They Call Me Easy

by rikithemonk

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 15078

After an accident strands Dusk Shine and friends in a dangerous realm, help arrives from an unexpected source. Was bringing their new friend back with them a good idea? Dusk begins to wonder.

After an accident strands Dusk Shine and friends in a dangerous realm, help arrives from an unexpected source. Was bringing their new friend back with them a good idea? Dusk begins to wonder.

Published 2022-08-06 09:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-21 15:06:36 UTC

Dungeons and Dragons and Demons oh my!

Author's Note

This is a fun idea that I had rattling around in my brain for a while. It' going to be more of a lighter story and something more fun than dark or serious.

Welcome to the ride.

Monk

Dungeons and Dragons and Demons oh my!

Her name was Barb and she was a dragon. She worked as the paid assistant to Dusk Shine, mage and student of Prince Solaris. She was young, green and purple, and she was pissed off. She glared at the barred window of her cell and scowled.

“Lets fix the mirror he said. We can explore other worlds he said. It will be fun he said.”

She threw her arms high in the air and screamed.

“THIS IS NOT FUN!”

Two weeks ago her brother Dusk Shine had been shown a broken relic that the prince had kept in storage for years. After cleaning it up, the stallion realized what the piece of junk actually was. It turned out to be the remains of a mirror portal. Dusk, being Dusk immediately got to work trying to get the world gate working again. Barb being a bastion of common sense, tried her best to buffer her brothers enthusiasm with as much caution as she could. Sadly Dusk was never one to turn his back on a problem and so here they are.

“In a dungeon, in a dictatorship, in another world.” She sighed in resignation.

Sounds from down the hall brought the young dragoness out of her thoughts and she quickly backed into the furthest corner of her cell. The unmistakable sounds of armor clad hooves had promised the arrival of the dungeon guards. Guards of the armor clad undead variety. Barb felt that if she squinted just right, she could almost recognize the pony forms that they had originally been.

Dusk Shine was thrown into the cell, bounced violently off the wall, and crumpled in a heap. He groaned and tried to stand as the dungeon door slammed closed behind him.

“Dusk, Oh my!” Came the meek voice from beside her.

She glanced at Butterscotch. Butters was a yellow and pink pegasus stallion that had been a family friend since they moved to Ponyville after that whole Nightmare Artemis mess.

Butters moved over and helped Dusk into a sitting position and began looking over the wounds with concern. While Butters wasn’t a doctor, he was the local vet and ran a small animal sanctuary near the town.

Dusk looked up at his long time friend through an eye that was slowly swelling shut and sighed.

“Don’t worry Butterscotch, it looks worse than it really is.”

He knew that he was lying. Dusk figured that he had at least one broken rib as well as a ton of sprains and bruising. After failing to get comfortable he gave up and collapsed back against the wall of the cell.

He looked over to his timid friend.

“I’m sorry I got us into this, but I promise I’ll get us out.”

At that moment a slam came from the door followed by the hollow voice of a guard.

“A healer will be sent to see to his wounds. You will continue to cooperate and you will be treated well.”

Barb snapped. “You call this being treated well?” she growled through clenched teeth, but her ferocity fizzled under the hollow eyed glare of the guard as he answered.

“Yes.”

“Barb. Leave it alone. I’m all right.”

Her purple head fins splayed in frustration.

“You are not all right. They beat you half to death!”

Dusk grimaced and thought about the last few days. He had been trying to copy the mirror that Star Swirl had used to open a gate to the human world. To Dusk, this was a great idea. If he could learn how the mirror portal worked, he could duplicate it and make more of them. He believed that once perfected, they would revolutionize travel.

Mirror gates could be placed in far off cities and then used for instant travel from one city to another. Where once, a trip from Canterlot to the Crystal Empire took three days by train, the same trip would be instantaneous through the mirrors. On paper, the theory was sound, but Dusk had a bear of a time trying to make the same idea work in real life.

On the fateful day when Dusk had finally felt comfortable with his last live test, a rogue storm from out of the everfree had wrecked havoc. The storms fury and wild magics triggered the gate. The accident trapped him, Barb, and Butterscotch in a strange new world. At first Dust was excited with the possibility of exploring a new place, but that excitement ended the minute all the undead showed up. It turns out that the realm that they dropped into was ruled over by a Necromancer by the name of Grogar.

They had found themselves in Tamberlyn, a place that the new quite well through an ancient myth turned children books by the popular author Page Turner. Turner had based his best selling novel on the old Grims fairytale and the three friends were shocked to find that the myths were based on truth. They were living inside The Chronicles of Tambelon, but unlike the novel, the real Tamberlyn was a nightmare.

Later that day, the armored hooffalls brought the promised healer. Unlike the undead pony guards who had been ponies in life, the healer was different. He was a young biped. He was alive or seemed to be. He was short and slim with a vaguely Minotaur or faun shape to him. He was lightly built with sleek cloven digitigrade legs, a thin tail, and a set of short horns atop his head.

Barbs cheeks tinted red as she noticed that he was definitely male as his naked form did nothing to hide the impressive stallionhood that dangled freely between his legs.

When the newcomer saw that everyone was looking at him, he smiled sheepishly and ran his hand through his short copper colored hair. His blue eyes landed on the injured Dusk Shine when he spoke.

“My name is Easy Comfort and I’m the healer that was sent to help an injured prisoner. I’m guessing thats you.”

He moved down to Dusk and quickly got to work casting spells and wrapping wounds.

“I’m sorry that my healing spells aren’t better. When it comes to healing I only know basic cantrips, but I’m the best they are going to give you. At least for now.”

He glanced around making sure the guards weren’t nearby and whispered.

“I overheard the interrogation. I know what you are.”

Dusks brow shot up.

“And just what are we?” He asked.

The healer tightened a bandage.

“Your all from a different world. A world not Tamberlyn. Is that true, are you really from a better place than this?”

“Yes we are. We are from Equis. Like I told Grogar, We’re from the country of Equestria.”

Easy Comfort stared hard into Dusks eyes than seemed to come to a decision. He smiled, showing his fangs.

“Then I’ll make a deal with you. I will get you out of here, but when I do you take me with you.”

“Why should we take you anywhere?” Dusk carefully asked.

“Because you’re dead. No matter what you do they are going to kill you. If you stay quiet, or if you tell them everything you know, when they are done, you’re dead.”

He looked around.

“No one. No one leaves these dungeons alive. This is just a holding area until they are ready to convert you to an undead. Thats how the criminal justice system here works.”

Everyones blood ran cold with that revelation and the small group shot each other worried glances.

“Here is my deal. I get you out, and to your portal mirror and when I do I leave with you.”

He looked around again.

“I know you’re close to your Prince so when I get there I get full citizenship in your country and a small pension to help me settle in.”

Barb stepped in. “We can’t agree to that. We don’t have that kind of power. Thats up to Solaris not us.”

Easy Comfort looked at Dusk.

“Are you close to the prince?”

Dusk nodded.

“Does he listen to you?”

Dusk nodded again.

“Then I want your word that you will do everything in your power to make sure our deal is honored. Is that fair enough?”

Dusk glanced between his friends and after getting a slight nod from each of them. He nodded.

The healer held out his hand.

“So is it a deal?”

Dusk held out his hoof and shook it. The moment he did, he felt the spark of magic and stepped back with a burning feeling stinging his hoof. Looking down he watched as a dark glyph appeared on his pastern.

“Good, the contract is sealed.” Easy said with a smile. “One minor thing though, once we’re on the other side. Once we’re all in Equestria, we have to shatter the mirror. If the mirror is intact, Equestria will be in danger from Grogar and trust me when I say that he will be coming after us. With the mirror shattered, there wont be a way for him to find us. It would be like finding one grain of sand among the whole beach.”

Butterscotch stepped forward.

“Wait, so what exactly are you?” He asked in his timid way.

“Me? I’m a demon.”

Barb pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned.

“Dusk made a deal with a Tartarus dam demon… Great.”

Easy Comfort frowned.

“No. I’m not from Tartarus, I’m from Hell. I’m a hellion. Very different.”

Dusk, now freaking out went catatonic.

“I agreed to bring a violent demon to Equestria….”

The demon scowled and rolled his eyes.

“I really wish people wouldn’t be so narrow minded. We cant all be war mongers or world destroying demons. Just think about it. That can’t work. You can’t run a society like that. There wouldn’t be any demon to mow the lawns, or fix the plumbing, or pick up the garbage. Not every demon is the same.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “You mean to tell me that you would prevent a garbage man or a tailor, or a book binder from living in your country simply because of his race? Are you that narrow minded?”

Barb just shook her head in exasperation.

Just then the cell door opened and a guard stepped in.

“Times up.”

The healer gathered his things and looked over the little group.

