The Time Ponies (Fail to) Take a Vacation

Chapters

Digging Up Trouble: Catching Up
Digging Up Trouble: The Ruins of the Past
Digging Up Trouble: The Stormless Road to Canterlot
Digging Up Trouble: Deserts, Darkness, and Dirigibles
Digging Up Trouble: The Adventures of Derpy Hooves
Digging Up Trouble: Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy
Digging Up Trouble: It's a Smuggler's Life for Me!
Teatime Talk
The Lonely Road
Splitting the Work: Twilight's Test
Splitting the Work: The Six-Hundred Mile Cake
Splitting the Work: Return of the Princess
Life in Equestria: Morning in Ponyville
Life in Equestria: Day of Discord
Life in Equestria: Afternoon Acquaintances
Digging Up Trouble: Those Who Do Not Learn From the… Future?

Digging Up Trouble: Catching Up

Have you ever had a dream? Not like ‘I left my purse at home so when I bought a purple tomato I was arrested and forced to peel every potato in Equestria’ type dreams, I mean a wish. Well, Emerald had a dream of going on an adventure right out of her novels. She had enjoyed helping to save an alternate version of Equestria from the changelings with her friends, but it wasn’t quite what she had been looking for.

And so it was that our scene opens with Emerald walking down the streets of Ponyville dressed like Daring Do, albeit with the addition of heavy saddlebags that would have hindered the flight of a pegasus.

She stepped into the simply named Ponyville Café and walked up to the table where Derpy and The Doctor were eating. “Hi. Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” Turner answered while Derpy smiled and waved. “The more the merrier, though I am curious why you’re in Ponyville at all?”

Emerald was about to respond when she noticed the waiter looking down at her. “Oh, I’ll have a small salad.” The waiter left and she turned back to her friends. “I’m here because I want to go on an adventure in…” she looked around and saw nopony who looked like they were paying attention. Even so she lowered her voice and leaned in. “You know the place.” Then she leaned back and returned to her normal tone. “I was wondering if you would let me take a trip?”

“Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt… What sort of an adventure?”

“I wanted to go check out the old castle. I’m hoping for some booby traps and hidden passageways and the like. It’ll be just like a real Daring Do adventure.”

“Can I come too?” Derpy asked, her eyes wide and both pointed right at Emerald. “I can bring my costume!”

Emerald thought back to the time that she and Derpy had gone to a Daring Do convention together, and inwardly cringed at Derpy’s idea of a cosplay. “What if I help find you something that isn’t specifically Dr. Caballeron, since he’s been seen around there?”

Derpy nodded. “Sure!”

After several minutes of debating whether her E.U.P. reserve armor was appropriate attire for an adventurer/explorer/archeologist, Derpy decided that it was, but only if she also had a mysterious hooded cloak to hide the armor, in case they needed to blend in. As Emerald had pointed out: ‘That’s not very likely to be a problem on our particular adventure, but I like the thematic element. The right costume really helps you get into character.’

Finally they were in the basement waiting for the Doctor to turn on the machine. “Hey Doctor, does your fancy portal machine have a name?” Emerald asked. “I keep thinking ‘the machine’, but you’ve got a couple in here.”

“It most certainly does,” he answered. “I named it the Temporal Alterations and Realignment of Dimensions Interface Station, or TARDIS for short.”

“Why? You could just name it the time and plane machine.”

“Because I thought T.A.R.D.I.S. sounded cool. Anyway, are you sure you don’t want me to join you? I’ve been to the castle before, so I might help you avoid some of the dangers.”

“And that’s exactly why I don’t want you to join us,” Emerald answered. “It would be a huge immersion breaker if you already knew things going in. Remember, this time there are no stakes riding on a successful mission, we’re just taking a bit of a vacation. Doing it in style is more important than doing it well.”

“Yes, but what if one of you does trigger a trap, and you get hurt?”

“Don’t worry Doc, we’ll be extra super careful,” Derpy spoke up. “No traps are gonna get us, I’ll be keeping an eye on everything!”

“Alright, I suppose if you’re both quite sure.” He pulled the lever and with a bright flash the T.A.R.D.I.S. opened a portal into the land of adventure.

Emerald turned to Derpy. “Let’s go live every Daring Do fan’s second greatest dream.”

“Is swimming in a pool of muffins somehow related to Daring Do?”

Rarity had grown up in Ponyville, and even though she had moved to Canterlot years ago she still felt a special connection to her hometown. She wanted to help it get back on its hooves, but every time she thought of a way that she could help, it ended in disaster. First she had decided to make easily carried cold weather gear to help in case of the wandering blizzards, but then the Wendigos were banished in a multi-species Hearths Warming remembrance celebration. Then she decided to help organize a militia for fighting off wild beasts from the Everfree, only to find out that Fluttershy had already taken responsibility for the animals and was training them not to attack ponies.

Today she was staring at the map of Equestria that had appeared sometime during the Day of Winter, wondering whether there was anything else she could do beyond simply helping with construction.

Just as she was about to turn away she saw a slight ripple pass over the map, causing the images to flicker. She took a few steps back and dropped into a ready stance, waiting for the map to do anything else. After a few tense moments two ponies flew out of it, cheering their heads off like it was some kind of roller coaster until they fell back to the ground in a pile.

“Excuse me, but are you both quite alright?” Rarity asked.

The unicorn looked up and quickly disentangled herself, standing up and dusting herself off while trying to act casual. “Hm-hm. Yes, we’re doing just fine.” She looked at Rarity closely. “You’re one of the Element bearers we rescued in Canterlot, right?”

Rarity nodded her head. “Yes, though I’m afraid I don’t remember you. I’m Rarity.”

“And I’m Emerald, and this is Derpy.” Derpy waved vigorously. “We’re here to do some sightseeing and exploring for a few days, and thought we’d start in Ponyville.”

“Why don’t we go invite the others to join us and we can have a nice chat at the local tavern to start you off, hmm?”

“That sounds like an excellent way to start our adventure,” Emerald agreed, following Rarity as she began trotting towards their destination.

“Adventure?”

“We’ll fill you in once everypony’s together. No sense in going over it more than once.”

A few minutes later Derpy, Emerald, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Applejack were gathered around a large table, various beverages at hoof.

“It’s nice ta meet y'all properly,” Applejack said, shaking hooves with Emerald, then Derpy. “We haven’t seen hide nor hair from y’all since the big shindig in Canterlot. Why ain’t none a ya come over sooner? There’ve been plenty of barn raisings ya could’a joined us for.”

“Well, we decided to let the timelines synchronize before crossing over again,” Emerald answered, before taking her first sip of ale.

“Not all of us speak egghead,” Rainbow admonished. Then she went back to using her best puppy eyes on Applejack to beg for a refill of her cider.

“I believe she said that they wished to let us catch up to the same time in our world as it was in theirs before they came back,” Rarity answered, setting down her teacup. “I believe they had some way to change the flow of time, though I never received the details.”

“Yep!” Derpy piped up. “I think it was just to keep things straight, not for time science reasons.”

“Chronomancy,” Emerald offered. “Anyway, sorry we’ve been gone so long, but we’re here now. What’s been going on with you?”

“Well, I’ve been leadin’ work on clearin’ the fields,” Applejack answered. “Some of our kin came down ta help last year, though most of ‘em went back after winter ended.”

“And I’ve been leading the fight against The Everfree’s weather!” Rainbow shouted enthusiastically. “You wouldn’t believe the storms the forest can cook up all on its own.”

“Oh Oh! Me next!” Pinkie interrupted. “Since the Cakes decided not to move back to Ponyville, they let me take over Sugarcube Corner! It’s been a little hectic, but I’ve been able to double our output from the pre-winter days to help feed everypony. Like this.” She held up her pitcher. “It’s a special drink I made from poison joke. It tastes different each time you take a sip.” She nodded at Fluttershy, who set down her bottle of maple syrup she had been adding to her cup.

“And I’ve been teaching the local predators not to attack anypony. So far I’ve managed to convince all of them to leave the town alone, though some of them will still attack anypony they run across outside of town.”

“What about you Rarity?” Derpy asked while refilling her mug. “Are you getting your boutique ready for business?”

“I’m afraid not dear. There isn’t much of a market for fashion while the town is still being rebuilt. I’ve tried a few things, but I haven’t found a way I can help much.” She smiled and stirred a salt cube into her tea, but paused before taking a sip. “What about you two? What sort of adventure are you on?”

“We’re gonna play Daring Do and explore the castle!” Derpy answered.

“In that case you should check out the team that’s heading there tomorrow,” Fluttershy said. “They’re going to do some surveying for a restoration project.”

“Somepony’s going to restore The Castle of the Two Sisters?” Emerald asked. “Really?”

“That’s what I’ve heard,” Fluttershy answered. “Maybe after we’re done here you should go see them?”

“That sounds like a plan,” Emerald agreed. Fluttershy took a sip of her drink and nodded. “Say, what are you drinking with your syrup?”

“Vodka. It has a bit of an unsavory taste by itself, but it goes well with some maple sap.”

“Ah think Ah’ve made a mistake,” Emerald said as she narrowly avoided tripping over her own hooves for the third time on their way down three blocks.

“How so?” Derpy asked, steadying her once more.

“I definitely shoulda stopped on my second mug a’ ale.” She stopped walking. “Derpy, Ah jus’ wanna say how proud Ah am o' you, fer not drinkin’ jus cause the res a us were. It takes guts to resist the social pressure and do what ya feel is right.”

“What are you talking about? I drank too?”

“Has anypony ever told you how adorable you are? I mean real drinkin’, like with alky-hol an' evryfin'.”

“Emerald, I had the same drink you did.”

“Whaaat? No way. Yer pullin’ on my leg.”

Derpy looked down. “Nope, I’m pushing on your shoulder.”

“But you had as much as me. How’re you able ta walk?”

“Well, you’re smaller than me. Plus I’m really tough.”

Hic. “Yep. You’re super tough, like nails and glue and iron all got mashed together.” Emerald blinked slowly. “Where are we goin’?”

Derpy’s eyes started drifting apart, and she shook her head once, before immediately sitting down and holding her head in her hooves. “Bad idea.”

“Ah know, what if we ask somepony in there?” Emerald pointed at town hall.

“Oh yeah, we were looking for town hall. You found it,” Derpy cheered quietly. “Great job.”

“Oh, right.” Emerald tried to walk over to it, and fell on her face. Derpy helped her to her hooves and they slowly crossed the road. Then Derpy knocked on the door.

“Come in, come in,” somepony called from inside, so Derpy led the way into the building.

Inside there were around a dozen ponies with sleeping bags, reading, writing, or trying to sleep. At a small desk facing them was the older stallion from the group traveling with Daring Do. “Hello. We’re hoping to join the trip to the castle. Is this where we sign up?” Derpy asked.

“Indeed. And who are the two of you?”

Derpy looked to Emerald, letting her do the talking, but she had fallen asleep and was quietly snoring on the floor. “Emerald, wake up.” She nudged her with a hoof.

“No haggling,” Emerald mumbled. “Listed price is final.”

“Is she your employer?”

“Well, I guess she’s the leader of the two of us, but we’re more partners.”

“Well, since she is indisposed, why don’t you tell me about the two of you?”

“We came from our world to stop the changelings, and now we want to explore The Castle of the Two Sisters and pretend like Daring Do. It’ll be fun.”

“Well, I don’t usually like to hire rookies, but if you’re telling the truth about being part of the team that saved Equestria I suppose I can make an exception. Who was your leader?”

“Well, I guess that would be Starlight, or maybe Doc.”

“Hmm. Very well, how about I’ll provide the supplies and no payment will be rendered?”

“Sounds great.”

Author's Note

Vodka is a rather stiff drink, and I’ve heard that even those that like it don’t care for the taste. If it turns out that mixing it with maple for sweetener is a terrible idea then that’s on me, I thought it was a good idea at the time. We’ll just pretend that is a perfectly good thing to do. Maybe it is, I don’t know.

And that's what I decided Fluttershy would be drinking primarily because it's Russian. We'll be seeing more of Commieshy in later books, but things are still in flux here.

Anyway, I’m going to release a new chapter every 2 weeks, except between tales.

Digging Up Trouble: The Ruins of the Past

Emerald’s first thought was that she had gotten sick. The splitting headache fit with a fever, as did the uncomfortable notion that no matter how much she didn’t want to get up she would have to relieve herself soon. Dry throat was another sign of illness, but seasickness wasn’t.

Slowly she opened her eyes. After a disorienting flash of lights and shadows she closed her eyes and clung tighter to her bed. …Which was shaped more like a seesaw than a bed, now that she thought about it.

“Oh, you’re awake.” She heard somepony say as the rocking stopped. “Are you feeling better?”

Deciding that she didn’t feel like shaking her head, she tried to say ‘no’, but nothing came out.

“Huh?”

In a hoarse whisper she managed “Help… stand.” In response her bed lowered itself towards the ground until she was standing, then slithered away. Carefully she opened her eyes again, and this time she saw the Everfree forest around them. Derpy stood in front of her, concern in her eyes. “Give… minute,” she whispered, stumbling off the path.

A few hours later the expedition halted in front of the castle. Emerald stopped using Derpy as a support and turned to face her. “Thanks again for your help.”

“No problem!” Derpy chirped. “I love helping ponies, especially my friends!”

They turned to watch where a brown stallion with a gray mane and beard was climbing a pile of rocks like a stage. “Alright, we’ve made good time. Now, anypony who would like to help check the castle for traps come with me. The rest of you, prepare the camp.”

Derpy led the way toward the entrance where the stallion was waiting. When he was joined by a younger stallion, she recognized them as the two stallions who had come with Daring Do. Biff and …Nightingale? The one she thought might be Dr. Caballeron.

After waiting a few moments, it became clear that nopony else would be joining them. The leader looked at her and Derpy. “I am pleased to see that you have recovered yourself from last night. I trust you have your wits back?”

Emerald felt her cheeks flush. “Oh. You saw that?”

“Your compañera nearly carried you in the door, and she did carry you to your bed.”

Emerald really wished the TARDIS could go back in time, just so she could stop herself from being stupid last night. Unfortunately all she could do was stare at the floor and hope the topic changed quickly. “I’m all better,” she mumbled.

“Excellent. Then let us begin. We have to find all the traps before the surveyors and engineers come in and record what needs repairs.” He led the way up the steps and into the crumbling castle.

The first room was as Emerald remembered it. The orrery was still standing in the center of the room, now bereft of the Elements. To one side Dr. Caballeron was examining the patch of wall that she had cleaned on their last visit. It was no longer shiny, but it was still much cleaner than the rest of the wall.

“How curious. This section of wall is clearly special somehow, but I don’t think it can move, so it can’t be a pressure plate. Emerald, can you detect warding spells? I’m afraid that none of my usual associates are magically inclined.”

‘Because the Tenochtitlan basin is populated entirely by earth ponies, so you’ve never had to worry about magical traps,’ Emerald thought. ‘I’m onto you, buddy.’

“Only if they are intended as a warning, but that’s not what that patch means.”

“Oh? You know something about this?”

“Yes. I’m actually why it’s there. I cleaned it up when our team came through here. So, there is a story behind it, but there’s nothing structurally or magically special about it anymore.”

“Really? Well, after we finish our work for today, perhaps you could tell me its story. I plan on turning the castle into a museum, so a reliable tale behind an observable oddity could make for a good first exhibit.”

“Certainly,” Emerald replied. Dr. Caballeron took a pen and notebook out of his saddlebags and wrote something down.

After finding nothing dangerous in the entryway, they moved on to the next room; a large and once beautiful hall. The roof was missing, and other than an obvious stone path with a few branches, the floor was dirt, not stone like Dr. Caballeron would have guessed. There were two tapestries in the back, one golden and the other blue. Another blue one hung on the left wall between two hallways.

Dr. Caballeron walked up to the blue tapestry on the side and scratched his chin, the others close behind. The tapestry showed a blue alicorn standing atop a hill on a cloudy night.

“What we have here appears to be evidence that the ‘royal sisters’ were Celestia and another alicorn, rather than early unicorn rulers between the founding of Equestria and Celestia's appearance. I knew this castle would be full of historical significance!”

Derpy nodded. “Yep! That's Princess Luna!”

Dr. Caballeron turned to face her. “You've heard of her? And you think you know her name?”

“Not only that, but she's seen her as well,” Miss Emerald added. “In our world, Princess Luna came back a few years ago and reconciled with Celestia.”

“So in your world the prophecy of her return came true?”

“Yep!” Derpy answered.

These mares were proving to be an excellent source of information. He could hardly wait to speak with them at length this evening. “Interesting. I wonder what changed in our world to disrupt it… But that can wait for another time. Miss Derpy, would you be so kind as to investigate behind the curtains for any sort of secret switch?”

Derpy saluted. “Yes sir!” Then she grabbed the bottom of the tapestry and lifted it away from the wall, revealing a stone that came out further than the rest. Emerald grinned and pressed it with her magic, causing the section of wall around the tapestry to begin spinning.

“Quickly, through the gap!” Dr. Caballeron said, leading Biff through the hole just before it slammed shut with an echoing Boom! Looking around he saw that the only one not present was Miss Emerald.

“Hello! Can anypony hear me?”

Biff poked his head out of the hall to the right of the revolving trapdoor. “Yeah, loud and clear.”

Miss Emerald walked over and saw them standing in front of the tapestry, which was in plain sight from the archway. “Wait a minute. There’s a secret passage… that leads to the same place as the hallway next to it?”

“Yes,” answered Dr. Caballeron. “The architect of this castle, if my theory is correct, designed it with another’s input. So while no doubt the best designers in the land were the creators of this castle, they did so in part at the behest of the same mare who helped instate a labyrinth second only to those of minotaur make in the seat of her country’s power.”

Derpy tilted her head and looked thoughtful, so Miss Emerald answered her unasked question. “He’s talking about Princess Celestia.” He respected the Princess as a wise ruler, but he figured that running the madhouse more commonly known as the nobility for a few decades would drive anypony mad. And yet, for reasons beyond his comprehension, she permitted them to continue operating. Such games were probably an attempt to maintain her sanity.

They started walking down the hallway, but before long Dr. Caballeron spotted a discolored patch ahead of them. He held out a hoof. “Wait. Do you see the pressure plate?”

Emerald looked intently for a moment, then nodded. “I’ve got this.” She grinned and stepped forward until she was about four feet back from the plate, then forced it down with her magic.

At this point Dr. Caballeron saw a faint line surrounding the party. “Wait!” he began, but with a click and then a rumble the pit trap began opening at an alarmingly swift rate. He barely had time to leap out of the way before he heard the startled sounds of the others falling. As he got back to his hooves he heard a thud, and when he turned back he saw that the pit was closed once more.

He stepped on the plate, and the trapdoor opened again. “Is everypony alright down there?”

“Yeah boss, I think so,” answered Biff. “Em? You good?”

Dr. Caballeron leaned over to look down at them, and saw Biff and Derpy standing over Miss Emerald, who was huddled in one corner. “Just give me a few minutes,” she answered.

“Miss Derpy, would you fly up here and help me find a way to release our friends?”

Of course!” she replied, giving a quick salute before flying out of the pit and landing beside him. “Don’t worry guys, I’m sure we’ll find you a way out lickity split!”

Dr. Caballeron stepped off the plate and the pit slammed shut once more. He turned and set off the way they had been going. “Come, we should look for a way down to the basement, since that’s where the trap led.”

“Roger that!”

“I must ask, you act like you’ve served in some sort of militant group, but you don’t seem like you have ever seen prolonged action. What was your past experience before you came here?”

“Well, I’m a member of the E.U.P. reserves, and we haven’t been called into full service since the Griffon incursions of the eighth century.”

“I see.”

“Hey, Em? You okay?”

Emerald sighed. She supposed that she had spent long enough recovering, and it was time to get up. “Yes, I am feeling much better. Thank you for waiting.”

“Well, it’s not like we’re in a hurry. I’m pretty sure this trap was supposed to trap ponies, not hurt ‘em. Still… Think you can light it up?”

Emerald simply lit her horn in response, revealing a small room with a wider bottom that slowly narrowed towards the top. There was some stray rubble on the ground, but nothing that looked like it would be helpful.

“Indeed, it doesn’t seem to have anything dangerous… or anything much at all. I wonder if there’s another way to get ponies out or if they just got lifted up through the roof?” she responded.

“That looks like a start,” Biff said, pointing at a hole to Emerald's side that she hadn’t noticed. “Could you step away a bit?”

Emerald did so, and Biff put his hoof through. After a moment Emerald spoke up. “So, why is Dr. Caballeron going by a fake name?”

Biff froze. “How did you… Um, what makes you say that?”

“Well, his disguise isn’t very good, but the real giveaway was that he was hanging out with Daring Do, Ahuizotl, and yourself. And in case I was in doubt, you said that you were still working with him last time we met, and then you acted really shady when I asked about his whereabouts.”

“I… You…” Biff shook his head. “Don’t tell him I slipped up, please? He wouldn’t like that at all.”

“Okay. Could you answer my question?”

Biff turned his attention back to the hole. “Sure. He’s got a few enemies that don’t know where he is, and he doesn’t want to make it easy on them now that he’s settling down.”

“He really is planning on going straight?”

“Well, he’s always planned on teaching or running a museum when he retired from treasure hunting. We figured that right after saving the world was a good time to go straight. He asked the princess for this castle, and after thinking it over she agreed.” There was a click and the wall spun around. Emerald barely managed to slip through with Biff.

“Woah…” They were in a hallway dimly lit by a star-shaped gem set above the entrance with what appeared to be disembodied hooves carrying unlit stone torches. A quick glance told her there was another light on the other archway. She let her horn go dark and the room became infinitely more creepy.

“I‘ve seen a lot of creepy things in ancient ruins, but pieces of ponies are still pretty high up there.”

Emerald took a closer look at one of the hooves before feeling it. “They aren’t real. I think they used a wood base and covered it like a wig.”

“Well that’s nice. What say we look for a staircase to meet up with the others?”

“That sounds good.”

Eventually Biff and Emerald made their way upstairs, but so far they still hadn’t seen any sign of the others. One of the rooms was a hallway lined with unpainted iron suits of armor.

Emerald walked up to one and started examining it closely. “Fascinating… These aren’t golden, or the rich blues typical for Luna’s entourage. I wonder, did they just not color coordinate back then, or was there a special purpose for these?”

“Hey Em! Look, there’s one missing up here,” Biff called, stepping onto the only one of the circular pedestals which didn’t hold a suit of armor. “Think it’s on purpose, or stolen?”

“Why would it be on purpose?” Emerald asked.

“Well, remember how the tapestry in the big hall spun around? Was there a similar tapestry on the other side?”

“No. So you think it’s the same thing here?”

Biff shook his head. “Honestly, I think it was stolen; probably for immediate use since they only took one.”

At this moment they heard a long ominous note echoing through the castle. “What was-” Emerald began, but before she could finish Biff was suddenly spun about. He tried to keep track of what was happening, but by the time he stopped spinning all he could tell was that there had been multiple changes in direction.

And also that he was falling.

“Aaaaahhhh!”

“So, we already checked the pit they fell in, and they didn’t wait for us where they were supposed to,” Derpy began her summary.

Dr. Caballeron nodded. “Yes.”

“Then we found a big creepy organ hooked up to something, but the only button we could figure out sprung a tiny bouncy stone.”

“I do wish you hadn’t tried every trigger key. We should have waited until we could figure out what they did without activating them. After all, we only have to clear the way for the others to come in safely; we’re not doing a full evaluation of the castle ourselves.”

Derpy lowered her head. “Sorry.”

“Well, nothing appears to have gone wrong. Perhaps it revealed more secret passages.”

Just then they rounded a corner and saw a huge library before them, with the books surprisingly untouched by the ravages of time. Dr. Caballeron walked up to one of the few books not on the shelves. “Curious.” He set his torch in a hole in one of the nearby rocks, then took his canteen out of his saddlebags, uncorked it, and held it over the book, before hesitating.

“Um, Mister Martin? Shouldn’t we not spill water on books? That’s not very good for them.”

“True, but I believe these books are magically protected from such things. Though, just in case…” He opened the book and flipped the title page, then dripped his canteen over a blank portion of the page. Just as he had suspected, the water all ran off without soaking into the book, eliciting a gasp from his companion. “Yes, as long as we don’t do anything truly rough with these books, they should last longer than you or I. Excellent. This site is shaping up to be even better than I could have hoped for.” Dr. Caballeron reached into his saddlebags and fished out his notebook. After making a few quick notes about the library he noticed Derpy’s eyes were tilted further off-center than usual and her muzzle was twisted in a frown of intense concentration. “What is it?”

“I’m trying to decide whether to check all the books for hidden levers or not.”

“That would take far too long. For now, let’s just tell the others not to touch the bookshelves and verify that the rest of the room is clear.”

