How To Kill A God

by DraconequusInLove

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Pokémon, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Violence, Crossover, Death, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 3914

Two pokemon try to kill Equestria's gods and get sentenced to reformation.

Discord and Moondazzle, two Mega Evolved pokemon, find their way into Equestria. They're both famous for killing gods, and now have their sights set on Twilight Sparkle. However, it seems Twilight will be a harder kill than they're used to, and to make things worse they've been sentenced to reformation at the School of Friendship.

Violence and profanity just in case this gets out of hand. Death because the story has a killing theme.

Published 2022-09-16 00:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-09-16 00:10:00 UTC

Introducing Us...

Two pokemon glared at each other across the ruined field. The sky was full of colorful bolts of lightning, black clouds covered the two suns, and both pokemon and humans were running around, screaming as they tried to escape the imminent doom the death of their god would bring.

But the two rivals didn't care about this. They only wanted to kill each other. One was a shiny Mega Gardevoir, the other a Mega Ampharos. Raising her arm, the Gardevoir, Moondazzle, created a blast of pink energy that fired at the other pokemon.

Discord the Ampharos blocked with her own streak of electricity, then built up her mana reserves for a powerful attack.

Noticing the trick, Moondazzle created her most powerful attack, hoping to wipe out the Ampharos before she could get in the buffed spell. She fired it off just as Discord managed to get her flare of electricity in, the two super powerful attacks colliding.

As the blast collided with the flare a massive explosion and a flash of light occurred, ripping a hole in space and sucking both pokemon in towards another world...

"Ugh... where am I?" Discord asked, slowly sitting up. Her eyes blinked open and she saw that she was in a large hall. Stained-glass windows adorned the walls and a throne was sitting upon a dais at one end. And to her horror, she wasn't alone. Another pokemon was laying beside her. One who she hated more than anything in the world.

"You!" Discord accused. "You got us stranded here!"

The Gardevoir stretched and yawned. "I did nothing of the sort, Discord," Moondazzle replied, standing up and doing a few stretches, pops of pink energy coming off her as she woke up her magical capabilities.

Discord growled and rose up on her tippy-toes, trying to see eye-to-eye with the taller pokemon. "You blasted bastard! You're the one who tried to kill my god!"

Suddenly, the door at the end of the hallway flew open and a dragon with purple and green scales came in, carrying a stack of scrolls. He stopped short when he saw the two pokemon, dropping the scrolls and turning around. "Uh, Twilight? There's something in here you better come see."

Discord and Moondazzle exchanged glances. Then the sound of hoofsteps alerted them to an alicorn entering the room. "What kinda pokemon is that? Some Mega Rapidash?" Discord laughed.

"Yeah, if it rolled around in glitter and sprinkles!" Moondazzle added, and they both broke into laughter at the princess's expense.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Spike, is this another of Rainbow Dash's pranks?" She asked her assistant.

"Not that I know of, Twilight. Rainbow is in Cloudsdale, rehearsing for an upcoming Wonderbolts show, remember?"

"So then that means... Guards! Put the castle into lockdown. We have intruders in our midst!"

Discord and Moondazzle once again looked to each other, but this time it wasn't about a shared joke. They both were daring the other to get in their business and slay their god.

Author's Note

I wonder how Discord would react to another creature named Discord. Discord is pretty powerful, I wonder if Discord could fight Discord? Who would win?

What.

The two pokemon stood back to back as royal guards surrounded them, the intimidating armor flashing in the sunlight. The two knew enough about each other's fighting styles to be able to fight together, but both knew that would only work if they were willing. Neither was willing.

Moondazzle began with a blast of rose pink light that struck several guards and caused burns everywhere it touched them. Discord electrified her fist and punched a guard, knocking them out. The two continued to fight, sending blasts of powerful energy all over the room. They all made their mark and all knocked out a guard. Maybe two.

But before the fight could get too wild and cause permanent damage to the surrounding throne room, Twilight surrounded the pokemon in a bubble of energy. They fought against it, but the alicorn's magic was powerful enough to hold them for a few seconds, just long enough for reinforcements to be summoned.