“Well, thats as good as I can make you.”

With that, he left.

Barb turned to the brother and said.

“Dusk Shine, student of Solaris and Smartest mage in our generation, you are an idiot.”

The following week was not kind to the dynamic trio. While the guards gave them water, they never brought food, and every day brought a new round of interrogation and torture to all three prisoners. The questions were always the same. There were questions about Equestrias monarchy, questions about the pony race, and questions about the military. It became obvious to all of them that Grogar was planning an invasion. When that realization sank in the morale of the small group couldn’t have fallen any lower.

Easy Comfort stared at himself in the mirror and gave his reflection a winning smile followed by a wink.

“Ready to knock em dead beautiful?”

His image reached out of the mirror and added a finishing touch to his mane and grinned.

“You know it sexy. Watch your back, todays going to be dangerous.”

The Demon sighed, fist bumped his reflection and turned to leave the room. It leaned on the frame and watched him go with a worried expression on its face.

Easy walked out of the bathroom and took one last look at his apartment. It was small as apartments go, his social station in the city didn’t allow him anything bigger. Still, he did like the place and he had made several fond memories in it. He glanced at the immaculate heart shaped bed and ran his claws over the wood and leather bondage equipment before sighing and pocketing a few of his meager belongings.

He felt bad for his clients. They would miss him. While the metropolis was mainly undead, there was a small living population and it was the living that he catered to. The living had stresses, especially living under martial law. Daily stresses and biological needs had to be dealt with and it was his job to help them blow off some steam and perhaps make their everyday lives a little brighter. It was something he was uniquely qualified for. He smiled, he would miss them. With one final look at the place, he turned and left, never to return again.

He loudly made his way through the halls on his way to the dungeons. He greeted people along the way and was as noticeable as possible. When he was young, one of his best friends had been a vengeance demon. He liked listening to Damien talking about his assassination classes. He always said that sneaking was the wrong way to do it. People noticed sneaking. If you wanted to get somewhere, He used to say, you walk like you belong there. And carry a clipboard. No one stops a person walking with purpose holding a clipboard. The demon glanced down to his clipboard and wondered why no one noticed that the only thing clipped to it were a few pages from his ‘Stories to PlayMare” magazine. His friend was right, people don’t notice things.

He smiled as he waved the clipboard under the nose of a guard as he sauntered past.

“H.R. official business.”

He didn’t even need to break his stride. Who knew that sort of thing actually worked. It wasn’t too long until he reached the final gate to the dungeons security wing. He wouldn’t fool himself, he knew that from this point on, the simple tricks were over.

He walked up to the two undead guards and flashed a winning smile. He dawned a friendly air as he approached. With his short stature and lithe frame, he couldn’t pull off being intimidating so he never tried. Hell was full of demons covered in spikes with rippling muscles. Teeth a foot long and claws made of fire, and then there was him. He looked like a kid. He looked like someone you could manhandle and take advantage of. Of course, that was the whole point and his breed had perfected the look. He smiled. Looks could kill. He was certain of it.

He approached the skeletons.
“I’m the healer our lord sent to check on the prisoners. Can you let me in please?”

He glanced at the desk and saw a well thumbed magazine. It was this realms version of Greys Anatomy. He wondered if they were using it as some kind of porn magazine and shivered. He never liked when the undead hit on him. That was weird, even for him.

He waited until the guards had unbarred the hallway then he reached out and pulled the life force out of each ones chest. They crumpled into dust as he walked calmly past. He hid his hands behind his back as he turned onto the second corridor and over to the third. He hit one last hall and moved up to the last guard in this section.

He didn’t eat the life forces that he was holding onto. He couldn’t. Undead life was tainted and in many ways it was poisonous, especially to his kind. He held onto it though, hiding it behind his back as he walked up to the last guard. A poison is a poison and two shots to the face of poison will ruin anyones day. The last guard wasn’t any different. The two fist fulls of poisonous life force played havoc with the last guards energies and he dropped like a stone. A few seconds later he was dead.

“Well deader.” he said.

“Deader, is that even a word?” He paused, “I really should stop talking to myself.”

Nimbly grabbing the keys, he opened the cell door and stepped inside. He looked over the prisoners and began to worry. The three friends looked rough. Far too rough to handle running and fighting for their lives. Something he was certain was going to be happening very soon. He moved forward and checked them over carefully.

“How bad are you guys?” He asked.

Dusk slowly stood.

“We can do this. We have to do this because we don’t have a choice.”

The demon didn’t look convinced,

“Do you think you can make it up five floors? We also need to be moving pretty fast if we want to make it.”

Dusk nodded again but Butterscotch pushed past him and quietly cleared his throat.

“We’re pretty bad off. We can make it, but I don’t think we will be going very fast. Sorry.”

Easy closed his eyes and took a calming breath. After a moment he came to a decision. Food for him in this realm was present, but it was in pretty short supply. He had always had to scrounge for every bit of energy that he could get. While he never actually starved, he wasn’t doing very well for himself either.

He considered his options. While he had enough to heal all three of them to the point where they could put up a fight, it would drain him dangerously low. If this little escape plan failed he would be in a lot of trouble. He estimated that he would be left with as little as two days worth of life.

He sighed and nodded. He needed to get out of this miserable place, and he was under a contract now. It didn’t leave him many options. With his mind made up he stepped forward and began slowly healing the group.

A short time later the group was moving. They had made good time and had covered the floors and stairways easier than the demon had hoped. The three friends had proven to be a good team together. He looked them over as they rounded another corner. There was a Librarian who somehow had the skill of an arch mage, a sexy dragoness with anger management issues and a quiet unassuming veterinarian who just seemed to use dirty tricks. He had never seen so many low blows and cheap shots in his life. While the butter colored pegasus had no actual skill, it wasn’t needed if you were blinded by a face full of sand.

The group soon came to their destination and the demon brought them to a sudden stop.

“Just around this corner are the high magic labs. That’s where the dimensional mirror is kept. It’s a huge space sealed by a set of large double doors and it’s always guarded by a set of elites. Once we’re inside I want Dusk to head straight to the mirror and get to work activating it.”

Barb glanced at him, shifting her grip an a sword that she picked up along the way and said; “So it’s not going to be as easy as us just running through the mirror?”

“No, Grogar leaves the mirror powered down and the destination settings get cleared. So when we get in there, Dusk, you have to activate the mirror and dial in the settings for Equestria. Once thats done we can get through. Trouble is that once we step hoof into the room, Grogar will get an alert that someone entered the labs.”

Dusk Sighed.

“So what you’re telling us is that the second we pass through those doors, we’re on a timer.”

The Demon nodded.

“Yes, and a short one. Do you think you can do it Mage colt?”

Dusk nodded.

“I’ll have to.”

Easy Comfort leaned toward the hall and used a small mirror to look around the corner. He scowled and backed off, handing the small mirror to Dusk Shine.

“Take a look. It looks like there are two lycans guarding the doors.”

“Lycans?”

“I think you would call them werewolves. Either way, I don’t know much about them. Does anyone have any ideas?”

Dusk glanced down in thought.

“I could use sleep spells to knock them out and then we could sneak by them.”

The demon shook his head.

“I do know that their power is demonic in origin. Resistant to magic, so any spells you hit them with would be half power…

He furrowed his brow in thought. But, if you hit them both with that and I add a spell of my own, it could make them sluggish enough for Barb and the yellow one here to take out.”

Dusk glanced at him.

“Butterscotch.”

“What?”

“His name’s Butterscotch.” And with that, Dusk took the lead.

You all know the plan. We go on three.

1….2….3!

Stay tuned for “Geronimo!”

Geronimo!

Geronimo!

Grogar sat, his red eyes were burning furnaces that fueled the spell allowing his soul to leave his body. He flew high over the spirit world and looked down on his realm. It was a task he performed daily. Sending out his life force looking for troublemakers, dissenters, and rebellion. Whenever he found any hint of these, he had them hunted down and viciously suppressed.

This was his Empire, under his will, and things would be done his way. Those under his rule had no choice. They could choose to follow his rule, or they could choose death. The problem was that here and in his realm, he WAS death. Death did not release you, It was no escape. The vast numbers of undead were living proof of that.

Grogars ear twitched as the alarm of the alert wards reached him, snapping his soul back into his body. He moved over to the viewing pool and took in the report. The door wards to the high-energy magic labs had tripped. Grogars impressive brows furrowed.

“Frau Bestatter, are there any tests scheduled for the High Energy Labs today?” He asked his personal secretary, a thin severe looking mare with a tight bun.

She looked over her notes, straightened her monocle, and shook her head.

“No, lord Grogar, Nothing till Friday.”

Grogar smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile.

“Oh really?”

