Chapter OneView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter OneAuthor's Note This has been sitting in my drafts for over a year, and I finally came back to it and decided to post it cause I think it's cuter than I remembered it being. Updates occasionally. Chapter One “Hello?” a little voice squeaked out in front of the receptionist's desk, the mare behind it looking up from the book she was reading. She was a little bit surprised to see a small pegasus filly standing in front of her, one all alone in the waiting room, without her parents or anypony else around in what was the middle of the night. The mare leaned down to get a good look at her as she spoke. “Yes, dear?” she asked politely. “What is it?” “My heart is burning reallybadly,” she told her simply, putting a hoof up to her chest for emphasis. “Like, really, really badly.” “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie,” the receptionist apologized. She earned a slight squeak and a giggle from the filly before she closed her eyes and moaned, frowning again in obvious discomfort. “Oh, it burns so much…” she got out as she kept her eyes closed, the mare behind the counter giving her a sympathetic look. “Well, why don’t we get you back to see the doctor now, dearie?” the receptionist offered as she stepped from behind her desk to lead her to one of the beds in the back. Each bed was partitioned off by a curtain, and contained a simple machine to monitor heart rate and blood pressure. All of the curtains were opened up showing each and every bed was available, the receptionist, filly, and a couple of doctors being the only ones back there. It was a slow night in Ponyville General Hospital. “You just sit here for a minute dear,” the mare told her as she patted the bed with a hoof and watched as the filly awkwardly climbed up. “I’ll go get the doctor.” With that, she closed the curtain and made the very short journey across the hallway to Doctor Horse, who was already looking her way and taking a few steps forward towards her. “You’re bringing her back here?” the stallion asked curiously, raising an eyebrow at her. “What’s her issue? Where are her parents?” “Don’t know,” the mare told him. “I didn’t ask her where her parents were. She said her chest is burning and put a hoof over her heart, so I brought her back here.” He sighed at that, floating off his glasses and rubbing them with his lab coat as he said, “Well, I’ll take a look at her and see what she’s doing here so late and see if we can’t get in contact with her guardians.” He sounded a bit annoyed as he said it, and slightly tired, but forced himself to smile as he made his way behind the curtain to speak with the filly. “Hello there little one,” he greeted her, portraying happiness in his voice, a tone he usually used with children. “What’s got you awake past your bedtime tonight?” “I have heartburn,” she answered simply, her voice a bit squeaky. “Awww, that doesn’t sound very fun,” he responded sympathetically. “Let’s see what’s going on and what we can do about it. Can you scoot up for me, so your forelegs are over the front of the bed please?” The filly obliged, and the stallion took the stethoscope around his neck and put it to her back to listen to her lungs. “Is the burning bad right now?” “Mmm hmm,” she answered as she closed her eyes and placed a hoof back on her chest. “I can feel the acid crawling up my throat,” she explained. “Awww, I’m sorry. Deep breaths for me,” he told her as he moved the stethoscope to different areas of her back, finding it interesting the way she described what was happening. “Do you have a name?” “Emily.” “Ama Lee,” Doctor Horse repeated. “A very unique name for a very unique little girl. It sounds very pretty.” Emily couldn’t help but giggle at that, smiling and giving a little blush as he said it, making the stallion put on a smile of his own because of it. “Do you have any parents, Ama Lee?” he asked. “Any brothers and sisters?” At those questions she shook her head, her dark brown mane hitting his muzzle a bit as a result. “You don’t have any parents?” he continued lightheartedly. “That’s silly! Every little filly has parents.” “I do, but they’re not here,” she told him as he moved on to listening to her stomach and bowels. “They’re not here? Well where would they be, sweetheart?” “I don’t know,” she shrugged as though it were completely inconsequential. “I haven’t seen them in a while.” “Well, I’m sure they're very worried about you. Such a pretty filly like you shouldn’t be all alone. But don’t worry, cause we’ll get that all fixed up, right after we get you all fixed up. Can you tell me where it burns the most?” “Right in my chest,” she explained, putting her hoof over her heart again. “Right here.” “Oh, that sounds terrible. Does it ever burn anywhere else?” “No, just in my chest and throat.” “How often does that happen?” the doctor asked politely. “Hmm…” she trailed off thoughtfully. “I think every day… but it’s not that bad sometimes. But a lot of days.” “Well, let’s get you some medicine, okay, dearie?” the doctor told her as he stepped back a bit and gave her a wide smile. “And then we’ll do some tests and see what’s wrong to make you all better! Does that sound good?” “Yup!” Emily responded eagerly, sending a smile of her own before he stepped back in front of the curtain and away from her, sighing to himself once he was out of her sight. “Something wrong?” one of the doctor’s colleagues asked from across the room as they watched him frown. “It’s nothing,” he explained, sighing again. “I’m just tired. Do we have anypony who can do an EKG with magic? Or do I have to roll in that old machine?” “This late at night? Probably not. What’s wrong with her?” “She says she has heartburn,” the stallion explained. “It’s probably nothing, but I want to do an EKG just to be sure. If nothing shows up, I’ll give her some antacids and have her parents bring her in sometime later for a follow-up if it keeps happening. Speaking of which, could notify the Ministry of Foals and Families about her? She actually said she doesn’t know where her parents are.” “I mean, I can, but with how late it is, we probably won’t hear back until morning. You’re going to be sitting with her all night.” “It’s after midnight,” the doctor commented as he started to walk off again to get the machine he needed. “I’m sure we can just put her to sleep until somepony gets here. I’ll get a full report for you to send her way.” Not much longer after that, he found himself wheeling a relatively large machine with his magic across the hospital and back behind the curtain. Emily was laying in the bed right where he left her and singing a song he’d never heard when he got back, a deeply confusing sounding one, too. Something about saints and lullabies? “I’m back, silly filly,” he started to say, but watched her put a hoof up in response so she could finish her song. “Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes… cause I’m Mister Brightside,” she sang, ending with an exhale of her breath and putting her hoof back down. Then she looked back up at him and apologized with a bit of a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry,” she told him. “I couldn’t just not finish my song. It’s one of my favorites.” Doctor Horse laughed a little bit at that, responding, “It’s okay. It sounded like a good song. But now what we’re going to do is use this cool machine to look at your heart and make sure everything is alright.” “Okay!” she said with a smile as she lay back in the bed, letting him use his magic to place the electrodes on her chest under her fur. As he did, he tried to make conversation with the filly. “So what are your parents’ names, sweetie? Where do you live?” “My dad is Willie, and my mom is Mindy, and… I don’t really know where they live. Like I said, I haven’t seen them in a while.” “You don’t know where they live?” Doctor Horse asked lightheartedly as he continued to work. “That’s so silly. What do they look like?” “My dad is black with black hair, and my mom is white with blonde hair, and so I’m brown with brown hair.” “So it would seem, a perfect color combination. Can you tell me how old you are?” “Uhh…” The filly trailed off as she looked down at herself, stretching out her legs and examining them. “Twelve?” The doctor gave her a knowing smile at that answer, telling her, “You know, they say Nightmare Moon comes to take little girls who lie to Tartarus.” The comment earned a squeak along with another giggle from Emily, who was starting to blush a little bit. “How old do I look?” she asked. “Well, I’d say you're about four or five years away from being twelve, silly filly. Do you know how old that is?” “Hmmmm… is that… umm…” She paused for a second to think, tapping her hoof on the bed as if to count before answering, “Seven thousand days?” “Impressive! Very smart girl you are! You might get a math symbol as your cutie mark.” He spoke as he stared at the screen that showed measurements of how well her heart was doing, saying a moment later, “Everything looks perfect. You look like a very healthy filly to me.” She frowned at that, telling him, “But my throat is burning really bad. Is there any medicine I can have?” “You absolutely can have some medicine, but first I have to ask: do you like strawberries better, or cherries?” “Ummm… if you have plain medicine, can I have that please?” “I can certainly get you some plain medicine, but you can’t chew it, okay?” the doctor told her as he used his magic to grab a bottle out of a drawer on the other side of the curtain. “And then after this, we need to put tired little fillies to bed, okay?” “Oh, can I go to the restroom first?” Emily asked. “Also, I just woke up like an hour ago.” “Well, we can take you to the bathroom,” he told her as he placed a tablet of acid reducer in her hoof, watching as she popped it into her mouth. “But even if you’re not tired, we do have to put you to sleep. Healthy fillies need their sleep.” “Well, I guess I can try to go to sleep… can I have some water, too, please?” “We’ll take care of all of that right now, sweetie.” With that, the doctor led Emily to the water fountain for a drink and then showed her the mare’s room, letting her enter alone. He waited patiently outside the door for her, watching as one minute passed, and then two, then noticing five minutes had turned into ten before knocking on the door. “Ama Lee? Are you okay in there?” When no answer came, he put his ear to the door, a little bit of fear starting to come over him when he heard no sound. Was there something he missed with her EKG? It made him nervous to think, and knocked on the door again because of it, a little bit louder this time. “Can you come out now please, Ama Lee?” he asked, waiting a few more seconds for an answer before speaking again. “I’m going to come in there, okay?” With that he carefully stepped in, breathing a sigh of relief that the filly was okay, although a bit confused as to what she was doing. She stood on a stepstool in front of the sink to inspect herself in front of a mirror, her wings outstretched. She blushed happily and giggled as she used a hoof to pet her mane, staring at her face intently with joy painted on it. “What are you doing there, little filly?” Doctor Horse asked curiously. “What’s got you so distracted in the mirror?” “Mmmm… I really am a little filly, aren’t I?” she got out happily, closing her eyes and giving herself a hug.
Chapter TwoView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter TwoSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Chapter ThreeView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter Three“Are you alright, dearie?” Bright Side asked with a concerned look on his face as he and Emily ate their food, the filly requesting just a plate of plain pancakes and a glass of water without ice. She had her eyes closed and a hoof on her yet, making a face that expressed her discomfort. It made the stallion worried to see. “Is it heartburn again?” “Dysphagia,” she whispered back, breathing deeply as she spoke. “The food gets stuck in my throat and moves as slowly as it possibly can.” “You’re not choking, are you?” he asked quickly, suddenly standing up and getting ready to go over to her. “No, I’m fine, it’s just uncomfortable,” she told him. A moment later, she sighed in relief as the food passed down her esophagus, continuing, “I have dysphagia, too. The doctor said it was GERD, and that’s why things like grains are hard for me to eat.” “Well we can get you something different if you’d like, honey,” he told her sweetly. “Eggs or grits if you’d like. Can you eat oats?” “It’s fine. I won’t choke or anything. Plus, these pancakes are so good!” “Are you sure?” Emily nodded happily, and with that, Bright Side continued, “Is it okay if I talked to you while you ate?” Another nod came, and he asked, “Where do you live right now?” “Right now?” She put a hoof to her chin to think it over before answering, “In Ponyville! I went to sleep in the hospital, plus I’m eating breakfast, so I live here now!” He gave her a kind smile and laughed a little bit at what she said before asking, “Where did you live before here, missy?” “Ummmm somewhere super far away! You’ve probably never heard of it, or anypony else. But it’s okay because I don’t really like that place anyway.” “Awww, you don’t like your home? Where was it at?” “Kansas. It’s the worst state except for all the other states! And I only don’t like it because it’s boring as heck.” “Boring? What’s it like there?” Bright got out a pen and paper to begin writing down what she was saying as the filly took another bite of pancakes, and then put a hoof on her chest again after she swallowed. He wanted to make sure he had a complete picture of what was going on, and was already a little bit concerned with a couple of the things she said. Not that everything she said was necessarily true, but that was also why it was best to write everything down. It would help to determine what was real and what wasn’t. “It’s boring. There’s nothing to do. No beaches or mountains or amusement parks or anything! And half the cities there smell like cow farts and manure. It’s awful.” She took another swipe of pancake before adding, “Hmm. Ponyville doesn’t smell like manure, but it’s full of ponies. That’s so weird!” “Heh, I lived in a place where everypony tried to do things without earth pony magic,” he commented. “They said it made the food taste different, but I could never tell. It didn't smell very nice.” “Neither can I, and that’s what they say here! I wish everyone could use magic for everything! Then Kansas towns wouldn't smell so stinky!” “I wish so too, sweetheart. Do you know what street you live on, dearie? Who takes care of you?” “I take care of myself!” she beamed with a smile. “I can even cook and clean, and do the dishes even though I don’t like them. And uh, I live… in an apartment! Not on the street! Hehe!” “Of course you do, sweetie,” he smiled. “But what happened to your parents? Like I said, a little girl like you shouldn’t be all alone out there. You could get hurt, or worse! Who knows what could happen!” She giggled and said, “I’m always safe! Always!” Despite her smile and giggle though, Bright could pick up on the fact that she was a little uncomfortable by the topic, and wrote it down for later. “Oh, I’m sure you’re the strongest little filly around! But even strong fillies like you need grown ups to help them out. Do you have any grown ups helping you out, sweetie?” She shook her head, and the stallion sighed silently to himself. He felt like he was going to have an issue getting any information from her just from what he was receiving already. He could tell that she was trying to be secretive– foals never did a very good job at hiding that fact from him– and it made him just that much more worried about why she could’ve been showing up out of the blue to Ponyville General like she did. He’d have to make doubly sure to take it slow and tread carefully. “Well then it certainly sounds like you’re mature for your age, Ama Lee! It must be hard taking care of yourself all the time like that. How did you get to Ponyville from Cansess?” “I walked.” “Oh, you did? You didn’t fly with those wings of yours?” he asked, making Emily smile again. “I’d certainly love a pair like that. Where did you walk through? Do you remember?” “Umm, well… I walked through a field, and then I saw a town, and then I went through the woods, and then I ended up in Ponyville! And now I’m here! Um, do you think I could have more pancakes, please?” “Of course. But did you walk all day to get to Ponyville? Did you eat at all yesterday, or have anything to drink?” “Uh huh, I stopped at a restaurant and asked for some hayfries, but they tasted gross so I got potato french fries instead. I didn’t have any money though, so they gave it to me for free. And they said I was super adorable!” “Oh, I can imagine that they did, since you absolutely are. But how long did you walk? Do you remember?” “Uhh… I think I got here at noon, and then I walked until I ate dinner, and then I walked and walked and walked, and then I got to the hospital!” “I see. Where is there ‘here’ that you got to, dearie? And how did you get there?” “Eeep! I mean I started walking! I’m so silly!” She giggled to try and portray innocence and took a sip of water before asking, “Do you think I could go to the restroom?” “Of course sweetie. Do you know where it’s at?” “I can find it!” She climbed down out of her chair and scampered off, Bright Side keeping his eyes on her until he watched her enter the restroom. When she did, he put his head in his hooves and let out another long sigh. Oh, this is already more than just a lost filly, he thought to himself. Where do I even begin? Getting her comfortable wasn’t an issue. She was already comfortable from what he could tell, what with how bright and bubbly and happy she seemed right now. Making accommodations for her– that’d be a bigger issue, especially if she wasn’t being complete with what she said or was lying, doubly so if somepony had coached her on what she should be saying. He’d need to work his way in, and get somepony else to talk to her, too, to see how her answers stacked up and if she stayed consistent. Bright Side didn’t expect that they would. But first was getting back into conversation with her, Emily walking out of the bathroom just as the stallion began wondering about her. Just the way she walked was something he noted and quickly wrote down as he watched her. She seemed like she was trying to walk naturally, and was pretty close to doing so, but it seemed a little bit stiff and forced. Even more concerning was the way she kind of tucked her tail as she walked, something Bright Side saw a lot of during the more tearful parts of his job. But we’re not going to be making assumptions. It’s way too early for that right now. Just sit down and finish breakfast with her. “You’re not hurt, are you?” he asked as he looked back down at her, watching her wiggle her body and legs as she climbed up into the seat. “Are your hooves okay?” “Mhm, they’re fine. I just walked all day yesterday so I’m tired.” “I understand. Can I ask where exactly ‘here’ was? Where did you get here from?” “Here is Ponyville!” she said enthusiastically, flapping her wings excitedly as she did. “There are so many ponies here, and I get to be one, too! It’s way better than Kansas!” That did not add up at all, and wasn’t what she said before she went to the restroom. Of course, she was just a little filly, and genuinely might not have spoken correctly before, but there would be no harm in being cautious. In any case, it seemed like she was lying about one or the other. “Do you have a wife named Destiny?” she suddenly asked. “Cause if you do, then you should have her call for you! And then you’d be able to open up your eager eyes and be Mister Brightside!” “Well yes, I am married, but my wife’s name isn’t Destiny. Why? Do you know somepony named Destiny? Can you tell me about them?” “Hehe, no, it’s just a song I like.” “Mhm, I understand. So what I’m hearing is you walked to Ponyville, and then walked around town all day and then went to the doctor? Is that right, missy?” She nodded her head and giggled, and he continued, “That sounds like you had a very active day then. You must have been very tired if you didn’t get to sleep until a little while ago.” “A little, but not too much. I can stay up for a long time.” “Oh, I’m sure you can, but you know little girls like you need to sleep to grow. Do you remember what restaurant you went to? I bet the fries they served were pretty tasty.” “They were, but I don’t remember.” “Awww, I guess that means I’ll have to go without them then.” He made a faux sad face, and she made a sad face back before laughing again when his lips turned back up into a smile. “How did you get to Ponyville from Cansess again, sweetheart?” “Iunno. I think I teleported. I mean, how else would I have gotten here? I can’t fly yet.” Once again, she was changing the story. First she walked, then she was always in Ponyville, and now she had teleported. He wondered which statement, if any, was the truth. But that wasn't an important matter right now. Flying, and her lack of ability to, was. “You can’t fly yet, sweetie?” he asked. “Has nopony ever shown you how?” “Nope. Never ever. I mean, these wings flap and stuff, but I can’t fly.” She gave a demonstration of her flapping her wings, and then shrugged. “Well that’s no good!” he said, hiding the concern he had from his voice. “I certainly bet we can find somepony to help you with that. What do you say?” “That’s great! Flying is gonna be so cool! I can’t wait!” “I’m glad you're excited! I’ll make sure to talk to the best flight instructor I can find, dearie. But first, do you know what unicorn it was who teleported you here? What was their coat color?” “Iunno. All I know is that I was in Kansas, and now I’m here. And also I’m the cutest thing ever! Look at me! I’m gonna rule the world!” She looked down at herself and laughed again, so hard that she fell out of her chair and landed on her back. “Whoa! Ama Lee! You have to be careful now, sweetie! Are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, brushing herself off. “Note to self: don’t think about how cute I am when I’m sitting in my chair. That hurt.” “It looked like it did,” he said as he helped pick her up off the ground. “Are you sure you’re okay?” The filly nodded, and he said, “I think that’s enough breakfast for now. What do you say we get on with heading to my office, honey? There’s a lot of cool toys for you to play with in there.” “I don’t need toys, but okay. Umm, do you know where I’m gonna sleep? Cause I don’t know anywhere in Ponyville to sleep, and I'm tired.” “Well, hopefully we’ll find your mommy and daddy before the day is up and let you stay with them. If we can’t, then we’ll find a place for you to be, okay? You don’t have to worry.” “That’s good. I don’t think you’re gonna find my mom and dad, but okay.” With that, she climbed up the chair to take another bite of pancake, then started walking off ahead of Bright Side, leaving the stallion wondering what she meant by her ominous assertion.
