Sometimes, you just suck. Period.
It was a cold, hard truth that Princess Cadance, after years of mediocrity, begrudgingly accepted. To preserve what remained of her confidence, the alicorn needed to walk away.
Walk away from trying to become a semi-professional writer, that is, and stick to things she is skilled in. Such as being a benevolent princess or promoting love.
“Ugh, there’s no way this would sell. Flurry Heart could write more engaging characters and better descriptions,” Cadance moaned on her crystal throne as she overlooked her most recent manuscript. She blew a dejected sigh and floated it into a trash can beside her throne, where it joined its friends of past rejects. “I give up. From now on, I will only write for fun.”
A guard poked his head through the throne room’s doors. “Princess Cadance, Starlight Glimmer wants to talk to you. She said it's urgent.”
“It is?”
“Yes. She is even out of breath from running here.”
“Let her in.”
The guard delivered a courtesy bow of his head and backed out of the room. Cadance gazed at her trash can; the urge to not quit on learning to write semi-professionally burned in her chest. It does that. However, reconsidering her choice would have to wait its turn.
Starlight Glimmer, coated in fresh bruises, stumbled into the throne room and collapsed to the floor, gasping for sweet, sweet air.
“Starlight, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Would you like some water or a doctor?”
Starlight raised her hoof in assurance. “I’m good…just give me a second…how did I forget that I can teleport…at least Twilight forgot too–oh right, Twilight!” The unicorn forced herself to stand, seemingly rejuvenated. “Princess Cadance, Twilight read your last letter, and she is boiling mad over how you told Flash Sentry to get over his crush on her!”
“She is?” Cadance laid a hoof on her cheek. Part of Twilight’s previous letter suddenly made more sense. “So that was why she asked about him in her letter. I thought she was over her crush on him.”
“Not even close!” Starlight massaged her back; one of her eyelids sagged as she grimaced. “Ow. I should have waited to jump out of the Friendship Express’s windows until it had stopped, or just flown off the train with my magic. B-but never mind that; you gotta hide before Twilight gets here, or you are dead, dead, dead!”
Cadance chuckled. Surely she wasn’t in actual danger of being punched to the moon. “I know she possesses a bad temper, but it’s not as if I destroyed her favorite books. I’m sure we can talk this matter over like grown mares–”
“CADANCE!! CADANCE!! WHERE ARE YOU?!” a female voice roared from outside the castle.
So much for the idea that Cadance wasn’t in actual danger. She blinked twice, then a lump rolled down her throat. The Princess’s horn glowed turquoise and her throne room’s door closed in the same-colored magic. “On second thought, where should I hide? This is one of the first places she'd look.”
“Try your room!”
“No, that’s one of the second places she’ll look, but I could cast a cloaking spell on myself! That way, I won’t have to hide!”
“Cloaking spells won’t work! She’s expecting them and already cast an anti-cloaking spell over the Crystal Empire!” Starlight surveyed the room for a way, any way, to save Cadance. She spotted a stained glass window in Flurry Heart’s image high on the wall, and smiled. “Where’s Flurry Heart? Twilight won’t hurt you if she’s in the cross–”
The closed door slammed open, its echo heard as far away as Canterlot. A scowling, growling, teeth-gritting Twilight Sparkle stomped inside. Her wings flared upward, strong and erect.
“Uh-oh.” Starlight jumped in front of Twilight and asked, “Uh, Twi? How about we–”
“No.” Twilight shoved Starlight out of the way. Her sharp, fury-oozing eyes locked onto her former foalsitter. “You.”
Cadance emitted a nerve-filled giggle, and she “tiphoofed” to Twilight with drooping ears. She started hopping and meekly chanted, “Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake?”
Twilight reached out her forehooves. She and Cadance clapped hooves as they chanted together, “Clap your hooves–”
“And give you a big shake!” Twilight seized Cadance in her magical telekinesis and shook her, nearly shaking the pink alicorn’s wings off. “How could you, Cadance?!”
Starlight broke Twilight’s grip, pulled her away, and again jumped between the two Princesses. ”Did I ever tell you–”
“Yes.” Twilight tossed the peacemaking-failing unicorn to the side with her magic, painlessly. She clutched Cadance in magic again and asked, “As for you, why did you tell Flash Sentry to get over me?!”