The door flew open and the frantic quartet ran into the room. They all stopped and quickly took in their surroundings. They found themselves in a huge room the dimensions of a warehouse. It was an empty space with scientific equipment dotted randomly around the room. Dusks eyes were drawn to a complex summoning ring that seemed to take up the majority of the center of the floor. He moved over to it and carefully looked over the complex glyphs that made up its glowing pattern and began to form conclusions.

Behind him, Barb and the others were spreading out and moving the heaviest equipment they could see. While Dusk's attention moved from the circle to the tarp-covered mirror at its center, the others began franticly using the large machines to barricade the door. Easy Comforts claws flashed with a quick spell to reinforce the barricade and the group stepped back to examine their work.

Barb glanced at Easy.

“How long do you think that will hold them?”

“Not very long.” was his reply as he moved over to the frantically working Dusk.

“So magic colt, can you open the portal?”

Dusk was so focused on working that he almost didn’t hear the question.

“I think I can, but the problem is that this mirror doesn’t have a destination. It’s different than ours. Ours is single destination, or at least it was before I modified it. This one has to have the destination keyed in.”

Saying that, Dusk looked up worried.

“It's not as simple as I hoped.”

“Why, what's wrong?” Asked Easy, now getting worried.

“I have to find our world first, then verify the frequency, then I have to key it in.” Dusk ran his hoof through his mane in exasperation, his eyes studying the enchantment. He looked at the demon. “Once the world is in focus, opening the portal will be the easy part.”

Their conversation was cut short as a loud hammering came from the door.

Barb grit her teeth.

“Well, they found us.”

Dusk looked at his friends.

“Try to hold the barricade while I find our world!”

With that said, the group flew into motion. Each of the friends ran to their particular job. Barb and Butterscotch put their shoulders into the barricade while Dusk began focusing a complex web of spells.

Easy pulled off his backpack and began fishing through it. His mind was racing. He had a surprise that he had to set up and not much time to do it in. He pulled out what he needed and tossed the items to the floor. Then he looked around and made a quick plan, double-checking to make sure that his idea would work. On looking it over, he found a snag in his idea.

‘Dammit, I can’t get that high. I need wings.’ He thought frantically, looking around for a solution. He glanced over to Butterscotch and his eyes fell on the quiet ponies wings. He smiled. ‘Well, I can’t go to Equestria looking like this.’ He thought, glancing at his digitigrade legs and at his nimble fingers. ‘and I do need wings.’ His smile widened and he ran up to Butterscotch.

“Hey Scotch.” He said quickly. “Got a minute?”

As Scotch looked his way, Easy grabbed his head and pulled the surprised stallion into a deep passionate kiss. As he kissed the stunned colt, the demon pulled in the ponies energies and forced his own body to morph. In less than a minute he was a gold and rust-maned Pegasus.

“Thanks Scotchie.”

He grinned and flew up and into the ceiling supports.

The loud booms and the shuddering of the barricade soon brought the red-faced and stunned Butterscotch back to their perilous situation. The shocked Pegasus put his entire weight against the equipment adding his strength to Barbs as the door slowly began to work its way open.

In a panic, Barb shouted.

“Dusk, we don’t have much time. We have to MOVE!”

Dusk, for his part, was having trouble.

“There are thousands of worlds. I can’t find ours. There are several that are almost at our magic frequency, but all the ones I try are still, I don’t know, off somehow!”

He looked at the buckling door in exasperation. “All I can find is close. Worlds that are similar, but still the frequency isn’t ours. I have it narrowed down to the four most similar ones, but they are still not right!”

At that, the door completely buckled and weapons could be seen hacking away at the barricade. Spellfire flew through whatever gaps the attackers could find.

The demon flew to Dusk and grabbed the mage with his hooves.

“Close will have to do. We are out of time!”

With that statement, the barricade blew apart and the two friends tumbled to a stop next to the others.

“I-I don’t know!” cried a flustered Dusk.

“PICK ONE!” The demon shouted, glancing to the barricade.

The Demon was just in time to see the large shadowy form of Grogar approaching through the smoke.

To Grogar, time seemed to slow. He was just in time to see the quartet disappear through the portal as he shattered the barricade. He watched dispassionately as the portal closed and his long-dead eyes focused on the destination address. The necromancer smiled. They would run, but they would never escape. He had the address. All he had to do was simply reopen the portal and follow. He formed a wicked smile as the flicker of a dying spell caught his attention.

The tyrant looked up, just in time to see a small spell fizzle out, dropping a rope and kettlebell from the rafters. He watched in confusion as the heavy weight swung in a pendulum arc and crashed through the glass mirror. The impact sent hundreds of shards of glass raining to the ground.

Grogar Screamed.

The Canterlot gardens were beautiful and Celestia Solar, monarch of Equestria was smiling. She sipped her tea and looked across the weathered table at her two guests. Sitting across from her was Twilight Sparkle and her little brother Spike.

Twilight was nose deep in a book and her hoof was blindly feeling around for the tray of cookies at the center of the table. While her hoof was patting the table in search of the elusive cookies, Spike was silently sliding the tray around, keeping it playfully out of reach. Celestia giggled as the purple unicorn peeked out from her book in search of the elusive snacks. Seeing what the little dragon was doing, she puffed her cheeks in irritation.

“Spike! That isn’t funny!"

“It is a little funny, Twilight.” Said Celestia smiling. “You know, the whole point in inviting you to tea was so that we could spend time together.”

The young drake nodded to this. “She has a point Twi, you can’t spend time with us if you’re muzzles in that book.” With that, Spike chomped down on another cookie.

Twilight blushed in embarrassment.

“Sorry Princess, I’ve just been caught up in my research.”

“And just what are you researching this time Twilight?”

“I’m looking into an old prophecy I found in the Canterlot archives. It talks about another Alicorn, just like you!”

The siblings at the table missed the slight narrowing of Celestia’s eyes.

“Is that so?”

Twilight clutched the book to her chest and bounced in her seat with excitement.

“Just Imagine Princess, if the myth is true, that means that there might be a third Alicorn out there somewhere! Just imagine all the unknown spells she must know. If the prophecy is real, she could advance unicorn magic by decades!”

Celestia’s eyes softened as she dawned her carefully schooled mask.

“And you got all this from reading the complete prophesy you pulled out of an old book?”

Twilight's face took on a guilty expression.

“Well, not the complete prophesy. It's written in an odd dialect of ancient Minoan and it's taking me a while to translate.” Twilight seemed a bit happier. “But I've gotten over half of the original text translated already, so the rest shouldn’t take me more than a few weeks.”

Celestia stirred her tea in thought.

“Twilight, don’t you think that maybe you're chasing your tail on this one? Don't you think that I would know if there were another Alicorn?”

Spike shook a cookie at Twilight.

“She’s right Twilight, If there were another Alicorn, the princess would definitely know.”

Twilight refused to be deterred by her companions and grinned.

“Spike, you only learn by studying, and my research should be done in the next month. Then I’ll know if it's true or not and we can plan from there.”

Spike shook another cookie at his sister as he answered.

“That's going to be cutting it pretty close to the festival. I don’t want to miss the summer sun celebration like we did last year.” He huffed and smoke curled from his nose in agitation. “I don't want to be stuck in those dusty archives again, while everypony else is out there having fun.”

Celestia’s train of thought derailed as she felt a disturbance in harmony. She stood and glanced down at the sound of the tea cups quietly rattling. By this time her whole group was on their hooves and looking around in alarm.

Startled, Spike tugged on Twilight's mane.

“Twilight, was that statue always looking in that direction?”

Celestial spun and looked at the nearest statue and her face paled. Spike had been right, the stone form of Discord was indeed looking in a different direction. His petrified form was now looking motionlessly behind her. She could see that his old expression of surprise had morphed into one of absolute glee. The princess followed his gaze and watched in surprise as a dark portal formed in the gardens. As the portal began to close, several figures tumbled out of it and quickly got to their hooves.

The princess stealthily prepared several spells as a precaution and moved regally toward the newcomers. As she approached, she began to see details. There were only four of them. Three of them were stallions and the last was a teenaged dragoness.

Celestia spoke.

“Welcome to Canterlot castle my little ponies. Which of you would like to explain to me what just happened?”

The quartette turned on hearing her voice and froze in surprise at what they saw, while Celestia, Spike, and Twilight stared back.

Spike tugged on the monarch's leg.

“Um, Princess, are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

Celestia didn't respond, her ancient mind was busy examining each newcomer. One was the spitting image of her student, only male. He was tall and thinly built with the complexion of somepony who spent all his time indoors. His cutie mark was a perfect replica of Twilights. He had sharp eyes that took in everything around him as he analyzed his situation.

