The Self-Indulgent Side Story Where the Author's Self-Insert Talks To Pinkie Pie and Maybe Other Characters

by Spark Plug

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Self Insert, Profanity, Pinkie Pie, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 12226

It's like author's notes, but in-character!

It's like author's notes, but in-character!

Published 2023-11-06 21:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-12 01:35:29 UTC

5e: Sixteen Wall Breaks

Pinkie, with her fresh pair of wings, walked into the Department of Insufficiently Advanced Technology. Ronyo followed close behind and closed the door behind them. He sat on a stool while Pinkie pronked onto a beat-up couch.

They sat and stared at each other for a moment.

And another.

"Get it out of your system," Ronyo said with a sigh.

"What system?" Pinkie blurted. "You had a nice program for organizing notes and everything, and now you're just using a markdown editor? And you're on like your third one?"

"I feel pretty good about this one," Ronyo mumbled.

"Yeah, because Scrivener was too 'complicated' for you to use so you just kept putting it off and now it doesn't even work on your Mac. Also how many different computers are you going to be writing this on?"

"Too many," Ronyo shot back. "It's almost like I'm the kind of person that keeps redesigning his website instead of actually writing content for his website."

"No kidding! Except you won't even put this on your website because it's a fanfic. Speaking of!"

She fixed Ronyo with a glare. "What was with that introduction?"

Ronyo shrank into himself. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean!"

They sat in silence.

And more silence.

Ronyo opened his mouth... and shut it. Several times.

"I need you to say it," he said finally.

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. "For the benefit of the audience?"

Ronyo shrugged. "Yeah, and I need to know what your problem is."

"But you know. You already know."

Ronyo sighed. "That's my problem, though," he groaned. "I know everything that happens so I just imagine everything happening and I don't write it down. That's why it's taken so long. That's why I keep going through so many programs and computers and things because I'm trying to find some spark of..." He threw his hands up in frustration.

Pinkie looked concerned. "Why are you like this?"

Ronyo groaned. "If I knew that—"

"No no," Pinkie waved him off. "Not Evan. I mean you. Ronyo. Why are you like this?"

Ronyo shifted uncomfortably. "What... what do you mean?"

"I mean you can be anything you want! You're in complete control here! Why did you weird me and Twilight out when we first met you? Why make me so suspicious of you? Why do you let me keep yelling at you like this?"

"I'm trying to be honest," Ronyo mumbled.

Pinkie scoffed. "Bucked up a perfectly good self-insert is what you did. Look at you, you've got anxiety now."

Ronyo laughed despite himself.

Pinkie smiled and poked him with a hoof. "Okay, so you're being 'honest.' What does that have to do with you acting like a weirdo?"

Ronyo exhaled loudly and leaned back in his chair. "It's like... I don't actually know what's going to happen. I'm putting us in these situations and seeing what happens."

"But you planned this?" She flexed her wings and motioned to her horn.

Ronyo nodded. "You know how there's 'plotters' and 'pantsers'? Writers that plan everything out and writers that just see what happens? A friend of mine described me as a 'quilter.' I want some things to happen, but that just means I have to get the circumstances right. If I can't get those circumstances, it can't happen.

"For example," he motioned to Pinkie's wings. "The original outline was you making Nine a meal that reminded him of growing up on Gallifrey. He'd laugh, you'd poof, heeeey Macarena. But when I sat down to write it, it wasn't enough."

"You pushed me farther," Pinkie said quietly.

"For this to happen," Ronyo said, "I had to push you as far as you could possibly go. Overextending your party powers over a huge amount of time and making a Ratatouille-level dish wasn't enough. You had to be pushed, and Nine had to be impacted more." He shook his head. "Otherwise, the story isn't real."

Pinkie's hair had slowly deflated through Ronyo's explanation. "And you're going to push the rest of them, too."

Ronyo nodded. "If I can."

Pinkie got up and stood at her full height, wings extended. "Why shouldn't I try to stop you?" she said. The quietness in her voice was more threatening than Ronyo had expected.

"Because I don't want you to be separated," he said after a moment.

Pinkie considered his answer and nodded. Her hair bounced back, though not at full buoyancy.

"That, and I just think y'all are awesome," Ronyo added with a smile. "I mean, I read through the MLP Loops at least three times. Seeing all six of y'all at the tops of your game like that... that's what I want for you."

Pinkie nodded slightly. "Just promise me you'll tell them."

Ronyo nodded back. "I will. When they're ready."

Pinkie opened her mouth to retort, thought for a second, then didn't. "Yeah," she said with disappointment, "you're right." She sat back down. "But I still don't get why you chose to be weird when we first met."

Ronyo shrugged. "It's how I think I would act were I to see Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie walk into my life."

Pinkie blinked. Then she turned to the side an

Hey.

... did you just

Yeah. I did. Stop it.

Stop what?

Stop acting like everyone is secretly annoyed by you. They're not.

What are you talking about, Pinkie?

You had your self-insert meet me and, instead of getting in a meme-off or bonding over a shared love of key lime pie, just came off as kinda sus.

I'm trying to keep things believable.

I'm sure you are. And you did. But give yourself a little more credit than that.

... Thanks, Pinkie.

You're welcome! Though you probably–

Yes, I am talking to someone about it. Can we go back to at least acknowledging the fourth wall now.

"Yeppers!" Pinkie said.

"So!" Ronyo said. "I take it you're much more aware of the story now?"

Pinkie took a deep breath. "Yeah! I mean before I just knew that saying some things would be funny and make somepony laugh so I would just say them even though it didn't make a lot of sense to me and it made other ponies look at me funny but they figured it was just me being me but now I know who was laughing and I'm so happy I could make them laugh but now it's like my Pinkie Sense is up to eleven and I'm seeing things from so many different angles and it's kinda big and there's a bunch of things that don't make sense but I know they're funny and I want people to laugh but it's like I don't know what I'm looking at all over again and—"

Ronyo interrupted her. "What is love?"

"Baby don't hurt me."

"And I brought you myrrh?"

"Myrrh-der!"

"Get to Del Taco, they got?"

"Fre sha vaca do!"

"Not sure if laughing with me?"

"Or at me."

"Disregard females?"

"Acquire currency."

"There are some things money can't buy?"

"For everything else there's MasterCard."

"Do you love the color of the sky?"

"Which one."

"I've connected the two dots."

"YOU DIDN'T CONNECT SHIT!"

A beat of silence, and they both cracked up laughing.

"Yeah," Ronyo said. "You're making actual pop culture references now."

Pinkie's eyes widened. "You mean... that's your world?"

"Mmhmm. Well, the author's world."

"But aren't you...?"

Ronyo shook his head. "No, I'm the author's self-insert. There's a difference."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I'm going to experience things the author doesn't, and I'm probably going to end up very different as a result."

"Eh," Pinkie said with a shrug. "Tomayto, tomahto."

Ronyo rolled his eyes but smiled. "Anything else, Deadpool?"

Pinkie's hair instantly went flat. "Don't..." she said quietly. "Don't call me that."

Ronyo nodded. "Right, sorry. You're both fourth wall aware, but you're much less..."

"Stabby," Pinkie finished.

"Yeah," Ronyo said. "People can't laugh if they're dead."

Pinkie nodded. She took a deep breath, put her hoof to her mouth, and re-inflated her hair.

Ronyo smiled. "We should probably get back," he said.

"Yeah," Pinkie said. "I mean, it's episode five and you're only just now getting around to the adventure hook."

"Hey, now, I brought the multiverse hook in at the first episode!"

Pinkie shook her head. "But not the excuse for traveling from universe to universe."

Ronyo sighed. "Look, I'm working with what I've got he—"

"G.M. BLACKJACK DID IT!" Pinkie yelled. "IN A CAVE! AND ALL HE HAD WERE SCRAPS!"