Paralyzed in the younger alicorn’s magic, Cadance grinned as submissively as possible. If there was a time to choose her words carefully, well, this wasn’t the time to practice, so she would have to wing it. “W-well, you’re a pony that goes after what she wants. Since you never attempted any moves on him or requested my assistance, I thought you were over him when he talked about asking you out a few months ago.”
“But why didn’t you just–”
“She’s in there, Captain,” a male voice from outside the room said. “I’m sorry we haven’t already intervened, but with Princess Twilight that mad–”
“No, you were wise to not risk provoking her. Besides, she is my little sister, so I should be the one to deal with her.”
A white unicorn stallion trotted through the door. “Twilight, why in the hay were you screeching Cadance’s name and scar–I mean, ‘alerting’ the guards?”
Starlight answered, “Long story short: Twilight is furious at Princess Cadance for killing her shot to date one of your guards that she has a crush on.”
“She is? Huh, here I thought she wasincapable of crushes to my relief.”
“Well, Shining, she is as capable as any mare,” Cadance answered. “Since you’re here, could you do something, please?”
“Yes, and that’s why I’m here.” He strode to Twilight, his steps shouting confidence. “Okay, listen to your big brother, Twily–”
Twily released her grip on Cadance and whirled around to glare at Shining. Her scowl, piercing eyes, and spread wings drilled through the wall of Shining’s elder brother's authority, provoking her brother’s ears to sag.
“Understandable, have a nice day.”
His dignity dead from instantly submitting to his little sister, Shining slunk out of the door. Admittedly, selecting the “run away” option was smart, but he could have offered some resistance!
“My hero,” Cadance said, her eyes rolling in sarcasm.
‘THAT is the brave Captain of the Royal Guards?!' Starlight thought. ’At least Twilight had to literally throw me out of her way!’
“Now, where was I? Oh right. Cadance, you have more explaining to do!”
An amber unicorn, wearing a green robe, peeked his head into the room. “Princess Cadance? Flurry’s out of mashed peas, so could–”
Starlight yanked the unicorn inside with her magic. “Sunburst, I know you might be clueless on what to say, but I’m desperate! You gotta help us calm down Twilight!”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, tell him how Cadance ruined my chances with Flash Sentry by telling him to not ask me out! I’ve had a crush on him since the day we met!”
“Uh, okay, so why didn’t you ask him out?”
“Well…” Twilight's scowl waned; her stiff, combat-ready wings grew limp. She fidgeted her hooves as her rage went on a lunch break. “I wanted to, but I was too afraid Flash might reject me. I didn’t consider myself that cute a mare either.” A scowl flared over her eyes once again; her rage elected to resume work early. “I was finally going to ask, but before I could, Cadance told him I no longer held feelings for him, and now he lost the feelings he had for me. He’s the second Flash that would have dated me if nopony had talked them out of it!”
“Uh, the ‘second’ Flash?” Sunburst asked, his head puzzlingly tilting to the side.
Starlight explained, “That weird ‘human’ world I told you about has a Flash Sentry whom she had a thing for too. She tried to ask him out last week, but he turned her down. Apparently, his ex-girlfriend, Sunset Shimmer, warned him that an interdimensional relationship might not be sustainable.”
“Okay, but if you had asked out our world’s Flash sooner, couldn’t you have gotten him before Princess Cadance had a chance to interfere?”
Twilight’s eyes widened. Raw realization forced rage off its shift. “I…guess I could have.”
“See?” Sunburst approached Twilight, bearing soothing, understanding eyes underneath his glasses. “I understand that you are hurt, angry, and might even feel betrayed by Princess Cadance. But is it really fair to pin all of the blame on her because you were too shy to take the initiative sooner?”
“I…no, it’s not.” The lavender alicorn hung her head in shame and acceptance. “Cadance, I’m sorry. It’s myown fault that I’m too late, again. I just hadn’t experienced this type of heartbreak, but now I felt it back-to-back in a single week. It overwhelmed me.”
With a warm smile, Cadance set a gentle wing on Twilight’s cheek. A gesture she often performed to cheer up the smaller pony back when she foalsat her. “It’s okay. You are a strong pony, so you’ll bounce back from this stronger than ever.” She moved her wing off Twilight’s cheek. “Plus, the reason I advised Flash to not ask you out was to spare you the agony of turning down somepony. I’ve had to do it to a few ponies, and it felt horrible.”
“You did?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, sadly.” Cadance lifted a hoof over her chest and closed her eyes. “I can still see their hopeful faces sinking into disappointment. They didn’t deserve it, and I despised myself for breaking their hearts.” She opened her eyes, a tad moister in the corners than before. “The pain of rejection can be devastating, but the guilt of rejecting a pony can be just as agonizing.”
