To Meat or Not to Meat

by Incandesca

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy, Profanity, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 5621

Sunset Shimmer doesn't eat meat for some really obvious reasons. Rainbow Dash is very offended about this and tries to change that. It goes about how you'd expect.

Sunset Shimmer doesn't eat meat for some really obvious reasons. Rainbow Dash is extremely offended about this and tries to change that.

It... goes about as well as you might expect.

Published 2022-08-06 20:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-08-06 20:00:00 UTC

Fat Is The Question

Sunset steeled herself as she stood before the double doors to the cafeteria. Behind those infernal, non-offensively green-painted gates she could hear the racous din of students and all the culinary depravity they got up to in there. At the same time, she also knew her friends were behind those doors as well, waiting for her to arrive so they could chill until the next period. It also gave her the opportunity to not think about assignments for a little while, which was nice.

Well, maybe except Ms. Harshwhinny's math test. Good Celestia was she not looking forward to that one.

Simply put, Sunset's feelings on lunchtime were... complicated, to say the very least. She found breakfast pretty easy, and dinner just as fine, but lunchtime? It was crowded and noisy — and not in the fun ear-deafening rock concert kind of way — and it always smelt of a vague but horrible mix of collective teen body odor, chemical cleaners, and really, really shitty food. Oh and food fights. She really hated food fights, particularly when she was caught in the crossfire.

Now that she thought about it, it was actually just cafeteria lunch that she hated. Unfortunately for her, it was the only way for her friend group to socialize during the lunch break.

"Oh well..." Sunset sighed, and pushed her way in. Just as expected, her ears and nose were greeted to a simultaneous kick in the crotch, however the mathematics of that anatomy puzzle worked out.

"Sunny, look ooooout!" Pinkie exclaimed, and Sunset only had the time to counter with a 'Huh?' before it hit her.

See, the problem with telling someone to 'look out' and not offering anything more than that is you're left missing a couple key components of information. The first is what to look out for, and the second is where that thing you're supposed to be looking out for is coming from. And that, much to Sunset's chagrin, was how she ended up with a fistful of lukewarm spaghetti sliding down her face.

"Thanks, Pinkie. You really helped me out there." Sunset deadpanned and wiped the meaty marinara mixture off her cheek with barely hidden disgust. She then turned right and glared hot daggers at the person who'd accidentally made her a target in their italian cuisine war — if school cafeteria spaghetti and meatballs could functionally be called either italian or cuisine — which turned out to be Snips. It didn't take long for him to shrink into his seat and mumble a shaky-voiced apology.

"No problemo, Shimmereno!" Chirped Pinkie, evidently oblivious to Sunset's irritation. Despite herself, Sunset couldn't help but chuckle. It was a difficult thing to stay mad at Pinkie Pie.

"Ah, here you go darling, let me clean you right up-" Came in Rarity as soon as Sunset sat down, dabbing away the sauce and remnant pasta still clinging to her face. The fashionista was something of a clean freak, always carrying around wet wipes and hand sanitizer. How someone like that could stand being in a place like this, especially with how much she coveted her hand-stitched clothing, Sunset would never know.

"Thanks Rares." She said, earning a raised brow from Applejack opposite her.

"Hey now, since when're other gals callin' you Rares, Rares?"

"Since now, I suppose!" Rarity offered, tucking the dirty wipe into a tiny plastic bag.

"So whatcha got for lunch today, Shimmer?" Piped up Rainbow, calling from the right of Applejack.

"Oh, it's nothing special really. Same old same old." Sunset answered, unzipping her lunchbox to pull out her meal for the day. She popped it open, revealing a healthy-looking assortment of leafy greens, cherry tomatoes, and some other vegetabley-looking things Rainbow didn't seem to recognize.

"Salad again?" Rainbow asked. "You literally always bring salad. Where's the variety?"

"I brought samosas and a chickpea curry I made myself this Wednesday."

"Yeah yeah." Rainbow said, making a yawning motion with her mouth and hand. "It's still plants."

"I don't really see what's wrong with plants..." Fluttershy mumbled, shuffling on Applejack'sleft.

"And technically, as long as you get in all your vitamins it doesn't really matter-" Sci-Twi started, but was quickly bowled over by Rainbow's interruption.