Chapter FourView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter Four“Whoa! Look at this place!” Emily proclaimed as she and Bright Side walked down the street to his office. “I’m living in the future! There’s so many creatures here!” “Mhm, there are,” the stallion agreed. “Changelings and naga and kirin and dragons and every other type of creature you can imagine. Are there not that many different creatures in Cansess?” “I only ever saw ponies in Equestria! Well, I saw other creatures, but mostly ponies! There’s so many! This is super cool!” “I’m glad you like seeing all of them, Ama Lee,” he smiled. “You didn’t come all the way to Ponyville just to see a whole bunch of new creatures, did you?” “Hehe, I should have! This is amazing! Everyone I know would want to be here! Oh! Since we’re in the future, do you know where the Cutie Mark Crusaders would be? And what about the School of Friendship?” “I’m sure we can find out information about all those things later. But first, let's move along and get to my office, sweetie. I’m sure your parents miss you very much.” “I don’t think they do. I’m pretty sure it’ll be months before someone notices I’m missing. I know my dad won’t care at all. He kicked me out like four years ago.” “I’m sure he misses you very much and loves you a lot, sweetheart. How old were you when he kicked you out?” “Ummmmm do you think we can get lunch? Those pancakes were good, but I’m still hungry!” “You just ate, sweetie. Let’s wait a while before we get you something else, okay?” “Okay!” Emily trotted ahead of Bright with that, looking around the town with wide, curious eyes, smiling and giggling at everything she saw. He smiled to himself as he watched her, enjoying how happy she seemed despite the circumstances. It was a bit uncanny honestly, but he would take it. Better to have happiness from her than sadness. Before long, the two of them were walking into a building with a number of other fillies and colts who sat in a large waiting room with their parents, the two ignoring them as they moved back into Bright’s office room. It was a small but comfortable place one with a sofa and a couple of couches that Emily immediately plopped down into, running her hoof rhythmically along the fabric. The stallion went behind his desk to write a few things down before grabbing a notepad and sitting down on a couch next to her, facing her direction. “Would you like any toys to play with, dearie?” he asked politely. “I have lots of stuff in my closet. Dolls and trains and cars and blocks if you want.” “I’m fine,” she said just as politely. “I don’t need any toys.” “What about coloring paper and crayons?” “Nope. I don’t wanna be distracted while you talk to me. Everypony deserves my full attention when they have it!” “Well what a well mannered little girl you are,” he commented, earning a giggle from him. “Do you wanna tell me why your daddy kicked you out, sweetie? That doesn’t sound very nice.” “Because he thinks I was stealing his stuff when I wasn’t,” she said automatically. “He tells me all I do is steal and lie and blames me for everything when it’s not my fault and never ever believes me about anything.” “What does he think you were stealing?” “Iunno. Just stuff. He never told me. He just said I’m stealing stuff, and kicked me out because of it.” “Awww, well that doesn’t sound very nice. Does your mommy do that, too?” “No, she’s nice, but she doesn’t ever say anything. She doesn’t say I steal, but she doesn’t say I don’t steal either, which isn’t good.” “Mhm, I understand. That sounds like a very confusing situation to be in. What does your daddy do after he tells you that you steal? Does he ever yell at you or hit you?” Bright had a feeling he knew where this was going, but didn’t want to make assumptions, and had to ask to be sure. “Uh huh, but only ever on my butt with a belt. He mostly just yells, but he yells at everyone. My mom and me and strangers and everyone.” Corporal punishment is what it sounded like. Never good to hear, even if it wasn’t strictly classified as foal abuse in Ponyville. Other places, like Canterlot or Baltimare, it might be, but Ponyvillle had very lackluster and outdated laws in his opinion. He wondered what Cansess would say it was. He’d have to read up on laws there once he started getting into locating her parents. “Does he ever do other things you don’t like? Does he hurt you or make you go without supper if you’re bad?” “No, but he used to like to yank the sheets off of me and pour water on my head when I wasn’t up for school on time. I used to sleep in the hallway so he couldn’t find me and would have a harder time doing that, but he always did.” Okay, that might have constituted foal abuse. He was not liking what he was hearing about her father at all. At the very least, if her guardians were found, he’d have a serious talk about how to raise a filly correctly and force him to take a parenting course before even considering letting Emily return to them. “What else does he do? Can you think of anything?” “Other than cook gross food every day and put sauce on my spaghetti when I wanted to eat it plain, no. I don’t really like him though. He’s just plain mean with how he talks to people.” “But you’re mommy’s nice, right?” “I guess. We go out to eat all the time, but she still wasn’t very nice when I lived with her. Not mean, but she just let my dad do whatever he wanted.” “Mhm, I understand. And you said you live on your own in Cansess? You don’t have anypony else taking care of you? Are you sure?” “Yup, I’m all on my own. It’s nice not having to have peo– ponies tell you what to do all the time. I can just take care of myself and then do whatever I want afterward. Mostly.” “Don’t you ever get lonely though? I’m sure it’d be nice to live in a place with lots of ponies to spend time with. Everypony needs friends. Princess Twilight Sparkle says all the time that friendship is magic.” “I have friends, and people visit me,” she said. “Plus I go to visit them all the time.” “Ah, I see. And what are they like, dearie?” “They’re…” Emily trailed off, looking up at the ceiling, and then down at the floor, tapping a hoof as she tried to think of what to say. Bright Side raised an eyebrow expectantly, waiting to hear what she had to say, his pen near the paper in his hoof at the ready. It was a long minute, but eventually, the foal finally got out, “Do you have any water I can have? I’m thirsty.” “Of course, sweetie. There’s a fountain just your size right down the hall. Do you want me to go with you?” “I can do it!” she quickly got up and ran off with that, leaving the stallion alone. That was about the fourth time she obfuscated and came up with a distraction when she was uncomfortable about something I asked. She’s definitely avoiding certain questions intentionally. It made him nervous that she was trying to dodge around the tough questions, although he knew better than to assume what the answers would be. A lot of times, what could seem like a bad thing without context ended up being innocuous. In fact, it was more likely than not to be the case, just based on the observations he made over the course of his career. But still, something about this filly gave him a funny feeling that there could be more going on with her, and he didn’t like it. She came back a few minutes later, wiping her mouth with a hoof, still walking a bit awkwardly with her tail sort of tucked against her legs. She was still smiling though, which was good, and sat back down on the couch next to Bright to continue the conversation. “Um, they’re just my friends,” she told him, picking up right where she left off. “They’re all the same age as me, and we have lots of fun reading books and telling stories and hanging out with each other. It’s nothing bad.” And that was even worse. He could see through her intentions and knew she was trying to phrase what she said carefully. It was easy to tell just based on how immediately she picked the conversation back up without his prompting. Did she head out into the hall to try and preplan her response to him? “Well that certainly sounds like lots of fun in my opinion,” he smiled at her. “I wish I had more time to spend with all the little foals I talk to. Do you know where they live?” “All over the country! I get to visit lots of new places to see them, and I love them all very much! They’re amazing!” “Mhm, and is that why you came to Ponyville?” “No, I just think Ponyville’s cool. Plus, I really needed to go to the doctor. Having acid reflux is bad.” “Oh, I’m sure. It doesn’t sound like it’s any fun. Speaking of fun though, what else do you do when you visit your friends? Do you spend the night over with them? Like a sleepover?” “Mhm, yes. I mean, I can’t go a long way to not sleep over, can I? That wouldn’t make very much sense.” “Oh, certainly not. A smart filly like you probably plans these things out,” he said politely. “What kinds of things do you do when you stay over? What do you do when you’re all tuckered out from talking and having fun and reading stories?” “I go to sleep, of course! It would be silly not to! Hehe!” “And do you do anything special before you go to sleep, sweetheart?” “Uhh…” Emily looked uncomfortable again, and Bright felt the nervousness about what she might say welling up in his chest. “Do you think I can get another drink of water?” “Sure, but if it’s okay, do you think you can let me know first, dearie?” “Um, well… I… don’t wanna answer that,” she decided firmly, giving a little nod as she said it. “If I do, you’re gonna take it all out of context and I really don’t like lying. So I’m gonna just not answer.” “That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” the stallion told her sweetly. She had a weird look on her face as he said it, one that looked deeply annoyed by what he said. “What is it, Ama Lee?” “Well, it’s just that you’re already doing what I said you were gonna do, even though I haven’t said anything, and I really don’t want you to do that.” She ran a hoof along the couch armrest as she spoke, a motion that seemed automatic. “I promise, I’m not assuming anything,” he tried to tell her. Her face only scrunched up more, clearly not falling for his assurances, so the stallion decided to just move on. “Why don’t we talk about you some?” he asked. “I’d like to get to know you. What’s your favorite kind of music? And your favorite food?” “My favorite food is macaroni and tuna and peas and cheese,” she said enthusiastically, the annoyed look she had on disappearing in a second, “and my favorite kind of music is rock!” “Oh yeah? You like rock and roll music?” “My favorites are hard rock and alternative metal, but I also like to listen to grunge and experimental rock.” “Wow, that sounds like quite the array of music, I must say. And what about your favorite stories? Do you have anything you like to do?” “I don’t read very many books anymore, but my favorite stories are about hu– umm… magical alien creatures being turned into ponies and coming to Ponyville! And when I grow up, I wanna be a writer!” “Very interesting. I’m sure you can be if you put all your heart and mind into it,” the stallion said with a smile. Another thing he was noticing was her way of speaking. She talked like a typical seven year old filly, but only about half the time. The other half she slipped into something that seemed older and more mature, like they were speaking mare to stallion like adults. However, within a few seconds or a minute, she would slip back into the voice of an excitable little filly, almost as though she could sense what she was doing and was trying to correct herself. It made absolutely no sense why it came across that way, but that’s what he gathered. There was so much about her, and Bright Side had no idea what to make of it all. He was probably gonna have to call in somepony from out of the city to see if he could get a good read on her. Maybe that new foal psychologist, Dr. Ivory Spark, or somepony else. Having an idea of what was going through her head was already seeming like a good idea within just a couple of hours of meeting her. Some of the things she said and a couple of things she didn’t already had the stallion worried. But that would be something for later. For now, there were other things to attend to. “Well, it’s very lovely to meet you, Ama Lee,” he said as he stood up, offering his hoof to her to shake. “What do you say we talk to some ponies to see where you’re gonna be staying for the night if we don’t find your parents?” “Okay!” Author's Note Dr. Ivory Spark? I wonder what story that pony is from!
Chapter FiveView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter FiveBright Side flipped through papers with an annoyed frown on his face as he looked through records of ponies in Ponyville and neighboring cities. In spite of his efforts, he couldn’t find any information on the filly or her parents Wil Lee and Min Dee. He couldn’t even find information on the place she said she was from, Cansess. He didn’t want to say the filly was misleading him, but with as secretive as she’d been and as carefully as she spoke, he wouldn’t be completely surprised if it was the case. It would further corroborate the theory that she was a runaway like he wrote in his notes. A runaway foal, except there were no missing foal reports filed anywhere that matched her description, at least nowhere between Canterlot and Fillydelphia. He didn’t want to believe the filly really was kicked out, but it was actually seeming like a bit of a possibility. Not only that, but he couldn’t even find evidence that she was in Ponyville before tonight like she claimed she was. There was definitely something going on, but what it was, Bright Side had no idea at all. There was absolutely nothing to go on except what she told him, and what she told him amounted to nothing. To make matters worse, he couldn’t find any available ponies in Ponyville to work as a potential foster family for her in the meantime. It seemed everypony who would’ve normally been on his message list was unavailable at the moment, and those who were available were either tied up with foals of their own or had on their list that they wouldn’t be interested in fostering a filly as old as she was. It made for a tight situation, one that might call for a couple from outside of Ponyville or staying in the currently empty group home. And I still need to get into contact with Ivory Spark, and get somepony to get a health exam done on Ama Lee, and find out where she’s going to be staying for the night… Celestia, there’s so much to do. But that’s what Bright Side was in it for. He was in it to help ponies, even if it ended up being more difficult than he would’ve desired. He’d make sure everything was sorted out and that Ama Lee would get the best possible outcome he could find. First would be the letter to Doctor Ivory Spark. The sooner that was delivered, the sooner she would be there. He grabbed the typewriter and typed out his request. From The Ministry of Foals and Families Ponyville Office, I’m requesting you come out to interview a filly, Ama Lee, who’s separated from her parents. She’s shown a generally positive disposition, but has signs of ADHD, as well as other curious tendencies. The potential for abuse exists in this case, so please proceed carefully with that knowledge. The sooner your visit can be, the better. I’ll be at the office all day tomorrow, and up through the weekend. Just give me advance notice before you stop by. -Bright Side After that, he wrote out a request to Ponyville General, explaining that he’d bring her there in a few minutes for a physical examination. As he did, as though she was sitting in her office waiting to hear from him, Ivory Spark wrote back that she’d be able to head to Ponyville by tomorrow evening. It was much sooner than the stallion expected, but he certainly wouldn’t be complaining. Things were getting done, and that was a good thing. Now he just needed to find her guardians. Which is going to take a lot of work just from the way it’s shaping up… Might as well get that doctor’s visit out of the way, the stallion decided as he got up to grab the filly. “Ama Lee?” Bright Side called softly from beside the bed the filly slept on. “It’s time to get up. We need to get you some lunch, sweetie.” She opened up her eyes groggily and stretched her limbs, taking a look around the room and then at herself. “Wow, I’m still here,” she muttered to herself. Then she smiled and giggled, “And I’m still a filly.” “You absolutely are, sweetie,” Bright Side agreed, hiding the confusion he had about the statement. “Ready for some lunch?” he asked. “I heard you wanted some macaroni and peas, so I’m having somepony cook up a big bowl, just for you. How does that sound?” “Ooo! That sounds good! Oh, do you think there’s any tuna you could add to it? Tuna would make it perfect! And salt, too!” “We do have some salt, but I think we’re a bit too far away from the ocean to find tuna.” He tried not to make a face at the thought of eating meat, knowing plenty of pegasi who enjoyed fish as he continued, “While that’s cooking though, what do you say we take a trip back on down to the doctor’s office first and get you looked at? We wanna make doubly sure you’re healthy and not gonna have issues with heart burn anymore. How does that sound?” “That sounds good. But just so you know, macaroni makes my dysphagia worse. So if I look like I’m in pain, it just means I’m having problems swallowing.” He hated hearing that, and would have to make sure he watched her carefully while she ate. He didn’t comment on it though, instead starting forward with her, heading back down the road to the building they were at just that morning. The receptionist greeted them, and led the two of them back to a private room, Bright Side following along with her. “Now sweetheart,” he started, “when the nurse looks at you, she’s going to examine your whole body, even some places that might seem uncomfortable. If you’re feeling scared or if you’d like me to leave and let you be alone with her, you can tell me, okay?” “I know. It’s fine,” she shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me at all. Oh! Do you think it’s gonna be Nurse Redheart?” “I’m not sure who it’s gonna be, but maybe,” he said, making a mental note to ask about how she knew the mare later. “But she should be here in a few minutes. Let somepony know if you’re feeling nervous, okay?” “Okie dokie!” Just like Bright said, it was only a few minutes before the nurse was stepping into the room, a large, kind smile on her face. “Yes! It is Nurse Redheart!” Emily cheered. “The best nurse in the whole world!” “Hehe, I’m glad you think so,” she smiled, “but I don’t think I remember you, dear. Do you think you could remind me of when I saw you?” “Oh, you didn’t see me, but everypony everywhere always says you're the best, which means you are!” Another piece of information. Apparently the ponies Emily talked to were close enough to Ponyville to see Nurse Redheart. Perhaps she came out here to visit one of the ponies she said was her friends? That would make sense. “Oh, I’m sure there are lots of good nurses out there who are better than I am,” she said modestly. “But since I’m here, why don’t we get you looked over. Bright Side here says you need a physical exam?” “Mhm, and also I have acid reflux, and also dysphagia,” Emily told her. “But I came in last night and Doctor Horse helped me with those things.” “I see, and I heard that, too. I also heard that you were a wonderful little filly for them,” the nurse said, tapping her on the nose and making her giggle as she said it. “Now why don’t you sit on up for me so we can take a listen to your heart and lungs?” The foal did as the mare requested, Bright Side sitting patiently and watching as Nurse Redheart scanned Emily for bruises and cuts and injuries as she worked. She checked her heart rate and reflexes and eyes and ears, and tried to make small talk as she had the filly lay down so she could check for signs of sexual trauma. It was only fifteen minutes of examining her, if that, before she was done. “That’s it!” the mare declared once Emily sat back up. “All done! You’re one healthy little filly, I can say that much! You did so good!” “Hehe, I’m just that great, aren’t I?” the filly giggled. “Do you think I can have a piece of candy since I’m so amazing?” “Absolutely, sweetie! How does chocolate sound? If you head just down the hall to Nurse Tenderheart’s desk and ask for a piece, I’m sure she’ll give you some.” “Okay!” She didn’t even hesitate, trotting out of the room just a second later, leaving Bright Side and Redheart alone to talk.” “There’s no signs of physical or sexual abuse that I can see,” the nurse told him. “No scars, no bruises, no previously broken bones or anything like that. There aren’t any signs of sexual abuse, and I don’t see any other signs of potential physical abuse.” “Oh, that’s certainly good to hear,” Bright Side sighed in relief. “Thank you.” He knew it didn’t rule out foal abuse, but no sign was always a good sign. “No trouble,” the mare replied, pausing for a moment before asking, “You said she was seven years old, right?” “Mhm, yes. That’s how old she said she was. Why?” “She seems like she’s closer to ten or eleven years old just based on how developed she is physically, or maybe even older than that,” the nurse told him. “Of course we both know that every foal develops at a different rate, but I can’t imagine her still being so young. She seems old enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if she began going into heat next spring if she hasn't already had it.” That… made sense, and made more things fit together in Bright’s estimation. It would clear up why she seemed to act so mature for her age at times, along with other things he’d need to get back to Emily on. “That knowledge helps tremendously,” Bright Side told her. “Thank you. Was there anything else you noticed that you might have been able to tell me?” “If she does have dysphagia and acid reflux like she says, we would want to schedule a procedure to verify that. We’d also want to talk to her guardians about what kind of diet she should be on and what to watch for while she eats, and teaching her to chew her food carefully. Who are her parents again?” “We don’t have a record of them, but she says they’re named Min Dee and Wil Lee, although we don’t know how accurate that is. We’re in the process of finding that information. In the meantime though, do you think you could send any diet instructions my way?” “Yes, I’ll make up a list and get it over to you.” There wasn’t anything else to go over after that, and Bright Side left to grab Emily, who was eating a piece of dark chocolate as she stood in front of Tenderheart. “Ponyville is so cool,” she said happily, “and everyone’s so nice! I’m glad I’m here and get to see it all. This is amazing!” “Oh yeah? What do you like about it?” “I finally get to be a girl! And a pony! And meet everyone and see things and just be happy! It’s amazing!” That made him smile, even if it was bittersweet to hear. He was glad she could be happy, but it made him sad to hear that she felt like she couldn’t be happy wherever she was before. What happened to make her feel that way? He hoped to figure it out.
Chapter SixView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter Six“What do you think of this place, sweetheart?” Bright Side asked as he led Emily into another building, this one being a group home that normally housed several foals within its walls. Right now though, it was empty, on account of either having found the guardians of each of the foals or having them placed in foster homes. It was certainly a good thing that this place was empty, but the stallion worried that the filly with him would be lonely. He’d have to find somepony to place her with as soon as he could. “There’s a library, and a whole room full of toys and games and other fun things,” he announced as he led her through the building to the kitchen. “And best of all,” he finished as he grabbed a tray of food in his hooves, “they have macaroni and peas, just like you asked for!” “Aah! Yes! This is amazing!” she said happily as the tray was set in front of her, flapping her wings excitedly as she did so. “And they’re elbows, too! Ponyville is the best! Did you make sure to put lots of salt in it?” “I did salt it up for you, dearie,” he chuckled, “but also make sure to eat your apples and hay, too. Little fillies need nutrients to grow into big and strong mares.” “I’m gonna be the biggest and strongest.” She giggled happily at the thought before quickly adding, “But I’m not gonna eat hay. No way.” “Hay is important, dear, but I’ll see if we can get you some oatmeal next time, okay? For now though, make sure you eat up what you can. After that, what do you say about us playing a little board game?” “Okie dokie! That sounds like fun!” He watched her carefully as she ate, keeping an eye on her like Nurse Redheart asked. She didn’t seem like she was having any trouble eating, which was good, and glanced up at her every so often while he shifted through files he was looking over. Bright Side kept a candle he used to receive messages near him while he sat at the table with Emily in the hope that somepony would contact him and say that they found the filly’s parents, but no message came. He didn’t let the thought deter him, focusing on writing more notes with the information Nurse Redheart gave him. At the same time, he made sure to look over all the other papers for foals he had current cases on. He couldn’t let up on making sure all of the proper forms were filled out, even in the middle of a case like this. After she was finished eating, he watched something strange happen as he got out napkins and paper towels to offer to her. He set them out in front of her to use to clean off with, and just turned back to writing when she let out a gigantic shiver. She closed her eyes and clenched her jaw as she craned her neck, making a face like she was just splashed with cold water. “What is it, Ama Lee?” he asked. “You’re not hurt are you? Is food caught in your throat?” “No, I just– blech!” She closed her eyes and shivered again, explaining, “I have really bad sensory issues, and things like napkins set it off. Napkins and paper towels and wet paper and drying towels– I can’t stand the texture of those things.” “Well let me see if we have something different around here to help you wipe down,” he offered. “What do you normally use?” “Wet wipes are perfect if you have any.” He retrieved exactly that for her, making sure to write down what she said as she wiped herself down. At the same time, he realized it was another instance where maturity showed through. She flipped from acting like a little filly to older than she looked without realizing it. It was in her tone and the way she spoke, and further confused Bright Side. After she was done wiping herself off, the stallion got out a board game to play with her and the caretaker of the group home, one about buying up properties and managing money, a game that she seemed familiar with. Once again, Bright Side found himself imagining that she was older than she looked, just like Redheart said. She displayed intelligence that most fillies as young as she looked wouldn’t have. After the game, Emily read for a while, and then was put back to sleep before the sun went down. When she was finally in the bedroom resting, Bright Side sighed to himself and stretched. It was one of the longer days he had on the job, probably the longest in a few months. He imagined tomorrow would be just as long– there were forms to be filled out and ponies to talk to and information to gather from Emily, not to mention all the usual work he had. But at least the filly he was working with was nice and happy, even if she displayed some curious tendencies and had some potentially alarming things about her come up. It was better than some of the faces he’d seen in his work. “Is there anything special I need to look out for with Ama Lee?” the caretaker, Peaceful Day, asked Bright Side before he left. “Or should I just proceed how I normally would?” “I don’t see anything special you need to do. Just be careful though. We only just got word of her today, and while she doesn’t have any obvious concerns about her to watch out for, there might be things beneath the surface.” “Mhm. I understand, and will proceed that way.” The stallion left after that, stopping by his office for a moment before returning home and retiring for the night. He didn’t fall asleep immediately though. His thoughts were occupied by the filly and what exactly was going on with her. Was she making up stories? Was she telling the full truth? A combination of both? Where exactly was Kansas, and who were the friends she was talking about? How old exactly was she? Why in the wide world of Equestria would she think macaroni mixed with peas and tuna would taste good? All of these things and more raced through Bright Side’s head, and he hoped he would get answers to all of them. He was back at his office the next morning, working on Emily’s case, when he finally received a good piece of information– at least, in context to his case. There were three brown pegasus fillies missing that matched her description, mostly anyway. One was described as having light brown hair, opposite of Emily’s dark brown, and other was said to have bright green eyes, unlike her brown. And the last one was listed as being thirteen years old, way older than Emily could potentially be. None of them even matched her name, or the names of the parents she gave to him. One set came close though, a couple known as Cloud Mender and Willy Whisps. Still not exactly as she described though. But there was no reason to avoid getting in contact with each set of guardians. There was a slim chance she would belong to one of them, even if the chance was extremely low in his opinion. He went about sending out communications to the cities the alerts came from– one from Canterlot, Baltimare, and Los Pegasus each. Nowhere anypony would be coming to Ponyville from anytime soon, at least not for a good week unless they had advanced teleportation magic, but hopefully sending a couple of pictures of the filly would suffice for identification. He grabbed a camera from inside his desk and stretched and yawned, heading back over to the group home Emily was at. She was awake and alone, sitting on a sofa and running her hoof along the arm rest as she sang, the caretaker cleaning up in the background. Her eyes were closed as she sang loudly, this time a song about catching a mouse and shoving it in her mouth? The words kind of blended together, so he couldn’t tell exactly, something he was sure was being done intentionally. “Look into my eyes,” she sang, then opened them and turned to Bright Side and smiled. “It’s the only way you’ll know I’m telling the truth.” “Oh yeah?” he asked lightheartedly, not understanding the lyrics at all but engaging her anyway. “Are you telling me you’ve been lying to me this whole time? How could you?” He feigned sadness, something that made her giggle. “No, you gotta look into my eyes to see that I’m telling the truth,” she explained. “Not a lot of people know that song, but it’s one of my favorites.” “Well it certainly sounds like a good one, especially being sung by you,” he told her. “Your voice is so pretty. I’d bet you’re gonna get a cutie mark in music when you’re older.” “I don’t think so, but maybe! I’m not good enough at piano though cause I don’t try to learn new things very often. But I used to be in Honor Choir at my school, so there’s a chance!” “I’m sure you’ll be able to be a great musician or singer if you try your best,” he assured her. “Did you sleep well last night? What did you eat for breakfast?” “Mhm, I slept good, and I helped cook pancakes and eggs.” “That sounds like a very delicious breakfast. I think that’ll get you prepared for an active day today, missy. We’re gonna take some pictures, play some games, and meet another pony who wants to help you, too. How does that sound?” “Great!” She flapped her wings excitedly as she smiled. “Do you think the Cutie Mark Crusaders are still in town? What about Princess Twilight? I wanna meet them!” “Maybe one day you will, but for now, I think it’s high time we head back to my office. How does that sound?” “Okay!” Bright Side left again after that, letting Peaceful Day know that Emily was coming with her, and the two headed back to his office where he set out toys and coloring books again. She declined these things once again, opting to sit on the couch and face him just like last time as she ran a hoof over the fabric of the cushion. Was that part of the sensory issues she described having last night? He took her picture and then started to chat with her. He didn’t go deep into conversation with the filly, but did manage to get her to talk about her childhood. She described how she didn’t have any friends in school, a statement that almost made him tear up, but she said that she didn’t mind because she liked reading and coming up with stories. She also talked again about how she liked to play music and write songs, and said that when she got older, she wanted to become a musician or an author. “Or a meteorologist!” she declared happily, flapping her wings excitedly. “It’d be so cool if I could control the weather! I’d make it rain and then store it in boxes with little yellow tags on every one!” She’d broken into song by the time she finished, something about the real world hassling her now, and Bright Side smiled. She had such youthful energy, and he loved seeing it. They continued on from there, and she talked about the games she liked to play, describing something similar to the new digital games the foals these days talked about. It was something a stallion named Button Mash pioneered several years ago, and now seemed to be all the rage. Before he knew it, mid afternoon was rolling around, having talked to the filly about a hundred different topics ranging from hobbies to his own life, skipping straight through lunch without either of them realizing it. “Oh, we need to get you something to eat, sweetheart,” he announced, standing up and stretching after a while. What time was it now? Just past two o’clock. How did he let it get so late. “How do you feel about pizza?” he asked. “I like pizza, as long as it’s plain, please,” she said politely. “Or spinach! You can put spinach and tomatoes on it, too.” “Well I don’t know if they have that at the pizza place we’re going to, but we can certainly ask. Actually, let me send a message so we can order it for here. Like I said earlier, somepony is gonna be here who wants to talk to you just as much as I do.” “Who?” “You’ll have to wait until she gets here to meet her. She should be in at any– well would you speak of the princess!” he exclaimed as the door was knocked on right at that moment. “There she is! Let me bring her in!” In a second, Bright Side was across the room and letting through a door a unicorn mare who looked a lot younger than he did. She had an off white, sort of beige colored coat and light brown mane going down to her shoulders. She also had a kind smile on her face, one that seemed even more pleasant than what Bright Side could manage. He turned to look at Emily’s reaction, surprised to see her giving the mare a weird look as she tilted her head. “You look familiar,” she said after a long moment of silence, keeping her eyes on the mare that stood before her. “Do I know you from somewhere?” “Hmmm, I don’t think you’ve seen me before, unless you’ve been to Baltimare,” the unicorn replied politely. “I like to keep track of all the fillies and colts I talk to. You must be Ama Lee, right?” The filly nodded, and she continued, “My name’s Doctor Spark, and Bright Side here said he’d like it a lot if I got to know you.” Both Bright Side and Ivory Spark watched as Emily’s jaw practically hit the floor in surprise.