Her eyes moved to the dragoness. She looked like Spike only older, but that's where the similarity ended. Her scales gleamed in a way that Spikes never had. But what set Celestia on edge were her eyes. While Spikes were quiet, polite, and uncertain, this dragon's eyes were keen, steady, and disdainful. They were eyes that didn't shy from conflict.

Next, Celestia looked at the yellow stallion who was timidly shifting from hoof to hoof, his face a beat red and taking furtive glances at Twilight. She saw the butterfly cutie mark and wondered at his talent.

Out of the small group of newcomers, it was the last stallion that put her on edge. The only thing normal about him was the fact that he was a stallion. He was young for a stallion, petite, and somewhat feminine. His colors were off, the gold of his coat was too gold and the copper of his mane was too copper. His eyes were slitted and although he had the wings of a Pegasus he also had two small black horns. But to Celestia, it was his tail that gave him away. His tail was thin and whip-like with a heart-shaped point on its end. The princess's eyes narrowed. She may have been uncertain what the others were, but she knew exactly what this last pony was, and she was not happy.

No, she was not happy at all.

Mirror Mirror

Author's Note

Hello All

You might notice that I changed the name of this story. I just never really liked "The Life and Times" But just couldn't come up with anything better. Well, I finally came up with something that I liked. So here is Chapter 3 of "They call Me Easy"

Mirror Mirror

The quartet flew and slid through the dimensional rift, their bodies stretching and banking as their surroundings twisted and fell beneath them. With a flash they were at the end of their ride and the small group tumbled and skid on grassy ground of a new world.

Easy slowly sat up and tried to get his bearings.

“Well, one thing went right today.”

He looked around their landing site and seeing no dangers, he began helping everypony to their hooves.

“Is everyone Ok?”

Some were dusting themselves off and others were looking around at their surroundings. Dusk Shine took in the castle and the gardens around them and smiled in relief.

“Guys, we're back.”

Butterscotch moved to his friend.

“Where are we?”

“Equestria. Thats the castle and this, is Canterlot Gardens.”

He turned to everyone.

“Guys, We're home!”

It was Barb that spoke next.

“Dusk, we're not home. Not unless Prince Solaris suddenly decided to come out of the closet.”

The group turned in the direction the dragoness was looking and went silent.

A female Alicorn, perfect in every way, was regally walking toward them. She was tall, beautiful and the spitting image of Solaris.

She spoke.

“Welcome to Canterlot castle my little ponies. Which of you would like to explain to me what just happened?”

The quartette stood in stunned silence looking at the princess and her two companions. The alicorn had walked up with a very young drake and a unicorn mare that was the spitting image of Dusk.

The incubus could see Dusks eyes examining everything in front of him. He watched the stallion putting the puzzle together and was impressed when his attitude shifted to a more cautious one. This impressed the demon. He thought the colt would just accept everything at face value. It was nice to know that someone in his group knew that trust had to be earned.

While he thought this, he kept his eyes on the princesses face. While she wore a perfect mask it still told the incubus a lot. This mare was old, much older than her body suggests. Her perfect mask spoke of the routine use of command and power. Yet it was her eyes that had his interest the most. They spoke of centuries of experience and he watched as they moved from one pony to the next, examining them in detail and making instant conclusions about each of them. The examination that she gave had taken mere seconds, but he was certain that she had learned more about them than they had about her.

Dusk stepped forward and gave a careful bow.

“Please excuse us Princess, but we are all a little confused. We were trying to get back to Equestria, but we seem to have arrived here by mistake.”

Dusk stared uncomfortably at the princess.

“This may seem a little odd, but can I ask you your name?”

She smiled.

“I am Princess Sol Celestia. and I’m happy to tell you that you have arrived exactly where you wanted to go. This is Equestria, and I have been the sole princess here for a very long time.”

She turned and walked back to the patio.

“I think it would do all of us good, if we were to sit together for a little talk. You all look tired and we were just about to have tea.”

As the group positioned themselves around the table, Easy Comfort thought about what he saw. While the princess was good at masking her features, she wasn’t any good at masking her aura, and as a demon, he could read auras like a book. He could tell that Dusk had shocked her. She was intrigued by him and she was curious. He could also tell that she didn't like Barb any more than she liked him. It concerned him just how violently her aura had reacted to them both. He decided to warn Barb when he got a chance.

Over tea Dusk quickly told the story of who he was and how he had been trapped in Tambelon, while Tia sat quietly.

“And thats how we got here.” He finished.

Celestia looked at her cup.

“And what of you, My odd little Demon?”

The Imp sipped his tea.

“Me? Everyone calls me Easy, but I suppose you want to know how I got caught up in that mess. Believe it or not, I was at home washing dishes when a summoning circle formed and I got pulled into Tamberlyn.”

“Tambelon.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Its Tambelon.” Corrected the Alicorn.

The Imp grinned and politely corrected her.

“The country is actually called Tamberlyn, but it wouldn't surprise me if you had a different pronunciation. The passage of time, different languages, translations can make subtle changes like that.” He topped off his tea. “I found myself in front of a minor litch. Apparently they were fishing for demons that they could force into handling the harder magical tasks. Unfortunately that time, they only got me.” He smiled and took a cookie. “Basically, they were looking for someone like you, and what they got was someone like…” He glanced around. “Somepony like her.” He finished, pointing a hoof at Twilight.

The princess nodded and he continued.

“Well, they wouldn't send me back, so I ended up stuck there. I’m no magician, so I couldn't do what they needed and I eventually got kicked out of the keep. It didn't take me long to find a place in the town, and I’ve been living there ever since.”

Celestia sipped her tea.

“So, how were you involved with Dusks group?”

“Well, Tamberlyn is mainly undead. The living make up a small minority of the population and the castle isn't good at dealing with the living. Everyone knows… Everypony knows that I’m good with the living and I do have some basic healing spells. I guess they called me. There are almost no healers there. They don’t see a need for it.”

He looked at Celestia.

“To them the living are a tolerated nuisance.” He sat back and took a sip. “Anyway, when I overheard that the Scooby gang over there had got here through portals, I figured it was our best chance of getting out. So I took it, and here we are.”

The princess stirred her tea.

“I would like to ask each of you, what are your plans now?”

Easy Smiled.

“Well, for me, I just want a simple life. Maybe in a small town and far from trouble.”

For the first time in the conversation Celestia looked at Easy.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Demon. I was asking the others.”

Dusk Shines eyes narrowed in concern, but decided to answer the question.

“Well, the three of us are from a different Equestria. We would like to get back to it. He sighed, but finding ours may take a while. In the mean time I think it would be best if we could go back to Ponyville. It's where we all live in my world and I think that it's where we would most feel at home. I think it’s the best choice, at least for now.”

Celestia turned to the others and was met with nods. Seeing that everypony was in agreement she made her decision.

“Well, you have all been through quite an ordeal. I would like to have you all taken to the guest wing where you can all rest and recuperate. After that, we can talk about getting you settled in more permanently.” She turned to Twilight who had been furiously taking notes the entire time. “Twilight, I would like you to take Dusk and his friends to the guest quarters. Please see to it that the get settled in. I would like the Demon and Spike to stay behind. I would like to speak with them both in private.”

Twilight grinned.

“I would love to Princess. I have so many questions I can ask along the way”

Dusk Moved to Celestia.

“Princess, Before you make any decisions about Easy Comfort, I want to talk to you about him. I’ve spent time with him and I think he is safe. I want the chance to give you my input as the Princes personal student.”

“And you will have that chance.” She replied. “But for now, please get settled in.” And with that, the group left.

Easy watched the group go with a growing sense of apprehension. He turned to the monarch and wasn’t surprised when he saw her expression.

“Well, I’m sure you have questions for…”

“Be silent Demon!”

She then turned to Spike. “Spike, I’m sure that you want to talk to that dragoness. I know that you haven’t had many opportunities to talk to other dragons, but I want you to stay away from that one.” Seeing the downcast expression on his face, she added. “At least for now.”

“But Isn’t she basically me? Wouldn’t I just be talking to a different version of myself?”

Celestia sighed. “Spike, does she look like you?”

Spikes small shoulders fell. “I guess not. She looks older. I just wanted to see why.”

Celestia draped a wing around the young drake. “Spike, once I find out if she is safe, you can talk to her all you want. Until then, please stay away from her. Not every dragon is nice.” She stood. “You are Twilights number one assistant, why don’t you see if she needs help with her new friends.” and with a smile, he was off, leaving Celestia and Easy Comfort alone in the garden.

Celestia turned to Comfort and gave him a cold glare.

“Why should I allow a threat like you to wander around freely among my ponies?”

Easy hid a grimace.

“Because I am not a danger to anyone. Like I told Dusk and the others, A demon is a race, not an occupation, not a type of person. Just like you have ponies who are villains, there are demons who are heroes.”

She scoffed.

“So you're a hero now?”