"Coward! Fight me like a true god!" Discord yelled from inside the circle of guards, spears pointed at her and shields raised.

"Are you forgetting about me?" Moondazzle scoffed. "I am a god-slayer as well."

"You don't count, you backwater science geek."

Moondazzle growled. "Like you're any better, assassin for hire. Or should I say, plumber? You do an equally good job at both."

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? Oh wait, you're broke. While I have a couple million. I guess it's what plumbing gets you."

"ENOUGH!" Twilight shouted in the royal Canterlot voice. "Would either of you like to tell me, without any insults, what you are doing here?" She rose above the guards and glared at the two pokemon.

"You tell her, since it was your bright idea to get involved with my god slaying." Discord muttered.

"Fine," Moondazzle agreed. "Even though you were about to be killed and have your spirit absorbed." She added in a whisper. "Twilight, my friend. We are simply travelers who just happened to stop by-"

The pony princess raised a hoof to stop her. "That does not explain what you are doing in the royal palace, or even what you are."

Discord smirked at Moondazzle. "Why don't I try. My name is Discord, and-"

"Waitwaitwait." This time it was Spike who interrupted, hovering next to Twilight. "Your name is Discord? As in Discord Discord?"

"Uh, yes. He was a powerful god in mythology."

"That's not important right now," Twilight hissed. "Now, Discord, would you please tell me what you are doing here inside my castle?"

"We got pulled here from another world. Some crazy magical collision thing." She shrugged. "It's kinda normal for me, being a god slayer and all."

"Very well then. Seeing as the two of you came here via an honest accident but need some serious help to learn to be constructive, I hereby sentence you to a minimum of two months at the School of Friendship."

"Wait, the what now?" Discord yelped before the two were teleported away once more.

Lessons In Friendship

Students were out in the corridors, the last class having ended a few minutes ago. Groups of creatures talked and laughed as they moved to their lockers and dorms, putting supplies away and meeting up to hang out.

As soon as Discord and Moondazzle walked in the door conversations fell silent and creatures backed away. They were still spooked by the tall pokemon and their powerful aura.

With a clear path to Starlight's office, the two reached the doors in no time at all. "Ready?" Discord asked, placing a paw on the door.

"Absolutely." Moondazzle replied, and together they pushed open the door into the room.

"And that's it! They're officially enrolled for as long as they need." Twilight smiled at the words of the principal of the School of Friendship. "Congrats... guys?" Starlight looked over Twilight's shoulder at the two pokemon entering the room. Neither of them looked friendly.

Turning around, Twilight was met with a face-first blast of energy, a combined pink and yellow beam of light. She was flipped over the desk and thrown out the window by the force of the blast.

"I take it back. You're expelled." Starlight said before the pokemon jumped over the desk and out the shattered window.

Landing on the ground in the courtyard, they looked around for Twilight before a cage made of magic sprung up around them. "What do you have to say for yourselves?" Asked the majestic alicorn, landing before them.

"It was her idea," Moondazzle said, pointing at Discord.

"I gave you a second chance, and this is what you do? Vandalism, attempted murder, and terrorization of the students of this school?" Twilight said. Her face was flushed and she was breathing hard from the magical effort of creating a cage that could hold the pokemon.

"Twilight?" Starlight stuck her head out the window. "We might have a bigger problem than those two right now."

Twilight glared at the two. "Stay. Right. Here." She dropped the cage and flew up to talk to Starlight.

"Soooo..." Discord began, but Moondazzle shushed her.

"Hush. Listen." They crept over to beneath the window and perked their ears, straining to hear Starlight and Twilight's conversation.

"We have a report that a swarm of bugbears is headed towards Ponyville." Starlight said, and from the accompanying hoofsteps it sounded like she was pacing.

"How long until they're here?" Twilight asked. "And how did they get here?" She wanted to ask.

"A few minutes."

"Yaknow..." Discord raised an eyebrow. "We might be able to help and have some fun."

Moondazzle nodded. "Or at least get some practice in."