“Okay!” Derpy walked over to the nearest chair and tipped it over. “Hmm. Nope.” Dr. Caballeron started to ask her to be more careful with ancient artifacts, but then decided that they were probably warded like the books. In fact, copious warding was probably why anything but the framework was still standing on the upper levels. When she tipped over the second chair it stopped halfway through, and a low rumbling began. “Found it!” Finally, a bookshelf slid to the side, revealing a doorway leading into darkness.

Dr. Caballeron opened his mouth, blinked, closed it, blinked again, then opened it once more. “How did you know that one of the chairs had a hidden lever?”

“Emerald shared Mysteries Consolidated with me. Shutterstock and Shaggy are always triggering secret passages by leaning back on chairs.”

“I… see.” Shaking his head, he picked up his torch and stepped into the threshold. Inside it appeared to be a private reading room, with two stained glass windows, one themed for the sun and the other of the moon. In the center was a book on a pedestal, practically screaming ‘Trap! Just try to take me, you chumps!’.

He approached the pedestal slowly, circling it as he tried to figure out how the trap worked. He couldn’t find any sign of a mechanical trap, so he figured that it must be magical in nature. He was about to move on and leave it be when he saw the title, The Journal of the Two Sisters. “This book might be of service to us in uncovering the traps, but I suspect that it is trapped itself. Do you have any way to retrieve it without touching it?”

“No sir.”

“Very well. Hold this steady.” He stepped back into the library and hoofed the torch over to Derpy, then grabbed a small rock. He tossed it in place to get a feel for its weight, then judged the distance from his position just outside the threshold to the pedestal. Taking careful aim he threw the rock at the book as hard as he could. It smacked the journal right in the middle of the bottom side, causing it to slide off and land on the floor.

They both tensed, but after several seconds nothing happened. He walked up and grabbed the book, then returned to the table to study it for clues.

Emerald was feeling conflicted. On the one hoof, she had been separated from her friend and their guide, then separated from the only one who had been left with her; and was now alone in a castle that made little to no sense, lost and also starting to feel rather frightened.

On the other hoof, she was trying to live out an adventure story, and this was quite possibly the most fun she had ever had in real life since she was a filly. She knew that the castle had many traps, but ever since finding out that the pit trap had a way out from the inside she had started to realize that they weren’t made to kill -or even injure- anypony. They were almost like… “If a little kid had decided to play at this stuff.” Emerald had assumed that The Royal Sisters had been fully grown mares when they moved here, but what if they were still growing? It would help to explain so much of the inconsistencies in the castle.

Eventually she started to hear voices from up ahead. First, Dr. Caballeron’s smooth one. “Yes, I am sure they’re fresh. The reason I’m worried is because they shouldn’t be.”

Followed by Derpy’s ever-cheerful one. “Maybe they’re protected like the books?”

Emerald stepped into a library, and saw a passageway from which the voices came.

“That is certainly how, but who would put such a powerful protective enchantment on food? Minor ones I have seen many times, but never enough to last more than a year or so.”

As Emerald stepped into the secluded room the others both turned away from the bowl of -sure enough- fresh carrots, and faced her. “Hi guys.”

“Miss Emerald, I was under the impression that you and my associate would wait for us in, or at least near, the pit. We located the exit an hour ago, and you were both gone. On that note, where is Biff?”

“He was taken somewhere by a spinning wall, about the time that the organ started playing,” Emerald answered.

Dr. Caballeron looked at Derpy, who scrunched her muzzle and began a spontaneous inspection of the ceiling. “I see. And where was this?”

“In a hall lined with suits of armor.”

Dr. Caballeron nodded. “Well then, I believe it is time for us to head back to camp. Follow me.” We walked past Emerald, leaving her and Derpy to follow behind.

“What about Biff?” Derpy asked. “We can’t leave him lost in the castle without even knowing that we’re going.”

Emerald agreed, but as she opened her mouth to voice her support, they reached a ledge overlooking the grand hall, and saw a terrifying monster. It was only about the size of a pony, but that was where the similarities ended. It was a heap of tangled vines and dripping slime, with large circular leaves dotted around its body. Slowly, inexorably, it inched its way toward them like a giant leafy slug. “What is that!?” Emerald shrieked.

Dr. Cabbaleron tutted and shook his head. “Miss Emerald, that is no way to speak of a colleague who has fallen on hard times. That is Biff, coated by what appear to be water lilies, pond scum, and vines.”

Author's Note

According to Google compañero means co-worker, partner, mate, or fellow. Meanwhile the feminine form is translated only as partner or girlfriend. I decided this was probably a problem with Google.

Mysteries Consolidated is a bit of a subtler reference than Hemlock Stones, but I hope between it and Shaggy that any fans of Scooby-Doo already figured it out. Daphne being named Shutterstock, however, I don't expect anyone to immediately get. She is the Mysteries Consolidated crew's photographer, to provide proof to back up their stories.

Also, yay! Emerald and I get to do the adventure that canon so harshly denied us back in book one!

Oh, what’s that? You thought this short was wrapping up? Oh no, it’s not even halfway through. Just you wait, it will all be revealed in due time. (Grin evilly, but no laugh. Fade into shadows.)

Digging Up Trouble: The Stormless Road to Canterlot

In the morning, Derpy, Emerald, and Rarity met together at the ruined railway station. “I trust you slept well?” asked Rarity, a smile on her face.

Derpy nodded, while Emerald raised a hoof and wiggled it noncommittally. “Eh… I’ve had worse, but no, it wasn’t great.”

Rarity looked her over. “Oh, dear. Is something amiss?”

Emerald shrugged. “I think it’s just because I wasn’t comfortable. Not used to sleeping on the floor. But don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” She smirked. “So then, miss Rarity. What’s our heading?”

Rarity looked at Derpy. “She’s going to be like this the whole time, isn’t she?”

“Aye ma’am!” Derpy shouted with a quick salute. “It’ll be all ‘arr’s and ‘swab the mizzenmast’s from here on out.”

Emerald chuckled. “You swab the poop deck. The mizzenmast needs raised.”

Rarity sighed. “Very well then, our ‘heading’ is that way.” She pointed down the tracks. “We’ll be getting a ride on aa zeppelin in Canterlot, which will take us into the badlands. From there it’s just a short jaunt to Klugetown, where we’ll be planning the second half of our route.”

“Alrighty. Onwards, to adventure!” Emerald shouted, thrusting a foreleg forward grandly.

“Adventure… anytime now,” Emerald muttered as she trudged through an abandoned tunnel.

“Emerald, I know you had to make your way from Ponyville to Canterlot on your last adventure too,” Rarity said. “And I don’t believe for a minute that you made better time back in the Day of Winter.”

“No, but the occasional blizzards and climbing cliffs made it feel like part of the adventure, not like a break in the action that just kept going for hours.” Emerald groaned. “Nothing’s happened the whole way! No storms, no bandits, no-”

“Do you want to have danger beset us on all sides?” Rarity asked in exasperation.

“Well… Maybe? Not too much, just enough to keep things interesting.”

“Miss Emerald, life is not one of your stories. Sometimes you can go on a trip and not have to face down horrid threats the whole way. Frankly I’m glad that we didn’t run into anything.”

“I guess.”

“If it makes you feel better, I’m sure that things won’t be this easy once we leave Equestria.”

Derpy nodded. “Yeah. This is just the part that happens out of focus!”

Rarity picked up her pace to leave her new companions alone for a bit. “I swear,” she muttered under her breath, “These may just be my strangest partners yet.”

When the sun reached its peak they all decided to stop and have lunch. Emerald just cleared the sticks off of a patch of ground and sat right down. She had expected Rarity to be the slowest, but instead that role fell to Emerald. Again. Rarity hadn’t even seemed winded until about ten minutes back. Emerald watched as Derpy expertly built a fire and Rarity lit it with her magic.

“Look,” she began, getting the other’s attention. “I know that I’m not exactly built for cross country hiking, and I knew Derpy was. But I was not expecting to be holding a fashionista back on a hike. Rarity, how are you this tough?”

“Have you ever tried dancing in a corset?”

Emerald sighed. “I trained for months, and I’m still the slowest member of the team. It’s great that you aren’t holding us back, but… I really wanted to feel like a proper adventurer, and instead I’m faced with yet another reason I shouldn’t even be here.” She folded her forelegs and laid her head on them.

Rarity set a foreleg on her back. “Dear, just because you’re not as good at endurance as us, it doesn’t make you any less important on this team.” Rarity paused for a moment. “You’re from Manehattan, correct?”

“Yeah, I… Wait. How did you know that?”

“It’s your accent, darling. It’s rather… distinct.”

Emerald snorted. “You can say ‘unrefined’,” and she made sure to enunciate the last word in a perfect Central Equestrian accent. “I can talk normal, I just don’t bother most of the time. I do my business in Manehattan, and nopony minds none there. And I ain’t gonna speak on ceremony for an adventuring companion, even if they are a fancy Canterlot type.”

Rarity stepped into her field of view and shook her head. “No, dear, and I wasn’t asking you to. It does sound a tad… uneducated, but since you’re a librarian, I figured you would likely have had a good education anyway.”

Emerald sighed. “Ponies call me that sometimes, but I keep telling them that they’ve got it all wrong. I run a bookstore, not a library. Now that I’m apparently a hero of the realm, I expect them to get it right.”

“Ah. I’ll be sure to let the right ponies know.”

“Wait, did the official sources really get that wrong?”

“Well…” Derpy interjected. “We really weren’t here very long. How many people did you tell?”

Emerald felt her cheeks redden. “Well, if you count Fluttershy being in the room… two.”

“Yes,” Rarity continued. “And you were telling Pinkie. I may have only known her for a little while, but I can already tell you not to trust her to relay an idea without some warping.”

And they kept talking the whole time that Derpy cooked their beans.

As they exited a railway tunnel they saw Canterlot rising up ahead of them. Emerald paused to take in the view, and the others stopped beside her.

“It does look rather fetching, the way it catches the evening light, doesn’t it?” Rarity asked.

“Did you know this is the exact place that we stopped to prepare for the infiltration of Canterlot?”

“Really?” Rarity asked, looking at her.

Emerald grinned. Time for a story of their exploits! This was an adventure-y thing she was sure she could do. “We had just trekked through miles of blizzards and swarms of changelings in our pursuit of the heart of their power.” She thrust a hoof out to encompass the nearby city. “Canterlot!”

“Miles of blizzards? I thought the blizzards were rather more scattered than that?” Rarity asked.

“How many changelings are in a swarm?” Derpy added. “I don’t think we saw more than a few dozen. Those seem like kind of small swarms.”

Emerald raised an eyebrow at them. “It’s an adventurer’s tale. It’s supposed to be exaggerated.”

“Oh. Okay then!” Derpy cheerfully shot back.

“Very well then. I shall try to suspend my disbelief until you finish your tale. It does sound interesting.”

Emerald continued her tale, complete with hoof gestures. “As we surveyed our goal, we saw how thick their patrols were, and we saw their great shield blotting out the sky! But just as we thought all hope was lost, our brilliant leader revealed her clever plan. Starlight had perfected a race change spell! Thanks to her spell, and Perfect Timing’s knowledge of spy work and changelings she picked up from Inky, we were able to safely infiltrate the city.” Emerald tapped a hoof on the ground. She needed to look into learning a simple illusion like the ones that old fashioned bards used to illustrate their stories.

“And, of course, the fact that several of their nearby settlements had been attacked by Daring Do and her companions,” Rarity reminded her.

“Of course. How remiss of me to neglect our brave allies who volunteered as the smokescreen for our scheme,” Emerald said with a bow. “How could I forget? Both my idol and our current quest giver were there.” She grinned. “But that is in the past. Today we march on Canterlot, not as spies, but as heroes!” She thrust a foreleg forward in what she hoped was an epic pose. “Tonight we board the ship that will bear us into the great unknown!”

Derpy stepped in front of her and gave her a hoofbump on the outstretched limb. Rarity just shook her head and chuckled.

When they reached the city all three of them were surprised to find that there did not appear to be any form of perimeter security. Rarity had known that Shining Armor had moved to Manehattan, along with the rest of the royal guards, but she had expected the changelings to maintain a guard at the main entrance. Now they didn’t just have a few scattered ponies who hated them but were unlikely to be foolish enough to attack. They also had the Hive Loyalists to contend with. And yet the security was lowered not just from the occupation, but also lower than it had been under pony rule in peacetime. It made no sense!

As they walked further into Canterlot, Rarity noticed that there didn’t seem to be any patrols either. “I can’t believe it,” she said, stopping to stomp her hoof in consternation.

“Believe what?”

“What’s that?”

“They don’t have any security in Canterlot. I see a lot of changelings, and a hoof-full of what appear to be ponies, but not a single guard.”

“Yeah, I don’t believe that for a moment, either,” Emerald said.

Derpy tilted her head up to the sky and looked as though she were working out a particularly difficult problem.

“Whatever do you mean?” Rarity asked.

“Well, I only know one changeling very well, but they are a law enforcement officer, rather than a soldier or a civilian, so let’s start with them. When Inky took over the obvious sheriff’s badge sign for the sheriff’s office had just been taken down. The obvious thing to do would have been to replace it with a similar sign, but instead she painted ‘Sheriff's Office’ on the doorframe so that you had to walk up to the building to discover its true purpose. Under her leadership neither she nor her deputy wear their badges on obvious display. And she wears disguises for stakeouts so that her marks don’t see the same pony watching them for more than one day in a row, nor does that pony bear the appearance of the sheriff.

“And they work in Ponyville. Not the national capital. So no, I don’t believe that this city is devoid of guards. They probably just pretend to be regular ponies. Or, well, whatever you call changelings.”

“Lings,” answered the changeling who had been sleeping on the bench near where they had stopped, a book open on his lap and a sun hat covering his eyes. “These theoretical guards you propose exist, would be pretending to be regular ponies and lings.”

“You’re one of them, aren’t you?” Emerald asked.

“Maybe. Or maybe I was just relaxing until you started talking right next to me. And I’d probably say the same thing either way.”

“Oh, you’re good,” Emerald said, backing away and lowering her eyes as she grinned.

The trio continued walking until they reached the center of town, where Rarity noticed that Emerald seemed to be heading for the castle. “Dear, the docks are this way,” she pointed out.

“Oh, are we heading straight for the docks?” Emerald asked. “I thought that we’d do some exploring and sightseeing first. See how things have changed.”

Rarity pondered her suggestion. She needed to head straight to the docks to reserve them a spot, but the others didn’t need to join her. Besides, she had an errand of her own that she wanted to do privately anyway. “I’ll go set things up at the docks, you two look around town and meet me at the docks at sunset.”

“Okay!” Derpy called back cheerfully, already cantering off towards the castle.

“I wonder what she’s so excited about?” Emerald muttered, rubbing her chin with a foreleg. As Rarity set off for the docks, Emerald shook her head and followed Derpy’s trail.

When Rarity got to the docks she beheld the largest zeppelin she had ever seen, being loaded with supplies by a crew of changelings and earth ponies, with pegasi and unicorns notably absent. The changelings were dressed in the same armor as the elite soldiers of the Old Hive, but they had painted it a dull yellow. The earth ponies were wearing standard E.U.P. armor, and one of them walked up to meet her before she reached the ship.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but this is a delicate operation, and there are no civilians allowed on this pier.”

“Has Miss Fleur spoken with you about the possibility of taking on three additional passengers to the ba-”

The guard shook his head tightly and leaned in. “Yes, but keep your voice down,” he hissed. “You never know who’s listening.” He leaned back. “Yes, we can take the three of you as far as the Crystal Empire, but you’ll have to make it to Yakyakistan on your own. Tight schedule, and all that.”

Rarity nodded. “Of course. And could my friends and I stay onboard tonight? I have a feeling that both of them would be thrilled to stay aboard a royal ship.”

“As long as they don’t wander around, or make a racket, they can come on board anytime from sunset to dawn.”

“You’re a remarkably quick learner, given that you aren’t a specialist in illusions or magic, Miss Emerald,” said the instructor, a gray stallion with a black mane.

“Well, I never could have learned so much in an hour by myself,” Emerald answered, somewhere between proud and embarrassed from the praise.

“True, but neither can I just teach any random unicorn off the street this much in an hour. You will need to keep practicing, but I have full confidence that you’ll master this spell within the month, if your dedication does not waver.”

“And my schedule permits,” Emerald added. “I’ll make sure to practice at least an hour a week, though!”

“Hmph. An hour a day would be best, or every other day, if you truly cannot spare the time.” He sighed. “But I suppose, since this is merely your hobby,” he seemed to spit the word out like he couldn’t stand its taste, “once a week might do.”

Emerald forced a smile and began backing away. “Well, thanks for all your help. I’d better be off, I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

“Yes, quite,” the instructor replied with a tight frown.

Emerald left–nay, fled–from the house, heading to the docks with as much haste as she could while trying to be inconspicuous.

Author's Note

About half of this chapter is me trying to write one conversation, and then it getting sidetracked. The lunch scene was supposed to focus on Emerald’s viability as an adventurer, but instead we talk more about accents and how their tale has been warped.

The scene overlooking Canterlot was supposed to be a talk about interdimensional politics, but Emerald stole the show to give an exaggerated recap instead.

All that said, I don’t mind. I like it when the ideas run away with me. The script is a guide, not a straitjacket, and ponies, like people, can get distracted from the main plot by meandering threads. I think it helps them seem more like real people. We don’t have a streamlined existence; we just sort of meander.

And that sort of thinking is why I told my editor this would be a six-story anthology, and now it’s a ten-story one. Or why there is an anthology at all. Because I have a plan, but I only pay it enough heed to keep me from writing myself into a corner.

I do know whether the changelings as a whole are doing that, but they politely asked and/or threatened me not to share.
If so, is that changeling one of them? Maybe, I don’t know. No, seriously, your guess is as good as mine. I deliberately decided not to pick.

Digging Up Trouble: Deserts, Darkness, and Dirigibles

Emerald awoke to a gentle swaying beneath her. At first she was afraid that she had passed out again, but then she remembered last night. That’s right, we’re on a zeppelin. She yawned, stretched, and decided that yes, she had slept well. Then she sat bolt upright. “We’re on an airship! Yes!”

After she sheepishly looked around to make sure that nopony had heard, she quickly stood up and headed through the door. She quickly, but still calmly, made her way to the stairs, and out onto the main deck. She saw her friends standing together at the fore, so she trotted up to meet them.

“Hi girls! I hope you slept well. I know I did.”

“That’s good to hear,” Rarity acknowledged. “Especially after yesterday.”

“Rarity and I were talking about how similar our worlds look from way up here,” Derpy added, stretching a hoof over the railing to the expanse of ground laid out before them. “The only difference I see is that the Everfree is a bit bigger in this one.”

“I’ve been wondering,” Rarity began.

“About what?” Emerald asked when it looked like she was done talking.

“Why is it that you have never invited anypony to visit you?”

“Well, Starlight has told us not to tell anypony about all this, and if we were to bring back somepony they’d probably be taken for a changeling.”

“Like when your Carrot Top thought I was a changeling,” Derpy added.

“Okay. Why aren’t you supposed to tell anypony?” Rarity asked.

Emerald’s mind raced. She knew why: Starlight felt guilty about causing this. But she couldn’t just tell her that.

“Alternate worlds are a state secret, at least in our Equestria.”

“Really?” Rarity asked, and Emerald had to bite her tongue to keep from asking something about it too. She had just thought that nopony knew because it had never been done before. Did that mean there were other worlds beyond the ones Starlight had caused?

“Yep. Last night I sent a message to Princess Celestia asking if we could talk to her about that. After all, it’s a little late to try and cover it back up.”

Emerald leaned towards Derpy. “Hey, Derpy? Can I talk to you privately for a bit?” she whispered.

“Sure.”

They stepped away until the wind would cover anything they said. “That was all true, right?” Emerald asked.

“Yep!”

“When did you figure that out?”

Derpy froze. “It’s, ummm… It’s something that… That Starlight told Turner while we were eating together when they were building the TARDIS,” She answered with a strained grin. It was an obvious lie, but she figured that if Derpy was lying, she probably had a good reason.

“Ok. Do you mind if I go look for the captain? I want to see if they’ll let me try out loading a ballista.”

“Well, I don’t mind, but…” Before Derpy could finish the sentence, Emerald was already trotting off. Thank goodness she believed that, I thought for sure that she’d see right through it.

That afternoon, Emerald, Derpy, and Rarity sat together in their cabin.

“Today I learned that Equestrian military officers will frown at you and flatly refuse if you ask them to play with their equipment.”

Rarity sighed while Derpy nodded sagely. “Military equipment is for professional use only, and is not to be used for entertainment,” she doubtless quoted from one of her guidebooks.

“Dear, I’m sure they appreciate all that you and your friends have done for them, but they can’t simply let you play target practice over the whole countryside,” Rarity admonished.

“I just wanted to load it, I wasn’t gonna fire it,” Emerald grumbled. “Still, at least they just used their words and looks. Do you know what the changeling commander did when I asked her?”

“Wasn’t that after you already asked the Equestrian commander and were turned down?” Rarity asked.

“Well, yeah. Still, they didn’t have to keelhaul me!”

“Keelhauling means you went under the keel,” Derpy corrected. “They just dragged you off the stern.”

“Wait, you already knew?”

Rarity nodded. “I told her when I found out, and she convinced them to let you up early.”

Emerald slammed her head into the table. “Hooray, adventure,” she muttered.

The sun was setting as they watched the H.M.S. Leviathan crest the Macintosh Hills. They had been dropped off about a mile away from them before the zeppelin made its last leg of the trip without them.

“So, they’re gonna attack the Spire Hive,” Emerald said. “I guess I hadn’t realized just how much work was left after we freed Canterlot. It’s like… That was the happy ending, so I assumed that everything had wrapped up.”

“War, and life, for that matter, are rarely so clear-cut, dear,” Rarity answered.

“Yeah, I know.” There was a pause. “Is it weird that I feel like we left something undone?”

This time Derpy spoke up. “We can’t be everywhere. We just have to each do our part. Right now, we’re going to help the Southlands. Before, we were maintaining our lives. There’s only so much we can do, and it’s no good to fret about what you can’t save. Better to save that energy for what you can.”

“That’s… rather profound,” said Rarity.

Emerald chuckled. “Yeah, it’s pretty impressive what she comes up with sometimes. Other times, not so much.”

“Thanks.” Derpy beamed. “I’ve been working on that sort of thing with Infinity.”

“Who?” Rarity asked.

“He’s one of the Time Ponies who didn’t come over with us,” Emerald answered.

“Okay. Is he a philosopher?”

“Nope. He’s a psychologist,” Derpy answered.

They fell into an uncomfortably long silence. Well, it was uncomfortable for Emerald. She couldn’t tell what Rarity was thinking, and Derpy started humming. She cleared her throat. “So… Who wants to make camp?”

The next day they woke at dawn and headed West for Appleloosa. After a few minutes Emerald started to grow bored.

“Hey, who’s up for a song? A good southern one?”

“Sure!” Derpy answered. “Which one?”

Emerald smiled, then she opened wide and began. ♪ “Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam,
Where the wild young antelope play!
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day!” ♪

After a brief pause Derpy joined her for the second verse. ♪ “Home, home on the range!
Where the wild young antelope play!
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day!” ♪

As Emerald struggled to remember whether there was anything after that or if it was just a really short song Rarity pulled her out of her thoughts. “Is that another zeppelin?”

Emerald looked ahead. Sure enough, there was a large balloon hovering over Appleloosa. The city itself was in disrepair, even more than would be expected from a few years of abandonment. “Could it be settlers?” Emerald asked.

Rarity shook her head. “No, the ponies who came south to resettle Appleloosa came with wagons. I suppose some of them could have brought it, but it seems doubtful.”

“Hmm. We’d better sneak up and see if we can figure out what’s going on without being spotted.”

“Or we could simply turn South a bit early and avoid any trouble. Then we can tell the authorities when we return,” Rarity suggested.

“Well, I mean, we could…” Emerald began.

“But we’re being adventurers!” Derpy finished.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, who here can be sneaky?”

Derpy looked up into the sky. Rarity sighed. “I can, though I still don’t think it’s necessary.”

Emerald stared at her with what were probably supposed to be puppy dog eyes… but they looked more like she had seen a horror from beyond reality. “Pleeease?”

“I see clouds,” Derpy said, causing both of them to turn and stare at her. Shaking their heads, they returned to their discussion.

“I refuse to take part in your game here,” Rarity bluntly stated. “We can safely go around without being spotted, so why take the risk?”

“I could be sneaky in a cloud,” Derpy continued, but neither of them heard her this time. Shrugging, she flew up and hid in a lone cloud that was heading over them towards the town.

“Well… I guess we can leave it,” Emerald relented. “It would be fun, but not if our rogue refuses to go.”

