Dear ~~Luna~~ Lulu,
~~I'm sorry.~~
~~I miss you.~~
~~How are you?~~
Do you remember when we were younger and things were much simpler? I do. Over the past thousand plus years, I tend to think about those times a lot.
You were always the young curious pony who saw the whole world as an adventure, while I was your protector who had to save you from all the trouble you always got into. No matter how many times I grumbled and scolded you back then, I was never truly angry at you and your antics. I just wanted you to be safe. This was easier said than done, but in the end I always thought I did a good job.
As we grew and matured, we took on more and more responsibilities. Despite this, I always made sure that my priority was to protect you from harm. Even when we fought Discord, our mission to save Equestria was only second to making sure that you were safe.
I don't know when exactly it changed. Maybe it was when we became princesses and we suddenly became responsible for the care of countless amounts of ponies. This was a bigger responsibility than we had before and the pressure was always on us to help and protect them.
Eventually, my priorities changed from protecting you to protecting Equestria. I never realized this back then, but I feel guilty for suddenly shoving you aside. I should have always kept you as my priority.
But we were alicorns and so many ponies seeked our aid and advice. At the time, I knew that you were strong and could handle any adversary placed before you. I thought that you would be okay and no longer needed me. But I was wrong. You were struggling inside and I failed to see it.
When Nightmare Moon rose from within you, I fought her even if I knew that you were inside. My priority was Equestria and its ponies. I feel terrible remembering that. I abandoned you and allowed you to be banished by the Elements. I regret my decision and I always wished that I never shifted priorities. If I hadn't, then maybe I would have found another way to help you or I could have prevented the jealousy and hatred from brewing inside you.
The next thousand years were terrible, but I doubt that it was worse than what you endured on the Moon. The thought of you alone up there never failed to hurt me and I always wished I could fly out there and rescue you. I was your older sister, I was supposed to protect you from harm. But I had failed and instead I brought you more harm than all of the evils we had faced before.
I spent many nights staring at the Moon, wondering how you were and how to bring you back. I felt grave sadness knowing that I didn't have you by me. ~~Sometimes the pain was so much that I thought of ending it all, but I could find no blade or poison strong enough to~~ I missed you badly and a thousand years seemed so long. But I waited. I knew I had to wait, because I wanted to be there to greet you when you return. I wanted to hug you again and apologize for my mistake.
When the moment finally came, I was excited. What I did was risky, but it did not matter to me. You were my priority and I wanted to get you back. I endangered the lives of so many ponies, even the one of my personal students, but I did not care. The thought of finally freeing you from Nightmare Moon made it worth it for me.
However, it did not go as planned. I don’t know why it happened and I am still trying to figure out why the Elements did it, but it did not free you the way I had expected. I can still remember what I saw, the image still chills me and breaks my heart.
You were there, you had returned. At first I trotted to you with an excited hop in my step. Finally, my beloved sister has been reunited with me after a thousand years. But then I noticed it. You weren’t moving. My heart dropped, as I felt that something was wrong. Gradually, my steps began to slow down, as I cautiously approached your unmoving form.
You looked different, young and without the power I remember you had. You looked weak and frail, and I had to fight back tears as I got closer. In my head one worry circled over and over, as my heart started to race in panic, but I tried to shove it all aside. You were just tired, I tried to convince myself. But when I placed a bare hoof on you, I knew that my fear had been confirmed.
What happened next is a blur to me, but I remember pulling you close and crying. I remember hoping for the feeling of warmth from your body. But none came. You just remained cold and unmoving on my hooves and I knew that I had failed you. I failed to protect you, little sister.
I don’t remember how long I held on to you as I shrieked and cried out your name. I mourned for a long time. I think I’m still mourning now. It feels worse than when I had to banish you. Back then, at least I could hold on to the knowledge that you would be returning. But now you won't.
I spent months finding a way to bring you back, but I never succeeded. Eventually, I ended up secluding myself. I still took on my basic duties to raise and lower the Sun and Moon, but I did not want to do any other duty aside from that. Our poor adopted niece Cadance had to take care of the kingdom on her own and I feel guilty for placing such a large burden on her without much notice. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t rule Equestria knowing that you were no longer there and that there was no more hope of having you by me.
However, one day, I decided to try something. It was an old spell, one that Starswirl had taught us many centuries ago. I don’t remember why I suddenly remembered it, but I did. That was when I saw you.
~~I know you're not my Luna.~~
You’re probably confused by all of this, but please don’t be afraid. This is not a trick and I am no Changeling. Trust me when I say that I am your sister. I am Celestia, just from a different place.
I wanted to send you this letter because I want you to know that I am terribly sorry for what happened. I want to apologize so much for my failurento protect you. I can’t keep these feelings to myself anymore and there is nopony here that would understand the pain I am in. ~~I just~~ ~~I hope~~ You’re gone for me here, but you still exist somewhere, and I was happy to see that at least one managed to receive a wonderful life.
It was nice to see you well and it filled me with joy to see you happy. Knowing this is enough to bring life into me again and I think that it’s time for me to end my mourning.
Goodbye, Lulu. I will always love you.
Your Dearest Sister,
Celestia
