismatic mare nodded once before bowing slightly, her body jiggling with every move she made. The crowd was silent but Rarity could taste the disgust and curiosity that emanated from them like it was cheap cotton candy. Up on the stage, the rotund pony slowly trotted over to a large and rather familiar scale that had been set up in the center of the stage.

One hoof followed the other, the numbers on the scale spinning rapidly as the machine struggled to calculate the mare’s massive weight. When all four hooves were atop the scale, and a few seconds passed, the numbers came to a stop. Seven hundred and ninety-eight pounds said the machine, yet Rarity was certain it was wrong as such a thing simply shouldn't be possible.

The pony body couldn't support that much weight, never mind the light frame of a pegasus mare. Revulsion and curiosity fought within the journalist's mind, and as she struggled to come to grips with her own feelings, the show continued. Rainbow Dash stepped off the scale and trotted slowly up to a small table with a box atop it, her face remaining strangely neutral.

The obese mare paused, glanced at the audience, and tapped her chin before sniffing the air a few times. With a smirk on her face, she threw open the box, revealing a dozen donuts within. She made a show of grabbing one of the baked goods, looking at it for a moment before throwing back the entire thing and swallowing it whole.

She then proceeded to do the same thing to the other eleven donuts before sitting on the ground and rubbing her belly, a smile on her face. In front of her, one of the ponies was struggling to hold back a gag, while a stallion slowly shook his head. A few of the younger ponies were clapping as the enormous pony trundled back into the center of the stage and bowed.

Only when the curtains dropped was Rarity able to shake herself out of the stupor imposed upon her. Though certainly more bizarre than Applejack’s impressive show of strength, the second show had been much shorter. It also left Rarity feeling strangely conflicted as she couldn't help but be as intrigued as she was repulsed.

It was an odd sensation, one that the show pony was likely counting on given the fact that he was smiling when he stepped back onto the stage.

“I know what your thinking, good people, and I agree!” he shouted, raising a hoof dramatically. “Though disturbing those first few acts were not truly bizarre. But don't you worry my good ponies. I’ve saved the best for last, but first a treat for all the animal lovers out there in the audience today.”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

The Animal Whisperer

A few ponies perked up at that, as did Rarity, who was already trying to guess what manner of act would come next. A lion taming routine would be her first guess, though Rarity assumed that would fit better under the big top. Rather than the freak show, which Rarity assumed would have something much different and much, stranger.

“You’ve all likely wondered at one point in time what your pet was saying when they barked or meowed at you,” the stallion began. “But wonder no longer, for I present to you, Fluttershy the beast whisperer and her assistant the jackalope, Angel!”

When the curtain parted once more Rarity was surprised to find that no lions, manticores, or other large creatures revealed themselves. Rather there stood only a nervous-looking butter-yellow pegasus with long pink hair, a tall bunny with antlers standing beside her, and several small cages behind her. Upon the crowd laying eyes on her, the pegasus waved awkwardly, half of her face hidden behind her mane.

Unlike before, this time the announcer pony didn't leave the stage entirely, merely standing off to the side. “Born with a rare condition that has left her with an overactive cutie mark, Fluttershy’s talent for animal handling has left her unable to speak equestrian standard.”

The pegasus nodded slowly.

“Unable to live in normal society due to her condition, Fluttershy must be accompanied by her faithful jackalope companion,” continued the stallion, who gestured to the horned rabbit. “This rare creature occasionally bonds with those who help it, creating an unbreakable connection. Which also allows the jackalope to understand the pony it has bonded with, as well as speak equestrian!”

The bunny waved. “It is true.”

The crowd gasped after the large rabbit spoke, and even Rarity found herself transfixed.

“For her first trick, Fluttershy will make the most deadly snake in Equestria dance!” proclaimed flim, who pointed to the back of the tent, where an enormous black snake sat upright in its cage. “But first she must calm the beast by speaking its own language. The language of snakes.”

Rarity leaned forward and watched closely as the timid pegasus trotted over to the snake, whispering soft hisses as she did so. The reptile seemed to understand the pony, and hissed back, banging its body against the cage exit every few seconds. Clearly, the creature was not as patient as the jackalope which stood nearby, its careful gaze never leaving the pegasus.