“Thank you for seeing reason. Now, if we are all agreed…” Rarity looked around and noticed Derpy was missing. “Where’s Derpy?”

A shadow passed over them and Emerald looked up. She saw a cloud covering the sun and remembered Derpy’s statement. “I think I might know…”

As Derpy neared the town she could see that the balloon wasn’t part of a zeppelin, but rather a hot air balloon that was just as big. It probably couldn’t fit all of Ponyville, but could fit as many as Town Hall. The balloon was sagging a bit, but she wasn’t sure what exactly that meant.

Once she got directly overhead she saw the ponies in the town. Only… she didn’t think they were ponies. They looked more like yaks. It was hard to tell looking straight down at them, but if they were ponies then they were the biggest ones she had ever seen.

After a little while she decided it looked like they were trying to destroy the entire town, which was a very yakkish thing to do.

Emerald, Rarity, and Derpy had rendezvoused South of Appleloosa, and she had relayed her tale.

“Alright, now we take that information to the authorities when we get back,” Emerald said with a grin. “I don’t mind passing it off to them, I just wanted a clearer idea of what was happening first. A bunch of yaks came down south and stumbled upon Appleloosa, then started smashing it into pieces.”

“But why?” Rarity asked.

“Yaks smash. It’s just what they do. I don’t have any idea why they do it, but they’ll smash just about anything. Especially when they’re mad, but they do it when they’re happy too. I’m not sure about sad…”

“I meant why are they here? They live on the complete other side of Equestria!”

“Hmm. It’s either gonna be a long and epic tale, or they got lost. Could be either, really.”

It was early evening when they reached the train tracks. Emerald looked into the tunnel that ran beneath the hills. “So… We’re gonna go through there, right?” she asked, trying to hide her nervousness.

“Well, that is the easiest path, but we could also use the natural pass above the tunnel,” Rarity offered. “It was too steep for them to lay a track over, but as mountaineering goes it’s no worse than climbing the Canterhorn.”

Emerald shuddered as she remembered their trek to Canterlot. “No, no! We’ll just take turns lighting the way. It can’t be more than a couple of hours, right?”

“We could make it tonight, and possibly be out before sunset, I just thought it would be less ghastly after a good night’s sleep.”

Emerald had to stop herself from groaning at the reminder. All they had for bedding were bedrolls, though she had bought an extra trail blanket for padding at Canterlot.

“Um…” Derpy began. “I think I’d rather fly over the hills and meet up on the other side if it’s fine with you.”

“I don’t mind,” said Emerald. “Rarity?”

“There shouldn’t be any problems. We’ll meet you around noon.”

“We have always dwelled inside the rock. There is no before. There will be no after. There is no place for time here among the dark. Among the alien things that crawl and burrow in a tomb without light. We are one of them now. We have always been one of them.”

Rarity sighed, long and dramatic. “Emerald, please tell me that you’re aware that you’re narrating.”

“My companions succumbed to madness days ago.”

“Dear, it’s only been about an hour.”

“I alone maintain a tenuous grasp on my sanity. And I fear that grasp is slipping.”

“And we aren’t even traveling in complete darkness!” Rarity winced as the echoes of her shout reverberated through the tunnel.

“I ignored the pitiable babbling that issued from their misshapen lips. Their wet gurgles, a noise that had once been words, came to an end when one of the things outside assaulted us. I welcome oblivion.”

“Dear, I truly hope this is-” Before she could finish she felt a rumbling under her feet. Suddenly a giant mole thing burst out of the wall ahead of them.

“Can you sing a lullaby?” Emerald whispered. “Something nice and calming?”

Rarity quickly racked her mind for something, and she remembered her favorite lullaby that her parents used to sing to her when she was little.

♪ “Hush now, quiet now, it's time to lay your sleepy head.
Hush now, quiet now, it's time to go to bed.”

The beast sniffed in their direction, but Emerald nodded encouragingly and Rarity continued.

“Drifting off to sleep, the exciting day behind you.
Drifting off to sleep, let the joy of dream land find you.” ♪

Slowly it began digging through the wall opposite of the one it had entered from. Once it had been gone for over a minute and the rumbling stopped Emerald let out a sigh of relief. “Well. That was a close one.”

“What was that?” Rarity hissed, careful to keep her voice down.

“A dread maulwurf. They’re really tough, and rather grouchy. I’m pretty sure it would have killed us or forced us to backtrack all the way outside and then climb over if you hadn’t managed to pacify it.”

As they began walking again, Emerald lit her horn and Rarity stopped shining hers. “Perhaps… But I never would have thought to sing it a lullaby if you hadn’t suggested it.”

“Huh. I guess I am a useful party member.”

“So… about the timeless depths…?”

“Sorry about that, I was just really into the mood, y’know?”

“Not… really. But I’m glad that you’re okay.”

Author's Note

Well then. That’s two Winnie the Pooh references in as many books. Now I’m debating whether I should make sure to include another in the next one.

Rarity sings Hush Now, Quiet Now more like Fluttershy than Sweetie Belle.

Here is a link to the inspiration for Emerald’s speech in the tunnel. She is, fortunately, a lot saner than BM.

As it turns out, there are a few more verses to the song. I’ll just put them down here:

The red man was pressed from this part of the west
It's not likely he'll ever return
To the banks of Red River where seldom if ever
His flickering campfires still burn

How often at night when the heavens are bright
I see the light of those flickering stars
Have I laid there amazed and asked as I gazed
If their glory exceeds that of love

Feel free to try your hand at a ponifacation of these last two verses in the comments or pm me. If I get a full set, then I’ll make a video on YouTube of me singing the whole song and then make a blog tagged with this story with a link.
In fact, feel free to include another version of the chorus, maybe I can use a different one each time.

Digging Up Trouble: The Adventures of Derpy Hooves

As Derpy flew over the mountains, a thunderstorm blew in from the East, its blinding flashes of light and deafening booms rolling over the hills. The rain battered her face as she flew against the howling winds. But she did not falter. Because she knew that down below her friends were trekking through the blackest of depths to meet her on the far side.

Her progress was slow. Her strength began to flag. But then, from the clouds a ship burst forth.

“Hello!” she called. “Can you hear me!”

Slowly the zeppelin turned its broadside towards her, and she landed roughly on the deck. She looked up to thank the crew, only for the thanks to die in her throat. Surrounding her were a ragged crew of griffins and pegasi. Between them they had several peglegs, eyepatches, and rusty sabers.

One stood taller than the rest, holding a rope in his talons with a black hat emblazoned with the skull and crossbones. “Look here boys! We got ourselves another one!” Derpy took to the air, but the captain’s lasso caught her around the barrel. Even so, she kept flapping mightily, and slowly dragged him across the deck. “Get her you fools!” he shouted, spurring the other pirates into action. Several flew up and forced her back down to the deck, where they bound her with ropes. “A feisty one, aren’t you? Hahaha! To the brig with her! We’ll see what the slavers will pay tomorrow.” As the pirates picked her up and dragged her below decks, Derpy couldn’t help but stare at the captain’s cruel grin.

Once they got to the brig the pirates tossed her in and locked the cell door behind her before storming out. Derpy shook her head to clear it, then she saw that she wasn’t alone in the cell. And the other pony was none other than her brother, Written Script!

“Derpy?” he asked, as if in a daze.

“Big brother? What are you doing here?”

“I was kidnapped on my way to Manehattan. How did they catch you?”

“I was caught in a wild storm and mistook them for a friendly ship. But that’s not what I…” Derpy trailed off as she realized that this must be this world’s Written Script, rather than her own.

Written Script shook his head slowly. You were out delivering packages again, weren’t you? Derpy, no package is worth your life! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“But that isn’t it. I was trying to meet up with my friends who took the tunnel.”

Script shrugged forlornly. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now. We’re already far from Equestria’s heartlands, just waiting until we get hoofed over to the mines.”

Derpy stood up. “Not yet! Not as long as we can still escape!” She turned and bucked the cell door as hard as she could, bursting it into splinters. “Meet me on the main deck!” she yelled, before charging out into the corridors, knocking out each of the pirates on her way straight for the engine room. Once she got there she stole the engineer pirate’s sword and started stabbing it into the engine, over and over again. Steam began escaping and the ship lurched forward, no longer able to stay in the sky.

Derpy made her way up to the top, but what she saw made her freeze. The captain had his talons wrapped around her brother’s throat, holding him overboard with a sword pointed at his chest.

“Hold it right there lass, or I’ll be spillin’ yer brother’s guts overboard fer the birds!”

“Just don’t hurt him!”

“Now, I want ya to stand still and let me mates bind ya tight, ya hear!?”

“No Derpy! Don-” The captain tightened his grip, cutting Written Script’s speech short.

Derpy sighed, her wings drooping as several pirates began to encircle her. But just then the ship hit a mountain and lurched again, causing the captain to lose his grip, sending Written Script plummeting towards the ground.

Immediately Derpy sprang to action, leaping overboard and diving straight towards her brother. She caught him and pulled up, his hooves nearly digging a trough in the snow. Behind them the pirate ship exploded.

“And that is why Derpy was late to the meeting place,” Emerald finished.

Rarity simply stared at her.

“Well, it’s possible.”

More staring.

“Alright, fine. I have no idea why she hasn’t shown up yet.”

“Perhaps we should leave an indicator of our passage and continue on?” Rarity suggested. “That way, Derpy doesn’t have to wait for us through the whole canyon.”

“I guess. But how will we leave a sign? There’s nothing here but rocks and tracks!”

“Hmm…” Rarity hummed, searching her saddlebags. “I wonder… Did I remember to pack- aha!” She pulled out a stick of makeup. Emerald instantly realized where she was going with this, but she decided to let Rarity have the moment. She had earned it, after all.

Rarity uncapped the stick and levitated it over to the wall next to the tunnel. There she wrote in large letters: EMERALD AND RARITY WENT THAT WAY =>

“There. That should let her follow us easily until the end of the canyon.”

“Forward, to… Well, at this point I’m expecting a long boring walk between us and the next adventure, but after the tunnel I don’t mind.”

“Actually darling, we may not have to walk at all.” Rarity pointed to their left, and when Emerald followed her hoof she grinned. An old pushcart was the perfect thing to carry them to their next challenge.

“Aye, miss. We’ll be sailin’ smoothly ta tha next port.” Rarity just sighed as they walked over to investigate it. Emerald immediately noticed that the wheels were rusted in place. “Aha! So, ye be thinkin’ bout denyin’ us are rightful passage, eh? Well not on my watch! We’ll be havin’ no slackers on my crew!” She carefully began restoring the wheels to a serviceable condition. “Alright. That should be good. Now…” She paused as she saw that the handle was also rusted in place. With a groan she set to work again, and in short order she had everything ship-shape. “Okay, now we’re ready. First mate Rarity, will ye join me on me first voyage as captain?”

Rarity, who had buried her face in her hooves, looked up at that. She cleared her throat before replying. “Aye ma’am, I’ll join you,” in what was certainly not a piratey accent, but it was a fair sight closer than her usual tones.

“That’s the spirit!” Emerald encouraged as Rarity climbed aboard. “Now, shove off!”

Rarity looked taken aback. “But, I thought you wanted me to join you?”

“No no, not like that!” Emerald said, frantically waving her forehooves. “Shove off as in start the boat!”

“Oh. Very well then.” Together they both pushed down on the handle as hard as they could, but nothing happened. After a short pause Rarity spoke up. “Dear, you’re supposed to push up at the moment.”

Emerald could feel her cheeks redden. “Right. On three. One. Two. Three.” This time the cart moved, but only a few inches, and with a horrible grinding noise. Emerald facehooved. “Right, the axle. I’ll be right back.”

As Derpy flew, she was silently berating herself. She knew that she shouldn’t have abandoned her friends, even if they didn’t seem to mind. But it only took one look into the black darkness of the tunnel to send a shiver up her spine.

She was supposed to be a royal guard! Fearless defenders who would face any foe, no matter the danger, to protect their fellow ponies. Yet here she was, running away from some dumb tunnel. She started to turn back, but then she righted herself with a sigh. Her friends already had a huge head start on her, so she wouldn’t be able to catch up to them until the other side anyway. Then she remembered that while they would have light, she would have none if she tried to follow them.

Derpy resolved that she would not falter again. The next time her friends needed her to be strong, she would be!

Eventually the mountains beneath her gave way to a forest of broad leafed trees like the ones in White Tail Woods. She looked down, but she couldn’t see the train tracks anywhere. She must have drifted off course!

Sighing in exasperation, she reached for her saddlebags, rummaging through until she pulled out her trusty map. She opened it up, only to see that it didn’t extend past the hills behind her. “But… But I remembered to bring a map this time!” Derpy called out. The only reply was the winds as she continued flying.

So what if she was lost? She got lost all the time! This time it was outside of Equestria, but that didn’t change anything! This was just like winter wrap up. All she had to do was fly in a straight line until she saw somewhere that she could get directions.

So she did.

And she kept flying.

And also… more flying.

Okay, this was starting to get boring, when would she- Wait, what was that? Below her, a mountain was poking out of the surrounding forest. Well, that wasn’t any help. Maps didn’t grow on mountains, they grew in paper places. Well, she was pretty sure they didn’t grow, they were made. …Or were they? Derpy realized that she had always assumed that maps were made like muffins, but what if they were made more like apples? She would have to look into that, but not now. Right now she had a mission!

But what was it again? She tapped her forehead with a forehoof. She needed to get somewhere. The birds! No, it was the middle of spring, they’d already gotten the birds. She hadn’t even gotten lost this year! Well, she was lost now, but she hadn’t gotten lost finding the birds, because she had written down her instructions. Maybe she should have written down her instructions this time.

Then she remembered! She was supposed to meet up with Emerald and Rarity in the valley South of the hills. But to get there she needed directions. She looked down and saw a palace on the mountain she had seen earlier. She stopped and stared at it. It did not vanish when she blinked her eyes, shook her head, and pinched herself, so she decided that it was probably real.

She descended quickly, but managed not to ram into the ground too hard. Standing up she looked up at the large pillars and marveled at how well hidden this place had been. It was the same color as the rocks, so she hadn’t seen it until she was right on top of it.

But she was here on a mission, so she began trotting in to find a map.

She found lots of neat stuff, like a giant weapon rack, a painting of some giant minotaur-looking things, and a banquet table made of stone, but she couldn’t find a map no matter how hard she looked. Eventually she walked into one room that really took her breath away. It was an art gallery of some sort, made of huge paintings that took up whole walls. One showed a village of farmers. The next showed one of the giants and a pair of griffons fighting over a dragon’s hoard, complete with a disturbingly realistic dragon body in the background.

But it was the third picture that held Derpy’s gaze. It showed a battle between the giants and the griffons, both sides had heavy losses, done as well as the dragon, but all the more bloody. She stared in some odd mixture of shock, awe, and revulsion. After a bit she could see that the griffons were being routed, though at a terrible cost.

After she could stand it no more she took a step back, accidentally tripping over her tail in the process. She fell onto her back, and got her first view of the ceiling. It too had been painted, but unlike the others it filled her with a sense of relief. For it was the thing she had been seeking from the start, a map of the world! She stood and flew up to hover under the place where Appleloosa was, though this map didn’t show it. Then she looked south over the mountains and saw a valley if you went straight, a jungle if you turned left, and a forest with a mountain sticking out if you went right. The mountain even had a tiny palace on it that looked just like this one!

So… If she was on the mountain, and her friends were in that valley to the East, then she just had to go East. So her next step was to find East. She landed again and left the way she had come, pondering how she would find her… What had Emerald said? Her head? She would find her head!

She let her eyes wander on her way back out of the palace, which turned out to be a very good thing. On the floor of the entrance hall she found a compass rose painted on the floor, with East pointing straight out the exit. Lining herself up with the arrow she flew off, hoping to catch up to her friends without getting lost again.

Captain Emerald was grinning widely as their sloop swiftly sailed the canyon. True, it did so on train tracks instead of water, and strictly speaking it wasn’t a boat in any sense of the word, but such details were insignificant next to her imagination. She was a brave captain, setting course to save a hemisphere. For the first time since their trek to Canterlot she truly felt like she belonged here, on an epic quest.

In the sky above and ahead of them she saw a small gray shape come to a stop after quickly coming over the right cliff. She recognized it as a pegasus, having seen plenty of similar shapes every now and then, and figured that it was probably Derpy. “Hey! Derpy, down here!” she shouted.

The speck quickly began to grow larger, and she and Rarity stopped pumping while they waited for Derpy to reach them.

Author's Note

On the one hand, I’m terribly sorry for unleashing the Dread Captain Emerald way ahead of schedule, the piratyness is never really going to go away after this, merely ebb and flow like the tide.
On the other hand, I super enjoy it, and I hope you do too.

Digging Up Trouble: Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

Emerald wiped the sweat from her brow and replaced her borrowed sunhat as she took in the vast, immense, enormous, really big desert in front of them. “Next stop: the fabled scorrow homeland, where everything is either poisonous, sand, burning, or spiky.”

“Scorrow?” asked Rarity. “What are those?”

“Giant scorpions that burrow beneath the desert, and have a millennia-long blood feud with the zebras,” answered Emerald.

“Well. They certainly sound… unpleasant,” Rarity said hesitantly. “But they shouldn’t be a problem since we don’t have any zebras with us, correct?”

“Sometimes they attack ponies before realizing they aren’t zebras. And other times they realize, but decide they’re hungry and attack anyway. If you can persuade one to parlay they are often very useful, since they live for a long time and revere knowledge. But usually they just try to eat you, or drive you away from some holy site or another, it seems like they make sites holy as an excuse some days.”

“Umm… Maybe we shouldn’t walk through their home if they’re so mean and territorial?” Derpy asked.

“Yes, and perhaps you could have mentioned them sooner,” Rarity added. “I certainly had no idea that this desert had such…” She waved a forehoof, looking for the word that encompassed her intention. “Brutes!”

Emerald blinked in confusion. “What are you-” Her eyes widened as the realization dawned on her. “Oh, this isn’t The Long Lost Homeland of Scorpionkindtm, I just thought that this is what it would look like.”

Her companions stared at her. “Darling, perhaps next time you should open with that.”

Emerald debated whether to reveal the other reason they had nothing to fear from the scorrows, and decided that even though it might make her look bad, it was worth it to allay their worries. “They’re also fictional. I know them from A Journey Through the Skies, and they’re also in O&O.”

“I was wrong, that is what you should have led with.”

“Anyway… How do we proceed?” Emerald asked.

“We walk, unfortunately. I brought water, but even so this next stretch is going to be hard.”

“What are the odds we won’t make it?” Emerald asked.

“Um, what if we call the Doctor before that happens?” Derpy offered.

“We- Yes, that is an excellent idea, Derpy. Very well. Let us march upon these golden sands!”

“And so the brave explorers set hoof on the sands, not deterred in the slightest by the burning heat, nor the way sand gets in everything. For they were on a mission, and nothing short of a giant sandworm would stop them!”

“Do I even want to know whether those are real?” Rarity asked.

“And you’re sure you don’t mind my narration?”

Derpy nodded and Rarity lifted her head to reply. “Dear, I already told you. It can be a bit much sometimes, but it’s grown on me. And it certainly beats the wind for a break from the tedium of walking over the sand.”

Emerald levitated her bird skull that she had picked up earlier and mimed it speaking. “Having traveled for hours over the all too yielding dunes of sand, and with nothing but the howling of the wind and bones of the unfortunate travelers before them for company, our intrepid heroes finally stumble across the first signs of civilization.”

“Huh?” Derpy mumbled, looking up.

“Civilization!” Rarity gasped looking around at the horizon. “Where?”

“Before them stood a cobbled stone path, barely visible at the crest of the next hill. Almost certainly this meant that they were quite near their next destination, and it would be easier walking an actual path.”

“Oh thank goodness. I don’t think my hooves have ever felt this worn out.”

“At least Doc was able to find us some great snowshoes,” Derpy pointed out. “I still don’t know where he found them in the middle of Spring.”

“Yes, but they are rather troublesome to learn.”

“At this point they crested the sand dune and saw Klugetown spread out before them.” Emerald tilted her head. “No, it isn’t spread out before them. It’s more like… They saw Klugetown towering before, no no no, towering is too grand and purposeful. That thing looks like a giant ship that ran aground, then the ocean dried up and the ship decayed, and then ponies came along and turned it into a shantytown that could fall over at any moment. I’ve got it! It teetered ominously before them.”

Emerald took off her snowshoes, then caught up to the others who had already done so when they first reached the path. Then she cleared her throat as they reached the bottom of the dune. “The land lay flat before them, with wrecks of large boats to either side of the path, adding to the imagery of Klugetown being a giant ship that had run aground in the distant past. However, as they drew closer they saw that it was actually made of an enormous stone outcropping. There was a narrow rock bridge extending out to the city, connecting it to the end of the desert. The bridge was the only thing that continued past a line running East to West, everything else beyond was obscured in a strange sandy fog. A few pillars of stone jutted out of the ground, and some of these billowed smoke, almost like there was a giant machine hidden beneath the fog, rumbling away with some unknown purpose until it was discovered by some wandering soul, or until it arose and ushered forth the end of the age…”

“Well that was… Charmingly terrifying. You certainly have a way with words,” Rarity offered. “A disturbingly morbid way at times, but definitely a way.”

Before they got close enough to see the ponies, or whatever creatures lived here, Rarity and Emerald reached into their saddlebags and donned cloaks, to avoid drawing attention. Emerald turned to Derpy. “I’d been wondering how you could stand wearing your cloak through the desert, but I actually feel cooler now.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of weird, isn’t it?” Derpy answered.

When they reached the town proper Emerald was struck by just how well it fit into her idea of a rough frontier town with more bandits than cops. Though the caged animals were a touch of realism that she could have done without.

Everywhere they looked they saw the double lightning bolt symbol that Rarity had identified to them as The Storm King’s sigil. “It looks like his reach has spread further than we thought,” Rarity whispered to her friends.

“Well, it looks like Dr. Caballeron was right. Now we just need to figure out a solution.” Emerald said. “Let’s look around and see if there are any resistance movement rumors, that tends to be a good place to start.”

“Oh? How many times have you done this, if you don’t mind my asking? I know you made contact with the Everfree Holdouts as your first action in our world, but I had been led to believe that was your first insurrection.”

“Oh, that.” Emerald glanced away. “I’ve read about it pretty commonly…”

“Oh, this is another of your story conventions, is it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, even so it does seem like a solid plan. We just need to be subtle about it.”

“To the bar, then?” At Derpy’s quizzical glance Emerald explained. “If they’re drunk, they tend to have looser lips and fuzzier memories, so they’ll tell us what we want to know and forget us in the morning. Plus, it tends to be something of a gathering place in rundown frontier towns. And if I were to describe this place in one word, I think ‘shabby’ is putting it mildly.”

They headed further into town, careful to avoid drawing unwanted attention. The occupants were a motley assortment of bipedal versions of various animals. Like a minotaur, but instead of just one species for the entire group, if each creature was based on its own. Desert animals would have made sense, given where they were, but Emerald thought some of them looked more like fish than anything deserty.

“So, how do we know where the bar is?” asked Derpy.

“Well, I suppose we’ll simply have to ask for directions.” Rarity shuddered. “Though I don’t like the look of these… folks.”

“I’ll ask,” Emerald offered. “I’ll just draw on Daring’s style.”

“Very well, but do be careful. There’s no telling what these ruffians might do.”

Emerald walked up to one of the many market stands dotted around the street, her friends a few steps behind. The shark-thing behind the counter watched her approach, and when she reached him she slammed her forehoof down on the counter, causing him to start in surprise. “My mates and I just crossed that sun-blighted desert on our way South, and we’re feeling mad thirsty,” she said in her gruffest no-nonsense voice, usually reserved for running off ponies who tried tagging her shop. “If you could point us towards the best bar you’ve got in this town, I might leave ya a tip.” At this she began leaning on the counter, grinning just a bit, and tilting her head as she looked up at Sharky. The perfect picture of confidence.

Sharky regained his composure while she was talking, but he still swallowed nervously before answering. “Let’s see your money before I tell you anything.”

“You can look,” Emerald said, grabbing a bit in her other forehoof and setting it on her edge of the counter, “but you’d better not touch until I get my directions, savvy?”

“That’s not storm bucks," Sharky said doubtfully.

“No, but it is gold. And I’m not asking you for your goods, just some easy directions. Don’t make me look for another guide,” Emerald retorted.

As she had suspected, the threat of losing out on the deal spurred him into action. “It’s on the end of the second road to your right.”

She stood up, leaving the bit on the bar. “A pleasure doing business with you.” He swiped the coin into his palm and out of sight, before she turned back to the others.

When they had made it far enough that Sharky wouldn’t be able to hear them Emerald spoke up. “So, how did I do?”

“Oh, you’re a natural darling. If I hadn’t already known you, then you would have had me convinced you were an unruly laborer.”