"Yeah but you're a vegetarian, Flutters. Plus you're like, super into animals or whatever. So obviously you'd be into plants."

"I'm, uhm. A vegan, actually..."

"Uh-huh, same difference." Rainbow waved her off. "But what about you, Sunset? You're a badass-"

Somewhere off to the side, one of the supervising teachers felt a disturbance in the force and looked the table's way. Rarity and Twilight summarily shushed Rainbow before they got in trouble. Fluttershy looked flustered and embarrassed, like usual. No one else there especially cared.

"...as I was saying. You're like, a totally rockin' cool chick, Sunset. You seem like the kinda gal who likes chomping on meat. So why not?"

Everyone at the table shot Rainbow the world's most judgemental 'Really?' look imaginable.

"Whaaaat?" Rainbow seemed offended. "What's that look about."

"She's a horse, remember Dash?" AJ motioned.

Pinkie smacked her forehead in the universal gesture of something being incredibly obvious. "I mean, duh,Dashie! Even silly ol' me thought of that! Horses don't eat meat!"

Sci-Twi adjusted her glasses and said: "Fun fact actually, but equines species have been known to eat meat before. Sometimes whole birds even, but it's a pretty rare occurrence and only typically happens when they're not provided a proper diet."

"Well I really don't see what that has to do with anything. Sunset's a human in our world, not a horse. So she should totally be able to eat meat now!"

Sunset, who had been observing the whole exchange leaned back and mildly amused, inserted herself back into the conversation. "I'm a pony, not a horse, but yeah. I don't eat meat because I'm a pony. I've never eaten meat, never will. Ponies just don't do that in Equestria. The same way humans look at cannibals is basically how ponies view eating meat that isn't fish or shellfish, and even that's kinda niche and weird. Eggs, milk, and cheese are fine, but that's sorta it."

"Ugh, laaaame..." Rainbow huffed,folded her arms and slumped back into her chair. "Can't knock it until you try it."

"I'm not knocking it at all. I honestly might enjoy it. I just don't want to. It feels wrong for me." She shrugged.

"What about chicken? Like a fried chicken sandwich or something. Twilight said horses eat whole birds sometimes!"

"Rainbow, dear, if she says no then her answer is no. Just let her be; I'm sure she knows what's best for her and her diet." said Rarity.

"Also, again-" Sunset reminded. "Pony, not horse. Equestrian pony too, not Earth pony. Got it?"

Rainbow rolled her eyes and gave a final sigh of defeat. "Okay okay okay, fine. If you don't wanna eat meat I won't make you, even if it's really good and you'd probably definitely totally be into it."

Applejack narrowed her eyes in her direction. "Rainbow..."

"I'm done, I'm done!" Rainbow swore, holding her hands up in the air to show her surrender. The conceit earned a smug smirk from the farmgirl and general sounds of entertainment from the others.

"So as I was saying before Sunset arrived, you heard what about Miss Cheerilee's secret affair?" Rarity asked, and everyone went contentedly back to their meals, all except for Rainbow Dash.

After school had let out for the day, Sunset was loitering about the front of CHS. She'd normally be in a hurry to get home and have a change of clothes, maybe grab a boba tea with one of her friends, but this afternoon she'd promised Wallflower to help out with the garden. It wasn't like she minded waiting a bit anyways. There was something about relaxing on the steps to a highschool and practicing some tunes on her guitar that was comforting for her, cliched an image as it was.

By now, it was just the stragglers that were leaving, and she let herself get into the groove. She didn't have an amp with her, so no proper rocking out, but she was just fine with accoustic. Wallflower would poke her nose around once everyone was gone and then-

"Hey Sunset!" A voice called from right behind her, nearly causing her to drop her guitar. She looked back to see a grinning Rainbow Dash, who she promptly frowned at.

"Jeez, Rainbow. I'm used to Pinkie sneaking up on me like that but not you."

"Sorry, gueeeess I didn't really think about that one." Rainbow replied, looking just the slightest bit bashful. Wow. Getting that girl to apologize right off the bat — and genuinely for that matter — was a rare thing to see.

Yeah, alright. It was pretty clear Rainbow was angling for something.

