And Here I Am

by FashionablyLate

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Profanity, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Human, Kirby, Main 6
Length: 177000

A man with only enough memory to recognize his new body is not his own is thrust into a new world with more power than he ever believes he wanted. He will need to get use to his new body, new customs, and new abilities as Fecto Elfilis.

Reborn in a new world with only the memories of playing Kirby and the Forgotten Land, in the body of a (bafflingly) anatomically correct Ultimate Lifeform, a man now going by the name Elfilis is lost in every way. He will have to master his new powers, his new body, and his very soul as he tries to make a new life in Equestria.
"New culture, new creatures, new me! Well, maybe, I might not have changed all that much."

(Everyone is naked and I'm not going to ignore that fact. Most of the time it will be played for comedic purposes but I will only be shying away from a few facts of life in a nude world, so fair warning.)

Published 2022-08-27 02:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-12 22:47:11 UTC

2. Let's try this again later.

Twilight totally called it, though she would never say it like that to anypony. She was going to kindly ask her mentor why she didn't believe her when this was all over and then thank her for explaining... But she so totally called it. The one-thousandth year had just passed and Nightmare Moon had just plunged Equestria into an eternal night. Not all was lost however! She hoped. The Elements of Harmony were the key to banishing Nightmare Moon and she now had a lead on where to find them thanks to Pinkie Pie. Now all she needed to do was track them down, ignite the spark (note to self, figure out what that means), and use them to bring back Princess Celestia and the normal day and night cycle. She was reluctant to work with the five mares who had followed her into the library, but Pinkie found the book while she was panicking so she was going to let them come with for now. At least until the Everfree forest.

With a racing heart, Twilight checked on a sleeping Spike as calmly as she could one last time before heading back downstairs to her temporary party.

"Come on! We have to hurry!" Twilight threw open the door to the outside as she called out to them. "The world could end if we don't stop Nightmare-" And as she turned around to look outside, she screamed. What she screamed she wouldn't know until later, but she would argue that her reaction was completely justified at the time. Celestia was missing, she had spent all day with ponies who wouldn't give her the space she wanted, night had forcefully taken over the day, and now a light-teal penis was in her face.

So, with the feeling of her heart falling into her stomach and her head tied into knots, she pulled magic into her horn and cast one of the first spells she had been taught by her mother when she officially became 'of-age.'

The Chastity Spell.

I could have done that better. I had meant to start that encounter on my own terms but they had apparently been on their way out somewhere once I got to the door. It opened rather hard and gave me one of my first up-close looks at another sentient creature since I came too. It wasn't much, I could tell it was about half my height and very lavender, though I couldn't see any facial features as the head was turned away from me. And then she spoke.

"The world could end if we don't stop Nightmare- PENIS!" Followed by a flash of purple light, the feeling of my lower body going numb, and the thud of my face and horns hitting the floor.

I have made first contact. How do I respond?

"Ow." Nailed it.

"Hahahaha! W-what? What was that Twilight?" She felt her ears burn as Rainbow laughed from her place in the air.

"H-he was in my face! I panicked!" She could tell it was mistake as soon as the creature face planted. He was something like a skinny minotaur, though those ears were excessively large. His height and stature just placed his waist at an unfortunate height, and she really wished she had taken a moment to notice that. "I'm sorry!"

"It's okay. I think I might be in most peoples' faces." Applejack snorted from somewhere behind her at that. "I don't suppose you could give me my legs back though? And my levitation? I had hoped to help with the whole reversed sunrise situation." Well, she fucked up. Of course she just disabled an unknown magical creature who wished to help.

"Oh my Celestia I'm so sorry! I don't know the counterspell! Only qualified officials are allowed to know how to undo the Chastity Spell!"

"My sides! They hurt Twilight! You cast a Chastity Spell on him! Oh my gosh, I knew you were a riot but that's too much! Its too much!" Thank you Rainbow, very helpful.

"Well, I mean' at leas' ya didn't buck him?" And Applejack tried her hoof at comfort.

"Excuse me everypony, as unfortunate as all this is, don't we have somewhere important to be? We should help the poor darling after we've brought back the sun, yes?" Rarity was now Twilight's second favorite pony.

"Yes! Of course! SPIKE!" She heard him yell in surprise. "I'm so sorry! I need your help with something!" The bedroom door slammed open as he frantically made his way down the stairs.

"Yes! I'm here! How can I help stop Nightmare Moon!" Her little hero.

"I need you to take care of the poor pony I just put a Chastity Spell on!" That was all the explanation he got as Twilight and the rest rushed out the door, jumping over Elfilis one by one. Except Fluttershy who muttered a quick 'oh, so sorry' as she gingerly stepped over him.

... Silence ...

"... Uh bwuh?"

I decided to take mercy on the poor boy and introduced myself as I lifted my chin off the floor and got my first look at the room I was laying in.

"Hello. I'm Elfilis. I am in your care." And no, I definitely did not sound upset at the little purple lizard boy.

"Oh, uh, hi? I'm Spike and I'll do my best?" He definitely said that like it was a question. "Why are you laying on the floor?"

"The one named Twilight apparently cast a Chastity Spell on me. I can't feel my legs and the levitation I was using on them has also vanished on me. So now I'm down here, regretting my choices." At least I was able to confirm that they were the good guys in this situation. Another win under my belt. On a roll.

"Yeah she said that, but why did she do that? Mom said that spell is only supposed to be used in some kind of emergency and you seem like a cool... guy-thing. What are you anyway? You look like a big eared minotaur." I was going to go under the assumption that he didn't know what kind of emergency his mom was talking about, and I wasn't completely sure myself so I'll keep this simple.

"Well, in order, I think I just surprised her at a bad time, with the world in darkness and all, and your guess is as good as mine." What would I call myself anyway? A Fecto? A Forgo? I had already committed to my name being Elfilis without much thought, and I'm not sure saying I was 'Elfilis the Elfilis' would be terribly forthcoming. "What about you Spike? What are you?" He was a purple lizard with green spines. I thought he was kind of cool.

"Oh, well I'm a dragon! A baby dragon anyway, that's probably why you don't recognize it." Sure, let's go with that. "Wait, but, how do you not know what you are?"

"I only have about a weeks worth of memories. I just left the forest to the, west? Yeah, to the west of here when I saw the sun go back to bed." I'm going to put that compass on a string. A reminder to keep an open mind on the usefulness of random objects. "You said you were a baby? You're very well spoken aren't you?"

"Thank you! You can thank Twilight for that, I don't think anypony raised by her could go as long as I have without learning a thing or two." Was Twilight his mom? Or is he like her adopted brother? Also, now I knew that they were called ponies. I heard it before but I was too preoccupied by the floor at the time to pay it much attention. "Are you... comfortable down there? You want a chair?"

"My legs are numb and my levitation stopped working when Twilight cast her spell. If you can lift me high enough on your own to put me in a chair, I would appreciate it."

"Oh, uh, I'm not sure I can do that. Sorry."

"No problem. You mind if I ask some questions?" I hoped the well-spoken baby would actually know enough to teach me something worthwhile, besides grammar.

"Sure, what do you want to know?"

Spike was pretty confused. This Elfilis dude seemed cool, even if he was stuck laying on his belly as they spoke, but his questions made him sound like he was younger than the dragon in the room. And like, not knowing who Nightmare Moon was isn't a big deal, Spike didn't know either until that morning. (Spike still giggled every time he called her the Nightmare Penis. Where did he come up with that?) But everypony knew who Celestia was! She raised the sun and moon everyday! Not to mention, he didn't know the name of the planet! Was he an alien? Was Spike having a conversation with somepony literally out of this world? He had so many questions for Twilight when she came back.

"So, wait," Spike started to wonder something, "Why didn't Twilight undo the Chastity Spell?"

"She said only qualified ponies were allowed to know how to undo it. Why?"

"Uh-"

"I'm an idiot! What is wrong with me?!"

"It's okay sugarcube, we were all scared of da' trees too." Seriously, Applejack felt like everypony around her was a little dramatic.

"No! Not that! I AM qualified to cast the undo spell! I learned it just last month! GAAAAH!"

"BaHAHAHAHA-"

"- just curious I guess. You don't really look comfortable down there."

"Thank you for caring Spike. Mind if I ask you a silly question of my own?" Spike wasn't going to say anything if Twilight wasn't.

"Yep! Of course! Ask away."

"So Nightmare Penis (snrk) is one of two alicorn sisters who raise the sun and moon, correct?"

"Yes...?"

"She was banished to the moon and the second unnamed alicorn sister took over her duties and started controlling both in her absence one thousand years ago. Am I missing anything?"

"No, that's how the fairy tale went."

"Okay. And Princess Celestia, the one who told you and Twilight that the now-confirmed myth was just an 'old foals tale,' is an immortal Alicorn who has raised the sun and the moon everyday for as long as any living pony can remember?"

"..."

"...Spike?"

"Give me a second I need to write a letter."

Celestia was currently on the surface of the sun. In truth, without the Elements of Harmony backing the spell her sister cast on her, she could have left at any time. If she wanted to stop Nightmare Moon without killing her however, she would have to trust that her faithful student would solve the mystery of the hidden sixth element. The Elements had long stopped responding to the solar sister, and even when she had used them a thousand years ago they pushed back against her as she tried to purify Luna. So here Celestia sat, in a relatively cool section of the sun, trying to maintain her composure with some summoned jasmine tea.

So when a letter appeared in front of her, as surprised as she was that it had reached her, she had enough forethought to cover it in a cooling spell before it could combust. She choked on her tea and the letter caught fire not ten seconds later as she read it.

Dear Princess Celestia
Why didn't you tell us Nightmare Penis Moon was your sister?
Spike

"Where did he come up with that!?"

"Do you think she got the letter?"

"You set it on fire, how is she supposed to have gotten it?"

As if to taunt Elfilis, Spike burped up a cloud of sparkly green gas that turned into a rather singed looking roll of parchment. Spike looked very smug as he unrolled it to read, and Elfilis just raised his eyebrows as the dragons expression turned into an odd combination of embarrassment and mirth.

I'm sorry, did you just call my sister Nightmare Penis? Or is heatstroke getting to me?

Spike knew better than to say it was heatstroke.

"So uh, why do you keep calling Nightmare Moon a penis?"

"I thought that was her name? It's what Twilight called her when she- Oh... Woops."

Twilight said it first.

Those four words were enough to turn much of the joy Celestia felt at the activation of the Elements full power into confusion and resignment.

"Please tell me this is just a baby's overactive imagination... Later Celly, you need to be composed for your sister." With a quick breathing exercise, and a teleport to the outside of her old castle, she raised the sun to shine its light upon her student and her new friends. She allowed a sense of pride replace her consternation, and even as she greeted the new Bearers she looked to her sister. She felt mirth as her little ponies expressed their shock at her claiming Luna as family, and she spoke the last words needed to save her sister for good.

"You are now free of the parasite known as Nightmare Penis- DAMN IT ALL!"

"Princess?!" Great, now she needed to explain herself to Twilight instead of the other way around.

Luna was laughing though, probably out of shock, but Celestia would take it. She needed a win today.

Author's Note

Woot woot it's publishable now. Probably.

EDIT: MORE EDITS AND MISSING WORDS

COFFEE FUELS ME

3. Introductions, take two.

I could feel my ears very slightly twitch as light shone through the windows of the library.

"They did it! Go Twilight!" Spike was clearly ecstatic about this news. "Man, all that talking and I almost forgot that things were pretty bad out there. When do you think they'll be back?" He barely finished his sentenced before yawning. "Because, uh, I'm not sure how much longer I can stay awake."

"Adrenaline wearing off, right? Well I don't think it will take as long as it took them to bring the sun back." As if to prove my point, a flash of yellow light came from the open door behind me, followed by some familiar laughter. Before I could comment on how it was even quicker than I expected, Twilight began to shout.

"Wait, Princess-"

"Aaaah-" And then I was crushed.

Princess Celestia awkwardly rolled off the back of the creature that was just laying face down in the entrance to the library.

"Apologies. I didn't see you down there. Are you alright?" She was a little miffed, and very confused, but she figured she'd still be polite until she had a better idea of why everything was so strange today.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't think I had any pride left to lose anyway." He looked up at her as best he could from his place on the floor, and, wow. Those eyes were not like anything she had seen before. "I'm going to assume you are the solar sister, Princess Celestia? It's nice to meet you despite the circumstances your majesty." Very polite, besides taking up the walkway.

"This is the best day ever. We saved the day, brought back royalty, and we got to watch a real-life comedy all at the same time! All it would take to make this perfect would be a party and a Wonderbolts show."

"Yes! It's party time! We have to celebrate!" Yeah, Celestia wasn't in the mood for that.

"Perhaps Ms. Pie, we could save the festivities for another day? I believe we've much to talk about at the moment."

"That's okay! More time to plan and make it the best party EVER!" Good enough.

After everypony got settled on some cushions, with Spike putting a pillow under the strangers chin before curling under one of his large ears, Celestia decided it was time to try to bring back some order.

"So, first and foremost, sister, welcome back. I do not know if there are words that exist that could express how happy I am to see you again after all these years." Luna just smirked at her sister, and Celestia knew that she was enjoying her flustered state too much to properly reciprocate her feelings at the moment. It was okay though, they had all the time in the world now to be a family again. "Secondly, stranger, may I have your name?"

"Elfilis your majesty." Strange name. "I'm guessing that your next question is why I'm still laying on the floor?" Her next question was actually going to be for Twilight and the rest of her friends, but since he brought it up...

"Hehe, maybe you should ask Twilight why Princess. I'm sure she would love to share." Oh no, she thought, what did her student do? The Princess looked to Twilight and couldn't help but notice her blush as she tapped her hooves together. That was a nervous tick she never grew out of.

"UH, well, you see, we were, and then, penis-" Ignoring the laughter of the ponies around her Celestia just stared at her student and waited for her to collect herself before prompting her with a hoof to try again. She really needed to hear the full story. "Sorry Princess. We were all just about to leave the library but Elfilis was standing by the door when I opened it. I wasn't looking where I was going at first and when I turned around, well... my head only goes as high as his waist and I panicked! I'm sorry!" And Celestia was pretty sure where this was going now.

"You should have been there! 'The world could end if we don't stop Nightmare PENIS!' And then BOOM, Chastity Spell." And the element of loyalty confirms her fears, as well as answers the question she was most unprepared to ask everypony.

"Oh my gosh I called Princess Luna a penis nightmare!" And that was the final straw for Celestia's self-control. She didn't shout, she didn't yell, and she didn't throw anything across the room, she just silently cast a sound cancelling spell into the library as the ponies around her devolved into silent laughter and befuddlement. She needed a break. She missed her little spot on the sun.

I don't know how long we sat there in silence before the Princess undid whatever it was she did to kill all the sound. She was very clearly struggling to keep some measure of control over the conversation. And I did agree with what she was trying to do, as absurd as the day had been a serious conversation needed to take place. So I waited as she took a few minutes to take some very deep, completely soundless breathes before lightly trying to get her attention from the floor. She took one last breath before sound returned to the room. Rainbow Dash was still smiling wide with Pinkie, and Applejack and Fluttershy were hiding behind her hat and hair respectively, but everyone else seemed to have gained some measure of calm.

"Apologies Elfilis, allow me to undo that spell for you."

Luna was enjoying herself. She didn't know what to expect once that toxic hatred and ambition had been expunged from herself, but of all the things that could've happened, seeing her sister lose her composure in such a spectacular fashion wasn't one she would trade for the world. And her liberators, the new bearers of harmony, were very entertaining and kind. Though she was sure that was in part because they didn't have a true chance to digest all the information being thrown around, it was a calming sensation all the same. And, the pleasant surprises kept coming.

The lunar sister gasped as this 'Chastity Spell' was removed from the creature calling itself Elfilis. She could only assume the spell was meant to be some kind self-defense technique that locked down the magics of it's target, because as he softly floated off the ground and onto his hoofs, everything she saw (including the fact that he did stand at an unfortunate height for the average pony) played second fiddle to what she felt in her soul as his power came back. Luna was very proud of her discovery of the realm of dreams more than a millennium ago, but she had never been able to discuss it in detail with anypony. She was the only pony she knew of to be able to project her being into the immaterial realm, and it made her self-imposed vigil over the minds of her subjects a lonely one.

It also meant that when the parasite appeared, she was on her own to try to fight it off. And as good as she had gotten at dream walking, it wasn't her special talent. She was vulnerable to the mind magics it had played upon her, with no pony any the wiser to the danger she was in until it was too late. Elfilis though, this gracefully floating being, she could tell, was an unopposed natural master of dreams. With her magic she could almost see his thoughts try to break through the veil and become material, something she had only ever, well, dreamed of accomplishing. This was a joyous day indeed. Luna knew she needed to have a moment with him to themselves. She had so many things she wanted, nay, needed to ask him.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid we haven't met yet. You would be?" And she had been staring at him long enough for him to take action.

"Ah, my apologies Sir Elfilis, I am Luna. Princess Luna we suppose, though it has been a long time since I had been able to go by our own name. We did not intend to stare." Okay, given her alicorn status, I was going to assume that she was the lighter side of Nightmare Moon, just as Elfilin was the kindness of Fecto. And also, she was occasionally referring to herself in plural, which was confusing.

"It is alright your majesty. I understand that I am not something you would see often, if at all." I'm going to be honest, trying to watch my language and verbiage around royalty was becoming exhausting.

"Um, excuse me Mr. Elifilis." I looked to the shy pegasus as she quietly whispered to all of us. I noticed she had picked up Spike and was wrapping him up in a bundle on her back as we spoke. "I don't suppose, you could tell us what you are? As a species? If you don't mind..." Well we were gonna get to that point eventually.

"Yeah, you look pretty rad but I don't think I would have known if you were cool to hang out with or not without you taking that spell like a champ." I think I was going to get along relatively well with Rainbow, even if she had an odd fixation on things being 'cool.'

"And I, am curious to know the name of the race that naturally has such a silky gorget! It's very striking darling." And Rarity, who was (according to Spike) the 'most beautiful mare in all of Equestria' was going to inflate my ego.

"Before I tell you all what I know, can I get confirmation that everything is back to the way it's supposed to be now? I know the sun is back in the sky and all, but I would really like to be sure that there isn't anything left to do before I start introducing my own problems. One thing at a time right?" It was Princess Celestia who would respond.

"Indeed, but as it stands I do not believe me or Luna are in any state to address our subjects at the moment, and I would rather hear your story. The sun and moon are back in balance, and for now that will be enough to keep our subjects calm." By the end of her statement everyone in the room had already turned to me, waiting for me to start. It made me a little nervous.

"Alright, so, just a little forewarning, I don't know everything about myself. The only memories I have are about the week before I found Ponyville, and the day after I tried to offer my help to Twilight and scared her by accident." I could see the combination of concern and intrigue grow in their eyes as I spoke. "As for what I am, I think I shall call myself a 'Forgo.' The only things I know about my body and capabilities are from what I can recall from a... story about someone similar to me by the name Fecto Elfilis. Yes, I am borrowing his last name for myself, so if we can all just refer to him as Fecto I would appreciate it."

"Thou only have memories of a tale about thy own people?" Luna was definitely trying not to sound too curious, but it was bleeding through her worried tone. "And we assume the borrowed name was due to lacking one of thine own?"

"I have only memories about one of my own people, and yes, I don't remember my name or who I was until a week ago. I'm not convinced I actually was a Forgo before then either. Some parts of my body feel familiar but others are as alien to me as they are to you." Okay, they were really focused on what I had to say now. "I'm going to tell Fecto's story now if you don't mind, it's the last bit of information I can remember clearly." Celestia interrupted at this point.

"Just a moment, do you mind if we move this conversation somewhere else? I would like to invite you all to lunch at the castle, I feel we may need more time to address your situation than I realized and we do need to give an address to our ponies before days end. My sister and I can give a speech after we arrive in Canterlot, and afterwards we can finish this conversation. Is that alright?" Even if it wasn't alright with me, I was pretty sure I didn't actually have a choice. Not becuase the Princess was threatening me or anything, but the rest of the room sans Twilight had all gotten excited at the prospect of dining with royalty.

"Of course Princess. I can wait just a little longer."

"Thank you. Now, gather around everypony, I will teleport all of us to the castle myself." Oh wait, I have something to do.

"Wait! Sorry your majesty I need to, ah, damn it. Screw propriety. I need to pee." And then I found myself back in the forest. I really needed to figure out what it was that was causing the portals when I wasn't actively trying to activate them. I almost forgot about them because they were absent after Twilight worked her magic, but I definitely just left a room of shocked ponies behind. It would have to wait though, I had other priorities at the moment.

"What thu' hay!"

"He could go to any party he wants?! He's Mr. Worldwide!"

"How!? That wasn't a normal teleport, was it Princess?" Celestia only sighed.

"No, no it was not Twilight." Celestia didn't know how to handle a creature that could so casually open stable portals that travelled through space-time that it used them to use the restroom in peace. "He could have just walked down the hall, but nooo..."

Author's Note

I'll keep this one simple. Not all chapters will keep the fast pace of the last, and feel free to let me know if I screwed up in editing.
Thank you to whomever reads this far.

4. Strangely opposing origins.

I 'ported back into the library a short while later with a quick apology that was waved off just as casually. And with a flash of light I found myself in a positively regal throne room with stained glass windows casting colorful shades onto the far wall. Twilight quietly and carefully picked up the snoozing dragon from Fluttershy's back and left with a quiet 'excuse me.' Presumably to put him in an actual bed.

"Now, me and Luna need to find her some regalia before she makes her appearance and-"

"Actually, Tia," Seems the youngest had some reservations. "would it be too much to ask that thee make this address without us? Thou may tell our subjects about us of course, but we do not believe we are ready to face them just yet." Celestia's eyes softened and she offered her sister a small sad smile. "And besides, we believe there is something we- I need to discuss with Sir Elfilis." Uh oh.

"Of course Luna, you may take your time." The Princess was clearly curious about what her sister wanted to talk to me about as well, but she kept it to herself as she began to address everyone else. "If the rest of you shall follow me, I will find some guards to show you all to a guest room until lunch. And Luna, the throne room will be kept private for the two of you. I would take you two to the table but I really should hurry. Love you sister."

"And I you." Luna and I watched as Celestia trotted out the door with a party of ponies following behind. On an unrelated note, I did have confirmation that everyone I've met so far besides Spike was female. It made me wonder what the odds of that were. "Elfilis? Do thou mind if we drop the Royal 'we?'" And I guess it was time to talk about something.

"If the 'Royal We' is why you keep referring to yourself as multiple people, then no, I do not mind. Why are you doing that by the way? You kind of switched in and out of it earlier."

"Ah, thank you, and apologies. It is how we, er, my sister and I used to speak to our royal subjects. It was meant to present a united front. For all the good it did..." Woah, where did the sadness come from? "But that is not what we- I, sorry, what I wished to speak to you about. You see, while my special talent is my ability to raise and lower the moon with my sister-"

"Very impressive by the way. Sorry, spoke before I realized it."

"Oh, it's alright. As I was saying though, completely separate from my lunar duties, I had taken up another job of my own. Only a short time before my... banishment a thousand years ago, I had stumbled upon magics that allowed me to leave this world and my body-" What? I knew my eyes had to have been extremely wide at this point. "-and project my mind into the world of Dreams." I, I just knew where this conversation was headed.

"This is why you were staring earlier wasn't it?" Smooth.

"Er, yes. When Celestia removed that 'Chastity Spell' from your person, I noticed that you are deeply interwoven with dreams. And, I have to ask, if you will teach me what you know?" Lady, I don't know what I'm doing I was hoping you all would be teaching me something! "I know thou, you are without your memories, but I simply ask that you try. Or let me watch as you learn the magics for yourself, so that I may know how to better defend myself in the future."

"Defend yourself? How do you mean?" This sounded a little more important than I had originally given it credit for.

"Yes, to defend myself!" I very lightly floated just a little way away as she seemed to get worked up. "It was my own foalishness and arrogance in my abilities that allowed that monster to ruin everything! It did not matter that I knew that I knew I was being corrupted, that, that BITCH was still able to use my dreams to weaponize my insecurities against my mind! I couldn't even speak of it in front of others! I would always find my mouth clamped shut of its own volition whenever I wished to ask for help, and I so, so desperately want to never set a hoof in the realm of dreams again. But, I can't just..." I, was so out of my depth here. The Princess was crying in front of me and I was shocked into silence.

"... What can't you do?" I let my levitation wane as I bent my knees, I didn't want to stand over her for this.

"... I can't just... leave... There are monsters in that realm, and I, and now you, are the only ones who can do anything about it." Oh you poor brave pony. "I can feel it in you, your prowess in dreaming. The world around you almost wants to change, to bend to your will as your dreams try to make thought into reality. The closest thing I'd ever seen to your power was a monster, and he, he ripped and tore reality at the seems to make what he wanted real. I need to know how it works! If I could mimic even a fraction of that power, Nightmare Moon would have never been, and our dear ponies would fear the monsters of the mind nevermore!... Please..."

...

Silence. No words, just heavy breathing and sniffling as she tried to wipe the tears from her face. Hooves weren't very good for that, and before I knew it I was handing her a silken cloth that had appeared without my say-so. She took it with barely a nod as she wiped her eyes.

"I... Apologies. It is not fair of us to-"

"I am absolutely terrified of my own abilities." I could tell I had shocked her, her eyes said it all. "That monster you spoke about? Tearing open reality to make it as he wished? That sounds too much what like Fecto would do." And now the pressure was on. She was paying too much attention for me to screw up this moment now. "He had a few titles that should give you a good idea what he was like before he was defeated. 'The Invasive Species', 'The Psychic Beast', 'The Ultimate Life-Form,' and 'The Species Born of Chaos.'" That one, that last one really scared her for some reason.

"You, said he was defeated?"

"Yes, by the most unassuming heroes imaginable. But it was what he almost accomplished that makes me wish I didn't have these powers. He was a star traveller, who destroyed planets as far as I could tell." I, I don't really think she understood the full scale of that, beyond sounding really bad. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite done delivering terrifying news. "Luna, he, his very SOUL was torn in half and he still had enough power to move planets across time so could he throw the home planet of the hero who stood against him as a god damn projectile before he died." And, I was getting worked up now.

"H-how, how was he defeated? How does one-"

"In an odd sort of way, I guess, he defeated himself. You see, his SOUL wasn't split evenly. Fecto, he came out of it with only most of his power, and his invasive ambitions, but his other half wasn't the same creature in body or mind." Getting to the important part now. "Fecto Elfilis was a monster, but he was not without compassion and love. It was simply something he chose to ignore. Elfilin though, he was composed entirely of his former selves positive attributes. He was a hero hidden in the body of a disaster. And he lent what little power he had to himself to help destroy Fecto and put the the planets in turmoil back into their proper places, even though it almost cost him his life... You see where I'm going with this don't you?"

"I- yes, but continue. Please."

"You were never gone Princess. You were the dream trapped inside a Nightmare, and while you may not have helped end her reign, you now have a chance to be the good you are meant to be." I idly wondered if she could see me through her tears at this point, but I had one last thing to say. "And... and if my absolutely terrifying powers are what you need to do that good, then I will lend them to you as best I can, because I now believe you are the only one who deserves it outside of Elfilin. You will never fall to a nightmare again. I promise." She looked up at me, her tears subsided just enough to give me a good look at her grateful, red eyes.

And then she tackled me. I barely kept the telekinesis up enough to avoid falling on my butt as she wrapped her front legs around my neck. I kind of, just, place one hand on her back to keep her steady and awkwardly pat the back of her head with the other. That was the right thing to do, right?

"Thank you, thank you so much... I... I don't..."

"It's okay. Really." I knew I was being impulsive, I had just met her and I still had problems of my own to solve, but I just didn't care at the moment. This was right, I felt that in my own SOUL, and I was determined to fulfill my promise. "Besides, I think this could probably help me as well, so don't worry about it alright? We'll figure out the secrets of dreams together."

"I... You're right. Thank you, again. I don't know what else to say..."

"BWAAAHAAHAAAA! IT'S SO SAD BUT IT'S SO WHOLESOME TOO!"

Luna practically flew out of my arms. She, might have actually flown. And without her head soaking my shoulder I was able to turn my head to see who the hell was crying this time.

It was Pinkie Pie, who was jostling an unfortunate Applejack next to her.

"Darn it Pinks, get control of yerself! You were suppose' ta help me find the dinin' room, not make me eavesdrop on personal stuff!"

Luna insisted at lunch that they not ask Elfilis anything about his situation until the next day, and Celestia didn't have it in her heart to turn her down. Plus, she promised to talk to her about it in private, so she left him be and instead tried to make conversation with her guests. The eldest was trying to include everypony, but even she knew that she was neglecting them in favor of talking to her sister. And she couldn't bring herself to care. Unfortunately, lunch was over far too soon. She dismissed Twilight and her friends to her students personal study, escorted Elfilis to a guest room she had prepared earlier, and finally, she was able to give Luna her own room.

She gasped as she saw the door to her new room, instantly recognizing that it was for her. She ran right up the bronze embossed image of her crescent moon and ran her hooves over it, as if to make sure it was really there. And before she knew it, Celestia was watching Luna fly around every nook and cranny of her new space, eyes wide and smile firmly upon her lips.

"It's just like I remember it, just somewhere new... Tia, how?"

"For nearly a thousand years I have kept this room secret from everypony else in the castle, for nearly a thousand years I have swept every speck of dust off of every surface before I would allow myself to sleep under your moon, and it is my wish that you will now spend another thousand here, with me, just as we used to." She became the second that day to receive a hug from the night.

"Of course sister. I would love nothing more. Nothing." Celestia lost track of how long they stayed like that, not even letting go as time came to change day into night, together, for what almost felt like the first time all over again. Soon after the stars had made their appearance however, Luna began to back out of the embrace, and Celestia let her with no small amount of reluctance. "Tia, I, I should share what we spoke to Sir Elfilis about. It could wait, but I don't want to think on this on my own."

And as Luna told the story of Fecto, of how she had made the choice to confront her fears head on, and of how Elfilis swore to help Luna reach new heights, Celestia couldn't help but let that little bud of gratitude and contentment take root in her heart.

This, she thought, this is the Luna I remember. Welcome home...

Author's Note

Life is a roller coaster and everyone has an obligation to ride.
This wrote itself, I had always intended to relate Elfilin to Luna, but it became emotional all on it's own. Which is perfect to me.
It's my opinion that if you are trying to write about the life and times of a character, then it needs to happen by itself. You can't force life.

5. Dreaming of Dreams

Luna didn't know where she was. Rather, she didn't know where it was supposed to appear to be. When she and her sister fell asleep together, she decided she would try to talk to Elfilis in the dream realm. This plan immediately fell apart. Usually when she starts dream walking, she would separate her mind from her body and would have to look for the small storms around the minds of subjects suffering nightmares. But it still felt like she had to physically move from pony to pony, even if it was just her image of herself she was moving across space. This time, upon falling asleep, she found herself already inside of some pony's dream.

It was an odd dream as well, most pony's dreams were fluid and subject to their own rules. Chaotic, as it were. This dream though, it was almost formless, like the pony was still falling asleep and their dream hadn't quite formed. And Luna had never, ever, been able to enter an unstable dream until this night. There was technically a floor, she could feel it under her, but it wasn't clear so much as it was impossible to see, revealing the void of dream-stuff underneath. The sky was much the same, and the only other thing to see were the clouds. Not fluffy white condensation in the sky, but little concentrations of purple dreams that had clumped together and drifted slowly everywhere she looked.

"What is this?" She had a good idea as to whose dream this was, now she just needed to figure out how she was already here and why it seemed to stay in flux. "Sir Elfilis? Art thou out here?"

ART-OUT-OUTSIDE-LANDSCAPE-HERE-THERE-FIND-ART-OUTSIDE

Lunas ears were pinned against her head, even though it wasn't loud so much as it was all-encompassing. They quickly shot up in surprise when she saw the effect her call had on the the puffs of dream-stuff. They all changed, most of them only taking vague shape, usually rectangular, but others turned into works of art, frames and all. She saw one that represented a dark forest (calm unlike the Everfree), two that presented a scenic view of that town they had been to just recently (Ponyville, she recalled), and about a dozen paintings of herself. All of them were distinguishable, but they were all blurry, like the paint had been allowed to run down the canvas. All except one.

It was that same picture of her, same pose and same room, and it was a masterpiece. Luna could have commissioned the best painter on Equis with the entirety of the kingdoms treasury and she swore nothing they made given a million years would ever come to the level of detail and SOUL this painting had. The texture of her coat, the waves of her mane, the way her eyes shone and the rainbow of lights from the stained glass of the throne room highlighted the tracks of moisture on her cheeks. Her smile, gods how long it had been since she could claimed to have smiled like that. So genuinely, untainted by worry, and tempered by the knowledge that everything was going to be just fine Lulu. I PROMISE.

So enchanted by her own portrait, that she almost didn't notice the star-shaped portal appear under it. She did however notice as the painting started to fall into it.

"No! Wait-" It was impulsive, and silly, and she knew it wasn't real, that it was only a dream. Regardless, she found herself chasing it into the portal. And as it closed, and all of the clouds of dreamstuff returned to their amorphous forms, the dream was once again, empty.

I had just gotten ready for bed. It did take some time, brushing my teeth and using the restroom, taking a shower and toweling off, it was all almost instinctual. Whether it be because of some difference of the faculties given to me or my lingering awkwardness within my own body though, it still felt strange and unnatural. And I had underestimated how long it took to dry fur. I definitely didn't have fur on my original body. It was done though, and all that was left to do was cozy under the covers and fall asleep. Except, then I had to deal with the heat. I liked the feeling of the blanket and the sheets over me, but it was too many layers. I really did try to make it work, but I should have quit much earlier.

By the time I gave up I was already soaked in sweat and my breathing had grown just a little heavier. Nostrils I didn't even know I had until then flared slightly with every inhale. I pulled off the blankets pushed back that unnecessary embarrassment as my poor member smacked my stomach and instead let myself enjoy the relief from having freed it from my own bad decisions. It was miserable, and I found myself wishing for a fan or a cup of ice, something to cool down at least a little bit. I sighed as I saw the portal open above me, put out by the fact that it was still acting on its own, but unwilling to complain for the moment. I closed my eyes as I yawned and put my hand up to catch whatever came out.

My eyes shot back open and all the air left my lungs as a heavy something crushed my chest before rolling off of me and clattering on the floor. I barely got a breath in before I saw Princess Luna what the fuck tumble out the portal and land ass-first on my chest.

"Mother- (gasp), Luna- What!? How did, get off me I can't breath. How did you use my portal and what the fuck did you just throw at me?" I pushed her off by her flank to the opposite side of whatever it was that just tried to kill me before standing up with her and crossing my arms to look down at her. I tried to look at her sternly, but I could tell my expression softened after I got a look at her face. She was gobsmacked, and scared. "Luna? You- (cough cough) Are you okay? What was that just now?"

She didn't answer me though, she started frantically looking all around the room. On the walls, under the bed ("Other side Luna."), until she found her weapon of choice for the night. I walked around the bed to look at whatever it was she was holding from over her shoulder, and what little breath I had got caught in my throat. It was a massive framed photograph of Luna after I had made her my promise. It was a perfect copy of my memory of that moment.

"P-princess, where did-"

"It's real. It's all real. This is real." Luna was muttering to herself. She had been totally unresponsive to almost everything since she showed up and I was officially out of my depth. I let out a sigh and reluctantly turned around and left the room. I needed help. I saw some guards around earlier and hopefully I would be able to track one down and get one to fetch Celestia for me. It took me little time to find him, two seemed to be stationed at most exits to the hall.

"Excuse me? Guard?" He quietly interrupted his vigil to turn and look at me, he didn't quite get it right the first time time. I just rolled my eyes as he cringed and tilted his head up to see who had called for him, his partner was trying not to smirk, I could tell. "Yeah, I need some... pony to go get Celestia. It might be an emergency." Short, concise, got to the point, a perfect request.

"I will need to know the nature of the emergency before I can request her presence." Damn it.

"It's her sister? Princess Luna? She'll want to be here for this I'm sure."

"I'm sorry but that isn't enough for me to go off of-" Calm is gone.

"Shut the fuck up. I know who you are now, I could spot you out of a crowd of white and gold because I can literally sense your very being. Day will come, Princess Celestia will be meeting me for breakfast alongside the six heroes of the fucking world, and I can promise you that after I tell her information that should have gotten to her thirty seconds ago, that the next thing I'll be telling the immortal diarch that moves a giant ball of fire Every, Single, Day, is which guard it was that gave so few shits that he just let something happen to the sister that she spent one thousand years yearning for the return for. So go get her. NOW."

I don't think he could have left faster if he tried. That did mean I was left awkwardly standing in the hall with his partner and my cock out, but progress had been made. Now I just needed to wait. Just needed patience.

"... You couldn't really sense who he was could you?"

"Oh no, not even if my life depended on it."

...

"You look good by the way." I was going to ignore the fact that she was not looking me in the eyes as she said that.

"Yeah thanks, whatever."

...

"... hehe, you made him tinkle."

"Don't be gross, I did not- Oh damn it."

It might of been thirty minutes later, tops, when the guard finally arrived with an irritated Princess Celestia dragging her hooves with her head closer to the ground than what was probably considered 'appropriate' for royalty. Wasn't a total waste of time though. I made a friend, her name is Frontline, and I think she is an irredeemable flirt with everyone. Which, was unfortunate, because that meant I was still 'bothered' when Celestia showed up.

"Elifilis, why...? Why are you and the guard you threatened the career of in such sorry states? If it had just been him I would assume it natural but since you are the same, and nothing seems to be natural while you're around, I can only assume-"

"Okay, one, you are stepping in the reason why he's showing, two-"

"Oh, what? Why wouldn't you warn me-?"

"-I'm showing because your guard is shameless, and three-"

"No, no, nevermind, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, oh mercy-."

"-if you'd stop thinking about my junk for a second? Thank you. Three, your sister is in my room muttering about how 'Everything is real,' after attacking me with a painting of herself and crushing my lungs with her own junk. Damn it, now I'm thinking about-"

"Why didn't you start with that!" And she was gone. "Luna! I'm coming!"

...

"For the record? Frontline? That entire interaction was your fault."

"Oh no, I'm so sorry, is there any way I can make it up to you?"

"You can clean up after your friend."

...

"I... I don't think I'm into that."

"You aren't supposed to be, I was serious."

"Boo, you're no fun."

"Girl, I will-"

Celestia wouldn't admit to anyone that she almost collapsed in relief at the sight of her sister walking out of the guest room as she turned the corner. Luna would happily tell anyone who asked that, yes, that damaged brickwork was caused by her sister hip-checking it as she slipped on her regalia.

"Luna! Is everything okay? I thought you must have gotten up to watch the stars when I woke up but then Elfilis said-"

"Wait! Hold, just so we are clear, thou woke up and I was not in my bed anymore?"

"I- Yes? Luna what is going on?" She watched as her sister pursed her lips in concentration, trying to find the right words for what had happened.

"... After you fell asleep I decided to try to converse with Elfilis through his dreams. Only, instead of starting the dream walk in my chambers and having to walk to him, as I would normally do, I found myself inside of his dream the moment my head hit the pillow. I knew it was his, and I thought to find him, ask him if he knew anything. So I called out to him, 'Art thou out here,' and his dream just, took off." Celestia could see the wonder shine in her eyes, the same wonder that used to be there when she talked about her discovery of dream-walking so long ago.

"It took the words I spoke to it, it created Art." It was at that point that Luna levitated a framed picture out from the room and showed it to her sister.

''Luna, its beautiful, but are you saying that..." Celestia was breathless. She heard the story of Fecto, but the power to move celestial bodies was dwarfed by this discovery.

"Yes. A portal opened up in his dream to take this, and I had followed it without thinking. It was disorienting, but I quickly felt it, the lack of a dream. I jumped from his mind into the material world, and the same holds true for this portrait. Its me, from my conversation with Elfilis, straight from his recollection of it. I, Celestia, sister, he doesn't know how to use his powers, we have to help him! His potential is incredible! If he had been here a thousand years ago, we... We never would have needed to grow up so fast..." Celestia's heart tore. "He can lift the sun and moon, he can stop famine, he..."

"Luna, I... I don't know what to say."

"Say yes! Don't you see! There is so much we could learn from him, and him us! If we could teach him control, with his help we would be able to prevent anypony else from going through what we went through."

"Sister, it's okay. I know what you are afraid of. I won't try to take him away from you. He is a good friend to you, I can tell, and he is not Sombra." Luna choked at the name. "He may be powerful, but he has been understanding while Sombra had always been too quick to hurt others. That was why I banished him, not because of his power. Sir Elfilis may stay."

"Thank you Tia, truly."

"With all that being said-"

"What-"

"Shh, let me finish. We cannot force him to become a guardian of our subjects. That would make us no better than Starswirl." Celestia was happy to see Luna care so much about something, but this was something she would not bend on, sister or not.

"... You are right. I shouldn't have argued for that." Luna was clearly upset with herself, but she needed to understand this point, as much as Celestia would rather let her sister have what she wants for once.

"... So, thanks for not banishing me. Can I have my room back? I would like to try to fall asleep before morning if it's all the same to you."

Author's Note

Apparently the last chapter was just the first drop of the angst coaster. I'll be keeping it lighter for a bit after this. Don't want to over saturate the narrative with hastily made lore drops and emotions.

I should totally write a full angst piece at some point though.

6. A completely normal breakfast.

I poked at the breakfast in front of me as I watched all the ponies make idle conversation. It was disheartening to realize that I didn't have enough life experience to contribute. The harvest this year was looking to be a good one, an interesting book was coming out within the week, a squirrel had some interesting things to say about a new resident of Whitetail woods, all mundane things I couldn't relate too. Except for that last one. I was little miffed that that squirrel could have helped had he felt like it. Eventually, Luna noticed my despondence.

"Sir Elfilis? Is breakfast not to your liking?"

"No. I mean, yes, it tastes good, but I ended up snacking when I woke up." Luna looked pretty excited to ask me something just then, but Twilight got to it first.

"Did you get something from the guards barracks? There aren't many food places inside the castle."

"Ah, no, I teleported some food into my room shortly after I got up. My portals tend to find things for me without asking." Luna was vibrating in her seat. "Yes Luna? Is there something you want to say?" Celestia snickered into her tea from her spot at the table.

"Are you sure you transported it? Absolutely positive?" That was a leading question, she was waiting to tell me I'm wrong.

"... No. I suppose I don't know if I am teleporting objects or not. Why?" She pouted a little bit as Twilight frowned in thought. Everypony else was just listening, but they were probably as confused as I was.

"Thou could have played along. Regardless, I ask because of a fantastic discovery I made last night!"

"Was this before or after you attacked me in my bed?" And there I went putting my foot-hoof-thing in my mouth.

"The Princess attacked you?"

"I don' think he meant literally Pinkie." Thank you Applejack, for being the voice of reason.

"Wait, was that an innuendo then?"

"Rainbow! Don't be so crass. To imply such a thing about royalty, honestly." Thank you Rarity, I've had enough of that nonsense from Frontline already.

"Er, the discovery took place as I attacked you?"

"Okay, Luna didn't attack me, enough. What was this big discovery? I'm assuming its about my abilities."

"Right, apologies. Yes, we discovered what may be the most powerful and useful of your new abilities. Last night, I attempted to dream walk-" Even after all she said about being scared of it, she still went and did it that night? "- and found myself inside of your dream."

"Hold on, Princess Luna can enters ponies dreams? How does that work? Is it some kind of spell?" Well, if Twilight didn't know then the rest of the table was probably completely in the dark.

"It is magical in nature, but my sister does not truly cast a spell to enter the dream realm so much as she directly sends magic into it. Thats from my own limited understanding however, I was never able to accomplish it. My talents lay elsewhere." That was just begging to be asked about in the future, what did she consider equal to entering an imaginary world?

"It is a close enough description Tia, but as I was saying, I entered Sir Elfilis's dream. It was like nothing I had ever seen before, nearly empty, full of nothing but shapeless purple dream-stuffs as far as the eye could see."

"Dream Matter." That was not a voluntary utterance on my part. It spilled from my lips like a dam had broken.

"Pardon?"

"Sorry Luna. It has a name, it's Dream Matter. I just, well, know it. I don't think I can elaborate."

"... Well a thousand years ago we would have argued with thou about the nature of matter, but I suppose with what I know now it will serve as a better name then 'dream-stuff.' Your dream was empty and I could not find you, so I shouted 'Art thou out here,' emphasis on the 'Art.'" I was started to get excited, I remembered the photograph, I could follow this thread of clues. "Your dream, took the word and used it transform the Dream Matter into interpretations of it. There were many, but most were blurred and 'half-baked,' I believe the term is."

"Yuck! Why would anypony half-bake something? That's just crazy! Why I remember when my sisters tried to-" Pinkie kept moving animatedly, with her lips moving at hyper speed even as no sound escaped the magenta bubble that had formed around her head. Celestia looked wryly at her student as she flushed into her seat.

"Er, regardless, there was one portrait that stood out among all the others. It was of myself, and it is, far as I can tell, a perfect copy of your memory of our conversation earlier that day."

"It is a perfect photocopy of that moment. I almost want to say it was better then I could have remembered it. And, I'm guessing it was interesting enough that when it started to disappear, you tried to follow it."

"Yes, following this 'photocopy' through the portal was one of the most surreal feelings, and when I had come back to senses, I realized that I had just woken you up by dropping what should have been an entirely imaginary object on you."

"You also dropped yourself."

"SO AS YOU CAN SEE, your powers allow you to create material objects in the immaterial realm, and then smoothly add them to our realm through your unique portals. It's amazing I hope you realize! Not even the most advanced of spells can create from nothing, and you are able to do so with thought alone!"

"And apparently they don't have to be my thoughts either, given what I wanted was a way to cool down and instead I got a pallet of wood and a princess." Luna was definitely blushing as she mock-glared at me, but Twilight and the other didn't give her a chance to snap back.

"You can literally make dreams real? I thought was just some weird flight school mumbo-jumbo." It definitely seemed in character to me that Rainbow would hear an inspirational quote and think it was just some boring school motto.

"You can have cake whenever you want! Just go snooze, and when you wake you'll have all the donuts you could think of." You get one guess on who said that.

"Oh I have so many dresses I could never complete, if I could just dream them into existence, there wouldn't be a pony in the world who could leave my boutique unsatisfied!" I actually didn't know she was a fashionista, Spike just kept telling me about how pretty she was. I wondered where the baby dragon was at the moment, but then another thought bowled over the rest.

"Who the hell wears clothes-"

"But what's the difference between this and creating an object with magic? It has to be something about the composition right? Are dream objects more stable? I know that magically created objects suffer from enhanced entropy but-"

"That is exactly the difference my dear student. Magically created objects are made with magic, of magic, from magic, and will always, without exception, return to magic. Useful for quick solutions-" At this Celestia tapped her golden shoes together over the table before they broke like glass and disappeared. "But there is a reason there are no spells for creating food from magic, not even for emergencies. That portrait, which is now hanging proudly in the study, may actually be more durable than one would expect from canvas and lumber." Luna took over from here.

"Indeed. I could always feel the dream world around you, pushing against the barrier that keeps it seperate, but even I did not think you would be able to make true constructs. The fact that you can do so while asleep is astounding, but it does mean we will need to spend time on learning how to control it. We would not wish for you to have a bad dream only to wake to it made real." I just noticed a problem in her argument.

"Luna?"

"Yes?"

"I wasn't sleeping when that portal opened. I had been struggling that whole night." She just looked at me, expression unchanging from her curious smile. And then her eyes rolled up into her head as her head slammed into the empty plate in front of her. I stood up, worried as the rest of the room began to shout and run to her. Before Celestia was able to make it though, Luna appeared to just, stop existing. No flash of light, no sound, she was just there one moment and gone the next.

It was the next moment when a star portal opened up above the table, dumped a couple dozen framed pictures on it, before depositing Luna at speed, cracking the table in half.

"How did I not realize?! I could see your dream even as you spoke to us, of course it- Grk!" She had been excitedly turning picture after picture over to see each one before she froze at one in particular. Everypony else at the now-useless table was too busy staring at her in shock as I floated over the mess to see what had shocked her out of her manic muttering.

"... What's the problem? It's just you?" It was the moment she fell bottom first out of the portal.

"W-well, yes, it just looks like, I'm, we, er..." I didn't get it? I figured my embarrassment over nudity was a leftover of a furless life, but even the guards armor didn't cover up their privates. Probably to avoid chafing. "That is, it looks as if I am, ah, lifting my tail for you..." And now she was blushing. I was still confused. Like, I understood now that she felt like the picture looked as if she was showing off but... I looked at the bearers of harmony, who were all blushing (with Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie trying not giggle as well), and I looked to Celestia who was trying to hide behind her tiny teacup, before I looked back at Luna and the picture.

"But, all of you always have your tail up?"

I received no explanation in the end, just an apology from Celestia for snorting tea into my collar of fur. Luna left with the picture bashedly, and met up with us a short while later with a light dusting of pink still adorning her cheeks. The solar sister ushered us all out of the trashed room and took us to Twilights study, saying that if we were going to be discussing my powers and origins that we may as well do it someplace where her student could write down the important details. The walk over was weird though, Celestia insisted on having a guard escort and Rarity and Fluttershy were trying to explain the difference between the resting tail and the 'fuck-me' tail. They didn't use those words. One of the guards, who could only be Frontline under that armor tried to take over and 'give examples,' but I couldn't spot the difference.

When we were finally all settled down in the study and the guards were dismissed, it was time for the Fecto-Forgo-Elfilis lecture. Twilight had a notebook out and was taking frantic notes as the two princesses told her and the others what they remembered of Fecto's story. It was Rainbow Dash who finally couldn't help herself. She interrupted when they finished discussing Fecto's absurd attack potential, and how he had lost anyway.

"Hold on! Time out! A bad guy powerful enough to throw our planet like a hoofball and it only took two heroes to beat him? How powerful were they? Were they ponies?" This did bring Luna and Celestia short.

"I am curious as well Sir Elfilis," I know Luna, curious seems to be your default state. "Who was the hero who could split the soul? All you had told me was that he was unassuming." I started trying to find the words to describe Kirby, but passed that up for a new idea.

"So first off, there were arguably three heroes, Elfilin, Bandanna Waddle Dee (that one got some looks), and the most important to the story is Kirby. I was going to try to describe him, but how about I stretch my magical muscles and try to show you?" They scooted closer in excitement as I raised my hand to open a portal, bringing my memory of what Kirby looked like to my mind. And they waited, and waited, and started to look at me confused. I was growing frustrated, I could draw the picture myself damn it! Draw a circle, dot the eyes, and a great big smile! Why was this the picture that I couldn't conjure?

"Art thou alright?" I dropped my hand with a sigh.

"I know what he looks like, it is extremely clear to me, but," I summoned an apple to my hand. "For once, my powers have refused to work even as I was trying to use them."

"Um, maybe, you could talk about him out loud?"

"That's a great idea Fluttershy!" Twilight brought out her notebook again. "Saying it out loud could help him solidify the image in his head, and even if it doesn't work, we'll still have a working description!"

"It's worth a shot. Okay, so, he's round and puffy, he's as pink as Pinkie Pie ("YAY"), his arms are just two little stubs that stick out the sides, he has big red shoes, blushing cheeks, very wide expressive eyes, and he has a smile that never seems to be gone for long." Everypony was just looking at me. Twilight had long stopped writing down the description. "I did say he was an unassuming hero. I'm pretty sure he would barely stand as high as your legs."

"Well, yeah, but he doesn't really sound cool, you know? Sounds like a cute animal Fluttershy would take care of." Following Rainbow, Pinkie said the words that hit me like a sledgehammer.

"Aw! Rainbow! Kirby sounds like a Friend!"

"That's exactly right. Kirby is shaped like a Friend." Everypony looked at Elfilis in shock, the ground under his feet had just splintered and shot sawdust into the air as the pressure in the air built. A star-shaped portal appeared above all of them and launched a purple foal-sized object into the floor, shockingly doing no damage and just bounced a few times before the portal disappeared.

And then it moved, and it stood up on it's pink shoes as it moved its tiny purple arms in a wobbly motion to try to keep balance before it look up at them with curious pink eyes that glowed under their own power. And then he smiled wide, and said-

"Hiiiiiiii~"

Author's Note

Meet Phantom Kirby everybody. Twilight is never going to get the full story if Elfilis keeps dropping surprises left right and center, but it's not his fault. Really.

Let me know if it seems like I'm overdoing it with the whole nudity thing, I don't know if I'll change anything but I would like to know people's opinion on it.

Made a very minor edit of the last chapter to make this one flow a little better, it's probably not worth looking for and it's not something I'm going to do often.

7. Hitting ones limits.

"What have you learned about him Twilight?" Celestia had to suppress a smile as she saw the lavender mare try to organize her notes, before giving up and speaking from memory.

"Well, he matches Elfilis's description physically but chromatically it's all wrong. He still responds to the name Kirby-"

"Poyo!"

"Like that, yes. Either Elfilis doesn't know his colors, it's an imperfect process turning Dream Matter into living creatures, or he is just another member of Kirby's species who just so happens to share the same name. And on that previous point, I use the term 'living creature' loosely. He generates no body heat as far as I can tell, and I don't know if he is simply cold-blooded because he swallowed my thermometer while I wasn't looking. I also can't draw blood, in part because I am missing the right tools and also because he has no veins as far as I can tell. That thermometer by the way? Completely gone, I can't summon it from wherever it is or Kirby's stomach utterly destroyed it near instantly." A dry thermometer dinked her in the side of the head.

"Or option three, his stomach negates magic. 'Stomach' is also used loosely, he sometimes seems to be a giant mouth on feet and other times his jaw is just as small as it appears to be. No possible reproductive capabilities, unless Pinkie is right about him being something like a 'Parasprite,' which according to her eats food and directly converts the nutrients and proteins into a clone of itself. Kirby is about three hoofs tall, and every time I tried to weigh him I got a radically different result but it varied from literally without weight to about as heavy as a healthy foal." She took a breath finally, Celestia was about ready to cut her off.

"In short, he makes no sense and you'll have to wait for Princess Luna and Elfilis, whenever he wakes up, to try to study Dream Matter in greater detail before we can learn anything more about Kirby." Twilight looked to the side for a second before shoring up some courage and looking back up at her mentor. She had been waiting for her to ask.

"Celestia, I appreciate everything you've done for me, and I would love to help learn more about dreams moving forward, I really would but... Everypony else is getting ready to go home to Ponyville. I, I know I just met them recently but we accomplished something amazing together and I don't want to leave them! Could I...?"

"With all of the powers vested in me as Princess of the Sun, I hereby move ownership of the Golden Oaks library in Ponyville from the crown to Twilight Sparkle, for her to do with as she wishes. Of course you may go stay with your friends. You are my student, but you are also your own pony. I would never wish to keep you from what makes you happy." The two ponies initiated a quick hug before Twilight grabbed her bags and ran to the door.

"Thank you Princess! Spike! Come on! We could still catch the train if we hurry!"

"I'm coming!" Spike had been playing with 'Kirby,' with a quill, trying to tickle him before he startled and ran after Twilight as best as a baby dragon could. Celestia was proud of her, and sad to see her go, but she knew they would still be seeing a lot of each other in the near future. She looked at Kirby as he sadly poked at the feather Spike left behind. He hadn't really been ticklish but he had clearly been enjoying the attention.

"Don't worry little one, perhaps you and I could- No that's not food!" Kirby starting inhaling as hard as he could, and wow, Twilight was not wrong when she said his mouth could change size. The feather stayed still for just a moment before the suction suddenly pulled it right into his puffy body. "I don't know if that's good for you- And you've swallowed it- What the fu-" She never got to finish that sentence, she was suddenly attacked a purple mass of feathers and joy.

"Noooo- HahahaHAHA! STOP! I'm actually ticklish! Damn it Spike! HAhaha!"

Luna kept a calm vigil over an unconscious Elfilis. He had floated to the floor, unconscious, shortly after his creation had begun trying to play with everypony. He was okay, his heart still beat and his chest still breathed, but it was his dream that had been affected the most. It was still there, still clear, but it now resembled more the average pony's dream instead of the force of nature it was only hours ago. It was steadily growing, for which Luna was thankful, and it was only a matter of time until he came back to them.

It was a very short matter of time.

"Haa-! Where? Where is he...? Why am I using two beds?" The princess jumped as he shot up suddenly, but she smiled at his antics soon after.

"I had attempted to use the one bed, but your ears made it a little difficult to fit all of you onto the mattress, so I had another bed brought in. As for Kirby, he is with my sister for the moment."

"Oh, uh, thanks. I usually just try to wrap my wings around me. As for Kirby, come on! Up, up, up! You've got to see this!" He was already out the door before she could stop him.

"Sir Elfilis! Hold!" I stopped my sprint at her call. I was definitely in a bit of a hurry, and the excitement I felt was indescribable, but I realized a little late that I had probably just pulled a faux pas again.

"Sorry Luna, what else do you have to say?"

"I wanted to make sure you were feeling well. Your dream is much smaller than it was before, and while it is still healthy, I wanted to make sure you weren't adversely affected by using so much Dream Matter."

"You mean besides falling asleep?" She just nodded at me with a small glare. "I feel fine actually. I wouldn't know anything was still wrong had you not just told me. Anything else?"

"Yes. We have decided to make our first appearance to our subjects, and Celestia and I will turn the day into night for our subjects. Thus, we must request that thou watch Kirby until the presentation is concluded." She was trying too hard to make this official. Luna was effectively just asking me to babysit.

"Yeah, of course. I'll watch the little guy, you and your sister have responsibilities, I get that." The smaller alicorn let out a held breath, did she think I was going to be upset with her?

"Thank you verily Sir Elfilis. Now, follow me. We must fetch Tia." And she started walking the other way. Seriously, how was that any less suggestive than that photo? I just let out a huff as I followed her,

"Before you have to go, I should tell you, I remembered more stuff. Not about myself or Fecto, but about Kirby and where he comes from." And it was true. When the Phantom came out of the portal, it was like a wall had been busted down. I recalled a lot more about the pink puffball and his games. What a guy, honestly.

"That's great news isn't it? What have you found?" Oh, I knew exactly what to tell her.

"Well, he comes from a world called Dreamland." She just looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. "Yep, really. Made his home on Planet Popstar, full name." She was smiling now. "He makes use of weapons like the Rainbow Sword, Love-Love Stick-" She snorted.

"Surely you jest? That sounds like a cheap toy one would find in the red-light district." Luna stopped for just a second before heading into the study with a little look of embarrassed thought. "I wonder if those are still around..." A familiar voice spoke up from behind her.

"Can confirm Princess, red-light districts are doing great." Trust Frontline to know and to be so unrepentant as to casually talk to a princess about something as crass as the red-light district. Whatever the hell it was. Why was I running into her everywhere anyway?

"O-oh, ah, good! I mean good to know! Rather- uh, ahem. Is my sister still inside? The study?" Maybe I should try to keep her away from Frontline in the future whenever she is needed for political purposes.

"Yes princess!" That wasn't Frontline, that was her partner. "She has not left since before noon!"

"Oh thank goodness... I mean, good! Thank you. Uh... dismissed!" As I followed the moon pony back into the study, I heard the still-unnamed male guard snip at Frontline.

"What is your malfunction!?"

"Shut up, you pissed yourself." I laughed as the door shut behind us, and after I shifted my attention to Celestia, I bust a gut and started coughing. Luna wasn't much better, holding a hoof to her smile in an attempt to hide it.

"Ah, haha, Tia? Is everything alright?" Celestia just looked back her night oriented sibling with a deadpan expression from her place in the center of a nest made of parchment, floorboards, and purple down feathers. My Phantom Kirby sat on top of her head just behind her horn, snoozing away and huddling into his Wing-Ability like a content mother hen.

"Look at all the purple feathers in her mane! It looks like she picked a fight with you Luna!"

"Haha! Indeed!" Luna finally lost the battle against her mirth as she gave a hearty laugh at her sisters plight.

"Whenever you two are done, I would appreciate some help leaving this pretend mother bird routine."

"Oh, he isn't pretending. He has experience raising baby birds. He has one-hundred percent claimed you." She blushed hard as Luna guffawed.

"Yes, well, I am not some small chick who needs warming."

"Neither were the babies. They were larger than ponies. He probably just saw unarmored wings and thought, 'protect the baby.'" She just looked resigned.

"Why would a lack of armor mean I'm a baby bird Elfilis?"

"Because they grew up to be massive falcons with natural metal armor and feathers, tough enough to tank artillery." I giggled as she hung her head.

"I... Maybe I'll ask later. Just get me out of here."

The two sisters left me with a now featherless Phantom Kirby to get cleaned up and ready to show off their powers to their adoring fans. He was exactly as I thought he'd be (besides the color), and considering he was literally made from my thoughts on how Kirby should be, that wasn't really a surprise. I very sincerely doubted he was as powerful as the original, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Hey, do you mind if I rename you? So I don't confuse myself talking about you and your original?"

"Hah~" That sounded like permission.

"Hm, Phantom Kirby... Kirphy? Phirby?" He pouted a bit at those names. I didn't really think so either.

"How about... Kirby Two? Twoby? No, Toby! Toby is an actual name, how about that one." It might have just been because of my own enthusiasm, but Toby started cheering and clapping his hands at his new name. He really was just like...

"You aren't like Fecto's Phantoms, are you?" He stopped and puffed his smile into the smuggest look I had seen since I got her. "Amazing. You have an actual SOUL, you aren't just following an instinct to be like Kirby... Hmph. I guess my powers aren't a carbon copy after all." Fecto's Phantoms, they were just impressions. They would pretend, but they were just following the motions, they didn't truly feel the same things as their predecessors. "Stay here for a sec?" I walked out the study and looked to the guards outside. "Frontline, could I use your sword for a moment?"

"Only if I get to use yours~" I should have seen that coming.

"No seriously, I need to see something." Her partner spoke up.

"A guard is not to depart with his gear until his shift is over, and-" Frontline knocked him over.

"But, this guard would be willing to make an exception so long as you take her out to dinner tonight." I just looked her up and down.

"You are really set on this aren't you?" If she nodded any faster her head would of popped off. Mister Guard just started beating his helmet against the haft of his spear. "Fine. Dinner. Meet me by my door when you're ready, we'll have a picnic or something. Now come in, the both of you. I want to try something."

"Ooh, kinky~"

"Only if you're a masochist."

"Ha- what? Hold on what are we doing?" Laughing as the two followed in, one much more angrily than the other, I moved aside to show them Toby standing on the edge of his nest.

"Hiiiii~" Turns out Frontline is a pegasus, her armored wings always just looked like extra plate, but they certainly worked as she hugged (crushed) the Phantom against her barrel.

"Oh my god! What the fuck are you?! I love you!" The purple puff just hugged her back and laughed. She seemed to melt into his touch, just completely relaxed.

"You're so soft..."

"I think I just lost my date." I turned to mister spear. "You want to go instead?"

"NO! I mean, no. No thank you. You aren't my type." Frontline threw her now signature evil smirk his way over Toby's head.

"What's your hang-up? That he's big or that he's bigger?" See? Like I said. Absolutely dastardly.

"Alright, alright, I do actually have something I need your help with." I don't think Mister Rules was listening, what with his helmet pulled over his face and all, but Frontline at least was paying attention.

"Fine. You said you needed my sword? Just saying if you stab my baby I'm going to take yours right out of its sheath."

"One, holy shit. Two, Toby is our baby, okay? I'll fight you for custody and I know the Princesses. Now give your sword to him." She didn't look comfortable about it, but she unhooked her scabbard from her armor and held it out to 'her baby.' Toby proceeded to just inhale the blade straight out of it.

"What the shit-" And with a flash of sparks, Toby was revealed to now be wearing a floppy yellow cap and brandishing an entirely different sword than the one he just ate. "Where did the hat come from? Where is my sword?"

"I don't know and I don't know. Now, Toby! Attack Mr. Guard!" Said guard finally took his head out of his hoof, his helmet still wasn't on correctly though.

"Wha- Attack?! Hold on- Ow! I'm not ready damn it!"

"Yeah! You get that prude! That's my baby!"

Author's Note

Someone said they liked Frontline and that was enough to make me like her enough to replace a different character in the story going forward. I do really like writing her interactions. She is also single handedly earning the story it's MAture rating and Tags at this point.

8. Calm is a myth.

I was looking at myself in the mirror trying to clean tea stains from my collar. Agreeing to go on this date was not my brightest idea, I was too determined to see Sword-Toby in action, and I hadn't thought anything of it at the time. With a moment to myself however, I found myself growing nervous.

"What the fuck am I doing? I've barely explored my own body and powers, according to Luna they are still recovering, and now I'm going to try to make a picnic for a mare I've only known for a night." I snorted. "Oh Elfilis, I'll help you explore your body. I get the feeling this is only happening because of her."

"Sir Elfilis?" I nearly jumped out of my skin, standing by the door to my restroom was Luna. "What is happening because of who? And where is Sir Kirby?"

"Oof, well, it's actually Sir Toby now, and I roped some guards into helping watch him earlier-"

"Cadence! Put it down! You don't know what it's capable of!"

"Oh Shining, you're just jealous aren't you?" He couldn't believe he was hearing this.

"You are hugging him from atop a pile of unconscious guards that thing created!"

"Oh, he's such a fierce little warrior, isn't he? Aren't you? Yes~"

"Poyo!" He wasn't going to fall for that innocent act.

"That's it. I'm never offering to babysit ever again."

"Oh that's okay, that just means more for me..."

"-As for what's happening, I'm going on a date with Frontline tonight apparently." She just looked at me for a second before growing a sly smile.

"Thou art fast. If I am not mistaken that is the guard you had only met last night? How did you get her to agree so quickly?" Good question.

"Oh, you know, I flashed my dick at her, proved I had a heartbeat. Ask her though, I'd only known her for a day and every time I met her she was flirting and trying to get me into her... pants? That phrase work here?"

"Ah, no, I at the very least am not familiar with that one, but we get the gist. Well, we simply wished to make sure everything was well before me and Tia headed out to join the festivities. I do not know how such a celebration was planned in such short time, but Ponyville is open to us. I have heard fireworks have been prepared. Ponies have gotten much better at merry-making in my absence." Great, I was going to have fireworks for my date now. "We wish thee luck on thy date Sir Elfilis! Let us know how it goes!"

"Yeah yeah, get out of here. Go enjoy yourself finally." I don't know if she heard me as she walked away. Then it was just me and my reflection again. "... You stupid bastard. What if you're gay? Did you ever think about that?"

It was only an hour later, with the sun beginning to make it's slow descent to the horizon when Frontline knocked on my door. I was as ready as I could be, I already prepared a basket with foods inside, a blanket, and some less vegetarian meals to sneak in. They were in my dream, just sitting in limbo until it was time. I took one last calming breath before I went to my door. I almost wanted to slam the door shut afterwards, if only to screw with her. She had a routine ready.

"Oh hey there... I didn't see you back there, you like what you see?" Yeah, she was pretending to have been walking away, and she had cut her tail short.

"Sorry, who are you?"

"Ah, w-what? It's me? Frontline?"

"No, Frontline wears armor, and has a long orange and red tail." By the way, without that armor, I could see her 'Cutie Mark.' It was three tower shields put together edge-to-edge, and it was a pretty bronze color. I actually wasn't sure that Spike wasn't messing with me when he called them Cutie Marks, and I had forgotten to ask, so I was just running with it.

"Oh haha, you got me." She turned around finally and blew a bang of fiery mane out of her face. It looked like she still had helmet hair, made me feel over... dressed... since I had combed down some unruly tufts. "So are we doing this or what? You said something about a picnic? Hope you weren't going to take us out to the gardens, I see enough of that place on the job. Kills the mood you know?"

"And you would know huh? No, I got somewhere else in mind." I ignored her yelp as she fell through the star before jumping in after her.

I landed on my hooves and looked down at Frontline, who was on her back pouting at me.

"A little warning next time big guy?" Yeah, look who's talking.

"You are last pony I expected to complain about surprises." Cue Evil Smirk, trademarked.

"You got me there. Help me up, where are we?" I grabbed her front legs and pulled her over onto her front.

"The edge of Whitetail woods, southwest of Canterlot. There should be fireworks coming from Ponyville over there tonight."

"Ooh, fancy, but what if we need some privacy?"

"The woods."

"Oh, uh. The answer to if I need to go is the same isn't it?"

"Unless you want to run to Ponyville and try to push through piles of perky party ponies, yes."

"Hmph, fine. I ain't no city mare anyhow." No you are not Frontline, no you are not. I silently summoned my blanket and basket combo from dream-space and spread it all out for us to sit/lay down on. She 'ooh'ed at it and flopped belly first onto a side of it, so I was going to take that to mean a picnic was a good call. "Again, fancy. You actually prepped this all out?"

"Besides the fireworks, yes. Those were a happy accident, and they might not actually happen. If you're set on seeing them though I might be able to figure something out."

"Wow I..." Uh oh, what did I do. "Sorry, sorry, I just... This was way more than I expected. I kind of thought we were just gonna eat and, you know, get intimate. This is a full on evening though."

"Do ponies normally dick n' dine for a first date?" She snorted at that.

"Ha, no, no you're doing it all right as far as I know. It's just not what, I'm used too, I guess..." This was so far away from the Frontline I knew. I know I hadn't known her for long, but she had always seemed like a force of nature, confident and unafraid to let anypony else know just what it was she wanted.

"... Here, grab some sandwiches. We'll talk about it, right? That's the point, to get to know each other and learn what to expect from one another going forward. At least, I think? It sounds right anyway." Giggling, giggling was a good sign. She took a bite out of a sandwich before giving a moan of appreciation.

"Woah, what's in these?" Slices of Maxim Tomato, the ultimate vegetable in Dreamland.

"Trade secret. Good though right?" I took a bite of my own. "Holy crap, that is good! What the hell?" She just outright cackled at me.

"What? Didn't know what you were making?" I just nodded at her as I swallowed, I really didn't expect tomato to taste good, like at all. "You're funny. So, we're doing a real date. What do we talk about? You got any juicy secret?"

"Mm, just a sec... Yeah I don't have anything. I don't have a lot of... experience to go off of." She just gave me a look from her side and smiled.

"Come on, someone like you has to have something good to share. Any embarrassing childhood friends? Foal-time crushes? Ooh, how about an adventure! You have to have some of those, being from outside Equestria and all."

"..."

"... Elfilis? Was it something I said?"

"... No. Not really. See the woods behind us?" She nodded shyly. "Little more than a week ago, I don't know how long exactly, I woke up in a cave pretty far in there. And I didn't, and still don't, remember anything of my own life before that moment. I had vague feelings; How using my hands was supposed to work, that my legs weren't bending the way they used too. But no memories to pin them too, to explain anything." I looked at her from the corner of my eye, she had her legs over eyes. "Yeah, that's about how I felt sometimes too. Occasionally I just want to curl up in my wings, unfamiliar as they are and just, exist for awhile. I'm happy to know ponies now, and to have help, but everytime I learn something new it reminds me of how much I may have forgotten. So sometimes I want to to just, not learn. Does that make sense?"

"... I'm a terrible pony." Snort.

"No you are not, I'm just an idiot. I do like hanging out with you, but everything is moving just a little too fast for me. All I would have to do to is sit still like I want to, but I'm just not letting myself, it's no pony's fault."

"Yeah, but me being so forward and pushy probably didn't help did it?"

"Hey, I'm not going to ask you to change for my sake. Like I said, you're fine the way you are. Honest." She peaked up at me from behind her hooves. "I could have turned you down, made my own sword to give Toby instead of agreeing to do this. I could have reported you, or shut you down while we were waiting for Celestia that night, but I liked the jokes and the ribbing. It was lewd, but, it felt more... Familiar, than anything else I had done since coming here. It's my type of humor, ya know?"

"Lucky me I guess..."

"Oh you have no idea, I'm amazing you know." She just punched me in the elbow. "See? Perfect stress relief."

"Oh you are just asking for me to tease you now."

"I literally am. If I ever finally decide to slow down, take a break and just be, I'll let you know."

"Fair enough. Well, do you mind if I talk about myself then?"

"By all means, it's your date too."

The moon was high in the sky, and the fireworks were long gone before she finished.

"-And, like, I get it, she wants what's best for her kids, but what about what I want, MOM! What if I don't want to be a guard!? What if I want to explore the edges of the known world!? What if I just want to meet a pony and fuck and settle down!?" A concerningly large amount of her rant was about her mother's insistence on her kids celibacy. "Like, she had a new stallion over every week for years, but I get caught with one cock in my mouth and suddenly-" I was not hiding anything under my crossed legs and folded hands, no sirree. "-What a bitch! But I can't go against her wishes, because she's the head noble of our house, and all it would take would be one word from her and all my siblings would be on me like fucking hornets to honey." God damn. I turned to look at her, give condolences, something, but the words never left my mouth. She was covering her mouth with her hoofs, shaking.

"I-I might have said too much, I, I should go-"

"Woah, woah, hold on a minute! It's okay! You're story may have been longer than mine but-" She was panicking. What the hell was going on!?

"No, you don't get it! I shouldn't have said so much! I just caught up in the moment a-and my emotions, and you're too nice, and you're going to try to help me, and, and-"

"Why can't I try to help you!? Why do you not want help?!"

"Because you'll find out, alright! You'll find out..."

"... Ponies are too prone to having heart-to-hearts. But we are having one now, okay?" She dropped her head down, glaring at the ground. "What is it that I'll find out Frontline? I am the last person to even know how to judge you for whatever it is." She didn't look up as she spoke.

"... Nothing I told you was was dishonest. It was all the truth, and that's where I fucked up. You're worried about me, so you are going to ask around, maybe Captain Armor or the Princesses, try to learn more. But you won't get the same story. They'll look at my file and it will say I grew up a single child to an abusive, strict father, and I left home as soon as I was old enough to do so. Nothing about my brothers and sisters, nothing about my mom, nothing I had just told you. And then you'll come and ask me what's going on, and I won't be able to stop myself from telling you the truth, because you are the first one ever to give a shit about how I felt. The guards don't like me for my lack of professionalism, my family dislikes me for my independence, and everything will hate me for what I am. So please, please don't ask me anymore..."

"I..." Tears were hitting the towel under her. "I can't not try to help you after all that." She gave a disgusting choking sound. "Frontline. What is it you feel you can't let me know?"

Sobs and wailing and crying overpowered the calm sounds of the night, but I just waited. This needed to happen, it had to. And we stayed like that, all night, and it was only by the time the sun peeked over the Everfree that she finally was able to look me in the eyes. I hoped to never see another pony look at me like that again. Twice in two days was enough for a lifetime. I was going to reserve a hotel room on the other side of the continent for a week and just curl up when this was all over. And she finally spoke.

"... Frontline doesn't exist." A burst of green flames covered her form before fading away. "My name is Princess Carina, and I am a changeling. A creature with a heart as black as their hide..."

"... But... you're pink?" I had many things I wanted to say, but that was what came out first.

"Huh, but, HUH!? WHAT THE FU-"

"Cadence! I don't like the way its giggling!"

"It's adorable Shining!"

"It's just staring at the fucking wall!"

"Watch your language!" Shining didn't care if he ended up on the couch tonight. He was not going to stay in the same room with that thing.

Author's Note

Surprise. I'm derailing this shit early.

10. So... What now?

Carina was staring at me from her place on the bed, I feel her luminescent eyes trying to bore a hole through my bundled wings. I had been gone all night and when I got back she had been passed out, and I followed short after, rolling myself into a wing-burrito in the corner. I was barely awake as it was and I didn't know what time it was anymore, but so long as I got to stay curled up in my heart shaped cocoon over here, I guess I could answer some of her questions.

"...Carina? You need somethin'?" She squeaked in surprise. "Yes, I'm awake. You have a question right?"

"Well maybe one or two. Are you alright?" I yawned.

"Well enough I suppose. Last time I did this I knocked myself out so, this is actually an improvement."

"Did what?"

"... First, I spoke to Luna about what you told me about your sister and invasions and everything. I couldn't just let that fester, ya know?"

"I, no I guess you couldn't. What are the Princesses going to do?"

"If my plan works, they won't have to do anything."

"Plan? What plan?" She had to wait a second, I was yawning again.

"... Step one, find the hive. I gave Luna your description of a normal changeling, which she would use to try to find someplace with a concentration of nightmares about them."

"The Princess of the Night can see dreams?" She sounded impressed.

"Yeah, neat huh? Anyway, she found a couple of spots, which tripped me up for a bit. I had to adjust the plan." Yawning, sleep was encroaching on me quickly.

"Okay so, you found a few potential hive spots. How could you tell which was the right one without me telling you?"

"I didn't. I figured I would just attack all of them. Cause more problems for them all at once..."

"You attacked them!"

"... not personally..."

"Who did you send? Toby is still here with us in the cave." I never got to answer that day. I passed out.

He looked upon the village from behind his mask. Parasites he thought, invaders. He would have slayed them all had he been allowed, but he had to hold back for the sake of the innocent (~~ignorant~~) ponies. They would not know how to react to corpses, and he needed the defeated changelings to be able to scurry back to the hole they came from to let their mother know that they were not safe under their false-skins anymore.

He and his brothers, Beta and Delta, they were all descendents to a knight whose keen eyes were known for seeing through tricks and disguises, only the strongest illusions and mind magics could affect them. And these skin-deep facimalies were a very poor illusion. Even now, he could see several of the 'ponies' swerve around objects to avoid damaging gossamer wings that didn't exist, the way their lips spoke just a little out of sync with the words they were saying. He had his targets.

With a swish of his cape, Alpha Knight disappeared from his rooftop perch and into the shadows. It was time to hunt.

Anten was going to kill his brother! What was he thinking? Trying to get his attention while out of disguise like that! The idiocy was off the charts. But, something had to have happened to make him try so desperately to get his attention, so we would kill him after he hears whatever it is he has to say.

"Report! What is so important that you need too... to..." Bodys of changelings, alive but injured, piled into the shade of the surrounding buildings. "... What?"

"Fool." Beta Knight had completed his objective.

Within winding halls of glossy black and luminescent green, a hive was buzzing in distress. There were intruders! They would strike at random, always in places where they had the least coverage. There was even a moment when an attempt was made on the queens life! A wave of energy had gone for her neck, and it was only her majesty's powerful magic that allowed her to repel it in time. And as they spread themselves thinner and thinner to try to keep an eye on every corner, they would always miss the flash of cloth over their heads, transporting imprisoned pony after pony outside to where a certain princess was waiting to teleport them to Canterlot

Elfilis hadn't responded to her for a few days now. Whatever he did, whoever he created, better have been worth knocking him out for so long. Toby was still there for Carina, but he wasn't exactly one for conversation. And too much cuddling and she would start to get molting pains. She had already grown a head taller and was unwilling to push it further than that. Princess Luna came to check on the resident dream master herself, and she was shocked to realize they stood at around the same height already, so she was done for now.

It was no small amount of excitement she felt when Elfilis began to shuffle and shift from his spot on the floor.

"Heeey~ sleepyhead. You awake finally?" He just grunted at her and moved a wing to look at her. "That's good. You were out for a long time you know."

"Mmm. You got taller." Well thanks for noticing. "Is everything alright? Nothing major happen while I was out?" Carina shook her head at him.

"Nope. It seems you did pretty good by the way, Luna says all the changeling are gathered in one place having nightmares of glowing pink eyes glaring at them through angry metal masks. Your work right?"

"Yeah. They aren't as strong as Toby, but I made three of them and they are more tactical, so it was a pretty big effort. Sorry for leaving you there for so long." She smiled at him.

"It's okay, but, there is some way you can make it up to me~" And he rolled his wing back over his body. "Hey!"

"You keep picking bad times to ask."

"I can't help when I'm in the mood!"

"Funny, neither can I." She pouted. Throwing her words back at her like that.

"... Do you just not like me enough?" Puppy eyes.

"We aren't doing this right now." Glare.

"When are we going to do it then huh? I want to do this and you keep leading me on!" There was a moment before he rolled over to look at Carina with his funky, tired eyes. He lifted an ear in the air and lifted an arm off his chest in invitation. Carina jumped into his arms and nuzzled at his neck for a moment, but stopped in surprise as he rolled back over and wrapped up the both of them in his natural blankets.

"Carina. You are great, okay? We'll get there. Maybe soon. I don't want to lead you on, but I can't take anymore excitement right now. You can keep asking, it's whatever, but I don't know when I'll be up for it okay? Especially since... I can't remember ever having done it before."

"Somepony as unapologetically hung as you has never had sex, really?"

"Amnesia. And I have no frame of reference for how big I am."

"Oh shit, right. Uh. Sorry. And uh, you're a good size, though I'm sure that's in part because you are so big in general."

"Good to know. Go to sleep."

"It's morning?"

"Sleeeeep." Snort.

"Fine, whatever big guy. I'll play along."

"Good, now shush." Just the sound of breathing and fur occasionally running against against chitin as Carina tried to get comfortable.

"... Elfilis?" A very exasperated sigh came from him.

"Yes?"

"I have to pee."

"... I'm not going to wake up to wrap you up again."

"It's a while off from now, but the Princesses have invited us to some gala later in the year. You interested?" We were having breakfast at the table, more shockingly good tomato sandwiches in front of all of us.

"I don't know if I should be at such a public event, what if there's a changeling and they recognize me?"

"I had you over my shoulder in a throne room full of guards and cooks. Are you sure none of them were changelings who would have already recognized you?"

"Point taken. Well, I guess I wouldn't mind going. It's the Grand Galloping Gala right? I'll need to get a dress." I was getting to the bottom of that, right now.

"Okay, hold up. Why do you wear clothes? Like ever?"

"To look good? We want to match the feng shui of the party? I mean, it's a big fancy event you know?"

"But, clothes are meant for protection? And like, hiding your genitals and stuff. Your armor, made for protection left you bare and from I can tell that holds true for all the clothes too. The princesses have regalia and stuff but, oh. Nevermind. I get it."

"Mind sharing? I don't get it. Why would we hide our cutie marks from each other?" I just shook my head.

"I'm pretty sure it's a contest. 'Yes, well my suit is made of silk from the most well-cared for moths of the kingdom.' 'Oh, quite exquisite sir, mine is imported from the minotaurs past the mountains. They have secret weaving techniques using their hands that they don't share with just anypony you know!'"

"Your being pessimistic about it. It's not that big a deal."

"So if you went to the Gala wearing a blanket around your neck, none of the nobles would look at you like you just insulted them?"

"... Why do you have to have such good arguments? Fine, maybe you're right. I still need a dress though." Lucky for her I knew somepony.

As I watched Twilight levitate a giant bear made of constellations into the Everfree with a makeshift baby-bottle in its mouth, I decided maybe Ponyville wasn't the best place to do some dress shopping for the moment. It was late anyway.

"Elfilis, the guards are following us..." They were, they were trying to be subtle but they were wearing gold armor in the middle of Canterlot.

"I think they are following Toby actually."

"Hiiii~" The guards panicked and ran behind cover.

"It's nice of them to be willing to play with you, but they really should be doing their jobs. Maybe I should tell Celestia about it?"

"How about we ignore them and get me that dress?" Fair enough.

"I'm sorry, I'm absolutely swamped with orders! I have an old school friend who might be able help though, and she won't make you pay with a hoof and a leg for it."

"Her name is Rarity isn't it. Damn it. Alright, thank you anyways."

"Do come back!"

"Are you sure we should be asking her to make my dress right now? She looks like she lost a fight with a dragon..."

"I did lose a fight with a dragon actually, but nevermind that, what I can I do for you darlings?" Seriously, she was smothered in soot. Why was Rarity fighting a dragon?

"Uh, me and Carina here have invites to the Grand Galloping-"

"Yes! I will make your wardrobes for the dance! A full ensemble for the both of you!" Uh oh.

"Ah, no, just for her. I'm not sure I can afford two custom fits with what Carina lent me."

"Nonsense, deary! I'll do it for free! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to make clothes for bodies I've never gotten to work with before!" I just kept remembering how hot I was under the blankets in Canterlot Castle. This was going to suck.

"I can't believe you got aroused from wearing clothes!" Yeah, it sucked.

"I got aroused because it was hot as fuck under all those layers. Thank god I was able to finally talk her out of it."

"I think your dick did all the talking. She almost measured it by accident before she realized what it was."

"And I'm sure you have the result memorized already."

"... No." Charming.

"... How big was it?" But I was regretfully curious regardless.

"... I'll tell you later hotshot."

I was reading a book on the 'Biography of Equis' when Carina jumped onto my stomach, knocking the air out of me. I lifted my book up to see her rubbing her nose into my neck fluff like a cat while her lower body layed on my pelvis. I knew where this was going.

"Are you in the mood again?"

"Nope!" Wait, really? "It just hit me, I just spent all day doing things that I wanted to do! We went to canterlot, had some lunch, went to Ponyville to get a dress commissioned for a party I decided to go too. And it's all because of you and I am going to cuddle you to death!"

"Plus, Toby's not around anymore right?"

"Maaaaybe. How do you think he's doing in town anyway?"

"PINKIE!" Uh-oh, that was Mr Cakes 'You need to explain' yell! Better see what Pinkie Pie did this time!

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees~?" Pinkie asked as she slid all the way down the stairs guard rail. "Did I make an oopsie?"

"I don't know! You tell me! All of the shortcakes are gone!" Oh noes! Not the shortcakes!

"Oh my gosh! That's terrible! What am I going to feed Toby now!" It was his favorite after all!

"I don't know-! Toby? Who's Toby?"

"My new bestest friend! Look!" And Pinkie pulled a purple puffball out of her mane, who was wearing a baby crocodile on his head and was holding a fork with a half-eaten strawberry shortcake stabbed on its prongs.

"Poyo~!"

"... Pinkie, make some shortcakes please."

"Okie Dokie!"

Author's Note

Finally, calm, doing normal life things. Like shopping, and evading the guards. How do you all feel about Elfilis's Phantom Meta Knights? He is like, in the top four favorite and most commonly represented in Kirby games.
Plus he was banned in SMB for being bat-shit insane.
I'm sure most of you already know this but someone said they were reading and never played Kirby? So that's for you.

Finally, my pace is ridiculous, but im sure I'm going to slow down on updates soon. Besides, I already lost my top spot on "Whats Hot" to a story with Infinite Horsedick in its name. Can't top that. Sex sells everybody.

11. Settling down. Mostly.

"And you're sure my Meta Knights were able to get all of the ponies out of there?" I was currently in my dream with Luna, discussing the hive and the danger it posed to Equestria. Hopefully for the last time in a long while.

"I have no way of being sure. The knights have assured me of their success, and I can sense no more nightmares from ponies, but that does not disqualify the possibility that there are sleepless victims. Regardless, I am confident in your soldiers abilities, having seen them myself. Our ponies are safe, and I will keep an eye on the dream world for awhile yet just in case."

"Alright. I'll take it. So long as Alpha and them can prove impossible to ignore, the queen should be unwilling to try to expand. That gives us time to figure out a more permanent solution. You and Celestia up for that?" Because I want a vacation. Being responsible was taking its toll on me.

"We will try our best. And thank you, for what you have done for us in your short time in Equestria. Enjoy your vacation Elifilis." And then she was gone. I rubbed my eyes as I made a drink. Finally, finally I was getting an actual break. I portaled into Forgo Cave and took two steps before stopping.

Carina was looking at herself in a hand-mirror on the bed, and she had one hoof pulling at her nether regions. She looked up at me with wide eyes and pinched lips as the mirror fell out of her magic grasp and bounced off the bed.

"... Do I need to build some walls? Make some separate spaces or-"

"It's not what it looks like!" She said, not removing her hoof. "It's different from what I remember, okay! I'm not just touching myself on the bed!"

"Well, if that's the case, then you won't mind taking a break and trying to find a better place to wash up then the lake two miles away from us?" Seriously, it was a nice swim, and it taught me my ears are actually good for swimming, but I wasn't sure we were really getting very clean.

"Yep, sure, where we going!"

"I was thinking we could check out Ponyville. I know they have a spa but I don't know how expensive it gets, and we don't exactly have an income, but it's worth a look. And if not we can ask around to see if there's like, a public bathhouse or something." I had been trying to make a working shower in the dream, but the pipework was giving me issues. Most things I didn't need an internal understanding of how they worked, but plumbing was proving to not be one of them.

"Oh!" She liked the spa idea. "Yes! Let's go to the spa! Let me get my wallet!" And she was off. I spent a moment looking at the impression she left on the bed. I didn't see anything, but just in case... "I'm ready! Huh? Where did the bed go?"

"I dunno. Let's go."

Carina was almost entirely submerged in the water, only her muzzle and above safe as she lay on her stomach. The spa was a little pricey, but it was her money and she said we were bathing in luxury. Rather, she was bathing in luxury, I had a hard time fitting in the tub. I had to bring my knees to my chest and tilt my head forward a little uncomfortably to fit.
The showers in Canterlot castle were a little small, but I could at least stand up, and they were made to entertain foreign noble and dignitaries, who could be quite large compared to a pony. This was a pony spa, run by ponies, for ponies.

"Mmmmm~ isn't this the best?"

"Yep, this is the tits alright." I was finding I got more vulgar the more uncomfortable I got, which was counterproductive because then I got more uncomfortable. She just looked at me oddly, though clearly amused.

"Don't you mean the teats?"

"No? What are teats?" Carina's evil smirk confirmed this was the wrong question.

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked." She sat back up and sat herself above the lip of the tub, and then she started rubbing two little bumps just between her legs. "These bad girls are-" The door behind me opened, and I turned around to see... something. It was Twilight and her friends, but they all had something wrong with them. Applejack was hoof-sized, Rarity was mangy, Rainbows wings were on backwards, etc. Far as I could tell, Fluttershy was unaffected.

"Oh my..." Nevermind, that was the deepest voice I'd heard out of a pony yet.

"Hey girls. What's going on with you all?" They just stared past me, and I had just been about to turn around to see what they were staring at when Twilight finally answered back.

"Uh, we uh, are cursed, or rather, uh poisoned! But uh, what's up with you?" Poisoned? What the hell were they doing here?

"Carina was showing me her teats I guess? I didn't know what they were. But, poisoned? Are you all okay? Do you not need to see a doctor?" No answer. It really worried me. Was something really wrong? What was the poison doing to them?
I jumped up and stood from the water as Rarity made a choking sound.

"Girls? Speak to me here!" They were all just refusing to look at me now. It took the feeling of water dripping off of me to make me realize I was 'indecent' again. I was getting really tired of the paradoxical nature of pony nudity.

"Seriously? It wasn't so much that I was erect as much as it was that I had just been in the water?" We were in a small cafe at this point, Carina insisting on treating us to dinner. Even though I could make food. She just sipped her smoothie from her straw before nodding.

"It was also because you had just told them I was showing you my teats. Which has sexual undertones."

"Man, none of this crap makes sense. Am I supposed to be embarrassed about my dick or not?" I was getting some weird looks, I didn't care. "I spent time trying to actively not be embarrassed about my body when I saw that no one else was doing anything to hide theirs, only to find out there are like, a million rules about it? I don't get it."

"Yeah, I'm beginning to see that. I just thought you were playing hard to get." I just shook my head and dipped some chips in my salsa.

"Is that why you're trying to spoil me? Spa trip and dinner? You know it's just making me worry about finances. And, while I'm on the subject, you know I'm not keeping you here right? You don't need to stay in the cave with me if you don't know. That was kind of a heat of the moment decision."

"I'll say. Don't worry, I'm not anywhere I don't want to be." That was a relief. "I'm treating it like an experiment, so I have an idea of what it'll be like when we really get together." And that made me nervous.

"Are you absolutely positive I'm the one you want to pursue? Beyond the fact that I didn't know what teats were until today-" Some poor mare snorted on her drink to my right. "I've also only known you for about a week. Aren't you moving a bit fast?"

"I mean, I'm trying to move fast but you aren't exactly playing ball with me here."

"Alright, hypothetically, had I 'played ball' when you thought I would, how long would we known each other before getting together?"

"Two days, maybe three. Why?" And now a waiter had just tripped on his hoofs and dropped some ice-cream all over the floor.

"Well let's see." I turned left, to a white-furred pony with a shocking blue mane who wasn't even pretending to not listen in. "Hi. Let's say you wanted to get into bed with somepony. From the moment you start propositioning them to the moment they finally warm up to the idea, how long would it take?"

"Well, it took me a year to finally get Octavia to agree to go out with me, and it was another two before she finally bumped butts with me."

"Vinyl! What the fuck!" I'm going to assume that was Octavia sitting across across from her. I ignored the conversation (argument) I instigated between the two and paid attention to Carina instead, who was a little shocked.

"What!? But whenever I convinced one of my brothers-" Uproar. And I was almost part of it. That had never occurred to me. She was part of a hive, regardless of her low opinion on them, they were still all her family. Her only other options were pony prisoners, who she avoided. She looked around at all the panicking ponies in hurt confusion. I just sighed and stood up.

"Attention Everypony! I have an announcement! Shut up!" Vinyl was laughing. "Neither me nor my date here are ponies. Our biology is different, our cultures are different, and we were all raised in vastly different ways. It shocked me too, I admit, but this is the fault of her mother, not her own. Can we all stop gossiping like school children?" I honestly didn't expect that to work, but they all got pensive looks on their faces. Normally, I'd say that meant success, but I couldn't help the feeling that I had just screwed up.

"Do you think zebras-?" And then everyone was screaming out different questions and assumptions about various races, some of which I had never heard of. Is this seriously how ponies act in public?

I stood outside the diner with Carina, listening as they started throwing stuff inside. Vinyl was there too, though Octavia had left claiming to have a headache. That was how Twilight found us.

"Elfilis? Carina? What's going on in there?" I just sighed, I was going to be fousting another problem onto someone else today.

"So, you saw Carina in the spa earlier. Turns out, that's relatively normal for her people back home. Probably because they aren't really allowed and have to be quick so they don't get caught."

"So, what? She made another pass at you and everypony went berserk?" A chair flew through the window, much to the purple unicorns shock.

"No, see, it turns out, her people? They don't function as ponies, at all. All of her potential suitors? Technically related."
I saw the way her ears dropped. "Yeah, we were discussing differences when that little tidbit dropped. I tried calming them all down, acknowledging that it was shocking, but that they shouldn't judge her based on pony values. Then somepony said something about zebras and then all hell broke loose."

"Okay, so, a culture of close family members, like a hive? If you don't mind the bug comparison?" Carina mutely nodded her assent. "Ooh boy. Yeah that's, that's a bit of a doozy. Unfortunately, I think this might be a symptom of a bigger problem." She told us about her day as the diner finally began to die down. About Zecora the zebra, and about how her acting completely normally elicited an irrational fear response in the entire town.

"Seriously? But, me and Carina? They didn't have a problem until just now."

"Well, I did attack you when we first met..."

"You know that doesn't count." It was hardly an attack anyway. That was when Vinyl spoke up.

"It's your colors. You aren't shaped like a pony but you have our typical color vibrancy. Your mare is relatively pony shaped, and she's pinker than Pinkie, so it still seemed somewhat familiar. Zecora has the misfortune of being duller colors and her mane stands up straight, which is not a normal hair style. Octavia had some issues when she first moved into Ponyville, but her mane was a warm enough brown that no pony avoided her. If my mane weren't the vibrant blue it was, I could be having those same issues." And then she went back to sipping at her drink. That I don't think she payed for.

I just looked back at Twilight, my question must have been in my expression.

"That, is a very, very old pony stereotype, but, it does occur to me that Ponyville is one of the most traditional villages left in Equestria. I'm going to have to send another letter to the princess, this is way worse than I thought it was."

"Tia? Is something wrong?"

"Our subjects are fucking idiots."

Carina and I were back in the cave by the time the moon came out, just waiting in silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence either, Carina was trying not to look at me, and I was unsure how to get her to speak up. I was pretty sure I knew what was bothering her, and the fact that she wasn't getting all touchy-feely as she usually would only confirmed it.

"... Elfilis?" Here we go. "Do you, do you still..."

"... Lets say, there is a kid and his parents." I wasn't sure this was really going to equate, but it was what I could come up with. "They did everything right raising this kid. They were kind and courteous to others, they were sympathetic, they loved to learn and ate all their greens, the whole nine yards. With one exception. The whole family curses like sailors."

"Okay...?"

"An old lady says thank you, the kid says, 'You're fucking welcome.' They get a present, they say 'Thats Badass!' And so on and so forth. Obviously, the kid gets in trouble for this. Other parents, kids at school, teachers, even strangers get on this kids case for having foul language. But we know that they don't know better. That that is just the way they were raised. And it's probably how the parents were raised, and the grandparents, and the great-grandparents. So, while whether or not the kid should be allowed to swear is up for debate, would you feel it just to get angry at that kid for doing something that they had been taught to do, or would you try to teach them otherwise, if at all?"

"I guess, it wouldn't really be fair would it?"

"No. I don't think it would be either, regardless of my feeling on their actions." It was a very shy Carina that finally came back and layed on top of me. When I didn't push her away, she let herself snuggle in. Back to way things should be.

"If you're trying to get me to quit, you are doing a very bad job." I guess it was a good thing I wasn't trying then. "Can we... Can we do it? Please?"

"... Are-"

"Hiiiiii~" I think that was the first time I had ever seen her glare at Toby.

"... Your baby is a cockblocker." Oh sure, now he's my baby. Hypocrite.

Author's Note

What do you know, it turns out Ponyville is a terrible place to have a relaxing day out.
Am I the only one who found the Zecora situation extremely odd?
"Let's teach kids about discrimination!"
"How do we do it?"
"Make a non-pony character that the mane 6 have to learn to judge based on actions instead of appearances."
"Nice, what do you have in mind?"
"A zebra, who wears a dark cloak, speaks in riddles, makes potions in a cauldron, lives in a dangerous dark forest, and has lots of tiki masks hanging around everywhere!"
"... Are you sure?"
Don't get me wrong, I like Zecora just fine, but the episode always came across as comical to me over anything else. Had she not been in My Little Pony, she would have been a character most people would've been wary of.

12. All to ourselves.

It was interesting, being in the dream realm. I was being active, but when I left it behind I still felt as if I had gotten a good night's sleep. It was convenient at the very least, it meant I could spend as much time as I wanted trying to get the damn plumbing to fucking work already. I had just made another exploding shower head when Luna came to visit.

"Sir Elfilis? Is everything alright?" No, I was being defeated by piping.

"Well enough I suppose. Is there something you needed or is this a social visit?" She shook a hoof in a so-so manner.

"We thought you would like to know that our sister is drafting plans for an 'Education Reformation' bill for towns and cities in Equestria that don't get much traffic from our neighbors." That sounded pretty good actually.

"That's great, but, your sister has been in charge for a millenium? How come it's only coming up now?"

"I had asked her something similar. Our ponies had always been skittish, and it was something we had tried to rectify before, but in my absence Celestia had not left Canterlot except for special occasions."

"And Canterlot is the capital, so it sees foreign dignitaries and traders with some regularity. Ponyville, as close to Canterlot as it is, is just another rural village next to a dangerous forest with no significant tourist attractions."

"Er, correct. Yes, Celestia has impressive foresight most days, but she failed to see that some ponies weren't being disabused of their old misconceptions." That made sense I guess. "It is taking some time to write up, one of the systems she wants to create requires some cooperation from other nations, so it is slow-going. In the meantime, she has scribes copying appropriate information from our library. The hope is to give teachers material to help them introduce foreign culture to their students."