“I thought you sounded like one of the bad guys who starts a bar fight in Daring Do,” Derpy offered. “Or like Daring Do.”

“I know Daring Do helped out during the Day of Winter, but I can’t say that I appreciate much else that I’ve heard about her,” Rarity said. “She seems like an uncouth ruffian.”

“I believe the proper term is ‘adventurer’,” Emerald retorted. “You know, the main reason we’re out here.”

After a few moments they reached the tavern. It was a rundown hole-in-the-wall joint, hardly inspiring if it truly was the ‘best in town’. In one corner was an aardvark-thing nursing his drink… or napping, it was hard to tell. Taking up the center were a few pig-things playing some sort of game, gambling of some sort, if Emerald were to guess, based on the sounds. And finally there were two bird-things sitting at the counter. One was broad and the other was lean, and they both looked to be about as tall as Celestia, horn and all. They were wearing black suits and caps, and the larger one seemed to be missing a talon.

“I like the look of those two,” Emerald whispered, pointing at the birds.

“As long as we avoid those… pigs?” Rarity agreed. “I’m afraid I don’t know if that’s the appropriate term for them.”

Emerald led the way, taking a seat to the left of the larger one, with Derpy sitting on her other side while Rarity remained standing. Emerald set a bit on the bar, and the bartender came over. “It’ll be three Storm Bucks.”

“And what’ll that be in bits?” Emerald asked.

The bartender opened up a notebook and peered at it. He scratched his head, and then perked up. “Fourteen.”

She sighed and reached into her bitpurse inside her saddlebag. Fourteen was a ridiculous price for a drink, back home she wouldn’t have needed to pay even half that, but it wasn’t really the drink she wanted anyway. She just needed to fit in for a bit.

The bartender took her bits and left her a mug of… something. Emerald didn’t know if it was actually ale, but that sounded thematically appropriate, so that’s what she would think of it as. She grabbed it in her hoof and sipped it slowly. She wanted to have a drink for the whole conversation, but even beyond getting drunk she didn’t feel like paying for another one.

“So… What brings you around these parts?” Emerald asked.

Lefty looked over at her. “Hauling cargo. You?”

“Just looking around. We heard there was a new king down South, and thought we should look around. A shame how things look, isn’t it.”

“Careful,” Rarity whispered in her ear.

“This place has never been nice,” Lefty answered. Emerald couldn’t tell if he had caught on to her subtle hint or not, so she decided to try again.

“I see. I don’t suppose you know of anywhere that did used to be nice? And would maybe like to be nice again?”

“Abyssinia, I guess. That’s where we’re heading next.”

“I see. Just one moment.” Emerald turned to the others. “What do you guys think,” she whispered.

“I certainly doubt we’ll have much luck here.” Rarity offered. “Anypony who’d be willing to try anything drastic to make things better has probably left for greener pastures.”

“I’m thinking that we ask them for passage. It’ll give us time to ask them about things. If they run cargo then they probably know how things are all over the region.” Rarity nodded and Derpy shrugged. Emerald turned back to Lefty and took a swig from her mug. “Me and my mates would like to see Abyssinia. Would you mind hiring us aboard for the voyage?”

“That’s for the captain to decide.”

“Okay, could you tell us where you’re docked and we’ll go see them?”

After a quick trot through the streets of Klugetown they reached the docks. It was easy to find the ship they were looking for, because there were only two ships in the port, and one of them was an armored warship bearing The Storm King’s symbol. The other was a larger ship that lacked the heavy metal plating of its neighbor.

Emerald led the way up the gangplank, Rarity and Derpy flanking her a step behind. As they walked another bird-thing squawked loudly, presumably serving as lookout. When they made their way onto the main deck A bird-thing with a pegleg was waiting for them, holding a large book with The Storm King’s logo on it. She froze for a moment, realizing that the outfits the bird-things were wearing all had the symbol on the shoulders. But she decided that it was too late to turn back, and they were probably not loyal, just working a living.

“What are you three looking for?” Asked the one with the book.

“We were hoping to find passage to Abyssinia,” Emerald answered. “We’re willing to work our way, if that’s okay with you.”

They looked at their book, and flipped through it for a bit. “Well, the book doesn’t say I can’t pick up new crewmembers, just that they won’t earn a paycheck without an official inspection. So if you’re willing to work for room and board, then I suppose you can come with us.”

“If it’s alright with you, I’d rather simply buy passage,” Rarity said.

“Well, we’re not built for passengers,” the parrot began.

“I don’t mind staying in a bunk, or hammock, or whatever you use for your crew, I simply don’t think I’m cut out for the manual labor of cargo delivery.”

“Well… I suppose so. That’ll be forty bits.”

“Not storm bucks?” Emerald asked.

“Ten storm bucks if you prefer, but I thought you’d rather pay with bits.”

“I was just expecting you to ask for storm bucks, since every… other business did.”

“We travel around, my little ponies. And storm bucks aren’t as widely valued as bits. That’s as important as the official price, for a traveler.”

Digging Up Trouble: It's a Smuggler's Life for Me!

As it turned out, there wasn’t a lot of work to do on a cargo ship in flight. Emerald spent the whole first day swabbing the deck, while they had Derpy do an inspection of the hull and help keep watch. Rarity had apparently decided to help prepare the meal, a fact that the cook didn’t seem to appreciate as much as the rest of the crew.

When they were in the bunks at the end of the day, Emerald spoke up. “I wouldn’t want to live this way, but being a cabin filly for a day was kind of fun. What about you?”

“It’s… slow,” Derpy answered. “Kind of relaxing. But also kind of boring.”

“I doubt it will feel that way once we reach our destination,” Emerald pointed out. “I bet that’s when everything really happens.”

“I can’t believe they actually eat such, such… goop,” Rarity put in. “Really, I don’t see why they couldn’t stock proper food. I had to use some of our supplies to help with dinner.”

“I bet it’s cheaper their way,” Emerald answered. “Though the crew seemed to appreciate your additions.”

The second day went much the same as the first until shortly after lunch, right down to Emerald swabbing the already clean deck, because apparently the Storm King didn’t allow breaks, whether or not there was any work to do. After lunch they reached Abbyssinia, and it was all talons on deck dealing with the cargo as quickly and efficiently as possible. Once they had unloaded everything a pair of yetis and an Abyssinian checked through the cargo, as well as their saddlebags, much to Rarity and Emerald’s discomfort. However they barely paused at the signal gem, merely jotting a note down in their book before pawing everything back. “Alright, you’re good to go,” the Abyssinian said.

After they were done Captain Celeno saw them off.

“It’s been good sailing with you,” Celeno said. “I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.”

“Wind at your back lass, where'er you go!” Emerald said, waving.

“You’ll just embarrass yourself like that. The time of pirates is over.”

“Then all the better that we remember the stories of our past.”

And with that they headed out, walking through the streets, avoiding the parts that were blocked off with rubble, looking for… something.

“So… What exactly are we looking for?” Emerald asked.

“Well, usually we would look for some sort of revolutionary hideout by asking some discreet questions, like in Klugetown,” Rarity answered. “But I think we should try the black market, if we can find it.”

“Black market?” Derpy asked. “Like, a market that runs at night?”

“No, a black market is a market that isn’t known to the local authorities,” Emerald answered. “Though, that might be where they get their name.” Emerald froze in place. “Wait a minute. The Storm King is scary because he controls the food, right?”

“Yes,” Rarity answered.

“So why don’t they start growing crops again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we should make that one of our questions.”

“But how will we even find them?” Emerald asked. “It’s not like we can just walk up and ask for information if they’re hiding.”

“Well, we don’t need to actually buy supplies, so what if we try to start with the buyers?” Rarity suggested.

“Okay, but how?”

“I was thinking that you should grab some food from your home and try to sell it here, either near the regular market or near the farms.”

“Yeah… That could work. I’ll go talk to Doc, wait for me here.” Emerald pulled out her signal gem and walked over to a glass window on an empty looking shop before activating it. After a moment the glass rippled and she stepped through.

It was only a few moments before Emerald returned through the window, saddlebags bulging with rounded things. “I’m back. Just took a quick trot to market to grab some apples.”

“Wonderful. Now let’s set up in a back alley near the market district and see who comes.”

They found the marketplace right in front of a castle that was in considerably less ruin than The Castle of the Two Sisters, but it definitely took second place. “I wonder what happened to it,” whispered Emerald.

“The Storm King probably attacked it as a show of force, either before making his demands just to show he could, or after he was refused,” Rarity answered as they entered an alley. “Now, would you mind offering me an apple? And setting your saddlebags next to you?” Emerald did as she was asked, and Rarity began shining the apple on her cloak. “Now, we wait.”

A few Abbyssinians looked into the alleyway during their first fifteen minutes or so of waiting, but it wasn’t until one dressed in a policeman’s outfit strolled by that any of them entered. Emerald tensed, but he held his paws up and stopped once he was all the way in the alley.

“I’m not here to harass you, I’m just here to ask a few questions,” he said.

“What sort of questions?” Emerald asked, suspiciously.

“How did you smuggle that many apples through the border inspection?”

“That’s a trade secret, but I can say that there’s more where this came from,” Emerald answered. “Why?”

“Because I was wondering if you could get farming supplies the same way. I can tell you’re no friends of The Storm King, but are you just looking for money, or are you here to help? Either way I’ve got an offer for you, so please, just tell me the truth.”

“We are here looking for a way to loosen The Storm King’s hold over these lands,” Rarity answered.

“Then follow me, and keep those apples hidden.” He led them out of the marketplace and into a barracks, where they found others dressed in the same outfits. “Welcome to what’s left of the Abbysinian guard. I know it’s not much, but we’re doing our best with what we have. We also have a small farm hidden from the frosties, but I was hoping you might be able to help us expand.”

Emerald snickered. “Frosties! I like it.”

Rarity studiously ignored her companion’s lack of decorum and stepped forward. “I’m sure that we can bring you whatever basic supplies you need.”

Emerald regained her composure. “Right. I can’t exactly pull infinite supplies out of nowhere though, I still have to buy them.”

“Of course we would pay you. We aren’t as rich as we once were, but we’re willing to pay triple the price that seeds sold for before The Year of Darkness. And double price for the other farming supplies if you can bring them, but if not we have other channels.”

Emerald quickly ran some calculations in her mind. She didn’t know how much seeds cost, but she did know that selling anything for twice what you paid for it with a buyer already lined up when you bought it was a hard deal to beat. Of course she had been planning on helping them regardless, but suddenly she saw what a great opportunity she had to branch out her business. “Certainly! I would be more than happy to help you get anything you need! Just give me a list and we can start working out how to get it all to you inconspicuously.”

It took a while for them to work all the details out, but by the end everycreature was satisfied. Well, Emerald was pretty sure that Derpy had just been nodding politely as things flew deftly over her head some of the time, but that was fine.

“Alright, we’ve got everything taken care of here. Now I guess it’s time to head back to Ponyville,” Emerald said once they were back outside.

“Actually, I was considering sticking around Abbysinia for a few months before heading back,” Rarity answered.

“Oh. I guess this is where we part ways then.”

“Thanks for joining our adventure,” Derpy added.

Rarity smiled. “Thank you for having me. I rather enjoyed it.”

Emerald activated the signal gem at a window and stepped through. The trip was still quite disorienting, but when you went from one upright surface to another, and had some experience, it wasn’t too bad.

“Welcome back from your trip,” somepony said. It was probably the Doctor, but the figure seemed to be Siamiese twins, though that could be her vision, since there also seemed to be a pair of tubas melted together behind it. “I wasn’t expecting you to take so long.”

Emerald waited until her vision synchronized and looked at one of the Doctor’s clocks, which read four seventy, somehow. Then she checked two more clocks which both read twelve thirty, so that was probably accurate. “I wasn’t expecting to be gone that long either, I assume this is the night we left?”

“Yes. You took about twice as long as I was expecting, so instead of arriving at around dinnertime you showed up a little late for bed. But you told me you were planning on staying overnight, so I figured it would be fine.”

“Well I need to make sure Dinky and Ray are tucked in tonight. Goodnight Emerald! Goodnight Doctor!”

They both waved as Derpy started up the lift. “Doctor, can I ask you a favor?” Emerald asked.

“Certainly.”

“Could you build another of these machines?”

The Doctor took a step back. “Whatever for?”

“I’ve got a large shipment to make to a very particular place over there, and I’m not sure I could fit everything down here.”

“Well… I suppose it is possible. But it wouldn’t be able to temporarily alter its destination.”

“That’s fair. I don’t need it to anyway.”

“And I would have to ask that you only travel to worlds that we’ve already cleared, so only the changeling’s world for now.”

“No problems there.”

“And of course you’d have to be sure you can maintain secrecy.”

“Of course.”

“Well… Ok then.”

Exactly one week later, save a few extra hours to make sure that absolutely nopony would disturb her, Emerald stood in a warehouse in Manehattan. It wasn’t a new warehouse. The glass was grubby, she’d had to replace the locks, and added bars while she was at it, and it was only thanks to the help of her O&O group that they had gotten everything ready in time. Of course, her O&O group had no idea why she wanted their help cleaning out an old warehouse, but when she had told them that if everything went well they’d never have to pay a fee to fund the game again, they were eager to help.

The reason she hadn’t set up in a nicer warehouse was because she wanted to own the land that she did this on, and she simply could not afford a nice new warehouse. As it was she’d had to apply for a loan, citing an expansion to her business, which was true enough, from a certain perspective. She was expanding her business from a bookstore to the first multiple world smuggling ring Equestria had ever seen. The banker had simply assumed she was expanding in book related areas.

But the World Hopper was fully operational, the warehouse was full of the supplies the Abbysinians had asked for, and after tonight she’d be able to pay back the loan in full.

Cuckoo! Called the clock on the wall. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Three o’clock. The time to move.

She flipped a switch on the Hopper and it began spinning up. The World Hopper was much less visually interesting than the TARDIS, since Emerald was more worried that somepony would find it somehow. It consisted of a large metal box with a padlock keeping it closed and a mirror twice as tall as Emerald, and just as wide.

In a few moments the mirror rippled, and then faded, revealing the other side. She stepped through, and it was like stepping through a cobweb. Unpleasant, but not disorienting in the slightest. Once through she gave a whistle, and thirty Abbysinians stepped out of the darkness. None of them were wearing the outfit of the ones at their barracks, but they had warned her as much earlier. It helped keep anycreature from noticing them when they didn’t want to be noticed.

“What’s that?” One of them asked, pointing at the portal.

“It’s a portal back home. You can come through to get the supplies, but under no circumstances are any of you to leave the warehouse, okay?” They nodded, and she led them back through. Between them all they quickly emptied the warehouse.

“Here’s your payment,” said one of them, as he and a friend brought in a crate of their own.

Emerald opened the crate, and started speaking as she reared up. “Oh, this is too much.” Then she saw that inside, rather than her preferred currency of bits, or the expected payment of regents, it was full of paintings and clothing. “What is this?”

“Well, if you insist on coin we can pay you in regents, but we figured since your economy is doing far better than ours we could pay you in luxury items that nocat back home could afford.”

“Oh. Well, this could work. I’ll have to work a little harder to offload these, but they do look valuable. If this is easier for you then sure, I can work with these.”

That morning Emerald woke with a song on her lips as she readied the shop to open.

“♪The Warehouse stocked in Manehattan in the waning of the light
There’s thirty cats in ‘Sinnia to make my burden light
And there’s thirty carts in the sewer for hauling in some grain
All set this night upon your life in dark and streets of rain

“♪Smugglers feed revolution fine and the darkest night is the smuggler’s time
Away we ran from the Storm King’s hand
It's a smuggler’s life for me
It's a smuggler’s life for me

“♪Oh lass you have a cozy bed, and friends within yer gate
Can you not live a lawful life and live with lawful mates?
But must they use The Storm King’s goods while there's foreign gear so fine?
Must I drink at the waterside and ne’er step out of line?

“♪Smugglers feed revolution fine and the darkest night is the smuggler’s time
Away we ran from the Storm King’s hand
It's a smuggler’s life for me
It's a smuggler’s life for me

“♪Though well I like to see you sis, with a baby on your knee
My heart is now as a gallant crew that plough through the angry sea
The bitter gale, the tightest sail, and the sheltered bay our goal
It's the wayward life, it's the smuggler’s strife, it's the joy of the smuggler’s soul

“♪Smugglers feed revolution fine and the darkest night is the smuggler’s time
Away we ran from the Storm King’s hand
It's a smuggler’s life for me
It's a smuggler’s life for me

“♪I’d ever hoped to go and seek adventure of my own
But I thought it was too late for me for alas I had all grown
And now I see that when e’er ye want ye can go out for to sea
And in those gales if ye can prevail then ye shall ever be free

“♪Smugglers feed revolution fine and the darkest night is the smuggler’s time
Away we ran from the Storm King’s hand
It's a smuggler’s life for me
It's a smuggler’s life for me
It's a smuggler’s life for me
It's a smuggler’s life for me!

Author's Note

In the first book I looked at Emerald, and I figured I understood her well enough. But this is the story that made her my new favorite character, taking Inky’s place rather firmly. I’ll be using what I’ve learned of her and what she’s grown into here moving forward.

Here’s the original song. It’s rather a favorite of mine, and as soon as I heard it after I had storyboarded the ending I knew I had to make her a cover.

And this marks the end of Digging Up Trouble. Tune in next time for Teatime Talk.

Teatime Talk

It was a sunny evening in Upper Canterlot, just a few blocks away from the castle. I should have been doing my rounds, looking for passengers. It was my busiest time of day, after all. But I just wasn’t feeling up for it. Not when I had other things on my mind. I let out another sigh as I watched the shop across the street, or, more accurately, as I watched its proprietor.

Cinnamon Chai was chatting with her last customer for the day, a lanky unicorn with a bumblebee cutie mark, who was likely a twenty-year old poet who enjoyed ‘languishing in the darkness of his soul,’ or some such. That, or he was a middle-aged stallion down on his luck. It was hard to tell at this range.

When he left, I decided that the time for me to go had come. I stood up and started trotting down the street, but I hadn’t made it five steps before I heard her voice behind me. “Driver?” I froze, then slowly turned around to see her staring at me.

“Yes?” I answered hesitantly.

“Would you… Would you care to come in?”

“I thought you didn’t want me coming around here?”

“Yes, I did say that.” Chai looked behind her at her shop. “But I think we should talk about that. If you’d like,” she said, turning back to me.

I nodded and followed her into the shop. It was exactly as I remembered it, charmingly decorated walls with a large, well sorted collection of herbs taking over most of the staircase wall in the back. On the right was an oven and baking supplies, while on the left were serving dishes, a stove, and a sink. I started washing the customers’ dishes while she opened up the display case on the right.

“Why did you come today?” she asked.

No beating around the bush then, I thought.

“I was having a talk with a friend of mine, and you came up. She was having a similar fight with her friend.”

“And what did you tell her?”

“That she shouldn’t keep secrets from her closest friends. They have a way of coming back to bite you.”

“Wise advice. I’m sure I’ve heard it before,” she quipped.

“I’m sorry about… you know…” I continued.

“Uh-huh,” Chai said, acting like she was barely listening.

“And I promise I won’t lie to you again.”

“Uh-huh.”

“If you want me to leave, I will.”

“I… I don’t know. This is all a bit complicated,” she said, with a shake of her head.

“I know.”

We worked together in silence for a while, until the shop was ready for the next morning. “I’ve missed you,” Cinnamon Chai admitted.

“As have I,” I agreed.

“If you can be honest moving forward, then… I would be happy to start over,” she offered.

I looked up. “Really? You’d be willing to do that?”

Chai nodded. “I’ve really missed having you around, and I think you know better than to try something like that again.”

“Absolutely.” I paused, and then added, “And I think I should tell you about the club I joined a while back.”

“Oh? What sort of club?” she asked.

“Well, originally I heard of it through my neighbor, Perfect Pace. He wanted me to join him last spring; something about showing up his rival. Officially it’s about time, but mostly I just joined for the atmosphere. They’re generally nice folks, coming from all walks of life. If you’d like, I bet I can bring you to our next meeting.”

“Well, it’s nice that you’re telling me, but what brings this up?”

“Well… Last fall the club started heading in a new direction. It’s perfectly legal… as far as we know.”

Chai frowned. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s relief work in foreign lands,” I elaborated quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “We’re doing things that are so far outside of the usual that the law doesn’t have a stance on what we’ve been doing. If you want to get the whole story then you’ll have to come to one of our meetings, but you’ll have to promise to keep it a secret.”

“I… I’ll think about it,” she answered, a little shaken.

“No hurry, it’s an open offer.”

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to anypony in the tea and cake shop, another late evening meeting was happening downtown.

A bell rang out in the darkened, cluttered shop. A grey earth pony with a braided blue mane stepped out of the shadows in his signature alchemist’s outfit. “Welcome, traveler. It’s always nice to see somepony making a repeat visit.”

“Aye. I’ve got another batch o’ booty fer ye ta peruse,” Emerald answered. While she was still wearing her saddlebags, she now wore a black tricorne hat with gold lace on the edge and a red, yellow, and blue ribbon in a small circle on the front left. She also wore a red and blue dress uniform, trimmed in gold, which showed signs of advanced age. It was also several sizes too big for her, but had been masterfully hemmed in. Behind her levitated a large suitcase.

She set the suitcase on the ground and opened it, revealing a collection of exotic knickknacks from the Southern lands. “I must say, your selection never ceases to astound me,” he said, picking up a long metal case on a strap, with a hemispherical guard and a handle protruding, a large ruby on the end.

“I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. All I could tell was that it’s a sword.

“Indeed it is. And unless I miss my guess…” He unlatched the sword and drew it from its case. It was a moderate length, and somewhat curved. “Yes. This is a cutlass. And high quality, too, as I’ve come to expect from your items. Are you quite sure you can’t tell me how you keep acquiring the best Abyssinian goods anypony’s seen in decades?”

“Sorry, still a trade secret,” Emerald answered. “Think it’ll sell?”

“Well, it’s high quality, but the nobles I see often that like collecting weapons collect historical antiques of Equestrian history. If you had a genuine spear of the Mighty Helm, I could line up a buyer. But the collectors of foreign artifacts prefer paintings and literature, or other less… violent things. It wouldn’t do to be seen stocking weapons without inherent patriotic value.”

“I see. I guess I’ll keep it then. It really completes my costume.”

“This painting could fetch a nice price though. I’d need to get it authenticated, but the royal gallery would love to get their hooves on such a specimen. Unless Puissance wants it…”

“I’ll leave it with you, then,” Emerald interrupted, bringing him back to the task at hoof. “Speaking of, what did you get for the last batch?”

Author's Note

Driver: Don’t worry, the only laws we might be breaking are whether we’re allowed to travel that far, but those laws haven’t been written yet, so we’re good.
Emerald: Belting out ‘It’s a Smuggler’s Life for Me’ and selling to shady stallions who deal in cursed artifacts.

To his credit, I don’t think he knows about that yet.

The Lonely Road

It was a dark day in the Crystal Empire. The Equestrian army had reached the outer perimeter, but that had merely incensed the king. He had retreated to the castle, and the Equestrian alicorns had followed him in.

Tragus didn’t really care what happened to the king. Sure, he was evil, but he’d never hurt Tragus personally and he probably never would, a lowly tumbleweed was beneath his notice.

Even so, Tragus had enough awareness to hope the alicorns made it out safely. Even a tumbleweed needed sun and shade.

As he made his way South, hoping to slip through the invading army, sorry, the ‘liberating army’, there was a bright flash of light from behind. Tragus rolled as fast as he could, but to no avail. The wave of light caught up to him in an instant and the world went white…

When Tragus could see again, the plains were coated in thick snow. At first, he thought the wave of light had merely imploded the Crystal Heart’s dome of protection, but then he noticed that the army now rushing into the city was ten times larger and no longer composed entirely of ponies, with ranks of minotaurs, soaring dragons and griffins, and the telltale mounds of burrowing diamond dogs.

The magic couldn’t possibly have created an army from nothing. Did it teleport them all here?

The wave of minotaurs crashed upon him, and Tragus was knocked ninety degrees away from everything…

And then fell back into reality, bouncing along in a calm breeze. But now the lands were a verdant green, without a sign of war in sight. A large metal-clad beast was just coming to a stop at a station of some sort that Tragus was sure hadn’t been there before.

Two unicorns and the strangest diamond dog he’d ever seen stepped out of the metal beast and looked around. The light purple one spoke first. “Uh, disguise or not, Spike, I don't think you need to worry about being mobbed. Nopony's here.”

“It's like a ghost town,” the diamond dog agreed.

“I’ve got a baaad feeling about this,” the dark purple unicorn said as they headed toward the city. As she turned away though, Tragus noticed her wings. Wings! She was an alicorn? But, there were only two alicorns, and they were large, imposing sovereigns of the skies! How could this little thing be an alicorn? But before Tragus could get an answer he felt a tugging sensation as he was once again whisked away.