“And you’ll find a very special somepony someday.” Starlight rested a reassuring hoof on Twilight's back. “Now that I think of it, what do you like about Flash? The Equestrian Flash that is?”
“What do I like?” Twilight rolled her pupils upward in deep thought. “Um, he’s cute, so cute. He helped me up when we bumped into each other and joked about us ‘needing to stop bumping into each other’, so he can be polite and funny too.”
“What else?” Starlight asked.
“He, uh, that is…uh…”
“Does he share any of your interests?”
“I…have no idea.” Twilight pawed the floor with a hoof. “I never asked him what he likes to do or about his habits.”
Sunburst chimed in, “And between us, from what I’ve seen of Flash, he’s nice but mostly boring. I’m not a romance expert byany means, but you can do better.”
Twilight’s eyes soured and she said, “For the record, I hate the notion of others not being worthy of me. But, I did read that ponies entering relationships without really knowing each other is one of the reasons they can fail. Uh, you did say Flash is boring, right?”
“Yes, very boring. You’re better off dating me or Starlight,” he answered, then thought, ‘Preferably both of us. Anything to get my mom to stop trying to plan my life out!’
“I see. Then I suppose it was for the best that Cad–”
Another guard, an orange pegasus, poked his head into the room. “Princess Cadance, my shift is nearly over. Is there anything you would like me to do before I go read to sick foals at the hospital?”
“Wait, you read to sick foals at hospitals, Flash?” Twilight asked. “I do that sometimes at Ponyville’s hospital!”
He nodded. “Yes. I do it once every week–”
“Uh, n-no, you have no other tasks,” Cadance quickly spoke. “You may leave before you get me killed.”
“Okay. Oh, I forgot your books on magic that you loaned me, but I promise I’ll bring them tomorrow. I’ll make sure to not forget to write it on one of my three daily checklists.”
Twilight gasped. “You’re interested in magic and write multiple daily checklists?”
Starlight groaned, voice stuffed with agony. To no one in particular but the heavens, she whined, “Whyyyyy?!”
“Yep. Sometimes I even wish I was born a unicorn, so I could have tried to enroll in Princess Celestia’s school. At least pegasi can still read about magic, but I wish I knew a pony that can read books for hours like I can. Anyway, I will head to the hospital. The foals are excited to learn about Gusty the Great!”
Flash turned around and walked off. ‘Oh Celestia did I dodge a spear by not asking out Princess Twilight. No way could I handle a mare with such a terrifying temper, no matter how hot she is when calm.’
As if time went on vacation, Twilight gawked toward the doorway, yet her shot eyes were vacant. Her eyelids twitched. “He isn’t boring…he is perfect…”
Sunburst mumbled, “Nope,” under his breath, and hurried out of the room. Starlight backed up against a wall and covered her eyes.
Knowing only one course of action was feasible, Cadance let out a deep, sharp sigh. She pulled out a blindfold she hid in case of “blindfold emergencies” (Pinkie Pie’s idea) and tied it over her eyes.
“Twilight, let’s get this over with. I’m not blameless for how you lost out on your perfect stallion.”
“Only because you said I can.” The heartbroken twice-over mare pounced toward Cadance, her hooves poised to utilize the Princess of Love for a heavy round of target practice.
It was a small funeral. Surprisingly small in fact.
Only Shining Armor, his parents Nightlight and Twilight Velvet, Spike, the five alicorn Princesses, a few of the highest-ranking Royal Guards, and a funeral officiant – a yellow unicorn mare – stood present. One of Cadance’s eyes was blackened and swollen. She rubbed her sore, tender flank caused by her impact on the moon’s surface when she was punched into the celestial object. It wasn't easy to retrieve her, though.
It turns out alicorns are extraordinarily durable, but fly very far when punched. It was a magnificent sight to see one spinning end over end through the air like a pink living meteor.
The yellow unicorn strode to a podium and said, “Now, we have all gathered here today to celebrate the life of Prince Shining Armor’s dignity.”
Author's Note
The funny thing is, we know next to nothing about the pony Flash Sentry. For all we know, he could be a male Twilight and perfect for her. I know, not very likely, but If it's true, sorry/not sorry shippers of Twilight with other characters and/or their OC/self insert. 
Lastly, RIP Shining Armor's dignity.