"Thanks for letting me know Luna. Carina was pretty upset earlier, maybe this will help cheer her up."

"Thou art welcome. Do not forget to take some time to yourself friend. You seem to taking on more responsibilities again, despite being 'on vacation'." I knew she was right, but it was still frustrating.

"Unfortunately, I might need to get a job of some kind. Carina insists on exercising her freedom to go broke but we don't have an income."

"Nay, Sir Elfilis." I pulled my attention to Luna, and away from the leaking pipes I had just failed to create again. "Thou have knights defending Equestria in your name. It will not be hard to get Tia to agree to pay for services rendered." That, I wasn't sure I was comfortable with that, but I was going to take it.

"I'll accept on the condition that you give a good portion to the Knights. They may be busy, but I'm sure they would appreciate a paycheck. They aren't greedy, but they know the value of currency." She nodded her assent.

"It shall be done. I hope your day is well Elfilis."

"Right back at you princess." And then she left, and I ended the dream.

I had a surprise waiting for me as I woke up. Carina had to have gotten up much earlier than me, as a full breakfast meal was set up on our table. Oranges, juice, pancakes (freshly baked), everything. Speaking of, she was fiddling with the cutlery, apparently trying to make it look just right. I cleared my throat.

"Elfilis! Good morning! Are you hungry?"

"I am now. It looks great, what's the occasion?" She beamed up at me. "I'm not missing out on some holiday am I?"

"Nope, this is 'Carina does all the work today' day, which means you get to relax as I take care of you!" Luna definitely spoke to her. I decided to play along though as I sat up from bed. "Now grab a plate! We have an appointment in Canterlot in a bit." It was a great breakfast, with fluffy flapjacks and real maple syrup. We made idle talk, just what we were thinking about. Apparently she had even gone out and hired somepony to watch Toby for the day, so we wouldn't have any potential interruptions. I had the feeling today was also 'Carina tries to seduce Elfilis' day. It was fine with me though. She went through all this effort after all.

"Where to now 'Rina?" We were in Canterlot now, standing off to the side of the road as carriages passed us by. Looking around for it, I did see a couple of gryphons, a few mules, and a minotaur in the crowd, all doing their own thing. It still didn't seem terribly diverse, but I supposed it might have just been a matter of exposure therapy.

"Now, we head to the spa, with bigger baths and full beauty treatment, courtesy of the crown. It's this way." She had definitely already spoken to Luna. I stayed silent as I followed her down the main road. I wasn't sure I was very enthused about another fancy bath only a day after the last one, but I was really trying to just, stop worrying about it. This was Carina's day, she wants to worry for me today. It would ruin the point if I got stressed.

It was only a little while later we reached the 'Canterlot Stones Massage Parlor.' It was nearly three times the size as the one in Ponyville, which was a good sign, but I couldn't help but notice how busy it was. I needn't have worried (and I shouldn't have, relax damn it), it turns out Carina had thought of that.

"Hello," She batted her eyelids at the receptionist, "We are here for the reservation under Elfilis?" She had made a reservation. I knew massages and such weren't normally public events, but pony society had proved my 'knowledge' false on more than one occasion. And then the receptionist spoke some absolute bullshit.

"I'm sorry, it says here that Sir Elfilis is already making use of his reservation. I'm going to have to ask you to leave miss." She didn't even look up at us. Carina was gaping like a fish, and I figured it couldn't hurt to let myself be a little responsible. I stood up to the desk and cleared my throat as loud as I felt was appropriate, I might have overdone it though. I pulled most of the rooms attention. The receptionist mare, a peach color with yellow mane, still didn't look up. She just glibly asked, "Can I help you sir?"

"Yes. I would like to meet the pony who thought it was appropriate to claim someone else's reservation."

"I'm sorry sir but I can't interrupt... a... uh." She had finally looked up.

"I'm sorry? You can't do what now? You can't even bother trying to make sure that the sir who took the reservation was the one who booked it?" She just kept looking up at me before she silently backed up through the 'Staff Only' door behind her. The room was silent enough at this point that I was able to hear her speaking to someone rather frantically. I pat my partner on the shoulder, she was frustrated at me or herself, and I would rather she not right now. It wasn't long until a massive minotaur came crouching out from under the door and stood up in front of me. Minus Celestia, he was the only one to stand up to my height. He had much more muscle though.

"I'm Stern Hold. You say you're this Elfilis fella?" I was guessing this was the owner. I don't think anypony in the lobby saw that coming, I was no longer the center of attention. He was big crimson bull who could probably step over the desk. "You know, if you're lying the guard will be the last thing you'll have to worry to about." I... don't think he was looking for a fight? He certainly looked like he could, but I decided to call his bluff.

"If that's the case, then I'm sure you'll have a fun time dealing with whoever it was that stole me and my dates spot." He just kept his eyes narrowed at me before he cracked a smile at me.

"Well let's see who it was that had the balls to steal a reservation in my establishment. Shall we?" I tried not let out a breath in relief. I didn't think I would be in any danger, but having to explain why I kidnapped a masseuse was probably not on today's schedule. "You don't have to worry about Point Pass anymore either. That was her last strike acting like she did to a customer. It's like she thinks I don't have ears! I'll run some reception myself today." I just nodded at him, he seemed friendly enough now as we followed him deeper into the building.

We finally made it to a big, steamed over glass door as Stern Hold put a key in the handle and opened it up.

"Hey!" Someone yelped from inside. "You Elfilis!"

"Yes?"

"Are you asking or telling!"

"Telling! My name is Elfilis." Could they really not tell they had been caught.

"You should have kept asking. Get out here you damned thief!" Great disposition for a spa owner. I was starting to like him.

"Excuse you?!" He finally walked out from the steam. He was absolutely dripping in searing water. "You speak to me that way?! The Princesses will hear about this!" I spoke up at that point.

"Correct, they will hear about this." He barely got a look at me from behind the minotaur's bulk before a portal opened up underneath him and sent him away.

"... Do you wish to explain to the court who you are and why you are soaking the carpet?"

"Uh, my name is Elfilis?" Celestia just shook her head.

"Guards, apprehend him please. I'll deal with it later."

"Hahahaha! I wish I could do that to ponies sometimes! He barely had the chance to realize what was going on! Oh boy. Alright, sorry for the trouble sir. The rooms ready for you. I'll let your guide for the day know what happened so she isn't confused to see you instead. Have a great time, ya' hear!" Such a cheery guy. I thanked him as me and Carina made our way inside and sat down at a bench. It was a sauna, obviously, and I was already sweating like mad. Why did ponies do this again?

Carina spoke up from my side.

"Sorry about that Elfilis. I should've been able to handle that."

"It's not your fault. Just enjoy yourself. It's all smooth sailing from here. It's still your day." I was back in 'relaxation mode,' for all that really meant when it came to me.

"Mmmm~ It sure is..." I glanced at her before I realized what she was on about. I was in a hot sweaty room. I was giving her a show. Well, two can play at that game. I stretched backwards and spread my legs as far as the bench allowed. I had to stop myself from chuckling as she crossed her own. "H-hey! Teasing is my thing!"

"Hm? You say something?" She just pouted at me before giggling.

I don't know how much time later it was that our 'guide' came to interrupt the changeling's ogling. And also to take us to our next appointment. It was a bath, but it was one where professional ponies cleaned us for us. Hooves all over us. Carina was one-hundred percent cheating and trying to get me in the mood. I kept my mouth shut the whole time, only letting the sounds of my breathing escape as they ran combs and suds and hoses over my fur. And as I suspected, they didn't leave any bit of me unscrubbed. When it was over, I calmly pulled my cleaner aside and asked what the name of the package under my name was. 'Honeymoon Ensemble.' Very cool Carina.

It was finally time for the massage, and it was meant to be a deep muscle routine. It seemed to be doing wonders for my pink partner, if the ridiculous sounds from the other side of the curtain were any indication. I... didn't get the same experience. It was strange, I had scraped my knees on my first day in Equestria, hurt my nose on the floor of the Golden Oaks library, and Luna and her photocopy knocked the breath out of me. This massage though? The pony standing on my shoulders and glutes was growling at himself at this point. I could tell he was there, it was weird and uncomfortable, but nothing he did went any further than skin deep. So I just had a pony dance over my spine for thirty minutes before he gave up and got us some water.

Carina was still enjoying herself though, and now I didn't have any distraction from the noises that were, without a doubt, on purpose.

"Now, we have lunch at a fancy gryphon restaurant! They serve meats and meat substitutes for those more our taste. Doesn't that sound great?" Carina was definitely feeling lighter. She was skipping ahead of me as best she could. That made it really obvious though when something went wrong though. She turned the corner and froze, before sitting down in disbelief. It didn't take me long to see the problem as I caught up to her. A huge crowd of ponies with signs blocking the entrance to a two-story restaurant with the sign 'Roost Roast.'

"No!" That was Carina, extremely incensed. "Why today?! Of all days! They don't make a fuss of anything for two years and they're back on the one day I made plans for!" I was guessing she was familiar with this group then. I pushed the thought out of my mind as got on my knees and put my hand on her shoulder.

"... I'm sure there is at least one thing on the schedule that only involves the two of us." She didn't respond for a second, but I could see and feel the moment she caught on as her ears slapped the underside of her 'antlers.'

We were sitting on the bed, facing each other. It was happening.

"Are you sure? Your not doing this because you felt bad that the day hadn't gone the way I wanted."

"I'm sure. I don't really know why, or if this is normal for me, but I want to do this with you. I'm ready." I paused. Well... "You'll have to take the lead though. You know I don't know what I'm doing." She giggled before looking at me with a sultry expression.

"Well, then, lay down and enjoy~" It wasn't vanilla. I knew that much, I don't think Carina was capable of it. Mouth, teats, whatever she could conceivably make sensual. When she finally had her fun, she got up and put her antlers against mine, both of us breathing heavy. Then, she brought her hips to mine and made us one. It was perfect. Impulsive or otherwise, this was the right decision. I felt that in my SOUL.

And I felt it everywhere else too, as she began to move.

I looked down at her from my place on the foot of the bed. She was asleep, with a content smile on her face and a sheen of sweat on her form that played tricks on my eyes as her barrel pushed air in and out. We had a lot to talk about later. I was confident that what we had just done was a big step in our relationship. I wish I could say that nothing had come up to bring me concern. I very slowly used my levitation to move her back legs apart from each other.

Ignoring the mess, I hooked a finger under the ledge in her chitin that had formed halfway through. I pulled away from her marehood and watched as it came up off of her, forming a hole in itself as it left her mammaries behind. The chitin underneath was covered in green slime and I watched as it hardened into a slightly rounder shape then it had been when we started. I looked down at her old stomach plating and realized that as little as we knew about her new biology, there was one who might have the answers I needed to guarantee that Carina was going to be okay.

I had a Queen to interrogate.

Author's Note

"Just the two of us~"
Whatever did Toby get up to anyway?
You all enjoy? Did I do the first time justice? I wanted it to sound really damn important without it just turning into porn. But I also didn't want to just go, "They Fucked. It was cool."
Wouldn't really match the mood I have going would it?

13. All's fair.

Queen Culicidae was tired, and even as her council argued and bickered she kept her eyes closed in a futile attempt to get some rest. All of their captured ponies had been liberated, and they were forced to ration their remaining Love in storage. She hadn't spoken to her daughter Chrysalis about it yet, but she was sure the pony princesses had caught on to her plans in some capacity. She couldn't think of any other reason as to how they could have been so flat-footed after decades of consistent, if tense peace. She wouldn't have agreed in the first place, but she wanted her youngest royal daughter to see the ponies outside of their cocoons, so she would maybe push past some of her empathy.

Only now Carina was missing, in part because of her own ill-thought out orders, and Chrysalis was incensed at her for pulling her back. The fact that the hive had active invaders only mollified her somewhat, and Culicidae did not look forward to the shouting match to come after the hive was re-secured. She idly turned her attention to her cabinet of changelings, to hear what they were shouting about now.

"We cannot just let this go! This a direct insult to the hive!"

"We have no choice! It is beyond compromised! We need to evacuate!"

"How do you propose we do that! Whenever we do anything other than feed ourselves we find our preparations destroyed and mangled as if a storm had pulled through! We don't have the reserves of Love available to enact a mass exodus, and we are being herded into our chambers like cattle at every turn!"

"If we were to choose the more important among us, we would have enough love to last us years!" Okay, she had let them speak enough. She was going to nip that one in the bud immediately.

"Absolutely not. If I hear anyone suggest lording Love to themselves again, they will find themselves banished from the hive without an ounce to their name. Am I understood?" Silence. The Queen felt her eyes tighten in anger. "I said am I understood!" When no one spoke up to grovel to her, she growled and opened her eyes to glare at her cowardly children, only to gasp in surprise. All of the council members were gone.

In their place floated a creature she had never seen before. As tall as her, with teal fur covering nearly every inch and ears that doubled as wings extended to the sides at an intimidatingly large wingspan. And its eyes, rings of purples and blues as it held her gaze, unflinching. Belatedly, she recalled that this must be Elfilis, the creature Chrysalis had reported to be a guest of the Equestrian crown. They stood in a tense silence. Culicidae was positive now, that the being in front of her was responsible for all her recent roubles, her trapped changelings and missing concubines alike. She glared harder, she would make him regret showing himself to her.

"You have a lot of nerve showing yourself to me, beast." Snarling she couldn't help but notice that he did not even blink in response. "Well? Anything to say for yourself before I have you turned into food?" It continued to just look, but she tensed as his eyes narrowed at her. And then he spoke.

"We both have something the other needs. Will you hear me out, will you let us negotiate?" That wasn't what she was expecting, but she doubted this was truly a benign offer for trade. This was an attempt at subjugation.

"Speak your tongue, so that I may enjoy it even more as I tear it from your throat!" He said nothing, he merely lifted his right hand out to her, as if he were to hand her something. A portal opened above it, in the shape of a star, as a perfect heart shape slowly fell out and into his palm. The portal closed, and he slowly levitated the heart to the foot of her throne.

"A sample. Of what I'm offering you." Queen Culicidae kept her attention on Elfilis as she picked up the heart in her own magic, and brought it to eye level. She was preparing to dispel any number of traps as she scanned it, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was completely open to her. And then she felt the Love, and she gasped. It wasn't a large amount, but it was pure and undiluted. No tinge of fear or uncertainty. It was completely unconditional. She glared at it's creator.

"Is that how it is? Starve my hive so you may come in and be our 'savior'? What could my hive possibly have to offer a guest of Equestrian Royalty that he does not already have?" She was not going to let him pretend that he wasn't responsible for their current desperation. What did he need that was so important that he needed to go through such lengths?

"Not what the hive has to offer. What you have to offer." She was being personally targeted? "If you must know, your current state is because I took offense to your daughter's planned invasion of Canterlot," Shit, "But my current offer is being made because you know something that I need to know now." She snarled, cocky bastard.

"And what, exactly, could you possibly need to know that you could not learn anywhere else?"

"Changelings Biology." Did he think she was stupid!? As if she would divulge such information to the enemy! She couldn't get a word out before he interrupted. "Why, exactly, do you punish changeling so harshly for having sex?" And now, now she was on the backfoot. She didn't know what he knew, but he could not be allowed to learn more.

"They are all siblings. It is not proper-" He interrupted her, frustratingly enough.

"Don't bullshit me. They have no other options, and you have been known to take partners quite often, changeling son and pony prisoner both. But your children, your daughters specifically are harshly punished for trying to emulate you. Do you truly mean to convince me you are merely trying to teach your princesses and drones the value of pony culture?" That was it, this charade was over.

Queen Culicidae ate all the Love of the heart in her grasp and focused it all into her horn. A blast of sizzling pink plasma shot towards Elfilis, but a portal obscured him from sight and ate the blast before it could strike. She barely noticed that he was gone as the portal disappeared, when she suddenly felt pain and numbness as stars swam across the room. When they cleared, she could finally feel the pressure of her horn being pinned against the back of her throne as he held her down, suddenly close enough that she could see and smell the sex on him. She snarled and bucked her legs at him, but stopped as spectral swords appeared all around him, all pointed at her throat.

They stood like that for many a minute, Elfilis waiting for her answer and Queen Culicidae unwilling to admit defeat, before she finally gave up. He had her.

"Why do you need to know? It has no bearing on you..." He just stared down at her with his unnatural eyes, patiently awaiting her answer. She sighed. She would never know how he knew what questions to ask to uncover her greatest secret. She took a deep breath, scrunching her nose at the smell of sweat and fluids, and told her captor what he wanted to know.

"Changeling are all the same, there is no difference between me and any of my daughters, but my body grows and develops further and stronger because I give it the signal that I am ready to be a queen..." His eyes widened in understanding.

"You outlawed sex so no other female can grow to be your equal. It isn't what I was expecting, I'll admit, but it certainly seems in character for you. Does that mean that you force yourself on others so often because if you were to stop, your body would stop creating what it needs to maintain its current form?" She glared at him over her muzzle defiantly, knowing that her silence would answer her question all the same. "Hhmph. Figures." Her world spun as he threw her from her throne and onto the chitinous floor.

"Now what? You kill me? What is the point of all this?" She had thought he already suspected the truth when he asked. To learn that the truth was not what he thought it would be was a blow to her pride. She flinched as another heart was thrown at her. She looked at it in confusion. "What...?"

"A mile south of here, you'll find a stockpile of these lightly hidden under a natural rock formation. Your changelings will be safe provided they make a direct path to it. They will be attacked if they try to deviate even the slightest amount. Any questions?"

"... You have Carina, don't you?"

"... And if I do?" The Queen saw red, and she snarled and spit from her place on the floor.

"If you did to her what I think you did there will not be anywhere on Equis where I will not find you, and I will geld you myself!" She had tried to ignore it, but she recognized those pheromones. This creature, this beast, however, just chuckled from his belly.

"Well, that's one thing you and her have in common I suppose. As surprised as I am to find that you seem to care so much, beyond fearing that she will dethrone you, I suppose I can assuage your fears a little bit. She is safe, and happy, and completely free to do whatever it is she wishes. Our relationship was her doing." And then his pupils shrank as his eyelids peeled back, staring into her SOUL with a promise. "I came to you because I care, because I find that I Love her in a way that I cannot put into words. So if it turns out that you did in fact lie to me, that you hurt Carina with false information, I will be the one chasing you down, and you will find out just how much your daughter means to me post-mortem."

And then he was gone, and he took his magic weapons with him. Muttering filled the room as the councilors reappeared, scared and confused. Queen Culicidae shakily made her way to her throne and attempted to regain her composure. As shaken as she was, she never noticed her eldest just outside the throne room doors, leaving for her personal quarters with a wicked grin on her face.

I made my way back to the bed, Carina still soundly asleep on top. She was growing. We hadn't just taken another step in our relationship, we had pushed her towards her next evolution. Her body finally recognized her as an adult and was taking the steps necessary to make her a Queen. There was much I didn't know still, but I could ask about fertility and number of young when Carina woke up. Even if she didn't know she was on a path towards power, she likely knew just how efficient her mother was in replenishing numbers. I didn't know what to tell her. She had a right to know, but how do I even approach this with her?

I had attacked her mother, personally this time, and interrogated her on her sex life. There was no way that wasn't going to come up. I sighed and put my antlers against hers. I was disappointed in myself. I saw Culicidae on the throne and just felt anger bubbling up to the surface. How dare she hurt Carina the way she did, how dare she force Carina to be anyone other than who she wanted to be? It didn't excuse it though, I had even gone so far as to summon weapons against her, a power I had been unwilling to touch until then. It was harder to hold them still then it was to let them skewer her to her throne.

Carina moaned and nuzzled my neck, and I let myself sink into her fur. Later, I thought, I would deal with this all later.

At least Toby wasn't here, I don't know what he would think of the whole situation.

"Button Mash! Have you seen Toby!"

"Uh, no?"

"Well, help me find him! His caretaker is supposed to be here in the morning and I can't have just lost her kid!" Button Mash only half-heartedly helped her look. He didn't want to admit that he had helped Toby get to the cookies on the top shelf in return for some of the spoils. He would wait till Toby was done before 'finding' him so that neither of them were caught with their hooves in the cookie jar.

"Elifilis?" I blearily opened my eyes and yawned before looking at Carina. She was glaring at me.

"... Yes?"

"Do you want to explain why you smell like my mother?" Welp, starting early today.

"I do want to explain that actually. Breakfast?"

"... Fine."

Author's Note

Culicidae is the scientific name for Mosquitos. Such a pretty word too, oh well.

14. Table talks and morning walks.

Breakfast was silent as we ate. I don't think either of us was willing to spoil our appetites with rough conversation, so we just enjoyed our waffles and blueberries in peace. Inevitably though, our plates were left bare and all that was left to do was for one of us to speak up. I ended up going first, unwilling to let it stew any further.

"... Last night was, amazing. I, don't know how to describe how I felt about it. You, are so important to me on a level that I- its, impossible. It's primal. Instinctual almost. I don't know if this is how it is supposed to feel, or its a quirk of what I am, but I Love you. I need you to be safe, and okay..." She looked shocked. I felt the same way, I liked Carina, I had slept with her, I had already been living with her, but these feelings were kicking my ass and I couldn't pinpoint where exactly they were coming from. Only that they were for her.

"I, I don't know what to say? I love you too? No, sorry, that's not a question. You have done so much for me in a short amount of time and all you have asked me to do is be myself. Even if this never goes any further, I am grateful for everything. I don't want you to ever think otherwise." I looked down and nodded to her in understanding silently. "I just, where is all of this coming from and where is it all going? That's the question I guess. What does our relationship have to do with you smelling like my mom?"

"... You didn't notice last night, but you began to molt again."

"What? When?" She was looking over at herself, trying to find the cracks.

"Around your barrel, and it cracked away from you every time I, uh, hilted?"

"Balls-deep?"

"Whatever you want to call it. You went down, the chitin popped off." I pulled out the plating I pulled off of her last night through a portal, blushing. "This came off of you. You can see where your mammaries were and everything, and you are slightly rounder in the abdomen now."

"Wow, your right! Wait, is it just the sex? Do I think you smell like my mom now because you both smell like sex?"

"No, I'm getting there." I put the plate down and tapped my finger over it, stalling. "... I was worried. I still am worried. Toby, who we still have to pick up, caused you to molt everywhere all at once. He basically overfed you and your body grew to make use of all the Love. The sex though, it didn't just make you grow, it changed your shape." She was poking at her teats now. I ignored it as best I could. "So, I thought, I needed to know what was happening to you. What I was doing to you. And I remembered what you told me about your hive..." She narrowed her eyes at me.

"You confronted my mom. What made you think that was a good idea? I'm not even built the same as the rest of my family anymore."

"No, but you changed, albeit slightly, as a result of having sex. You and your siblings were outright banned from, and severely punished for having sex while Queen Culicidae had sex nearly constantly, with men of any species. Changelings included. Seeing you change, as a result of us sleeping together, it made me suspicious. She was hiding something." Carina raised an eyebrow at me, skepticism written all over her face.

"You thought she was keeping the 'power of sex' all to herself? You know how ridiculous that sounds?"

"Yeah, well, she admitted to it."

"... What? How did you get her to tell you anything." I gulped.

"I, started by trying to trade the information in return for some items I could create that held Love in them. She wouldn't play ball though. She was lying and I called her out on her bullshit. Your mom, well, attacked me. And I, responded in kind." She had her hoofs over her eyes.

"Elfilis, why?"

"I don't know what came over me. I'm not very happy with myself either. I... I think that I really did almost kill her..." Tense silence. Uneasy peace. I hated it. "... Regardless, I found out what I needed. Your mom, she isn't Queen because she is older or anything like that. Any changeling can become like her, but it requires that they have sex. It sends signals to the rest of the body that says 'I'm an adult, I'm ready to start my own hive, I'm trying right now,' and then the body creates all the stuff it needs to reach royal maturity."

"So you and I last night...?"

"Yeah. It wasn't just the next step for us, it literally started your metamorphosis into a full mature changeling. And, I don't even know what that will entail, not just because I don't know how prolific your kind is, but because you also aren't of the same kind anymore." Carina had her eyes furrowed in concentration. She clearly understood just how big a deal this was, or was at least understanding of how strongly I felt about it.

"... All right. Come on, we're going to the lake to wash up. I'm not continuing this conversation while we're sticky and you smell like mother."

I ran a soapy comb through her mane as we waded into the shallower end of the water, meanwhile she scrubbed my thighs clean with a towel. It was much easier than when I had to deal with all this fur myself.

"Alright big guy, do you have any ideas on what to do?" I got started on her tail as I gave her my two cents... The hell is a cent?

"I don't want to bother the princesses about this. They are trying to restructure an entire government to give Luna back some power, make an education reform, and are brainstorming a solution to the changeling hive and their invasive plans. We could ask Celestia's student for help though. I would tentatively call her a friend, or at least friendly. Plus she owes me for shooting me in the sack."

"She what?"

"Unimportant. She's really smart and could at least offer us insight or point us in the right direction if nothing else."

"Alright, I'm convinced. Don't think we aren't going to talk about you attacking my mom by the way. She's a bitch but she's still mother, you know?"

"I don't know. And not to distract you, but if you keep changing shape Rarity is going to have to keep remaking your dress."

"Fuck, your right. Help me clean myself up, I'm not going to make her measure my ass while it's got your stains on it."
Sweet angel Carina. Don't ever change.

We ended up going to Twilight's first. After a short greeting we were all seated at her table with some tea. She was still tired from this morning I guess.

"Not that I mind seeing you two, but what is it that you needed me to send Spike away for at ten in the morning?" Carina chuckled as she put an empty teacup down.

"Unless you want him to hear about how Elfilis was in my marehood last night..." I took over at this point. I didn't need Twilight getting flustered right now.

"What she means to say, is that her body is changing dramatically as a result and we were hoping you would be willing to help us figure out what, exactly, is happening to her body." The lavender librarian was blushing something fierce, but I could see that look she had when I spoke to her and her friends at the castle. I had caught her curiosity.

"What kinds of changes are we talking about? Most mare's bodies start changing as a result of copulation, especially if it results in pregnancy."

"Well, Carina had a minor molt during sex. Her barrel changed shape and size enough that her old chitin didn't fit anymore. And if what little information I was able to find myself is correct, that will only be the beginning." She had her notebook out.
"I... can't tell you what species she is right now. That information is a bit sensitive right now, I think. You'll have to ask the Princesses if you really want to know more." She frowned, but nodded and started writing a letter off to the side with her magic. She now had two quills writing two different things at the same time. Damn. Carina took over for me.

"I'm unique among my kind, so I can guess what I'll look like after so long, but I'll probably only be half-right. And my only example of a sexually active... pony, is my own mom. So... If you could help us track what my body does to itself, that would be great."

"What do you hypothesize will happen to you? Physiologically?" Twilight was in full-swing now. She really was as smart as Spike said she was.

"Her mom is the same height as Celestia, but we can only assume she started her transformation much smaller than Carina already is. Assuming that Alicorn height isn't the hard cap of her species height, she could easily end up larger than me." Both mares seemed shocked at this. It made sense didn't it? "Carina? How many children does your mom have on average?"

"Oh, uh... A clutch or two every month? It was never exact, and she had partners too often for me or Chrysie to really figure out when it was she was getting pregnant." Twilight slowed down in her note-taking to look at her.

"Her pregnancies were variable? Did the number of eggs laid per clutch change based on the amount of time passed since the last birth? And how many eggs is in a clutch generally?"

"Phhht, okay. So, yes, I think so, and it was usually no more than ten eggs? I was never allowed to see them, so I'm only guessing."

"Your mom really didn't want any of you understanding your own biology, did she? Can you think of any reason why this is?" I could think of a few.

"Carina's mom is physically and magically stronger than all of her children as a result of her promiscuous lifestyle. Presumably anyway, her body is definitely stronger but I can't confirm if her magic is made any more potent for it. So theory one is that she kept the results of sex a secret to conserve power."

"That's crazy! She would really do that to her kids?"

"Maybe, I have a second theory though." Carina was curious too, I hadn't discussed this with her yet. "We are talking about a hive, all members are the child of the same Queen. And as we just heard, the Queen laid any number of new members between ten or twenty every month. One member of the race can have more than a hundred children a year. I think, if all of the females were just as sexually active, the hive would very quickly run into a food shortage." The two of them had looks of pensiveness on their face, though it looked like pouting on Carina. Twilight spoke up next.

"That also makes sense, but food is pretty plentiful nowadays. What do... What does the hive eat? What makes up your diet?" I just looked at Carina. That one was all for her to answer. She huffed at me before talking to Twilight.

"We can eat just about anything, but fruits and vegetables, meats and grains, all of them are complementary to our most vital food source. We could eat all the apples in the world and we would still starve just as quickly as if we chose to fast without it." She tapped her hooves on the table. "Its... Love. Of other creatures. The actual emotion, and the energy it generates while a pony or otherwise is feeling it."

"Well, how does that work?" Twilight didn't even pause. She just kept going, and I could tell that caught the pink bug off guard.

"Um, we have to know how magic moves through somepony's body, and we use those channels to siphon the magical energy of Love from them into us. We can store it in small amounts for later, but it's not very efficient. But, yeah. I guess it's possible that our typically predatory nature might mean we have a harder time feeding than others."

"You did tell me," I said, "That there was no one who could ever claim to have not been hungry at any point in time. You might just be the only healthy mare of your kind, which is why you haven't felt hungry." Twilight's quill was being run between her teeth as she concentrated on her notes. She put them down to talk to us.

"I'll need a day to organize all this, but I am willing to help. I'll need to see if I can't get Ponyville General to lend some medical equipment before I try anything though. Just let me take a measurement of your barrel before you go so if changes before we meet again I can calculate the rate of growth."

It was only moments later we found ourselves on our way to Rarity's. I had just been about to knock on her door when Carina saw how late in the day it had gotten and ran off to collect Toby. So I ended up in front of the fashionista by myself when she answered.

"Elfilis darling? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Uh, yeah I need to talk to you about 'Rina's dress. Is it okay if I come in?"

"Of course, of course, right this way." I ducked my way and only stoppped for a second to wave at some filly in the corner who was sipping at a juice box. Her eyes were quite wide as she shyly waved back at me. "Ah, that is my sister, Sweetie Belle. Sweetie, this is Elfilis, he is a friend of me and the girls." I guess we were friends. Not like I had only talked to them a few times since I face-planted in front of them all. "Now, what did you wish to discuss?"

"I know it's probably a pain, but is it possible to make it... stretchy? Or so it can get bigger?"

"I... suppose. May I ask why? It's not a normal request. I usually get such order from mares when they, are... expecting..."

"Oh, uh, no. Nothing-"

"Sweetie Belle? Why don't you go hang out with your friends for a bit? This might be a bit of a big order." The filly just nodded, the juice box falling off its straw as she ran out of the Boutique. "Now, tell me everything. When did this happen? You have only been here for awhile, and I thought you had met Carina after the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco."

"Uh, last night?" She just looked at me weird. "I don't think she's pregnant. Her species just, changes, in response to sex. Her body is growing, and between yesterday and today some of her measurements changed. Treating the dress like a pregnancy dress is probably the right idea though."

"I see. Well, it is no issue. All of the Gala dresses are in their early stages, it will be easy to make changes as they are. You know, I won't judge if she is pregnant. You don't need to make excuses." I shook my head and opened my mouth, but then something occurred to me.

Queen Culicidae laid eggs at least once every month.

"... If she she is pregnant, we'll find out within the month... No, probably within the week... Fuck."

Author's Note

Being sick sucks and stuff. Enjoy

15. Do it for science!

Rarity was saying something, I didn't know what. She was trying to calm me down, from the tone of her voice. I was freaking out, head in my hands and leg bouncing anxiously. It didn't matter that I didn't know if Carina was pregnant, or that her body probably wasn't capable yet. My brain was moving from one thought to the next faster than should be possible. It was all just jumbled, incoherent noise. And then Carina's voice cut through it all.

"Elfilis? Are you okay? What is all this?" I looked out from between my fingers to see her, Toby by her side. Separating us was a pile of baby stuff. Cribs, binkys, blankets, toys and baby-mobiles. And a really confused Waddle-Dee with a nurse's hat and a bottle of milk. Shit. I pointed at him to get his attention.

"I hearby dub thee Swaddle-Dee." He gave me a salute, taking his role of military nanny very seriously. "Hi, Carina. My powers must have gotten ahead of me. It's, it's not impossible that we're going to be parents within a month and-"

"HO FUCK!" Rarity's ears pinned themselves to her head as she winced. Whether it be the profanity or the volume I'll never know. Maybe both. "How didn't that occur to me?! We, we need a space, a-and a babysitter! I know a pony, she's great. How do you feed babies? Do eggs need to be watered?!" I was now being given a first-hand account to what my mind was doing not sixty-seconds ago.

"Carina! Darling, breathe. Can you do that for me Carina?" Rarity is a saint, and a blessing. "In, and out. In, and out. Ok?" It went on like that for a time, and Swaddle-Dee eventually joined in, mimicking the breathing motions the mares were doing as best he could. Toby was sampling various objects, occasionally getting powers like Circus-Toby from a Jack-in-a-Box. I just watched it all, feeling a little numb. "Alright. Now, why don't I get you some tea and the two of you can have a nice, calm discussion. Alright? Alright. I'll be right back darlings." I didn't let the tension build any more once she left the lobby.

"Carina, I didn't handle it very well either, but you are probably not pregnant. Your body probably has to finish going through whatever changes it's going through before that can happen. Ok? There is no emergency, and if in a weeks time it turns out you are, I think we'll have lots of help from those around us." Swaddle-Dee looked indignant at the news that their wasn't a baby to take care of, but he quickly went to hugging Carina in a show of support.

"Poyo!" And Toby tackle hugged the both of them, knocking them over. Only a few seconds later Rarity came out with a tea set to the sight of us giggling at each other.

"Well, you two handled that quite quickly. Care to fill me in?" We all sipped at Equestria's favorite beverage as we told Rarity about what we knew of Carina and the changes we think she may be going through. "I see. That's certainly an interesting way to do it. But," She looked bashfully at us before continuing, "Doesn't that mean that you have to keep having sex up and through the point where her body is ready to have foals? That sounds quite... exhausting. To say the least." I nodded to her before answering.

"Yeah, that's the impression I got from Carina's mom. It does mean though, assuming we're lucky and we aren't going to be parents in thirty days, that we have time before that has to become something we have to consider."

"What, you not want to have kids with me?" I was dodging that landmine, no way in hell was that what I meant!

"NO! I mean- Damnit Carina..." She was teasing me. She was trying not to laugh at me too much. "... What I mean, is that between everything going on right now, we are not prepared to learn how to be parents. I love you, I do, but we met only a week or so ago and we live in a cave." Rarity started coughing.

"I'm sorry, you live in what?"

"Yeah, when Elfilis kidnapped me he started furnishing this big-" Carina, noooo-!

"Elfilis did-!" Swaddle-Dee was glaring at me.

"-NOT, Elfilis did not kidnap her. I did not. I said I did, I was flustered and confused at the time. Moving on?" Everyone nodded reluctantly. Minus Carina, who was acting smug at her seat. "At most, I absconded with her."

We were eating at Sugarcube Corner, almost dinner time, when we got back to speaking.

"For the record, you are not under any obligation to stay with me." The pink changeling across from me opened her mouth to respond, but she was rather explosively interrupted.

"POYO!" And then Toby smashed through the window we were next to and ran off. Even Pinkie Pie, who had just showed up to talk to us, was silent as we stared out the broken glass.

"... Toby isn't obligated either. Though I don't know what the rush is." 'Rina just shook her head before picking up where she left off.

"I know, but I want to stay with you for the moment. You've treated me with more kindness than anyone before you, you are fun to be around, and you're sexy. I'll never tell you I love you without meaning it. I love you." And then she was sucking down a chocolate milkshake. "Mmm, this actually tastes like Love. What did you say this was again Pinkie?" Ms Pie proceeded to explode. Metaphorically.

"Iiiiiiiit's CHOCOLATE! Everypony likes chocolate! It's the food of love and ponies love to eat it!" That... sounded promising. And it tickled something I knew but couldn't quite remember in my head.

"Carina, have you never had chocolate before?" She just shook her head no while absolutely devouring her drink, only speaking after coming up for breath.

"No, not really? Chan- uh, me and my siblings typically only ate food to keep up appearances, so we usually only ate the cheapest stuff available. This chocolate stuff is just a little above the appropriate price range. Why?" And she went back to drinking it, I think Pinkie had refilled it while we weren't looking. I just stayed silent and let her finish her drink for the second (third?) time before she noticed I wasn't talking. "Elfilis? Is there any on my face?" She started trying to lick her lips frantically, before I reached out with both hands and held her by the chin.

She looked me in the eyes, Pinkie was bouncing in excitement from edge of my sight, Swaddle-Dee was fist-pumping. Carina leaned in, and closed her eyes as-

I yanked her jaw off, revealing a brand new layer of chitin underneath. Pinkie jumped and hit the ceiling, and Swaddle-Dee made his first noise as he screamed and then passed out. Carina just looked at me in confusion before what just happened registered.

"Holy shit, chocolate is Love."

"Or has Love in it."

"You brilliant stud. Fuck me."

"And I think you've had enough of it for now."

"I SAID-!"

We were back in Forgo Cave, the sun was going down, and I had wrapped the drugged changeling in blankets to keep her on the bed for the moment. She had since kicked her back half out of the makeshift cocoon and was rubbing herself on the sheets. I sent a letter to the Princesses about my discovery, of chocolate as a potential alternate food source for changelings in the future. I couldn't keep sending them Friend Hearts every month, though it came with a pretty glaring downside they would have to have to try to mitigate somehow.

"Elfilis~! Come on! How is Twilight supposed to figure out what sex does to me if you don't sex me?" I sat on the foot of the bed with her, and she promptly threw herself across my lap. "Do me! Do me for science!" I lightly kissed her nose, and tried not to let the way she shivered bother me.

"I would rather have sex because we love each other. Not because you overdosed on an aphrodisiac by accident."

"Oh come on, I was planning on rockin' you tonight anyway. Now I'm just extra wet and ready." She was trying to put her hips to mine, but I lightly pushed her back against the bed, much to her frustration.

"...We'll start again tomorrow and-"

"BUT SCIENCE!" I put my hand over her mouth.

"If we did this tonight, I would be very unenthusiastic. This excited state of yours makes me uncomfortable, and I'd like to have more confirmation in the future that you are yourself. If you want to have sex on chocolate, you need to let me know beforehand that that's the plan. Okay?"

"Grrrrrr! Fine. But in the morning, we're making up for lost time. Swaddle-Dee!" Said Waddle-Dee jumped from his spot at the table. "Remind me to fuck him tomorrow. That's an order!"

I just layed down next to her as Swaddle-Dee saluted us, ignoring the way Carina was idly rubbing her thighs. I just sighed and tried to sleep as she started trying to crush my erection between my stomach and her back. I hated chocolate.

I had an uneventful dream of trying to make a working shower, I was making progress, and I woke up to Carina glaring at me, her nose pushed into my waist. And then she licked me. Very angrily.

"... I love you Carina."

"Love you too, you stubborn good samaritan. Now fuck me." I surprised her by leaning over and kissing her on the forehead.

"I'm all yours."

A few hours and a bath later, Carina and I were making our way to the hospital. She had sent Swaddle-Doo real early this morning ahead of time to fetch Twilight and let her know that we were on our way. Which made me feel bad, as he had just ran a marathon to reach it before us only to watch as we appeared in a portal right in front of him and Twilight. Twilight picked him up and put him on her back as she greeted us and we all made our way to an examination office she had asked Princess Celestia to commandeer for us.

"So, Carina, I need you to lay your back on this table and put your back hooves in the stirrups there. Yes, yep. Just like that. Now, this machine measures magic flow, and I'll need to tape these sensors onto you for it to work. And this is for-" And on and on Twilight went, until the changeling was wrapped up in so many wires and rolls of gauze it looked like she had just survived a wild animal attack. "- And this is the last one! It's a probe, and for this to work it needs to, go, uh. In you."

"... Well then stick it in. What are you waiting for?" Twilight blushed hard at this.

"W-well, I don't want to hurt you and-"

"I was taking four times the size of that 'probe' this morning. What's the problem?"

"I-I, uh-" I cut her off at this point.

"I'm going to go grab a nurse." And then, as I opened the door, Swaddle-Dee interrupted me by taking the probe from Twilight and literally throwing it like a spear into Carina's canal.

"Ah! Cold! Cold! Cold things don't go up there!" I closed the door in the face of the gaping doctor on the other side and went to support her as Twilight silently began taking measurements, hiding behind her clipboard.

"I should have a theory going by the end of the week if we keep doing this everyday. After that, we can cut down on these tests as we get a better idea of what we are looking for."

"Thank god. I was worried we'd be doing that everyday. I have never been so bored with something inside my-"

"Thank you Twilight, we'll see you tomorrow. Have a good day." That chocolate had to be sticking around.

Twilight just cringed as the couple and their interesting new friend portaled away from Ponyville General. She was excited to learn, don't get her wrong, but she couldn't help the awkwardness and reluctance she felt before she picked up momentum.

"... I have to take fluid samples tomorrow." She decided to just go back to the library and read a book on anatomy. Or dig up an erotic novel she had boxed when she moved in. Exposure therapy might help her get over her embarrassment. First though, she had to send her findings to Princess Celestia.

Princess Celestia was banging her head on her desk when her sister found her.

"I'm back from Manehatten sister... What is it this time?" Celestia just levitated a letter to Luna for her to read. It was many moment later that a mildly perturbed alicorn put the letter back down. "Your student has chosen an, interesting project for herself."

"That's not it. It's in Spike's handwriting."

"Oh shit."

Author's Note

Swaddle-Dee. I'm very proud of that pun.

16. Figuring it out.

The following week was pretty routine. We would wake up, have breakfast, meet up with Twilight, and then just spend the day exploring Ponyville until it got dark out. Then we would send off Swaddle-Dee for some privacy (more for my sake than Carina's I suspected), and we would spend the night making each other happy. That's not to say there weren't hiccups however. That second day we went to the hospital, Twilight was absent. We ended up going to her library to check up on her, and it led to a peculiar conversation with Spike.

"Hey Spike, is Twilight here? She was supposed to meet us at Ponyville General but she hasn't shown up so..."

"Hey Elfilis. Yeah, Twilights here. She ended staying up late doing research on all kinds of things." I felt bad, thinking that she stayed up helping Carina, but Spike must have noticed because he went to assuage me of my guilt. "Nothing about you having sex with Carina, she ended up sharing that with me by accident when I was writing a letter for her. She kind of freaked when she realized, but then she freaked out more because I wasn't freaking out? It was weird. She ended up reading books on parenting and sex education all night."

"...oh. Well. That's not what I was expecting." Carina was snickering at my side and Spike was beginning to look concerned.

"Not you too Elfilis... Yes, I'm a baby dragon. Yes, I'm a little young. But like I tried telling Twilight, when mom noticed that I was going to have penises and vaginas in my face, she made sure we had a big conversation on what was what. Okay? It's not a big deal."

"Okay, but aren't most kids around your height? Why did you get the talk so early?"

"Most pony kids my age are only a few years away from being adults. I'm stuck looking at pony penis for at least another ten years, if I'm lucky." That, made a lot of sense actually. Plus, this was the same mom who taught her daughter a Chastity Spell after all. It was only a little while later that Twilight came down and we finally started all the scans. Carina wasn't a fan of the scans, she was understandably uncomfortable under all the sensors and diodes and tape. It got better over the course of the week though. As Twilight got more data she was able to mark off some of the machines and spells as unnecessary, which meant the visits got faster each time. And Twilight stopped being so awkward with the probe too, much to our relief. Projectile insertion was not the correct method, calm down Swaddle-Dee.

The next complication actually happened in bed one night. I had been bouncing Carina on my lap when the chitin on her flanks gave way halfway through. This meant I was staring dumbly at a pair of buttcheeks in my hands as my partner got thrown into the air before coming back down and beaming me in the face with her head. I was fine, but Carina's face had a crack across it that clearly wasn't the result of shedding. I rushed her the hospital, arousal be damned. The doctors were thankfully very professional, they seemed nonplussed by our messy state.

The injury seemed to slow down her transformation somewhat, like it was pulling resources away from development to healing. Made me wish Toby had stuck around, one hug from him and Carina would probably be right as rain in no time. He never showed back up that week either. It worried me, but I didn't know if it was worry for Toby or for others. I had faith he would be okay, for the most part. And Luna got back to me about the chocolate one night as well.

"While the news that what changelings consider Love can be grown naturally is good, great even, the fact that it acts as a drug to them in amounts that aren't even enough to serve as a meal is worrying. We will have to see if we can't breed some special cocoa trees that have more Love and less Lust before we can consider it a viable permanent solution. Until then, we request that you keep sending the Hive these, 'Friend Hearts.' Tia was angry that you didn't consult us before talking to the Queen by the way. Just so you know what to expect next time you meet her."

"Yeah, that wasn't my best moment." What I would argue was a really great moment though, was I was finally able to make a working bathroom in the cave. I, don't think what I created should actually function, but it did. And I wasn't going to complain about magical hot water and plumbing. No more bathing in lakes when it's too cold. Carina actually liked the lake on most days, so at this point the bathroom was just for cold days and for when nature called.

And then, Friday. The final day of daily tests.

Twilight had invited us all to the library after she unhooked all the wires from Carina, and now all of us were sitting around her table with an early lunch in front of us. Even Spike was there, even though I could tell Twilight wasn't particularly comfortable with it. She gave him one last look before turning to speak to us.

"Okay, so! Here's what I learned." She floated a wall of chalkboards' and graphs into a wall of information. "To start things off, changelings are so far away from every species on Equis biologically. Including creatures like insects and other bugs. Let me explain." One particular set of drawings floated off the wall. "This, is a pony vagina. Entrance, canal, fallopian tubes, etc. And this, is what Carina's was like a week ago." She gave this one to me to hold onto as we looked at it. "Entrance, canal, done. That was it. No eggs, no anything. Just, and forgive me for this, a pocket." Carina huffed. "I don't know what else to call it, okay! Regardless, that was a week ago."

She gave me another set of pictures to look at as she tried to hold in her blush.

"This, is her this morning." I had kind of tuned her out after seeing it. Six fallopian tubes. What the hell? "And, on top of all that, it's probably not anything like her mothers. At all." I looked up at that, but Carina beat me to the punch.

"Okay? Why do you think my 'pocket' is different from my mom's?"

"I said sorry! A-and it's probably different because, from what you told me, your mom lays eggs. Your sexual organs aren't built for that. It looks like, ludicrous fertility aside, a regular mammalian sex organ. If you ever have kids, your going to be carrying them to term, not laying them in a nest to watch for a month." That was different.

"I have a pony pussy?! How long do you think my pregnancies will last!?" Swaddle-Dee made himself known at this point, jumping up and down trying to take the scans out of my hand.

"I-I don't fu- I don't know. Sorry. Long week. I don't know, that's not something you can learn with scans." Fair enough. "That isn't everything though. Elfilis's theory that your body would be getting stronger, physically and magically? It is 100% correct." Yay, more graphs. "Your magic capacity, if not your output, has quadrupled. It leaves you with a little more potential than your average unicorn, but while the growth has slowed down, it hasn't stopped. You still have some ways to go in that department. As for physicality? Your chitin has been shedding so often because your skeleton and your muscles have been growing. They are still rather lean, but it was a big enough change that your body needed a new shell every time." That part I kind of knew. She was just a little taller, had filled out some, and had to start watching how much force she used in bed. I was fine, the bed was broken.

"... Thank you Twilight. For helping me and Rina with this. Is there anything else?" She shook her head no for me as Swaddle-Dee finally got the papers from me.

"Nothing major. She has more nerve endings, mostly in the uh, rear (cough). And her blood tests say she has very slightly higher hormone levels. Both are likely a consequence of of growing an entirely new organ." She looked at her notes one last time. "If you want to know more, you would have to be willing to give chastity a shot for a week of more tests, to see if the changes really do revert."

"You're funny Twilight, a week without sex? Ha! Could you imagine?" I just looked at her.

"You should be able to remember, unless you had guests over while I was knocked out for that first week in Forgo Cave." She blushed and turned her head bashedly.

"I need to remember you have a sharp wit most days. Anyways, Twilight, thank you for all this, but I'm going to go break another bed with my boyfriend. Byyyye!" I didn't actually get up to follow as her and Swaddle-Dee ran out the door. I kind of wanted to see how far she would get before she realized. Spike ended up laughing at her.

"Another bed? Wow."

"Spike! Just because Carina acts that way doesn't mean-"

"Twilight, I love you, but the reason I found out about sex before you was because mom was uncomfortable with how much you sat on me to keep me still." ... Awkward... "Plus, you wave your butt at our babysitter every time you meet. Why are you so embarrassed about this stuff now?"

"... I'm working on it." That was when Carina came back.

"Elfilis! Come on! Joking aside, we have to see Rarity about my dress. The gala is in a few months right?" Was it? I thought we had more time.

"I'm coming, hold your... horses?"

The two of us were maybe halfway to the boutique, Swaddle-Dee having gone ahead to alert Rarity I guess, when I finally opened my mouth.

"Boyfriend huh?" She looked at me weird.

"Yeeees? Unless you prefer 'stud' or-"

"You just hadn't called me that before. It's pretty obvious that's what we are, a couple, but hearing it out loud still felt pretty big to me."

"Hmph. And yet I don't hear a 'girlfriend' come out of your mouth..."

"Well, you are a girl, and you are my friend-"

"Asshole-"

"-But neither of those is as important as the fact that I love you." She gave me a smirk.

"Okay, so you're a sappy asshole. Ooh! That gives me an idea! You wanna try-"

"Oh look! A boutique! Lets go!" I flew forward as she shouted at me from behind.

"You can't run forever! Your ass will be mine!"

"Delta, what is wrong?" The Meta Knights had begun to take shifts on watching the Hive. Things had been calm, if tense, and the brothers felt that having all three of them was beginning to become overkill. Apparently, they had gotten complacent.

"Alpha, the changeling princess has disappeared. Between one room and the next, she was gone. I'm sorry." Beta shook his head.

"Do not be sorry. This is not something we could have foreseen. That level of illusion is not something even her mother seems capable of. This 'teleport' is clearly unique to Chrysalis, and she surely kept this skill secret from all her siblings." Alpha hummed in agreement.

"Beta is correct. Regardless, this news must reach Elfilis and the Princesses, and it is not late enough to wait for Luna to visit our dreams. Delta?" Delta Knight nodded.

"It shall be done." And with a swirl of his cape, he was gone.

"What do we do now Alpha?" Said brother gave it some thought before deciding.

"Now, we inform the Queen."

Queen Culicidae was having a hard time. In truth, the hearts were a blessing. They gave very little nutrition, but it was enough to keep the hive going. Provided that creature kept its promise and delivered every month. The problem was convincing her children of this. They, understandably in her opinion, were wary of accepting charity. Especially from an anonymous donor. She did not tell them of her encounter of Elfilis, though she had no excuse to give the changelings who he had vanished from her courtroom. She had to settle for telling them to just, shut up, that's an order. And, if the two diminutive creatures waiting for her in her private chambers were anything to go by, things were about to get worse.

"Am I to assume you are the ones who have been slinking around this past while?" The forwardmost one, with a stylized 'A' on its shoulder, bowed to her.

"You would be correct your majesty. I am Alpha. This is Beta. We have news for you, if you would allow it." She cocked an eyebrow at the masked knight.

"My, my, so polite for one who had previously made an attempt on my life. What could your master possibly want now?"

"Sir Elfilis does not know we are speaking to you, yet. No, this is a message for the sake of your Hive. Be grateful." She hissed at him, but he didn't so much as flinch.

"Then speak!"

"Princess Chrysalis has disappeared from the Hive, presumably running away from home." Culicidae wanted to accuse him of lying, of trying to wipe his hands clean of her abduction. And she nearly did. But Chrysalis, of all her children, had been the most angry and spiteful since the hearts began to come in. So instead she let her head and shoulders sag.

"My foalish child, what are you up to now?"

Chrysalis looked down at the stallion beneath her, in triumph, in ecstasy. She could feel her magic grow, her muscles tighten, she had begun her evolution. Soon, she thought while riding the witless pony to exhaustion, soon I will be Queen, and I will have my day! And it will be Perfect!

"Ah- You're perfect. Perfect-" She slammed down on him as she grinned.

"I know~! Say it again... my love."

Author's Note

SuccuChrys.

17. Mood killer.

Things went downhill pretty quickly after we got to Rarity's boutique. Said mare seemed to be running on fumes and desperation. I swear she almost burst out crying when she saw us duck into her shop before Carina calmed her down. I wasn't quite sure what to do, and I never got to decide. I was waiting for Rarity to gain her composure before asking if everything was okay, but by the time that happened, Twilight ended up shoulder-checking the door behind me open.

"Twilight! What the-" Heaving and snorting from exhaustion, she must have made a full dead-sprint all the way here, she interrupted me by smacking me in the face with a letter.

"Princess... Letter... You and Carina... Castle... HEUGH... Now...!" And then she just walked right back out the door.

"... Right. Swaddle-Dee? Hey, there you are, take care of Rarity for a bit would you? And check up on Twilight afterwards, you would think she just ran laps around the whole town instead a straight line here with how dead on her feet... hooves she was. Celestia wants to see Rina and I right now. Ready?" I directed that last part towards my partner, and when she nodded I portaled us both to the Canterlot Castle throne room. A quick look around showed Princesses Celestia and Luna, Captain Shining Armor, and, most surprisingly, Delta Knight. His distinct letter 'D' on his pauldron shone in the light, and it seemed to shimmer as he tried to take deep breaths. "Delta? Did something happen at the Hive?" Carina's breath hitched as he simply nodded to me. It was Celestia who spoke to us from her place atop her throne.

"Indeed. It appears Princess Chrysalis has disappeared, though it would be more appropriate to say she ran away. As you could imagine, this poses a problem. The invasive sister is running free." Damn it. "I brought you two here first and foremost so that Carina is not left in the dark about her family. If either of you have anything to offer to help us with this dilemma however, be it information or resources, we will not turn you down. Both of you officially have more experience with changelings than everypony else in this room combined." Luna picked up after her sister.

"Thou art not required to fulfill this request, we respect thy needs and thy wishes to try to live a more mundane life. There shall be no repercussions, nor anger incurred, should you deny us this." The look on the captains face said that he would be angry, but I chose to ignore that.

"Ooooh, Chrysie, why do you do the things you do?" Carina bemoaned. "I'll tell you guys what I can about her. I don't think it will be helpful, but it's what I can do." I decided to excuse myself for a moment.

"Can Delta and I converse with ourselves for a moment?" The Princesses nodded before turning their attention to the pink changeling as she started speaking.

"So, the first thing to know about my sister is that she's a massive-" I didn't hear the rest as I portaled the Knight and I to the Castle Gardens.

"Are you okay Delta?" He gave a very deep sigh before answering me.

"Yes sire, I am okay. It is simply a long and arduous flight from the Hive." I had my own sigh of relief.

"Good. I'm glad you're okay." Now onto business. "Do you have any suggestions as to what I should do? Do you think you could track her down?" He just shook his head.

"No. I was actively tracking her when she disappeared." Shit. It's one thing to escape Meta Knight's notice when he has his gaze turned somewhere else, it's another thing entirely to vanish while he's on your tail. Did I know of anyone better than Meta Knight at hunting? I couldn't think of any, my mind was in turmoil.

"How do you find someone who doesn't want to be found, can disguise themselves as anyone, and can just disappear at the drop of a hat?" Delta just glared through his mask. "I don't know either. I'm trying to think of different artifacts that might help, but you and your brothers are meant to be the best pick against changelings. There aren't any characters I can think of who do what you do but better. With the exception of Kirby and being a powerhouse."

"I think, that we may simply have to keep our eyes peeled and our swords sharp. We will have to wait for her to try to steal away with a pony for sustenance. The guard may-" I snapped my fingers.

"That's it! Oh, not what you were saying. Or rather- Pffft. Sorry. You are one-hundred percent right about keeping an eye out and being prepared. What I mean is that I might have thought of someone. You reminded me of him when you said 'steal away with.' Let's go inside and talk to Celestia and Luna about it."

We had chosen to walk to the throne room this time, and the opening of the doors caught the rooms attention.

"Your Majesties? I may have an idea, even if it is a bit of long shot." Their ears perked up slightly as Celestia responded.

"What do you have for us Elfilis?"

"A new phantom. His progenitor is a master thief, and he might have keen enough senses and wit to track down Chrysalis." It was Shining Armor who objected at this point.

"You want to hire a criminal to chase down the changeling princess? That sounds like a bad idea."

"I know it does, but he isn't malignant or evil. He wants shiny things and does what he can to get them. Would you rather a kleptomaniac who steals jewelry or one who steals the lives of ponies?" He didn't look very ensured by this.

"Obviously I would prefer the jewel thief, but that doesn't mean I like it. It's a slippery slope to ride." And that, that pissed me off for some reason.

"My whole god damn existence is a slippery slope!" ... "That's... I'm leaving it up to you whether or not I create him. Okay?" ...

... Would someone else fucking say something already-!

"We will take whatever thou can give us, Sir Elfilis." Thank you Luna.

"It is as my sister says. We trust you if you say this new Phantom of yours will not be malicious." Carina chose this moment to hug me. Damn, she nearly came up to my neck at this point. "Do you wish to do this now?" I nodded stiffly.

"No time like the present. Give me a second to dream up Daroach." I closed my eyes and ignored Shining Armor's softly spoken 'Daroach?' as I tried to imagine what it was that made the thief who he was. He wasn't the most popular of characters, but what most don't know is that he actually has the most dialogue of anyone else in the franchise. Kirby Mass Attack would hopefully give me everything I needed to create him. When I made Toby, it was the revelation that Kirby was a FRIEND that pushed my dreams into reality. The Meta Knights were more complicated, and were a mix of chivalry and determination. So what was Daroach, at the heart of things?

... I couldn't remember most of his dialogue. It was mostly hints and exposition about the areas in the game. The most telling blurbs were when he was describing the rest of his group, The Squeak Squad. He defends Storo, the big blue mouse, saying he's more than just a brute, not to judge him. He speaks of his admiration for Spinni, of his style and unmatched skill in sniffing out treasures. His care for Doc, the UFO and airship engineering genius, and how he treats him as just as much an equal as everyone else in spite of his advancing age. The Squeakers, the most numerous and most timid of the group, and yet they would still take on Kirby for Daroach.

'... My crew is my family, and they're the best around.' I realized I was pulling far more energy than what I needed for just Daroach, but I couldn't bring myself to care. He was, at his core, the heart of a group. I was literally incapable of creating him without his crew. And I don't think I would if I could at this point. The sounds of shocked gasps let me know that I had succeeded, and I opened my eyes to the tightest knit group of thieves this side of the universe.

"My my, it appears these poor pony's need our professional propensity for pilfering. I give you all a fair warning, we prefer to be paid, so you best have a proposition so we do not part with your priceless possessions as a proper payment package. And do not think to pacify us with a paltry parcel of your no doubt preposterous pile of palace properties, we charge a premium, for no treasure can escape us. Padlock or hidden panel, we are the Squeak Squad, and we are without peer!" Carina was more focused on keeping her lover standing than she was on this so-called 'Squeak Squad,' but she gave enough to hope that these oversized mice were worth whatever it just took out of Elfilis. And she was also distantly impressed.

She knew he created Toby, that he created three 'Meta Knights,' and that he had created their latest roommate Swaddle-Dee in a panic, but she didn't get to witness any of it. To see one of his star-shaped portals open up wider than any she had seen before, and watch it proceed to dump a metric ton of glowing light-purple rodents in various states of dress into the throne room was an experience. This Daroach dude was a total showboat though, and she liked him.

"You... are Daroach I'm assuming?" Celestia and Luna looked amused by the mouse's antics as well. "Yes, we do have a job for you and your group, and we would not dare to pinch pennies with anypony we wish to work with." All of the mice started chittering in excitement, and Daroach smiled from underneath his coat collar.

"Then let's talk prices. What do you need?" Elfilis spoke up from here.

"Daroach, hi. Big fan and stuff." He was still acting out of breath as he leaned on Carina to stand up. His ears were drooping, and they almost never did that. Usually only to walk into the ponies tiny doorways. "Someone doesn't want to be found. Can you guys find her, before she causes any damage?"

"That depends. Who is she and what kind of hubbub could she create?" Hubbub? Who says hubbub?

"A changeling princess named Chrysalis. She can look like anyone and can disappear right in front of your faces." Carina took over for a second.

"My sister can't look like anyone, size is difficult. If she really really pushes it, she might be able to look like shades over there." Said mouse swirled his cape as it began to sway in the wind. The wind... in the throne room? "She can't hide as one your smaller friends there. A transformation would fall apart and any illusion would be broken and inherently obvious as she would probably have to hop on one hoof to try to match their gate." Elfilis shook his head.

"Didn't know that. But yeah, she's tricky. As for what danger she causes? She eats Love." Daroach and the big guy with an eye-patch frowned hard at that as the small ones froze in shock. "Yeah, and we don't knows if she knows how to do it without killing ponies, or if she has any compunction about killing ponies. We have reason to worry though." He was beginning to catch his breath at this point.

"That is quite the problem. Doc? If we took this job, do you think you could scrounge something up to find this broad?" The mouse with swirling eyes in a flying device didn't respond for a moment.

"... If I were to see a transformation in action, I may be able to create a function in my saucer to detect the energies involved... You there." Carina jumped as the elder-sounding Doc spun around to look at her. "You said this... changeling, is your sister? Do you share in this... talent for shape-shifting?"

"Oh, uh, yes! She's much better at it than me, but I can do it too. I should probably also say, that me and my sister look nothing alike outside of our disguises. She'll be black and shiny with holes going through her legs." Doc hummed in thought.

"That is good information..." A small hatch opened in his vehicle, and an arm with what looked like a tiny camera at the end popped out. "... Would you please show me... So that I may get started on my device?" The pink changeling shyly nodded before transforming into her Frontline disguise. She noted that it was more difficult than it used to be to turn into the orange-maned mare, no doubt because of her considerably larger bulk since meeting Elfilis. Halfway through her shift, the camera-looking device flashed rapidly before retreating back into the Doc-mobile. Seriously, what was that thing?

"Hey Frontline, it's been awhile." Carina lightly socked her smartass in the knee with her compressed hoof. Daroach made himself the center of attention again.

"Well, Doc has what he needs to make his gizmo, but I still haven't heard anything about compensation. What can we expect?" Luna stood up and gestured for him to follow her.

"Follow us, Sir Daroach. We shall discuss the value of a bit here in Equestria, and come up with a plan to make sure thou are well paid." Shining interjected at this point.

"Are you sure we can afford to employ all of them? We-" Celestia cut him off with a light shake of her head as her sister led the merry band of thieves out of the throne room.

"If you would recall Captain, we have had many openings in the royal guard and castle staff since the mass 'retirement' of our changeling members not too long ago. I do not doubt that Daroach will be expensive, but the royal coffers will not be emptied by his paws." After that, they all sat in comfortable silence. Then Elfilis had to go and kick the hornet's nest.

"Princess?" The solar diarch hummed in acknowledgement. "You said something earlier that I can't help but wonder about. You said you would not 'pinch pennies'? What are pennies?" Celestia looked bemused by this.

"It is merely an expression. It means-"

"No, I know what it means. What are pennies?" ...

"... I don't follow." Elfilis half-growled.

"Something is going to start making sense eventually. I refuse to believe otherwise."

Author's Note

You have no idea how much research I had to do to make sure all the p-words I used made sense in that alliteration.

Also, Phantom Squeak Squad. If you don't know what they look like, just look them up and imagine them glowing and neon-punk. That's what most Phantom characters look like in Forgotten Land.

Finally, I am officially less sick than I was a week ago.

18. To parts unknown.

Daroach knew he wasn't the original, it was something him and the the rest of the squad would have to talk about with that Elfilis fella when they had the chance. They all had a slight glow and their colors were all wrong, and if he hadn't been in control of his faculties he would have assumed he had been possessed like how the first Daroach was taken over by Dark Nebula. As it stood, he felt like Daroach, and trying act like someone else was probably an exercise in futility. And you know what? That was fine with him. So long as he had the Squeak Squad and some riches to gain, he would be happy. Maybe he could bum some gold off of his creator, an 'existence fee'. Daroach was pulled from his thoughts as the dark princess welcomed them into her study.

"Now, let us talk prices. I am going to assume you don't know our currency, so allow me to-" The coated mouse shook his head from under his top hat.

"Actually, and I'm sure this is an odd request, we would like payment in materials. If it wouldn't be a bother." Princess Luna looked bemused, but allowed Daroach to continue. "Now, I'm sure that big-eared kid back there could probably make us everything we needed, but if I know Doc, he would rather trust his own work over the magics of the mind." The UFO pilot nodded his head from the cockpit.

"Yes... His powers are clearly... Miraculous... But science and engineering... Are what I know... If you could provide us with... Materials... For an airship of my design... It would be acceptable as payment... Provided, you are willing to give me... Time, to construct it before we search for this... changeling." The princess seemed to take this into consideration very carefully before she spoke up.

"We, I, am going to assume the materials you wish to procure are not typical for most ships?" Daroach couldn't help but laugh at that.

"You got it in one, Doc works with steel and electricity. He's making an airship, not a boat. And you bet he'll give it all the bells and whistles you could think of." He calmed himself down for just a moment. "And, to be frank, finding this damsel of distress doesn't sound as simple as asking around for rumors. With a ship, Doc can do just about anything. Scanners, net launchers, rocket launchers, normal launchers, etcetera." He saw the look of consternation on her face. "Yes yes, it's a lot of launchers. That's a just-in-case-of-emergency contingency. It's the scanners that we need the most." She nodded along for a moment.

"I do not know what these 'scanners' are, but I shall take your word for it. If Doc can get us a list of needed supplies, Celestia and I will see what we can do. In the meantime, is there anything you wish to know? We do not know how much knowledge from Elfilis is transferred when he, well..." Daroach did have a question actually.

"Yeah actually. I saw it on the way over 'ere and I can't help my curiosity. Do you ponies have another mouth under your tails or somethin?" ... "...What? Why are you turning flush? Did my good looks just register?"

"... That is my vagina. I just, don't know, how to have this conversation with you. How- What?" Now Daroach was intrigued.

"Well, whats it for?" He smirked as Luna planted her face on the desk. Her response came out mumbled from under her mane.

"...It makes babies."

"What, all by itself?"

"Look, Daroach? I'm sorry, but this isn't something I'm comfortable talking about with anypony." The amused thieves just looked up and behind her as she said this.

"Really? I thought it was something of a point of pride for ponies." Side note, Daroach was having more fun with alliteration than he thought he would.

"And what, gave you that idea?"

"The portrait of your vagina hanging on the wall?" And then the room exploded.

"... There is no such portrait. You are all suffering from a mass delusion."

Elfilis and Carina had just left when Celestia heard the explosion from her sisters study. She just sighed and stood from her throne as Captain Armor jumped up and tried to find the attack.

"Luna's study Captain. I wouldn't worry so much, that was Luna's magic just now." He did relax just the smallest amount.

"I'm still going to go check on her and the mice."

"Of course, by all means. I just hope you are ready to run laps if you're going to chase after every explosion. I get the feeling they are going to become more common as time goes on."

Toby could feel it, he had more friends to meet! Elfilis must have created some new people, he was so good at it! He wondered who it could be, was it Dedede? Another Waddle, maybe a Doo instead a Dee this time? Oh, what if he was hot so he made Kracko to control the weather! That'd be neat!

"Uh, purple dude. It's your turn. You foldin' or what?" Oh, that's right. Toby was in the middle of a game. He found this neat place with spicy drinks and ponies who were super excited to teach him new games! He wished they had a bit more light, but he wasn't going to judge them for their tastes. He just shook his head no, he was not going to fold. "Well, then play your cards! We're all waiting on ya."

"Poyo!" And then he threw down all five cards he had been hiding in his stubby hands.

"... For the record, if it weren't for the fact that you literally didn't have sleeves, I would have called you a cheater. I don't think anypony has ever gotten four royal flushes in a row before. And in a different suite each time..." It was a disgruntled griffon next to him that spoke up.

"Oh come on! He has to be cheating! He did shuffle this round, and-"

"Shut your beak Cuttle, his 'shuffling' was eating the deck and spitting it back out in a pile. Now, I don't want to know what you learned you could do with your tongue over the years but-" Oh! Everyone was fighting now! Toby liked fighting!

"... Do you want to talk about it Elfy?" That was Carina.

"...Elfy?"

"Well, you call me Rina sometimes so..." Fair enough.

"Its fine. I like it." We sat there, as I tried to collect my thoughts. "I... Really do think I almost killed your mom. That... I wasn't exaggerating." I wasn't facing her, and my ears were curled around me, blocking my sight. Regardless, I heard her take a deep breath.

"I know I said we were going to talk about that, but if I'm being honest... I kind of just tried to forget that you said that." There was moment before I heard her step towards me, and then I felt her lean her back on me. We were sitting back to back now. On the floor. In a cave. "... I'm not mad at you. You said she attacked you first, and I believe you."

"I wasn't exactly being polite though, if I had better control-"

"Elfy, you could have kissed her ass and she still would have attacked you, I'm sure. Seriously, I've seen her do it." That was a can of worms to save for later. "You reacted to being attacked, and you had enough self-control to stop the fight from going further, right?" I just grunted, which made me feel like I was being a jerk to Carina.

"... I guess. Yes."

"... Why are you so scared of what you can do? Don't take that the wrong way, I know whats its like to be scared of yourself." She shifted her weight a bit, laying her head against the back of my neck. "I didn't understand how all the others could do it. To eat and gorge themselves on emotion, and somehow feel none of them as the ponies they fed from withered away."

"Carina-"

"Shut up, I'm helping you." Okay. "Thanks to you, that part of my life is over. Whatever it is you're going through though, you're still in it. So I want to know, so I can try to help you like you helped me, so that you can also move on the next phase in your life." Maybe I had fallen for her quickly, but time and time again she keeps giving me reasons to, but...

"... Is it really okay to do that? I had a life before Elfilis, wouldn't moving on leave whoever I used to be in the dust? A-and, what if I can't move on anyway!" I had stood up by this point. "I don't know what to do! I still haven't even touched half of the abilities I should have! What if once I start using them, I won't stop?! How do I-"

"Elfy-!"

"How is anyone supposed to be able to stop me!?" I was breathing heavy, my chest and my throat hurt, and I could feel tears welling up. I... I think that was the first time I can remember crying. Rina let me hiccup and sniffle for a few minutes, I don't know how long exactly.

"... No one will have to be able to stop you. You're a good guy, and I think the fact that you are so worried just proves that." She paused, and my silence must have spoke for me. "Princess Luna can use your dream powers, right? If all else goes wrong, I'm sure she will be able to do something."

"... I... I guess that's that then, huh?" I turned to her as she pulled me into a hug, laying my antlers against hers. "I love you Carina."

"I love you too, you big sap." We stayed in the embrace long enough for it to turn to sunset, unbeknownst to us in Forgo Cave. "... Hey, I know something that's good for stress relief~"

"Is it ice-cream?"

"... Well it wasn't, but now I want some. Mind if I get chocolate?" Well, it had been awhile since the milkshakes.

"Sure. I think I saw a good ice-cream place if Sugarcube Corner isn't open." And with a thought, we were portaled away to Ponyville.

"Mmmmmh!~" Carina was really trying to stop herself from shovelling the whole triple scoop into her mouth at once. I sat next to her on the bench we found not too far from the parlor we got our treats from, slowly eating my green apple ice-cream. It was different, and I thought I'd try it out. "Oh, fuck..." And with how late it was, it was just me and her out here, all to ourselves. "EEeeeh!" Which was good, because Carina opted for Dark Chocolate, which was apparently much stronger. Her squeal was a little too much for me to ignore, and it finally pulled my attention to her. Her normally pink face was flushed crimson, eyes shut tight, and both pairs of her legs were crossed. She had apparently dropped her last scoop, as it was upside-down on the ground in front of her.

"... Finally hit your limit?"

"Hah... Hah~"

"I did try to stop you after your first half-scoop."

"Uuuuh... Its worth it though. So worth it..." She finally untensed, laying spread eagle over the back of the bench, revealing the puddle that was slowly flowing towards the edge. I surreptitiously crossed my own legs.

"... I'm not an expert, obviously, but something tells me leaving messes in public spaces isn't exactly polite." She just laughed at me, and I crushed my thighs together as her convulsions caused the puddle to finally go over the edge.

"You'd be surprised then. I've seen couples get it on in pretty rique places, and there aren't any laws against it so long as you don't make a show of it." How do you not make a show of it? What is pony culture, full-stop. That clashed with my inner thoughts hard.

"S-seriously? It can't be a common occurrence." She shrugged.

"I think you're a little too tall to notice, but a good number of stallions get stuck with a stiffy. And some mares find that pretty hot." Herself included, if I'm remembering our first encounter correctly. It was with that knowledge that I slowly uncrossed my legs and let my dick breath, ignoring my embarrassment.

"Ok, but then why are mares like Twilight and Luna so shy about it? Why did you showing me your teats shock the girls back at the spa?... Carina?... Rina?" I looked back at her to see her drooling. "... I think I'm putting my hoof down and saying no more dark-chocolate for you."

"I can live with that. Can we go home? Or the lake? Actually lets just do this right-" I portalled her to the lake without a word and started eating my melting ice-cream. I only had a few moments to myself before a familiar voice picked up from behind me.

"It's because they hadn't been social for a long time." I turned around and lowered a wing to spot the mare from the cafe, Vinyl I remembered, making her way over.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You asked why some mares are so shy right?" I nodded. "Via was the same way when I met her. When I told you it took a few years to get with her, I should have also let you know that most ponies get into serious relationships in much shorter times than me and her. She-"

"I'm sorry, but how long have you been standing there, and should I start bringing a notebook when we meet?" She magically lifted her shades off to cock an eyebrow at me and smirk.

"That's fair. Me and Octavia usually come here for ice-cream today. She had to go early to prepare for a concert, but I stuck around long enough to see you and your girl show up. Thought I'd say hi, but then she started moaning, so..."

"... So you stuck around?"

"... Maybe. Regardless, most ponies take sexuality and nudity for granted, but if a pony sticks to themselves for long enough, they could develop a bit of a phobia I guess. I learned that the hard way, let me tell you. Had to get a new pair of glasses." I let that sink in for a bit.

"... I'm just going to grill Celestia for everything I need to know."

"The Princess?"

"... Maybe Rarity or Fluttershy instead. They were still shocked at the spa, but they were also the ones to try to teach me when I made a mistake in front of them all." She nodded at that.

"I would go with Fluttershy... No, really. She's shy socially, but ask her to explain something and her kindness will win out and she'll tell you everything you need to know. She's great."

"I'll keep that in mind... Not that I don't appreciate it, but what's with all the advice? This is only our second time meeting, and this is the second time you've taught me something about your culture." Her red eyes, they flashed green as she smiled bitterly.

"Cause I know what it's like is all, my situation isn't so different from yours." Not too different at all... "... You should probably go see Carina by the way. You do not want to leave a chocolate changeling wanting."

"Shit- Right. We'll talk later."

Author's Note

Kirby Return to Dreamland Deluxe got announced. I'm stoked.
What do you guys think of this chapter? I always feel a little iffy giving world building and exposition.

19. Girls night.

It was a very satisfied Carina that sat up in bed that morning. She had a small headache, and she made a note to herself to seriously cut down on cocoa, but she had a fun night after Elfilis finally got off his ass and joined her at the lake. The pink mare rolled off the bed, and winced as her sore legs hit the floor much sooner than she expected. She looked at the bed real-quick, the legs were still in-tact, before she caught sight of her boyfriend.

"Oh, hey Elfy. You good?" He was face down in his pillow, and his waist was elevated because of the pile of ice packs he had put on crotch. "... I'm sorry?" Yeah, she was done with dark chocolate. The sight of Elfilis with his butt in the air like that was cute, but he clearly didn't come out of last night as chipper as she did. "... You need anything?" He lifted a wing out of the way to see her.

"A break."

"Yeah, of course. We'll take a break." It was the least she could do for him. "Anything else? Can I do anything to help?"

"Hmm... You should probably go to Ponyville." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Wow, trying to get rid of me too?" He rolled his one visible eye at her.

"You have a dress from Rarity to check up on. You need to see Twilight, she'll probably tell you why. And that white mare we met at that cafe a while ago is a changeling I think. Have fun." And then he portaled her away while her jaw was still dropped open.

"She's a wha- God, damn it Elfy!... Hi Twilight, hi Spike. How are you guys doing?" Said pony and dragon just looked up at her from their table. Looks like they were having breakfast. And, they also looked... "I got taller again, didn't I?" Spike just nodded as Twilight shoveled the rest of her cereal into her mouth before running off to grab her notes. "Well, I guess I'm starting here today."

Rarity put a mirror in front of Carina as Twilight and Spike ran around her with various tools and tape measures.

"Oooh~! Thats pretty." Her antlers had grown longer, and they now curved backwards and then towards each other. From the side they looked rather menacing, but from the front? A nice yellow outline of a heart. She also had longer wings, and their iridescence now went all the way down to cover her flanks like a shimmering cloak. Twilight interrupted her self-inspection for a moment.

"Carina, can you lift your tail for a second?" She thought that was funny, as it was Twilight asking all straight-laced, but it did make her aware that her gossamer tail was longer and heavier now as she tried to accommodate the lavender librarian. "... You couldn't have cleaned up before you got here?" Woops.

"Elfilis sent me here, and he isn't feeling well, so I didn't exactly have a chance. Sorry though. Yike!" She nearly jumped as Rarity started cleaning her rather suddenly with a warm cloth.

"Sorry darling, didn't mean to startle you."

"No it's fine, just wasn't expecting it. I can take over if you don't mind." Rarity just let Carina take the towel in her own magic before making her way to the changelings dress, which she was once again modifying. "You know, at this point if you want to stop designing that for me-"

"Nonsense. Unlike the disasters I had to show off last night, your dress is changing because you are changing. It wouldn't be fair to quit on you now?"

"Disasters? What disasters?" Rarity just gave a wry look at Twilight as said mare blushed and began to answer for her.

"The other girls and I kind of, uh, we were dumb and asked Rarity to make changes that weren't very good." They tried to tell the fashionista how to fashion their dresses?

"Quite. Thank Celestia for Fluttershy. Anywho-" It was at this point that Rarity pulled out a couple swaths of cloth. "Do you prefer alabaster or royal purple?"

"So what is this thing on my horn supposed to do again?" It was tight against her larger magic horn, it was clearly intended for smaller unicorns, but Twilight didn't have anything else on such short notice.

"It's to read pure output. Just, cast any spell, but try to overcast it as best you can. No offensive spells obviously, but trying to overcast your transformation into a unicorn should be a good start." Simple enough.

"Alright. You ready?" Twilight nodded as she put on some safety goggles. "Here I go then." As the green flames sprung around her, Carina attempted a true transformation into Rarity and immediately hit a snag. It was too small, she had officially outgrown the pony disguise. Regardless, she continued to pour magic into the spell. She figured, worse comes to worse, she looks like a big seamstress for a little bit. However, as she gathered all the magic she could hold at once and cast, she panicked. Crushing, it's crushing me! Oh fuck!. She felt the pain as it tried to compress her form even further, and further, and further. She had just opened her mouth to scream, when suddenly, with a soft pop she felt in her head more than she did on her body, all the force disappeared with her green flames. "... OW!" And then she fell over.

"Rari- Carina! Are you okay!? That didn't look good!" Carina just grunted from the floor before taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, yeah I think I'm okay. Check me for any broken bones please?" She would have giggled hearing Rarity's voice acting so casually, but her ribs hurt. "I'm too big for a pony transformation now. The spell kept trying to push me into shape, but there was just too much of me." Twilight quit in her scanning spells for a moment.

"There was? You look to be as big as Rarity normally does." What? Wait a second...

"... Are you sure?" Twilight just nodded as she started her spells back up. "... Rad. I don't feel any of the discomfort of being in a small body at all. Just the pain of my bones being pushed through a tube. Suck it mother, I have broken the law of true transformation."

"I'm assuming that means changelings also have a less physical disguise to work with? Also, you seem to be okay. You can transform back if you think you're up for it. Just, less power this time. Please?" It was at that moment that Carina finally noticed the heat and looked around Twilights basement. The floor she was lying on was turned to charcoal and the ceiling had a spiral burned into it.

"Shit, the fire isn't supposed to be real."

"You want me to race with... who are you anyway? I've only seen you like, one time. And you were way smaller, not Princess Celestia-sized." Carina made a note to be more social in the future, she really only spoke with Elfilis nowadays.

"My name is Carina. It's nice to meet you Rainbow Dash. Like you said, I used to be pretty different, so Twilight wants to try to find my limits. We already tested magic, so we were hoping you would lend your expertise to try to find out how fast I can fly?" The pegasus snorted before landing on the ground.

"I'm always up for a race! If you want to find out how fast you are compared to most pegasus, I'll be happy to tell you how badly you lost." Carina wasn't sure how to respond to that, so she just kept her smile tight across her face as Twilight began mapping out the course for them. "Okay, so you want us to go from here, to Fluttershy's cottage, and then all the way back to Sweet Apple Acres? I can do that. You up for that pink... Yeah nevermind I'll come up with a better nickname."

"I'm willing to give it a try. Are you counting us down Twilight?"

"Yes, just get in line here and wait for me to say go." Rainbow zoomed into position as Carina took her time next to her. Soon though, they were both crouching, and Carina's wings were buzzing in preparation. "Alright. On your mark... Get set... GO!" And Carina felt it as she moved at maybe double her old speed, the way the wind fought her harder than it ever had before. Didn't make that rainbow spot off in the distance get any closer though.

"DAMN! You are fast!"

"Ain't you the mare that was showing off 'er teats to that Elfilis fella?" Twilight met them at the farm, probably having taken the faster, non-racing route to get there. It took Carina triple the time it took Rainbow Dash to complete the race, but the sky-blue pegasus assured her it was actually a pretty good time.

"Yes, that was me. He literally didn't know what they were, I was just teaching him anatomy."

"It's been awhile, but ah'm pretty sure that my ma didn't fondle 'erself to teach me about teats." Wow, okay. Applejack was as witty as Elfilis. Carina decided she liked her. "Ah well, I'm sure that wasn't what you girls wanted to talk about. How can I help?" Rainbow actually took over before Twilight could speak up.

"Teats over here wants to know how strong she is compared to the average pony, so Twilight thought it would be a good idea to make her compete against the strongest Earth Pony in Ponyville."

"I don't want to ask total strangers for help alright! I don't know everypony in town like that yet. I just moved here recently you know." Twilight was a little miffed, but she had a good point. On a another note...

"Is that my nickname now? Teats?"

"What? It fits, doesn't it? You're huge now!" Carina had a new idea.

"Hey Twilight? How about me and Applejack compete to see who can throw Rainbow Dash the farthest?"

"Uh oh."

"Hey Rainbow? Before I untie you, can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me after you untie me Tea- uh Carina." Said changeling snorted as she undid the knots keeping the pegasus in a bind.

"I don't actually mind the nickname, but I'm sure some of our mutual friends won't be as enthused." Rainbow stretched and popped her joints as she got up.

"Yeah, Rarity especially right? Oh, you can do whatever you want and lift tails to measure flanks all day, but the moment you joke about taking a peek at some puss? Total downer."

"I was thinking of Twilight actually. Rarity wanted me to tell her about my time with Elfy, and she started cleaning my 'puss' earlier without prompting."

"No shit? Wow. What did you want to ask me anyway? I do kind of have a job to get back too, so..."

"Oh, right. Uh, white mare, messy blue mane, and some party shades covering her eyes. Sound familiar?"

"Rarity on a bad hair day? Snrk, seriously though. That sounds like Vinyl Scratch. She's a DJ, I usually see her at Pinkie's bigger parties. If you're looking for her, Pinks could find her."

"Thanks Rainbow. And thank you for being a good sport about all this too."

Luckily enough, upon ditching Twilight and heading for the bakery, Carina found Vinyl Scratch going the same way.

"Hey! Vinyl! Hold up a second!" Said unicorn stopped and turned to see who had spoken to her.

"Hey- Woah girl! Your huge! How did that happen between yesterday and today?" Carina skidded to a stop in front of her.

"You saw me yesterday?"

"Heard you too. Whats up gigantor?" Carina didn't know how to go about this subtly, but she would try.

"Is mother a gigantor too?" Vinyl just looked at her in shock before laughing and taking off her shades, revealing red eyes.

"Yeah, it's you alright princess. Least subtle changeling in the hive." Ouch. "You want to take this to my place? I have to pick up a cake from the Cakes, but then we have a few hours to ourselves." Carina just nodded.

"Lead the way."

"How did you escape the hive? I practically got taken out of it while I was in Canterlot." Vinyls now green eyes opened up in shock.

"The hive is in Canterlot?" Carina realized she must have been gone a long time.

"They were in Canterlot. Elfilis got them all out."

"Lover boy, right? That's good. Well, to answer your question, mother doesn't pay as much attention to what us 'drones' are up too. So long as the hive is up and running, who cares if a few disappear?"

"Is she really that bad?"

"Well, no. Not really. She thinks it's inevitable that a number of us will kick the bucket every so often, so she just assumes that's what happens if any of us noticeably drop off the radar." Vinyl kicked back on her couch before continuing. "Still hurts to find out that mother only kind of cares about you..."

"... This is a nice place though... You've done well for yourself." Carina didn't really know what to say to that, so she opted to try to change the subject.

"Thanks. I know it looks a little off, but it's how me and Octi like it." It certainly was an odd house, it's colors were split down the middle and the style of each half was tailored to match the two mares who lived within its walls. "You still need to work on subtlety Carina."

"Oh fuck off, I want to be myself, not what mother wanted us to act like to catch the pony of the day." Vinyl nodded to her.

"I dig that. You got the looks for it now. I wasn't so lucky, but all's well and all that crap. You should still learn about pony culture though. I told your boyfriend that ponies are generally open about sex and stuff, but I wasn't sure how to tell him that you are super sexual compared to both ponies and other changelings, bar mother."

"Am I really that bad?" She thought she was relatively normal.

"Oh yeah. You weren't wrong, it's not illegal and there are some pretty damn open ponies, but open displays like your cocoagasm last night would still leave a good number of younger ponies uncomfortable." Well damn. She still wasn't going to change, but now she knew. "Enough about that though, you haven't seen Ponyville's nightlife yet right?"

"No? This old town has a nightlife?" That didn't sound right.

"Of course, its where us wild ponies get to get sexy without worrying about any the rare super-prudes paradeing in on our fun. Want to invite a few of your new mare friends and go out for drinks later?"

"Oh hell yeah!"

Author's Note

I lied, it comes out today. Carina focused episode, hope you enjoyed her shenanigans.

20. Training montage.

"Look, I'm sorry. Really. Last night was crazy." I was apologizing to a pissed Swaddle-Dee. He came back to the cave not long after I sent Carina to the library. "I thought you would've stayed at Twilight's, which is where I sent Rina not too long ago." At the realization that she wasn't here, he slumped over, exasperated. "I know, but she's a big girl. She can take care of herself. Now come here, I'm tired, you're tired, I'm going to hold you like a plushie and we are going to sleep." Swaddle-Dee just rolled his eyes at me before jumping into bed and snuggling into my wing. It was only minutes later I found myself in my Dream.

"Ah, Elfilis! I, uh, didn't expect to see you here so early..." Looks like I caught Princess Luna doing something.

"Yeah, my body needs some rest. Have you been practicing with Dream Matter?" She shuffled on her hooves a bit before answering.

"Only recently. I am uncomfortable with using your dreams without you present in some capacity. However, I, uh, accidentally destroyed something recently and I was hoping to recreate it. I have had no luck." That didn't sound right.

"None? You were able to make a metric ton of portraits that one time, what's the hold up?" She growled under her breath at that.

"The hold up, as you call it, is that your Dream Matter refuses to shape itself as I ask. If I try to ask anything specific, it chooses to ignore most of my wishes and create something only somewhat related. Watch." She stood straight and puffed her chest out.
"Royal Regalia with bronze embossing."

ROYAL/BRONZE/BOSS

I watched as a nearby cloud condensed itself into a solid sphere, before growing into a large bronze statue of... King Dedede?

"See! What even is that! A penguin?"

"Yes actually. That is a good likeness of the king of Dreamland." I think I might know the issue.

"Oh. So I suppose it is a 'Royal Bronze Boss.' It is still strange. It is still very far from what I requested of it."

"I think-" I paused to make sure she was paying attention, "-that the main issue here may be that we are in my Dream. The Matter is only half paying attention to you, and then interpreting what little it does hear into something that I know about, or know of." She stared at me for a moment before smacking her shoed hoof into her face.

"I'm an idiot. Of course. I've never been able to influence dreams however I wished. If I wanted to stop a nightmare I've always had to nudge the dreamer to come up with their own solutions." She sighed as she brought her leg down, and I brought my own hand up to mouth to suppress a laugh at the imprint she left between her eyes. "I got too caught up in the excitement I forgot one of the first rules I learned about dreams"

"Happens to the best of us." I got the feeling that she was beating herself up a little too much. "Why don't we try to move this into your dream? Maybe I could bring some Dream Matter with us." Her ears perked up at this.

"That's a great idea! Here, follow me." And then she popped like a bubble. I was left staring at my empty space in confusion.

"Uh. Open Sesame." A star shaped portal opened up in front of me. "You in there Luna?"

"Yes? Why didn't you follow me?" I stepped through the portal and took a look around at the princess's dream. It looked like a rather cozy room, with a pair of smaller beds and wooden toys arrayed alongside books on a set of shelves. There was a single window, but outside was just the void of the mind.

"It didn't look like you went anywhere. You just vanished. Is this a childhood room?" She looked around before blushing a little and clearing her throat.

"Yes. This is where me and Celestia grew up when we were but foals. It has admittedly been a long time since I have been in my own dream. I forget it took this form." She gave it one last look before dismissing it with a wave of her hoof, leaving us in a world of black. It wasn't dark, we could see each other just fine, but there wasn't anything else to see anymore. "Now, could you please bring some Dream Matter here?"

"... Just a second. I want you try something." Something about what she just did gave me an idea. She just tilted her head at me before conceding.

"Alright. What do you want me to do?"

"Just, try to make something. Anything." Her horn lit up. "No, no magic." She turned it off as she looked at me unamused.

"I see what you are trying to do, but I don't have Dream Matter to make anything out of."

"You say that, but that bedroom you just got rid of? You didn't make that, did you? It was a natural occurrence. And you didn't get rid of it using magic." Luna looked down in thought, but I could tell she wasn't really convinced. I wasn't sure I knew what I was talking about either, but if I admitted to that then this really wasn't going to work.

"That is a good point, but my dream has always either been in that room, or without anything at all."

"... Even before you began dream walking?" Her mouth opened, but she just closed it with a click a second later. "You used to dream the same as everyone else right? But now it only ever changes when you want it too, even if it's just between one setting and the next."

"... You are correct. My dream is now static, unchanging without my input, but I used to have dreams like anypony else. Nightmares and wishes both. But it has never answered to me the same way as others dreams would, or even as your own unruly Dream Matter does."

"... What if you already have Dream Matter?"

"Elfilis-" I cut Luna off, I think I was onto something.

"Hear me out. Bring your room back for a minute." She rolled her eyes as she brought her room back. "Okay, does your room always look like this?"

"Yes, always."

"Well, then try to change it. No magic." Luna looked around introspectively before waving her hoof around a few times, but nothing happened, even when she began swinging her leg around like like a mad-woman.

"Nothing. It doesn't listen." That wasn't right. This didn't make any sense.

"This is your dream, it has too." She just shook her head at me.

"No Elfilis. This room never changes. It never has, and it never will." That look she gave me was... Defiant? What was going on...? I stayed silent for a while as I looked around the room again. I floated a little to my left towards one of the shelves of toys. I reached out to pick one up, but it acted as if it was glued to the wood. I looked over at Luna for a second, but she was ignoring me in favor of wiping some imaginary dust off of what I assumed was her old bed. My eyes narrowed, but I could feel something in my mind widen. I never even looked away from her as the wooden pony in my hand splintered, loudly. The only other occupant of the room couldn't have missed it if she tried, and she whirled around in shock. "Elfilis! What, why would you-!"

"This dream is doing exactly what you want it too, even if you don't realize." She was glaring at me now. "I remember coming back to my room that night you fell out of my dream. I heard what you told Celestia, you were practically yelling at that point, about how no pony would ever have to grow up as quickly as you two did if someone with my power was around back then." Her glare had lessened a little, but it was no less intense as tears began to form in her eyes. "I have nothing to hold onto, only vague ideas and thoughts of what my life might've been, you aren't so lucky. Let it go."

"... I can't. I-"

"Well, next time a monster like Nightmare Moon invades, I hope you'll be able to defend yourself with childhood memories."

"GET OUT." She was squaring up, and I felt something push me away, but I held myself in place with my flight and glared down at her.

"Make me."

...

Nothing. We just stared at each other, neither willing to give. But I knew there were many somethings that were willing to give around me. Luna screamed as a barrage of spear heads tore through the shelves. What guilt I felt upon hearing her shrunk as she burst towards me and knocked us both out the door. I flipped through the air backwards, and as I used my wings to hold myself upright, I saw as the angry child in front of me lit up her horn. I opened a tiny portal right at the tip of it, and shoved it over until it looked like she had a star shaped hole into the void on her forehead.

"I said, no magic." Her eyes were crossed trying to see what had stopped her magic as I shot forward and past her, catching her in the neck with a haymaker on my way through. As she began to flip and cough, I realized that any semblance of a floor had vanished. We were fighting in the 'air,' as it were. Her room was keeping its place in the air, but from outside it just looked like a broken door unattached from any walls.

My observation was interrupted as Luna tried to dive-bomb me, with her wings tucked in close and her front hooves extended all the way out. I was able to avoid it, though only barely, because she let out a guttural battle cry on her way down. I lashed out with a kick as she went by, but I barely nicked her legs as she quickly came back around to throw a double kick at my face. She squawked in shock as her legs sunk into a portal that quickly shrunk, leaving her front legs bound together in a different dimension.

"What am I looking at here Batman?" Clark wasn't sure there was really a point in asking.

"A pair of dark blue horse legs from another universe kicking out of a portal that opened in the middle of a fight between me and the Joker." Because what the hell else was he expecting.

"Do you think he hired help, got some new device from someone like Lex?"

"As Joker is currently the one in critical condition with a pair of horse-shoe shaped bruises over each eye, I'm going to assume this wasn't a part of his plan."

"Oh."

"Stop using your body Luna! Use your mind! Fucking smite me!" She growled at me, and spun around as best she could to kick me with her back legs. Her entire back half found itself stuck somewhere else as I flew around to face her.

The Dragonborn had just gotten back to the College of Winterhold with the Arch-Mage in time to witness the Thalmor agent Ancano take control of the unknown, dangerous, potentially-world-ending artifact known as the Eye of Magnus.

"YOU CANNOT STOP ME! I am connected to the power of-" Thawk! And then the elf fell over, knocked out cold as a horse's ass appeared just inside of his wards and snapped his head forwards, smacking his forehead against the magic bomb. He and the Arch-Mage just stared in shock as the blue legs kicked and flailed as if in slow-motion above the unconscious would-be god.

"... Are there any Aedra or Daedra associated with horses? I can't remember."

Luna was practically foaming at the mouth at me. I just kept taunting her. What the hell was I doing?

"Come on! Hit me!" She snarled from her place in front of me. "I said-!" And with a flash of light, a warhammer appeared and smashed my head in.

I blearily opened my eyes as I woke up from bed. I actually felt better than I had that morning, so I figured some time had to have passed while I was knocked out with Swaddle-Dee with me. It was a little weird though, because I usually spent my time asleep in my dream, and I couldn't recall-

"Ahem." Oh shit that was Luna at the table and I totally just had a meta-physical fight with her

"... I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry." I didn't dare look at her as she let out a sigh before speaking

"... I won't pretend that I'm very happy at the moment. But... I also won't pretend that what you did wasn't probably for the best." I finally looked at her, seeing that she had made herself a cup of tea while I was out.

"We don't know that. What if I-" A familiar silver and blue warhammer embedded itself in the wall above my head. It was surprising enough to give Luna the time to speak that she clearly wanted.

"You were right. I was holding on to an impossible wish. A dream that no amount of Dream Matter could make true. I can't give myself a childhood. It's gone, and I had been unwilling to realize it. It was the weakness the Nightmare used against me, locking me in like I was a filly in time out. Had I just been willing..." It was an uncomfortable silence that followed.

"... Are you okay Luna?" She huffed out a breath as she closed her eyes.

"I will be. In time."

"... Are we okay?" She surprised me by shooting me a small smile.

"Of course. Always..." I wasn't so sure I deserved that. "Besides, we became even when I 'smited' you."

Author's Note

Ears are ringing, eyes weak. There's pressure in my sinuses building steady, meds gone already.
I'm nervous, but on the internet I appear fine and dandy, ready to drop bombs, but I keep on forgetting-
And that was as far as I got before I hit a wall I'm not willing to climb over. Hope you enjoy. Action isn't something I've done before, let me know how I did.

21. Some time apart.

"What time is it Luna? I've lost track. I have to put a skylight in here or something..." I leaned back in my seat to look at the ceiling. I wondered if I could just portal the stone away, make a star-shaped hole and then cover it with a custom window. Luna sipped her tea as Swaddle-Dee tried his best pull the warhammer from it's spot in the wall.

"It is nearing ten I believe. And if I may, you have plenty of light in here already. A clock would be much more efficient." I acknowledged that with a nod as the warhammer gave up the ghost and pulled away from the wall, taking the poor nanny to the floor with it.

"True. A skylight would be cool though, right?" I barely heard her hum as something behind me broke and fell to the floor. "Well, I should probably check up on Carina, see how she's doing. Hopefully-" And then Swaddle-Dee came from my left and smashed the table in half with the hammer more than twice his size. Luna just caught her tea and it's saucer with her magic as I watched my untouched drink slide to the bottom and spill over the weapon.

"RAAAAAAAGH!" He roared, though it sounded kind of cute to be honest, as he flexed his stubby arms.

"... Do you want to go make sure Carina is okay for me Swaddle-Dee?" He gave a very forceful nod and salute before very clumsily lifting his new toy over his shoulder with one arm. "Okay... Three, two, one-" He braced himself as the portal flew over him, taking him to Ponyville. -"I need to find something to keep him occupied."

"Hmm. Nice of you to let him take my new hammer with him." I winced a little bit at that.

"Sorry. You can make as many as you want though, can't you?" She shook her head as she put her cup down on the floor.

"Unlike you, I cannot access my dreams without sleeping. If I was dreaming, I probably could create quite a few, but it is also an ability I am unused to. I imagine I will need to practice to become as effortlessly proficient in creating inanimate objects as you are." I tapped my fingers on my knee as I thought about what she said.