A short walk later, the two pokemon saw just what the problem was. Hovering above the town hall was a swarm of about thirty bugbears, and they all looked just about ready to attack.

"Strange. Most swarming creatures would have attacked by now." Moondazzle noted.

Discord rolled her eyes and launched a bolt of lightning up at the swarm. "We need to get 'em down to earth, even out the advantage."

Several bolts of pink lightning flew from Moondazzle's hands and hovered above the bugbears, making a timebomb that would set off in fifteen seconds. Working together, the pokemon were able to snipe the wings of the bugbears with energy blasts.

Their attacks enraged the swarm who dove down to attack. Discord easily knocked bugbears away with an electrified paw, but Moondazzle had to dance between bugs and send rose pink light at groups of them, scorching their fur.

Within seconds, the bugbears knew they wouldn't win against the duo, and tried to disperse... just in time for pink lightning to rain down, forcing them to the ground where the pokemon could easily blast them.

With the threat defeated, the two turned to the gathered crowd.

The biggest surprise, however, was that Twilight Sparkle was watching them. "I don't know if you know this, but the two of you make a good team."

Moondazzle and Discord glanced at each other. "I guess we do." Discord said, shrugging.

Moondazzle nodded. "If you would let us, Twilight Sparkle, we would like another chance at your School of Friendship."

Twilight smiled and turned to Starlight, who was standing next to her. "What do you say, principal?"

"I think if they can stop blasting you, they deserve it."

Author's Note

And now the true story can begin!

Pokemon Battle!

Moondazzle was rudely awoken by a crash. Turning on a light she saw Discord had tripped on the tripwire around her bed while carrying a bucket of water. "Well, what have we here?" She gracefully swung out of her top bunk and held up a paw with pink sparkles glowing on it.

Discord glared at Moondazzle. "Seriously, Moony?" She picked herself up from the floor and tried to take a step forward, only to slip in the puddle she had made. Moondazzle laughed and helped her up. "Come on. Why don't we clean up and go get some breakfast?"

The two soaked up the puddle with a few towels and then headed to the cafeteria for breakfast. It was early in the morning, due to the hour Discord had decided to play her prank, and not many students were awake yet.

The cafeteria workers weren't surprised to see Moondazzle and Discord up, and they were able to get their food without waiting too long. As they headed to their table, they were greeted by Starlight.

"Up early today?" The principal said, sitting down with the two pokemon. "Can I ask why?"

Moondazzle gestured to Discord's still damp fur. "Somecreature thought it would be a good idea to try and prank me."

Starlight nodded. "Sounds about right." She began eating her oatmeal when a question sprang to her mind. "Do you ever miss using your powers to their greatest potential?"

"All the time." Moondazzle sighed, making shapes with her pink magic above the table. "Why? Did you have an idea?"

"I hope it's good." Discord said, picking up on the idea. "It probably includes us doing something fun." She winked at Moondazzle.

"Actually, it is. I was wondering if you two would like to put on a show. A fake battle to show off your talents." Starlight said. "I've been noticing some suspicion from the students, so I want to show them that your powers can be beneficial." She stood up and nodded to them. "I hope you consider it. Let me know by tonight?"

Moondazzle and Discord glanced at each other. "Actually," Discord said, "it's a yes. Just give us a week, and we'll have a show ready for the school."

"Thank you," Starlight said, then walked away, leaving the two pokemon to talk about the performance.

A week later, the whole school was gathered in a newly erected outdoor stadium. Starlight smiled down from the teacher's box at the top, excited to see what her students would be doing.

Moondazzle and Discord were in the backstage area, putting on glittery makeup to accent their colors and preparing their appearances to look beautiful and powerful. "Remember, Discord, stick to the plan. The purpose of this performance is to have the students trust us, not look at us with even more suspicion and fear."

Discord nodded and the two of them took the stage. They came on from stage left, walked to the center, hugged, then went to either end of the stage and faced each other. Sharing a wink, they both felt the thrill of performance, the power coursing through their veins, the thrill of the crowd in front of them. It was a sensation they knew well, but never like this.