“Well, no. I wouldn’t say I’m a hero, but I’m no monster either. I am no different from any one of your guards, or your maids, or your gardeners.”

“So you're not malicious?”

“No, I’m not malicious.”

“Did you think that I wouldn’t notice the spell you had on Dusk Shine? Did you really think that you could sneak it by me?”

The demons brow furrowed in confusion.

“Do mean the geas? It’s a simple contract. You can easily take the spell apart to read it. I agreed to help him escape and in return he agreed to help me settle in. It’s nothing complicated as contracts go.”

Celestia stared at the incubus for an uncomfortably long time before closing her eyes and sighing.

“Hellion, Easy Comfort, you will be housed at the pleasure of the crown and accompanied by a royal guard at all times. You are to remain within the wall of Canterlot castle and you will obey all equestrian laws. Should you break any of these rules, you will be cast into Tartarus where your kind belongs.”

Easy breathed out in relief. That went better than he thought it would. At least thats what he thought before Celestia opened her eyes and cast a spell faster than he could react. The first bolt hit him and he felt the contract shatter. The second bolt made his world go black.

How Dark the Day

Author's Note

I apologize for the delay but I think we have all been there, where we are looking at our work and we feel like it just isn't right, but we cant quite place just whats off about it. I redid this so many times.

Well I'm finally happy with this. It's right. And so, here you all go.

Monk

How Dark the Day

Celestia wiped her lips and walked around the table. She looked down at the crumpled form at her hooves as her guards moved up beside her.

One of the guardsmare nudged the unconscious demon to see its face in profile.

“He is handsome.” She looked over his body. “And a young stallion too.” She paused. “May I speak freely your highness?” The princess nodded. “I don’t think you should help them get back to their home. It's a better service to Equestria to have them added to the catalog.”

Celestia grinned and teased.

“Steady Shield, are you looking to order a stallion?”

Shield looked over the unconscious colt.

“No ma’am. But these are high-end colts, they should be herded with families here. It’s a waste to send them away, ma’am.”

Celestia smiled.

“Calm yourself sergeant, I have no intention of sending them home. But these stallions aren't open to auction. They already have families. The yellow one says he lives in Ponyville, so there is a female version of him out there who has a right to him.” She paused in thought. “The other two are a little more complicated.”
“So you're giving the other colt to Twilight Sparkle then, your highness?”

The Princess looked offended. “No! With his potential, I will take him under my wing personally.” She scowled down at the unconscious demon. “As for him, send him to the dungeons. I’ve locked down his magic and made him harmless. For all intents and purposes, he is as helpless as a foal.”

“Ma’am, may I ask a question?”

“You may”

“They say some types of demons collect souls. Is this something the mares should be concerned with?”

The princess chuckled. “No sergeant, What most ponies know about demons is fiction and rumor. Demons are simply magic given a form. In some ways, they aren’t much different from the other races. They don’t collect souls, they can’t be summoned with circles, and they can’t corrupt the innocent. No, they live in mud huts or wandering tribes, safely locked in Tartarus.”

She looked down at the unconscious male and her resolve faltered.

“No, what you see here is not much different from a wandering gypsy." Her brows furrowed. “Although he is much better spoken than most. I’ve changed my mind. Rather than the dungeons, take him to the special Ambassador's suite, you know the one. This way we can keep a constant eye on him.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Consciousness came back to Easy Comfort with the smell of lilacs and the feeling of soft sheets beneath him. He slowly sat up and took in his surroundings. He was in a suite, a nice one. There was a large bed, a living area with sofas and chairs, and finally a small kitchenette. It was compact yet functional. A space designed for work as well as sleep. He shakily stood and made his way to what he hoped was the bathroom. Once inside he jumped in the shower and took stock of himself as the hot water washed away his fatigue.

As far as he could tell, he was fine. His magic worked and his body seemed normal. There were no signs of damage from Celestia's attack, and no bruises or scrapes from being dragged around. He checked himself for any signs of lewd activity that may have taken place while he was unconscious. Yet there were no mysterious lubricants, or suspicious sticky patches anywhere that he could see. In a way that disappointed him. ‘What was wrong with these ponies?’

He did find a mysterious band of magic around his neck, but he couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out what it was supposed to do. When he looked at it in the mirror, it had the appearance of an ethereal dog collar. That cheered him up a bit. “Well, let’s see if I still have any souls.” Smiling, he knocked on the bathroom mirror. “Charlie! Hey Charlie!” His reflection blinked to life and slowly took in the room.

“Hey man, what's up?”

“I need you to take my place for a while. I want to check out the area and don’t want anypony to know I’m gone.”

The reflection grabbed the frame and grunting, worked his way out of the mirror. “Alright, so what do they know and what am I playing?”

Easy gathered his thoughts and gave Charlie a brief rundown of his day so far.

His copy nodded. “Ok, so they only know you’re a demon in the generic sense and you want me to keep a low profile. You want me seen, but not stand out. Yeah, I can do that easy.” The copy frowned. ”I hope you don’t want me hitting on the ladies, you know I ain’t ever been good at that.”

Easy shook his head. “No, just try to be friendly, keep a low profile.”

Charlie watched the demon transfer the ethereal collar over to him and then disappear in a puff of brimstone. Nodding, he strolled out of the bathroom and looked around his new ambassador suite. He let out an impressed whistle.

“Hey, swanky place. I could get used to this.” Smiling, he sauntered over to the wine rack.

Easy Comfort lay on the sheets and looked down at his sweaty body. His appearance had changed. Instead of his normal demonic form, he had chosen a normal pegasus. One with looks that would be right at home among the pages of any lingerie catalog. He had a flowing blue mane and pristine white coat that was highlighted by a leg garter and a low-cut vest that accentuated his chest tuft.

He had spent the last few hours chatting with ponies and getting to know about the new world he had found himself in. One mare had invited him home and after thoroughly exhausting her, he lay quietly watching her sleep. He smiled as he looked her over. She wasn’t particularly pretty, but her awkward attempts at a pickup and her absolute nervousness were utterly adorable. He carefully brushed her mane out of her face, gave her a light peck on the cheek, and silently left the bedroom.

He needed to learn about the world and her apartment was a great opportunity. It was a small place, and he walked around casually checking out her belongings. He lifted a picture frame. It was three older mares and a stallion standing behind two fillies. One filly was obviously the unconscious mare in the other room. The other pictures he came across were mainly mares. Friends playing pool, some pictures taken while at work. He continued his browsing. An old sofa and a coffee table that had seen better days with a newspaper on it. He looked through the paper.

“The Griffonia problem and what it means for you. Stallions rights activist speaks out about his arrest. Sale on bedsheets. Twenty percent off. Injured in an accident? Visit SilverMane and Judge for council.” He finished reading the paper and picked up the glass pad that had been sitting next to it. As soon as he brought the small rectangular mirror to eye level, it flickered to life. He hummed and tapped the image, it moved slightly under his hoof.

‘Touchpad?’ he thought. He played around with it and soon got a basic hang of it. He found that it was a magic-based multi-purpose device. Mirror to mirror conversations, text messages, and apparently pornography, lots and lots of pornography. He smiled, the mare had a hoof fetish. “Got to love the living and there one track minds.”

Having finished exploring the living room, he moved over to the kitchen. His eyes fell on the mail. He hoofed through them. A bank statement. “So they have places that stored your money.” Money called Bits. A com bill. “Apparently it costs bits to use those tablets.” He set the bill down and picked up another. “You could already be a winner of some… clearing house.”

His eyes fell on a wallet, he picked it up. “Royal ID card, Royal health card, work ID card, and yes, a nude picture cut out of a magazine.” He flipped to its inside and pulled out something round in a silver square foil. “Con dome.” he read. He brought it up to his nose. It smelled of lubricant, even through the foil. He smiled. “And yet more sex. I like this place already.”

His eyes fell on a small pouch that lay next to the wallet. He picked it up and it jingled. He tossed it to help feel its weight and it jingled again. Curious, he tipped it out onto the counter and watched as coins slid out. He examined one. “Bits.” He flipped it over. “In Celestia we trust.”

He scooped the bits back into the bag and pulling on his magic, tossed it onto the counter. The bit bag split and in its place now sat two identical copies. He picked up the original and tossing it, made two more copies.

“Got to love magic.”

Easy comfort sat on the sofa and thought about everything he had learned about this new world. ‘Well, first off, It takes bits to live here. There aren’t many stallions, and there are troubling social issues between stallions and mares. They have a sex industry. I am a fully trained and licensed incubus.” He shook his head. “How could I possibly make money here?” He tapped his chin in thought. He was at a complete loss. Who are we kidding, he knew exactly what he was going to do. Grinning like a man possessed, he picked up the newspaper and shuffled to the part he was looking for, and carefully tore it out. Satisfied with his morning exploits, he grabbed his things and left.