“Sorry bout that, someone thought it would be funny to toss a rock into the cotton candy machine,” muttered a gruff voice.

Rarity jumped and spun to see that Applejack had somehow managed to sneak up on her and stood nearby, glancing at the stage. “Don't startle me like that,” Rarity hissed, the journalist doing her best to keep her voice down.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “If you didn't hear me coming that's on you,” she retorted.

Rarity silently bristled at the comment but reluctantly pushed down her desire to fire back and instead focused back on the stage. Where Fluttershy had managed to calm down the snake and had even let it wrap about her neck, it's head sitting atop her own. Though as nervous as ever, Fluttershy continued to talk to the snake, hissing and spitting on occasion.

The conversation mostly flowed in only a single direction, but the snake sometimes offered a brief response of some kind. After the oohs and ahhs of the audience died down, Flim cleared his throat before taking a step back toward center stage.

“Now then, normally we would show off more of Fluttershy’s menagerie, but I see we have a dog owner in the audience,” Flim declared, smiling down at a rather large unicorn mare who sat in the front row.

Though Rarity couldn't see a dog from her vantage point, she assumed from the way the pony was sitting that it was resting atop her lap.

“My good mare, have you ever wanted to know what he was thinking, and to get an answer as to why your furry friend does what they do?” Flim continued, smiling a little too widely.

“Of course, who hasn't?” she replied with a scoff. “Though I can already tell that my little munchkin loves his mommy very much, isn't that right snookums?”

The unicorn picked up her pet and rubbed its face against her own, the animal seeming to wince at the touch, the tiny creature’s pink bow bobbing slightly with each movement. From atop the stage, Fluttershy had finished putting the snake away and stood once more at the forefront.

“Then if it's alright with you, dear patron, may Fluttershy speak with your animal?” Flim pressed.

The unicorn smiled. “Of course, now be good Snookums, and don't go telling all of mommy’s secrets now?”

A few members of the crowd chuckled as the unicorn levitated her pet up to the stage, where Fluttershy quickly plucked it out of the air and gently set it on the ground before her.

“First, Fluttershy will find out something that only your pet knows so you all can be certain that this is all one hundred percent real!” Flim exclaimed.

“Unlike yer cider,” Applejack whispered so quietly Rarity only just heard.

Torn between inquiring more about what her companion had mentioned, and watching the show, Rarity decided to simply ask about that later. Turning back to the stage, Rarity observed as Fluttershy barked, whined, and yipped at the dog, her voice somehow managing to perfectly mimic the sound of a canine. The pet would occasionally offer something in return, but once again this seemed to be a one-sided conversation, one that nearly ended when the dog said something that made Fluttershy’s face light up like a hearthmas tree.

The pegasus shook her head and quickly muttered a set of barks and whines.

The dog seemed to sigh, before offering a much shorter response.

Fluttershy nodded and turned to Angel, who stood just off to the side between the dog and the performer. “Your favorite novel is the flame and the flower,” Angel declared in a slightly bitter-sounding tone.

The unicorn blushed. “I must admit that is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. Miss Harley Quinn writes such beautiful love stories.”

Rarity nearly gagged at the mere reference of such low-brow entertainment, while silently making a note to see if the local library had it in their collection.

“She sounds worse than Granny Smith, and that's sayin something,” Applejack muttered mostly to herself.

“Now that we have established her authenticity, is there anything you wish to know about your furry friend? We will only have time for a single question I’m afraid,” Flim warned, the show pony making it sound like he was genuinely sorry and mostly failing.

“Oh my, only one question hmm?” The unicorn tapped her painted pink hoof against her chin and blushed. “I know it's rather silly but would you please ask Shnookums how much he loves his mommy?”

A teenager in the crowd faked a gag, and was rewarded with a smack upside the head by his father.

Fluttershy nodded and turned to the dog before presumably repeating the question in canine, to which the pampered pink poodle barked back.

The pegasus blinked in surprise and eyed the unicorn critically for a moment before Angel stomped his foot. Shaking her head, the pony seemed confused a moment before making a series of squeaks and sniffles at the jackalope.

Who nodded slowly. “He says he loves you more than the whole entire world,” Angel announced.