Moondazzle raised her hands and a ball of pink magic formed between them. Discord copied the movement and the two attacks were sent hurtling toward each other to explode in a massive burst of light that formed a firework, raining harmless sparkles down on the audience.

The reaction was mostly positive once they realized the sparkles were safe, and Starlight nodded approvingly.

Next, Discord sent a wave of light to soar toward Moondazzle. Moony picked it up with some of her own pink light and sent it hurtling into the air, where the light twisted and turned to form shapes, including a pony, a dragon, and several cutie mark designs before eventually fading into the air.

For their final, they both created two massive constructs made of energy. Moondazzle formed a pink alicorn made of pixilated Hyper Beam energy, while Discord made a Draconequus of yellowish-white Discharge energy. The two constructs danced around each other, swirling faster and faster until they blurred together in a mix of pink and yellow energy and exploded, bursting outwards to form a swirl of orange energy that took the shape of a Phoenix and swooped over the audience before burning up in a fiery display.

Discord and Moondazzle bowed, and the applause was tremendous.

Discord, meet Discord

"What do you mean there's another me?" Discord exclaimed in shock at Moondazzle's statement.

Moondazzle placed a newspaper on the table in front of Discord. On the front page in full color was a picture of Equestria's original Discord, the spirit of chaos. "Apparently those old myths are true. Too bad we gave up god slaying, he'd make a heck of a prize." She sat down next to her friend and began to eat her pancakes.

Discord took a bite of her oatmeal before responding. "So, what are you saying? I should meet this other Discord?"

"I dunno, he seems pretty scary." She winked at Discord. "But Headmare Starlight did say he was a friend of hers, so who knows."

"Ah, fine. But only for you." The two pokemon finished their food and headed to their first class of the day, a lecture on magic by vice principal Sunburst.

After, the two had a short break during which they strolled the grounds together. "So, this Discord," Discord said, "when does he show up?"

"Right now." Moondazzle booped her companion on the nose as a loud pop sounded behind them. The atmosphere of the courtyard changed immediately with the Draconequus's arrival.

"Well now, Moony, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" A silky smooth voice asked.

The two pokemon turned around and looked at the Draconequus. "Discord, this is Discord." Moondazzle said with a giggle. "Discord, this is also Discord." She broke out into laughter, leaning on her Ampharos friend for support while she tried to recover.

"You're hilarious." She deadpanned. "So, Discord... Moondazzle thought we should meet."

"I can't imagine why. Other than you having my name, which who wouldn't want to have, how could we possibly be alike? I'm me, and you're you. Who could be more different?" Discord asked, curling his body around the pair as he examined Discord.

Moondazzle clearly wouldn't be any help, as she was still recovering from her own joke, so Discord was left to answer the question on her own. "Celestia and Luna. They control opposite celestial bodies."

"You're not even going to try are you." He said with disapproval. "This was a waste."

"Well, before you go, would you like to help pull off a little prank? It's kinda our hobby." Moondazzle said, having finally recovered.

"Please?" Discord looked up at Discord with her eyes wide, trying to appear as cute as possible.

Discord grinned. "I'd be happy to."

Twenty minutes later, Starlight's office was covered in purple and blue glitter with glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. The three pranksters high-fived each other.

"Now we just gotta get out of here before Starlight shows up."

"I'm afraid it's too late for that," said a very pissed-off unicorn in the doorway.

"Twilight, I hope you're kidding."

Dear Twilight,

I hope you're kidding. I'm always happy to take on new students, but two adult creatures that are clearly not from here and are constantly feuding with each other? I'd like to arrange a meeting to talk about the situation.

Your faithful student and friend,

Starlight Glimmer

It had been two days since Moondazzle and Discord had been introduced to the School of Friendship. Starlight had them in dorms on opposite ends of the school and schedules that made sure they wouldn't see each other at all, but somehow there were still fights she had to break up nearly every period.

It was late afternoon on the second day when Moondazzle was chilling on a bridge over the moat surrounding the school. The other students were well aware of her temper and tendency to throw magical energy around, so she had the bridge to herself.