"Mhm." Sunset said simply. "So... what's up?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Had to clean up after a few laps, you know how sweaty I get. Anyway, uhhhh..." She trailed off, prodding her fingers and suddenly looking any direction but Sunset's.

"Uh-huh?" Sunset probed, one brow beginning its steady climb to skepticism while the other furrowed.

"Well, uh... I was just wondering if you'd, like... wanna go out to lunch for tomorrow? Since it's Saturday and all."

Hearing that, Sunset's expression went from questioning to plain and downright confused. Rainbow Dash was asking her if she wanted to go to lunch? That was probably the weirdest thing that'd happened all week. Maybe all month. Maybe all year, if it weren't for the regular magical girl B.S that took place at least once a semester, high-heeled and short-skirted outfits that really do not belong on teenagers included.

"O... kaaaay." Answered Sunset, setting her guitar to the side. "Yeah, I guess I'm down for that. What's the place?"

Rainbow Dash mumbled something under her breath.

"Can you say that a little louder, please?" Sunset asked.

"I said-" Mumble mumble mumble.

With a great sigh, Sunset lowered her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. She had the sneaking suspicion this had something to do with the argument that had taken place earlier that day, but she wasn't sure yet where the dots connected. That was the only thing that could feasibly explain Rainbow's mood swings. Doing Pinkie's 'pop the fuck out of nowheresville and scare the living shit out of you' had given her a mild heart attack, but the whole Fluttershy 'mutter way too quietly for anybody to reasonably hear' was just testing her patience.

"Sorry, sorry!" Rainbow blurted. "It's Tony's Burger Palacepalooza. They-" Rainbow started, but was cut off. Not by anything Sunset said, but more by the look of 'Are you fucking kidding me?' that Sunset shot her.

"Look I know what you're thinking but they have veggie burgers too, okay? And salads!" She protested, putting her hands up defensively. "I mean, admittedly their salads are kinda trash —although who on Earth goes to a fast food place for a salad anyways — but their veggie burgers are really good! And fries! Don't forget the fries!"

Sunset didn't say anything.

"And milkshakes!"

Crickets.

"And... jalepeno poppers?" She tried.

"Okay." Sunset sighed. "Sure, Toby's... Big... Burger Funhouse or whatever it's called. Sure, we'll go there tomorrow."

"Great!" Rainbow Dash cheered without missing a beat, and Sunset just knew the sportshead was doing a mental fistpump to herself. "I'll text you beforehand, kay? Later!"

"Uh-huh." Sunset droned, and watched as the top track runner in the school did what she did best away from her. To her right, Sunset then heard a quiet rustling and looked to the bushes. There, with a summer hat and pair of gardener's gloves on stood the one and only Wallflower Blush, shuffling on her feet.

"How long have you been standing there?" Sunset asked.

"Uhm. The whole time." Wallflower answered, a rosy red rising to her cheeks.

"Figures." Sunset replied with a laugh, and stood up from her spot on the stairs. "You ready to do some gardening Shimmer-style?"

Sunset regretted her decision from yesterday the instant she stepped through those restaurant doors.

There were a lot of reasons for that, and she didn't really know which one was worse. First was the smell; it wasn't quite as terrible as the Canterlot High cafeteria's general funk, but she also worried she was going to smell like grease for the next month. Second was the children, much too abundant for her liking and about as unruly and obnoxious as one would expect from a trashy fast food chain.

Speaking of which, the decor was pretty atrocious. From every possible angle she was being assaulted by a blinding array of highly saturated warm tones, slapped haphazardly on a backdrop of uninspiring beige turned tan or brown in spots after years of lacking upkeep. The 50's diner aesthetic was also strong, and one which she had never much cared for regardless. Rainbow Dash though? She didn't appear to mind in the slightest, grinning like she did after a triple win streak against the Shadowbolts.

That, of course, only served to remind her why she was here. Sunset was a smart girl, and even someone a bit dimmer in the mental department could have probably figured out Rainbow's gambit. At some point today, in this dingy little restaurant lit by ugly fluorescent lighting and fit to burst with screeching kindergarteners, she was going to bring up the meat thing again.