Tragus went through many repetitions of that scene, never getting any closer to understanding what was going on with the strange alicorn. Occasionally things were different.

Today, he was underwater. Outside a foreign city which bore uncanny resemblance to his own, but the landscape was all wrong, and there were broken tracks for the metalbacks everywhere. A stallion in a strange suit was swimming around with a spear, sneaking up on the largest fish Tragus could imagine.

Who would build a city underwater? It made no sense! You might as well build a city in the sky… Oh, that’s right, the pegasi already did that.

A smaller fish approached Tragus. Its eyes were a milky white, and its jaw opened to reveal wicked teeth. Tragus shut his eyes and desperately wished for a jump, which he got just as the jaws began to close around him.

Sombra was a bad pony. Tragus knew that, intellectually. He enslaved the crystal ponies and probably meant to spread his foul influence across the rest of the world. Maybe. Tragus wasn’t exactly his closest confidant.

But Sombra was a conqueror, not a destroyer. Today, Tragus saw what a true destroyer could do.

There were fires, explosions, and utter chaos splattered over the city, blood and bodies littered the streets, many of which had been pulped or crushed by the falling debris of houses. Scattered among the destruction, he spotted the cause. Strange, glittering objects that leapt about like gnats, smashing into things with what seemed to be a speed so potent that it broke through even the reinforced crystal walls of the buildings they crashed into.

King Sombra came bursting into the city, apparently as shocked by the destruction and death as Tragus. He flinched, then rushed down, crashing into a wide clearing in the town, already reduced to a crater filled with some ice and slush.

Suddenly, one of the gnats leapt into his face, and with a vicious spinning impact, forced him into his black smoke. With a growl, Sombra reformed elsewhere, only for two more of the beasts to again leap towards him, this time crashing into his body and throwing him back into his cloudy form.

Idly, Tragus noted that they didn’t seem to care about him, but that didn’t matter. This was crossing a line that he would not stand for. He charged the nearest one, only for it to bounce away, leaving him to smash through the wall behind it. He was once more lost in the void between…

This time the castle was abuzz with the flurry of battle. In the distance he could hear the screams of the crystal ponies, as well as the murderous roaring of some hideous beasts. Oddly, none of the land between him and the castle seemed to be under attack.

A horde of ponies was making their way into the metalback, with several guards organizing them. Tragus noted that they weren’t Sombra’s guards, looking more like the Equestrian forces. But clearly crystal ponies. One of them called out over the worried murmur of the crowd: “Everypony, please board in an orderly fashion! We are working on getting seats for you all, please be patient!”

Then the guard turned to a group of ponies including the infuriatingly mysterious alicorn, whose existence was the second greatest mystery in Tragus’ life. “Your Highness!” he called, beckoning the group to one side. Then they began talking to each other, though Tragus was unable to make out the words.

Confused as ever, he felt the familiar pull as he moved on, questions ever unanswered.

Tragus took a breather as he tumbled along the mountain leading to Yakyakistan. Things were a bit cold for his tastes, but he was neither living through the same conversation for the hundredth time, nor was he watching the empire burning to the ground, so that was nice. How come those seemed to be the only options? Boredom, terror, or despair?

Still, this was nice. A calm day in which absolutely nothing was going wrong.

Tragus had never mastered the concept of irony.

Slowly, he noticed the snow right outside the empire shifting. Suddenly a giant monster burst out of the snow. It appeared to be some kind of lava elemental, molten rock veins and stone skin for its four arms and its head, while the legs and torso were made with flesh and blood.

Slowly, the stone spread along the flesh, and the creature arched its head back and threw its arms wide, letting loose a chilling scream; of rage or pain, Tragus could not say. As the stone expanded, the lava beneath grew brighter and thicker, until the beast simply burst from the pressure.

As burning blobs of molten rock descended upon the Crystal Empire, Tragus shook. It wasn’t fair. It just was not fair! Why did these things have to keep happening? Slowly, the scene below drifted from his sight, but never from his mind.

Once again, Tragus was bouncing along, watching the usual group walk out of a metalback. It was going to be one of those days.

“The illusion of an emotional chameleon is complete,” the unicorn said. “The absence abounds.”

Okay, that wasn’t normal. And Tragus was pretty sure that even in context that made no sense.

“Appreciated. And indeed, the spirits are alone,” answered the diamond dog. Tragus was pretty sure they were talking about how empty the place was, just like the usual times, but he couldn’t figure out what chameleons had to do with it. Did they think the ponies were hiding?

The unicorn laughed. “A snowman isn’t built with the rear hooves.” Compared to a line like that, the one about an emotionally unstable chameleon practically made sense.

“Query?” asked the diamond dog. Then he seemed to realize something. “Scorching.”

“You did change color,” the unicorn said with a laugh, confusing the dog. And Tragus, but that was true for everything out of their mouths.

“The shadows of intent darken,” reprimanded the strange alicorn. “Betrayal of blood appears imminent. Stand by your walls.”

And as Tragus was pulled away, he decided that he should probably just forget that one ever happened. He had enough mysteries without engaging with runaways from an institution or something.

Tragus was shocked to come to a new world falling out of the sky, and even more shocked when wings of bramble netting burst from his back to level out his fall into a gentle glide. Granted, Tragus had never tried to fly before, but he was pretty sure tumbleweeds weren’t supposed to be able to sprout wings.

When he got his bearings, he saw that he wasn’t flying over the Crystal Empire, but rather he was sharing the sky with it. Okay, he was technically at a higher altitude, but since they were both a thousand hooves above the ground it seemed less important which of them was higher.

From the South, a flock of black and white beasts were attacking the city, which was retaliating with cannons and fireworks pouring out of the whole side under attack.

Any time a monster did manage to land on the city a team of one to six Crystal ponies, wearing tons of belts, sashes, and carrying more swords than anypony could possibly need, would cut them down with ease. And they were all smiling! They seemed happy about the hordes of darkness, who hadn’t, as far as Tragus could see, actually killed anypony.

Then a portal opened up in front of him, leading to the next world. An actual portal, which felt like any onlooker could have seen, real as anything. As he passed through, his new wings retracted back into his sides, and no matter how he tried, they would not extend again.

Tragus bounced by the lair of the metalback, which was currently deserted. Then he shifted back to the start of his bounce and did it again. Odd. Then he started another bounce, but froze in midair before he could land. Then he shifted quite a ways forward, before the world around him was invaded by squares of black and white dots screeching at him.

Then he was bouncing down a stone road, heading away from a city of tall, crumbling buildings. He passed a strange being wrapped in what looked like bedsheets trudging towards the city in the distance. The creature paid him no mind as they passed by, like ships in the night.

He wasn’t sure, but the creature looked half-starved. Hopefully it wouldn’t want a tumbleweed snack.

It was another base scene. The mysterious group stepped out, they pondered the emptiness for a while, and then they set off. At least they would probably figure it out in a few minutes, a few days tops. Not Tragus. No, he got to wonder for eternity. Still, better that than not having anything to wonder about, perhaps. It slightly reduced the boredom.

But then the alicorn said something outside of the ordinary. “Wait a minute, a tumbleweed!? Those grow in deserts and occasionally somewhat dry prairies, not green hills!” Her companions snickered at her and Tragus instantly stopped zoning off and paid close attention. This was new territory; maybe he could learn something.

“Well it couldn’t have blown in from the icy wastes!” she countered their laughter. “That makes even less sense!”

“You’re not going to go overboard on this are you?” asked the diamond dog. “Like Pinkie’s Pinkie sense, or when our friends were suddenly hanging out with Discord, or finding the mathematically perfect organizational system?”

Tragus thought that if one’s friends were suddenly ‘hanging out’, whatever that meant, with the Lord of Chaos, that would warrant all the attention one could muster. Lest they go from ‘hanging out’ to hanging rope.

Suddenly he realized that she might be able to help him get unstuck, or was it restuck, in space. He turned around, but then he felt the shifting again. Bother. It had such a knack for timing.

Author's Note

I make occasional references in all my stories, but this one is basically a stream of cameos the whole way through.

Ninety degrees off from everything is a reference to Stranger in a Strange Land, a novel by Heinlein.
The second world is The Pieces Lie Where They Fell by Evilhumour
The third world is canon, pure and simple.
The fourth world is Empty Horizons by Goldenwing
The fifth world is The Unique Properties of Dark Magic by Shadestyle
The sixth world is A Sparkle in the Darkness by tom117z
The seventh world is Sombra The Highly Unmotivated by naturalbornderpy
The eighth world is one of many from Songs of the Spheres, written by GMBlackjack.
The ninth world is Twilight VS Anime by Lupine Infernis
The tenth and eleventh worlds are from Pony-Me™ by TheMajorTechie
The twelth world is The Time Ponies, or possibly another of my works, I like to reuse little worldbuilding bits like that.

Kali tragus - Wikipedia I chose his name for his species, I know, not very original, but at least I looked up an obscure word for his species. Imagine if I’d named him Tumble. :rainbowwild:

A rough translation of the dialogue from world 8:

‘The illusion of an emotional chameleon is complete. The absence abounds.’
Even your disguise is enough. The place is empty.

‘Appreciated. And indeed, the spirits are alone.’
Thanks. and yeah, it looks like a ghost town.

‘A snowman isn’t built with the rear hooves.’
That wasn’t a compliment.

‘Query? Scorching.’
What? Ouch.

‘You did change color.’
A reference to the earlier comment about chameleons.

‘The shadows of intent darken. Betrayal of blood appears imminent. Stand by your walls.’
Our hosts appear to have ulterior motives. Don’t let your guard down.

Splitting the Work: Twilight's Test

As Starlight walked into the library with Twilight, she yawned. They’d been up all night studying, and it showed. Twilight turned back to face her, yawning herself as she did so. She brought her scroll up to her face and seemed to at least partially shake off her exhaustion. “I've prepared a full day of spells. You've been doing great, but now it's time for a real challenge!” As she spoke, Twilight shifted into a forward posture, one hoof raised as if ready for action.

Starlight smirked. “Oh-ho-ho! It is on! Where do we begin?”

Twilight grinned back. “Teleportation. Multiple locations. Try to keep up.”

Twilight closed her eyes and teleported, Starlight following suit. She used the slowly fading signature left behind by Twilight’s spell to determine her destination, ending up outside of Twilight’s castle about a hundred feet in the air. Fortunately she had been expecting this, so she held herself aloft with her telekinesis.

Twilight teleported again, and again Starlight followed, this time ending up on a tree branch in the Everfree forest. As soon as she had her bearings Twilight was already halfway-through her spell, and Starlight followed again, this time finding herself underwater. She instinctively shut her mouth and opened her eyes wide in not quite panic, but pretty close to it. She hurried to follow Twilight’s signature, and then took a moment to catch her breath. They were somewhere rocky, on two different pillars of stone. But before she could take in too much detail they were off again.

This time they were hanging upside down in a cave full of bats, which all began opening their eyes. Not in that super creepy all-at-once way you hear about in campfire stories, but it turned out that a hundred or so bats could be plenty creepy without any attention to stagecraft.

By the time they had finished the shields portion of their duel, and the necessary attacks on those shields, the library was a mess. The books were all on the floor, though thankfully unharmed, the ladder was hanging askew from the tallest shelf, and Twilight’s supplies were scattered amongst the books. Fortunately, Starlight had a solution.

“As you know, speed spells like Accelero are not easy,” Starlight said with a grin. “But if done correctly, they can allow you to be much more efficient with your day.” She leaned back, began the spell, then took off at a trot as it took effect.

From Starlight’s perspective she worked as quickly as she could by hoof and mouth, since she couldn’t reliably hold Accelero and another spell at the same time. She picked up the library quickly, but it was nothing compared to if she or Twilight had cleaned it with their horns.

From an outside perspective, however, things looked very different. There was a purple and green rainbow that streaked around the room, and wherever it passed everything was instantly set to rights. Twilight and Spike stared, turning this way and that, as the messy room was cleaned in moments.

When she was done Starlight released the spell, coming to a stop in front of them. Spike raised a fist in celebration. “Way to go, Starlight!”

Starlight chuckled. “I’m not finished!” She lowered her tone from playful to scholarly. “I've discovered a very old spell, Similo Duplexis, when combined with Accelero in just the right way…” She lifted her head and began casting the spell. Unlike most spells, even moderately hard ones like Accelero, hern horn didn’t just glow. A trail of pure white grew along the conical spiral of her horn, and a blue sphere appeared at the tip. Slowly the sphere grew and diluted until her entire forehead was obscured. Then, in a flash of white light, the spell was finished. There was a rainbow like when she had cast Accelero, but it only moved a few feet before resolving into a second Starlight. Both Starlights finally let their horns dim.

“You can literally be in two places at once,” they said as one. Then their horns lit up once more and they recombined. Starlight sighed in a tired sort of satisfaction. “Now I'm finished.”

Twilight offered her a smile. “I have to admit, your skills with magic really are nothing short of amazing. I'm very impressed.”

Starlight gave a little laugh and started playing with her mane. “I've always been something of a natural.”

Starlight’s satisfied smile turned to a frown as Twilight levitated a clipboard and frowned at it. “However, it doesn't look like you've tackled any friendship lessons since our trip to the Crystal Empire.”

Starlight took the clipboard in her own magic and spun it around to read it. “Are you sure? I could've sworn there were a couple in there somewhere…”

Twilight took back her board and raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure.”

“I see…” Starlight grinned nervously as she backed up slowly. “Well, I'm really quite busy this week.” She turned around and kept walking. “ So many commitments. I'll try and find some time in my-”

She was interrupted by Twilight teleporting right in front of her and leaning into her personal space, suddenly all smiles. “No time like the present!” Then she leaned back, but stayed where she was. “Spike and I are headed to Canterlot. Princess Celestia wanted me to give her students a quick overview on the history of enchanted objects in Equestria. We'll be back after the presentation, which should be…” She frowned and thought for a moment.

Spike walked up carrying a stack of books taller than he was. “Twenty moons from now?” he grumbled.

Twilight frowned and shot him a look. “Tonight.” Then she smiled and returned her gaze to Starlight. “It's a quick presentation.”

Spike rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”
Twilight started walking past her as she continued. “You can tackle a friendship lesson today, and we can review your progress when I get back later this evening.”

Starlight grinned nervously back. “Of course. No problem. Friendship lesson... On it…”

“Great! Can't wait.” As she began talking to Spike about her flashcards Starlight frowned and walked off. Hopefully she could think of something.

Starlight lay on her bed, floating some building blocks above her. She’d been hoping that Twilight wouldn’t ask after those lessons. Powerful magic was easy, it just sort of… clicked. Sure, it took a lot of hard work and studying, but with time she always figured out how it worked. There was a lot to keep in mind, but you could keep everything in mind. These friendship lessons, not so much.

Just then a knock on her door startled her, causing her to drop the blocks on her chest. She sat with a start and glanced at the door. Then she scrambled into her desk chair and levitated some papers to look busy. When she heard the door open she started making little studying noises.

“Hey!” Starlight turned and watched as Spike walked into the room. “Twilight and I are about to head to Canterlot. Just checking to see if you need anything before we left.”

Starlight shook her head. “Nope, not at all! I'm good here. Oh, not good – great! Not a problem in the world! Heh.” As she spoke she kept switching her posture, trying to be as casual as possible. Eventually she settled on leaning on her desk and grinning.

Spike gave her one of his looks. The ones that said ‘I won’t say it to your face, but you’re either lying through your teeth, or horribly mistaken.’ “Uh-huh. So... what are you doing, exactly?”

Starlight spoke as slowly as she dared, trying to buy time to think through her answer. “I was…” She decided to pull the indecisiveness card, and started speaking in a rush. “Just trying to decide which friendship lesson I was going to tackle while you two were in Canterlot.” She leaned down and started rifling through her trash bin. “Bap-ba-du... Oh, yep, right here, where I just left them a second ago.” She pulled the flashcards from the very bottom of the rather full bin and gave as big a smile as she could.

Spike blew the dust off of them and began to pace as he read. “Bake a cake with Pinkie Pie. Scrapbook with Applejack. Sew with Rarity. Help an animal with Fluttershy. Chillax with Rainbow Dash? What is chillaxing?”

Starlight looked up to her ceiling, knowing it had no help to give. “No idea.”

“You know, uh, if you're nervous about your friendship lessons, it's totally okay to say so.”

Starlight trotted over. “Nervous, me?” She threw her head back as far as she could without hurting herself as she did her best approximation of a laugh. “Hch, Ha ha, ha ha. Oh, Spike, you really are hilarious, heh heh.” She ‘recovered from her mirth’ and put on her ‘stern lecturer’ voice for the next part, hoping to distance herself from the underlying truth. “You think I'm nervous that I'm gonna fail something as simple as baking a cake?”

“Well, if you were, it'd be-”

Starlight spun around and spoke right into his face. “Silly!” Then she backed up and allowed herself some pride at her next words. “Twilight just said how impressed she was that I combined a speed spell and a duplication spell. That was a challenge. These? Pfft, hah! I could combine all five of these at the same time without breaking a sweat.” Actually, maybe if she did them all at once it would help overshadow any of the mistakes in the individual lessons…

“I think maybe you’re missing-”

“An opportunity to really impress Twilight?” She said, voice slowly rising. Then she gasped. “Great idea, Spike! I'm gonna get right on that! Good talk.” And with that she trotted away in high spirits. Preparations were needed if she was to truly impress Twilight.

Starlight knocked on the door of Carousel Boutique, then walked into Sugarcube Corner as she waited.

“Hello Starlight! Are you ready to get baking?”

“Yep! We’re gonna bake the best cake Twilight's ever seen.”

Pinkie went utterly still and stared, eyes wide, right at Starlight. Slowly her grin spread wider than should have been physically possible. “Did you say ‘the best cake Twilight’s ever seen?”

“Yes…?” Starlight said nervously as she opened the door and looked around for Rarity.

“I don’t have all the ingredients, but with your magic, and my baking skills, I think it’s time for…” Pinke grinned manically and narrowed her eyes ominously, “a road trip.”

“Oh, hello darling! I was just finishing getting the shop set up for our session.”

It was proving very difficult to manage two different instances of herself at the same time. The spell helped give her two bodies, but she still only had one mind split between them.

“Are you sure we need to go on a road trip? We need to finish this before Twilight gets back.”

“Don’t worry, this is gonna go great!” Pinkie rushed downstairs and started putting various tools and ingredients into her saddlebags as she continued talking. “The first ingredient we need is The Meringue of Boulangerie. It’s waaay to the East, so we’ll need to catch the train to Griffinstone. Then it’s just a hop skip and a jump to the other two!” As she finished talking she closed her bulging saddlebags and took off at a trot, Starlight close behind. “Of course, the train is supposed to leave the station any minute now, so we have to hurry.”

Just then they heard: “All aboard!”

“Oh no they don’t,” Starlight muttered. She sped up, and Pinkie followed suit. Just as the last car was pulling away from the station they jumped onto the balcony behind the caboose. Starlight let out a sigh as they stepped inside. “That was a close one.”

Pinkie pointed through the front door. Starlight followed her gesture and saw the conductor making his way through the neighboring car. “Hold on,” she said, and teleported them onto the roof. ”Come on!” she called over the wind. “Let’s see if we can get into a car he’s already checked!”

Starlight was a master of many forms of magic, and multiple telekinesis was no exception, but Rarity was something beyond even that. She lacked the power of Starlight or Twilight, indeed, she was probably a less talented spellcaster than Minuette, but clearly in this one area she had poured much of her practice in the arcane arts.

Meanwhile, Starlight was still trying to decide whether she was facing an incredibly subtle test of fashion, or an insidiously cunning test of character. Rarity had asked her to choose between four samples of fabric which all appeared to be the same. Upon close inspection Starlight had determined that one of them was shinier and smoother to the touch than the others and one was marginally darker, but she was still unconvinced that there was any difference between the last two. In a fit of desperation Starlight grabbed the shiny one, figuring that it looked sort of regal, and maybe that would help.

This was going to be a long day.

Starlight and Pinkie were sitting at the only empty pair of benches they could find in the busiest car in the train, keeping a low profile and hoping that the conductor hadn’t memorized the layout of empty seats.

“Do you have any twos?” Pinkie asked.

Starlight raised an eyebrow as she handed Pinkie her only card. “Pinkie, I didn’t think it was possible to clear out somepony’s talon in one turn. Are you sure you’re not cheating?”

“Nope!”

“Alright…” Starlight cocked her head. “Wait, no you’re not cheating, or no you’re not sure?”

“It’s your turn silly!”

Shaking her head Starlight drew a card. “So, what exactly are we baking?”

“The MMMM. Got any sevens?”

“Nope, go fish. What’s mmm?”

Pinkie drew a card. Miraculously, it apparently wasn’t a seven. “Not mmm, MMMM! The Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness! The Cakes spent months working out the perfect recipe for the national dessert competition a few years ago. It’s a shame that it never made it to the final round.”

“Oh, I was expecting it to have won the contest, what with how you’ve been hyping it up. Any princesses?”

Pinkie shook her head, prompting Starlight to draw a seven. She fought to keep the smile off her face as Pinkie answered. “Oh, it wasn’t disqualified. It was part of an elaborate string of baking vandalisms. You wouldn’t happen to have a three, would you?”

“Go fish.” Pinkie drew and Starlight grinned triumphantly. “I’ll be taking your sevens, please.”

“I don’t have any, go fish.”

“But, but you just asked for one!”

“Yeah, because I didn’t think you and I had the same card.”

“I… nevermind. So, about the string of bakery vandalisms?”

“Oh, that’s a fun story! You see, it all began when…”

“And that’s how Twilight and I solved the Mysterious Mystery Malingering Malevolently of Baking!”

Just as Pinkie finished her tale of bakery intrigue the whistle blew. “Next stop, Griffinstone!”

“Well, that’s convenient timing. Come on Pinkie, the game is ahoof!” As they waited for the train to come to a stop Starlight folded up her map. Then they made their way through the now-empty car and stepped out into the bright afternoon sunlight. Pinkie started bouncing through the woods East towards the mountain and Starlight followed behind. “Wait, I thought the path to Boulangerie was to the South?”

“Don’t worry, I know a short-cut! Follow me!” Pinkie pulled a little green pendant out of her saddlebags as they approached the mountain. She seemed to shake it a bit, sprinkle a red powder on it, and it started to glow. “I bought this in Miskatonic’s Parlour of Forbidden Curiosities for just twenty bits! Isn’t it cool!”

“Pinkie, what does it do?”

“Watch!” Suddenly a swirling rift of entropy incarnate manifested in the side of the swiftly approaching mountain. “Jeronimo!” Pinkie shouted as she leapt into the portal.

“I really hope neither of us end up regretting this.” Starlight took a deep breath, held it, and jumped in after her friend.

Author's Note

~~Most of the Starlight-centric episodes~~ Wait. There’ve only been four up to this point, and I’ve shown three of them. I didn’t realize how few episodes Starlight had in season 6. Huh. Anyway, my notion is that the Heath’s Warming Carol could well have happened, but that there was no new story for it, so I didn’t write about it. For this episode, however, I foresaw how a tiny change could snowball into something new. All it took was a slightly different high-powered spell being abused for speedrunning friendship.

Go fish is a card game originally developed in Griffinstone, but it has been known in Equestria as long as anypony still alive can recall.

The ending is inspired by At the Mountains of Laughter by Tau22. Reading that will not be required to understand the next chapter, nor does this story spoil the Mountains of Laughter in any meaningful way. Nor nor are they necessarily mutually possible, but when you start dealing with Pinkie Pie and Lovecraft in the same story possible is more of a suggestion anyway.

Splitting the Work: The Six-Hundred Mile Cake

Starlight stared into the distance. The finite and measurable distance from the lands East of Griffinstone to the newly rising sun. She tried really hard not to think about distances that couldn’t be measured.

“I’m so glad you and Not-Mayor got along!” Pinkie said, bouncing along. “Everycreature there can be a little grumpy when you wake them up from their naps, but they’re really sweet once you get to know them!”

Starlight decided that ‘getting to know them’ was probably some sort of health hazard, regardless of their temperaments or opinions on the pony doing the knowing. And she wasn’t sure ‘sweet’ would have been her description of them, after spending… How long had they been there? It felt like an infinity, and yet also like no time at all. She hadn’t eaten since she and Twilight had their magic duel that morning, and the train had taken quite a while. Yet she still wasn’t hungry. Although, maybe it was as simple as the smell of fish quashing her hunger.

“Hurry up, we’re almost there!” Pinkie called, jolting Starlight out of her thoughts. She set off after Pinkie at a canter, and looked down into the valley ahead of them. There was a picturesque little village, a bit like Ponyville, situated on a train line that ran East to West between the mountain they had come from and the one Starlight could see many miles ahead. Surely a place like that would be calm and peaceful, and they’d be able to take the railway wherever they needed to go next.