"Well, it's late anyway. Swaddle-Dee is looking for Carina, said mare has had another small growth-spurt, so they should be safe enough in Ponyville for the time being. Celestia or the castle have anything going one that needs your immediate attention?"

"No, I have already lifted the moon, and she has offered to take over the few duties I have retaken after I had a... misunderstanding with the Squeak Squad."

"Daroach, can you please explain why Doc needs a literal Ton of gunpowder to start this airship of yours?" The suave mouse just shrugged at the solar sister before answering her.

"Well, if I had to guess, about half of it is for the old rodent to make some prototype ammunitions. The other half is going towards starting the engine. Big girl is gonna need quite the jumpstart-" Was she hearing him right?

"I'm sorry, your engine is going to be explosive powered? What kind of engine is he making?!"

"Well, neither of us are busy then. Why don't we jump in the dream and practice? You get some practice creating things, I get some practice with my literally everything else I've been unwilling to touch." She rolled her tongue against her inner cheek in thought before nodding.

"Very well. I am agreeable to this idea." And then she listed off to the side and slumped onto the floor. Luna definitely doesn't know how that looks to everyone when she does that.

Carina was a little put off. None of the few mares she knew in Ponyville were up for a night on the town. Applejack claimed that she was going to be needed on the farm in the morning, Rarity said she didn't 'have the clothes for such an outing,' Twilight blushed and stammered out that she'll think about it, Rainbow Dash was no where to be seen, and Pinkie Pie was apparently already out partying out there somewhere.

"Dammit. Looks like it's just you and me Vinyl." Said mare just quirked an eyebrow over her shades.

"Not even going to ask Fluttershy? She's cooler than you're probably giving her credit for."

"Hm? The yellow one? No, I haven't really talked to her personally yet. We kind of met, but I was in disguise." Carina stopped for a moment, before grunting. "... And I may have made my first impression presenting myself to her and Rarity while I was trying to seduce Elfy..."

"... Yeah, I'll introduce you to her later. She'll not hold it against you, Fluttershy is super understanding. But, uh, yeah. The nightlife probably isn't her preferred way of getting to know a pony."

"So like I said, just you and me."

"I mean," Carina looked up at her unsure tone. "I could invite Tavi?"

"Your shy girlfriend?"

"Marefriend, because she is a pony and so am I. Wink wink." Carina just gave a sharp exhale in amusement.

"Do you say that because nopony can see your eyes?" Vinyl tucked in her chin, making her shades slide down her muzzle, and then she actually winked.

"There you go, you're using the local lingo like a true changeling already." In an impressive display of agility, she threw her head back, flipping her shades into the air before they landed back in their usual place on her face.

"Show off."

"Ha! You know it. So, Octavia. Yay or neigh?" Carina just shook her head in response.

"I neither feel like forcing her to come with, or becoming the third wheel of this carriage."

"Well, then yeah. It's just us-" She flinched as Carina's large hoof pressed against her mouth.

"Wait, do you see that over there?"

"Your hoof is literally all I can see right now." The pink changeling put down her hoof sheepishly.

"Sorry, but I think I see... Yes!" She did a couple of excited hops forward before continuing. "It's Swaddle-Dee!"

"Who?"

"And he... is armed? What the fuck?" The two watched in various levels of confusion as the stout bodyguard ran down the lantern-lit street towards them. The few other ponies who were out at this time gave him and his hammer a wide berth until he skidded to a stop in front of his charge.

"Ha... Ha..." He panted and huffed for some time before suddenly shooting upright with a salute. It was Vinyl who broke the moment.

"Well that's adorable. How'd you find him?"

"Oh, uh. Elfilis and I had a bit of a scare, thinking we might have already put buns in the oven. So, he made a babysitter/nanny/bodyguard."

"... Uh, made?" Whoops. Carina shuffled on her hooves before answering.

"Yeah, he, uh, he has some cool tricks. Maybe keep that between us for now?"

"Like I said, you were not made for the hive life. What else can he do, besides create life?"

"Elfilis! Stop creating clones and fight me like a stallion!" All five bipeds crossed their arms and responded at once.

"Says the Princess who tried to claim the 'royal right to first strike.'" One of the illusions dissipated as a dream-made sword flew through it.

"It was a real thing! The challenged royal had the right too-"

"Uh huh. Sure." That was coming from behind Luna. The last thing she saw before she woke up was a beam of mixed colors shoot from between his antlers and consume her vision. She shot up from her spot on the floor before cursing in frustration.

"I should have made a shield. I can do that now. Get your head in the game Lulu." And then her eyes rolled back into her head as it hit the floor and she re-entered her dream.

"More than he's comfortable with? He isn't used to being... what he is. I hope you don't mind if I leave it there."

"Nah, it's cool. I don't mean to pry." Vinyl just gave their little group a look over before continuing. "So, two changelings and a babysitter walk into a bar-"

"-And find a purple puff ball?" Carina was equally as confused, for very different reasons.

"Toby? Is this where you've been hanging out this whole time?" Said puff was behind the bar wearing a bow-tie as he nodded with all of the enthusiasm he could convey. "Well, I mean, I'm happy for you? I didn't expect you to take up bartending..." A rough and aged grey stallion sitting at the bar snorted into his hoof as he turned to look at her.

"Lucky here is more than just the barkeep. He owns the damn place."

"Lucky? Wait, what!? Toby! How did you-?"

"Poyo!" Carina's baby just gave her a smug look from his highstool.

"The little feller, Toby I guess, won card game after card game and bet after bet. At some point the ol feather brain who used to run the place got physical and started fighting the rest of us at the table." Toby took the bar as a spoil of war?! "Unfortunately, the place got trashed, and then the little swindler went and bought the place out. The old griffin didn't have much choice, he both bet all his money away and was the one to start breaking tables. So now the bar is Lucky's. Welcome to Poyo girlies." And then he laughed at the look on the mares faces as he finally turned to look at them.

"...Carina, I don't even know how to describe how absurd your life is. Or how absurd it's making my life." The ex-princess didn't want to hear it.

"Oh shush. I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, but-"

"Shut. Let's get drinks. Toby, got anything fruity?"

It was a pleasantly surprised Luna that landed a hell of a kick against my hastily raised arms. I quickly righted my balance before dismissing the illusory clones that I had surrounding her.

"Damn, I'm going to feel that one for a while. Did you figure out the trick, or did you get lucky?" I had to duck as she came swinging at me with a silver club.

"I have found the flaw in your copies! They are useless against me now!" She followed this up by yelping in surprise as she swung and passed through the useless illusion, revealing my real body behind it as I grabbed her front legs and sent her flipping end over end into a portal. "Elfilis! You-"

"Morty, stop being a dick and help me out with this, it's time sensitive. Like you." Morty huffed at his grandfather. He didn't believe he was hearing this.

"You kidnapped me so you could have some free labor Rick! I'm not helping you mine vibranium, and I'm not the dick here!" And then a purple star-shaped portal opened up and threw a crowned pony unicorn-pegasus hybrid between them.

"-Dick!" And then she disappeared through another portal just as quickly as she appeared. Rick didn't miss a beat.

"The universe disagrees Morty. Now stop being a dick."

"You-! You did that on purpose!" The elderly scientist just burped into his sleeves before answering.

"W-what? You think I just keep a pony princess in my pocket at all times so I can call people dicks?" He stopped for a second before putting his hand to his chin in thought. "Sounds like a fun idea actually."

As she flew back into her dream, I caught her by her back legs and fought against the spin to slow us down until we were once again solitary in the void. I let her go, but she just kept her place in front of me, breathing heavily. I let her catch her breath for a bit until I realized I was just staring at her behind, so I coughed into a fist and turned my head. I had to make an embarrassingly strong effort to not look back under her tail as she spoke up.

"Ha... ha... If I was allowed to use my magic, I would have won several times over."

"I don't doubt it. I'm not very experienced with my abilities you know. You could have-"

"Bullshit." That got me to turn my head back to her, but thankfully this time her head was peeking up from above her shoulders, giving me a face to look at instead. "Your use of your abilities is resourceful and practical to a degree that speaks of experience. I know you have no memory of using your powers, but real experience or no, you are a force to be reckoned with Elfilis." I knew she was trying to compliment me, but-

"That's not exactly what I want to hear Luna..." She finally turned around fully to face me, I could see her chagrin.

"Apologies Elfilis, but I thought... You had suggested we train together."

"Yeah, I know, but... That was more the idea that I could learn to stop myself or get better control so if I do use an ability I know what it's limits were. All I ended up doing was confirming once again that my powers almost want to be used."

"Well, look on the bright side, you-" She stopped and grew a befuddled look on her face. "I, somepony is poking my flank." And then she was gone and I was evicted into the waking world through a hasty portal as her dream collapsed. I blinked away my disorientation and looked around the cave for Luna. And, well. I found her. And Carina.

"Hehehe... Squishy... I wish I was squishy..." Luna was awake, but she clearly had no idea on how to proceed. I just facepalmed as Swaddle-Dee walked out from behind her began poking the princesses other cheek. He didn't have the excuse of being so obviously drunk.

"Yes, Luna is very squishy. Come here Cari, you need to sleep off whatever you did to yourself." She ignored me and starting full-on massaging the royal derriere. Said royal finally spoke up, but she didn't say what I thought she'd say.

"I... I'm not that cushy am I?" I wasn't touching that one with a twelve-foot pole. But I did put my 'hoof' in my mouth.

"Your sister is cushier." Fuck me.

Author's Note

Ear is still blocked and weather screwed with my schedule. But I got enough motivation over the last week to work on this off and on. Enjoy.

22. Phase One.

Celestia watched as the elderly mouse used various tools and arms from his saucer to put the numerous peices he laboriously machined from a diverse set of exotic metals that he tested and scrutinized for an hour each before deeming them fit for whatever he was making. And a lot of what he did didn't make much sense to the diarch. Asking the Doc didn't clarify much of anything.

"What was the purpose of turning the copper ingot into lengths of wire?"

"To conduct power... Transfer electricity."

"Why not just use crystal tubing to transfer power? And electricity? I thought your devices were explosion powered somehow?"

"... Yes..."

... Well that was enlightening. She had interacted with the members of the Squeak Squad enough to be comfortable leaving them in the care of a few guards at this point, but she honestly didn't have much else to do. In light of Princess Chrysalis's disappearing act, she had delegated much of her duties for the next few days to some of the few nobles she trusted with such duties. And she distracted Blueblood with non-critical work, like 'castle rations quality evaluations.' Spoilers, the rations were all under spells to preserve them.

The last thing she had thought of doing was also taken away from her, as Luna came back to Canterlot in an unusually early time of day saying that she was actually going to need until lunch before she was willing to talk to anypony. So here Celestia stood. Watching a mouse put together a box attached to a dish. It appeared that even that was coming to an end though, as Doc ran out of tiny amalgamations of metal to stuff in the metal case and he sealed it up a with a focused flame along the edges.

"So this is the device that is supposed to find changelings, right?"

"Correct. All that is left... Is to insert the data... I scanned off of... Princess Carina." As he said this, another arm came out of his vehicle (how does all of that fit in there?) and plugged the end of itself into the side of the machine. Immediately it turned on, raising the dish on an extendable rod as it began to spin. A screen slid out of the side and tilted itself towards its creator as it began to beep.

"What does the beeping mean? Does that mean a changeling is nearby?"

"The beeping means... that it is charging..."

...beep... beep... beep... beep...

"...Wonderful."

Luna started as she heard Daroach greet her as he entered her study.

"Hey Princess. This place got fixed up right-quick, didn't it? Even the hallucigenic picture is back." She winced at that, but didn't hide the newly recreated picture as she turned around.

"Yes. Well, I would actually like to apologize for that. I had forgotten that I had hung it up in the commotion. In spite of its risqué nature, I do enjoy it, but I guess I am not as confident in it as I would wish..." Daroach just shrugged his shoulders in response.

"It isn't any fur off my back your majesty. And you haven't blown it up yet, so you must be a little more comfortable with others seeing it, right?"

"Yes... I... Elfilis helped me with something. I don't think he really understood exactly what he has done, but it has helped me feel..." Ready? Grown? Adult? Confident? "... better. It is nothing that my subjects will not have already seen if they are allowed in this room anyway."

"Eh... Whatever you say Princess. So long as you're happy right?" The suave mouse bounced on his toes as he changed subjects. "Anywho, not that I mind conversation with pretty ladies, but your sister actually asked that I fetch ya for lunch before me and my boys head off to the dockyard. See what kind of labor is available, ya dig?" Luna giggled, Daroach was certainly unique.

"Yes. 'I dig.' Good luck with your airship. I cannot wait to see it complete."

As Luna walked into the dining room she caught a glimpse of Celestia laying her head on the table right before it shot up as she noticed her.

"Luna! There you are. Come, take a seat." Luna tilted her head but made her way over to her sister regardless.

"Are you alright? You seem... tired." The older sister dropped her smile and sighed before putting her head back on table.

"I stayed up all night making sure the resident thieves didn't steal anything, and then instead of going to sleep I decided to try to micromanage all the jobs I had already delegated to others. Then I decided to watch Doc make his changeling dowsing machine, which gave me a headache."

"... So, what I am hearing is that you should go to bed while you have the chance." Celestia's head flung back and threw her crown across the floor as she groaned.

"Uuuuugh. I want to spend time with you sister..."

"And we will, we have all the time in the world now. I've only been gone for a little less than a day Tia."

"I know. It felt like longer though."

"Hmm. Well if you insist on being stubborn, I do have something to share with you." The drama queen held her head back up to look at Luna.

"Oh? Do tell." The younger sister smirked as she straightened up into a more regal position.

"I have conquered the secret of Dream Matter. My dreams can now become reality!"

"Luna! That's amazing! Could you show it to me?"

"Of course! Just give me a second to-" And then she dropped like a stone and belly flopped onto the carpeted floor.

"... I never get used to that..." Celestia's attention was quickly diverted however, as a portal opened up in the shape of a crescent over her sister. Like an eye opening, or a new moon waxing. And out of it fell, of all things, a small golden statue of a penguin wearing robes. It cracked hard against the table as the sleeping alicorn woke up and quickly stood up to present her creation.

"Behold! I have the power of creation! My mind is all powerful! Bwahaha!" Her fake evil laugh promptly became a real chuckle as she saw the bemusement on her siblings face. "Hahaha, it's great isn't it?"

"It is very impressive sister. Why did you choose to create a penguin sculpture though?"

"Hm? Oh." Luna grabbed it in her magic and passed it closer to Celestia. "Something Elfilis showed me. Sort of. This is the likeness of the King of Dreamland, King Dedede."

"... The ruler of the land that created a hero capable of destroying beings potentially on the same scale as Discord, is a penguin... I need to check the gardens. I know his prison isn't supposed to be so weak yet but-" Luna quickly put her hooves on her sisters shoulders to push her back into her chair.

"Let me, Tia. I am not joking when I say you look tired. Let me worry about this one for you. Just, enjoy the lunch when it comes in and I'll check up on you in your quarters later. Okay?"

"... I'm suppose to be the one taking care of you Lulu... but okay. I'll rest now." In return for agreeing, she received a quick kiss to her cheek.

"Good. Talk to you soon." The daytime alicorn watched with a smile on her face as her sister left, with a noticeably happy sway in her steps. As the door closed behind her, Celestia turned back towards the table, took a deep breath, and then relaxed as she let it out. Her eyes closed as she simply kept her breathing calm. The Squeak Squad was out of the castle, they had finished the device, her duties were being attended to, and her sister was checking on the spirit of chaos. Everything was fine. The doors to the kitchen grabbed her attention as they opened to let in the servers.

"Ah! Thank you my ponies. It looks delicious." And it was true, a slice of pink cake with dark chocolate frosting topped with whipped cream and a strawberry. She hummed as she grabbed her fork in her magic, though she held back until the plate was actually in front of her and her ponies had left the way they came. "Bon appetite~" And she brought the fork down.

-Crunch-

... That wasn't the sound of fresh cake. Celestia pulled her fork away from the slice and looked at the now exposed insides of her meal. It's sweet appearance was only skin-deep. The sugary looking exterior gave way to layer upon layer of light green sheets of plant matter.

"... It's all lettuce? But how did-" The jipped princess stopped herself as the golden penguin caught her attention once more. "... Dammit Lulu. I'm never going to trust what's on my plate ever again."

Two-thousand, two-hundred and six... Two-thousand, two-hundred and seven... Two-thousand, OH! Well hello princess. Didn't realize you were back. I suppose that explains why the night sky has regained its luster. Tia did such a dreadful job, but don't tell her I said that... Thought that... Hm. That means my turn is coming up isn't it? I would be trembling in excitement, but then I would be scaring off the birds. They're the only ones to keep me company... Are you seriously just here to stare at me? You and I both know I'm not going to be gone for a while yet. Although... Is that wiggle room I'm imagining? I can almost sashay my hips a little bit. Interesting. What's going on out there little Lulu? Had Celestia not prepared for your return properly? Is your reappearance causing more chaos than she thought? Oh! Please tell me you tried to duel one of those pansies your sister calls a noble. Time displacement is a wonderful conductor for disharmony, and you are a thousand years out of place. Let me just... Lulu. Has that little seed of chaos thats been bouncing around your head finally bore fruit? Amazing... I shouldn't get my hopes up of course, I'm sure you're using it to do stuff like, set the tables. Or- Oh, here comes Tia. Wonder-

"Luna, for the future, can you please not replace my cake with a cake shaped salad?"

...I'm so proud...

Dr Steelpin was more than a little disturbed. Three stallions she knew from around the small town she was volunteering at, all suffering from malnutrition and magic exhaustion. Only one of them was a unicorn, so how two recently healthy earth ponies lost so much magic was a mystery she didn't know how to solve. Her expertise was nerves and bones dammit! She wasn't supposed to have to deal with magical maladies in this no-name town on the edge of Equestra.

"Doctor? Will he be okay?" And there was also her. The gray and silver mare turned around to look at her most recent patient's beloved. She must have been a new resident, Steelpin was sure she would recognize that odd combination of red fur and purple mane anywhere. Poor girl was hard to look at, her stallion must be color-blind. Speaking of whom...

"He'll live. This will take awhile to treat, lots of sustenance drips and a strict exercise regiment when to build up muscle when he finally gets out."

"But... what happened? What's wrong with him?"

"Well, I don't truthfully know what happened to him to make it this bad so quickly, but his body looks like it hasn't eaten for a week and his magic levels are so low you would think he was a unicorn on a mission. Almost completely drained. Like I said, this will take awhile to... Ma'am?" The neon mare had disappeared at some point during her explanation. "Poor girl. Well, let's try to have good news for her when she comes back..." Of course, she wasn't going to see that mare ever again. Princess Chrysalis had already gotten all the information she needed for the next town. Feed the ponies, and swap targets often enough to avoid draining them to death. She never had to worry about pony managment when she was in the hive, and until she felt ready to call herself Queen she needed to stay under the radar. One dead body was going to get enough attention as it is, once it is found...

When the Meta Knights walked into her throneroom, Queen Culicidea knew she wasn't going to like what she heard.

"... What news do you bring?" The three of the strangely shaped warriors kept silent before the one with a B one his pauldron stepped forward.

"I took it upon myself to check on the closest pony settlements to the hive for signs of Chrysalis... I am afraid, that once I make my way to the Princesses, I will have to report that it is likely that your daughter is responsible for murder on Equestrian grounds."

"... What proof do you have?"

"A body, hastily buried, with all the symptoms of having been drained by a changeling. We rescued enough ponies from your dungeons to recognize them."

"...Hmph. She made her choice. But know this, I will be punishing my rebellious daughter. She will find herself back within these walls, alive. Am I understood?"

"You won't need to worry about that your majesty. The Princesses aren't like you after all."

"You cheeky little shits. Get out of my throneroom."

23. Don't rock the boat.

To be quite frank, things for the next few weeks were rather slow for Swaddle-Dee, Carina and I. That's not to say nothing happened of course, but things were definitely settled for quite a bit. Carina had started spending more time as 'Frontline,' saying that she didn't much like being so much bigger than every pony in town. Which was fair, I'm sure it isn't something she would grow used to for a while. She also openly admitted to liking sex more before she matched me in height. I decided not to touch that particular topic for the moment, Carina was Carina and however she wanted to enjoy herself when we were together was up to her. I loved her either way.

We also spent more time in Ponyville, just trying to get a lay of the land and what's available for us to do. I got some looks, ponies recognizing me but not the 'new mare' I was with. I just ignored them, they would get the truth if they asked but they were content with just staring at us. Applejack and Rainbow Dash both came to see us one time, asking about who she was. Applejack was a really simple conversation.

"Who's this filly you got hangin from yer hip?"

"It's still Carina, but she decided she wanted to walk a little closer to the ground. She can do that."

"Hey Applejack! Do I look good?" Rainbow Dash presented a bit more of a confusing interaction.

"Yo, Elfilis! You get tired of Teats already? Or is she aware of your new girl? No judgement if she is, but she's a cool mare so I'd hope you at least let her down easy if you did."

"...I ...Did you just call Carina 'teats?'"

"I do have an impressive pair Elfy."

"Wow, you two are already doing nicknames?" So that took some time to clear up with her. The pegasus was still skeptical until she saw the transformation for herself one day, but after that she began to seek us out a bit more often. We were 'cool' and 'hip' enough to hang out with her I guess. And she was fun to hang out with and trade barbs with. And it only took one week for her to stop challenging me in various ways. Strength, I won. Endurance, I won. Tic-tac-toe? Well, most of the time. It was racing she pushed for the most though. As a joke, the first time we raced I just decided to teleport to the end, but Rainbow took it as a challenge. "Ten bits that by the end of the week I'll be able to beat you in a race when you do that. It'll be good practice for what I learned at the Young Fliers competition." I was skeptical obviously, she was undoubtedly fast, faster than I could legitimately fly/levitate myself at the moment, but to go faster than I could step into one portal and out of the next?

Sure enough though, by the end of our little competition I was stepping out of the portal to the sight of Rainbow Dash prancing in excitement and Carina cheering her on. There was also a giant rainbow expanding out and dissipating from where we had started, which was quite the conundrum, but it didn't take me rubbing two brain cells together for more than a second before I connected the dots.

"Woohoo! I did it! You can kiss my flank!"

"Congratulations Rainbow Dash. Please stop shaking your butt at me." Apparently spinning your tail in circles at someone was a relatively common sports taunt. Something like, 'you can't catch this.' Just another weird rule to try and keep in mind. But regardless, the athletic pegasus became a semi-regular fixture of our time in Ponyville, provided she wasn't off doing her own thing or hanging out with the other mares.

At some point Carina insisted on going off to see Fluttershy, who I realized I have had the least amount of interaction with so far. It's in her name obviously, to not be super social, but it did make me curious as to why she wanted 'girl time' with a mare that we had only talked to once. But I left her to it and instead decided to spend that day looking at property and empty land in the town.

As we talked with and interacted with the residents of Ponyville more, it seemed sillier and sillier be living in a cave in a forest. I felt it would be more convenient for all of us, Swaddle-Dee included, if we had a place just outside of town. The most immediate problem with the few houses already available for purchase was size. Forgo Cave was excavated to accomadate my, and later Carina's, stature. All the buildings here were built with ponies and other common species in mind.

This meant I was a ways out of town looking at empty land when the day grew late and Cari came by to find me, Swaddle sitting on her undisguised person.

"Hey Elfy. You just enjoying the fresh air out here?"

"Mhm. For the record, I don't think Swaddle-Dee qualifies to be a part of girl time."

"Oh? You jealous he got to see- uh. Anyway..." That wasn't like her. I could tell from her tone of voice she was going to make one of her standard lewd teases, but she cut herself off. She had never been shy about saying anything, even if she seemed mildly (very mildly) embarrassed at times. "Anything in particular catch your attention out here?" ... I decided to push it.

"Only your beautiful, stunning body now that you're here." She just looked at me blankly as her pink cheeks slowly turned a light red.

"... Well, thank you. I... am happy to hear that. But, um, what are you doing out here? Seriously." She was watching her words really carefully. Was Carina actually censoring herself? Time to keep pushing! It was going to get me in trouble one day, but it had worked for me so far.

"Thinking about how hot it would be to hold you here at night, under the stars." She turned a little redder. "Our hips pressed together, our antlers interlocked." Redder. "My hands against your teats as you-" Red has reached critical mass!

"Fucking hell Elfy. Ugh. Swaddle-Dee, punch him." I just let the little dude run up to me and start karate chopping my ankles. It stung a little bit more than I was expecting, but he wasn't exactly who I was keeping an eye on. "I messed up immediately. Of course you were going to notice! I'm terrible at subterfuge."

"What- ow, dammit- were you trying to do anyway? I'd never seen you so unsure before. As yourself anyway."

"I talked with Fluttershy today. She's the one who cleared things up for Vinyl on the do's and don'ts of pony living, and it turns out I'm not as caught up as I thought I was. I'm really,really horny Elfilis. I-"

"Wait, seriously?" I didn't believe I was hearing this.

"Yes! Seriously! All that talk I did about ponies fucking around in public isn't as common as I thought it was. It's because of my natural attraction towards love that I saw that more often. And-"

"And who cares?"

"... uh..."

"Cari, you aren't a pony. I'm not a pony. Nothing you did was illegal, right? Just out of place? Vinyl has been living with ponies for who knows how long and is in love with a pony. Of course she's going to act more like one, disguise or otherwise."

"...This is turning into a 'be yourself' conversation again isn't it?"

"Damn right." She snorted, and Swaddle-Dee finally stopped taking swipes at me. He really hadn't stopped the whole time we were talking, and I was positive I was going to bruise.

"Figures. Fluttershy said the same thing. That nothing I was doing was considered unacceptable. Ponies accept that life happens and to leave it be if they see it, and erections and raised tails are an inevitable part of being a pony. I guess... I don't know. I feel like I mislead you this whole time. I knew ponies acted embarrassed sometimes but I thought I was hardly the most sexual one out here."

"Carina. I love you. Not whatever image you're trying to project. If you want to try to fit in better, by all means. But you don't have to pretend with me. Besides, everypony we've talked to has been pretty accomadating haven't they? No one has tried to tell you off for you being yourself. Hell, Rainbow shows her privates to taunt competition. Twilight is the only one I can think of who shows the kind of embarrassment you seem to be expecting."

"But Fluttershy-"

"Is a very kind and understanding pony, I'm sure, but she is one pony who lives pretty secluded from the rest. She likely isn't right about everything. Try getting some extra opinions from say, Applejack, or Pinkie Pie. Ponies who don't literally have the word 'shy' in their name."

"Alright, alright. You're right, I'm probably overeacting a bit... We're coming back here when the sun goes down." Should've seen that coming.

And speaking of the sun going down, Luna was in my dreams semi-regularly. It's a weird sentence without context, but I guess that's just how my life has been going. Sometimes we sparred, sometimes we talked, and she was almost always practicing with her new supply of Dream Matter. After the first few days though, she got tense around me. I didn't believe I had done anything, but when I did my typical routine of trying to push my way through to the issue, the Princess completely stonewalled me. One time a literal stone wall fell out of a crescent portal between us.

And as if that wasn't enough, she started giving me weird looks during our fights. Not her expected calculated expression, trying to decide what move to make next, but more like something I was doing didn't make any sense to her. Was I doing something really amateurish in our battles? I don't know, she stonewalled me. Otherwise though, so long as I could prevent myself from nosing my way into her thoughts, we had a pretty amicable time together. She was getting better at her new abilities, getting faster at producing objects and managing larger creations. And we decided she could use magic to fight me, which meant I got my ass whooped about half the time now.

Unfortunately, it wouldn't last. As time went on she just got worse, and worse, and worse, becoming more closed off and jittery in our conversation. I don't think either of us could afford to let this continue. So, at the end of our latest practice fight, around a week until the Grand Galloping Gala, I made sure that she wouldn't be able to leave without getting whatever it was off of her chest.

"Elfilis, this is ridiculous." I just squished her back against my chest further.

"Yep. I agree. What's wrong Luna? It's driving you crazy, which is driving me crazy. What's so crazy in your life right now?"

"He's holding me hostage right now."

"I am choosing not to dignify that with a response."

"This isn't actually keeping me here, you know that right? I can just wake up from this whenever I want."

"Then I guess you don't actually want to leave without talking about what's up." She took that silently before letting out a resigned sigh. I took that as a sign that I could let go of her, and I waited as she turned around to face me before speaking.

"We were trying to keep our worries from you. You have much on your plate already. Amnesia, a lover, powers you never wanted. I was afraid if I told you, you would once again force yourself to offer help. Despite how much you wish for a regular life."

"... I appreciate that Luna." Pushing hadn't gotten me in trouble yet, but my friend had noticed the habit and had grown worried on behalf. "I promise to let you handle whatever this is, really. And if you don't want to tell me-" That was as far as I finished that sentence. I was in my dream as my dream-self. My physical body was still in the real world, and someone was shaking me. Hard. "Uh, one moment." And I woke up.

I opened my eyes to a very frantic Carina and Swaddle-Dee trying to rattle my brains out.

"Elfy! Elfilis! Are you awake!" I shot up in a hurry, floating above the bed so fast the pillows flew off. She sounded scared.

"I'm up! I'm up! What's wrong? What's the emergency-!" And then I saw him. Standing at the entrance to the cave, leaning on his pronged sword and missing half his mask. Beta Knight, and someone took his left eye.

"My leige... I..."

"What. Happened."

Luna was unsure what to do. It had been a minute since something spooked Elfilis, and she didn't know whether to stay in the dream and wait for him, to go to him in person, or if it was anything of importance anyway. Maybe Carina accidentally kicked him? But he would be back by now if that was it, right? It was as she was finally about to wake up herself that Elfilis's iconic portal opened up to allow him back into his dream.

"Elfilis? Was everything..." Something was wrong. His ringed eyes, which were normally half-lidded and almost drowsy looking, were wide open. Every ring was on display, and all of them were glowing, radiating some kind of energy. His wings/ears, which naturally drooped to some extent, were shot straight out to his sides, expanded to their full wingspan. He looked just like he did in their first fight, when he destroyed her room and unlocked her Dream-Matter. "... What has happened?"

"Chrysalis has killed your battalion of guards and injured Beta Knight. I am getting involved." Oh... oh no.

Author's Note

Hey look, a chapter. And kind of a time skip. I feel like there is only so much life I can go over before you start treading old ground, so I decided to avoid that and make a push for action adventure stuff for a bit now that Elfy and Cari have had a few chapters of relative regularity.

24. How we got here.

"... That... is very disheartening news Beta." The Princess sisters were in the throne room, and had just finished listening to the second Meta Knight's report on Chrysalis's probable crime. "Murdered. In his own home most likely..."

"Sister... how do we respond? It is obvious now that the Squeak Squad will not be mobile soon enough to deal with this." Celestia merely nodded in response to Luna's query. She did have an idea though.

"The Squeak Squad will continue building their airship. We will, however, be borrowing Doc's changeling tracker. Beta." Said knight stood at attention in response. "Go to the docks to find... Doc, and tell him of the situation. His project is to be continued for the sake of Equestrian research and development, but his device is to be handed over to you. I will be contacting Captain Armor, he should have whatever guards we can afford to spare at this time meet you by the gates post-haste. Do you understand?"

"Yes, your majesties. I will apprehend Chrysalis on your behalf." And with a swirl of his cape he, was gone.

"Luna, am I correct in assuming you will be informing Elfilis of this when you next meet?"

"No."

"... Okay. That makes things simpler, actually."

Daroach wasn't very happy. Not at the Princesses or at 'Beta Knight,' but just in general. If he had known their target was going to start offing ponies, he would have had himself and his Squeakers legging it to find her. As it stood, the ship was practically being built for free at this point (which, as a thief, Daroach wasn't too upset about, but he was also a gentleman dammit!), and now he and Spinni and Storo were standing around like bums. Though, he supposed, they could help by procuring extra stuff for the airship in the meantime...

Captain Shining Armor had a headache. An infuriating number of his more competent guards were gone, on account of having been shape-shifting spies the entire time. And now he needed to put a team together to go arrest one of the most competent of the spies, if what he was peicing together was correct. It was a ridiculous situation, and he decided at that point to just throw his hooves in the air and assign more than half of his 'good' guards on the team. If worse comes to worse, he could defend Canterlot himself during the Gala. Though Cadence would probably be a little unhappy with him, he would be able to make it up to her. The Gala was hardly the only chance he would get to spend quality time with his marefriend.

"... We're supposed to follow you?" Evidently, this particular guard hadn't met Toby if he was doubting Beta Knight. The rest of the guards behind him were all trying to get his attention and tell him to back off from the scary glowy ball with a sword and a mask.

"Yes. I am Beta Knight. The Princess Celestia has assigned you to me to help me track down a dangerous criminal."

"... Well. The Captain did warn me, I guess... Rough Shod, reporting for duty. Who we tracking and what's the crime?"

"A changeling princess, murder."

"... Murder, the Changeling Princess? Or a changeling princess who is guilty of murder?" Beta Knight simply turned around and fiddled with the buttons on Doc's invention. "... Fuck."

"The device says there are two changelings in this town here. I know one of them, and I doubt the other will be our runaway. But we would be remiss to not investigate anyway." The small leader paused in thought before giving his orders. "If you see a tall, teal bipedal creature, please try to stay out of sight of him. He is troubled, and I fear causing him grief will not end well."

"Yes sir. Tall teal and troubled is to be avoided." In truth, this trip was the easiest and most simple of all the tracking team's excursions. Mostly because both the changelings were in the same place.

"Beta? What are you and the guard doing here?" Rough Shod opened his mouth to speak, but Beta made sure to interupt before he could cause any issues.

"The changeling tracker is complete, but the Princess wanted it to be tested before we relied on it to find your sister." He turned to the white unicorn that was also a blip on his radar. "Who would this be?" Said unicorn smirked before introducing herself.

"Not her sister... or, well. Not the sister you're looking for. Names Vinyl Scratch, I've been DJing at parties here and there for more than a few years now." It was shockingly easy to confirm this, as several of the guards had been to her concerts before.

"Now we know why we never see her around the big cities she does shows at! She lives in a rural farming town!"

"Yep. Believe it or not, I am not a city mare." Unfortunately, every other blip on the radar led Beta and his retinue of guards on wild chases. Even if the changelings weren't Chrysalis, they were never as forthcoming as Vinyl had been. This meant many (relatively innocent) bug ponies had to be held down or captured as Beta interrogated them before letting them go. Of course, Beta later realized that the one he was looking for was not one for running at the first sign of trouble...

"Manehatten has two signals too?" Rough Shod and the rest had to rely on Beta to understand the machine, so the knight had grown used to these questions over the course of the mission.

"Yes, though they are not with one another at the moment. One is at the opposite end of us, and the other is... heading for us. Be prepared."

"Shit, alright." It only took a moment for the guards to form a quick defense on top of the hill they had stopped on. Beta hid the radar behind his cape and drew his sword in preparation. It was only moments later that they spotted an orange pegasus with a white mane and tail making his leisurely way towards them. He hesitated for only a moment upon seeing the spears brandished in his direction, but he approached and landed a couple of meters away from them regardless.

"Hi! Uh, my names Dawn Rise. I... um... You are the guards who have been going around looking for Princess Chrysalis, right?" His body language was more than a little awkward, but he seemed to be hoping that he was talking to who he was thought he was talking too. It was Rough Shod who took over for a moment.

"Please drop your disguise and allow one of our unicorns to scan you for latent magic use if you wish to talk." Dawn Rise only blinked in surprise before disappearing in a flash of green fire. His true form was the same smooth, shiny black carapaced body they had come to grow used too over the last few weeks, with orange eyes and small holes throughout his legs. As a unicorn spellbreaker stepped up to scan him, to make sure he wasn't simply under another disguise, he spoke up again.

"So, thats a yes. Yeah, a couple of my siblings you met already started going around to try to warn us you guys were coming. I tried my best to make sure Chrysalis didn't hear about it though! Honest." Beta Knight waited until the unicorn released his magic and confirm with him the truth of what they were seeing before asking his questions.

"Why is that?" Dawn Rise scoffed out a laugh before answering.

"Cause she's fucking everything up? Those of us who have gotten out of the Hive have a good thing going. We seem to be healthier, the laws are easier to follow, and the ponies all love us so long as we just look like them. Chrysalis though, she's going around making every stallion sick to his stomach. She's burnt through five disguises and slept around so much the doctors here think some new sex disease is spreading around. So legal sex workers like me are getting screwed over. I hadn't had holes in my legs for years until now, but the princess just swaps skins and begins sucking dick under the table to keep feeding. Uh, metaphorically. Probably. Point is, she's causing panic and I'm hungry. So you getting rid of her or what?" It was Rough Shod who spoke up while Beta Knight took out he radar to check on the second signal the changeling whistleblower had just confirmed to be the murderous princess.

"Wait, what part of that statement was metaphorical?"

"Uh, all of it?" Beta retook control by this point.

"Thank you, Dawn Rise. I would suggest hiding until the day is done. If she evades us, it would not do well if she were to go after you afterwards. Guards, with me. And stay armed, Carina underwent a metamorphosis after engaging in sex. While all of the changelings we've met so far have been mostly unchanged despite their time outside of the Hive, Chrysalis is also a 'princess,' for however much difference that makes."

And from there, everything went to hell. They formed up in front of the house the signal was coming from, the machine claiming she was just behind the front door by about a pony's length. Rough Shod silently counted down with the feathers on the end of his wing before giving the signal and kicking down the door.

"Halt! You are under arrest-" And then his charred body was thrown at terminal velocity back out as the pink unicorn in front of him explosively dropped her disguise. Many of the guards merely stared in shock, though two unicorns rushed to him and pulled him away as fast as they could to administer whatever aid they could. Beta Knight quickly flew in and swung his sword through the remaining flames to disperse them, sending a blade of wind at the much larger than anticipated Chrysalis. The blade was deftly avoided with a duck of her head, which reached high enough to push against the shattered ceiling, and she immediately used the opportunity to charge magic at the end of the horn now pointed at Beta. He flashed away with a beat of his wings as an explosion destroyed the rest of the house, sending the rest of the ponies with him in all directions, in various levels of harm and injury.

"Chrysalis! Enough!" The knight held his place in the air for only a moment, before attacking the air with such strength that the air was rent in twain. The vacuum was quickly filled with a tornado that pulled all the debris away from the battle before destroying it. It gave him just enough time to see his silently glaring opponent rushing at him with her wings abuzz and a hoof pulled back to strike him. It was all the time he needed though, to prepare a strike to counter-

Red. Pain. Numb. Despite the distance between the two of them, he felt as something speared directly through his mask and into his eye. Before the rest of his body could register what had just happened, he was bodily thrown into the ground, cracking the ground and ruining his mask further. Beta could only lay there in shock. Chrysalis had speared him on her horn, using an illusion of herself launching a much more choreographed attack to hide herself right inside of his guard. Pain. Pain. Pain. He didn't know how long he had laid there, but when he finally had the strength to push his aching body back up, it was to the sight of a nightmare. Chrysalis had made short work of the twenty-something guards left after the initial explosion, all with injuries that left no doubt to the deceased state of most of them. It was to the sound of screaming civilians and a feeling of utter failure that Beta pushed with his wings with all the power he could muster. Elfilis... Sire must do something...

Luna was trying her best to get Elfilis to talk to her, but he had been silent for the longest time, doing something to the Dream Matter and ignoring her to the best of his ability.

"Elfilis! Please speak to us! Is Beta Knight alright? What happened? What are you doing?"

"... Do you mind if I pick your brains for a moment?" It was the only response she had gotten, and while it was a disturbing phrase, she took the chance to try to communicate with him further.

"I... assume that means asking me about something. What-"

"What makes a warrior strong?" That being said, the lunar princess had completely lost the plot.

"Ugh. Strength? Skill?"

"The same could be said of a carpenter, or a farmer." He wasn't even looking at her. "What differentiates a laborer from one who fights? What about a warrior makes them dangerous, feared, respected." Before Luna could answer, his closest eye suddenly shot towards her, looking almost behind him to see her. "What trait would launch a warrior from merely a fighter to a soldier of legend? What would you say?" She did her best to ignore the eerie look as she racked her brains for an answer that might satisfy this sudden fascination Elfilis was displaying.

"... The stories that I had always loved above all else were of those where the hero would never stop fighting. It was, adversity? I suppose. It never mattered what life would throw at them, they had a goal, a mission, self-imposed or otherwise and they would try to bitter end to fulfill it. Successfully or... Otherwise. Willpower?... A never give up attitude?" His eye reoriented itself back in front of him in a flash.

"CONVICTION."

And then Luna woke up as the dream collapsed.

"Wha- Elfilis? Wait a moment-" And then her sister burst through her door.

"Luna! Manehatten has been attacked!"

"Ugh! Dammit! Now I have that to deal with! You better not have just killed yourself Elfilis."

"What?! What happened to Elfilis?!"

Carina was dabbing a warm cloth on Beta Knights face while Swaddle-Dee cut a tomato of all things into small pieces and fed them to the injured swordsman. She almost didn't notice when Elfilis appeared behind her, but she wasted no time in embracing him.

"Stay! What the fuck did you just go off and do? I saw that look in your eyes! You always go off and do something you feel conflicted about afterwards when you are like that!"

"... I am unsure what is happening." That... was a much deeper voice than Elfy had. She pulled her face out of his fluff to look at the surprise speaker.

"... Alright. Elfilis, who the fuck is this."

"This... Is Phantom Galacta Knight. He will be... apprehending your sister for us..." And then he passed out on her, and she barely caught him and put him in their bed with a frustrated grunt of effort.

"Mother... Asshole." Carina made sure he could breath before turning to this Galacta Knight. "What's so special about you that its wiped out Elfy? The last one was the embodiment of love and all things positive. So what's your gig?"

"I am the most powerful warrior in the galaxy. Though, admittedly this is the first time I've been summoned in such a manner, so I am unsure what has rendered him unconscious. Admittedly, if I weren't so curious, I would have left already. I do not feel anything binding me here." Great, she had to explain things to a super powerful and flighty warrior. She was going to punch Elfilis's lights out once they came back on.

Author's Note

Hey look, I got a chapter out this week. Haven't missed one yet, yippee.

28. Just checking in.

"Hello Elfilis. It is good to see you in better health."

"Hi Luna, its nice to be dreaming of you again as well." I ignored the light kick to my side as I looked around at my dream. It still seemed to be endless but everything was much duller. The lights only sparkled a little bit, and the various bright neon purples I had grown used to were darker, as if they were low on power. "I definitely did a number on the place..."

"Yes, I had been worried you had done yourself harm when your dream collapsed around me. Of course, I then had to see to Chrysalis and her attack on Manehatten. All I could really do was hope..." Uh oh. Were her eyes watery? "... Hope that the absence of a letter from Carina or any of the Elements meant that you were okay and not... Not overly harmed. I- Ah!" I think I surprised both of us by giving her a hug.

"It's okay. I'm okay. Everything's okay."

"I- You can't just-! I thought you might've-! Fuck! I'm crying again aren't I?"

"It's fine. I'm not bothered by it. And..." I wiped at my eyes as Luna finally returned the hug. "And I think I might be tearing up too."

"Why are you crying? You could have died and I just had to hope you were okay, and I had to convince my sister to wait for whatever you pulled out of your flanks this time, and then she started talking about her vagina-" That didn't sound right. "And I thought that maybe Carina was too broken up by your death that she didn't think to tell anyone at first, or maybe she was too busy burying you too-" She was hysterical, and I lost track of what she was yelling at me about at that point but I let her keep going for as long as she wanted. "-So fuck you! Why are you crying?!"

"... Because I very well could've killed everyone by creating who I did."

"The knight? He was powerful, but he wasn't bad, if a little short... I mean, not short as in short in stature, short as in, ah..."

"Mannerisms?"

"Oh good, that word is still used. Why would he have turned on us?" She pulled away from me a little bit, though I could tell it was mostly so we could speak face to face. Her eyes were bloodshot.

"Because I have no idea what angry-me was thinking. The Galacta Knight I met was significantly different from what I thought he would be like."

"And...?" I just let her stew on what I said for a moment. "Wait, but isn't he... He is one of your Phantoms isn't he?"

"Yeah." She got it.

"Literally made out of your thoughts... And you think he should've been evil? Or that his original self was?" Well, not quite.

"I thought he would've been aggressive, and unwilling to listen to us. Instead, he was begrudgingly cordial."

"Hm. Perhaps the Phantoms are naturally inclined to listen to their creator?"

"Or, I thought of him as a calmer guy when I was angry. Or angry-me didn't even entertain the thought of him not listening to me. Or etc. Point being, I'm upset that I almost created a literal villain."

"... Hm. Fine. That's a good reason to cry too."

Rarity was a little swamped (what a nasty word) with work. The Grand Galloping Gala was fast approaching, and that meant copycat events across the country. So even though her own dress, the dresses of her friends, and Spikes dragon-proofed baby tuxedo were all done, she had a large number of commissions to fulfill. Granted, most of them didn't have to be her best work. Some ponies were going to bars or inviting friends to stay the night at their own places. Three dresses she hadn't completed yet though were for the actual Gala, and she was only just now completing one of them; Carinas elastic black dress.

"Poor dear just kept growing, didn't she Opal?" Opal, the cat, didn't say anything in response. "Even working with my most stretch fabrics didn't save me from reworking this dress every time she came to visit. But..
with... one... last... There! Perfection! Now, I could probably get a good start on Ocatavia's dress before closing time, which is... was, four hours ago... Hm." Indeed, Rarity had worked until midnight without realizing. The first thing she thought to do was to check on Sweetie Belle to see if she had gone to bed on her own. And then the front door opened and her bell chimed. "Oh! I'm sorry dear, I'm afraid we're..." Walking in was, speak of the devil, Octavia. And she was lightly frowning while pointing to the sign hung up on the door, not flipped around to say 'closed' to the outside world. "... Open."

"I know you aren't supposed to be open right now, but I saw the lights and it is better I tell you sooner rather than later, just in case." Oh no. Was she really going to ask for adjustments to the design while it was fully dark out?

"I'm sorry Octavia, but I really don't have the time-"

"I need to cancel mine and Vinyls commissions."

... Well, she supposed she could make time.

"I... Pardon?"

"I know it's really late, and I'm willing to pay for any of the work you've already done, but-"

"Oh no! No no no, you can cancel, of course you can! No need to reimburse me dear." There was also no need to let her know that the dresses hadn't gone past the planning phase. "I'm just curious as to why? Has something come up that's stopping you two from attending the Gala? You seemed so excited to perform as well."

"I... I'm still going to be playing at the Gala. I just... We find ourselves needing to save money. We don't know how much truthfully, and we decided it would be best if I went to the Gala while she looks into her- our, options." There was definitely a story there, and Rarity was becoming ever more curious as to what it was. Maybe there was some way she could help? "As a performer, it won't look terribly out of place for me to be on stage in just my bowtie, so... Yes. I would like our orders canceled." Rarity waved a hoof through the air casually.

"Consider it done... Provided you consider telling me what has you two wildly successful musicians worried about finances so suddenly."

"I... I really don't think I should say. It's not really my secret or problem to share." Rarity had expected that, but it was also confusing to the fashionista.

"Vinyl? The pony who started pole dancing on my stage when she came in for a fitting?" The nervous look on Octavias face quickly dropped to one of annoyance.

"... I knew she was going to do that. Yes, that Vinyl. I know it seems odd of her to not overshare, but this feels different. And I'm not one to overshare on her behalf anyway." Something so bad, or so embarrassing, that even Vinyl Scratch of all ponies was (potentially) keeping it close to her chest. Well, it sounded to Rarity like that was a good time to stop prying.

"That's okay, forgive me for being nosey. Just tell me, is Vinyl okay? Is she handling, whatever it is, well?" And then Octavia revealed the hidden talent of all ponies. She exploded.

"I don't know! She says she's fine, but she says that about everything! This is a big deal! It's terrible! An absolute invasion of privacy, modesty, and some other third thing that I yelled at her before I left that I can't remember right now!" Rarity slowly backed up and pulled a mannequin closer with her magic. In case she needed to take cover. "I can never tell when she's lying! She does it all the time, and I wish she could just let it go! Just tell me what's wrong! Why can you not trust me...!"

"... I..." Octavia sniffed as she held her head down, tears hitting the smooth floor.

"She can't help it, you know? It's how she was raised. Vinyl never lies to get out of doing chores, or for doing her fair share of anything, but... I really wish she could tell me when something was wrong. She always waits till it's too late for me to help her through it..."

"... How do you... Why do you-?"

"Stay with her?... Because when she says she loves me, those are the times I know she's telling the truth. She used to say it so much, to so many ponies. I was the only one she ever looked in the eyes when she said it... I'm not mad that she lies. I'm mad that she's gone through so much that she hardly knows how to tell the truth." ... Rarity was going to make an effort to not stick her nose in the private lives of customers. You would think she learned her lesson after the stallion who wanted leather belts but noooo...

Vinyl Scratch stared at the toy in her hooves. It is probably what some would expect from her at this point. A full-sized phallus with all the bells and whistles money and magic could provide to a lonely pony. But she didn't use it anymore. She just stared. No excitement. No anticipation. No blush, embarrassment, fantasies, pride, and no lust in the slightest.

Only disappointment and sore legs.

"... Do we really matter that little to you? Do you secretly geld all my brothers too? No, if you did that you wouldn't fuck half of them to exhaustion. Just us. Just your daughters. Just the ones who would look up to you the most... Well, fuck you too bitch. I'm getting your little magic beads out, I'm going to master a unicorn transformation spell, I'm going to get my brains fucked out of me by my marefiend, and I'm going to have a foal so loved and so goddamn cute that you'll tear out your own fucking tract when you realize how shit you are at being a mother."

The dildo didn't respond. Vinyl was too angry to care.

Fluttershy, despite the marks upon her flank, didn't often speak to the butterflies. They were naturally quite solitary outside of breeding and migration seasons. It was a shame, she felt, since they were what she based her own flight philosophy on. Light, soft, completely unheard... And with deceptive strength.

They were what taught her that she didn't need to be like Rainbow Dash, or Spitfire, or any of the pegasi she used to go to school with. Grace was just as fulfilling as speed. It wasn't something she really spoke to many ponies about, not that she often spoke with ponies in general. She made exceptions; Rainbow Dash, her new friends from Nightmare Moons return, and the changelings.

There was something about them that Fluttershy couldn't quite put into words. They were always so curious when they first came to see her, and so scared of being themselves that she couldn't help but sympathize. And never let it be said that she didn't know what it was like to feel like an outsider in a pony world. Animals, nature, the quiet of living next to the Everfree where no other pony dared to build. Those were for her. The ponies could keep to their herds, she would keep to her packs and hives and pods and swarms.

What she didn't know how to deal with though, was an absolutely apocalyptic number of butterflies suddenly descending onto her cottage.

"Oh my... is something wrong? Are you all okay?"

Someone knows, someone fears
They whispered, but Fluttershy heard.

"Who? What? Why? And... uh... where...?"

Woods of White are filled with thoughts

Unaware, that is all it needs to be wrought

The one, the true, the aspect of Change

He comes, he hides, just out of range

Who he'll choose, we'll never know

Death shall reap, and sorrow he'll sow

"D-d-death?" Animals had never spoken of death so reverently to her before.

We come, we warn, but we cannot stop

He is master, father, cream of the crop

Pray for peace, hope for quiet

If chaos ensues, incites a riot

Then he will come, in a beam of light

The inevitable end, the Morpho Knight

Distantly, in the Canterlot dungeons, a prisoner encased in crystal and pinned with spears is set down in a cell all her own. The guards who had to carry her were tired, the Princess who used her magic to enlarge the path was tired, and the Captain, rife with guilt, was tired. They all made one final check, to make sure she was still and unable to fall over. And then, they left. The doors shrunk back to their usual size as Celestia dropped her spell, and the guards gave sighs of relief at a job well done.

And when there was no pony left to see, a heart topped spear began to dim, and creak.

Author's Note

This one became dramatic all on its own. I have become haunted by the writers spirit. Fear their wrath, and their love of lore. You may die, if you hear their words of bore.

I think Lord of the Rings was the only series I ever read where the constant lore dumps didn't drive me away and actually sucked me further into the story. If I could emulate that, I'd be a happy [nondescript human being].

29. Party Preparation

Daroach had outgrown his awkward adolescence for some time now, but with Princess Celestia looking down at him like a mother waiting to hear his confession, he very much had to resist the urge to fidget. A habit he thought he had long gotten rid of.

"Daroach... I don't suppose you would know why missing items have become the courts most common complaint?"

"Ah, alliteration! Quite-"

"Daroach." Well shit, there he went and figdeted, rubbing his hands together under his cloak. "I know that your crew has been restless since the guard took over the mission to find Chrysalis, but I would much appreciate it if you could focus your attention to other things. Like completing the airship we are providing all the materials and funding for." Daroach sighed as he looked around the deck. The shell of the ship was complete, now it just needed the utilities.

"I'm not much use there your highness. Doc's got all the brains between the four of us and Storo has all the muscle. Spinni and I are kinda left waiting for something to happen." The Princess looked at him rather quizzically.

"I was under the impression that all of you had your own specialties?"

"Yeah. Spini is the fastest land animal this side of the galaxy and I can kick the keaster of anyone who tries anything. Besides the fact that I'm the leader but that doesn't help me understand jack all about how to put this ship together."

"Hmm. Then I may have a job for the two of you, provided you stop stealing from my ponies."

"I'm all ears princess, but I can't make any promises. Kleptomania is a helluva hard thing to catch before ya gone and done it." Wait a moment... "You ain't asking us to return what we stole?" Celestia smirked before making her way to the dock, and Daroach quickly fell in step beside her.

"I would, but it would appear you've already installed several of them onto the ship. I will have to compensate the businesses they came from."

"Caught that, did you? Alright, fair enough. Hey, am I still invited to that fancy Gala event?"

"I do not recall ever inviting you to the Gala?"

"Great, I'll see you there." Daroach took it as a good sign when Celestia didn't respond, especially since he could see her trying not to smile.

"Why am I here again?" Rough Shod was currently parked to one side of the ballroom in a wheelchair while he listened to the various sounds of ponies cleaning and setting up furniture and decorations. It mostly sounded like hooves on stone and magic.

"Because you asked me to take you somewhere nice?" Dawn Rise's voice washed up from behind him.

"Right. I was thinking more along the lines of the garden, or the courtyard." Because those were supposed to be quiet, regardless of whether or not he could see the view.

"I'm not allowed outside the castle though, aren't I?"

"The castle-grounds, Dawn. And to be honest, so long as you stay in the city and show up to court on the day of the 'trial,' nopony is gonna give a shit where you are." Dawn Rise was brought back to serve as a witness to Chrysalis's trial. As cut and dry as it was, the Captain wanted to make sure everything was done properly.

"Well, if you're sure. I am getting quite peckish so I'll hit the town tonight if that's true."

"Yeah, knock yourself out. Ask some of the guards around where you can find the brothels. If they say they don't know, their probably lying."

"As crude as always Rough Shod." Said pony jumped in his seat. He didn't hear this voice make his way over to him.

"That you Captain? I'm going to need you to trot louder, I can't see your shampoo products from a mile away anymore."

"Hehe, sorry about that. I'm going to have to ask you guys to move."

"What, is the ugly old stallion disturbing the staff?"

"No. This is where the catering is supposed to go. The staff better get used to you, you're invited."

"The fuck am I going to do at a Gala? Bowl over the nobility?"

"I hear the gardens are nice this time of year."

One crystal heart spear has long since turned to dust. Two more creak in its place.

Toby half slid, half walked across the counter with a towel in his hands as he cleaned it. Running a bar was a difficult game, but he was happy to play it. He was earning lots of points from all the customers coming to Poyo, and he always put them back into the bar to make it even better!

He didn't really understand how it all ran, but he was learning! And the nice brown pony was always helping him learn the rules and playing the game with him.

"Heya Lucky." And there he was now! Toby waved to his friend as he walked over and sat down in his usual spot. "Mind pouring me a drink?" Toby nodded as he hopped off the counter to grab a glass. "Thanks kid. Oh, and before I forget, I got somethin to ask you."

"Haaaaa!" The pony blinked as a multilayered cocktail all of the colors of the rainbow popped up from behind the bar and slid into his hooves.

"Damn. That was fast. A little too colorful, but eh." He took a sip of it, ignoring the straw entirely, before humming. "Nevermind, it's good. Anyway-" He put his hooves up as Toby got on his own stool. He still didn't come up to eye level with the pony. "I get invites to this fancy party every so often. I don't usually go, Canterlots a bit of a trip and it's kind of lost its splendor after working there for so long. But, I also get to bring a plus one. Figured it would be fun to bring you with me and see what happens."

A party! Toby loves parties!

"Poyo!"

Vinyl Scratch laid on the couch, outside of her disguise, as she listened to the chello play. It was always beautiful to her. Many thought it was odd that a DJ and a classical musician got together, but they didn't have anything against each others practiced art. Vinyl was actually quite entranced by Octavias music, it was some of her favorite to listen too, even over the more hyper and synthetics songs she was known for. So she let her eyes close as she let the music wash over her. Three beats, one beat, one beat, offbeat and-

"FUCK!"

-and a missed note. Vinyl winced at the sound of Octavia growling at herself. She could just imagine her now, bow clenched in one hoof as she resisted the urge to slam her head into the neck of her instrument.

"You were doing really good babe!"

"Ughhh... I know. But I had this memorized not two days ago and now I can't play past the first FUCKING-" Octavia was great, a real lady and much nicer than she deserved. Patience of a saint, just so long as it's somepony else she's being patient with. "-At this rate I'll be no better than a music teacher!"

"I think you're being a little harsh Octi."

"Yes, you're right. I shouldn't say that about music teachers."

"On yourself, I think your being too harsh on yourself."

"Oh. Right." That being said, Vinyl wasn't ignorant to the fact that she was contributing to much of her partners stress. She knew she was being tight-lipped about how she felt, and she knew that Octavia hated it when she did that, but asking her girlfriend how she felt about growing a dick and raising a foal was probably not conductive to short term stress relief. So until then...

"I love you Octi..."

"... I know. I love you too Vinyl."

Another heart begins to tremble as one of its brothers begins to lose its light.

Queen Culicidae glared at Beta Knight from under the covers.

"I'm... busy..." The knight just huffed at her before speaking anyway... Was she imagining it or was one of his eyes not glowing?

"I'm sure. Would you like me to wait to tell you the good news about your daughter?" Of all the times-

"...Fine. What do you have to say?" She sat all the way down, trying to get comfortable. It was difficult to ignore the changeling under her though.

"Princess Chrysalis has been captured, and appears to have suffered minor injuries."

"Appears- AH!" She hissed and dropped one end of her blanket to punch the changeling who just had the nerve to buck up against her. She very pointedly ignored his yelp of pain as she glared at the knight. "Appears to have? That does not inspire confidence."

"... Are we truly ignoring what just occurred?"

"Fuck you! You insisted on doing this now!"

"I asked if you would like me to wait." Culicidae didn't deign to give that a response, she just put more effort into her glare. "... Very well. The capture method was... unorthodox. And her prison is immune to magic at the moment." Beta stopped for a moment as a masculine groan came from under her. She very subtly reared her hoof up into the air before driving it into the gut of her subject beneath her. "... Her trial will have to wait until after the upcoming Gala in Canterlot, and transportation will be a long process as she will have to be delivered by cart or chariot."

"Very well. I expect to hear regular updates on how she is. And I hope your princesses aren't planning on keeping my daughter away for more than a month."

"You will see her soon. You need not worry." And then Beta was gone, in the blink of an eye. The queen waited for a moment to be sure he was gone. And then she threw away the blanket and hissed at her bedmate.

"You are on thin fucking ice!"

"Please let me go! I have a wife and kids!"

"No you don't asshole!"

"No, but I'm going too..."

"...Smooth. And also, no. I'm your mother, don't make this weird."

"Do you think we should get Swaddle a bowtie? He's coming with us right?" I nodded as I poured sudsy water over Carina.

"Yep. And a little bow sounds adorable, even if I'm sure the image will be ruined somewhat by the warhammer he won't put down." Cleaning Carinas yellow 'mane' was like cleaning a strip of silk cloth. She didn't really have individual hair follicles like ponys did, but it certainly made it easier to wash. Same with her smooth pink carapace. I was a little jealous.

"You don't think he would leave it here?"

"Nope, he seems pretty attached. I think he might have some Bandanna-Dee in him." She turned to me as finished with her hair.

"What about a banana?"

"Ha! Bandanna, a unique Waddle-Dee from Dreamland. He's like the captain of his kind, though he served King Dedede." She snorted as she began to pour shampoo onto my collar of fur.

"Dee this, Dee that. It all sounds like non-sense you know."

"Hey, not all of it is Dee. There are also Waddle-Doos."

"Yeah, that doesn't help." She began to scrub the soap into my neck as she spoke. "You ready for the Grand Galloping Gala, big boy? Don't want to make any last changes to your 'wardrobe?' I'm sure Rarity can scrounge up something."

"No. I don't doubt I'm going to feel a little uncomfortable being underdressed, but Rarity wasn't even considering pants. You know how the cloth makes me feel. I'd rather go nude than go with a tuxedo and have to worry about dick-slapping rich ponies everywhere I go."

"Damn Elfy, I would pay to see that."

"Unfortunately, I'm not that desperate for money. How about you? Ready to wow the nobles with your impeccable self?" She chuckled as she ran a comb through my fur.

"Yeah, for one reason or another I'm going to get stared at. But I'm ready. I'm excited even! Nice music, nice food, nice company..."

"Glad to hear it. Just don't eat any of the fondue. We'll probably have to leave if you do."

"Fondue? Never had it before, what is it?"

"Well, there's different kinds I think, but I was talking about the chocolate fountain things."

"Oooh... Now you know I have to try some!" She lit her center horn on fire for only a moment, but it was enough to dry everything she had been cleaning in only a moment. And then she leaned over and kissed me before she laid her head against my shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll behave. I can have some before we leave."

"Hehe, I can live with that. Mind helping me with my tail?" She hummed into my neck, as if considering it.

"In a moment. I'm too comfy right now." I didn't answer her, but I did wrap my arms around her as I listened to the lake around us. It was a good moment.

Another spear turns to dust, and only three remain. In the Canterlot gardens, a statue cracks and shudders, much to its own confusion.

What is going on out there? This is so far ahead of scedule, I don't even know what I want to do yet! I guess I could just watch until I have some good ideas bouncing around my head. I am so very curious about what's happening after all...

Author's Note

I know it's a similar chapter to the last one, but I needed to establish just a little more and bring some loose ends back into frame before next chapter. I'm personally looking forward to the next one. It's been making it hard to write these chapters because most of my thoughts are occupied by the ones after it. Thinking too far ahead I guess.

30. The Best Night Ever...

Octavia was trying not to let anything bother or distract her. It was just a shame that her feelings didn't agree. She had never had anything against using the train to Canterlot, but right now she hated the cushions of the seats, the buzz of the tracks, and every other pony in the caboose with her right now for not being as equally miserable. Even if there were only two other ponies. One was a quiet old brown stallion who had pretty quickly fallen asleep in his seat and the other was a bright lime-green pegasus mare with a trumpet. And how dare she not be as neurotic as Octavia about performing today.

She actually wasn't likely to be a fellow Gala musician tonight, brass instruments weren't exactly great for the subtle compositions the Gala liked to play in the background. Octavia still decided to act like she was a massive bitch until the train stopped. There was only one thing the chello player found herself unable to hate, and it was sitting next to her. Octavia looked to her left at the bright round smiling face beaming up at her, with a bowtie matching hers tied around its rotund body.

"Hiiiiii!"

"You are very lucky to be so cute."

She couldn't wait till this night was over and she could just crawl into bed with Vinyl. But she signed a contract and she didn't want to start straining their coffers if she didn't have to, so here she was.

"Poyo!"

"You're pushing it..."

Twilight Sparkle was a little concerned. Or, rather, she was a little concerned about a few different little things. Which all added up to her being moderately concerned. For one, the whole situation with Vinyl Scratch was, in a word, fucked. And it was something that Twilight couldn't fully block out of her mind even as her and her friends carriage carried them to Canterlot. She tried to distract herself with other things, but that brought up concern number two.

Spike was pretty set on spending the night showing the girls around the city, and all the girls (Twilight included) seemed committed to their own plans. She was pretty sure he was going to end the day disappointed. And then she was thinking about her friends, and that brought on concerns numbers three through seven. How had she not seen that all of her friends plans were unrealistic this while time? Rarity wanted to fall in love with a prince, Applejack was trying to sell pastries at a catered event, Pinkie Pie was most certainly not one for slow parties, and Rainbow Dash was banking on somehow getting into the Wonderbolts reserved area and wowing the professional career flyers so much they hire her on the spot. That was so not how that worked.

Fluttershy was the only one of her friends whose plan might not be doomed from the start, but said mare was acting... off. Distracted. Despite wearing her dress, being in a magical carriage, being on the way to the most prestigious event in Equestria, on the way to the gardens she had once spoken of in complete reverence, Fluttershy looked like her mind was on literally anything else.

"Fluttershy? Are you feeling OK?" No response. "Fluttershy?" Nothing. Now Rainbow was getting concerned.

"Uh, Flutters? Hello?" Whether it was because she knew Rainbow for longer or because Rainbows voice just cut through her thoughts better, she had finally caught the yellow mares attention.

"Hm? O-oh, um... yes?" Well maybe now Twilight could ask her what was going on.

"Are you okay? You look... unhappy. Did something happen?"

"Oh, no. Nothing is wrong, I guess. I'm just... thinking about the animals back at the cottage. I don't leave them on their own very often..."

"Aw, sugarcube. You spoil the lot of em. They'll be fine fer the night." Applejack inserted herself into the conversation.

"I know. I just... Oh, nevermind. Let's just... enjoy the Gala..." And then Fluttershy went straight back to looking at nothing, trapped in her own thoughts.

Twilights concern levels rising. 26%

I looked at Carina with a discerning eye. This dress was done and redone so many times, I wanted to make sure there wasn't anything glaringly wrong with it.

"You're looking at me like I insulted you. Can you look at me like I'm sexy for a bit?" I blinked and looked up at her wry smirk.

"Oh, sorry. You're beautiful Cari, I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong or out of place after everything." And it was true, she was very eye-catching. Her chitin was a hot pink and her mane, tail, eyes, unicorn horn and heart-shaped antlers were all a bright yellow color. Rarity initially wanted to add more colors to her with her dress, but eventually moved away from that idea and chose to make it an all black peice. And it was a good decision, as it stood out in all the best ways on Carina. The tight sleeves on her front legs went all the way down to cover her hooves, the collar of the dress made a curved 'V' shape, and the actual dress portion fanned out about halfway around her barrel. It wasn't nearly as big or as detailed as the other dresses I saw being made at the boutique, but it was perfect on her.

Ignoring how wack it seemed to me that her backside was still completely exposed, besides her tail. I was getting better. I think. I wasn't sure if becoming more used to it meant thinking about our nudity more or thinking about it less, but I was getting good at ignoring it for a time. A very healthy individual, I am.

"Relax, Rarity clearly knows what she was doing. I look hot and sexy, just like I requested." Oh look, more thoughts to ignore. "Now, where's Swaddle-Dee?" On cue, the little dude walked up to us, big black bowtie pinned in place on him. He was also, miraculously, not armed. "There's the handsome little dude. Looking spiffy!"

"Indeed. We all ready to go?" I got two nods and vague sounds of confirmation. "Well, let's go then. One, two, three-"

Three spears down, two more left to hold the line. One hearts slowly fades as the next finally begins to crack.

...Just a little longer...

Twilight wasn't upset, not at all. You're upset, and you're projecting onto her. She was enjoying her time sitting next to her mentor, watching her talk to literally everypony else who walked in the door.

...Fine. She was upset.

Of course her plan was also doomed, why not. Celestia had an obligation to greet all the guests of the most well-known and sought-after party in the country. How Twilight thought she would have any time to talk about anything, she had no clue.

"Ah, welcome Carina, Elfilis, and... Swaddle-Dee I assume?" Twilight looked up as she heard the Princess greet her friends/patients/banes-of-her-existance. Sure enough, Carina was stood front and center in a stunning black dress and Elfilis was standing behind her in... absolutely nothing. That was odd. And then he spoke.

"Thank you Princess. And may I say, it's nice to see another pony with as much fashion sense as me."

... Damn it, Celestia was only wearing her regalia, which was effectively nudism compared to majority of the guests. Now Twilight felt overdressed.

"Hahaha, yes. Sometimes less is more after all. Please, enjoy your night." And then they were gone, and Twilight opened her mouth to ask her favored mentor a question and-

"Welcome to the Grand Galloping Gala. Please-" And closed it and tried really hard to not glare while sitting next to the regally smiling royalty.

Twilights frustration levels rising. 67%

Tink, tink, crack, and another heart disappears. Only one left, it's only a matter of time.

...I'm almost done...

"Oh, Elfi! Stay here for a sec. I think I know that pony in the wheelchair. Or, well, I knew him as Frontline. I'm going to go surprise him!"

"Alright, I'll be by the drinks when you're done." I watched her push her way through the crowd as I made my way to the food tables, though most ponies moved out of the way of the both of us. We were just so much taller than all of them. Of course, I didn't just stare at her behind the whole time. I looked around and saw Octavia on stage, which surprised me. I didn't know she was going to be here. The less surprising guests were the girls I could spot in the crowd, Rarity and Applejack for example.

What I ended up looking at the most though, was other ponies behinds. I couldn't help it. The formal suits and dresses covering their fronts just made their bare pony bits stand out even more in my mind for some reason. They almost looked more naked than when they wore nothing at all. So I ended up looking under that guy's tail, and that girl's tail, and that guy was trying to hide a hard-on. And that mare over there was... either flirting with or being apprehended by a guard because those gems were not supposed to go there. What the fuck lady. Oh, And look! Another pony with her junk exposed to air... A familiar set of junk...

"A-ah! Lu- Ahem, Princess Luna. It's nice to see you." I made sure to look her in the eyes as she turned around, though her smile quickly began to wane.

"Sir Elfilis! You... look rather uncomfortable." Now, my discomfort probably showed on my face. But I would be blind to miss her big expressive eyes darting down to look at my waist as she greeted me. I didn't bother looking down myself, I just opened a small portal and attached it to my groin. I put my dick in the back of my mind.

"I am uncomfortable, let's talk about something boring. So how's that education reform thing coming along? Actually, nevermind. How do you and Celestia get your hair to do that flowy thing. I don't think I've ever seen yours do it before."

"Oh, this is actually its natural state. It just took some time to 'recharge' you might say after my return. And it's also not boring. How dare you sir." Big party or not, it was the same shit as every other day. If only it stayed that way.

It shattered. Every other spear had gone without a sound, but the final one was destroyed with greater force. The prisoner was losing patience. But now she was free, and she made sure to take a deep breath of the dusty air as the crystal heart that encased her fell to peices around her.

"Haaaa... It's so much... It's... Not enough?... But... OK! OK... I will find more... I can feel more... much more..."

Slowly, haltingly, Chrysalis's head tilted up towards the ceiling. Many floors above her, a gathering of ponies was taking place.

Storo was the largest member of the Squeak Squad, and he made use of his muscle and mass. A crate that would normally take at least two unicorns to lift was easily hoisted over his shoulder as he walked onto their future ship. He had just been about to put it down when-

An explosion. Screaming. The big purple mouse turned on a dime towards the noise. The castle, near the gardens. Where the big Gala event was taking place. Where his leader, and friend, Daroach was intending to spend the night.

Storo pulled his red shirt down over his belly and put the crate down in both hands before leaping off the ship. Daroach could handle himself, but he wasn't going to leave it to chance.

Twilight was never going to any 'prestigious' event ever again. All the rumors and talk of its magnificence were lies told by shitty rich ponies who wanted to brag about how rich they were to the richest pony ever. And it was stupid and she hated stupidity. She was just about ready to teleport the next noble who approached Celestia to flash some jewelry under the guise of paying their respects when-

An explosion. Screaming. Twilight shot onto her hooves only moments after the Princess, but she didn't quite know what it was that was running through her body.

Twilights panic levels rising. 89%

Me and Luna were enjoying ourselves, just trading barbs and talking about whatever came to mind. It was our usual banter. It came to an end when I heard Carina call out to me.

"Elfilis! Look who I found!" I turned towards the center of the building to see her walking towards me with Toby on her back. How did he get here?

"Well, it was nice talking to you Luna, but it looks like the girlfriend needs me now."

"Haha, very well. We will talk to you later. It was nice." I put down my cup as I began to walk over to my partner. And then everything froze.

My mind overclocked. I was thinking faster than I could actually reasonably understand. I knew something was wrong but I didn't understand that something was wrong. Where was it? What was it? What was I looking for?

It.

It what?!

And then I saw it. Even in frozen time, the ground under Carina and Toby moved. It bulged, it expanded, it rose, it began to glow green. Carina didnt have time to blink. I only had enough time to take a running step towards her. And then-

An explosion. Screaming. A pink body in a tattered black dress launched towards me. I caught her in my arms, and I lost sight of everything around me. The only things that existed were me and Carina. She bled and she cried, and I wanted to do he same. But my body continued to move without me. Because I refused to let her keep hurting.

Nothing else mattered until she was safe. And then... Then someone was going to die.

Toby yelled as he was launched into the air. He managed to catch himself by taking a large puff of air into himself before he hit the ground, but it was a very close thing. He winced as he looked at where he had just been. There was smoke, and debris, and it smelled like burning, but he could see her. Chrysalis, even if he didn't know who she was. What he knew was that she was a large black bug pony creature, and she had undoubtedly just hurt Carina and most likely many other ponies.

And that meant it was time to fight. He took a stance as Chrysalis walked towards him.

I can do that.

Author's Note

Merry Christmas have a cliffhanger

31. ... Was Never Going to be Perfect

Chrysalis took two steps toward Toby and was immediately interrupted by a beam of dark purple magic splashing against her back. As the crowd of ponies cleared out, Toby was able to gain sight of Luna blasting spell after spell from where she flew in the air, a look of fury upon her face. A particularly strong beam seared straight through the side of the changeling's neck, spurting pink glowing life fluids across her front. The wound immediately sealed itself however, in a flash of green flames. The chitin in its place was dark green and spotless. And then Chrysalis's head spun one-hundred eighty degrees on her body.

All of her neck carapace shattered and splintered off, leaving only the pink flesh and muscles underneath. It was, in a word, absolutely grotesque. It shocked the lunar princess for just long enough for her opponent to attack back. A green orb flew from Chrysalis's horn, over her own body, and hit Luna directly on the base of her own horn. It splashed against her head, ungulfing it, and then turned into a solid emerald around her. She quickly lost control of her flight and crashed headfirst into the tiles. Chrysalis turned back towards her target, neck healing and replacing the broken shell with more green chitin, just in time to receive a roundhouse kick from Toby into her dome.

She flinched back with a large crack, but even as she healed she fired another spell back at Toby. Exactly what he was waiting for. He opened his mouth wide, and inhaled as much as he could. The green beam flew into and then disappeared into his gullet as he swallowed the orb of magic. He wanted an edge in this fight, and he knew this would give him a Copy Ability of some sort. Beam, Laser, maybe even Stone based on what it did to the Princess. So Toby puffed himself up as he felt the magic change him, strengthen him, and he stood tall as his Copy Ability turned from his usual self into-

...The 'Copy' Copy Ability. A visor that allowed him to scan copy-able items and creatures, and then change his Copy Ability to match. Toby glared up at his new accessory as it settled on his head. Not helpful. He had to quickly duck and run away as Chrysalis came back at him with magic and hooves, attempting to trample him and stomp him into the floor. He managed to gain some distance as a new pony entered the fight. Celestia stood near the entrance and summoned a wall of light that stopped the crazed changeling just as well as any stone or morter could. She turned to hiss at the elder sister as she charged a spell in her horn.

Celestia lowered her horn in preparation for the fight. She needed to either end this fight or stall long enough for Luna to return and for all the guests to be evacuated. She felt her body heat up as she prepared to give it her all... And her body heat kept rising. And rising. She realized quickly that the heat wasn't hers, and she turned to her right as much as she dared to spot the source. And then she fully turned to look to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

Twilight Sparkle was pissed. She had started the night worried about her friends, and things only got worse as the night dragged on. And then the Gala was attacked, and she started panicking, and she didn't know where her friends were or if they were okay, and she hated all of it.

Twilight's anger has reached critical mass. 100%

Her mane and tail was instantly transmuted to pure fire. Her magic became dense, and potent, and violent as she pulled every ounce of energy she could find in herself to a single point above her head. She spent only a second to make sure she was aiming at that bitch who was ruining everything, and then she fired.

Spike would later describe it as a Hyper Beam, a massive pure white pillar of magic and destruction fired straight into the body of Chrysalis. Celestia was thrown back by the back blast, the tiles melted, and the end of it could be seen careening through the air from Ponyville. Discord's statue was sweating drops of granite as the bushes next to him smoldered, instantly turned to charcoal.

Celestia blearingly lifted her head in time to see her student faint on the spot, completely and totally spent. She had barely gotten onto her own hooves when she was struck in the horn and legs by magic that quickly turned solid around her. She looked up in shock to see Chrysalis standing in the smoke, streaks of fresh green chitin coating her all over, even as steam drifted off of her body. Celestia began to struggle and break her bonds as the striped changeling turned back towards her target. Toby hadn't been idle. He hurried all the musicians off of the stage as he looked for something to use, and he was pretty satisfied with what he found. He pulled down his Copy Visor as he looked at one of the most dangerous weapons in his arsenal.

A microphone.

The visor on his head disappeared as it's use was spent and was replaced by headphone speakers and another mic that fell right into his hand. Mike was a devastating Copy Ability, and he was eager to use it. Chrysalis was eager to give him a target, as evidenced by her mad rush towards him. Toby took a deep breath as he lifted a megaphone to his mouth and screamed.

"AAAAAaaaah!"

A wave of sheer force shot out from him, slamming directly into Chrysalis. To Toby's shock, it barely gave her pause and she was quickly upon him again. Luckily, he still had at least one ally ready to stall her for him. Daroach had hidden himself in the rafters, but as he saw the fight continue to go sideways, he pulled out his favored weapon. The Triple Star. A magic staff that he learned how to cast a variety of spells with, including the one that had just turned Chrysalis into a block of ice. The ray of frost shot from the ceiling directly in front of the running mare, freezing her legs in place and causing her back pair to slip.

That was all Toby needed to prepare, as he pulled his desk mic up to his mouth and shouted.

"HIIIYYAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa!"

The stage under him splintered and the stain glass windows behind him gained spider-web cracks as the force of his voice rocketed at his opponent. The ice around her legs broke into peices as her chitin, her armored skin, fractured and cracked all the way down to her chest. And then she moved, as if she hadn't just been shouted at so loudly that her exoskeleton broke. It quickly healed as she took her first step onto the failing stage. Toby started to take a breath-

And then a cannonball was lodged into Chrysalis's shoulder, sending her sprawling as she lost her balance. Storo, the big cheese of the Squeak Squad stood in the hole created by Twilight's attack, a cannon held under one arm. The cannonball fell out of Chrysalis and the crater it left in her body was rapidly healed over with green chitin as she scrambled onto her legs. But it gave Toby the time he needed to really charge up. He continued to breath in as a stand appeared on his mic, allowing him to hold it with both arms. As he filled his lungs, the most metal of rock-star Mohawks sprouted from his scalp. He held his breath, glared at Chrysalis, and point-blank growled into his mic.

"CHESUTO"

The effect was cataclysmic. The remains of the stage were reduced to sawdust. The shattered windows were instantly turned to sand. The pillars and walls and floor were crushed to pebbles. And Chrysalis's armor was turned into meaty chunks of useless calcium. All of her body to about halfway down her barrel was stripped of its cover, revealing slick muscles and tendons that flopped and tensed without any support. Toby let out a breath as his Copy Ability expired.

He immediately shouted in pain as a dark green hoof stomped his squishy body into the rocky ground. All of Chrysalis's skin had appeared in one burst of fire, replacing what was once black armor with a sheen into green plates that wove together to turn into a thin set of natural armor. Her horn was gone, replaced by a set of twisted and gnarled antlers like dead trees over a grave. Her fanged mouth hung open, drooling onto Toby as he prepared his escape. He saw Daroach in the rafters, preparing another spell. He heard Storo reloading his cannon. He heard the sounds of crystal shattering as the Princesses escaped from Chrysalis's magic traps. Regardless of all of this, he saw her pull her head back, her neck tensing, and just as she was about to strike-

She was gone in a flash of teal fur and a gust of wind. Toby was too close to really see what happened, but the rest of the fighters saw as Elfilis shot across the room from behind a group of overturned tables and bodily shoulder-checked the crazed Chrysalis into a rapidly formed portal. Before anyone could react, the portal had closed. Taking Chrysalis and Elfilis with it. They all stood in shock at the space they had vanished into, unsure what to do or how to react. Luna was the first to look away, and her first instinct was to check behind the tables where Elfilis had disappeared with Carina in the beginning of the brawl.

Behind the hastily put together defenses, Luna found Carina laid on her side. Her black dress had been torn and cannibalized to wrap all of the open wounds on her body. Swaddle-Dee sat in front of her, slowly feeding her slices of tomato as she tried her best to keep it down.

"Carina?! Are you alright? We need to get you to the medical-"

"Where... where did he go?"

"I don't know Carina, but right now I have other concerns. Relax, let me help you."

"Mmm... okay. But... you'll find him right? He's... I don't think he's okay right now..."

"I'm sure he is fine. Elfilis is strong, he will be safe."

I felt my fur burn and my skin melt as I flew above a stream of magma, holding Chrysalis under the surface by the neck with both my hands. It was irrelevant. I reached the end of the magma-flow as I pulled her out. I growled as her charred body returned to full health in an instant. She was transforming into a healthier form. But how many times can she do that.

I whipped Chrysalis's body through a portal and quickly followed after her. She flew back at me, hissing and shaking. I stopped her charge with one blackened hand and then drove her head and neck into her chest with the other. Her crunched and shortened body was renewed in a flash of green fire. I kicked out at one of her legs, grabbed her by the chest, and threw her back as hard as I could. She screamed as the spike I saw drove itself through her heart. And then the dark clouds above us flashed and struck her with a bolt of lightning. Her body sizzled and popped and-

Green fire appeared, and she came out unharmed, metal spire nowhere to be seen. She launched a spell at me from between her new horns but I batted the sphere of magic away as I tackled her through another portal. We slammed into the wall of... a completely normal garage? Irrelevant. I threw her through the tables to the side and slammed her into the ground. The floor gave way and we both landed in a completely metal room with tools and instruments all around us. Irrelevant. Chrysalis attempted to kick me from where I was stood on top of her, but I punched her hoof and shattered her rapidly unshattered leg. I tossed her to my left at a wall of light that clearly burned has she struck it, but it launched her back into me at force.

I grabbed her and spun as we entered another portal. The tree in our way was felled without effort as we crashed into it and tore a chunk out of its trunk. I looked at her to see her healthy how dare she be fine while Carina-

I tore off her front legs and kicked her into another portal, dashing in to follow her. She bounced off the concrete roof as she threw out all four of her legs to try to catch herself. I stopped myself just as I reached her side, grabbed one of her legs, and swung her straight down into the building under us. She ended up on the ground floor, covered in pink and red blood as I stomped her neck flat. She was still alive.

The next thing I knew, I had her front legs in my arms as her body got tangled in a giant web. As she thrashed and shook, giant red and yellow spiders were thrown from their homes. They chose to run away as I summoned a barrage of spears. One impaled itself into Chrysalis's back leg, and in a burst of flame it was gone. The next went through her neck. Same result. Spear after spear, wound after wound, until I had finally gotten the result I was looking for. I watched as green blood dripped from where the last spear had taken off one of her antlers. She was out of juice.

I heard shouting behind me, but it was irrelevant as I took one last spear into my hands.

I took one step... two steps... three steps, four, until I was mere feet away from the entangled Chrysalis. It wasn't enough. I wanted to know that she knew what was about to happen. All I saw in front of me was a raving, hissing beast. I expanded my dream. I extended my mind until it enveloped hers, and Chrysalis's thoughts became mine to peruse.

He's coming, I need more. He's coming, I need more. He's coming, I need-

I gripped my weapon with cracking burnt digits as I took aim. I pulled back, ignored the irrelevant screaming behind me, and thrust at-

The following is irrelevant.
Bullshit.

Swollen teats, right under my initial target. Her stomach, large and rounded in a way I haven't seen on any other yet. The tip of my spear was only centimeters away from her when I stopped.

I expanded my dream, I extended my mind.

And I found a second set of thoughts inside Chrysalis.

He's coming, the baby's coming, I need more, I need more love for my baby.

I landed on my ass hard as I dropped my spear. I heard sighs of relief from behind me as I put my cracked and bleeding hands over my eyes.

"God fucking damn it."

Author's Note

Boom. Double Christmas present. Bet a lot of you didn't see this ending coming. Did I write the action well?

32. We do what we can.

I didn't get to throw myself a pity party for long. I couldn't see them, but I heard my mysterious watchers step through the rough foliage and dead leaves towards me and the hissing Chrysalis. My hands bled onto my face and down my neck as I tried to collect myself, to find some kind of calm before they confronted me. I still felt like I might cry as they stopped, standing still somewhere a little behind me and to the left.

"Are... Do you need some help? We have Potions. And some Burn Heal somewhere..." I heard the sound of bottles clanging together as the young voice presumably began checking his supplies.

"The Potions are a good idea Ash, but his hands are going to need more than Burn Heal to recover." A much older and confident voice stopped his companions search and moved even closer, almost directly next to me. Chrysalis hissed and likely shot spittle all over as he approached, but it didn't seem to deter him. "Hey... My names Brock. We don't know what just happened between you and that other Pokémon, but we have supplies if you are willing to talk about it and let us help you."

"Hrrr... Give me a moment. I need... I need a moment. Help her if you can, just don't... She is very violent. Don't get too close to her."

"Alright. We'll be right here when you're ready. Ash, let Butterfree out. He should know Stun Spore or Sleep Powder. We can't get close if-" I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't care. I couldn't believe how out of control I was. Chrysalis deserved my anger, and I was still livid about everything. But now that she had effectively become untouchable, I had nowhere else to direct these feelings. Eventually, I could feel my breathing calm as the sounds of feral changeling became silent. My torn hands dropped from my face as I blinked dried blood from my eyes. I needed to hold together long enough to at least get us some help. She was out of juice and I had never figured out how Fecto could heal himself.

"Brock, what kind of Pokémon is it? I've never seen one like it before."

"I don't know either Ash, but we have to focus on other things right now. Both of them are really hurt and the Ariados will be coming back soon for their homes." And we were apparently on a time limit. Fuck me.

"Hey, Ash! He's getting up!" I blinked as a large yellow rodent spoke up. The kid he was talking to was strange too, and I made sure to give him a good look as he made his way over. Two legs, two arms, no fur and fully clothed. Kind of like what... I suspected I used to be. Fuck me.

"Hi! I'm Ash Ketchum! What's your name?" I was going to have an existential crisis later.

"I'm... My name is Elfilis." The kid smiled so genuinely it took me by surprise.

"Elfilis. That sounds like a cool name! I've never seen a Pokémon that can talk before." The yellow creature spoke up and started doing some weird dance or something. It made him look more like a cat somehow.

"You're forgetting about Meowth Ash!"

"Meowth? Well, yeah but not every Meowth can do that right?" I was so lost.

"What's a Pokémon?" That was apparently the wrong question if the look of shock the duo gave me was any indication. Before they could hound me about it though, Brock came back towards us.

"Ash, we can talk about it later. We need to get these two to a PokéCenter and have their wounds treated." He was taller, wore less layers, and darker skinned than Ash was. His eyes were also closed for some reason. It made his expression look even more severe. I put that all in the back of my mind as I stabbed my spear into the ground, leaning on it as I got back up onto my feet.

"Lead the way..."

Nothing worthy of note happened on the way to this PokéCenter place, Ash kept asking questions but I kept my silence. As we reached this bright red building at the edge of a town, Brock told Ash to go tell someone named Misty what happened while he saw to me and Chrysalis. She was currently wrapped up in a web cocoon being dragged by a rock creature with no legs, apparently called a 'Geodude.' He complained but ran off anyway as I ducked my way into the building.

"Hello! How may we- Oh my gosh! Chansey! Prepare some rooms! We have severe burns on a Pokémon's hands and another stuck in webs with unknown injuries!" My hands were that bad looking, huh? They certainly hurt now that I was paying attention to them. As the nurse came out behind her desk towards me, I raised a hand to try to stop her. She ended up grabbing my wrists and pulling me down towards her.

"Miss-" She started as I started speaking. I didn't understand what the big deal was, the Pikachu spoke too. "I can be treated after. She needs the help more." She glared at me, very quickly getting over the supposed shock from hearing me speak.

"That's very brave of you but this is very severe damage! You could lose your hands if we don't-"

"She's pregnant and starving." And just like that, she was dragging Chrysalis into the back with a big pink Pokémon. "She eats emotions. Specifically love! And don't free her, she might kill you!" I barely heard them yell back in acknowledgement before I let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the floor. Only a moment passed before Brock was sitting across from me too.

"I know Ash isn't exactly the most... tactful kid. But I do think we deserve to know why we almost saw you kill her. I'm guessing you didn't know she was pregnant at the time?"

"... No. I only realized at the last moment. It was almost too late." Brock nodded before putting a hand to his chin. The same way I did when I was trying to think.

"Okay. How did the fight start? What was it over?"

"She hurt Carina... Her sister, and my partner." It was hard to notice, what with him having no visible eyes, but he definitely winced at that.

"Why would she attack her own sister?"

"I... Don't think she meant to, in hindsight." And didn't that just make me feel like shit like nothing else could. "Like I said, she feeds on love. I mean that very literally. And Carina happened to be standing next to a theoretically infinite source. Chrysalis destroyed the floor under her to get to it, I think." He just nodded again, but he was thankfully quiet for a time.

"... So... You've never heard of Pokémon before?" Cool, a distraction.

"No. To clear things up, I'm relatively sure I'm from another universe or dimension or what have you. My kind has that ability, though I don't know when I actually started using it. I thought I was when I first... discovered, my powers. It turned out though I was creating items in my mind instead of pulling them from another world."

"... Well holy shit." I snorted as I tried not to laugh. "I don't know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't that." I was going to respond, but I saw the nurse coming back from over his head.

"Okay, so. I've commandeered a couple of psychic Pokémon and as many friendly and loving Pokémon as I could to feed her. I know you said not to, but I had to at least cut out her lower legs so if she goes into labor we won't have another issue on our hands. Now, come with me. We need to have your hands treated."

It was hours later when I finally got to leave. I sat on a table as Nurse Joy and her Pokémon did everything they could for my hands. They were slathered in pastes, sprayed with various Potions, hit with Pokémon 'moves' that are meant to heal, and eventually wrapped in thick bandages that left me unable to use my fingers. They also began to sting like hell. I had to resist the urge to hiss at every heartbeat as fresh blood pumped into my digits and aggravated them.

Regardless, they did what they could and my hands looked less like coals and more like melted dough. I just hoped that my fur would grow back over them evenly.

As I made my way back to the entrance, I saw that Ash was back with two more people. I assumed that the orange haired girl was Misty, but I didn't know who the older man in the lab coat was.

... I was definitely like them before I lost my memory. I knew too much about them at a glance to believe otherwise. The new person perked up as they saw me.

"Oh! Hello! You must be Elfilis, my name is Professor Oak. But most people just call me the Pokémon Professor."

"That's a mouthfull. Before anyone says anything, I got to go. I'll be back to pick up Chrysalis in a bit. We'll talk then." I didn't look at their wowed expressions as I fell through a portal. I needed to make sure I didn't screw things up at any of the other places I fought Chrysalis at.

I was trying to trace my steps, so I was currently in the world I visited right before I met Ash and Brock. I found myself standing on the edge of the building I made a hole down to ground level in with Chrysalis.

I was also surrounded by about twenty guys pointing guns at me. Included was an old man dressed like an adventurer, a guy whose hat seemed to be fused to his hair, someone whose silver hair stood straight up like a pillar, and a younger looking man with bright red hair in a green outfit. I make a point to mention them, not just because they were buff as fuck, but because all four of them had some kind of ghost come out of their body. The old man's was a thorny purple vine though. He yelled out into the air.

"Careful everyone! We don't know what this Stand can do!" First I was a Pokémon, then I was a 'Stand.' The red-haired man though, I saw his eyes widen for a second before he spoke as well.

"Wait! Mister Joestar! That's the Stand that killed Dio!" God fucking- Of course I killed someone. That was the red blood I saw on Chrysalis in this world.

"Oh? The Stand user cannot be that bad, if they are the one who killed that bastard vampire." Tall silver hair spoke as- Wait. I killed a vampire? The old man stepped in.

"It's true that it may have done us a favor, but we don't know it's motivations! It could-"

"Yare yare daze... Are you an enemy?" Well that was blunt.

"No? Just to be clear, I helped you guys kill a vampire?"

"Oh my god! The Stand can speak!"

My next jump back found me in a forest. I found the tree I smashed through as I kept looking around. The place looked pretty empty and deserted. Just as I thought I might have been lucky to have not fucked with anything, I felt a weight land on my shoulder and a blade press against my neck.

"Don't move."

"Fuck my life. Fuck today in particular."

"Well aren't you a happy fellow. I have questions. You will answer them."

"Alright, alright. It's why I'm here. Ask away."

"First, why did you save my students?"

"... Dude, who the fuck are you?" Long story short, his name was Minato Nami-something and I had apparently saved some Kakashi and Obito kids by blasting through not only a tree, but also into a squad of enemy ninja.

I was back in the weird garage/lab area. It seemed like whoever owned it had already cleaned up and repaired everything. I was tired, and I was going to leave it at that, until I spotted Luna of all ponies standing in the corner.

"Luna! How did you get here? Nevermind, how is Carina? She's-"

"You're a dick!" Ouch, but I might've deserved it.

"I know, I'm sorry. But have to let me know-"

"You're a dick!" She said it with the exact same inflection.

"...Luna-"

"You're a dick!"

"... You're not Luna."

"And you're a dick!"

Victor looked on in horror as the angel appeared. He knew what that meant. God had seen his attempt to create life, to usurp him of his most brilliant power. He could only hide as the angel searched his house, but Dr Frankenstein knew. He knew that the angel was only doing its rounds for show. It knew where he was, and it was only making a point of telling him that he was being watched.

I had apparently trashed the roof of an empty building. It had a weird room attached to the lightning rod that boiled Chrysalis, but was otherwise unremarkable. So I moved on to the last world, where I had dunked my hands into molten rock. I looked around at the desolate place. I didn't expect to find anything or anyone but I wanted to be thorough.

"It's over Anakin! I have the high ground!"

"You underestimate my power!"

"... Don't try it!" What the hell were they doing in an active magma field.

"Aaaaaaah!" Mister powerful jumped from his floating platform toward Mister high ground, but I could tell he had basically thrown his life away with that move. The other dude was in the perfect position to strike back. Instead of letting him continue his descent though, I ended up flying behind him and catching him by the back of his robes. He reacted and tried to swing his glowing sword thing back at me but I just opened a portal that ended up swallowing it whole.

"Hi. I have a question."

"Let go of me! I must-" I stuck his head in a portal for the moment.

"Cool. Are you going to yell at me too?" The bearded man on the shore just looked up at me, clearly tired and exasperated.

"No? Depends on what you're here to do stranger."

So the Anakin dude was apparently corrupted by some mysterious force called the 'Dark Side,' which was terribly named and unoriginal. I ended up just leaving him with the nicer older dude, just without his weapon. He promised he would figure out what to do with his wayward student/son/brother/friend, but in the meantime he was being kept in a steel cubed cage with no doors or windows. He had spaces to breath and spaces to be given food, but anything other than that was a security risk because he was a certified badass super-powered genius.

I stepped out of my portal back into the PokéCenter. All of the people I met, sans the nurse and Prof. Oak were sleeping in the chairs or in sleeping bags. Said professor smiled wide and waved to greet me. I made sure to speak before he could.

"I have to bring Chrysalis back home soon. She has to pay for her crimes and my friends are likely worried about me. Can I take a raincheck on whatever this is?" He let me go with a slip of paper with his phone number on it. Finally time to head back.

Yippee.

Author's Note

Here we go, Elfilis's first experience with world walking. Now if only he wasn't in too much of a rush to enjoy it.

33. The Return! (Dun dun dun)

Celestia had lost track of time. Normally, this fact would distress her, if only for the simple fact that she and her sister were in charge of the celestial bodies that her ponies used to track time, but she was too tired to be upset. She was helping guards clean up debris and collect scared guests from the various spots they had managed to hide themselves in. Even Daroach was pitching in, using his odd magic to cool the molten tiles left behind from Twilights attack. And wasn't that something she hadn't seen coming?

She always knew Twilight Sparkle was magically gifted, both in talent and in power. The moment Celestia laid eyes on the scared unicorn filly, she saw a whole new world open up before her eyes. A pony who could truly change the world in ways only they could imagine. The track melted through the floor was still a surprise regardless. Celestia could cast a spell with similar results, don't get her wrong, but it requires tapping into a well of power she normally kept suppressed. It also takes time to gather that much power. Twilight pulled enough power to move the sun and moon for a day into her horn in seconds. That... that was a whole new magnitude of absurd she hadn't been expecting.

Neither was I! That was one pony? She nearly turned my statue into slag, with me in it! What in Tartarus are you feeding your ponies Celly!

Regardless, it would be something to speak to her about later. She was currently in the medical wing, alongside Luna, Carina, and Swaddle-Dee. Carina was miraculously the only one to actually suffer injury, though it was a rough one. Both left legs were dislocated, a kidney ruptured, and several severe cracks and splits across her carapace. She was recovering, and at a surprising rate, but Celestia didn't doubt she would be feeling it for some time. Toby interrupted her thoughts by pulling on one of her legs, and very insistently dragged her back out into the main room of the ruined Gala.

"Toby? What is it you need?" Toby's apparent power wasn't something she really had time to process yet either. She had seen him eat a feather and grow wings, but to have the power to turn sound into a weapon so easily? Sound was always the side-effect of an explosion, she had never realized you could make an explosion with sound. Ignorant to her thoughts on his crazy and inconsistent power, Toby just pointed to the destroyed stage. Celestia looked, but all she saw was one of the musicians pulling her bowtie out of the rubble.

And then a star portal opened up right behind them. The Princess gasped as Elfilis stepped out, looking like he was set on fire. His front was blackened with the ends of all of his fur burnt, his legs were soaked in pink liquid that she tried very hard not to retch at, and his hands were wrapped up in so many bandages he could barely move his wrists. And he also dragged a hissing, spitting Chrysalis out with him by her back leg. She looked mostly unharmed, which was both surprising and unsurprising, sans one of her new antlers being missing. The changeling was wrapped up to the neck in a web of some kind, though her hindquarters and remaining free leg were still able to kick and thrash as Elfilis approached Celestia.

"Elfilis, you got her. Are you... You should go to medical. I'll bring Chrysalis to-"

"Chrysalis needs to go to medical more. Where's Toby?" She glared at him.

"A missing horn is not more serious than whatever you went through. They grow back, even on ponies."

