Rarity was saying something, I didn't know what. She was trying to calm me down, from the tone of her voice. I was freaking out, head in my hands and leg bouncing anxiously. It didn't matter that I didn't know if Carina was pregnant, or that her body probably wasn't capable yet. My brain was moving from one thought to the next faster than should be possible. It was all just jumbled, incoherent noise. And then Carina's voice cut through it all.

"Elfilis? Are you okay? What is all this?" I looked out from between my fingers to see her, Toby by her side. Separating us was a pile of baby stuff. Cribs, binkys, blankets, toys and baby-mobiles. And a really confused Waddle-Dee with a nurse's hat and a bottle of milk. Shit. I pointed at him to get his attention.

"I hearby dub thee Swaddle-Dee." He gave me a salute, taking his role of military nanny very seriously. "Hi, Carina. My powers must have gotten ahead of me. It's, it's not impossible that we're going to be parents within a month and-"

"HO FUCK!" Rarity's ears pinned themselves to her head as she winced. Whether it be the profanity or the volume I'll never know. Maybe both. "How didn't that occur to me?! We, we need a space, a-and a babysitter! I know a pony, she's great. How do you feed babies? Do eggs need to be watered?!" I was now being given a first-hand account to what my mind was doing not sixty-seconds ago.

"Carina! Darling, breathe. Can you do that for me Carina?" Rarity is a saint, and a blessing. "In, and out. In, and out. Ok?" It went on like that for a time, and Swaddle-Dee eventually joined in, mimicking the breathing motions the mares were doing as best he could. Toby was sampling various objects, occasionally getting powers like Circus-Toby from a Jack-in-a-Box. I just watched it all, feeling a little numb. "Alright. Now, why don't I get you some tea and the two of you can have a nice, calm discussion. Alright? Alright. I'll be right back darlings." I didn't let the tension build any more once she left the lobby.

"Carina, I didn't handle it very well either, but you are probably not pregnant. Your body probably has to finish going through whatever changes it's going through before that can happen. Ok? There is no emergency, and if in a weeks time it turns out you are, I think we'll have lots of help from those around us." Swaddle-Dee looked indignant at the news that their wasn't a baby to take care of, but he quickly went to hugging Carina in a show of support.

"Poyo!" And Toby tackle hugged the both of them, knocking them over. Only a few seconds later Rarity came out with a tea set to the sight of us giggling at each other.

"Well, you two handled that quite quickly. Care to fill me in?" We all sipped at Equestria's favorite beverage as we told Rarity about what we knew of Carina and the changes we think she may be going through. "I see. That's certainly an interesting way to do it. But," She looked bashfully at us before continuing, "Doesn't that mean that you have to keep having sex up and through the point where her body is ready to have foals? That sounds quite... exhausting. To say the least." I nodded to her before answering.

"Yeah, that's the impression I got from Carina's mom. It does mean though, assuming we're lucky and we aren't going to be parents in thirty days, that we have time before that has to become something we have to consider."

"What, you not want to have kids with me?" I was dodging that landmine, no way in hell was that what I meant!

"NO! I mean- Damnit Carina..." She was teasing me. She was trying not to laugh at me too much. "... What I mean, is that between everything going on right now, we are not prepared to learn how to be parents. I love you, I do, but we met only a week or so ago and we live in a cave." Rarity started coughing.

"I'm sorry, you live in what?"

"Yeah, when Elfilis kidnapped me he started furnishing this big-" Carina, noooo-!

"Elfilis did-!" Swaddle-Dee was glaring at me.

"-NOT, Elfilis did not kidnap her. I did not. I said I did, I was flustered and confused at the time. Moving on?" Everyone nodded reluctantly. Minus Carina, who was acting smug at her seat. "At most, I absconded with her."

We were eating at Sugarcube Corner, almost dinner time, when we got back to speaking.

"For the record, you are not under any obligation to stay with me." The pink changeling across from me opened her mouth to respond, but she was rather explosively interrupted.

"POYO!" And then Toby smashed through the window we were next to and ran off. Even Pinkie Pie, who had just showed up to talk to us, was silent as we stared out the broken glass.

"... Toby isn't obligated either. Though I don't know what the rush is." 'Rina just shook her head before picking up where she left off.

"I know, but I want to stay with you for the moment. You've treated me with more kindness than anyone before you, you are fun to be around, and you're sexy. I'll never tell you I love you without meaning it. I love you." And then she was sucking down a chocolate milkshake. "Mmm, this actually tastes like Love. What did you say this was again Pinkie?" Ms Pie proceeded to explode. Metaphorically.

"Iiiiiiiit's CHOCOLATE! Everypony likes chocolate! It's the food of love and ponies love to eat it!" That... sounded promising. And it tickled something I knew but couldn't quite remember in my head.

"Carina, have you never had chocolate before?" She just shook her head no while absolutely devouring her drink, only speaking after coming up for breath.

"No, not really? Chan- uh, me and my siblings typically only ate food to keep up appearances, so we usually only ate the cheapest stuff available. This chocolate stuff is just a little above the appropriate price range. Why?" And she went back to drinking it, I think Pinkie had refilled it while we weren't looking. I just stayed silent and let her finish her drink for the second (third?) time before she noticed I wasn't talking. "Elfilis? Is there any on my face?" She started trying to lick her lips frantically, before I reached out with both hands and held her by the chin.