Ronyo stared blankly at Pinkie. "Well, I'm not G.M. Blackjack."

Season 1 part 2 outline

Pinkie pronked out of the seaplane, not at all fazed by the water landing. "Thanks for the lift, Wilbur!"

"Always happy to lend a pair of wings," Wilbur the Dodo answered.

Pinkie—currently a bipedal cat with shockingly pink fur—looked at her back. "Yeah, I guess I do need those," she said with a smile. She skipped through the airport and stood on the brick plaza, taking in the sights.

A white bird walked up. "Hey, a visitor!" she called. "Welcome to Istoría!"

Pinkie waved back. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! Do you live here?"

"Of course!" the bird answered. "I'm Piper; nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you!" Pinkie responded. "What do we do her—wait." She took a breath and settled herself. "Actually, I'm looking for Ronyo. Is he here?"

Piper's face fell. "Not for a few months at least," she said with a frown. "Honestly, the place is beautiful, and I know humans don't always stick around, but..."

Pinkie ignored the sinking feeling in her gut. "I'm sure he'll be back someday." She licked a finger and stuck it in the air. "Thanksgiving is soon, and I know he likes that."

Piper smiled slightly. "I hope so." She perked herself up a bit. "But we're alright here."

Pinkie nodded. "I..." She looked around, saw what she needed, and started walking towards the Warp Pipe. "I think I need to find him."

Piper waved goodbye. "Tell them we miss them!"

Pinkie glanced in a random direction. "I think he knows." She hopped onto the Warp Pipe and with a salute to Piper sank into it.

She fell out of a garden shed, once again an alicorn. She trotted past an unusually large pale blue flower and hopped over the fence.

She passed deep space and waved at the weird-looking guy with too many eyes and even more arms. She very specifically did not look behind her because even she didn't need that kind of insanity. At least not yet.

She waved a wing at the couple that were human from the waist up and Pokémon from the waist down...

She very carefully tip-toed around the clearing with the sleeping two—no, three—wait, four?!—too-many-headed monster...

And finally ended up falling out of a rift in space and time. Instinctively she unfurled her wings to slow her fall, and she felt herself start gliding even though she couldn't feel her wings. She looked up to see she was holding onto a strange contraption halfway between one of her flying machines and a parachute.

Holding on with arms. And hands.

"Okay, human," she muttered. She looked down at her hooved feet. "...ish." She shook her head a bit and crossed her eyes. "Unicorn-ish?"

She looked down at the island she was flying over. There were pockets of people running along, sometimes on golf carts, sometimes hoverboards. And they were... shooting each other. With guns. She was about to panic and try to go somewhere else when she noticed that the people getting shot weren't actually dying, just getting teleported out.

And it clicked.

She glared in a random direction. "Fortnite? Really?" She looked back at the players. "And how am I supposed to tell which one's actually Ronyo?"

She looked at a group of three players on the summit of a small tower. One of them was labelled "actuallyRonyo."

Pinkie glared back at the fourth wall. "Well now, that's just lazy writing." She aimed her glider to the summit.

As she approached, a couple of shots went towards her before she heard one of the players—a white fox with red eartips—yell "Cease fire! That's a friendly!"

"We're playing trios!" the fire demon said, keeping a gun trained on Pinkie but not firing. "Is it an NPC?"

The fox sputtered for a moment before finally hanging her head. "It's Pinkie Pie."

"How did Pinkie Pie get here?" the third—Boba Fett—said, keeping a sniper rifle trained on the factory below them.

Pinkie landed. "Well, they've already got a deal with Hasbro for Transformers, so..."

The fox sighed and stowed the gun. "What are you doing here, Pinks?"

"Looking for you, silly!" she said, booping Ronyo on the nose. "Though you look silly without any tails."

Ronyo grumbled. "I get one tail for every elimination."

The three players stood up straight suddenly.

"We're outside the circle," Ronyo said. One of the others pulled out a small snow-globe-like thing that had a black hole inside of it.

"Pinkie," Ronyo said, "can I meet you back at the Lighthouse?"

"How do I get there?"

The others cracked the snow globe and disappeared into a crack in time and space.

"I'd say take the Rift," Ronyo said before diving into the same crack.

Pinkie glared at the fourth wall again before—

Nope! Call it something else, Mister!

...before hopping into the black hole and getting scattered across time and space and whatever is in those higher dimensions we don't know anything about and walking through the door back into the Department of Insufficiently Advanced Technology.

A bipedal cat in a beanie and pink t-shirt was lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. Pinkie poked it. "Change costumes?"

"Yeah," Ronyo said in a scratchy voice. "Got third in that match. Severely outplayed. So we switched it up and went back in." He sat up. "Everyone else was playing Meowscles, so I played Meow Skulls."

"Such a furry," Pinkie said with a smile.

Ronyo smiled back. "Making peace with it." He reached around his back and pulled out a shining golden crown. "Helps that we won."

He got up, stowed the crown, and turned around in place while turning back into a human. He pulled a laptop off a nearby shelf with a sticker on the lid that said "Ask me about my fanfiction."

"Now, where were we?" he said.

Pinkie sat, and her hair deflated a bit. "You said you were going to either keep writing or post a synopsis. And last night you changed the status from 'incomplete' to 'cancelled.'"

Ronyo sighed. "I'm sorry, Pinkie. I..." He scratched the back of his head. "I'm proud of where I got, what I had in mind, what I planned. I just... can't put in the work. Not for characters that aren't mine at least."

Pinkie nodded. "Wait, why does the fan fiction thing matter? It's not like you're selling stories anyway."

Ronyo rolled his eyes. "It hobbles everything. I can't even do something like a newsletter giveaway. And I don't want to have the specter of Hasbro looming over me. And..." He sighed. "Let's be honest, I haven't been on FiMfic in ages. My subscription list is a mile long." He grabbed his hair. "Pinkie, there's a chapter of the Loops that I haven't read yet."

Pinkie grimaced. "Oh."

Ronyo opened the laptop. "Besides, you saw what I've been writing lately. I've got characters and places that I want to develop that are a lot like..." He gestured around himself. "This. I wanted to use your story to get feedback on the ideas, show it to a bigger audience, but with the way I botched the upload and with how much time I'm spending on my other projects, I think I need to just break it off now."

Pinkie just stared at the floor. "So what happens to us now?"

"Two things," Ronyo said. "First, I know most of y'all will end up here one way or another. Maybe a background cameo that's just vague enough to avoid copyright infringement."

"Ready Player One did it," Pinkie shot back.

Ronyo stuck out his tongue. "Second, I've got the outline of what would have happened in Friendship Is Multiversal. A few scenes, sketches, that sort of stuff. Wanna hash it out?"

Pinkie stood up. Her hair didn't inflate—it was still a sad occasion—but she put on a smile and hopped onto the couch next to Ronyo.

"So," she said, "I have my wings, everyone's home safely, what next..."

What's next is Sonic and Tails still have to get home. So naturally there's a lot of world hopping while we plant the beacons that should help us triangulate Mobius and get through whatever that distortion is.

Why are you calling Sonic's world Mobius? Nopony calls it that anymore.

Because SatAM was my first, okay?

Mostly we follow Sonic and Twilight around, but occasionally others. Probably Rainbow and you, and Clara and The Doctor as well. I didn't have much specific laid out, but my list of places to visit included the Pokémon world, The Librarians, and the grown-up kids from A Wrinkle In Time.

At one point they go to the Endless Mountain, which is the setting for Alto's Adventure. It's a fun mobile game, and I think it's on Epic too. The atmosphere of it is... really interesting, I think. So they're on a mountain that's stuck in a space loop (not to be confused with a time loop) and meet the crew which has a kind of Scooby-Do vibe going.

And the space loop is because the game is an endless runner?

Exactly. That's a fun one to find the way out of. Not sure what makes it fun, but it's fun.