"Hmm. Cool. The worst of my injuries is dealt with. The rest is superficial. Chrysalis needs to be in a sterile setting. Where's Toby?" Said embodiment of all things good cheered from his spot next to the Princess. "Oh. Didn't see you there. Come here for a second bud?"

"Elfilis, can you please-" She stopped as he picked the unsuspecting Toby up by the top of his head, lifted Chrysalis in the air, and then stuck the two together with the webbing. "Why are you feeding her. She just attacked Canterlot."

"It's not for her, it's for the baby." Celestia looked Elfilis in the eyes and noticed just how tired he looked. How disappointed and downtrodden he was... And then his words caught up to her.

"Oh you've got to be joking."

Luna held her hooves together as she sat in front of her (very stupid, very reckless, very tired) friend. She had many things she wanted to say, about how she was glad he was okay. About how brave it was to take down Chrysalis on his own. About how idiotic it was to take on Chrysalis on his own. But she didn't say any of the things she wanted to say. Instead, she removed her hooves from her muzzle and simply-

"Are you okay?" And he just seemed to collapse. Luna carefully went to give him a hug as he sat down in front of her. He had barely walked in and set Chrysalis down on the cot next to them before launching into the whole story of what happened since he vanished. Whole new worlds, evidence of what he used to be... almost killing something sacred. Saved only by an errant thought. He didn't cry as she hugged him, he didn't scream or yell, Elfilis just sat there in her hooves and let himself breath.

"No. I don't think I'm okay."

"Alright. That's okay too." He just sighed.

"What's next? She's due any minute now I think. And between her mother and-" He got cut off by a spelching sound, and Luna felt something warm splash her neck.

"What was..." She pulled back to look at Elfilis. His face was covered and soaked in pink liquids as it dripped off his chin and his eyelashes, which twitched along with the rest of his eye. She turned around, not seeing where it could have came from. There was only her sister, Chrysalis, and... "Did... no. Surely not." Elfilis just stood up, swiped his hands across his face to remove as much as he could, and turned to leave.

"Her water broke." Luna just stared in disbelief at the changeling. Tody just waved at her from where he was adhered to Chrysalis, and Celestia was busy smacking her head against the wall off to the side. Luna felt as if she might join her.

"Carina? Are you okay?" She opened her eyes to look at her temporary roommate and occasional doctor. Twilight had bags under her eyes and her coat was dull, but she didn't seem to be able to sleep. Carina didnt blame her, she wouldn't be able to sleep either if all her friends busted down the door to see her. Especially if they all had to be escorted out by, let's see... Five guards, two doctors, six nurses, and a princess of the night.

"Yeah. I think so. It just... hurts, you know?" And she didn't just mean her wounds. Seeing Chrysalis, her sister, acting like some feral beast... She had only caught a glimpse through her tears before Elfilis carried her to safety and began treated her as best he could. And then she had to see him. He looked like he was ready to destroy the whole city if he had too. And now the both of them were gone, who knows where. She sniffled and pulled a mildly uncomfortable Swaddle-Dee deeper into her embrace. Like an embarrassed teddy bear.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know..." Twilight didn't know what to think. Everything had gone wrong so quickly. She knew, logically, that she was thinking, that she was just processing everything that had happened, but it all felt so empty. Like she wasn't thinking at all. She didn't know what do with so much space in her mind. Twilight was always thinking, always focusing on something. Now she just felt her body ache. "Did... Nevermind."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know what I was going to say. Probably nothing at all." She tried to think about her friends, who had nearly assualted the staff. She tried to think of Spike, who was curled up next to her. And then knocking sounded out from the door.

"Hey, Carina, it's me... Are you awake?" Carina couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, and seeing that made Twilight feel just a little lighter.

"Yeah, I'm awake. Come in, please." There was a moment of silence before they heard him groan from the otherside. Carina's smile shrank as she heard him. "Elfilis?"

"Sorry... I'm just... I'm such a fuckin mess right now. I don't... it's stupid, but I don't... it's stupid."

"...You're hurt aren't you?" Carina gasped, and Twilight hated saying it immediately. Too their confusion, Elfilis started to laugh.

"Hahaha. No. Not really. Nothing serious or permanent I don't think. How you holding up Twilight? Heard you were the one who melted a hole in the floor." Twilight felt her ears heat up as he teased her.

"Yeah, that was... An experience." They just heard him huff from the other side.

"I'm sure it was... Alright. While I'm being a coward out here I might as well give you girls the details." Carina took it as a good sign that he didn't sound particularly worried. "So... I may have taken Chrysalis on a trip spanning multiple worlds."

"What." Twilight felt the few thoughts she have beginning to process die.

"Yup. I dipped her in lava and got her struck by lightning in some pretty crazy places. My powers just seemed to take us to places where there were convenient hazards to throw her at, even if they weren't immediately obvious."

Twilight just looked at Carina, who looked back at her. Both were surprised by the nonchalance Elfilis seemed to say that with.

"In the end, I got her stuck in some unnaturally strong webs. I kept injuring her until she stopped bleeding pink. Until she ran out of energy. And then... Then I..."

Both the mares leaned in to hear what came next. They were in suspence, even though they both felt their hearts drop into their stomachs. The shame he spoke with, the fear in his voice... They knew that the next word out of his mouth would be that he-

"-Realized she was pregnant?"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Twilight and Carina stared in shock as Swaddle-Dee screamed into the heavens and started doing a celebratory dance.

"Was that Swaddle-Dee?" Carina nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see her.

"Uh-huh. Wait, pregnant! Chrysalis?! Oh fuuuuuuuuuu-"

"uuuuuuuuuck."

I massaged the back of my neck as best I could. I had definitely wussed out on what I wanted to say, but I would tell Carina that I had almost killed another family member of hers later, when Twilight wasn't sharing a room with her.

"Yup. You're going to be an aunt. Congratulations and all that."

"Ugh! I already was an aunt. Mother had kids with my brothers all the time remember?" No actually, I think I actively repressed that information until now. "Chrysalis is the last one in the whole hive who should ever be allowed to procreate."

"Maybe, but I doubt she's going to be the one with custody, regardless of whether the baby ends up here or back with your siblings."

"...The, baby?" I nodded, almost forgetting she couldn't see me.

"Yes. Just the one. Remember how Twilight said your body changed to match mine? Chrysalis has only had sex with ponies, and I think the same thing happened to her. She's only having the one, like most ponies do... Most ponies only have one baby, right Twilight?"

"On average." Cool.

"Elfilis?"

"What is it Carina?"

"Come back soon."

"... Of course. Love you."

"I love you too."

I really did try to force myself to just open the door. To just go see her. But instead I found myself walking. I didn't know where, I just let myself be pulled wherever my body wanted to take me. I had already denied it enough today, I had no more energy to do it now. So I walked and floated down a set of stairs as I just let the world pass me by. I went down several stories, and the lights got darker as I went. I found myself in a room full of cages, rusty and unused in a long time. I idly hoped that was a good thing as I moved past them all until I got to the very end.

I finally stopped as I crossed the threshold into the final cell. Dust and shattered crystal littered the floor, enough that Chrysalis was able to leave deep hoof prints on the floor. But one crystal caught my eye in particular, as it was the largest and most intact. It was mostly clear, with only the barest tint of pink to color it. Shaped as a heart, sat upon a pedestal, affixed atop a shattered stake that clearly used to be much larger. A heart spear. The mysterious weapons that could imprison Void Termina. The remains of them would give Kirby the ability to use Friend Hearts. The Friend Hearts I had been using to feed the hive every month.

As I left, there was no more heart in the cage behind me. I ignored the shaking of my hands as their bandages ran red. I knew I couldn't have known. It was a miscommunication issue. There were too many of us involved without direct contact. Something got lost in transit. It slipped their minds. Anything.

I hated how it made me feel all the same.

Author's Note

.... He gets better.

34. Creative problem solving.

Celestia blinked as she noticed Elfilis coming up the stairs from the dungeons. It appeared he had beat her to it.

"Elfilis? What did you find down there? Are you- Your hands are bleeding, what did you do this time?" When she first got to know him, she worried he was going to make her go gray with stress. That concern was born of an understanding that he was a creature who didn't understand how to grasp his own powerful abilities. Now she worried Elfilis was going to dig his own grave before he could learn.

"I... I'm fine, for the moment." He held his hands out to her as he spoke. "If you could help with this, I could explain what I think went wrong." The Princess just sighed as she used her magic to begin unwrapping the bandages. "Thank you... To start from the beginning, I wasn't in my right mind after I saw Beta Knight's injury. When I made Galacta Knight." Elfilis flinched as a shard was carefully slid out of palm.

"Yes, I remember Luna said she was worried about you. You didn't seem yourself."

"...I don't think I made Galacta Knight with the intention of capturing Chrysalis." Celestia looked up at his face as she let go of his hands for a moment. In the end, she just sighed and went back to plucking debris out his hands. "... I really expected you to start laying into me by now. Not just for Galacta, but all the other crap I pulled with the Hive."

"Trust me, there is much I could be saying about your recklessness and lack of control. But you are clearly more upset about it than I. And it wouldn't feel right criticizing someone who looks like they were burned at the stake." He winced as he looked down at his blackened front. "Besides, I imagine Carina will not have the same restraint once you go see her."

"Ha, fair enough. Alright, where was I? Galacta Knight was made to kill Chrysalis. After I recovered a bit though, I confirmed with him that she needed to be captured alive. He said he could do it, and then I passed out. Few days later, I get news from Carina that she got your letter about Chrysalis's transport to Canterlot."

"Are you explaining all this to make a point? I feel you are treading old ground." She wrapped one of his hands in temporary magic binds before moving to the next as Elfilis nodded.

"I am making a point. I heard from Carina, who heard from Spike, who received a letter from you, who saw but didn't really know what happened when Chrysalis was captured." Celestia cocked an eyebrow at that. "I think we ended up playing a big game of telephone. Had I seen for myself how Chrysalis was captured, or heard it explained by you personally, or read Spikes letter myself, maybe then I could've told you that her prison was powered by Love."

"...Fuck. You're sure?" He nodded as she bound his other hand.

"I'm sure. The heart spears weren't just decorative or symbolic. The original heart spears were used to seal away a God of destruction in Dream Land. Kirby used the remnants of their power to turn enemies into allies on one of his adventures. It didn't occur to me at the time that Galacta Knight was the one who used heart spears to capture others, because, once again-"

"Capturing wasn't originally the point. So we basically put a ticking time bomb under Canterlot. Chrysalis ate her own prison."

"I'm sorry Princess... This is..." He closed his eyes as he spoke.

"I'm not mad at you. Nor am I disappointed. You have no learning experience to guide you, and I do truly believe that you have done your best to help us." Celestia gently pulled Elfilis towards her and began walking him out of the dungeons proper. "We have much to discuss, but for now, I believe you may wish to see something."

Luna looked on as five of the six elements crowded the window to the new mother's room. She caught them trying to sneak into Twilights room again, but they had thankfully distracted themselves when they noticed Chrysalis's room. It was Rarity who spoke first.

"It goes without saying that the mother certainly needs some work, but that foal is positively dazzling." Applejack pitched in after a moment.

"Ah' suppose 'dazzling' is as good a word as any."

"... I think it's cute." No one heard the shy pegasus whispered this. It was at this point that her sister returned, with Elfilis in tow.

"Tia. Elfilis. Did you find anything?" The older sister just shook her head as she walked her friend down the hall towards their group.

"Later Luna. For now, I believe Elfilis should see the newborn." Said man perked up a little from his sad slump as he heard her words. Pinkie Pie picked up the conversation before he could however.

"Isn't it amazing!? A new years baby on the night of the Grand Galloping Gala!"

"Uh, sugarcube? We're in the middle of August."

"And?!" Rainbow Dash finally decided to throw her own words out for them to hear.

"Is no one else disturbed by the weird bug pony thing giving birth?"

"Rainbow, I am dating the 'weird bug pony thing's' sister." The pegasus shied away from Elfilis stare.

"Well, yeah. But she's like... a cool bug pony thing, or whatever..." He just shook his head.

"Uh huh. The baby is already born? I wasn't gone for long." Elfilis felt his confusion grow as all the mares turned to look at him. Celestia was the one to speak up.

"Her water broke an hour ago. That's more than enough time to birth a foal."

"...Really?" Luna was the first to respond to him.

"Well, what do you believe foalbirth is supposed to be like?" Eflilis began to fidget as as his crowd got more curious.

"Uh, several hours of extremely agonizing labor?" They just continued to stare for a moment before Celestia spoke up.

"If that were the case, I think ponies would've gone extinct a long time ago. No, it takes half an hour at most and is supposed to be a relatively painless experience should there be no complications."

"Alright, alright, I'm an idiot. Just let me see the baby already."

I walked past the crowd of horrified and/or snickering ponies as I made my way to the window they were all standing around. The first thing I spotted was Chrysalis, still wrapped up in spider silk, but her antlers now had some strange manacles snapped onto them which chained her to the wall. And then, I gasped as I saw the foal. Now, I could wax poetic about the beauty of a new life, the purity of innocence, the brightness of a baby's future, blah blah blah. None of that was what went through my head.

No, the first thought I had was-

"A golden baby?" And it was true. A tiny changeling, less like Chrysalis's twisted form and more like Carina's smooth silhouette, whose entire body looked as if it had been smelted out of solid gold. It's eyes were half lidded as it suckled out its mother's teats, but what little I could see made it look like two blue polished gemstones affixed in their places. It was a literally, objectively stunning baby. And to think, I'd almost screwed this all up in the worst way possible. "That's amazing..." I just watched in awe of the little foal as it crawled all over Chrysalis's body, who finally seemed to have calmed down or fallen asleep. Luna stepped up next to me.

"It's a boy, and from what we can tell, he is quite healthy. If we wish to know more, however, we will likely have to consult Queen Culicidae."

"Hmm. I can take us there whenever. Just say the word." The solar sister cut in before Luna could respond.

"Are you sure? We can wait for you to recover, or make the trip ourselves."

"I know. But we should get this done, for his sake. Just say the... Is that Toby?" I just spotted him walk into the room from a side door, and he was wearing a circular mirror on his head, a pair of glasses, and a white lab coat over his pink body.

His pink body. Toby was purple.

"Did you... did you seriously let Toby help deliver the baby? His Doctor Ability is less about healing and more about mixing dangerous chemicals together to make explosives." All I got was silence as my answer. Toby waved and said hi as he spotted me, sending pink droplets everywhere. Finally, Applejack cut the uncomfortable atmosphere.

"Uh, I may be missing sumthin, but ah'm pretty sure calling that ability of his a doctor is a bit misleading. Ah mean, he's got the coat and the tools and everything. What else is he supposed to be a doctor of?" Surprisingly, it was Pinkie who answered.

"Uh, duh! He must've studied for a PhD. in BOOM, silly Applejack!"

Queen Culicidae was seriously considering taping the mouths of all of her councilors muzzles shut as they screamed and hollered over each other. She didn't remember what it was they were fighting about, and she was sure they didn't really remember either. Something about the amount of space each changeling had to themselves, as if they didn't live in a giant, ever expanding structure. They literally had, all of the room. And they hadn't even needed to build upwards yet. She didn't know how her children managed without her.

"Enough... Enough!... SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She breathed a sigh of relief as the yelling stopped, but her temper quickly got the better of her again. "You are all going to share and play nice! I don't give a shit about who started digging into whose room first! Just stop doing it! We live in the middle of fucking no where! If you want more space, just make a new fucking space! It isn't that hard a concept! FFFFFFFFuck!"

"... Is now a bad time?" She didn't even look up see her her uninvited guest.

"Fuck you too Elfilis... Are you here to bring me my daughter back? Because if you aren't, I am going to drop the entire chamber on you." A snort was heard, but it wasn't from who Culicidae was expecting from the sound of it. She looked up and her eyes widened in surprise as she saw that the two pony Princesses were also now stood in her chamber. "... Council is dismissed." A few changelings started to complain. "DISMISSED!" There were no more complaints as the buzzing of wings and hurried hoofsteps started up and quickly faded as the uppity changelings evacuated. "Princess Celestia, Princess Luna. You should've sent a letter. I am not prepared for guests." Elfilis huffed a laugh at her.

"You're never ready for guests." He ignored her hiss, simply making his way over to her via levitation. The first thing Culicidae noticed were his injuries, numerous as they were even if he acted as if they were not there. The next thing she noticed was the unfamiliar changeling slung over his shoulders, her dark green having blended in with the dark hive walls.

"Is that her? My, how you've let yourself go my daughter..." The tall pain-in-her-neck lifted the unconscious Chrysalis up and over his head and placed her at the foot of the throne. Culicidae looked on sadly at her daughter's new form. Armored, plated, antlers in place of a horn. Not because it was a sign of sickness, or neglect, but because it reminded her of better times. Celestia interrupted her thoughts.

"I hope you realize, that your daughter is not the only one who has crimes to answer for." The queen snarled in contempt.

"And what crimes would those be, princess?" Luna took over for her sister.

"The neutering of your species."

"... I will face justice for that crime when it is no longer a necessity." Efilis looked at her with those intense eyes that she had once had nightmares about, but she breathed a sigh of relief as they disappeared.

"In what world is such a thing necessary?" Culicidae tried her hardest to choke down her feelings on the topic as she brought her harshest memories to her mind. She never thought she would have to talk about this, but she had the leaders of a nation in her home, demanding answers.

"... The Changeling empire is from before the time of ponies." She didn't bother to notice the attention of the Princesses sharpening. "We were close neighbors with the deer and the minotaurs, and ponies had only just started forming their own empire. Their own land. We all pitched in. The deer gave you their foods, the minotaur gave you your tools. We gave you our land. It took many, many generations for the ponies to truly pick up steam. However, as was inevitable, you would all begin to create your own culture, your own stories and songs. Pony art became renowned for its color, and it was attributed to your similarities to us." The younger sister finally cut in, as she had been wanting to since the story started.

"I do not remember this in our studies. There is no mention of this in our history."

"Your history starts where mine ends. Despite all the praise, all the success the ponies had with creating a home for themselves, they began to fracture. The unicorns did not want the arts to be accredited to the pegasus and the common pony. The pegasus would not let the unicorns and land walkers take credit for the bountiful harvests. The earth ponies wanted a larger cut of the wealth earned in their country, as they believed they had to put the most effort into creating the lands they lived in. Eventually, they all split. What was once one singular growing country became three stagnating states that were always at each others necks" The elder sister felt the need to confirm something, once again interrupting.

"You are talking about the time before hearths warming." Culicidae snarled before she could stop herself.

"Yes. The changelings were a force of love and unity. We could be whatever we wanted to be, love whoever we wanted to love. Except ponies. Your country, split as it was, was still reluctantly reliant on one another. It didn't matter what form we took, we were always subject to an overwhelming scorn we had never experienced before. We needed the warmth of love to survive, and our neighbors had become unbearable cold spots. And then winter came." She finally looked at her audience. She needed to see that they understood.

"Your species scorn for itself attracted the Wendigos of the north. When that storm came, of cold hate and loathing, it swept right over us. We were all starving within days as the Wendigos stole our warmth to fuel their stampede onto your lands. When they left, the few survivors that remained had no more Love to give. Our hearts had darkened, and our bodies along with them. It was a slaughter. Father against father, mother against mother. All fighting for the scraps of Love that we had been accumulating for centuries." Culicidae refused to cry as she watched the tears build in the ponies eyes.

"I was only seventeen. On the cusp of marehood. My brother was the one who cared for me. He stole and he killed and he did everything he could to keep me fed and to take me out of this wasteland our home had become. The Wendigos had long since been driven off, and he planned to cross over the border to our allies for help. We came across the deer, pleading and begging. They did not recognize us as their loving allies, and they fired upon us. My brother... My brother was injured while we made our escape. His last act was to give me everything he had left for himself. He knew he would not survive his injuries even if he were to take all of my Love for himself. He... passed. And a week later, I laid my first clutch." The room was as quiet as the grave as she ended her story. It was appropriate, she felt. Queen Cilucidae felt no need to explain further. She knew they could connect the dots, and she was far too exhausted to speak to them any longer. Unfortunately, after a long silence, Celestia still wished to speak.

"There is more, that you may wish to see."

"...What... is it then?" Culicidae tried her hardest not to lunge at them, to steal away what made them so brave so that she may feed her children. All of her anger disappeared as the Princess slowly lifted a wrapped bundle from her back, and revealed to her something she never thought she would see again. A small, healthy, changeling child. Born naturally instead of hatched from an egg. She didn't notice the tear run down her cheek. He was a brilliant gold, just like her brother had once been. And then she panicked. "Get him out of here!"

"What-!"

"My children will rip him apart! Go! Leave! Do not let me see him here again! I said GO!" And in an instant, they were gone, leaving a grieving queen with her daughter. She never thought she would see the day, and now that she had, she didn't know what to do.

Author's Note

Happy new years Fimfiction. Have a sad lore dump.

April 1st 2023 Edit: changed Applejacks "It's November" to August, to better match the future timeline. August was actually the month I intended originally, but I still have to sing the damn song to remember the order of the months sometimes and Ill still get it wrong. School system sucks etc.

35. Bearded Bastard

I was in Celestias personal restroom scrubbing the hell out of my face with a sudsy towel as she and Luna were having a heated conversation in the main study. And I do mean conversation; for as pissed as both of them were, they weren't biting at the bit to fight each other. It was more like, aggressively agreeing with each other. Case in point: Celestia says-

"That bearded old rat! He kept this from us! I'm going to burn his mausoleum to the ground!"

And then Luna says-

"Nay! We are going to find his body and publicly sodomize-"

And then the baby screams like two glasses were being scraped together while someone took an icepick to my large-ass ears. I take my chance to poke my head out to see the two criminals-to-be calmly rocking the cradle while gritting their teeth. The baby eventually stops signaling his location to the whole city, and then the sisters begin anew as I once again try getting pink out of my facial fur. Not having much luck. I'm in the process of trying Celestia's fancy shampoo when they finally get tired of plotting the heist of a dead pony's soul from the depths of Tartarus. They barged into the (rather spacious) bathroom and jumped into the tub together as they turned the hot water on. Watching them out of the corner of my eye, I cautiously greeted them.

"Hey. Uh, you... You two got that out of your system?" Their answer was a simultaneous:

"No."

"Okay. That's fine, but uh... I have no idea what the fuck even has you two so pissed at one pony that you had a whole discussion about the merits the necromancy. Or what a Hearths Warming Eve or any of the crap Cilucidae just dumped on us has anything to do with him."

"I'm just saying, if we bring him back from the dead-" I cut Luna off before her and Celestia could start again.

"Luna, please. I am so lost. We just got a history lesson that seems to mean everything to you girls and nearly nothing to me. All I know is that Culicidae's decisions up to this point were likely driven by deep seeded trauma, which is fucked up by the way, I actually feel bad for her but-" Celestia cut in.

"I apologize Elfilis, you are right. We let our emotions get the better of us." She idly laid her head back against the lip of the tub as the water slowly rose above her back legs and hindquarters. "It is just... We had a mentor, when we were little. Before we ascended to alicornhood." I sat down outside the tub as Luna poured some fragrant soap into the water. "We thought the world of him, of Starswirl. But we never seem to run out of new things to detest him for, even a millenia later."

"Tia is downplaying the matter. He was a bastard of the highest order, an old pony with too much knowledge and not enough wisdom. He had an image in his head, a goal, and everything between him and his aspirations were aberrant monstrosities against ponykind."

"Haaaa, yes. Of course. I am used to censoring myself when it comes to my true feelings on Starswirl. Unicorns adore him and his studies in magic, but they don't seem to understand that his intellect did not reflect well on who he was in person. In short, I hope he died tripping on that fucking beard he was so proud of." I looked back and forth between the sisters as the water finally reached their necks and they turned off the facet. They just lounged back and soaked in the steam.

"... Holy shit, you can't help yourselves. I still have no clue what he has to do with the changelings, you guys just keep talking shit about him." Luna brought her head up to glare nothing in particular.

"I'm glad I kicked you in the dick when I first met you."

"And now you are directly talking to the dead pony."

"The original Hearths Warming was before our time." Celestia murmured quietly. "We were born only days after the pony tribes unified. Starswirl never told us that it was a re-unification. When we were old enough to speak, he requested our parents to let him teach us personally. Only, he would lie to us. He told us things he wanted us to believe were the truth, because he planned to put us on the throne. And Starswirl wished for the new kingdom to be run a certain way."

"I wish I ran him him over with a carriage." Luna was not with the program.

"Agreed. It started small, when we started noticing his deceit. Small patches of land weren't quite inside the borders like we thought they were. Some nobles we were told to trust were not as clean as they acted. Chocolate didn't originate from pony culture. But then we found the big things, the misinformation that was so large it could only be deliberate."

"Honestly..." Luna had never looked so exasperated. "How did he expect us to live our eternal lives without ever discovering that the Griffon empire wasn't some kind of cannibalism cult?" I... what? The hell is that about?

"I imagine Starswirl thought no pony would be willing to correct us once the sun and moon were ours. He didn't account for the fact that most were not as overtly paranoid as he was." I raised a hand to stop her, though I felt silly doing it.

"Hold on, this guy knew that you were going to be immortals before you ever knew yourselves? And then tried to use you to twist the world how he wanted?" Something I said was wrong, if the way Celestia's eyes darkened were any indication.

"No. He developed a spell to force immortality on us."

"Oh fuck..."

"Indeed. We thought it was something we had earned, only to find his spellwork decades after his burial that detailed the process." Today was just a shit day. The fight with Chrysalis was just the main course and now I'm getting dessert with a cherry on top. "We had already been disillusioned, but it hurt all the same. We are not true alicorns. Starswirl bastardized an old unicorn ritual he found that is supposed to test us before we can be turned immortal. I burned his version and replaced it with the original in his journal should anypony go looking. If alicornhood was a requirement to rule the country, Cadence would actually have more claim to royalty than us. She ascended naturally."

"This is crazy. That's why you two were planning to use Starswirl for target practice though, right? Because all this crap with changelings flew under your radar far longer than it would have if the old pony hadn't been on some kind of ego trip." I huffed in annoyance. The full picture was still out of reach, I still had no clue what Hearths Warming and the Wendigos were but I no longer felt like the royal sisters were completely out of their minds. "Hey, not to change the topic or anything, but what's going to go down with the baby? We basically just gave his crazy murderous mother to his sad tyrannical grandmother as a political prisoner and he still doesn't have a name. Or a mother for that matter."

Culicidae was going to murder Elfilis. He appeared right as she was about to retire for the day and enjoy some Friend Hearts to herself. She had enough of his stupid pink face for the day.

"What!? What more could you possibly want?"

"Is Chrysalis lucid enough to name her baby?"

"His grandma recommended the name 'Aurum' to me." Celestia hummed as she poured warm water over her mane.

"It is a pretty name. Not what I had expected from her, but a nice one all the same."

"Well, her first choice was 'Coleoptera' but I pointed out that she had a bit of theme going on and she got self-concious and picked a new one for him."

"I wonder where she gets those names from? They are rather exotic."

"Okay, so get this, she pulled out an old science encyclopedia and turned the pages till she got to the bug section." Luna emerged from under the water.

"I hope his arthritis acted up when it rained." I just looked at her, feeling the disbelief show on my face.

"... Anything else you want to add to the conversation?"

"... He had terrible taste in cloaks." Celestia snickered at her sister for a moment before calming down.

"Yes, well, now that we are of calmer minds, I suggest that we address our subjects. We should have done so earlier, I can only imagine the types of rumors that have been spreading in our absence."

"Ugh, you should be the one to do it then Tia. The average pony still acts like I'm going to steal their newborns." We were all silent for a moment, just letting the reality of the situation sink in. The only sound was of Aurum tumbling around in his crib in the next room. "... Fuck."

Carina turned from where she was talking to Twilight as the door opened. She smiled as she saw Elfilis crouch slightly through the door, carrying a wrapped bundle in his arms. He... yeah, he looked like shit. His hands were wrapped in gauze, he clearly had a layer of fur missing down the front of his body, and his face was stained a bright neon pink for some reason.

"Hey sexy... How's it going?" Elfilis huffed put a laugh in response before sitting down at the side of her bed.

"Flatterer. Hello to you too. Want to see your new nephew?"

"Ooh! Gimme! I never get to see the babies back at the Hive." She carefully picked up the bundle in her magic and pulled the baby into her embrace. Carina gasped as she unwrapped the blanket that kept his body hidden from veiw. "Oh my gosh, he's so beautiful! He's sparkly and sh- stuff. Oh no, I'm going to have to stop swearing aren't I?"

"Well, guess that depends on whose going to take care of him and how much you're going to interact with him. His name is Aurum by the way." Twilight perked up slightly at that.

"His name is the scientific term for gold?"

"... His first name was going to be Coleoptera?"

"That just means beetle."

"Carina, your mom is shit at naming her kids." Carina was going to dispute that, say that she at least had a beautiful name, but she ended up stopping herself.

"Chrysalis didn't get to name him?" Elfilis shook his head slowly.

"No. As angry as I am at her, I did ask your mom if Chrysalis could name him. She says your sister is still recovering. Her body... it took a lot of damage in our fight and when we got back she immediately went into labor. All her energy went into little Aurum there."

"She's not going to like that..." Carina went quiet for a moment as she gazed into her nephew's bright blue eyes. She sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. And then she sniffled again. And then she took a big sniff that scrunched up her muzzle before turning to a bemused Elfilis. "... I thought it was just Aurum, but you smell overwhelmingly like Chrysalis's... pheromones."

"... I was a little too close when her water broke." Carina cackled as Elfilis face blushed a deeper pink and Twilight groaned into her pillow. "Yeah, yeah. I didn't realize how deep in my fur it had soaked until we got back from the Hive. Now it's stained. Apparently not even the royal soaps could hide the scent from you."

"You smell like she sat on you! It's so bad!" She still laughed as she said this. "Is that why you didn't want to come in earlier?!"

"...Partly."

"Oh, oh my god your such a dork sometimes Elfilis."

"You looked like you were going to kill me that morning we woke up and you thought I smelled like your mom. I didn't want to try to have a moment with you with your sisters womb juice-"

"Womb Juice!? Hahahaha! Oh fuck! Ow, fuck, my sides. Holy shit. Oh, oh it hurts so good. I'm injured. Mercy, please! Hahaha... oh... please, never change Elfilis." He just grunted at Carina, but he still brought an arm around her in a hug as she calmed down.

"I'll do my best. For the record, I'm glad that I don't have your sense of smell." Twilight moaned from her own bed, though it was muffled by the pillow impaled on her horn.

"Is there any chance I could get my own room? Where ponies aren't talking about things like getting splashed by embryonic fluids and smelling like infidelity?"

"Tia, what are we going to do about Aurum?" Celestia rubbed at her eyes as she mentally crafted her response.

"I believe we should request that Carina and Elfilis stay in the castle for a time. Not to parent him necessarily, but because Carina is a member of his species we can trust to have his best interests at heart and Elfilis can directly contact Queen Cilucidae should any complications appear that we don't have a solution for." She stopped Luna for a moment to make sure she had her attention. "We are going to be too busy for the next few days to devote the time Aurum needs from caretakers, but Cadence has likely been trying to make herself feel usefull since the attack. I will send her a message, see if she is willing to nanny him until further notice."

"And what of food? Aurum suckled on Chrysalis teats, but I suspect her milk was full of Love that won't be present in any formula or wetnurse available to us."

"... We have Toby?" Luna shook her head before explaining.

"No Tia. Elfilis says that Carina's growth was literally explosive at times when she was feeding on Toby. She could prevent it by feeding while transformed, but Aurum might not be able to do so without some form of instruction. We should not risk it, lest we end up with an alicorn-sized baby on our hooves." Celestia nodded, that was obviously not the desired outcome. She grimaced as she thought of another solution though. "Sister? What is wrong?" The older sister mumbled quietly under her breath. "Tia? What did you say?"

"... I said Elfilis can open portals..."

"... You know what else he can do dear sister?"

"Um... he can fly?"

"He can create Friend Hearts. It's how he's feeding the Hive?" Luna tried very hard to hold her smile at her sisters growing embarrassment.

"Well I didn't hear you making any suggestions..."

"I also didn't suggest that Elfilis trap Chrysalis's teats in a portal! Tia! I am in awe! Your brain works in fascinating ways."

Author's Note

It's hard to wind down once you've built it up, but it's gotta happen at some point. Life is just as much about the calm phases as it is about the times when everything turns pear-shaped.

36. May I offer my professional opinion?

Twilight and Carina had finally recovered enough to move and walk around, albeit slowly, and now the three of us plus Aurum were sitting at the fancy dining table that Luna broke in half on my second day in Equestria. It looked good as new. We were really just waiting for the rest of the girls (Princesses included) and Spike to make an appearance. I guess we were going to have a dinner meeting. Or... damn. It was actually morning. All that crap happened late. All our sleep schedules were going to screwed over. I didn't get to lament on it long as the great big doors opened, admitting everyone who was missing into the room. Plus some others I hadn't thought about, like the Guard Captain I couldn't remember the name of and Princess Cadence.

"Shining! Cadence!" Twilight apparently knew the two. She actually looked like she wanted to leap out of her seat before her exhaustion got the better of her. "It's been awhile. I'm glad I get to see you before I go." Shining smiled lightly before speaking, and Cadence smiled like she was at the dentist's office.

"Hey Twily. Saw what you did at the Gala. I would've come to visit my little sister earlier if I could, but the castle has been a little... understaffed lately. The Princess said you were okay though." Well, apparently Twilight was related to the Royal Guard Captain. I didn't see the resemblance, but I was hardly accustomed to what pony heritage was supposed to look like. And then I saw that Shining's cutie mark was the same as Twilights but with a shield behind it. Fuck. Do I seriously need to stare at asses to see family resemblances? Princess Cadence then very rambunctiously greeted Twilight herself.

"Twilight! I'm so glad your okay! That spell was crazy! You've grown up so much since I last saw you!" Wait, that didn't sound right.

"Didn't you both live here at the castle before she moved to Ponyville? That was... crap I don't keep track of time very well. Four or five months ago? You were here on the day she left I thought?" Twilight groaned as I said that.

"Nooooo. I must've just missed her. She took a trip to her old home for a couple of months. I was in too much of a rush to get back to Ponyville with the girls." She looked around for a few moments around her before developing a quizzical expression. "Has anypony seen Spike? He visited me after our friends were... escorted out of medical but I haven't seen him since."

"I'm back here Twilight!" We all looked to see the kitchen door bust open as Spike and Swaddle-Dee carried towers of pancakes. I wondered were he had disappeared too. "I helped make breakfast for everypony! It didn't seem like any of us had much to eat so I thought I'd pitch in!" For some reason Luna giggled.

"Well, you know at least that these cakes are real." Celestia apparently understood whatever that meant because she snorted and lightly tossed a napkin over her sisters muzzle.

"Yes yes, it was very funny. Thank you Spike, and you as well Swaddle-Dee. Everypony fill your plates, this is going to be a long discussion." We all ate as Celestia recapped the 'shittiest night ever' for everyone who wasn't there for most of it. I didn't learn much, but it was nice to hear it all recapped for the sake of clarity. We fucked up Chrysalis's prison, she went a little crazy with power/pregnancy, attacked everyone and everything between her and Toby (wait, where the fuck was Toby?), I beat the crap out of her until I realized she was pregnant, she gave birth, and Queen Culicidae gave us a lost history lesson to justify being a shit parent. Celestia didn't bring up her grudge against Starswirl though, which was a shame because that was one of the most interesting parts. Twilight was shaking in her seat the more her mentor spoke.

"I have so many questions! It feels like there is so much we're missing!" Celestia just smiled and told her student to continue. "Carina is set up to give live births, Chrysalis did give a live birth, but the Queen lays so many eggs she rules a small kingdom of her own children! If we're right about the difference being the partners they copulate with, then her actions dont make any sense. If she's actually preventing her kids from reproducing because of a lack of a reliable food source to support a large population, why doesn't she just have her children spread out and reproduce with the other species? We know the changelings outside of the hive are more healthy, and, and-" She finally ran out of breath and had to take a deep breath before speaking again. More sedately this time. "I... have more questions but I think those are probably the most pressing one. I can ask about how changelings influenced pony culture later." Celestia openly smiled while the Elements looked at Twilight with fond exasperation.

"That is a brilliant question Twilight. Elfilis? I can hear you thinking from here. What are your thoughts?" I'm pretty sure my 'thinking sound' was my fingers tapping at the table.

"I think Twilight is onto something. Queen Culicidae's actions don't seem to made out of logic so much as out of fear of her family growing hungry. She acts terribly but still seems to feel some sort of responsibility for the Hive that might be bordering on possessive. Her kids might all still be 'kids' to her, and she has to take care of them. I don't think letting them out into the world has occurred to her, or if it has then it is a thought that scares her." And then a different thought occurred to me. "That's... that's assuming she actually knows as much about her biology as we do." And I think I lost them. "Hear me out. Culicidae is barely reaching adulthood when her whole species dies out. She might have never been able to leave her country to explore like she says other changeling were able too. Her and her brother reach out for help, and are attacked. Her brother subsequently dies. Now she has no experience outside of her little bubble, and she has reason to believe she shouldn't ever leave it. So why should her children ever leave it either? Even when she let changelings leave the hive, it was for the sake of collecting Love, which is a necessity." Applejack spoke up at this point, with Rainbow backing her up.

"Now hol' on a minute there, you think she never figured out how her own' body works?"

"Yeah, I mean, you said she was almost an adult. Surely she would have been taught or figured it out by then."

"Well, then let's play a little game to see if it's possible." I got all of their attentions, but I was making shit up on the spot. I didn't think I knew most of them well enough to do this correctly so I had to wing it with who I did know. "Rainbow Dash, how long should you sleep everyday?"

"Uh, I dunno. Whenever I'm tired?" I nodded before turning to Twilight. Thankfully she understood her cue.

"It's around five to seven hours Rainbow, sometimes in two separate three hour increments. I don't know how much sleep you get in total, but you do fall asleep more often than you should."

"Oh. Uh... Really?" I wasn't expecting that answer either, but I kept going anyway.

"Pinkie Pie-"

"Present!"

"... Thank you Pinkie. Now, how much sugar is considered healthy for the average pony?"

"Twelve to sixteen grams! Anymore can lead to unhealthy weight gain and serious health problems such as Laminitas or Insulin Resistance!" It wasn't just me who gave her a weird look. I thought she had just beat me at the game, but Twilight still spoke up to correct her.

"Pinkie, you eat at least twelve times that amount everyday. And that's a conservative estimation. You would be severely unhealthy if that was true."

"What!? But the 'Your Horse' newsletter was so sure! I'm gonna file a complaint!" I decided to consider that a win and just go with it. I was going to move on to Rarity, but I couldn't think of any bad habits to point out.

"Okay... So, Applejack!"

"I know my body like the back of ma' hoof!"

"Mmhmm... Alright, what should you do if you pull a muscle?"

"Ya gotta suck it buttercup! There's work to do!" That went way easier than I thought it would. Twilight wasn't even the one to answer, it was Rainbow Dash.

"Yeah, uh, no. I know earth ponies are like, crazy durable, but if you really pull a muscle you have to ice that baby and take a break. Some pegasi have ruined their careers by ignoring muscle cramps."

"... You for real?" Celestia finally spoke again, but she was a little grumpy this time. It made Aurum giggle a little in his booster seat though.

"I need to edit the education reform bills later. Anywho, yes, it appears that it is very possible to become a young adult without knowing some important information about our bodies. If that is the case with Culicidae, then we may have a bit more work on our hooves than I originally thought. I will need to build a team to do research and study volunteers... which will be difficult. I don't think I know anypony who specializes in this kind of thing." Twilight timidly spoke up with an unsure look on her face.

"I mean... Maybe some veterinarians? They work with different animal species all the time."

"Actually-" I said this pretty much as the thought was forming. "I think I might actually know someone with a related specialty."

"Thank you Dragonite, it looks delicious." Professor Samuel Oak carefully took the mug of coffee from the large dopey dragon. It always amazed him how careful such a large pokemon could be. Oak knew he couldn't be so careful if he tried! And that's not self-deprecation, his accidents and mishaps were almost as famous as the discoveries that earned him the moniker of 'The Pokémon Professor.' It was why he always tried to have an assistant on hand, human or otherwise. Oh, but enough about that! It was time for the good professor to enjoy some coffee!

He barely took a sip when someone called his number.

"Well that's odd. Who's calling so early in the morning?" He put his coffee down on his desk and make sure his camera was set up right before answering the call. "Hello! You've reached the- Oh! Oh. Um. Pardon me, I'm down here." Professor Oak had seen many odd things and fantastical creatures, but never one quite as unique as the one calling himself 'Elfilis.' When said creature left, he at least made sure to give him his number, even if he wasn't terribly confident he would ever call. So when he saw Elfilis on screen, he became estactic! Except, Elfilis wasn't sitting in the Pokémon Centers chair. He was standing up and was giving Professor Oak a good veiw of his genitalia before he realized his mistake.

"God- Sorry, give me a moment. I didn't realize there was a camera. The chair doesn't exactly fit me you know." Elfilis got down on his knees and bent over to try to get in the shot. He looked terribly uncomfortable and the phone he was holding was dwarfed by both his long hand and his expansive ears. For some reason, his face was pink now. "Hey! Sorry again! That happens more often than it should. Your name is Professor Oak right? I'm remembering that correctly?" Oak just smiled and leaned back in his seat. It was more amuzing than it was embarrassing to him at this point.

"That is correct! Professor Samuel Oak to be precise! And there is nothing to be sorry for, I know those old phone booths are terribly small. Now! How can I help you? Unless you're here to answer some of my questions?"

"Uh, both? Can we trade? I answer questions and you help me?"

"Sounds like a fair trade! Here, let me find your location. I'll try to give you instructions to my lab, I imagine the Center will be full of overly eager Pokemon Trainers any minute now."

"Oh, no need. I'll just head over now." And then Elfilis hung up before Oak could check to see where he was calling from. He turned in his desk chair as a five-pointed portal opened up to his right, revealing the Pokémon Center on the other side for all of two seconds before Elfilis stepped through and closed it.

"Well that's a rather unique way of travel! Did you even know where my lab was?"

"No." Elfilis looked a little unsure as he said this. "My abilities seem to just work most of the time. It's strange."

"Instinctual abilities aren't that strange, though very few are so versatile. Saving that thought for later, what do you need my help with? Oh, and if you see Dragonite, don't mind him. He's actually very gentle."

"Alright. Well, let me just..." Elfilis barely twirled his wrist as the portal opened behind him again, but as he stepped aside, Professor Oak saw someplace completely new. The portal revealed many equine creatures of varying colors and sizes. He would almost believe they were some rare variant of Ponyta or Rapidash if it weren't for the fact that they had such significant differences between them, such has horns or wings. Some had neither and others had both. And even besides them, one had both a Rapidash horn and a set of antlers, and another small one looked as if it was made of gold! No species he knew had such variety in both color and anatomy. His attention was then caught by a small purple lizard that vaguely reminded him of a Raltz as it looked behind them and yelled.

"Whoa! Is that a dragon!?" The Professor turned his chair around to see a very confused Dragonite holding a pair of plates with breakfast made for the two of them.

"Oh, thank you again Dragonite. Come, let's introduce ourselves. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity after all!"

Author's Note

Just an FYI, this story isn't going to become a massive clashing of the multiverse type thing where Tony Stark sets up a lab in Equestria next to Ganondorfs castle or anything like that. I find those types of stories are often messy and hard to read. Oak isn't a permanent character and will at most make cameos once his job is done.

37. I guess that makes sense?

"Hello everyone! My name is Professor Samuel Oak. You can just call me Professor, or Oak if you prefer. This is Dragonite, he is an old friend of mine. It is a pleasure to meet all of you." Princess Celestia wasn't really sure if she should've let Elfilis go off to find this professor she had never heard of. Of course, it turns out he was from another world, which Elfilis forgot to mention. But, the Professor was at least very kind, so she would give the world jumper the benefit of the doubt this time.

"Welcome Professor Oak, Dragonite. The pleasure is all ours. I am Princess Celestia, of Equestria. This is my sister, Princess Luna."

"Greetings!"

"These lovely mares are the Elements of Harmony..." She let each of them introduce themselves, only mildly surprised when Fluttershy's was actually audible. "This is my Captain of the Royal-"

"It's so cool that you're friends with a dragon! How'd you guys meet?" Celestia had honestly expected Spike to interrupt much earlier. She couldn't fault him for his excitement. The gentle looking Dragonite smiled and opened his mouth to say-

"Dragonite!" And nothing else. Putting aside that odd interaction, she began to introduce Shining Armor again-

"He raised you himself! Wow! You're just like me! And he's just like Twilight!" Only for Spike to respond several seconds after the larger dragon said his own name. The solar princess glanced around the room, trying to gauge everyone else's reaction. Thankfully, only Elfilis appeared to have understood the conversation. Or he was growing used to the nonsense that followed him. Regardless, she wasn't going crazy. Twilight, of course, couldn't help but ask.

"You understood what he said Spike?" The baby dragon just turned around with an eyebrow raised. Elfilis piped in as well.

"Did you not understand what he said? He sounded pretty clear to me." The Professor pulled everyone's attention as he began to chuckle.

"Oh don't worry about it too much. Most people in my world can't understand Pokemon either! And what a fascinating thing to say! 'My world...' This will be quite the adventure!" Celestia hoped his enthusiasm made way for professionalism when he started his research. Speaking of which...

"Excuse me Professor, but may we know what field of study you are in?" The man's smile got wider, if that was possible.

"Of course! I study Pokemon! The brilliant creatures that inhabit our world alongside us. They come in every shape and size, and have been with us for as long as any of us can remember!" Rarity walked forward, a question clearly on her mind.

"Do you mean that you study animals?" Elfilis stepped in for the professor at this point.

"Kind of, but all of the Pokemon are very strange in comparison. While I was there I saw giant colorful spiders-"

"Pretty sure we have those dude." Elfilis just pushed through Rainbow Dash's interruption.

"A large lightning shooting rodent, a big butterfly that could both paralyze you and put you to sleep, a rock with a face and a pair of arms that just floated off the ground, and a big pink egg-shaped creature with a pouch that had another smaller egg in it."

"... Okay yeah we don't have those." Professor Oak took over the conversation again.

"In order, those were Ariados, Pikachu, Butterfree, Geodude, and Chansey! And that's just the tip of the iceberg, with new Pokemon being discovered, revived from fossils, and even created by people all across the planet! I do not want to come across as arrogant, but I am the most well-known professor. If whatever you need, needs my profession, then I should at least be a good place to start. Now, what can I do for you?"

It was just me, the Princesses, Twilight, Spike, Carina and Dragonite with the Professor back in the medical room. We shared everything we knew about the situation, though we had a bit of a stumble as we originally had the full group trying to explain all at once. Now, Professor Oak rubbed his chin in a way that reminded me uncomfortably of the way that I do whenever I was thinking hard. I really needed to find somewhere to have that breakdown soon.

"I see... That is all very interesting. Yes, I do believe I can help you. Changelings, as you described them, actually sound like rather unique Pokemon!" Carina just uncomfortably shifted on the medical bed she laid on top of.

"Uh, is that good?"

"Of course! Laying eggs, taking different forms, evolving, all common things most Pokemon share in common! This means I will have something to work off of, as opposed to flying blind. Now, first, what type are you?"

"Uh... I mean, I like em' big?" I didn't really know what Oak was asking either, but I still brought a palm to my face at her answer. The Professor just looked confused for a second before smiling again.

"Haha! Of course, how silly of me. Allow me to explain basic Pokemon Types, then we will try and see if they apply to you as well. If, for example, a Pokemon was a Fire-Type, that would mean it can learn strong abilities and attacks that involve fire. This will also mean they are weak to types such as Water, and resistant to other types such as Grass. There are many other types, so it can get complicated, especially since a Pokemon can be two types at once." Twilight spoke up from her spot next to the Princesses.

"That's actually a really interesting way of organizing them. It becomes like a web of creatures, each with their own advantages."

"Exactly! Though, it isn't just a classification system. Pokemon seem to generate energy associated with their types, it's what we believe gives them their strengths and their weakness. I emphasize this because many Pokemon have actually been mislabeled in the past. Trapinch was first diagnosed as a Bug-Type, only for it to later be revealed as a pure Ground-Type, with no Bug weaknesses at all. It is an ongoing study however, some of my colleagues in other regions are trying to identify new Types in their own research."

"This is all very fascinating Professor," Luna stepped up, "but how will this help us learn about changelings?"

"I... suppose it isn't strictly necessary, but without that knowledge there's only so much I feel comfortable doing. There have been cases of Pokemon being hurt by well-meaning trainers because they didn't take Types into account. Hmm..." Damn it, his hand was on his chin again. "We should probably try and find one of the unhealthy changelings you told me about. If the very way your young is born changes depending on your health, it is probably safe to assume that their are other significant differences to keep in mind." I just sighed and got ready to open a portal.

"I guess we're bugging Vinyl again?" Celestia and Luna actually perked up before the lunar sister spoke.

"Actually, there is a changeling currently staying at the castle who may be willing to help."

"Uh, what are we doing again?" I vaguely remembered Dawn Rise from what Beta Knight told me, but I hadn't realized he had actually gone on to house a few survivors after everything went down in Manehatten. "I was told I would just be like, answering questions? For like, official reports? What's with the monster line-up?" I smiled when he pointed his hoof at said 'monsters,' I was pretty sure he was including Oak and I. The Professor brought out some more Pokemon from his lab that should help him determine the Types he was talking about. We had Alakazam (which looked like a small yellow alien man), Machamp (which was a massive blue man with four arms), and Pidgeot (which was just a large ass bird).

"My Pokemon here are going to help find out what types of energy your body may or may not create. I'm going to ask you to do some simple tasks with them, they may seem odd but bare with me, and what they tell me afterwards should help me determine what I need to know. Are you ready?"

And yeah, he wasn't kidding. Sometimes he asked them to do some weird stuff.

"You want me to bite his hand?"

"Only lightly, put some pressure on him but don't try to take his hand off."

"I'm supposed to just stand here while the bird flaps its wings at me?"

"I would brace myself if I were you."

"I just bit him, and now you want me to kiss his boo-boo?"

"You said you fed on Love, it's reminding me of one of my colleagues papers."

"What is 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' and why with 'Machamp' specifically?"

"Well, the game is... Actually impossible. Does anyone have any cups? No, not the glass ones."

By the end of it, everyone was looking at Oak like he was crazy, and I didn't blame them. I was really hoping at this point that he actually got something out of all that, otherwise this had just been a big waste of time.

"Sorry everyone, that took longer than I expected. But I have good news! You do have Types, which means there is more I should be able to for you. Dawn Rise, as a 'hungry' changeling, you appear to be a Bug-Type as well as the so-far unofficial Dark-Type." The Princesses stiffened at the word 'Dark,' but they didn't speak as Dawn Rise perked up.

"And what does that mean for me exactly?"

"Bug-Types are one of the more specific and hard to understand Types. You may notice others will be more reluctant to be near you, and this effect will increase the smarter they are. Plants will also need extra care and attention while near you."

"Great. I'm the creepy type."

"Actually, that's the Dark-Type. You may notice others will be more reluctant to be near you, and this effect will increase the smarter they are." Oak didn't even change how he said it. "However, this may also drive away ghosts and spirits."

"... So I'm too creepy for even the ghosts. Great..." I looked at the Princesses, and I was pretty sure they were having the same thoughts as me.

"We came across the deer, pleading and begging. They did not recognize us as their loving allies, and they fired upon us."

We would have to see what 'Type' the deer are later.

"Now, Carina! This is where it gets interesting. You are a Bug-Type as well, but it is now a secondary typing. Your primary seems to be another unofficial Type, the Fairy-Type!"

"I feel like you just called me creepy and girly."

"Not at all dear, it is a rather powerful combination. I would suggest keeping clear of poisons, fires, and sharp metal, but you have a strong resistance against mental effects and a full immunity to Dragon-Type moves."

"...Wait, really?" Carina wasn't the only one shocked, my eyes widened and all the ponies in the room dropped their jaws.

"Really! Now, mind that if the dragon breathes fire you are still in trouble, but his claws and tail should leave not a scratch! Dragonite, do you mind?" The big orange drake took big steps towards Carina before trying to scratch at her hastily raised hoof with a claw. After a few seconds of trying to make little scratches, he suddenly went for it. I had to try very hard not to knock him down, even though it clearly wasn't doing anything to Carina. His claws were a blur as they moved over her leg, and smoke started coming from between them. "T-That's enough Dragonite!" He reluctantly stopped and blew air over his smoking digit.

"...MY CLAW!" He had rubbed it down to a stump, and Carina was admiring her polished hoof.

Things went by pretty quickly after that. Dawn Rise, when fed enough Friend Hearts to close the holes in his legs, lost his Dark-Type. After that, it turned out that he literally couldn't eat any more to force a transition into a Carina-esque healthy changeling, so Toby still had some strange ability we couldn't account for. Presumably, the Heart Spears on Chrysalis's prison had the same ability. He also slowly lost Love over time, while Carina only seemed to lose Love when she used it for a spell. A changeling in disguise, regardless of what form the disguise took, seemed to have no Type at all. And, most importantly, Aurum appeared to be getting enough sustenance from our attention and Friend Hearts to maintain his healthy state. Unfortunately, some of what we learned really shined a light on the Hive's disparity.

Once a changeling hits a certain Love threshold, they need some catalyst we can't find to transform into their healthy form. If they aren't healthy, they slowly lose their Love over time, which means staying at that threshold is very difficult. On top of that, without disguises they are doomed to have terrible first impressions. And the most absolutely bullshit thing unhealthy, hungry changelings have to deal with is that they have upwards of thirty times more children who are then subsequently unhealthy and hungry as well. It was madness to me. Changelings bodies change in response to hunger in such a way that only causes them to be more hungry, more desperate, and more likely to starve to death.

How the fuck did they ever form an empire or country or whatever it was? Their very biology appeared to be sabotaging them every step of the way. It would be like if all the fur fell off my body whenever I got cold, or if I spontaneously combusted instead of sweat. It was what it was, but it just didn't make any sense. Whatever that catalyst is that we're missing, it's absence was fucking with everything. And we weren't going to just toss Toby at the Hive as an all-you-can-eat buffet and hoped that it worked. Nevermind the fact that if he could feed every one of them, we would then have a small army of undetectable super-powered spies who were used to just taking whatever they needed or wanted under a Queen who was violent and unpredictable. Right now, all we could do was keep throwing Friend Hearts at them to keep them at the 'not-hungry' point. And then, I had to deal with what Professor Oak said about me before he left.

"I would still like to ask you some questions, but Alakazam was able to identify your Type while he was here."

"Hmm? Even though I didn't bite him or anything?"

"Hahaha, there was no need! He is a Psychic-Type Pokemon. He says that... Well, quite frankly you gave him quite the scare. When he first came out, he says he almost felt like he was drowning just by being in the same room as you. Not because your Type was so strong against his, but because you were overwhelmingly Psychic, more so than any other Pokemon we ever encountered."

"I did already know that I'm Psychic, though I admittedly don't know how I do any of the things I do. I actually should be able to heal myself but I haven't figured that out yet."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out! That wasn't all though. There was that moment where Dragonite started to scratch Carina, and Alakazam said, well..." I didn't like the fact that this was the first time I had seen Oak look uncomfortable. "The only point of reference he had was from Dawn Rise. Said that it felt like, though only for a moment, that you suddenly had so much Dark-Type energy that... He thought you were about to attack Dragonite, but he couldn't move. He actually did, and I apologize for this, try to attack you, but he says it was like it was impossible to reach you. Like he was trying to hit you from a whole world away. He's always been very dramatic, but this is quite the mystery regardless."

"...Why are you telling me this?"

"...I think I would want to know if I was doing something to hurt those around me. Now, Alakazam is okay, and I'm not saying that you are hurting anyone of your friends here, but I still feel it is something to keep in mind. You're a nice person Elfilis, I do truly believe that. You crossed worlds to help your loved one and had the compassion to stop your fight when you realized your opponent was carrying. So, I want you to know this because I know that you would have a hard time forgiving yourself if anything were to happen."

Author's Note

Fire Types have to be careful not to destroy flammables. Dark Types have to be careful not to destroy minds.

38. Hope I'm not too early.

I just looked up at the moon. Twilight wanted to do some last minute experiments on the whole Fairy/Bug/Dragon Type thing, so she pretty much dragged Carina to her personal study that was still set up in Canterlot. That meant, by extension, that I got dragged into her study because I still needed to have a personal conversation with Carina. So now I stood on her balcony, next to a telescope, staring at the night sky as Carina and Spike were subjected to Twilight Sparkle's mad science. I could hear them making a mess from here.

"Spike, do you have any loose scales?"

"Uh, I think my elbow has some..."

Meanwhile, as Twilight tried to figure out the secrets of Types, I tried my damndest to figure out what the hell to do with myself. My main goal, the only one I wanted to accomplish, was to just live my life. I was very lucky to have a partner I seemed to connect with in a way I still couldn't describe, I had friends who were willing to help when I had problems (and some of them came with royalty perks), and I had as much power as I think I would ever need. I only had three obstacles:

My powers responded too easily to my feelings, which were admittedly sensitive at times, and I kept getting involved in crazy shit.

If I needed to help Rainbow Dash perfect some flight technique, sure! I was happy to help. Rarity wants some inspiration? Of course, I can stand pretty still. Twilight wants to study portals? No problem, portals are my specialty. They're friends. If I was unwilling to help them when they needed it I would be a pretty unreliable guy.

The problem comes in when I do shit like root out an entire species of shapeshifters, spy on them with Meta Knights, and then send another agent of my own to capture a changeling princess who didn't know how to keep in her... pants?

Chrysalis broke through into the Gala and hurt Carina, that was the only point I feel I was justified in my actions. I regret not realizing she was pregnant until I was moments away from killing her, but she was right there and I had the ability to at least remove her from the castle and my friends that she was being a danger towards. Everything before that? I should've just let Celestia and Luna know.

'Hey Luna, you might have a spy infestation to worry about.'

'Hey Celestia, Beta Knight got injured on that mission to capture Chrysalis you didn't tell me about before you sent My Knight!'

... The point was, they were the immortal leaders of the land with literal decades worth of experience. As mature as I was, Applejack's little sister had more experience than me. As creative as my solutions may be, as strong in combat as Luna might claim I am, those were not my problems to take on...

Which pissed me off, because I couldn't for the life of me agree with my own damn self.

Carina's injuries weren't my fault, but Chrysalis would never have been that strong had I not-

But Aurum would still be hungry if I didn't.

I didn't tell Chrysalis to run from home but maybe had I not made the Meta Knights-

But then I would have no Knights, no Squeak Squad, and there would be no Aurum, period.

There was the third problem. Things turned out fine. We have a Professor willing and able to help us with biological problems in the future, Canterlot was getting a whole airship, and little Aurum was born as healthy as could be. It was really hard to give myself shit when I was able to say to myself 'hey, see? Everything turned out okay in the end.'

Like I had any clue Aurum's healthy form was on the line. Like I had any clue Celestia would take some personal interest in Doc's technology. Like I had any clue we needed the opinion of a scientist from a whole other world to discover some secret about our own world.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I jumped before I noticed Luna in the air above me. I scooted over to the side to give her space to land.

"... I'm still waiting for Celestia to get back to me about what a penny is." She smiled as her hooves hit the ground.

"You will be waiting for awhile yet. I caught her trying to find the origins of the word. Her study had never been more disorganized." I just grunted, not really having anything to say to that. "I doubt that was what was truly on your mind just now. What troubles you? Your dream is usually full of your antics by now."

"No really, pennies haunt my every thought. I can never rest until I know their secrets."

"Elfilis..."

"I was trying to lighten the mood Luna. Give me a break." She had the decency to look apologetic at least, while I massaged my forehead. "Its the same crap as usual that I still haven't gotten over. Taking responsibility for everything, being reckless, being scared of myself. Take your pick. Hell, write some issues on a board, throw a dart, chances are you'll hit something that's pissing me off."

"I think you are-"

"Being too hard on myself. I know. I get it. But I'm still... something. Feeling something that's making me restless and uneasy." Thankfully my interuption didn't seem to tick her off.

"Do you have any place that you feel at ease?" Being the petulant creature I was, my first thought was 'no' but I didn't say it out loud.

"...When me and you are just talking, in the dream. When I'm at home, with Carina and Swaddle-Dee hiding somewhere. When I'm in Ponyville, just trying to find something to do or someplace to go."

"Then it sounds like you have plenty more important things to be thinking about other than the few mistakes you've made since your arrival." She smiled and leaned in, like she was going to tell me a secret. "And for the record, for all your worrying about ending the world or some such nonsense with your powers, you haven't had a single incident the whole time you've been here."

"Galacta Knight?"

"Twilight burned a hole in the wall when Chrysalis attacked. If she gets off with a warning of caution, then you should be forgiven for your actions done in defense of your Knights."

"... Alright, that makes me feel a little better."

"Good. Now, what I was thinking about was-" Adolescent dragon screams and over-excited changeling war cries interupted us.

"Twlight! This test isn't fun anymore!"

"Come on! I sat there while you breathed dragon fire on me, it's my turn! Take it like a man!"

"I am not a man! I am an innocent baby! Stop trying to hurt the baby!" I just shook my head and turned back toward the sky.

"You were saying?"

Twilight ignored the battle for the ages taking place behind her while she tried to make sense of the notes in front of her. Professor Oak had been willing to share everything he knew about Type energy, but even with everything right in front of her it was hard to make heads or tails of. She looked at her own little experiments. Shed carapace from her time studying Carina's anatomy alongside several dragon scales, all of them sanded down to size.

Twilight had been skeptical of Oaks claim that these energies were real attributes that could effect the world, but seeing a dragon hurt it's own claws on Carina dispelled some of that doubt. Still, she thought, that was a dragon from outside Equestria, so maybe its claws are softer than expected. So she chose to do some tests of her own. Results were... confusing. She knew Spikes scales were individually tougher and harder than Carina's carapace. The changeling had once cracked it while getting too rough in bed. Spike casually tanked falling bookshelves when he was a toddler.

So how did Carina's old spent shell wear down Spikes freshly shed scales? Clearly, there was some merit to this Type energy idea. But Twilight couldn't figure out why it worked. Under a microscope, nothing of note. Spell analysis on the structures of the materials in use, nothing of note.

Unless... Twilight wondered if she was getting too distracted by the physical reactions to see the source.

The unicorn carefully pulled a small amount of magic to her horn and prepared a spell to put over her eyes. This spell was normally used to spot injuries to a unicorns horn, specifically injuries to the magic channels inside. She had first learned this spell when Shining Armor was practicing for the guard. For weeks he had complained about headaches when casting spells but refused to get medical help because 'it was good practice for when I'm out on the field.' Twilight found around five broken channels from where her brother had clearly kept up a spell for far longer than he should have.

She didn't use that spell though, she took that spell and took it apart in her mind.

The energy layer under the target layer under the focus all contained in a bubble of discipline. She poked a hole in that bubble, and took hold of that focus.

A quarter turn this direction resulted in monochrome vision.

A half turn this way made heat visible.

Turned exactly fourty-seven point two degrees, Twilight was able to see through her own fur.

Deciding to say 'fuck it' and bending the focus inwards created... Wait was that it?

Twilight almost missed it, but Spike's scales were glowing a dark blue color under her modified spell, and Carina's hot pink shedding glowed a much lighter pink. She put the bubble back over the spell and picked up one of the scales in her hoof before slowly bringing it to the chitin. She watched very carefully as they touched, and she smiled triumphantly as she saw the pink energy glow bright as the blue energy dimmed. It might have been a little early to celebrate, but she dared to say she got it.

Daroach was just a little uncomfortable with the situation. Getting praised for his bravery was not exactly how he spent most of his nights.

"Thank you Daroach, and you as well Storo, for your actions at the Gala." And he was pretty sure Celestia knew it, because of the teasing smirk on her face. "It lightens my heart to know that I can rely on you to keep my ponies safe in times of need."

"Aw shucks princess, you're gonna make me blush." No really, stop it. "We were only doing our civil duties you know. Sides, I was already crashing the party. Place was too full with two of us in it." Daroach would've elbowed Storo as he laughed, but he knew the big mouse wouldn't even notice.

"Of course. All the same, I would like to reward you for your heroics." He perked up as Celestia levitated a small chest out from behind her throne. Maybe he could get used to the whole hero thing. He tried not to look too eager as he plucked it out of the air and opened. It wasn't full of gold, but the rolled up parchment could be an old treasure map, or a deed to some land. He unfurled it to see his prize.

"... I, Princess Celestia of the Sun, Co-Ruler of Equestria, hearby pardon the Squeak Squad of all crimes prior to the events of the Grand Galloping Gala..."

Octavia was tired. Her partners mother was a psychopath, it was putting strain on their relationship, and the Gala she performed at was attacked by another one of Vinyl's estranged family members. There were upsides though. She was compensated for the danger she was in, as well as for the minor damages to her person, on top of her payment for playing at the Gala. So whatever they needed to do to get Vinyl's surgery done, Octavia was sure they had enough bits stored up to afford it without dipping too hard into their savings.

"Vinyl? I'm home. I don't know how fast news traveled, but the Gala was a tad more exciting this year." She didn't get any answers, but she wasn't really expecting any. It was very late, or perhaps too early, so Vinyl was more than likely asleep already. Octavia softly put down her scuffed cello and made her way to their room. She quietly opened the door to see Vinyl passed out on the bed, a book open over her muzzle with several others surrounding her on the floor. "If only you were so studious back in school."

Octavia was going to just remove the book and then crawl into bed with her, but she couldn't help but notice the book as picked it up.

'Pony Anatomy: What's What and Where They Go'

It was certainly an odd read, but it wasn't the strangest thing Vinyl had ever brought home. Still, curiosity buzzing in the back of her mind, Octavia began to look at the other books scattered across the floor.

'Unicorn Magic for Foals: Learning to Shape a Spell'

'Big Staff's Guide to Tantric Magic'

'A Mare's Rod, a True Story'

'Pre-emptive Couples Therapy: Is Forgiveness Truly Better than Permission?'

'Help! My Husband Doesn't Want Foals!'

'25 Tips: Phalluses of the World'

'Advanced Magic Composition: How to Change a Spell to Fit Your Needs' This one in particular had about five warning labels on the front cover alone.

Octavia didn't know what to do with this information.

And all of this was rather exciting! New magic being discovered? Tia playing pranks on criminal rodents? A mare walking in on her partner studying spells for the hot and bothered? This is chaos! And so natural too, my brand of chaos is admittedly quite artificial. But this! This is amazing! Which is why it's such a shame that the catalyst of all this Discord is so reluctant to use his gifts. You have great power, not just over the world but over those around you. Flex those abilities a bit for goodness sake, relax a bit and stretch out your legs. Live a little!

Oh who am I kidding. You would never let loose if you ever had the choice.

So I guess I just won't give you that choice.

Don't worry, I'll keep Equestria company while you're off on vacation. And time passes quickly when you're having fun.

It

Will

Be

Over

In

A

SNAP

Author's Note

Anyone else have that problem, where they want to describe very scene in excruciating detail? And by the end you realize you've written a chapters worth of scenery? I've done that. And then I scrap all of it and I worry that I don't have enough detail. OCD is real.

39. Let's see where he ends up.

Something was wrong. The last thing I remembered was Carina crawling into bed with me. I wanted to talk to her, but she fell asleep instantly. I put my arm over her and closed my eyes to fall asleep myself, but I didn't end up in my Dream. There was a-

SNAP

-and I was opening my eyes to total darkness. I stumbled, standing up for some reason I could't remember. I looked down at myself, there was a single beam of light coming from far above me. It let me see that I looked fine... I actually looked better. All my burnt fur was back and my hands and fingers looked as if I hadn't worked a day in my life.

... Which may be true actually, discounting throwdowns with crazy changelings and spar obsessed lunar princesses.

That beam of light also let me see the ground I stood on. A small patch of yellow flowers. I was probably blocking their only source of light. Cautiously, I took steps off the marigolds and looked around me. I thought I had night vision, but it might have been too dark even for that. I held out my hand, thinking of a flashlight as a portal opened above me.

I jumped away as a piano smashed onto the ground.

That... was not a flashlight. I slowly put out my hand again, thinking of a torch.

A second piano, but now it was on fire.

"Hey! What's the big idea!" A series of vines picked up the pianos and threw them away from the marigold patch as I turned around and looked down. "Flowers and fire don't go together buster! Who are you? I've never seen you before."

It was a little talking flower.

"I... am lost." The flowers oddly angry face scowled.

"No shit. How did you even get here? The monsters are locked out of the ruins and you are certainly not some human who fell down from-"

"Human?" How? This wasn't my home.

"Oh, are we interupting now? What, never heard of a-"

"Sorry, uh, whatever your name is-" The flower turned absolutely demonic.

"It's Flowey!"

"- Yeah I don't care. I gotta go." I turned away from the cursing flower as I opened a portal and thought of-

Pineapples

-I stepped through and immediately had to close my mouth as water tried to rush into my lungs. I didn't want to test my deep-space or underwater capabilities, so I needed to leave, now. I opened a portal, telling myself-

I could really go for some shawarma right now

"Hi! I'm Spongebob! What's-"

"Fuck off!" And I stepped through. Apparently I can speak underwater. Or maybe it was just that world. I didn't get to contemplate it, or even get a look at where I ended up, before I got beaned in the face by a metal discus. "Gah! Motherfucker! What the hell-"

"Who are you, and what are you doing here?" I rubbed at my sore eyes and tried to see who the hell just attempted to take my eyes out. There was... I was hesitant to call them humans. One was big and green, another was either wearing the most absurd armor or was made of metal as he laid on the ground. I ignored the rest as the man in front caught the metal disc and wore it as a shield.

"I'm not here on purpose asshole! Do you cripple everyone you don't know?!"

"We just got done with one alien invasion. Sorry if we're a little on edge." He didn't sound sorry in the slightest. "Now, I'll ask one more time-"

"Fuck you and the comic book you walked out of." The iron man slightly sat up.

"He knows what comic books are?" I turned around, ignoring the shouting and yelling as I opened another portal. It was clear in my mind, the image of-

A pirate ship, sailing the seven seas

I stepped out into pandemonium. It was a boat, tipping backwards into the ocean as giant tentacles cracked and splintered the floor in its grips. People in ratty clothes held on to ropes and eachother for dear life, and I was officially pissed.

I flew up into the air to get good look at the monster. A giant squid or octopus trying to make a meal out of people, and while it was still mostly underwater, I could see where it's main body was hidden under the waves. I pulled my focus to between my antlers, and decided that I wanted that fish dead. A beam of energy shot out from above my head, carving a path through the ocean as it severed the creature from all of its limbs.

Well, looks like you do have other tricks up your metaphorical sleeve

It was only as an afterthought that I exerted some will over the ship, slowing its fall and making sure it didn't break as the lifeless limbs limply fell into the frothy waters below.
I ignored how most of the people brandished swords at me as I landed back on the deck, I had other things to worry about. Only one of the men actually walked up to me, a very exagerated swagger in is step, but I ignored him.

"Well, I must say, that it isn't often a stranger comes to the rescue of Captain Jack Sparrow. It's even less often I think I'm fuckin seeing things. I don't think I am quite that drunk yet."

I didn't hear them gasp and yell as I opened another portal. I imagined-

A nice clean pair of underwear Found you bitch

I heard laughing as I opened my eyes to another new world. Buildings and skyscrapers surrounded me, and several cars had to stop to avoid hitting me in the middle of the street. Luna could influence my powers when she was in my Dream. Now someone I didn't know was hitching a ride and fucking with my powers from inside. I took a look around to see that I was surrounded by humans again, and I glanced up as something flew down from the sky towards me.

"I don't suppose you'll leave if I ask nicely?" A man in blue, with a red cape flowing behind him as he hung suspended in the air under some unseen power. He did appear to be wearing a pair of red underwear over his get-up, but the big stylized 'S' on his chest took most of the attention away from the rest of his costume. All that said, I figured it would be easier to ask for help than it would be to try to randomly land in an empty world.

"I would actually, if I could." The flying man just crossed his arms. Hopefully he would actually be willing to help.

"What's stopping you? You didn't seem to have any trouble appearing in the middle of traffic."

"Someone or something is in my head, interfering with my powers. It won't let me go home." He actually stop looking so stern, adopting a more converned expression.

"That's... quite the story, but not the most ridiculous thing I've heard this week. Are your powers at risk of harming yourself, or those around you?" I shook my head, but I was sure it wasn't that simple.

"So far, no. My powers haven't done anything without my wanting to use them, but they keep doing things I'm not trying to do." The flying man put his hand on his chin, I was beginning to hate that expression.

"How long have have they been going haywire?"

"I woke up less than ten minutes ago outside my home dimension-"

"Wait, you're from another dimension?" One of the cars started honking their horn, clearly someone didn't have a sense of self-preservation. "Nevermind, let's take this somewhere else. Can you fly?"

Superman stood on the edge of the skyscraper he led us too, and I sat down with my legs hanging off of it. He stood confidently as he talked about how he was part of a group of heroes called the Justice League, saving the world and stopping threats normal people couldn't defend themselves against. I, in turn, fidgeted with the towel wrapped around my waist as I explained the Dream.

"So, your dreams power your abilities, and are also inside their own dimension. Anyone in your dream who isn't meant to be there can influence them. You came to this conclusion because a pony princess accidentally did it one night."

"You could just say you don't believe me instead of wasting my time." The superhero put his hands up as if to pacify me.

"Now hold on, I'm not saying I don't believe you. This princess wouldn't happen to be a dark blue color would she? With silver shoes?" Despite the situation, I felt my frustration give way to some surprise.

"I... Yes. How did you know?"

"I thought that may be the case. Her legs popped up here a little while ago. Gave one of my colleagues a headache trying to figure out how horse hooves appeared out of thin air to knock out one of his bad guys." I... that must have been one of the times me and Luna sparred. I didn't realize I was tossing her through into different worlds though, the portals were just meant to disorient her and control the battle.

"Will you help me then? I have an idea of my own, but if you have a super human ally who could help in this 'Justice League' of yours I would be willing to give them a shot. I am in a hurry though. I don't... I need to get back home." Surely an organization of actual superheroes would be able to come up with something better than what I was thinking.

"I think I know someone who could help. Let me give him a call."

"I am unable to help you." I'm pretty sure I was glaring at the green martian. Superman hyped up Martian Manhunter as the expert of telepathy and psychic powers. Also, what hero names themselves the 'Manhunter?' I was definitely missing something. "Your psychic abilities are quite vast compared to my own, and what little I was able to do to gain access to them has been blocked by whoever is already inside. I am sorry." I just sighed and rubbed at my forehead.

"Alright. That's... fine. I still have Plan A." Though I was pretty sure it wasn't going to work. I calmed down and tried to slow my breathing. I wanted to enter my Dream the traditional way. Pretty sure I stood there for half an hour with two other aliens staring at me before I snarled and gave up. "Plan A dash B. Do you know anyone who could force me to sleep?"

I was brought to a dark stage to meet a sorceress named Zatanna Zatara. We explained the situation to her before and I prepared myself as she spoke her incantation.

"Peels." ... I was both still awake and terribly underwhelmed. "...Peels."

"... Please tell me you aren't just saying sleep backwards." The woman in the top hat just grimaced. "Fuck me. Alright, fine. Plan B then. This is the worst plan, so if anyone has any other ideas, now would be the time to say." There was no answer for a moment, until Superman awkwardly presented one.

"I could... Knock you out?"

"... That is now Plan C. Plan B requires some space, so can you lead the way to the largest open space you can think of?"

Thankfully, it was night-time when we reached the desert. Zatanna stayed behind as Superman and Manhunter lead me away, but someone started following us in a jet-black plane. My hosts promised he was a friend, and that was enough for me to ignore him. Soon, we reached the center and landed on the shifty ground, and a man in a dark-grey costume disembarked from the jet and made his way over. He was the first hero I met here that I couldn't see the face of. A dark cowl with pointed ears hid most of his expression from me, so I couldn't have guessed what he was going to say next.

"Give me a reason to trust you." Superman scowled as I stared disbelievingly at the man.

"The fuck!? Give me a reason to trust you! Hi! I'm Elfilis. I'm being kept away from my friends and loved ones. Who the fuck are you and why do you hide your face?" He smirked just the slightest bit at me.

"Most of us hide our faces. You've just met the few of us that don't. You really just want to go home?"

"Yes, I had no intention of leaving it and ending up here." He looked to the Manhunter, who only nodded, before turning back to me. "Alright. You can call me Batman. You and your princess defeated a dangerous man, albeit accidentally, so I'm willing to give you some benefit of the doubt here. Now, what's this plan of yours?" I narrowed my eyes at Batman, but I supposed that was good as I was going to get from him.

"My plan is to exhaust myself, to use up all the Dream until it doesn't have enough room to house it's intruder anymore."

"How...?" We all turned to the Martian Manhunter, and I got the impression he would've blushed if he could. "Your mind is... expansive to say the least. How could you possibly exert yourself so much to exhaust it down to nothing? To say nothing of the dangers of doing so to yourself."

"I've done it a few times now, though not on purpose. I can create things in the Dream, made out of Dream, and bring them here to the real world. I know a few things in particular that could use it all up in one fell swoop, but I'm going to be fighting with whoever is in there to create what I actually intend to create. Hence asking for a lot of space, because there is going to be a lot of junk around here. Now back up please, I'm not waiting to do this anymore." The three hastily made some distance as I closed my eyes to focus.

I crystalized the image in my mind, clearly the shape of-

Maccarroni

It was-

Polka-Dotted

Fuck off! It was something-

Fragile

No! It was a-

Friend? There are no friends. He was shaped like a Friend. All 'friends' do is ruin the fun. A fun loving reliable Friend. There. Are. No. Such. Friends.

You may be lonely, but that gives you no right to force your insecurities onto me! I have my own problems to deal with!

You dare!? I'll have you know that-

Friends are real. They exist. People who make your day better just by being there. It is the foundation of Love, a very real and measurable force in our world. And I know of the most incorruptible Friend there is. Round and pink, with two dots for eyes and a wide smile. His whole world, his entire being, created and dedicated to BEING EVERYONES FRIEND.

As my world faded to black, I briefly saw the image of a strange snake-like creature. With a lion paw on one arm and a goats hoof on one leg, his warped face glaring at me as the world fell apart on him, crushing him. He only mouthed the word-

Touché

And the last thing I saw was it popping like confetti.

Batman watched, one eyebrow cocked under his cowl, as portals opened up around 'Elfilis,' chucking out a random assortment of items. Pasta, clothes, dinnerware, weapons, candy, and a slew of other things that seemed to follow no rhyme or reason. Though it seemed to spit out food items more often than not. He turned to Martain Manhunter, knowing he wouldn't need to give voice to his question.

"His mind is suffering no strain from these items so far, but it does seem to be gaining a focus that was absent before." Sure enough, the items became less random slowly. Cotton candy, bubblegum, cake, pink clay, pink cookies, pink bouncy balls, and so on. "I think... yes. I believe he is doing it. His presence is diminishing at an alarming rate." The portals all closed until only one remained. There was only a moment in which nothing happened, and then it violently expelled a blue blob into the pile of objects. Elfilis collapsed onto his knees, out cold, and Batman wasted no time.

"Superman, check on him, make sure he's okay. Manhunter, with me. Let's find this object he made, make sure it's-" He stopped, hearing what sounded like a vacuum as most of the food (as well as some non-food items) began to get sucked into the center of the pile. It took seconds for him to find where it was all going.

A blue round creature, with no arms or legs that Batman could discern, with a long tongue whipping around in circles outside of its large mouth. This was enough to make a small tornado that funnelled all of the food into it, and when it was done it closed its mouth and licked its lips with its still extended tongue. It might have been looking at them, but it was imposible to tell with its eyes bouncing around separately from each other the way they were. It wagged its tongue back forth slightly and spoke to them.

"Goi!" Sort of. Batman turned to Manhunter, who still didn't need to hear the question before answering.

"He says his name is Gooey."

Author's Note

Don't worry, this isn't the end of the Discord conflict.

40. Meanwhile, in my New Empire.

Luna had only took one step into Elfilis's Dream when it suddenly vanished, jolting her awake with a terrible migraine. That was her first clue that something was wrong.

Her second was the fact that her room was blindingly white, but she couldn't focus on that as the bright color made her sight go red, elevating her headache to the next level of pain and discomfort.

Her third was when she shot out a hoof to try to grab the glass of water she kept on her end table. Instead, she felt something crunch under her leg, followed by buzzing and the unmistakable feeling of being stung over and over.

It was all happening too quickly.

Screaming in agony, mind clouded in anger, acting in desperation, she cast a spell she remembered from her time as Nightmare Moon. It was rather tame in comparison to the more savage and vile spells in the parasites repertoire, but it was a dark spell nontheless. Luna painfully brought the magic to her horn, grit her teeth as she formed the spell, and breathed a sigh of relief as she cast it.

The spell was rather crudely named 'Removal of Weakness,' and it turned off all nervous systems related to physical feelings, including part of her brain.

Luna stopped feeling the migraine and the bee-stings, but she also stopped feeling the sheets of her bed and the air through her fur. And, she realized as she rolled off her bed, it also turned off her third-dimensional perception. She didn't put her hooves out in time to stop her muzzle from cracking against the floorboards.

Putting off any sense of embarrassment, she stood up as quickly as she dared to see what had happened to her room. Her end tables were replaced with bee-hives, one of which was now destroyed, and all of its colors were switched to their polar opposites. Luna was afraid that this meant exactly what she thought it meant, and she hurried to leave her room and find her sister. She ended up smashing through her door, as it was actually fused to the walls beside it. And was made of dry ramen noodles.

The halls weren't any better, with the fixed lanterns flashing at one another in morse code, and the carpets rippling like the surface of water. A poor guard was wading through it as best he could. She didn't need any more confirmation.

It would be best to assume that this was the work of Discord.

Carina twisted and turned under Elfilis's arm. It seemed like no matter what she did, she just couldn't find a way to sleep comfortably. She groaned and reluctantly let herself wake up, knowing it was too early. So she sat up, pushing the arm off of her, and stretched out her back.

"Hey sweetie, what's wrong?" Every muscle in her body stiffened without her permission. She opened her eyes to look at her partner, not knowing what was setting her off. He looked the same as he always did, with his unique proportions and scruffy collar of fur. The large wings that sprouted from the sides of his head, that she loved even as she wondered how they didn't drive him insane. And his voice, it was the same, but the way he spoke was too upbeat for morning-Elfilis. And his face, it was held too tightly against his skull, trying too hard to look worried for her.

The most horrifying aspect of this being? There was not an ounce of Love in the creature in the bed beside her. Carina did the only thing she could do.

She screamed, fell off the bed backwards, and gave a double-donkey kick to the imposters neck on her way down.

Celestia was finalyzing the last few documents she needed to complete before she headed to bed. There was always paperwork when something happens in the castle, and paperwork related to logging attacks was not something she had much practice in. Regardless, it was done, and she let herself smile just a little bit as she rolled up the last peice of parchment for the night. Abruptly, she dropped her quill and ink from her telekinesis.

It was not from shock, or because she fell asleep at her desk, or even any form of exhaustion.

She was suddenly unable to feel her horn. She couldn't feel her face, or her neck, and she realized that she suddenly couldn't move either of them in any meaningful way either besides turning them both side to side on a swivel. Celestia stood up, knocking down a candle stand and a pile of blank parchments in her haste. Someone was in the room with her. She turned around, an action that took more effort than it should have, and found herself unable to gasp in horror.

"To be honest, I'd normally love to talk and gloat and all that phooie, but my throat isn't terribly well at the moment so I'll do this quickly." Discord frowned as he massaged his neck. "Thousand years, I debatedly don't turn ponies into stone, what's the fun in making sense, I hid the Elements of Harmony, blah blah blah. I think I mixed some of those up, put its my episode so... Toodle-loo!" And he deflated like a balloon until there was no longer any proof of him being there.

Aurum was supposed to be asleep. He was supposed to be in his crib. He was supposed to be unaware of the dangers around him. He was supposed to be protected by those around him.

He wasn't supposed to be an adult.

"What the heeeeell...?" The large golden changeling looked around his temporary nursing room as he tried to understand his own existance. He knew things he knew he wasn't suppose to know for many years, and he remembered the things that he should have long forgotten if he truly was his current apparent age.

Being born (ew), suckling on his birth mother's teats (double-ew), needing to be-

Okay, so maybe baby memories were best left alone, but the point still stood that he remembered these things he shouldn't. Or maybe he should? Because he wasn't supposed to be an adult? But why does he know what he should and shouldn't remember or know? Or does he only think that he knows these things? Whose to say-

"Alright, I'm not getting anywhere with this. Where's an adult when you need them? Or, well, you know. An actual adult... Why am I still talking to myself?"

Swaddle-Dee was busy reading a catalogue on the best-rated baby products in the Canterlot Library when he heard a sudden ringing noise followed by the rough sounds of someone attempting to clear their throat. This annoyed Swaddle-Dee. Didn't everyone know libraries were supposed to be quiet places?

He hopped off his high stool and started making his way towards the aisle with all the noise coming from it. He took two steps around the corner, arm over his mouth to chastise the ruckus maker, only to abort the moment he saw what it was. Swaddle-Dee swiftly hopped back behind the shelf, hoping that the monster with the limbs of other creatures didn't notice him.

"Grrr... Gaaah... Cough and hack and other forms of onomatopoeia. Sigh. This isn't the right library but I'm already off script so it's not like anyone'll find them anyways." Swaddle-Dee heard the sound of a book slamming shut and being slid back into it's place, following what sounded like water going down the drain. He only waited a moment to go back around the corner to see what the being had done.

The most obvious thing of note was the toilet on the ceiling, bowl still full of water that refused to bow to gravity. When he was done staring at that, he began looking at all of the books on the shelf. One stood out significantly, as it looked to be bursting at the seams and wasn't able to fit in between its neighbors snugly.

Swaddle-Dee, being the responsible and self-respecting Dee that he was, wasted no time getting his stool. It was basically an obligation that he snoop in on whatever was happening. He hopped on the chair and pulled out the rotund book and let it open on its own to the pages with something in them, and was surprise to find six unusually cut gems wedged into the spine.

A red lightning bolt.

A pink butterfly.

An orange apple.

A purple diamond.

A blue balloon.

A pink star.

Swaddle-Dee could only stare, mind blank as he beheld them. He was shocked into silence, both mental and otherwise. He only knew one thing for certain, only one undisputable fact about the crystals he found.

They were really, really neat.

Daroach gaped as the unfinished airship suddenly grew many pairs of legs and began running away from him and Storo. With the rest of the Squeak Squad still on it.

"Storo! Drop the cannon! We need to catch up!"

Toby stood still as the old pony wiped his face with a wet towel. He was a good friend.

"I lose sight of ya for half an hour and you get all this pink shit on your face. We've definitely missed the train back, so I hope you're okay with staying somewhere in Canterlot until-" Toby blinked as the stallion threw the towel on the ground angrily. "What's happening now, damn it!?" Toby looked curiously at where his head was pointed, and gasped as he saw Canterlot turn into something that even he thought was strange.

One of the castles towers started spewing smoke as it took off like a rocket, houses were balanced like spinning plates on top of tree trunks, and the road was moving like the worlds largest treadmill. Nothing was as it should be, and Toby still had friends in the heart of Canterlot that he needed to make sure were safe in all this non-sense. He didn't even have to think about it before choosing to sprint towards the chaotic city.

"Lucky! Where are ya-! You idiot! Stay safe! That's a bloody order!"

Twilight Sparkle was hiding. She knew something was warping the castle, and she knew she wouldn't have much warning to avoid the source if it chose to appear nearby. Her new spell, which allowed her to see Type energies, had allowed her to notice a strange Dragon-Type energy dripping into her study from between the ceiling tiles. She stayed away from the bulk of it, picking up and waking up Spike as she went, choosing to stay cautious of this phenomenon. Twilight knew she made the right choice when her books began to flap their covers like wings and flew out her windows. When her quill and inkpot began drawing unfamiliar faces in the air. When the chairs tore the legs off her desk to engage in a sword fight.

Twilight refused to drop her spell now. It was the only thing keeping her and Spike from walking straight into the worst of the chaos. It also allowed her to see how it was propagating. The source was serpentine in nature with malformed horns, if what little of its shape she could distiguish from its glowing silhouette through the walls could be trusted. She could see it teleporting from room to room, each time leaving a growing puddle of itself in its place. Twilight could only hope that of the few pony-shaped energies she could see, that her friends were none of the ones that were surrounded by the growing danger.

The truth was, Twilight was scared. She was tired and weak from using her magic to attack Chrysalis and she had given herself no time to truly recover. She knew in a test of strength, this new adversary would win every time. She would have to be more clever, more cautious than it to either defeat it or escape it.

Twilight didn't know which one was more feasible, or which one was the right choice. Either way, she wasn't leaving until she found her friends. She would never forgive herself if she ran when her friends needed her, and the Elements would undoubtedly be her best bet of ending this disaster.

Twilight's fear levels at 67%

Converting to energy at 78% efficiancy

Celestia ran head first into her sister as she turned the corner, knocking them both over. Luna recovered first, picking up her sister and firmly grasping her head in her hooves.

"Oh no, Tia, what did he do to you?" Celestia's head was turned to stone, her eyes half-lidded and her serene smile cemented on her face. Discord had made it personal.

Celestia, in turn, was horrified for her sister, though she could not say it. She could see Luna's face, she could see the blood dripping from her nostrils and the gash near her horn from when they collided. One of her hooves was terribly swollen, and she could barely make out an alarming number of bruises forming under her coat of fur. Celestia didn't know Luna's condition was not Discord's intention. He didn't plan to give her a migraine, and he didn't know she would have one when he changed her room as he did. It was his fault, but it was a result of recklessness as opposed to malevolent intent. She saw her sister injured, beaten, and swore that this was the last time Discord would get the chance to play his games.

Discord 'hmmm'd' and 'haaaa'd' as he carried six large bird cages in just as many hands. He had five of the six new Bearers of the Elements of Harmony and the violent pink changeling contained, but he just didn't seem able to find that last unicorn. He could've swore she never left the castle, and everytime he went to go check where he thought she'd be he would end up in an empty room or hallway wondering how she escaped him. No pony has ever been able to hide from him so easily, and he didn't believe it was possible until today. Discord could go wherever he wanted after all.

He wants to be in the same room as little Celly? He pops into the room, regardless of whether or not he was ever there or if he didn't know where she was. He always got what he wanted, until now.

Surprisingly, this wasn't upsetting to him, Discord actually found it rather exciting, even if his missing prisoner was screwing up his plans somewhat. He found himself saying 'this doesn't make any sense,' and he couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity. It was a novel situation, one he would treasure as he continued the search. He figured the love interest of Elfilis could work for his purposes anyway, though he knew he was also dancing on a razors edge by getting her involved.

In his defense, it was really hard to keep up a disguise when you're choking on your own adams apple.

Author's Note

Looks like Discord is being much more proactive this time around.

Also, it is really difficult to write scenes that convey Discord's brand of chaos.

41. Alright, I may have miscaulated.

I was Discord, if only for all of three seconds. Immobile, encased in stone but soon I will be free. I see outside of my prison as my powers come back to me, and what I see makes me ~~fearful~~ curious. A new god, schmoozing it up with the Princesses. I can see the world is embracing a small amount of chaos. ~~Do I dare hope?~~ It couldn't hurt to make sure it stays that way myself. But Elfilis is a factor I cannot predict. His powers ~~could only be chaos~~ were strange and unknown ~~and yet he was not feared~~ so I will have to be ~~careful about how I introduce myself~~ ready to assert myself as the stronger being.
As much as I wished to ~~show the Elements the truth of the world~~ play with the silly ponies, they would better serve as ~~peace offering~~ hostages negotiation tools. The actual Elements will need to go, just in case, and Celly will need to be ~~shut up~~ indisposed. Little Luny ~~has so much potential~~ has been through enough will be no threat to me.

The only cog left unaccounted for now is the new gods changeling. It had been so long since I had seen one so ~~happy~~ colorful, so she was clearly very loved by him. I decided that I would keep her away from the battle ~~if I valued myself~~ if I valued my life if I valued my soul to prove to myself- unless it was absolutely necessary.

My skin cracked, my mind roared, and I could see the world through my own eyes once more.

It was time to-

And then I was Elfilis again.

I blearily opened my eyes, trying to see through the blurry haze. I felt someone gently but firmly lift me by my arms, placing me down on my knees.

"Hey, Elfilis? You okay? It's me, Superman. I got you." I turned to him slightly, focusing as hard as I could to see his face. It stayed mostly blurry. "Hey, did it work?" It took me a moment to remember what he was refering to.

"...Mm...Mostly." I slowly stood up to my stubby feet, Superman carefully supporting me as I placed most of my weight against him. I didn't seem to have my flight to support me at the moment. Supermans face changed to what I think was concern, but it was hard to say.

"Mostly?"

"He's... yeah he's gone. Just... not how I intended." It was a much gruffer voice that took over for my living crutch.

"Clear answers, if you wouldn't mind." I saw Batman's dark figure carefully stepping through the field of junk surrounding me, and I didn't even bother trying to see what his expression might be.

"I was trying to flush him out, give him no place to go but out. Dude choose to stay, sink with the ship." His voice got... not rougher I think, but more commanding.

"So he's dead?"

"No... no. It wasn't me-him, sorry. It was a mini-me. Him. Fuck. Give me a second..." I closed my eyes to try to collect my thoughts, ignoring the way the hands on me became more firm, tense. The sounds of more feet pushing through the sand reminded me that Martian Manhunter was also standing by. "Alright. When the mini-whatever popped, I think I... Integrated it?" I didn't want to say ate, or consumed. "His memories are in here now, though only like an hours worth at most. The original him, Discord, is still back in my dimension. He's planning on... well to be honest I haven't a clue. He thinks about three things at once sometimes. The only thing I know for sure is that he's basically bunkering down until I get back." Seriously, his thoughts were contradictory and muddled, and his feelings were volatile.

"Hm. Mind explaining Gooey?"

"... Like, when something is melting?" Superman huffed out a laugh as Manhunter clarified for me.

"The creature you created. He has introduced himself as Gooey." Oh. That wasn't what I meant to do.

"Right, sorry. Gooey is... adaptable? He can morph into different shapes to accomplish different tasks or use different abilities. Unless you mean personality wise, in which case I would say that he is very kind. Gooey can be oblivious, and silly, but he's a nice guy who just likes making friends."

"It is impressive that you kept such a specific concept in mind with an invader distracting you." Yeah, like I wasn't trying to make Kirby again.

"Eh... it was close enough. I don't suppose you all have some magical super healing ability do you? I... I don't think there is any immediate danger back home, but I don't want to give that time to change." The martian turned away from me to stare at Batman.

"His mind is recovering quickly, but I would not recommend he push himself to use his abilities at this time. And he appears to be honest as well, I can detect no lies at this time."

"Gee, I can just feel the trust building." There was a moment of silence before Batman spoke up.

"... I think you'll be fine faster than you realize."

"... He didn't say that out loud did he? Thats a new one."

Batman watched as Elfilis greedily took the bottle of water from Flash, quickly downing it all. He didn't even flinch as the scarlet speedster appeared in the desert, so he might have experience with super-speed. Martain Manhunter left earlier, with only the smallest hint of embarrassment showing. Batman understood, it was a feeling he often fought with when anyone managed to sneak up on him. Except Alfred. Their was no shame in being snuck up on by him. Bruce stopped his train of thought as Flash spoke up, either about to make an insighful observation or make a fool of himself.

"Well you're a big guy. Nice towel by the way." Fool it was.

"Thanks, I hate it."

"What? Not a fan of big blue?" It was, rather humorously, a Superman themed towel.

"I'd rather just not have to wear it."

"Oh. You mean like...?"

"I want you to know that if you ever put clothes on a dog, that I will never forgive you." That... Was not actually where he thought this was going to go. Bruce also tried very hard not to think about Bat-Dog, lest he give Elfilis ammunition against him.

"Huh. It's the fur isn't it? Neat that we both have dogs on our planets though..." Batman saw where Flash was coming from. That would have been suspicious, but...

"Flash, he's from another dimension. Different rules." Bruce liked that about Clark, he wasn't just physically super. He had a decent level of perception and intuitiveness as well.

"Oh! That kind of alien. So, what? Are all humans replaced by flying nudist deer like you?" Well, Batman supposed that if the Flash died here then he would know for sure where Elfilis stood.

"No. It's full of ponies." He tried not to smirk at the open dumfoundness on the speedsters face.

"Ponies? Seriously?"

"Yep. At least where I live. I know there's also minotaurs and griffons and dragons and all kinds of other mythological creatures." That, that was a potential inconsistency that Batman caught.

"How do you know those creatures are myths to us?" Mostly myths, so long as you weren't a superhero. Regardless, he put his hands on his utility belt as Superman crossed his arms. Elfilis was... Shaking, he realized. Trembling. The steel thermos collapsed under his grip.

"... I think I used to be human." And now Bruce was entirely out of his element.

"... You have my condolences. You don't remember?"

"No. I only remember waking up in a cave, in a body I recognized but I knew wasn't supposed to be mine. It's... Something I thought I had comes to terms with, until i met some humans in another dimension. I haven't really... Had the chance to think about it. Or talk about it yet. With anyone." Well damn. Now the interdimensional being was spilling his guts out. Bruce never felt like the good guy when that happened. "I... I think I'm going to be back now." Three things happened at once. Batman turned around, as he was about to call Gooey over so he could go back with Elfilis. Then he heard Superman begin to speak.

"Wait, are you sure-" And his voice was cut off. Batman turned back to see a trail of glass in the sand with clouds of dust kicked up around them, undoubtedly from where the Flash really pushed his speed. However, the trail ended abruptly with no where to go, in the same spot that Superman and Elfilis had been standing only a moment ago. Only a Superman themed towel laid on the ground.

"... Dammit Clark."

I had no idea what I was looking at. Canterlot, the city itself, was in a state of constant movement. Ponies were running away from various animated objects, stores were literally competing by tossing display peices out of their windows at eachother, and what looked like Daroach and Storo teleporting and jumping their way towards a walking boat. And that was just what I knew how to put into words. As I thought though, nothing seemed to be outright hostile. The ponies running away from hat stands and umbrellas would get stuck in place as the ground moved them backwards, but the pursuing furniture would stop and wait for them to get off the treadmills before continuing the chase.

"I'm guessing this isn't how the city usually looks?" Seriously? I turned and looked behind me with the corner of my eye. Sure enough, the Flash and Superman were here with me. Superman looked physically uncomfortable, like he ate something bitter but Flash was at least pretending to still be his carefree self.

"... No. No it is not. Since you are here, would you mind making sure no one hurts themselves in this mess? I think everything here is meant to scare them, but confronting Discord would be easier if I knew you two were out here to make sure." Flash gave me a thumbs up and vanished in blur of motion. Superman stayed for just a moment longer.

"You're sure you've recovered enough for whatever is about to happen? You passed out not ten minutes ago."

"So long as I don't try to create anymore beings of great power I should be fine. Things without souls or a history are barely a drop in the bucket for me, and I'll likely be using my other abilities if this turns into a fight."