Of all the places Sunset would ever agree to even try meat in — which she probably never would — this seemed like the worst place to do that. Why not bring her to a nice steakhouse or something, she started to ask herself, then remembered that this was Rainbow Dash she was talking about.

Folding her arms, Sunset looked mightily unimpressed. "So this is the place huh?"

"Yup!" Rainbow said. "Whaddyou think you're gonna get?"

"Probably just a veggie burger." Sunset shrugged. "I ate a pretty big breakfast this morning."

She hadn't. She just got the vibes that anything from that menu was going to greatly increase her risk for cardiac arrest, salads included. Mercifully, Rainbow didn't try to convince her to get anything else, instead simply nodding in response. That done and her order placed, she strode over to the nearest available table — of the ones that were actually clean, at least, which didn't leave her too many options — and sat down to wait.

A few minutes later, Rainbow returned with two blindingly orange cardboard boxes in tow, along with a cup of soda taller than Sunset's forearm was long. Sunset took her order with a courteous thank you, popped it open, and promptly took a bite.

As much as she hated to admit it? It was actually a pretty decent veggie burger. It still had grease somehow, but it was tasty enough.

Swallowing her second bite, Sunset asked: "So what did you get then?"

"Oh nothing special." Rainbow dismissed. "Just my usual."

Casually, Rainbow Dash leaned forward and popped open the box, and barely contained within the feeble walls of that container sat a culinary abomination Sunset could only liken to a Lovecraftian horror. They did live in America, so naturally Sunset was acclimated to seeing food items decadent enough to make Equestria's Canterlot elites balk and put a dragon in a diabetic coma, but this beast of a sandwich was on an entirely different level of profanity.

The first thing she noticed about the burger — although she doubted it could be classified as one in its present form — was its size. It had a diameter comparable to her whole face, and it was nearly as tall with no less than five patties. Between each were heaping piles of faux fast food bacon, all held together by the glue of melted cheese so yellow it looked toxic. And, from what she could see, there wasn't a vegetable in sight. It was just meat, meat, cheese, and carbs.

There was a long pause as Sunset stared at the thing, jaw slack and words failing. She didn't judge people too harshly for their eating habits — or at least she tried not to — but nothing could excuse this, not even Rainbow's athleticism.

"Nice, isn't it?" Rainbow asked. Sunset was about to answer as if she'd asked about her veggie burger, but she soon realized Rainbow meant her own... 'meal'. "I get it every time."

"How... many calories does that thing have?"

"Iunno." Came the nonchalant reply. Then, to Sunset's utter horror, Rainbow unhinged her jaw like a snake and tore off a hunk. "Ish rea'y guh tho!"

Sunset suddenly felt a bit ill. She tore her gaze away from the horror movie display before her and down to her veggie burger, two meager bites taken out of it. She wasn't sure she wanted to eat anymore.

"Mmmh..." Rainbow hummed. "Sooooo good."

"I'm..." Sunset coughed, trying to suppress a gag. She could see the juices dripping offf Rainbow's hands. It would be a miracle if she could ever look at her friend the same way again after today. Nevertheless, she tried her best to force a smile. "I'm sure it is."

"You wanna try some" Rainbow inquired. Before she got the chance to say no — which in her mind was a lot more like 'Absolutely fucking not what is wrong with you that is the most obscene disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life' — she found the burger abruptly and to her immense dismay shoved in her direction.

"I'm not really hungry anymore." She stated matter-of-factly. Her instinct was to gently push the burger back Rainbow's way, but she did not want that thing touching her or vice versa. She also wanted to be annoyed at Rainbow pestering her with the meat stuff again, but she was a bit too queasy to get in an argument at that moment.

"Shuit yourshelf!" Rainbow mouthed, already having taken another bite.

Sunset shuddered. It was going to be a long lunchtime today.

It turned out to be a long couple weeks.

Ever since Sunset had made the phenomenal blunder of acquiescing to lunch that Saturday, Rainbow had begun what Sunset could only describe as an ongoing campaign of meat-based harassment. She hadn't blown up at the girl yet, but each little stunt or trick Rainbow tried to pull was inching her closer to bursting a fuse. Honestly, it was at times like this that she sort of regretted becoming a good guy. If she was still bad bitch mean bully Shimmer she could tell her to knock it off and shut her yap with complete impunity.