As they got closer to the town, however, she started noticing cracks in the picturesque facade. There was an extensive logging operation just West of the town, and it looked like the trees were being used to build a giant wall between the mountains. As they traveled next to the wall she saw a large building, hastily constructed from the same rough-hewn logs as the wall. It was set against the wall up ahead, where the train tracks met the wall at an iron gate. There was even a pair of large cannons flanking the gate!

When they made it into the village, things continued looking grim. Though villagers did walk through the streets, there were fewer of them than Starlight would have guessed, and there were also many uniformed guards. A pair of them stopped Pinkie.

“Excuse me ma’am, but I’ll need to see your papers.”

Pinkie tilted her head, then shrugged. “Okie dokie!” She pulled out a waxy roll, some cupcake wrappers, and a box of napkins. “Here they are!”

The guard sighed. “Very funny. I mean your citizenship papers.”

“My what?”

“Your papers proving zat you’re a Prench national,” the other guard offered.

“But I’m not,” Pinkie answered.

“Alright, zen you’ll have to show your passport,” the first guard replied.

“Why?”

“Because we need to verify zat you’re not from Bitaly.”

“Why?”

“Because zat’s what our orders say.”

“Why?”

“Because zere’s a trade embargo against Bitaly.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know! I’m just a border guard. If you want to debate national politics, talk to ze captain. Or ze mayor. Frankly, I don’t care. Now do you have your passports or not?”

“Well, no…”

“Zen I’m afraid we’ll have to take you to ze courthouse. Follow me.” As he turned to go, the second guard whispered something in his ear. He sighed. “Droite. I’ll go do zat, you make sure zey get to ze courthouse.” And with that he trotted off.

The remaining guard looked them over, nodded to himself, and said, “How much are you willing to pay if I just pretend you went to ze courthouse?”

Starlight blinked. “What?”

“Oh, maybe ten bits.”

“Ten bits is outrageous,” Pinkie cut in, frowning. “Five bits is the right price.”

“Um, Pinkie, I don’t know that we should-”

“Well, I say zat it's ten bits. And as I am currently ze only one who can do zis for you…”

“Five bits,” Pinkie insisted.

“Ten bits,” the guard hissed back.

“Five bits.”

“Ten bits.”

“Five bits.”

“Ten bits.”

“Five bits.”

“Ten bits!”

“Five bits!”

“I insist it's ten bits or nothing!” Pinkie declared.

“Five bits and zat's my final offer!” the guard countered.
Pinkie grinned. “Have it your way, five bits it is!” She gave him five bits and hurriedly pulled Starlight away before the guard could notice what had happened. “The Massive Lute Bakery should be right over… here!” Pinkie came to a stop, gesturing at a well-maintained bakery. The sign did indeed picture a stringed instrument, though Starlight couldn’t tell which one or whether it was larger than average.

As they stepped inside, the bell over the door announced their presence. A plump, yet subtly muscular, young mare stepped up to the counter with a grin. “Bonjour et bienvenue dans la boulangerie du luth massif! Que cherchez-vous aujourd’hui, bons citoyens?”

Starlight looked at Pinkie. “Did you understand any of that?”

Pinkie tilted her head thoughtfully. “Hello girls, the laundry is big. The healthy chef bounces?”

The mare behind the counter held up a hoof. “Un instant, je vais chercher ma mère.” Then she hurried around a corner out of sight.

“One moment, Mayor Sunset.” Pinkie tapped a hoof on her chin. “I didn’t know Sunset moved to Prance. I wonder if we’ll get to meet her?”

“Pinkie, I think you lost your translation privileges.”

Just then another, older mare walked in. “Zanks for your patience. How can we help you?”

“We’re looking for some of your world famous Meringue!” Pinkie answered.

After buying all the meringue Pinkie could need, they set off towards the wall. “The next ingredient is in Bitaly, but they don’t seem to like Bitaly very much,” Pinkie said. “I wonder if they’ll let us pass?”

“Probably not, especially without any proof that we’re Equestrians, and not spies.”

Pinkie stopped abruptly. “That’s a great idea!”

Starlight glanced back at her. “What is?” she asked, worried what Pinkie would think of next.

“We’ll need a suit for you too, do you think they sell spy-suits here?”

“I doubt anything that’s labeled ‘spy’ anything is going to help us convince them we aren’t a threat.”

Pinkie shook her head, then pointed at a hot air balloon descending near the wall. “We’re gonna sneak across.”

Starlight weighed the pros and cons of sneaking across a militarized border. On the one hoof, they probably couldn’t make their way through legally, and it was sure to be a long detour to go around. On the other, she didn’t think Twilight would approve of criminal activity in the pursuit of baking a cake, no matter how good. On the third, they could get in a lot of trouble if they were caught. And on that final hoof you could never stand on by itself, but that was vital for keeping the others steady, they were apparently already criminals in the eyes of Prench law just for not having the right papers. She stared into Pinkie’s eyes. “Promise me that you’ll never tell Twilight about our adventures for this cake.”

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” she answered, slashing a hoof across her neck then setting the other against her eyelid.

“Alright, what did you have in mind?”

“We’ll sneak up to the hot air balloon, use it to cross over to Bitaly, then land at habit grass, where they make the best mascarpone ever.”

Starlight nodded. “Well, let’s double check their defenses for anything that could take down the balloon first, but if not, sure.”

They slunk through the streets, each hiding in their own way. Starlight walked down the alleyways in a generally Eastern direction, acting as though this were a perfectly normal, everyday occurrence, aside from her occasional furtive glances. Pinkie, meanwhile, had the opposite approach. She prowled about the rooftops, dressed in a black suit that would have been the perfect camouflage at night, but stood out like a sore hoof in the bright daylight. Yet somehow she was never there the few times a guard bothered checking the sky, so they both reached the Eastern edge of town without being spotted.

Starlight cast a binocular spell and scanned the fortifications. It appeared that while they had a pair of cannons at the gate, they didn’t have any on the rest of the wall, and those two were stationary, pointing through little holes in the gate. They were probably set up to aim at the train tracks, certainly not to fire on balloons. The guards were primarily earth ponies and unicorns, though she could see at least one pegasus just from her current position. Then she looked over at the balloon. It was moored in plain sight, but away from most of the guards. In fact, the only pony that appeared to be paying it any attention was a black clothed earth pony with a pink mane. Starlight sighed and teleported into the basket.

A moment later Pinkie stuck her head over the rim. “Wow, you’re good.”

“Just hop in before somepony sees you.”

Pinkie obliged, and Starlight began surreptitiously untying the ropes holding the balloon on the ground. Fortunately, the fire was still lit from the previous flight. Pinkie turned the dial up just a bit. As Starlight was trying to untie the last rope, peering through the weaving to try and work out the intricacies, they heard a voice calling from the nearby guards.

“Sir, I found two ponies wizout papers wandering ze streets, and while I was escorting zem to ze courthouse, zey fled!” There was another voice, but Starlight couldn’t make it out. “One was a purple unicorn, and ze ozer was a pink earth pony.”

Starlight finished with the rope, and they started floating upwards. “That’s our cue to leave.”

“Hey, somepony grab zose mooring lines, ze balloon's gotten loose!”

While Starlight turned the flame to full, Pinkie popped up and tossed a small bag of bits over the side. “Sorry for taking your balloon, but we’ll give it back when we’re done!”

Starlight glanced over, and saw the bag impact a pegasus who’d been flying to intercept them, causing him to veer towards the ground. Then she lit her horn and began pushing them East as hard as she could, thankful that the wind was helping at the moment.

Unfortunately another pegasus had caught up to them, and swooped up from below the basket, only for Pinkie to set off her party cannon, literally blowing him away. A third flew up behind them until he was level with the balloon, but didn’t approach. Instead, he lifted a long wooden stick and pointed it at the balloon. “What’s he going to do, throw it?” Starlight asked.

Pinkie shrugged. “Maybe, but it’d be a pretty hard throw.” He pulled something on top of the stick back with his teeth, and Pinkie gasped. “Get down!” Before Starlight could comply Pinkie yanked her to the floor of the basket. Then there was a loud crack, as if from thunder, even though the sky was clear.

“What was that!?”

“A musket! It’s like a tiny cannon!”

Starlight poked her head over the rim, and saw the pegasus preoccupied with loading his musket. With a simple yank of her telekinesis it fell out of his hooves, spiraling as it made its way to the grassy plains far below. But just then she heard a ripping sound from behind her and spun around. She leaned over the forward side and peered up. Sure enough, there was a long gash in the fabric, and behind them a second pegasus had joined the now retreating musketeer. Starlight refocused on the gash and sealed it with a crystal. Then she glanced behind them, but no more pegasi were chasing them. She slumped back in a corner and closed her eyes.

“Um, Starlight?” Pinkie asked in a nervous tone.

“Yes Pinke?”

“We have a runner.”

Starlight peered over the rear rim of the basket, but saw nopony. “Where?”

“Up there.” She pointed at the hole Starlight had sealed, which had grown on both sides of the crystal, though the center was still held shut. As she watched it continued to grow slowly, but to fix it properly she’d have to cancel her current crystal, which would only let it expand.

“Pinkie, please tell me you know how to land a hot air balloon.”

“No problem, we just lower the flame, then raise it again when we near the ground.”

“Great, let’s get low, so if the balloon gives out we won’t fall too far, then hover there as long as the wind is favorable.”

“Okey dokey lokey!”

Author's Note

The title is a reference to The Six Million Dollar Man, and is meant to represent how far they went to make the cake, not it’s size.

Splitting the Work: Return of the Princess

“We need more power!” Pinkie cried, watching the hill rising up to meet them in the distance.

“I’m giving it all it can!” Starlight replied, nonetheless trying to turn the knob further. “There’s no more power to give!”

“Try something, anything! We’ve got to have just a little more!”

Starlight tried lifting the balloon in her magic. It was harder than it looked, because even though hot air balloons were light enough to float, they were still massive. But she slowly lifted it, and by the time they reached the top of the hill, they were floating safely over it.

They were not, however, floating above the cluster of trees just on the other side.

“Evasive action!” Pinkie yelled.

“How?” Starlight asked. “I can’t move it that fast!”

“Brace for impact!”

If they had been traveling at high speeds, like those found in the upper atmosphere, the crash might have been deadly. However, since they were only going at a steady gallop they were simply tossed about within the basket as the balloon was caught in the upper branches of the first tree.

“Well, I guess this is our stop. Geronimo!” Pinkie leapt out of the basket, and Starlight hovered after her. They both turned back and looked at the balloon. “Aw man, I totally forgot I was gonna return it to them! Do you think we could just tell them where it is?”

Just then, a branch near the burner caught fire. “I don’t think they’ll want it back after this.”

Pinkie wilted a bit. “Oops.”

“So, where exactly were we heading next?”

“Oh, the finest school of bakery in Bitaly, Habit Grass. It’s not far now!” And so they took off once more, Pinkie cheerfully bouncing ahead, Starlight trotting behind.

It wasn’t long before they reached the end of the tiny forest, where they met a middle-aged earth pony stallion with a torch in his mouth, burning the grass. He looked up as they approached and shifted his torch to a forehoof. Pinkie waved a hoof, “Hello!”

“Ello!” the stallion called back, sitting down for a chat. “What are you two doing in the flaming woods?”

“We might have, accidentally, just a little bit… Lit the woods on fire. That’s not too bad, is it?” Starlight asked, putting on her best ‘please don’t be mad’ smile.

“Oh, not at all. We start a fire every year to keep the forest ealthy. Usually we make sure to clear the border first though.”

“So, we were looking for Habit Grass, is that it?” Pinkie asked, pointing to a large, square, three-story building at the base of the hill.

The stallion nodded. “That’s Abbiate Grasso, the greatest baking academy in the world.”

Pinkie nodded and started bouncing down the hill. Starlight looked between her and the stallion, who had returned to burning grass. “I’ll catch up in a bit Pinkie! Okay?”

“Have fun!” Pinkie answered.

For a moment Starlight just watched the older stallion work. He was surprisingly dexterous at his task, likely the result of years of practice. “So… What’s your name?”

He placed his torch back in his hoof and gave her a hard look. “I don’t mind talking, but I’ve got a job to do.”

“I can help!” Starlight offered. Reluctantly he offered her the torch, which she took with her magic. As she started to use it he nodded thoughtfully.

“That’s not bad at all. My name’s Cortile Sparuto. What’s yours?”

“I’m Starlight Glimmer.”

“Well Ms. Glimmer, what brings you to Abbiate Grasso?”

“Pinkie and I are collecting ingredients for a cake.”

Cortile nodded, and seemed to think for a moment. “Must be a very important cake to cross the Prench border over.”

Starlight nodded in agreement. “It’s for Princess Twilight.”

“Princess Twilight? Who’s a that?”

“She’s Princess Celestia’s protégé.”

“Ah, yes. I remember some talk about a new Equestrian Princess. That explains ow you got them to let you across the border.”

Starlight decided that the conversation was starting to drift into dangerous territory, so she handed Cortile back his torch. “Well, I’d better catch up to my friend. Have a nice day.” And with that she hurried off as fast as she could without looking rushed.

After Abbiate Grasso they had an uneventful trip East by rail. Pinkie began running through all the steps to make sure they hadn’t missed anything, and Starlight made sure they actually had tickets this time so they didn’t have to keep their heads down every time the conductor passed through. They rode all the way to the end of the line, where they hopped off at a desert.

As the train began puffing away, Starlight held a hoof over her eyes and looked as far as she could, but there wasn’t a sign of civilization ahead. “Um, Pinkie? Are we planning on walking through the desert?”

“Nope! My pen pal told me where they left their niece’s boat, and said I could borrow it anytime I needed.” She pulled out a stick with a circle on it and started waving above the sand. “Somewhere right about… here!” she smirked triumphantly as her circle made a beeping noise and she tossed it aside. She stomped her hoof down and the sand in front of them began to fall into a swiftly growing hole. Slowly, a boat rose up out of the hole. It had no mast, nor propellers at its sides like an airship. Instead, it had a wide metal tube that went straight down into the sand from the rear of the boat. Circling around, Starlight saw another tube towards the front.

Pinkie climbed aboard, and Starlight followed. “How does it move?”

Pinkie pointed to a crank at the rear of the boat. “You spin the crank and it turns something under the sand.”

Starlight nodded. “I’ll turn the crank, you steer us towards our destination.”

As Starlight spun the crank, the ship began to move forward, faster than even a talented runner, though not quite at locomotive speeds. The trip was also quite rough, like a storm tossed sea, even though the wind was merely at good kite weather levels. After about a minute she noticed that Pinkie was looking around for something. “Did you drop something?” she yelled over the wind.

“I can’t find a way to steer the boat!” Pinkie answered.

Starlight blinked, though looking upwind made that happen with or without a shock. “Nothing?” Pinkie shook her head and shrugged. “Who builds a boat you can’t steer?”

Pinkie perked up. “I have an idea!” She reached under the trapdoor in the middle of the ship and pulled out a long pole. Then she lowered the pole over the side of the ship and started fighting with it. Slowly the ship started turning generally in her direction. Starlight heaved a sigh of relief at another challenge overcome.

It wasn’t long before they got to the surprisingly large town of Ma' Zahr Alburtuqal, which Starlight was sure she’d never be able to spell or pronounce correctly. They had no trouble simply walking in and buying the Marzipan Pinkie needed. Then Starlight helped Pinkie set up a full kitchen on the deck of the sand boat. Pinkie prepared everything, with Starlight helping whenever there was a secondary task, like measuring and cutting. Then Pinkie put the cake in the oven and turned it on. “And now, we wait.”

“Okay.” Suddenly, Starlight let out a huge yawn. “Wake me when it’s ready, okay?” she said, curling up in a corner of the boat.

Starlight woke up in a dark forest with the driest throat she’d had since escaping Our Town. Her coat was damp with sweat, and she didn’t feel properly rested, but she got up anyway. Slowly, she looked around. There was a large bottle full of a light green liquid labeled ‘Drink me’ and a wagon with a glass dome covering the cake she and pinkie had been baking. It cut an imposing figure, towering over Starlight even before the wagon gave it more height.

She picked up the water bottle first, and saw that there was a note on the reverse of the label. It read ‘Try this to soothe your achy throat! :)’ Starlight shrugged and took a swig, deciding to just run with it. It had a slight tang of salt, but she didn’t feel like she was getting drunk, just a lot less thirsty. After waiting a moment, she downed the rest of it in two more huge gulps. Then she turned her attention to the cake.

“Pinkie, are you there?” she called. There was no response. She performed a locator spell that told her which way and how far to the nearest town, and it wasn’t far. Nodding to herself, she hitched up the wagon and set off, wanting to get out of the forest as soon as she could. It was starting to get on her nerves.

After about two minutes Starlight found herself looking over Ponyville from the edge of the Everfree Forest. She hadn’t recognized it, but she chalked that up to both the differences between the worlds and her relative lack of experiences with forests.

Her mind raced as she made her way towards Twilight’s castle. How was she back in Ponyville? It had taken them hours to make it to Saddle Arabia, and now that she gave it some thought they would almost certainly have been late, yet here she was. It was late afternoon, just like it had been before she took her nap. She might have been tempted to call the whole thing a dream, except for the giant cake she was even now pulling behind her.

Shaking her head and putting the thought aside for now, she carefully teleported the cake through the front doors, only to find Twilight already inside.

“Oh, hello Starlight. I was just about to go looking for you.”

“I just got back from baking this cake with Pinkie!” Starlight gave a nervous grin. “Tada!”

“Hold on a moment, is that… Is that the MMMM?”

“Um… Yeah, I think Pinkie called it that. Short for Marzipan, Masquerade, Meringue Madness, I think. No, not masquerade… Mascarpone!”

“You two managed to bake that just since I left?”

“Yep!” Starlight no longer had to struggle to keep her grin, Twilight liked it!

“Say, where is Pinkie? I would’ve thought that she’d want to be here.”

“I don’t know, actually. Last time I saw her was outside of Ma' Zahr.”

“What?” Before Starlight could answer there was a knock at the door. “I wonder who that is?”

Starlight was not having a good time this afternoon. She’d sewn a simple dress with Rarity and scrapbooked with Applejack, only to realize that she could no longer feel her other body at all. It had just slowly faded into the background, then stopped altogether. She’d gone ahead and helped Fluttershy with her animals, but now it was time to talk to Twilight. Hopefully she could figure out what had gone wrong with the spell on her own, otherwise she’d have to ask Twilight for help. Unless maybe Minuette knew anything about this sort of spellwork…

Putting that line of thought aside for now, she knocked on Twilight’s door, just to be polite, then opened it. “Sorry I’m late, I just finished helping Fluttershy, and-”

“There are two of you!” Twilight shouted. Starlight looked up and saw that there was indeed another Starlight, staring at her with almost as much surprise as Twilight. “Spike, come quick!”

Spike poked his head into the hall. “Yeah, what is it?” he asked, before doing a double take. “Changelings? Oh boy.”

“We’re not changelings!” the other Starlight cut in. “At least, I don’t think they are. Tell me something only I’d know.”

Starlight thought for a moment. “Canterlot library, tut tut, it looks like rain.”

“Technically Derpy knows that too, but I’ll accept that. She’s me.”

“Then who are you?” Twilight said, voice tinged with panic.

“She’s also me,” Starlight offered. “Look, if you’ll just calm down for a bit, we can explain everything.”

“How do we know you’re not just both changelings?” Spike asked. “You only confirmed with each other.”

“That’s actually a good point,” both Starlights said in unison. Starlight let out a little laugh while Other Starlight continued. “Let’s see… During our fight, I talked to Fluttershy and some bullies picking on her, and then you told me not to tell ponies not to pick on others.”

“Not one of her finest speeches,” Spike agreed.

“Okay, so if you’re not changelings, why are there two Starlights in my castle?” Twilight gasped. “Tell me you didn’t find yourself in the human world and bring them back with you! I thought you said you didn’t go through?”

“Nope, I’m as much a pony as you are,” Starlight cut in. “Wait, would we technically be only half a pony right now?”

“The spell was only supposed to split our bodies, but clearly our minds are also distinct,” Other Starlight mused. “Does that mean more mind was created, or that we each only have half a brain?”

“That sounds terrible!” Starlight shuddered at the thought. “I really don’t want to only be half a pony. Maybe we can perform a scan to check.”

“You split yourself into two ponies!?” Twilight screamed.

“Yes,” they answered, offering identical sheepish grins.

Twilight started hyperventilating. “Deep breaths Twilight. I’m sure it will all be fine. It’s not like creating or tearing apart a creature's very being is unheard of. It’s just called necromancy!” She disappeared in a flash of magic.

“I should probably go check on her,” Spike said. “Try not to create a whole mob of yourselves, I’m still losing sleep over last time.” He shuddered and walked off to find Twilight.

“So, we either created sentient life, one of the bigger breaches of magical ethics, or we split our spirit in half,” Other Starlight said.

“Yep, that’s about it. What should I call you?”

“Huh?”

“Well, Other Starlight doesn’t seem right, you’re as much Starlight as I am, however much that turns out to be.”

Other Starlight’s eyes went wide, and she spoke in an eerie monotone. “Carcosa.”

“Carcosa?”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know, you said it!”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. Alright, at least for now you can be Carcosa. If this lasts until tomorrow we’ll reconsider names.”

Carcosa opened her mouth, then shut it and shook her head. “Fine. You can be Glimmer then.”

Glimmer nodded. “Right. Now that that’s out of the way, how are we going to fix this?”

Carcosa tapped her chin. “Assuming we are both whole, what then? Do we both live in the castle as Twilight’s student? Both hang out with the Doctor? Do we just decide who stays and who goes?”

“Hmm… None of those are great, but I guess we can ask Twilight if we can both stay.”

Carcosa shook her head. “I have a plan that’ll bypass all that, if you’re okay with it.”

Glimmer tilted her head. “Oh? And what’s that?”

“We skip the tests, and recombine. If we were both halves of a whole, that’s what we’d do anyway. If not, well…” She shrugged. “We’ll both be in the same boat as we were before this whole mess. Whaddaya say?”

“Why specifically skip the test? Not that we’d need it but-”

“Would you want to know if it turns out we are separate ponies, fully and completely? If you squint right, it could be considered suicide. Or murder.”

Glimmer paled. “I… I hadn’t thought of it like that.” She shook her head, then sighed. “I’m still up for it. It’ll take some time to figure out how, though.”

Carcosa shook her head. “I know how.”

“What, how!? You learned how to reshape ponies’ spirits by baking a cake!?”

“It’s not about the destination, but about the journey. I couldn’t quite explain it in words, but I know how to do this.”

Glimmer tilted her head and looked Carcosa straight in the eyes. “If you’re sure…”

Carcosa simply nodded and began heading for the map room. “Bring me a blind chicken and a box of chalk.”

“Where would I even find a blind chicken? Cause I was just at Fluttershy’s and the closest she’s got is only blind in one eye. Also, why would you need a blind chicken?”

“Hmm. I suppose we could simply tie a blindfold over a chicken’s eyes.”

Glimmer shook her head and turned to go. “You know what, I don’t think I want to know why the chicken can’t watch you cast the spell.”

Carcosa closed the doors of the map room and nodded thoughtfully. “No, we wouldn’t want to remember that, would we?” She ∂ø∂©´∂ å˜∂ ®ø¬¬´∂, π¬åçˆ˜© ˙ˆß ˙å˜∂ ø˜ †˙´ Îøç†ø®

ıÒÅÇ ˇÓˆ‰ˇ´´˜

Ó´ †øßß´∂ †˙´ µåß†´® ∫å¬¬ ∫´˙ˆ˜∂ ˙ˆµ. Ôø˙˜

There was a red sphere with iron bands around it and a large lock sitting in front of Carcosa and Glimmer. Well, she supposed it must just be Starlight now, since she could remember both of them. She rubbed her head as she tried to understand what had just happened. Carcosa had no memories since walking into the map room, which she was still in, but Glimmer did. After she returned with the chicken and chalk she had found Carcosa with her busily writing something down. Then, she blindfolded both the chicken and Glimmer, and said something about how it was ‘for the best’ that they not see everything. She told Glimmer that she was locking some of her memories in a mental strongbox, and handed her the key. After that, things got hazy.

As Starlight stood up she noticed the chicken was sitting in Fluttershy’s throne. Deciding to deal with that later, she picked up the strongbox. It was only about two hooves wide, but it was heavy. Under it was a paper. It read: I peeked, and I know what we were, but before I did I decided that no matter what I found, I’d put that knowledge away. I also locked up the mountain, which I guess you, I? Whoever, wouldn’t understand. It means I locked up the knowledge of how to do this, and other such things. If I, you, we ever need to do this again it’s available, but don’t just crack this box open when we’re bored. Don’t roll your eyes, I know me too well. Anyway, that’s all I put in here.