The dog looked a little betrayed, while Fluttershy was embarrassed and the owner ecstatic.

The unicorn mare levitated her prized poodle back into her grasp and squeezed it tightly. “Oh I just knew you loved your mommy, but this, this is amazing! When we are getting home I am going to sew you so many new fancy outfits,” proclaimed the mare.

The dog’s eyes narrowed, and Fluttershy winced, offering the canine an apologetic wave as the curtains began to close and Flim returned to center stage.

“Now wasn't that worth the price of admission all on its own?” Flim declared with a grin. “But don't you worry dear patron, we are only just barely halfway through the show. We have two final acts, each stranger than the last!”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

The Witch

The crowd began to whisper excitedly, and even Rarity couldn't help but become intrigued by what might be coming, an emotion everyone seemed to share save for Applejack.

Who stood up suddenly, a scowl on her face. “I’ll be right back,” murmured the enormous pony before slipping quietly out the back of the tent.

Rarity wanted to stop the mare, or ask why she was leaving, but Flim’s shrill voice cut her off before she could do either of those things.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be born as both a unicorn and an earth pony?” Flim began, his voice barely above a whisper yet carrying across the entire tent with ease. “Or perhaps a pegasus and a unicorn?”

He let the question linger over the crowd a moment before shaking his head sadly. “Well be glad that you were not born as such for you see my friends you don't get the best of both worlds as it were. In fact, ninety-nine percent of hybrid babies don't live to see their first birthday.”

The crowd fell silent, and Rarity could see parents clutching their foals with a sudden intensity.

“But our next act was one of those quote-unquote lucky ones who has survived into adulthood,” Flim continued, his voice rising slightly. “What is she a hybrid of you may be asking? Well, a unicorn, and an earth pony! Quite the combination wouldn't you agree? Wits and vigor in one package!”

Flim shook his head. “But like I said earlier, be glad you aren't her for our next performer has an ingrown horn and is known as the mysterious madam Pie!”

The curtains retreated perfectly on cue, revealing an almost empty stage wherein a slightly lanky pink pony sat alone at a table. Her eyes were closed, her hooves positioned over a crystal ball that sat directly before her, its inky depths swirling with smoke. Her long pink hair was straight, and fell across her features in a wave, obscuring her face, and giving her a slightly disheveled, almost mad look about her.

“I see we have a one Emerald Gleaner in the audience,” declared the strange pony, without opening her eyes. “Isn't that right?”

A strange white furred mare sitting off by herself shifted slightly, brushing her fluffy pink mane out of her face. “It is,” she murmured nervously.

“Do you want to know your future Emerald Gleaner?” the pink pony asked.

“I suppose,” replied the unicorn hesitantly.

“You will walk a long and tragic road, at the end of which awaits you all the happiness you have ever dared to dream of, and not only that but immortality… in a sense,” Pinkie Pie declared, her eyes opening to reveal that her pupils looked each in a different direction.

The crowd was quiet, and the unicorn seemed distraught, with Flim getting noticeably uncomfortable at the side of the stage.

“But enough about all that dark stuff, do you all want to see some magic?” Pinkie Pie offered, pulling a deck of cards from seemingly nowhere.

Flim breathed a sigh of relief when the crowd seemed to relax, a few energetic foals inching forward on their seats.

Rarity, however, was more concerned about Applejack who returned a second later, a frown on her face. This time Rarity ignored the show, and looked to her distraught companion, tucking aside her writing pad as she did so.

“Not a fan?” Rarity inquired gently.

Applejack winced. “Of Madam Pie? Quite, of Flim’s introduction?” there was a short pause before Applejack sighed. “Not so much.”

“May I ask why?” Rarity pressed.

Applejack’s gaze narrowed. “I’m not sure I should say something like that to someone like you.”

Rarity smiled gently. “I know not everyone ascribes to the journalist’s code of ethics, but I do. If you don't want this repeated it won't ever be spoken of again.”

The earth pony’s frown deepened, and she glanced over at the stage where Pinkie Pie was levitating a card while shuffling the rest of the deck with a single hoof. “I don't like how he talks about her. Pinkie is kin, distant, but still kin,” Applejack murmured. “It ain't right.”