At the tail end of one of these episodes, we see a clip of a different Sonic making a discovery...

Sonic was used to strange things. Eggman being a different pain than usual? Sure. Meh Burger making the occasionally good burger? Kinda fun! But this... this was next level.

He was floating a couple of inches off the ground. His spikes were defying gravity more than he was. His eyes were glowing red. The air around him was charged with power.

And his fur was gold-colored. And glowing. Also his bandanna changed colors?

"So..." Tails said, not entirely sure what was happening, "how do you feel?"

"Like I could run around the planet," Sonic said, stretching his arms. "Twice."

"Well, that's prepostero—" Tails was cut off by Sonic running off. Or was it flying? Either way, he heard the sonic boom in the distance.

He paused. "I hope I don't have to fin—"

He was cut off by a golden streak blazing through the island.

He looked around and sighed. "Four-one-thousand, five-one-thousand, si—"

Sonic skidded to a stop in front of Tails. "Like I said," he said with a smirk, "twice."

Tails looked at the deep furrow. "Clearly." He turned back to Sonic. "That didn't hurt?"

Sonic cocked his head. "Should it have?"

Tails just pointed at the three-foot-deep furrow that cut through several hills and buildings.

Sonic looked back. "Huh." He felt his face. "Yeah, still handsome," he said with a smile.

"What's going on?" Knuckles said. "Are we digging a new irrigation ditch?"

"Knuckles!" Sonic said, appearing in front of him in a blink and holding on to his shoulders.

"Who are you?" Knuckles said. "You sound like Sonic, but—wait, are you Roger?"

Sonic smirked. "Only if you're Travis." He shook his head. "Knuckles, it's me, Sonic!"

"Woah!" Knuckles said. "Did you dye your fur? And get hover boots?"

"No, it's Chaos Crystals! They had a reaction or something, and now..." He looked at Knuckles with the most earnest expression he could.

"Knuckles," he said as seriously as he could, "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."

"Okay!" Knuckles reared back and drove his fist into Sonic's stomach.

Sonic didn't budge.

"Nothing?" Tails said, jotting notes on a clipboard.

"Nothing," Sonic said.

Sonic and Knuckles met each other's gaze.

"Again!"

At two points over at Canterlot High, we have a couple of adventures. On one, Principal Celestia has to grapple with being a normal human in a school full of magic...

Sunset Shimmer leaned against the bathroom sink and sighed. "Can we just catch a break for Celestia's sake?" she groaned.

A flush from the first stall to her left startled her. Quickly, she busied herself washing her hands and forced herself not to make eye contact with whoever had just heard her outburst.

"So," an embarassingly familiar voice said, "is that an expression where you're from?"

Sunset looked up. "I'm afraid so, Principal," she said with a wry grin.

Principal Celestia smiled, though not as broadly as Sunset knew she could. "Do I want to know who my counterpart is?" she said. "If people are swearing by her..."

Sunset bit her lip. "She is kind of a big deal," she said uneasily. When the principal motioned her on, she continued. "Her full title is Celestia Dawnbringer, Princess of the Sun. And she literally raises the sun in the mornings." She paused and closed her eyes. "It's... It's amazing, watching it happen. Every year for the Summer Solstice there's a festival where everypony stays up all night to watch her raise the sun for the longest day of the year. And you can feel the love she puts into it, just the life that comes from her sunrise is... It's like nothing else."

Sunset opened her eyes and smirked broadly at the principal. "I've also seen her on the most normal days of the year, still in her flannel nightgown, a mug of heavily caffinated tea hovering next to her, just glaring at the sun while it rises." She thought dramatically. "Pretty sure I shouldn't repeat what I heard her say that one morning."

Principal Celestia blinked. "Every morning, you say?"

Sunset nodded.

She shook her head. "That sounds hellacious. I'll take horomonal, overdramatic teenagers any day over that as long as I get my summer vacation. No offense, of course."

Sunset smiled back as they walked out. "None taken."

Celestia paused with her hand on the door. "Thank you, Sunset Shimmer."

I had toyed with the idea of giving her and Luna some kind of magic. Most likely some kind of super charge from Destiny. Maybe. It's the other time that matters more.

Sci-Twi hasn't gotten any interest from colleges. Her friends aren't concerned ("you'll do great", "you're amazing", all that), but she's getting more and more freaked out by it.

Gentleheart finally hears back from one college off-the-record. They were told by "someone at Crystal Prep familiar with her abilities as a student" that she wouldn't be a good fit. It doesn't take long to put together that someone's trying to lock her out of her top schools.

Sci-Twi has a full-on Lesson Zero meltdown. Spike runs the journal to someone who's able to get a message through, and Princess Luna comes to visit. She talks Sci-Twi down from going full Midnight on everything and invites her back to Equestria sometime soon to talk further.

As Gentleheart is walking Luna out, Luna makes it clear that she's just going to pay Abacus Cinch a visit:

"A great injustice has been done here," Luna whispered harshly, "and if no one will correct it—"

"No, your highness," Gentleheart said firmly. "Your magic doesn't work here; you have no authority and no dominion. You may be royalty on the other side of the mirror, but here you have no title, no knowledge of the culture, and you bear an uncanny resemblance to a secondary school disciplinarian.”

Luna narrowed her eyes, not backing down but not escalating.

"Will it help," Gentleheart said, "if I swear by the Lion's mane that justice will be done."

Luna nodded and stepped back. "Only if you tell me," she said, "why true royalty plays at being a simple teacher?"

Dun dun DUN!

Oh yeah, having some fun there. We'll get to that. Anyway, Gentleheart pulls a Batman on Cinch and finds out that she's not doing it. She couldn't even do it if she wanted to; she has "no reputation" left. So that's a thread for another day.

Anyway, we get the beacons placed. Mobius and its corresponding Earth are revealed. And Robotnik's completely taken over.

So, Sonic Forces?

Exactly. Sonic, Tails, Twilight, Rainbow, and probably you, to be honest, all head over first-thing. Start shoring up the Resistance, start taking some potshots, but it's not doing a whole lot.

I'm assuming that's where you show up?

You got it, along with an army of fan characters. How else do you explain the avatar character in the game?

We get in, start making progress, Twilight cracks what the Phantom Ruby's doing and connects it to what happened with the portal back in episode 2. What Robotnik did was connect it to a computer system that was in turn connected to a living mind, Infinite. That allowed Infinite to control its reality-warping powers to create illusions, constructs, you name it. They're able to find a way to neutralize it just in time to stop the gigantic sun construct from destroying everything.

Wait, so the Phantom Ruby from Sonic Forces and Sonic Mania is a magic-sucking gem from the EQ-verse?

I thought it fit. Something able to send Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles across old places in Sonic Mania sounded like the overloaded amulet at the end of Friendship Games.

OK, so what's the twist?

What do you mean?

Come on, you set up that thing with Boom!Super Sonic, so what's the twist?

OK, fine. Then Robotnik shows up with his overclocked machine like he does in the game, there's a bit of a fight, and things start warping. So Sonic sees Twilight, and he gets an idea...

Sonic looked around, at the people following him, looking up to him... at his friends. He made eye contact with Twilight and smiled, then turned back to Robotnik.

"You think you're the only one with phenominal cosmic power here?" he yelled. "Because we have power of our own!

"Knuckles, who never hesitates to tell me when I'm being stupid, is Honesty!"

Knuckles raised an eyebrow.

"Tails, who will repair any machine in need—even yours!—is Kindness!"

Tails wasn't sure whether this was genius or madness.

"Tangle, who was willing to do anything to keep others safe, is Generosity!

"Charmy, who cracks way too many jokes, is Laughter!

"Amy, who never stops believing in us, is Loyalty!"

Amy gripped her hammer a little harder, readying herself for whatever was next.

"And Silver, who always makes sure to listen, is Empathy!