Chapter SevenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter Seven“Um, is something wrong?” Ivory Spark asked carefully, looking behind her for a moment before turning back to the filly. The mare wasn’t exactly new to the job, having worked in foal psychology for nearly two years up to this point after spending a few years in general nursing, but she could safely this was the first time she’d received a slack jawed expression from somepony in response to them learning her name. Bright Side blinked at her, just as confused as she was, and Ivory Spark continued, “Is there someplace you remember me from? Like I said, I don’t think I’ve seen you before, but maybe my memory is slipping. Can you remind me, please?” “Nope. I definitely haven’t seen you before.” Emily said quickly, shutting her mouth for a long moment of silence. After a few seconds, she asked, “That’s Doctor Ivory Spark, isn’t it? Your first name is Ivory?” “Yes it is, but you don’t have to call me by my full name or doctor. You can just call me Ivory or Sparky if you want to. I’d just like to get to know you, if that’s okay.” “Um, heck.” The filly tapped her hoof against the arm of the sofa nervously. “Heck, heck, heck. Um– gosh dang it, this is gonna suck so bad. Um… heck.” “Why do you think this is going to be bad, Ama Lee?” the mare asked carefully, taking a couple of steps farther into the room, closer to her. “Is it okay if I sat down next to you?” “Yeah, you can, and it’s not your fault this is gonna suck. It’s just… you know. Shit.” Bright Side and Ivory Spark both cringed at her crass language, and she quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t curse.” “I think everything will be okay, for what it’s worth,” Ivory Spark told her carefully, taking a seat directly next to her, just a cushion away, opposite of Bright Side’s sitting in a couch across the room. She wanted to try and build a persona that she was her friend and help the filly feel comfortable, and knew that things like sitting close to her would help with that. She glanced up at the stallion who requested her here and gave him a look that said the two of them should have some space. “Do you think things won’t be okay?” the mare asked. “Oh, I thought everything was gonna be wonderful and smooth and I’d be happy forever and ever and never have to think about a whole lot of things I’d left behind for the rest of my life, but that plan just went racing out the window, didn’t it? I guess I should’ve expected it.” “Expected what?” “For you to be here,” she explained, making Ivory Spark raise an eyebrow. “You being here means a whole bunch of things that I don’t want to happen. I guess I can’t control it though, since you’re already here. I know exactly where this is gonna end, and it’s kind of disappointing.” “How what is going to end, Ama Lee?” The mare made a mental note to keep track of what to write down in the conversation. She wanted to keep the filly’s full attention, and make it appear that she was interested in what she was saying, not that she wasn’t. “Do you mean me talking to you, or something else?” “I mean… nothing. It’s nothing,” she said quickly, firmly, seeming like the decision was a snap one to keep her mouth shut. It definitely piqued the mare’s curiosity, but she didn’t say anything yet. Instead, she kept silent and watched Emily, waiting for her to continue on her own. “So yeah. That’s what that is. Absolutely nothing.” The filly took a breath, and then, as though realizing how she was being seen, put on a smile and asked, “What do you wanna talk to me about?” She sounded more like a young foal now, as opposed to the older filly she’d just gotten. It lined up with the notes Bright Side provided her. What also lined up was her stimming and rubbing her hoof against the couch cushion. Just a quick glance at it showed fur starting to be rubbed raw by how often she seemed to do it. It didn’t seem like it stemmed from stress; it was just a subconscious activity on her part, as was the way she kind of wiggled around in the seat and tapped her hoof on the ground. It seemed like hallmarks of ADHD, but that wasn’t a determination she could make just on looking at her. “I just wanted to see what you’re like,” Ivory Spark told her, wearing a kind smile that seemed to make Emily smile in return. “Bright Side told me you might need some help, so if it’s okay, I’d like to try and help you.” “Well, I do indeed need lots of help, although it’s gonna be a lot more than I expected, that’s for sure,” Emily said. “I mean, I expected a foal psychologist to come in, but I was honestly unprepared for you. Speaking of which, I have to ask: have you met a foal named Leo yet?” “I can’t say I have, no. Do you know him?” “I do, in a vague sort of way, but that’s not a conversation to get into since it doesn’t really matter. More importantly is this: are we gonna get pizza, and will it have spinach and diced tomatoes on it? I’m hungry!” “Bright Side promised you that, didn’t he?” Ivory Spark smiled. “That’s what he promises everypony I talk to. Pizza. It gets a little old after a while, but it sure is tasty, especially if you have unique tastes like you do.” “My mom says I have unique tastes and that I’m a picky eater, but I don’t think I am. I just don’t eat gross things, like milk and mayonnaise.” “I can’t say I like mayonnaise either, but little fillies like you need milk to have big and strong bones.” Emily giggled happily at her words, the mare not knowing what it was she liked about it but taking it anyway. She seemed like she was settling after the initial shock of seeing her. Why was she so surprised? “What kind of foods do you like to eat? Do you think if I gave you a paper and some crayons, you could write out a list for me?” “Mhm,” she nodded, flapping her wings and standing up at the same time as Ivory Spark did. She really was tucking her tail, but it seemed like she was somehow trying not to do that, her tail untucking after she realized that it was. Certainly interesting. “We’re gonna head over to the dining room to get started, if that’s okay,” she told her politely. “If Bright Side is bringing pizza, we don’t want to get his office all messy and leave crumbs everywhere, do we?” “Nope! I know where that’s at!” A minute later, the two were sitting down side by side again, the mare using her magic to grab some crayons and paper to use and watching as Emily made a list of foods she liked and didn’t like. As she did, her free hoof was now slowly slowly petting itself over her thigh, probably because she liked the texture of her fur. It was certainly cute, but not really ideal. “Sweetheart,” Ivory started gently, “if you can, make sure not to rub your coat too hard, okay? I don’t want you to rub your fur off on your legs like you did around your hoof.” She hated interrupting her obvious stimming, but rubbing her hooves along fabric and grinding away the fur wouldn’t be great. Emily looked at her hoof and blushed bright red. “Sorry,” she said embarrassedly, halting immediately and flattening her ears against her skull. Not the reaction Ivory Spark wanted. “You can rub. I just want to make sure you’re being careful is all.” The filly didn’t start up again though, going back to working on the list, and the mare continued, “I’m sorry I don’t remember you, but if it’s okay, can I ask how you remember me?” “Oh, it’s nothing.” “Are you sure?” “Well, I mean, it’s not nothing, but– I don’t know what to do about it. Is this gonna copy that story exactly? Or only this part? I hope it’s the latter, but if it’s the former, then… I don’t know what.” “Copy what story, Ama Lee?” Ivory Spark asked quietly, hoping her gentleness would get her to engage. It didn’t work, the filly only sighing and shaking her head sadly for a second as she stopped writing. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be getting so worked up over this. Well, I should, but I shouldn’t.” “It’s okay to feel bad,” the mare told her. “If you’re uncomfortable with me or because of me, it’s okay. I don’t want to make you get worked up.” “It’s not you, it’s just… nothing. Never mind.” She let out a breath and sniffled, closing her eyes as she quietly whispered, “I don’t wanna lose this already is all. I just got here.” “You don’t wanna lose what?” Emily didn’t answer, going back to writing for a minute as she sat next to Ivory Spark looking misty eyed. It made her frown to see. She wanted to help and try to figure out what was going on, and what it was about her that was getting to Emily, but didn’t push. She wondered if she should actually direct Bright Side to get another pony to work on her. “But you know what?” Emily started out of the blue, as though reading her mind. “It’s kind of cool meeting you. I mean, after all, you’re Doctor Spark! The one and only!” Then she paused for a moment, putting on a serious expression as she asked, “Can I touch your fur?” “Uh, sure, if you want to,” the doctor shrugged, extending a leg out for her to grab hold of. The filly casually touched it, and practically squealed as she did. She seemed like she was happier than if she was told she was getting an ice cream sunday as a surprise treat. “This is so cool! I touched Doctor Spark! This is the best day of my life!” “And why is that now?” she asked, the mare now smiling again. “I mean, I’m good, but I’m not that great.” “Because you’re Doctor Spark!” the filly said again. “Also, I finished the list. The foods I don’t like is kind of long.” “Oh yeah? Let me take a look here.” She scanned over the paper, noting the neatness of the hoofwriting as compared to other fillies her age more than she did the foods on the list. Very interesting, something that, when combined with how she spoke about things, suggested she was older than the seven years she gave to ponies before. “Ice cream?” Ivory Spark as she raised an eyebrow. “You don’t like ice cream?” “Nope. It’s too sugary and sticky and makes me thirsty when I eat it,” she explained. “I haven’t eaten any in a long time cause I don’t like it.” The mare smiled and shook her head, chuckling out loud a little bit. “You like spinach and diced tomatoes on pizza, but don’t like ice cream? You’re one strange little girl, I’ll say that much.” Emily giggled back happily in response, any despondency she had a little while ago seemingly in the past now. “I am a weird girl, aren’t I?”
Chapter EightView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter EightIf Ivory Spark had to guess an age for Emily, she’d say either six years old or twelve years old. She wasn’t really learning very much new about the filly– well, she was, but not anything new in relation to what Bright Side explained to her about Emily. He was only a social worker for Foal Services, but he did an exceptional job on making an assessment about her just based on his observations. If he was this good with everypony he saw, he might be able to have a second career in foal psychology. There were little things though that Ivory Spark was able to see, such as the way she did some things repetitively, like making sure the crayons she used to write on stayed in color order, or how she seemed like she was keeping track of the song she was singing in her head whenever she stopped to speak to the mare. Very peculiar. Another thing she took note of was the way she moved her body. She didn’t seem so much like she was being hyperactive; instead, it looked like she was obviously stimming as she sat calmly in her chair. Her wings and hooves were obvious, but less obvious was the way she moved her jaw when she wasn’t eating. It seemed like she was catching herself just as she started to move it in a chewing motion, but Ivory Spark could pick up on it. The most obvious thing about her was sensory issues, so obvious in fact that Emily herself said she had them when she and Ivory Spark were presented with pizza. She explained how she disliked the sensation of touching certain paper objects, and even used the term sensory issues. Had somepony else diagnosed her with something previously? The unicorn didn’t know, but she did know that the filly probably had some level of autism. That much was clear after just under an hour spent with her. Of course, saying she had autism wasn’t the end all be all of her work, and in fact would probably affect nothing. The main reason Ivory Spark was here was so she could see what the best course of action would be for dealing with the filly, and determining how truthful or untruthful she was about the statements she made and what sorts of conclusions she should draw from them. Probing her for information would be the unicorn’s job, something she was sure she could do effectively. “Mr. Bright Side told me that you–” the mare stopped when Emily broke out into a fit of giggles and nearly fell over laughing. “What’s so funny to you, silly filly?” “You called him Mr. Bright Side! Cause that’s what he is! Bright Side is Mr. Brightside!” “I can’t say I understand that, but only because I’m not as silly of a filly as you are.” Emily giggled again and flapped her wings happily as the mare continued, “But Bright Side told me that you were from a place called Cansess. What’s that like?” “It’s big and flat and filled with wheat fields,” she said, “but I don’t think you’re gonna– well, never mind.” “I’m gonna what?” “Nothing. I wanna play this out for as long as I reasonably can. But Kansas is dumb! Equestria’s better!” “Oh yeah? I guess I'll have to visit there some day. Are your parents from Cansess?” “No, they’re from a state called Louisiana, but they live in Kansas now.” Ivory Spark nodded. She’d read in the report that she said she was from Cansess, but a bit of searching on her part before she came here showed that no such place existed, at least not in Equestria. She was certain that was a lie, although what threw her off was the automatic nature of the response off Emily’s lips. It sounded truthful, but she knew it had to be a lie. At the very least, it was false, but Emily believed it to be true. “Mhm, I see. Well that sounds like a long way from Ponyville. How’d you get all the way here?” “Um, that’s a great question, but one that I don’t have a great answer to, and don’t really wanna answer.” “That’s okay.” Her silence spoke more words than an actual answer would. It said that she was almost definitely lying, or at least fearful of the consequences of the truth, and that she was probably a runaway. Ivory Spark might have only been doing this job a couple of years, but she picked up on these tendencies quickly. “Do you know why you’re out here in Ponyville? Bright Side told me you like to travel around to see your friends. Do any live in town?” “Nope, unless you count you, then maybe. But I don’t know if we’re friends. I don’t think just knowing who you are would make us friends.” “Well, I’ll certainly be your friend if you want. You said you knew somepony named Leo before. Is he your friend? Is he in Ponyville?” “Just like with you, I don’t think I can classify him as a friend, and nope, he’s definitely not in Ponyville. He’s supposed to be in Baltimare with you. Well, maybe not yet. I don’t know.” Ivory Spark tilted her head. She was extremely curious, and had to ask. “How do you know me again, Ama Lee? I certainly would’ve remembered a wonderful filly like you.” “Um, do you think I could go get a drink of water?” she asked, not waiting for an answer when she climbed down and hurried out of the room. Definitely dodging questions, just like Bright Side said. She wondered what it meant, and what the filly had in relation to her. How did she know her? Ivory Spark couldn’t find an ounce of recognition about her. She didn’t ask the question again when Emily sat back down, instead moving on to ask, “Bright Side said you sometimes don’t like your parents. Can I ask why?” “I don’t dislike them, I just don’t like it when they blame me for things I don’t do. Like stealing and lying, which I don’t do. I mean, I lie sometimes, but I try my best to not lie when I can, and I certainly don't go out of my way to intentionally deceive people.” “Mhm, I understand, and everypony does lie sometimes, but as long as we’re doing our best, that’s what matters.” “Yup, I agree with that! You can try the best you can, and the best you can is good enough!” Another song was broken into, and Ivory Spark smiled and waited patiently until she finished before continuing. “Now Ama Lee,” she said, “these next few questions might be tough to answer, but it’s important to be truthful, even if somepony told you to keep them secret, okay?” “Okay!” She didn’t even flinch, staring at the mare expectantly, like she knew what was coming next. Somehow, she knew what the filly was going to say in advance, and it was already making the unicorn feel like she couldn’t trust her answers despite no words being spoken yet. “Has anypony ever tried to make you do something you don’t wanna do?” “Yup, like drink milk when that’s the grossest thing in the entire world. I’d rather just not have calcium than drink that stuff.” Her statement lightened the mood at least, and Ivory Spark had to stifle back a little chuckle. “Well, milk does make little fillies like you grow strong, but that’s not really what I mean. Can you think of anything else?” “Nope.” What a quick answer, but she didn’t dwell on it. “Has anypony ever touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable?” That actually gave Emily pause. She thought for a second before deciding, “For simplicity’s sake, I’ll say no, because I know you’re talking about parents and friends exclusively.” “But somepony else has?” Ivory Spark asked carefully. “Is it okay if I ask about it?” “Nope, don’t wanna talk about it.” “Okay, that’s okay,” the mare said kindly. “If you do want to talk to somepony, you can trust me, okay?” “I know, but it doesn’t matter in the larger context of your job, so I don’t wanna make things needlessly complicated. I also don’t wanna lie though, so I’m gonna just not talk about it.” “That’s fine.” Ivory Spark paused before asking, “Do you ever feel like you’re not you?” “Uh, yeah, all the time, and especially right now. I mean, look at me!” She spread her wings and wore a big smile as she explained, “I’m the cutest filly of all time! This is amazing!” Then she hugged herself and giggled happily. “It sounds like not being you is a good thing then? How do you think you usually are?” “Ugly and terrible and annoying, but not anymore! I’m amazing!” “Well I think you’re very pretty and wonderful, Ama Lee.” She seemed to absolutely love hearing the nice words, and looked like she was going to fall over and die from how big and bright the smile on her face was. “But I have some more questions for you, okay?” The filly nodded, and the mare continued, “Does anypony ever make you take medicine you don’t need or make you do things you think might hurt you?” “Nope!” “Mhm, that’s good. Just a few more questions, okay? These ones might be tough, but if you could answer honestly, it would really help.” “Okie dokie! I’ve been honest the whole time, but I’ll make sure to be double honest now!” “Do you ever feel like you want to hurt yourself, or like you just can’t do anything right?” “Nope! I used to feel like I couldn’t do anything right before, but I’ve worked past that. I’ve never wanted to hurt myself though. And I know what your last question is gonna be, too. Nope, I don’t ever feel like I don’t wanna be alive. Especially not now, since I’m the cutest little filly of all time!” She was implying that she didn’t think so before. Had something changed in her life to give her a new perspective? Ivory Spark didn’t know, but she made a mental note of it to ask later. More importantly than that right now was… “How do you know me, sweetheart?” the mare asked, friendliness and casualness in her voice. “I must have seen you before. Have you ever been to Baltimare?” “Nope, but I know who you are because– well, I can’t say. Not yet. Like I said, I just wanna be me right now and enjoy being me.” “Do you think knowing me will make you unhappy? Were you unhappy before?” “I definitely wasn’t happy, and yup, it super duper will, but not for the reason you think. It’s nothing to do with you, just the situation in general.” “And what situation is that?” “That’s not important right now. What is important is… the fact that I need more paper so I can draw!” “Of course sweetie, let me go get you some.” A minute later, Emily was drawing contentedly, and Ivory Spark was writing her notes on a clipboard. Very peculiar was the filly, but not the strangest case Ivory Spark had gotten thus far in her career. Still, it was giving her a lot to think about, and a lot of questions to ask her guardians when they turned up. Not to mention, she definitely needed to dig deep with Emily. It hurt Ivory Spark to hear her admit to sexual abuse. She said it wasn’t by her parents or friends, but was that truthful, or was she told to say that? She didn’t know, but it was a start. Regardless, Ivory Spark knew this wasn’t going to be a situation where finding her guardians would be the end of her work. This was gonna take some time. But for now, she wrote down her notes and watched Emily draw a picture of a bright blue sky and a barn surrounded by strange bipedal looking creatures.
Chapter NineView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter Nine“I am going to want to talk to her more tomorrow if I can,” Ivory Spark said as she gave Bright Side her notes to read. “There’s a lot about her I don’t know, and some of the things she said makes me want to dig further. Do you mind if I stay in Ponyville for a few days while I get to know her?” “Oh, sure, that’s no issue. I can set you up with a hotel room if you need,” he told her as he scanned over her notes. “Oh, Celestia. Sexual abuse?” he asked sadly. “Did she say that?” “Yes, she did,” the mare confirmed, watching the stallion become teary eyed by the statement. “There are other things too,” she continued. “I think she has some form of autism, and there’s a couple of other peculiar things she mentioned to me that I need to follow up on. Have you been able to get into contact with her guardians?” “I haven’t, but I do have three sets of ponies who described losing fillies who look similar to her. I sent out photos of her to them, and haven’t gotten word yet, but I’m pretty sure that it’s not going to turn up anything. The ponies she named, Wil Lee and Min Dee, don’t seem to exist in any registry.” “Mmm. That’s an issue. She seemed truthful when she spoke to me, or at least she herself believed what she said. She could be lying, or she could just be flat out wrong. It’s part of the reason why I want to stay here and keep talking to her. We need to flesh out what’s true and what’s not.” “Well I certainly won’t be stopping you. Take all the time you need with her. Whatever you say is best is best.” Ponyville wasn’t quite as easy to work in as Baltimare was, but Ivory Spark appreciated how she was given more leeway to do her job here than in other cities she’d been to for job calls. In places like Canterlot, they might have already sent her away after they got her notes and made a decision on their own, or even just disregarded what her notes said. She was grateful she was called here this time. She didn’t leave immediately for bed for the night. Instead, she stayed behind and followed Emily to the group home to spend more time with her. She wanted to build up a friendly persona with her and get the filly to trust her, not that she didn’t already. She was easier to build a relationship with than most foals in some ways. She seemed to understand what the mare was trying to do, and openly let her in to engage with her. She once again came across as older than she looked. It was more difficult than most foals in some ways, too. She seemed more preoccupied with her own thoughts and singing than she was with conversation as she laid on her stomach to write and draw. Ivory Spark had to make sure not to ask questions with one word answers to get her attention, the opposite of what Bright Side described to her and what she saw earlier at his office. When she was focused, she focused, but when something didn’t have her attention, she put it on the back burner. “Bright Side told me you wanted to be a writer or a musician,” the mare started. “Are you writing a song now?” “No, I can’t write lyrics without chords, and it’s kind of annoying to have to think it out in my head instead of play it on piano. I’m just writing down notes for story ideas that I want to remember when I get back home.” “Oh yeah? What kinds of stories?” “Stories about anything. Weird creatures turning into ponies, mostly. That’s my favorite to write about.” There was a moment of silence, then a sigh that came from her as she continued, “I hope I can be here for more than a few weeks, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be. I don’t wanna go home.” “Because you like it here in Ponyville?” She nodded sadly, explaining, “I like this a lot, and I already don’t ever wanna give it up.” Then she took a breath and smiled, saying, “But I can’t think about the bad! Gotta take this for what it’s worth! Even though it’s gonna suck when I have to leave.” “I’m sure it won’t be all bad. Having a family who loves you would be nice, wouldn’t it?” “Yeah, but– well, nothing. Still don’t wanna get into all of that. Not yet anyway.” Then she went back to writing, Ivory Spark looking over her shoulder as she did and watching her. That was largely how the rest of the night went, with Ivory Spark carefully watching Emily and engaging her every so often before it was time for her to head out and the filly to go to bed. She got to the hotel Bright Side rented for her, but didn’t write down a report just yet. She wanted another full day with the filly before she wrote one. There were some things she needed to clear up. She got into the group home to see Emily bright and early, Bright Side already there watching as she and the caretaker talked to each other while the filly ate breakfast. He made eye contact with her and beckoned her over to him to speak. “I sent out her photo to the guardians around Equestria who said they lost a filly that matches her description, and one of the couples said it matches the filly they lost. A couple named Cloud Mender and Willy Whisps? They’re out of Baltimare.” “Oh, that’s good, and makes sense since she’s claiming she remembers me. I’ll have to talk to them as soon as I can. Not today though. I don’t really have enough magic to just jump back and forth across the country whenever I please like I’m a princess. But didn’t you say they were missing a thirteen year old foal?” “Yes, and when I talked to them, they assured me that, despite her size, she is thirteen. It was strange.” “It sounds strange, and isn’t at all what she told us,” Ivory Spark agreed. “What did they say her name was?” “I don’t know. It’s spelled weirdly, like a griffon name. Something like Em-I-lie? It’s spelled E-M-I-L-Y.” “Huh? Oh! Emily! Not Ama Lee! That makes a lot more sense! Things are lining up now! If I could get them out here, that would be best, or if I could bring Emily to Baltimare, but I don’t have either the magic or technical skill to teleport anypony other than myself.” “They said they could get out here within a few days, and are leaving now to get here. They don’t have any idea how she got all the way to Ponyville though. As far as they were concerned, she woke up with them and ate breakfast the day before yesterday, and left for school that morning but never came home.” “And she said it was a unicorn who teleported her here… seems like I’ll have a lot of work to do these next few days,” Ivory Spark commented, stretching her limbs. “If they’re headed over here already, then I guess I can’t be out there tomorrow. Maybe it’ll be best if I wait here for them and then travel back with them to Baltimare when they head back.” “I think that’s the best, too. I also want to talk to her parents to see if any of what Ama Lee– err, Emily– is telling us they do is true.” “Of course, and I’d never let her be released to them right away. This isn’t something that’s just gonna be open and shut. There’s a lot to talk about, both with her and with them.” “I wonder if something more is going on with her.” Ivory Spark let that thought hang there as she made her way over to the filly, who smiled and waved at her before turning her attention back to the caretaker mare. “And then we painted houses all week, and after that, we went mountain climbing. It was the best!” “Well that sounds like a very fun time, I must admit,” she smiled. “I wish I had that kind of fun. But it looks like Doctor Spark wants to talk to you right now, and I don’t want to steal you away from her.” “Hi Doctor Spark!” the filly said enthusiastically, turning her way expectantly. “I didn’t think you’d still be here! Shouldn’t you get back to Baltimare?” “Eventually I will, but you’re just such a special little filly that I thought I would stay for a while and talk to you. Is that okay?” “Mhm,” she nodded. “I just thought you talked to me as much as you wanted to, but you can talk to me more if you want.” She took a seat next to her and asked, “I don’t remember if I asked you yesterday, but how old are you?” “Um, old. Very old. Like, the oldest thing in the whole universe. Either that, or six, or twelve or something. I don’t really know how old I’m supposed to be.” “Well, how old do you think you are?” “Here? Uh, I would imagine seven or eight? But I guess I can’t really know until someone tells me.” Ivory Spark nodded at her words. Was she trying to avoid answering, or did she really not know? “Hmmm, do you think maybe you’re older than that? Like twelve or thirteen maybe?” “I mean, I guess I could be, but I think I’m way too small to be that old, right?” Ivory Spark only hesitated for a second, but a second was enough of a pause for Emily to realize her answer. “I am thirteen?” she asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “Huh, that’s weird. I imagined I’d be way younger. I don’t look anywhere near thirteen years old. How did you figure that out?” “Well, we talked to a couple of ponies who said they have a lost filly they’re looking for,” the mare started. “They said she has a brown coat, and a dark brown mane with brown eyes, and that her name is Emily. Does that sound like somepony you know?” The unicorn smiled, trying to be light with her, but the filly clearly didn’t like hearing what she said. Her face was downcast, now showing a little bit of a scowl at the news. “You already found who my parents are supposed to be?” she asked. “It’s only been two days! I haven’t been here for that long! Gosh dangit.” “What’s wrong with finding your parents?” “Nothing, it’s just– ugh, nothing.” She crossed her arms and pouted, seeming genuinely upset. “I just thought this would last longer is all. I thought this would last forever, and then– ugh.” She looked like she was a step away from crying. “You thought what would last longer? Being in Ponyville? I’m sure if you ask, your guardians would let you visit–” “No, it’s not that. It’s nothing.” She let out a long breath, finishing, “I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. Just forget everything I told you before.”
