Rainbow Dash stared at the flickering yellow flame of the candle that was set in the glass bottle in the middle of the table. It had been about three quarters of a candle length when the waiter had lit it, and was now burnt nearly to its base. The candle and the moon were the only sources of light in the closing restaurant, but it was enough to illuminate the chairs sitting upside down on the tables around her as well as the red tablecloths set upon them. The candlelight danced in her magenta eyes.
He didn’t show up.
After the first fifteen minutes, Rainbow had thought he was just running late. Because that was something that could happen, right? They’d chatted together, she’d said she’d like to get to know him better, he’d said yes to a date, she’d been so happy and excited that she even put on some clothes that she thought complemented her (lack of) looks, and now he was just running late, right?
An hour later, she no longer thought that was the case. She’d been ditched. Maybe she should’ve seen this coming.
Many thought that Rainbow Dash didn’t care at all about romance. Those many would only be partially correct. While she didn’t care for the subject as much as somepony like Rarity, that did not mean that she was completely devoid of romantic desires. She wanted to some day find a stallion who would love her and be with her through everything; being the most awesome pony in Equestria was hard work and (she would never admit this to anyone) sometimes she just wanted somepony to hold her in his hooves so she could relax and not have to worry about being the best for at least a short time. To feel safe. To come home from a long day of weather patrol and just collapse into somepony’s hooves.
However, Rainbow Dash knew she wasn’t what most ponies would call attractive. Her muzzle was a bit too short in relation to the rest of her face; her rainbow-coloured mane and tail, while unique, were not a colour desired by ponies, being caused by an extremely rare genetic defect; her red eyes didn’t mesh that well with the rest of her, and many ponies found it a bit threatening. In her flight academy days, everyone had teased her about her looks. Add on to that the fact that the colts at flight school didn’t really like fillies who could fly faster than them, and it was easy to see that she didn’t have much of a chance with them.
Sadness crept up on her slowly. It started as an emptiness in her heart, which only grew as time went on, shared by disbelief. She'd been stood up before, but that was when she was still in school and the colts had been the little jerks they were at that age and thought that asking someone out only to not show up for the date was funny. She thought a grown up stallion would know better than to not show up for his date.
The sadness continued to spread in her chest, and she felt a lump form in her throat. Her eyes threatened to water. She wiped her nose on the back of her sweater sleeve, not caring about getting the thing dirty at this point.
She felt the tears start to slip past her eyelids. She tried to hold them back, because she sure as heck didn’t want anypony to see her cry, but the sensation of trying to push the lump in her throat down just reminded her of the fact that she was sad and trying to hide it, which made her want to cry more. She crossed her forelegs on the table, buried her head in them and gave up. She gritted her teeth in an attempt to stifle any sobs so that the only signs of her broken heart would be tears, and let them flow.
"Ma'am? We're closing, and I'm afraid you have to leave." Rainbow Dash tried to make her face relax before she looked to see who had interrupted her silent crying. She looked up and saw one of the waitresses standing before her on the other side of the table. Her eyes were set in a frown, clearly bothered by the fact that somepony was still at the restaurant this late. Rainbow quickly tried to wipe away the tears before addressing the mare properly.
“Sorry,” she said, followed by an involuntary sniffle. “I’ll leave now.”
The waitress’s eyes softened when Rainbow looked at her and saw the pegasus’s face. Rainbow turned away from her and got off her chair, slowly making her way to the exit.
“Stallions can be bastards,” the waitress muttered as Rainbow passed her. She continued walking. She was inclined to agree.
The night was clear with the moon hanging in the sky like a shining silver disc when Rainbow Dash stepped outside, the stars twinkling like thousands of fireflies. The air was cold. Rainbow wished that it had been raining so that the weather would at least do a proper job of reflecting her mood. As it was, she was only reminded of how nice it would be to sit on a park bench, gazing at the stars and sharing warmth with somepony.
She took a deep breath and took to the skies.
When Rainbow Dash touched down in front of her cloud home, she did so without any tears in her eyes. She’d refused to give the stallion the satisfaction; he was just another jerk in a long line of jerks and wasn’t worthy of it. Now she just wanted to lie down in her cloud bed and sleep. Rainbow opened the door and stepped inside.
With slumped shoulders and heavy steps, she made her way to her bedroom. The moon cast the room in a silvery light so bright that Rainbow didn’t need to turn on the light. She shrugged out of her clothes, leaving them on the floor and heading left to her bathroom to brush her teeth. She turned on the bathroom’s light as she entered. She turned to the sink and reached for her toothbrush and toothpaste. After applying what she thought was the appropriate amount of toothpaste, she set the brush in her mouth and looked up at the mirror above the sink.
Rainbow Dash stared at the red eyes staring back at her, mocking her. They used to burn with the fire of her determination, her refusal to give up when anything wanted to impede her progress towards being the best there was. Now they were drained of their usual energy, replaced by a look that she hated whenever she saw it, especially on her face: defeat.
Her eyes threatened to water again.
She shook her head and frowned. She’d told herself she wouldn’t cry over that stupid stallion. That meant no looking at her stupid face so she would be reminded of her failure. She turned her gaze to the sink to avoid eye contact and started brushing her teeth. She kept her gaze fixed on the sink during the whole process.
When she was finished, she made her way out of the bathroom, turning off the light as she left it behind. As she walked over to her bed, she paused by the standing mirror she used to admire herself in.
She wanted to challenge herself. She wanted to beat herself. She wanted to look at herself in the mirror and prove that she could look at her ugly face without breaking down in tears. Because she was Rainbow Dash.
She steeled herself and stared at the mirror, her eyes red with unshed tears but her face set like flint. She saw every imperfection in her face, accentuated by the silver moonlight. She felt the lump in her throat start to constrict, her eyes starting to burn, her resolve crumbling. With no one around to see her, she sat down, hung her head and sobbed, letting the tears flow freely. She let out all of her anger and self-hatred.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
She was tired. She was tired of being let down by every stallion who had ever asked her out and stood her up. Why couldn’t they look past her undesirable appearance and see just how awesome she was, how awesome it would be to have her for a girlfriend? Was it because they didn’t want to be outshone by her? Were they all so insecure about themselves?
Why did she think this time would be different?
She didn’t know for how long she cried, but when she felt like she’d cried enough, she pulled herself up, keeping her head low so she didn’t look at the mirror again; she’d had enough of being confronted with her own weakness for the night. She turned and walked to her bed. She climbed in under the covers and settled in for the night.
Alone.
Author's Note
Something inspired by the Unattractive / Low Self-Esteem threads on 4chan and the art by Pony Quarantine.
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