"Together," Sonic finished, "we have the greatest power of all. The power of Friendship!"

He raised his fist to the sky, the (real) sun glinting off his bracelet.

No one moved.

"Is that a joke?" Robotnik finally said over the loudspeaker.

Sonic just stared at him in defiance.

"It's not?!" Robotnik said before devolving into maniacal laughter. Several of the Mobians backed up just a little, not sure what was going on.

"Come on, Chip," Sonic said quietly. "Just give me one last go. Please."

And as Robotnik laughed, Sonic's bracelet—his last memento of his time with Light Gaia—began to glow. And the power of the Chaos Emeralds, still secure in their temples, began to flow.

And with a flourish, Sonic raised his other hand, and then flung both his arms down and back as he transformed into Super Sonic.

"Now I'll show you!" he yelled as he flew towards Robotnik's craft.

...I might need you to connect some dots.

Sure! So for mainline Sonic games, we've got Sonic Unleashed, then Sonic Generations, and now Sonic Forces. In Unleashed, which I directly call out in episode 4, the plot revolves around returning the Chaos Emeralds to the different Gaia temples around the human world. And Sonic never collects the Emeralds after that, he just has Chip's necklace that he keeps as a bracelet.

When Infinite is messing with time and space, he weakens the walls between the worlds. (That might have been a plot point later, might not.) But that allows Sonic—boosted by an Elements of Harmony invocation—to sort of "wake up" Light Gaia enough to turn him into Super Sonic.

Anyway, they fight, it's one-sided, and Robotnik disappears into Null Space. Sonic, of course, follows him. Alone. He gets there, and everything's weird and distorted, flashes of other realities and timelines and whatnot.

But there in the middle is three Robotniks. One's the one that Sonic followed, one has a different vest and honestly looks a little scared, and the last is younger and fighting with another robot. And they're all fighting over the Phantom Ruby.

And surrounding them is Sonic, another sonic that's younger, and another that's taller and has a bandanna.

So Modern, Classic, and Boom!Sonic?

Exactly. This is basically merging in the final boss fight from Sonic Mania and also giving us the three Sonics that we thought we were getting for Forces. Classic is pissed, like full-on ready to obliterate his Robotnik for real. Boom is just kinda vibing, but he knows how to fight when the chips are down. They fight, stuff blows up, and the ruby space starts collapsing.

Boom!Sonic grabs his Eggman (who, let's be honest, isn't that evil) and they escape back with the other Sonics' help because he's still not used to being Super Sonic. Sonic says some goodbye to Classic, and Classic flips him off before flying away.

Our Sonic tries to see if there's any Robotnik that needs saving, and the space deteriorates even further. And he realizes he can't get out. And he's almost ready to give up...

When a sonic rainboom shatters the space open. Rainbow grabs Sonic, and he steers her back towards the rift the rainboom made. They escape and crash into the ground on the cliff they were first fighting at. Or at least Sonic does.

And there's nothing there but Rainbow's cutie mark scorched into the ground?

You know.

So how does she get back?

Chip—Light Gaia—meets her. And she fully thinks she's dead. Like crashed full-tilt into the ground. And she doesn't think she did anything special, just what anyone would do for a friend. Chip reminds her that not only was she able to do what she did, but she also actually did it. And sends her back.

Superhero landing, everyone's happy, the day is saved, and...

LOYALTY has joined the party!

Ronyo shut the laptop. "And that's season one."

Pinkie nodded. "So that's half of us. Building toward something big?"

"I think it's big."

She nodded, thinking some more. "What about the Carly Rae scene?"

Ronyo grimaced. "I... don't know."

Pinkie grinned at him. "Come on, I know you ship them."

Ronyo sighed. "Fine." He cracked open the laptop. "If—and I do want to emphasize if—I ended up shipping them, here's how it would go."

The day is saved, Rainbow has ascended, and everyone starts having a party. Helps that the Princess Of Parties is there.

You know it.

Sonic and Tails are recounting the story of how they found their way back, the friends they met along the way. Knuckles notices that Twilight gets brought up every other sentence. So does Amy, but she and Sonic are solidly friends by now. Sonic makes sure to thank Knuckles and Amy for keeping things under control while he was gone. They make sure to ask him when he's going to ask Twilight out.

He’s completely taken aback by the question.

He talks it out with Tails. And he realizes.

And then the song starts up.

And he’s out in the middle, dancing in front of Twilight, and starts singing a song about how he likes what’s going on and he’s not sure entirely what it means, but he needs to tell her something…

Because it might not be love, but he really really really really really really likes her.

And they get to the bridge, and Sonic’s all “I need to tell you something.”

And Twilight puts her hoof up and whispers back “I need to tell you something.”

And Sonic cheers and everyone’s dancing and singing along and it’s just a big party and… yeah.

“So there’s the shipping,” Ronyo finished.

“Good,” Pinkie said. “Cadence will be happy with that.”

Ronyo rolled his eyes and shut the laptop. “Want me to get on with season two?”

Pinkie hopped off the couch. “Nah,” she said. “I think I’m gonna go throw a few parties and teach Dashie how to Earth Pony.”

Ronyo furrowed his brow. “You’re hardly a typical Earth Pony; are you sure you should be the one teaching her that?”

Pinkie smirked as she trotted out the door. “She’s hardly a typical Pegasus, but she insisted she be the one to teach me to fly. I’m just returning the favor.” She opened the door and called over her shoulder. “See you later!”

Season 2 outline and the end.

The group of eight golfers in eclectic outfits disembarked from the boat back into Spocco Square. Most of them scattered in different directions, but two in East Asian-inspired silk outfits hung together. One had turquoise hair mostly hidden under a bucket hat while the other had a leather ball cap.

"I can't believe you got that chip in," the bucket hat said to the cap.

“Hey,” the ball cap said to the bucket hat, “I saw that backspin on that last hole.

The bucket hat gestured back toward the registration desk. "One more round?"

"Maybe. How t—"

The one in the bucket hat was bowled over by another person, this one in overalls covered in paint splotches and colorful patches, a lollipop stuck to the side of her frizzy pink hair. "Ronyo!" she shrieked.

Ronyo reached up and patted her. "Hi, Pinkie," he groaned.

The other player sighed. "Don't stay up too late," she said. "We've got work in the morning." She walked off.

"Where're you headed?" Ronyo called.

She glanced back. "Bowling, maybe the bookstore." She smirked. "I promise not to spend all our money."

Ronyo smiled back. "I expect nothing less."

Pinkie looked back and forth between them. "Who's that?" she asked as she got off of Ronyo.

Ronyo climbed to his feet. "In real life, my spouse. Here?" He shrugged. "Player One?"

Pinkie cocked her head. "You're not Player One?"

"Not here," he said. "The game's on her Switch." He cracked his knuckles. "Want to hit the coffee shop by the tennis courts?"

Pinkie took a long drag off of her very large, very decorated latte. "So why are we here and not your office?"

Ronyo pulled his laptop out of hammerspace and set it on the table. "Because I get annoyed every time this game says 'hey, check out the shops and dining options' and then doesn't have a mode that lets you do that." He gestured around them. "So I'm doing that."

Pinkie nodded. "Okie dokie," she said, and sat up straighter. "So let's get to it!"

Ronyo nodded and cracked open his laptop...

So, last we left off... The Mane 6 and their friends had just defeated Robotnik and restored freedom to Mobius. Rainbow Dash got her wings, and Sonic and Twilight professed their mutual like for each other.

We cut to a few months later. Applejack has finished up the harvest and is taking a well-deserved break when a familiar vworp-vworp sound fills the orchard. The eleventh doctor—as Time Turner, of course—pops his head out and begs Applejack to come with him. There's some people in a world somewhere and they really need help from a real farmer. Applejack rolls her eyes but hops in the TARDIS anyway. And we're off to adventure!