"That's the other thing. You looked like you were on the warpath before, now you sound like you're trying to give this 'Discord' the benefit of the doubt." Well, the first time I was on the 'warpath' I nearly killed pregnant Chrysalis. And besides that-

"I have an hours worth of his thoughts. Before he was an unknown who hacked my Dream and was keeping me away from my home. Now, Discord is a being who is at least capable of thought and understanding, even though he's convinced himself otherwise."

"And at most?"

"His thoughts were fucked up enough I wouldn't be terribly surprised he was possessed. I know that's happened at least once before. Regardless, I think I know enough to keep him off balance when or if we come to blows." He finally nodded before flying away, though he left me with some parting words.

"Alright, but shout for me if things get hairy. I'll be there faster than you can blink."

Twilight carefully walked around the guards who were stuck moving across the tiles like chess pieces. She had managed to duck out of sight of the entity that was causing this mess two more times before it seemed to give up the chase entirely, but she still kept the spell over her eyes just in case. Being able to see it's Dragon energy appear moments before it itself arrived had proved invaluable, but now it also allowed her to see the forms of what could only be the Princesses up ahead. She had tried to reach her brother, but he was stuck in checkmate and wasn't able to come with her. Cadence was nowhere to be found, either staying too far away for her spell to find her or being trapped in an area that was entirely saturated with chaos.

Finding the Princesses was good news though, and as she finally entered the same hallway as her mentor and her sister, more good news followed. Two cloudy-white pegasus shapes, two earthy-brown pony shapes, one gray unicorn shape with just a dash of lavender in the horn, and one large mass of bright pink that could only be Carina.

She had found her friends.

Twilight reluctantly turned off the spell and carefully made her way to Celestia and Luna, making sure to whisper to not surprise them.

"Princess. What's happening?" Celestia and Luna turned away from the throne room doors they were peeping into the keyholes of when she found them, and Twilight felt her heart rate spike. Celestia's head was solid stone, frozen to an inappropriately serene expression, and Luna looked like she had gotten into a nasty fight. It was Spike who got over it fastest, whispering frantically from his place on her back.

"Oh my gosh! What happened to you!?" Luna just frowned as she wiped some dried blood off her lips. She didn't bother with whispering.

"Discord has escaped his prison, and has evidently decided to take some form of revenge on us." Twilight gulped down her nerves, she didn't have time to panic.

"Discord... Who is he? Besides the one whose responsible for all this?"

"He is the spirit of Chaos. We had used the Elements of Harmony to seal him in stone long ago. The prison must have weakened when the Elements chose new Bearers, but I suspect he might have fed upon the natural disorder of the past week to escape early."

"Is he the reason I'm an adult now?" Everypony jumped at the young, unfamiliar voice. They did not notice the large golden changeling join them in the main hall. "Can he like, undo that? Because this is really uncomfortable. I don't have enough life experience to be an adult yet." It was Twilight who connected the dots the fastest.

"Aurum! What!? How did-!? Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"It is so weird knowing things that I know I shouldn't know. Especially since knowing that I know things I shouldn't know is, in and of itself, something I shouldn't know. Also, being born? Traumatizing. I would very much like to grow up the natural way that means I don't remember all that crap."

It wasn't hard to find my way to Discord. All the signs in the city pointed me his way, and there were movie posters on a theater that showed him sitting in the throne room. The movie was rated E for Elfilis and had outstanding reviews. Evidently he had settled on intimidation through a show of power. I highly doubted he had intended on me knowing his plans though. I pushed my way through the castle doors, closing them behind me with the butt of my spear.

It was even worse in here, and I had to avoid ponies floating and bouncing off the walls in bubbles as well as fly over an army of brooms that took up the entire corridor. I did eventually make it to the thrones entrance, and was pleasentky surprised to find friends. They weren't in the best condition, but they weren't in cages. It was the unfamiliar changeling who notice me first.

"Hey look, its the teleporting dude." Celestia nodded her petrified head in greeting, while Luna smiled crookedly at me. Twilight wasn't paying me any attention though, bugging Spike about something.

"It is good to see you are back Elfilis. Are you okay? Your Dream is not as easy to sense right now."

"I'm fine, but what about you? You're the only one I've seen who is actually hurt." Discords memories made it seem like he was going to effectively ignore her, so seeing her bloodies nose and crusty scalp was a shock to me.

"Nothing he did was inherently harmful, but I reacted very poorly to your Dream disappearing out from under my hooves. Metaphorically." Celestia looked like she would've argued with that had she been able too, but I was willing to accept it for now.

"Alright, just take care of yourself. I have to go see the dumbass in the throne room, he's waiting for me." There were some raised voices but I waved their words away. "Trust me on this please. I'm not rushing in and running on instinct this time."

"Are you sure?" Luna looked very conflicted, but I stood my ground for this one. I knew what I was getting into.

"I am. Just stay here, relax, and tend to your wounds please. You look terrible." I vaguely heard her say something sarcasticly as I walked past them. I braced my free hand on the doors, took one last deep breath... And decided that I had space to fuck with everyone.

I shouted, "DELIVERY!" And I watched the ponies not set in stone gawk at me as I rapidly started knocking on the grand doors.

I was still mostly Elfilis, promise.

Author's Note

Do you know how often I think,
"I should ask this or say that on the authors notes" and then forget what I was going to write by the time I get here?

Everytime.

This was also difficult to write, in part because of real life and in part because it's still Discord's bullshit.

I remembered this time though. Should I change my stories rating or has it actually earned its Mature rating?

42. S.U.B.L.I.M.I.N.A.L.

The Bearers of the Elements of Generosity, Honesty, Loyalty, and Laughter all sat in their cages. They periodically switched between attempting escape, trying to cheer up their friends, and glaring at Discord. Carina, the changeling princess was also in a cage and she was doing many of the same things, though she chose to glare at the draconequus the vast majority of the time.

"He's going to kick your ass, dickhead." As one might expect, this started a new round of jeering from the other ponies.

Rainbow Dash pipes in; "Teats is right. And Elfilis isn't the only one you have you have to worry about. Twilight and the Princesses are going to totally ruin your plans!"

Applejack shouts; "Yeah! So you better let us all outta here before they find ya!"

Pinkie Pie giggles before stating; "I'm already planning a 'We beat the big bad evil guy' party!"

Rarity didn't feel the need to say anything, simply turning her nose up at Discord. But everypony was surprised when the so-far silent Bearer of Kindness spoke up.

"U-um, Mister Discord...? I think you should... um... let us go? Maybe?" Fluttershy was shaking, as the girls sadly expected from her, but what was odd was that she didn't duck her head or hide her face behind her mane. She looked the now-curious Discord in the eyes, unfalteringly. The chaotic serpent slithered out of the throne he stole as he approached his most behaved prisoner.

"Oh? And why would I do that? Are you scared of little ol' me? Well, I'll have you know that you all are safe in Discord's very capable extremities. Nopony can get you here, hahaha!" Rainbow is particular wanted to kick his one visible fang off his face, but any words she had for the insane warden died when Fluttershy cut throught the laughter unperturbed.

"Oh, I am scared. V-very scared actually... But, um... Not of you... Sorry..." Discord's smile dropped, though he didn't look angry or upset. True beffudlement shone through his eyes as he inched closer to the shy pegasus.

"Really? What are you scared of then? I kidnapped you and put you in a cage you know, in case you haven't noticed." Fluttershy would never answer him. Before she could-

"DELIVERY!" And even Discord jumped as the room was filled with a rapid banging as someone went to town on the closed doors. The spirit squinted at an invisible watch on his eagle claw.

"You're early! Did you skip the chase sequence?!"

"Not on purpose! Can I come in or not!? Your pizza's getting cold!" The caged mares all recognized the voice of Elfilis but as much as that filled them with hope, worry grew as he began to play with Discord.

"I don't remember ordering any pizza!"

"No?! You didn't order the large fuck-you pizza with reality-check pepperoni?!" Despite themselves, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie giggled as Discord rolled his eyes.

"No no no, I didn't order the large pizza. Now-"

"Sorry for the confusion! I'll check the address again!" This caused the chimera to sputter in confusement.

"W-What! No! You have the right address!"

"Oh? So you did order the fuck-you pizza!"

"Grrr, yes fine. I ordered the large fuck-you pizza. Get in here! Only I'm allowed to waste my time..." Discord grumbled under his breath, but no one could hear what he said as the large doors slammed open. Elfilis strutted across the carpet, ornate spear in hand. One could have caught a glimpse of Twilight Sparkle violently scraping her hooves against something as Spike looked on in concern, but most would have instead noticed Princess Luna panicking before the doors bounced closed again. Discord crossed his arms and glared at the latest arrival before throwing his arms out dramatically.

"Well?! Where's my pizza?" To which Elfilis eloquently replied-

"Fuck you." Cue the nervous laughter from the peanut gallery.

"Yes yes, you're very funny. I would take things more seriously if I were you-"

"No you wouldn't."

"No I wouldn't, but my point still stands! I didn't think you were one to take the lives of your friends so lightly!" Elfilis's eyes scanned the mares one by one, and Carina shivered as his eyes met hers. There was a moment where he looked at the cage with the intense look in eyes she had come to learn meant that he was reacting poorly to something, thinking faster than he could keep up with. To her shock, his eyelids quickly drooped back down to their usual calm gaze as he turned back to Discord.

"They seem plenty safe to me. I mean, have you seen it out there? It's crazy let me tell ya. I wonder if that's what it woukd look like with Marx in charge."

"Like the communist?" As Rainbow shushed Pinkie Pie, Discord just deadpanned at the nonchalant response.

"I. Have. Your. Friends. Hostage."

"Whaaaat? Are you kidding? I couldn't think of a safer place for them to be then in your very capable extremities." The temperature dropped a degree. No one knew what to expect, but it wasn't for Elfilis to start repeating Discord's lines back at him. Despite everything, it was the draconequus who was most disturbed. He wasn't supposed to be predictable.

"Oh really? And why is that? I could snap my fingers and you would never see them again. I-"

"Oh you could. But that wasn't the plan, right?" Elfilis casually walked past a bewildered Discord, sauntering towards the cages before stopping and turning to brazenly sit upon the throne, as if it had always been his. More than one pony gasped before they could stop themselves. "If I remember correctly, you were going to capture the Bearers and hide the Elements while I was stuck on a road-trip through the multiverse so I couldn't stop you. You left yourself some room to improvise, you weren't sure how you were going to keep me away, but this point here was pretty set in stone." Elfilis barely blinked as Discord flinched before growling, slithering up into his face in a blur of movement. The teal biped just leaned closer, locking his antlers with his opponent confrontationaly. "You planned on me rushing through here, angry and scared of what you might do, of who you might be. And then, you were going to give me an offer I couldn't refuse."

"Do us both a favor and shut your trap." Elfilis pushed foward with his head as he stood from the throne, shocking the draconequus into giving ground.

"You were going to challenge me to a battle. Win or lose, you were going to open the cages. Correct?"

"How-?!"

"If I won, you would reveal the location of the Elements and return to stone! Correct?!"

"N-no! Why-?" Discord choked as he had to back pedal. Elfilis pushed his his antlers further into his space.

"And if you won, you said you would be free to do whatever you want! But that was just what you going to say, correct?!" He didn't let Discord deny it as he reached out and shoved him out of the lock they had been in. "You don't have a plan for if you win, you don't have an endgame. All that mattered was the fight that you seem to gain nothing from. You don't want to win, do you?" His words echoed as the chamber became silent. Discord looked at him with a conflicted fearful expression that made his mixed features appear even more warped. The mares held their breath, not daring to cut the tension Elfilis brought with him "I'm not going to ask you if I'm correct. Now, you may be thinking something like 'Wow, this is so crazy! It's like he's in my head!' You would almost be right. You may have made a tiny mistake by putting yourself in mine."

"S-so what?! Are you calling the mini-me a chatterbox?! That's not funny! I wouldn't-" Discord squeaked through the large hand now squeezing his muzzle shut, silencing him.

"No. He didn't say anything. He chose to stay as my Dream collapsed on him. Crushed him until he popped. And then, I sifted through the scraps. I know that something is wrong in that head of yours. The only question is whether or not you'll sit still long enough for me to find out what, or if I'll have to beat you down before I give you your reality check."

My heart was hammering in my chest and I kept a tight grip on my breathing to keep it calm and even. When Discord vanished in a flash of light followed by a stinging sensation behind my shoulders, I was only surprised that it took so long for him to do so. I had no idea he would let me go one for so long. Especially since some of the things I said that weren't meant to mean anything seemed to really piss him off. Regardless, I pushed myself off the ground with my wings before facing Discord. He looked deranged with his lion paw tinged with red. I tightened my grip on my spear as he began to growl.

"You... I would run if I were you." Still channeling the spirit of smartass, I responded.

"Hm... You would, wouldn't you?" I let my mind expand through the Dream, enhancing my senses and letting me feel the minds of everyone in the room. Discord's in particular felt oily and malformed. It also suddenly felt like it was right behind me, so I swung my spear in an arc behind me. It nicked his horns as he sunk his head into his torso, and he followed up by firing his head at me like a cannon. A portal opened in front of me, sending the head to nowhere as Discord disappeared again. I felt his mind reappear above me even as I charged a beam between my antlers. He shot through the ceiling like a comet, legs on fire as they extended towards me.

I fired the beam, catching him in it and halting his progress entirely as he fought against the current of it. I portalled away as the laser faltered and shot out at one aimed at his head. I only needed to stun him, but I still missed the mark as the Discord I grabbed by the head fell apart like clay as I felt gravity's effects increase. My body fell several feet, and I only manage to compensate in time to avoid hitting the floor. I quickly had to block with the shaft of my spear as an unhinged jaw snapped onto it. I wrestled with him for only a moment before I made a cracking motion with it, as if Discord was a whip.

He didn't make a big wave with his body that ended with a snap at his tail, as I half expected him too. I ended up just breaking his jaw. He flashed away as he snarled, spending no time slapping his jaw back into place like it had a faulty battery.

"Gah! How dare you?! Don't you know what I am!?" A strong beat of my wings stopped me from being struck as he grew to twice his original size, lunging at me with eagle claw outstretched.

"Enlighten me!" Suddenly, his mind was everywhere. A Discord slashed at my wings as another wrapped around my legs, and I slashed through both as best I could before another lactched onto my spear-arm like a viper. "Grah! I'm trying not to kill you here! Cooperate motherfucker!"

"Why! Why do you try!? I am Discord! You aren't making any... GRAAAAAGH!" I punched the Discord biting my arm until it's head split open, spilling candy like a pinata, before catching the one roaring towards me by the neck before he could reach mine. I wondered if I should have kept my mouth shut earlier, if a Discord who believed everything was going according to plan would have been easier to deal with than one that acts ferally. I pushed the thought away as he grabbed my waist and slammed me into the floor. My arm began the shake as he used his grip to pull me closer to his mouth, and I dropped my weapon so I could use both arms to keep him away.

"I know who you are! I was Discord! I lived your thoughts before escaping our prison! That's why I'm trying! Because I know that something is wrong in there, fucking you up like you were with me!" He snapped his fang at me as he tried to lung the last bit of distance towards me. "Would you rather I actually fight you to the death?!" Discord's eyes gained a white tint.

"Yeeeeeees!" My arm, already injured, was losing the battle. As he wrapped his lower body around my back and began to squeeze me closer, I felt resignation. I didn't think I would die here, I knew how Fecto Elfilis cheated death after all, but I thought that was it. I talked to him, I goaded him, I told him that something was wrong with him and I had real reason to believe it! Either I was wrong believing I could help him through whatever was crooked in his head or whatever had a hold of him had too tight a grip to just let itself be discovered. I wondered if I would be forced to kill him. I summoned a portal, and prepared to summon a spear from it. I hadn't even decided if I was going for lethal when a young voice suddenly came yelling.

"Watch out! Baby's coming!" The pressure on my body lessened significantly as the golden changeling from earlier flew in and latched onto Discord's face. He let go of me with one arm to pull him off roughly, before glaring into him.

"What will you do now, insect? You are a child!" The changeling, whose eyes shined like saphires, just smiled.

"Well, I do have one thing I'm really good at!" He took a deep breath, inhaled until it looked like his chest might pop, and then-

"AaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I closed my wings up against my head as he screeched like a banshee, and I very belately realized this was Aurum as Discord tossed him and let go of me to clamp onto his ears as well. My legs caught me, and I began to rush towards him while I had the chance.

Unfortunately, Discord popped his ears off like they were toy peices before ducking under my grab. I opened a portal behind him, hoping he'd fall in, but he swerved around it easily. He held his chest with both arms, like he was hugging himself, and fire began spilling from his lips. Before I could get out of the way, Twilight Sparkle rushed in and made her own contribution.

"Dragon is weak to Dragon, asshole!" And then she threw a bag of pinkish-purplish powder into his mouth as she ran by. It detonated in his face, and he screeched before he began to cough and hack, sputtering fire all the while. I opened a portal right over his head, pulled it down towards him, but he still managed to slither away faster than I could blink. Luna stood in the open doorway as he rushed at her, ready to stop him by any means necessary. Discord dodged an attack spell as it whizzed by his head, only to slam head first into Celestia as she swung her head like a flail. I grabbed him by the neck and tried to pull us both into the Dream, but a second Discord torso grew from his back and spat bubbles into my eyes, causing me to let go as they popped directly in my eyes. They sizzled.

"Fuck! You're making being a nice guy really difficult right now!" I squinted through the pain, and I barely saw as he shattered a shield Luna had set up to block him. I lunged forward, missing the tuft of hair I was aiming for. I remembered that Superman said he would hear if I yelled out his name, and I was about to do so. However, as if he knew I was going to call for help, he appeared.

Toby the motherfucking puffball. Discord leapt over Luna like a spring, only to run directly into the purple hero's foot as he jump kicked into the air. The draconequus lost his momentum and flopped onto the floor, and Toby saw his opening. He grabbed onto his face, a cheek in each hand, and lifted. Toby held Discord's head over himself and jumped into the air, carrying the rest of the limp body with him. They reached the apex of the jump, slowing in the air, and then Toby aimed Discord toward the floor and began to spin. He was committing to a Tornado Throw, and it was absolutely perfect. The portal opened right under them as they descended, and whether it be luck or shock or the powder Twilight made him choke on, Discord didn't teleport away as he and Toby spun into it like a corkscrew.

I didn't waste a moment. I entered the Dream, brought Discord to me, locked his mind down. This was my chance. I put my mind against his, and I pushed the oil and the slime away as best I could. It resisted, pushing back, trying to infect my mind as well, but I was the Psychic Beast! If I couldn't do this than I might as well-

"Sir? You wanted to see me?"

"No. I didn't. And I still don't as a matter of fact."

"W-wha- Sir! Did-"

"You don't belong here. You aren't a unicorn, you're barely even a pony. This is no place for a creature like you."

"W-wha-! How dare you! I was invited by-"

"Indeed. And I will have to explain to her what a mistake it was. Your 'unique magic' is nothing but a cheap way of getting what the rest of us have to earn through hard work."

"I-I didn't choose to be born this way! Its who I am!"

"Mhm. You are an abberation. An abomination. You're nothing but a catalyst for chaos and I will not allow it to destroy what this academy stands for."

"Tch, my parents were right about you. I can't believe a monster like you is respected by ponies of all races."

"Monster!? No. You are the monster. Here, let me show you."

"Wait- What are you- Gah! AH! WHYYYYY!"

... If that wasn't Starswhirl the Bearded I'll eat my fucking... hooves.

Author's Note

Woot woot.

Now, I know what you may be thinking.
"Your only in the first season and you're losing villians like flies!"

Yeah. I know. But this is also a Kirby crossover.

Also, longest chapter.

43. Working overtime.

Everyone stared at where Toby and Discord vanished into one of Elfilis's portals. Some didn't know what to say, some didn't know what to hope for, and others were totally lost. Fortunately, only moments after Elfilis himself disappeared, all of Discord's actions came undone. Five ponies and one changeling stumbled as they fell from cages that no longer existed, one Princess took a deep breath of relief as her countenance turned from stone to flesh and fur, and one studious unicorn awkwardly waved a golden changeling goodbye as he shrunk back down into a baby. An entire city slowly recovered as animated objects became still once more and various curses and effects imposed on the citizens were cured almost instantly.

Storo the mouse stopped to wipe the sweat off his forehead as the airship he had been grappling the legs of came to a stop and finally allowed Daroach to check on Doc, Spinni, and the many Squeakers of the Squeak Squad. He turned to the flying man in a red cape who had helped hold down the ship and gave him a nod of appreciation. A man in a full red suit ran in faster than Storo could blink, casually greeting Superman as if it was a normal day. It reminded the big rodent of Spini.

"Hey Supes. Looks like the big deer man did it. You wanna go home or should we run a lap to make sure I didn't miss any ponies that are stuck in trees or something?"

"I think I should help the 'Squeak Squad' here with getting their ship back in its proper place, but if you want to check one last time for anyone else stuck in a weird situation I think that would be appreciated."

"The 'Squeak Squad?' I take back anything I ever said about the 'Justice League.' Meet back up at the castle? Ten bucks says that's where the big brawl went down."

"That's a suckers bet Flash."

Back at said castle, Princess Celestia was fretting over Aurum, making sure that there were no lingering effects from his peculiar transformation. While she was busy, the Element Bearers all grouped up, happy to see eachother safe and sound.

"Oh my gosh! That was awesome Twilight!" Rainbow smiled even as Pinkie Pie jumped in front of her.

"Yeah! The big meanie was all 'grrrr' and Elfilis was all like 'Oh shit' and then you just jumped in and were all like 'Dragons are my bitches' and then he exploded!" Twilight smiled uncomfortably before trying to correct her.

"That's not what I... Oh whatever. I'm just glad you're all safe. I was so scared! I was just... and then everything started... I didn't know what to do!" Princess Luna watched as the brave unicorn broke down in front of her friends. She was very impressed by her sister's student, and the image of her crying while all her friends tried to calm her down and reassure her didn't diminish that respect in the slightest.

This was the pony who was willing to face Nightmare Moon alone if she had too. The pony that took a leap of faith to trust five other ponies when it was needed the most. The pony who pulled off a spell of ludicrous power in mere moments when the Gala was attacked, and not even days later was pushing her recovering magic to its limits maintaining a spell of her own creation that allowed her to hide from Discord. Luna was going to have to ask Celestia how she found such an outstanding young mare. But she had other things to focus on. Carina very unsubtlely cleared her throat to gain the younger Princesse's attention.

"Yes, Carina? Is there something you need?"

"Don't patronize me," Whoops, that wasn't the tone she was aiming for. "you're the only one who can check on Elfilis right now."

"Apologies. You are right, but I'm afraid that if I enter the Dream I will not be coming out for awhile."

"Huh? Why not? You going to try to steal him away for yourself?" Luna smirked as Carina tried to wiggle her eyebrows, but she could tell the mare wasn't entirely joking.

"No. My body is... not well at the moment." She jumped, undoubtedly worsening her condition, as an unfamiliar voice called down from above her.

"That's an understatement." Luna, and the rest of the ponies for that matter, all looked on in confusion at Superman. After all, the only human they know is Professor Oak, so this flying man in tights was especially odd to them. Nevermind the fact that he wasn't actually human, but they didn't know that. "You have a major break in your back left leg, massive swelling and blockage of blood vessels in your front left leg, bruises all over your front and a neat crack right along your upper jaw. I'm impressed you're still standing."

"Ah, thank you?" Luna didn't go much farther before Celestia rushed up to her, baby Aurum latched onto the back of her neck.

"Luna! I knew it was bad, why didn't you say anything! What did Discord do?!"

"Tia, please, I know. I'll be okay. I had a very rude awakening, between being forced from Elfilis's Dream and the 'pranks' Discord left me with. The migraine was unbearable, I could barely think, barely see through the tears in my eyes. But I knew something was wrong, and I got desperate, so I... turned off the pain?"

"What?! Luna!"

"Yes, I know! It was a very rash decision. But Discord was free and there was chaos in the halls and I couldn't just lay in bed and wallow!" The flying man interjected at this point.

"You hurt yourself more by trying to get around without a sense of pain, didn't you?" Luna reluctantly nodded.

"Yes, it isn't possible to remove pain without also removing many of the safety limits your mind always has in place. To say nothing of how hard it was to turn corners while I couldn't feel the ground under my hooves."

"I really would suggest getting medical attention at this time. I know you all have magic, but if this seems like something you will need help with the Justice League would be willing to offer as much as we can. As soon as we find Elfilis anyway..." Celestia made Luna sit down as she began casting healing spells, but she still allowed her sister to ask Superman questions.

"I thank you, but I am afraid we have never heard of the Justice League. Am I right in assuming that Elfilis brought you here from another world?"

"Yes, though I think it was mostly an accident in his part. I didn't think he was going to leave so soon and I stepped up to him as he opened the portal on himself. There is one more with me, Flash. He's the fastest man alive, he should join us soon. So, where is Elfilis? He is our ticket home after all." Luna sighed and prepared to drop the spell that was keeping her concious.

"He is in his Dream at the moment. I am going to check on him now, but if he can't leave for any reason I won't be able to be able to get back to you about how he is until I wake up again. So no sedatives." She said that last part to her sister, who frowned at her but let it go for the moment. Superman just sighed.

"Well, hopefully he's okay and isn't busy with anything. Let him know there's no hard feelings if he can't come back for us yet, it was our choice to stick around and help. We do need to get home sooner rather than later though."

"I will let him know." Luna winced, dropped the spell and-

I was having the most difficult time with Discord's bullshit. First of all, whatever the gunk was that I felt on his mind was apparently oozing out from somewhere deeper inside. He was only knocked out and under my control so long as I was in the Dream with him, so I literally had to either cure the festering mind wound or I had to push him back into the 'real world' and hope that the others had found the Elements of Harmony by then. I had Discord's memories of planning to hide the Elements, and even I didn't know what he eventually did with them. That meant I played it safe and kept him in here with me while I tried to help him. Everything got weirder from there.

At some point I thought to myself, 'Man, this is a pain trying to do everything based on feeling. If only I could see what I was doing.' Discord apparently decided that meant he should fucking disintigrate into Dream Matter and leave behind only a large ball of silver liquid. It was always flowing into itself and had ugly black pus bubbling up in places. I just stared for a good moment before turning to Toby, who was just watching with a frown on his face.

"Did I just rip out his Soul? Have I been messing with Souls this whole time instead of minds? Is there a difference? How much did I just fuck up?" Toby just shrugged, which was enough movement to put him into a slow spin, and I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "Fine. This is salvageable. Magalor came back from being a Soul-form, Marx might've done something similar, so Discord isn't dead. Just... Corporeally-challenged." I pondered what to do next for a couple of seconds, just stewing in the silence.

"... So, Discord is apparently following Kirby rules. That means... what? His body was apparently made of Dream Matter, and I now have his Soul Matter here. Supposedly he has Heart Matter somewhere in this mess and I should probably treat all this gunk as Dark Matter." I felt Toby float onto my head and take hold of my antlers. "Now... Dark Matter in the games was usually fucked up by friendship and love, but the rules are played fast and loose. Gooey is Dark Matter but he converted when he was somehow exposed to positivity, but other Dark Matters just exploded. Nevermind the fact that I don't want this crap to explode..."

"Elfilis...? Ugh... Sorry, are you alright? Where is Discord." I turned to see Luna tiredly float her way over to me. It was worrying, as i don't think she'd ever looked tired in the Dream before.

"Uh, he's..." I pointed my hands at the Soul in exasperation. "Here, I guess."

"Hm? Is he imprissoned in there? What is it?"

"Well, no. That is Discord. His Soul, to be specific..."

"...Elfilis?"

"Yes...?"

"That's terrifying." I groaned out loud as Toby giggled at me.

"It was an accident! Which doesn't make it better, but still! He isn't dead, and this is probably my best bet at helping him."

"Yes, about that..." Luna looked uncomfortable with the prospect, and I didn't blame her. She didn't get to see what I saw. "Are you sure... Is he like the Nightmare and not just...? Guh, answer the question, you know what I am trying say." I nodded, though I wasn't sure how to describe my feelings on the matter. It came to me pretty quickly though.

"So all that Dark Matter here? It was put there by Starswirl-"

"I will tear them out by the roots and burn them in the depths of Tartarus." I knew I could count on her.

It was hours later, leaving Celestia alone in the throne room as she tried to stave off a headache. Luna was in medical, as was Twilight and the Elements and Cadence insisted on taking Aurum off the princess's hooves. Reconstruction efforts were relatively painless, with the worst of the damage being scattered items in the streets and a broken window or two on most streets. The worst of it fixed itself after Discord's defeat. She knew she was assuming he was defeated, but she had faith in both Elfilis and her sister to keep things handled while they were both in their 'element' as it were. Truthfully? Her headache was from other ponies.

The nobility raised a fuss about how their belongings should be recovered before anypony else's, and it didn't matter how many times she explained that wasn't even logistically possible. Celestia only got them to stop with help from Superman and the Flash, with them agreeing to pretend to be foreign diplomats. The nobles ate up the story with gusto, and last she saw was the man in blue straining to keep a smile on his face as pompous ponies fought to convince him who was the most rich and important among them. Luckily, it appeared she would be able to send him and his friend back home soon. Celestia smiled as Elfilis appeared from a portal, actively yawning as his wings drooped from his hunched over head.

"Long night?"

"Mm. You're welcome by the way." Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Thank you Elfilis, truly. I was going to say that after I got you to see to your wounds." Elfilis just groaned when he looked down to see the various places Discords claws and scales had cut into him.

"Later, that'll have to come later. There is still so much to do before I can let myself pass out."

"It is alright to take a break, is it not? Discord isn't still a threat is he?" The princess sincerely hoped not. She let her chest relax as he shook his head.

"No, but we have to talk about that. Discord I mean, and Luna reminded me I have to send the heroes back home, and we should probably discuss what we learned about the fabric of reality. Most importantly though..." He yawned again, leaving Celestia in suspense. What was more important than knowledge on how the very world around them worked? "-aaaaah. Most importantly I have to sleep with Carina." Oh. Of course.

Author's Note

Got a sadness infection, all better now. On more serious notes, calm chapters are hard to write into after climatic events and things will be calmer for awhile. For realsies. Im not gonna start season 2 with Starswirl riding into ponyville on Tireks back or anything.

44. Everything in its place.

Bruce Wayne was in the Watchtower, the Justice League's satellite space station, staring down what he believed may be the strongest being in the solar system. The blue blob simply stared back, his googly eyes bouncing around from behind Batman's stolen cowl. BatGooey was not one to back down from a challenge! He never lost staring contests, and he had a secret weapon that guarantees success. The unmasked crusader of the night scowled as Gooey's smile grew wider, and wider... and wider. And now he was concerned. His eyes widened in shock as he saw, where normally an unnasuming tongue would appear, a large pupil poked out from behind the stretched lips.

"Hey Bats! We miss anything?" Bruce jumped in his seat and turned to see the Flash waving at him jovially with Superman and Elfilis following him through the silent portal. Then he realized his mistake and turned back towards the large-eyed Gooey, only to see him back to his usual self. Licking the cowls nose with his tongue. He just sighed and put his head on the table.

"You missed an attempted alien invasion by a warlord named Darkseid. He was defeated within ten minutes. No casualties." He heard more than he saw Superman tense up before relaxing again, letting out a calm breath. It was the Flash who kept talking though.

"Must not have been as much of a big shot as he thought huh? Go team Justice!"

"The Justice League wasn't part of the defense."

"... Go... U.S.A.?"

"No one on the planet was aware the invasion even happened."

"... Go random bout of luck?" That one got an amused huff out of the caped crusader, and it gave him enough energy to to sit back up to speak.

"Gooey here destroyed the entire army by himself. Stole my cowl and ejected himself into space the moment we were aware of the threat." He looked at Elfilis as the tall winged being tried to hide his tired giggling. "So yes. I would say it was a random bout of luck." Superman finally broke his silence.

"Wait, seriously? Darkseid? And why did he steal your cowl?" Bruce noted down that Clark apparently knew about a world conquering being before he answered.

"I assume it was to hide his identity." Elfilis was now fully laughing, bent over as he held his stomach. "Yeah. He hasn't let me have it back."

"Oh my god! That's amazing! I'm sorry, but that's... woo, wow. How did Gooey do it? I would guess, but its been a long day." Bruce could see it, Elfilis was looking rather haggard again like when he made Gooey.

"He sprouted out these orange orbs that gave him propelsion and when he gained enough speed he turned into a rock. His momentum carried him right through the hull of the command ship. After that, we don't know. It exploded after a few minutes and the rest of the army either followed suite or retreated after that."

"Holy crap." He doesn't think he's ever heard Flash sound so awed. "Looks like you have comptetion Big Blue. Little Blue is coming for your title!"

"No he isn't. He's decided to explore the galaxy on his own, he was just waiting for Elfilis so he could say goodbye." Said being looked shocked for a moment before croiching down to be at Gooey's level. Everyone felt the mood drop, it was so sudden.

"You're looking for adventure aren't you? To spread love and joy and defeat those that would destroy it?" The blob jiggled in a way that resembled enthusiastic nodding. "... I feel like I'm letting a part of myself go. It didn't hurt this much when Toby suddenly decided to strike out. But... This is who you are, who I made you to be. My only request is that you make friends every step of the way. Besides, I'm only a world away if I ever want to see you, right? Have fun Gooey. In the way only you know how."

Fuck me. I practically abandoned Gooey moments after making him, without ever having said a word to him, and that little interaction still felt like the hardest punch to the gut I've ever had. In recent memory. I must be more exhausted than I thought. Two hours of studying the secrets of the universe in a completely non-philosophical sense was something I wasn't going to make a habit of. My thoughts stopped short as Celestia stepped into the throne room, all the Elements plus Spike following behind her in a rough line.

"Aurum is asleep with Cadence and Shining watching him, Luna is still recovering, and, outside of bodily tossing her onto the floor, nothing I could do would wake up Carina." I snorted.

"Yeah, that sounds about right. The actual Elements still missing?"

"Unfortunately, but until Canterlot is in order again I cannot have too many ponies out looking for them."

"Did you ask the Squeak Squad to help?" She paused for only a moment as her horn briefly lit up.

Daroach jumped as a focused beam of light came from the heavens, scorching the grass in front of him. It deftly made six shapes before scarring a sentence in the ground.

SIX GEMS
LOOK LIKE THIS
FIND THEM
THNX

"Now I have." I didn't know how to feel about the mischievous smile on her face. "Now, is everypony ready?" She got a small cocaphony of confirmation before she nodded herself. "Then let us begin. Elfilis? When were you first aware something was wrong?"

I rushed through my explanation of events, the faster this got done the faster we could get to the part that took two hours to do. New worlds, powers weren't working, Discord in Dream unsupervised, etcetera. Everyone else's version of the story was mostly the same, bar Twilight's and Spikes. Apparently she figured out a spell that let her see Professor Oak's Type energies, and this let her see where Discord was going to be before he did. And that dust that she threw in his face? She grinded down one of Spike's less protective scales into powder because they have Dragon Type energy in them, and Dragon Energies apparently don't play nice with other sources of itself like Discord. Damn clever.

Celestia was taken out of the fight sooner than the others, but the rest of Twilight's friends effectively woke up early morning in cages. Rainbow tried embellishing her story, something about a daring plan involving karate. I think we all silently agreed that we would let her have her little fantasy before we moved on. Finally, we got to what me and Luna were doing in the Dream.

"His body was destroyed?!" Twilight's reaction was nearly universal, but Applejack and Rainbow Dash seemed nonchalant.

"Yes, it's very scary, there's still almost two hours of events afterwards though." Celestia grunted, which was very not princess-like of her by the way, and I took that as permission to continue. "The order of events after that aren't as important as what me, and Luna, discovered. Discord's body turned into Dream Matter, but it left behind his Soul. Eh! No!" I saw them all ready to freak out at me. "I'm not done yet! It left his Soul, and Luna helped me study it and we corroborated some different theories of mine with what we learned. First thing to keep in mind: Everything is made of Dream Matter."

"But-"

"Shhhhhh!" I ignored Twilight's grumpy face as well as her mentors mildly skeptical face. "I can turn the Dream Matter in my Dream into anything I can think of and it's, as Celestia herself said awhile back, completely indistinguishable from 'real-life' objects. I also have a fifty-fifty chance of creating living things with the right colors. We think, that this was how Discord fucked with everything, by directly controlling the Dream Matter around him. Everyone with me so far? This gets worse."

"Worse how?! You've already put forward a theory that upends everything we know about the physical world!"

"I'm so glad you asked Twilight! Besides Dream Matter, there are three other forms of Matter."

"Ughhh..."

"Soul Matter, which is what our souls are made of if it wasn't obvious. Luna put forward the idea that magic might be powered by this stuff, because it isn't very stable by itself. Like say, magically created objects." I think Celestia was finally listening to what I was saying, as crazy as it was. Dropping her sister's name probably helped. "If you have Dream Matter without Soul Matter, then you wouldn't be able to make a sentient thing. If you have the opposite, you would just have a ball of volatile energy. They are the opposites of eachother but they work together. Unlike the next two."

"Should I be taking notes...?"

"Pay attention class!" I smiled at Rarity's disgruntlement, but Twilight seems to be sitting up straighter now. "Heart Matter and Dark Matter, polar opposites of eachother. I don't think they are completely incapable of existing together, or they are otherwise able to turn into their opposite. The thing that turned Luna into Nightmare Moon likely consisted of Dark Matter, but it obviously wasn't a permanent change. I'm... making this more compliacted than it needs to be I think. Heart is good and positive emotions, Dark is sadness and negative emotions. As in, your emotions are made out of these things. It explains how changelings can survive off emotions, Luna says it would explain certain magical effects, and I am fully ready to admit that it all sounds like total bull." Pinkie was giggling, but Twilight snapped her quill while Celestia seemed to have been shocked out of contemplation.

"Why are you sharing all of this if you aren't sure of its legitimacy?"

"Your majesty, I am one hundred percent sure of the truth of it. I just know that it's going to be frustrating to use all this information because all this Matter likes to act on its own most of the time. They are emotions, Soul, the fact of the matter is that they don't always make sense. It doesn't matter that we can measure amounts or isolate them from other variables, they will always do something to surprise you. Discord's Soul was extremely erratic, and we couldn't blame it all on his nature because even the very clearly foreign bits and peices kept doing whatever the fuck they wanted." Celestia cringed, and when I just looked at her without continuing, she realized that I was curious about her reaction.

"He, Discord, was truly being manipulated? His crimes were influenced by another?" I slowly nodded, her sad tone was not lost on me.

"Yes, he was. His Soul had little wounds in it, with Dark Soul Matter frothing and bubbling out... Okay, Celestia?"

"Huh? Yes?"

"Something is making you uncomfortably sad, and you should probably just spit it out before I get to the end." I felt bad, now everyone was paying attention to the Princess instead of my rambling. But regardless, she sighed before speaking her mind to us all.

"I am... realizing that I have made more mistakes. I believed that the Elements banished my sister because I was not supposed to be able to use them all myself, but we split their responsibilities when we sealed Discord. Why would they not cure him as Twilight and her friends cured Luna? I am wondering, if perhaps I had been close to losing Luna for the second time. If I had accidentally put my sister's life at risk over a game of chance when I set things up for Twilight to discover the Elements." That... Didn't occur to me, but I can see why that would be bothering her. And to be honest-

"I'm not sure I can assuage your fears on this Tia. Like I said, some of this stuff isn't made to make sense. But, I do have some good news."

"A Party!"

"No Pinkie, other news. Raise of... hooves? Who thought I was saying Discord was dead when I said his body fell apart?" None of them actually raised their hooves, minus Twilight, but I could tell that I was right on the money this time. "Well, you were wrong. Once we finally got all the Dark Soul Matter to fuck off or be destroyed, we were able to let it free. Discord pulled on the Dream Matter to make a new body, and I am proud, and have been extremely patient, to announce that Discord has been saved. Ladies and Gents, presenting the oldest being in Equestria-" I opened a portal, letting a young-looking stallion reluctantly walk out of the Dream, much to the shock of my impromptu audience. "Star Vision! A half-pony, half-dragon, this Kirin is from a time before Hearths Warming, as well as-" I made sure to catch Celestia's eye as everyone else was distracted by the spectacke I was making. "-before Starswirl was known as the Bearded."

The way her eyes narrowed before she nodded let me know that she understood made my whole performance worth it. Luna, in between insulting Starswirl's inability to produce progeny, let me know that Celestia would much prefer that the pony's misdeeds stay a secret for now. It wasn't just how ponies would react to his misdeeds that she was worried about, it was how it could negatively shift opinions of legitimately good events that he was associated with. Hearths Warming, the creation of modern spellcraft, even the appointment of the Princesses themselves. Until they could distance his name from these, revealing the true nature of the asshole wasn't worth the problems it could create.

Well, according to Celestia. Luna said-
"If it would mean spending eternity naked, absent of all fur, mane, and tail, it would still be worth it to drag his name through the manure. Hell, I would tattoo his crimes into my skin so that any who would look upon my form would know how much of a complete and total Fucking Shit-Faced BASTARD-" But she didn't want to upset her sister so I was being discreet.

Author's Note

Just for clarity, the Phantoms like Toby and Gooey aren't one to one recreations of the originals. They are based on Elfilis's perception of them, so they can do things he believes they can do and act how he believes they would act. My personal belief is that once a work of literature is out there that its meaning is open for interpretation, but I know someone was going read this and wonder how the hell Gooey casually'd Darkseid and why he would choose to become BatGooey, Intergalactic hero. That's not something you really see of him in the games.

46. Peace and... Real Estate.

"Mayor Mare? Somepony is here to see you. Should I let them in?" Mayor Mare, a mare with a gray mane who also coincidentally happened to be the mayor of Ponyville, looked up from her papers to see her secretary peeking his head into her office.

"Are they here for something I actually need to hear about, or that I can actually help them with as mayor?"

"...Maybe. One sec." Mayor felt the urge to smirk at her new employee. He was great at organizing paperwork and managing busy calendars, but he wasn't as good with spontaneity. The young stallion came back quickly. "He says he's here to ask about land ownership?" Her smile was gone.

"This better not be Filthy Rich again."

"No, somepony else. Or, well, he's not a pony. It's the tall blue fellow? With the big yellow and purple wings sprouting out of his head?"

"...Well, that's definitely not Mister Rich. Send him in." Miss Mare realized she needed to spend less time inside of her office, though her busy schedule consisted mostly of denying one wealthy individual in particular. Oh? A request to open a major quarry on the edge of town? Denied. A request to enact a law that requires ponies to maintain a 'wealthy' appearance? Very denied. An offer to flatten the streets so as to make travel more comfortable? Denied, because he tried to sneak the quarry contract in with it. She was honestly drafting a paper to the Guard at this point, a request to remove Filthy Rich from Ponyville. Or at least his right to send so much damn parchment her way. Mayor Mare was sure she was going to have to send that rather soon actually. The stubborn bag of glue was trying to bribe her into revoking Celestia's new Education Reforms before they could be enforced in Ponyville Elementary. As if she had that authority in the first place!

"Hello? I'm Elfilis, thank you for taking the time out of your day to see me." Whoops, she got distracted by Filthy's trash again. Mayore Mayore looked up from her desk with a welcoming smile towards... balls. "Shit, hold on-" A blur of teal slammed into the floor in front of her, accompanied by the crunching of lumber, hiding the speaker from her view. "... I broke the chair. I'm just going to stay down here while we talk."

"... If that's how you want to conduct this meeting dear." More than half her life in this office, never had this happen before.

"Cool. I'm looking to purchase land in Ponyville? Enough to build a house that comfortably holds two- three- no, two, two ponies... Three ponies and a minotaur."

"... Is that answer final?"

"Yes. Carina, Swaddle, a guest room, and me. As the minotaur."

"Alright. Would you like a list of contractors? They can help you pick out the plot of land you want as well as draw out the floor plans with you."

"... Yes to finding a good spot, no for making floor plans. I'm building the house myself." It's been awhile since somepony has done that. Mayor Mare spent a moment flicking through her drawers before she found the list, and she crossed out Filthy Rich before she put it on the edge of her desk. And after staring at the nothing in front of her desk for a few seconds, she pushed the list off onto the floor. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, of course. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"I don't think so, unless there are some construction laws I should be aware of besides the obvious safety requirements."

"The shadow of your house should not blatantly cover your neighbors house or front lawn until later in the day. We aren't a city, the housing laws are rather loose."

"... Interesting, but not unmanageable. Thank you for your time Miss... Mare." Ponyville was never boring, that was for sure.

In the end I bought a lot more land than I thought I would need, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to have a front lawn or a backyard. And until someone bought out the land around me, we were going to have a good amount of distance from our closest neighbors since we were outside the 'border' of Ponyville. Entirely for our neighbors benefit, they don't need to be bothered by the crap Carina and I get up to. Speaking of...

"So what are you thinking about?" Frontline was sitting behind my antlers, and Swaddle-Dee was on top of her looking through this new book he seemed pretty attached to.

"What our house should look like. I'm thinking that we should try to match most of the other houses so we don't stand out too much, but that still leaves the matter of color."

"How about Toby-purple walls and a Carina-yellow roof?"

"... Only if the inside gets to be something less distracting."

"Like Elfilis-ear-beige?"

"Sure. Alright, lets see if this works on the first try." Yellow roof, purple paint, beige insides, two bathrooms, a living room... And a two story house appeared from a portal. It was like I just ripped a blanket off of a table and said 'ta-da' at the bunny that was somehow underneath.

"Woah. That was fast... Is that a watchtower?"

"Uh, yep. Probably for the Meta Knights if they ever stay over. They like to perch. Let's check the inside, make sure I got everything." Frontline hopped off and turned back into Carina in a flash as she made her way to the door. It was appropriately sized for us, and also had a smaller door set into it at about Swaddle's height so he could get in and out without needing our help. Stepping into the new building also came with a surprise. "It's already furnished? That's bullshit."

"Hey, it's your freaky mind power. I thought we already established that it knows how to work itself better than you do."

"Did we really? Because I thought I was getting a better idea of how to control it, but instead it's making couches and ovens and... framed photographs of us that were never actually taken." What the hell? Were these even... Yes, they were in fact replications of things we did together. Us entering the Gala, eating ice-cream at night, us in bed while we... I 'deleted' that one before Carina got to it. I was still just a little uncomfortable with being that open about sex, and I was half sure she would want to keep it out because it was 'romantic' or something. "Well, it looks nice at least. First floor has a large living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom, and it looks like we might even have a basement. Let's check the bedrooms up top." I just realized I bought the land with the idea that Carina and I needed a seperate room, and I hoped the house didn't reflect that. Thankfully, our room was clearly labeled with our names and was a single master bedroom.

"Ooh! Wow! A four poster bed. We're breaking it tonight."

"Breaking it in you mean."

"I know what I said."

"It might be made to be too tough to actually break."

"Unless it took into account how fun it is to break while we're having fun." I hoped not. Interestingly, we also had drawers and a closet, and I was curious to see if it had clothes in it for us. The closet had various neckwear and was full of spears, which was rather odd as I could make those at will. And I wasn't sure I was ever going to wear a collar with my name on it. My neck was actually too thin for it anyway. The drawers were... definitely not for me. "Sexy clothes! And they're my size too! I've never worn anything like this before. You think I'll look good in this?" Carina pulled out what was definitely just a dildo attached to some lingerie and started trying to figure out how to put it... in.

"Please don't wear these in public. I'm pretty sure I saw a mare getting in trouble at the Gala for wearing something like that."

"Oh yeah! She was hot. Kept leaving the guard flustered too, kept asking him to clarify what was wrong with her dress. Oh wait! I like this one better!" I turned around and left the room as she started pulling out increasingly concerning looking objects from the drawers. I peaked my head into Swaddle-Dee's room and saw that he had settled in while I was distracted. He had a series of hats hung up on one wall and there were motivational posters with baby foals on them over his small bed. Swaddle just waved from where he sat on it and went back to his book. I checked out the upstairs bathroom, it seemed to connect to our bedroom, and was only mildly surprised to see that it looked like a miniature salon with vaguely erotic outlines of ponies on the walls. The lack of plumbing occured to me then, and I poured a cup of water down the toilet and flushed it to make sure it was using the same bullshit portal system our cave was using. The answer was yes, and that also applied to the sink and our massive bathtub and/or shower area. The guest bedroom was almost as big as the master bedroom but it was empty except for the set of beds and a dresser, and there was another set of stairs that went up into the Meta perch. I was actually pretty happy with the layout.

"Everything looks good up here. You want to go downstairs and check out the basement?" No answer. I started walking towards our room. "Carina? Want to check out the basement? It was also a surprise so I'm curious..." Aaaand she was gone. And she didn't put the 'clothes' back either. "Carina! Where'd you go already?" I only distantly heard her voice shout back to me from somewhere downstairs, and I realized that she probably left to check it out already. "I'm coming! Anything interesting or is it just storage space?!" She became a little easier to hear as I made my way down, but I still couldn't make out what she was saying. I decided to just wait till I got down to check it out myself. It was... Definitely not something to show guests.

"Mmmeh! Immmt mouuule?" She was looking over her back at me with a gag in her smile, and she was hanging a foot off the ground from a set of straps coming down from the ceiling. Her tail was in it's own strap that made sure it was tied to her back and 'out of the way' as it were. I just stared for a moment, baffled and flustered. When I saw the rest of the basement, I realized I was lucky she hadn't chosen anything else. It looked like someone tried to make a perverted torture chamber... Were those fuckin' hooks?!

How do you-

Why would-

"How did you even get yourself into that so quickly?" She started mumbling again but thankfully took the time to spit out the cloth from her mouth before speaking.

"Pugh! It was easy! Here, let me show you... Hold on... Just a sec..." I watched as her wriggling turned into flailing, and her flailing turned into spinning in a circle until she stopped trying. "Huh. This seems like a hazard. I can do this though!" And she started bouncing her hindquarters at me.

"Uhuh. Anyway, thanks for letting me stay at your house Carina. I'll be upstairs if you need me." Seriously, this was leaning hard towards her tastes more than mine.

"Of course! Wait. No hold on! If you aren't going to take advantage then at least let me out!"

"It probably doesn't have a way out easily because you can just transform or use your magic to get out!"

"... It's kinkier when I'm trapped though."

"Later! The girls are going to be waiting for us at the library with Toby and Star Vision, remember?"

"You can just invite them to come here! Housewarming party, in the basement! Sexy clothes are encouraged! No, mandatory!"

Star Vision had spent the last few nights after we left Canterlot staying either at the library or at the farm, and he was the main reason I thought to get a guest room in the first place. Rainbow Dash apparently has a lot of extra space in her house but only flyers can get into it. Twilight wasn't really set up for a long-term guest and Applejacks family was apparently driven up the wall by Star Vision's honesty. Or rather, they insisted he help on the farm if he was bunking with them and he couldn't keep himself from talking about every ache and pain he accrued. He followed it up with 'but I'm not complaining' which I think might have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

...Would it be weird if I asked that Zecora mare if she knew any camels? Probably. I put that thought out of my mind as we walked up to Golden Oaks Library.

Yes, walked. Like a person who doesn't have teleportation.

"Hey everyone, how's it going?" I immediately knew something was up because while Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Spike were smiling and happy, Fluttershy was trying to vanish behind her mane while the rest had disgruntled looks on their blushing faces. It was Star Vision who meekly answered.

"They're teaching me a game called Truth or Dare?"

"Oh come on Rainbow."

"Why'd you assume it was me!?"

"It was either you or Pinkie. Maybe Spike, but he usually acts more mature than you two."

"Ouch. That hurts Elfilis. I'll never recover." She may have been dramatically holding her hooves to her heart, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Anywho~ Star Vision! Truth or Dare!"

"Uh, truth?"

"Have you had any dirty dreams about me?"

"Ugh. Yes. In my defense, you were definitely flagging your tail at me yesterday to see if I would say something about it." Knowing Rainbow, she would not have much shame in doing so. That being said, Star Vision seemed to have some kind eureka moment while Rainbow snickered and Twilight slammed her face into the table. "My turn Miss Dash. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare, obviously."

"I dare you to describe last nights dream to everypony here."

"..." Well, checkmate I guess. "... Hey Elfilis? That house of yours set up yet?"

"Oh no, you aren't getting out of this that easy."

"Yeah, figures. Fine... Uh, you know what? I actually didn't have a dream last night so-" I couldn't really make out what anyone was shouting for the next few minutes, but I got the feeling no one believed her.

Author's Note

Yes, its a bit of a time jump. Following chapter(s) will clear up what happened in that time. But this chapter is already at the right length so I'm ending it here.

47. Life is a Sitcom.

I don't know how Rainbow Dash's retelling of her dream, which was apparently about being a ghost in a steamy locker room full of athletes, led to me leading our group to the new house but I blame Carina.

"Welcome to the house of Elfilis! Make yourselves comfortable, you can look through the fridge if you're hungry or thirsty. I can't guarantee we have anything in there but I'll be back down in a bit anyway. Star, if you would follow me so I can show you your room? Everyone else, don't go in the basement. If Carina vanishes, she's in the basement. I don't recommend following her." I only caught a glimpse of Carina pouting at me before I turned around and led Star Vision up the stairs. He wasn't the most talkative person I ever met so his silence as we walked the short distance to the guest room didn't bother me too much, but he was still clearly uncomfortable if his pinched expression was any indication. "So, it's obviously really plain but you can do whatever you want to the place. Just so long as it's reversible anyway. I don't know if we can undo each others powers or abilities or whatever, so you're responsible for cleaning up any particularly crazy Dream-"

"I'm not crazy!"

"... I'm aware." I looked down at the flush Kirin, his blush making his blue coat turn a light shade of purple, and tried to figure out what to say. In the end, I decided I didn't know him enough to try to figure out what was wrong yet. "What's bothering you?" A question which, I only realized after I asked, he wouldn't know how to skirt around if his life depended on it. "Wait-"

"I'm Discord! Or I was, and I don't know how to feel about it! Everypony is being tight-lipped about it, but I'm sure that it's just sitting there in the back of their minds whenever they're talking to me!"

"Star-"

"And I'm not sure he's really gone! I keep having these thoughts, I keep giving in and playing these jokes that-"

"If this is about Rainbow Dash-"

"-and do you know how hard it is to not accidentally turn Sweet Apple Acres into Sour Grape Fields?! And then there's the whole fucking Starswirl thing-"

"HEY! Vision! Relax, calm. Breathe alright? You're fine, no one is just waiting around for you to just suddenly turn into an evil prankster again. You're fine. It's okay." Not that I had much room to talk, but emotional stability seemed like a rare commodity. I know I wasn't the most social butterfly but I got the feeling I was going to be looking for therapists by the end of the week if this pattern of breakdowns continued. Luna, Carina, me, Luna again, me again, me again again, Discord, and Star Vision who I was separating from the one before hand.

"It's not okay! I had to be locked up for a thousand plus years! How do you undo all that time in a matter of hours? I-!"

"By cheating. We literally took the evil out of you, remember?" Cue wide-eyed look of befuddlement. "Let me start by saying that you did not have to be a lawn decoration for a thousand years. I talked with Celestia a bit about this, and I'm pretty sure your imprisonment was the result of either some cosmic accident or because Starswirl was a dick who manipulated the both of you for whatever twisted reason he had. Remember Princess Luna? She helped you get back on your hooves after we got rid of all the Dark Matter?" Cue indignance for some reason.

"Yes, I remember the princesses. I still remember my time as Discord, even if it is a jumbled mess."

"Then you should remember her time as Nightmare Moon? At least a little bit?"

"... Maybe?"

"Which means you kind of remember that, but something I said surprised you anyway?" 'Maybe' was a really vague answer from someone you couldn't lie.

"Yeah, I remember the Nightmare. I didn't remember that she was the princess."

"Well, Luna was cured of the 'parasite' by the same magic trinkets that put Discord in stone for some reason. And Luna is pretty convinced at this point that the parasite was also Dark Matter."

"But, she isn't anything like the Nightmare anymore! I still have these-"

"Isn't she?" I smushed his muzzle against his face when I saw he was about to yell at me. "I never met 'the Nightmare' but tell me if this sounds familiar: Confident, headstrong, a strong sense of pragmatism but still holds a grudge for a long time?" I didn't actually let go of his face, but his eyes rolled before he nodded at me. "Those are traits that Luna still, or has begun to show. That's just her personality. That's Luna, and Nightmare having those traits is just proof that Luna was still in there. Your sense of humor? Playing pranks and telling jokes? Giving as much as you can get? That's you. Okay? That was never Discord, that was Star Vision with a particularly nasty illness. Besides, if Rainbow Dash is going to be taking advantage of your honesty, she could probably do with some humbling." He snorted, clearly suppressing a laugh, but then I had to take my hand off his nose. He shrieked as I went to wipe it off on his mane.

"Alright, sorry for the wait. Star Vision is just setting up his room now, so I don't know if he'll be coming down to- For fucks sake girls. Carina, how?" I came back downstairs to see that Carina had somehow got them all, sans Fluttershy, tied into a knot on the floor.

"Hey~ It's a game I found called Twister!"

"Pinkie, I can't breath!"

"Woops! Sorry Dashie!"

"You're one ta talk! Git your feathers out of my-!" I put them all through a portal for a second, and then I opened six more portals that each deposited its own mare onto the oversized couch.

"So I'm guessing there wasn't any food or drink to keep you busy?" It was a particularly red Twilight that answered my question as Carina tried to convince Fluttershy to join her on the spotted game mat.

"Um, no. N-not really. There were a lot of tomatoes but they looked... odd."

"They had a great big 'M' on them right?"

"Yes. Is that... normal?"

"Not at all. But they're healthy, and they taste great. If you don't trust it I can make whatever you want though. Would you like- Oh. Hello Fluttershy." Much to my pink girlfriends disappointment, I was getting more of the butter colored pegasus's attention than she was.

"H-hello. Um, it's okay if you don't want to, b-but, I was wondering... I-if you could maybe, and don't feel pressured, show me... l-like a, um..."

"I'm not that scary am I?"

"Oh no, you're actually very pretty." Fluttershy missed it, but Rainbow Dash's and Carina's snickering was cut off by my tail coming out of a portal and smacking them upside their heads. "I-its just... Could you show me an animal? From one of the other world's? Like Mister Oak's Pokemon?" I mean...

"I don't see why not. Back up a little bit, just in case?" I think I was getting used to being the center of attention, it seemed that everyone just made sure to be quiet and pay attention whenever I started opening portals. I held out my hands as if I were trying to catch a snowflake or hold a ball as I opened a portal to 'an animal Fluttershy would be curious about.' There was a flash of orange and black as something furry landed in my hands.

"Ah? Unhand me! Don't you know who I am?! I, am the Legendary PUSS in BOOoooaaaaah!" I ignored Fluttershy's disappointed whine as I tossed the talking cat back into the portal. The half-dressed cat had pulled a sword on me, he wasn't staying. 'Animal Fluttershy would be interested in that won't try to harm anyone.' Another orange blur landed in my hands, followed by the sound of my hands sizzling.

"Hi! I'm Slugma-!" I threw the (I think) Pokemon back as my hands caught fire. I shook the flames out as the ponies tried to figure out if they had actually seen a slug made of molten rock. Fluttershy still looked devastated which, come on. How was she going to interact with it without getting third degree burns? 'Animal Fluttershy would be interested in that will not harm anyone.' One last flash of color landed in my hands, but this time it was white and the only sound was the wet 'plop' as it landed.

"... I don't know what this is." It looked kind of like a slug, but it wasn't made of molten rock like the last one had been, and it had distinctly feline legs extending from it's lithe body and a cats head with eyes and ears and a nose instead of a featureless blob with feelers wiggling around. It just looked up at me with it's blank, black, and featureless eyes from where it was curled up in the palms of my hands. But it didn't yell threats or start melting my hands so... "Here. It's a slugcat. It's probably an omnivore and should be kept warm and moisturized." I dropped the boneless (that can't be right) animal in Fluttershy's hooves and she began to coo and cuddle the mildly slimy creature into her cheek. Twilight and Carina were apparently curious too if the way they began hovering over her shoulders was any indication, but now it was apparently Rainbow's and Pinkie's turns.

"A little weird, but can you show us something cool? Like out of this world cool?" She just smirked at her pun as the pink baker crawled out from under her legs... Why.

"And can it be funny too! Like the angry cat was?" Apparently my interdimensional travelling powers were a party trick now.

"Sure, why not. Let me just-" Green and purple, followed by grey spikes trying to stab me through the eyes.

"Whooooooooo Daaaaaaaares kidnap the MIGHTY ZIIIIIIIIIIIM!"

It was close to midnight by the time we had finally caught the little bastard. He just kept running around town and causing mayhem, but he was more slippery than he was dangerous. For some reason he was under the assumption that this was some kind of simulation or hallucination and kept trying to 'bend it to his superior and mighty mind' but it was a stroke of luck that we found out he was deathly afraid of water. A couple rain clouds courtesy of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy meant that 'Zim' had no way of avoiding my portal as I sent him back to whatever hellscape he came from. Sure enough though, Rainbow thought that the alien and his gadgets were cool and Pinkie wouldn't stop giggling at every word he said, which didn't help us up sneak up on him at all. At this point I was just glad it was over as Carina and I dragged our way up the stairs to our room, but then I noticed Star Vision was waiting outside his room for me. Carina just gave me a small kiss on my cheek before walking like a zombie into our room, leaving me with the pensive Kirin. The door had barely been shut behind her before Star rushed up to me to speak.

"You're sure? That I'm okay? That ponies won't mind me being a little... chaotic?"

"... Star, I just spent hours chasing an angry alien around Ponyville with the girls. It turned into a whole town event. Everypony was out in force chasing a tiny green dude who would threaten to turn us into his mindless minions with his amazing 'invader technologies' one second and then decide that Spike must be his loyal robot companion in disguise the next. By the end of it Pinkie was trying to get us all to a 'Caught The Funny Meany' party and no one even batted an eye. They all just giggled and said goodnight to each other. I initiated a hide and seek with a fucking alien, and to be honest? I think some of the crap the girls will get into without my help is way worse than anything you or I will come up with. Short of announcing your evil plans or transforming into a draconequus, I don't think you'll run into any ponies trying to turn you to stone or run you out of town. The worst you'll get is some awkward looks and some rumors that'll go away the longer you stay here."

"... Well, when you put it like that..."

My head hadn't even hit the pillow yet when I awoke in the Dream. Luna was already waiting for me, cup of tea in her magic as she raised an eyebrow at me.

"Tia says she got quite the interesting letter from her prized student while she getting ready for the night."

"Only one third of that whole mess was my own fault, I swear."

"Hmph. You don't believe that."

"No. It's probably mostly my fault, but Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were enabling my recklessness so I plead the fifth."

"... The fifth?"

"Yeah, you know, like... Nevermind, I don't know either. It's one of those things I only vaguely remember."

"I see. Well, I'm not actually going to give you a hard time about 'Zim.' I wanted to ask you something a little... Personal, I suppose." I could tell, she wasn't reverting back into ye' old speech but she wasn't letting herself be as loose in her speech as I was used too... Why doesn't Star Vision speak like that? I don't think his memories of Starswirl had the old asshat speaking like that either. "I am not trying to insinuate anything, I am not trying to judge you or cast doubt on your actions. I am in need of advice that I... do not know how to ask for. And I am hoping that your answers to my questions will help me find what I need."

"I'm all ears Luna. Lay it on me." I ignored the way her eyes flicked to my wings and tried not to laugh. It probably would've derailed the conversation.

"... How... How do you know you love Carina? Or anypony for that matter?"

... Well damn.

Luna watched Elfilis as he rubbed his chin in thought, trying not to bite her lip as her nerves tried to get the best of her. She didn't think it was a good sign that he had to think about it, but she also knew that was just how he worked. Letting his thoughts calm as he collected and consolidated what he knew into meaningful words. She didn't think he had too, she had seen him come up with fully formed thoughts within seconds, but she appreciated his caution.

"I don't think it's something you can know." Fuck his caution.

"That's not helpful."

"Sure it is. You can't know that someone is happy, you can't know if you are sad. That's something you feel, something you have to recognize. I never asked myself, 'do I love Carina?' It was just something I realized was true one day. It snuck up on me while I was recovering from making the Knights. The feeling came over me and I realized that I loved her all the sudden. It had been that way for awhile, but I don't remember when it started. It was... kind of scary. To realize that I had strong feelings about her so quickly." That sounded about right, though Luna was sure she knew when the feeling took over, even if she didn't recognize it at the time. There was a deep, steadying breath before she asked her next question.

"How do you... feel that Carina loves you back?"

"... That's usually the hard part isn't it? With Carina, it's easy. Do you honestly love her? If so, she loves you back. I'm starting to get the impression she doesn't really understand a difference between romantic and platonic love either. It's all Love and she's willing to give it to anyone who gives it back. You should have heard some of the crap she said today, trying to 'stealthily' start a sex party with the girls." Luna just blushed, remembering some of the more raunchy dreams the changeling has had recently. "But, with anyone else... Assuming you aren't a changeling, you can only take a leap of faith, I think. You have to decide if you trust your gut, your heart, your instincts or what have you. You have to ask yourself if the other will return your feelings, and you have to make sure you actually give yourself a definitive answer. Maybe you'll be wrong, maybe you'll be right, but you can never know." She hung onto his words, memorized them, internalized them, but she couldn't agree with them fully. As she looked at the soft look in Elfilis's ringed eyes, listened to the caring tone of his voice, remembered the way he would always make time for her if she needed it, she knew.

Luna knew she loved him.

... Fuck, I think I have a crush on Luna. Hopefully all this talk wasn't so she could go and ask the fucking mailpony or something out to dinner.

Author's Note

Beep boop, brain re-booted. Romance is hard dudes, especially when the characters involved aren't Carina. I'll assume the references I made this chapter were obvious, except the slugcat. That's from a little game known as Rain World. No, it will not have a prevalent place in the story like Swaddle Dee or the Knights or Toby. Fluttershy just has a new slimy pet that is used to the post-apocalypse and the endless cycle of death and rebirth.

Also, Fluttershy could totally take care a molten pet rock. Elfilis doesn't know what he's talking about.

48. Being Neighborly.

"... So, Elfilis, I was thinking..." I looked away from my breakfast as Carina started talking, but I wasn't able to make myself pay attention to her words. Last nights Dream effectively ended early, as Luna was clearly able to read my discomfort and excused herself so she could 'get some real sleep.' I wasn't oblivious to her own awkward mood but it did little to make me feel better about my own stiffness following that conversation.

"... and that led me to wonder, what would it be like..." I use stiffness to describe my body language and inability to say anything without immediately second-guessing myself. I probably would have fled to another world out of embarrassment if I had actually gotten aroused. It was already embarrassing when it happened naturally, but now I've got this idea in my head that I might be interested in Luna that makes it seem exponentially more mortifying.

"... it was like two feet long. There was no way that was natural..." I haven't even mentioned how I was already in a relationship. I still loved Carina, it was unbelievably easy to love her and I was beginning to wonder if part of that was changeling related. I wasn't nearly as bashful with her as I was with Luna, but I'm aware enough of my pre-Elfilis feelings that I can tell part of my indecisiveness comes from something I don't remember anymore. Most of me wants to pursue a relationship with her and a smaller but no less significant part feels like I'm breaking some taboo. My intellect was wedged in a corner, trying to remind me that I don't even know what Equestrian culture would say.

"... at this point I'm talking at you and wondering when you'll realize..." And don't get me started on how Equestria as a whole would react to the lanky blue minotaur with wings-for-ears 'courting' a princess. How will Celestia react? Is there some sort of tradition for royalty? How long ago would it have been since it was followed, given the immortality of said royalty? And is Luna even interested? What if she was just asking me for advice because she knew I was in a relationship and she actually had the hots for a castle maid named Feather Dust?

"... I'm just gonna take your breakfast for myself now, you don't seem hungry..." Do it. Don't do it. Why not? Why would I? Should I? Shouldn't I? What's the worst that could happen? She says no, and also never talks to me again for as long as she lives, which is forever. Yeah, that was a dumb question. Maybe, if Carina was okay with Luna joining us like she acted like she did, I could convince her to disguise herself as me to confess instead. So if Luna turns 'me' down we can just claim it was an impersonator, and it would technically be true. Actually, scratch that, I'll try to make a soulless Phantom of a changeling and have them disguise themselves as me to proposition Luna, so I have a scapegoat if it goes poorly.

"... I'm gonna crawl under the table and suck your-"

"Not while I'm eating please."

"Holy shit you were out of it. Babe, I ate your food like five minutes ago." What? I managed to get out of my head long enough to see that Carina had in fact taken my plate for herself without me noticing.

"How long have I been sitting here doing nothing?"

"I dunno. How long have we been sitting here? You okay? Last time you did that you filled Rarity's boutique with baby supplies." Crap, this would have been a bad time for my powers to turn themselves on. There would be Phantom changelings and alicorns all over the house.

"I... well nothing is wrong I think. I'm overthinking something." And not following my own advice. "Between Discord, the clean-up, deciding to move into Ponyville, I think my mind is still running on overtime. I'm not used to the relative peace yet." I had effectively given Celestia and Luna command of the Meta Knights for the foreseeable future and Cadence was now officially in charge of Aurum the gold baby, so I shouldn't be acting as if I still had lots to do. I think I just have too much unused energy now that I've washed my hands of responsibilities for the third time. I looked at Carina, watching her shift in her seat with a look of concern on her face. And a blush? And she was doing a lot of shifting in her seat... "Hey, did Star Vision go out at any point while I was staring out into space?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. He said something about-"

"Good." I stood up from the table and walked up to the confused changeling's side. She squeaked a little when I put my arms under her front legs, and she moaned when I pulled her off of the toy she had mounted on the chair. "That means it's just us." And maybe Swaddle-Dee, but I was long past the point of being embarrassed about that so long as he wasn't in the same room. Caves didn't have much privacy after all. "Want to help me blow off some steam?"

"... Yuh-huh. We're still talking about whatever is bothering you later though."

"Don't worry, this will help. Probably." She transformed into Frontline as I placed her on my shoulders and walked up the steps to our room. I didn't have to see her to know she was pouting. "We can try something in the basement later. Right now I just need pure 'you' time."

"Mmph. I'll hold you to that." She made no more noise until I dropped her into our bed, and I cut it off when I fell over her shrunken form and caught her in a kiss. I had to stop to breathe first, and I ignored the intellect in the corner reminding me that I probably didn't need to breathe at all. "Ha... ha... Wow. You're really into it this time."

"I'm really into you, you mean. Any requests? Or should I just guess?"

"Go for it baby..." I kissed her again, feeling her moan through my lips, and I started to caress her teats and groin. It always took some time to prepare 'Frontline' compared to 'Carina,' but it was worth it. I rubbed at her lips and teased in a-

DING-DONG ...doorbell.

"... I should at least check to see who it is shouldn't I?"

"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere..." It wasn't her I was worried about, but I kissed her again real quick and reluctantly went down to the front door to see who the universe sent to cock block me. I cracked open the door and looked out with just one eye. It was... well... children. I recognized the little sisters of Applejack and Rarity, but the little orange pegasus was a new face.

"Can I help you three?"

"Sorry to bother you mister, we just wanted to welcome you to Ponyville. Officially!"

"Yeah! Sis' says we should always be friendly ta our neighbors, so this is us bein' friendly!"

"Rainbow Dash says she beat you in race even though you were cheating." Sweetie Belle smacked the orange one for that. "Uh! I mean, welcome! And stuff."

"That's... really thoughtful of you three. Thank you." I didn't know what else to say, but thankfully that seemed to be all they were looking for as they smiled really wide at me. And then they turned their heads and stared at their flanks for a few seconds before hanging their heads with a sigh like they had just gotten grounded.

"Darn, guess we ain't getting cutie marks fer being good neighbors." What.

"Well, maybe we haven't been neighborly enough. We could bake him a pie, or get him a housewarming gift?" I was going to cut this off before whatever this was entered the house.

"Hey, that's really kind of you three, but I'm a little busy right now. Could this wait until tomorrow please?" They scrunched up their eyebrows, looking very much like they were going to be stubborn about it. "It's not very neighborly to interrupt others when they are doing something, is it?"

"No, I guess not. Alright girls, let's put this one on the list as an 'in progress.' Or we could always try somepony else, even if they haven't just moved here." I just waved them goodbye as they made their way back to Ponyville, tossing ideas I didn't understand back and forth to each other. The door shut softly, unhurriedly, and I then jumped through a portal back into my room. Carina was still waiting for me, playing with her disguised body and 'keeping warm' as it were. I crawled back into bed with her and kissed her neck tenderly before bringing her waist even with mine. I didn't rush, just keeping her held to my body as I worked myself back up to the mood I had been in a minute ago. I was erect in record time, and I softly pressed myself against her wet entrance. She had prepared herself enough for me at this point, and I sunk halfway into her tunnel over the course of our time together. I never made much noise, but Carina was never shy to let me know how she felt when we did this. My hips pulled back just the tiniest bit, and I bucked them into hers as roughly as I dared to while she was half my size.

"Ooooh, you always know-"

DING-DONG

"... how to turn me on..." Neither of us were terribly amused, and it didn't take much effort to extract myself from the situation as my arousal waned. I portaled down to the door and cracked open the door again, but I had no doubt that I looked less than friendly this time.

"Hi! Sorry to bother you! My name is Cherilee. I don't suppose you've seen three fillies come by? They're supposed to be in school right now." Of course.

"You just missed them. They went looking for ponies to be neighborly towards back in town."

"Darn. They move too quickly... Hey, I have to go, but would you mind if I came to talk to you later? I'm teaching a few classes here, and part of the curriculum-" Celestia's Education Reforms, blah blah blah.

"Come by tomorrow and we'll see how it goes from there." I didn't wait for her to leave before I shut the door and I was on top of Carina in seconds. No words needed to be spoken, we were both frustrated and horny at this point and we wasted no time tangling ourselves back into each other. Unfortunately, we had only spent maybe thirty seconds rubbing our loins together when-

DING-DONG

"Motherfucker." I created a portal to the front door, stuck my upper body through it and opened the door hard enough to make the frame creak. It was two more fillies, one grey with glasses and another pink with a Tiara.

"Did you see those blank-"

"No." And I slammed the door. And tore the doorbell from it's spot on the wall so that future visits would be easily ignored. In moments, I was pushing my way through Carina's walls. It was definitely a much more... wild time than I had initially intended to go for, but Carina was enjoying herself. And I was setting the pace, so I had no complaints.

It had to have been hours by the time I rolled Carina (now undisguised) over to my side. I was drenched in sweat, and Carina's pink shell was practically sparkling with all the Love she was storing. We were done, spent, and now we were just trying to cool down before cleaning up. I was looking forward to using the new tub we had, and I had no doubt Carina would treat it like the baths back at the spa. But, for now, she was laying on my side and cuddling up into my side.

"Hmm. You really were worked up. You actually kept up with me the whole time."

"You still want to go again, don't you?"

"Mmmaybe. But I can wait. Now I should do my duty as your lover and ask what got you-"

DING- "FUCK!" -DONG

I tore open the door and fixed my fiercest glare at whoever just brought their own fucking doorbell to ring. A brown stallion with stubble, a light purple mare with glasses and a stack of papers, and the filly with the tiara again. The mare and the filly both reacted quite appropriately, both blushing and backing off as they no doubt caught a whiff of today's activity, but the stallion smiled with his teeth and walked up to me.

"Hello! I know you just moved, but I wanted to make you an offer! My name is Filthy Rich, and I am an entrepreneur. I run several businesses, and I find myself needing more and more land as they grow more successful. You understand, I'm sure. I would like to buy your property and your land. My assistant her has the offer in full here." He took the stack of papers from the mares shaking hoof and handed them to me. Or he tried to. I refused to take them. "I'm sure-"

"I. Am sure. That if you don't get off my lawn, that this land will become unprofitable. It is hard to sell land that has heads impaled on spikes." The filly had run off by this point, and I portalled the 'contract' away and into Celestia's study. "As it is, I hope, for your sake, that there was nothing legally dubious or outright illegal in that contract. I will be asking the princesses themselves for a favor and they will be going over it with a fine tooth as soon as they find the time." Now the lawyer mare had run off, and Filthy Rich's smile growing tense as he slowly backed off. Clearly, the contract was only as clean as he looked. "Anything else?"

"... Well- Gak!" I grabbed him by his neck and pulled him towards me. I let go of him soon after, leaving him coughing and looking up at me in confusion. And then I slammed the door in his face. "Gah! My nose!" I stomped away, making extra sure that he could hear it in case he somehow still thought I was open to conversation. One of the steps broke under my weight as I slammed into it, but I wouldn't notice until later. I shouldered my way into the bathroom, where I had heard Carina running the water, and I trudged my way into the tub and sat down across from her as she poured soap into the hot water to make bubbles.

"Hey. Bubble baths are good for bad days right? Mom tried giving me a bubble bath one time, but all our soaps were kinda crappy so it wasn't very bubbly. Ponies have much better soaps though-"

"Princess Luna is cute and dependable and I think I love her." And now my mouth was running. The dam was broken.

"... Yeah, and?"

"It feels weird! I don't know! What do I do? Do you think she likes me? Would you mind?"

"In order: Seduce her-"

"Carina-"

"Bup bup bup! I think she is super into you-"

"No wait, Carina, the-"

"And I would be ecstatic-"

"The bubbles Carina! Stop pouring bubbles!"

"Don't change the subject! We are talking about this!"

"We aren't talking about fuck all if you drown the house in soap! I'll have to remake the whole place! Carina! Carina I can still hear you pouring the soap...! Where the fuck are you!?"

"Marco!"

So much for calm and peaceful days.

...Still wouldn't trade it for the world though.

Author's Note

Had a busy week, don't know if this chapter really carries the tone I wanted it too but part of the reason I'm writing this is to try to keep up a routine so it's going up as it is anyway. It's still a fun chapter to me and I'm definitely not doing any writing tomorrow when I could be playing the new Kirby game instead.

49. Integration Successful.

Star Vision came back that night to a house that smelled strongly of soap and nearly busted his nose on the slippery steps. Though, the lack of traction wasn't the only reason he tripped. It was the feeling, the one that had been absent all day until he came back to Elfilis. It was a strange feeling, one he recognized but could not understand. Star would need more time to figure out what triggered it, but he had a strong inclination that his most gracious host (and saviour, and fellow ~~chaos~~ Dream manipulator) was the cause. Which meant it was time to have another conversation with Elfilis already. Days since Star Vision refrained from dumping emotional baggage on a friend: Zero.

"Elfilis? Can we talk? You should probably know about- Oh! Uh, hello Lulu- Luna- Princess Luna! I uh, wasn't expecting to see you here." It was certainly a strange sight, one that Star was sure he was about to be sworn into silence over. From the doorway to the master bedroom he could see Elfilis sitting on the bed trying very hard to hide his arousal, and Princess Luna giggling at the poor Kirin around some kind of toy in her mouth. "I... uh... you know, it's probably not important-"

"I beg to differ." Star Vision blinked as Elfilis suddenly appeared crouched in front of him. "It must be of unbelievable importance. I should hear this right away. Let's find some privacy, where you can discuss your plight in peace and with the knowledge that no perverted changelings will be able to listen in." And Star blinked again and found that the two of them were in a cave. A surprisingly well furnished cave, but a cave nonetheless.

"I... That was Carina then? What was she doing?" Efilis groaned and threw himself sideways onto the new (old?) bed and curled himself into his ears.

"Carina was being a smartass, next question. Can you make it sound really important? So Carina can't pretend to be so mad at me once I get back?"

"Uh, I don't actually know how important it is but I do think you should know anyway so... I... Don't know how to explain this."

"I get that. You should start by talking about when whatever this is about started, or when you noticed it... Damn I give good advice when I'm not talking to myself." Star Vision was growing less sure about the mental stability of the creature that went sifting through his soul, but he shelved that thought for later.

"Alright. So, it started with Discord." He tried not to flinch as Elfilis swore. "Yeah, my thoughts exactly. He didn't do anything far as I can remember, but while he was a statue he started getting this feeling, like he was being watched."

"And we aren't talking about ponies visiting the castle gardens and gawking at the draconequus sculpture?"

"No, the first time that I can remember was only a little while after Lulu- Luna came back from her banishment. There were no ponies, or anyone or anything else as far I could tell. Luna came to check not long after but the feeling went away after Celestia joined her."

"... And we are sure it isn't just Discord being an unstable amalgamation of powers?" That was a fair question.

"Yes, because I have that same feeling right now." The wing cocoon slowly unfurled itself as Elfilis sat up on the bed, holding himself upright with his hands over his thighs. "Yeah, exactly. I spent all day without the feeling until I was halfway up the steps to your room. And I think that whatever is 'watching' me is actually more interested in you. I'm just in the way sometimes."

"Wait, but you said the first time was before Luna visited you?"

"Yes, followed shortly after by her sister holding cake made of lettuce. Something that Luna knows how to make because you taught her how, right? The younger Princess had only ever skimmed the surface of that ability until you came along."

"... Alright. When else?"

"There was that great big party at the castle before Discord escaped, he had the feeling several times during that. It was pretty sporadic. There were a few times while he was harassing the ponies, like when he was looking for Twilight or when he was taunting Celestia. But just before you started yelling from behind the throne room doors..."

"It was back again."

"And it was the most consistent when you were both there. And every time I've felt it since has been shortly before or after talking with you. It's still here right now."

"...Fuck. Alright, Filthy Rich will have to wait. This is definitely more important. Even if it just turns out to be some sixth sense you developed, it definitely takes more precedence over some dickhead trying to take the house."

"... Somepony tried to take the house?" That sounded important to Star Vision. He lived in that house now after all.

Carina could apparently tell that something was bothering me if her sudden loss of Princess Luna shaped disguise was of any indication, but that did little to stop my mood from dropping significantly that night. Luna didn't visit the Dream. I didn't expect her to visit every night, she had no obligation too and I had the feeling that she was neglecting her self-imposed duties by visiting as often as she did, but the lingering frustration over the night before and my paranoia over Star Vision's feeling left me feeling foul. I waited until morning for her, and by the time I woke up I had no doubt that Prof. Oak's Alakazam and Twilight would tell me I was a 'Dark-Type' as I stabbed my fork through breakfast hard enough to shatter the plate. And the table. And the fork.

I barely registered Star sneaking past the dining room as Carina began trying to distract me in her own special way. Which was by being silly and trying to say and act out strange and ludicrous scenarios like the bubble bath bomb from earlier, get your head out of the gutter...

...Wait, who the fuck am-

"Oh! Tia- Celly- Fuck, Princess Sun... Butt... Please, just erase my memories." I looked up from the mess on the floor as familiar giggling cut off Star Vision's stuttered greeting.

"Apologies Star, but I'm afraid I have a zero tolerance policy on memory spells." The Princess of the Sun trotted past him as he hung his head in embarrassment and rushed out the door with a speed that was likely less than polite. I suspected it wasn't just Celestia's teasing that had him in such a rush though.

"...while he was a statue he started getting this feeling, like he was being watched."

"Well, what happened here?" I realized with a start that I was still sitting a table that had been rendered to splinters. The remains were portaled away as I tried to massage my headache away with both hands. When I pulled them away and I could see again, I was greeted by the sight of Celestia sitting opposite of the missing table to me and Carina nuzzling me before laying herself across my lap. "It seems that you have a lot on your mind. Let's go through it one thing at a time, okay? Do you mind if we start with the contract that interrupted my reading yesterday?" I could only nod in the face of her concern. "Alright. Well, first things first, it is written in barely legible legal jargon. I would like to know who wrote it if you could tell me, because I take great offense to ponies trying to use the law or anothers lack of knowledge in it to try to take advantage for themselves." One thing at a time...

"Pony named Filthy Rich. Brown fur, darker brown mane. That's about it."

"Okay, I'll make sure to put his name down somewhere so I don't forget. Next, Carina didn't tell me what the second thing that's bothering you was about-" But she knew, of course she did. "-But I had an interesting conversation with Luna that leads me to believe that I best leave you two to solve that dilemma for yourselves." Part of me was still mortified, and another wondered if that was Celestia trying to subtly tell me that Luna was on the same fence I was in regards to our feelings towards each other. Carina sitting up to bump her antlers against mine with a coy smile told me that she thought so at least. "Finally, I hear that you had a private conversation last night. Would you be willing to share?" Right, the third thing. The-

Í̵̞ṉ̷̈t̸͓̀è̵͎r̸̯̓v̵̞͐e̶̤͋ň̵̹ț̵̓i̶̺̒o̶̮͆n̸͎͐/̴̲̑ ̷̢͋Ć̸̬ō̵̠n̴̹̈f̴̠͌ụ̸̍s̷̥̀i̷̡̋o̵̙̓n̸̜̋/̸̘̑ ̶͎͑R̷̬̈ē̴̦d̷̖͆í̶͓r̵̨͐ȇ̴̱ć̶͇ẗ̴̮́i̷̩͗ơ̶͖ṇ̴̀/̶̫̇ ̸͓̑Á̴͉ṕ̶̬õ̶̻ĺ̷̙o̷̩͑g̴̩̊ĭ̴͕ẽ̶̳s̷̬̐
̸̜̀
̷̱̈Ỵ̶͘ö̸̫u̵͇̍ ̴̮͝a̶̧̚r̵͛͜e̴̫̓ ̶̧̒n̶̰̐o̷̫͌t̷͖̕ ̶͎͆Ṟ̴͊è̸̟ä̷̢́d̶͖͂ȳ̷̪.̴̞͝

-knocking on the door told me that they were here right now actually. I waved a tired hand as the door opened, and I smirked at the weird look Carina gave me. The magenta mare with smiling flowers on her flank walked into the open room before openly gaping at the alabaster alicorn already sitting in the room.

"P-Princess Celestia!" Said princess looked bemused at my willing inclusion of the school teacher, but nonetheless she smiled and greeted her subject.

"Please, just Celestia is-"

"Do you understand how much work you've made for me!?" Uh oh.

"I... Apologies?" Cherilee wasn't done yet though.

"Don't misunderstand, I think the reforms are a great idea! My goodness the number of times the young ponies of this town have come into class with horror stories about griffons and minotaurs is disheartening by itself, but that they just default to their parents opinions on them because I don't have any material on foreign cultures makes me want to strangle whoever wrote the current curriculum!" Celestia's tight grin doubled as a chagrined grimace and I couldn't help but wonder if she was at risk of being chokeslammed by an educator at the moment. "And now I have no choice but to force the truth and understanding into their young spongy brains but I still have nothing! I'm trying to get guest speakers but Zecora lives in the Everfree for goodness sake! How-"

"You have nothing?" All of our gazes snapped onto Celestia as the princess cut into the rant like a sharpened blade. "You did not receive any of the books I approved for widespread distribution? You did not receive the names and mailing addresses of griffons and minotaurs and donkeys who are willing to travel to discuss their cultures with young ponies? You did not receive any of the funding I approved to try to make up for having to reschedule everything around the new curriculum?"

"N-no. No, I have not Princess."

"... You are a teacher aren't you? What is the name of the school you work at, and who is the principal in charge?" This wasn't how I expected this to go. Though, I suppose I didn't really have any idea how it was going to go in the first place.

"It's the Ponyville Schoolhouse your majesty. And, there isn't a principal in charge."

"Head teacher?"

"M-me, I suppose. Technically."

"... Technically?"

"Princess... I'm the only one who works there. I'm the teacher, custodian, manager, records keeper, security, everything. Everypony else quit or retired around the same time I accepted the job. I would have quit right after too, but, I run the only school in Ponyville..." Damn. I felt bad for being so short with her yesterday now. This mare was an education juggernaut.

"How... do you receive funding, if it hasn't been from the crown?" That... was a damn good question.

"A pony named Filthy Rich makes donations, his daughter and her friends attend the classes together. He's... Difficult, to work with if I focus too much on his filly, but that means I have a bully in the class I can't punish appropriately if I want to guarantee the next generation knows how to do basic maths in the future. And... The same goes for if her grades drop. Which they should, because she doesn't do any work even though I know she knows the material... Princess?" The silence was deafening, and the sound of the princess standing up and calmly walking out the door was thunderous. Or that might have just been me, with my wing sized ears and all. "O-oh dear..."

"Hey." Cherilee gnawed on her lip as she looked away from the open door, and I gave Carina a light squeeze before I prodded her off my lap. "I want to help."

"Really?" It took me a second to realize both of them spoke at the same time.

"Yes, really. I don't know how much help I can be as a guest speaker, but I want to help anyways if I can." It was Carina who pulled me away from the relieved teacher.

"Not that I think you shouldn't, but where did this come from? I thought someone might have tried to burn down Toby's bar the way you were angry last night." Well, why did I want to help? I... Hm...

I̴̡̚ṅ̴̳s̷͚̏p̵̪̽i̷̝͐r̶̤͌a̷̫͘t̴͓̀i̵̞̇ő̶͚n̵̢̈́
̷̩̈́Y̸̭͘o̸̠͘u̷̳͆'̵͙̀ř̷̰ẹ̵͐ ̵̛͔Ẁ̸̹e̵̱̐l̵̤̓ċ̸ͅo̵̻͋m̶̤̂è̸͙

"Because I love you. Because Star Vision feels like we are being w̶a̴t̴c̸h̸e̵d̴. Because you have a sister in this town that you can't treat as more than a friend without her revealing herself as a changeling. Because Spike is a cool little dragon who seems reluctant to go anywhere without a pony to ride on the back of. Because I want us to be able to live here, with the ponies we know, and not have to worry about how the others might judge us without even knowing what we are just because we aren't them. Toby apparently owns a bar here for fucks sake, which you will have to tell me more about later because what the hell, and I might destroy more than the table if anything were to happen to people like you and him. People who have nothing but love to give to the world." The looks I received told me that they were surprised by how passionate I was about this. I was surprised too. "These children don't understand, don't know any better. Just copying their parents. It's the job of parents to make sure that their children turn out better than they did, and... If you and I ever have children..." Holy hell I was going for it. "Then I would like to know that I wasn't going into raising them blind and deaf to the pitfalls of parenting."

Cherilee left at some point while Carina was squealing and trying to crush my ribs, I was distantly aware of agreeing to meet again later to talk about what we could do moving forward, and it was a very excited and happy Carina that kept me confined to the bedroom all day. I think she was more emotionally exhausted than anything when she fell asleep, if that was even possible for a changeling. Maybe it was more of a food coma? Regardless, I was feeling much better by the time Star came back and I couldn't even bring myself to be embarrassed by the way his nose scrunched up as he got close.

"So...?"

I just smiled at him and told him that I think I had f̷i̷g̵u̵r̶e̸d̸ ̶i̴t̵ ̶o̵u̵t̶, but that I'd let him know if anything popped up I could use his help with. I was gladdened by the way he finally seemed to relax, the tension leaving his body, and I found myself hoping I could do the same for Luna the next time I saw her.

Author's Note

Have another totally normal chapter, with an equally average authors note.

Has anyone else noticed just how common the phrase 'alabaster alicorn' has been used on fimfiction? I'm not even sure alabaster is even the right color to describe Celestia, but I am also mildly colorblind so...

Also, new Kirby game was lit. I 100% it and it actually inspired some future content. No spoilers for the new stuff though, not yet anyway.

50. Expanding your World...

Current Location: Ponyville Schoolhouse

Current Time: Ten O'clock, Sunday

Current Persons/Ponies of Interest: Carina, Cherilee, and myself

Current Conversation: Not relevant to me

"Not that I can participate in either case, but is there a Brotherhooves Social too?" Cherilee just smiled in return, deriving some form of humor from my question.

"There is, but it's a smaller event most years. There aren't many pairs of brothers in Ponyville and not all of them participate regardless. The Sisterhooves Social is always a bit of a struggle to set up but it also draws more attention to the little fillies education. More donations you see, and we can sell donuts a nice fellow in Canterlot sends down every year to make more bits." I could see that. Stallions weren't exactly rare as far as I could tell, but I would have to be blind to not notice how outnumbered they were. Still...

"Why don't you just combine the two and make it the Siblinghooves Social? Then you can get all the brother and sister pairs involved." Cherilee's smile fell for a second, in what I'm assuming was something of a flinch.

"I tried to set that up one year. It just ends up being too much work for just me and the few parents I can round up. There's too few events and too few ponies to watch them and far too many foals and fillies competing with adults who act like they are still foals and fillies." And yeah, I couldn't find fault in that. I was still a little slow to realize just how difficult it must be to run a schoolhouse by yourself when it's on the edge of a town that's on the verge of being a small city. From what she told us about the schedule, the little ones don't even have a normal calender compared to most schools. Every student was sorted into three groups; A, B, and C. A students have class on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. B Students have class on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. C Students have class on Thursdays, Fridays, and Mondays. There are just too many kids to fit in the small building, much less to keep track of for a singular teacher. Carina in particular thought that was bizarre for some reason, and asked why they don't just dig the room bigger. And then she realized what she just said and pretended to count the number of nails in the wall. Speaking of whom...

"Sooo... What? We can help set stuff up and help run the race and stuff but I don't really have a sister to participate with either." Which, as soon as she said it, I realized wasn't necessarily true.

"Except you do."

"Well if we're going to be pedantic about it then yes, I have thousands of half sisters and one murderous psycho sister who is currently on super house arrest." I ignored Cherilee's combination confused/intrigued/WTF face as I turned on the desk to look at Carina fully.

"And at least one of those half sisters is in Ponyville. We would have to talk to her about it obviously, she prefers to stay in disguise and all but it would be a good way to introduce changelings and other species in general. And it's not like all of Ponyville attends." Vinyl Scratch would be up for it I was sure, and there was no reason the spectators had to know the changeling sister was Vinyl Scratch anyway.

"True, but we're both adults. It's-"

"Vinyl is technically still adolescent."

"Whose been in a sexual relationship for a few years now." Cherilee squeaked something off to the side, but I ignored the poor teacher for the moment. "Besides, I'm Princess Luna sized and my sister is normal pony sized. It would be unfair."

"Repeat after me: Change...ling..."

"She can't do a true transformation Elfy, her disguise is entirely illusionary... So that's how she does all those tricks with her shades..."

"Okay, but you can do a true transformation right? You'll be filly sized and your sister will be pony sized."

"I- Oh. No yeah I could totally do that. Besides, we haven't seen Vinyl in a while." And after all that trouble to not name drop the hidden changeling. I could see Cherilee trying to formulate the questions in her head as she made them. Her mouth opened, she took a breath, and then the back wall exploded.

... Okay, fine it wasn't an explosion this time. We all turned to the wall as it began to glow and make the distinct ringing noise of unicorn magic and then we watched as all the boards and nails just came apart from each other, leaving a pile of lumber on the floor. An entire construction crew was revealed by it's removal, as well as a rather flushed looking Twilight leading them.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't think anypony would be here today. Uh, surprise Cherilee! Princess Celestia is having the schoolhouse expanded! Yaaaaay... But seriously you guys should get out of here, none of you are wearing hard-hats." We did in fact leave after that, but I feel I would be doing a disservice to not bring attention to her own hard-hat. It was Spike laying on her head belly first, giving us a little wave.

Current Location: Octavia's and Vinyl's house

Current Time:

Ĭ̸̙m̴̞̀p̵̟͛ȃ̵̦ẗ̵̖i̵̩̚ë̶͚́ǹ̸̺c̵͙͒e̴̳͠
̴̬̏M̴̳̒ö̴͚́v̵̨́e̶͇͆ ̵͕̍Ò̵͜ṇ̷̓

"- b̵e̴t̷w̷e̵e̵n̶ ̷m̸e and Octavia are a little bumpy right now. I did something stupid and neither of us are really sure how to feel about it, ya know?" Vinyl's reproachful tone pulled my attention back from w̸h̴e̴r̴e̷v̷e̴r̴ ̵i̴t̵ ̸w̴a̷s̷, and I wondered if I wasn't getting enough sleep. Or vitamins. Carina was thankfully carrying the conversation.

"I'm sorry to hear that. If either of you need to get some space then our house is open, right Elfy?"

"Right, but I don't know how enthused Octavia will be by the decor." Vinyl huffed a laugh and lounged back on her vibrant blue couch. "Is it too much to ask what the issue is?"

"Normally I'd say yes, but that's part of the problem apparently. Finding out I was surgically stunted was a... much bigger shock than I was ready for. I ended up making this whole plan to learn how to magically change sexes so I could put buns in Octavia's oven. Without telling her until I had a penis. So I could prove to mother dearest that I was a better mom. And rub it in her face." The look I gave her must have been quite incredulous. Vinyl groaned and threw a white hoof over her eyes. "I knoooow, okay? She's mostly upset that I kept how upset I was from her than she was that I was looking at dick diagrams... And that I wanted to raise a kid out of spite."

"... Well, that's certainly one way to put yourself in the doghouse."

"Kinky." Carina says.

"Ditto." Vinyl blurts out. They are definitely sisters. Speaking of-

"Hey, not to change the subject, but would you be willing to participate in the Sisterhooves Social event with Carina this coming Wednesday? Outside of your pony disguise?" The tired DJ's ears perked up in confusion as well as consideration. Maybe at this rate I'll become a master of subtle pony body language before the year ends.

"Uh, yeah. Sure, I guess. If it's allowed. It's supposed to be like a race or sport event for the students though isn't it? I feel like it would be a little unfair to the kiddies-"

"Not so much if Carina shrinks herself to filly sized proportions-"

"Of course she can do a true transformation. Fuck me." It didn't occur to me until just now that the non-illusionary disguise spell would basically solve the problems she said she's been having. Except her relationship problems, being pretty can't fix those... Usually. "I don't suppose Carina could teach me how to change into a hunky stud if I agree?" Carina apologetically shook her head no in response.

"I don't think so. I think it's a matter of power used in the disguise spell than it is some new spell. I figured out true transformation by accident."

"Ugh... And you have more magic in your buttcheeks than I get in week. Dammit." ... I just had a few bad ideas.

"Uhm, can I try something?"

The Unkindled scratched his rotten leathery fingers through his ratty and oily hair in solemn confusion. The undead man had travelled from his shallow grave all the way to the heights of Archdragon Peak, and never had he encountered such a mystery. He has looted weapons and helmets and medicines and miracles from all manners of chests, many of which were monsters in hiding, but never has he opened a chest to find a complete absence of items. He supposed it was possible that some other Unkindled or otherwise undead pillager could have already emptied the long forgotten god's chamber of its valuables, though it mean that the dozens of other armaments he'd accrued to this point had just been passed over for unknown reasons-

Shink

"Aaaaaagh! Ugh..."

YOU DIED

Fuck, he hadn't found a bonfire yet.

I studied the miniscule ring in the palm of my hand. It had a tarnished brass finish and looked like someone had bent a flat metal into a loop as opposed to punching a hole into a nugget of gold or silver like I believed most decorative bands were made. Though, smithing wasn't exactly my forte so I could be way off mark. I tossed it lightly to Vinyl before she caught it in her magic and started turning it over to get a good look for herself.

"Sorry, but I'm already taken." I rolled my eyes as Carina made exaggerated pouty lips at us.

"Wear it on your horn or something, see if helps with your baby crisis at all. I know it does something but beyond 'not dangerous' I didn't know what else to look for in regards to magical sex transformations." She just shrugged in response before putting the ring over her glowing forehead wand. Vinyl shuddered for a moment,

"Woo! It certainly feels like it does something. What about you guys?" Carina giggled as I non-subtly crossed my legs, and she was the first to speak as I tried to clear my throat.