Chapter TenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter TenAuthor's Note Your Christmas present is an extra chapter this week! Chapter Ten “Emily, if you’re having a problem, you can talk to me,” Ivory Spark said kindly. “I’m here to help you. I won’t be angry if you tell me you don’t like your parents.” “It’s not them! It’s… ugh, I don’t know how much I want to get into it right now. I mean, I know I might as well get it out of the way now since we’re already on that path, but I don’t know if I want to explain it now.” “I’m here to listen to you if you want to talk. It’s okay if you don’t, but I’ll be here if you do.” “But are you gonna believe what I tell you if I do? I mean, I don’t wanna tell you; I just wanna play this out as long as possible and feel nice about myself, but…” “I’m not going to assume you’re lying, if that’s what you’re asking,” the doctor assured her. “I promise.” “That’s not the same thing, but I guess that’s the best I can ask for, isn’t it?” Before Ivory Spark could interject, Emily took a breath and started, “I was not a pony before two days ago.” That was a statement Ivory Spark was unprepared to hear, and had to keep the look of surprise off her face as she stayed silent to listen to her. The filly clearly expected the mare to interrupt, but when she didn’t, continued, “Like, I don’t know how to say this in a way that doesn’t make me sound crazy, and didn’t even want to say anything to begin with because I like being here and being myself. But if this is playing out like Mind Over Matter did, then I want to get it out of the way now that I’m not the filly whatever parents you found are looking for. I mean, physically I probably am, but mentally I wouldn’t be. And it’s gonna make me uncomfortable if I’m just moving in to steal some random little kid’s body.” Ivory Spark wasn’t sure what she was trying to say, but it made her deeply confused. What was she suggesting? That she was inside a story she read? That she was somehow mind swapped into a pony from some creature else? That was the strangest thing she’d ever heard in her life. She didn’t bring up that fact though, keeping any confusion off of her face as she asked, “What’s Mind Over Matter? A story you read?” “One that I wrote. It’s about a foal named Leo and has you in it, and that’s why I was so surprised when I saw you. Cause Leo was the kid you took care of in that story, and he was put into the same situation as I’m in. So I know how this is gonna turn out already.” Okay, this was getting even more confusing, but the doctor could see a theory coming up. She didn’t know how likely it was, and it was one that made her frown to think about, but she was certain that over the course of this conversation she’d find out whether it was viable or not. “You said before that you didn’t feel like you all the time, especially right now,” she started carefully. “Do you know what ‘you’ is supposed to be?” “I mean, I guess I’m supposed to be a human, but I’d much rather be a filly than a human.” She sounded like she was trying to scale back her age again, her voice going up a bit in pitch as she continued, “It’s not like I don’t like being a pony, but that’s not what I am.” “Mhm, I see.” She didn’t even bother asking what a human was as she continued, “And humans don’t live in Equestria, do they? They live in Cansess, right?” “Yup.” “Okay. So then how did a human like you from Cansess get all the way to Equestria as a filly?” “Well, I teleported, obviously,” Emily shrugged, like it made the most sense in the world. Ivory Spark didn’t know if she was intentionally trying to play down her maturity or acting younger on purpose, or if she was unintentionally switching back and forth between being anxious and nonchalant, seeming slightly older and slightly younger as she did. “And how did you teleport here again?” she asked. “What exactly happened?” “How did I get here?” Emily wondered too, putting a hoof on her chin as she tried to think about it. “Let’s see. I was at work, and then… um…” She frowned as she thought, and then finally wondered aloud, “How can I not remember? It just happened two days ago!” “That’s okay. Where do you work at? What kind of job is it?” “I write, but also I work in a telephone company. I answer calls for insurance.” “Oh wow, that sounds important. What kinds of calls did you get at work before you were teleported here?” “If you’re expecting me to remember that, I’m not gonna. I mostly tune out anything that’s not memorable. It’s all the same after a while.” “What about ponies you talked to that day? Do you remember that?” “Yeah, I talked to my friends like I always do. We always hang out together in voice chats, and I watch them play games and stuff while we talk. It’s fun.” Not all that different from what she said before, even if Ivory Spark was unsure what a voice chat was. But the point wasn’t to see how honest she was being. It was what she remembered and what she didn’t. “What kinds of movies and games did you watch them play yesterday? Do you remember what you talked about?” “Yeah, we talked about, uh… it was… it’s…” Now she had a scowl on her face, clearly picking up on what Ivory Spark was trying to find out. “Is there a reason why I wouldn’t remember what we were talking about?” she asked. “I was there! And we…” “Yeah?” “Ugh, I don’t remember, but it’s not like my memory has been perfect anyway. I know what you’re trying to do, and I know why you’d think so, but I really am not from Equestria.” “That’s okay. What were your parents' names again?” she asked politely. “What did they look like?” “Their names are Willie and Mindy, and they’re a black stallion and a white mare,” she told her immediately. “My dad has black hair and my mom has blonde hair.” “So then your parents are ponies, but you’re not supposed to be?” Ivory Spark questioned. “Wait, no, they’re both humans. I just misspoke.” “I understand. And you said their names are Willy and Mendy?” she asked. “Because for somepony who’s supposed to be a human from Cansess, that sounds awfully similar to Willy Whisps and Cloud Mender.” “Wait, what?” That got Emily to raise an eyebrow. “Their names are seriously Willie and Mindy?” Ivory Spark nodded, and the filly had a look of complete confusion on her face. It was one that said she had no idea what was going on, not one she’d show up to this point. “That makes absolutely no sense,” Emily said. “I’d say you’re lying, but I know you don’t lie like that, but none of that adds up at all. How can this filly’s parents have the same names as my parents do on Earth? Leo’s parents didn’t have that.” It might not have made sense to Emily, but it was all starting to come together for Ivory Spark. Every little thing she said and did was starting to fit together like pieces of a puzzle. It was like the whole picture was coming into view, a picture that made Ivory Spark a little bit sad. But it was better to have the picture seen now than it was in ten years. “I know that look,” Emily started before she could say anything. “That’s the look that people give when they think you’re lying and feel bad.” “I don’t think you’re lying, Emily.” “But you’re gonna say I have schizophrenia or a psychotic disorder or something like that, aren’t you?” “I’m not gonna say you have schizophrenia,” Ivory Spark assured her. Emily stared back at her with an incredulous look as the mare said, “I promise, I don’t think you have a psychotic disorder. You can trust me.” “Well you definitely think I have something that I’m definitely sure I don’t have. If I had schizophrenia or something else, my psychiatrist would’ve told me. I don’t think that’s the kind of thing you really miss. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s super rare for people under a certain age to get it.” “It is rare for foals, and I promise you, I don’t think you have it. But can I ask who your psychiatrist is and what you saw them for?” “I don’t remember his name, but he told me I have ADHD and autism. I used to take stimulants for ADHD, but don’t anymore. And I went to therapy for autism.” Yup, Ivory Spark could definitely believe all of that. That was no surprise. As well, hearing that kind of put into perspective what the doctor thought she was dealing with and why he would miss it. It made it much more likely, at least in her opinion. “Can we stop talking about this though?” Emily asked. “This is making me feel really bad. I knew you weren’t gonna believe me about being a human, but I thought this might end up differently.” “Sure, and I understand. Was there anything you wanted to talk about?” “Not really anymore,” the filly said sadly, putting her chin on the table and closing her eyes. “I just thought I’d be able to be happy here for a long time, but it sounds like it’s either gonna end with me being sent back to Kansas or with everyone thinking I have a mental issue or something.” “It’s okay if you need a psychiatrist, Emily,” she told her. “Everypony needs help sometimes, some of us in different ways.” “Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’d still be basically stealing an actual little kid’s place to be here. That’s not right.” Ivory Spark sighed and sat at the table with Emily, not touching her but watching her. She definitely already had all her expectations laid out, so that no matter what the mare said, it would upset her. It was a no win situation. “Can I ask what that story you wrote was about?” she suddenly started as an idea came to her. “You said it was called Mind Over Matter?” “Yeah. Basically, the short version is that it was about this kid named Leo who used to be a human and went to Equestria because he wished on a genie to go there. And then he kind of, like, took this little kid’s place to be there and give the foal a better life cause he was being abused, but Leo inherited all of the abused kid’s memories. And then he went to a hospital in a city I forget the name to, and you took care of him, and went through helping him integrate into being a five year old colt even though he used to be a twenty year old drug addict.” Well, that certainly sounded like a story, Ivory Spark could say that much. It did give her some more questions to work with though. “So you’re saying you wrote a story about a stallion taking over the mind of a colt and replacing him?” “Well, he didn’t really take over his mind. It was kind of like an equal partnership thing, I think? Except the kid wasn’t actually there? But Leo and the kid argued a lot, but, like, it was more like Leo was arguing to himself and against himself.” If that wasn’t a textbook definition Emily described, Ivory Spark didn’t know what would be. “And you said that’s a story you wrote? Do you think you’re in that story?” “I mean, yeah? Cause you’re here, and you’re a character I created, so that’s the only way you’d be able to be here. It doesn’t make sense for you to exist if I’m not in my own story. But, like, I don’t hear another voice in my head right now like Leo did if that’s what you’re thinking, but I won’t be surprised if I do because if this is like that story, then I’m taking over that filly’s mind. Either that, or I’m inheriting it and she’s taking over my mind.” Oh, what a statement was that to hear? It made the doctor almost certain in what she was thinking. What she thought was a small possibility was now a large possibility in her opinion. This case Bright Side had given to her was turning out to be more interesting than the mare originally expected, but not in any way that was good.
Intermission– Notes From Ivory SparkView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldIntermission– Notes From Ivory SparkSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Chapter ElevenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter ElevenIt seemed the conversation with Ivory Spark ruined Emily’s mood. She wasn’t up much for talking the rest of the day, but she did try to smile as she drew and talked about things she liked. She wanted to be an author and a singer and a weather pony from what she said, although also claimed to be a pretty good cook. She seemed like she could potentially be an artist, too, if she kept on practicing. For a thirteen year old, her art was pretty good. She definitely seemed a little more sad today though, and showed it throughout the day. Ivory Spark caught more sighs and sad frowns from her now than she did before, her mood definitely altered from the two’s conversation. She hoped though that she could bring it back up again, and if not, that seeing her parents would. Ivory Spark left in the evening, writing her notes in her hotel room, and then came back the next morning to see the filly at the same time as yesterday. She wished there was a way she could talk to her guardians while they rode on the train to Ponyville, but would be forced to settle for being patient. In the meantime, she wasn’t sure if Emily’s mood had improved from yesterday, something that made her sad to see. If her mood was hurt yesterday with their conversation, she wasn’t sure her assessment for a dissociative disorder would make her feel any better. But it had to be done, and so out of her bag was coming the worksheet the mare was going to ask her to fill out. She actually had two of the sheet– she had multiple of a lot of papers, since, as she’d learned during her time as a foal psychologist, you never really knew what you’d be getting on the job– and was planning to give one to her parents. But first, she wanted to see what Emily’s answers would be. “What is this?” she asked as she looked over the paper. She looked up at the mare with curious eyes, no more interest in her tone than she would have if she was asking about something weird she found on the ground. And once again, she was sounding like a filly half her age, something that she seemed to switch back and forth in between a lot. Ivory Spark was getting more confident that it was unintentional. “Well, I want to have you do a little test to see if you ever disassociate,” she said kindly. “That just means you feel like you’re not yourself or like your environment is different than what it should be, or even like you're disconnected from your thoughts or your body.” She looked like she breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m pretty sure I don’t have, like, dissociative identity disorder or something. I’m pretty sure somepony would’ve noticed by now if I did.” “And I never said I think you do,” Ivory Spark reassured her, not a lie since the test wasn’t necessarily specific to DID but more about any dissociative disorder. “If it’s okay though, I’d like to be extra sure. Think you can do this quiz?” “I guess,” Emily sighed. “If this is about me kind of acting like a six or seven year old, I do that mostly because it feels nice to be a kid and I never really got to do that before. Plus, I was about ninety eight percent sure I was that old since I definitely don’t look thirteen.” “I understand, and we can talk about that later if you want. For now though, I’ll give you some time to fill this out, okay? Be sure to answer honestly for me. I’ll give you some space for a minute to answer.” “Okay, but I’m pretty sure this is gonna go nowhere.” Ivory Spark left the room with that, taking time to mail out a letter to one Princess Twilight Sparkle. She didn’t know when she’d get back to her– the Princess of Equestria was swamped with work day in and day out, and normally had her assistants answer requests for mail– but didn’t think it would matter either way. Still, she wasn’t going to leave anything off the table. She’d heard the rumors of strange things that happened in Ponyville. The essence of her letter was explaining that a foal she’d met said she was from another world, and asking if such a thing was possible. She did detail how she thought the foal might have a dissociative disorder, and told of some of the weird things that were brought up before sending it out with a spell she cast. She thought she’d get a response back in several months, but was actually astonished by the speediness of her reply, the princess apparently finding the message and sending back one of her own in just a half hour. Apparently, Princess Twilight Sparkle gave messages from Ponyville special status, which Ivory Spark figured made sense, considering what she’d heard about this town. The reply was very short, and very technical. No, such a thing is not possible because of the constraints of the physical universe and how magic operates inside of it. Without boring you with the details, the idea that one mind inhabits the space a previous mind inhabited without large scale detection on any magical signature is nearly impossible. Any case of a creature having alternate personalities has almost always been a dissociative disorder caused by trauma according to the literature I’ve studied on dissociative disorders. Especially for ponies in Ponyville, higher incidents of this and other disorders have arisen because of repeated exposer to the violence of creatures that live in the nearby Everfree Forest, as well as continental attacks that seem to focus themselves on the town. All in all, what you’re describing is statistically improbable. It’s more likely for all of Equestria itself to quantum tunnel to another universe than it is for a sentient being to quantum tunnel to another world, and have previous knowledge of Equestria and the ponies living in it, and to have the perfect chance to jump into a physical circumstance where it not only speaks the same language, but also calls itself and its parents by the same names as those from the universe it previously inhabited, and for all of these things to be either missed by the scientific community at large or to be so localized and imperceptible that it has been made to be indistinguishable from a dissociative disorder. No, I don’t believe any creature from another world has made its way into Equestria. It sounds like you have a difficult case ahead of you, and I wish you luck in dealing with it, and hope for the filly that she can work past these issues and lead a healthy, happy life. If you find any new information to add, feel free to contact me. My assistants are always on the lookout for messages from Ponyville because of the nature of the town and the extreme unpredictability of it compared to most of the rest of Equestria. As they say, you never know what you’ll get in Ponyville. -Princess Twilight Sparkle Yup, Ivory Spark couldn’t say she was very surprised, but like the princess herself said, this was Ponyville. It only made sense that she dot her I’s and cross her T’s while investigating every avenue available. Not something she would’ve done for other cities outside of maybe Canterlot, but Ponyville took exception. She went back into the room Emily was in afterward to see how much progress she made. She was already done, and now drawing on some paper like she had not a care in the world. She looked pretty relaxed, and Ivory Spark wondered if the answers she put down would be the opposite of what she thought. She wondered what she would do if they were. She didn’t know. Not that it looked like it mattered. She picked the paper up, just a quick glance showing exactly what she thought she would see. She let out a sigh and frowned. As right as she knew she was, she always wished she was wrong on these things, hoping not to find the issues that she knew her patients had. “Sorry I disappointed you,” she shrugged. “I knew that nothing was going to turn up, because I’m not from Equestria.” “Emily.” The mare drew her attention, and she made sure to look in her eyes and speak carefully, her words coming out slowly so she could fully comprehend what she was telling her. It wasn’t normally the kind of thing she would release to a foal, but with how relatively well she’d been taking everything and how mature she seemed to be, Ivory Spark decided to take the risk. She didn’t even get the chance to say it herself though, because the filly was already refuting what she was going to say. “I don’t have a dissociative disorder,” Emily insisted. “Half of the questions didn’t even apply to me. There’s no way I have a disorder that my psychiatrist didn’t pick up on yet.” “I’m not trying to come off as mean, Emily,” she said softly, taking a seat next to her. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about because of it. It’s just how a creature’s brain operates when exposed to extreme stress. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” “I’m not ashamed of anything,” the filly told her as though what the mare was saying made no sense. “I’m just telling you straight up that I don’t have that. It just doesn’t make any sense.” “How does it not make sense?” “Because I can’t know somepony I’ve never met before, or recognize a place I’ve never been. No mental disorder in the world turns you psychic. Besides, it’s not like I hear voices in my head or switch between personalities or something. I already told you about the ‘me acting like a little filly’ thing. It just makes me feel happier, and I didn’t think I was really this old.” “That’s just a generalization of dissociative conditions, but why don’t we go through some of your answers, okay?” She glanced down and asked, “Like this first one. You said you have trouble remembering whether you’ve done something or just thought about doing something. Can you give me some examples of times that comes up?” “That’s something everyone does. Like remembering whether you put food in the oven or locked the door or took out the trash– that’s not a DID exclusive thing.” “I told you before I didn’t think you have DID, Emily.” “If you don’t think I have that, then what exactly do you think I have?” “Well, there’s a lot of things that can cause extreme dissociation, like–” “But what do you think I have?” the filly pressed. Ivory Spark gathered a breath before explaining it to her. “I think you have something called OSDD. It stands for Other Specified Dissociative Disorder. It’s not as severe as DID, and normally doesn’t have dissociative amnesia, which would explain why your psychiatrist might not have picked up on it.” It was Emily’s turn to sigh as she crossed her hooves. She clearly didn’t like what she was hearing, and had a look on her face like Ivory’s explanation made an uncomfortable amount of sense. The mare gave her a moment to reply, and when she didn’t, continued, “You said you talk to yourself out loud a lot, too. Can you tell me what that’s like?” Emily looked extremely frustrated, but answered her. “It’s just, like, it’s– I just talk to myself. A lot of people do that.” “What kinds of things do you talk to yourself about?” “I don’t know. It’s just random things. Like, what kind of music to make or a story to write, or random arguments I had and stuff. Or saying things like, ‘Alright, we need to start cleaning our room now’ or ‘we need to get out of bed’. It’s not like I’m talking to someone completely different in my head and they’re talking back.” And yet she admitted to using plural pronouns. Interesting. The filly definitely didn’t catch her use of it, and Ivory Spark knew better than to bring it up yet. Instead, she continued, “You also said sometimes you’re listening to someone talk but then you don’t really hear what they said even though they said something. How often does that happen?” “What did you say?” Emily asked as she raised an eyebrow. Ivory Spark blinked, and the filly smiled. “That was just a joke,” she smiled, letting out a little laugh and earning a small smile from the mare. Then she continued, “I don’t know. Like, sometimes I’ll be talking to someone and then get distracted by my own thoughts and not hear what they said. The same thing happens when I’m reading a book and start to let my mind wander. I’ll end up reading but not comprehending anything I read and have to reread it.” It almost got Ivory Spark to chuckle at the filly’s innocence, but she forced herself not to. “What you’re describing, Emily,” she said carefully, “is dissociative behavior. That’s what that is.” And now Emily blinked in confusion. “I– no, that’s not– I mean, I guess it is, but it’s not the same thing. That’s not the same thing as having DID, or OSDD if that’s what you think. That's just from ADHD.” “On its own, it’s not, but when you combine it with other things–” “Lots of ponies dissociate and talk to themselves, though,” she interrupted. “I’m pretty sure you’ve done both those things, and no one would say you have OSDD.” “How frequent and intense it is when it happens matters though, Emily,” she said calmly. “Yes, lots of ponies do those things, some ponies more than others, but if you’re dissociating for long periods or doing it more than usual, then that’s a sign that not everything’s normal.” “That… that doesn’t make sense though. I wouldn’t just not know if I was disassociating. I’m pretty sure I’d be able to tell if I was, or if I had an alternate identity. At the very least, somepony would know.” “Everyone’s experience with dissociation is different, Emily. Not everyone’s going to have amnesia, and not everyone is going to have a separate identity. A pony just staring off into space thinking about nothing is dissociating. It’s about how frequent and how severe it is when it happens. It’s very easy to miss somepony having if it’s not obvious, and even more easy to not know that you’re doing that if you do.” “But I also can’t know somepony I’ve never met! If I’ve never met you, the only way I would know who you are is if my claims are true!” “If you live in Baltimare,” she said slowly, trying her best to help her understand, “and get psychiatric care there, then it’s not very unlikely you ran into me before. I see a lot of foals in the office, and go to a lot of schools around the city. Most of my work is in Baltimare. If you’re dissociating, you can feel like you’ve never met me before but also know who I am.” Emily let out an irritated breath and put her head in her hooves. Ivory Spark took a chance and carefully petted the filly’s mane, able to hear frustrated tears making their way down her cheeks. It made her sad to see her so upset. “It’s okay to need help,” she told her as she cried. “Everypony needs help sometimes, it's just some ponies need it in different ways. You’re going to be okay.” “This doesn’t make any sense though,” she whispered frustratedly. “This isn’t how these kinds of stories are supposed to turn out. In Mind Over Matter, it was a genie that brought him to Equestria. He didn’t have a dissociative disorder.” “It’s okay,” Ivory Spark whispered just as quietly. Emily let out another frustrated breath, and the mare continued to lightly pet her. “It’s okay,” she said again. “It’s okay, Emily. It’s okay.” Something about the repetitiveness of it helped the filly calm back down, eventually able to take a breath and regain her composure. Ivory Spark only pet her for a second longer before lowering her hoof away from her mane. “Feel a little bit better now?” “Yeah,” the filly whispered. “It doesn’t make sense that I’d have a dissociative disorder though. There’s no way I wouldn’t know I was dissociating. That doesn’t make sense.” “When you dissociate, that’s your brain actively trying to hide information from you because it thinks that’s what’s best for you. It doesn’t want you to know that something’s wrong, and is gonna try to hide that fact for as long as possible.” “Oh, well isn’t that convenient? I won’t ever have proof that I’m dissociating because my brain is working against me. What a perfect way to make sure I can never be proven to not have DID or OSDD.” “That’s not exactly how that works, but I promise you, Emily, we’re gonna work through this. It’s gonna be okay, okay?” She didn’t seem to believe her, although she at least didn’t look as grumpy now as she did before. She breathed out a resigned breath as Ivory Spark started, “I’m gonna ask you some more questions, okay?” Emily nodded, and the doctor went back to talking to her. It was a good thing she lived in Baltimare, because she had a feeling she was going to be spending a lot of time with the filly in the future.