Twilight came in the room, looking only slightly less frazzled than before. “Alright, I think I know what we should do first. Where’s Starlight. Well, the other Starlight. We need both of you.”

“I am both of me. And I also have a headache from trying to accept two different memories of today.”

“You just fused?! Without testing first?!”

“Yep.”

“Uhhg.” Twilight slumped to the floor. Starlight wasn’t sure if she’d fainted, or just lost the willpower to stay upright.

Author's Note

Don’t bother trying to translate the text spasming when Carcosa stops remembering things. Not that it can’t be done, but I copied it from another story entirely. Something about dodging a pokeball, not applicable here at all.

Also, I’ll be waiting a bit before starting the next story, cause I’m all out of stuff that I worked ahead on.

Life in Equestria: Morning in Ponyville

It was a beautiful, shining morning in Ponyville when Thorax made his way to Fluttershy’s cottage. He was nervous, but Spike had insisted that Fluttershy was both very friendly and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Inky had also ‘reassured’ him, saying that Fluttershy, much like him, ‘looks spineless when you first meet her, and never so much as raises her voice unless you do something very wrong.’ He wasn’t sure Twilight understood their relationship whenever she called Inky his ‘changeling friend’. Changeling guide, maybe.

He knocked on the door, and waited. He was still Crystal Hoof for the moment. Fluttershy was aware, but it was still a secret to the rest of Ponyville. Ever since meeting Spike, he had gradually been growing stronger, and less hungry, so it was no longer difficult to maintain such a simple transformation.

Soon, the door opened and a yellow pegasus with a pink mane looked out. “Oh, hello. Are you Crystal Hoof?”

“Yes. I am. Thanks for having me.” He gave a nervous chuckle.

Fluttershy opened the door a little further and stepped aside. “Oh, it’s, um, it’s no trouble. I made sure the couch was ready, so I have a bed for both of us.”

Thorax grinned, stepping inside. “Thanks! I’ve decided cushions are really nice to sleep on, and I’ve never tried sleeping on a couch before!”

“Oh, um, I meant that you could sleep on the bed…” Fluttershy trailed off as Thorax lay down on the couch and wiggled experimentally.

“And it’s even got a rim to help keep me from falling out!”

“I’m... glad you like it.”

“So, what do you do most days?”

“Well, I make sure all my animals are taken care of.”

Thorax hopped off the couch. “That sounds like fun. Can I help?”

Fluttershy smiled. “Of course!”

That afternoon, while Thorax was cautiously watching Angel Bunny, trying to figure out how to appease him, there came a knock on the front door. He turned to face it and shrank down. “What was that?” Angel rolled his eyes and hopped over to the door, gesturing at the knob. Slowly, Thorax walked over and opened the door.

On the front step stood a brown pegasus with a dark pink mane. “Hello! Are you Crystal Hoof?”

“Um, yes, I am. Who are you?”

“I’m Tumbleweed, and I heard you were new in town, so I thought I’d give you a tour while I’m in the area.”

“Oh, you don’t live here?”

“I move around a lot, don’t really have roots anywhere, but I frequent Ponyville enough to know all the local places of interest. You could say I’m part of the welcoming committee.”

Thorax nodded. “I’ll have to tell Fluttershy first, but that sounds great!” Tumbleweed nodded and Thorax made his way to the back door.

“Fluttershy, a mare named Tumbleweed offered to take me on a tour, and I wanted to let you know I was headed out!”

“Oh, that sounds delightful. Let me know about it when you get back,” she called back from next to the chicken coop.

Then he headed back to the front door, where Tumbleweed was still waiting. “Okay! Where to first?”

She started walking down the path towards town, and he followed as she answered. “Well, I was thinking that we’d start at Sugarcube Corner, then make our way to Town Hall, then poke around town and see what interests you. My personal favorite is the racetrack.”

“What’s Sugarcube Corner?”

“It is, without a doubt, the most popular place in town. I don’t think you can really be called a Ponyvillian until you’ve been there at least once. They won the national dessert competition a few years back. Obviously Sweet Apple Acres is a bigger deal in the grand scheme of things, but for places you can go partake in as an individual, this is Ponyville’s crowning jewel.” She gestured at a large building decorated like a gingerbread house, with a double cupcake tower in the center.

“Wow…”

“Come on in, let’s grab lunch. It’ll be my treat. Unless Pinkie beats me to it.”

“Your… treat?” Thorax asked, tilting his head.

Tumbleweed laughed. “Don’t tell me they don’t have restaurants in the Crystal Empire.” She paused and tilted her head. “Actually, they were away for a thousand years, I don’t know what they might not have that seems self-evident here in Equestria.” Thorax grinned, hoping his confusion didn’t show. What was a restaurant? Did they have them in the Crystal Empire? “Anyway, let’s head in.” She led them into the building and up to a counter with a bright pink earth pony standing on the other side. “Hello Pinkie Pie.”

“Hi Tumbleweed! How’re you doing? Oh, and who’s you friend?”

“You know, I always wonder how you can remember my name. Your ability to remember everypony who comes through town is nothing short of awe-inspiring. I’m showing Crystal Hoof here around town as a favor for my cousin. Where should I bring him this evening?”

“How about Twilight’s Castle?” Pinkie asked. “That’s sure to bring back some memories.”

“We’ll be there at dusk.”

Pinkie ducked below the counter and brought out two large cups of… something. “Here’s the Welcome-to-Ponyville Special, on the house!”

Tumbleweed took one, and gestured for Thorax to do the same. “Thanks again Pinkie!”

“Anytime!”

She led the way outside, cup in wing, and started sipping on the straw. Thorax followed, awkwardly hobbling on three hooves and holding his cup in the fourth. “Oh, I hadn’t thought about that. Earth ponies don’t have as many options for carrying things as pegasi or unicorns. Why don’t we sit down while you enjoy your milkshake?”

Thorax nodded and sat down against the front wall, just far enough away that they weren’t in anypony’s way. “So, why town hall?” he asked, before beginning on his drink.

“I’m gonna help you sign up as a resident. That’s normally something everypony does themselves, but we thought you might appreciate the help working through paperwork, since you’re not from Equestria. It’s simple enough, just census stuff, then we can move on to other things.”

“We?” Thorax asked. “The Ponyville welcoming committee?”

“Actually, my cousin Perfect told me about you in a letter yesterday, and I was just a town over, so I thought I’d come by and help you get settled in. Pinkie Pie’s the real force of welcomedom in Ponyville, just you wait for dusk. In the meantime, done with your milkshake?” At his nod she set off. “Then it’s time for our next stop: Bureaucracy!” She spread her wings in a theatrical gesture of revelation. “Shouldn’t take too long, Ponyville’s pretty lax about that stuff. Way nicer than Manehatton, or Canterlot. Those could take hours.”

They made their way to a tall circular building in the town square. It was cream, with a brown roof, a fancy balcony and porch, and three stories tall, judging by the windows. Once inside Tumbleweed turned to him. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” He looked around the room and found a pair of seats at a table by one of the windows that looked nice. By the time he had wandered over and sat down, Tumbleweed was already crossing the room towards him, a pair of papers held in her wing. “Alright, let’s see…” She sat across from him, pulled a pen out of her mane, and set the papers in front of her. Then she started writing. “Today’s the seventh, Crystal Hoof…” Scribble scritch. “And you want to keep that name, right?”

“Um, yes?”

“Thought so, just making sure.” Scritch. “Date of birth?”

“Um… I don’t know.”

Tumbleweed sighed and started tilting her head. “Maybe… sixteen? How’s that sound?”

“Can we do that?”

“As long as you make an honest effort, nopony cares if these are exact. When do you want your birthday to be?”

“Sixteen years ago sounded good.”

“The sixteenth of last month it is. Crystal Empire, Equestria obviously, why is that even a question? Fluttershy’s cottage by the Everfree. Do either of your parents live in Equestria? Specifically not the Crystal Empire. I’m not actually sure if that counts as part of Equestria.” He shook his head. “Crystal pony, blue, blue, still blue, urn. Alright, look this over and tell me if there’s anything wrong.”

She spun the papers around and pushed them over to him. He dutifully picked them up and looked them over. Then he set them back down with a sheepish grin. “I, um… I don’t know how to read.”

She took the papers back. “Well, in that case I’ll mark this here, and make a note… Done. I’ll take this and meet you outside.” He went outside to wait, and sure enough she was back in a flash. “Alright, how would you describe your general education thus far?”

“Um…”

“I see. I wonder if Cheerilee would be okay with accepting an older student?” She trotted off, and Thorax followed closely.

“So, I would learn how to read?”

Tumbleweed nodded. “Among other things. It’s an important life skill, regardless of what profession you end up following. Some ponies even like to read for pleasure, but that’s never been something I did much of. I’m always busy doing something or going somewhere, never time for a book. But I read plenty of signs, menus, maps, and the like.”

“I’ve always wanted to learn how to read. It seems cool.”

“Perfect! I’ll look into that tomorrow. For now, let’s see if anything interests you.”

As it turned out, it was harder to find something that didn’t interest Thorax than something that did. He’d really liked a lamp selection they’d found, but even though Tumbleweed seemed to slow down for the first time in their whirlwind tour, she’d still dragged him away sooner than he’d have liked.

When the sun finally began to touch the horizon she brought him to the Northern edge of town where Twilight’s castle waited. Tumbleweed gestured for Thorax to take the lead, so he did. The lights were out and nopony greeted them when he knocked tentatively on the doors. He looked back at Tumbleweed, who nodded with a small grin on her face and gestured to push the doors open. Taking a breath, he did so. It was dark inside, and he slowly stepped forward, using a hoof to check for obstacles.

“Surprise!” The lights came on and revealed dozens of ponies standing in a wide semicircle around the main doors, all cheering. Pinkie Pie, Spike, and Twilight Sparkle were all there, as were several ponies he’d briefly met around town. He also saw Fluttershy, though she was further back from the main gathering. “Everypony, I want you to meet our newest friend, Crystal Hoof!” Pinkie said, before zipping over and offering him a party blower, which he hesitantly took.

“Oh, thanks Pinkie. I wasn’t expecting so many ponies to want to meet me.”

“Don’t be silly!” Pinkie said, starting to lead Thorax further into the room. “Everypony you haven’t met is just a friend waiting to be made! And who doesn’t want to meet new friends?”

Tumbleweed chuckled slightly as she watched the two of them go. He was certainly taking the party better than Twilight had, back when she first came to town. She had figured he would, despite his nervousness. Changelings were very social animals by necessity, he would need a good support system here if he was to thrive. And the longer she had hung around him, the more the grub had grown on her. At first she had dismissed him as a weakling, but she had to remind herself that strength was hardly the only value a pony could have. Still, Inky would probably keep being a little hard on him, couldn’t let him completely lose his edge.

It looked like Tumbleweed might end up hanging around town more than normal for a while, at least until he was fully settled. Maybe she should introduce him to Derpy? Or Hairy Potter, he should probably learn a thing or two from him, it would help him blend in.

But she knew one thing for absolute certain. Everything was certainly fine. Only, now that she had that thought those words sounded familiar, and not in a good way. Like there was a proverbial raincloud waiting to soak her happy little parade.

Hopefully she was just being paranoid, but she’d speak with the Doctor about it tomorrow.

Author's Note

In case it wasn’t obvious I’m using the beginning and ending songs of Magical Mystery Cure as a theme for this story. I don’t remember why. Maybe I just happened upon the title and decided to run with it?

Anyway, this one’s just here to show Thorax settling into his new home.

Life in Equestria: Day of Discord

On Thorax’s second day with Fluttershy he was woken by the crackling sound of magic. He shot up and looked around, but the only thing out of place was an envelope in front of the door. Letting out a sigh of relief he went ahead and changed into Crystal Hoof before rolling off the couch, sticking his four hoof landing. He hummed a little tune as he trotted over to the envelope. He picked it up and turned around, headed for the stairs, only to see Fluttershy headed down already. “Oh, hello there. I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “I always wake up with the sun, so I can have my animal friends’ breakfast ready by the time they’re up.”

“Okay. I found this.” He held up the envelope and she took it, before opening and beginning to read. “What’s it say?”

“Princess Celestia's taking us on an overnight goodwill tour of Yakyakistan. I’d better start packing.”

“Oh, I can help!”

Only slightly later in the day, Inky was awoken by Perfect Pace prodding her in the shoulder, followed by a singsong: “Hey. Iiinnkyyy It’s time to wake uuupp.”

“Nope.”

“It’s seven o’clock,” Perfect no longer sounded melodic. Now she just sounded mildly annoyed.

“So? I stayed up late last night.”

“You asked me to make sure you got up at seven since you scheduled a meeting.”

Inky shot out of bed, making a mess of the sheets as she did so. “I forgot! Right, I’m out the door.”

“Aren’t you going to have breakfast first? It’s almost done.”

Inky shook her head as she headed down the stairs. “I’ll grab a container and bring some to the meeting. Goodness knows Time Turner would forget to eat if nopony reminded him on occasion.” Once downstairs she opened a cabinet and fished out the largest resealable container she saw. Then she popped open the oven, grabbed the half of the breakfast waffles that looked most done, and set them inside. Finally she deposited a few apples from a wire basket and headed out the door.

“Inky! I’ve told you to stop raiding the oven!” Perfect called out, though without any real anger. There was a mild hint of frustration, but she’d long since realized that it would never stick. Inky set off at a brisk trot for Time Turner’s house, humming a tune as she went. As she passed her house Bon Bon stepped out and matched pace with her.

“You’re in a rush. What’s the hurry?”

“Nothing specific, I’ve just got a bunch of little things to do, helping Crystal Hoof settle in. It turns out he’s illiterate, so I’m going to see if Cherrilee can fit him in somewhere. I’m glad you could make it this morning, I know it’s a busy time for bakers.”

“Helping him integrate into Equestria is an important goal, well worth losing a morning rush over. This is the first defector in over a decade, I’m hoping we can ask him some questions soon.”

Inky nodded. “As soon as he’s settled, but I want to make sure he won’t bolt first. Though, when we do, it would be helpful if you play gently, I may have already pushed him a bit hard.”

“Trying to frighten him out of any mischief making?”

Inky blushed, but held her tongue. When they reached the Doctor’s house she led the way and gave two sharp raps. Red Rose opened the door. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting anypony to join you.”

“It’s okay, she’s in the loop,” Inky reassured her with a nod. She opened the door and led them to the living room. There were mechanical bits and small stacks of paper loose in a few places, but there was still room for all five of them. Derpy wasn’t here, presumably because she had work. Time Turner was busy fiddling with a screwdriver, trying to do something with a metal object in his hooves. Red Rose, the red unicorn mare with a pink and purple mane who owned the local textile mill, had taken a seat next to Sunset, a yellow earth pony stallion with an orange mane. He was a painter of some sort, though Inky couldn’t even recall so far as to whether he was an artist or whether he painted buildings.

Once Bon Bon had found a seat Inky began. “Thanks to everypony for coming on such short notice. Some of you already know, but for those of you who don’t, I’m helping another changeling settle into Ponyville. His cover identity is Crystal Hoof and he’s staying at Fluttershy’s cottage-”

At that the Doctor immediately jerked up. “You left him with Fluttershy‽”

Inky leaned back slightly at his outburst. “Yes. Is there a problem with that?”

“Today’s the tea party!” By now everypony was staring at him in confusion. He shook his head. “When she and Discord get together once a week!”

“They what?” It was Bon Bon who asked, but Inky shared the sentiment.

The Doctor looked directly at Inky. “You didn’t know?”

Inky was already heading out the door, leaving breakfast behind. “I appreciate your confidence Doctor, but I can’t know everything. I am but mortal, not Pinkie Pie.”

It hadn’t taken long for Thorax and Fluttershy to pack everything she needed, though she had mentioned a nagging sensation of forgetting something. Even so, with his help she had been able to get out the door in plenty of time, and he was proud to have been able to help her. He was sweeping the floors when a large, furry, snakelike, bipedal… thing, appeared in the middle of the cottage. “Tea!” it offered, holding out a tray with two teacups and a teapot towards the empty couch. “Well that’s odd. Fluttershy!” The strange creature turned and saw Thorax, who had frozen in place. Then it frostily raised an eyebrow “Who are you?”

“Um, I’m, uh, her new roommate?” Thorax stammered.

“And why isn’t she here?” It’s voice had become a low, menacing growl.

“She’s going on a tour of Yakyakistan!” The creature narrowed its eyes, then disappeared in a flash of light. “Hello? Are you still here?” Thorax shook his head slowly. “I really hope I’m wrong, but I think I know who that was.”

Suddenly the door slammed open, causing Thorax to instinctively turn into a pet bed and close his eyes. “Thorax!” Inky shouted. “Where are you?” She started to trot upstairs, only to turn around. “I know you’re in here, I can smell your fear.”

“I swear I’m innocent!” he shouted, not yet turning back.

Inky took a deep breath in and out as she walked past him. “I’m not mad, just worried. I heard Discord might come by today.” A pause. “Innocent of what, exactly?”

Thorax let his natural form reassert itself, causing Inky to turn around with a start. “I didn’t know what you thought I did, I just knew you were upset. And you just missed him.”

“You can turn into inanimate objects?” Inky asked. He just nodded. “Impressive, I can’t even manage plants myself. Anyway, back to the matter at hoof. You said Discord already came by, how did that go?”

“He asked me where Fluttershy was, and I told him she was going to Yakyakistan.”

Inky nodded thoughtfully. “Hmm… Did he seem upset?”

“A bit.”

“Alright, I’m going to wait until he comes back so I can make sure there are no hard feelings.”

“You don’t have to do that.” You really don’t have to do that, Thorax thought, suppressing a shudder as he imagined Inky’s brusque attitude colliding with the icy condescension of Discord. Maybe he won’t come back?

“I accepted responsibility for your safety, and even though Discord wouldn’t destroy you lest he be stoned again, he can still be a huge pain if he wants to be.”

Before Thorax could think of a response a trumpet sounded outside, prompting him to change into Crystal Hoof. Then the door slid into the wall, revealing Discord’s return. He seemed in much better spirits now, though he still raised a skeptical brow at Inky. “Oh look, another one. And who are you supposed to be, since Fluttershy certainly didn’t mention another houseguest.”

“I’m Inky, and I’m just here to help Crystal Hoof get situated. Ponyville’s quite a change of pace from the Crystal Empire, and I wouldn’t want him to-”

“Yes yes, you’re the boring aunt Twilight got on loan. Fluttershy did mention something like that.” Discord waved a dismissive hand in her direction. “You’ll be pleased to hear that we’re going to Guys’ Night at Twilight’s castle.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you-” Thorax began, before being cut off.

“Yes, I’m a paragon of virtue. I’ll come pick you up around sunset.” Inky opened her mouth to say something, only for Discord to continue. “No, you can’t come. It’s called a Guys’ Night, not a Whoever Happens to be There Night.”

“Okay, but can I invite a friend of mine?”

“A friend?” Thorax asked, before Inky shot him a look. “Oh, that. Right.”

Discord raised an eyebrow and Inky’s look simmered. “Which friend?”

“Shadow Mark.” Discord snapped his fingers and Inky was transformed into a black pegasus stallion with a dark gray mane. She did so, not in a flash of colored fire, but in a flashbulb of white. “Umm… What just happened?” she asked.

Discord snapped again and both she and Thorax reverted to their natural forms. “How interesting,” Discord mused.

“Fluttershy already knows about Thorax, and Twilight is aware of my story,” Inky cut in.

“Fine then, I don’t care anyway. But you’re still not invited to the party. I’ll know if you try to sneak in.” And with that he was gone.

“Well, that could’ve gone better,” Inky muttered.

That evening, Inky, Perfect Timing, Bon Bon, and the Doctor were gathered in Twilight’s backyard, sitting at a picnic table. “Do we actually have a plan, or are we just going to be watching and hoping?” Bon Bon asked. “It’s not as though we can do anything to him if he does try anything.”

“Actually, I do have something that might work,” the Doctor replied, pulling a boxy device out of under the table. It resembled a large camara, with six distinctive gems set around the exterior, as well as several gears of varying sizes. “The only thing Discord fears are the Elements of Harmony, so I figured anything made to go up against him would have to include them. This device was designed to emulate the bearers using the Elements to petrify their target.”

“Doctor,” Bon Bon whispered. “How did you remove the Elements from the Tree of Harmony? And why haven’t you told anypony you can manipulate the Elements?”

“Oh, well…” His smell shifted from proud to something between guilt and worry as he anxiously tugged at his collar. “I’ll answer your first question after we’re done here, but as for your second, this is an untested prototype. I’ve done my best, and let me tell you, it’s not easy to simulate character with gems and steel, but I’ve gotten as far along as I could without a proper field test.”

“How long did that take?” Inky asked.

“I’ve been tinkering with it off and on since Discord re-emerged a few years back. Up until now I’ve never had a need for it when everything was in place.”

“Do you have any other potential superweapons lying around your house we should know about?” Bon Bon asked.

Inky immediately considered the possibility of requesting military assistance from the Changeling World, but the Doctor seemed shocked. “Superweapons? You make me sound like a mad scientist from the comics. This is the only purpose built weapon in my house, and I designed this specifically with Discord in mind.”

“Purpose built?”

“Any sufficiently powerful tool is indistinguishable from a really inefficient weapon,” Perfect pointed out. A shadow fell across the table, and they all looked up to see the sun disappearing behind the horizon. “Am I the only one who thinks we all might be overreacting to a neighborly invitation to an event?”

“It was a very forceful invitation,” Inky began.

“By the Spirit of Chaos,” Bon Bon continued.

“You can never trust that, that… fiend!” the Doctor added. “I’d feel far safer if he didn’t frequent Ponyville, except that then I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on him.”

“Well, let’s go see how things are going,” Perfect conceded.

As they made their way over to the windows of Twilight’s castle Inky cast a perception filter over them. This one utilized a modified version of the ‘Want it Need it’ spell Twilight had wrecked Ponyville with that one time, inverted so as to deflect attention away from the target of the spell. She’d learned through experience that her filters couldn’t affect young foals or either those with a strong will or those with talent for magic, she wasn’t sure which. Whichever way that it failed to fool the Princesses it likely wouldn’t work on Discord either, but it would at least keep most passerby from noticing the group’s odd activity.

Once there they saw Discord talking to Spike and Big Mac, with Thorax right behind him in his Crystal Hoof disguise. Then there was a flash of light and they were all gone.

“Please tell me one of you can track teleports,” the Doctor whispered.

Perfect shook her head. “Sorry Doctor, if I were standing right where he cast the spell, I might be able to tell somepony had teleported, but I’d have no way of knowing where.”

Inky shrugged. “I might be able to manage a rough distance, but I imagine Discord probably doesn’t follow the same power drop-offs as the usual mage.”

The Doctor rubbed his chin with a forehoof. Just as he opened his mouth they reappeared in another flash of white. “Well, I suppose that’s a moot point now.” Spike ran into an interior room, and the others all stood around, waiting.

“It just occurred to me, what are we going to do if they head deeper inside?” Perfect asked.

Bon Bon smirked and withdrew a grappling hook from her saddlebags. “Then I’ll do some mountaineering. Inky, think you’re up for a flight?” As the others headed off after Spike, Inky nodded.

“I still don’t understand what happened,” Perfect said in a bewildered tone.

“Neither do I,” agreed the Doctor.

“I bet we’d have a better idea what in Equestria happened in there if Discord wasn’t such an impulsive teleporter,” Bon Bon added. “And here I thought Princess Twilight teleported everywhere.”

“Yes, or if we could hear them,” the Doctor continued. “Spying is probably much less frustrating when you can reach listening range.”

Perfect let out a large yawn. “Well, they all seem to be having fun, so I’m going to bed. It’s way past my bedtime, and you don’t need four ponies for this. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Once she was gone, Inky turned to the Doctor and pulled him away from Bon Bon, who was still watching the window, though she seemed to be nodding off a bit. “So, how did you manage to obtain some Elements of Harmony?” she asked. “I would’ve thought you borrowed the ones from the other world, but most of those are in their shaped forms.”

“Oh, well, you see.” He swallowed. “They’re fake. The device really is designed just as I said, but the Elements are simply enchanted to seem as though they were the real things. I was hoping it might be good enough to fool Discord. After all, I’ve spent as much time around the Elements as he has.”

“Huh. That’s surprisingly sneaky of you Doctor. I expect you didn’t tell us so our reactions couldn’t give it away?”

“Yes, specifically Perfect Timing.”

“Well, I’m glad we didn’t end up having to use it. Although, maybe we should see about testing it sometime, just in case.”

Author's Note

Discord doesn’t have any passive detection abilities beyond the average creature, but if he thinks to start running scans there’s not a lot he can’t find.