...to Earth. Specifically, a barren, dusty earth. We zoom in on a massive spaceship parked at a cliff, tents and ad-hoc shelters near the gangplank. And a population of humans looking much skinnier than they had been. And one little yellow-and-black robot on caterpillar treats rolls through the campsite trying his level best to cheer people up.

WALL-E?

Eeyup! We have found the passengers of the Axiom starliner attempting to recolonize the earth. And their first crops are failing. The Doctor sees this and brings in the best farmer he knows: Applejack.

And for a while she doesn't have the faintest clue what to do. This problem is too big for her to even get her mind around. She tries to fall back on what she's learned in Ponyville, but this soil is all dry and not really working.

So she digs deep, tries to listen to the earth, find out what it needs. It wants things to grow, it wants to provide, but it needs one last push.

And so Applejack pushes. And begs the earth to give back. And gives herself up to do it.

Patch of dust in the shape of three apples?

The seeds around her push to the surface, and Applejack is nowhere to be found.

Okay, who picks her up?

You know, that's a good question. Back in Equestria, Twilight feels the shift and realizes there might not be anyone to get her back...

Twilight hopped up onto the Cutie Map. “This is where the Harmony Magic is most resonant,” she muttered. “If I add this to a normal teleportation spell and use an invocation it should work.”

Spike took a few steps back. “Just be careful,” he said.

Twilight looked at him and did her best to smile. “I promise.”

With that, she closed her eyes and began gathering the magic together. Purple energy began to swirl at her hooves, and the entire castle began to dim as the map started to glow. Her horn, wings, and hooves gathered purple wisps of energy of their own.

“From all of us together
Together we are friends
Marks of destiny made one
Brings us magic without end
Our friend has soared to heights above
And I must bring her back
Before she’s lost to worlds beyond
Bring me to Applejack!”

There was a bright flash that immediately caved in on itself, swallowing Twilight into the space between spaces.

Twilight teleports herself to the astral plane, finds Applejack, and welcomes her to the princess club. But then...

"Don't get me wrong, Sugarcube," Applejack said. "I'm happy you're here. It's just..."

"It's okay," Twilight said with a smile. "I know where we are!"

"It's not that," Applejack said, her new wings twitching in agitation. "How do we get back?"

Twilight's smile fell.

"Perhaps I can be of assistance?" a cultured voice said.

The two mares turned to see a tall human with long well-groomed hair and an impeccably tailored suit. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am–"

"Loki?" Twilight blurted.

Loke stopped mid-bow. "Yes," he said hesitantly, "Loki of Asgard, at your service. And I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage?"

Twilight blushed slightly. "Sorry," she sputtered, "you just look–I mean the actor that plays you in another world looks remarkably like you."

Loki smiled. "I may have had a hand in that." He motioned at his face. "Vanity is a vice of mine."

Twilight just nodded before a nudge from Applejack brought her back. "Oh, right! I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is Applejack." She blinked. "Of Equestria," she added.

Loki nodded. "It is truly a pleasure to meet you both," he said. "Now, am I correct in assuming that you would like to get home from here?"

"Yes," Twilight said with a nervous grin. "I managed to get myself here easily enough, but–"

"What's it going to cost?" Applejack interjected.

Loki feigned offense. "I beg your pardon?"

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "You remind me of someone, and he don't do nothing without getting something. So what's it going to cost?"

Loki smiled, though this was decidedly more predatory. "Very well then, Applejack of Equestria, soon-to-be crowned Princess of Honesty if I'm not mistaken." He allowed himself to revel in their shocked expressions for a moment. "In return for escorting the two of you back to the mortal realm from which you came, I ask only two favors.

"First, one of my patrons has also found himself in that world. He believes it to be uninhabited; I would like you to disavow him of that notion."

"Done," Applejack said before Twilight could ask her inevitable questions. "And the second?"

Loki leaned forward. "Tell Discord I haven't forgotten about our little wager."

"Done," Twilight said before Applejack could ask her inevitable questions.

Oooooo, what's the wager?

I honestly have no idea. It just sounded cool.

Aw.

Yeah. But before I forget:

HONESTY has joined the party!

So they both return to earth. Applejack gets back to farming, now with more power at her disposal. Twilight and the Doctor go looking for any other life forms. They scan with the TARDIS, find a blip on another continent, land, and don't see anything...

Until they hear a very distinctive screech behind them and get buzzed by something flying incredibly fast. It pulls up into the air in front of them, lazily turns itself around, and comes in for a landing.

It's a black dragon with a salamander-like head and a very intricate leather saddle. Its rider unhooks itself from the contraption, hops off, and pulls off his helmet. It's Hiccup and Toothless!

Hiccup mentions that he and Toothless had found a portal that led to another portal that led here. They agree to meet Twilight at the lighthouse later, mostly so we can get this scene here...

"Oh, here's your problem," Tails said, tugging a cable on Toothless' harness. "It's the tension."

"The tension?" Hiccup said, raising an eyebrow.

"The tension."

"What's wrong with the tension?"

"It's a little low."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

Tails shook his head. "Not here it isn't."

"But I know tension," Hiccup said, gesturing with his hands. "It shows up when Astrid asks a question and I don't know the answer. It shows up when my dad starts talking about 'chiefing.' It definitely shows up when I haven't fed Toothless."

Toothless whined in response.

"Quit whining," Hiccup whined back. "You just had a basketful an hour ago."

Tails smirked. "This is good tension."

"What's good tension?"

"This."

"Were you listening?"

"Of course I was listening."

"What do cables and harnesses have to do with disappointed fathers?"

Tails blinked. "Are you okay?"

Hiccup blanched. "I'm... fine? Why?"

"Because we went from talking about engineering and mechanics to discussing psychological issues."

"You're discussing psychological issues?" Twilight Sparkle said, trotting up to the group.

"We're not discussing psychological issues!" Hiccup said, his arm motions becoming a little more frantic.

"It's okay," Twilight said with a smile. "I've read dozens of books on the subject."

"Hiccup has daddy issues," Tails said, not particularly subtly.

"Oh," Twilight said, a little disappointed. "I'm afraid I don't know much about those."

"Can we get back to the harness?" Hiccup groaned.

"That's it!" Twilight said.

"What's it?" Hiccup said, completely resigned.

"You can always harness the power of friendship! Talking with your friends and knowing how much they care can help individuals cope with absent parental figures."

"He means Toothless' harness," Tails said, figuring the teasing had gone on long enough.

"Oh," Twilight said. "What's wrong with the harness?"

"The tension." He crouched down and tugged on the loose cable.

"Oh," Twilight said. "Yes, you definitely need to increase the tension."

"Really?" Hiccup said, his hands balled up into fists. "I think the tension's at a pretty good level right now."

Astrid strode up to the group. "Ready to go, Hiccup?"

"Not yet, apparently!" Hiccup yelled.

Astrid cocked her head. "What's taking so long?" she said to Twilight.

"Tension," Twilight supplied.

Astrid got more confused. "What does Hiccup avoiding responsibilities back home have to do with this?"

"It's a loose cable," Tails said.

Astrid and Hiccup blinked.

"Oh," Hiccup said.

I'm sure at some point we'd visit Berk, though I'm not sure who would visit as a human and who'd be a dragon.

You'd be a changewing, right? 'Cause of the whole shapeshifter thing?

I... yeah, yeah I would.

I thought about doing a fix-it on How To Train Your Dragon 2 but honestly that feels more like a distraction than anything.

Back at Canterlot High, something happens. Probably we find out who planted the portal sucking device in the first place, and it's Sci-Twi's old teacher that has a fanatical obsession with Midnight Sparkle, probably, and the thing goes haywire, probably.

You're 'probably'-ing a lot here.

This is the part of the outline that is really ill-defined. I know there's a few things that I wanted to happen, but how they happen (and even if it works for them to happen at all) was still way up in the air.

