Myths & Monsters of Equestria
...in a cave on top of a snow-capped mountain
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"Oh...okay now...you…um...you ponies asked for it."
…!?
...!
"Oh my goodness! I’m sorry. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you."
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"Oh no no no. Please don’t worry. It’s my fault for being such a big, scary dragon."
…?
"Oh, um, my hoard? You wanted to borrow treasure from it?"
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"Oh, I don’t mind. There’s plenty here for everypony. Do you need help carrying it all?"
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"Are you sure? It really wouldn't be a problem."
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"Oh—okay then. You ponies take care. Can you make sure they make it down the mountain safe, Angel?"
...in a dark, subterranean cavern
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"It would seem you’ve wandered into my boutique of madness, dears. Any last words you would like to share before we begin?"
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"Oh? My eye? Truly, darling? Which one?"
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"Yes it is a new eyeliner, how kind of you for noticing! Even us denizens of the deep like to keep fashion in mind."
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"My, my, my. Aren’t you just the flatterer. Honestly, darling, you’re making me blush."
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"Oh? My plans to take over Equestria? Oh good heavens, don’t be silly. I wouldn't do anything so dreadful.
I’m just looking for some new materials for my latest ensemble."
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"Yes, the one right over here. What do you think? Stunning, isn’t it? I'm quite proud of it. I feel it could use a few more diamonds, though."
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"Oh? You know a dragon who might be able to help? Pray tell, dear, I would love to hear more."
...in a musty, ancient tomb
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"Stop right there, everypony. Do you know whose tomb you’ve entered?"
…?
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"I'm sorry, but I don’t think that counts. You need the right forms if you're going to visit an ancient Equestrian ruin anytime after the Summer Sun Celebration. I’m going to have to ask you to—oh! Is that a library card? You’re all graduates from the School of Friendship, too?"
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"Well why didn’t you say so? This is technically just the restricted section of the Canterlot University Archives, after all! All alumni get full access once they graduate. Was there something you were looking for?"
…?
"Oh, all sorts of things! Necromancy, apocalypse magic—ooh! Were you looking for something on demon summoning, maybe?"
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"Ha, I might have a few recommendations. Vagdroth’s Compendium of All Things Fiendish is a good choice if you’re just starting out and The Cursed Tome of Thingranor is a classic if you know demonic runes. Oh! Did I mention 1001 Secrets of Zor'alun? It's my personal favorite when it comes to early Equestrian texts on infernal and equine history. Oh! There's also Molmidul's—"
…?
"Oh? The dragon skeleton? That’s just Spike, my assistant. Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite."
…?
"My phylactery? Wellll, I usually don’t show it to just anypony, but you all seem trustworthy. Just promise you’ll be careful around it, okay?"
...in an ancient jungle temple
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"Hold it right there, ponies! Don’t take another step!"
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"Yeah, that’s what I thought. Nopony gets past me while I’m on watch."
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"My scales? Yeah, I’m kiiind of a big deal around here. I’m, like, the serpent god’s go-to guardian."
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"Yeah, you could say that. I am pretty awesome. Not everyserpent gets to have rainbow scales. Who are all of you supposed to be?"
...?
Ha, adventurer ponies? I don't buy it. What kind of adventurers get caught by the first boss this easy?
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"Wait? You’re treasure hunters? That’s so cool! There’s actually this locked doorway I’ve been trying to get into forever but I can’t find the key to get past it. It's, like, booby trapped or something."
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"You found the lost key? That’s awesome! Quick, follow me! The hidden chamber is right over here!"
...in the center of a sprawling labyrinth
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"What in tarnation do you foalks think yer doin’ in here? Didn’t ya read the sign outside?"
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"Yer lost? Well it is a maze, ah s’pose. Can’t fault ya on that one. Where ya headed, partners?"
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"Golden fleece? Well ah can’t say ah know anything ‘bout no golden sheep, but ah do know a few ol’ goat demons that could prob’ly point ya in the right direction. Ah'll see about drawin' up a map fer ya."
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"A place to hunker down for the night? Well there’s an inn a few levels down yonder—past the ol’ acid waterfall and gorgon pit. They usually serve the more monstrous types, but ah reckon they wouldn’t turn down a payin’ customer."
…?
"Odd jobs? Ha. Ah’d bet my hooves and horns on it! They’re always lookin’ for foalks to clear out the critters that make their way inside every now and again. Giant rats, mazewolves, cockatrices—ah’m sure y’all ‘ll manage to work somethin’ out."
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"Y'all take care too, partners. Watch out for ol’ Winona on the way out, though. She gets a little ornery ‘round feedin’ time. Y’know how cerberuses are."
...in the dripping sewers beneath the city
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"Hey everypony! How’s it going!?"
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…!
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"Thaaaat’s right! One super-duper slimetastic cubie-woobie here to party!"
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"Of course I can talk, silly! You wouldn’t be able to understand me if I couldn’t!"
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"Well uuuusually us slimes just slurp up anypony who comes close enough, but I think ponies are more fun to play with! They can bake cakes and cookies, too, which are wayyy tastier."
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"Ooh! Ooh! Are those travel cupcakes? Do you mind if I try one, too?"
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"Thanks!"
"—Yeah, thanks!"
…!
…!?
"Well duhh, sillies. I can split apart into as many me’s as I want to! Like this!"
"—And this!"
"—And this!"
"—And this!"
"Want us to show you the way to the end of the dungeon?"
"—It’s really close!"
"—Yeah! It’s right over here!"
"—Yeah yeah! Just follow the other me! I'll lead the way!"
"—Come on, everypony!"
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…?
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....in the middle of a cursed forest on the night of the full moon
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"Awoooooooooo! Who dares enter the secret, moonlit forest of the Great and Powerful—"
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"Wait, what? On my fur? Really? Where?"
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"Ha. Nice try, foolish ponies, but you’ll have to do better than that if you want to trick the Great and Powerful—"
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"Oh. I see it now. Thank you."
*Scritch scritch scritch*
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"What was I saying, though? Oh yes! The Great and Powerful—"
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"Ursa minor? Where? Where!?"
…?
"Of course I’m hiding! No one can vanquish an ursa minor!"
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"Wait, what? You wanted to know if I had seen one? Oh. Um, no. I haven't."
"Ahem."
"Consider yourselves lucky for now, ponies, but this isn’t the last you’ve seen of the Great and Powerful—"
...
"Ursa major!? Where!?"
Author's Note
Discussion welcome. 