Life in Equestria: Afternoon Acquaintances

It was a beautiful morning as Cheerilee’s class waited with great anticipation for the bell. “And that’s just one more reason why you should never enter the Everfree forest without a qualified adult. I know, you all already know this, but it never hurts to be sure!” Behind her the bell started ringing, prompting the students to start packing up their desks. “Don’t forget to pick up your test reports on your way out!”

Thorax got in line behind the Cutie Mark Crusaders and followed them as they grabbed their reports and filed out. Scootaloo unrolled hers first. “C. Eh, I guess that’s okay.”

“Maybe if you’d actually paid attention in class you’d a got that B you were hopin’ for,” Apple Bloom pointed out as she unrolled hers. “Speakin’ of, I got a B!”

Thorax gulped as he slowly started to unroll his. “I just hope I didn’t get an F.”

“Cheer up!” Sweetie Belle encouraged. “You’ve got to have at least a C after all that studying we did.”

“You really think so?” Sweetie and Apple Bloom nodded. Hesitantly he looked at the report. “I got a B!”

“We knew you could do it!” Apple Bloom cheered.

“Yeah, you and Sweetie actually seem to like this stuff,” Scootaloo added. Then she smiled slyly. “Or it was a great chance to spend time alone together.”

Sweetie snapped her head towards Scootaloo. “What?”

“Sweetie and Crystal sitting in a tree-”

“No!”

Thorax put a hoof to his muzzle in thought. “I’ve never tried sitting in a tree, but it could be nice.”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “Oh, that’s another one of those… Um… Cultural recollections?”

“Recontextualizations,” Sweetie corrected automatically.

“Right, Scoots means-”

“NO! We’re done talking about this.”

Thorax tilted his head in confusion. “But-”

Sweetie shook her head violently. “Nope!”

He shrugged. “Alright. Well, I’m off to Hairy’s. See you later!”

“Have fun!” Apple Bloom said with a wave.

Thorax waved back and headed off at a brisk trot, smiling cheerfully. Today he was hoping to finish his most complicated work yet, and he couldn’t wait until he could show it off to all his new friends. And oh, how many wonderful friends he had made since coming to Ponyville. There was Spike, obviously, and Tumbleweed, even if she had eventually left she’d promised to be back before the Summer Sun Celebration. And the CMC had been very friendly, if sometimes a bit overeager. Hairy Potter tried to seem gruff, but inside he was near bursting with love, and he enjoyed having a new apprentice. Fluttershy and her animals liked having him around, even Angel, which he’d been told by a few ponies wasn’t normal. Big Mac didn’t say much, but Thorax could feel his gentle affection. Discord and Inky were both scary in their own ways, but he’d eventually been convinced that neither of them meant him any harm.

Scarlet Heart stepped onto the Ponyville station and took a moment to look around. The town was busy, but it definitely felt like a small country town, rather than like a big city. She could practically taste the love seeping out of the very earth. She always loved it when her job took her to places like this.

She began whistling a tune as she headed toward the center of town. True, she could have asked the ticket salesman for directions, but she felt like stretching her legs a bit anyway. As she walked, ponies would sometimes notice her and wave, at which point she would return the gesture. Some might have been bitter that they got reassigned from Canterlot to Ponyville, maybe whined that such a little job was beneath their talents, but not her. Sure, maybe it was beneath her talents, but it was also such a lovely trip that she didn’t understand why the others hadn’t been lining up to make it. She shrugged, putting it down to some combination of greater ambition and not knowing how nice these middlish sized towns could be.

After a little while she reached the town square. She looked around and saw a pair of vested unicorn mares chatting and decided they would be a good choice for directions. As she approached them she caught the brown one replying to something her companion had said.

“I still don’t understand why you’re so set on this. Didn’t you say they already got Twilight’s letter?”

The mention of Princess Twilight immediately grabbed Scarlet’s attention, and she hoped they wouldn’t notice her for a while, but the gray one turned to face her nearly as soon as she’d had that thought. Ah well, it probably wasn’t important.

“Hello miss, what can we do for you?”

Scarlet put her wandering thoughts aside and donned a charming smile. “HI! I’m looking for Crystal hoof. Some friends and I put together a care basket to remind him that no matter how far he roams, his family will always be thinking of him.” She patted her saddlebags for emphasis.

The brown one cocked her head in suspicion and started to say something, but her friend cut her off. “Now Timing, this isn’t the time for you to delve into your theory about how the Crystal Empire is plotting the overthrow of Celestia.” She turned back to Scarlet with an apologetic expression that couldn’t quite mask her disappointment with her friend. “This time of day he should be at Hairy’s place, just down that road. If not, try waiting at the cottage at the Eastern tip of town.”

Scarlet nodded her thanks and set off. Just before she got out of earshot she heard Timing say “You didn’t have to make my sound like Lyra…”

As Thorax left Hairy’s Pottery he ran into somepony who’d been about to enter. He stumbled and his recently crafted urn went flying off his back. He reached out, desperately trying to grab it before it hit the ground, but he could already see it would land outside his reach. He closed his eyes and turned away, waiting for the shattering sound of a week’s work going down the drain. Only, it didn’t come. Slowly he looked up and saw a yellow mare grinning down at him, his urn held in a forehoof.

“Careful there. This looks like a really nice piece of work, it’d be a shame if something happened to it.”

“Thank you!” Thorax stood up and she handed it back to him. As she did so he noticed that her eyes had the sharp lines of a crystal pony. “And sorry for running into you.”

“It’s no problem. Actually, I was looking for you.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “Would you mind if we talked somewhere private?”

Thorax shrugged. “Okay. Did you have somewhere in mind?”

“Well, the nice lady up the street said you were staying at a cottage at the edge of town?”

“Fluttershy’s probably out shopping today, and she said I could bring guests over, but they had to promise not to disturb the animals.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t dream of disturbing the animals.”

And so Thorax led the way, heading back towards Fluttershy’s cottage. “So, I’m Crystal Hoof, what’s your name?”

“I’m Scarlet Heart. Could you tell me about your pot?”

Thorax nodded. He’d already practiced his cutie mark story, at Inky’s insistence, and this was the perfect opportunity to test it out. “It’s a recreation of an urn my first pottery teacher kept on display. One day, after I had messed up and thought I’d never be a good potter, they took me aside and told me that no matter where you started, if you kept trying and did your best, you could improve and go on to achieve great things. That’s when I got my mark. I think it’s less about pottery and more about working to do better. But I did want to be able to recreate that urn, and today I finally did!”

Scarlet nodded, then gazed ahead. “Is that the place?”

Thorax looked ahead, and sure enough, there was Fluttershy’s cottage. “Yep. Oh, your not allergic to animals are you? Or grass, or-”

“No, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Thorax nodded, and when they reached the cottage he opened the door and led her inside. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Scarlet pulled the door closed with her tail. Then she took off her saddlebags and grinned. “Why, I’ve come with a message from your family.”

“My family?” Thorax quickly thought back to his official history. He was an orphan, to avoid questions about why he was alone, but had they chosen an extended family? Was it possible that their pretend relations had mistaken him for an actual family member?

With a flash of green flames ‘Scarlet Heart’ dispelled his scattered thoughts, and with a predatory lunge she scattered them anew. “Tell me you haven’t forgotten your true family so quickly, deserter!”

“Oh, that family,” Thorax whimpered. She had him pinned, her face inches from his own and sporting a cross between a grin and a scowl.

“You are to return with me to the hive. I’m to take you alive if possible, but dead is better than escaped. Is that clear?”

Thorax nodded rapidly, trying to think of a way out of this. She seemed stronger than him, and he’d never been great at fighting, so that was out. He could probably slip free if he turned into something small, but there was no telling if he could escape or if she’d kill him before he made it ten paces.

Just then, ‘Scarlet’ looked up. “Wait, if you’re not the source of nervous anticipation, who is?” Thorax took the opportunity to sniff the air, and beneath the immediate scent of anger there were undertones of confusion and anticipation. He’d smelled the anger as soon as she revealed her true intentions, but without her previous statement he would’ve assumed the other smells were her as well. He didn’t think any of Fluttershy’s animals would be eagerly waiting for the outcome of their confrontation, but who else would be here?

‘Scarlet’ had just started turning towards the open window when Inky jumped through, rolling to a stop and settling into a combat stance. “Lay on the floor with your forehooves spread wide!” she shouted.

‘Scarlet’ snarled. “This is internal-” she began, only to be cut off as the front door flew open and a bright pink beam hit her in the side. Instead of being blasted away or whirling to face her attacker, as Thorax would have expected, she crumpled to the floor.

“Good work,” Inky said with a nod towards the brown unicorn mare who walked in through the door.

“Hey, it was your plan. All I had to do was shoot somepony who was still reeling from the first ambush.” As the newcomer grabbed ‘Scarlet’ and dragged her towards the couch Inky stepped over to where Thorax was still lying on the floor.

“So, when did you realize who she really was?” Inky asked, her eyes nearly boring holes in his skull.

Thorax winced, but decided trying to pretend he’d been more attentive wouldn’t go well. “Well, she started acting funny once we were in the cottage, but I only knew for sure once she dropped her disguise.”

Inky took a deep sigh, and he could feel her annoyance grow, but her voice remained level. “In the future, try to keep an eye out for this sort of thing. The hive clearly knows about you, and they don’t take kindly to defectors. I had the good fortune that they thought I was dead, but you don’t, so they’ll keep coming after you until they decide that it’s not worth the effort.”

“How long is that?”

Inky shrugged. “I have no idea. I was training as an infiltrator, but I never finished. They don’t exactly tell younglings about defectors, lest they start getting ideas.”

After a moment of silence, Thorax spoke again. “Wait, how did you know to come save me? Not that I’m not grateful, but have you been spying on me?” He wasn’t angry, but he was disappointed, since he’d thought Inky had been convinced of his good intentions from the start.

She shook her head. “No, it was as simple as good luck. She had to stop and ask for directions where you were, and we happened to be the ones she asked. The game was nearly up then and there, but I managed to convince her Perfect’s suspicion was because she was a conspiracy theorist who mistrusted crystal ponies, rather than our suspicions of her true nature.”

“Yeah, thanks for throwing me under the cart like that,” Perfect griped, but without any real malice. “Hopefully nopony overheard, or by the end of the week I’ll be squaring off against the Cutie Mark Crusader Crystal Pony Defense Society. Or worse, Daisy and her friends think it’s real.”

“Anyway, we’ll take her away, no point in worrying Fluttershy when she gets home. I’ll leave it up to you whether to tell her.”

By the time they brought the changeling spy back to the office she was starting to regain consciousness. Inky took over levitating her as Perfect went upstairs. As she walked down into the cellar she offered a warning. “Before you try anything, I want you to know that those are bulk purchases, and while I will be upset if you break them, you will regret it far more than I.”

‘Scarlet’ looked into the jail cell, eyeing the large boxes along one side. “What are they?”

“Our second pantry. It’s where we keep things that won’t fit upstairs.”

The spy just looked at her in bewilderment. “You keep your food in your dungeons?”

Inky set her in the cell and closed it, but left it unlocked for now. “No, but this isn’t a dungeon, it’s the county jail. There’s a big difference. Unlike changelings, we ponies don’t all live in the same city, so we need short term holding facilities to take prisoners until transport can be arranged.”

Her prisoner just huffed, before blinking. Inky smirked as she smelled rising fear. “Wait, how did you know we all live in the same place?”

She’s lousy at being interrogated, Inky thought. She shouldn’t have confirmed what might only have been a suspicion. “Oh, we have our ways. You’d be amazed what you can do with a highly skilled transmuter and some high quality gemstones. I’m told they can even hide them under the skin.” Let her think the ponies are everywhere, it’s about time the hive got a taste of the paranoia they spread, and that’s not something the Equestrians are even contemplating. If she doesn’t escape, we get information, and if she does, we get misinformation into enemy hooves. It’s a win, either way. Lying to a changeling was hard, since your emotions had to line up with your story, but her malicious glee could easily be explained if they actually had deep cover agents working in the hive, so she figured she was good.

Perfect stepped down the steps and hoofed over the horn suppression ring that Starlight had generously donated to the Ponyville Sheriff's Department. Inky took it in her hoof and opened the door. “Now are we going to do this the easy way, or the hard way?”

“And if I refuse? …Wait, I think I said the wrong line.”

“Then we knock you out, then bind you. You’re already captured, and I doubt you can take both of us together.” To emphasize her point Perfect took a firing stance, which from her vantage halfway up the steps would allow her to fire over Inky’s head at the prisoner. After glancing between them for a moment her shoulders slumped and her head drooped, allowing Inky to place the ring in place. Then she took a moment to close and lock the cell door. “Good. Now the hoofcuffs.” Perfect levitated an old, but rust free, pair of hoofcuffs. “Put your forelegs through the bars.” Instead of complying, ‘Scarlet’ bore her fangs with a hiss. Inky responded by yanking her into the bars face-first, changing the hiss into a groan. Then she pulled her forelegs through the bars and cuffed them before ‘Scarlet’ could recover. “Now that that’s handled, bring me the retainer I bought from the plumber.” Perfect did as instructed, offering Inky a strange metal device. It consisted of a loop of aluminum with slots cut out and a winged screw in a fixture on one end. She slipped the loop over ‘Scarlet’s’ horn until it hit the suppression ring, then spun the screw. ‘Scarlet’ drew back, but Inky continued tightening the screw with her magic, causing the loop to shrink.

“Ow! That hurts! Stop it!”

“One more… Done. That should keep you from taking the ring off yourself. You’ll be spending a while here until we can send you to Canterlot.” She turned around and followed Perfect up the stairs. Then she closed the cellar door and slid a sturdy wooden board into the handles, ensuring that even if the prisoner escaped the cell, they’d have a hard time quietly slipping away.

“You’re not going to wait for this to be settled?” Perfect asked.

“No. I trust you to handle a simple prisoner transfer. I need to make sure the Crystal Empire is prepared for trouble, because given what happened with Thorax I’m not sure they are.”

“Just, take care of yourself.”

“I will. And I expect you to care for yourself as well. I should be back within the week.”

Digging Up Trouble: Those Who Do Not Learn From the… Future?

The evening after their exploration of The Castle of the Two Sisters, Dr. Caballeron invited Emerald and Derpy to join him and Biff in his tent to discuss what they knew of Princess Luna. As they walked in, Dr. Caballeron looked up from the book he was writing and set it aside.

“Excuse me,” began Emerald, “but before we begin, I have a question for you.”

“And what is that?”

“Are you Dr. Caballeron?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. She stared intently at him, waiting to see if he would be honest. Biff shook his head from beyond Caballeron’s vision. Derpy sat down and pulled an apple out of her cloak.

“Indeed. Martingale is merely a nom de guerre to help keep anypony from seeking me out over some grievance from my past. As I’m sure you can understand, a stallion in my… previous line of work, tends to make a few enemies over the years, and now that I am settling down… Well, I would hate for them to pop up again. Would you kindly refrain from telling anypony about your discovery?”

Emerald nodded. “Of course. It was just idle curiosity, nothing more.”

Derpy nodded too. “I guess it’s a good thing that I didn’t end up wearing my costume of you, then.”

“While we are on a topic of more practical matters, I do have a question of immediate concern for the two of you,” Dr. Caballeron said, guiding the conversation back on topic. “Are you interested in another adventure? If so, I have some information that you might appreciate.”

Emerald looked at Derpy. “I’m good to keep going. How about you?” When she nodded, Emerald turned back to Dr. Caballeron. “Alright, let’s hear it then.”

“Excellent. Now, are either of you familiar with the lands to the South of Equestria?” They both shook their heads. “Well, over the last few years a tyrant from the Southern tip of the world, known as The Storm King, started taking over large swaths of land out there. Then, when the Day of Winter struck, things went from bad to worse. See, there’s a little known fact that when Celestia lowers the Sun, it doesn’t just vanish, it actually goes somewhere. And then the changelings held the sun Further north than usual over Equestria to fend off the Windigoes…”

“It left the South in complete darkness,” Emerald finished.

“After that, their crops started dying. When starvation seemed inevitable, that’s when The Storm King did something truly devious.”

“What?” asked Derpy.

“He had his army of yetis begin commercial fishing of the cold-water fish and whales. Since he already controlled the sea, and his people were apparently fishers before they were an army, they took to it with ease. Now he rules the entire Southern Hemisphere, with only Mt. Aris outside of his direct control… though from what I hear, I don’t know how long they can last.”

“So he keeps everyone in line by threatening to cut off their food supplies?” Emerald asked, to which Dr. Caballeron simply nodded. “That’s terrible. Shouldn’t we tell somepony?”

“Who would we tell? Equestria is still rebuilding itself after the changelings messed it up, and even if it were fully able to send its forces abroad, foreign policy is to leave it alone unless it threatens Equestria directly.”

“Wait, really? Princess Celestia doesn’t do anything abroad?”

Derpy spoke up. “Well, we do have a few allies abroad, and if they were to formally ask for help we might, but if a country isn’t already an ally of Equestria then Equestria lets them handle their own affairs, even if they ask for help.”

“And that’s where you come in. The Princess won’t send any official force, but she also does not prevent private citizens from going abroad. Obviously the two of you wouldn’t be able to fight his army by yourselves, but there’s no telling what you could do.”

“Us?” Emerald asked.

“Believe it or not, you’re heroes now, Miss Emerald. I know that may sound strange to you, but whatever you are back home, here you helped save Equestria.”

“But… All I did was clean a mirror and panic my way through the fighting!”

“And? How many legends do you think thought of themselves as such when they started out? But you didn’t go home after your adventure; you sought out another one. You may not see yourself as a hero yet, but if you keep to this path you will become more and more of one with time.”

“Well, I guess. But what about you? You’re one of the heroes of the Changeling War too, and you have previous experience.”

“True, but unfortunately my face is well known abroad. And I have powerful enemies in The Storm King’s ranks.”

Emerald took a deep breath, and let it out. Then she turned to Derpy. “I suppose… I suppose that we had better at least look around and see if there’s anything we can do. If not, we could ask our friends for assistance.”

The next morning Emerald and Derpy said goodbye to the surveying team and made their way back to Ponyville. By the time they made it all the way back, the sun was almost at its peak.

“Okay, we know that we have to head South, but Applejack said that the train wasn’t running yet. So… I guess we’ll have to walk to another city to find transportation.”

“But which one?” Derpy asked.

“I don’t know. We should find one of our friends and ask for some help planning our route.” Emerald thought for a moment about which of the local bearers to ask. They had all seemed pretty busy, except… “Let’s try Rarity, she should have time for us. Do you know the way to her old house?” Derpy nodded and took the lead.

They made their way through the town, observing it as they did. From Emerald’s attendance at Ponyville Time Pony meetings she had gotten to know the town pretty well, though admittedly not as well as a resident. It was always busy, but never rushed unless some special event was going on, and everypony would stop and offer greetings on the streets. This Ponyville was full of ponies working their hardest and fastest, with only the occasional greeting in the street. They didn’t feel uncaring like the ponies back home in Manehattan, they just felt busy. Like a father who didn’t have time to play with his filly, but loved her all the same.

When they reached Carousel Boutique, it appeared to have been repaired partway, and then forgotten. The roof as much tarp as shingles, the windows were boarded up, and the sign was missing. It didn’t look like it had gotten a fresh coat of paint, but rather that somepony had some paint lying around in a color they deemed ‘close enough’ to the original and had touched up the larger gaps in the old paint job.

Emerald stepped up to the door and knocked. After a moment she looked to Derpy. “Do you think she’s out, or that she doesn’t even live here at the moment?” Derpy just shrugged. Emerald started to turn around, but then she heard a voice from inside.

“Coming!” About five seconds later Rarity opened the door. “Sorry about the wait, I was upstairs when you knocked. How may I help you?”

“We wanted your help planning our trip,” Emerald answered. “Do you have a map by any chance? And maybe a bite to eat? We can pay, of course.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. What’s a simple meal between friends? Come in, come in.” She beckoned them into her shop, and they both did as they were bid. “Now, where do you want to go? Manehattan is a lovely place these days, though if you’re still looking for adventure maybe Appleoosa or Dodge Junction?”

“Actually, we were hoping to make our way South, all the way out of Equestria. Now, I know you probably can’t help us with the part of our trip beyond Equestria, but I was hoping you could help us find a place that has that kind of transportation.”

“Actually…” Rarity began, pulling a scroll from out of a cabinet, “I can help with your travels abroad. Anywhere in particular?”

Derpy shook her head. “Not really. All we know for sure is somewhere to the South, including around Mount Aris.”

“Indeed,” Emerald continued. “We figured that when we approached The Storm King’s holdings we would be able to get a clearer idea.”

“The Storm King?”

“He’s a big bully who’s making a bunch of countries buy their food from him,” Derpy answered.

“We’re going to poke around and see what can be done about it,” Emerald added.

“Would you mind if I joined you?” Rarity asked. “I can be ready to head out with you tomorrow at dawn.”

“Are you sure you want to come?” Emerald asked. “It might be a tad dangerous.”

“Darling, I assure you. I can handle a little danger.”

“Alright, great to have you.”

After Emerald and Derpy had gone to gather food for the trip, Rarity went back upstairs and finished her packing. It was really quite fortunate that they had come to see her, as she hadn’t been entirely sure what she was going to do, and had simply known that she had to do something. Ponyville didn’t need a seamstress, it certainly didn’t have room for high society, and it didn’t even need her… other skills. It was high time to tell Bon Bon goodbye and try her fortune elsewhere, again. Really, the more she thought about it, the harder it was to justify staying. The whole reason she had left Ponyville the first time was because it didn’t have the needs and opportunities she needed to make her way forward in the world. And really, the only possible draw it held was a fraying sense of familiarity and duty.

Rarity levitated her saddlebags into place and trotted out of her old shop, using her magic to pull her two large suitcases behind her. She set off at a brisk but unhurried pace, heading for Mr. Rich’s house. Once she got there she knocked on the door.

It opened and Mr. Rich looked out. “Ah, Miss Rarity. Would you like to come in?”

“Unfortunately not. I’ve been invited on a trip that starts a little sooner than I expected. Here’s the deed.” She levitated the deed to Carousel Boutique over to him. He grabbed it and stepped back into the house, before coming back out with a piece of paper. He hoofed it to her, and she examined it. As promised, it was a banknote issued for a rather sizable sum of bits. “Thank you,” she said, putting it into her saddlebags.

“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you. Shame that you won’t be sticking around, but I understand why.” He snorted. “I nearly headed off too, but the Rich family helped put Ponyville on the map, and we’re not about to abandon it now.” He shook his head. “Now I just need to find a good butler who’s willing to live out here. It’s a shame we lost Rudolf. At any rate, good luck on your trip, and I do hope that you come back and visit one day.”

“I’m sure that I will. Goodbye.” And with that she headed off for Sugarcube Corner.

When she got there she found Lyra and a tan earth pony with a dark brown mane talking to each other in conspiratorial tones as they walked away, a light gray unicorn with a purple mane spying on them from a nearby rooftop. Just an ordinary day in a town that was anything but.

She knocked on the door; three short, rapid, staccato beats, and then two dull thumps on the floor.

“Come right in Rarity!” Bon Bon answered. She did as she was bid, finding Bon Bon already making her way over from behind the counter. “So, today’s the day, huh? Figured out where you’re headed yet?”

“Quite. I’ve been invited to join a pair of Time Ponies to investigate the Storm King. What do you know about him?”

Bon Bon shook her head. “Not much. You know we’ve been busy with internal affairs lately. Last I heard, he was the ruler of a lot of land down South. Not popular, but not too aggressive about expansion, so he’s not our problem. Wouldn’t have thought that he’d even be on the Time Ponies’ radar. Haven’t they got bigger problems to deal with?”

“These two aren’t operating under orders from higher up, they're just winging it. They came to me for help planning their route, and I convinced them to let me come along.”

“You sure that you want to do this? You don’t have to go back into the field.”

“I’m not signing up again, but I figured that now that I’m ‘The Element of Generosity’, maybe I should see about keeping the world safe, even when I’m not getting paid to, hmm?” Rarity smirked at Bon Bon.

“Alright. Send me a letter if you come up with anything important, otherwise swing by when you have time. I’ll tell you if there’s anything you might like.”

And with that done, Rarity headed off to make further preparations.

That night, while lying in her sleeping bag in Town hall, Emerald facehooved.

“What is it?” Derpy asked.

“We could have asked The Doctor to set us down in Baltimare, we didn’t need to ask for directions at all.”

“But if we hadn’t, then maybe Rarity wouldn’t have joined us. That’s nice.”

Emerald shook her head. “I agree, this was for the best, but I still feel like a fool.”

Author's Note

The Doctor was the one talking to Lyra, and Written Script was the one spying, in case anyone was wondering.

Also, I didn’t remember unti l was on the next chapter that they could just teleport cross-country. Then I went back and added the last scene.