How much lmore of it Sunset could take before she did that anyway she didn't know, but it was probably not far off.

Over half the things Rainbow was doing in the effort to make her try meat didn't even make sense. That Monday and every day following she'd naturally brought her own lunch to school packed with meat of some or multiple varieties, which was about the only sensible approach employed thus far. Sunset had to give her some credit at least for the juicy grilled steak she came with on Wednesday — one which she cooked herself if she was to be believed — but then she thought about that burger at Tony's again and wanted to throw up a little.

Everything else she'd done had been on the same wavelength of inanity as Pinkie's antics, though. It had started off innocently enough — if laughably impotent and desperate — with printed pictures of food or restaurant advertisements popping up around the school. The weirdest one she'd seen had been in the girls' bathroom stalls of all places, touting some debut spicy chicken sandwich at Appleloosa Fried Chicken. That one really baffled her. Even if she did eat meat, did Rainbow seriously think that a food advert next to the toilet was going to get her appetite running? None of it mattered too much in the end however, since the Vice Principal caught onto it pretty quickly and put an end to that mess.

After a slap on the wrist in detention, one might rationally think Rainbow would have stopped there. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash was not a rational person. Therefore, the obvious course of action was to try doing something even stupider.

As if Sunset were some sort of dog, Rainbow had started putting meat around. Literally just... leaving random pieces of meat around for her to find, wherever it was that Rainbow knew she frequented or had on her class schedule. There were hotdogs on her usual seat in History — Rainbow didn't realize how lucky she was for being alive that Sunset hadn't gotten ketchup and mustard stains on her favorite jeans — a Cuban sandwich at Music Club, chicken nuggets on top of her gym locker, a single straight-up sausage link just lying there on a napkin atop her motorcycle. What could she even say to that, and how much money was Rainbow putting into this whole charade?

On Thursday, she'd bumped into one of Rainbow's latest 'meat presents' with the culprit herself still in the room, caught red-handed. The room was still empty since Sunset had been the first to arrive for that class, and when she'd come through the door she'd discovered one lonesome strip of crispy bacon dangling from the doorframe by a string.

"You've gotta be kidding me." Sunset had said. "I'm starting to question if you're okay. Like, mentally."

"Huh? I got no idea what you're talking about." Was the reply. It didn't take a genius to know when Rainbow was lying. She was awful at it. Not as bad as Applejack maybe, but pretty close.

Sunset had simply leaned against the wall, thoroughly unamused. "Yeah huh, I totally buy that. Because I just so happen to be the only one getting meat in their face multiple times a day."

Thankfully, Rainbow did own up to the deed after that. There weren't many things Rainbow could be given credit for, but knowing when to stop digging herself a trench when she was caught lying was something, at least. Granted, it was a bar so low Sunset's feet would bump against it, but friendship with Rainbow Dash meant sacrifices. Quite a lot of them, actually.

Then, Rainbow had said something that took her off guard.

"I don't see how it's such a big deal anyway, but whatever." She'd shrugged, plucking the bacon from its string. "I thought you'd like the bacon, at least."

"And why... is that...?" She'd asked.

""Duh. Your hair looks like bacon. So I thought you'd at least like bacon."

"My hair looks like bacon? Excuse me? hOW DOES THAT... WHAT?"

"What, you've never heard before? Everyone calls you Baconhair!"

"Everyone?" She'd wondered, weakly.

"Okay, not everyone everyone." Rainbow admitted. "But like, a lot of people. I seriously don't know how you never heard that name before. But hey, it's cool. I'll just eat this instead. Have fun with English and eating grass or whatever horse people eat."

By the time the second week rolled around, things had only escalated. Somehow Rainbow had gotten a hold of her combination, so to say Sunset was surprised — and furious — when she'd opened her locker to a stack of burgers inside was an understatement.

When that obviously hadn't worked, Rainbow resorted to brazen theft. That Tuesday, she'd found her lunchbox missing in a ploy of which she could only presume was to get her to buy the cafeteria lunch. There was that, and Rainbow had also offered her her own when the time came around. meat-eater or pure die-hard vegan though, there wasn't a bank one could bust to make Sunset eat that garbage. Thankfully, Sunset had at least found her lunchbox returned later that day.