Chapter TwelveView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter TwelveEmily still wasn’t feeling in a particularly good mood after Ivory Spark asked her more questions, but the mare decided that after lunch, she would try to improve it. “I heard that you were feeling excited about being in Ponyville a few days ago,” she started as the filly found a fish filet sandwich to eat. “How do you feel about going out for a walk around the town? We can head to the park and see if there’s any foals you could make friends with.” That instantly brought a smile to her face. “Yeah, I wanna see stuff and go to the park. Oh! Do you think we can eat at Sugarcube Corner and visit Twilight’s School of Friendship? Please?” She flapped her wings happily at the prospect, once again seeming like a filly younger than ten years old. “Of course,” Ivory Spark told her, now wearing a smile of her own. “If Headmare Starlight Glimmer lets us, sure. And while we’re out at the park, you can release some of that pent up energy you probably have and fly around.” “Oh, um, I don’t think I know how to fly, but I do wanna go outside again.” “Wait, you don’t know how to fly?” “Not really.” Emily shrugged, and continued, “I can’t know how to do something I’ve never done before since I’m not from Equestria, but I think learning how to would be pretty fun. I mean, I’m probably gonna be sent back to Kansas before I have a full grasp on it, but something would be better than nothing.” Now how interesting would it be if the little filly could fly, Ivory Spark wondered? Certainly more surprising for Emily than it would be for the doctor, that was for sure. She had a feeling she knew how it was gonna turn out if she tried to. She didn’t say anything though, deciding to remain silent while Emily finished her lunch and chattered excitedly about the kinds of ponies she wanted to meet. There was a second where the filly made a face and put a hoof to her chest because of the food getting stuck in her throat in the middle of her esophagus, but other than that, it seemed like she wasn't having any issue with eating. Afterward, the two headed out, Emily galloping ahead of her as Ivory Spark kept her in her sight line. She was absolutely adorable, probably one of the most adorable fillies she’d met, especially when she was happy. There was still a lot of work to do, but Ivory Spark didn’t know how much she would get through today. She might let the filly play for the rest of the day and then talk to Baltimare Psychiatry Services where she normally worked about her later that night. She definitely needed to go more in-depth with her about her dissociation, as well as follow up on any sexual abuse she might have received and what other trauma she might be harboring. Then her parents would be here to pick her up, and she would talk to them in Ponyville and during the train ride back to Baltimare. Yes, she could say her plate was extremely full. Thankfully, she normally only worked on one foal at a time. She could devote all her time to Emily for now. They eventually found their way to the park, and while Emily did try to talk to other foals there for a bit, she mostly kept to herself, not that she seemed particularly upset by it. She sat on the swings as Ivory Spark sat on the bench, no clipboard, but making mental notes about her behavior. At least right then, she seemed like a completely normal, if slightly reserved foal. It was a while before she got tired, eventually opting to sit next to the mare in the shade, and when she did, the doctor took the opportunity to talk to her again. “How are you enjoying Ponyville so far?” she asked. “Is it living up to all your expectations?” “Heck yeah!” she said, flapping her wings again excitedly as she spoke with enthusiasm in her voice. “It makes me super happy to see everything there is here, even if I don’t get to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders or Twilight Sparkle and her friends. But it’s still fun!” “That’s good to hear,” the doctor smiled. “Lots of ponies come here to visit a lot, and I’ve even stopped here myself a couple of times to do just that. Did you walk all the way here from Baltimare? Or, I mean, Cansess? Or you said you teleported?” “Yeah, I teleported, but I don’t really know how it happened. But, um, that doesn’t mean I dissociated.” “That’s okay. I understand. Do you think you would know where in Baltimare you live?” she asked. “Not the slightest clue,” she shook her head and shrugged. “But you know what? I’m gonna try and fly now! I’ll be right back.” Before she could tell her to be careful not to hurt herself since she didn’t know if she could, the filly was climbing up playground equipment and carefully looking at the ground. The mare had to admit, she was interested to see what would happen, and wasn’t too worried. Pegasi were much more built to brush off things like this than other creatures. “Here I go!” she declared, jumping down and flapping her wings as she did. Predictably enough, Emily had no trouble sustaining herself in the air, something that was of no surprise to Ivory Spark. Emily herself seemed surprised, because she looked around at her flapping wings and then down at the ground, blinking like it was the last thing she thought would happen. “Huh. That’s weird. I must be doing this on instinct.” Or you’ve been dissociating, the doctor thought, although certainly kept it to herself. It wasn’t even good that the mare was thinking that. Thoughts like that were unkind, and not something any foal deserved. And I can't rush to conclusions either, Ivory Spark reminded herself. The simplest and most obvious explanation wasn't always the correct explanation. The filly carefully landed, and then took off again, this time from the ground, jumping into the air. It was a little more awkward, but within just a few seconds, she was raising herself up to the height she was at before. Yes, she knew how to fly, and just knowing pegasi, Ivory Spark knew it wasn’t something that could be done on instinct. “This is so strange,” she said, floating over to Ivory Spark and plopping her flank back down on the bench. “I don’t understand how I can do that.” The mare gave her a little smile, one Emily didn’t return. “It doesn’t mean I’m dissociating though. I’m gonna prove I’m not, because I do care about whatever filly’s place I took. I don’t want her to be away from her parents.” “Well, I’m sure that whatever is going on with you, we’ll be able to–” “Oh! I know how to prove I’m right!” she suddenly interrupted. Before the doctor could ask, Emily started excitedly, “I wrote about Blue Mist and Herbal Essence and Thundertail and Lucky Day! If those ponies exist, then I must be telling the truth! There’s no way you can reasonably say me knowing who those ponies are is a coincidence, can you?” “Emily–” “Come on! It won’t take that long to do! If it turns out they don’t exist, then I’ll accept defeat and do whatever you say, but I know that won’t happen because you exist, so therefore they exist! So I’m right!” She flapped her wings in excitement, staring up at the mare with a little gleam in her eye that said she truly thought what she was thinking would turn out to be right. The temptation to say yes and humor her in seeing if those ponies really did exist was strong, but Ivory Spark forced down that urge. She knew better than to start walking down random paths like this. “We’re not doing that, Emily,” she said seriously. “You’re going to have to trust that what I’m telling you is correct. I know it’s difficult–” “But it’ll take only a few minutes to do! I’m pretty sure you could just send a letter to somepony, and they’d give you something back saying whether they exist or not!” “You’re right. It would only take a few minutes,” the mare agreed, allowing a little smirk. “But as I was saying, you’re gonna have to put your trust in me. I need you to trust that what I’m saying is correct. I wouldn’t lie to you, and I wouldn’t dismiss looking for those ponies if I thought there was a chance that you were right. But regardless, whether or not they do exist has no bearing on whether or not you’re really from another world.” “But there’s no way you can justify me being a natural born Equestrian if I know about ponies who I’ve never met. Nopony I know is psychic, and I’m pretty sure you’d agree.” Ivory Spark debated whether or not to go into the logic of her claims or ask why she was hung up on this scenario specifically. She thought for a moment before deciding on the former. “Okay, let’s examine what you’re saying,” she said slowly, turning to face her fully now. “Is it more likely that you came from somewhere else and just so happen to know the ponies who live here, and share the same name, and have the same parents' description as the filly you thought you took over, or is it more likely that you’ve always been who you are?” “The former! Definitely the former! Because you can’t say where I would’ve met you either!” Ivory Spark definitely did tell her where it would’ve been, but she didn’t bring it up. Instead, she moved onto the latter topic. “Do you think it would be bad if you were just dissociating?” “If I am dissociating,” Emily started, not answering her question, “why do you need to convince me so bad that I am? Can’t you just start treating me regardless?” “That’s what we’re doing right now, sweetheart,” the unicorn said softly, leaning it a bit closer and closing the space between them. “Grounding strategies for when you’re dissociating don’t work if you don’t think that you are. You need to accept that you need help before help is going to work.” Emily crossed her hooves across her chest and frowned. “I thought you’d talk to me more like a filly and say something like, ‘I think you’ll understand soon’ or ‘just trust me, I know what I’m doing’.” Ivory’s smirk turned into a full blown smile, one that made Emily smile back. “Well, I can treat you more like a little filly if you’d like, but I figured a growing young mare like you would want to hear an adult explanation.” “Yeah, I guess… but, um, really you should find Blue Mist and see if she’s real, please.” “Emily, I’m not–” “No, really, because if she is real, then I’m definitely not dissociating, and that means she’s abusing her son like in that story I wrote, and, um, I really don’t want that.” Now Ivory Spark had a concerned look on her face, too. “I’ll look into it, okay? But either way, you need to trust that I know what’s best for you and how to help you.” Then she stood up and stretched, asking, “Now how about we go visit Twilight Sparkle’s School of Friendship like you wanted?” Emily flapped her wings happily again. “Yes!”
Chapter ThirteenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter ThirteenIvory Spark did look into her claims, about a mare named Blue Mist abusing a colt named Leo, and found exactly what she expected. She wasn’t the least bit surprised when nothing turned up, but what could she say? The Princess of Equestria herself said that if anything strange was physically going on, she would’ve noticed it, and the mare already had her diagnosis in hoof. All that was really left to do was to talk to her parents for a quick investigation and get started on therapy, which was technically already ongoing. Before all that though, the unicorn took the little pegasus around Ponyville on a trek to the School of Friendship, walking around the building as Emily gawked in awe at all that she saw. She flapped her wings and chattered excitedly, telling all the stories she heard about the place as mare and filly examined the building. Once again, she seemed younger than she actually was, but now Ivory Spark had a good explanation for why. She hoped that she could get through to her and help her, because Emily definitely needed help. After this, they went back to the empty group home and left Emily to talk to the caretaker as Ivory Spark looked up information on the mare and colt, finding exactly nothing, just like she expected. The unicorn wouldn’t have even given it a thought had the filly not mentioned abuse, but because of that, she had to be sure and double check. Thankfully, her double check turned out to be just a waste of time. After this, she sat down to talk to the filly some more, now over a dinner of roasted vegetables and oatmeal that the filly enjoyed. During the meal, Emily took time to ask Ivory Spark questions of her own, a good sign in her opinion. “If I do have DID or OSDD, how do you know it?” she asked. “One test isn’t enough to say. I’m pretty sure dissociation is common with lots of things.” “It is common with a lot of things,” she agreed, “but like you said, you’re too young to have a psychotic disorder like schizophrenia, and if you did, it’d be much more obvious than DID or OSDD would be. There are other things it could be, since dissociative disorders like this aren’t really diagnosed until you’re a little older, but right now, that seems like the most obvious and direct fit. But we’re gonna do another test later back in Baltimare to see. I don’t have it with me now though because it’s very comprehensive.” “Was that other worksheet not the test?” “No, that was just one for dissociative experiences, which is why we’re going with… well, nothing really, outside of some dissociative disorder for you right now. Because we don’t know which one it is. That’s what the longer test is for. If you even have a dissociative disorder, of course, which you might not.” “Huh.” She looked down at her plate in thought, and then back up at the mare and asked, “How come I don’t have alternate personalities or hear voices in my head then? I’m pretty sure to have DID, you need that. That’s what ‘identity’ means, I thought.” “You’re right, that is a feature, however, if you’ve just been going along assuming that your experiences are normal, how are you going to differentiate between what actually is normal and what’s not?” “By knowing that most people don’t have voices in their head? I’m pretty sure I’d know if that was happening.” “Maybe, but let’s take something smaller first,” Ivory Spark said, shifting the conversation. “You said you know what dissociating is, and said you were pretty sure you’d remember it if you were. Can you give me an example of a time when you were dissociating?” “Um, I guess when I’m going someplace and I suddenly realize I don’t remember part of the trip? But everyone does that.” “I understand. But do you know you’re dissociating while you are?” “No, but I can look back and see that I don’t remember immediately. It doesn’t just slip me by. I know that I was missing something, and notice it immediately.” “That’s a very good example,” the doctor smiled kindly, “and it’s actually the best one to help with my point. While you’re dissociating, you don’t know that you are. You just are and don’t realize it.” “Not immediately, but I do directly after,” Emily countered. “I’m sure,” the unicorn replied, then paused before asking something else. “Do you mind if I do a little example of what dissociation might be like in an everyday circumstance?” It was a little bit risky to do, but wouldn’t mean much if she answered the opposite of what Ivory Spark expected. “Sure, but if you’re gonna ask what I ate for breakfast or lunch or something, I already remember that.” The mare smiled. “No, nothing like that. But do you remember what the first question you asked me at the start of this conversation was?” “Huh? Oh, it was… um… it was… don’t do that to me,” she scowled. “That’s not dissociating. That’s just filtering out unimportant information. Do you remember what the first question you asked Mr. Bright Side was the last time you spoke to him?” “No, but the last time I talked to him was yesterday. We started this conversation two minutes ago, Emily. Forgetting what question you asked two minutes ago isn’t very normal, especially since we didn’t change the subject.” “I remember! It was… um…” “You asked me how I know you have a dissociative disorder.” “That’s not dissociating though! I was sitting here talking to you the whole time, and know that! I wasn’t just staring off into space and suddenly realizing I was talking to you! That’s just a cheap way to say I have something I don’t!” “Okay, can you tell me what we did at the park today?” “Yeah, I flew around, and then we saw Twilight Sparkle’s school!” “And do you remember what you asked me to do?” Ivory Spark asked, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?” “You told me that you wanted me to do something, and it sounded like it was very important. Do you remember what it was?” “What? When? I didn’t ask you anything, I don’t think so anyway.” “You definitely did, sweetheart. You just got done with flying, and then told me I should do something, and said that it would prove that you don’t have a dissociative disorder and that you really are from Cansess. Do you not remember that?” “...no?” “You don’t remember you asking me to see if a couple of ponies named Blue Mist and Leo were real?” “I… no?” she said, sounding confused. “That sounds like something I’d ask, and it makes sense that I would, but I don’t… that’s not dissociation, is it?” “That is dissociation, Emily,” the mare told her kindly. “And more specifically, dissociative amnesia.” “But I don’t… I wouldn’t… what?” She looked like she was thinking hard to try and remember back to the question, but the longer she thought, the worse the look on her face became. “Just take a breath, okay sweetheart?” the mare said, petting her mane carefully. “You’re gonna be okay. I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but it’s important to know what’s happening so that we can start helping you.” “Okay… I heard you’re not supposed to tell kids what’s wrong with them though,” she said. “Like, if they have something rare like this. Not that I do, but–” “Well as I said, I think a young mare like you seems like she can handle it, and it’s important that you know what’s going on with you so we can get you the right help.” “I guess, but like I said, I don’t hear voices in my head, and I’m pretty sure I’d notice amnesia or dissociation, but I guess I don’t.” “If it’s been happening all your life, you might not notice at all,” the unicorn explained. “It’s not really something you’d pick up on because most of the time it’s just going to be unimportant day to day events. And if it’s unimportant and you don't remember it, how are you gonna know that a memory is missing? And you saying you don’t hear other voices in your head is why we’re just saying it’s probably a dissociative disorder right now and not DID.” “I guess that makes sense… but I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Emily laid her head down carefully in her hooves and turned away, leaving Ivory Spark with a sad look on her face. “It just feels like a cheap way to say ‘oh, you have this now’ when I don’t,” the filly muttered quietly. “You’re trying to make symptoms fit to something I don’t have.” “Sweetheart, dissociation isn’t a disorder. Dissociation is a symptom. Whether or not you have a dissociative disorder doesn’t have any bearing on whether or not you’re dissociating as much as it seems like you are.” Emily only sighed in response, keeping her head on the table. It made Ivory Spark sigh, too, and frown. “I want to make it clear though that right now, we’re just speculating, okay? Until we get back to Baltimare and do a full test, we can’t know if you even have a dissociative disorder. The test I gave you only indicates one.” It didn’t improve her mood, and garnered nothing more than silence, and as a result, Ivory Spark scooted in a little closer and bent down to the level her head was at. “You’re gonna be okay, I promise,” she assured her. “The most important thing is to know that any disorder is just a phrase to describe how you and your body and your mind works. It doesn’t mean you have anything new wrong with you.” There was no response, and after a long, silent moment, the foal psychologist asked, “Wanna talk about something else?” “Yeah, but I don’t really know what about.” “How about your writing? You said you liked to do a lot of that? What kind of music is it?” It got the filly’s mood to improve, a little bit at least, as she described her favorite music, and then moved on to talking about stories she read. She was smiling by the time Ivory Sparky had to leave for the evening, which helped the mare to feel like she’d gotten something accomplished at the end of the day. She did wonder though if she was going about this correctly, and hopefully not rushing into this. A dissociative disorder was the most likely, just based on the way her answers lined up, although schizophrenia wasn’t entirely off the table, as unlikely as it was, as well as a couple of other things. Even still, it didn’t really fit schizophrenia that much, and she was definitely still in touch with reality. Emily knowing that the answers she gave for some things didn’t make sense was a good indicator. Although the bigger issue was letting the filly know that that’s what she thought, something that wasn’t very common for things like this. Normally, most psychiatrists and psychologists would wait until the foal was a little bit older, but she guessed it didn’t make that much difference since she would be fourteen next year anyway. Although it was important that she did know what was going on, since therapy wouldn’t be as effective if she didn’t. Speaking of which, she needed to speak to her psychiatrist when she could, and sent a quick letter back to her office in Baltimare describing the situation before retiring for the night. Tomorrow was another long day, one filled with that and speaking to Emily more, as well as the arrival of her guardians for Ivory Spark to question. First though was the psychiatrist in Baltimare, a stallion named Peace Keeper the letter she received from him in the morning told the mare. He described how she’d been going to his office for a few years, and confirmed autism and ADHD, although said he’d never considered any dissociative disorder as a diagnosis because she’d never reported any abuse and because of the close association with dissociation and how it could be confused with the attention issues of ADHD. He agreed though that something like that could fit, although, like Ivory Spark was thinking, said it was probably best not to rush into a diagnosis and try to fit symptoms into something. He also agreed that he’d let her remain in Ivory Spark’s care if she wished once she got back to Baltimare and that he’d send her records to the unicorn once she got back. Next was heading over to see Emily again and preparing for her parent’s arrival. She was already awake and eating breakfast, but just like yesterday, seemed more sad than she did when Ivory Spark first met her. “How are you feeling after yesterday?” she asked politely. “I know it’s probably a lot to learn in one day. Are you feeling okay?” “Yeah, I guess,” she said, a mixture between something disinterested and sad in her voice. “I’m not upset because of that though. I’m upset because they don’t have any tuna here, and I really want some. It’s one of my favorite foods.” That made Ivory Spark laugh, and got the filly to smile. “Well, I’m sure soon you’re gonna be back in Baltimare right by the ocean and be able to eat all the tuna you want. Speaking of which, your parents are gonna be here in a few hours, after lunch from what I hear. How do you feel about that?” She shrugged. “Okay, I guess? I haven’t seen them in a while, and don’t really like them, but I don’t hate them. But I already told Mr. Bright Side all of that while he looked at me with eager eyes.” “Mhm, I remember what he told me. You said they got divorced and they kicked you out, and that you live on your own now. Do you remember what happened with that?” “Yeah, and that’s still the truth. I don’t remember when they got divorced, but my dad kicked me out cause he thought I was stealing his stuff, I know that.” Ivory Spark nodded along and kept that in mind. “Anything else that he did that you don’t like?” “Nothing in particular, other than what I already said… I wonder what he’s gonna look like. Also, I’m really uncomfortable with meeting a filly’s parents who aren’t mine when I’m not her.” “I’m sure it’s going to be fine,” Ivory Spark said, not poking at that statement. “But how about we chat about that after breakfast before they get here, okay? I don’t wanna distract growing young mares from their nutrition.” “Okay, sounds good.” Ivory Spark didn’t know how good it sounded per se, but it sure did sound interesting. She wondered what she was going to say and how it was going to line up when she met her parents. She hoped it would be okay. Author's Note Note: Fourteen is considered adulthood in this version of Equestria.