Anyway, I think you can guess what happens here.

Sci-Twi and Sunset figure out what's going on and save the day and end up ascending?

Exactly. And meeting them in the astral plane is none other than Ms. Gentleheart.

Ooookaaaay, what's her deal?

I wanted to plant so many more clues than this, but it goes like this: she knows about magic, she swore by the Lion's Mane, she's wicked good with a longbow, and she has a long life with a corresponding list of regrets.

She talks to Sci-Twi and Sunset, tells them how proud she is of them, and says she was sent to their world to help guide the birth of real magic there. It's always been there, just under the surface, and the influx from Equestria was enough to wake it up.

Sunset starts to apologize, says it's all her fault. Sci-Twi says even so, it's an amazing gift.

Gentleheart says it's both, and that's why the two of them are going to pave the way. Basically, they would be this world's first Princesses, though being the first, they get to decide what all that means. She makes a crack about how royalty, if done right, is surprisingly effective.

Which leads to the revelation of Ms. Gentleheart as Queen Susan, The Gentle, formerly of Narnia.

...but I thought she hated Narnia?

They only said she was "no longer a Friend of Narnia." I'm... trying to take the narrative at face value, of her rushing to "the silliest part of her life" and trying to stay there. Never mind that most of the things listed are all very feminine, but fixing that would have required Lewis to actually have women in his writing club.

Anyway, I was working out a backstory of Susan realizing she had lost the bigger picture...

Susan closed the door behind her and pulled off her shoes. "Alice, I'm back," she called to her roommate.

Alice walked into the sitting room. "Welcome back," she said with a smile. "How was the gala?"

Susan smiled her usual smile. "It was wonderful," she said, privately thinking it was anything but. The fundraiser was for a political party, the food was dry, and her date was the worst sort of man. But the gathering was high society, and if she was going to live in this world she would have to endure it. So she carried on.

"How was dinner with James?" Susan said, deflecting the conversation away from her.

"It was..." Alice trailed off, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. She took a shaky breath and continued. "James intends to marry me."

Susan smiled, a genuine smile this time. "That's great, Alice!" she said.

Alice glanced away. "Yes, it is," she said, not quite convinced.

Susan's face fell. This was getting uncomfortable. "Did he propose?"

"No," Alice said, still not meeting Susan's gaze. "He... He is going to ask my father soon." She held her arms in front of her, shrinking back into the corner she was standing in.

And that was enough for Susan. "That's wonderful news, Alice," she said quickly, moving towards her room. "I'm very happy for you." Without waiting for a response she ducked into her room and shut the door.

She took a deep breath to calm herself. Part of her felt guilty for leaving her roommate when something was so obviously wrong, but she was done. She'd held her mask in place all evening among the "best" of society, and she had nothing left for Alice. Right now she didn't want to feel anything. Not the ache in her feet from those infernal shoes, not the soreness in her wrist from where the "gentleman" had gripped a little too tightly, and definitely not the prodding of her conscience for leaving Alice--

Something outside the building roared.

Susan blinked. For a brief moment she forgot that it was all a pretend fantasy for her less-sophisticated siblings. She ran to the window, fully expecting to see a lion.

A large truck sputtered past her building, the vibrations from the engine reverberating through the building.

She sighed at her stupidity. Was she honestly expecting to see... Him? Of course it was a truck. Narnia wasn't real.

Of course, neither was the life she was leading, if she was honest. An endless chain of parties and galas and events, and to what end? Hopefully finding a husband with the means to provide for her and not trap her like James was threatening to do to Alice...

Susan bit her lip. She tried to rationalize it, but there was nothing for it. She had to go back in there and at least try to comfort Alice. Hopefully she would forgive Susan for the cracks in her mask, or for leaving the room in the first place.

She pulled off her earrings and took a deep breath.

It was a few days later when Alice came back to the apartment favoring her left arm.

"Are you okay?" Susan asked, concerned.

Alice nodded slowly, not taking her hand off her arm.

Susan wasn't convinced. "Let me see," she said, gently placing a hand over hers.

Alice let her hand be moved. Susan pulled up her sleeve. Her arm wasn't bruised, but there was a bit of red.

"He's got a good grip, does he," Susan said.

Alice smiled weakly. "He's a spirited man," she said with false cheer. "He was in a hurry, and I was slowing him down..."

Susan narrowed her eyes. "Do you often slow him down?"

Alice looked away.

Susan nodded and walked briskly back to her room. Alice looked after her to see her pulling on a pair of nylons. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Do you love him?" Susan said, still preparing to go out.

"I... pardon?"

"From what you've told me, he sounds like a brute, a menace, and frightfully boring. Not counting the many, many comments his colleagues have made concerning his 'spiritedness.'" Susan fixed Alice with a stare. "Do you honestly want to marry him?"

"Susan, I..." She shook her head. "Of course I do!"

Susan moved and knelt before her. "Alice," she said quietly, "if you, in your heart of hearts, want to spend the rest of your life with this man, I will not stand in your way. But, if you do not, I will ensure he never comes near you again."

"How?" Alice breathed, and Susan could hear the wild hope behind it.

Susan smiled. "One would be amazed at the things men will say within earshot of a 'stupid bird,'" she said cryptically.

"Mister Stanley," Susan said with a curtsy and a smile, "it's good to see you."

Mr. Stanley bowed back. "An honor to see you again as well, Miss Pevensie. How is the telephone business?"

"Positively electric," she answered with only the barest hint of irony.

He allowed himself a chuckle, then stepped closer. "As I've not had the opportunity to speak to you," he said quietly, "my condolences for your loss."

Susan blinked. "Thank you, Roger."

Roger smiled sadly. "If there is any way I can be of assistance, please don't hesitate to contact me."

Susan's socialite smile returned, "Actually, Mr. Stanley, are you familiar with Mister Cooper?"

"James Cooper?" Roger's face darkened. "I am familiar, yes."

"He intends to marry Mister Wigham's daughter."

Roger scanned the room. "Miss Pevensie," he said, all business, "I believe it is high time I introduced you to Mister Wigham." He led her to another corner of the ballroom. "I believe he will find our conversation most illuminating."

That whole chapter would have ended with her coming to the lighthouse, finding Aslan, and the two of them having a nice long conversation.

Isn't that a little sacrilegious?

You already know I'm working out some religious trauma here.

Anyway, back with the Mane 6, we come to Rarity, who...

...yeah, I got nothing.

What?

Yeah. I thought the pony that would give me the most trouble with a Crowning Moment of Awesome would have been you, Pinkie; but once the pieces fit together it worked so well. The formula I work from is an intersection between (a) the pony's special talent, (b) the pony's Element of Harmony, and (c) something that pushes their innate magic beyond its limit.

Twilight had magic, friendship, and was correcting an imbalance in Equestria's deep magic. You had parties, laughter, and jumped into an in-flight time machine. Rainbow had flight, loyalty, and broke through the barrier between worlds to rescue a friend. Applejack had growth, honesty, and brought a dying planet back from the brink. Fluttershy... is last.

So what's at the intersection of gem finding or dress making and generosity that would push Rarity beyond her limits? I know it would involve giving of herself, but I hadn't figured out what that scenario would be.

So, can we just assume it happens?

It's not very satisfying.

It's really not. Reason number fifteen I'm giving up on the series.

Right...

I'm sorry, Pinkie.

Well, what if she was in space? Like in Star Trek or something! And there's a thing about to happen that's going to kill a bunch of people and Rarity helps get everyone out at the last minute but at the cost of her own life?

...Isn't that Sunset's moment from Star Trek: Phoenix?

You gotta admit, it fits.

It's as contrived as anything else, so yeah, it fits.

GENEROSITY has joined the party!