Then, Rainbow just started taking her food entirely and replacing it with meat. And again, it didn't work. Sunset had repeatedly told her to stop, but her wishes were never heeded. It reminded her a lot of Spring Break the other year in fact, save the lightning magic portal island hijinks. Sunset was convinced by now that Rainbow's skull was thicker than Bulk's biceps and her ears more stuffed than Sci-Twi's notebook.

So it was that now, half a moon after this entire debacle began, that Sunset stood before those cafeteria doors once more. They were as dull and drab a green as always, and behind them the usual nonsense of Canterlot High lunchtime shenanigans. What fresh hell cooked up by Rainbow Dash would welcome her today, however? That she did not know. All she did know was she was on the precipice.

Of what exactly she was on the precipice of? She also did not know, but she was sure as fuck on the brink of something.

Mentally preparing herself for the following twenty minutes, Sunset let go of a breath she didn't know she was holding and heaved those doors wide. Turning her attention to the table she and her friends always gathered, she immediately took note of Rainbow Dash. It wasn't because she was doing anything out of the ordinary — yet — but because she'd understandably grown highly suspicious of any and every little thing that she did.

"Hi girls. Sunset greeted, and did her best to maintain a friendly smile. Everyone bought it — minus Applejack — but fortunately she didn't comment on it. And who ever said lying wasn't worth it? "How's everyone doing?"

As everyone began giving their responses, Sunset sat in the open spot between Fluttershy and Sci-Twi, right across from Rainbow Dash. It was the perfect position for her to be in — close enough she could keep an eye on her but not so close she could try messing with her. She could still hassle her if she really wanted to, but she couldn't have her lunch swiped if nothing else. She'd kept her food with her the whole day to ensure Rainbow couldn't mess with it.

Eventually everyone gave their update on their day, from gossip and drama to general high school talk. That was except for Rainbow Dash, who looked rather shifty-eyed to Sunset. Seeing a lull in the discussion about the latest scoop on Miss Cheerilee's extra-curricular tryst which had apparently now extended to the school nurse, she seized the opportunity and interjected.

"So..." She dragged out. "What about you, Rainbow Dash? You never answered."

The emphasis on her name and the spotlight suddenly focused on her evidently made her nervous, which was yet more proof to Sunset's hypothesis. Maybe Rainbow had done something particularly egregious earlier without Sunset's knowing, or maybe the sins of her past two weeks were simply catching up to her. Either way, Sunset wanted to get to the bottom of it.

"Oho, you know," Rainbow chuckled awkwardly. She shuffled a bit, rubbing the back of her head. "Bein' awesome, like always. Nothing else."

"Nothing else." Sunset parroted. "Alright."

"Yup, totally. Nothing else."

"Mhm."

A silence reigned over the table for an unknown length of time, temporality stretched and warped beyond recognition by the merciless forces of uncomfortably long conversational pauses. Truly, they were the bane of all social interactions.

"Well that totally wasn't awkward in the slightest!" Pinkie said, breaking the silence to everyone's unspoken thanks. "So anyway, you said Celestia did what with the ruler again?!"

Things went on like that for some time, but all the while Sunset never once let her gaze break from Rainbow for more than a few seconds. She could tell the pressure was having an effect on her, especially when she made a point of eating her tofu bowl extra slowly. If nothing came of these tactics today, Sunset was okay with that. The sheer stress she was putting Rainbow under was reward enough.

Perhaps she might even pull similar stunts with Rainbow later on in the school year, but with plants and meat subtitutes instead. She'd begin out slower though, subtler, smarter — do things only occasionally so she could never get used to it, not fully. She'd make her feel paranoid every time she went to open a door or peek into her locker. She could even bust out her Big Book of Bad Girl Bullying from her former days, like put a ripe tomato or thick head of broccoli on her porch as a method of intimidation.

Okay, on second thought, maybe that was a tad much.

Abruptly, Rainbow threw her arms up and shouted. "Ugh, what?! What is it? I'm not doing anything!"

Sunset couldn't have rolled her eyes any harder if she didn't want them to roll right out of her sockets. "Ha, yeah, you haven't done anything at all for the past two weeks. You're just a perfect little angel who can do no wrong."