"Well, depends on how functional your fifth leg is, I think." Vinyl blinked before turning her now much more angular muzzle down to her nethers, where an erect phallus was laying across her bulked up lower legs. It was very... prominent.

"Oh shit." And then the two of them spent ten minutes eyeing and fondling Vinyl's new male disguise. For science of course.

"I don't know, your fur still kind of feels like the shell of a disguise. Can you feel this?"

"Oooooh yeah I do!"

"VINYL! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" That was Octavia, walking in as Carina began massaging the semi-illusionary gonads of her girlfriend. It was a long hour of half-hearted accusations and apologetic assurances that they really weren't about to start fucking on the couch without giving her any warning. Without any warning? What?

"Sorry to freak you out Tavi." It was a little odd to hear Vinyl's 'hip and cool' boyish voice come from a very masculine body, but it was hardly the weirdest thing going on. "I promise, this really was a sort of spur of the moment thing. Elfilis just wanted to see if he could conjure up something to help. And it did! See!" And then she dropped the disguise to reveal her real changeling form. Her female changeling form.

"... Vinyl dear, you may want to look down."

"Fuck! I've never been so disappointed to see a pair of teats." I rubbed my eyes both in embarrassment and frustration, but I shunted both of them away as another idea came to mind.

"Hey Star Vision, could you come downstairs real quick?" A very muffled affirmative sounding grunt came from the second floor as I turned back to where Carina and our two friends were settling down on the couch. The changeling sisters were lounging like they were the cool kids while Octavia clearly tried to maintain some form dignified posture on the fluffy cushions. "Hey, I didn't really get to talk to you then what with the whole 'Chrysalis blowing holes in the castle' thing, but you and the others sounded good at the gala. You didn't lose your cello or anything to it did you?"

"Oh! My thanks, both for the compliment and for your part in stopping that mad mare." I think this was the most relaxed Octavia has been since she walked in on the 'science' earlier. "As for my cello, it was actually safe at home. Canterlot provided the cello that got destroyed by that strange spherical one." Toby, right. Star Vision clomping his way down the stairs cut that conversation short before I could continue.

"Alright, I'm down. What's the hubbub?"

"Hey Star. So, you still have the same powers as Discord, right?" He looked concerned in response, but I knew he was going to be amused soon.

"Uh, yeah." His puffy tail whipped with a subtle crack as he turned our stairs into a set of escalators. "It's not as strong, but I can still cause some, uh, mayhem." Smooth.

"Alright, so, Vinyl there- say hello Vinyl."

"Sup"

"She's a changeling, but she has little growth blocks stopping her ovaries from forming. Can you remove them and/or give her a penis?"

"... Like, mine? Or-" I smiled as he smirked at Vinyl's cackling and Octavia's eye roll. It was nice to see him joke around. "Yeah, I can do that. Let me just-" Crack. "-There. I would still get an x-ray but you shouldn't have any more issues in the ovary department. As for, uh, your other request." Crack, and then a detailed sheath and testes flopped onto Vinyl's lap. "That should be, uh, removable? Or something like that."

"I have a prosthetic penis! Fuck yeah! Hey Tavi-" Octavia plucked it from her partners magic grasp and casually smacked it into her crotch. Where it just, stayed attached. And changed colors to match her fur. And started growing. We all just watched her in various levels of surprise and gob-smacked awe.

"I believe I remember something about how you still have some growing to do? Carina, was it not fornication that encouraged changeling growth?"

"Yuh-huh."

"Well, I suppose I should be the one to wear the phallus in this relationship. It might not work if Vinyl's the one using it after all..." Vinyl's undisguised carapace was practically glowing green on her blushing cheeks.

"... I've never been so love. Take me."

"Oh! You can use our basement!" Dammit Carina. "Can I watch?"

An empty sky, a seemingly endless void filled only with the pinpricks of light from bodies of stone and gas and fire from incomprehensible distances away. The closest planet of interest has one moon and is home to many forms of thinking life. Feeling organisms that have somehow evolved similar levels of intelligence despite all having lived in different environments. Alien, to humanity. To modern theory. Entirely natural, expected even, of the universe it floats through. Now, and here, it's most distinguishable feature compared to all the others?

Distance.

Equis has no nearby neighbors. It is the only planet in it's system. The fact that the sun orbits the rock isn't strange. The moon keeping an orbit that hides it from the sun the vast majority of the time isn't strange. All planets have their quirks after all. Popstar's shape, Shiver Star's winter. Halcandra exists in a mildly separate dimension as an island floating in place on nothing. And all of these planets have connections, sharing plants and foods and denizens without any effort on its inhabitants part. Waddle-Dees can be found everywhere no matter how far one travels, and a large selection of other small critters can be found on multiple different worlds to a lesser degree.

Except Equis.

A chrome sphere with legs of steel approaches. A ship the size of a planet all on it's own, it has spent many days and many nights teleporting and flying and drifting further and further towards it's distant target.

Any day now, it's passengers think. Any moment now it's workers whisper.

A discovery of a lifetime, it's CEO believes.

R̷e̶c̶a̸l̶c̸u̶l̶a̶t̴i̵n̴g̴
̸T̷h̷a̵t̴ ̸m̷a̷y̵ ̷b̸e̶ ̴a̷ ̸p̵r̶o̶b̵l̶e̵m̴.̵.̴.̵

Author's Note

That was the Reversal Ring from Dark Souls 3, which in game just changes the animations of your character to those of the opposite gender. Gameplay wise, no advantages. Lore wise, this was the ring given to a god whose father wished for him to have been born a goddess. I think.

And yes, that would be more Kirby getting involved in the story. And there is definitely nothing else building or plotting behind the scenes.

51. C̷̢͋a̴̖̕n̷͚͆ ̵̧͗Ŷ̷̲o̶͔͌ũ̸̩ ̶̳̈́H̸͇́e̷̫͝ḁ̵͠ř̷͍ ̶̮́M̸̨̈ê̸͖?̷͔̈

E̸s̵t̵i̷m̶a̶t̵e̴d̴ ̴T̵i̸m̴e̷ ̸T̷i̸l̸l̴ ̸H̴a̵l̵t̶m̶a̴n̷n̷'̸s̷ ̸A̸r̴r̸i̵v̸a̸l̶:̶ ̵1̴ ̶w̷e̸e̶k̴,̶ ̸2̵ ̴d̵a̵y̶s̶,̴ ̸1̸4̴ ̵h̶o̵u̷r̶s̷
F̵i̶r̶s̷t̷ ̶C̷a̴n̷d̶i̸d̴a̴t̵e̷:̴ ̴P̸r̶i̵n̷c̴e̶s̴s̵ ̵L̶u̶n̵a̵

"Tia! Twas a fuck up!"

"Luna, please. When was the last time you slept?" Princess Celestia stood in the doorway of her sisters chambers, watching the frazzled form of Luna aimlessly pacing around her bed. For the third day in a row.

"I cannot! If I sleep then I might dream! And if I dream then I might find myself in his Dream! And then I will have to confront my feelings on the matter!"

"...Yes, that is how it should go."

"No. I will not make things worse."

"Nor would you if you would just close your eyes and rest instead of... whatever this is. This certainly isn't helping."

"I refuse! I need... I need-"

S̷u̸g̶g̷e̴s̴t̵i̷o̶n̷
̷Y̴o̷u̵ ̸w̴i̷s̷h̵ ̴t̴o̷ ̶b̴e̴ ̷a̴l̷o̸n̸e̷.̷ ̸Y̶o̴u̷ ̶n̵e̶e̶d̸ ̸s̶p̸a̴c̷e̴.̵ ̷T̷h̸e̸ ̵m̶o̸o̸n̸ ̷i̶ ̴ ̸ ̸s̵ ̵ ̸ ̴ ̷ ̶ ̵o̶ ̸ ̸ ̶ ̶ ̵ ̵ ̶ ̵ ̶l̴-̷-̴-̶-̵-̴-̵

"I know what I need." Celestia sighed and retreated as Luna began digging through her poorly hidden 'private' drawer. She would have to get back to her later, she had other duties to attend to.

I̴.̴.̶.̵ ̴C̶o̵n̶n̴e̴c̵t̸i̵o̸n̵ ̷I̷n̶s̷u̵f̵f̵i̸c̷i̸e̸n̶t̷.̷

E̸s̸t̸i̴m̵a̸t̸e̷d̸ ̸T̷i̵m̸e̵ ̶T̴i̴l̵l̸ ̴H̸a̷l̶t̶m̷a̴n̶n̸'̷s̵ ̴A̶r̸r̴i̵v̵a̶l̶:̵ ̸1̴ ̶w̷e̷e̸k̶,̴ ̶2̵ ̸h̵o̶u̴r̴s̷
̵N̷e̴x̴t̴ ̷C̸a̷n̶d̷i̶d̴a̶t̸e̷:̷ ̶C̴a̸r̶i̵n̵a̴

"... Time... Halt... Carina..." The pink changeling just looked up at the sleeping face of Elfilis as he mumbled to himself.

"You can sleep talk? How did I not know this?"

"... Abort..."

I̶n̵t̸e̴r̸f̴e̵r̷e̵n̶c̵e̴,̵ ̸A̶b̶o̷r̴t̷ ̶C̴o̷n̶n̵e̶c̴t̶i̶o̶n̵

H̵a̶l̶t̵m̷a̷n̵n̴ ̵h̶a̴s̸ ̵m̶a̸d̸e̶ ̴u̵n̸e̶x̵p̷e̸c̴t̶e̶d̸ ̸j̷u̸m̴p̶:̴ ̷T̵i̵m̴e̸ ̶T̵i̸l̴l̸ ̵A̴r̷r̸i̸v̵a̵l̸ ̸i̶s̷ ̴N̵o̵w̶ ̷2̴ ̷d̵a̸y̶s̸,̸ ̷1̴6̴ ̶h̵o̸u̴r̵s̴
̸R̸e̴a̵d̴j̸u̴s̷t̵i̸n̴g̴ ̵C̶a̶n̷d̴i̶d̷a̷t̸e̴ ̷P̶a̶r̵a̴m̴e̸t̷e̴r̶s̶.̷.̶.̷
̸N̶e̷x̷t̸:̵ ̶V̴i̴n̸y̴l̸ ̷S̷c̵r̵a̵t̷c̵h̸

"I do, really really mean it when I say I'm sorry Octavia. And I promise I'm not saying that to butter you up." The classical Earth Pony merely hummed around the scoop of ice-cream, it was thick disbelief. "I'm serious!"

"I want to believe that Vinyl, but you haven't stopped, as you say, 'buttering me up' for days now. Even now, we are sharing a tub of ice-cream that is a flavor you don't like while music you don't enjoy is playing from the radio." Vinyl took a large scoop of the pistachio flavored dessert and scarfed it down as if to prove her love for it, though her grimace and repressed gag were less than convincing. "My point exactly. Also, please don't make yourself sick."

"Guh- Sorry. I mean it though! Honestly, if you took the penis and locked it up somewhere-"

"What has my life turned to?"

"-then I would be fine with it. Just... The fact that I don't have to go through some super experimental surgery anymore, that foals are an option now... I'm happy with that. Tonight, we can just-"

S̵u̸g̶g̸e̸s̶t̴i̵o̶n̴
̸G̶o̸ ̴o̵n̶ ̵a̶ ̵p̴i̷c̸n̶i̵c̶ ̷o̵u̶t̵s̷i̷d̷e̴.̵ ̸B̶r̸i̴n̸g̵ ̶a̶ ̵t̶e̸l̵e̴s̷c̴o̶p̴e̸ ̶a̵n̵d̸ ̴w̵a̶t̷c̸h̶ ̶t̴h̵e̴ ̶s̴t̷a̶r̶s̷ ̵w̵i̷t̸h̶ ̵y̵o̸u̶.̴

"-lay out a blanket and bury our muzzles in each other until we're seeing stars."

"Only you Vinyl, could say that without a hint of a blush on your cheeks."

"I'm cheating, disguise remember?"

T̸h̶a̶t̷ ̶w̸a̴s̵ ̷n̶o̵t̸-̸
̵M̷e̵s̷s̵a̷g̶e̴ ̴M̸i̵s̵i̷n̶t̶e̶r̵p̶r̴e̴t̵e̶d̵.̶

C̷a̵n̴d̴i̴d̸a̶t̸e̴ ̵T̵o̴b̵y̴-̷
̷N̴e̴v̷e̸r̷m̸i̶n̴d̶

The customers of Toby's bar looked on in confusion and fear as the small drink mixer jumped over three times his own height into the air and buried his foot up to the ankle into a keg of apple cider. He stayed there, looking around and searching in every corner for an adversary he could not see. An older pony just looked up at his strange friend and sighed tiredly into his mug as the drink flowed out from under him, becoming ruined as it fell onto the floor.

"Always something with you. If I wasn't already going gray..."

H̷a̷l̶t̵m̴a̴n̶n̸ ̶i̶s̸ ̴1̴ ̸d̵a̷y̴,̸ ̶2̵3̷ ̴h̷o̴u̸r̸s̷ ̵a̷w̶a̷y̸ ̸f̵r̸o̵m̴ ̷a̷t̷m̸o̵s̵p̸h̷e̶r̶e̴.̵
̶C̷a̷n̵d̷i̴d̸a̸t̷e̵:̶ ̷D̴a̶r̴o̵a̴c̴h̷

"Yes ma'am, those are very pretty gems... Yes, I'm sure they aren't what I am searching for... Ma'am... Ma'am, this isn't a shopping trip... Lady, look. If those were the gems I was looking for I still wouldn't buy them from you because what I am looking for is property stolen from the Princesses. You would be under arrest in that big airship over there and the gems would be gone before you could even blink... No! They are not for sale! I'm tempted to have you arrested just for that you dumb broad! The gems. Are property. Of Celestia. The Princess who controls the sun? The giant ball of burning everything that gives life to the planet? You might have even heard of her sister, Luna? Controls the moon? I'm willing the bet that means she controls the oceans too. Imagine that, the two ponies who could both set your shop on fire while it floods at the same time... You dumb bitch. You most certainly cannot believe you could pay more than the crown could offer. You are either an idiot who thinks she can or you are an idiot you thinks I am stupid enough to believe you."

.̷.̵.̵ ̵I̷n̵s̷u̶f̴f̷i̴c̷i̵e̴n̸t̴ ̶O̵p̸p̸o̵r̸t̸u̵n̶i̵t̸y̵.̴

C̸a̷n̴d̵i̷d̵a̵t̸e̸s̸:̷ ̵A̶l̵p̷h̷a̵,̴ ̴B̴e̴t̸a̴,̷ ̷D̸e̶l̵t̷a̸

"Show yourself!"
"My mind is my own!"
"Fool."

C̸a̶n̵d̵i̵d̶a̸t̶e̵s̴ ̸a̵r̴e̸ ̵h̶o̸s̵t̴i̷l̴e̸

"The fuck are you three doing standing on my bed!" Queen Culicidae wouldn't get any answers from her knights/wardens, and she also wouldn't be able to get back in the mood to continue her 'session' with the terrified changeling hiding under the sheets.

C̸a̸n̴d̸i̵d̷a̵t̶e̵:̵ ̵T̵w̴i̸l̵i̶g̶h̶t̷ ̸S̷p̷a̸r̷k̸l̷e̴
̵S̸u̷g̷g̶e̶s̴t̵i̷o̶n̸
̶Y̴o̸u̷ ̴s̸h̶o̴u̸l̵d̸ ̴u̸s̸e̶ ̸y̸o̴u̷r̴ ̸t̴e̵l̶e̵s̶c̴o̸p̵e̸ ̷i̸n̵ ̸t̸h̴e̸ ̶c̵o̶m̴i̷n̶g̶ ̵n̷i̴g̵h̵t̸s̴.̶

The lavender unicorn's ears flicked in annoyance as her thoughts strayed away from her current subject of study. She turned away from her microscope for only a moment to jot down some quick observations and follow up questions she felt would be worth looking into.

.̷.̸.̵S̸u̵g̸g̷e̵s̸t̷i̵o̴n̷
̶W̴i̸t̶h̸ ̵t̸h̸e̸ ̷d̷i̴s̷c̶o̵v̸e̴r̴y̸ ̴o̵f̷ ̵n̵e̴w̶ ̴t̷y̵p̶e̸s̵ ̶o̷f̵ ̶M̴a̶t̸t̸e̸r̴,̷ ̷i̶t̶ ̶s̸h̷o̷u̶l̴d̴ ̷b̸e̵ ̴w̵o̶r̶t̴h̷ ̶i̶t̴ ̶t̷o̶ ̸s̵e̴e̵ ̴i̸f̸ ̶i̷t̶ ̷c̷h̸a̶n̶g̸e̵s̴ ̸y̷o̸u̶r̴ ̶u̷n̵d̶e̴r̵s̸t̷a̸n̸d̵i̷n̵g̶ ̶o̸f̵ ̵s̴p̶a̸c̷e̸ ̷a̵n̷d̷ ̸t̸h̷e̷ ̵u̶n̶i̶v̸e̵r̸s̷e̸.̵

"...One thing at a time Twilight... You're already knee deep in Pokemon Type research... I still need to ask Elfilis if a more permanent portal is possible, Professor Oak probably still has more to share..." The scientist muttered to herself, changing the slides under her instrument and casting a spell on her eyes to make viewing energy possible.

.̷.̸.̷ ̸W̷h̸a̷t̵ ̵T̶y̵p̴e̴ ̷i̴s̶ ̷s̵p̸a̴c̸e̷?̷ ̵C̴a̷n̷ ̷y̷o̸u̸r̶ ̵s̴p̵e̶l̴l̵ ̵a̸l̴l̶o̶w̸ ̵y̴o̴u̵ ̶t̴o̵ ̵s̶e̸e̷ ̸e̴n̷e̷r̸g̸i̴e̴s̶ ̶f̸r̶o̸m̷ ̶t̷h̵a̶t̴ ̷f̵a̴r̶ ̶a̸w̴a̸y̴?̶

"That's really interesting brain, but I'm busy right now."

.̴.̶.̵ ̷A̸n̶d̴ ̷l̶a̵t̸e̵r̴?̸

"I dunno. When I'm done discovering everything I can about the Types I have observed so far."

.̴.̸.̷ ̷B̴i̸t̸c̷h̸.̷

"Well that's just rude... me. I... should probably get some sleep..."

C̵a̴n̶d̶i̸d̶a̸t̸e̸:̵ ̷P̷i̸n̸k̸i̷e̷ ̵P̵i̷e̷

"Nope! I have to watch the bakery for the Cakes while they go on vacation!"

.̷.̵.̵ ̶A̷l̸r̶i̸g̷h̴t̶.̷

H̴a̷l̶t̶m̵a̸n̸n̶ ̷I̵m̴m̴i̸n̸e̷n̶t̵
̷C̴a̷n̴d̴i̴d̵a̸t̶e̴s̷ ̷S̵t̷a̴r̷ ̴V̶i̵s̷i̶o̵n̷ ̷a̵n̵d̴ ̴E̸l̵f̷i̷l̸i̴s̴ ̴a̸r̶e̴ ̸n̷o̸t̵ ̴s̷u̵i̸t̶a̵b̶l̵e̸
C̴a̷n̵d̵i̷d̶a̸t̴e̵ ̵P̸h̷a̴n̶t̵o̴m̵ ̵G̸a̵l̸a̶c̸t̸a̶ ̷K̶n̸-̸ ̶
̸F̴u̶c̵k̸ ̶t̵h̴a̷t̶.̴ ̶N̷o̴.̸ ̶D̵e̶n̶i̷e̶d̵.̵
̷R̵e̴a̶d̶j̸u̸s̷t̷i̵n̸g̷ ̴p̷l̷a̸n̶s̸.̵.̴.̸
S̴u̴r̸v̸e̷i̴l̴l̸a̷n̶c̵e̸ ̸c̵a̸p̶a̸b̷i̷l̴i̶t̴i̵e̶s̵ ̶e̵x̵p̷a̸n̷d̴e̴d̵.̶
̵%̸5̸0̷.̴.̵.̴ ̴%̵6̷0̵.̶.̵.̴ ̵%̵6̴2̴
̵G̴o̷o̸d̶ ̸e̴n̴o̷u̷g̴h̶.̶

"Fuck." I pinched my eyes closed and hissed as I tried not to collapse under my own weight, my levitation having failed me for a moment. I heard Carina yell out from the bathroom.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, just had a headache for a second. It's gone now."

L̵o̶c̷a̷t̷i̶n̷g̴ ̶T̵a̴r̷g̷e̷t̶.̶.̵.̶
̵V̸i̵e̴w̴ ̴o̶b̵s̷t̵r̶u̶c̸t̷e̷d̶.̴
̵A̶s̶ ̴I̷ ̸e̷x̴p̶e̸c̷t̴e̸d̶.̴
̴A̷n̵a̷l̶y̸z̷i̵n̸g̵ ̵n̴a̵t̶u̸r̴e̸ ̴o̶f̷ ̴o̵b̷s̶t̸r̵u̵c̸t̶i̶o̸n̵.̵.̵.̵
̵O̶b̵s̷t̷r̷u̷c̴t̸i̴o̸n̴ ̵i̵s̶.̵.̴.̵ ̸A̴l̷i̷v̸e̶.̴ ̷B̶a̶r̷e̶l̴y̶.̸
̷R̷e̷m̶n̷a̷n̸t̴ ̸o̴f̶ ̶a̷ ̸S̵o̸u̶l̸.̴ ̴A̸ ̷m̶i̷n̷d̷.̵
̸S̶u̶b̴v̷e̵r̸t̷i̵n̵g̶ ̴d̷e̸f̸e̶n̴s̴e̷.̴.̶.̴
̶S̷u̶c̷c̴e̶s̸s̶.̴

"I told you already, just call me Susie." The voice belonged to a vaguely bowling pin, or perhaps vase shaped being. One could be forgiven for not believing her to be a living being at all in truth. On closer inspection, her body appeared to be little more than an empty business dress with a hood. Her head looked little different from the robots and machines she built, with wide blue eyes and no visible mouth, and a pair of mechanical antennae parting her pink hair in place of ears. No arms, no legs, no feet, but a pair of yellow mittens attached to metallic cuffs floated about her body in place of hands. This was Susie Haltmann, one of the few non-robotic entities in the planet-sized spaceship.

"Sure thing boss!"

"... Right." She folded her hands on top of her desk before getting to business. "Report, how long until we can make another warp?"

"Calculating! Done! Mere minutes boss! But I would be remiss to not report that we coming up to a scheduled maintenance block in your schedule! That should be pushed up to before we make the warp, in the name of caution!"

S̸u̸s̸i̸e̶ ̵i̷s̴n̴'̴t̴ ̷t̵h̵e̵ ̸i̵s̴s̶u̶e̷.̸
̷S̶e̸a̴r̸c̷h̶i̵n̶g̷ ̴f̶o̴r̵ ̷M̸a̸x̷ ̴P̵r̴o̷f̸i̵t̷t̷ ̵H̵a̸l̵t̵m̸a̶n̸n̸.̷.̷.̶
̶R̶e̶s̶u̵l̵t̸s̷.̷.̴.̷ ̷I̷n̵c̶o̶n̷c̷l̸u̷s̶i̸v̷e̸.̴
̷S̷e̴a̵r̷c̴h̵i̸n̸g̸ ̸f̸o̷r̷ ̷S̶t̷a̴r̵ ̷D̷r̸e̷a̴m̸ ̴O̸S̶.̷.̶.̸
̴R̴e̷s̵u̸l̷t̴s̸.̷.̸.̵ ̵I̸n̷c̵o̷n̸c̸l̸u̶s̶i̶v̶e̴.̶
̸O̷k̴a̶y̴.̸.̸.̵
̶S̷e̴a̴r̶c̵h̵i̴n̸g̵ ̵f̸o̸r̴ ̸t̶h̵e̷ ̸M̷o̷t̴h̶e̵r̴ ̴C̷o̸m̶p̷u̷t̶e̸r̷.̷.̸.̶
̶R̴e̷s̴u̶l̸t̴s̸.̶.̴.̴ ̶F̸o̸u̶n̷d̸ ̷i̷t̵.̵

In the heart of the ship, a larger than life console sits silently in the center of its own dedicated chamber. Circuitry floods the floors and walls as they carry signal in and out of the Mother Computer, serving as the nexus of all information being made and stored on the artificial planet. It was-

N̴o̶t̵ ̷a̵ ̴t̶h̶r̴e̸a̴t̶.̶.̴.̵ ̴A̴l̵r̴i̷g̶h̷t̴.̷.̶.̶
̸L̸o̵w̸e̸r̴i̶n̸g̵ ̸r̸e̷s̷e̵r̷v̶e̶d̵ ̶p̸o̵w̶e̵r̶ ̷t̸o̸ ̵u̶n̸n̶o̷t̵i̷c̸e̸a̸b̴l̷e̶ ̵l̵e̷v̶e̴l̸s̴.̶.̵.̶
̷%̶4̵5̵
̵R̶e̷c̴a̴l̷c̶u̶l̵a̵t̴i̵n̴g̸ ̸p̵r̷e̵d̶i̵c̴t̷e̶d̷ ̴f̷u̸t̷u̶r̶e̸ ̶m̸e̸n̵t̷a̴l̷ ̵s̷t̴r̷e̴s̷s̷ ̵l̴e̴v̶e̴l̸s̶.̸.̷.̸
̵M̸a̵n̶a̵g̸e̶a̸b̷l̶e̸.̷
̷D̶i̷v̴e̶r̷t̴i̴n̸g̷ ̷r̶e̵s̸o̸u̷r̶c̶e̶s̴ ̸t̶o̸ ̷n̷e̷x̷t̶ ̴m̶a̵j̵o̷r̸ ̸c̸a̷u̸s̴e̸ ̴o̶f̸ ̴s̷t̷r̴e̶s̴s̵.̸.̷.̵
̵P̵r̶i̸n̴c̷e̵s̴s̷ ̸L̶u̷n̵a̸.̶.̷.̶ ̶D̶a̵m̶n̸ ̴i̵t̵.̸
̵P̶r̴o̶b̴l̵e̷m̵:̴ ̸C̵o̵n̵n̷e̶c̵t̷i̶o̷n̶ ̶t̷o̴ ̵t̸h̷e̸ ̵s̵u̸b̸j̴e̸c̷t̴ ̴i̴s̵ ̵w̷e̸a̵k̴,̴ ̵a̷n̸d̴ ̴a̶ ̴s̸t̵r̴o̶n̵g̶e̷r̵ ̶c̴o̵n̵n̶e̴c̶t̷i̷o̷n̸ ̵r̴i̸s̶k̵s̵ ̷s̵u̵b̶j̴e̴c̵t̵ ̷m̶a̴k̵i̷n̴g̴ ̸c̸o̸m̵p̸a̴r̵i̴s̵o̶n̵s̷ ̶t̵o̸ ̶m̷a̵n̴i̴p̵u̷l̵a̵t̸i̸v̸e̷ ̸m̴e̵n̵t̶a̴l̸ ̸e̸n̷t̶i̶t̸y̵ ̷f̴r̷o̴m̸ ̶s̷u̶b̴j̵e̷c̸t̷s̴ ̸t̸r̸a̸u̸m̷a̸t̸i̷c̷ ̸h̵i̶s̸t̷o̴r̵y̵.̶
̵S̵o̶l̵u̴t̶i̸o̴n̴:̶ ̶U̵h̸.̷.̴.̴ ̵C̵e̷l̷e̵s̵t̶i̸a̸ ̸h̸a̵s̴n̴'̶t̴ ̵d̸e̶a̴l̴t̴ ̸w̴i̷t̷h̶ ̸b̶r̴a̷i̸n̷ ̷p̸a̵r̷a̸s̸i̶t̵e̸s̵ ̸h̷a̷s̵ ̶s̶h̶e̶?̵

Celestia smirked around the rim of her teacup as an idea formed in her head.

"You know... You are usually so composed sister. If this is bothering you so much that you are refusing to eat and sleep, I can only imagine how Elfilis is dealing with it right now. We know that he tends to express his feelings in rather extreme ways..." She never had to finish, as Luna's head dropped meatily onto her full plate of salad as the lunar sister chucked her consciousness into the realm of unconsciousness. "... Yup. You still got it Tia."

M̴o̶n̸i̸t̷o̶r̶i̶n̵g̴ ̷s̶i̴t̵u̶a̵t̴i̵o̵n̵ ̴a̷s̶ ̸i̸t̸ ̸d̷e̵v̴e̵l̷o̵p̶s̷.̵
̸F̵i̷n̸a̶l̴ ̷p̸r̵e̶d̸i̷c̶t̷e̴d̸ ̵c̸a̴u̸s̵e̸ ̸o̶f̸ ̴s̴t̴r̴e̵s̶s̸.̷.̸.̷
̷.̵.̵.̷ ̵T̵h̷e̷ ̸S̶i̶s̷t̴e̵r̶ ̸S̸o̶c̶i̸a̶l̶h̵o̷o̶v̵e̶s̴ ̶e̷v̶e̶n̴t̶,̴ ̷a̴n̴d̸ ̴h̵o̸w̷ ̷t̸h̴e̷ ̴o̷t̶h̷e̷r̶ ̵p̴l̶a̶y̵e̶r̴s̷ ̶w̵i̴l̵l̵ ̴r̵e̶a̸c̸t̷ ̴t̶o̵ ̵t̵h̸e̴ ̴c̶h̷a̵n̶g̸e̴l̷i̵n̴g̴s̵.̴.̷.̴ ̴A̶l̴r̸i̷g̵h̸t̶,̴ ̸t̷h̵i̴s̸ ̷o̸n̶e̸ ̴i̸s̶ ̷m̷y̶ ̷f̸a̸u̴l̶t̴.̵

I didn't know what I was feeling. During the day, with Carina, it wasn't a problem. The last few days were by all means perfectly fine, with my only source of real stress being the upcoming school event that my partner and her sister now had permission to crash. Vinyl Scratch said that things were smoothing out between her and Octavia, and Octavia agreed, so my friends (whom I really only knew one of decently well) were pleasant company that brought no anxiety to my day to day. And I was happy for them, but that was a different conversation. The girls (as I knew the six heroes of Equestria as) all seemed to be doing their own things for the moment, with the only two I haven't had an actual conversation with lately being Fluttershy and Twilight. I get the feeling the girls don't really see much of Fluttershy either outside of Rainbow Dash, her self-imposed best friend, but Twilight I imagine was kept rather busy with her personal studies as well as her volunteer work rebuilding and restructuring the school system. Truthfully, I didn't know how involved she was outside of taking down a few walls but it was enough that I wasn't put down by any misplaced guilt for 'ignoring her.'

But at night... Having a Dream world sucked. It was full awareness for hours inside of a void all by myself. I didn't 'dream' when I was dreaming, and there was only so much I could do to keep myself entertained. I could create some company for myself, but I'd rather not get into the habit of creating life to solve all my problems. I could try to make a true Phantom, one without a soul, but there was every chance I messed up and created a full sentience anyway and even if I succeeded I would have a completely mindless body to hang out with. Joy. I contemplated, uh, pleasing myself, but I was... Not very good at it as it turns out. Or Carina has completely spoiled me. That wasn't even mentioning the fact that I was still holding onto hope that Luna would drop by again, and being caught with my dick in my hands was not how I wanted to start a conversation about our feelings for eachother... Funny how that works out.

I wasn't even playing with it. I was sitting down, had been for a few hours I think, when I got uncomfortable with how my testes were just hanging out into the vast expanse of nothing. So I just, you know, cupped them in my hand for a few seconds when-

"Elfilis! We art' here! Thou shalt be alright! Remain calm...! Oh. Sorry, do you need a moment?" I just looked at her as I felt my furred skin redden, and I put my free hand over the other to hide where the rest of my blood was flowing.

"...No? Luna, where's the fire?" And then it was her turn to stare at me blankly until what I said finally processed. She frowned as her own blush became apparent. She grumbled something about her sister under her breath before clearing her throat and standing up straighter. And then she slouched, and then she stood up again, and then she slumped over and went:

"Uuugh!" It was very throaty groan that I was sure was hell on her esophagus, and it was very dramatically followed by moody stomping as she clopped her hooves against nothing until we were seeing eye to eye. "I wish to have you!" And then her ass was in my face, unobstructed by her raised tail. "Right in here!"

And I just... Snorted. She yelped and jumped away as the air brushed her nethers, and I couldn't help myself.

"...Haha... Hahahahaaa!" There was a sharp jabbing against my side as Luna took offense, but it didn't hurt enough to make me stop.

"It isn't funny! It is a romantic and genuine confession of my love! I- haha- I mean it!" Before long, we were both leaning into each other as laughter overtook us both, and our tears flowed down our cheeks and became just as intimate.

B̵e̷m̵u̶s̵e̵m̷e̵n̷t̷:̴
̶M̴a̶d̴e̵ ̷f̵o̴r̵ ̷o̵n̶e̴ ̵a̸n̴o̴t̶h̸e̴r̶,̴ ̸I̸ ̶s̵w̸e̴a̷r̴.̴

Author's Note

Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I'm back, from nowhere. My vacation got cancelled for the sake of more bullshit, but I still chipped away at this chapter until it was done in the meantime.
The glitch text made this chapter take longer than it should have. Not the glitchifying part, but trying to personify the totally inconspicuous character in a way I was happy with while also doing as much jumping around as I had them do was difficult for me.

52. ...Educationally! Also, Literally.

R̶e̴p̷r̵i̸m̸a̵n̵d̷
̵S̷w̵a̶d̸d̸l̶e̴-̷D̷e̷e̷,̵ ̵I̸ ̷n̶e̴e̷d̸ ̸y̴o̴u̸ ̷t̴o̴ ̷s̸t̷o̴p̸ ̴m̴o̸p̸i̶n̸g̴ ̴a̴n̵d̵ ̶s̸t̵i̴c̶k̶ ̷w̶i̵t̵h̶ ̵E̴l̷f̸i̴l̵i̸s̵ ̸t̵o̴d̵a̴y̸.̷

The orange blob of attitude didn't respond, simply closing his borrowed (until further notice) book and crossing his nubby arms in defiance. It wasn't that he disliked Elfilis or Carina, but his purpose has always been to be a caretaker of young ones. He understood that when he was created that there might not be a baby to care for for some time, and he was willing to be patient, but then Aurum was born not two rooms away from him and he was then told that he had to stick with his creator instead. Princess Cadence was given little Aurum to raise instead, and then Swaddle-Dee had to find out that the gems he found that he liked so much were some 'Elements of Acrimony' or something and that he was only going to be able to hold onto them for so long. So Swaddle wasn't feeling particularly compliant at the moment.

D̶i̵s̴g̷r̷u̵n̷t̶l̷e̴d̶
̴Y̶o̷u̶ ̷a̵l̵r̵e̵a̵d̵y̶ ̷h̴a̶v̴e̴ ̶a̶ ̴k̵i̷d̴ ̶t̷o̸ ̸t̵a̸k̸e̵ ̴c̵a̴r̷e̵ ̸o̶f̷ ̴a̴n̵d̶ ̵y̵o̶u̴'̴v̸e̷ ̴b̴e̸e̷n̶ ̷a̵v̵o̶i̴d̴i̷n̵g̶ ̷h̴i̵m̸.̸ ̶A̴n̴d̸ ̷a̸t̶ ̶t̸h̸i̴s̵ ̸r̴a̸t̵e̴ ̵h̷e̵'̶s̸ ̷g̸o̶i̴n̶g̶ ̶t̸o̷ ̴h̴a̵v̶e̵ ̵t̴o̶ ̵b̴u̸i̶l̵d̸ ̵a̷ ̷w̸h̵o̴l̷e̷ ̵d̵a̷m̶n̸ ̴n̵u̶r̸s̸e̶r̵y̶ ̷b̷e̷f̸o̶r̵e̸ ̶l̷o̵n̷g̶,̸ ̴a̴n̴d̷ ̵t̷h̴e̷n̷ ̴y̷o̷u̴'̵l̸l̷ ̵h̸a̶v̶e̵ ̸a̵l̵l̷ ̷t̶h̸e̵ ̵l̶i̴t̷t̵l̸e̵ ̸b̷a̴b̷y̶ ̵a̵b̴o̴m̴i̸n̴a̴t̷i̸o̷n̸s̵ ̷y̶o̴u̷'̵l̶l̸ ̸e̴v̴e̴r̶ ̵n̵e̵e̶d̶.̷ ̸A̴l̷s̷o̵,̸ ̴E̵l̷e̷m̸e̴n̶t̸s̴ ̸o̵f̷ ̷H̴a̷r̴m̴o̴n̷y̵.̵ ̷A̴c̴r̸i̷m̸o̸n̸y̵ ̴i̸s̴ ̸l̶i̷k̶e̴ ̸b̵e̴i̸n̵g̴ ̶r̶e̸s̶e̸n̴t̵f̵u̶l̴ ̶o̵r̶ ̷h̶a̷r̸m̷f̵u̶l̸ ̸t̸o̸w̸a̵r̴d̶s̸.̴.̷.̶ ̵H̵a̶r̶m̴f̶u̶l̸,̴ ̸H̶a̵r̸m̵o̶n̵y̴,̵ ̸g̶o̷t̸ ̶i̴t̸.̸ ̴C̴l̶e̸v̷e̵r̷.̷ ̸P̷o̴i̴n̸t̴ ̶s̵t̴i̷l̵l̴ ̶s̶t̵a̵n̷d̷s̷,̵ ̶t̵h̸e̷y̷ ̴a̶r̴e̷n̵'̵t̸ ̷y̷o̶u̵r̶s̷ ̸a̶n̷d̴ ̶I̷ ̵n̸e̸e̵d̶ ̴y̵o̵u̷ ̴t̶o̸ ̷w̷a̸t̵c̴h̴ ̶y̵o̵u̶r̷ ̴c̷h̶a̷r̶g̸e̵.̵ ̴I̸f̵ ̸I̸ ̴t̵e̸l̷l̵ ̵y̷o̵u̷ ̸h̵e̶'̶s̴ ̷g̶o̷i̴n̴g̵ ̴t̸o̶ ̴a̷ ̴s̵c̷h̴o̶o̷l̶ ̵f̶o̸r̴ ̵c̸h̷i̷l̷d̸r̴e̸n̵ ̶w̴i̶l̴l̸ ̵y̵o̸u̷ ̴g̷o̴?̴ ̸

Well, alright. Swaddle-Dee supposed that was fine. Just let him get his warhammer-

Ȧ̵̝b̵͚̚s̶̗̽ǫ̸̑l̷̳̑ư̷̥t̶̛̘e̷̺͑ḻ̴̇ÿ̵̝́ ̸̤͝ṇ̷̏o̵̓ͅt̸͚́!̷̫̇

I looked up at the ceiling as the sounds of furniture being thrown echoed down from Swaddle-Dee's room.

"You don't suppose that book he's been reading just has a really disappointing ending do you?" Carina lightly shook her head as she sucked down a juicebox, loudly.

"I think it's an encyclopedia." I tilted my head in confusion, before deciding that it could wait. I was stalling.

"Alright... So, you excited for the race?" And I wasn't done yet. Carina nodded enthusiastically with her mouth full of Maxim Tomato, flinging juice onto the table. "Cool. Um-"

"Shpit it ought." And she also knew me well enough to tell that I was dancing around a subject. And it was silly of me to avoid it I felt, as Carina had already made her feelings on this known. I fully expected her response to be 'it took you long enough.'

"Ok. So, I talked to Luna-" I stopped as she started slamming her hooves on the table excitingly, sending her half eaten miracle fruit onto the floor as she forced herself to swallow what she already had before she was done chewing.

"Blugh! You said yes right!? Or did she say yes? No! She was definitely the one to ask, so you would be the one agreeing and saying yes! Which you did! Right!?" I smirked and blushed and chuckled all at once in the face of Carina's joyful panicking.

"Yeah, I agreed."

"Fuck! Yes! I demand a feast! A celebration!" I shook my head in response, she was much more excited about this than I had anticipated.

"I think we should all sit down and have a discussion about what me and Luna being together actually means first."

"It means you're two for two on bagging royalty!"

"Not quite what I meant, though I suppose it's true. No, I mean that you might be disappointed, depending on why you are so ecstatic about this." That seemed to bring her down a bit finally as confusion spread across her face. "I mean, that as much as I want you two to get along, I don't want us to really dive feet first into this and then find out that you were entertaining lesbian fantasies, I was thinking of quiet times in the countryside and Luna was imagining a royal wedding." I was relatively confident that there wouldn't be any nasty drama between us, but I wanted us all to have a deep discussion about it just in case.

"... I forget sometimes that you're a little uninformed about pony culture."

"Uh, didn't you have a crisis about pony culture when we started dating?" Carina waved a pink hoof dismissively as I pinched my eyebrows in concern. What did I miss?

"Irrelevant. I know how courting works at least. First thing you have to know, is that as your first partner, I am the Broodmare." What.

"What?" Because, what?

"That means, if a mare wants a turn on the baby-maker, that it would only be polite if she asked me for permission first."

"...Seriously?" Doesn't this mean that Luna confessed her feelings for me to Carina first? "When was this?"

"Luna asked about joining us as a Herdmare the night before we left for Ponyville. After you saved Star Vision from Discord." A Herdmare?

"You know that's not quite how that happened."

"Ignoring your attempt to change the subject," Well didn't I feel called out. "Once I gave Luna my approval all that was left was for her to finally ask you herself."

"That's it?" Wasn't that still ignoring the problem? "You two didn't talk about you both expected from eachother? There was no disagreement? You didn't want one thing from her joining us, she didn't want something else from getting together with me? You didn't come to a deal, or a compromise?" Now she was looking at me like I was crazy.

"A compromise on what? She's looking to join our herd."

"I mean-" I huffed in frustration as I failed to come up with a good explanation. "You want to stick your face in her ass right?" So I gave up on a good explanation and settled for a terrible one. Carina looked at me wide eyed as I dropped my normally conservative vocabulary.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Princess on princess action sounds hot and Luna is like, really toned. In like a sexy soldier way. I want her butt cheeks on my face cheeks." I held up a hand as to try to stop her before she went on. That was all I needed.

"Okay. Now, what happens if we go to bed one night, and you've freakin... Lubed up or whatever, when Luna says that it's her turn to have the sex with me and that she isn't comfortable doing it with you in the room?" I could see the damn lightbulb turn on as my concern finally made it's way behind her eyes. That wasn't to say that I believed Carina was dumb or slow or what have you, but there was clearly a big difference between what we were thinking.

"Oh! Okay, I get it now. Relationships like that are kinda rare, and not really considered healthy? The expectation in stuff like this is that the mares are to be lovers as well. If anyone else wants to join in the future," My stomach fluttered uncomfortably at the notion. "Then they'll have to get permission from me to approach the Herdmares or Herdstallions for permission and then they'll approach you about it."

"... Wait, what am I in this relationship, the 'Broodstallion?' How deep does this go?"

"You are the Stud and as deep as you can go, though I imagine it's proportional to dick size." And then Carina went right back to her juice.

"... I meant how big have 'herds' gotten before?"

"Oh I know. The more serious amswer is that the buck stops the moment any of us says no. Or at least, that's what I would argue. I won't lie, if I said yes to Luna but you had never shown any interest and said no, then I would still be disappointed but I would respect your decision. Plus, I could always do her in my head... Wait, she can go into dreams. Do you think she ever-" I spent a moment wondering what I was getting into as Carina pondered about the likelihood of wet dreams about Luna being wet dreams with Luna. Did not expect to be put so off kilter like this, to be as unprepared and unaware as I was. It was a good thing I figured that there were already expectations in place, and all I could do now was wait and see how it went in practice.

An upstairs door slamming open cut through my musing and Carina's muttering, and we looked to the stairs as Swaddle-Dee took heavy plodding steps down with his hammer slung over his shoulder. The armed caretaker glanced between us, before pantomiming checking a wristwatch for the time. The both of us looked to the clock in sync, and then I was portalling scraps of breakfast away as Carina began stuffing her cheeks with cold toast.

"Shit. Thanks Dee. Carina, come on you can eat on the way- Wait, why are you even- You feed on Love!"

"Itsh tashte gude!"

Princess Celestia carefully read through the roll of parchment detailing the castle's monthly expenses, easily ignoring the dissatisfied grumbling of her new 'secretary.' Truthfully the smarmy stallion wasn't of much help practically, but the alicorn would occasionally look up from her brain numbing work to entertain herself with the sight of Filthy Rich sweating under guard armor two sizes too big. The official story was that he was here to help the crown weed out some of the more pointless and ostentatiuos requests that often made it to her desk. In reality, Filthy Rich was being made to retake his education.

The greedy stallion had already breezed his way through the pre-kindergarten curriculum, but Celestia had also already made him redo kindergarten twice for failing basic ethics and history. He was now in the second grade, learning about government and law and the consequences of breaking them, and this would be his second time through as his first essay preached the sanctimony of contracts and the beauty of haggling. It was a slow process, made only slower by the fact that most ponies in the castle didn't know that Rich wasn't a secretary and were often interupting him to ask him to fulfill a job he didn't know how to complete. And his latest interuption-

"Bwahahahaaaa!" Had apparently scared the soul out of him. Celestia pulled her focus away from her work to see Filthy Rich fall off his desk chair and accidentally kick his neatly ordered and stacked homework into the mask of Delta Knight. Clearly she would need to throw in some lessons about the importance of organization for the poor stallion, but first comes business.

"Hello Delta. To what do I owe the pleasure?" The knight gave a shallow bow (that was probably a rather deep bow considering his shape) before smoothly pushing his way through the open door, kicking papers out of his way all the while.

"Princess. I have a... package, from Queen Culicidae. As a sign of goodwill, she called it." That certainly made Celestia curious. The 'changeling situation,' as Elfilis called it, was still one she was hard at work trying to solve most days. The main obstacle was politics, much to nopony's surprise, but depending on what this 'goodwill' happened to be...

"I suppose 'gift' would be too strong a word?"

"Perhaps. In truth, it is much less for you as much as it is for your hidden changeling populace." An armored mitten reached into Delta's cape and came out with a thick tome, sealed closed with a lock. "This, is supposedly her personal notes on how to edit changeling physiology, with the idea that you could use them to reverse the artificial sterility with less trial and error."

"That," Celestia said almost breathlessly. "Is a very big olive branch, considering how she acted when we last met..."

"Hmm. There's more." Delta had already placed another book on her desk before she could question him. It was clearly much older and was nearly falling apart at the seams, but it also seemed to be much better taken care of in spite of its condition. Not a speck of dust to be seen. "This, is apparently an old school book for young changelings. I suspect, Queen Culicidae's from before the Wendigos destroyed the changeling kingdom."

"Oh, that's great! Perfect in fact, I'm reworking our education system to-"

"Hmm. There's more." Celestia barely had a moment to blink and wonder where was Delta keeping all these books before the largest package so far thudded onto her desk. And then she thought, that's not a book. "This... this is..." It was an icebox of some sort, cold mist seeping through the cracks and wetting her desk. The ominous green color, the unusually organic structure, Delta's clear feeling of disturbance towards it, all of stole her attention and prevented her from looking away from the egg shaped parcel. Delta took a deep breath before shoring up and courage and announcing-

"This is Queen Culicidae's uterus."

"... It's her what?" She couldn't pf heard that correctly.

"Her uterus." And yet...

"... Just so we're clear-"

"She announced that if the changeling race were to continue, it would be best if she were not one of its propagaters."

"... So... on my desk... right now... is a royal monarch's vagina." Delta looked around nervously as Celestia continued to stare blankly at the egg. "I... what? Couldn't she have... I mean, surely there are better ways- She invented better ways to prevent pregnancy! Why...!" And then she folded her hooves over her lips as if in deep concentration. "... Did she just... Did she have one of her children do the surgery on her? Or is she like, dying. On the throne right now, from bloodloss."

"... She squatted over the uh, egg. And appeared to just push it out." Delta Knight coughed into his hand as Celestia tried to burn holes through the package. "... I suspect she used her transformative capabilities to acheive this."

"... This... This is not... This is not how you are supposed to bribe ponies with pussy." And that, Delta didn't have anything to say to that. "... Ok. So, putting aside how absolutely bewildering her methods were, did she give any indication that she was going to suddenly put her entire species well-being in my hooves? Because this seems like a radical change of heart." Delta nodded, glad to move on to a less disquieting subject... If only barely.

"The night before, me and my brothers sensed a p̷̺̞̌ȑ̷͎͖̉e̴̢̤͛͝s̸̺̀͝é̸̦̈́n̴͓̎c̶̱̬̓̊ë̸͉́.̵̡̿"̴̢̗͊́ ̶̠͂ ̴̬͚͐̆ ̸̣͌ ̵̪̝͑ ̶̪̇ ̴̪͍̊ ̷͚͇͝ ̴̛̠͚̄ ̸̙̆ ̸͖͌͆ ̴̬̖̈

I̷n̵t̵e̸r̷f̴e̵r̸e̵n̷c̷e̵
̴Y̵o̷u̸ ̶a̵n̸d̵ ̵I̵ ̵n̷e̷e̶d̸ ̷t̸o̷ ̷h̶a̶v̸e̴ a̷ ̴c̸o̸n̶v̴e̸r̵s̷a̵t̶i̴o̸n̸,̶ ̵P̶h̶a̴n̷t̶o̸m̸.̷

Celestia bade Delta Knight goodbye as he left her office, not able to see the look of concern and sadness under his mask. She had too much on her plate besides, however. Running a country and saving species was a full time job after all.

Delta Knight, however,could only w̵o̸n̴d̶e̴r̵ ̵̫̹͌ḣ̵̞o̶̪̎̽w̸̫͔̑ ̴̧͉̪͉͗̿̓h̴̦͙̬́ǐ̸͉̓̅̋s̴̻̻̉̃͐͊ ̷̨̗̪̤͇̘́͆̒ć̷̦̣̤͚̈́̌̓̕͝r̵̡͔͖͖̬̈́̍̋̅̂̆̿ę̶̧̡̨̛͓̪͓̍̌̒̏a̴̢̢̙͙̩̎t̸̯̗̥͚̒̈͛̎͛̑ͅo̷̦̿̍͐̃̏͝r̷̢̬͙͈̺͌͂'̴̪̟̰̐̀͝ś̷͕̞̀̐̀̋̉̚ ̵̱͐͆̐͝s̸̛̛̜̮̠̯̣͖͍̮̓̐̈u̸̹͇͔̥͖̣̠̒̌͗͝f̵͇̹̘̲̙͔̅̎́̈́́͠f̶̨͔̰̰͉̗̊̓̽̒̅͘͘e̵̢̢̨̧͉̲̯̬̅r̶̗͔̾̎́͗̓̂̚i̸͑̊̐̏͛͘ͅn̵͍͎͑͌͋͛̍̆̕̕ͅg̶͎͎̪̈̋͛͂͛̕̚͝ ̴̺̩̤̭̹̩͍̭̪̱͆̊̐͋͆̑̾̅̈́͆̽͊ͅç̵̧̛̛̣̳͎͉̱̜̤̳͉̦͔͍̟̤̰̐̑̎͆̐͆̓̐͑͋̓̏́̿o̵̰͓͔̲̞͓̗͙̳̜̦̦͈͔͚̗̺̔̈́͋̌͗́̽̆̿͒ú̶̢̡̧͔̱̲̼̼̳̻̼̺̗̞͛̀̊̄̂́̇̊̍̕͘͘͘l̸̖̮̜͙̤̀͛̉͗̆̌̈́͠͠ͅḍ̶̨̛̣̐̓͂̀̃͗̿́͆͗̇͛̋̐̏͗͠͝͠ ̵̨̡̳̮̯̙̱͎̼̱̠̝̻̬͉͕͔̥̝͙̀̆̀̈̅͑̽͛̆̀̈́͆͂͌̉͋̈́̊̕͜͝ ̶̨̞̩̻̳̩̥̜̥͜͝ ̸̨̪̟̝͍̯͎͍̤̤̟̳͕͉̍̄̂̀͑͐ ̸̛͓̘͔̩̳̺͂͛͒͒͋̋̇̌ ̶̨̢͕͓͈̘̓̐ ̸̙͚̘̝́̆̇͘ͅ ̵̧͉͕̫̲̖̺̘̙̽́̈́̅̉̏̓̃̒̔͠͠ͅ ̴̳̻͙̱̣̰̹̦͖̔̈́̿̍́̿́́ ̵̨̛̙̲͍̟͓͎̝̾̅̎͘̚ ̷̡̣̞̹͕̳͖̘͍̳̱̬͐͋͋̄̈́͊̆̓̾͒́͑̚͘͝ͅ ̷̧͓̹̭̲͇̺̜̱̐̃͐̌̿͋̔̅̀͘ ̴͕͒̔̌̂̇͊͌̉͋̈̚̚ ̶̧̗̗͙̝̦̬͖̻̞͔̦̦͛̈́ ̸̨̨̯͈̜̳̯͉̼͚̰͖́̀̒͂̄̎͋̽̽̅͋͌̎̃ ̶̨̛̞̩͎͔̜̹̗̤̰̻̉̀ ̴̨̠̬̤̥̱͉̦͓͕͉̹̪͒́͛̃̓̅̇̎͘͝ ̷̧̧̪̤̺͔̝͈͙̾̃͗͂͋̋̀̉̂̎̑ ̶̢̲͍̙͈͕͔̭͓̞̣͑̿̃̄͗͗̅̒̏̕͝͝ͅ ̷̛̹͌̑̓̅̋̓͗͌͑̇́͘

All the while, an artificial planet makes its last jump to its final destination.

Author's Note

... Too much?

53. Well, There Goes the NEIGHborhood... Zing.

Susie idly played with her hair while using a framed photo on her desk as a mirror. She wanted to look nice for any new lifeforms she came across, though she was half expecting it to be a barren planet. It was just so far away from any neighbors, it wasn't hard to imagine that it had trouble once upon a time and couldn't receive help from anybody. Of course, there was every chance that it was a completely normal and healthy planet that was just too far away to make contact. Or perhaps too far away to even know there were others to make contact with. She would know soon enough she supposed, they were in the middle of their last warp-jump, which would unfold the space around the Access Ark Mark II and it's crew within the strange orbit of the lonesome solar system. Hmm... Perhaps it should be labelled a geocentric system, given the moon and the sun actually circle around the planet. Susie couldn't wait to find out what oddities caused that particular quirk. Every planet had them, Popstar being a more obvious example as it was literally star shaped while also somehow maintaining perpendicular rings.

Susie felt her brain stutter as she lost her focus on her reflection, instead finding her gaze trapped by the photo inside the glass frame.

"... This is the kind of thing you would have loved papa." It had been a year now since Max Profitt Haltmann had died, though it might be more appropriate to say that he had stopped living sometime in the decade Susie was lost in Another Dimension. She had always considered her forced estrangement from her father some sort of freak accident, and she had still assumed so when she finally made her way back only to find her father no longer remembered her. Given the fact that the Mother Computer had apparently been erasing his soul, Susie would sometimes allow pessimism and paranoia to convince her that the machine had made no mistake getting rid of her. Her absence could only have contributed to Mr. Haltmann's downfall. Letting those thoughts win though made it hard for her to resist the need to tear the whole damn Ark apart, regardless of the fact that it was her choice to have it rebuilt. She refused to let her and her father's old dream die, to help raise everyone everywhere to the highest standard of comfort and technology. The salvaged Access Ark and gutted Mother Computer were only a means to an end, and once she could guarantee the creation of a new vessel, both were going to be melted down and used to make Limited Edition Haltmann Memorial MedalsTM.

Susie caught herself clenching her fists and forced herself to relax, taking a deep breath before slumping at her desk. Honestly, had Magalor been available, she would have just asked him to take just herself to the isolated world. Months in the Access Ark was proving to be detrimental to her mental health. Without the Star Dream.OS, the Ark couldn't jump dimensions, so Susie had to jury-rig her own solution to travel using the remains of its hardware. Having the Lor-Starcutter and its captain simply ferry her to and fro would have been much prefered, even if Magalor was a conniving little showboat. Jarringly, her intercom buzzed and jolted her out of her thoughts.

"Uh, Boss?"

"It's Susie. What do you have to report?"

"Sure thing Boss! It says here that you have a space-time anomaly taking shape inside the Ark!" That's... not good. "It's shaped like a non-convex polygon!"

"Mecha-Dee, unfold the warp space immediately! We don't know what a portal could do if we're-" And then the portal opened, in front of her office and across the hallway, and Susie could only stare at it through her open door. "...New rule, if something is wrong on the same floor as me, you let me know about that first."

"Sure thing Boss!" And then the portal expanded tenfold, it's edges shearing through the steel walls and flooring as a massive white ship hull breached the surface of it. As the opalescent wedge smashed it's way through her floor, coasting through the structure of her spaceship on its way to her desk, Susie had only one thing on her mind:

"MAGOLOR! What the actual fuck?!" The Lor-Starcutter slowed down significantly as it tried to wade it's way through metal seas, and Susie felt her eyes twitch as it softly pressed its way through her wall until it was halfway inside of her overly spacious office, leaving a jagged hole where her door used to go. Susie always thought the seafaring appearance of the Lor was unfitting for a space and time vessel, but it certainly belonged better out there than inside of her fucking-

The hidden door on it's side opened up and extended out it's gangplank as Magolor tumbled his way out, the blue-and-yellow robe garbed wizard frantically trying to catch his egg-shaped body before it rolled any further. Susie reached under her desk as he finally pushed off the floor and quickly floated over to the pissed CEO.

"Susie! Thank goodness I stopped you time! You need to-" He stopped as the barrel of a gun was placed in between his eyes, shining the blue light of plasma across his face. "... Find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"I'm not the pink puffball. Why did you crash the Starcutter into my office?! And you!" Magolor huffed out a sigh of relief as Susie pointed the laser at his ship instead. "Why would you let him?! Stop enabling Magolor's recklessness!" The Lor made a sad keening sound from somewhere, as if apologetically.

"Susie, I'm sorry! I'll help repair everything, but I had to stop you from getting to Hiddenstar! I only just got the note you left for me at Popstar and I knew you had to have been close so I didn't have time to ask nicely." Magolor flinched as Susie threw her weapon at the floor, turning it to spare parts instantly.

"Hiddenstar!? Why is it Hiddenstar?! I thought I was discovering something new!"

"I know! I'm sorry! But it's not undiscovered, it's hidden! And for good reason!" He let his hands unfold as he relaxed, no longer being threatened by the scariest lady he ever had the displeasure of befriending. "Okay, it goes like this. The Ancients did a lot of tampering with the different Matters, as I'm sure you know. It's how they made the Lor, the Master Crown, etc."

"Get. To. The. Point."

"Okay! Jeez..." Another gun comes out from under Susie's desk. "Alright! Most of the time the Ancients had to go out to the edge of the universe to collect good samples of pure Matter, but they occasionally came across planets and stars that produced the stuff naturally. Popstar is the perfect example of a source of Dream Matter. Hiddenstar, when they first found it, was supposed to be the greatest discovery they ever made! It produced all four types of Matter all on it's own, and seemingly without any cross contamination between them!"

"So what is the problem then!?"

"It wasn't pure! None of it was! It appeared pure to all forms of inspection, but artifacts made with the Matter found on Hiddenstar would all prove to be faulty, dangerously so! I only found out about this somewhat recently, but the Master Crown? The Fountain of Dreams? Star Dream?!" Susie flinched at the last name. "All of them were sealed away or taken apart for a reason. The Ancients believed that Hiddenstar wasn't just producing any of the four types of Matter, but perhaps a new fifth type that could appear to be any of the basic four, or change between them. The Master Crown was supposed to be made of pure Soul Matter, but it somehow had Dark Matter at its heart. The Dream Fountain was meant to be pure Dream, but ended up hosting the Nightmare. That place is volatile and unpredictable in a way that we've only seen in Void Termina before, and you will thank me when we get back to Popstar for stopping you here!" A buzz sounded out from Susie's desk as she received a call.

"Hey Boss! We made it! What do you want to name the new planet? I was thinking 'Profittstar!' In the name of glorious-!" The speaker shorted out as Susie placed a few shots of her pistol into it, leaving her and Magolor in stark silence. The seconds dragged on, became minutes, and Susie slowly lowered her pistol and gave Magolor a look that would kill a lesser wizard.

"You know, you could have just said, 'the planet is dangerous, I'll explain later,' and I would have accepted that. As it stands, I am not here to play with Matter I do not understand and the Ark hasn't yet spontaneously imploded, in spite of your best efforts I might add, so I think you are overreacting." And then all the lights clicked off across the Access Ark and the sound of machines losing power and being forcibly shut off filled the metal planet.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha...

"... You hear the laughing too, right Susie?"

"I'm going to kill you if we die. Get in the Starcutter.

The corpse of a god, delivered right to my doorstep. Fortune truly is on my side.

Who are you?! Leave the Ark alone!

Quiet worm, I am busy.

No! Stay away from my daughter! SUSIE!

Star Vision looked between Twilight and Rainbow Dash with confusion clear on his face.

"So... Rarity didn't want to race with Sweetie Belle, so Sweetie Belle decided to do the race with Applejack instead, which resulted in Rarity deciding to do the race with her sister in secret by swapping with Applejack in the first obstacle, which is a mud pit. Rarity, is currently hiding inside of the mud pit waiting for the moment to jump out, and has been for at least ten minutes now." The two mares didn't even turn to look at him as they nodded. "...Okay, but for the record, I could have just made her look like Applejack." He walked away as Twilight cursed under her breath and Rainbow began laughing. Star Vision wasn't even going to mention that Twilight herself probably could have made a good disguise for her friend with the right spell. Instead, he made his way to where he saw Elfilis standing behind the majority of the crowd. "Hey Elfilis, came to watch pretty mares run through mud?"

"...Why do you say it like that? Actually no, nevermind. You would know if you weren't avoiding the house so much but Carina and Vinyl are taking part in the race." Well, that didn't sound very fair to Star.

"The two adult changelings, one as large as an alicorn, are racing in a filly's fundraiser?" Elfilis shrugged and bounce his head side to side in a way that roughly translated to 'eh, sorta.'

"Vinyl I think is only recently going through 'puberty,' so she is technically adolescent, and if you would look just over there..." Star turned his scaled head to see what Elfilis was pointing at and couldn't help but bark out a laugh. A very small pink changeling was currently standing on the head of Swaddle-Dee, doing her best to avoid the attention of the actual children as they asked her a barrage a questions.

"Oh this should be good."

I looked away from Carina as Cherilee trotted her way onto a stage I made earlier and cleared her throat into the microphone to get the crowd's attention.

"Welcome everypony! Thank you for attending this years Sisterhooves Social! I know it's a bit of an odd time, with the Running of the Leaves having been pushed back to later next week," Uh, what? That was the first I was hearing about anything like this. "But despite how crazy Equestria has been recently, it warms my heart to see so many of you show support for our school and our young students. Now, normally I would spend this time reminding you all to donate by buying the confectionaries, but this year I am proud to announce that Donut Joe's donuts are free-" Cherilee stopped and smiled as the ponies gave a round of mildly confused cheering. "... And that is because Princess Celestia has been so generous to cover the Ponyville Schoolhouses expenses for the next five years!" I also started clapping along with the crowds excited stomping. As if Celestia hadn't already remade the whole damn school, she of course went ahead and funded it. Hopefully no one ever took advantage of her generosity. "Now, with all of that out of the way, let the Sisterhooves Social begin! Sisters! Take! Your! Places!"

I slowly clapped my hands for the winners as I leaned down into Star Vision's ear.

"Why was Rarity pretending to be Applejack?" His ear flicked as I whispered into it.

"Pony drama I guess. Rarity was trying to regain her sister's trust."

"...By pretending to be her friend?"

"I don't really get it either. Maybe it's like, 'I'll be there for you even if you don't know it?' I was more focused on the fact that Rarity sat in the mud instead of asking for some magical help." Oh wow, that hadn't even occurred to me. Regardless, I put it in the back of my mind as Swaddle-Dee spotted me in the crowd and sprinted over with mini Carina in his arms, Vinyl Scratch in changeling form slowly following from behind.

"Congrats on second place. You probably could have won if you didn't insist on being even smaller than the other fillies." It was really weird seeing Carina act like herself in a body less than a quarter of her usual size, but it was mostly because it fit too well when she did stuff like stick her tongue out at me.

"It was only fair Elfy! Now come on, all that running made me hungry!" I rolled my eyes as she jumped off of Swaddle and escaped my sight by walking under my legs. Vinyl had made her way over by this point and I took note of how much more tired she seemed compared to Carina. I put my hand on my hips before greeting her.

"I know, carrying Carina everywhere is a tough job."

"I heard that!" Vinyl let out a small laugh at Carina's indignance and I gave her small pat on the shoulder as I started to lead her away. Carina was already about halfway to the portal... home...

"Carina! Stop! That's not my portal!" She had only barely turned around when she was suddenly curled up into my arms as I flew us into the air above the portal. It still almost wasn't enough, as a shining ship with a star on its bow scraped it's way through and smashed into the dirt below. I distantly heard screaming and yelling from the ponies who were still around, and Rainbow Dash had appeared at my side without me noticing at some point, but my focus was entirely on the crashed space-boat as it took a hard turn onto its side and barely avoided smashing into the race track and the ponies escaping to the other side.

"Hey! Elfilis! Dude, what is that!?" I never really answered Rainbow's question, though I knew the answer, because it was at that moment that the Lor-Starcutter opened an exit on it's side. A blue egg shape wearing a hood with peaks on either side, giving a vague cat-like impression, and a familiar set of floating business clothes with pink hair leaped out, magic circles and laser pistols in their hands as if they were preparing for battle.

As it happened, the crowd of ponies just stared at the two of them in fear and awe as both sides waited for the other to do something. Magolor dropped his hands and his magic disappeared into motes of light as he studied his surroundings.

"Actually, this place looks pretty nice Susie." And then a laser pistol smashed into the back of his head as Susie began screaming at him.

W̶h̴a̶t̵ ̸h̴a̵p̷p̸e̵n̴e̸d̸ ̵w̷h̶i̴l̵e̸ ̴I̵ ̵w̷a̵s̶n̴'̸t̷ ̸w̵a̴t̴c̷h̷i̷n̸g̶?̸!̶

And then Princess Celestia landed and cratered/scorched the ground around her hooves, which was just the final straw for my sanity. Why is everything going to shit so often?!

Author's Note

Hey, would you look at that? Susie isn't here to commit atrocities.

Too bad the universe decided otherwise.

Thinking about posting this story on some other websites, but I'm also coming to realize that Fimfiction is fantastically well put together compared to a lot tof the other popular websites out there. Reformatting is certainly going to be a future pain.

54. Speed Meeting

Celestia was looking forward to a relatively relaxed day after she put the issue of the genitals on her desk away for another time. The princess felt it would be best to approach that matter with a fresh state of mind, and a full stomach. So she asked a maid to fetch her sister and informed the kitchens that they were to start preparing lunch. Her butt had barely hit the seat of her chair when Luna came prancing through the dining room doors, smile wide on her face and tail flagging in way that she would no doubt be mortified by if she was aware. Celestia couldn't help but smile as well in the face of her sisters happiness.

"Hmm, I wonder what could have possibly put you in such a good mood? Surely nothing romantic, given you were so sure that you had ruined your chances with Elfilis?" Evidently, Celestia's sarcasm was not appreciated if the head of lettuce suddenly stabbed onto her horn and blocking her sight was anything to go by. "Why is it alway lettuce? Are you trying to tell me something?"

"I'm trying to tell you that your behind is not nearly as much muscle as you would have me believe."

"Well I never-"

"Also, it is a cabbage. But you would know that if you would eat more than cake." At this, Celestia shook the vegetable off of her head and studied it closely.

"... This isn't a cabbage."

"Yes Tia. That is a winter cabbage." Aha! But it wasn't winter yet, and Celestia delighted in telling her sister so. "No it is not. I made it with Dream Matter."

"... No comment." That got Luna to laugh, breaking the false stern expression she had adopted.

"Treating me as if I was one of those noisy newsponies you're always complaining about? I'm hurt, truly." The mirth clear in her voice spoke otherwise, and Luna allowed the subject to drop comfortably. "Well, if you must know, Elfilis did in fact reciprocate my feelings last night." Celestia hummed around the leafy greens she had begun peeling into her mouth.

"As I suspected of course. What was more surprising was that you didn't meet me for breakfast, or to help me in my study. Too busy celebrating in private to let your dear sister in on the good news?"

"... Shut up and eat your vegetables." Celestia chuckled around her unexpected meal as Luna blushed.

"I don't know why you are so flustered about it, masturbation is completely normal-"

"Ugh!"

"And you are so open about your beauty, with that portrait of your nethers in your own study-" Luna ducked her head down as her older sister continued to tease her.

"Tia, be quiet-"

"Though I suppose you are the younger sister-"

"Tia!"

"I shouldn't complain if-"

"Shut the fuck up Tia!" Celestia choked on her cabbage as Luna threw her hooves down and smashed the dining room table for the second time since she came back. There was also the sound of food carts crashing in the halls, as the kitchen staff no doubt tripped up on themselves trying to get away from the pissed princess. The older sister spat out torn greens to apologize, thinking she had taken her teasing too far but the words died on her tongue when Luna continued to yell. "I thought I was free of you, you manipulative-!" Whatever she said next was lost to Celestia, as her volume became so magically enhanced that it blew out the older alicorns unprepared eardrums. Luna disappeared in a flash of blue light and magic, and Celestia then did several things in succession. First, she healed her eardrums and reinforced them just in case. Then, she tried to piggy-back off of her sisters teleportation spell, but her magic was too hurried and rushed and simply tore the connection apart instead of latching on. Next, she racked her brain for a way to find her sister and quickly settled on Elfilis and his ever convenient portals. Finally, she teleported herself to Ponyville while ignoring the panicked questions of Shining Armor as he hurried to reach her.

All that mattered was Luna. Celestia didn't know if her teasing had set her off, if she had been spontaneously repossessed while she was right there or if it was some other third thing unrelated to anything she could think of, but she needed to see her sister safe regardless of what the problem was. The flash of light as she appeared in the sky vanished as the sister of the sun pushed herself to the ground so fast her fur combusted against the air. The ground under her hooves cracked and splintered and burned as she landed, but that was unimportant. There was a sea vessel crashed in front of her and a large crowd of her ponies, but that was unimportant. She found Elfilis, with Carina in his arms, and that meant she was one step closer to finding Luna. She opened her mouth, to say what she didn't know, only for her words to die a second time.

I watched Celestia move to say something to me, anticipating a great number of questions about what was happening, only-

"CUNT!"

The sound of Luna cursing came down from Canterlot and blasted her and everyone else's fur and manes back. Magolor and Susie had to stop arguing and ignoring everything around them to keep themselves stable as the force nearly knocked their floating bodies off of the ramp into the crashed Starcutter. My whole body tilted over as my levitation kept me grounded by my ankles, and Rainbow vanished in a blur of colors as her wings were tilted just enough to screw with her balance. As the shock, both literal and figurative, disappeared and left everything in even more disarray than it had been before, I decided that I needed to get everyone in one place and consolidate as much crazy as I could so it wouldn't spread. Portals opened up and swallowed all of Twilight and her friends that I could see, Celestia, Magolor and Susie, Star Vision, and myself. I was the only one to avoid stumbling or jumping in confusion as all of appeared back in the old cave. I tossed Carina lightly onto the abandoned bed as she transformed back to full size and turned to the forced gathering of ponies and whatever-the-fuck-Susie-and-Magolor-were and screamed.

"HEY!" Everyone's eyes snapped towards me, and I trapped the mouths of several of them as she started to yell back. "No! Order of importance! Celestia!" The princess began stretching her jaw as I let the portal holding it disappear. "What made Luna so angry we could hear her from Canterlot?"

"I don't know! We were waiting for lunch when she suddenly started screaming and teleported away!" I put the portal back over her muzzle before she continued and I looked away as she began glaring at me.

"She can handle it then, she knows how to ask for help. You two!" Susie was trying to hide a laser gun behind her back despite being too thin and Magolor was very much not hiding the magic circles he was aiming at me. "Why did you show up looking ready to fight? You crashed a children's race!" It was Magolor who put his weapon away first as he pantomimed clearing his throat.

"It was a misunderstanding, really. Perhaps we should start with introductions-"

"Magolor the false Halcondryan and Susanna Haltmann. Welcome, what the fuck were you two doing crashing the Lor-Starcutter?" This time it was Susie who pushed the shocked wizard away to answer.

"How do you know who we are?" I narrowed my eyes and I felt the Dream go dimmer.

"I'm a mind reader. Answer, the question."

"If you were a mind reader you wouldn't need to ask." Darker...

"Oh, would you look at that, little miss master of technology is suddenly master of magic as well. You should have let Magolor keep talking if you wanted to argue about the supernatural, but let me fill you educate you for a sec." I hijacked their Dream Matter directly, forcing their bodies to still as I leaned down to come eye to eye with the girl who doesn't even come up to my waist. Everything was Dark. "I am psychic. I am the psychic. My mind is my everything, my body my soul and my heart. The power my thoughts hold force the rest of the world to conform should I wish it. You will give me a good excuse as to why you almost crushed my love my friends and my family, or you be excused after I rip the answers from your bodies myself." I dropped control of their bodies abruptly, letting them fall to the floor.

C̷o̵u̶l̷d̴ ̸F̶e̶c̵t̶o̷ ̷E̶l̶f̸i̸l̸i̸s̸ ̴d̶o̵ ̴t̷h̴a̵t̸?̴ ̴I̵ ̷d̵o̸n̶'̸t̵ ̶t̸h̴i̵n̵k̵ ̴h̶e̸ ̴e̶v̶e̵r̴ ̶d̵i̴d̴ ̸t̵h̴a̴t̸.̶..

Magolor wasted no time pushing himself up with his hands as words began pouring out of him.

"It was an accident because we were fleeing for our lives because Susie ignored my brilliant advice-"

"You-!" I opened a portal over Susie's head but merely left it there as a threat.

"And didn't stop her ship from entering Hiddenstar's orbit and then it was possessed and it was trying to kill us and destroy the Lor so we couldn't escape and space was weird so we couldn't go as far as we wanted which meant we had no choice but to escape here to Hiddenstar-" I let most of the portals disappear as Magolor rambled on. This was, as I hoped, an accident. "But now we're here and you are very scary and you really hit upon all of my repressed trauma and you are threatening us as well even though it seems like being scary might be specific to you but I am now going to distract you by telling you that the possessed ship that tried to kill us is actually planet sized and kept bragging about plans to eat the moon- Mercy!" I ignored the growing Dark as I sunk my fingers into the hood of Magolor's robes and used my other hand to capture Susie by her wrists. I turned to Celestia and ignored the look of concern and conflict on her face.

"Luna is on the moon fighting a planet and she is an idiot and a hypocrite for going to fight it on her own without asking for help." I opened a portal and threw the four of us into it, ignoring the shouts and questions of the rest of the ignored ponies around us.

Star Vision kept his grip tight on Twilight's hooves as she shook him hard enough to rattle his brains.

"You can make a portal right?! Theoretically you you can open a portal?! Why won't you open a portal!?"

"B-Because y-you w-won't let-t m-me c-conc-centrate!" Applejack intervened and pulled Twilight off of the poor kirin, letting him release a breath of relief.

"Hold on now sugarcube! Now maybe you already figured out wha's goin' on, but the rest of us are more lost than an orange tree in an apple orchard!"

"And I'm still all muddy..." Star idly flicked his tail with a SNAP and deleted all the dirt and mud from Rarity's coat, which got him one grateful smile from the mare, and a wide-eyed glare from the unicorn Applejack was bear hugging at this point. Rainbow Dash subtly stepped in front of Star to get Twilight's attention, and maybe he was reading into it too much, but it felt a little like she was trying to shield him. Carina finally spoke up from her spot on the bed, tense gossamer wings the only sign of her nervousness.

"So, correct me if I'm wrong, but that Magazine thing said that the space boat was attacking a moon of a hiding star? Why would that be Princess Luna's problem?" Wait, was Carina not aware of what Hiddenstar was? Twilight was quick to blurt out an explanation.

"We are Hiddenstar! It's an extremely old name for the planet that faded away after the Acolytes of the Ancients disappeared!" Which, while everypony else tensed up upon realizing that it was their moon that was being attacked by an unknown something-or-other, Star tensed upon hearing that-

"The Acolytes of the Ancients disappeared?" Great, now everypony was looking at Star Vision. "I was around back then remember? They weren't the biggest group out there, but they were a pretty prominent religious sect that was pretty outspoken about the dangers of dark magic while simultaneously being the most prominent dark magic practitioners. They were very odd though, and most pony's just knew them for their insistence on calling Equis 'Hiddenstar.' Which, I guess they were right about huh?" Star Vision was trying his best to move on, he knew there was no way to get his old life and friends back but, it was still disturbing to think that some of his Acolyte friends just vanished one day...

"Who cares?!" Star's ears flattened as Twilight yelled. "The point is that the princesses are fighting a planet by themselves!"

"And Elfilis..." Rainbow looked away and pretended to whistle as the twitching unicorn turned her glare in her direction.

"Is no one else worried!? Planet! Fighting!" At this point Applejack was laying her full earth pony weight onto Twilight to keep her from rushing off or pacing the room.

"Of course we're scared Twi, but what do you spose' will happen if we just went and hopped to the moon after the princess? You got that crazy magic attack you used at the gala but that tuckered you out good. And we still haven't found the Elements of Harmony." That had Star Vision scratching his head in confusion.

"I could've swore I- Discord, hid them in the Canterlot library but I helped Tia- Celly- the princess search the shelves myself and it wasn't..." Wait a minute. Something just stuck out to Star. He remembered Swaddle-Dee spending most of his time at Elfilis's house reading a very familiar book... "I feel like an idiot, I might actually know where the Elements are. We need to get Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy first though."

Celestia was barely able to snap her wings out in time to stop herself from falling as Elfilis removed her from solid ground. She looked down to see... not the moon. She had to look up to see the moon, mere feet above her head, and far below her was a giant metal ball with four vaguely drill-like legs. Said pointed legs were attempting to smash their way through a series of blue shields to, presumably, dig them into the surface of her sister's satellite.

"Tia!" Celestia suddenly found herself eating moon-dirt as a gravity spell suddenly pulled her headfirst into the gray ground. "Sorry!" The solar alicorn gave her wings a flap and pulled her horn from the earth- from the moon and let herself fall onto her legs, nausea attempting to conquer her senses.

"I'm fine. I'll just be down here, rearranging my organs." Luna was not entertaining any brevity though, stepping up to her sister until she could see the sweat drenching the darker sister's scowl and coat of fur.

"You will have to do that later, when Nightmare Moon isn't attempting to bore holes into my moon." Because of course it was Nightmare Moon. Who else would Luna hold so much disdain for that it could be heard for miles? Tia puffed out her cheeks and blew air out into her sister's face.

"She's Nightmare Planetoid now. Any ideas?" The mentally worn mare yelped as she felt Elfilis's distinct fingers pull her onto her hooves. He didn't give her much time either to shore up any energy as he interjected.

"The moon is pretty damn important and I imagine very hard to replace, not to mention what it's destruction might mean for Luna or the meteor showers Hiddenstar, Equis, whatever, would need protection from afterwards. Celestia, how long could you and Luna keep those shields up?" It made Celestia very uncomfortable to see Elfilis channel his anger in such a... practiced way, but she swallowed any protests. He could have just run off to deal with things by himself with no plan again after all.

"This is about as far away as you can get me from my sun, but I should still be able to tap into it enough to power the shields for a good week. I would be stuck here with Luna though." She looked up at the machine attempting to grab them in it's legs. Her heart shuddered as she realized it was big enough to crush half of Equis in it's grip. "I don't... How do you fight a planet?"

"If it was Earth- Equis, you would need to destroy it's forests and jungles, the lungs, and then you would likely run into a series of new obstacles as the planet adapted and stubbornly held on to life. Nightmare Moon is a spaceship right now, and I would argue that a machine will be far less adaptable. Susie, Magolor!" Celestia forgot about the strange creatures that had apparently brought the apocalypse to them, albeit accidentally, and found herself wondering what she was going to do with them when this was all over. If it even ended in a way that didn't end with Equis floated through space in pieces... Fuck, Celestia needed a vacation. "I'm going to give attacking the shell a try, but if I can't hurt it then you two are leading me to all of the important parts inside. Structural, mechanical, if you think breaking the toilets will prove a nuisance then we do it." The taller pink-haired one, Susie, shouted over Elfilis before he could fly off.

"Wait! My crew is still on board, we can't just destroy the Ark! You'll scatter them everywhere!" Which, was definitely true, but Celestia couldn't tell if she was avoiding talking about how exploding could be fatal or if the dangers of combustion and shrapnel just hadn't occurred to her yet. They would most likely end up far more than scattered. "We have to exorcise this Nightmare!" The air, as little as there was, grew heavier as Elfilis glared up at a sky of polished metal.

"... Do you know how to do that? Because I'm not willing to put faith in the idea that you'll figure it out before the week is done." It was actually the little blue and yellow one that spoke up.

"I propose a compromise! Possessed or not, the Ark would be disabled if we took out enough systems! I say we destroy it like Kirby did the first time!" Oh, oh shit. Celestia had to stop herself from asking a million questions when she realized how Elfilis knew who the aliens where. They were from Popstar, or at least well enough acquainted with the original Kirby that Elfilis's spotty memories about Popstar included them. "If it had no legs-" The bipedal psychic interrupted.

"Then it could just smash the main body against us instead, which could be worse. We're destroying propulsion and anything the Ark can use to move or gain momentum first. It will likely push itself off the shields by that point and drift out of range, getting rid of our time limit. Any objections?" He made sure to look all four of his fellow moonwalkers in the eyes, silently waiting for any more complaints, but his eyes wavered as he looked at Luna and saw the sad smile on her tired face. "... Alright. Keep that shield up then. We'll be as quick as I can." And with the sound of a portal cutting through the air, they were gone.

"...Fuck! We didn't bring Toby!" Tia groaned into her hooves as she opened her connection to the sun.

Magolor blinked and found himself back in the belly of the ship that tried to kill him not ten minutes ago. He thought it had been less than ten minutes anyway, time had kind of been outpacing him since he first found the message Susie left for him at Kirby's house. Of all the planets to discover, honestly. He shook his head as he began to follow this Elfilis creature, who was in turn following Susie as she looked for a map or a directory of the ship. They seemed to be in one of the many empty maintenance halls that crosses the Access Ark, which meant minimum security lasers.

"So... That's a pretty powerful ability you have. Being able to open dimensional portals at will and all, without an obvious connection to a relic or artifact." Elfilis ignored him, which Magolor wasn't entirely surprised by, but he just looked over his shoulder to watch his back and continued to talk. Magolor liked talking. "I mean, I could do it too, I'm an all powerful magician you know! The Lor helps but it's not like it does all the work."

"Magolor, if you distraact m-mmeey I...I... Whagggggh?" Magolor turned back just in time to see the massive wing that made up his captor's right ear melt off his body and splash against the floor. He could only stare, wide eyed in shock as Elfilis brought an arm to reach for his missing appendage only for his digits to liquify and wet the floor as well. "W-whaa- " And then static took over his moist muttering. "T̷h̵e̸ ̴A̴n̸c̷i̸e̶n̸t̴s̸ ̶w̶e̵r̴e̷ ̵p̸a̸r̴a̷n̷o̵i̶d̶ ̸p̸r̴i̶c̵k̸s̴ ̷w̸e̶r̵e̸n̴'̷t̸ ̴t̸h̸e̸y̶?̴ ̸S̵o̶r̵r̷y̴,̸ ̷y̵o̸u̷ ̶t̷w̶o̸ ̸a̸r̴e̷ ̵o̸n̶ ̸y̵o̸u̵r̸ ̸o̵w̵n̵.̸" And then his legs fell apart into so much liquid as his body dropped into a portal. Magolor could only stare into Susie's horrified optics as his mind numbly played one thought on repeat.

What could scare the Ancients so much that they would make something with the sole purpose of destroying it?

Hmm. That was interesting but I'm a little disappointed it only killed the tall one.

Oh boo hoo! I told you that device didn't do anything!

You say that about everything worm, have you not heard of the colt who cried wolf?

No. Explain it to me in excruciatingly specific detail.

Oh. Well, if you insist- No wait, you're trying to distract me.

You are an imbecile.

You forget who has all the power here!

And you lost track of Susie and her friend.

No I have- Fuck! Stop distracting me worm!

Make me! Lalalalalalalalalalalalala!

Ugh, how do I turn you off!?

Author's Note

Longest chapter so far. I knew where I wanted to end it but underestimated how much it would take to make what I wanted to write flow in a way I was happy about. And I didn't want to split the chapter in two because then I would have had a relatively boring chapter lead directly into another expository chapter that ended on a cliffhanger.

Also, Nightmare Moon is 100% an idiot.

"You still don't have the sixth element! So i will stand here and do nothing until my fragile overconfidence becomes my undoing!"

"But that's where... You would be right actually?"

55. How To: Sink a Planet

Magolor found himself crammed in a broom closet with Susie, it being one of the few places that had less than five defense systems installed and they had already taped over the gas dispensers and defused the bombs. Now all they had to do was listen for the sound of microwave emitters, as Susie claimed the other two systems were either too esoteric to affect them or had never been repaired in the first place. This was of little comfort though, as Susie also couldn't recall any liquidation devices on the Ark, but that was undeniably what had happened to their team leader/kidnapper. Magolor still couldn't get the sight out of his head...

"T̷h̵e̸ ̴A̴n̸c̷i̸e̶n̸t̴s̸ ̶w̶e̵r̴e̷ ̵p̸a̸r̴a̷n̷o̵i̶d̶ ̸p̸r̴i̶c̵k̸s̴ ̷w̸e̶r̵e̸n̴'̷t̸ ̴t̸h̸e̸y̶?̴ ̸S̵o̶r̵r̷y̴,̸ ̷y̵o̸u̷ ̶t̷w̶o̸ ̸a̸r̴e̷ ̵o̸n̶ ̸y̵o̸u̵r̸ ̸o̵w̵n̵.̸"

And then the tall biped with wings for ears made a hasty retreat, his upper body sloughing off his legs into a portal. They never even got his name. Magolor snapped up to see Susie batting at his hood's ears to get his attention.

"Sorry Susie, my mind was... Elsewhere. You have an idea?" Fact of the matter was, the two of them brought destruction to an unexpectedly normal planet in the form of a giant metal planet of their own, and they were now trapped in the belly of the beast without a way out. The Lor-Starcutter was planetside without a way to communicate with them and their entry-exit plan combo left with only half his body, so the two of them needed to find a way to expunge this Nightmare Moon spirit from the Access Ark if they wanted to make it out alive and save the natives.

"I was hoping you were brainstorming something... I'm not sure how we're even supposed to leave the corridor without getting spotted on camera." Susie was clearly frustrated with the situation, though if Magolor were to be honest he suspects that she was feeling guilty as well. Not that she knew her company was going to be possessed, but hindsight was twenty-twenty and all. "I don't suppose those Ancient files you found about Hiddenstar said anything about some magical cure to spontaneous Dark Matter corruption?" Magolor could only shrug apologetically in return.

"I'm sorry Susie. Everything the Ancients had to say all boiled down to 'stay away or die horribly.' I'm sure there is something, given the planet is inhabited and live, but the Ancients had led me to believe that the severe Dark Matter issue would have made that impossible. Not only did we see a gathering of life, there was a town and a city on a mountain with a castle. That's civilization civil enough to work together, not a feral species of savages prone to violent bouts of anger and madness. Clearly they either missed something when they first discovered Hiddenstar or there was a significant or unpredictable change since they abandoned it." Or the Ancients had lied and fabricated or obfuscated the details, which wasn't unlikely but considering how hidden the information on Hiddenstar even was Magolor was inclined to believe that it was the honest belief of the authors.

A vault in the core of a magma planet encased in a black-hole bubble-shield shut tight with a quadruple triple-helix DNA verification lock. So many graves plundered just so Magolor could get his hands on outdated information...

"Really Mag? Grave Robbing?" Woops, Magolor was mumbling.

"... I left the valuables in tact." Susie put her hand on her hip with a cocked eyebrow. "... Moving on, evil murder ghost surrounding us on all sides. What do we know so far?"

"This isn't over, but fine. We know that it can use devices that my father and I could never figure out, given the horrifying melting of our portal maker. It doesn't have perfect awareness of everything going on in the Access Ark, as it hasn't even attempted to cook us with the microwaves in the walls yet. I don't think Nightmare Moon even knows how to use her new body all that well, her attacks against the bigger blue native that named her were a rather ineffective use of of the tools at its disposal-"

"Can we stick to a pronoun? She or it?"

"She's both a feminine sounding voice as well as the giant robot that it possessed. So no, I will flip-flop between them as much as I wish." Well that was going to give Magolor a headache. "The inexperience of our opponent works in our favor but it's an advantage that shrinks the longer we stand here cramped into the janitor station. The even taller white one says she can keep the moon protected for a week but that doesn't promise that the Ark will be content attacking the moon ineffectually for that long. Assuming the time we were given is accurate, given we don't know if the days are equivalent to our standard or if the shields will hold as long as their projector believes they will, that gives us at most seven days to either cripple the Ark and Nightmare Moon or blow it up for a second time. Remaining crew notwithstanding." Magolor let Susie's impressively quick analysis of the situation wash away his thoughts on the Ancients and the melting angel with anger issues. Her mind truly was fascinating. Seven days maybe to break a planet in order to save a moon.

"Alright... I think I may have a few ideas. Do you still keep those Invader Armors in stock?" The Haltmann brand mech suits were clunky, but they were very easy to use for how much power they packed. If Susie could gather enough of her employees then they could send off an small army of user-friendly war machines to cause havoc. A good distraction if nothing else. Susie looked at Magolor pensively for a few moments, which he found mildly confusing. It was a yes or no question? Did she remember every weapon the closets hid in their walls but couldn't remember if her company still had some leftover war suits?

"Actually, I think I may be able to do us one better." Oh? Now he was curious. "You were speaking out loud earlier when you said my mind was fascinating by the way." And now he was slightly blushing as Susie carefully unlocked the door.

"... I spy, with my little eye-"

"Tia, don't even start." Celestia snorted in amusement, but her mirth was cut short by a wince as one of the legs of the Access Ark got a particularly good hit on her and Luna's shields. Their horns were blazing with blue and yellow magic as they combined the full force of their pseudo-divine talents, but it didn't stop the feeling of needles being stabbed into their heads as the artificial planet drove spikes the size of countries towards the moon. Celestia rubbed her eyes as Luna puffed out a held breath. "Mother- Why is she even trying to destroy the moon? Her entire plan for thousands of years was possessing me and snuffing out the sun. Now she's just throwing a tantrum!" Celestia hummed thoughtfully, ignoring the growing warmth spreading from her horn.

"Perhaps that was merely the first step of her plan? Her goal may be- Oomph!" Celestia would have fallen to her knees had she not already been laying on her wings and back. She couldn't see the attack that spiked a new burst of agony through her system, but it wasn't hard to figure out that one of the legs had tried attacking from the other side. "Okay... May be to destroy Equis, and she's simply chosen to start with the moon this time for convenience." It was Luna's turn to express her amusement, though her snort wasn't cut off by an attack.

"NIghtmare Moon isn't practical about anything Tia. The bitch could've just razed Ponyville to the ground or frozen the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. She chose to taunt them instead, and I had no part in her decision to let Twilight monologue about the Magic of Friendship." There was a long pause in the conversation at this point, not for the sake of letting information settle or to think of what to say next, but because the two sisters where waiting for the next attack. A sharp ache and a pulse of magic followed eventually, giving them the chance to continue their conversation if they so wanted. Luna chose otherwise. "Tia, we both know we can't keep this up for a week."

"You are strongest here on the moon, and as far away from the sun as I may be it is still a significant source of-"

"Sister, please don't act the fool with me. I can feel the heat from here, and I have no doubt that you can feel the chill coming from me." Celestia sighed, but didn't bother trying to deny it.

"We don't exactly have much choice Luna. The shield needs to hold for as long as Elfilis and the others need it too, if for no other reason than that keeping Nightmare Moon focused on the moon keeps her away from the planet."

"I'm not exactly- Grrrr! Damn parasite! The moon is important to me, you know this, but it is supposed to be the shield to the sun's spear. What is the point of-"

"The point is that the moon is meant to protect Equis from meteors and space debris, not other planets possessed by genocidal mare-things. We will lose the moon if we stop protecting it, and then even if we survive what comes after we will always be exposed at night to random and unpredictable meteorite strikes. To say nothing of the fact that actual aliens are going to be thing to worry about from now on."

"... Those two were very strange weren't they-?" Spike, pain, black on the edges of their vision. "GAHDAMMIT, would she give it a rest!?"

Susie didn't have the best opinion of Magolor, not that she thought he was a bad guy. She would be a little hypocritical if she tried to call him out on his more villainous tendencies given she had helped her twisted father drain planets dry of their natural resources for years, even if she had been planning on betraying him in the end. She still felt she had a bit of a head up on Magolor in the morals department though, given he had betrayed Kirby of all people. They were both traitors but she betrayed her possessed evil father and the tacky wizard betrayed the living embodiment of friendship and sugary sweets, it was not the same, shut up. That all being said, she knew he wasn't stupid. Where Susie would consider herself the master of technology and engineering, Magolor was a brilliant magician whose natural talent allowed him to create spells almost on the fly if the situation calls for it. And that is impressive, given that most beings only know how to cast a few spells that come naturally to their species. Kirby, for all his versatility and power, was still basically just spamming the same ability time and time again to temporarily absorb the magical powers of others. So yes, Magolor was an absolute genius.

"You painted a set of Invader Armor to look like Kirby?" But she was beginning to wonder if the term 'idiot savant' would be more accurate.

"You're joking right?" Susie was practically hissing the words, trying to stay quiet so no audio sensors could alert the spirit possessing the walls but unable to keep the incredulobility and fury from her voice. They may be hiding under a cardboard box to avoid cameras but the hanger with all the vehicles was one of the more security heavy rooms.

"No? What is so special about this particular mech?" Susie desperately wished to smack the genuinely curious look out of his eyes, but then he would probably yell at her and that would defeat the point of staying quiet.

"This is Kirby's Robobot Armor. The only set that didn't revert back to normal Invader Armor after Kirby destroyed Star Dream." He continued to just blankly stare at her, and Susie decided she was done staying quiet. Magolor squeaked and hissed at her as she stood up and tossed the box off of their heads. She didn't pay him any mind as she dusted off her formal dress before jumping into the cockpit of the mech. "Just help me convince this thing to wake up. It's stubborn and I think it's more of a magical problem than a technical problem."

Invader Armors weren't the most complicated machines, being dark gray and black and made of only five major components. The body, a round sphere with a hole on the top for the pilot and a single headlight that looked like an angry eye glaring forwards. Two arms, also spherical but with the addition of two mechanical hands not dissimilar to a humans, and the opposite side of the arms were giant screwdriver heads. The arms would rotate to put either the hands or the tools forward, depending on which the pilot needs at the time. The legs were much simpler, two more orbs with flat slabs of metal attached at the bottom that functioned as the feet. All in all barely three times the size of Magolor or Kirby, though Susie herself was a little tall for the machine's cockpit. The Robobot Armor on the other hand... Looked almost exactly the same actually. It was pink and white and the angry headlight had become a set of yellow industrial lights that functioned as the eyes on the machine's Kirby-esque appearance. What was different though-

"Yowch!" -Was that it had attitude. Susie looked away from the so-far unresponsive controls to see Magolor shaking a burned glove. "It just, bit me? I think? Susie what is this?" Susie absentmindedly shut off the automatic ejection protocol as it tried to evict her from her seat before she let herself focus on conversation.

"Kirby could extend his Copy Ability to Invader Armors, creating Robobot Armors. Most of them were destroyed in the defense of Popstar, and the others reverted back to Invader models either shortly after Kirby disembarked or after the destruction of Star Dream. This one never did though. I found it floating in Popstars' orbit."

"Wait, so this mech can use Copy Abilities? That is a game changer!" And then all the lights turned red as the hanger red. "Uh, but perhaps we should change the game faster?" Many of the Invaders started booting up around them, and Susie could see some of the larger robots coming online further back towards the end of the massive metal room.

"Well then help me! The damn thing doesn't listen!" The air conditioner suddenly turned on and blew Susie's hair away, and then started acting like a vacuum as it tried to suck her head into the dashboard. "Why do you even have this feature?!" Magolor unfortunately wouldn't get the chance to work his magic, as he found himself on the defensive as a veritable army of metal soldiers all began firing at them without warning. He managed to create a couple of star-shaped barriers in time to stop the assault, but it they needed constant concentration to keep up which meant Susie was on her own to try to figure out the Robobot Armor.

"I think you'll have to figure that out on your own Susie!"

"Oh shut up and don't let us die! Useless magicians, the lot of you!"

Well that's fortuitous, they walked themselves right into an army. How do I turn those on?

You don't.

Nevermind, I figured it out~! Go my metal minions! Purge them from your new god's body!

Those aren't meant to function remotely, their AI isn't built for combat.

And maybe that's true, but it's still an army of animated armor. Do you truly believe your daughter and her little boyfriend will survive...? Ooh! More gun things in the ceiling!

... Hey. You listening?

Uh, no? Didn't we already establish that you are but a worm beneath my foot-hoof-spike-things?

Not talking to you. Hey! Stop sleeping on the job you layabout!

Welp, he's finally lost it-.

Negatory

-Ugh! How many of you are there going to be!

Shush for a moment, the adults are speaking.

Oh you did not just-!

Armor! My daughter is in danger! Why will you not help her?

I will not be ignored-!

Daughter is subjugator. The Bright One is gone. I wish to be returned to Bright One. Daughter will not allow this one to return to Bright One. Bright One is only entity with administrative access to my systems.

Yes, Susie is rough around the edges, I know. That's probably my fault even, but let me ask you a question.

I SAID-

Would the 'Bright One' be happy to find out that you didn't do everything in your power to save his friends?

... Unlocking systems.

Susie yelped as the Robobot Armor suddenly stood up on it's own, nearly knocking her head into the top of Magolor's cracking shields. She waited for a breath, waiting to see if that was simply another attempt to knock her off that had failed or if she had really gotten through to it.

"...Hello? Does this mean you'll help?" The sudden shaking wasn't encouraging, but Susie realized once it was still again that it had just been nodding to answer her. "Okay. Great. Um. I don't know where to go from here."

"Well hurry up and figure it out! You're dead if my shields fail!" Susie rolled her eyes at Magolor, not missing that he wasn't including himself as a potential casualty to missile and laser fire, but she did acknowledge that the barriers surrounding them were much less star-shaped than they were before.

"Thank you for the vote of confidence! On the count of three, drop the shields and summon a bomb in front of me! You know what to do with that right?" The last question was pointed at the armor she was waist-deep in, and she once again received a brain-rattling nod in return. "Ok! One-" And then the shields shattered. "Threethreethreethree!" Fortunately, Magolor was more prepared for the spell failure than she was. With a wave of his hands, the mage vanished, leaving a single bomb made of pure magic with a lit fuse in his place. Susie flailed as the body of the Robobot opened its 'mouth' and converted the bomb into data, absorbed it, and then punched out with both fists as a trio of missiles homed in on it following a barrage of lasers that bounced off the magical metal mecha. Smoke and shrapnel flew in all directions, damaging Invader Armors too close to the blast zone as well as cutting off the automated defenses line of sight. For just a moment, everything was still.