Lust demons strutted, they strutted like swimsuit models on a catwalk and they exuded the sexual confidence of a god. Charlie was many things. He was deceased, he was a soul sold to a demon, he was a stoner shut in, but the one thing that he was not, was an actor. So Charlie, in the disguise of an incubus, slunk down the hallway surrounded by guards on his way to meet up with the other displaced.

His body language screamed; ‘No officer, I haven't been smoking weed, there is no reason at all to check my pockets.’ The guards, being Equestria's police forces, knew that body language well and were giving him the evil eye as they escorted him.

“Excuse me, sir is there anything you would like to tell us?”

Charlie blanched, flashbacks with the cops flooding his mind and looking around for someplace to ditch his pot. He gave his best smile.

“Nope, I’m just walking here to visit some friends. Everything’s cool!”

The guards watched the demon fidgeting like a pickpocket caught with a bag of loot. Their eyes narrowed as his hooves seemed to be patting himself for pockets he didn’t have. Charlie, just now realizing that he was supposed to be in the role of an incubus relaxed and tried to fall into the role he had no skill in portraying.

He said; “Right sexy ladies, everything's cool.” and gave them his best leisure Suit Larry smile.

The guardsmares not believing a single word coming out of his mouth, watched him like hawks as they opened the door to his companion's rooms.

Charlie walked in and as the door closed behind him, he realized that he had walked in on an argument.

Barb crossed her arms. “I said, you two can get a room later! Don’t look at me like that, If you're anything like Dusk Shine you’ve been sneaking into your brother's room for years now.”

Charlie watched as the female copy looked at her now blushing male half. “You’ve been doing what?”

The fake demon strutted over to the sofa and took a seat. “So, What have I missed so far?”

Dusk sat back and rubbed his eyes with a fetlock and addressed the newcomer. “Not much so far. This room has observation wards on it. I have them blocked so that we can talk. They are watching illusions right now. Us playing chess or reading. Things like that.”

Twilight huffed in indignation. “I don’t see why you would want to hide anything from the princess.”

Dusk smiled. “Barb is right, If I’ve been sexually active with my sister Gleaming Shield, then the law of synchronicity states that there is a good chance that you have been doing things with your brother. You are just like me in that we respect our prince and princess, but we also value our privacy. Neither of us wants them to find out about our private lives.”

Barb leaned forward. “There is still the problem of Spike. From what you’ve told us, I’m only a year older than him and I’m twice his size. That tells me that the prince's limiter is still on him.” She looked Twilight dead in the eye. “So why haven’t you loosened the limiter?”

Charlie piped up. “Your Prince is a mare here, so it's a princess in this world.”

Twilight Sparkle, the best mage of her generation shook her head in confusion. “What limiter? Why would Celestia put a limiter on Spike?”

Dusk stood, falling into lecture mode. “It took me years to notice it. But eventually, I found mine, and then after I realized what I was looking for, I found them on others. The first question that you need to ask is why the prince…princess, even has the school for gifted unicorns in the first place.”

Twilight piped up. “Well obviously, it’s to find the best and the brightest and make sure that we can be the greatest mages in the world. So we can do our best to help all pony kind. You would know that if you bothered listening to the princess's introduction speech every year.”

“Then why is there a limiter on every single student in her school, as well as one on Spike and Barb there.” Dusk walked over to Twilight and lighting his horn, touched it to hers. “Here, look for yourself. You're scanning for a cloaked construct buried within a ponies prime meridian, just below the horn. Scan for 1.5 pico-thalms and you should see it. It's around the size of a walnut.”

Twilight stood at her full height. “This is ridiculous! I know the princess and she would never do that. Maybe your crazy prince would, but MY PRINCESS wouldn’t.”

Dusk sighed and began to pace as he talked. “What you have to realize is that Equestria has had to deal with evil mages in the past. Dark mages, necromancers, slavers, and rogue lawyers. Some of these mages have been pretty powerful, but what if she could find them when they were still young? Put a limiter on their magic and keep them to a manageable level. Solaris keeps the general student body maxed at eight hundred mega thalms per second. While certain trusted students I've seen set as high as nine hundred fifty mega thalms per second.” Dusk placed a hoof on her shoulder. “It keeps them to safe levels. Levels that even the guard can deal with.”

Twilight looked at the hoof on her shoulder and blushed. She caught herself and shaking her head clear she lit her horn. “Fine, All of you stand still. You said, 1.5 pico-thalms, prime meridian, below the horn.”

Easy Comfort stepped out of the cell slate store with his new toy and unlimited minutes plan. He was happy with his purchase and grinned as he sauntered down the street. He asked himself. “Now, where can I find a concentration of mares in the darkest pits of sexual frustration? Where can I find mares drawn to the most twisted of perversions? Where can I find mares basking in the very deepest of absolute depravity?” He pondered as he walked, and as he sauntered, his eyes fell on a faded poster. It was stapled to a public notice board. He moved over to read it. “Critical Roll. Comics, Games, Mane-ga, and More. Store hours are eleven to nine, seven days a week. Come… in… and… browse!” He glanced at the address and slowly broke out in an evil laugh. “MwaHaHaHaHa!” The sound brought every mare in ear shot to an icy halt. If mares knew anything, it was that, when a stallion made that sound, some mare, somewhere, was in very deep trouble.

OMAKE 1

What is Death? This has been a question of religions and of wise mares for centuries. But the answer was pretty simple. Death was well past due for a vacation. He was done with his field work and was heading back to the office. The Death of Equis was known as the Grey Colt. He was a foal that the word pale didn’t do justice to. He had died as a child from famine before earning his position and that look had never changed. The only thing of color he had was the glowing edges of the four soul blades that flowed in orbit around him.

The Grey Colt entered the core of his citadel and looked upward to the pendulum of life. It was shuddering. The pendulum of the master clock for the world of Equis which had run like Germane engineering for eons, was shuddering. Worried, the Death of Equis reached out his senses and filled the world with his power. “Show me!” Wisps of smoke rose before him and began weaving themselves into the solid shapes of letters. He read the message and blanched.

There was an accounting error in his world and he could feel the ripples flow outward alerting the Deaths above him. Faust, the ripples could even reach the notice of Asreal himself. In the entire run of the world of Equis, not one of his predecessors had a single accounting error. Now here he was, staring down a huge anomaly. “Show me the error report.”
He waited as the smoke slowly wove itself in to his answer.

The accounting error report showed three souls completely unaccounted for. He needed to narrow down in which ledger the anomaly had taken place so he summoned his abacus. He changed the parameters of the accounting spell. He hit execute and watched as the beads shuffled themselves into new positions. He frowned. “The souls collected ledger is correct.” He changed the spell again and hit execute. He studied the beads in their new positions. “Souls to undead, correct.” He tried again. “Souls Born, also correct.” Death slammed the abacus down and paced the room. Souls collected is right, souls born is right, and no shortage in undead status. He scowled. “Well, let’s at least see who you are.” With that, he called for the life timers of the three unknown individuals.

A persons life timer differs from world to world. In some worlds, a persons timer could be an hour glass, on others, it was a pocket watch, On Equis, the life timers were burning matches. Death stood in all his glory, hoof out and waiting for the matches to materialize. He waited in perfect silence, his pale eyes blinking. Nothing happened.

He flared his power and called for them again. “Show me the flame of the three individuals involved.” He waited with the certainty gained through centuries of dominion over every soul born to Equis. The Colt blinked. He straightened his posture. He raised his hoof higher. He blinked again. He frowned. His eye twitched. Were these three souls outside of his dominion?

He screamed for his personal secretary.

“Frauenhäuser!”

At the call, a shapely but extremely disheveled succubus rushed to his side. The grey colt looked his dripping assistant over and sighed. “… Frauenhäuser, Were you having sex in the office supply closet again?”

“Me? No sir. Never.”

“What is that on your muzzle?”

The demonesses tongue whipped out to check. Her face went carefully blank and said, “Froth.”

“Froth…”

“Froth… From a latte… goats milk… froth.”

“I See…Froth…” Death shook his head, he was getting a bit too old for this sort of thing. “Frauenhäuser, I have a job for you. There is a..”

At that moment a messenger walked in, handed a note to the assistant and left. The incubus looked at the note, blanched and handed it over to Death.

“Sir, It looks like the Managing Directors are on your case again. You're called to an urgent meeting in the directors office.”

“Sigh…”

Death remembered the good old days when his department consisted basically of… well… him. Then came the New Managing Directors, with their new ideas. Modern ways of doing things that just seemed more complicated. While the Grey Colt was old and didn’t like changes, he did give the new policies his full effort.