“How so?” Rarity pressed.

The unicorn could see the other pony’s jaw clench. “Treatin us like freaks is part of the show, but Flim always seems to take it too far with Pinkie. She's got a soft heart, softer still than even Fluttershy.”

Rarity nodded slowly, her gaze lingering on the pink pony as she did another magic trick, to which the crowd cheered. Though even then their cheers had a slight pitying edge to them that even Rarity could hear from way back at the far side of the tent.

“I see, and for what it's worth, I agree with you, darling,” Rarity offered.

Applejack nodded slightly, flashing the unicorn a brief sidelong glance of appreciation. “That's right good of you miss Belle. Too many folk don't think that way these days.”

“Woobetide the nation that has forgotten kindness,” Rarity muttered to herself.

Applejack sighed. “I really wish y'all had gone straight to the main tent. Trixie might be an annoying git, but her show is good, and she ain't quite as depressin.”

“Maybe later,” Rarity remarked, the unicorn distracted by the oohs and ahhs of the audience.

Another round of applause was had for the pink pony, who smiled wide enough that her wince was barely visible. Rarity’s discerning eye saw all, however, and the journalist scribbled another note while Flim took to the stage once more. Stepping in front of the twitching walleyed pony, the stallion grinned excitedly and swept a leg out in front of himself.

“Wasn't that amazing?” he asked, prompting a round of cheers from the audience. “I agree, my fine patrons. Madam Pie is so good it's almost worth having a crazy pony on the lot.”

A few ponies chuckled, though most remained awkwardly silent. Pinkie Pie herself was another story, and she leapt up from her seat, nearly knocking the crystal ball from its holder.

“I am not a crazy pony, you two-bit huckster!” she declared.

“Aww dammit. Here we go again,” Applejack muttered, the enormous mare rising from her seat and trotting up to the front.

Rarity’s first urge was to go help and diffuse the situation, but she was certain Applejack could handle it without her.

“Excuse me?” Flim asked, nose rumpled in disgust. “You take crazy pills, you talk to empty rooms. You are crazy, good, but crazy.”

“I talk to those you can't see, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. My power is-” the pony tripped on the flat stage and landed with a thump.

While Flim laughed, Applejack carefully scooped the pink pony from the ground, using her massive strength to carry her away with only a single hoof. Pinkie Pie seemed ready to resist this but soon went slack, tears sliding down her face right before she disappeared from sight.

“Sorry about that folks,” Flim quickly interrupted. “I should not have let my own personal problems come out in that way, she didn't deserve that. You have my sincere promise that not only will I apologize to her, but she will also be receiving a well-deserved raise. What do you say?”

The nervous, somewhat awkward audience cheered, pounding their hooves against the ground.

“I thought as much. Now then, let's wash that bad taste from our mouth with our final and most stupendous performers!” Flim continued, the curtains closing behind him. “Though they may seem like a creature of myth and legend, I assure you what you see is the genuine truth.”

The crowd leaned forward as one, and though Rarity was intrigued, she was distracted by the sound of something being pushed across the stage behind the curtain.

“Are these two sisters an experiment gone wrong? Or perhaps a strange genetic fluke? Only Celestia knows, but what we do know, is that they are expert performers and wonderful singers!” Flim announced. “So with that all out of the way, let's welcome our next act the sisters Twilight, and Sparkle!”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

The Two Headed Mare

Rarity’s pen became still, and she watched in amazement as the curtains parted to reveal the strangest scene she had ever seen. There before them, seated behind a piano was a two-headed unicorn mare who held a ukelele in a foreleg. Their eyes, all four of them, were a deep purple color, while their fur was a lighter shade of the same color.

It was impossible to see their cutie marks from her spot at the back of the audience, but Rarity could see most everything else. Like the slightly sad expression on one of the head’s face, one not shared by the other who was smiling faintly. Their manes were nearly identical, with short, straight-cut bangs, and a pair of purplish-pink strips running through their deep blue manes. The only difference was the way they parted them, with each head doing so in the other direction.