Which brings us to Fluttershy. Second half of the season, she's kept looking over her shoulder or off to the side and shaking her head, sometimes saying "not yet." And she's started looking a little more scared as time has gone on, especially after Rarity ascends.

She knows she's next?

And not just because of the pattern. At one point she and I have a conversation, I mention she was my favorite the first time I saw y'all's show and how amazing she is when she's scared but "does the thing" anyway.

And finally she talks to Discord. And asks him about Celestia and Luna before they were alicorns. How much did it change them? Did it hurt?

And Discord reminisces fondly before saying that they didn't change, not all that much. It just made them more "them," made them better versions of themselves. And even though they had to turn him to stone that one time, he honestly had it coming and wouldn't have expected anything else from them.

And with that, Fluttershy turns to an empty corner and just says, "I'm ready."

And she's gone.

Cutie mark on the floor?

Nope, just gone. And Discord just has the sense of some incredibly powerful being that stepped in, he tastes the chaos that's coming, and he just starts cackling, howling with laugher, and mutters, "Well, this is going to be fun..."

We cut to Gallifrey. A Dalek is advancing on a Gallifreyan. Fluttershy steps in between the two, calmly.

And the Dalek doesn't fire.

And a Gallifreyan soldier storms in.

And Fluttershy steps in between him and the Dalek.

And the Gallifreyan shoots her. We see the Dalek shoot the soldier, and it and the first Gallifreyan run off, gently disturbing a pattern of butterflies in the floor.

That feels contrived.

It's absolutely contrived. Fluttershy gets to the astral plane and meets Bad Wolf. We find out she's been seeing Bad Wolf for months now, just out the corner of her eye, waiting for her to be ready.

And now she is. And she's joined by the other five of you.

KINDNESS has joined the party!

And the six of you are on the surface of Gallifrey, in the desert outside the shack where the Doctors are debating. And with you are the dragon riders, Sci-Twi and Sunset in their fully ascended forms, Super Sonic, Super Shadow, Super Silver, and a bunch of other people you've met in your travels.

Summon the Avengers moment?

Absolutely. Hell, let's throw the Avengers in there for good measure. Inside, we finally get to what the Doctors are discussing:

“That’s quite enough!” one Doctor—the first Doctor—yelled into the din. He looked older than the rest, with grey hair and a cane.

“Now, as I see it,” the first Doctor continued, “there are, at most, five of us qualified to make this decision.” He pointed to one of the younger Doctors, this one with a mop of curly hair. “You there, number eight?” Eight nodded. “What do you know of this ‘Time War’?”

Eight glanced around furtively. “Nothing,” he said. He sighed and continued. “There have been rumors, some tremors in the time stream, but nothing... nothing solid.”

One nodded curtly. “Then you, like us, cannot make this decision. Which leaves you four. Number nine?”

The most simply dressed Doctor, with a close-cut haircut and a leather jacket, looked up, his hand still hovering over the button.

“For the benefit of those of us who were too busy talking to listen,” One said, glaring at a few of the Doctors, “can you elaborate for us: why?”

Nine’s eyes narrowed, drawing his face into a menacing glower. “Do you know how many worlds have been destroyed so far? How many times a world was wiped of all life for the sake of ridding the universe of just a few more Daleks? How often a planet is deemed an ‘acceptable loss’?” He turned to Eight, and his glare softened. “I regenerated twelve hours ago. When Arcadia fell, you took a laser headed for a child.”

Eight gave a wan smile. “Sounds like Daleks.”

Nine’s glare returned. “A Gallefreyan laser. Fired by a soldier trained to see monsters around any corner and civilian casualties as a necessary evil.”

“So it’s vengeance you’re after?” one of the other Doctors said.

“Wouldn’t that be enough?” Nine yelled. “Wouldn’t it be enough to have the two parties in the war suffer it for eternity? But that’s not why.” He turned to One. “Why, you asked? Because as we speak, the high council of the Time Lords are voting to enact the Final Sanction. Rip apart the time vortex, destroy all life in this universe—“ He pointed at Sonic, Tails, and Clara back at the TARDISes. “And probably several others!”

"And there's no other options?" One prodded.

"Show them to me!" Nine bellowed, his voice cracking. "Show me that I don't have to do this!"

One turned to the Doctor Sonic and Tails had come with. "Number ten? Are there any other options?"

Ten took a shuddering breath. "The high council chambers are too well-guarded. Already in its own de-synchronized time bubble, shielded ten times over for a TARDIS. And they wouldn't use one device for the Final Sanction; it would be the entire council of living, breathing Time Lords in harmonic resonance with the chambers themselves..." He looked at One. "Anything that could destroy the chambers and stop the process would inevitably destroy Gallifrey itself."

"What about evacuation?" one Doctor—with curly hair and a comically long scarf—said.

"Yes!" Ten pointed at him. "Except with all twelve of us completely loading our TARDISes with passengers, that leaves all of us sitting ducks for any Dalek with a thirst for extermination. Any fewer, and we don't have room. Or time to load enough people."

"But if all of us," the eleventh Doctor chimed in, "all of us could evacuate everyone?"

"No," Ten said. "Not everyone, not even then. And did you miss the part about 'sitting ducks'?"

"Then we ask for help."

Nearly all the Doctors protested at this, but Eleven raised his hand and they fell silent.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I understand why we shouldn't. The danger is too great to dare involve anyone else. But if I have been taught one thing in my time as the Doctor, then it was this: if help is needed, we need only ask."

"And how do you propose we get them here?" Ten said.

Eleven shrugged. "I assume that whatever benevolent force allowed all of us to get here—crossing our own time streams into the middle of a time-locked war—would be capable of summoning a few more?"

"What's the point, though?" Nine said, his voice weak. "What good would it to?"

"I'll tell you," The tall, older Doctor with the eyebrows—number twelve—said. He made eye contact with Ten. "We can't save everyone, but we can save someone."

Ten's jaw dropped. "That face."

"Exactly," Twelve said. He turned to the rest. "There was a time, we went with a friend to Pompeii. On Volcano Day, in fact. A fixed point, that we cannot change no matter how much we want. No matter how much we want to save everyone. And we told her as much. And she said, 'Just someone. Not the whole town, just save someone.'"

Ten smiled sadly. "Oh, Donna."

There was a knock at the door to the barn.

The Doctors all looked at each other before Nine abandoned the button and ran over to the door. Sonic, Tails and Clara weren't at a good angle to see out the door, but they heard a slightly nasally voice answer, "You asked for an army?"

Nine turned back to the other Doctors, a genuine smile on his face. "Well?"

And there we have it. The army of friendship covering the twelve doctors as they get as many people that want to leave Gallifrey out as they can. We get a few moments of different characters having their own moments, making sure the Doctors are protected.

But for the Mane 6, they go straight to the High Council chambers. I don't know exactly how it works, but together, the six of you in Harmony, keep the timeline from unraveling.

The Doctors get out, the army goes home, and we cut to Twelve at the lighthouse wondering out loud whether he really will go back and hit the button.

The Caretaker hears this and walks up to him. And describes, in vivid detail, exactly what would happen should the High Council plans succeed.

The Doctor asks him, not a little sarcastically, how he could possibly know that.

And the Caretaker looks the Doctor straight in the eye and tells him to guess.

And the Doctor realizes... that the Caretaker is from another timeline. One where he didn't press the button. And the thought chills him to his core, enough to drive him back to his TARDIS and go back to the war...

Twelve stumbled out of his TARDIS, the golden regeneration energy dancing in the veins of his hands.

"It's me," he said to the empty room as he walked up to The Moment and its big red button. "It was always going to be me."

He rested his hands on the sides of the box and stared down at the button. "It has been fun," he muttered, "being The Doctor."

A pair of smaller, less calloused hands, came to rest on top of his.

"And why should it stop now?"

The Doctor's head shot up, and he stared straight into the face of–

"Bad Wolf?"