She looked me in the eyes, Pinkie was bouncing in excitement from edge of my sight, Swaddle-Dee was fist-pumping. Carina leaned in, and closed her eyes as-

I yanked her jaw off, revealing a brand new layer of chitin underneath. Pinkie jumped and hit the ceiling, and Swaddle-Dee made his first noise as he screamed and then passed out. Carina just looked at me in confusion before what just happened registered.

"Holy shit, chocolate is Love."

"Or has Love in it."

"You brilliant stud. Fuck me."

"And I think you've had enough of it for now."

"I SAID-!"

We were back in Forgo Cave, the sun was going down, and I had wrapped the drugged changeling in blankets to keep her on the bed for the moment. She had since kicked her back half out of the makeshift cocoon and was rubbing herself on the sheets. I sent a letter to the Princesses about my discovery, of chocolate as a potential alternate food source for changelings in the future. I couldn't keep sending them Friend Hearts every month, though it came with a pretty glaring downside they would have to have to try to mitigate somehow.

"Elfilis~! Come on! How is Twilight supposed to figure out what sex does to me if you don't sex me?" I sat on the foot of the bed with her, and she promptly threw herself across my lap. "Do me! Do me for science!" I lightly kissed her nose, and tried not to let the way she shivered bother me.

"I would rather have sex because we love each other. Not because you overdosed on an aphrodisiac by accident."

"Oh come on, I was planning on rockin' you tonight anyway. Now I'm just extra wet and ready." She was trying to put her hips to mine, but I lightly pushed her back against the bed, much to her frustration.

"...We'll start again tomorrow and-"

"BUT SCIENCE!" I put my hand over her mouth.

"If we did this tonight, I would be very unenthusiastic. This excited state of yours makes me uncomfortable, and I'd like to have more confirmation in the future that you are yourself. If you want to have sex on chocolate, you need to let me know beforehand that that's the plan. Okay?"

"Grrrrrr! Fine. But in the morning, we're making up for lost time. Swaddle-Dee!" Said Waddle-Dee jumped from his spot at the table. "Remind me to fuck him tomorrow. That's an order!"

I just layed down next to her as Swaddle-Dee saluted us, ignoring the way Carina was idly rubbing her thighs. I just sighed and tried to sleep as she started trying to crush my erection between my stomach and her back. I hated chocolate.

I had an uneventful dream of trying to make a working shower, I was making progress, and I woke up to Carina glaring at me, her nose pushed into my waist. And then she licked me. Very angrily.

"... I love you Carina."

"Love you too, you stubborn good samaritan. Now fuck me." I surprised her by leaning over and kissing her on the forehead.

"I'm all yours."

A few hours and a bath later, Carina and I were making our way to the hospital. She had sent Swaddle-Doo real early this morning ahead of time to fetch Twilight and let her know that we were on our way. Which made me feel bad, as he had just ran a marathon to reach it before us only to watch as we appeared in a portal right in front of him and Twilight. Twilight picked him up and put him on her back as she greeted us and we all made our way to an examination office she had asked Princess Celestia to commandeer for us.

"So, Carina, I need you to lay your back on this table and put your back hooves in the stirrups there. Yes, yep. Just like that. Now, this machine measures magic flow, and I'll need to tape these sensors onto you for it to work. And this is for-" And on and on Twilight went, until the changeling was wrapped up in so many wires and rolls of gauze it looked like she had just survived a wild animal attack. "- And this is the last one! It's a probe, and for this to work it needs to, go, uh. In you."

"... Well then stick it in. What are you waiting for?" Twilight blushed hard at this.

"W-well, I don't want to hurt you and-"

"I was taking four times the size of that 'probe' this morning. What's the problem?"

"I-I, uh-" I cut her off at this point.

"I'm going to go grab a nurse." And then, as I opened the door, Swaddle-Dee interrupted me by taking the probe from Twilight and literally throwing it like a spear into Carina's canal.

"Ah! Cold! Cold! Cold things don't go up there!" I closed the door in the face of the gaping doctor on the other side and went to support her as Twilight silently began taking measurements, hiding behind her clipboard.

"I should have a theory going by the end of the week if we keep doing this everyday. After that, we can cut down on these tests as we get a better idea of what we are looking for."

"Thank god. I was worried we'd be doing that everyday. I have never been so bored with something inside my-"

"Thank you Twilight, we'll see you tomorrow. Have a good day." That chocolate had to be sticking around.

Twilight just cringed as the couple and their interesting new friend portaled away from Ponyville General. She was excited to learn, don't get her wrong, but she couldn't help the awkwardness and reluctance she felt before she picked up momentum.

"... I have to take fluid samples tomorrow." She decided to just go back to the library and read a book on anatomy. Or dig up an erotic novel she had boxed when she moved in. Exposure therapy might help her get over her embarrassment. First though, she had to send her findings to Princess Celestia.

Princess Celestia was banging her head on her desk when her sister found her.

"I'm back from Manehatten sister... What is it this time?" Celestia just levitated a letter to Luna for her to read. It was many moment later that a mildly perturbed alicorn put the letter back down. "Your student has chosen an, interesting project for herself."

"That's not it. It's in Spike's handwriting."

"Oh shit."

Author's Note

Swaddle-Dee. I'm very proud of that pun.