Save for that small detail, and their different experience they were almost completely identical in every way. It was like an extra head had simply sprouted from the same neck, leaving the pony slightly front-heavy in the process. Rarity couldn't be certain of this, however, as the performers before her wore a ruffled pinkish purple dress with black stripes. This piece of clothing covered everything below their necks, down to their knees.

“Good evening-” began the smiling head.

“Everyone,” finished the slightly sadder one.

“Tonight we will be singing for you all,” “One titled have you seen my sister?”

Their horns then lit up in unison, and a jaunty, upbeat tune emanated from the stage area. One made possible by the pair using their spells to compensate for their lack of an additional foreleg. Magic plucked the strings of the guitar and pressed the keys out of reach of the lone limb.

“Have you seen my sister?” “Dang, she's gone and wandered off again.” “I’ve been looking high and low.” “Where'd oh where'd my sister go?”

Alternating between lines, the pair sang immaculately together, with barely a breath between the start of one and the end of the other. In perfect harmony, they played the two instruments in a happy, almost whimsical song about searching for their sister. While they continued, Rarity found herself increasingly transfixed, though not morbidly so.

They were beautiful, Rarity realized.

Their appearance was different, obviously, but they had such enchanting voices that perfectly matched each other. All at once, Rarity felt as though she was standing upon the bow of a ship, listening to the siren’s song. Though this particular tune felt a bit forced upon them, they played it perfectly, giving it their own unique charm.

In no time at all, it was over, and the pair wore either a smile or a neutral expression while bowing slightly. Rarity awkwardly joined the applause, only now aware of how long she had been staring without even blinking. She tried to think back to what she had experienced and write down something poignant but nothing came.

Cute, Dazzling, gorgeous, beautiful, pretty. And other such synonyms for beautiful. Rarity had to stop herself before adding more to the growing list, turning her attention back to the stage.

“Was that not wonderful?” Flim asked.

A few of the crowd hooted or stomped their hooves in agreement.

“I knew you’d say that but don't worry. The show’s not over yet. We will be wheeling out the brand new state-of-the-art camera and for just five bits you can get your picture taken with these two dazzling mares!” Flim continued.

Applejack appeared at the corner of the tent, the strong pony pulling a large table upon which sat a strange wooden box. Upon reaching the midway point, Applejack stopped, and pulled open one side of the cube. She then began unpacking the equipment and setting up the odd contraption.

“Step right up, start a line right here and in no time at all, you’ll get your own completely unique memorabilia of this memorable moment,” Flim exclaimed.

Rarity shot to the front of the tent, reaching it just after an excitable filly and her mother, Rarity’s eyes never leaving Twilight and Sparkle. The pair awkwardly turned around on the piano bench, positioning themselves behind and next to a chair set aside for the audience.

“Ladies and gentlemen have your bits ready please,” Flim continued, the stallion standing off to the side of the stage, an empty bag in hoof. “Once seated please do not move until our talented operator signals that it's okay to do so. If you ruin the photo by moving you will have to pay for another one. These chemicals aren't cheap you know!”

Applejack leaned a forehoof out from under a heavy black blanket and waved the first group in after they had paid. Rarity immediately took the two ponies' spot in line, watching as they sat before the sisters. The filly struggled to stay still, but after a bit of prompting, she sat motionless, waiting patiently for her picture.

“Hey lady, where're your bits?” Flim demanded.

“I’m sorry, what?” Rarity replied.

Flim rolled his eyes. “I know you’re from the paper we hired but you still gotta pay like everyone else.”

“Oh right, of course,” Rarity murmured, pulling several bits from her bag. “There you are my good stallion.”

“Thanks,” Flim remarked emotionlessly.

Rarity turned her attention back to the sisters and the ponies seated before them. One of them was quiet, and reserved, not speaking a word to the paying customers. The other was carrying on a whispered conversation with the grinning foal. This was interrupted when Applejack extended a hoof, upon which was a large black and white photograph.

The mother and daughter pair exchanged polite goodbyes with Twilight and Sparkle, one of whom remained quiet. Seeing her chance, Rarity trotted up to the bench and extended a hoof.

“Hi, my name’s Rarity. I know you were introduced earlier but Flim never mentioned who had which name,” Rarity offered.