She leaned over the railing and stared into the water, sighing deeply. Starlight and Twilight were in a meeting to determine the two pokemon's fates and Discord had detention for stealing from the school kitchens (it was actually Moondazzle who did it, but she framed Discord), so she was at a loss for what to do.

Then she could hear the sounds of footsteps and a reflection appeared in the water. "Discord." Moondazzle said simply. "I thought you had detention."

"I did," she said with a shrug, leaning on the rail next to her Gardevoir nemesis. "But I snuck out."

"So what are you doing here then?"

"I was bored. And since we're both god-slayers-"

"Oh, now you admit it?"

"I thought we should team up and slay us a god." She shrugged. "Neither of us could get past Twilight's security on our own. And now, when she's alone with that Starlight pony, we might have a chance. Together we can take her out, and split the credit."

"You're just planning on backstabbing me." Moondazzle could see through Discord's ruse in a second. As soon as Twilight was dead, the Ampharos would kill her too.

"Maybe. But I wouldn't ask you for help if I thought I could do it alone."

"More lies." She accused. "You'd manipulate me in a heartbeat. You have that in common with your namesake, you're both liars."

"What if I promised you, by the name of the First, that I will not harm you for twenty-four hours?"

"Then you have a deal." Moondazzle pushed herself up from the railing and turned to face Discord. "And I will not hurt you either. After that? All bets are off."

Discord stuck out a paw, and Moondazzle shook it. "Now let's go slay us a god."

Glitterglue

The sun was high overhead as Moondazzle and Discord relaxed on the lawn. They had a bowl of berries between them and were practicing sharing their lunch.

"Explain to me," Moondazzle said suddenly. "If you have one cupcake and two pokemon, who do you give the cupcake to?"

"Are you quizzing me?" Discord asked. "Cause the answer is: you spit the cupcake."

"Correct. And now, if your friend likes pranks and you like pranks, what is the best way to prank them?"

"Ah, pranks again?" Starlight had suggested pranks instead of beating creatures up as a way for the two to be creative and have fun. "Who is it this time?"

Moondazzle smirked and brought out a bottle of glitter glue. "You!" She squirted the pink glue all over Discord and cackled. "You're so cute!"

Discord lunged at Moondazzle, knocking over the bowl of berries and tackling her to the ground. She rubbed the glitter all over Moondazzle as she wrestled the Gardevoir to the ground.

"New rule: no glitter glue outside of art class on campus?" Moondazzle exclaimed in shock, reading the new notice that had been posted.

"Wonder who's fault that is," Discord laughed, sauntering along to Loyalty Class. "See ya later, sucker!"

Moondazzle growled and was about to tear down the sign before she realized something and smiled evilly. "No glitter except in art class..."

Later that day in art class, which the two had together, Moondazzle concocted her plan. While Professor Silverstream was describing the assignment, she snuck over to the cabinet of supplies and grabbed a handful of bottles of glitter glue.

"Oh, Moondazzle!" Silverstream said, having noticed the Gardevoir. "How thoughtful of you to get supplies for the class!"

Discord stifled her laughter. "Yeah, thanks Moony!"

Forced to give out the glue by Silverstream, she was left with only one bottle with which to torment Discord. While the class worked on painting plans for a mural, giving advice and talking to each other, the pokemon worked next to each other in silence.

"Girls?" Silverstream had noticed the lack of conversation and come over to their table. "Are you two okay?"

Moondazzle finished a very realistic drawing of a dragon. "Fine." She said, working on the pony standing upon the dragon's back.

"Dissy?" Nocreature wanted to use Discord's real name, opting for a nickname instead.

"Same."

"Okay... just let me know if you need anything!" Silverstream said cheerfully, then bounced away to check on her other students.

Moondazzle smirked. As soon as Silverstream's back was turned, she brought out a bottle of glitter glue and sprayed Discord, who ducked and sprayed Moondazzle with a bottle of glitter glue hidden under the table. The shiny mega was covered in green glitter and shrieked as Discord ran from the room.

"DISCORD!!!" She howled.