I stared into the darkness. I don’t remember blinking.
I was on my side, in bed, staring off towards the phone on my bedside table. The room was pitch black, and my breaths were tense and shallow, as though hiding from a predator.
She might call. She might call me again.
I never knew when to expect it. She was unpredictable, which is ironic for a woman so intent on making life as predictable - as predictably successful - as humanly possible.
One-two-three, One-two-three, One-two-three
I found myself mouthing the words of her counting, the words I’d heard a thousand times growing up, standing over me as I practiced, counting the beat of the waltz for me. Watching me fiercely, ready to pounce. She rarely ever shouted, though; her sharp tone cut right through me whenever she cared to try, no volume required.
One-two-three, One-two-three, One-two-thr-no! Do you see these eighth notes. Octavia, do you see?! Are you blind, Octavia? Should I call a doctor?!
I did see a doctor, actually, once the dizzy spells began. But there was no cause. It took four doctors before one of them suggested “Maybe you’re just really stressed”
ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three!
I used to love waltzes. And the only thing worse than her counting was when she stopped counting. For a moment…or day…or now…now it was years. I was her little failure now. I hadn’t managed. I hadn’t made the cut. I hadn’t-
“Octy?”
I gasped as a hand pressed against my breast. Vinyl! Sweet Celestia, I’d forgotten she was here. I fumbled madly in the dark and held her hand, pressing it against me.
“Vi,” I whispered between ragged breaths. “Vi. Vi VI Vinyl, Vinyl, darling.”
She moved her head a little and whispered directly into my ear. “Hey. I’m here. I’m here, babe.”
A tear welled up in my eye. She kissed the nape of my neck. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It’s…” I closed my eyes, trying not to look at the phone. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
Her hand caressed my right nipple. “No you’re not.”
“I just…I need some air.” I tossed the sheets aside and scrambled out of the bed, but something struck my shin as I did so. “Shit!”
I frantically waved my hands through empty space while the entire flimsy table went tumbling to the ground. The lamp switched on as it crashed.
“I’m sorry!” I shouted. “I’m sorry! I’ll fix it! I’ll just-”
“Octy!”
“Let me fix it!”
“It’s ok!”
I was kneeling by the table at that point, trying to figure out how to put it all back together again, when Vinyl wrapped her arms around my naked flesh.
“It’s ok. It’s ok.”
I felt her breathing, kneeling behind me, her hands once again on my breasts. I closed my eyes against the light and tried to feel her better, tried to match my breath with her own.
“What if she calls?” I finally said.
“Who?”
“Mother.”
“Don’t pick up.”
“But she’ll…she’ll never let me live it down, Vinyl. She’ll say I’ve been a bad daughter.”
“Look at me.”
I looked back into those amazing red eyes.
“Your mom is a piece of shit.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true!”
I got to my feet and Vinyl followed, the lamplight still shining upwards from the floor. “She’s not that bad.”
“Yeah she is! It’s 3am and you’re panicking because she might call you and say a bunch of shitty things again! This is not ok!”
“I’m just…I’m just a nervous person, alright?”
“You are a nervous person.”
“I am-”
“-because of her!”
“Well I can’t very well say ‘Hello, mother. The reason I didn’t answer your call last night is because you’re a piece of shit!’, now can I?“
Vinyl sat back on the bed and sighed. She looked up, and a moment later I realized she was staring with her mouth open.
“What?” I finally asked.
“Sorry…I, uh…kinda got caught up in two different thoughts there. Thought number one: Why don’t you just tell her that your phone was stolen?”
“It wasn’t stolen!”
She smiled, then lunged for the phone, snatching it before I had time to react.
“ ‘Oh mother!’ “ she said, doing a poor imitation of my voice. “ ‘It’s tragic! My phone was stolen by a blue-haired lowlife!’ ”
I scoffed, but I couldn’t help but smile at the same time. “Vi…”
“ ‘I should have seen it coming. You know what those people are like.’ ”
“I don’t think that would work.”
“There’s no harm in trying.”
She sat back on the bed. “Let me just turn it off, ok? For tonight? And I’ll keep it on my side so you won’t get tempted.”
I sighed. “Fine.”
She turned off the phone and reached over to her pants, which were on the floor on her side of the bed. She put the phone in the pocket of her pants while I tried to sort out all my thoughts and feelings, which was something I'd been doing for the entire span of our relationship. I sighed again. I had to admit, sometimes it was awfully nice having a girlfriend. I honestly didn’t know what I‘d do without her.
A thought occurred.
“Vi?” I asked.
“Hm?”
“A moment ago you said you had two thoughts on your mind. What was the other one?”
She spun around to face me again. “Oh, right. Well…I was just thinking that you’re super naked right now and that’s really hot.”
My cheeks turned red. In a flash I noticed that Vi, of course, was just as naked as I was. And was she…posing, all of a sudden?
“I am turning off the lamp!” I yelped, switching the damn thing off without bothering to fix the table.
It was dark again, though I could still feel the heat in my cheeks.
“...are you coming back to bed?”
I sighed. “Of course I am.”
“You wanna cuddle?”
I got between the sheets and reached a hand out to touch her skin.
“Rest your head on my chest, would you?”
She smiled. “Sure, babe.”
I spent a few moments just breathing with my girlfriend on top of me.
She whispered. “You’re gonna be ok.”
Author's Note
Naked people have just as many emotions as clothed people. Even if they're hot.
Society doesn't really understand that yet.
Speaking of things that society doesn't understand, emotional abuse is real, and often devastating.
