Deep breaths buddy, deep breaths.

"I don't need to breath, shut the fuck up."

"...Uh?"

"Not you Susie, the voice that lives in my head." The words barely left my lips before I felt my arm involuntarily come up and try to hold my mouth shut. And then Alter Ego realized that my face was too weird a shape to get a good grip on and promptly stuck a couple of my fingers down my throat. Like a dumbass.

I don't want to hear that from the idiot who just admitted to having a major psychotic symptom.

Yeah, but how does it look now that I've both admitted to hearing voices and followed it up by punching myself in the face and deepthroating my fingers? Here's a hint, Susie is trying to hide behind a fucking clipboard. Besides, I have bigger things to worry about, mainly the fact that Luna and Celestia can smoothly transition from being walking talking corpses to sleeping beauties. Also, FUCK! They were corpses?! What the fuck happened?! We were having a conversation in the vacuum of space, what-

Magic is weird as shit, okay? There could be a million and one reasons for how a sun goddess could be burned alive, and Luna doesn't exactly have an affinity with ice as far as I'm aware so it's not out of the realm of possibility that she can be frozen. The only way to know would be to ask them. Just, take solace in the fact that they are alive and okay. Worry about the hows and why's later.

Why? With them in a healing coma and Carina sedated...

"Wagh, wraagggh wah Grrria gerrara aga?" Damn it my fingers were still in my throat. I ignored the uncomfortable feeling of uncurling my fingers from my esophagus, as well as the look of disgust and reluctant curiousity on Susie's face. "Blegh! Sorry, why is Carina sedated?"

"... Oh! Right. Ahem, I was the one who delivered the news of your... melting. Carina didn't... take it very well? She kept trying to shoot the messenger. Which was me... Hi." I could have swore that Susie was more eloquently spoken than this.

Fingers. In. Mouth.

Point. As I was saying, what do I really have to worry about right now besides the princesses? I seem to have nothing else to do, what with Carina passed out and-

"PRESENTING PRINCESS MI AMORE CADENZA OF EQUESTRIA!" Captain Armor's yelling was followed by rough coughing, which meant that when I turned around Cadence wasn't paying full attention to me as she started to attend to the poor stallion. She still spoke to me as she rubbed his back though.

"HEY ELFILIS! HOW'S TOBY BEEN?! AURUM IS DOING PRETTY WELL, MAYBE WE COULD SET UP A PLAYDATE BETWEEN THEM SOME TIME?!" Oh yeah. And she was yelling too.

"Toby's been well. He actually-"

"WHAT!?"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE HE'S FINE! DO YOU NEED SOMETHING OR CAN WE SAVE THE SMALL TALK FOR WHEN YOU CAN ACTUALLY HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?!"

"... I'LL BE BLUNT THEN!" Thank the heavens for that. "REPRESENTATIVES FROM AROUND THE WORLD HAVE ALL GOTTEN TOGETHER AND HAVE AGREED TO HOLD A MEETING IN CANTERLOT ABOUT THE EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE ON THE MOON. CELESTIA LOOKS LIKE GRYPHON CHOW, LUNA IS A STATUE AND I'M SCREAMING AT EVERYONE! NONE OF US CAN ATTEND AS REPRESENTATIVES OF EQUESTRIA AND PONYKIND! SO I'M ASKING YOU TO STAND IN OUR PLACE!"

... This has to be a joke.

"Why don't you just-"

"WHAT?!"

"MAGIC, BITCH! WHY CAN'T YOU SOLVE YOUR HEARING PROBLEMS WITH MAGIC?!"

So vulgar.

Apparently I curse when I'm yelling, but yeah. That was definitely unwarranted and I was definitely apologizing later, even if it seemd like Cadence hadn't taken any offense.

"GOOD QUESTION!" I mean she was still yelling at me, but it wasn't because I slighted her at least. "GENERAL HEALING MAGIC ISN'T GOOD FOR COMPLEX ORGANS LIKE EARDRUMS AND EYES! WE NEED A SPECIALIST, WHICH IS RARE! AND EVEN THOUGH I COULD PROBABLY GREASE SOME GEARS WITH THE ROYAL COFFERS, IT WOULD STILL TAKE TOO LONG FOR THE MEETING!"

"WHEN IS THE MEETING!?"

"TEN MINUTES!"

"FUCK, REALLY?! HOW IS THERE NO ONE MORE QUALIFIED?! I'M A TERRIBLE CHOICE! I CURSE AND SWEAR AT ROYALTY AND GET HARD-ONS THAT PEAK OVER THE TABLE!" I didn't have any kind of filter while I was yelling apparently.

"...I DIDN'T KNOW THAT LAST PART! BUT MINOTAURS ARE THE SAME WAY SO MAYBE YOU CAN USE THAT AS SOME KIND OF COMMON GROUND BETWEEN YOU TWO?!"