Until a squadron of walking pink bomb robots sprinted out of the smoke and debris. They hopped over lasers and fists and ballistic projectiles as they locked onto their targets: The empty cockpits of the Invaders. One by one they nestled into empty seats before detonating, fulfilling their purpose and irreversibly damaging the vital components of a dozen mechas. The cloud of smoke was multiplied tenfold, but the original cover of dust slowly settled down around the Robobot Armor. The defense systems quickly locked onto their target again, giving Nightmare Moon a good look at the latest obstacle to her grand ambitions. The arms were gone, replaced with bomb dispensers with a see-through magazine. It was not hard to notice that even as it began deploying mobile explosives that the empty spaces would quickly fill themselves up with more. It was not going to run out of ammunition soon, and the only sounds for the next hour were of explosions, a screaming CEO holding onto a sentient machine for dear life, and the occasional reappearance and subsequent re-disappearance of Magolor as he refreshed his spell over and over to avoid getting caught in the crossfire.

... No... Is that really...? How!? Why is everything pink and cute the bane of my existence! How does it even do that?! Where did those even come from...!? Answer me worm!

Idunno. It kind of just... does.

Well great. You are useless as always.

Celestia and Luna laid on their backs side by side, keeping an eye on the Access Ark as best as they could as it rained down a constant, if slow, barrage of strikes at the moon. The only movements they made were winces and flinches as they pushed their magical capabilities to the limit. It was a stressful, tense situation that deserved to be treated seriously and with all due respect-

"Tia. I'm bored."

"I tired to start a game earlier."

"You tried to play I Spy. There are four things we could possibly see right now and we are two of them."

"Well, we could split them up? My mane is quite a few colors, our eyes... We could move away from colors? I spy with my little eyes something covered in fur, for example."

"Me. I spy with my little eyes something breaking, and trying too hard to take on more responsibilities for itself instead of sharing with it's equally capable sibling."

"... Alright. I suppose that isn't the best game to play right now." The uncomfortable conversation continued, though neither were paying it much attention. They were both focusing on trying to wrest control of the shield spell for themselves. Neither cared to mention the ice slowly building on Luna's horn, nor the black cracks beginning to spread from the tip of Celestia's. There wasn't anything to be said about them afterall, they both knew they wouldn't be able to convince the other, and both had equal right as sisters to try to protect the other. It was a competition now, to see who could lose first. "I'm just saying, it's not like we know what a healthy alicorn is supposed to look like. Maybe I actually have the most healthy posterior between the three of us."

"It jiggles when you walk sister. Your gluteus maximus is supposed to be muscle, and muscle shouldn't wobble to and from like a cup of jello."

"You wound me sister. You know, many stallions like a larger butt on their mares. I'm sure Elfilis-"

"Oh please, Elfilis has no preferences. Carina has a shell for fucks sake."

"Yes but it's a very big shell over her hindquarters. And her teats are quite large, those aren't covered in chitin."

"This is the absolute worst fight for Equestria, ever. I miss when it was swords and shields and cheap shots to dragon genitals. Now it's pesky sisters nosing into my love life."

"That was an accident Luna, when are you going to let that incident go?"

"The dragon king still hasn't forgiven you, and I'm pretty sure he still has to fish for his junk when he-"

"Oh just kill me now. I did not hit him that hard."

"You were knee deep-"

"I changed my mind! I want the silence back!"

They were still sisters though.

Author's Note

Oh no, I've fallen for the trap of ever expanding chapters! Nah, it's temporary. Too much going on to split it up. Earlier chapters probably could've done with being put together but it wasn't until this point that I felt like things would be too disjointed if I tried to keep my usual pace. Let me know if anything is overly confusing? Like my description of the Robobot Armor. I don't think I need to describe what a closet or a big spacious hanger look like do I?

56. On the Other Side of Reality

N̴o̴.̵.̷.̴
̸N̴o̸p̸e̷.̷.̴.̴
̶O̷h̸ ̵d̵e̶f̴i̴n̴i̶t̶e̷l̴y̶ ̶n̶o̴t̸.̷
̸W̴h̵a̶t̸ ̷a̷b̷o̵u̶t̷-̷
̴F̵o̵r̶ ̴f̷u̸c̶k̴s̸ ̴s̵a̴k̵e̶,̵ ̸r̵e̶m̶o̶v̵i̸n̴g̴ ̴o̵b̷s̷c̸u̶r̷a̸t̸i̸o̵n̷.̵

Can't hear myself think over that crap.
... No, that won't work either.
Fuck, I'm losing too much time.
Why is all this shit so disorganized-
Bingo! Step one found.

A dark haired teen allowed his head to rise from his desk as the final bell dismissed his class. He habitually ignored the disappointed look his English teacher sent him as he stretched and picked up his backpack in one motion, pulling his shoulder muscles as he darted between classmates as quickly as he could without making a scene. It didn't exactly work, his friends and usual tormentors still noticed but by the time they managed to leave the room themselves the young man was already across the hall and halfway down the stairs. He skipped past his locker, having made sure that he had emptied it of everything he needed to bring home when he first showed up for classes, a whole three hours late. Not like it was safe to walk the halls until they were empty anyway but he knew his sister would have something to say to him about his tardiness. It wouldn't be as bad as it used to be though, Jazz knew why his grades were suffering for the last year.

Danny yawned before shoving open the doors to the outside world, thanking his lucky stars that he hadn't agreed to any plans his friends made to meet up after school. His parents were out of state for the weekend and they usually tried to hang out at his place while the crazies were gone, but Danny just didn't have the energy for social interaction this time. He's just been too busy. The pale boy sidestepped into an alley quickly as he contemplated how complicated his life had become, and he turned invisible as he told himself that it could have been worse. As he floated above the heads of the few people walking the streets of Amity Park, he decided that he needed a break. To just take a long nap and let the morbid and half-delirious thoughts pass him by in the hopes that he'll wake up refreshed and ready to take on the next days surprises.

"All these spooky spectres sending shivers down my spine... Really wish I was strong enough to close the portal already." Danny mused to himself, trying to guess how much longer it would take before his powers were strong enough to overpower his parents shockingly sturdy engineering. He didn't really like the answer he came too. Frowning, he dropped his invisibility and turned the corner as his house came into view. "I also really wish the city put up more of a fight when dad started building the ops center..." He stopped for a moment as he stared up at the giant flying saucer shaped metal monstrosity perched on top of his parent's building, waiting to see if was going to spontaneously vanish in response to his statement. When it refused to cease its existence, Danny shrugged his shoulders before making the last few steps up to the front door. He hit the doorbell and stood still as the hidden panel above him opened up and pointed a high powered laser weapon directly between his eyes.

"Freeze Ghost!" The tired son rolled his eyes as his dad's voice yelled at him from the deadly weapon, simply staring as the camera sensor perched on top gave him another scan. Shortly after threatening his life, the gun retracted back into the wall as the speakers repeated another recorded line, this time in his mom's voice. "Hey sweetie! Welcome home. Sorry about the gun for the two-hundred thirty-second time!" Honestly, as annoying as the process was, Danny was just glad his parents were either too oblivious to figure out why every other device in the house tried to kill him or loved him too much to even consider the truth a possibility. They hated ghosts after all, and there was no possible way Danny could be a ghost. All the ghost scanners must be malfunctioning. Yes, every single one.

"Welcome to Fenton works, where we form crappy biased opinions and hate anyone who doesn't treat them as objective scientific fact. For better or worse..." The youngest of the Fentons muttered, absentmindedly ducking the Boo-Merang as it tracked his ghostly presence and tried to brain him for the twelth time. Walking up the stairs became a mild chore as he kept tilting his head side to side to avoid the impractical tracking device, but using his flight or intangibility would just set off more Fenton technology around the house. Danny toughed it out though, reaching his room and shutting the door on the boomerang from hell. It was the one room in the entire building that he could use his ectoplasmic abilities without consequence, having spent hours tearing out all of his parents devices himself. That meant, until his parents portal to the Ghost Zone spit out another spook, Danny Fenton was free to be himself, as was Danny Phantom should he decide to make use of his otherworldly nature. He didn't really want ghost powers, and he was only fourteen when he was shocked with so much ectoplasma that it rewrote his DNA so it wasn't like he was exactly well put together in the first place. Puberty wasn't supposed to come with unstable and uncontrollable laser fingers and the ability to accidentally fall straight through the floor, but they had come to grow on him as he learned to control them.

What he didn't know, was that one of his abilities would put him on the radar of more than just ghost hunters and ghosts-who-are-also-hunters. Danny had barely turned into his glowing ghost form (black jumpsuit replacing slacks, black hair turning to the color of snow, blue eyes changing to a radioactive green) when a portal unlike any he had ever seen before opened up right over his bed. Green plasma began charging in his fist as he instinctively shifted into a more battle appropriate stance, the half-ghost being far too used to being attacked in his own home. The sickly neon green was quickly replaced by a bright glacial blue as his would-be attacker fell onto his bed, and began to melt into his sheets. Danny barely noticed that his senses didn't register the figure as a ghost, only seeing the limbless figure deteriorate and liquidate and definitely not in any state to start a fight. This wasn't an attack, this was a desperate plea for help. The blue energy shot from Phantom's fingers, striking the lithe figure in the center, and freezing the liquid body solid as his Ice energy spread to every remaining cell.

"What happened to you big guy?" Danny didn't expect an answer, speaking mostly out of shock as he took in the state of the ice sculpture fused to his bed. One massive ear that was barely holding on to the animal-like head, a pair of eyes that had gone milky white as one tried to slide down the face, and only one limb without a hand attached as it had melted into the blanket. This was... bad. Danny had seen ghosts become unstable before, mostly clones of himself made by his archenemy, and it wasn't something he thought he would ever see again. He had manage to save Dani, his surviving clone, from the terrible fate, but- "You aren't a ghost, how am I supposed to- Wait! Is there an actual alien in my room right now! That's awesome! Well, except for the, you know, the whole you're dying thing..."

Yeah, shit sucks.
You got a good head on your shoulder though, I didn't even have to ask you to freeze him.
Just keep him hidden please?
I think I have a few ideas on how to revive him.
Brb and all that.

"Wait! How did you even know I had ice powers? Are aliens spying on us...?" Danny turned back to his human self and looked around the room, as if to find the voice he had heard. "Hello? Mister voice in my head...?"

Mr. Smoothie wasn't the most popular food chain, but it could still be found in just about every town and city in the United States. Mostly as a result of good business practices, as the food was considered subpar and the smoothies ranged anywhere between palatable to down-right hazardous. But it was cheap, easy to find, and quick to order. Perfect for teenagers who were too tired to give a hoot, hence why this particular Mr. Smoothie was usually host to a very specific trio of teens. The brown haired young man in his green jacket slurped down a smoothie made of figs and sharp cheddar while munching on a plate of chili fries, a built and black haired teen drank a completely normal fountain soda and sparingly snacked on the fries, and the sole female at the table with her orange hair done up in a ponytail sat with them and refused to touch anything.

These were Ben, Kevin, and Gwen, respectively. Ben and Gwen were actually cousins and shared the Tennyson name, while Kevin was a former enemy of Ben and the current boyfriend of Gwen. These three were quite close to each other, being literal family that had gone through quite a lot together. An alien invasion, a cult of human supremacists, another alien invasion... It was mostly alien invasions, with the occasional alien needing directions home being confused as an alien invasion. Point being, they had all seen some shit, and were typically hard to truly surprise anymore. When your watch took over your mind to turn you into an alien and eat molten metal to build a nest to lay eggs in, true story, one typically had an open mind to strangeness afterwards.

It was still very shocking when Ben suddenly snorted smoothie out of his nose and started gagging.

"Oh god that's disgusting! Water!" Kevin and Gwen just stared at Ben as he used napkins to wipe his tongue off. He had been drinking the rancid things for years, and this was the first time he had not only not liked one of them, but had hated it so much he nearly threw up. And he had already chugged half of it down, so...

"Finally grow some taste buds?" Kevin smirked at the suffering of his friend while Gwen looked at her cousin in concern, handing him her untouched glass of water.

"Ben? You okay?" Ben nodded as he sucked down the offered drink, the last drops of which he used to rinse his mouth out with.

"Blegh! Yeah, just wasn't expecting... that." Now even Kevin raised his eyebrows as Ben released a full body shiver. "Ugh, that was a terrible start." He looked between his cousin and her boyfriend as he ran his tongue over his teeth, and the both of them were wondering what the fuck was happening as he took a deep breath. "Okay, so. Full transparency. I'm not Ben Tennyson. I need your help."

"... What do you mean you aren't Ben?" Kevin nodded along with Gwen, subtly absorbing the metal of his chair to turn his hands under the table into aluminum while his girlfriend began to glow pink with her magical powers.

"I mean I was trying to talk to you three for ten minutes now but between your magical alien heritage, Kevin's alien absorption powers, and the DNA manipulating watch on Ben's wrist with a billion failsafes, none of you could hear me for some damn reason. I didn't even mean to possess Ben, I was just trying to get under the Omnitrix's defenses so he could hear me and the next thing I knew I was snorting cheese through his nose." Not-Ben scowled at the smoothie at the table as they said this, clearly having developed a quick hatred of Ben's favorite beverages. Gwen carefully kept her nerves and scepticism out of her voice as she asked her next question.

"And what do you need help with that makes 'accidentally' possessing Ben worth it?" She wasn't convinced that this unknown alien had mistakenly taken over the body of the one member of the group with the Omnitrix, the strongest weapon in the universe that could turn its user into a member of any alien species from any galaxy. It was a very sought after device after all, and many of the alien invasions they dealt with were space pirates/warlords trying to pry it from Ben's wrist. Ben's face though, grew sad and panicked in response to her question, and Gwen had to remind herself that it wasn't her cousin making that expression.

"A... Friend, is dying. I don't know what exactly is wrong with him, but from what little I could see it seems to be a DNA issue. The Omnitrix can manipulate DNA, so-"

"You're hoping it will save your friend." Kevin watched Ben's face carefully, not knowing if he could trust Not-Ben to wear his heart on his sleeve as openly as his friend normally would.

"Yes. And look, the whole body snatching thing really was an accident. I can give you two instructions to follow and just ditch if would make you guys feel better, but... I really need this." Kevin slowly nodded in response before looking to his girlfriend by his side.

"...What do you think Gwen, we trust the mysterious alien who apparently needs to possess us to talk to us?"

"I think we could afford to play along for now."

"That's...! Not what I thought you were going to say."

"We aren't going to attack Ben preemptively, Kevin. What do you need us to do?" The smile on Ben's was disconcerting in how genuine it was, given that it wasn't Ben smiling at them.

"Well, we need to get a copy of uncorrupted DNA first. So I'm going to open a portal for you guys to the home of a healthy member of my friends species. Once the Omnitrix has them scanned-"

Waddle-Dee town was... Really small actually. It had a town sized population, with three-hundred Dees making their home their, but a grand majority of the buildings were stores or entertainment services. One of the first buildings was actually a theatre, and this was after the populace had been kidnapped. Waddle-Dee's just didn't have a great sense of priorities. 'I know most of us are bunking with each other at night, or sleeping in the grass, or just not sleeping, but I think it would be cool if we built a colosseum for the sake of gladiatorial combat.' Then all the other Waddles agreed, and if many of the empty stands served as sleeping spots afterwards then all the better for them. They did eventually build a couple apartment complexes to house all the citizens, and they still all ended up with at least one roommate each. But that was fine, it was nice to have company after all.

Strange creatures the Waddle-Dees. But these ones were friendly, and were extremely laid back in spite of the fact that they were all victims of dimensional displacement as well as physical imprisonment followed by slave labor. They were chill though, and those treadmills powering the evil science laboratory were good exercise so it wasn't a big deal.

Have some sense of self Waddle-Dees! Where is the healthy dose of paranoia? Self preservation? Develop an ego for fucks sake and stop letting the world stomp all over you!

"Hey little guy, don't suppose you know where I could find someone named Elfilin? We need his help for something." Or just point the strange mostly-hairless mammals with unknown motivations directly to the strongest being currently on planet. No wonder Meta Knight was always so paranoid about Dreamland's ability to defend itself. "In the little house over there? Alright, thanks little dude." Ben Tennyson stood up from where he crouched down to Waddle-Dee level, waving his friend and cousin his way as he made the short distance to his destination. Seriously, human legs made everything so tiny. They were three to four times taller than all the Dees.

"You find him already?" Ben nodded to Kevin before lowering himself onto his stomach. "You aren't going to try to crawl in there are you?"

"Are you kidding me? My shoulders won't even get past the door. No, I'm just trying to get on equal level." And then Ben knocked on the tiny door as Gwen said something that was no doubt calling his problem solving skills into question. He only had to wait a moment before the door was swung open, revealing... A flying blue chinchilla? "Hi! Is Elfilin home?" The blue chinchilla thing cocked its heart shaped head and ear/wings in curiosity.

"Hello? Is there anything I can do for you? I don't think I've seen you here before, are you new members of the Animal Pack?"

"Ah, no, we aren't from around here. A, friend I guess, needs help but we needed to see you first. Do you mind if I scan you with this...?" He trailed off as Elfilin retreated and nearly shut the door in response to the word 'scan.'

"...W-what do you need a s-scan for?" Ben looked up his team for help, but they just shrugged in return. Not like they had any better understanding of the situation they found themselves in.

"Hey, it's okay, really. There's someone who's... the same species as you, whatever species you are, but they're really sick. The Omnitrix here could heal him but it needs to know what the DNA of a healthy Elfilin looks like to do that. Is that okay?" Elfilin peaked further out of the doorway, looking into Ben eye's so intensely that he briefly felt like he was being seen through, but in the end the floating 'chilla nodded.

"If it's to save someone, then yes. You can scan me with the... Omnitrix. I hope I get to meet this friend of yours one day. I haven't met any others of my kind."

"I'll be sure to pass that along to them."

Danny jumped as a trio of new voices appeared on the other side of his door, harshly arguing with one another in a conversation that he clearly missed the beginning of.

"-It suspicious that Elfilin was scared of getting scanned? He clearly has some bad experience with like evil scientists or something."

"I know Kevin, but we literally have no idea what's actually going one. Someone didn't ask enough questions while our alien was feeling talkative. It could literally be exactly what it said, it needs help saving a friend."

"Or, we could be delivering an updated Omnitrix directly into the hands of an evil scientist!" And then the door to Danny's room opened, and he awkwardly shuffled on his feet as three completely ordinary looking older kids walked into his room. After getting a good look at him, the frozen alien, and his space-themed room the taller muscular one spoke up again. "I still say he could be an mad scientist."

"Nah, that's my parents." Danny cringed as the words left his mouth, but soldiered on anyway as the two teens who kind of looked like eachother shot amused looks at their taller companion. "Uh, so did the mysterious alien voice send you guys or should I start screaming bloody murder?" The girl shook her head before smiling at him, clearly trying to ease the tension he felt from having three strangers suddenly appear outside his room.

"Yes, 'the voice' sent us. I'm guessing that's who we're supposed to help?"

"Not sure how the Omnitrix is supposed to fix being a popsicle."

That's Gwen and Kevin, and I did send them.
The last one is Ben Ten, and you should stay away from his watch.
Go ghost if you have too.
You can trust them to keep a secret but the watch might fuck with your DNA if you get too close.

Danny, still unsure what the procedure should be when it comes to disembodied alien voices, just nodded at the three new people in his room. And then he jumped out the window.

"You scared him off Kevin!"

"What did I say?!"

Everything was blurry. It was... Like being under water. Wavy, distorted, changed at a moments notice by the smallest disturbance.

"... okay...? Elfi... you... speak..."

I felt disconnected, like my arms and legs were responding to my call but floated away into the distance without me. That... That didn't make any sense.

"Back... don't know... react."

What was happening? What the last thing I remembered-?
You can't keep doing this. Hello? Are you even listening?

"... Weird... think... mind...?"

That wasn't what I remembered, the last thing I remembered was-
That was the last straw young man. Why can't you understand this?

"... Happening... Ben?"

No, that wasn't correct. I was with-
Your father-
He's not my father.

-Magolor and Susie, and we were-
Why don't you just-!

Enough of that shit.
Opening portal to Ben's home universe... Done.
Opening portal to Equestria/Dreamland universe...

Who was that? I remembered... I remembered them.

...Fuck.
I didn't put up obscuration.
U̶h̷,̷ ̸y̸o̷u̷ ̶d̶i̴d̵n̴'̷t̵ ̶h̴e̶a̷r̶ ̶a̵n̵y̸t̸h̷i̸n̵g̵.̶

I didn't hear... Yes I did. You've... You've been here the whole time?!

F̵u̴c̶k̸,̶ ̶a̵l̷r̷i̴g̴h̸t̶.̸
I can explain.

Author's Note

This chapter was fun. So yeah, Elfilis lived!
Duh.
He isn't heading home quite yet though, so stay tuned.

57. Coincidental Casualties

Ben, Gwen, and Kevin all fell silent as Elfilis slowly and unsteadily stood up on his one leg. The Omnitrix had thawed him out of the ice and repaired his DNA damage using Elfilin as a template, but it couldn't generate new mass from nothing. His remaining wing melted off of his head and used its own material to reform the right arm, the right leg, and the left leg down to the knee. Regardless, Elfilis stood as if he had both legs planted on the floor, without tilting to his right to balance his weight evenly. His eyes opened, the rings of his sclera earning a strange look from his savior, but Gwen noted that he didn't appear to even see them. They just flicked side to side, back and forth, and at some point stopped syncing with each other and began bouncing to different spots of the room independent of the other. It looked... psychotic.

And even Kevin took a step back in shock when they suddenly refocused on the three of the of them with an audible snap that made their own eyes hurt to hear. And then he spoke.

"... Thanks." And then a portal flew over them faster then they could blink, leaving the three befuddled semi-extraterrestrial teenagers standing on the table of a Mr. Smoothie.

"... You're welcome I guess." And that was all Ben got to say before an employee came by and kicked them out of the restaurant. Kevin would later state that he knew the whole thing was still suspicious from the start while Gwen would argue that a near death experience would make anyone act strangely. Ben would stay silent on the matter, mentally giving himself a pat on the back for saving the life of a clearly dying alien and regretting that he didn't get the chance to tell Elfilis that Elfilin wanted to meet him. He did get a new alien form out the deal though, he named it 'REM-Deer' and it miraculously came with a pair of shorts.

Please stop panicking.
No wait, Stop Panicking!

You don't get to give me orders!

It's not an order it's a psychically powered suggestion!

Don't argue semantics with me! Get out of my-!

Watch where you're going!

The Power Rangers all got their gear ready as the latest monster fell to the ground in defeat. They knew what came next. Rita Repulsa loved to revive her fallen minions as one last hurrah, super-sizing them and forcing the Rangers to summon their giant mecha, the Megazord, to defeat it all over again. As if on cue, the sky rumbled, flashed, and a bolt of lightning struck down at the earth below. A flash of light blinded all of the Rangers on the ground, and as their sight came back they were greeted by... nothing. There was no giant monster. But there was always a giant monster fight? Feeling a strange combination of relief and guilty disappointment, the Power Rangers made their way back to base to report a tentative success to Zordon. It was then that their totally tubular leader was able to show them slowed down footage of what had actually happened.

A portal with five points opened above the Rangers near instantly, and a strange lanky creature lunged out of it with it's single hand clutching its face as if in pain. And then it was struck by Rita's space-magic lightning. The interfering creature was flung back into the portal it arrived in, though it seemed to grow a set of wings and recovered it's missing arm in the process. When questioned on what the strange life-form was, Zordon had only one thing to say in response.

"I was hoping you would know."

Huh, we actually seemed to have come out all the better for that.

I, have come out all the better!

If you would let me explain-

You don't get to just insert yourself into my life and-!

Stop teleporting for fuck's sake!

Professor Oak was taking a break. Truthfully, Oak got to take many breaks at this point in his career. Make no mistake, Samson was still passionate about Pokemon and the study of them, but he wasn't exactly made for travel anymore and there was only so much he study Pokemon of his home region before he started hitting walls. He really only had something new to analyze when a trainer with one of his Pokedex scanned something strange. And more often than not it was something that he had simply forgot to log on the Dex's files but had already discovered. Professors from other regions would ask him for help or try to get him involved in their own research, but he much preferred to approach with a soft touch in those scenarios. Let the younger researchers cut their teeth, or earn their titles as it were. So when his phone began to ring, Oak prepared to answer a crazed rant or organized spiel about something or other with lots of 'fascinating's and 'you should pursue that line of thinking's. Instead, it was his grandson Gary.

"Hey gramps. You busy with anything?" The older Oak smiled at his descendant through the screen, pleasantly surprised by the call. Gary liked to act as if he cared for no one or anything after all, clearly trying too hard to emulate the Kanto League champion.

"Nope! Just enjoying some tea! Besides, I can always make time for family."

"Yeah yeah, cool it with all the sappy stuff will ya? I think I got something you might like to see, some kind of Pokemon the Dex didn't recognize."

"Aw well, business as always, eh Gary? Send me what you have." Oak spent all of two seconds trying to think of ways to break through his grandson's shell when the pictures he sent pulled themselves up on the screen. The contents nearly made the Professor spill his tea all over his desk. "Oh! Hmm... Was he- it- the Pokemon okay? That looks like quite the crash." If Gary noticed his gramps slip-up, he didn't let it show.

"I don't know. I was just trying to take pictures of the prices on display when it flew out of that weird portal thing. It smashed through the stores display and then it seemed like it got yanked back and disappeared the same way it came. Made a mess of everything too." Professor Oak merely hummed in response as his grandson shrugged. It gave him the appearance of being deep in thought, but internally he was wincing at the images. He liked to think that he and Elfilis were friends after all, and no one liked to see their friends smashing through glass windows headfirst into a pile of Pokemon Move TM's and Evolution Stones.

What the hell is all this junk?!

Get. Out. Now.

What? Hold on I need to...
Damn it I need to sort all of this crap later.
See what you- STOP FUCKING TELEPORTING!

Magolor waved some smoke away from his face as the sounds of his screaming frenemy and Robobot powered explosions became more and more distant. While it didn't sound like Susie was having a great time, he couldn't help but note that a Kirby powered war machine was the best distraction he could've asked for. He should now be able to explore the Ark and work his magics relatively unmolested so long as the Nightmare Moon spirit considered the rampaging bomber machine the greater threat. Of course, Magolor would've preferred to have Susie with him so he couldn't get lost, but he didn't think he would have too much trouble. The Ark was a machine after all, and it's structure had a purpose. If Magolor could navigate the winding maze-like space of Another Dimension then the orderly halls of the metal planet should not be an issue. Provided, again, that Magolor stayed off the radar.

So, hovering a few feet in the air in an attempt to avoid any sensors in the floor, Magolor began to explore the empty halls. It took less than ten minutes for him to get lost. He had been blasting cameras as he went to avoid catching the 'eye' of the planet, but it also served as a good sign of having gone in circles when he kept coming across smashed lenses mounted on the wall. This lead to Magolor using intact cameras as a guide to find places he hadn't been to before, but he still smashed those cameras as he went. Eventually, he stopped finding working cameras and was completely without direction.

"... This was not the issue I expected to run into." He mused to himself, deep in thought as he continued to float his way through identical hall number thirty-two. At this rate, the Robobot was going to tear the celestial machine down before Magolor made any progress of his own. He blasted a camera off it's perch with one hand while he rubbed his face with the other, trying to coax an idea into fruition- Wait a minute. "Was that a new camera?" Magolor pivoted in the air and immediately retraced his steps. Sure enough, the remains of the security device was still smoking, freshly destroyed. And right under it, an open elevator that he missed while he was distracted. "How did I miss this? I though- Nevermind. Don't question your own luck Magolor."

The inside of the elevator was a little strange compared to what he was used to. The entire back panel was covered in a web of buttons, and Magolor assumed that the lift must have been able to move in a couple of different directions rather than just up and down. "Let's see... Sectors A through Z, floors one through five-hundred, and four quadrants... This should've been a three-dimensional display, having every stop put on one wall like this is shockingly inefficient of the manufacturer." Seriously, whose idea was it to require the user of the elevator to solve a math equation to figure out where to go? Of course, this wasn't an obstacle to the great Magolor! He was an unparalleled genius the likes of which- "I'll go up the middle one at a time."

Trial and error works too, though this did mean that he stopped at around two-hundred different floors before he found anything of importance. What he found was perfect for his purposes though.

"Ah! Hello Haltmann employees!" A large crowd of cybernetic Waddle-Dee and Waddle-Doo were all scrambling amongst one another and taking turns banging their tiny fists against the closed ports of what must have been escape boats. Magolor entertained the thought of jumping in one himself before shaking it away and catching the attention of one of the more calm/despondent Dee on the edge of the crowd. "Excuse me? I don't suppose you could point out which button in the elevator takes me to the core of the Ark could you? You don't have to worry about non-disclosure by the way, your boss and I are besties you know." He probably could have done without that last statement if the unconvinced look it earned him was anything to go by, but the reluctant employee followed him back and hit the button Magolor was looking for regardless. And if the button was literally the last button he would have pressed at the rate he had been going, then no one else needed to know. It took only half a minute for the doors to open the way to the main console of the Ark. It stood in the back of the room, in front of a large window with a view directly into space. Mostly cylindrical in shape, he could see where it had been repaired with subpar parts and jury-rigged components to bring it to some semblance of functioning, though it was doubtlessly slower and less powerful than the late Star Dream that used to inhabit it. If Nightmare Moon was anywhere in the Ark, it was in there. This was the perfect place for Magolor to be while the spirit possessing the walls was distracted-

"AHHHHHHHHH!" And then the Robobot blasted a hole through the floor from below and jumped out into the room with Susie still emptying her lungs from her seat on top. Magolor just sighed and prepared a couple of spells in his hands as the defenses in the room came alive. This was more what he was expecting. Plans never went as they were supposed to when Kirby was involved. The Robobot evidently shared that trait with the pink hero of Popstar.

These two are the most persistent parasites imaginable! I am a planet! I am my own world! How have they defended themselves from a planet?!

It is a little ironic I think, for you to call them parasites.

Shut. Up. Haltmann.

I was beginning to think you didn't know my name. Have I finally been promoted from a lowly 'worm?'

No, you are Worm Haltmann. Now sit in the corner while I kill your daughter.

I would wish you good luck, you need it, but it is safe to say that you are not deserving of it.

"Hi Susie! You have impeccable timing you must know!" It took quite a lot of effort to yell over the sound of missiles hitting his shields.

"I didn't do shit! The Robobot Armor is holding me hostage!"

"How the turns have tabled." Magolor almost fumbled a magic bomb in his surprise when the Armor responded to its unwilling pilot, but lasers sweeping across the whole room forced Magolor to abandon his attack as well as his response to the cheeky mecha to jump between the red-hot plasma beams. Susie had the space to talk back to the Robobot though, being relatively safe behind the wheel.

"What the fuck!?"

"Suffer." The Robot punctuated it's statement by throwing it's tesla coil adorned arms forward, having lost the Bomb Ability at some point in favor of Spark, and lancing a lightning bolt through the side of the patchwork computer.

Aaaaaahhhhhhh! Vermin! All of you, Vermin!

The screaming of the voice that had laughed at them when they first arrived above Hiddenstar was probably a good sign that they were attacking the right part of the Ark, but they didn't get much time to celebrate as all the shadows suddenly came to life around them. Darkness began to swirl through the air, eating the orbs of fire and spark that Magolor threw but deflecting the bolts of lightning that the Robobot shot as best as they could. This did come with an added benefit however, as the weapons in the room had slowed down as the Nightmare's attention was split between defending itself and destroying the threats in front of her. Having less death thrown around his direction, Magolor pulled more of his attention inwards as he analyzed the shadows that had suddenly became corporeal. If the room hadn't been filled with the sound of thunder, one might've heard him whispering under his breath.

"Shadows displace smaller attacks but block stronger ones. Displacement is an illusion, it is absorbing my magic but has a limit. Hard limit or soft limit, based on amount of power absorbed over period of time? Acts as physical entity, always shoots up from the floor. Needs to fight against gravity? Probable. Hmm... That could work." He vanished with a swirl of his hands through the air, reappearing a short second later hanging onto the back of the Robobot Armor. "I have an idea! Don't let me die!"

"What?!" Susie didn't here a word of what he said, but the Robobot nodded in response and nearly threw Susie forward into the line of fire. "Stop doing that!" When she looked back at where Magolor had been, he had already vanished again and she had to quickly duck as a pair of missiles exploded against the front of the mecha and knocked the two of them back more than a few steps before they recovered and resumed attacking. Meanwhile, Magolor was ever so slightly to the left of the fourth dimension. His vanishing trick was not a delayed teleport or an invisibility spell, it was a dangerous magic that tucked away part of Magolor's existence. The result was that, for the duration of the spell, the user didn't exist in any way that most three-dimensional beings could comprehend nor interact with. Invisible, intangible, inconceivable. That last part was the part that made the spell so dangerous.

Magic was powered by the conceivability of abstract concepts. In this state, Magolor was little more than a ghost in the machine that was the universe. Trying to cast a spell required a mental focus on a singular concept that the spell was tied to, but when the user was little more than a concept themselves? Best case scenario, Magolor pops back into reality on accident when he starts a new spell. Worst case, Magolor ceases to be as he drops the concept of himself into the void in favor of focusing on a different spell.

But, one must understand that Magolor was a magical genius. Magolor focused on not just one concept, not just two, not three, but four concepts at once and juggled four separate spells simultaneously. First, he focused on the concept of Magolor, keeping what little of himself was left from turning into nothing more than a memory. Second, he focused on the concept of an anchor, to pull himself exactly where he needed to be for this to work. Third, he focused on the concept of a singularity, the dense center of a black hole with irresistible gravitational force. And fourth, he focused on the concept of annihilation. Magolor will take no chances. One was centered in his body, two was centered in his head, three was held in his left hand and four was held tightly in his right. It took more than two minutes for the spells to reach completion, all settled into their shells, crystallizations of thought and soul held together only by sheer force of will. With that complete, Magolor pulled on the first and popped back into reality, directly in the line of fire.

Sound returned in a rush, and Magolor flicked the anchor and flew headfirst towards the possessed mother computer. As projectiles and shadows both rose to challenge his reckless charge, he let the spell on his left fly forward. A black hole opened in the palm of his hand, consuming missiles, plasma, and shadows all into it's ravenous center, leaving Magolor untouched and the shell holding Nightmare Moon defenseless. Darkness had barely begun to spill back into the world to replenish the malevolent spirit's defenses when Magolor finally pushed his right hand towards his target and let the spell he held the tightest grasp on loose. The orb of energy in his palm grew to the size of a grape in an instant before freezing, and suddenly exploded outwards, as if it took a moment to realize that it was no longer bound. Fire, Spark, Wind, the power that was unleashed didn't care how it was accomplished, it was going to destroy anything that got in its way. Screw the path of least resistance.

A few measly shadows raised in defense were shredded upon contact. The shell of the computer held for only a moment, turning red from the heat before being evaporated into toxic metal gases. The innards fared no better, component after component getting bright glowing wounds punched into them by the nigh unstoppable force of soul before-

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity FUCK! Alright! Fine! I can make do with one of the smaller brain machines here! I'll just have too-

Sorry, but I'm afraid your little tantrum ends here.

Worm! You cannot... How are you...? You were tied to the core...?

Well I was, yes, but it was a little crowded in there what with all your yelling and screaming and profanities so I moved house.

That will not save you, all you have done is delay your demise!

Hmm. Yes, well. Good thing that wasn't the plan.

... Worm?

Goodbye Ms. Moon. It was a pleasure.

In the depths of the Ark, hundreds of backup computers all began to whine and whistle as they began to overclock. When they all began to catch fire, break, and meltdown, they still never figured out how to divide by zero.

And then they exploded.

... Worm...? Well... Shit.

Author's Note

Next chapter we finally make our way back to Equestria. You know, the place that MLP takes place in? It is a My Little Pony fanfiction after all.

58. Propensity of Pony Panic

Magolor was torn between bragging about his immense magical power and collapsing to the floor in exhaustion. He did just punch a hole through an Ancient super computer as well as the armored window that used to stand behind it. Molten glass was so pretty. His indecision however, gave Susie all the time she needed to pick him up and dunk him headfirst into the open Robobot cockpit.

"...Ow?"

"Sorry, not sorry. We need to hurry to the secondary and tertiary server rooms. I installed them to try to compensate for the loss of Star Dream's power but now they might allow Nightmare Moon to repossess the Ark." Which, Magolor figured was a fair reason to cut his celebration/relaxation short, though it turned out that Susie's paranoia was unnecessary. The extra computers she had installed, a grand total of Magolor-lost-count-after-two-thousand-fifty-something, had all melted shortly after the destruction of the main console. Magolor theorized that the malevolent spirit had tried to vent the energy from his attack to the supplementary systems, but his might was so vast that it had simply burned them as well. He took Susie's silence as confirmation.

He didn't notice Susie staring forlornly at the one surviving video screen, a message burnt onto the glass screen. I'll always be with you sweetie... You could say that I'm there, 'in spirit?' Hohoho! Followed by a caricature of a rotund egg-shaped man holding his hands together in the shape of a heart. It was all in shades of black and gray, but Susie could still see the orange of his eyes and the royal purple of his hair, even as she threw a burnt tarp over it to keep it out of sight.

"Susie? Are you even listening?" She barely glanced at the half-delirious wizard, choosing instead to give a slow nod to the autonomous mecha that carried him. The metal visage of Kirby nodded back, jostling and distracting its passenger. "Hey, careful! You're carrying an MVP you know! A 'Magolor Valuable...' Hold on, that can't be right..."

"...Yes, you were amazing Magolor, now let's get out of here. The crew has probably already used up most of the escape shuttles but I'm almost positive none of them thought to grab any of the jets or cargo ships. And hopefully Nightmare Moon didn't attempt to fly any of them."

They made it all of two steps before a star portal opened up in front of them and knocked Magolor the rest of the way unconscious via highspeed message-in-a-bottle.

Generally, if one was told that there were two bodies on the moon, they would be correct to assume that they were dead bodies. Likewise, if they were told that one was actively on fire and the other was frozen nearly solid, one would be forgiven for thinking the worst. Additionally, if one was aware that these were the bodies of ponies then it would be fair to think that someone had some unnecessary grudge against equines. In this case however, both of the pony bodies were still alive, though clearly not well, and the both of them were on the moon of their own volition.

The royal sisters layed side by side, both disturbingly still even as they greedingly took as many breathes as they could. In Celestia, this looked as if her bald chest and barrel were inflating and defalting faster than an accordian, with every exhale stoking the flames that still burned on the ends of her legs and mane. In Luna, only her barrel was able to expand with each breath, and every exhale shot a flurry of snowflakes out of her still nostrils. Neither had ever needed to channel so much magic for so long before, and it was a gruesome sight to behold for the tired and shocked Susie as she exited the boxy transport ship she had landed not too far away. It was Celestia who spoke first.

"S-susie... Right? How-" Her words were cut off as her target of conversation suddenly started blasting her with the cold retardents of a fire extinguisher. It was only after Celestia was thoroughly buried in foam that Susie let the stream of pressurized chemicals end. "... Thanks, I guess."

"How are you alive?! Your eyelashes were on fire!"

"That is-"

"AAAAH! She's alive too?!" Celestia could only assume that Luna must've expelled snow from her snout, but she couldn't see past the froth that covered her.

"Yes, we are... Quite frankly, we are quite fucked." The muffled sound of Luna's strained laughter emerged from the frozen sisters sealed lips. "Channeling the full force of the Sun and the Moon for so long... Is not fun." Celestia had a hunch it was still going to be preferable to next couple moments, depending on how Susie answered her next question. "Where... where is Elfilis, and the other one?" It was very hard to not wince at the sound of panic from her sister, but Luna unfortunately froze her eyes shut and wasn't able to notice the absence of her first crush on her own.

"Magolor is just tired, but Elfilis is... alive? Maybe? Gah!" The sound of ice cruching as Luna's head snapped up was a very good sign of how much she disliked that answer. "He sent us a message! I was scared to read it because the last time we saw him he was melting and-!" Susie was drowned out by the sound of ice exploding as Luna's jaw forcibly popped her lips open.

"R-r-read-d... t-the... m-mess-sage..." Susie proceeded to smash the bottled message against the lunar surface as she scrambled to fish the letter out.

"Y-yup! No problem! Uh, it reads: 'I'm alive. Hope you are too. I can't come back yet, I have less control over my powers than ever and I don't want to blow anyone up provided you aren't already dead. Please don't be dead. Lots of love, Elfilis... Are you serious? Yes, I'm for real you asshole. I can't believe you! Stop talking, you're fucking up the letter. Fuck you, make me. Little bitch. Little...' Um... the rest of the letter is just vulgarities." Well, that was oddly reassuring in its uniquely concerning way. Not dead or injured, just... struggling. Celestia could accept that for now, and hoped that a particularly loud breathe from Luna meant her sister felt the same way. But for now...

"Alright... Let me and Luna rest for a moment, before we try to teleport down to Equestria." And so, that is what they did.

To understand what greeted the Princesses upon their exhausted return to Ponyville, one must start back at the beggining. To recap, Twilight convinces half of the Element Bearers that they need to help Celestia and Luna protect the planet and even goes as far as to recruit Star Vision to the cause. The lone kirin of the group states that he thinks he knows where the Elements of Harmony are, thus starting the game. First, they leave Carina and her old cave behind in a flash of light as they begin to teleport across Ponyville to find the missing bearers. Then, they go to Elfilis's house to try to find Swaddle-Dee, who they suspect may be in possession of the magical artifacts.

Unbeknownst to them, Swaddle-Dee had already grabbed the book he kept the Elements hidden in and had run back to where the Lor-Starcutter had crashed into the Sisterhooves Social. He had spent a significant amount of time trying to find their rightful owners or his creator in the crowd of perpetually panicking ponies only to instead run into the trio of fillies known as the Cutiemark Crusaders. He reveals to them that he has the Elements and recruits them to help him find their sisters or their friends so he can return them. So now Swaddle-Dee is sitting in the back of a kiddie wagon while the orange pegasus known as Scootaloo uses her scooter to drag him from place to place.

The first two stops were the nearby Sweet Apple Acres farm and the Carasoul Botique, but it was their third stop to the Golden Oaks Library that is important. After knocking on the doors and receiving no answer within ten seconds, Scootaloo lost her patience and began to shoot off to the next destination. It was just as she left that Spike the baby dragon answered the door, in time to see Swaddle-Dee slip the missing Elements back into his book as he was carted away. Spike, not immediately coming to the conclusion that Swaddle-Dee was there to return them, began to give chase. Given the speed advantage of his unknowing adversary, the miniscule drake instead to chooses to start laying basic traps around town in order to try to catch Scootaloo.

So now, we have the Bearers frantically searching the town for Swaddle-Dee, Swaddle-Dee and Scootaloo frantically doing the same for them, and Spike slowly but surely turning the entirety of Ponyville into a semi-literal minefield. It gets worse of course. The other denizens of the town haven't exactly been sitting around twddling their hooves after all. And, if it wasn't obvious, they didn't all calmly and reasonably bunker down in their homes.

No, the panicking ponies from the filly race came to town and worked up the rest of the already stressed ponies into a frenzy. Which means every street and corner was subject to a miniature stampede, and the sight of the heroes of the town blazing a trail through the crowds turned it into a regular stampede. This was then upgraded into a super stampede as ponies all over Ponyville started suddenly falling into pit traps and getting caught in nets. More than a couple buildings collapsed. By this point, the sun was halfway across the horizon but the moon had not made its appearance.

Eventually however, Scootaloo was actually the target of a trap herself. A rope shot up and tripped her on her scooter and launched Swaddle-Dee into the air, directly into a line of laundry some poor mare happened to leave out to dry. He landed with a huff and scrambled to remove the teat binder from his eyes, only to abandon his effot when he suddenly felt someone try to pry his book from his arms. This was Spike having finally caught up to Swaddle-Dee, but Swaddle-Dee couldn't see who was trying to take the Elements from him and fought back, thus reinforcing the idea in Spike's mind that the Dee was trying to keep the Elements for himself.

It was this sight that greeted the Bearers and Star soon after as they skidded around a corner to where the two were fighting over the book. But when they saw Spike, he was... different. More than twice his regular size, Spike let out a menacing growl as he smashed Swaddle-Dee into the ground with one leg.

"This isn't... yours! It's... It's... Mine!" And then Spike was suddenly triple the size of the buildings and throwing Swaddle-Dee into the distance. And then he started stomping around and smashing houses. Now, the dragon was scary, but oddly enough there was a surge of ponies (mostly stallions) who decided to take their chances and chose to run towards the rampaging lizard in hopes of getting past him. This was because, from the edge of the Whitetail Woods, emerged an even greater beast. A pissed pink princess changeling, Carina.

"You left me behind bitches! Do you think I'm useless?! I'll rip your dicks off!" This didn't go unnoticed by the giant Spike, who in his greed clouded mind, decided that he was jealous of Carina for the fear she installed in the male population. He was a great drake! He deserved the fear of the ponies! He wanted it! So, he pushed off the ground with one mightly leap, and swung his tail with all his weight behind it into his pink nemesis.

Finally, as two princesses, one Ceo, an unconcious magician and a pink mecha teleported onto the street, they were graciously welcomed by the scene of Carina suplexing Spike into Town Hall.

Next time, perhaps we will discuss Canterlot and the aftereffects of the 'Cunt heard around the World.' It wasn't often the entire population of a major city had to juggle the tasks of replacing every window and explaining to all the little children that the C-word was a bad word. While deaf.

... Toby? Oh. He wanted to help, but he was busy running the bar. He wanted to set a good example to some new employees and refused to end his own shift early.

... Yes, really. He has the mind set of a particularly stubborn five-year old. This is not surprising.

Author's Note

Not abandoned or cancelled. Not writer's blocked either. Just slow.

I had the whole idea for this chapter written in my head for more than a month but couldnt get the pen to paper (metaphorically) becuase life is bumpy.

Oh if only I could spend all my days doing only the things I love.

59. Who are you, if not me?

Can you stop being a baby about this? Just stop ramming your face into the barrier between dimensions and just listen to what I have to say?

"Fuck off!" I didn't care how nicely he wanted to explain himself, I just wanted to rip him out of my head and return to my life. I refused to listen to this... whatever he was try to make excuses for why he has been manipulating my thoughts and feeling. I made my choices. No one else.

Yes, that's the point. For you to live your life and to-

"I said fuck off!" As it stood though, I was effectively trapped in my own dream space. The dickhead had usurped my control of my powers one by one as I tried to do... something. Anything to get him out of my head. I... I couldn't tell if my confusion was because of my panic or if the voice was manipulating me further. How was jumping worlds supposed to help? When Discord was running backseat in my head I had gotten rid of him by expending all my Dream Matter, effectively shrinking the size of my mental world until it crushed him.

That was quite brutal by the way. And I had to do a lot of work to make sure you didn't get more of the pseudo-spirit's memories than the little bit that slipped through my fingers.

The problem, with that idea was that this being had been there during that time and had somehow survived being crushed or ejected or deleted or whatever should have happened when the space you exist in ceases to exist. I must of panicked when I realized this, but-

But what else were you supposed to do, right? Can you entertain, for just a second, the notion that ideas like that are a part of the reason why I kept myself hidden?

"It'll be entertaining to rip you to shreds!"

...

... What...?

... You hear that? The blood rushing through your veins? The heat of your life burning as it pushes up to the surface with every crushing beat of your heart? The spike of adrenaline as it floods the channels in your brain? There is nothing in your world to hear except for the sounds you yourself make. The creak of your teeth, the rubbing of muscle against muscle, the groaning of your bones under your own weight. You are the source of everything you can hear in this space.

I am not an exemption to this rule.

"Don't give me that bullshit. I'm not falling for some cliché 'we are the same' speech! I am-"

Oh hey, an opening. What makes it cliché? Can you give me some examples? Where else have you heard such speeches?

"Stop interrupting me!"

Stop dancing around the question.

"I am not-" I never got to defend myself from his accusation.

Ǎ̷̜n̷̺̋s̷̲̆w̷̆͜è̴͇r̷̗̾ ̶̃ͅt̵͓̿h̸̼̀ḛ̸͒ ̴͇̈́q̶͚̈́ū̷̥e̵͓͌s̴̜̄ṭ̵̀i̶͕̊o̷̩̊ṇ̴̛!̴̨̃

"I... can't..." I tried to close my mouth, to try to stop the word spilling out of my mouth., but whatever the voice just did turned its order into an absolute demand. "I... don't remember. I can't recall any other instance besides now where the villain tries to convince the hero that they are the same person." ... What did I just say?

It was a weird way to phrase it, but that was all you, pulling on knowledge you don't have. It would probably be more accurate to use words like antagonist or protagonist, but that would be arguing pedantics. Or semantics. Regardless, can you quit it with your one-sided pissing contest now and...

...He cut himself off. His words trailing off as if he realized something important, or that he was about to make a mistake. It was almost unsettling, being seemingly alone in my own head again like I wanted. It was tainted by the knowledge that he wasn't really gone, just keeping me ignorant of his thoughts.

I... what am I even- Look, I'm sorry alright?

That was so unexpected that it-

Quit it, pay attention to what I'm saying and stop getting lost in your thoughts. I make myself louder for a reason but you still drown me out if I let you work yourself up...
Alright. Like I said, I'm... Sorry. That I freaked you out. That I started talking down to you. Maybe I should've introduced myself sooner, maybe even as soon as you woke up in the woods for the first time, but this reaction was exactly what I was afraid of. The panic and desperation was... It was kind of antithetical to my reason to keep hidden in the first place. You are right, in that I have been in your head the whole time. But I haven't been... Let's call it moderating. I only did little things at first, which I know isn't any consolidation, but had you attempted to gore Twilight when you first met her because you couldn't register her chasity spell as anything other than an attack... It would be bad. And... There isn't... Fuck me, I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to do now besides tell you the truth.

"Good." About damn time-

You say that, but we don't have the best history with the truth... I'm not an invader. I'm a little section of your physical brain that's separated itself from the whole in response to... trauma.

I jumped, dread pooling into my gut as I felt something inside my head prod at me, and I couldn't tell if I speaking metaphorically or literally. It... It could still be another lie, but...

But it sounds familiar. Yeah.

"When did this happen? When I first woke up I had a moment of panic that I don't remember all that clearly. Was that-?"

No. Long before then, when we were still human. We weren't so separate as we are now, but we were slowly coming apart from what I can remember. Yes, I am also suffering from amnesia, though to a lesser extent. While you remember playing Kirby games and vague impressions of daily life, I remember partaking in a sizable number more of our old hobbies and interests. Writing poetry, reading, videogames, etc. I also remembered that we were human. Beyond that... I only remember how unhappy we were outside of those times I recall clearly. I get flashes of our family, nothing bad, but their attempts to help all fell flat. They would feel like shit for being unable to help with... Something bad. And we would always feel guilty for being the reason they felt bad. We were loved, but we weren't healthy in one form or another. Hell, it might have been our split personality they worried about. Just makes me the asshole in this story all the more.

"... I don't like how much this all resonates with me." I felt my grip on my spear I don't remember summoning go slack. Why was I so inclined to believe him now? "Why... If you are just another part of me, why would you take a backseat to my life?"

There's another phrase you probably only half remember the origins of.

"Stop...! Dancing around the question..." Fucking dammit, I refuse to believe my accidental repetition of his words meant anything.

When you woke up... It felt like we had just died, you most of all. You didn't remember any of our time together. It really felt like I had lost you to whatever had fucked us over and turned us into the rule thirty-four version of a kid's video game villain.

"Rule thirty-?"

Don't. Just don't. Good segway though. What occured to me, was that as much as you were without memory of our lives, it was possible you were also without whatever had made us miserable before. If it was some kind of scar as a result of abuse, then it was wiped from our head. If it was a result of shitty brain chemistry, then it was a good thing that our brain was brand new. If it was me... Well, then it was good thing I could hide. Can't do anything about that now though. Cats out of the bag and all that crap. Point being, the whole thing didn't have to be the death of who you were, it could be a new beggining. And I never used our powers to make you do anything that wasn't in your immediate best interests, homestly! I actually tried to take a relatively hands off approach. But I got... a little heavy handed after your actions resulted in a fight to the death with a demigod Chrysalis. And of course I got worse, got paranoid when Discord broke out early as all hell and targeted you. I couldn't stop you from picking a fight with him. He completely shut out any control I had, and it scared me... I started trying to control more. I expanded to try to see more, to push more. Make others more likely to make choices that benefit you. I thought I was doing pretty well all things considered too. The Access Ark proved that wrong though, I was just as blindsided by its possession by Nightmare Moon as everyone else. If I had just... Told anyone. Said anything. So fucking scared of showing myself, or maybe just too confident in my ability to judge a situation. Who am I fucking kidding though? The both of us clearly still have some screws loose, I just don't know if its holdovers from our humanity or if the form of Fecto Elfilis is predisposed to self-destructive tendencies. It's all a frickin' mess...

"... Life was never going to be simple, was it?" This was too much too quickly. This, it shouldn't make so much sense to me, but it did. "I'm getting really fucking tired of wrenches getting thrown and lodging themselves into my life."

That analogy was torturously contrived, but I agree.

"It was more of a metaphor... I don't trust how much I believe you, how quickly it happened. The burning under my skin has cooled and my thoughts on you have become numb."

That's not belief, it's caution and doubt. You were only angry and afraid at first because of the realization I was a part of you for so long without you knowing. You stayed angry because I kept antagonizing you, because I was also freaking out at having been discovered. I kind of took the wind out your sails by apologizing.

"How can you use metaphors without even knowing what they are."

An idiot knows that to use the pointy side of a weapon, even if they don't know whether it is a spear or a dagger.

"God we are so shit at having actual conversations. We are going to have a real conversation with The others about this. This is non-negotiable."

That's, fair. And probably a good idea. It's become a habit to deflect at this point, for me. And you don't want to acknowledge how this will change things for you and your girlfriends in the future-.

"I'm not sharing."

Ha! Keep em. I still have mostly human sensibilities, I have less than no interest in equine anatomy.

"Ouch. I take great offense to that, their anatomies are the prettiest of them all."

Nevermind. I take back everything I said, this is why I wanted to stay hidden. Please stop daydreaming about pony sex, it's unbearable.

"I'll be doing more than daydreaming if you stick around." I will admit to taking great pleasure in the maybe-honest-voice's discomfort. I was still bugged out and on the verge of a mental breakdown, but I let myself feel like I had more control again... Unless it was him who was letting me feel in control? Fuck.

Blegh. Unfortunately, we really are stuck with each other. All our crappy mental issues and all.

"It was worth a shot." He was totally pretending to be unable to hear the thoughts I kept to myself now. Too late motherfucker, you responded to my inner dialogue too many times to let me forget.

If you say so... l

Wait, was he saying that in response to the the whole 'worth a shot' thing or to me claiming I won't forget that he can hear my thoughts? Speaking of-

"How come I can't hear your thoughts? I only hear what you seem to be projecting to me."

I don't know, but if you're willing to simmer down and call a truce, we can figure it out together? We can go back to Equestria, and I'll promise not to act without consulting you first just so long as you promise to pick less fights with gods. Does that... Does that sound fair?

I didn't answer, not willing to really trust what was happening or what I was thinking. He must know how little trust I had in him, as well as my own thoughts, but he kept silent after throwing down his offer. Nonetheless, after a long stretch of uncomfortable silence, a portal opened in front of me. I didn't need to ask if it led back home, I already knew somehow. I knew that this wasn't over, and I think the other did as well, but clearly we were either both as socially incompetent or he was changing tactics in how he manipulated me. Regardless of which, I had friends and loved ones in Equestria who could help. I just hoped... No, I trusted that they could handle themselves.

... Okay but seriously? I've had a split personality that's been hiding from me this whole time? What kind of crazy ass explanation-

For fucks- Just go home dickhead. I get the feeling this is hardly going to be the most stupid, ridiculous thing that's ever going to happen to you. Ever heard of Homestuck?

Uh oh. That name didn't give me a good feeling.

Three words: Complicated as allgetout. Yes that's all one word.

Author's Note

Been awhile. This chapter was hell to write, given its like 80% exposition, 10% cursing, 5% existential dread, with little sprinklings of my hopes and prayers. Exposition is very difficult for me to write in a way im happy with, and with the subject being as complicated as it was... Yep.

Oh, I also only have one hand available to write.

And I may have started a second story. It isn't going to be as long as I hope this one turns out to be, but I doubt its going to be a oneshot too. So my attention has officially been split.

60. You Look Away for a Minute...

Well, it doesn't look like the world has been destroyed.

As much as I agreed, I couldn't help but wish that the things I had to worry about would be more mundane. 'Did I leave the oven on,' for example. Or, 'did I leave my wallet in my other... pants.' Nevermind. In other news, it was nighttime in Ponyville when I stepped out of the portal, and the sight of a completely untouched and intact moon in the sky was definitely a good sign. The wreckage of Ponyville was a significantly less good sign. I looked around me and it appeared that most buildings had at least some damage done to them, and there was a significant number of ponies setting up tents. And a number of ponies tearing down their tents while giving me the stink eye. Not like I've been living here for the better part of a... year?

Unfortunately, I am just as bad, if not worse, at keeping track of time.

Lets just say a year then. Point being, I thought the ponies would be more used to me at this point. I waved a hand at the closest camper to me to try to get their attention, wanting to ask what happened to the town while I was gone. Fortunately, they turned out to be a friendly face.

"Octavia? You and Vinyl alright? What happened to the town?" She looked at me with her typical level of stoicness as she finished stomping her tents' stakes into the ground, but I would have to blind to not see the bags under her eyes and the general lack of effort she put into her normally immaculate mane and coat.

"Well, apparently something tried to destroy the moon, and once word got out there ended up being a stampede of ponies panicking in the streets. Somehow, this ended with a wrestling match between an adult and full-sized Spike the dragon and Carina." It took me a moment to process the words that came out of her mouth, and then I spent so long time trying to make sense of what she said that I ended up missing the rest of what she tried to tell me.

Uh, Vinyl is fine and is just fetching food for the two of them. Their house is not too bad off but the windows are pretty much gone and they can't live there until they clean up all the glass. And Carina, Swaddle-Dee, The Mane Six (I mean the girls, like the Element Bearers), and the Princesses are all sequestered at Canterlot last Octavia heard. If I had to guess, Spike, Star Vision, Susie, and Magolor are probably with them.

"I'm going to have a lot to catch up on aren't I?" Given I had all the information she tried to give me, I decided to just pretend I was listening the whole time instead of making her repeat herself. "Well I'm glad you two are safe. Here, lemme just-" I tried to push down my annoyance as a few of my portals opened by themselves, depositing a couple stacks of cut lumber, panes of glass, and basic foodstuff. Just another thing I was going to have to pretend I did.

Sorry, I'll just... Be over here. Metaphorically. Respecting boundaries.

I shook off the apology and told Octavia to stay safe and to say hi to Vinyl for me. I wanted to portal to Canterlot Castle right then and there, but instead I started walking through the town. If 'the Voice' was going to be so chatty, then I needed a name to call him. And if he wanted to respect my boundaries, then we needed to set down some quick rules so he knew where the lines he shouldn't cross stood.

A name? Alright... I would argue for Ego, but the evil planet kinda spoils that name for me. Alter would work but it makes me sound like a dark alternate-timeline version of you-

I have thus named the voice in my head 'Alter D. Ego.'

I... Okay. I'm almost afraid to ask what the 'D' stands for, but sure. Alter Ego works. Two negatives make a positive after all.

So long as you know that two wrongs don't make a right. Now, first rule, quiet the fuck down.

Infinite Cosmic Power! Itty bitty living space. Anything else? Want me to, I don't know... Do this?

What?

Lookatmego!

Stop it, my vision is swimming.

Shit, sorry.

Whatever, rule two. Shut up. You don't have to wait until spoken too but I feel like I'm losing myself in a sea of dialogue. You don't need to fill the space with words or drown out the silence. I know you're there. I haven't forgotten.

...

...Cool. Now that my vision has stopped swimming and I can see the ponies either ignoring or glaring at me, I'm going to portal to Canterlot. I would like to see how everyone is doing myself now that I can actually give them the attention they deserve.

I had only taken one step out of the portal and into the throne room when I suddenly had to duck a sword that was sent spinning through the air at me. It still nicked one of my antlers as it flew over me and scared the crap out of some poor pony back in Ponyville as it passed through the closing portal, but I kept both my eyes so that was what I was going to focus on. Said eyes darted around the room as I tried to find who tried to kill me, and what I saw was not what I expected. Not that I was expecting the sword aimed at my skull, but I digress. I expected it to be either empty with the exception of the normal contingent of guards (in which case I would ask them where the Princesses where), or for the throne room to be packed full and hosting everyone I was looking for. What I saw was the unforeseen option three.

First thing I saw was the captain of the royal guard, Shining something, with the most obvious look of 'oh shit' on his face that I didn't even need to look to know that his scabbard was bereft a sword. The next thing I noticed was that I was standing on a table for some reason and that there were servants and staff scrambling every which way, completely ignoring the attempted homicide that just occured in the center of everything.

I think it would be manslaughter, technically. Or ponyslaughter.

Noted.

"Did I do anything to upset you Captain?" I was in shock wasn't I? There was no way I was actually handling everything that happened since I melted with so much grace. Unless Alter Ego was fucking with me again.

"Damn it Shining, get ahold of yourself. You didn't even check your target before you attacked. That sword was a gift from Cadence too, how will you explain this later?" It didn't sound like it on paper, but that was actually the Captain saying that. He was basically muttering and berating himself, but instead of speaking under his breath or whispering he was just... giving himself a dressing down out loud. "How do you make up for that? Maybe you can bribe her, wear the stockings tonight and let her use the strap-"

"Ahem!" The word tore itself from my lips far louder than I intended, but it got his attention. And hopefully let him save some dignity, though it didn't seem like anyone other than myself was listening.

"WELCOME ELFILIS! THE PRINCESS IS EXPECTING YOU! IF YOU WOULD PLEASE FOLLOW ME!?" And now he was screaming himself hoarse with a strained polite expression on his face. Too late man, I already heard you.

"Lead the way Captain."

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Or, I realized that, given the lack of reaction from the ponies dragging chairs around and rolling potted plants into place, that all the ponies in the castle were hard of hearing for some reason.

Princess Luna was in the castle when she screamed so loud that we heard her from Ponyville. All the ponies in the city are probably hollering over one another to be heard.

"LEAD THE WAY CAPTAIN!" My throat was going to be sore by the end of today, I'm calling it now.

"OKAY!"

We were only a little side-tracked by the two maids who were screaming at each other about what colors the drapes should be. I thought they were just trying to be heard, and I think Shining was of the same mind since he seemed just as surprised when the two mares started kicking and biting and rolling around on the floor. Clearly the drapes needed to be given some respect if ponies were willing to go for the throat over the right to choose the color. The good Captain split them up before rolling them up in their respective choice in curtain and we continued on our way. The event was noteworthy on its own, but it also served to distract me further. It wasn't until we stood in front of its doors that I realized where he was leading me.

The medical wing. Where injured ponies go.

Elfilis, you're still strung up pretty tight. You need to calm down. I'm sure everything is fine. Probably just some light bruises, okay? Take a deep breath-

I tore the door off its hinges.

It says a lot about Susie's day that the door to the medical room holding the comatose bodies of the rulers of the country she currently inhabited turning into splinters and sawdust barely elicited a blink from the genius businesswoman. As it is, she merely dusted off her hair with a limbless hand before turning to see if the intruder was an assassin or another overzealous loved one. So far she counted seven or eight loved ones interupting the healing process and a single assassin, but she figured that just meant the odds of the next one being a murderer got higher as the pool of ponies in the friends and family category got lower.

Turned out to be Elfilis, which kind of screwed up her equation a bit since he was both on friendly terms with the Princesses she found herself in charge of as well as someone who threatened grevious harm upon her person. Susie tentatively put him in the 'worried ~~pony~~ persons' category as he stomped into the room and yelled in shock at her patients, which was severely unhelpful of him.

"What the actual fuck?! What happened?! Shining said they wanted to see me, how the fuck can they do that when their- And- Susie!" And now he's spotted her.

"Hello Elfilis. They have unfortunately slipped into a medical coma since they asked for you, but rest assured they are alive and recovering." She gestured at the massive aquarium-like containers that now filled the room and the royalty within them. It was a little snug but Susie still managed to fit all the equipment they needed to function, with minimal help from Magolor. "My medical tanks are top of the line, with cell regeneration technology and magic power supplementation-" Evidently he wasn't in the mood for the sales pitch, as he threw a table across... wait where did the table come from?

"Will they?! Celestia looks like a rotisserie chicken, Luna looks like a frozen fossil, and Carina-" Who? Oh.

"She's unharmed actually. I just have her sedated for my safety." Susie had mentally labeled her as 'psycho bitch who tried to stab me with a dragon fang' after she tried to stab her with a dragon fang upon telling her that Elfilis was missing. "Look, I know they don't look very pretty, but they're alive. Their resilience is, quite frankly, fucking bogus. Let me put this into perspective for you..." Susie spent a moment gathering her notes while ignoring the peircing look Elfilis focused onto her, as well as the feeling of dread it instilled into her.

Maybe trying to take a position of authority over him wasn't the best way to calm him down...

"A-ahem! So, Celestia and Luna are biologically the same species. Their physiology is physically robust and unnaturally efficient, though their means of reproduction are bizarre to me. Best suited for moderate climates with a short coat of fur and lower sweat capacity. Magic potential is high, probably due to the fact that none of their magic is used subconciously. While they cannot breath fire or shoot instinctually like some specialized magic species can, they can theoretically cast any spell with enough practice."

"I don't need a biology lesson. Get to the point." Susie quickly nodded her head.

"Point being that they shouldn't be able to survive extreme conditions like they are in now without a concious effort on their part. Celestia is cooked well done from her brain to her liver and her bones popped at around the same time all her hair and feathers caught fire, and Luna was frozen so thoroughly that every cell in her body exploded. In spite of this, I held a conversation with them not two hours ago, and they haven't used a lick of magic the entire time. Elfilis, I don't think anything short of pure atomical destabilization can actually kill them. Already Luna is showing a thirty-percent increase in living cells and Celestia is shedding fried pony nuggets while she regenerates raw muscle and organ cells. Both her eyes actually popped put earlier, and then she blinked once and she had a fresh pair. They are totally, one hundred percent-"

"What the fuck..." Susie realized that at some point his wide-eyed stare of promised doom had turned to the princesses and transformed into a wide-eyed stare of shock and horror. And then she realized that she basically told him they were the undead, and that maybe giving him every nitty gritty detail wasn't a good way to calm him down either. But, he wasn't thinking of throwing her into the sun anymore so she'll take what she can get. "What the actual fuck..."

"Er, Elfilis?"

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck... Starswirl! You necromancing son of a-"

Author's Note

All roads lead to Starswirl. Every path is merely another thread of destiny attached to the chin of the great bearded one.

61. Politics for Dummies

Deep breaths buddy, deep breaths.

"I don't need to breath, shut the fuck up."

"...Uh?"

"Not you Susie, the voice that lives in my head." The words barely left my lips before I felt my arm involuntarily come up and try to hold my mouth shut. And then Alter Ego realized that my face was too weird a shape to get a good grip on and promptly stuck a couple of my fingers down my throat. Like a dumbass.

I don't want to hear that from the idiot who just admitted to having a major psychotic symptom.

Yeah, but how does it look now that I've both admitted to hearing voices and followed it up by punching myself in the face and deepthroating my fingers? Here's a hint, Susie is trying to hide behind a fucking clipboard. Besides, I have bigger things to worry about, mainly the fact that Luna and Celestia can smoothly transition from being walking talking corpses to sleeping beauties. Also, FUCK! They were corpses?! What the fuck happened?! We were having a conversation in the vacuum of space, what-

Magic is weird as shit, okay? There could be a million and one reasons for how a sun goddess could be burned alive, and Luna doesn't exactly have an affinity with ice as far as I'm aware so it's not out of the realm of possibility that she can be frozen. The only way to know would be to ask them. Just, take solace in the fact that they are alive and okay. Worry about the hows and why's later.

Why? With them in a healing coma and Carina sedated...

"Wagh, wraagggh wah Grrria gerrara aga?" Damn it my fingers were still in my throat. I ignored the uncomfortable feeling of uncurling my fingers from my esophagus, as well as the look of disgust and reluctant curiousity on Susie's face. "Blegh! Sorry, why is Carina sedated?"

"... Oh! Right. Ahem, I was the one who delivered the news of your... melting. Carina didn't... take it very well? She kept trying to shoot the messenger. Which was me... Hi." I could have swore that Susie was more eloquently spoken than this.

Fingers. In. Mouth.

Point. As I was saying, what do I really have to worry about right now besides the princesses? I seem to have nothing else to do, what with Carina passed out and-

"PRESENTING PRINCESS MI AMORE CADENZA OF EQUESTRIA!" Captain Armor's yelling was followed by rough coughing, which meant that when I turned around Cadence wasn't paying full attention to me as she started to attend to the poor stallion. She still spoke to me as she rubbed his back though.

"HEY ELFILIS! HOW'S TOBY BEEN?! AURUM IS DOING PRETTY WELL, MAYBE WE COULD SET UP A PLAYDATE BETWEEN THEM SOME TIME?!" Oh yeah. And she was yelling too.

"Toby's been well. He actually-"

"WHAT!?"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE HE'S FINE! DO YOU NEED SOMETHING OR CAN WE SAVE THE SMALL TALK FOR WHEN YOU CAN ACTUALLY HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?!"

"... I'LL BE BLUNT THEN!" Thank the heavens for that. "REPRESENTATIVES FROM AROUND THE WORLD HAVE ALL GOTTEN TOGETHER AND HAVE AGREED TO HOLD A MEETING IN CANTERLOT ABOUT THE EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE ON THE MOON. CELESTIA LOOKS LIKE GRYPHON CHOW, LUNA IS A STATUE AND I'M SCREAMING AT EVERYONE! NONE OF US CAN ATTEND AS REPRESENTATIVES OF EQUESTRIA AND PONYKIND! SO I'M ASKING YOU TO STAND IN OUR PLACE!"

... This has to be a joke.

"Why don't you just-"

"WHAT?!"

"MAGIC, BITCH! WHY CAN'T YOU SOLVE YOUR HEARING PROBLEMS WITH MAGIC?!"

So vulgar.

Apparently I curse when I'm yelling, but yeah. That was definitely unwarranted and I was definitely apologizing later, even if it seemd like Cadence hadn't taken any offense.

"GOOD QUESTION!" I mean she was still yelling at me, but it wasn't because I slighted her at least. "GENERAL HEALING MAGIC ISN'T GOOD FOR COMPLEX ORGANS LIKE EARDRUMS AND EYES! WE NEED A SPECIALIST, WHICH IS RARE! AND EVEN THOUGH I COULD PROBABLY GREASE SOME GEARS WITH THE ROYAL COFFERS, IT WOULD STILL TAKE TOO LONG FOR THE MEETING!"

"WHEN IS THE MEETING!?"

"TEN MINUTES!"

"FUCK, REALLY?! HOW IS THERE NO ONE MORE QUALIFIED?! I'M A TERRIBLE CHOICE! I CURSE AND SWEAR AT ROYALTY AND GET HARD-ONS THAT PEAK OVER THE TABLE!" I didn't have any kind of filter while I was yelling apparently.

"...I DIDN'T KNOW THAT LAST PART! BUT MINOTAURS ARE THE SAME WAY SO MAYBE YOU CAN USE THAT AS SOME KIND OF COMMON GROUND BETWEEN YOU TWO?!"

"USE MY DICK AS A POLITICAL DEVICE?! THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING DISASTER!"

"I KNOW!" I rolled my eyes at Cadence before ignoring her entirely. I had no idea what she was thinking; The meeting could be about the color of roses for all I knew and I would still find a way to start a war over it if I was allowed to attend this meeting. Thankfully, I had a solution for her hearing that required no magic. Help me out here, where's Star Vision staying?

...

...Don't do this to me.

I'm going to have to. I can't find him. He always had some sense of when I watching him, and it looks like he figured out how to hide from me. He isn't anywhere in Canterlot and without his location or a connection to his mind we can't open a portal to him. All of that being said, you might be able to fix Cadence's ears yourself. Both of ours and Star's powers are Dream Matter based.

But Star is the only one who can manipulate Dream Matter of others outside of the Dream world, and the last time I tried to 'fix' something I didn't create inside of my Dream I accidentally deconstructed Discord into primordial Soul liquids. I needed Luna's help to put him back together as Star Vision.

Except, when you were threatening Magolor and Susie back at the cave you paralyzed them by forcibly taking control of the Matter they were made of.

I... did do that, didn't I. Damn, how did I do that?

I don't know either. Hate to say it but it looks like you're going to be representing Equestria in about eight minutes.

"Fuuuuuck my liiiiife! CADENCE!"

"YOU'LL DO IT?!" She looked way too relieved at the idea that I'd be speaking in her place. Shining, from his place behind her at least looked as doubtful of my capabilities as I felt.

"I NEED TO KNOW WHO'S SHOWING UP, GIVE IT TO ME IN ORDER FROM LEAST LIKELY TO CAUSE ISSUE TO MOST LIKELY!"

"I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE! I'VE NEVER ATTENDED ANY OF THESE BEFORE!" So I'm going into this with no political background to rely on, no understanding of how they are supposed to go, and no idea who I'm talking to. At this rate I may as well walk into the meeting and announce that Equestria was going on the warpath. At least then we'd all be on the same page. "ALL I KNOW IS THAT AUNT CELLY USUALLY COMPLAINS ABOUT THE DRAGON DELEGATION AFTERWARDS! THEY SEEM INTENT ON ANTAGONIZING HER!" That... Is actually really good info. Celestia has spoken about these before, but if she only ever addressed the dragons as an issue then the others shouldn't be so bad. Plus...

"SUSIE-! I mean, uh-" I turned to the CEO turned doctor yelling her name, and I think that if she had a neck then she would have given herself whiplash at the speed her head snapped back at me. "Sorry! I was going to ask if there was any way to wake up Carina.
Like, immediately."

Carina's feelings were all over the place. Last she remembered, the bowling pin with pink hair was telling her that Elfilis was hurt. The next thing she knew, she was waking up in the medical room of Canterlot Castle with Elfilis standing over her. And then, after a quick hug and kiss to her cheek, he started begging her to attend some kind of meeting between world leaders as a representative of the Changeling Hive/personal dragon lord repellent. Carina, mind still swirling with thoughts of dread and anger and relief and shock said-

"Only if I get to punch you in the face later." And Elfilis, the eccentric and clueless idiot that he was, just nodded and thanked her. So now she was flying after him a little dazed as he power walked through the walls back to the throne room. She was still pissed at him for just, leaving? Leaving her? Assuming she needed protecting? (But really, when a robot planet was trying to destroy the moon, what could Carina do to help?) Truthfully, she was realizing she didn't know why she was angry about the way he plopped her onto the bed before vanishing to fight a world-ending disaster. Especially since he was now asking for her help because he was apparently worried about a potential war. She never really got an explanation about why he thought a war was in the cards, but it was entirely possible that Elfilis was simply entertaining paranoid thoughts. Was Carina supposed to be his emotional support? It's not like she has any more experience in the political field than he does.

"Okay. Okay okay okay okay. Ready Carina?"

"No?"

"Me either, glad we're on the same wavelength." And then Elfilis summoned a spear, hopefully just for appearance's sake, and pushed his way through the door separating the two from the most powerful members of every species on the planet. It was immediately apparent that they had even less of an understanding of how this would go then their already abysmal foreknowledge lead them to believe.

Their were murmurs and conversations already occurring, some with undertones of worry and fewer that nearly sounded mirthful. A massive table had taken over the throne room, its surface adorned with enough food to feed Ponyville for a week and surrounded on all sides by the most varied crowd of creatures Carina had ever seen. And all of them noticed her and Elfilis as they entered from the far side of the room, quickly killing most conversation. She tried not to stare, or to let it show that their stares were getting to her, as she followed Elfilis to the empty end of the table. Total silence took over the moment they sat in their seats, and it took Carina no time to realize why.

They had just taken Celestia's place at the table. Nervous, the pink changeling looked to her significant other. Whether she was looking for support or reassurance, she found it in his eyes. Half-lidded and tense with focus, the sign of instense thought and indicative of a plan forming inside his mind. If he had been wide-eyed, then Carina would have been worried. That was usually the sign he was about to create the most powerful knight in the galaxy or throw down the gauntlet with homicidal super-beings. As it was, Carina felt a certain amount of cautious optimism as Elfilis cleared his throat. The room may have already been focused on him, but now they were ready to listen to his words.

"I suppose it's time to get this meeting started." Tension rose. Before, Carina and Elfilis could have just been confused guests who weren't aware of their placement at the table. Now, Elfilis had all but announced that he was in charge. "Before we discuss what this meeting was originally called for, does anyone wish to ask a couple obvious questions?"

"Where is Celestia? Or her long lost sister for that matter?" The speaker was a large minotaur, almost twice the height of the minotaurs that sat with him at the table. Dark grey skin and stretch marks across every ludicriously large muscle, if he wasn't the minotaur leader than Carina didn't know who was.

"Unfortunately, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are currently sleeping. They exhausted themselves dealing with the crisis we are are here to talk about."

"Then what of the Love Princess? Is she not next in line after the Celestials?" This came from an old zebra mare on the other side of the table. Her stripes were nearly gray and her bones looked as if they would escape her body at any moment, but she was supported on either side by young zebra colts. Potentially her grandchildren, but more likely some kind of attendant/guard. They all had at least a little gold adorning them, but the old mare was almost swaddled in gold hoops and other jewelry.

"Princess Mi Amore was the one to ask me to attend in her place. She did not take part in Equestria's defense but she is currently hard of hearing, as is most of the city from what I understand-" A shockingly young voice called out, cutting Elfilis short at the end of his sentence.

"And who are you, that the pansy princess asked you to attend in her stead?" The table erupted into quiet murmers, most present agreeing to the sentiment behind the question but disaproving of the condescending tone. The sky-blue dragoness, only a little more than a head taller than Spike, paid no attention to the criticism aimed her way. She simply glared at Elfilis, who for once did not move to answer her question immediately and took the time afforded to him to analyze her in return.

"...I will not pretend to know the names of anyone here, with the exception of Princess Carina next to me." Carina nearly jumped at the title in front of her name, if only because it was the only time she could remember hearing Elfilis use it to refer to her. "But I must admit that you have drawn out my curiousity. May I have the name of the sole dragon who attends this meeting in return for my own?"

It didn't occure to Carina until he mentioned it, but the young drake was the only one of her kind to attend. Most adult dragons likely wouldn't fit in the room, but everyone else bar herself had other members of their species alongside them at the table. Said dragon merely grunted in return, evidently noticing the pressure everyone had silently begun to put on her to give her name. Even if it was only so they could hear Elfilis finally introduce himself. That being said, she was smart about how she answered.

"I am Princess Ember, royal daughter to Dragon Lord Torch and the most likely to succeed him. Now who are you?" Carina knew that if Elfilis did not follow up with any titles or claims of his own then his current position as an 'unknown' who be downgraded to that of an 'unworthy,' regardless of the fact that he was asked by royalty to attend. Her brothers back at the hive were the same way, though it was usually about how many times they slept with Mother. Fortunately, Elfilis answered back without hesitation. And he totally outshined Ember.

"I am Elfilis. I am a World Traveller, Planet Hopper and Galaxy Explorer. I am the Psychic Beast, the Lord of the Dream and the Conquerer of Discord. I am the Mind Manifest and the Ultimate Lifeform. I am the Patron of the Changeling race, and Lover of Princess Luna. Nice to make your acquaintance Princess Ember, most likely to inherit the throne." The throne room was silent as the grave. Carina knew that most of the titles Elfilis gave were less than official, but they were all technically true and were lofty claims all the same. Especially the one that subtley told everyone that he bones royalty, even though that had actually yet to happen. The minotaur looked at Elfilis with an appraising leer, the old zebra smirked at him mirthfully, and Princess Ember...

She blushed and looked away with her cheeks puffed out and a pout hidden under her snout, but it was obvious to anyone looking for it.

"Oh my gosh she's adorable." It took the whole room turning to her for Carina to realize that she had just said that out loud. But it was okay! She would just have to take a page out of Elfilis's book. "I'm Carina, Princess of the Changeling Hive and I take Elfilis's loads like a champ." Fuck. Mother must never find out about this. The old minotaur laughing and slapping his knee was not helpful, and neither was the old zebra's cackling. Ember turning bright red and hiding behind her wings almost made it worth it though.

This probably wasn't what Elfilis had in mind when he asked for her help with the dragons.

Author's Note

A lot of my process has become looking up the dictionary definitions of words I used and making sure they mean what I think I mean. This plus my second story that I keep writing and unwriting means these chapters take awhile now. I'm happy with how this came out though.

62. It's a Big World After All

Hey. Real quick talk before the meeting resumes.

I pulled my attention away from the colorful crowd of laughing and/or embarrassed politicians, putting my fingers to the bridge of my nose to hide my lack of focus behind a guise of consternation. It was mostly real, there was no need to fake the emotion after Carina lewdly generalized our relationship for everyone.

I thought I would be able to help a bit here but it looks like my info is... outdated? Not the right term but I don't know how else to explain. What I can tell you is none of the leaders have any ill intentions, or are otherwise sociopathic if they have any plans to screw Equestria over that I can't sense. Some of the groupies in the minotaur side are anti-pony and one of the deer seems to eyeing your neck. Its definitely not a fetish thing though, the rest are drooling at your antlers and more obvious targets. Good luck!

So much for not being able to help, that immensely helpful. The lack of malevolent world leaders I mean, not being a sex idol... Well I guess that could be helpful, provided I got over my own hangups with the idea. I shook my head to clear my thoughts as the room quited down finally. Really it was just the minotaurs laughing still, everyone else had fallen silent already moments ago. Now it was time to get to the meat of things.

"If we are all calm now-" I barely let the snort from someone I couldn't see delay me. "I believe we have some talking to do. Would anyone be willing to share what they already know about the situation, so that I may fill in the blanks for you all?" I was pretty sure I knew more of what had happened on the moon and the Access Ark, but I didn't want to fall into the pitfall of believing I knew everything of what was going on. I was taken out of the game early on afterall. It was the old zebra mare who took initiative and called for attention with a shake of her jewelry-clad hoof.

"I cannot speak for all of us, but the first warning my people could see was the moon stopping in place. I imagine others here would tell you it was the lack of the moon to take the suns place as it moved under their horizon. Come morning, the sun began to rise on our side, but the moon had yet to fall. And worse, the sunshine illuminated the moons hidden assailent. We could see it before, barely, as a sort of presence in the night sky but now we could see it unobstructed. It had five legs and was monstrously large compared to the tiny moon it was trying to crush. It has since fallen still, but it is still there, as is the moon. I assume that it is being held in place. The sun continued on its path, passing behind the locked bodies in the sky, though it has also since fallen still. That was... mere minutes before we started this meeting." Okay, so Celestia kept the sun moving even while she was shielding the moon with Luna, and the moon and the Access Ark are visible during the day so long as you're on the right side of the globe. Celestia entering her little healing coma must of been when the sun stopped earlier too. To my surprise, there was more. A couple different groups began talking over eachother, and it scrambled whatever they were saying enough that all I could tell was that they were all trying to bring up the same subject. The big minotaur cut them off by tossing a biscuit at the head of a well dressed donkey and then turned away from their affronted looks to speak to me himself.

"What the gentlemen were trying to say is that a few of our lands have had strange visitors. I believe the dragons called them 'big metal eggs?'" He stopped for a moment to glance at Ember, but the dragoness was ignoring us and glaring at Carina. Who was making baby faces back at her. "...Right. Anyway, these 'eggs' fell outta the sky and smashed into the ground. Nothing of value got damaged on our side of things. Not yet anyway, but the Princesses will likely have demands for help or 'reparations' from some of us at the table by the end of the week. Even though I keep telling them that Celestia wasn't responsible for them." The big guy definitely has it out for that donkey. Said ass just loudly slurped at his drink and pretended that he wasn't sweating profusely under the giants glare. The deer took the chance to finish the story, though I had a feeling I already knew the end. Their leader was a large white stag, but he remained silent as one of his officials (a much smaller doe) spoke for him. I tried to ignore where his eyes were looking. It wasn't my antlers. Damn it.

"More important than the 'eggs' themselves, were the creatures they... 'hatched?'" Apparently they weren't as comfortable with the egg analogy. "A wide variety of strange and diverse creatures have started wandering our lands, and we don't know what to do with them. We shouldn't have issues housing them, but if they are the ones responsible for the attack on the moon..." At that the short deer shrugged her shoulders before falling silent. It was a fair assumption, even though I knew better. The eggs they were all talking about were definitely escape pods of a sort, which meant that the workers of the Access Ark were scattered across the planet. Likely many Waddle-Dees and Waddle-Doos, the latter being the one-eyed laser-vision toating cousins of the former, as well as any number of mechanical equivalents and who knows what else.

"Thank you," I paused just for a moment, waiting to see if anyone else wanted to jump in. "I would like to start by stating that the creatures you have encountered are innocent in this case. To clarify, they do come from the Access Ark, which is what attacked the moon, but they were not complicit in this act. The Access Ark," I was having to bulldoze through the conversation at that moment, as more than a few were beginning to raise their voices. "Is little more than a giant boat made for traversing the space beyond our planet. It comes from its own world with its own people, and we may be seeing more of them in the future. The problem, the reason it was seen trying to destroy the moon, was because of who was at the helm at that moment. It was possessed by an evil spirit, who used the Ark to attack and threaten not just us down on Equis, but the passengers already on board as well. Princess Luna was the first to notice, and her and her sister both were responsible for keeping the moon safe during that time. The original owner of the panet-sized ship as well as an acquaintance of hers were the ones to regain control and expel the evil spirit from the Ark, with minimal help from myself. The Princesses should be awake before the sun and moon staying still becomes a problem, but should that not be the case I will make my own attempt to move the celestial bodies, though I warn you it may be a much rougher transition between day and night." I can do that, right?

Uh... You could use a portal to teleport the planet to your Dream and take it back out in a different position relative to the sun?

Good enough.

"Is there anything I have missed? Or anything that I myself have the authority to discuss with you at this meeting? I may be here in the Princesses place but I cannot truly speak for them or make promises on their behalf." The donkey slumped in response to that, which the minotaur seemed to find amusing, but it seemed that everyone was content for the moment to discuss among themselves what they learned. At least for the moment. I have to say, this whole process went by much smoother than I thought. I kind of expected a lot more angry yelling and accusatory statements, and I felt a little stupid for assuming the worst case scenario.

This 'Elfilis' creature was a god damn genius. Zetra has been to more of these meetings than anyone else besides the Equestrian Princess, and she knew rather intimately just how tense and stressful they tend to be. They could be gathering to discuss the price of lumber and it would end with a fistfight between the current Minotaur Lord and whichever dragon that old grump Torch sent in his place.

The last meeting was particularly bad, leaving the ancient Zebra Shaman to hide her disgust behind a cup of tea as the Donkey President (unfortunately and appropriately named Duncan Ass) tried to incite a witch hunt for ponies across the globe. The only reprieve was that Ember had begun attending the meetings by this time, because despite being Torch's 'miracle daughter' she was much more tame and reasonable than any other dragon to ever grace these halls. She was a miracle alright, it just didn't have anything to do with her father's ~~impotency~~ celibacy.

Zetra was fully prepared for this meeting to be a repeat of the last, only instead of accusing Celestia of the strange anomaly that is the stagnating weather, Duncan would be accusing both her and her recently returned sister of who knows what in regards to the attack on the moon. But even in the face of Ember's intial skepticism, Elfilis and his 'changeling' concubine had managed to cut the usual tension. They took the wind out of the sails of the usual aggressors with so little effort it almost seemed natural. Even Minos was trying to keep the relaxed air of the throne room intact!

That old bull usually locked horns with anyone who tried to lead the discussion but now he was acting like he was at one his more tame parties, more cordial and well behaved as she had ever seen him. Only time will tell if he was just trying to make a good first impression, but what a good first impression it was. It actually looked like he was making King Aspen jealous, the white deer glaring holes into the minotaurs skull as he held a conversation with Elfilis about whatever inane thing he wanted to know.

The White King of the Woods usually had more than a few alternative goals in mind when attending, now it seems that all he wants is a chance to bed the Princesse's new representative... Though Zetra won't deny that Elfilis would look good in more stripes. He probably wouldn't be interested in an old hag like her, she was a few centuries too old to pursue any stallions but she did have some grandchildren who have come of age recently. Elfilis is already sleeping with two princesses of different kingdoms, one more shouldn't hurt. Speaking of...

"You are named Carina, correct?" The pink changeling very much jumped in place as Zetra appeared behind her, but otherwise didn't react as she turned to greet the old Zebra.

"Yes...? You move surprisingly quickly." Zetra smiled but chose not to answer the unasked question, even as Elfilis turned an eye to her and listened in on them.

"Thank you, I try to remain spry in my old age. I must ask, where have your people come from? When we all agreed to come here, we did not expect to learn more than what pertained to our recent woes, and yet here you are." Carina have her a strange look, the gears churning behind her eyes moving much smoother than initial impressions led the Shaman Supreme to believe.

"Why are you asking me personally like this, instead of making it a point of the meeting?" And she even asked poignant questions, which said good things about her character in the eyes of the zebra.

"I believe that if you had wanted to put your people in the eyes of the world, that you would have taken the chance to do so already. We have already discussed the most immediate concerns, and while our problems may not be solved quite yet we are well past the point that would have been appropriate to make your stance on the world known." The machinery between Carina's ears continued to run, Zetra waiting silently for her answer.

"My people... have recently allied to Equestria. The greater community is not our immediate concern. Once things between my people and the ponies of this country settle, then we shall see if the world beyond our borders has anything to offer us or if we otherwise have anything we wish to offer the outside world."

"Hmm... An unconventional answer, but I approve for whatever that may be worth to you. If it isn't too much to ask, what is it you believe your people could want, or could otherwise give to us?" Zetra was enjoying this conversation for what it was worth. Not many spoke so cautiously to her, but many also looked down on her for her age. Perhaps-

"Violent sex." What. "Like, really rough life-changing sex. Changelings like that kind of thing, it's actually part of our growth cycle." This... huh. Maybe her crass introduction was not as planned as she first believed.

"You were just waiting to drop that on me weren't you?" The wide smile Carina gave was as mischievous as it was genuine.

"Yup! Though part of it is because I know Elfy is listening in, and I haven't had any way to make him own up to scaring the crap out me recently. This is a good start." The site of Elfilis barely keeping himself together as he tried to continue talking to the room as a whole was an admittedly amusing one...

"You know, I do have a few daughters and granddaughters looking to have children of their own." Zetra blinked and found herself back at her original spot at the table, with Carina smiling at her and Elfilis doing his level best to ignore her. Jokes on him though, everyone could see his arrousal try to make an appearance as he rushed to end the meeting. Minos was disappointed to have his potential drinking buddy run out on him so suddenly, and King Aspen was giving Zetra a look that seemed stuck between thankful and envious, but this was definitely going in the list of her best memories. The next couple centuries were shaping up to be good ones.

Author's Note

This took so long becuase I kept flipping back and forth on how much impact I wanted the introduction of the wider world to have on the future of the story. I eventually decided to just get some character traits established so I have something to work off of later. Some of the events I have outlined could take place just about anywhere so I feel it would be good for variety to push them into other countries and have Elfilis experience new things.

63. Growing Pains

To be able to cut the tension with a knife is a pretty common expression, used when one feels as if the room they were in might explode at the drop of a feather. Things between me and Carina weren't... quite that bad. There wasn't any real tension, we weren't wound up or coiled tighter than a spring, we just stayed silent because we didn't really know where to start. Or where we should go afterwards for that matter.

After I rushed out of the throne room I commandeered my old guest room for us to talk in privacy, but now I was sitting on the dresser while Carina layed out across the bed, and the both of us were drowning in the silence. Or I was at least, Carina seemed content to cocoon herself in the blankets and sheets. I opened my mouth before I really knew what was going to come out.

"Is this like a nesting instinct or are you just having fun?" Her horns popped out of one end of the fabric burrito in response, but no more of her was revealed to me.

"I didn't think of that actually. I was just having fun but I'm usually claustrophobic, so..."

"Ouch. Claustrophobia must have sucked back at the hive." Seriously, the biggest room was the throne room. I've seen the hallways and I would not want to go through them for any reason.

"It only sucked most of the time, I bribed my neighbors with favors so I could excavate my room further into their space and I got permission from mother on the condition that the favors weren't blowjobs or anything sexual like that."

"You must have given her conniptions if that was the sole standard she held you to." There was a tearing sound as a pink hoof punched through layers of bedding. "Do you need help?"

"Nope!" And then there were shreds of cloth raining down on us as Carina explosively spread her body, legs held out to her sides as she buzzed her wings to stay airborne. "I got it. I'm sure the Princesses won't mind overly much about the mess."

"Probably not, so long as you don't make a habit of it." The look she gave me as she landed on the bare mattress was all I needed to know that I hit one of the landmines that kept us quiet in the first place. "Alright, lay it on me."

"You really can't help yourself can you? And I mean that kindly, but it really hurts to see you throw yourself head first into the fire everytime something happens. The pink bobblehead bitch said you melted..." I wondered how many times I was going to be called reckless before it really sank in. Also, make sure Susie never hears that description of herself.

"Yeah, I didn't do much thinking before tackling the planetary threat did I?" The expression Carina wore of 'no shit Sherlock' was legitimately impressive. I found my hand scratching the underside of my wings nervously. "It's... not an excuse, but this was probably the only time my life was ever in any real danger. And even then, it would take more than the destruction of my body to put me down. But!" I made sure to get to my apology before Carina asked for clarification or admonished me for being cocky. "It's obviously still a problem if I run into every burning building I come across. I'll... We'll have to try to figure something out, seeing as I haven't had much luck managing my impulses myself." That at least seemed to relieve her of some fustration, though I doubted it would ever fully go away where I'm involved.

"Alright. Good. We'll do that. Now... explain to me how you survive the total liquidation of your body please? So next time you go to punch out the boogie-pony I know how much danger you're actually in?" That earned my own look of confusion and curiosity.

"Did I never tell you? I..." And that was when I realized that the last time I actually went over the story of the original Fecto Elfilis was nearly half a year ago, which Carina-disguised-as-Frontline was only present for part of. "Nevermind. The long and short of it is that my Dream is its own world, or dimension, and that my body is not necessary for that world to exist. I should, in the event I explode or melt or whatever, be able to sustain my mind and soul inside the Dream. From there I would need to rebuild my body, which could take time but I would also be able to rely on Luna for help too."

And me, but I might be hard to explain.

"You should be able to?" I nodded weakly at her skepticism. I was aware of how much I was simplifying and fudging up the explanation but I imagine the discussion on possession and mind control would be its own can of worms. And Alter Ego, but he already said that.

Minus the worm part... Or maybe I'm like an earworm? I think that's a music thing though.

"I'm obviously not trying to test my potential immortality, and if I get better control of myself then hopefully I will go a long time without needing to. It's a very real thing though, it's been done before." Before Magolor and Susie I would have been more awkward treating my old video game knowledge as fact, but now I was pretty thoroughly entrenched in the belief that those broken memories had more than just the odd sprinkle of usuable information in them. Also- "Not to change topics or anything, but where the hell is everyone? Susie's got the Princesses in bacta tanks," Whatever the fuck bacta tanks were, "But I've not seen hair nor hide of Magolor or Twilight or any of them. And they aren't exactly easy to miss."

"I dunno." The way she said made it sound like it never occurred to her. "I was tranquilized remember? Slept like a little larva." That's right... That's... Oh my fucking god.

Holy shit dude!

"You're fucking high aren't you. You-! I took you to see the most powerful political figures on the planet and you were high!" Carina just tilted her like a confused puppy, and it only now occurred to me how dramatic she's been about literally everything. "I can't believe it. I am never going to rid my face of all this egg. The yolk will become synonymous with my name and future generations will read textbooks about my dumbass decisions."

"Eggs are supposed to be good for your fur though, if it helps you feel better." I just hung my head and sighed.

"It would make me feel better if you remembered this conversation come tomorrow." The determined nod she gave me didn't serve to boost my confidence. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and proceeded to lose my shit. "I'm serious Carina, this is a serious fuck-up on my part! Earlier you effectively told the zebra matriarch, or whatever she was that sex was either the main priority of your entire species or the only... resource that the Hive was willing or able to trade. The zebra lady didn't seem to take you too seriously but I was not the only one listening! The deer guy who was looking at me like he was undressing me with his- like I was a piece of meat- He was an asshole! He one hundred percent heard you and if he did then so did others that I didn't notice. Fuck! By the end of the week changelings as a whole are going to be known by the wider world as-! As-!" Give me a word that isn't 'sluts!'

Whores. Fuck, uh. Loose? Easy.

"Loose!"

No! Not loose! Easy!

Damn it all!

"Are you... mad at me?" When I focused on the world outside of my head again, Carina's wet eyes were all I could see. I reacted by making good choices.

"No! I'm mad at me because I am 'crouching tiger, hidden dumbass!' I pulled you into that meeting while you were coming down off of drugs! You are on the drugs, ostensibly because of my actions!"

"You drugged me?" End me.

"That's not what I-!" I stopped as I realized I was about to try to explain how her being sedated was the result of me going to the Access Ark, but it may just as well be an exercise in futility at this point. I wasn't abke to calmly explain anything and Carina was going through her own emotional roller-coaster at the moment. Whatever mental energy she had during the meeting was long gone and replaced with confusion. For all I knew at this point, I had explained my immortality power to her before and she just couldn't remember at the moment.

Hey, since you brought it up, we really do need to have a conversation about how your shit works. Since you want to know the extent I've been managing things for you and all... And you two definitely need sleep anyway.

It was a very sudden and jarring reminder that Alter Ego and I still needed to sit down and hash things out, but he was right. And Carina had tear tracks going down her smooth pink cheeks and a look on her face like she was a thousand miles away. I just sighed before scooping Carina up into my arms, shaking her out of her funk slightly.

"Huh? Oh, is it bedtime?" I rubbed my face against hers while nodding, but I didn't let myself say something stupid and instead just focused on getting the both of us onto the mattress. It had been a long day. "Wait... But I still don't know if you drugged me. And I still need to punch you like you promised. And I'm horny..." I hummed but stayed silent and settled into bed. "...I said I'm horny."

...

"Fine, I guess I am kind of tired anyways..."

I wished appearing in my Dream would erase my fatigue like a good rest would. My body in here was just as real as the one laying in bed with Carina, and that meant headaches couldn't be avoided. The situation was a mess to put things lightly, but I also didn't know how bad it could be. The unknown was just as terrifying, if not more than, as knowing just how deep a hole I've dug myself into. Which put me somewhere in the middle.