Chapter FourteenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter Fourteen“How is school for you?” Ivory Spark asked, wanting to get more information about her. “Is it easy? Hard? Do you have any friends?” “I don’t think I have any friends– not at school, I mean– but that’s okay. I’m not very good at school though, because I have really bad ADHD and can’t focus in class and don’t do my homework.” “Ah. Yes, that can be hard. I was talking to your psychiatrist yesterday. Is there anything he does that might help you to remember to do it?” “I don’t forget to do it. I just get distracted and be lazy, mostly. It’s not a dissociation thing. I just have ADHD.” “I know, Emily,” the mare said politely. “I’m just asking if he prescribed you any medicine that might help you focus better, or taught you any strategies to help you when you lose focus.” “Oh, um, yeah, but I don’t take it because it makes me feel weird. I know it’s supposed to make me focus, but focusing like that feels weird. I don’t like it.” “I understand. That can be hard. What about making friends with other ponies? They don’t bully you, do they?” “No, I just don’t really care about making many friends. I have some, but none in school because kids are dumb and weird. Although I know I’m dumb and weird, too.” “You are pretty weird, but I wouldn’t say you’re dumb. Although you told me before you have autism. Do you see a therapist for that?” “Nope. I figured out how to do that stuff myself. I’m sure my psychiatrist has a lot of good ideas, but coping skills in theory aren’t as easy as they are in practice. And I kind of don’t really pay attention to a lot of what he says…. Not because I’m dissociating though.” “Of course not. But I’m sure he has a lot of good information, which it’s why it’s important to pay attention if you can. Although I was thinking that maybe when we get back to Baltimare, I could take over and be your psychiatrist.” “Sure, I guess. If you want to. But I think the filly who’s supposed to be in this body is gonna be pretty confused when she comes back and I go back to Earth and this adventure ends.” Ivory Spark nodded, then sat silently while Emily colored in the book the caretaker gave her. She was once again seeming more like the little filly from before than the older mare from yesterday. Very interesting to her to see the shift. It was like she got half her age, even in her voice inflections. “Can you tell me about Cansess?” she asked after a few minutes. “Or actually, I have a better question. If you’re from Cansess, how do you know who Princess Twilight Sparkle and I are? How did you learn about us?” “Oh, um, My Little Pony is a TV show that Lauren Faust created, and Equestria is in it, and it’s broadcast through a screen as a visual story. I think that accurately explains it. Kind of like a play… or, well, maybe a play shown through a window screen? I think you get the point.” “Mhm, I see.” Ivory Spark knew what that meant, although didn’t have time to ask a follow up question before Emily realized what it meant, too. “Wait. Heck. That comes across as weird, doesn’t it?” she said. “I don’t watch my life through a screen. Just Equestria… which is your life, so you’re gonna interpret that incorrectly.” “You are pretty weird,” Ivory Spark said lightly, “but it’s okay to be weird. It’s just a matter of knowing what makes you different and knowing what you might need help with.” She sighed at that. “I’m pretty sure I don’t have DID or anything else other than ADHD and autism. I don’t need help with something I don’t have.” “Okay, but if you did have it, it would be okay to have to have help for things. It’s okay if you need other ponies to help you.” “I know. I just don’t need help. Not with DID anyway.” “But it would be okay if you did.” The conversation moved on from there, Ivory Spark engaging more in the story she was telling her about the other day, Mind Over Matter, and learned about a couple of others the filly wrote, too. They seemed a little bit advanced for a filly her age, and the doctor was impressed with what she heard. If she was half as good as she seemed like she was, she’d certainly have a future career in something like writing. The mare did notice a little bit of self confidence issues from her, Emily talking about her work like she doubted herself and she thought it was awful, but didn’t have time to delve too deeply into it when a knock on the door came from outside the room they were in. It was just before lunch when her parents showed up, the group home caretaker warning the two of their arrival before they walked in, thankfully. She made sure the filly was okay with seeing them, a nod and a shrug indicating Emily’s indifference being given before Ivory Spark gave a look that said the caretaker could let them through. It was a black stallion and white mare, just like Emily told her, and seemingly to the filly’s surprise, considering how she blinked at them in confusion. The stallion had a short, curly black mane and brown eyes, and the mare had a long blonde mane with bright green eyes. Both were pegasi, just as she suspected, and both let out long sighs when they saw her, mostly relieved, although definitely a tad frustrated. “Oh, thank Celestia you’re safe,” the stallion, Willy Whisps sighed gratefully as he closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “What did you go and run off like that for, Emily?” he asked seriously. “Your mother and I have been worried sick about you!” “Idunno,” the filly replied, shrugging her shoulders. “I teleported here, but I don’t really remember how. But Ponyville is cool, and look! Doctor Spark is here, too!” “I don’t know who Doctor Spark is,” the stallion continued, “but either way, you have to be careful. You could get hurt going off alone like this, or worse. What would we do then?” “Sorry. It’s really not my fault I ended up here.” “Well, we’re glad you’re safe, Emmy,” the mare said. “That’s the important thing.” Then she looked at the ivory colored unicorn and asked, “And you’re Ivory Spark, correct? You were the one who sent out information? You’re an absolute life saver. I don’t know how much we can express our thanks.” “Well, I’m glad that you’re both here and that she’s safe,” the doctor replied. “We found Emily at the hospital here in Ponyville because she was trying to get medication for acid reflux, and I picked her up from there.” “What can I say?” she shrugged again. “Acid reflux is the word. I hate having GERD.” “Did you really come all the way to Ponyville just because of your acid reflux?” Cloud Mender asked incredulously. “Why would you do that? We have acid reflux medication at home!” “I didn’t walk all the way here,” the filly explained. “I teleported. I don’t remember how though, I just know that I did.” Before the conversation could derail, the unicorn interrupted. “If it’s okay with both of you, and Emily, too, I’d like just another minute with her alone if I can have it. Were you planning on staying out here for the night? Or just catching the evening train back to Baltimare? Whichever you prefer works for me.” “The first train back is what we were planning,” Willy Whisps said. “But we can let you have another second. Thank you so much for finding her.” The two exited the room a moment later, leaving Ivory Spark alone with the filly once again. The two seemed like they were a mixture of relieved and frustrated, which was about what the doctor expected given her teenage status. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, but it was strange to see Emily talking to them casually despite claiming to have not known them. “What are you thinking about, sweetie?” she asked casually, raising an eyebrow and examining the weird look on her face. “I dunno. Just how weird this is. Like, should I even be talking to them since I’m not their daughter? But I don’t wanna seem weird and just say that right now. I don’t think introducing myself as a weird alien who took over their daughter’s mind is very good.” “Yes, I can agree that might be a little bit shocking for them to hear, missy,” Ivory Spark smiled. “They do look a little bit familiar though,” Emily got out, only half paying attention to what she was saying. “I think I kind of remember them.” “Oh yeah? That’s good. I bet if you try focusing on the memory, you’ll recall some more about them.” She closed her eyes and thought for a moment, before deciding, “Nope, I can’t come up with anything. They’re only vaguely familiar… um, also you weren’t supposed to hear me say that they look familiar.” “And why’s that?” “Because that was also part of the story. Leo got the memories of the kid who he changed minds with, and he could remember some of the things that happened to him, and gosh dang it, this sounds exactly like DID, doesn’t it?” “Hey, now, it’s a good thing that you can say you at least think they look familiar, sweetheart. And like I said, we’re just using OSDD as a stand-in for now to placehold for all dissociative conditions. We’re just assuming for now.” “Yeah, but I don’t like feeling like I’m going crazy. I know this is happening because I’m in the story I wrote, and I’m not actually a pony, but I really like being one, and it’s nice being here, and heck, how much of a coincidence can it be that I just so happen to be in a story I wrote and have the same parents as the filly who’s place I took?” “Take a deep breath, okay?” she told her. “I know things are confusing, but it is very good that you’re recognizing them. Before you know it, you’re gonna be feeling a lot better and be back home with your family again.” “Yeah, one way or the other, I guess, but I can’t reasonably give in and say ‘sure, you’re right’ if I believe I’m taking over some filly else’s mind, can I?” “Well, that’s why it’s part of my job to help you understand what’s going on with you,” the mare said. “If you don’t understand what’s going on, I’m not going to be able to help you very much. “So then I’m trying to convince you that I’m right, and you’re trying to convince me that you’re right,” the filly noted thoughtfully. “I guess we’ll have to see who bends first.”
Chapter FifteenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter FifteenIvory Spark got to talking with the filly’s parents alone for lunch while Emily herself ate lunch with the caretaker. The mare needed time to question them and see exactly what was true and what might be incorrect. So far, their names were right as well as the description that Emily gave of them. It was a start. “She told me, or rather, the stallion with foal services, Bright Side, told me about some of the ways you parent her. Do you mind just going through it with me once before we get into it?” “Sure, but I’m not really sure what to tell you,” Willy Whisps said, semi casual, but a little bit confused by the question. “I don’t think we parent her any differently than anypony else in Equestria. Did she say we did?” “Well, let’s start with your relationship status, if we can,” Ivory Spark said, getting out a clipboard. “Can I ask what that is?” “Right now, we’re divorced, but we’re still living together for Emily’s sake,” Cloud Mender said. “We talked to her about it and what it meant a few years ago. We don’t want to have her switch between homes like lots of other foals have to.” “I understand, and that’s good that you’re being up front with her about it, and even better that you’re still living together.” And the best thing was that it lined up with what the filly said, and was just that much more useful in helping Ivory Spark help Emily. “What about punishments?” she asked. “How do you normally discipline her when she gets in trouble?” “Well, we used to spank her when she was younger,” Cloud Mender said, “but we don’t really do that anymore. These days, if she’s misbehaving, we’ll ground her to her room, although she doesn’t misbehave very often– except when she’s running across the country to Ponyville, it seems.” Ivory Spark nodded, taking it in as she said, “Well, corporal punishment is something you’re going to want to steer away from. It’s not good for healthy mental development, and in fact is classified as foal abuse in some places, including Baltimare.” That got both the mare and the stallion’s eyes to go wide. “Um, that’s- that’s not what we were intending,” Willy Whisps stuttered out nervously. “We wouldn’t ever actively try to hurt her, and haven’t spanked her for a few years now.” “I understand. I just want to make sure you understand that you can’t do that kind of thing. Let’s see here though… she said you poured water on her head to wake her up? And that you kicked her out of the house because you thought she was stealing?” “Um, well, the first one, I did that a couple of times to wake her up for school,” the stallion said nervously, “but, um, her psychiatrist in Baltimare, Peace Keeper, said that we shouldn’t be doing that, and so we don’t. Umm… I don’t know what you mean by the second one though. She lives with us. That’s the reason Mendy and I are still living together even though we’re divorced.” “She said that you kicked her out because you thought she was stealing,” Ivory Spark repeated, looking at her notes, “and that she lives alone and with her friends now?” “No? Oh! Actually, we did send her to her friends house for a couple of weeks in the summer, but not because she was stealing, but because she was taking things without asking for them first.” “Is that not the same?” “Well, it was things like bits and food and supplies and stuff. Normally we wouldn’t have an issue, but we need to know that she’s going to be taking things so we can keep track. Like Mendy’s weather book that she wanted to read and lost. The weather in Baltimare was unplanned for a good three weeks because of that, and, well, we got a little bit frustrated. But no, she still lives with us.” The way they described it wasn’t as bad as the way Emily described her living situation, although it still wasn’t great. They would definitely have to take classes on proper parenting in Ivory Spark’s recommendation, and be lectured on how to treat foals, but it didn’t seem the kind of thing they should be necessarily prosecuted for. Although she wasn’t going to be having Emily back to living with them until they completed the classes. “I think classes on parenting are going to be worth it,” the mare started, “as well as group and individual therapy for Emily, along with psychiatry, obviously. Peace Keeper is giving me authorization to take over for him on her case, but before we get into that, there are a few things I need to speak to you both about.” The two took a breath and stared at the mare, waiting for her to continue. They looked nervous, and Willy Whisps glanced between the floor and her eyes multiple times, like she was about to say something about how he was in trouble and she was taking Emily away from them. That conversation wasn’t coming– not yet, anyway– but that didn’t make what was coming better. She almost didn’t know where to start, but decided to go with the heavier topic. “I haven’t gone very deep into this with her yet,” she started, “and was planning on speaking with her about this either later today or tomorrow, but I think it’s important that you know this now.” She let out a breath of her own as she continued, “There’s not really any good way to say this, but Emily has admitted to me to being sexually abused.” Neither pony gasped, but their eyes and hung open mouths said that they were both very surprised. Before either could speak though, Ivory Spark pressed on. “She didn’t say who it was, but did assert that it was neither you nor any of the friends she says she sees. As I said, I’m going to speak with her more about this later, but it’s important to know, partly because it leads into my next point. This hasn’t been confirmed, and I need to get out the paper work to do a proper exam once we get to Ponyville, but I’m fairly certain she has a dissociative condition. As to what, I’m not sure yet, but likely OSDD– that’s just a term to say ‘not DID or DPDR, but we’re not sure yet’. Or rather, more accurately, she fits some of the symptoms of DID, but not all of them. But it’s a condition that normally stems specifically from traumatic experiences in foalhood. Specifically continuous or patterned experiences of trauma.” “Wait, what?” the filly’s mother got out. “When– what? When was she abused? She never said anything to us about that!” “Or her psychiatrist,” the father added. “We’ve never seen any sign of that, and don’t know anypony who would abuse her.” “I’m going to get to work on figuring that out, but it’s important that you know what’s going on. She’s obviously going to need to continue psychiatry, and probably receive psychotherapy, which I’ll be providing since I’m taking over her case. But as I said, education in parenting is going to be something you both have to do before she’s able to be returned to you. What you’re describing isn’t healthy parenting at all.” “She’s not gonna be able to live with us?” Cloud Mender asked. “For how long? How long will parenting classes take?” “It should only be a month, and it’s on weekends so it can fit with any schedule you have. There’s four classes, each three hours long, once a week, and at the end, you take a test to prove that you understand what they presented to you. Easy peasy.” “Wait, then where will she stay until then?” Willy Whisps asked. “Is this really necessary?” “Yes, it is necessary. Good parenting is important to preventing further mental harm and traumatic experiences. If I had the time, I would offer to visit a few times a week while you complete those classes, but I do have other foals to give care to, even if Emily is my only ‘case’ at the moment. There’s not going to be any way around this for you.” They both looked ready to argue, opening their mouths to speak, but a second later, they closed them in defeat and lowered their ears. “I guess a month isn’t that long… when can we start the first class? Is it right when we get back to Baltimare?” Willy Whisps asked. “Not that I think we need it,” the mare added, “but I guess since we have to, we’ll go.” “I think you do, and it will be beneficial to you, trust me. But yes, you can start the first class Saturday next week. I think you’re going to find that it is worth it. In the meantime, Emily’s going to be staying in one of the group homes in Baltimare for the time being, unless she has a relative that can have custody of her for the month.” “Not really. The best she has a grandfather that she’s spent time with, and a brother who’s about ten years older than she is, too. Would either of them work as temporary guardians?” “Sure, as long as I could meet them first. I don’t see an issue with that. Although there’s a couple of other things I want to ask you about while I have you. How is she on a day-to-day basis? Do you ever notice any evidence of dissociation? What meds does she take?” “Right now? She takes stimulants for ADHD and sometimes acid reflux meds. She used to take risperidone though, if that helps.” That got Doctor Spark to raise an eyebrow. “Her psychiatrist prescribed her schizophrenia meds?” “Oh, no, that was for autism, but we didn’t want to keep her on that. Her psychiatrist prescribed it for her mood.” “Has she ever had mood swings before? Irritability? Anger? Self harming behavior?” “No, not that we’ve seen, but that’s why we didn’t want to keep her on it. She doesn’t have those things– well, no more than any other foal, anyway.” “And her psychiatrist never said anything about Borderline Personality Disorder to you, did he?” she asked. “If she just has autism and ADHD and isn’t irritable, there’s not really any good reason to prescribe her what’s effectively an antipsychotic.” “No, he never said anything about that,” Willy Whisps told her. “That borderline thing– that’s the one that makes ponies narcissistic, right? She doesn’t have that, no way.” “I’ve never seen anything like that from her either,” Cloud Mender added. “She’s just not like that.” “I understand, and it’s likely you’d know if she had BPD,” Ivory Spark said. “It’s a very common diagnosis, and a bit more easily spotted than dissociative conditions. I don’t think she has that, although it is very common to diagnose things like DID as BPD because a lot of things about the two are similar. As well, it’s more accurate to describe BPD as having a distorted self image rather than just being narcissistic.” “But you said you do think she has OS- something something,” the stallion started. “What’s that? How does it work?” “Well, that’s just what I think, but I was going to ask you some more about her behavior to try and help get an actual diagnosis put down later before we go through specifics. So now, first off– do you ever notice her talking to herself, or referring to herself as a collective? Using pronouns like ‘we’ and ‘us’ when she’s just referring to herself?” “Ummm, yeah, she does talk to herself a lot,” Mendy answered, “but if she ever does that with pronouns, we certainly don’t notice it.” “Maybe we heard it once or twice?” Wispy agreed. “I’m not sure, no.” “I understand,” the unicorn nodded, then continued on. “Do you ever notice her daydreaming or staring off into space, thinking about nothing? Does she ever seem like she acts completely different in two different situations, almost like she’s two different ponies?” "She definitely does stare off into space a lot, mostly silent and just staring ahead at nothing, but we assumed that was an ADHD thing. I don't know if she acts like two different ponies depending on the situation though. She does act like she's still a little kid a good chunk of the time though even though she’s gonna be an adult next year, I think, but we don't know why." "I assume you don't mean her being transgender as part of the 'acting like two different ponies’ thing, right?" Cloud Mender asked. "No, I wouldn't count that, but I didn't know she was transgender. Has she already started magical gender therapy?" "Yes, she goes in about once a month, and has been for almost a year. I think it’ll be a year next month." That made sense why she tucked her tail, although Bright Side didn't mention anything about that, nor did he in the report he wrote containing her visit to Nurse Redheart. Either way though, it was the most minor of things since magical therapy could turn her back into a colt very easily if need be or if Emily wasn’t satisfied. Not to mention, that wasn't really what she meant by the question. "Well, that's some good information. Just a few more questions though. Do you ever catch her in a lie, but hear her still insist that she’s not lying, to the point where it seems like she’s being sincere?” “Yes. Absolutely yes,” Cloud Mender got out, the stallion nodding her head along with her. “She lies a lot, but always seems like she fully believes she’s not lying, even when we show her that she obviously is. I think her psychiatrist mentioned it before, and said something like she might be trying to force herself into believing a lie by saying it enough. Is that a sign of the thing you think she has?” “That would be a sign, yes. If she’s dissociating and doesn’t remember doing or saying something, then it’s reasonable that there’s going to be many times when she says something contradictory to what actually happened, and truly feel like she’s not lying, even if she’s incorrect about something. But to continue, does she ever fail to recognize ponies she should? Like friends, neighbors, other family members? That sort of thing?” “Yeah, that does happen,” the stallion said. “Although it’s less with family and more with friends and ponies she meets. Like, ponies she’s known for years, she’ll sometimes end up confused as to how they know her or where she would’ve met them even though she’s talked to them before.” Ivory Spark nodded, and continued, “One more question. Do you know of any particularly traumatic events that have happened to her? Like natural disasters or bullies in school or anything? Particularly traumatic events that happened repeatedly?” “No, not that we can think of, except for what you said about her saying she was sexually abused… are you sure she’s not mistaken about that, if she has that dissociation thing? She could be misremembering, right? It sounds absolutely awful, and we don’t know anypony who would do that to her.” “Technically, it’s possible, but I don’t think it’s likely since she directly told me that she was. That’s the issue with having a dissociative disorder though. A lot of times, traumatic experiences that are ingrained in a foal’s memory might be forgotten because she was dissociating at the time as a coping mechanism to the trauma. But as I said, I’m going to interview her more and find out what’s going on if I can. As well, it’s important to remember that OSDD is just a placeholder for what we think she has right now. She’s not going to be officially diagnosed until we run through the interview back at my office. As well, there’s always a chance she doesn’t have a dissociative condition at all.” “We understand… are you sure she can’t stay with us while we take those classes you want us to take?” “Yes, I’m very sure she can’t,” Ivory Spark replied with finality. “It’s only gonna be a month, and once you finish, it shouldn’t be an issue anymore.” “Fine,” they both said, defeated. Then, the mare looked up and said, “We need to catch a train back to Baltimare soon. You said you were coming with us? It’s gonna leave in a few hours.” “Yes, I’ll be coming with you. A couple of more days to talk to both of you and Emily would be good.”
Chapter SixteenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter SixteenIvory Spark talked to Emily for a while before the two of them headed along with her parents to the train station in Ponyville to hitch the long ride back to Baltimare. It wasn't about anything in particular, just going through some more casual conversation about whatever topic came up before they boarded. She wanted to keep her more comfortable for the rest of the day if she could, although she knew she had to ask more to start getting somewhere with her– at least, somewhere farther than she already was. Although before that, she took a minute to observe how she interacted with her parents and vice versa. Right now, they seemed like they were fairly typical, if a bit more direct and slightly more stern than other parents. They fussed over her, but also seemed expecting when they talked to her, a bit more like teachers than friends– not that this was a bad thing. It was just different. Emily looked at them like they were familiar seeming, and didn’t seem like she had an issue talking to them, engaging with them and having not the least bit of trouble conversing back and forth about their home and school and whatever else came up. She acted normal, although at times looked around with a confused expression on her face like she had no idea what was going on. “This is so weird,” she said quietly when she had a free moment away from the two, sitting down next to Ivory Spark to talk to her. “Am I doing the right thing?” “I don’t see how you could be doing something wrong,” the unicorn said gently, “but how is this weird, Emily?” “Cause those aren’t my parents, but, like, they kind of feel like they are? It’s very strange. They kind of act like my mom and dad, too, and sound a little like them. Except I’m pretty sure this stallion doesn’t have bi-polar like my actual dad.” That was interesting to hear, but Ivory Spark found herself thinking that a lot about the things Emily said recently. She didn’t know how true that was, but she’d need to follow up on that, and made a mental note to do so. She got out her clipboard and a quill to take more notes, getting on paper what she told her earlier and planning to jot down their meeting now. “Can you tell me some more things you think might be different?” she asked politely. “Do you know how old your parents are?” “My dad is older than my mom by, like, um… I can’t remember for the life of me how old he is. But I know his birthday is in October, and my mom’s is in May. And mine is in September!” “Oh, September, huh? I have a brother who’s birthday is in September. But what about things you think might be different? Can you name anything?” “Idunno. I assume this filly’s dad isn’t an alcoholic and the mom doesn’t smoke. Um… I don’t have siblings do I? Because I have one on Earth, an older brother, but it’d be weird to have an older brother if I’m only thirteen years old.” “Well, I think your parents were telling me about an older brother that you have, and said he was ten years older than you. Does that sound right?” “Yeah, it does, but that doesn’t prove anything.” “What’s his name, Emily?” “I don’t really like talking about him,” she finished, replying quicker now than she normally would. “But just because some of those things are the same doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean I dissociate, especially since it was like this for Leo, except I guess not as extreme.” “How is this more extreme now than it was in your story?” “Because it’s a lot closer to my normal life except everything is flipped from what it was for Leo. Leo basically got a new life, but I’m getting the same thing, except as a pony. And a girl! I get to be a girl and a pony! This is hecking amazing!” She flapped her wings happily as she said it, and then looked at them and giggled. “Well I’m glad you like being who you are,” the doctor smiled. “It’s always a good thing when you like being yourself.” Then she paused and took a breath, the smile dropping as she continued, “These next few questions might be tough, but I need you to answer them honestly if you can, okay?” Emily’s smile dropped, too, turning into a disappointed frown. It was a much less enthusiastic ‘okay’ that came from the filly this time, unlike before when she did these questions. When Ivory Spark last told her this, she seemed excited, but now she rested her head on the back of her seat like she’d rather talk about anything else. Ivory Spark pressed in a little bit closer to help her feel a little more at ease, and Emily let out a long sigh. “Now remember, you don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to, okay?” Ivory Spark told her gently. Emily nodded, and she started, “You told me before that somepony touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable. Do you think you can tell me about that?” She let out another long sigh, but replied with a simple, “Yeah, I guess.” Then, a second later, asked, “I mean, I know this is important, and you don't believe me, but it didn’t happen in Equestria. I should let you know that up front.” “That’s okay. Do you think you can tell me what happened?” “I guess, but also, I do need to make super duper clear that it didn’t happen to this filly. Only me, and not in Equestria.” “I understand.” The filly frowned, a little scowl on her face, but didn’t comment further, instead starting the story. She didn’t sound emotional or sad or upset as she told her about it, only slightly annoyed and inconvenienced, almost different. It was… well, it wasn’t the very worst thing Ivory Spark had ever heard, but it was not good. It certainly made the doctor feel terrible to hear, and even worse was the fact that what she described turned out to be patterned abuse, over the course of what sounded like years. It was the perfect recipe of awfulness to set up a filly like Emily with a dissociative disorder. Emily seemed to understand the seriousness of what happened to her, but the unicorn was unsure if she exactly could see the gravity of it. She spoke factually, like she was reading a report to someone or discussing a timeline of her day. It was a bit jarring, but not surprising, given what Ivory Spark thought she had. There was going to be a lot to work through. “How are you feeling about all of that?” she asked carefully. "I don’t know. Sometimes I imagine other stuff happened to me that I don’t think happened, and a lot of it kind of feels unreal. Like this isn’t something that could’ve happened to me, but I know it did. Like, I know it was sexual abuse, but it feels a lot like I just imagined it even though I know I couldn’t have.” “I understand. That’s how a lot of ponies feel after something like that. Does it make you feel particularly strongly? Do you think about it a lot?” Emily shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess sometimes? But no more strongly than a lot of things. I used to think it was just something random that I did with him, but eventually I realized that it wasn’t good. Like, when I was older though. But that’s just because I’m an idiot.” “You’re not an idiot, Emily. I know that after just a few days of knowing you. If something like that started so young, it would make sense why you might not think it was bad for that pony to treat you that way.” “I guess. I don’t really think it affected me though. Like, I don’t have PTSD or something.” Ivory Spark let out a sad breath. “I don’t want to be mean, and this might sound a bit harsh to hear, but it is very unlikely that you don’t have at least PTSD from something like that. Abuse like that, especially so young and for so long– it affects you. Even if you don’t think it did.” “Well, like, it wasn’t that bad though.” “Emily,” the mare started slowly, a little more quietly. “Abuse like that is bad.” “But not as bad as what happens to other foals.” The doctor noticed she was switching from creature terms like people and everybody to pony terms, but didn’t comment on it. Instead, she said slowly and carefully, “What happens to other foals doesn’t mean your own experiences aren’t severe. They are. I promise you, they are. What you’re describing is extremely bad, and other ponies with different experiences don’t diminish your own.” “Yeah, well… I don’t wanna keep talking about this. Do you think they have dinner on this train? I’m starving! I really want some tuna, or catfish, or something!” “Well, we can certainly see what they have, girlie. I’m sure they have plenty of food for growing fillies like you.” The words made her smile again and flap her wings happily, but then Ivory Spark continued, “But remember: if you ever need to talk to somepony, I’m here. You can trust me.” “Well, okay– but if I can trust you, don’t tell this to this girls parents. I don’t want them to freak out over me and stuff… God, I have DID, don’t I? Is that how DID forms?” “We don’t know that you have DID, you only show signs of dissociation, Emily,” the mare said. “But yes, that is how conditions like DID forms.” “Ugh. But even if it was abuse, it wasn’t even that traumatic! Like, I barely remember half of it!” “That’s what dissociative disorders do, and is the whole reason your brain gives you that to begin with. It’s supposed to be a coping mechanism. An unhealthy one, but a coping mechanism nonetheless.” “Ugh. Man, this is so annoying. Can you please not tell my– err, this filly’s– parent about this?” “I did already tell them that you said you were abused from before,” the mare admitted, “as well as about how I thought you have a dissociative condition, but if you don’t want me to tell them anything else, I won’t. It can just stay between you and me for now.” “Good. Now I really want food so I can get my mind off of all this sad junk. Oh! Do you think they have chocolate cake? Or no! Actually, carrot cake, or cookie cake! Those are my favorites.” “Well, let’s have a look around and see what we can find, okay?” It was so bad, everything Ivory Spark heard, but it was good to know. It gave her a path forward in helping the filly. Some days, she wanted to quit her job because of the stories she heard, like Emily’s, but that’s what she was here for, right? To help foals like her. She hoped Emily could be helped as much as she needed, but the unicorn was unsure.