She smirked. "Doctor," she said, her tongue poking out of her mouth, "when they say 'by any other name,' I was hoping for something a little..." She blinked and licked her lips. "Sweeter."

The Doctor didn't budge. "I'm dying, Rose."

She smiled. "Are you."

He winced. "Don't be daft." He looked down at his faintly glowing hands. "I don't have enough regeneration energy. Just enough to–augh!" He held his side and groaned in pain. "Just enough to stop my hearts. Maybe heal my spleen if I'm lucky." He glared at Rose. "This is your fault, you know."

"Mine?" Rose said, her cheeky grin never faltering.

"Yes, yours!" Twelve yelled, thrusting his finger in her face and pacing the room. "You and Cassanova's fixation and that stupid Dalek and 'oh I like this face so much why don't I make a copy of it?'"

"Oh, be nice to Ten," Rose chided, still smiling.

Twelve smiled sadly. "It's good to see you, Rose," he said softly. "Even if it isn't actually you." He stared at the button, deliberately not looking at her. "So, we're agreed? We've evacuated all the noncombatants, all the soldiers that lost faith..." He rested a hand on the button. "Put what's left of the war in a time lock. Nothing gets in or out. The Daleks can't build a Reality Bomb; the Time Lords can't initiate the Final Sanction."

"This is your decision?"

The Doctor gripped the button. "Let them burn in their own stupidity," he hissed before pressing the button down and collapsing to the ground.

The ground shook. Explosions echoed over the sands. A golden light filled the shack.

The Doctor closed his eyes and smiled faintly. "I saw this," he said. "In the untempered schism. I saw what I did and I ran. And I've been running from it for over a thousand years."

He felt Rose–the Bad Wolf!–take his hand. "What will you do now?"

He chuckled. "Barcelona, right? Never got to take you there." He took a labored breath. "Or I could curate a museum somewhere."

"He lived a long life."

Twelve opened his eyes to see Rose staring at him, still smiling, but sadder this time.

"I called him Tentwo sometimes, you know. Never to his face, of course. But he was brilliant. Not nearly as brilliant as you, but brilliant enough to still be... you. You enough."

"Rose," the Doctor breathed.

"And then, at the end, I... grew. I remembered. I became what I've always been."

"My Rose," the Doctor said, lifting his hands to cradle her face. She leaned into his touch...

Then she took both hands, grabbed him by the shirt, and lifted him off the ground.

"I am Rose. I am the Bad Wolf. And I am the Moment."

Her eyes and hands glowed dangerously as the Doctor weakly tried to break her grip.

"And I will not let you escape your consequence that easily, Doctor."

The Doctor glared defiantly at her. "What would you have me do?"

Rose smiled. It was not a kind smile. "Remember, all those years ago when you activated me?" She turned, putting the Doctor between herself and the TARDIS. "When you said you had no intention of surviving this?"

The Doctor's eyes widened.

Rose smirked. "That's your consequence: you live."

Golden energy flowed into the Doctor where Rose gripped him, mixing with the regeneration energy already just under the surface. With a final blast she threw him straight back, through the doors of the TARDIS and onto the floor of the control room.

She glanced up at the TARDIS' light. "Take care of him, Old Girl," she said with a smile and snapped her fingers.

The TARDIS doors swung shut and, with its trademark groan, the TARDIS phased out of existence in a swirl of gold.

Now, to be fair, I wrote that sketch before they retconned The Doctor to have unlimited regenerations, and I wanted a clever explanation for Thirteen being a woman. Shrug.

And from there...

Ronyo closed his laptop. "That's pretty much it."

Pinkie nodded. She drained the last of her latte and tossed the cup behind her. Ronyo watched it fall far short of the garbage can, but it bounced higher than an empty paper cup had any right to and landed in the can.

She leaned forward, her hands resting on the table, folded. "So what happens next?"

Ronyo leaned back. He glanced off to the side, trying a few different trains of thought. Eventually he sighed and looked back at Pinkie with a smile.

"And they all lived happily ever after."

Pinkie smiled. "Good," she said, before her smile fell a bit. "But I was asking about us."

Ronyo smirked. "I think I know how to bring you over." He leaned forward. "How do you feel about being an elemental?"

Pinkie cocked her head and returned the smirk. "Depends on what the element is."

"Laughter. What else would it be?"

Pinkie nodded. "And the others?"

"The others aren't fourth-wall aware like you are," Ronyo said. "But I think you'll recognize them."

He looked down at the table. "I know I said it before, but y'all have inspired me so much. And more than ever..." He made a fist and let it fall onto the table.

"Love," he said with a hitch in his voice. "Care for others. Treating people—of all shapes and kinds—like people. It's not all we need, but everything follows from it."

He looked back up at Pinkie. "Help me tell that story?"

Pinkie smiled. "Finish this one first."

Ronyo looked confused. "I thought I—"

"Say it again," she said with a sad smile. "Say it, save the file, and post it." She swallowed and blinked back a couple of tears. "Then I'll see you on the other side."

"You will," Ronyo promised. "I've already got half the scene written."

"You better," Pinkie said.

Ronyo nodded. "See you on the other side."

The two princesses of Equestria retired. Temporarily.

A rotation was set up between the nine princesses of Equestria and the Crystal Empire. The days of a thousand year reign of a single monarch were over. Nopony ruled alone. Nopony ruled forever.

Sonic and Twilight kept their fierce friendship. They ended up avoiding a romantic entanglement, too important to their respective worlds to be significant in the others'. But they met frequently, trading stories and books for many years.

Twilight of Canterlot High looked at an eternity of shepherding magic in her world and promptly panicked. Sunset was there to calm her, and promised to be there for the eternity after. When others asked what they were to each other, they simply said "friends" and decided not to decide anything else. At least not yet.

The Doctor had many other adventures, but those are chronicled elsewhere.

Susan Pevensie attended the battle of Gallifrey, joined by her three siblings. They kicked an appropriate amount of ass and retreated to Aslan's country right after, reunited again.

There were many other adventures, as a world of infinite adventures has no end. But for these, one thing is known for sure:

They all lived happily ever after.

Author's Note

Thanks for taking this ride with me. And thanks for all the stories, FIMfiction. Y'all helped remind me how much fun writing could be.

The other side (or at least some of it) is on AO3.

6e: Key Lime Pinkie Pie

Pinkie did her level best to say hello to everycreature at the party, and everycreature said hello back. A few tried to bow, but they found themselves blocked by a wing, a hoof, a solid block of pink magic, or—in Spark Plug's case—a key lime pie.

He lifted his head up and attempted to lick what he could off his face. "I'm not complaining," he said.

"Good," Pinkie said with an embellished scowl, "because there's more where that came from, Buster."

Spark eventually gave up and magic-ed the rest of it off. "And from Publix too," he muttered before holding his hoof out to her. "Proud of you, Pinks."

Pinkie returned the hoof bump. "You didn't...?" she asked, gesturing to him.

Spark grinned. "You just gestured to a—MMPH"

Pinkie silenced him with another pie to the face.

Spark blinked, then shook his head to try to shake the new pie off.

"Like I said," Pinkie said with a grin. She leaned in close and whispered, "But seriously, still disguised?"

"Yeah," Spark said, "I just... still need to figure myself out."

"And that's okay," Pinkie whispered before leaning back. "Got a plan?" she said at a more normal volume.

Spark Plug shrugged. "Probably gonna play some Animal Crossing."

"Good idea! Send me a postcard when you get your airport."

"I will! Hey, do y'all show up as ponies there, or does it depend?"

Pinkie visibly pondered for a moment.

"I don't think you know yet," she finally said.

Spark sighed. "Yeah, I think you're right..."

They stared at each other for a couple of seconds.

Pinkie smirked. "You don't know how to end the episode, do you?"

Spark rubbed the back of his head. "Not really, n—"