Then came the centuries of budget cuts and downsizing, all to make What the Director called; “Sleeker more “efficient” departments.” It wasn’t long until you had to request office supplies with a note explaining why you needed it, and then finally young Midnight Fun retired. Midnight Fun was the Department Head for the Succubi, and when he retired and after receiving his fruit basket engraved with “800 Yrs Of ServAce,” the Director decided that his position wasn’t really needed. Rather than replace him with an expensive Department head, it was decided to merge the Succubi department with his own. So now Death, who had worked quite happily alone for centuries, was now surrounded by office staff. Office staff that while he really tried, he couldn’t figure out for the life of him, what any of them actually did.

He worked his way from his grey and lifeless stone corridors, through the green and orange cubicle farms that made up most of the departments and finally entered the management wing. The Management wing was all mahogany furniture and marble accents. He glanced disdainfully at the frescos and ornate sculptures as he made his way to the elevator that would take him to the directors offices.

"Sir, you can’t use the elevator without the key.”

The grey colt turned to look at the secretary station next to the elevator. Spying a bowl of candy, he reached up and took one.

“I’m sorry young colt but you cant reach the directors without a key.” She smiled at him. “Who should I say is calling?”

Death smiled at her. She felt a chill. “I can reach, everyone.” and with that, he stepped into the elevator and said, “Rise.” The doors closed and the elevator began to move. The secretary shivered.

The Grey Colt did not head to the Chief Directors office. He knew the Director would not be there. It was part of his Special Talent. He knew where he needed to be and when he needed to be there. It saved him a lot of unnecessary walking. Death entered the conference room for upper management and looked it over.

It was a tacky place, in his opinion. It was a crystal room that screamed privilege and wealth. A huge mahogany conference table spanned the room and seated at its center were three ponies. His eyes moved across each one in turn. They were the three highest Directors and all three were frowning disapprovingly at him.

At the center sat The Chief Managing Director and to his left and right sat The Director of Accounting, and The Director of Human Resources. Death cleared his throat and sat. The Grey Colt had been to many battles in his time. The Battle of Sky Rock and the fall of Palomino were just a few examples. This made him very good at spotting sneak attacks, and there was an ambush right in front of him now.

The Chief Managing Director leaned forward and drummed his hoof on the desk. “Son, You have worked for us for a long time and in the past your work was exceptional.” He leaned back and opened a file. “But lately, your department has not been pulling its weight. We are seeing overages. Right now there are three souls running around out there that shouldn’t be.” He slapped the files closed.

The Director of Accounting pinched the bridge of his nose. “What do you have to say for your self?”

Death sighed. “I don’t know why there is an error, and I have my ponies looking into it. Once we determine what happened, I can prevent this issue in the future.”

The Director of Human Resources shook his head. “You mean that your lust demons are looking into it. Are they capable of dealing with something this big? After all, all they seem to do is screw in the office supply closets.”

The Chief Managing Director raised a hoof. Thats not important right now. What you are going to do, is go out there right now and remove those three souls. I want this resolved by the end of the week.”

The Director of Human Resources cut in. “If you can’t do it, then maybe it’s time we found some pony that can.

“I see..”

Death drew his power

“Stop!”

And with that, the world greyed and time stopped. Death addressed the room. “Show me the conversation that happened before I arrived.” He watched as the room obeyed.

The Chief Managing Director was pouring a whisky. “Look, the man’s a dinosaur. He is obsolete. He wouldn’t know a new idea if you showed it to him.” He twirled his glass. “You know it and I know it.”

The Director of Accounting nodded somberly. I’ve never liked the man. He should have been replaced years ago. His whole department is nothing but a drain. In the entire time i’ve been here, the Death Department hasn’t shown a single profit.” He wiped the suspicious powder from under his nose and continued. “I mean, do we even need death? Is there any proof at all that it would be harmful if we just scrapped the whole department?” Feeling on a roll, he cleared the table and toss out some spreadsheets. “Look, Ive crunched the numbers. If we scrap that department we can improve our bottom line by an entire thirty two percent.”

The Director of Human Resources nodded his head sadly. “We’ve gotten a lot of complaints about him. He makes the female staff uncomfortable.”

The Director of Accounting scowled. He makes all the staff uncomfortable!”

The Director of Human Resources frowned. “But it's the female staff thats important.” She sighed. “We’ve sent him to sexual harassment classes, anti discrimination classes. He went to every one and yet nothing has changed. They say that when he is near its like death walked into the room.”

The Chief Managing Director struck the table. “Thats just it, he isn't a people person!”

“It’s sad. I got a cousin who just graduated management school. Real smart kid.” He leaned forward and slapped the table. “Kids a real go getter.” He twirled his Gin. “You know, a cushy position like Death is a good place for him to start things.”

The Chief Managing Director nodded. “Thats a great idea. We get a new kid, one open to new ideas. He straitened his tie, “Lets face it, Deaths job is hardly work at all. Kid will have lots of downtime.”

Death stared at the scene in complete silence. “I see.” Looking to the room he said.

“Resume time.”

The Chief Managing Director leaned forward. Your department is short three souls, this is completely unacceptable. You have to the end of the week to make your numbers match.”

“How would you like me to do that?”

The Director of Accounting tapped the table in irritation. “We don’t care, as long as your numbers are right, thats all that matters. It’s about the bottom line!”

The Chief Managing Director sneered, “You heard us, just…I don’t know, find three useless ponies.”

“Useless ponies?” Death asked puzzled.

The Chief Managing Director huffed. “Yes, three useless ponies! I don't know. Someone incompetent. Someone useless. Someone who if you removed them nothing would change!” He struck the table, calmed himself and stood up. “Do you think you can do that? Do you think that even you can manage to find three completely useless people?”

Death sat quietly, his cold dead eyes slid across all three Directors in thought. “I see.” Making his decision, he leaned forward and placed a scroll onto the conference table.

Whats this?

“It's a copy of your directive, Please sign and I will correct the error.” He leaned forward, quill in hoof.

The Chief Managing Director straightened his tie with a smile on his face. “Thats better. So, are you going to do your job now?”

“YES…”

And with a grin he stood, the conference room door locked, and Death pulled his scythe.

Author's Note

This is a non cannon chapter. An Omake if you will.

The Concept of the hierarchy of deaths where where smaller deaths answer to larger ones with a death of the universe/multiverse at the very top, (Named Asreal) belongs solely to Terry Pratchett.

Needfull Things

Canterlot Castle
Location: Ambassadorial suite 2B
Time: Evening

The displaced four had spent the day lounging around Dusk Shines Ambassadorial suite. They were now drinking night caps When Barb spoke up.

“So what’s our game plan moving forward?”

Charlie didn’t hear the responses because the voice of his master was currently speaking into his ear. “Hey Charlie, Find me a mirror in a safe location. I’m returning now and need to talk to the others. Whats your status?”

Charlie looked around. “Were all together in a private suite. Dusk has privacy wards up. Returning here is your safest bet.”

“Ok, find me a big enough mirror and tag it for transport.”

“Will do, boss.” With that Charlie stood and cleared his throat. “Excuse me everypony. I am not Easy Comfort. I have been covering for him so his absence wouldn’t be discovered. He is returning now and would like to talk to you all, so I will be going now.”

As he looked around, The bound soul saw that everyone seemed surprised except Dusk Shine. The mage just nodded smugly. He wondered if he had known all along. Standing, Charlie walked over to the large wall mirror and drew a series of runes with his finger.

The four friends watched in surprise as a demon pulled himself through the mirror and into their room.

Easy Comfort smiled at them all sheepishly. “I’m sorry about the ruse, but I wanted to get outside and see for myself what kind of a world we find ourselves in.” He turned and watched as Charles form turned wispy and disappeared through the frame. “Thank you Charlie.”

Barb crossed her arms and growled. “Ok, so who were we with all this time?”

Easy walked to the bar and poured himself a drink. “That was one of my friends. His name is Charlie.”

Dusk stepped forward. “Do you often bind your friends? There is so much binding magic on him, I’m surprised that he can even move.”

Easy gave a disarming grin. “Some people are just into bondage.” He swished the ice in his drink. “Anyway, about what I found. This world is mostly good and peaceful. No wars for centuries. No major problems with drugs or the poor, although they do have issues.” As he spoke, the others moved to seats closer to him and listened. “Their biggest issue is sex.” Butterscotches ears perked up. “There isn't enough of it. As far as I can tell, it's a five to one ratio between mares and stallions.”

Dusk Shine frowned. “So it's the exact opposite of our world. We have the same problem, but the ratio is reversed. More stallions than mares.”

The Incubus continued. “Well, regardless, what this means is that males here have become a lower class. Females run things and have almost all the power. Stallions have barely any influence or say on anything. They are mostly relegated to housework.” He stopped and finished off his drink. “I read several articles in the newspapers about stallion rights groups. It's what you would expect. Protests, arrests, the typical stuff.”