"USE MY DICK AS A POLITICAL DEVICE?! THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING DISASTER!"

"I KNOW!" I rolled my eyes at Cadence before ignoring her entirely. I had no idea what she was thinking; The meeting could be about the color of roses for all I knew and I would still find a way to start a war over it if I was allowed to attend this meeting. Thankfully, I had a solution for her hearing that required no magic. Help me out here, where's Star Vision staying?

...

...Don't do this to me.

I'm going to have to. I can't find him. He always had some sense of when I watching him, and it looks like he figured out how to hide from me. He isn't anywhere in Canterlot and without his location or a connection to his mind we can't open a portal to him. All of that being said, you might be able to fix Cadence's ears yourself. Both of ours and Star's powers are Dream Matter based.

But Star is the only one who can manipulate Dream Matter of others outside of the Dream world, and the last time I tried to 'fix' something I didn't create inside of my Dream I accidentally deconstructed Discord into primordial Soul liquids. I needed Luna's help to put him back together as Star Vision.

Except, when you were threatening Magolor and Susie back at the cave you paralyzed them by forcibly taking control of the Matter they were made of.

I... did do that, didn't I. Damn, how did I do that?

I don't know either. Hate to say it but it looks like you're going to be representing Equestria in about eight minutes.

"Fuuuuuck my liiiiife! CADENCE!"

"YOU'LL DO IT?!" She looked way too relieved at the idea that I'd be speaking in her place. Shining, from his place behind her at least looked as doubtful of my capabilities as I felt.

"I NEED TO KNOW WHO'S SHOWING UP, GIVE IT TO ME IN ORDER FROM LEAST LIKELY TO CAUSE ISSUE TO MOST LIKELY!"

"I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE! I'VE NEVER ATTENDED ANY OF THESE BEFORE!" So I'm going into this with no political background to rely on, no understanding of how they are supposed to go, and no idea who I'm talking to. At this rate I may as well walk into the meeting and announce that Equestria was going on the warpath. At least then we'd all be on the same page. "ALL I KNOW IS THAT AUNT CELLY USUALLY COMPLAINS ABOUT THE DRAGON DELEGATION AFTERWARDS! THEY SEEM INTENT ON ANTAGONIZING HER!" That... Is actually really good info. Celestia has spoken about these before, but if she only ever addressed the dragons as an issue then the others shouldn't be so bad. Plus...

"SUSIE-! I mean, uh-" I turned to the CEO turned doctor yelling her name, and I think that if she had a neck then she would have given herself whiplash at the speed her head snapped back at me. "Sorry! I was going to ask if there was any way to wake up Carina.
Like, immediately."

Carina's feelings were all over the place. Last she remembered, the bowling pin with pink hair was telling her that Elfilis was hurt. The next thing she knew, she was waking up in the medical room of Canterlot Castle with Elfilis standing over her. And then, after a quick hug and kiss to her cheek, he started begging her to attend some kind of meeting between world leaders as a representative of the Changeling Hive/personal dragon lord repellent. Carina, mind still swirling with thoughts of dread and anger and relief and shock said-

"Only if I get to punch you in the face later." And Elfilis, the eccentric and clueless idiot that he was, just nodded and thanked her. So now she was flying after him a little dazed as he power walked through the walls back to the throne room. She was still pissed at him for just, leaving? Leaving her? Assuming she needed protecting? (But really, when a robot planet was trying to destroy the moon, what could Carina do to help?) Truthfully, she was realizing she didn't know why she was angry about the way he plopped her onto the bed before vanishing to fight a world-ending disaster. Especially since he was now asking for her help because he was apparently worried about a potential war. She never really got an explanation about why he thought a war was in the cards, but it was entirely possible that Elfilis was simply entertaining paranoid thoughts. Was Carina supposed to be his emotional support? It's not like she has any more experience in the political field than he does.

"Okay. Okay okay okay okay. Ready Carina?"

"No?"

"Me either, glad we're on the same wavelength." And then Elfilis summoned a spear, hopefully just for appearance's sake, and pushed his way through the door separating the two from the most powerful members of every species on the planet. It was immediately apparent that they had even less of an understanding of how this would go then their already abysmal foreknowledge lead them to believe.

Their were murmurs and conversations already occurring, some with undertones of worry and fewer that nearly sounded mirthful. A massive table had taken over the throne room, its surface adorned with enough food to feed Ponyville for a week and surrounded on all sides by the most varied crowd of creatures Carina had ever seen. And all of them noticed her and Elfilis as they entered from the far side of the room, quickly killing most conversation. She tried not to stare, or to let it show that their stares were getting to her, as she followed Elfilis to the empty end of the table. Total silence took over the moment they sat in their seats, and it took Carina no time to realize why.