Twilight and Sparkle both sported a confused expression before smiling, one wider than the other. Together they took Rarity’s hoof and shook it in their own, to varying levels of enthusiasm.

“I’m Twilight,” offered the more upbeat of the two.

“And I’m Sparkle,” muttered the dourer of the duo.

“It is wonderful to meet you, say-” Rarity began, only to be interrupted.

“Sit down so Applejack can take the picture. We don't want to leave all these fine people waiting now do we?” Flim shouted.

“Oh um, right. Of course,” Rarity sat back down, quickly making herself presentable before whispering out of the side of her mouth. “Would it be possible for me to interview you two wonderful ladies?”

“No.” “Yes.”

“What are you doing,” hissed Sparkle under her breath. “She’s just another gawker come to stare at the freaks.”

“She isn't,” whispered Twilight.

“If it makes you feel any better I’m more interested in your music, than your personal history,” Rarity offered.

“See? She's not like the others,” Twilight offered.

“Your too kind Twilight,” replied Sparkle. “She's just going to hurt us, same as the rest.”

“Would you give me a chance, please?” Rarity pressed.

The tent was quiet for several seconds, with both Rarity, and the two sisters remaining perfectly still. Then, just when Rarity was convinced that her offer would be shot down, Sparkle spoke again.

“We want half of whatever you make from the interview. If you don't make royalties, then we’ll take whatever you get for doing this bit of PR for Flim Flam,” Sparkle demanded.

“Sparkle, that's too much,” hissed Twilight.

“I’ll do it,” Rarity answered.

“Good. Meet us at our wagon in two hours. We need time to talk, and prepare,” Sparkle continued.

“You have a deal,” Rarity exclaimed.

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

The Deal

As if on cue, Applejack extended a hoof, photograph sitting atop the offered limb. Rarity swiftly grabbed it, only for her hoof to be snagged by Applejack before the reporter had a chance to leave.

“I heard what you said,” whispered the voice of Applejack from inside the booth. “Were you serious?”

“Deadly so,” Rarity answered.

Applejack pulled back the curtain and peeked her head outside, peering intently into Rarity’s eyes.

“If you do that, Flim won't be happy. You were supposed to see and review both the variety hour and Trixie’s act,” Applejack pressed.

“Then I will simply convince him otherwise,” Rarity exclaimed.

Applejack held on for a second longer before releasing her ironlike grip. “Do that, and I’ll show you to their wagons. You’ll have to wait until this is over though.”

“I accept,” Rarity exclaimed.

The former fashionista turned around and trotted back over to the edge of the stage just as another group was sitting down.

“Shouldn't you be rushing over to the main tent?” Flim demanded.

“I was thinking of skipping it,” Rarity offered. “This is far more interesting.”

“Really now,” Flim muttered.

“Quite,” Rarity exclaimed. “You wouldn't mind if I interviewed your performers, would you?”

“We paid you to review both shows,” Flim stated.

“And I will, you are open tomorrow aren't you?” Rarity pressed.

“Not good enough. We wanted the boost in sales your paper promised it could bring in time for the Sunday crowd,” Flim continued.

“You know Flim, I think that your brother is underestimating your variety hour,” Rarity remarked.

Flim blinked and turned fully to the mare. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me, darling. I’ve seen dozens, hundreds of magic shows in my time, but where can you see the strongest mare in Equestria, and a two-headed pony? Nowhere!” Rarity continued.

Flim was silent, a contemplative look crossing his face.

“Look, darling. What you have here is gold, real gold, not the kind that can be faked,” Rarity gushed. “Besides. This kind of show is shunned in Canterlot, but they still come out to see it. Trust me, if you want to attract the big spenders you advertise this show, not Trixie. They’ve all seen a million acts like hers.”

“Trixie’s show is unique,” Flim stated halfheartedly.

“Do you know how many magicians say that? All of them,” Rarity dismissed, scoffing at the mere notion. “An interview with each of your variety hour performers will make this article really sand out.”

Flim took the next group’s money and thought about it for a few seconds before reluctantly nodding. “Fine, but this better be one glowing review.”

“It will be,” Rarity proclaimed.

Flim sighed. “Don't make me regret this Miss Belle.”

Rarity smiled. “I won't.”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.