Chapter SeventeenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter SeventeenIt was extremely jarring to see how quickly Emily shifted from the seriousness she had a moment ago to the carefree, excitable filly she was now. Ivory Spark would absolutely describe it as acting like two different ponies, which was to be expected, and was certain that this was her brain’s way of compartmentalizing stress. It made her sad to see. But she did want to see something now, and sat next to Emily while the train car attendant passed around food and drinks. Her parents were still talking to each other farther away, which made this the perfect opportunity to see something. Not as a demonstration to Emily, but something to help Ivory Spark make sure she wasn’t going to start fitting symptoms to a diagnosis, not that she thought she was now. “Hey, I have a question for you, sweetie,” the ivory colored unicorn started. “Do you remember what we just talked about?” “Uh, if this is a test, I already know the answer,” she said as she took a bite of a sprinkled cupcake. “We talked my family, and my parents, and you wanted to see what was different and the same between what I remember and what is going on here.” “Mhm, that’s good. Anything else?” “Uh, no?” “You don't remember telling me about how you wanted chocolate cake?” the mare said with a little smile. “Yeah, I do remember that now that you said it,” Emily replied, sticking her tongue out at her. “You’re just being nitpicky now.” “Haha, maybe I am a little bit.” That was just about what the doctor thought based on how quickly her mood changed. She didn’t want to bring up the very important conversation about abuse she didn’t mention, but did want to gauge a little further to see if she was just not bringing it up or simply didn’t remember. “Did it ever feel like you were looking at the world through a fog, or like you were missing parts of the conversation when we were talking, Emily?” “Um, I don’t think I was looking at the world through a fog, but I was thinking like half the time, ‘what is she saying?’ before piecing it together. It was kind of hard to, like, get a full grasp sometimes, and thinking about it now, I think some pieces were missing from it. But not too much, because after I said I have an older brother and think my Dad here has bipolar, I said not to tell them the things I say about them.” Yes, it seemed like she just flat out didn’t remember the part where she told her about the sexual abuse she faced. That was what the doctor thought, and at this point, it all but confirmed what she was thinking. “Well, dissociation can be hard, but it’s important to try your best to keep yourself grounded when you’re feeling stressed out. Stress is what causes ponies to dissociate most of the time, so if you’re feeling stressed, try taking a deep breath and counting to ten before continuing.” “I can try that if you want me to,” she agreed, “but I don’t think I was very stressed out then.” “I know, Emily,” Ivory Spark smiled softly. “I just mean in general is all.” There was nothing more to say, and the rest of the night on the train went on without much issue. Neither did the next morning, the doctor taking a break from work for most of the day to relax and look over notes. She also took a step back to observe how Emily and her parents interacted for most of the day. She noted little things here and there, the filly looking at them confused like she didn’t know what was going on every so often, and the couple looking at her frustratedly, speaking with a slightly annoyed tone in their voices most of the time. It seemed like that’s how they viewed her– as an annoyance, and tried to brush Emily off for the most part and leave her to her own devices. Sometimes it made the filly look slightly upset, although other times, she didn’t seem to notice. Ivory Spark did get back to talking though after dinner, this time to Emily’s parents. She had to clarify some things now while she had them rather than back in Baltimare where she might have to wait another week before she saw the two again. “I don’t know if you’d rather start with the big stuff she talked to me about, or about how what she says lines up with reality, but I figure the former is better so we can get it out of the way.” The two looked at the unicorn with confusion, but a second later, remembered what the big stuff was intended to be, and frowned. “Did she tell you who hurt her?” Willy Whisps asked. “She wouldn’t tell us who it was when we asked, even though we tried to tell her we could get the royal guard involved and put whatever pony tried to do something in prison.” “She did,” Ivory Spark confirmed, “although she asked me not to give out the exact details of what happened. But she did say that the majority of what she faced came from a stallion named Nice Lad who was her caretaker for while you were away.” “Nice Lad?” her father continued, completely confused. “There’s no way he could’ve done something to her. He died about three years ago now, during a bugbear attack while he was visiting the mountains with some of his friends. It’s coming up on four years, I think.” “He was young, too,” Cloud Mender added. “I think he was only twenty five when he passed. Are you sure it was him?” “Yes, because that’s what she told me, too,” Ivory Spark continued. She spoke slowly, saying, “What she described was patterned and consistent, and sounded like it took place over years. As I said, I won’t get into the details, because she asked me not to, and I’d prefer that you didn’t bring it up with her, because she doesn’t seem like she’s fully processed what happened yet. But what she described would be the correct conditions to make something like DID a potential factor in her life.” “Oh no…” Their parent was crying, but they both looked extremely upset, Cloud Mender seeming closer to tears and Willy Whisps looking like he was about to scream.They both held back their emotions though. “I– I don’t understand!” her father started. “Are you sure she’s right? Maybe she could be wrong if she has that disorder you think she has. I mean, she never looked uncomfortable around him, and always liked it when he was around and came over to watch her.” “That’s because he took advantage of her trust,” Ivory Spark explained. “If an adult that her parents trust to watch her says something is okay to do, she’s going to be more likely to trust that. As well, from what she was telling me, it sounded less like she didn’t know it was bad that this was happening, and more like she was either persuaded or coerced into sexual activity. I have no doubt that what she’s telling me is not only correct, but accurate.” “That… that can’t be real. Nice Lad? There’s no way something like that could happen.” “Unfortunately, it happened.” There was a pause before the doctor continued, “But now, as her parents, you have to play a part in helping her heal. Things like yelling at her and using corporal punishment and sending her away when she does something wrong only reinforces the cycle that’s already been created and harms her further. You need to create positive paternal relationships rather than negative ones, because now that her brain has already learned to dissociate during stressful experiences, it’s going to keep doing it the more stress is piled on.” “Okay… damn it. Celestia, this can’t be something that actually happened, can it?” Cloud Mender asked. “There’s no way.” “It’s going to take time,” Ivory Spark offered, “but healing can, and will, happen. It’s better that we know this now than it would be to learn ten years down the line. Therapy will help, and so will those parenting classes, too.” Neither seemed to argue with that, and both kept their heads down, processing what they just heard. Ivory Spark gave them a silent minute to take it in and breathe before she asked, “Do you mind if I ask about some of the things she said about you guys?” When neither gave an answer, she took that as her queue to go forward, and continued, “Can I ask about any cigarette or alcohol use either of you may have, or any other addictive behaviors? She talked about the possibility of that with me earlier.” “Neither of us use cigarettes or alcohol,” Willy Whisps told her. “Our son used to smoke while he lived with us, but I don’t know if he still does. But neither of us have ever done that.” “I understand,” she replied, marking it down. “What about mental illness? Have either of you ever faced that or had any of your own struggles with it?” “Uhhhh, well, I was diagnosed with, um, bi-polar by my own psychiatrist, but I have medication to take,” Cloud Mender started. “Did she tell you about that? I don’t think we’ve ever told her about that ourselves, but she might have overheard us.” “She did, which is good, since it stacks up more of what she believes with reality. Although she did say that it was her husband who had that, and not you.” “Huh. Well, I don’t have any mental illnesses, at least, not that I know of,” Willy Whisps said. “But what else did she say? Actually, wait– what did you mean when you said her abuse mostly was from Nice Lad? There weren't any other ponies, were there?” “There was another separate incident she told me about, one that she said happened a few months ago, but she doesn’t know who it was, and as I said before, she asked me not to go into it with you.” “But we’re her parents!” the stallion argued, his voice exasperated, certainly ill at ease based on how he and his wife looked right now. “If something happened to her, we should know about it! How are we supposed to just go along with not knowing the things she’s telling you, especially something as serious as this?” “And she’s a minor right now, so wouldn’t that mean you’re required to tell us?” Cloud Mender asked. “We should know, even if you think we shouldn’t talk to her about it yet.” “You shouldn’t speak to her about it– at least not yet– and I hate that I have to keep information away, but unfortunately, that’s my personal policy,” Ivory Spark explained. “In Baltimare, sexual abuse has to be reported, but details like that don’t have to be released to a foal’s guardians by the physician, only the royal guard. It’s up to the physician’s discretion whether or not to speak with a foal’s parents, and right now, I think since she’s close to adulthood anyway, it’s better for her to receive therapy and then come to you about it later if she’s comfortable. It’ll be a much healthier conversation that way, rather than if you go to Emily.” “That’s not very fair,” Cloud Mender muttered, “but okay, I guess. But are you sure this is the best way to help her?” “Yes, I’m certain this is the best way to help her,” the mare confirmed. “Some psychotherapy will help her immensely, of that I’m sure, and so will you taking those parenting classes. I have complete confidence that she’ll be able to continue to develop soundly and strongly.” That made them look up at her with hopeful eyes, and perhaps even a little bit of a smile starting to form by her words. It made Ivory Spark smile in return. Hope was always good, but even better than that was confidence. She was confident Emily would be able to develop into a healthy mare with time. Author's Note This chapter is unedited, I apologize for any spelling/continuity errors in it.
Chapter EighteenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter EighteenThe rest of the train ride back to Baltimare was uneventful, and by mid morning the next day, they were stepping onto the platform of the train station that led in and out of the city. It looked no different than it always did, perhaps a bit less busy because of the time of day, but Emily looked around curiously at everything around her. She had a confused, slightly incredulous look on her face as she took it all in. Ivory Spark didn’t ask about it immediately, instead following her family to their home, one that was only a few blocks away from the station. She’d need to talk to the train engineer to see if they recognized her, something that slipped her mind to do. But that was a thought for later, because as soon as they entered the home, Emily gasped. “Whoa! This looks just like the house I used to live in when I was, like, ten!” she exclaimed with wide eyes. “Look at this place!” She smiled brightly and laughed at the sight of it, quickly running inside to examine it. Ivory Spark followed behind her parents after her. She suddenly stopped in the center, and turned to Ivory Spark seriously, a move that caught the mare off guard and almost made her bump into her. “This is extremely weird. Are you sure I’m not actually schizophrenic and just hallucinating all of this? Because there’s no way my childhood home can just… exist in Equestria. That doesn’t make sense unless I’m, like, hallucinating. Or dead.” “Well, I don’t think you’re hallucinating,” the mare said, “since you know who I am. And I’m certain you’re not dead.” “Yeah, but it doesn’t– actually, I’ll say that later,” the filly decided. “I wanna see if everything’s the same or if some stuff’s different.” She didn’t hesitate, walking off and leaving Ivory Spark alone with her parents. They had confused looks on their faces, confused enough that the unicorn didn’t wait to be offered a seat to sit down and explain what she thought was happening. “It’s complicated, but–” “Is that DID thing?” her father asked. “Because she’s acted like that before, where she’d walk into a room and act like it was the most novel experience of her life. We just thought it was something foals did, but the way you described it earlier makes it seem bad that she’s doing this now.” “It’s not ‘bad’ in the sense that it’s going to cause her harm, but no, it’s not good,” Ivory Spark said. “I can’t imagine though how you’d think– well, that doesn’t matter. But if she’s dissociating a lot, then no, that wouldn’t be good.” “Are you sure she’s not just playing with her imagination?” Cloud Mender asked. “I mean, foals play make believe, right? Why can’t she just be doing that? We know she’s a bit old, but–” “Yes, in theory she could be playing pretend, but in reality, given what she’s described to me and what I told you, that’s almost certainly not what’s happening.” There was a slight tone in her voice that Ivory Spark tried to leave out, but she couldn’t help it. It was one that made her appear like a teacher who was a bit exasperated with her students. She pulled out the words she’d used with Emily a few days ago on them. “I know it’s hard,” she started, moving a bit closer and putting a hoof on Cloud Mender’s shoulder, “but you have to trust that what I’m telling you is correct. What she’s going through is real. But with those classes you’re going to attend and with my working with her, she should be able to overcome what’s happening to her now, and what happened to her before.” “I know. I just… I hate to hear it,” the mare sniffled. “If it is whatever you say it is and it’s caused by trauma, and all those things really did happen to her, then we could have prevented it! I don’t know how, but somehow!” “I’m sure there’s a hundred ways we could change the past, but unless you have a spell to time travel, it's best to focus on what we can do right now to help Emily. That’s going to include those classes that I told you about, but know that you can visit her whenever you’d like while you’re taking those classes.” The two nodded, and Willy Whisps sighed, neither saying anything more until their daughter came back. Her smile was gone again, and she had a serious look in her eye as she sat next to Ivory Spark. However, like her parents, she remained silent, Ivory Spark being forced to break it. “What are you thinking, sweetie?” the mare asked. “Look familiar? Unfamiliar?” “It looks exactly how it looked when I was ten, and looking at the city itself, it’s just like I imagined it being in Mind Over Matter when I wrote that,” Emily said. “It’s making me feel like I’m going kind of crazy, and heck, it’s not a good feeling. This isn’t the city I grew up in, but, like… it shouldn’t look this familiar. This house is the one I lived in though.” “Well, it’s good to recognize things, wouldn’t you say?” the unicorn offered. “It’s better that you’re recalling and understanding what’s happening than it would be for everything to be unfamiliar.” “Yeah, I know, but it's making me feel crazy! Like, how can this be real? I’m not supposed to be a pony! I’m supposed to be a human! But apparently I’m not, because–” “You’re on that whole ‘human’ business again, Emmy?” her mother asked, raising an eyebrow. “You keep talking about them like they’re your favorite thing ever. Celestia, it certainly seems that way with how often you write about them.” “Humans are easy to write about,” she said automatically, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s cool to write about humans discovering Equestria for the first time, just like I’m doing. Except apparently I’m not because everything looks like it’s supposed to and how I wrote it. And it’s making me feel completely crazy.” “Well, I’m sure we’ll be able to talk all about that if you’d like. For now though, Emily, how about we get out here, and I can show you the place you’ll be staying for now.” “The place I’m staying? Am I not staying here?” “Not yet,” Ivory Spark explained. “It’ll be a few weeks before we get you back home for good, and until then, you’re going to stay in the group home here.” “Ah. I wonder if that’ll look like I’m expecting, too. I don’t like writing stories about group homes, but my friend did once.” “Well, I’d love to hear about it when we get the chance to talk more. Ready to go though?” “Yup!” Emily flapped her wings, seemingly excited about the new experiences she would get. “It’s so crazy how similar this looks!” Emily said as she and Ivory Spark walked to her office. It was mid afternoon when they left, Ivory Spark taking some time to talk to her parents and Emily at the same time before heading out to the office for the first time. She wanted to talk to her one on one right now if she could, and see about getting diagnosis criteria for her. Better today than tomorrow, in her opinion, especially since it would help her get on track with how she should start to work with her. “It’s so weird! Like, it doesn’t look like any city I’ve ever been to, obviously, cause Earth doesn’t have ponies, but it looks just like what I imagined Leo and Herbal Essence and Thundertail walking through!” “Oh yeah?” Ivory Spark smiled. “And those are the characters in your story, right? Mind Over Matter?” “Yup! It’s like I’m actually in it! Well, I mean, I basically am, since you’re here, but still, it’s really cool! I wonder if I’m ever gonna meet that colt, Leo.” “Well it’d certainly be interesting if you did,” the unicorn said. “Did you write anypony else you think you might know in your story?” “No, it was just four characters, counting Leo. Well, like, around ten, but mostly it was you talking to Leo and trying to help him and nothing else.” It was weird to hear about the fact that she was written about, and Emily’s reaction when she first saw her meant they must have met before, but she was at a loss for where that would’ve been. Or rather, when it would have been exactly. There were lots of places they could have met, but the filly didn’t look familiar to her. She was certain she would’ve remembered meeting her like Emily did Ivory Spark. It wasn’t long before the two got to her office, a little place with a window that overlooked a grassy field with a playground for foals half Emily’s age. There was a large calendar taking up two thirds of her desk, along with a mug full of quills and pencils and a couple of notepads on the side Ivory Spark sat on. There was a more comfortable chair where Emmy sat, and a couch along the other wall, with posters hanging on the walls containing definitions of words like trustworthiness and responsibility. Behind the mare was a shelf of books, and a small table containing just a lamp that illuminated the room, as well as a picture of she and another stallion that looked roughly like she did. It very much resembled a school counselor’s office, a theme she went for since she was a foal psychologist. “My actual psychiatrist’s office looks way more boring than this,” Emily said. “He liked to keep the lights down low and the curtains closed because he said darker places made ponies be more still.” “Well I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I can turn down the lights if you’d like,” the unicorn offered. “It’s fine. Just something I thought about,” she said as she took a seat on the end of the couch and rubbed her hoof along the arm of it. She had a look on her face that made it seem like she was more anxious now. Her expression tried to form into something like a smile, but ended up seeming more like a subconscious grimace. It made Ivory Spark’s expression change into a reassuring smile. “This shouldn’t take more than an hour, sweetie,” she said kindly, “and then after that, I can show you where you’re gonna stay for a little while until your parents finish those classes. And before you know it, you’ll be back home. Sound like a good plan?” “Yup!” was the enthusiastic response, Emily flapping her wings as she said it. “But first you’re gonna make sure that I definitely don’t have DID, because I don’t.” “Well, I guess we’ll have to see now, won’t we?” the mare said lightly, opening her desk and looking through several folders for the one she wanted. “Now let’s get started, okay? These first questions are gonna just ask about you in general, okay?” “Okie dokie.” The first part of the test was exactly that– a bunch of easy questions about her physical health and the like. Not much was revealed through it, except that she burned her knee and hoof once and still had a scar from it, and that she had asthma along with her GERD, but that she hadn’t had an asthma attack in years. No other health issues, mental or otherwise, did she complain of, and the mare moved on to the next part of the test. “Do you ever remember a time when you’ve been terrible for a long time?” the mare asked. “Depressed?” “Nope, I don’t think so.” “Mhm, do you ever feel like you have sleep problems, like sleeping too much or too little?” “Not that I know of, although sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night randomly. Or I’ll stay up too late thinking about things. Also my parents and friends say I walk and talk in my sleep, but I don’t think I do.” “I understand. What about feeling like you don’t eat enough?” “Not really, except when I take ADHD meds, I’m not as hungry.” It was mostly ‘no’ to similar questions the mare asked, like being uninterested in usual activities and being fatigued during the day. She skipped over asking about having difficulty concentrating since the filly said before she did, and was glad for the continued ‘no’ to suicidal behavior. All good, as far as she was concerned, she thought as she moved on through the questionnaire. “Do you ever feel like voices are arguing in your head or commenting on your actions?” Ivory Spark asked. “No. I mean, I guess I argue with myself in my head, but not really.” “What’s that like?” “I don’t know. I think I said it before, but basically, like, I’ll think to myself, ‘You need to wash the dishes’ or ‘You need to do homework’ and then say out loud that I will. And then argue with myself in my head. But like, that’s something that’s always happened.” “Mhm, and does it ever feel like you’re commenting on your own actions?” she asked. “Does it ever sound like your thoughts are different from normal, or like you’re being commanded to do something in your head?” “No, I’m not commanded to do things, but it sounds basically like me, I guess. Maybe, like, older? And my… wait.” The filly stopped speaking fully, and looked up at the ceiling, thinking of something. “What is it?” Ivory Spark asked after a long moment of pause. “Like, that’s not a voice in my head. That’s just my internal monologue, I think.” “Well, does it ever feel like you have your thoughts or actions controlled by someone outside of you, or like you have some thoughts taken out of your mind?” “I mean, well, what does that mean? I’m pretty sure no one controls their own thoughts, otherwise intrusive thoughts wouldn’t exist, right?” “Sure, but a better way to get what I’m talking about is this: do you ever feel like you’re hearing your thoughts out loud?” “I… what does that mean?” she asked, exasperated and clearly uncomfortable. “I know my thoughts are in my head, and I can’t actually hear them out loud, but like, I guess sometimes they sound, like, louder than when I intentionally try to think of something or say something in my head. But I know I don’t physically hear them if that’s what you're asking.” “Okay, I understand. One more question about your thoughts, and then we can move on. Does it ever feel like you believe things that you know aren’t true, or like what you're thinking doesn’t make sense, or like other people might be able to hear your thoughts?” “Nope. Hard no to all of those things.” Ivory Spark nodded and moved on from there. She asked about how often Emily walked in her sleep, and got an unsure answer from her. She also asked about how often she stared into space thinking of nothing, and whether or not she had an imaginary friend when she was younger. The first question was an obvious yes, and the second one she answered no to, but turned out to be a yes as well, saying she had one only because her friends had one. The unicorn skipped questions about abuse, and got a ‘mostly no’ to Emily noticing possessions she had that she didn’t remember getting or seeing her handwriting change, and a yes about being clumsy sometimes and losing her possessions consistently. It was no surprise when she said that ponies she thought she didn’t know came up to her acting like they knew her, or that she felt like she didn’t remember large parts of her foalhood. She said no to having memories come back to her like she was having a flashback, and yes to sometimes feeling like the world around her was unreal. Ivory Spark asked about the latter. “It’s just, like, right now,” she said. “Like, I know the world is real and I’m a pony, but it feels unreal at the same time, since I’m not supposed to be a pony.” “And did that ever happen when you said you didn’t live in Equestria?” “Yeah? Like, I’d move my fingers or my arms and stuff, and I’d be surprised sometimes that they just move when I make them move. Like… I don’t know. It’s weird.” “That sounds pretty weird,” Ivory Spark agreed lightly with a little smile, “but it’s okay if things feel weird. These next few questions might seem strange, but it’s important you answer honestly, alright?” A nod came from the filly, and the mare continued, “Do you ever feel like you have superpowers no one else has?” “Nope.” “Do you ever feel like you have telepathy or can see the future in a dream?” “No.” “Do you ever feel like you’ve seen a ghost or been possessed by a demon, or experienced a past life no one else knows about?” “No, no, and yes, but if I’m actually crazy and not really a human, then no. Or actually, that wouldn’t count as a past life since I was just there a few days ago. Either that, or I’m very schizophrenic.” “I don’t think you’re schizophrenic, sweetheart,” the mare smiled again. “But I do wanna ask about voices in your head again. You said when you hear your thoughts out loud, they seem like they’re coming from inside you, right?” “Yup, and it’s never, like, a dog barking or a pony passing by or something. And it’s never from far away either. I know it’s always in my head.” “That’s good. Do you ever feel like it’s another pony, or like it has a name?” “I don’t think my internal monologue would have a name, and I don’t think it feels like another person, even though I argue with myself about what I should do like I said before.” “Do you ever refer to yourself as a collective? Like, calling yourself ‘we’ or ‘us’ for example?” Ivory Spark already knew the answer was yes, since she heard Emily do it before, but was curious about her answer. “I guess I do, but like, only when I’m talking to myself, and…” There was a long pause as Emily once again went silent, thinking about something before she continued. “Ugh. God damnit. Fuck.” “What is it?” the mare asked, ignoring her cursing. “I have DID, don’t I?” Author's Note I apologize for the long break in between chapters.