They had just taken Celestia's place at the table. Nervous, the pink changeling looked to her significant other. Whether she was looking for support or reassurance, she found it in his eyes. Half-lidded and tense with focus, the sign of instense thought and indicative of a plan forming inside his mind. If he had been wide-eyed, then Carina would have been worried. That was usually the sign he was about to create the most powerful knight in the galaxy or throw down the gauntlet with homicidal super-beings. As it was, Carina felt a certain amount of cautious optimism as Elfilis cleared his throat. The room may have already been focused on him, but now they were ready to listen to his words.

"I suppose it's time to get this meeting started." Tension rose. Before, Carina and Elfilis could have just been confused guests who weren't aware of their placement at the table. Now, Elfilis had all but announced that he was in charge. "Before we discuss what this meeting was originally called for, does anyone wish to ask a couple obvious questions?"

"Where is Celestia? Or her long lost sister for that matter?" The speaker was a large minotaur, almost twice the height of the minotaurs that sat with him at the table. Dark grey skin and stretch marks across every ludicriously large muscle, if he wasn't the minotaur leader than Carina didn't know who was.

"Unfortunately, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are currently sleeping. They exhausted themselves dealing with the crisis we are are here to talk about."

"Then what of the Love Princess? Is she not next in line after the Celestials?" This came from an old zebra mare on the other side of the table. Her stripes were nearly gray and her bones looked as if they would escape her body at any moment, but she was supported on either side by young zebra colts. Potentially her grandchildren, but more likely some kind of attendant/guard. They all had at least a little gold adorning them, but the old mare was almost swaddled in gold hoops and other jewelry.

"Princess Mi Amore was the one to ask me to attend in her place. She did not take part in Equestria's defense but she is currently hard of hearing, as is most of the city from what I understand-" A shockingly young voice called out, cutting Elfilis short at the end of his sentence.

"And who are you, that the pansy princess asked you to attend in her stead?" The table erupted into quiet murmers, most present agreeing to the sentiment behind the question but disaproving of the condescending tone. The sky-blue dragoness, only a little more than a head taller than Spike, paid no attention to the criticism aimed her way. She simply glared at Elfilis, who for once did not move to answer her question immediately and took the time afforded to him to analyze her in return.

"...I will not pretend to know the names of anyone here, with the exception of Princess Carina next to me." Carina nearly jumped at the title in front of her name, if only because it was the only time she could remember hearing Elfilis use it to refer to her. "But I must admit that you have drawn out my curiousity. May I have the name of the sole dragon who attends this meeting in return for my own?"

It didn't occure to Carina until he mentioned it, but the young drake was the only one of her kind to attend. Most adult dragons likely wouldn't fit in the room, but everyone else bar herself had other members of their species alongside them at the table. Said dragon merely grunted in return, evidently noticing the pressure everyone had silently begun to put on her to give her name. Even if it was only so they could hear Elfilis finally introduce himself. That being said, she was smart about how she answered.

"I am Princess Ember, royal daughter to Dragon Lord Torch and the most likely to succeed him. Now who are you?" Carina knew that if Elfilis did not follow up with any titles or claims of his own then his current position as an 'unknown' who be downgraded to that of an 'unworthy,' regardless of the fact that he was asked by royalty to attend. Her brothers back at the hive were the same way, though it was usually about how many times they slept with Mother. Fortunately, Elfilis answered back without hesitation. And he totally outshined Ember.

"I am Elfilis. I am a World Traveller, Planet Hopper and Galaxy Explorer. I am the Psychic Beast, the Lord of the Dream and the Conquerer of Discord. I am the Mind Manifest and the Ultimate Lifeform. I am the Patron of the Changeling race, and Lover of Princess Luna. Nice to make your acquaintance Princess Ember, most likely to inherit the throne." The throne room was silent as the grave. Carina knew that most of the titles Elfilis gave were less than official, but they were all technically true and were lofty claims all the same. Especially the one that subtley told everyone that he bones royalty, even though that had actually yet to happen. The minotaur looked at Elfilis with an appraising leer, the old zebra smirked at him mirthfully, and Princess Ember...

She blushed and looked away with her cheeks puffed out and a pout hidden under her snout, but it was obvious to anyone looking for it.

"Oh my gosh she's adorable." It took the whole room turning to her for Carina to realize that she had just said that out loud. But it was okay! She would just have to take a page out of Elfilis's book. "I'm Carina, Princess of the Changeling Hive and I take Elfilis's loads like a champ." Fuck. Mother must never find out about this. The old minotaur laughing and slapping his knee was not helpful, and neither was the old zebra's cackling. Ember turning bright red and hiding behind her wings almost made it worth it though.

This probably wasn't what Elfilis had in mind when he asked for her help with the dragons.

Author's Note

A lot of my process has become looking up the dictionary definitions of words I used and making sure they mean what I think I mean. This plus my second story that I keep writing and unwriting means these chapters take awhile now. I'm happy with how this came out though.