Butterscotch cleared his throat and nervously pawed the ground. “What about, you know…the, um, sex?”

Easy grinned demonically. “The mares are so starved for cock that they literally throw themselves at any stallion who even remotely gives them the time of day.” No one could see Butterscotch’s eyes widen beneath his bangs. The demon continued. “Why I don't think it's even possible for a stallion over fourteen to still have their V card here.”

Barb Scoffed. “Thats disgusting!”

Butterscotch seemed distracted. “…yeah…disgusting…”

Dusk asked. “So what about the day to day life here?”

Easy thought about it as he poured himself another drink. “Similar to most places. They buy and sell using disks called bits. Have banks, newspapers, barber shops, grocery stores, coffee shops.” The demon brightened up. “Oh, and these!” he said, pulling his tablet out of his pocket and tossing it to Dusk.

Dusk looked at it. “What is it?”

“It’s like an iPhone.”

“A what?”

The demon smiled. “Its a touch controlled multi purpose device. Send letters, voice conversations, get the news, the weather, etc. They are all interconnected.” He watched Dusk with worry. “Hey, be careful with that, those are more expensive than you realize.”

“Sorry.” Dusk replied as he handed the touch slate back.

“No problem. I spent most of the day out there and I have to say that we could have ended up someplace a whole lot worse.”

Dusk stood up. “Well, it's getting late and we all have a lot to think about. I say we call it a night.” He looked around at his friends and noticed one seemed distracted. “Are you Ok Butterscotch?”

Butterscotch jumped at the sound of his name. “Um, what? Yeah, just… um, thinking…” With that, the friends all went back to their own rooms. All but one, who stood indecisively in the hallway looking at the ground.

Butterscotch stood in the hallway staring at the ground as his friends all shuffled their way to their rooms for the night. He grit his teeth as tears flowed down his face. If you asked his friends, they would have said that Scotch was happy with his life, but the reality was that he wasn’t. He was lonely. He was so lonely that, to him, his soul felt like dried paper.

All his friends had been with mares. Even the socially backward Dusk Shine had a healthy sex life, while Scotch himself had never even been touched by a female. Not even an accidental brush in public. He was too shy, too timid, too awkward, and in a world where the females had the pick of any stallion they wanted, he never had a chance.

He stood in the hallway shaking under the concerned gaze of the door guardsmares. But before they could voice their concerns, he grit his teeth, wiped his eyes and walked out of the residential section. This was his chance. This was a world of sexless mares. This would be his final test. If he couldn’t get laid here, it would mean that he was beyond help. Beyond hope. Everyone had a sex life… except him.

Scotch walked the halls with no idea where he was going until he spotted a sexy stallion in a butler uniform. An idea came to him and he smiled.

The bell rang signaling the end of the school day for the elite students of Celestia school for gifted unicorns, and the halls filled with the sound of the students flooding into the hallways. The students began to forming into their after class groups. The jocks and athletes greeted each other with friendly hoof smacks to the arm. The popular stallions grouped up and began sharing the latest fashion magazines, the various friend groups hooked up and began sharing their day with each other. During all of this, the after school clubs began moving to their assigned club rooms. One such group, consisting mostly of nerds, outcasts and the unpopular, walked into their club and closed the door.

The four young mares tossed their saddle bags on a table and wandered over to their friend to see what she was up to. All the mares in the club were unicorns and most looked to be misfits of one sort or another. Minuette, a blue coated and purple maned mare looked to her yellow coated friend Lemonheart. Seeing that she didn’t know what their leader was doing either, Minuette decided to ask the question.

“Um, hey Moondancer, that magical circle seems a bit complicated.”

Moondancer looked up and smiled. “Remember girls, when we are in here, call me Silent Mistress.” She looked back into the book she was floating and began rechecking the circle that she had drawn onto the floor. “Girls, this one is going to be different. This one is bound to work.”

Twinkleshine rolled her eyes as she pulled her pink mane through the dark cloak she was putting on. “Come on, Our demon summoners club has met every night since the beginning of the year and we haven’t summoned a single thing.”

Moondancer, who was already wearing her own set of dread robes, scoffed. “Not demon summoners, we are the Dread Demon Summoners. How can we expect to be successful if we cant even get the clubs name right?”

Lyra Heartstrings, the fifth and last member of the group, also in her dread robes, stepped forward. “Oh Silent Mistress, what makes you say this time will be different?”

The Silent Mistress, who was a messy looking unicorn in black rimmed glasses, smiled and stepped proudly forward. I’ll tell you girls, but first, take your places around the circle and I will start the meeting properly.” With that, the unicorn took the pulpit and banged the gavel. “I, the Silent Mistress, bring this meeting of the Dread Demon Summoners Club to order.” She looked around and smiled. While they hadn’t had any actual success yet, she had to admit that with the dark hoods up and the candles dotting the dim room, they looked like an impressive group. She looked over when one of the girls raised her hoof. “Yes Dread Sister Lemonheart?”

“Instead of wasting our time again trying to summon something, why don’t we try to figure out why we cant get stallions?”

Lyra agreed. “Yeah, stallions would be nice. Ive tried talking to Dawn Weaver, but every time I approach him, I just lock up.”

“Lock up? You turn into a stuttering mess.” Replied a giggling Minuette.

Twinkleshine raised her hoof. “I agree with Dread Sister Lyra. Why don’t we try for a love potion. That might help.”

The Silent Mistress huffed at her podium. “Potions are done by the potions club. We summon, and this time will be different.” She held up an ancient looking book. “Because of this!”

“And what is that, exactly?”

Moondancer smiled. “I’m glad you asked. Yesterday I was helping Professor Peak in the Canterlot archives, and when he left to go to the bathroom, I went into the restricted section where I got this. And with a smug grin she held the book closer so that every pony could see.

It was old, and now that everyone could get a better look at it, they could see that it was a tome. It was glowing.

“Whats it say on the cover?”

Moondancer straitened her glasses and read. “Gebete an die Pochender
Fleischpeitsche by Von Goethe” It’s a real, honest to Faust summoning guide, by the sorceress Goethe.” She said grinning.

Minuette frowned. “An, die, and Von are al Germane words. Is it safe to read incantations we cant understand?”

Moondancer smiled, Look girls, we're all really good with magic and Ive researched this. This can get us a demon. With a demon bound to our will we can have all the stallions we want.” She watched as the Dread Demon Summoners Club looked at each other before all nodding.

“After all,” said Lyra, “what could possibly go wrong?”

“Let's do this!”

XXX

Easy Comfort sat in the coffee shop reading his paper and dunking a cookie in his hot chocolate. He had spent the majority of the day casing the city and learning as much as he could about the new world that he found himself in. For the demon, being ripped from one world and being pulled into another was not new. It had happened to him several times before and each time it happened, he learned from his mistakes from the past. He felt that he was starting to get rather good at it.

The world he currently found himself in was a piece full one. While minor skirmishes did occasionally break out, real wars were a thing of the ancient past. The ponies themselves were more or less good people. They had some serious social issues, but even those were minor. Gender inequality and speciesism was a thing here, but it was no where near the hate and violence that he had seen on his former worlds. He had a good feeling about the world and felt that Equis would make a good home, provided that he could integrate well into the population.

He sipped his coco and dunked another cookie as he shuffled through his newspaper. He glanced around. Fresh Ground Beens, was a small coffee shop with only a handful of tables and a counter. The counter was “ponied” by a heavyset mare with a kind face and a friendly attitude. Its current patrons were few in number and mostly kept to themselves. It was the place where he picked up his first Jane in Equis and liked it so much that he decided to become a regular. He glanced down to his tiny notepad and looked over his to-do list. Half the items had already been checked. It was then that his demon senses started to tingle.

Easy glanced around and noticed that a wind was picking up inside the small shop. As he watched, napkins began blowing off the tables and were beginning to slowly tumble in the increasing breeze. He realized to his worry that the debris was beginning to circle him as the wind began to increase and spiral around his table. When he finally felt the magic he frantically began casting wards, but by then it was too late. To his horror, his disguise broke and he looked up to see the patrons all staring at him in his true form. He began to hear voices, they were chanting. “Where ever thy be.” The room dimmed. “…we divineth thy presence, and with this sigil …” With a loud snapping sound he found a golden cuff lock around his left wrist. “…we bind thee of thy power….” With another loud snap and the second cuff locked around his right. “…and we summon thee onto our presence!!!” And as the world went black, his final thought was; ‘Ooh, bondage, kinky!’

Author's Note

I've had German in most of my stories and never once had a single pony comment on it. So I have to ask, knowing there are German speakers here. Have you noticed? Have the jokes fell short?

Hows my German?