"Uhm." Fluttershy whispered. "What's going on?"

"What's going on-" Shot Sunset, eyes narrowed at Rainbow Dash and finger jabbed in her direction. "Is she's been trying to make me eat meat ever since I told her I don't. And apparently everyone thinks my hair looks like bacon or something?"

"It kinda does though-" Rainbow began, but Sunset wasn't having any of it.

"It does not! Okay, maybe a little I guess, but if my hair is anything like food it'd be, like... mustard and ketchup or something! It's not even the right color! And this isn't even the point, agh!"

Sunset screamed and flailed uselessly. She wasn't sure what more she could do.

"So is that why there were posters for fast food and steakhouse plastered up all 'oer school last week?" AJ asked, to which Sunset promptly nodded.

"Or why I've seen food appear in inexplicable places lately?" Rarity added, and again Sunset nodded. "Not that it was ever an issue for me of course, I just saw it on one desk or seat out of a classroom every so often."

"It's way too out of hand." Sunset finished. "You're being a child about this!"

"It's just one bite!" Rainbow argued.

"I don't care if it's one bite, it's about the principle of the thing! I don't eat meat because I'm a pony, and ponies don't eat meat! Why do I even need to justify myself? This is stupid!"

"Just try it already! It won't kill you!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Holy f- Okay fine!" Sunset yelled, snatching the arm-length meatball sub from Rainbow's side of the table. Rainbow's eyes went wide, but she didn't protest. Everyone else's gaze shifted between each other and Sunset, watching as she held the sandwich aloft and gave Rainbow the angriest glare they'd ever seen. By now, all the commotion had caught the attention of many others in the cafeteria as well.

Clock ticking by, Sunset broke her focus on Rainbow and to the sandwich. An involuntary shiver passed up and down her spine and she felt the instinct to gag, but she fought it down.

Slowly, she raised the sandwich up...

And up...

And up...

And took a bite.

In those scant moments, as she chewed, her friends and those who'd been listening in on the argument waited with bated breath. Rainbow leaned in a little.

"I feel like this is teaching her the completely wrong lesson." Whispered Rarity to AJ.

"Who?" Applejack responded.

"Rainbow Dash. I suppose we can only wait to see how this turns out, though..."

Sunset continued to chew, and chew, and chew, and chew. For what felt to everyone — and Rainbow most of all — like an eternity, Sunset ate, expression blank and unchanging.

She swallowed, put the sandwich down, and looked up.

Then, she smiled. Soon enough her smile grew, wider and wider until her grin was toothy and maniacal.

"More." Sunset said. "More!"

Without giving anyone chance to react, Sunset reached for Rainbow's arm. She brought it to her mouth, salivating, and bit down hard.

"Oh no!" Pinkie screamed. "She's acquired a taste for human flesh!"

People immediately burst into a panic and ran about shrieking. Mixed into the rancor of the terrified masses were more than a few cries of "Zombie!" Somewhere in the bedlam, Derpy ran into a wall and left a crater where her skull had been.

Just as suddenly as Sunset had bitten Rainbow though, she let go and wiped her mouth with her wrist. Rainbow, her heart still racing like Sci-Twi towards a book convention, looked incredulous.

"Man, what was that for?" Rainbow pouted, rubbing the sore spot on her forearm. Sunset hadn't broken skin, but she hadn't gone light either and there was a visible mark where her teeth had sunk.

"Payback." Sunset smirked. "Last warning though, seriously. Knock it off, okay?"

Rainbow huffed. "Okaaaay..."

There was a pause.

"What did you think of it though?"

"Oh, I didn't actually take a bite." Sunset explained. "I just pretended to."

"Oh god damnit-"

Author's Note

Hello. I have for the first time attempted to create what I would like to deem a funny. I'm not sure if it's any good or not frankly because I've been told my sense of humor is pretty shit, primarily by myself, but you let me know what you think. I hope if nothing else, I made you exale a little harder from your nostrils than you typically would.

Cheers!

P.S, I am in fact an eater of the meats. I just had this idea come to me in the shower one day and I thought it had enough material in it for a story. Plus, this just seems like the kind of thing Rainbow would do.