Chapter NineteenView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldChapter NineteenThe rest of the questionnaire went about how Ivory Spark expected. Emily admitted to impulsive behavior, and said she did have occasional flashes of intense anger, neither of which Ivory Spark had seen but took the filly’s word for. She didn’t need to ask about whether or not she had trouble sometimes recalling important personal information, but the filly agreed she had trouble with it, and that it sometimes made her anxious when it happened. It was all interesting to hear, and by the time she was finished and looking over a separate sheet to score her answers, Emily looked annoyed and somewhat dejected. She did not get any more happy when, after looking over her notes, Ivory Spark confirmed the cause of her cursing. “Of course, there’s other possible diagnoses, like Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder, or less likely, Borderline Personality Disorder, which can cause dissociative behavior. But I think DID fits best for now, and we should treat for that.” Emily sighed again when she heard it. “So what now? I go into an insane asylum or a mental hospital and take pills for the rest of my life and be dumb and stupid and act like a complete idiot more than I already do?” Ivory Spark hadn’t seen the string of self deprecation from the filly until then, but wasn’t that surprised by it. She tried to be reassuring. “Nope. No insane asylum or mental hospital for you, and certainly no other medication outside of what you’re already taking.” “Really? Then, like, what do you do?” “Therapy, silly filly,” Ivory Spark smiled. “Dissociative Identity Disorder is a trauma disorder, so working through trauma is how we help you get better. Things like grounding strategies for when you feel like you’re dissociating will help, just like being able to properly process traumatic events in a healthy way.” “Wow, that’s… less intense than I thought it would be,” the filly said, mild surprise in her voice. “Is it really as easy as therapy and I’m fixed of whatever I have?” “Well, no, because it can and probably will take years of therapy. It’ll be an ongoing process, but it’s good to see things like this now, because the younger you are, the more able you are to receive effective therapy.” “Oh. Well, that’s still not as bad as being on ten million pills, I guess. When do I get to start therapy with you? Also, you know, since I wrote a story about you, I gotta admit, it’s kind of cool that you’re gonna give me therapy.” “Well, I think next Friday would be a good day to start, and then every two weeks after that. But on the topic, do you think you can show me that story you wrote? I’d love to read it.” “Sure, I wrote it down at my house!” Then the filly looked confused for a second, like she had no idea what she was saying. “Wait, no I didn’t,” she clarified. “I wrote it online, on… fuck. I know this! I know I didn’t write it down in a book, but like… aah!” “It’s going to be fine, Emily,” Ivory Spark said calmly. “Just take a second to close your eyes and breath, okay? I’m sure if you take a second to breathe and think about it, you’ll remember.” “I can’t remember something that didn’t happen though! I didn’t write it on paper!” “Well let’s try, okay? Think you can try for me?” “Okay, I guess, but I’m not gonna be able to.” “Just close your eyes, take a breath, and see if you can try to remember.” Ivory Spark watched Emily do exactly that from where she sat, the filly really taking her time to breathe deeply as her eyes closed. Her body was still for a long moment, Ivory Spark keeping silent until the filly suddenly gasped, opening her eyes and spreading her wings in excitement. “I remember!” she declared. “I actually remember! It’s in my bedroom on my bookshelf!” “That’s good, Emily,” the doctor spoke kindly with a gentle smile. “I knew you would be able to.” The filly beamed for a second, and then blinked and put down her smile. “That doesn’t make sense how I would remember something like that though. That’s not what happened. I wrote Mind Over Matter online on my... my... gosh dang it, I can't remember! But like, I know I didn’t write it in a book. But also, I know the book is in my room.” “It can be confusing to think you did one thing but really did another,” the mare explained, “but you should remember to stop and breathe whenever you’re feeling confused. It’ll help a lot.” “Yeah… it doesn’t make sense though. It only makes me feel more crazy when I can remember something that I know for a fact didn’t happen. But that happened in the story I wrote, too.” “What’s that?” “In the story, Leo slowly got the memories of the kid he replaced, and since that’s happening to me, that means I’m in the same story I wrote.” Ivory Spark smirked. “Or it means that you wrote about your experiences in your story, silly filly,” she said as she patted Emily’s head. The filly sighed. “It’s not fun to feel like I’m going crazy though…” “I know, but I promise, you’re gonna get better,” the doctor assured her. “We’re gonna do some therapy, and before you know it, you’re gonna be feeling a lot better.” “Okay, I’ll trust you, even if I don’t really believe it. I mean, you are Ivory Spark, after all.” Ivory Spark didn’t press or argue with that, and instead brought her out of the office and to the group home that she would be staying in. There were other foals there, of all age ranges up to fourteen years old, although right now, the main room was mostly empty. All that there was were a couple of colts and a smiling red pegasus, one that looked much older than Ivory Spark. He looked as though he could be somepony’s grandfather. “This is gonna be your caretaker, Riding Reign,” Ivory Spark explained. “He takes care of all of the fillies and colts here, and he’s gonna be taking care of you, too, for the next few weeks. After that, you’re gonna go back home and live with your parents again. How does that sound?” “Great!” Emily replied enthusiastically, sounding like an excitable little filly again. “And then I’m gonna see you every two weeks, right?” “Mhm,” the unicorn nodded. “Until you go back to your parents though, I think it’ll be once a week, and then we’ll move to two weeks after you go back home.” “Okie dokie!” the filly smiled happily. “I think you’re my favorite pony so far, even though I’m about sixty three percent sure I don’t have DID. I know it’s down from earlier, but you’re such a good therapist that you’re starting to convince me.” Before Ivory Spark could comment, she continued, “Do you think they have any spicy food here? Or do they only keep bland food for fillies and colts?” Ivory Spark smiled. “I’m sure if you ask Riding Reign very nicely, he’ll be able to make something special. Also, it makes me very happy I’m your favorite pony. I love being able to help you, Emily.” The filly beamed and flapped her wings happily, giving a small thank you before heading off to explore. Ivory Spark didn’t stay for much longer, other than to give the head stallion a brief update about her before walking down the street back to her office. She had a lot of paperwork to file. She sat down at her desk with a small sigh, and looked over the diagnostic test she filled our for Emily, as well as the information that was sent over by Peace Keeper regarding previous treatment. If she had to settle on one thing to diagnose Emily as, it might be something like Partial DID, depending on if everything the filly told her was correct. If she just went by her own observations, she’d go with either DID or DPDR. It was a little bit iffy attaching a diagnosis like that to a foal before they turned fourteen, but being just a year away likely wasn’t going to harm anything. A check through the file Emily's psychiatrist sent over showed that she was prescribed both dexmethylphenidate and risperidone like her parents said. The low dosage of the latter made the prescription make more sense to Ivory Spark, but what was more surprising was the prescription of mirtazapine for help with falling asleep. It wasn’t a choice Ivory Spark would’ve made for a foal, even at a low dose, but she couldn’t argue against it. It made Ivory Spark more assured however that her diagnosis was correct if Emily was still having trouble after taking all of this stuff. Psychotherapy instead of psychiatry would definitely be the best path forward for her. The workup she read from the psychiatrist was about what the unicorn expected– ruled out for bi-polar type 1, diagnosed with autism and ADHD, had sleeping issues and trouble with concentration, and had been going to psychiatry since she was eight. There were a few brief mentions of anger issues and controlling behavior listed in the report, as well as reports of things like stealing and lying that Ivory Spark saw. There were also a couple of mentions of memory issues scattered throughout the reports, but nothing like what the mare saw of the filly listed. That was one of the issues with diagnoses like this so young– behavior that seemed normal could be a symptom of something more, and what seemed like symptoms could just as easily be regular behavior for a growing foal. It was nothing terribly shocking she read about, which was good. The things Emily and her parents said about her could be trusted. It made it just that much easier for Ivory Spark to be able to help the filly, a task that would begin when she saw her again on Friday. She had high hopes for what could be accomplished in helping her. But before that, she wanted to read that story Emily kept talking about, Mind Over Matter, when she got a chance. She had a feeling it would provide a lot of insight into what the filly was thinking, and didn’t waste any time in sending a message to her parents to drop it off at her office tomorrow. The story was on her desk, waiting to be read by the time Ivory Spark got into her office in the morning, and what a story it was. Emily wasn’t lying when she said she wrote about Ivory Spark helping an abused foal named Leo, and it felt a little bit jarring to read about at first. It became less so as the doctor read through, and by the time the story reached its conclusion, if the unicorn had any suspicion about Emily not being from Equestria, it was thoroughly dismissed now. It was remarkably well written for a foal, but the details showed that Emily didn’t really know as much about Ivory Spark and Equestria as she thought she did. There was no town called ‘North Star’ near Baltimare, nor was Redwood Forest anywhere close to the city, the one Emily described being around two hundred miles away in the real world. There were lots of other little things in the story that weren’t correct, like how Emily described magic working or how not using it made you disabled, things the filly would of course get wrong since she was a pegasus. The story also showed that Emily didn’t know Ivory Spark much beyond her name, appearance, and general attitude. Subtle details like a hint at the unicorn herself having a rough foalhood here and an attitude that could be a bit cross there weren’t correct. It also in general wouldn’t have been how she handled the situation with the character Leo if it really was her. If it was her dealing with a five year old foal in the same situation, she’d take her time and establish trust with them and let them speak when they felt comfortable rather than push to get to the heart of the issue like she would with somepony Emily’s age. It was remarkably like how she would treat Emily, and how she had been so far, but very little like how she’d handle a five year old. What she wrote about Leo going through was almost exactly like how the filly described her sexual abuse, and it almost seemed like she just inserted herself into the story plainly, a thought that made Ivory spark sigh sadly and close her eyes. It gave her a couple of things to follow up on, like drug use and self harming behavior, but even outside of that, it painted a stunning and tragic picture of what was probably going on inside the filly’s head, whether Emily intended to paint it or not. If she was just writing about her own experiences like the unicorn thought, the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder would only become that much stronger, especially coupled with the trauma she described both to the mare and told in the story. Ivory Spark noted that the long and the short of the story was that a creature called a ‘human’ turned into a pony and went through the motions of learning to deal with trauma and addiction. In the story, just like she saw from Emily, the main character seemed to understand the seriousness of what happened to them, but was unaware of the full gravity of the situation. Eventually, by the end of the story, the colt seemed like he was healed, a period of time that looked to be about two or three months. If only trauma normally healed that quickly, Ivory Spark thought as she finished the story. It certainly gave the unicorn a few different starting points for talking to Emily on Friday, something she quickly wrote down before getting to work on her notes about the filly. It seemed like the whole picture was now painted for her, and she could start working on getting to the heart of helping the filly. Author's Note There's not much left to this story, only a few more chapters, six at most, probably less than that.
Intermission– Notes From Bright SideView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldIntermission– Notes From Bright SidePatient: Ama Lee (F) Characteristics: Brown eyes, medium brown/tan coat, dark brown mane, claims to be seven years old, although an age range of six to ten years old fits as well. Average height and weight for the lower end age range, but slightly smallish on the upper end. Report: Allegedly traveled from ‘Cansess’ to Ponyville alone yesterday. Claims to have teleported to Ponyville around noon yesterday, but doesn’t know or remember the unicorn who teleported her. Claims to have walked around the town for the rest of the day before heading to Ponyville General, entering the hospital at around 0130 (it should be noted that before this, she described always being in Ponyville, and the previous claim before that she suggested she walked through ‘a field, then a town, and then a forest’). Once she was in Ponyville General, she complained of acid reflux and dysphagia, and spent the night there after being looked over. She says she’s received previous treatment for these things. Word of mouth from Doctor Horse says she didn’t sleep until around 0545. Says she normally heads to sleep around this time. In the morning, at around 0900 she came into my care, ate light breakfast, and chatted with me in my office before falling asleep shortly after she was brought to our holding room while we discuss further steps. She is currently sleeping at the time of this writing at 1315. Her demeanor is mostly positive, although she does show tendencies of discomfort and aggravation when certain topics are brought up, such as discussion of her parents and friends, as well as details of her origin and the like. She comes across as mature for her age, and extremely bright. There are moments when these traits are displayed, but as soon as they are, there seems to be an intentional effort to downplay these things. She fidgets when she sits, and seems on the excitable side for fillies her age. She has the propensity to obfuscate and dodge around tough questions, and phrases her answers carefully to leave out unwanted information. She’s also displayed the ability to read intentions well, and can pick apart what other ponies are thinking exceptionally well for her age. When she’s asked difficult questions, she takes time to think out her responses, versus the automatic answers of less difficult ones. When there’s no suitable answer she’s willing to give, she refuses to answer. She claims her parents (Wil Lee and Min Dee) ‘kicked her out’ of her home, and describes how she sees this as a good thing as she dislikes them. She describes her father as having used corporal punishment on her ‘with a belt’, as well as potentially being emotionally abusive, saying he yells at her and blames her for things, namely thievery. She describes her father using potentially abusive methods on her to get her to behave, such as pouring water on her head when she doesn’t wake up on time and yanking bed sheets off of her. She says she hid from him while she slept in an attempt to avoid these things. She describes her mother as ‘okay’, but dislikes her lack of action with her father’s tendencies. Otherwise, says she has an okay relationship with her. She describes living alone, claiming she enjoys it because she ‘can get her work done and then do whatever she wants’. Says she visits friends and has friends visit her and that she enjoys them, but gets frustrated with questions on them as she ‘doesn’t want her words taken out of context’. Even when she's unwilling to give an answer, she dislikes the notion that her non answer is seen as evidence of a potential answer (perhaps the implication being that behavior and activities with these ponies would be seen as sexual or physical abuse?). Describes how she goes all over Equestria to meet with them. She described being unable to fly yet despite her age, and explains that she never learned how. She has physical ticks, such as stimming, which includes running her hooves across fabric when she begins to get stressed out and flapping her wings when she’s excited. She shows symptoms of ADHD, wiggling in her seat and tapping her hooves against the floor while she sits, as well as a near constant presence of singing when not in conversation, using repetitive lyrics in place of full songs (perhaps she downplays her brightness in an attempt to conceal these traits as average for her age?) She comes across as a smallish nine year old, or a very small ten year old, rather than a six or seven year old, and seems intent to conceal this fact. Of course, this is just a hypothesis, and potentially conjecture. Still, it is something to watch for. There is a slight issue with walking, but more notably, she’s found to tuck her tail between her hind legs in public, a concerning gesture and potential sign of sexual abuse. These habits will be followed up on accordingly, especially in conjunction with her concern about ‘taking things out of context’. Diagnosis: All in all, she seems like a bright, happy filly, although it’s impossible to say if this is an attempt to mask other behaviors, and if it is, how much of it is. This would be for a foal psychologist to determine, likely Dr. Ivory Spark in Baltimare, although I would say it’s possible in my opinion. There is potential foal abuse going on, although with her guardians, it’s described as something that requires education on proper parenting rather than legal action. The likelihood of her being kicked out is lower in comparison to the probability that she’s a runway in my opinion, based on how she describes her dislike for her father and disdain for her mother. With her ‘friends’, there is the potential for sexual or physical abuse on a high level, although it should be noted it’s only a possibility. It is possible what she describes as ‘being misconstrued’ is something minor that she sees as a large issue. Treatment: Follow ups with Dr. Ivory Spark for a psychological evaluation, and continue with me for foal services. Research into her background should be done, and placement with a foster family should be found if her parents are not located. If they are, follow ups with them and an investigation into foal abuse should be done. If what she describes as their behavior is the extent of their actions, then education on proper parenting skills would be the best course of action before a return to her home. As well, follow ups into claims of spending time with her ‘friends’ should be done, if possible. If possible, a work up on Ama Lee should be done, the main goal being to check for sexual abuse, although a full health scan would be appropriate in any case. If possible, this would be scheduled for either this evening or tomorrow morning. With Dr. Ivory Spark, her recommendation on the best course of action in terms of her psychological workup should be regarded as the best course of action. She’ll be made known of this case later this evening, with the plan for her to evaluate Ama Lee later this week. All in all, Ama Lee is a complicated case, one with the potential to be completely resolved in a few days time, or something that could end up remaining unresolved for months. Once things become more clear, a better plan of action can be made. –Bright Side, Ministry of Foals and Families
Intermission: More Notes From Ivory SparkView OnlineThe Little Filly Who CouldIntermission: More Notes From Ivory SparkPatient: Emily Characteristics: Female (Transgender, MTF), brown eyes, medium brown/tan coat, dark brown mane, thirteen years old, small for her age in terms of both height and weight. Parents are Willy Whisps and Cloud Mender. Report: Began visiting with Emily several days ago when Bright Side, from the Ministry of Foals and Families' Ponyville office, brought her to my attention. She’s a generally positive and upbeat filly, going on mare, who in general seems excited and upbeat about life in general, even in spite of difficult circumstances. However, she can have moments where her mood quickly turns dour and downcast, most commonly resulting from discussion of uncomfortable topics for her. When she’s excited, she usually displays a more childlike demeanor, and has displayed this occasionally when difficult topics have come up. She has a tendency to think out difficult questions, and has obfuscated to avoid answering at times, although she generally shows a dislike for being dishonest. She cares greatly about her perception, and has occasionally tried to downplay her maturity. She describes having dysphagia and acid reflux, as well as asthma, and has previously been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, both of which she’s taken medication for. Those medications have included dexmethylphenidate, risperidone, and mirtazapine. She’s also taken medications for acid reflux. She has started magical gender therapy for transitioning around one year ago. She describes her parents as being ‘okay’, although some of the things she described them doing to her could be seen as potentially abusive tactics, such as pouring water on her head to wake her up and sending her to live with friends when she misbehaves. In my estimation, it’s negligent, misguided parenting and not malicious. In addition, Cloud Mender has stated she’s been diagnosed with bi-polar, although she’s currently in both therapy and psychiatry for it. She describes having sensory issues, and shows it, too, namely to sensations of touch. Things like certain types of fabric or her coat keep her stimulated when she touches them, but describes things like napkins and drying towels giving her sensory issues. She definitely has a few subconscious stimming mechanisms, and shows repetitive traits, like singing songs with repetitive lyrics, as described by Bright Side. She’s had moments where she engages in self deprecating behavior, calling herself things like an ‘idiot’ when her mood is deflated, although this behavior is countered by the opposite when her mood is inflated, where she asserts how good she thinks she is. She’s previously described herself as ‘ugly, terrible, and annoying’, but stated that she wasn’t anymore, potentially due to a host of reasons. This doesn’t seem to be a symptom of any mental illness, however, she does show dissociative behaviors in simple day-to-day interactions. She seems genuinely unaware of when it’s happening, or even that it does happen, but it can be seen with careful observation. She shows a mixture of distress and annoyance when talking about these things, although over the several days of speaking to her, she’s shown more acceptance of this. She’s shown a genuine lack of knowledge about personal details, such as her age, and seems surprised when things in her life turn out to be how she remembers them. She seems to believe it’s unexpected that things for her seem so normal, and occasionally shows anxiousness about this. She’s also described how she didn’t believe she was a pony, but that she was happy she actually was, although shows frustration and confusion when the things she says about her life as a ‘human’ previously turn out to be the same since she ‘became a pony’. She describes previous sexual abuse she’s faced, at the hooves of a stallion named ‘Nice Lad’, who was her caretaker before he passed away. She describes being fondled and molested by him, and being coerced into playing sexual games with him up until he passed away, when she was around ten years old. The way she describes it, this abuse that took place was both patterned and long term, and she seemed to suggest that she didn’t understand it was abuse at the time, although she was anxious and uncomfortable at the time. She seems to acknowledge that it was now, although it’s uncertain if she grasps the gravity of what she faced. She showed dissociative symptoms both while and after discussing the abuse. The abuse would have taken place before she started magical gender therapy if the timeline she gave lines up. She seems to roughly describe this abuse in a story she wrote called “Mind Over Matter” through the eyes of a colt in roughly the same circumstances. The story presents the idea of a foal becoming a pony after formerly being an alien and being helped through trauma with therapy. She follows the claim she asserts in the story, and it seems to be a story of herself inserted into the situation following previous abuse. Some of the details of the real world shown within, however, are incorrect. Diagnosis: Along with previous diagnoses of autism and ADHD, Emily fits the criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder. Specifically, there’s observed disruption of identity characterized by at least two personality states, recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, and the symptoms appear to be clinically significant and are not attributable to religious practices, substance use, or other medical conditions. However, in this diagnosis, it’s important to rule out other mental health conditions, although it doesn’t seem likely that other conditions fit. Differential diagnoses would be, in order of likelihood, C-PTSD, Depersonalization/Derealization disorder, Partial DID, OSDD 1a, and Borderline Personality Disorder, based on testing and observed symptoms. Based on self reporting, it would be Partial DID, Borderline Personality Disorder, DPDR, C-PTSD, then OSDD 1a. She’s been previously ruled out for bi-polar type 1. Dissociative amnesia rules out OSDD 1b. Youngness of age and the presence of childhood sexual assault rules out schizophrenia. Clearness of thought and ordered, organized thinking likely rules out cluster A personality disorders. Malingering and factitious disorder seems unlikely. While I have confidence in this diagnosis, later mental health treatment may show one of the differential diagnoses fits better. Close examination and a cautious approach should be taken with Emily, and an understanding that comorbidities might come up should be had, as well as an understanding of the differential diagnoses. Treatment: Continued use of dexmethylphenidate for ADHD should be given. Risperidone likely isn’t needed, although it might be considered as Emily self reports flashes of intense anger and impulsive behavior. This should be considered very carefully before prescribing as her parents report not seeing these things in her. A medication like clonidine would be best for trouble with sleeping, if need be, replacing previous antidepressants. Psychotherapy is a priority for Emily, and her first session is scheduled to begin Friday, and then once a week for the next month, and then every two weeks thereafter. The main goal of these sessions should be to help her process trauma and learn grounding strategies for coping with such. It’s still unknown the full extent of what she’s experiencing, although psychotherapy to help uncover these things and change behaviors is the best course of action. She does display general fear, dismay, and anxiety at being prescribed a label she feels doesn’t fit her, as well as surrounding abuse, so a slightly less direct and more cautious approach might be necessary. Her guardians have been assigned classes in proper parenting to help Emily’s treatment at home. While they’re in that training, Emily will be placed in a group home, to be returned to her parents’ guardianship once the classes are finished. Stronger, healthier parenting will go a long way with helping her. Given Emily’s age and understanding, a degree of hopefulness about her case can be had. I believe that with proper care and healthier relationships, she’ll be able to work past her current issues as she continues into the future. -Doctor Ivory Spark