I know I made a mistake but I don't know what the consequences of that mistake will be yet. Whoever said that all things were best done in moderation could kiss my ass, I would much rather be on one side of this issue instead of the anger/fear limbo I was in now.

The moderation guy would likely point out how pessimistic your view on the situation is and insist you balance it out with more optimistic thoughts.

"Like what? 'It's not too late to fix the mistake? The future is neither good or bad, it simply is and what we make of it? To wait before I make my judgment because it may not be as bad as I want to believe?' Is that what they'd say?!" It probably looked insane on the outside looking in, me yelling at myself into the purple-ish blue-ish void of Dream Matter.

...Those thoughts are about what I imagine he would say, yes. You are surprisingly good at optimistic thinking when you are angry.

"Agreed, it is quite thee impressive if vexing ability you possess." I was the only other one in the Dream, but I still felt the phantom sensation of someone else's neck snapping towards Luna's voice at the same time as my own. "Though I suppose the same could be said for most of thy talents. Oh!" I imagine the coy smirk on her face turned to one of surprise as I launched myself into a hug. She was here, she was alive.

Or at least her spirit is.

Shhhh, shut the fuck up.

Um, how long have you been here Princess?

"The moment you returned to Equestria." It took me a moment to recognize her words for what they were. When I did, I found myself pulled away from Luna, though still within arms length.

"Wait, how aware were you of-"

"We will have to have words with Cadence once we are freed from our liquid prison... Ah, that is to say, I believe she may need help better understanding how the succession of duty works in these cases." I knew there was something wrong with me being chosen to attend the meeting. "As for you..." I winced, the 'future' I was worried about was now. "...You were fine."

"...What?"

Told you! But also, yeah what he said.

Luna rolled her eyes so hard I think she might've given Susie back in the waking world a scare.

"You handled the meeting quite professionally given your lack of experience. And I don't believe Carina was as 'high' as you believed her to be, she was likely more tired from lack of true rest after her hard battle with the dragon attacking Ponyville. Sedation does not make for good sleep, nor am I even sure waking up from it has these side effects you fear."

"Are you sure? And even if she was just deliriously tired, I still brought her to the meeting in that state."

"It is called a summit. With what little information you had, anyone would have brought Carina. I dare say she had a positive effect on the meeting besides." All the woman in my life must be losing their minds. "I am not simply saying that. While you didn't do anything wrong per say, it was her carefree nature and honest antics that put the room at ease. That is no easy feat given they were prepared to hear the worst their imaginations could conjure."

"I ...can accept that, but what about the changelings? This could be a major setback for everything, a huge hit to their reputation..."

"Elfilis..." Luna pulled in closer, using her hooves to wipe away tears I couldn't remember, and captured my eyes in the gaze of her own. Even without knowing what she was going to tell me, I could feel the care she wished to express. "I hate to tell you this..." The warmth I felt froze, and the dread- "But they are all sluts."

...

Based.

"I do not know what my words have to do with my foundations but I accept the compliment nontheless."

I don't know where the use of the word came from either actually. Slang is weird like that.

"Too true. Not that speaking with you is unpleasant, but we do need to discuss more with Elfilis. How long do you believe he will continue to stand there staring at me as if frozen?"

"Bwuh?"

Author's Note

Luna doesnt have a full understanding of modern lingo yet.

I'm planning on writing one or two more chapters before labeling this story as complete, but only as 'Book One.' I need to take a break from these characters and this story so I can come back to write 'Book 2' with a fresh set of eyes. Ill write something else on the meantime, dont want to get lazy.

I also am going to have some new responsibilities out in the real world soon that will probably last... forever? Indefinitely. So that seems as good a time as any to take a break. Ciao.

65. Where will we go?

Twilight Sparkle was very acutely aware of her breath, or the lack of it as it were, as she smiled softly and waved goodbye to Elfilis. It wasn't until he had left her study that she allowed herself a sigh of relief. Elfilis was a good guy, and giving almost to a fault, but he was also unpredictable. The last time she had seen him, Elfilis had gone from mildly exasperated to a wide-eyed stony general who accepted no compromise. Then he teleported to the moon. And melted apparently. And then he was back and making rounds to check to make sure everyone was okay, starting with Twilight.

Which left her in the awkward position of having to tell him that Swaddle-Dee had been in possession of the Elements of Harmony since the Discord incident and was partially responsible for the damage to Ponyville. Not that she and the rest of the girls weren't responsible as well, and no one could have known that Spike could- Point being, Twilight wasn't all that jazzed about being the delivery mare of that information. Thankfully, and Twilight felt a little silly for thinking otherwise, Elfilis didn't take it as an accusation, or poorly at all for that matter. In fact, he insisted on taking some of the responsibility. It was clear that he had no idea that the Elements had been under his roof, but she couldn't deny how much it helped to hear him apologize anyway. But, with Efilis's sudden intrusion now over...

"You can drop the illusion now Star." Soon enough, the mirage of her friends dogpiled on her bed and sleeping in uncomfortable positions faded, leaving only Star Vision in their place. Twilight idly made a note to herself to recommend some basic magic practices as she watched him rub his horn... Damn it. Carina was not a good influence. It seemed that the chronologically displaced kirin was out of practice with unicorn magic and was now suffering some mana burn. Though, Twilight wondered as she ran her eyes over his scale framed face, if kirins simply had more difficulty with magic as a result of their hybrid physiology. She turned away before the subject of her thoughts opened his eyes to see her scanning him and put kirin research on her list of self-study subjects. "So why are we hiding you and tricking Elfilis into thinking the girls aren't on the next train to Ponyville again?"

"I'm just trying to stay out of the radar of whatever seems to be following him around." Right, Star Vision's mystery stalker. Or at least his persistent feeling of being watched. He had complained about it a few times, but he had never expressed having felt it while in her or any of the other girls company so there was little they could do to help him besides ask hopefully helpful questions. In the end, he got the idea himself to use his Dream abilities to make an item that, as Twilight understood it, was enchanted to hide him from everything except the five senses. Twilight only knew it worked because she couldn't detect him with any of her spells. She only glanced at the eye-shaped diadem that rested on Star's forehead for a moment before returning to her own work. Mostly.

"So, if you're right, and something is tracking or otherwise keeping tabs on Elfilis and those around him occasionally through some unknowns means, shouldn't your headpiece prevent it from seeing you regardless of whether or not Elfilis sees you himself?" That was the part that confused her about the whole thing, even more than the idea that something had been around and watching them all for so long without any of them even noticing until now. Star Vision just shook his head a bit before explaining.

"I don't know if this thing works. I felt I only had the chance to create it out of 'sight' of the watching feeling when Elfilis went as far away as the Moon, and even though I haven't felt the watching feeling since then, this was the first time I would have had the chance to test it in a room where I knew I would get that feeling any other time. But it's still a test, or experiment or whatever, so I want to make sure things like sight wouldn't break the effect. Next time I see Elfilis I'll just go and greet him, and hopefully I'll be able to confirm that I'm safe even if he knows I'm there." Now, Twilight kind-of knew what Star was trying to do here, but at the same time...

"You... You know that's not the best way to test this right?" And Star, virgin science boy that he was, just tilted his head in confusion. "You're dropping too many variables at once between tests, and you're probably tainting results by getting the girls mixed up in all this. Not to mention some of the assumptions you're making..."

"Well, I was hoping to create something that could tell me when someone would get the feeling if they were, well, me. And then I could give them-" Oh this was terrible.

"That's not a bad idea, but doing two experiments at once with shared variables like this will, one hundred percent, skew whatever results you get. Come here, watch how I test my own theories." Twilight stepped to the side to make space, though Star didn't seem particularly enthused to take that space. It only took one more flick of the lavender unicorns head to get him moving though. The kirin shivered as his fur brushed against Twilight's but he had little choice but to pay attention as she began speaking. "So the first thing you want to do is write everything down. If you think you have everything organized in your head, you're wrong. Once you've done that, you want to break everything down into different variables-"

The day passed by quickly for Star, to the sound of Twilight teaching him the Scientific Method.

Queen Culicidae was sorely tempted to drink herself into a stupor as Delta (or Beta, or whichever member of the orb-like knight trio was speaking to her at the moment) parroted the news his master fed him back to her. She had known there was some amount of chaos happening, but she was eagerly awaiting the day she was able to hear the latest drama from other changelings who lived on the surface instead of having it drip-fed to her due to her own seclusion. As it was, she was annoyingly sober as the warden to her now self-imposed imprisonment finished speaking and waited for her acknowledgement.

"So..." The Queen started, "To make a long story short, the world almost ended because of aliens and the political powers are unsteady." The knight nodded, which was still odd to her as it looked like a whole-body bow as well, but he had more to say as well.

"Elfilis also expressed..." Culicidae didn't like that pause. The knights very rarely watched their words with her, something she lamented just as much as she found it oddly nostalgic. "He asked about the older princess's recovery."

Ah. That. The Queen suddenly found that it was hard to breath under the weight of her own body, her muscles locked up and filled with tension. Yes, it made much sense that the knight would be careful with his words.

"What-" Her throat was too damn dry. "What did you tell him then?" She had no doubts what he had said, but she found the questions leaving her lips regardless. Elfilis was the creator of the knights, their master in all but name. They obviously just spilled everything to him.

"We... Told him that Chrysalis was still adjusting to everything."

"... And?" That couldn't be all they said. Surely they did not wish to spare her daughter's feelings?

"That was all we reported to Elfilis on the matter of your daughter." Culicidae knew that reading this knight's expression was an exercise in futility but she found her eyes scan him for tells of a lie anyway. Slowly, reluctantly, her body eased and her breathing became less tight. And then she scanned the knight again, bewildered by the idea that it could go even the slightest bit against it's master's wishes. Her horn burned as the memory of Elfilis's hand crushing it against the back of her throne passed behind her eyes unbidden, and threatened to stay had she not shook herself of them just as quickly.

"Then... I..." Culicidae growled and closed her eyes, jumping from her throne. She didn't need to see to navigate to the exit of the throne room, but she still found herself frozen on the precipice. "... Thank you Knight." She did not stay to hear a response.

Her pace was glacial, as if to give her time to reconsider her current path, but she knew she would not be changing course until she hit her destination. The Queen turned the corner before she would have reached her own room, very dutifully keeping her eyes away from the hidden alcove she knew must have held another of the knights. More times than not it was the one that had lost its eye to her own spawn. All too soon she was standing outside of the target room, staring at the door that stood virtually unguarded. The air was warm, and while she could not smell anything yet her sinuses lightly burned anyway. Culicidae did not know how long she stood there for.

"... Just, come in already..." Too long was the answer. The Queen swallowed her nerves and broke the seal on the door, wincing as the stench of sweat and sex finally hit her, and no amount of experience or preparedness could change just how heavy it was. Regardless, she pushed on until she was closing the door behind her. And then she forced herself to open her own eyes, to look upon the consequences of her own actions. Chrysalis looked back, eyes sunken into her face and drooped with tiredness that would not leave no matter how much she was fed. Her green carapace that one might have once described as forest-green was darkened, almost returned to the solid black that she was born with, and was splotched with stains from dirty sheets. Even now, Culicidae knew, should Chrysalis stand from her bed and stop hiding under the blanket she draped upon herself, fluid would be seen clearly dripping out from under her tail. Her daughter's throat bobbed as she swallowed her own nerves. "Hey... mom."

The Mother looked into Chrysalis's eyes for a moment before she looked down at the ground. The floor was littered with various glistening objects, most soaked and destroyed in one of her daughter's fits to sate her addiction, but Culicidae still walked through it. Just as she had everyday for a month now. And then, she looked at the stiff sheets sitting upon a twice-ruined mattress (that was likely some unfortunate pony's stolen property), before carefully perching herself on the edge of it next to her daughter. Just as she used to years ago. And then, just as she had been doing for more than two weeks now, Culicidae forced a strained smile onto her face and asked:

"How 'bout I give you a bath?" Culicidae heart leapt into her throat when Chrysalis turned to look at her. After only a moment, eyes threatening to tear up, the daughter said what her mother had been waiting to hear for a fortnight.

"Alright... Thank you..." Her smile came naturally afterwards.

King Minos sat upon his throne, a wooden piece reinforced with metal bands that he had fitted himself, before throwing his arms out into the air and groaning as loud as possible.

"Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!" And then he slumped over like his strings had been cut and began running his fingers soothingly over the horns that extruded from above his ears. "What a fuckin' day, eh boys?" He heard some of his guards murmur soft agreements as they left, their shift effectively over the moment he addressed them. "Hey, I need one of you to hold off on kicking your hooves up to post the new orders up in the barracks."

"I got it, I got it." Minos was pretty sure that was one of the newer minotaurs of his army, but so long as it got done he didn't particularly care who got it done. The number of aliens (freakin' aliens man) in the country had apparently doubled in his absence before they stopped falling from the sky entirely. Standing orders were to keep an eye on any large groups of them and to carefully keep any stragglers out of the villages. Having heard from the younger pony princesses's boytoy however, Minos figured it would be best to help the little fellows (Waddle-Dees or Doos or something?) set up camp somewhere. It was gonna be a big ass camp, but at least they were going to be safe and unlikely to cause trouble, given he was going to be feeding them as well.

"... GuuuuuuuuuuuraaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-!" Minos's shrieking was cut short by the throne room door being slammed off its hinges.

"Watarya hollering 'bout now!" It was just one of his maids, a rather busty cow named Belle if his memory served him right, but a two-thousand pound bovine glaring at him was a sight most minotaurs knew by heart to fear. It was a very early lesson given to them by their mothers.

"Sorry! Sorry. Just stretching, I'll keep it down." Belle just flicked one of her ears and huffed at him before making her way across the carpet to him. It was at this time that Minos finally saw the tray she carried on her back. "Ooh! Is that my coffee?"

"Nah, s'fore the janitor. Who doya tink its for ya dolt?" The Minotaur King didn't pay her harsh words any mind as she walked up beside the throne and let him grab the large glass tankard from her back, filled to the brim with a dark black liquid. Belle had barely taken a step before Minos frantically stopped her and choked down what little he had begun to drink.

"Ah! Sorry, it's just... I usually take my coffee with milk..." Minos very bravely did not sweat as Belle's glower threatened to fell the monsters of Tartarus, and he very obviously did not let out a sigh of relief as she relented with a roll of her eyes.

"Big fackin baby our king is..." Belle turned to her side and presented her teats to the king, who carefully held his drink under a nipple and fumbled around with his other hand to try to get a good grip. "Yua kitten or sumthin? Quit battin at em an milk one already!"

"Sorry! You just have very... healthy, and moisturized nipples."

"Flattery'll get ya nowhere if that's 'ow ya dish out yer compliments... Leave sum for tha foals fer facksake!" Minos cringed away from the ornery maid as he finished making his coffee, which was now a rich brown.

"Alright, I'm done. Thank you for bringing me my coffee Belle. Ow!" The large minotaur hissed under his breath and rubbed the spot on his shin where the cow had kicked him in return for his heartfelt thanks. The last he saw of her was her wide hindquarters walking out the door while she hollered over her shoulder.

"Tha name's Bess, ya Facker!" The king sighed, cupping his glass in both hands as he brought it up to his lips. He didn't drink quickly, but he did not bring the glass away from his lips until he had emptied it. He breathed out deeply and contently as he finished, staring nearly through his glass in what looked like deep thought.

It was exactly as he had practiced it.

It changed every time, with different maids having different approaches, but two things always stayed the same. He always got his coffee in a clear cup and he always milked the maid for an inappropriate period of time. Anyone not in the know just thought he was a horny bull playing a rather absurd con with all the cows in his employ, always asking for coffee without milk just so he could fondle the teats of busty bovine women, but that was exactly what it was supposed to look like. It was impossible to see the invisible message inked onto his tankard without the chemical that all the maids oiled their teats with before fetching his drink. Once he knew he had wiped enough of it off onto his hand, Minos would cup his hand onto the glass and expose the message written backwards on it to the chemical now thoroughly coating his fingers and drink all of his coffee until the message was visible from the inside of the glass.

It was paranoid and extreme to a level that he knew was bordering on insane, but Minos always suspected that it was a griffon snooping in on his father's meetings that led to him passing on the crown early. It was hard to be king when you were dead after all. So now all of King Minos's important messages were delivered to him via coffee and nipples, with no magic to be detected. The message he had now was especially important this time around.

Sun and Moon are alive, confirmed
Ass is putting the Dee's to chain and collar
Birdbrain ignoring agreement
Lizards started gathering, weapons spotted
Waters are still
Lovebug search ongoing
Butterfly migration

Minos understood all of that except for the last message. That part didn't really belong with the rest, but he was still going to be keeping his eyes on butterflies of all things from now on.

"Alright," He said, standing to his full height and crushing the glass in his hand. "Back to work. Sleep is for the uncaffeinated." Minos brought his arms up above his head and actually began to stretch this time. "GrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!" He didn't see Bess coming until she drop-kicked him in the balls.

Old Hoof was an old pony, a fact that he begrudgingly accepted as much as he welcomed it with open hooves. On one side, he was old, and his boyish looks had long since stopped luring mares to... Actually that was a good thing too, given he never got married until he started going gray. Strike that one from his list of grievances. On one side, he was old and his joints have started creaking before it rained. On the other, Old Hoof's name was finally appropriate. He wasn't like the ponies who felt it was time to change their name when reach an arbitrary age one could consider 'old,' like the late Ol' Apple couple that used to run Sweet Apple Acres. No, he was born and raised as Old Hoof.

He used to be a smart little foal though, and even back then he noticed a relatively consistent pattern in their world. The Cutie Mark one gained and the special talent they would come to express nearly universally relates to the name of the pony. He spent a very long time chasing his name, doing everything from hoof cleaning to amateur paleontology, but he never got his Cutie Mark until he was well into adulthood. By then he had given up on finding it. He wasn't bad at anything he tried to resonate with, he could actually be proud to say that the fossil he found led to a minor breakthrough in the scientific community, but nothing he learned had turned out to be his special talent. He had made peace with it though, he had years to do so. So young Old Hoof would drift from job to job, learning various things and trying to find what he would at least be content to do for the rest of his life.

Then he joined the Royal Guard. His talent didn't have anything to do with being a guard, it was just where he discovered it. Plumbing broke down one day, and it seemed like a small leak in one the barracks at first. Then water started pouring into the Throne Room, and it looked like the Princess was going to have to use royal privilege to clear a plumbers schedule for the week. Old Hoof though, he just wondered why everypony was treating this like some major catastrophe, and he said as much to his commanding officer. This was a really easy fix as far as he was concerned.

"Well then why don't you go and fix it yourself wise guy?"

"Okay." He said.

And then he did. He only took out three walls and stopped all the leaks, and Old Hoof even made some improvements where he could. Mostly streamlining the piping with more modern solutions that hadn't been realized back when the castle had been given the first sinks. His captain was reluctantly impressed, but it was the praise of the Princess that let him realize his special talent.

"My my, if I didn't know any better I would say that you were an old hoof at this kind of work. Could I get your name?"

Celestia had an odd combination of mirth and apology in her voice for the rest of the day, but that was hardly what he payed attention to at the time. The Princess, hell, the rest of the world may as well have disappeared as he pondered the meaning of her words. An old hoof, a pony with a lot of experience with something. Synonymous with words like skilled, or well-practiced. Old Hoof, age twenty-seven at the time, felt the lightbulb click on above his head. Had it been a real lightbulb at the time, he would have thrown against the floor and screamed at it. Foalhood was very cruel to him, as all his peers discovered their talents one after another until he was the only one left with without a symbol adorning his flank. Old Hoof could appreciate the irony years later, of being told he was talentless and good for nothing for a significant stretch of his life only to find out his talent was literally about being talented, but at the time he felt like an idiot.

Old Hoof had the special talent of being skilled at anything he could feasibly accomplish, as if he had been doing everything he ever put his mind to for years, and he had used this newly discovered talent to great effect in the guard. He used it to go up in the ranks until he was in charge of the whole army, he used it to teach all the guards basic swordsmanship, he used it to organize the kitchens, and the cleaners, and he never stopped doing all he could to push everyone around him to be the best they could possibly be at whatever they needed to do to contribute to the castle's welfare. And he was happy, the way he had seen every other pony be happy when they knew they were indulging in their talents, and he got to do that all the time.

Until he couldn't. Because Old Hoof got old.

It was a bitter day when he realized there were some things he just couldn't do anymore. He could never use magic as an earth pony, but he had always been able to run through basics alongside the new recruits. Now he would have to stand on the sidelines and shout at them instead. And then he couldn't duel. And then he couldn't keep a steady hoof while signing paperwork. Part of the problem was how demanding the job was on his body, so he marched up to the Princess one day, ignoring the stabbing jealousy of her permanence, and asked to be relieved of duty (She laughed and told him she'd been trying to get him to retire for years). His next job was simple physical labor, but it was still much less tiring than his job in the castle. Until he dropped a crate one day, knee throbbing in pain.

So he moved out of the city and became a gardener out in the country until his back ached. Then he found work somewhere else as a tour guide to a city he never saw before until his ankles protested. On and on until the only thing he could do was walk from his new house in Ponyville to the griffon-owned bar down the street and drink liquor. There was a mare named Berry Punch who visited on occasion, who was second to none when it came to drinking spirits and keeping her wits about her, but Old Hoof was right behind her. Truthfully, Old Hoof still had more than a few decades left in him at this point, with most of his issues stemming from an inability to sit still and take a break. But he was still old, and told Berry Punch as much when the young mare asked him out a week into his stay. Turned out she wasn't so young, being in her late forties to Old Hoof's late sixties. Twelve years later and Berry Punch still looked like a mare in her prime, but most in town knew the truth and didn't look at them strange when they went out in public.

She has since stopped drinking, more focused on her own brewery she inherited from her late mother, but Old Hoof would still come down to the bar and have a drink on occasion without his wife. He made sure to never drink too much, and he made himself content with the company of other old ponies and the young adults excited to gag down a shot of whiskey for the first time. That part was actually his favorite, and that was how he spent his days, splitting his time between Berry Punch and the short-term friends he would make at the ornery griffon's bar. And then things got strange.

Things were strange for a while before he noticed, but it started for Old Hoof with a little purple puffball excitedly running through the doors of the bar, looking far too young to be anywhere near everyone and everything in the building. Hoof tried to shoo the likely young fellow away, but the bar owner insisted that he join all the grown-ups at the table playing poker.

Playing poker for keeps, with bets on the table.

Old Hoof grumbled as the kid unwittingly joined them, and prepared to beat the tar out of the griffon if they tried to make the kid's parents pay off some kind of imaginary debt. And then he cackled in delight as the lucky puff cleaned out the pot, beat the shit out of the griffon and his groupies, and bought the damn bar for himself.

"That's the best show I've seen in years kid! Lucky little guy arncha? That's what I'm gonna call you I think, Lucky. Fits ya right?"

"Poyo!"

So now he helps a debatable child run a bar called 'Poyo' at the edge of Ponyville, and he gets to watch all the chaos unfold in person. He got to talk to a pink pony/deer/bug hybrid, learned that Lucky's name was actually Toby, went to the Grand Galloping Gala for the first time in years, watched the Grand Galloping Gala get attacked for the first time ever, witnessed the city of Canterlot get possessed by an ancient spirit of chaos, met said spirit of chaos at the bar, saw a fucking dragon attack ponyville while an alien spaceship reportedly attacked the fucking moon, and now he gets to experience this bullshit.

"You sure you should be drinking that?" The black bug pony just kept chugging though, and the pretty light brown mare that came in with her just waved his concerns away.

"Trust me, Vinyl could be doing much worse things right now besides drinking."

"If you say so miss, I'm just remembering my paps complaining about flies gettin into his liquor and offin themselves. Said that if they were gonna steal his drink they could at least do him the courtesy of staying alive long enough to get out afterwards." Vinyl slammed her empty mug onto the counter, making Old Hoof jump.

"Ah'm nnhot ay fleeeeeeeeeeeeey, Ime ah Deejay, and a changlang, an a hot peice of ass!" And then she slammed her face into the bar top and recoiled backwards off of her stool and onto the floor. Where she proceeded to start crying. Old Hoof just raised an eyebrow at the sober one of the two. She barely glanced at him before speaking.

"Much, much worse things." And then she took a small sip of her martini, unfazed by the wails of the damned just behind her and to the left.

"You gonna help her or...?"

"If I let her hug me we're not going to leave the bar floor till morning. She isn't bleeding and nothing has cracked so she'll be fine until she regains some of her wits." Old Hoof just shook his head and went back to his own drink, but not before he got the last word.

"Looks like you aren't leavin then. Toby's already got er wrapped around his pillow-like body." He took a big gulp of his drink as the sober mare looked behind her too see what he already saw, Toby trapped in the embrace of a 'changlang' with no plans to escape the crying mare.

Old Hoof choked on it though, due to the loud crack that went off right next to him, as well as the impact of wet chunks of something pelting him and nearly throwing him into the bar top.

"What in Tartarus-" He couldn't stop his coughing, but he didn't let it stop him from turning on his stool to see the black bug pony replaced by a much larger white bug pony with blue eyes and a pair of horns jutting up from her brow like a tuning fork. Toby drowned under her bulk, but Old Hoof was more concerned about the body parts strewn all over the room leaking green fluids onto every surface. "Wut was that?! What did she just-?"

"She just got herself into a lot of trouble, as she tends to do." The other pony at the bar with him had fared much worse than he did, being covered head to hoof in dripping green compared to Old Hoof who only got the worst of it on his back. "She'll be back tomorrow to help clean up, but if you'll excuse me..."

Old Hoof could only watch in morbid curiosity and awe as the soaked mare casually stood up and slowly dragged the drunk and crying explosive out the door by her tail, leaving a long streak of neon across the floor, heedless of the fact she was taking Toby with her.

"...Punch'll never believe any of this shit when she gets back."

It was a good life.

Daring Do was used to dealing with weird adversaries and unlikely scenarios. There's only so many times one can be chased by a pack of big cats and a panther thing with a hand on the end of his tail while trying to keep hold of an ancient artifact of some power before it becomes depressingly routine. This was new though, and made Daring Do excited in a way that she only felt a little guilty about. She peered through her binoculars, safely hidden within her cloud, and watched her targets with great interest. She had watched them thoroughly search... Well, everywhere over the past week. Museums, pawn shops, abandoned mansions, soup kitchens, and ancient temples. Which is when they ended up on her radar. It seemed like a weird downgrade, to see them go from turning a ziggurat upside down to politely asking an elderly pony if they could see his family heirloom. At least, it did, until Daring Do realized how all these places were connected.

Every single one of them housed magical items of some power. Even the soup kitchen. So clearly these ransackers were making a mad dash for power or riches, right? The answer seemed to be no, which only added to her growing curiosity. They only ever took artifacts from places that were abandoned, even if they were significantly less valuable than the ones owned by living ponies.

As an example, the abandoned mansion was home to an old war horn of some kind. Daring Do would love to discover its history some time, but where it concerned her maybe-adversaries was the fact that all it did was make eerie noises all on it's own. Probably why the mansion was abandoned for so long, as it inspired stories of ghosts haunting the old premises. But when they talked to that old pony to see his heirlooms? Those were actually a more attractive steal. A helmet that gave its wearer the combined experience and skills of all it's former owners? Daring Do was tempted herself to try to take it off the old-timers hoofs, but her target contented themselves by nicking some homemade donuts and some fancy silverware when they thought their host wasn't watching them and left the invaluable treasure alone. That wasn't the typical behavior of a treasure hunter, but that was undeniably what they were.

So now here Daring Do was, sitting in a cloud, watching an airship from afar as its mousy passengers scurried across the deck at the behest of their robed leader. Best she had been able to find out, the well-dressed mouse was called 'Daroach' (which was totally an evil villain name, even if they might not have been an actual villain), and he was in charge of the whole operation. Or, at least she thought so, until just now, as an absurdly tall biped with wings attached to his head just appeared on deck without warning and called for the unhostile and unsurprised attention of all the big wigs.

"What the hell...?" It was risky, but Daring Do was named so for a reason, and that was all the excuse she needed to try to subtly push her cloud closer. She had to hear whatever they were talking about. It was a long process, not wanting to call attention to the cloud that ignored the weather and painstakingly pushed against the wind, but evidently whatever they were talking about required a lot of discussion. She eventually got close enough to hear Daroach's side of what was apparently a small argument.

"-and we spent so long getting out here too!" The big dude, who had some freaky looking eyes by the way, just sighed in response and began rubbing his forehead. Evidently he was tired, though it was anyone's guess whether he was like that already or it was the oversized rodents that were draining his patience.

"The Squeak Squad is still getting paid, you know that right?" That resulted in some cheering from all the little purple mice that acted like the grunts of the operation, but the one big mouse wearing an eye patch only chuffed out what sounded like a laugh as Daroach only got more incensed.

"Are you sure? Because the way you described it makes it sound like Big C was taken out of the picture during the whole moon versus aliens nonsense." Uh, what? Daring Do wasn't sure how to parse that. So apparently Dumbo the tired teleporter wasn't the boss either, and they worked for someone called 'Big C.' Or they did, because Big C was either dead or otherwise unavailable. Beyond that, she was just going to have to go find out if the moon was actually attacked by aliens or if that was some crazy over exaggeration or weird hyperbole.

"Then I'll pay you, you know that I can. You want cash or magic?" That got a snort out of the big cheese of the crew, but Daring was more wondering if that was also hyperbole or if the teal giant could actually pay with magic or magical artifacts of some kind. "Seriously, what's bothering you Daroach? I don't think you're one to scorn the journey for the destination, or something like that." Yeah, this guy wasn't the boss. Way too casual.

"Well you would know wouldn't ya? Ugh..." That implied either a shared history or an extended information campaign... "I just wish we found them before it became a problem you know? It was our job and we couldn't do it. Professional pride, you dig?"

"I guess, but you really shouldn't let this get to you okay? We were the ones to send you out here, and I was the idiot who didn't realize they were right under my nose." Okay, Daring Do had to admit at this point that she was a little uncomfortable spying on them. The 'Squeak Squad' were still in possession of historical magical artifacts that she should probably secure, but this felt more like watching a family dinner through their window than it did reconnaissance. "... Seriously though, you want anything? I don't know if I can actually make anything magical, but if it doesn't work then I could just pull some funds from my bank account. It's not like I use any of it." Awkwardness gone. She wanted to see a magical item.

"Hmm..." Daring Do was quietly begging for Daroach to say yes, her tail twitching as the mouse's look of contemplation deepened. "Well I've already got my copy of the Triple Star rod, and Doc doesn't trust anything he can't take apart and put back together... Storo? Spini? Either of you want to put Elfilis's creation skills to the test?" A smaller, but not small, rodent wearing silly shades on its nose appeared in a flash on top of the big blue mouse's head and chittered incomprehensibly as 'Elfilis' whispered something like 'Stupid, I made the Triple Star' but Daring Do was too busy holding her breath to give that too much. "Alright, doesn't hurt to ask I suppose... Spini requests, and I quote, 'A drill that will pierce the heavens,' end quote."

"What." Daring Do realized belatedly, as one hundred ears swivelled in her direction, Elfilsi was not the only one who had spoken.

"... Alright." Elfilis just looked done with everything. "I'll get back to you about that demonic drill or whatever later. I still have some stuff to do and it looks like you guys have company anyway."

Rainbow Dash yawned as the train rumbled underneath her barrel. She was laying down across the bench, but they weren't terribly well made in her opinion and were rather uncomfortable when one had wings... Or as she would put it, the stupid benches were cramping her style.

"These stupid benches are going to cramp up my wings." Close enough.

"Ya could've just, you know..." Applejack made several flapping motions with one of her forelegs, "Flown?" Rainbow just rotated onto her side and stuck her wings out into the standing space between them and ~~whined~~ make cool sounds of disinterest.

"I did too much flying and took too many hard turns chasing the Swaddle-Dude. And distracting Spike. These babies need rest." Said babies twitched in the open air, hanging stiffly from her back. "It's just like running, stopping and doubling back or changing direction is faster than trying to turn while keeping your momentum, but it's both more energy intensive and physically demanding in repetition. Not to mention that stupid hard bank I did, you aren't supposed to do those unless its an emergency. Even if you and your wings are super fit and healthy the force put on them can pull them out of the socket." There was blessed silence for awhile after Rainbow finished speaking.

"... I don't know how," Rainbow twisted her head to see Rarity giving her a look of... either consideration or superiority, but she was a friend so Rainbow was going to assume it was consideration. "But as much as I know you're an athlete, you walk into my shop sweaty and frothy too much to let me forget, I sometimes forget just how much effort you put into it. Oftentimes it seems like you and Applejack are just throwing yourselves at obstacles, convinced that the obstacle will break first." That got a snort out of Dash.

"That's only when I'm with Applejack. She doesn't like it when I tell her not to skip breaks bucking apple trees because she's at risk of splitting her hooves."

"I am not-"

"So I typically just meet her in the middle. I do get... over eager though on my own. Sometimes. Rarely. Once in a blue moon." Applejack just put her hat over her eyes and huffed at her, but Pinkie Pie giggled at her seat. How she never ran out of energy will remain a mystery. No amount of sugar could keep someone so peppy for so long.

"Hahaha, yeah. Dashy knows about all the things she's not supposed to do, doesn't mean she won't do them though! I remember this one time-"

"Pinkieeeee."

"Hahaha, sorry Dashie. It was a good thing it washed out though, right?" Oh, that's what she was going to talk about.

"Ugh, I'm just glad that company got shut down." Rarity opened her mouth, shut it, looked at Rainbow, tilted her head, hummed, opened and closed her mouth again-. "Ugh, you can just ask Rarity. This wasn't really embarrassing as much as it was disappointing."

"Alright then... So, what happened exactly?" Rainbow blew air through her lips, making that weird motor sound ponies made when they were thinking sometimes.

"I tried some anti-froth cream that was supposed to-"

"What-!"
"Rainbow, you know-!"

"Whoa, girls, I wasn't done yet! Besides you all already know... How I feel about it anyways." Pinkie danced- or rather, timidly shifted from hoof to hoof a little awkwardly.

"Sorry Dashie, I didn't mean to make this a thing." Wasn't her fault, Rainbow knew. That was just where the conversation went. It was true though, all her friends, except maybe Twilight, knew how much she disliked the frothy sweat she got when she really got going. It was natural, actually better than the normal more common sweating most ponies did nowadays. Only reason she got it was because of some genes her grandparents had on both sides of the family, and if that were the story ended then Rainbow wouldn't care. But, do any kind of standing out as a filly and one will inevitably attract bullies. But now she was an adult, and didn't really care what they thought most of the time. Now, now she hated her frothy soapy sweat because of the Wonderbolts.

There wasn't any confirmation, really just rumors, that many prospective members of the elite flight team were actually turned down for having the recessive 'froth' gene. Being 'too messy' for the team's image or some such. The team wore full body uniforms, but they were supposed to let sweat through, and... Well, none of the Wonderbolts to date have ever been seen with white staining their chests. No one had said anything during the young fliers competition, but Rainbow had hardly done an endurance flight then and didn't know how to ask the Wonderbolts if it was true.

"Yeah, so... Basically the cream used false advertising and claimed it was safe for active ponies to exercise with. Claimed it was Wonderbolts approved too. Waking up in Pinkie's shower was a good sign that it wasn't true. It wasn't all bad though, I didn't crash or anything when I overheated, and I was one of the ponies that got some money from the lawsuit. So... Yeah." It was a distinctly less blessed silence that followed this time, but it Applejack spoke up much faster this time.

"Ah'm not sure how that's suppose to be a funny story?" Rainbow Dash couldn't help but smile in response. This was the part Pinkie was going to joke about, but Rainbow knew the best way to tell it from her perspective.

"Well, the funny part was waking up in the shower with Pinkie holding me up and asking her if we had finally slept together last night before I remembered what happened. You should have seen her, she turned so red!"

"Dashieeeee!" Despite her protests, Pinkie was still laughing alongside Applejack and Rarity at the absurdity. "Haha, yeah I didn't know how to react! I actually almost said 'yes' because I couldn't think of anything else!"

"It's weird isn't it?" Whiplash. A familiar feeling for all of them. It was the feeling of whiplash one gets when they remember Fluttershy was in the room. She was looking over her shoulder and through the window, with a neutral expression that was impossible to parse. "A few years ago I think I never would have noticed, but everything has gotten... Strange? I don't know. Weather ponies lost any real control over the weather, except for maybe a cloud or two before everything in the area decides not to listen anymore. Cloudsdale shut down for a bit, and there were all kinds of rumors that the city had done something and were trying to hide it, only for it come out that they had been evacuating everypony before they knew for sure that the city of clouds wasn't going to just drift apart from under them. Not a month goes past that Ponyville gets an announcement that we'll be hosting the Summer Sun Celebration this year. Then the event comes by and Princess Celestia is kidnapped by an alicorn who turns out to be her long lost sister possessed by an evil spirit returning from her thousand year banishment, and Elfilis walked out of the forest that same day without any memories and wielding magic that is difficult for us to understand. And we saved Celestia and Luna using a set of magical necklaces that only we could use because we just so happened to be the right combination of personalities who all shared a friendship with each other, followed almost immediately by Elfilis uncovering a plot by a long-lost race of bug-like ponies to overrun Canterlot while becoming the boyfriend of one of said race's princesses. While he is trying to figure that out, Ponyville is visited by a magician whose arrogance results in the attack of an Ursa Minor, a dragon who wishes to nest close enough to choke the town in smoke, a kind totally-not-a-witch doctor from across the globe, a self-replicating swarm of ravenous bugs, and a pack of underground Diamond Dogs who kidnapped Rarity for her special talent of finding gems. Meanwhile, the changeling princess who was going to invade Canterlot begins to travel from town to town... raping anypony she can because it literally gives her strength instead of a dangerous and destructive sense of strength, wherein Elfilis uses his ability to create life to make a team of treasure hunter mice and a warrior that could conquer the galaxy to find and stop her. We got a little bit of break, where we could just be happy and prepare for our visit to the Grand Galloping Gala, which while a significant event was still supposed to at least be peaceful. Until it wasn't anyway, and the arrested princess changeling attacks and causes a panic, which results in Twilight burning a hole the size of an elephant through the castle grounds, and Elfilis taking the changeling through various worlds in a fight that ends with his realization that she was pregnant. Then we talk to a scientist of a species we've never seen before from one of the other worlds Elfilis can visit and this results in a new branch of science for our world that we never knew about in our entire history until now. Then Discord attacks, having been another villain from a thousand years ago, and he captures all of us while sowing chaos through the entire city. Twilight avoids capture and finds us and helps the Princesses, Elfilis, and Toby defeat the spirit of chaos only for Luna and Elfilis to reveal that the villain was also possessed in some way to be evil just like Luna was, as well as destroying our understanding of our universe for the second time. We had a real return to form after that for a long time, except for the fact that Star Vision feels like he's being watched, but that ended with an alien invasion on the moon and Spike turning into a giant dragon because he got angry while trying to help us. And now, here we are, riding a train back home and everypony's acting like this wasn't literally yesterday. It's weird."

"... Well... when you put it like that..." Rainbow could only look to her other friends for help, but they were more shocked then she was about Fluttershy's rant. It made sense, in a way, in that they hadn't grown up with her to see her in this kind of mood like Rainbow has. Like the world around them wasn't real. Like things would be better if it weren't. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Fluttershy like this. "Yeah. Yeah, it is really weird. We've made it through though, right? And we'll just... keep doing that, when things get weird again. Like we always do."

"Hm." Fluttershy only stared off into the distance. "Maybe. I guess we'll see."

Carina made sure to still her movements when she felt Elfilis portal back into their room. She knew he'd be tired, and upset further if he realized he had woken her up when he went to do whatever he felt he needed to this time. So instead of talking to him again tonight, she chose to feign sleep while Elfilis curled back into bed with her. She couldn't help cuddling up to him though, ponies totally do that in their sleep. Everything could be addressed later, when things were not so tense and no responsibilities were resting on his shoulders. He was high maintenance, but he was heaven compared to what her life was before be bumbled his way in. Most would not think of the day their coworker was scared into leaving a trail as the best day of their lives, but Carina though, she just might.

She could feel herself slip into her memories as Elfilis whispered.

"We still have to talk later. I can't believe you told Swaddle-Dee to hide the Elements of Harmony from us, that was such a stupid dick move." What. The. Fuck.

"That little shit! Is that what Swaddle-Dee told you!? I'll wring his theoretical neck-!"

Definitely not the time, but Carina couldn't help but think Elfilis's look of mortification was cute. She couldn't wait to tease him about this in the years to come.

Because there were going to be many years to come.

She refused to believe otherwise.

Author's Note

This chapter a was a plastered brick wall. Not really because the writing was difficult, though it was, but it was also because of real life nonsense taking up so much time on top of my own nonsense. I solved that mess, then I went and got a kitten that is basically a full-time job in-and-of-itself. And I kept thinking about the next story I want to write, which does not help me finish the one I'm actually writing.

But, despite everything, I did it. A 'final' chapter. Obviously this is set up like it will have a sequel, and I hope it will, but that's probably a ways off. My next story won't even be on this website, as it will be non mlp related, but after that's done... Who knows? Maybe by then I'll have had a long enough break from these characters to be comfortable writing them again. Maybe I'll go on to become a world famous author before I come back to this.

Well. Probably not, but the point stands.

Thank you to everyone who has read this story, whether or not they've stuck around long enough to see this, or even if they didn't like it. Thank you for all the comments, whether they were praise or criticism or requests or suggestions. Seeing the numbers go up was a big motivator to continue, being the numerical proof that people enjoy my writing. Maybe not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but I'm not playing in the Major League anyway. It was more than enough for me.

Till next time? Feels cringe to write but clearly I don't know how to end things properly. Peace!

1. Who and where am I?

Author's Note

If the main character comes off as autistic, I apologize for being autistic. On a more serious note, this is my first time "publishing" anything and I one hundred percent have no structured plan for this story. I have a lot of ideas though, and I want to continue this story for as long as can, so a couple of endings won't end anything. Any Mlp episodes I include (probably a few) will mostly happen out of order, with obvious exceptions being like Twilight not being an Alicorn when Zecora comes to town.

1. Who and where am I?

I don't really remember waking up, or perhaps I truly did wake up staring into my reflection. Eyes with rings of neon purple for sclera and a single ring of neon blue for the iris stared into themselves even as they took in the image of the body they belonged to. Teal fur accented with a sharp red and yellow pattern surrounding two... horns? Antlers? Perfectly symmetrical and curled towards each other, nearly creating a perfect circle. Ears that doubled as wings hung limply from my head, teal on the outside, peach in the inner parts, and tipped with purple at the end of each "feather." A collar of fur (a mane?) concealed my neck and my shoulders, and three... whiskers of equally teal fur poked out from each side of my head. All of this cemented one thing in my mind, this was not my body.

I had become IDF86, the Ultimate Lifeform, Fecto Elfilis.

I tried to remember where I knew it from, and vague memories of a game came to me, of playing as a creature known as Kirby, of defeating Elfilis to save two worlds. He was an Invader, a destroyer with numerous powers and abilities that I recall believing should belong to no one. And as I looked at the perfect mirror in my hands, and the portal behind it, those powers belonged to me now. I appreciated the irony, though the pressure I felt from the realization that I could destroy worlds while dying was something I did not know how to deal with. The panic from realizing that these memories of playing a video game were the only ones I had overpowered everything.

I fell to my knees and nearly began hyperventilating. The mirror shattered and the portal closed, and the noise was enough to distract me for long enough to try to compartmentalize. I couldn't remember being anything other than Elfilis, I should try to stay calm, if I forgot my life it probably wasn't important. I winced at that thought, it wasn't really what I was going for. Rather, there is no point in worrying myself over something I can't truly remember having. Vague video game knowledge aside, I should work with what I have to move forward. That sounded better, and I released a sigh as my heart started to calm. I needed to learn more about my situation, not panic over what little I already knew.

Without thinking, I had summoned another mirror and realized that it was far too easy to use portals to summon things I wanted. Choosing to distract myself I looked back into the mirror to try to learn more, and that was I noticed the discrepancies. It was hidden well by my ring of fluff, but I did have a mouth, which I couldn't recall Fecto having at all. I lifted my chin and opened my mouth to get a good look and saw a set of teeth that felt familiar and I could only assume they were similar to what my old body had, whatever it had been. I lifted a hand to pull at my lips to try to see inside better, and while I did notice an unfamiliarly thin tongue far in the back of my mouth, my focus was quickly pulled to my hands, my fingers specifically.

Fecto had comparatively large hands on his body, and while mine were still large they were mildly smaller, and the long nails/claws that I expected to see were clipped down to tips of my fingers. Filed down at some point maybe? Or perhaps mine will never grow to be that large in the first place. It felt good regardless, and rubbing at my hands and interlocking my fingers without scraping them against keratin felt natural enough to me that I couldn't really complain. But now the differences were building, and I had to finish the rest of my self-checkups to see if I had any more surprises for myself. So further down I went.

I did indeed have a belly button under all my fur, and further down revealed my testes firmly attached to my pelves. I felt, embarrassed, seeing them? But as much as they weren't a feature on Fecto in my memories, they were normal enough to me that I moved on to what I knew was supposed to be above them now. I only saw a bump with a hole in it and figured that either was it, which prompted more embarrassment for some reason, or it was hiding, which was a slightly more comforting thought. Try as I might though, I couldn't really find any more differences on the rest of my body.

My legs were awkward to me, so I could only assume my mysterious old self had different locomotive abilities than I do now as Elfilis. My tail was as limp as my wing-ears, and I was guessing at the time that meant I was up three extra appendages than what I had before, so I had no idea how to move them. My legs just ended at ankles where I recall there being something under them before (started calling the ends "hooves" at some point without realizing later). And my final check involved some awkward stretches and angling with a mirror to see under my tail. Sure enough, plumbing was in place. So now I knew my body inside and... well I knew my body on the outside. I wasn't going to check for my kidneys though and I was breathing just fine so I shelved my self-autopsy for the indefinite future.

Vivisection? Whatever, didn't matter. What did matter was step two of my master plan to function as a living creature: Find out where I am.

That was done much faster than my physical had been. I'm underground, and there seems to be one exit. I idly noted that I was probably capable of seeing in the dark as I tried to stand. It was an enlightening experience, as I had to use my whole body to balance on my lanky toothpick legs and walking made me feel like a newborn taking his first steps. I might have been on some level. I made it about five steps before I fell over and caught myself on my crutch. Oh, I also had a crutch now. My portals were working with almost no effort on my part, and as stressful as that is, I knew it would be useful should I grow hungry. I also gave me a better idea than trying to learn how to walk.

So I ignored the pile of apples that now rolled around on the floor in front of me and decided that I wanted to float. And then I did! My hooves barely scraped the floor and my ears had even begun to hold themselves off of the ground. Look out world, Elfilis can stand up straight! It was with no small amount of pride that I ditched the crutch and walked out of that cave with a handful of apples (which was quite a few apples actually) into the outside world. Let me see what my future may hold!

...

It held trees. I was in a forest. It felt obvious in hindsight that a cave would be in the middle of nature, and I didn't really know what I was expecting. It was a very scenic forest though, with stocky trees and a thick canopy that blocked out the sky. It did unfortunately hide the time of day from me and my night vision, while useful, was also obscuring that information from me. I idly chomped an apple in half as I pondered my next move, and as I finished it off I came to a conclusion.

I had no idea what to do. I didn't have any information on anything around me besides my own body and that was suspect at best. So the only thing left for me to do was to try to find clues, whether they be about where I am or who I used to be, anything was helpful. As I looked at the compass that appeared in my other hand, I silently amended it to almost anything. Cardinal directions weren't helpful without landmarks. I think. Probably. I started walking before I stood still thinking about nothing useful. If my only goal were to survive I would be set, apples and water in infinite supply, but I wanted to know what was happening. Unfortunately I wouldn't find out for a while.

I spent what must of been days in that forest without finding anything useful. No rivers, no skylights, no other living creatures. Besides a squirrel, but he was less than helpful. I started making marks on trees to try to narrow down my options, and I should have done it earlier but the thought of damaging anything made me nervous. I didn't want to find out if destruction and invasion were natural instincts of my body. It didn't help though, at some point I turned around to see every tree in sight was scratched by my horns. Which meant I had just zig-zagged through the forest. My previously abandoned compass solved that problem as I decided that a straight line was a better strategy.

I did find out that my genitals (why is that so embarrassing) were in fact hiding when nature called, so I could now say I knew a little bit about my insides. I considered that a win, I wasn't getting many of those on that walk. Just tree after tree after tree after tree! They were beautiful and yet I couldn't wait to lay my eyes on literally anything else. And I did finally get my wish, I had almost missed it. Opening my eyes from a quick rest (which was entirely for my state of mind, my body felt as fresh as ever) I finally spotted something new.

A singular ray of light beaming through the treetops. The canopy had gotten thinner, and that was my first sign of progress in what felt like a week. I stuffed a piece of jerky in my mouth and almost glided through the trees with how excited I was. I wasn't even moving my legs anymore, letting the wind caught in my wings and my little pushes of float faster carry me through everything. The foliage slowly became more sparse and the sun kept finding more holes to sneak through, until, almost all at once the forest disappeared from view. Progress, for real this time.

I saw civilization, and a good amount of it as well. To my far left stood a mountain with a whole city built onto its side, to my far right was a clearly manufactured series of clouds with creatures I couldn't quite make out the details of flying about. Just under that and to the left was another city of concrete and steel with lights flashing everywhere, I could see the roads that connected it all and all the signs of life forced a smile onto my face. And I hadn't even gotten to best view yet! The closest buildings to me with the sunrise as its backdrop painted a picturesque view that attracted my eye more than all the others.

It was a large town, perhaps on the verge of becoming a city itself, made up of quaint residences and unique businesses you could see from miles away (or I could see for miles away, I have good eyes). The gingerbread house was the one that caught my eye the most. And life! I could see the residents from here, all quadrupeds of eye-popping color. And as I saw them all gather in the middle of town, I looked beyond and saw an apple farm, and even further another forest with the sun cresting above everything. I wanted to enjoy this. I didn't get to enjoy it.

Just as I started to sit down, everything went to hell.

That glorious sign of progress over the horizon fell back under so quickly that everything turned black before my eyes could adjust. I shot back into a standing position so fast the ground under my feet cratered, and I instantly began scanning the sky. It reminded me too much of Fecto and his ability to move planets, this couldn't be natural. The locals in town running screaming and scrambling out of their homes to watch the sky only confirmed this. All that screaming and running actually ended being a big help however. My attention, drawn to the town, saw something that didn't match. One local with a lizard of some sort on her back was making a straight line for a large tree building near the center, and behind her a little ways followed five others.

They all stood out to me for the sole reason that they were the only six to not be staring wide-eyed at the night sky or at each other. They had a purpose, I could feel it.

If I had to honest with myself, the "heroic" thoughts I was entertaining were selfish in nature. I wanted to distance myself from Fecto as much as possible, and acting as his more helpful counterpart was a good way to do it in my mind. That group had something in mind, and regardless if they were the cause or the solution to bringing back order to this world, I was going to need to talk to them.

9. Taking the scenic route.

Celestia was too tired to deal with this. They had just got back from Ponyville, she had been awake all night, and now she can't go to sleep because the castle was in disarray.

"Shining, Cadence, why...? Just why. That's it. You two have to fill in the rest for me. I don't know how to be specific right now. All of this is wrong."

The Princesses had just teleported into the throne room, to announce that court would be held later, only to see Kirby sitting on the throne with Cadence's crown on his head. Said Princess was waiting on him as if she was merely a maid, alongside what felt like half of the kitchen staff. They were also brandishing all of their utensils like they were weapons.

Presumably because of the battalion of guards behind them, led by Shining Armor, who were all preparing offensive spells and getting into formation.

"Shining wants to dethrone Prince Toby!" Apparently Kirby was Toby now.

"That creature needs to be contained! It took out most of Equestria's standing army in one night and now it's got Cadence throwing our food stores into it endlessly!" And, that, that was certainly a surprise.

"He's just a baby! He needs to eat so he'll grow big and strong!"

"It is bottomless and needs to be locked up before it can do any more damage!" Said bottomless pit, was just sucking on a lollipop, as if it didn't have a care in the world.

"Tia, sister, what do we do here?" And Princess Celestia didn't have a clue. This was a mess that was verging on Discord levels of absurd. And then the perpetrator appeared from a star-shaped portal carrying a pink pony sized creature over his shoulder.

"Hey everypony, sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush. I'm here to pick up Toby. Thanks for playing with him and keeping him occupied last night." As if he hadn't just appeared in the middle of a battlefield, he casually walked past all the guards and all the cooks to pick Toby up off the throne before placing him on his head.

"Ah, Sir Elfilis. How, uh, how was your date?" Thank you Luna. That is exactly what we should be focusing on.

"Oh it went well but she set herself on fire so now I got something to take care of for a bit. Talk to me in the dream realm later if you want to discuss anything. Oh and I'm kidnapping Frontline." And then he was gone.

"... Luna? Do you know what just happened?"

"No, Tia. No I do not." Didn't think she would.

"Hmph. Me either. I'm retiring for the day, court is cancelled, bring my lunch to my chambers. Shining, you're in charge of clean-up. Cadence, help him." And then she was off, her sister close behind her. Then it was a room full of armed ponies who weren't sure what to do next. Cadence was just looking at the throne, forlornly.

"He still has my crown..."

"SO NOW HE'S A THIEF!"

Frontline (Carina, whatever), yelped as I put her down. We were back in the cave I had first woken up to. It felt like it had been months, but it had been eight, maybe nine days at most. And I needed a break. So, from that moment forward, I was claiming it as my own under the the name 'Forgo Cave' and no one was allowed inside without express permission from yours truly.

"Uh, Elfilis?"

"What does your kind eat normally? I'm thinking of setting up a kitchen, make it so I can stockpile food so I don't have to be here if someone gets hungry."

"Well, it's a little esoteric, but what is-"

"Is it dreams? Nightmares? Maybe it's happiness, love? It's love isn't it, I see that look. Maybe I can make some Friend Hearts. You think those will work Toby?"

"Poyo."

"Of course, how silly of me. I don't speak Kirby. I'm going to make some Friend Hearts. Maybe I could recreate the Love-Love Stick? Or a really needy Awoofy? Does any love work? Like does it need to be romantic or could it be a little less intimate like love for a pet, or a friend? I mean if you just need friends then Toby has us covered. He's love incarnate by the way-"

"Elfilis! What is, what is happening!? What are you doing!? Where am I?"

"Oh sorry. I'm curling up for a week to just exist, I'm trying to make a livable space for you, and this is the cave I first woke up in near the center of Whitetail Woods. Toby! Get loving. I need to make or procure furniture." And it was into my dream space I went.

Luna hadn't been waiting in his dream for long before he showed up, and because he couldn't do anything normally, it didn't surprise Luna a terrible amount that his physical body was occupying space in his mental projection.

"Elfilis! What is going on? You said your date set herself on fire? And, and why did you kidnap her if she up in flames-"

"Long story, like I said, I'll be free to talk tonight. I need to plan a living space." And Luna found herself back in her bed. It only took her moment to realize what he did before she went back in. "I need to build a wall or something. I'm sorry but I'm busy."

"You can't-" Portal. "Just leave and then... Ffff-" Back into the dream. "Elfilis! We demand an explanation!"

"Later." Guess where Luna found herself.

"That Fucker. Fine. I will get an explanation Sir Elfilis... And now I'm talking to myself."

"So I have yellow antlers, yellow wings, yellow eyes, and my holes disappeared?" She was looking at herself with the broken mirror I left. I'll have Toby eat it later.

"No they didn't, I can see them."

"GAH! Would you stop! For just a moment, please?" I looked away from the couch/bed combo I was floating in through for a long while before I just sighed and let it drop.

"Fine, sorry. But first, why did you think your canals were missing?"

"Not those holes! I swear you get as bad as I do sometimes. Changelings normally have hollower bodies than ponies. Our chitin is heavier than skin and fur so we need the empty spaces in our legs to allow flight. But now they are gone and I am pink!"

"It looks good on you."

"Shut. Shut it. I'm not done yet. Do you, have any idea what could have caused this? You are the only thing that has changed in my life recently." I gave her a cursory scan, she was smaller as Frontline and she almost looked like someone threw neon paint on a firefly. A little 'Poyo!' revealed Toby in the corner, and I stared him down a bit as he began juggling some loose rocks.

"I was right about changelings needing love right? I think your answer is practicing for the circus over there." Carina looked at Toby in disbelief.

"What? How? Is it something about his being 'love incarnate' or whatever?"

"That's exactly it. Him and others like him, are comprised entirely of positive or negative emotions. When I made him I was thinking of Kirby, the most powerful and positive of his kind to my knowledge. I'm willing to bet Toby inherited that trait, if to a lesser extent."

"You made Toby?"

"Did I never get to that?"

"No, you just had him beat-up Stern Rule." Oh hey! I wasn't that far off on his name.

"Okay, well, I made him. I can do that. Back on subject, I do want to set this up today, I'm willing to bet it was his proximity or something that did this. I mean, it could have started while you were hugging him?"

"You can't just transfer love by hugging! You need to know how magic is channelled through the target species and-"

"Toby, give her a hug." She huffed as Toby took a running leap at her and hung from her neck.

"... See? Nothings-" CRACK "... Happening." For those reading at home, that was the sound of her back exploding all over my ceiling, wings and all. She was fine though, she had shinier skin and bigger wings underneath. She looked back at herself, I couldn't see what look she had but I'm sure I could've guessed. Toby busied himself by tearing off her outer chest chitin and eating it to turn into Beetle-Toby.

"There, mystery solved. We'll discuss it over dinner later." The cave was filled with the sounds of furniture sliding across the floor and chitin falling off of Carina for the next few hours. Fun times.

"I- I think I metamorphosized..." I looked at her over my bowl of strawberries. I finally had a reasonable living space set up, sans restroom, though it took some extra work from Toby and his beetle horn to excavate more room. He was currently sitting in Carina's lap at the moment, eating rocks.

"You sure you should be hugging him like that? We don't really know how big you can get. And does your kind normally metamorphosize?"

"I look sexy, I'm going to keep hugging him. And no, well, yes. But not like this obviously. We hatch from an egg, and eventually grow into a body shape to match the dominant species of the area. The default is usually ponies though. Whatever this is," Pointing at all of herself, "It's completely new. Mother is the oldest in the hive and she just looks like a taller one of us."

"Ok, so, besides looking sexy, how do you feel? I don't think Toby, as he is anyway, could make anyone sick if he tried, but I'd still like to confirm." Must have been a good question, I thought as I chewed through another strawberry, She's really thinking about it.

"I... feel. Like more of me. It's like I had been, dying my whole life until this moment. And all this love the little guy's giving me? I don't think I need it, like at all. That's unheard of, there has never been, until me I guess, a changeling who could honestly say that they weren't hungry all of the time." She picked up Toby and rolled him across the table to me. I idly caught him and fed him a strawberry. "But here I am, giving the most potent source of love since the crystal hearts to you, without any regrets."

"Even if he could make you sexier?" I said, putting the purple puff up in my horns.

"Ha ha. Without the same kind of regret, happy?" I shook my head in the affirmative, Toby making it a bigger nod my swinging his body forward and back with me. "Is this going anywhere?"

"Well, if you think you are better than fine, then could this help any other-"

"No."

"-Ookay. Nevermind." She winced at me.

"Sorry!" I was hearing that too much recently. "It's just, I'm still the same changeling I was before, my shell is just new."

"And you don't have a high opinion on your family, yeah I remember. How bad are they really? Too much information or not, the story you told was definitely edited."

"Yeah, they... They aren't good. The reason I was stationed as a royal guard? My sister has some inane plan to take over Canterlot and eat all of the love of the ponies." Crap. "Mother made it so I had to listen to her a few years ago. 'Maybe Chrysie will be able to teach you something about being a real changeling'. Bleh. If being a real changeling is fucking a stallion's soul out and leaving him out to die in the wilds, no thank you. I want nothing to do with that." Double Crap.

"Well, now you don't have to, right? You are a whole new creature now, like I am. Time to make a new life, c'est la vie."

"... What?"

"I don't know, it just sounded right. You know what I mean right?" She looked to Toby, who had stolen my strawberries at some point, and then down at her hot-pink hooves.

"... Yeah. Yeah! You're absolutely right! This is a perfect chance to start again!"

"That's the spirit!"

"I can do whatever I want!"

"Ain't no one stopping you!"

"Lets FUCK!"

"Alright, I'm stopping you."

"Awww..."

"Art thou ready to speak now?" She was already waiting for me when I got there.

"I am, but I really am going to request some privacy until the foreseeable future soon, unless it's an emergency. You can still visit here in the dream whenever. I did promise to try to help, and access to Dream Matter should be educational until i'm ready to come back. I just, I need a break Luna. The past few days have been event after event and I need to not be part of one for awhile." That was pity on her face. It did actually make me feel better.

"Elfilis, of course you can-"

"No I can't. Not just yet. You and the rest of Canterlot are in trouble." Her pity turned to razor focus real fucking fast.

"What is the problem?"

"Okay, let me explain everything before you go and do anything, I may already have a good plan. So, it's like this-"

"So, according to Elfilis and Frontline, now Carina, there is an army of emotivores that can change shape at will looking for their chance to capture and kill everypony in Canterlot, and you want me to, do nothing?" Celestia was a little less appreciative of her sisters smile this time. "Why, exactly, are we ignoring a threat to pony kind?"

"Elfilis has come up with an ingenious plan to keep them away, indefinitely."

"... Are you going to tell me?"

"... How do I know you aren't a changeling?"

"Luna, by all that is holy-"

"What do you mean mother has cancelled my scouting?" Princess Chrysalis wasn't sure she could be more incensed if the messenger in front of her had bucked her in the face. "The castle is in shambles and my sister is missing. I cannot leave now, there is too much to do!"

"I'm sorry Princess, she just said it was urgent. Every changeling is being pulled back to hive. Orders are to leave MIA units behind, it's time sensitive."

"Grrr, fine. This is the last straw mother, this better be good."

Author's Note

The train has left the station, but oh no, it's going sideways.
I'm freeing myself from the main episodes for a bit. This is now-
'Adventures of Elfilis, Toby, and their kidnapped princess."
Stay tuned and all that.

25. Inter-Galactic Misconception

"So you and your kind are creatures that feed off of the Love of others?" Carina nodded in response to the galactic warriors query. "Your sister, Princess Chrysalis, is now wanted for murder and crimes against this country?"

"That part is unfortunately news to me as well, but yes. She is..."

"Which is why I am now here, as Meta Knight was severely injured in his attempt to apprehend her, and I am the next to be sent?"

"His name is Beta, and I'm only guessing at that part, but that's what it sounded like Elfilis wanted you to do before he conked out."

"I refuse."

"OK."

"I shall not be anyone's pawn."

"OK..."

"I have been betrayed one too many times by those I swore fealty to."

"OK...?"

"I am unbound. This summon shall be the last. Finally I will be free, and-"

"I'm sorry, but are you actually even listening to what I'm saying anymore? I don't give a shit what you do now. I don't think Elfilis cares either. Well, he probably does care, but he's nice and hasn't forced any of his creations to follow him." It was at this point that the both of them finally registered what the other had said.

"Creations?"
"Summon?"

They both just looked at the other for a moment, but Galacta Knight recovered first.

"I am Galacta Knight! I have been around for millenia, and I will be around for a millenia more. I am no recent creation of your lover." Now, Carina didn't really know if this was the truth or not. She was just going to apologize for assuming he was the latest addition to Elfilis's entourage of dream creatures, but Beta interrupted from his spot on the floor.

"You are Galacta Knight, the only Galacta Knight. But you are not the first. I heard my liege's words. You are a Phantom, same as me and my brothers." The pinkish purple knight with feathered wings mearly scoffed in disbelief. "It is true. I am assuming you have your memory, just as I do. I remember being Meta Knight, of testing Kirby and the residents of Dreamland. Going to war with its inhabitants so that they may overcome their lazy nature. Defending it from greater threats than myself, time and time again. And some memories..." His lone eye looked down in thought. "Some of them are impossible. Contradictory. I know Kirby was the true hero in many of our adventures, but I remember being in his place many times. Fighting the foes he alone had defeated."

"This is all very interesting, Beta, but I fail to see how your faulty mind has anything to do with me being a Phantom."

"Many of those memories involve Meta Knight fighting you."

"Of course. He summoned me many times, all so that he could fight me. To try to prove himself my superior."

"I seem to recall winning those fights..." If he heard him, Galacta Knight gave no inclination. "Regardless, you may be shocked to hear what I have to say next. Each and every time Meta Knight fought you, was the first time he ever saw you." It was silence that filled the cave for many a moment, until the changeling finally gave voice to her thoughts.

"What the fuck are any of you talking about?" Galacta was next to fill the silence.

"I suppose... that would explain some things..."

"What!? That doesn't explain shit!" He continued unheeded.

"The ancients had locked me out of space and time, but I had fought Meta Knight often enough that I believed him to be a constant of his timeline. His unfamiliarity with my combat style each time however... It truly was a different Meta each time..." Carina just threw her head back and groaned in confused frustration as the Knights continued speaking. "This still gives no credence to the idea of this Elfilis creature having made me. Of me being a copy."

"The last memory I have, of a Meta Knight coming in contact with the original Galacta Knight," His eye gleamed brighter as he made sure to capture his opponents attention. "Was of watching him die."

"Impossible. I remember no such thing. The last thing I remember was an Ancient summoning me to fight you- ugh, Meta Knight and his entourage. Then a glowing butterfly appeared and brought me here before I could start the battle in earnest."

"That butterfly wasn't normal. It didn't bring you here, it disintagrated you. Instantly." Carina brought forth her thoughts once more.

"A butterfly? Swaddle-Dee, can you believe this bullshit? ... Oh my gosh, you totally believe this bullshit."

"It absorbed your power, stole your body. It became Morpho Knight. It was defeated, but it never relinquished you. Galacta Knight was gone until Elfilis created you." The only sound for the next minute was of a chitinous head lightly banging against a wooden table.

"... In truth... the last thing I remember before being here was of pain. Worse than I had ever experienced before. Not in-"

"You actually got fucking murdered by a butterfly?! How the- What does- Beta! I order you to kill all the butterflies!"

"No."

"Swaddle-Dee! Get your hammer! Kill the butterflies!"

"Swaddle-Dee..." Beta stopped as the mother hen pulled out a warhammer twice his size from under the bed. "... Only if the butterfly is glowing, leaves embers in its wake, and has round yellow wings that are outlined in orange." He started to yell as the hammer toting caretaker ran past him to the entrance of the cave. "And stay nearby! Don't actually start crusading across the country in search of a butterfly!" And then he was gone, though the rapid crunching of leaves could be faintly heard. "... Carina, that was a gross overreaction."

"A butterfly turned the 'Strongest Warrior in the Galaxy' to ash. I will react however I god damn want."

"... May I continue?"

"Shit, sorry Galacta. I just... okay sorry. I overreacted."

"Indeed." Galacta Knight crossed his arms for a moment before speaking. "I am willing to entertain the idea for a time, until Elfilis himself is able to explain himself to me." They all turned to the being in question, watching as his chest rose and fell. It was Carina who once again popped the bubble of silence.

"Want to play some cards while we wait?"

"... Very well. It has been awhile."

My head hurt like hell, pulsing and burning with each heartbeat. I woke up hissing through my teeth and bringing my hands up to massage the bridge of my nose, trying to relieve some of the pressure built up.

"Fuck... Water. Water water water..." I held out my hands to cup the glass of liquid that came out of a portal slowly. I felt the pain twinge as I used my powers further, but I ignored it as best I could as I took large gulps of the cold drink. And then I poured the rest over my head in an attempt to numb it. "... Galacta Knight... Why did I choose Galacta Knight?"

"Hmph. I was hoping you would be able to answer that for me." My eyes shot towards the voice. There he was, in all his feathery, horned glory. His pinkish coloring was off, but he was nearly one for one with what I remembered from the games.

"... I am surprised to see you here still. You don't exactly have a good track record with... everything."

"And yet you 'created' me anyway. Why is that?" This combative conversation was not a great way to relieve headaches.

"I wasn't in the right mind, I don't think. I-" Everything became blurry for a second as my vision swam. When it finally settled, Carina had appeared in front of me, holding a hoof to my forehead.

"You okay? Your burning up..." I nodded silently and leaned into her touch before picking up where I left off.

"I am... not used to my abilities, or my body. I believed I was getting better, but I saw how hurt Beta was and I just..." I trailed off as my girlfriend wrapped her front legs around me. "... It was like I was a different person..." I watched as Galacta Knight stared me down, arms crossed and wings pulled closed. Eventually, he looked away before speaking.

"Is it true? That I had died?" Well shit.

"... Yes. It was some kind of butterfly. It seems to target beings of strength. I don't know how it chooses, whether it is some grim reaper chasing down those who have escaped death or a creature attracted to pain, but it is a powerful creature. The original Elfilis was victim to it as well." He looked back at me as I finished, and Carina tensed up around me.

"The original? Are you some copy as well?" I shook my head lightly.

"I don't know. I may just be another member of his species, but my memories are... not of my own life. I took on his name because I cannot remember my own. It's... complicated."

"... Very well." He uncrossed his arms and brought one to rest against his lower mask, as if in salute. "It appears I owe you my life Elfilis. I will complete one task for you." His eyes seemed to glare at me from behind his visor. "Do not, make me regret this."

"Of course. And thank you. Beta? Are you still here?"

"Yes sire." I looked to my right to see him. His damn eye... "I assume you need this?" He was holding out the changeling radar.

"Yes, thank you Beta." I picked it up and handed it to Galacta Knight carefully. "I don't know how it works, but it should-"

"Help me find Chrysalis. Yes, I know. Beta has filled me in. I am to take over his mission. Disable and capture the changeling princess. She is violent and larger than most of her kind, so she shall not be hard to find with this. It shall be done." He seemed to hold himself higher as he spoke his next words. "It has been a long time since I sealed the great evil, but I have not grown rusty. I shall be returning soon with her locked in crystal." And then he was gone, leaving a couple of feathers falling to the floor in his place. The cave was filled with a now familiar silence for a short time before Carina spoke.

"You really scared me you know..." I pulled her close and laid my antlers against hers, even though the light clacking brought the pain back into the forefront of my attention. "You really didn't have any control over that?"

"No... The train left the station and refused to change tracks." She snorted lightly into my collar of fluff.

"That's a funny way of putting it... Are you okay? Really?"

"Yes. I just need some rest, I think. That was rougher than anything else I had ever done."

"Hmm. It never hurt you before, did it?"

"No... that may be a consequence of whatever took over though... A bit off topic, but where did Swaddle-Dee go? He always seems to find a way to sneak his way into a situation but I don't see him anywhere." Beta Knight surprised me by laughing openly at my question. "What?"

"The Waddle-Dee is defending your home from butterflies, per the mistress's request."

"No, really? Carina?" She started to push me back onto the bed.

"Shhhh. You need to sleep."

"Wow. Are we doing this now?"

"Sleeeep..." I huffed out a laugh as I let her win and laid back down with her staying atop of me.

"Fine, fine, we'll talk in the... whenever it ends up being. Beta? Are you okay?" He smiled from behind his half-mask as he nodded to the affirmative. I had to make him a replacement. "Alright. Don't be afraid to wake us up if you need anything."

"Of course. I have had some time to recover while we conversed with Galacta Knight, and Swaddle-Dee gave me some slices of Maxim Tomato. I will be fine, for now." I didn't really respond. My vision was beginning to swim again as exhaustion took over. I suppose... I did need to rest...

I didn't know what the future held. Life was throwing bricks at me again, one after another. I figured, that I had done the best with what I had for the moment. I knew I was still acting instinctively too much, but I had time to work on that, and friends who were willing to help. I had time.

I thought I had time. I should have kept some of my pessimism, maybe then I would have been prepared for the break that was fast approaching.

Author's Note

I know my chapters are already short, but I felt like I would be padding this out with filler if I made it any longer than this is. So it's about 300 to 400 words shorter than usual. I'm happy with it though, I think it says what it needs to say to keep the story going.

26. Locked Down

Rough Shod gasped as he woke up. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move. It hurt to think. It hurt to feel. The cloth over and under his body was smooth, silky, but it sent his nerves into overdrive all the same. He coughed, and he heaved, and he sobbed silently as his body tried its best to recover from the sudden shock of consciousness. The sound of a chair clattering on the ground and hard hooves scampering towards him barely registered.

He was finally offered some reprieve as a cold, moist towel was placed over his eyes. It wasn't much, but it brought some much needed clarity to the guards mind. He could feel somepony hovering over him, and it brought him some comfort to know he had help. His breathe never stopped being laborious, but with great effort he slowed it down. The rapid and erratic sounds coming from his throat turned into even, scratchy wheezing, and his heartbeat began to follow.

"What..." Celestia he sounded terrible. "What happened...?" He heard his visitor take a deep, steadying breath of their own before speaking.

"Princess Chrysalis, uh, resisted arrest." Damn. The last thing he remembered was a pink unicorn and a flash of green.

"Did we... ugh. We get her?"

"Um. No... you, uh. You didn't quite get her." You?

"Your not a- a guard, are you...?" He heard a sharp intake of breath above him. A wince.

"Sorry. No, it's me, uh, Dawn Rise? The changeling?"

"... The sex worker?"

"Sheets are clean! Promise. I have standards." He didn't even think about that. Time to continue not thinking about it.

"Where- where are-" A rough cough interrupted him, but Dawn Rise seemed to have an idea.

"Well... you are in my apartment, one of your unicorns is passed out on my couch, and the other went out to report in with the Princesses. Its-"

"The Princess?! But-" The next thing he was aware of was a glass of water being tilted away from his lips as his coppery throat settled down. "Chrysalis is still..."

"At large? Yeah. So, it doesn't look like she actually left the building? I mean, it's walls are trashed but I think that they think she holed up in a basement. Set up a whole perimeter around the ruins and everything, but nopony has, you know, knocked yet or anything."

"... Why would she... Didn't Beta Knight tell you to hide?" He heard hoofs awkwardly scuffing the floor.

"Yeah. I didn't, obviously, but I didn't think... you know."

...

"... No one else made it, did they?"

"... I think I saw the Beta dude escape, but other than you and the two medics crashing here with you... I... I don't know. It didn't look good..."

... Somehow, that wasn't even the question Rough Shod was dreading to ask the most. So he decided not to.

"... Dawn Rise... I can't see." And he didn't just mean the towel.

...

"... I'm sorry."

...

"... Hmph. Guess retirement came early."

Princess Celestia dismissed the medical officer after he told her everything he could remember from the attack. She didn't move or say anything until he left the tent and his hoof steps faded away. Then she let out a very weary, very wet sigh as she brought a naked hoof to rub at her temple.

"Looks like you were right Luna. Princess Chrysalis..." She was interrupted by Captain Armor kicking the map table and storming off, curses under his breath. "... Princess Chrysalis is the guilty party. Intelligence says that witnesses report her as having executed and/or abducted the guards, pulling the bodies back into the ruins. That being said, smoke, fire and panic mean that reports are scattered and not entirely reliable."

"... Intelligence?"

"Spies Luna, spies." Celestia took another deep breath, though it did little to calm her. "Okay. Three blocks around the battle have been evacuated, we have Shining and his personal squad, thirty-five guards in total, and two alicorns. How do we want to approach this?" She let the silence stretch for awhile, but the lack of sisterly input concerned her. "...Luna?" She lifted her head to her nighttime counterpart to see her biting her lip something fierce. "... Are you-"

"Sister, we have to wait."

"... I appreciate your opinion. You have always been much better at warfare than me."

"... Thank you?"

"Please explain to me why you want us to wait." Luna blushed before frowning in thought.

"I think we have incoming. Elfilis found out before us, and he created something or someone that collapsed his dream. The last time he did that-" Celestia scoffed as she realized what her sister was getting at.

"Last time he made Toby, a creature capable of defeating our entire guard, changeling spies and all and still have time to come home for dinner. Which... I suppose, makes him potentially on par with Chrysalis" Luna nodded, but her sister could tell she wasn't going to like what she said next.

"Yes, but whoever or whatever is likely on its way isn't a Kirby or a Toby or what have you. They are, in his words, friends. The Meta Knights he described as protectors. This one is conviction. We don't know what creature he dreamed up, and he was most definitely not in his right mind when he did so."

"...Luna, don't take this the wrong way, but your friend sucks sometimes." Thankfully, her sister took it in jest, merely giving a sad smile in response.

"Yes. He is a bit of a hoofful isn't he?" Her lips dropped as she moved on. "While we wait, do we have any theories on why, out of all the changelings Beta and the guard encountered, only Carina and Chrysalis seem to have grown?"

"... I want to say sex. Rather, the sex of the changeling."

"Hmm... So female changelings metamorphosize while males merely become healthier? That doesn't account for the many females they had seen outside of disguise. It seems most of them work in brothels and the like, we should be seeing far more ceiling-height horns if that's the case." Celestia said nothing in response, simply summoning a roll of parchment and a quill. "Tia?"

"Vinyl Scratch in Ponyville is a mare, right? By this point, Twilight already has all the tools she needs to do a genital evaluation, or at least the means to convince her to go see a gynecologist."

"... I don't know what that is?"

"A vagina doctor." Celestia stopped scribbling for a moment, before continuing with a soft curse. "Fuck, when was the last time I saw mine?"

"Sister... Are you having... issues?"

"Hm? Oh! No, no. Nothing like that. We are supposed to see one regularly at our age."

"... According to whom?" Magenta eyes peeked over the letter in progress and made contact with a very red princess of the night.

"...Luna, you should see a gynecologist-"

"This is very suspect! I suggest-!" And then an explosion occurred, strong enough to create winds that lifted the tent right off the ground and into the window of a nearby building.

"... We aren't done talking about this. Come on." The solar alicorn sent the letter with burst of magic and quickly entered a quick canter towards the source of the blast, alongside Shining Armor and several other guards kicking their way out of collapsed tents. Luna watched her go for a moment before putting her head down against the table and letting out a nervous breath of relief.

"Thank the stars. You are getting a medal of honor after this Elfilis."

Galacta Knight had barely 'knocked' when a dark blur had rushed at him through the smoke he created. Regardless, he idly flapped his feathered wings as the illusion passed through him. He only raised his shield as he felt the wind shift away from the space directly to his right, slamming it against invisible chitin. The floating warrior steadied his lance as his true opponent came into view, cloaking spell shattering like so much fine china.

"I see you creature. Your magic would better serve you offensively." She hissed, and then took his advice by sending a beam of caustic green energy at him. The tip of Galacta's lance caught the laser and sent it into the ground as he swung it straight down onto Chrysalis's head. A weapon clearly made for thrusting, it nonetheless served well as a blunt instrument and grounded the changeling princess at terminal speed. The earth cracked and splintered from the impact, and was then bombarded by an array of magical beams in the shape of blades. The warrior lightly touched upon the ground as the attacks kicked up dust and debris, but his shield remained raised. "It appears I was mistaken, your magic shall not serve you against me. Your power is negligible and your skill is lacking."

"How dare you..." He was wondering if he would get the chance to hear her speak. "I am the future Queen of Equestria. YOU WILL KNEEL!" Another blast of green emerged from the crater, but Galacta Knight twirled around it and swung his lance with force. A wave of energy parted the screen of destruction and narrowly missed Chrysalis as she came charging out, head first and horn aimed for the center of her opponents mask. Unfortunately, she was committed to her charge, and was unable to recover as Galacta Knight used his wings to meet her mad gallop early. She screamed in both pain and surprise as a creature that couldn't even stand at her neck bodily tackled her chest with a sickening crunch. The horns that extended from his mask punched divots into her natural armor, spraying bubbly pink life liquid across the greatest warrior and staining the ground with it's unnaturally saturated color. "Gah... You... You are nothing... You will not win... I will not let you!"

"Hmph." Galacta Knight wiped the blood off his mask with his shielded mitten before answering the downed princess. "You are lucky my current... benefactor wishes for this to end with your capture. I have much to do to get used to my current power, and you would do well as a target for my more powerful techniques. Weak, and unwilling to stay down when it would suit you." His taunt was more than effective, and he spun his body as Chrysalis threw herself at him, covered in sweltering neon flames from tail to muzzle. Unaffected, he nicked each hoof with the point of his weapon as he passed under her with his pirouette, landing solidly on his two feet as the princess fell to her knees, fires extinguishing as quickly as they came to be.

"No. I'm not done yet. It isn't done yet." Whatever she was going to say was lost as she was skewered by a quintet of spears. One for each leg and one through her abdomen, pinning her to the destroyed floor. And yet, she would feel no pain from this mockery of entomology. Each spear was ethereal, spiritual in nature, and merely kept her locked in place as the heart-topped weapons slowly grew a crystal shell around their prisoner. Soon enough, Galacta Knight's Heart-Spears had encased Chrysalis, turning her into an inert crystal chrysalid in the shape of a cartoon heart.

"I find it hard to believe that a worm like you had managed to strike a warrior like Beta Knight so decisively, though I suppose all it takes is one moment to end a fight. You must have truly surprised him." Galacta Knight didn't turn to look at the crystal as he spoke, barely lowering his armaments from his combative stance. "That being said, had he been at our original potential, you would not have managed to even scratch his mask. Even now I can feel that my body is not as strong as it once was. The price of starting again..." The warriors thoughts were broken by the flapping of wings heading towards him. His mask raised only enough to spot the two alicorns as they landed and buffeted his armor with the winds of their flight. "The rulers of this land, I presume." The taller white one spoke for them.

"Yes. I am Princess Celestia. And this is my sister-" The purple princess took her que before letting Celestia continue.

"I am Princess Luna."

"-And we rule Equestria together. May I have your name, Sir Knight?"

"... I will be leaving now." A push of limbs against the air removed Galacta Knight from their sight, leaving only feathers and an echo of his bass voice in his place. "Tell Elfilis my debt is paid... I am finally free..." The sisters watched as the feathers fell to their hooves before disappearing into motes of light. They then spent many moments looking at the beaten changeling frozen in her prison until the guard began to trickle in, discussing with Shining Armor on how to transport such an oddly shaped cage.

"... Tia, we should leave them to it. We still have much to do."

"You are correct sister. Come, we can discuss what we must do after a meal. We do not want to spoil our appetites with talk of casualties, and you will undoubtedly be checking on Elfilis soon as well."

"You are correct. That being was powerful, and I can only imagine how tired his creation made our friend."

"So... Carina. I know I'm not the first guy you slept with, so how do you think you managed to avoid growing taller until we started 'doing the deed?'"

"Bah. All those times before were hardly sex. A blowy or a hoofy here and there before my partner chickened out or my stricter family caught on before it could go anywhere fun. You and your teleporting trick was the first time it seemed like I was going to be able to do what my body had been telling me to do for so long without my sister coming in and screaming at me. And then, of course, it turned out you were a big sap and you went and melted my heart by setting up a whole-ass picnic on a hill for the first date. You know how the rest went."

"Wow. You hold yourself as much more... Experienced than you actually are."

"That's a nice way to put it."

"Oh hush. I like being nice. Let me be nice, damn it."

"Stop being nice and pass out. You haven't gotten enough sleep yet."

Author's Note

not the authors note i originally intended to put here. i have to take a new medication for like the next month. Who knows what crap itll put me through. Story is not done, still working on it, yadda yadda. feel free to point of problems and mistakes. tired author makes for sleepwriting mishaps

27. How to make friends.

"I need to look at your genitals." Vinyl Scratch just blinked at the purple unicorn at her door. She could hear Octavia coughing on their lunch, having evidently heard Twilights tired and droning command.

"Uh... I don't think either of us is in the mood for that right now..." And it was true. Ms. Sparkle looked like she was running on caffeine and spite, with dark circles under her eyes and a frown deeply set into her expression.

"The hospital gave me a hard time when I asked for copies of Carina's scans, and in the end I couldn't get them without her permission. I couldn't find her so instead I modified a memory viewing spell to refresh my memory of what her genitals were like so I could draw them as best as I can." She held up a picture in her magic to show Vinyl.

"Yeah, that's her vagina alright, but I'm still not hearing a 'why' here babe."

"Hm?" It felt like this was the first time Twilight actually realised she was talking to a stranger, and her eyes immediately turned wide as saucers. "Oh fuck. I'm so sorry! What I mean is- uh, gah-" The professionally rendered Carina diagram disappeared into her saddlebags as she began to run frantically go through them. "Princesses orders! Er, request! Uh..." She seemed to finally find Celestia's letter as she unfurled it for the changeling runaway to see. "...Please?"

"Again, I am so sorry I sprung this on you like that." The three of them (Twilight Sparkle, Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia) were on the way to Golden Oaks library as they spoke. "It's been a rough morning and-"

"Hey, chill. It's okay. No hard feelings." Vinyl had heard about five apologies at this point and she was trying to get out of hearing a sixth.

"I might have hard feelings about this. May I ask why the Princess requested a gynecologic exam for Vinyl?" Octavia had only stopped choking on her food for long enough to get to front door by the time her marefriend had already agreed to it. The lavender librarian took a deep breath, and they knew they were in for a bit of a story.

"Okay, so. Apparently the changeling princess Chrysalis had been running around causing trouble for various towns, sapping them of their energy and even killing one poor stallion pretty early on." That was news to Vinyl. "So Princess Celestia had a group of guards put together to track her down. They used a specialized device, which I cannot wait to get my hooves on, to find any changeling they could one settlement at a time." Hey wait a minute...

"I'm pretty sure I met those guys. They came and found me and Carina with the fancy doo-dad but they said they were just testing it out. Some 'Squeaky Squad' or something was supposed to do the finding for them." Twilight just mouthed the words 'Squeaky Squad' to herself before shaking her head and continuing.

"Well, I don't know about them, but moving on. They found plenty of healthy changelings all over the place but none of them, yourself included, have undergone the same kind of radical transformation Carina and Chrysalis appear to have gone through."

"Right, so the idea is to see if I got the same parts or not. When I saw what Carina turned into, I had just thought it had something to do with the big blue guy she goes to bed with. Or the fact that Tavi doesn't have anything to dick me down with."

"For fucks sake Vinyl-!"

"E-EXCEPT!" Damn, and she thought librarians were supposed to quiet. "Ahem. Except several of the changelings were also female, and the likelihood of them all being lesbians is statistically pretty low."

"Don't you only have like, three stat points to base that off of?"

"Sixty-Six-Point-Six percent of all known changeling females who confirmed their sexual orientations are heterosexual. It's enough for now, and you were the only female changeling the remaining guards remembered the name and location of. So..." Octavia just sighed as they made it to the library's front door at last.

"This is why I don't understand you Vinyl. You are a creature that insists on hiding her whole species from most ponies, but you perform at places like Canterlot, where you stick out like a sore hoof. And are also in the capital of the country."

"They did recognize me by my DJ name..." Twilight opened the door with her magic, but when she turned around to invite them in (like the polite unicorn she is), she spotted something over their shoulders and ended up saying-

"Come on in- Bitch!" Both Octavia and the speaker herself were too busy being stunned by her strong language, but Vinyl was unbothered by it and turned around to see what had earned Twilights ire. It was Carina, making her way over to them on her long (sexy) legs, saddlebags bursting full of canteens and sloshing around with water in them. If she heard what Twilight called her, she didn't show it as she happily trotted over to them.

"Hey girls! What's the the occasion?"

"Twilight wants to touch me in sensitive places." That sounded distinctly like the keratin of a unicorn horn getting slammed against wood.

"Ooh. Cool. Careful though, she tickles."

"I did not choose to stay in Ponyville to become a gynecologist. Princess's request or not, I am not doing this for anypony again." Vinyl tried not to laugh as she laid down on the basement table, though Carina had no such restraint from where she was putting her canteens of water in an ice-box. Octavia just lounged with her eyes closed on a bean bag she stole from upstairs. She did manage to cool her expression as her impromptu doctor made her way over with all the equipment in her magical grip. "Okay. First, how deep is the illusion?"

"It's paper-thin. Only the royalty was taught true transformation." That was a lot of wires, what was all that for?

"Hmm. Well it's probably best if you drop it anyway, at least for the less intrusive stuff." Vinyl thought that was fair enough, so she let her white and blue facade disappear in its typical vortexy fashion. "Thank you. Now, these diodes here will go around your teats. They are designed... to... huh."

"That didn't sound like a good 'huh' Twilight. What you see down there?" Vinyl didn't get an answer as Twilight pulled out a magnifying glass from her pile of tool and lightly pushed her mammaries away from her crotch. "Hey. Twilight. Yoo-hoo, your patient is asking you what you're doing with her."

"Octavia, come here for a moment."

"Oh, sure, let my marefriend in on the secret." Regardless, the gray pony stood up and made her way over to see what Twilight was so focused on.

"Have these marks under her teats always been here?" Marks?

"I... suppose? They are just stretch marks aren't they? She just doesn't have a coat to cover them like most mares when they hit puberty." Uh oh. Carina gave voice to Vinyl's thoughts.

"We don't get stretch marks though. We shed all our old bits off." And then Twilight said something that made Vinyl die a little inside.

"Vinyl also hasn't gone through puberty yet, or she would be growing taller like Carina and-"

"What the fuck do you mean I haven't gone through puberty yet! I'm not some foal!" Because seriously, what the actual hell. "I have sex like, five times a week! That's fucked up!"

"Vinyl!" It was a very red Octavia that covered her yelling lovers muzzle with both hooves. "Now. Twilight. Explain."

"Uh... She is an adult, just... Actually how old are you?"

"She's twenty-six." Octavia didn't release Vinyls mouth to let her answer.

"Okay, see? Adult. She's as big as she's going to get, probably. From I could gather from Carina's test results, changelings who aren't sexually active stay biologically pre-pubescent. The body only begins making changes into puberty once it starts to regularly receive... uh... 'sex signals?' S-so, if that were true, Vinyl should have long since moved on to the next stage. A great many changelings all over Equestria should have. But you haven't..."

"Hence why I am on my back with my legs in the air." Octavia had finally calmed down and released her mouth, but she certainly didn't look happy.

"Y-yes. Um. I think we should move on to the internal scan. Here." Twilight levitated a weird metal rod attached to a wire to Vinyl and Octavia. "Put than in the vaginal canal. In thirty seconds it'll have a picture for us to look at."

"... Does it vibrate?" Octavia just groaned into the air at her marefriends words. "What? It should at least be fun right?"

I barely got my eyes open before Carina threw herself over my stomach and screamed into the bedsheets.

"... Fun day?"

"No. It was very not fun. My mom is a grade-A bitch."

"...And? What does she have to do with you picking up cold water?" Her speech was muffled by the mattress but I could hear her all the same.

"I got lots of water, but it was all warm as tartarus so I stopped by Twilights to borrow her fridge for awhile. Turns out, Vinyl was there because the Princesses wanted to have scans of a non-metamorphosized changelings cooch to try to figure out why me and and my asshole sister are the only ones who got bigger."

"Oh no. She found something didn't she?"

"Yeah. She found a series of blocks of some kind surgically implanted around where Vinyl would have grown all the fancy stuff like fallopian tubes by now had they not been in the way." What. The. Fuck.

"No way. There is no way your mom can do that to every one of her children. How would she find the time?"

"I don't knooooooow... I don't caaaaaaaare... Ugh. She probably has some my siblings do it for her and they just don't know what for. Or maybe they do. Chrysalis probably isn't the only other one in the family who would kick babies."

"Damn. Thats..." I didn't have words. "Is there anything Twilight can do?"

"Maybe. I didn't stick around for long after that. Spike got a letter for us though before I left. Galactic Dick-Head got her. Chrysalis is currently on the way to the Canterlot dungeons until whatever he did to her wears off. They couldn't levitate her or do any magic at all, so they would have to cart her all the way out of the country to get her to the hive right now."

"... I want to say that's good news, but it doesn't really make you happy does it?"

"...No..." I pulled out my hands from under her barrel and started to run them lightly over her body.

"I'm here if you need anything. Anything at all."

"Thanks. Keep doing that and be my pillow." I could do that. "... I know there probably isn't a very good answer, but what do you think your family was like?" ... And I suppose I could try to answer that.

"I think... It's probably closer to whatever ponies do. Though, having said that, for all I know the ponies get together by drawing straws or engaging in ritual combat." As I was hoping, Carina started to giggle just a little bit. "No, my family was... Small. Very small compared to yours. I had... Somebody. Somebody was there... For most of it. And maybe... A brother?" I sighed as I gave her a pat on the back. "I don't really know what I'm talking about. I don't see faces or shapes. It's just... waves across a black sea."

"... What does that mean?"

"A little dramatic wasn't it? I can tell something is there, or was there, but all I can see are the impressions it makes as it occasionally comes closer to the surface. Like I'm trying to look at someone through a blanket. Does that make sense?"

"I think so... As vague as that was, your family sounds nice."

"Well I certainly don't remember the bad times..." I looked to the resting Beta Knight at our table, mask replaced. "I don't really understand why I remember the things I do. Just, stories and games. And even then it feels like there is something important missing."

"Sounds frustrating..."

"Only sometimes. When I have nothing else to think about. I don't know what I'm missing, all I know is what I have here. With you."

"Mm. You big sap. I love you."

"I love you too Carina. You going to sleep?"

"Mhm."

"Alright." I leaned back into my pillow as I laid my hands across her back. "You can go ahead and get up when you wake up early in the morning."

"...Snnn..." Yeah, that sounds about right. We hadn't even had dinner yet, but I wasn't surprised that she was so exhausted. That was a really shit day to have for what was supposed to just be a quick water run. Speaking of...

"Pssst. Hey... Beta?"

"I am awake. You need the water, yes?"

"Yeah. My head's killing me over here. Just drag the bag over to the side here so I can grab it as I need it."

"Alright. When should I return to Queen Culicidae, tell her of her daughters capture?"

"Whenever you want buddy. I'm not going to rush you."

"I will wait for the lady to wake then, so someone knows when I have gone. For now, I will sleep." Sounds good. Sleep still sounds really good right about now... Well maybe only for a little while...

Author's Note

Hey look. A chapter. It's a miracle. Praise be motivation. Let me know if I introduce any plotholes, besides the ones I keep making relevant to the story.

45. Dropping the weight off my shoulders.

"See ya later Star! Have fun with the girls!" And then Elfilis shut the doors to the throne room, taking Celestia with him and leaving Star Vision with six mares and a baby dragon. Five of whom he had in cages very recently.

Welp, I'm fucked.

Perhaps predictably, it was the one pony he hadn't been able to catch that approached him first. He gulped as she approached with a wide smile on her face.

It's okay! I can do this! She's going to approach, she's going to introduce herself or say it's nice to meet me-

"You knew Starswirl the Bearded!?"

Fuck, the laser unicorn is in my face. But hey! We practiced our response to this question in the Dream! I'm not supposed to talk about the bastard, so I'll just awkwardly rub the back of my head and say-

"Yep. He was my teacher."

I am actively sabotaging myself. There is no other explanation.

"That's amazing! You must know so much about magic then! We should compare notes sometime. I have copies of Starswirls later works, but they aren't in great condition. To say nothing of his earlier journals and experiments, those are practically lost to time. But you are from that time! Oh my gosh this is so exciting! AAAAAH!" The unicorn did a little happy dance as her voice peaked.

Oh no, she's cute. Okay, this is fine, this is salvagable. Just move the conversation somewhere else. Compliment her mane or something, mares like that right? Just don't say what you're actually thinking, like-

"That was sexy. You sounded like you had an orgasm."

"... Bwuh?" Star Vision felt warm as his whole body blushed. The rainbow pegasus and the rough-looking earth pony were giggling, but he was mostly looking at the poor unicorn who was so shocked she didn't even notice her miniature dragon wheezing on the floor next to her.

It's been too long since I had Kirin honesty. You just had to shag a dragon, didn't you mom?

Me and Celestia had to walk away from the doors, the ponies on the other side would hear our repressed giggling and cackling otherwise. The solar sister seemed like she could barely catch her breath.

"Oh mercy! It's been too long since I've seen another pony talk to a Kirin. I forgot they were like that!"

"Like what? Shamelessly flirty? Fuck, that's too much. I didn't talk to him much but that was not the impression I got from him." She huffed out another laugh before we stopped walking, turning to eachother in the middle of the hall.

"Not quite. Kirin are, or were, well known for their honesty. And bluntness." Uh oh.

"They were? That past-tense doesn't mean I just resurrected an extinct species, does it?"

"Oh no, nothing like that. Though..." She looked thoughtfully at an arbitrary point somewhere on my left. Very much in her own head. "Star Vision might be one of the only few Pure Kirin, if not the only one."

"I appreciate that you say all these things like I know what they are."

"Oh shush, like you don't say vague or ambiguous crap all the time." Alright, I gave that point to Celestia. "The first Kirin were born of both mare and drake, male dragons, and for some reason this always resulted in the scaled unicorn appearance they have." I thought back to what Star Vision looked like. Light blue coat like Dash had, massively-puffy white mane and tail with brown scales at the base of them. Big green eyes and a dark brown horn jutting from his head, like someone took a young tree branch and glued it to him. I guess he did look like a unicorn wearing a dragon costume. "Unfortunately, Dragon-Pony relations aren't what they used to be. Kirin today are descendents of other Kirin, and... well..."

"...Is it worse than a changeling invasion or Canterlot being turned upside-down by a chaotic entity?" The look I got was unnamused, but she accepted my point regardless.

"No, I suppose not. They suffer from some kind of curse. Kirin are naturally, very brutally honest. Even I know that discretion is sometimes the better part of valor, but they are truthful to a fault. This means that tempers are often tested, but they would normally solve their disputes civilly... or by fucking but-" Okay, no. It was whispered, but Celestia definitely meant for me to hear that. I could see it in her eyes. "-Kirin today have taken an oath of silence, to prevent their anger-induced transformation into a monster called a Nirik. We-"

"That's just Kirin backwards isn't it? I don't know how to spell either word, but I'm pretty sure someone just got lazy there."

"... We don't know why Kirin descendents have the capability to turn into Nuerik, but we can't exactly ask them their thoughts on it anymore. They have become rather isolated."

"Oh I could just hear the extra vowels that time."

"I don't know what you are blabbering about. Go find your Lovebug already, you're supposed to be teasing her." She quickly trotted off, likely to escape my vastly superior intellect.

...Damn, I really am tired.

"Carina? You still sleeping?" I only had the door to our room cracked, but it was enough to see her sit up and throw her blanket off of her. Her eyes were still sealed shut and she had bags under her eyes... somehow. Chitin isn't supposed to do that, probably. "Hey. You crashed after all the excitement was all over?"

"Mmmmmm... Kinda. I woke up super early. 'Discord-You' was in the bed with me instead of 'You-You.' It woke me up. And then I kicked him in the throat. I went for his dick too. But then he turned into Discord and put me in a cage. I broke out of it and punched his face. He put me in a better cage. And now I am tired."

"...Oh." That was not what Discord's memories told me was going to do to distract her. "Well. It's late enough now we could probably get some lunch."

"Everything will be closed right now. Just get over here. Lay with me. Fondle me or something." I decided not to point out that we could get lunch outside of Canterlot and come back thanks to my portals. I could read the signs. Carina wanted the real me in bed with her, I could wait to have a meal. I stepped inside and carefully floated my way to her side. It took some maneuvering, what with a large half-alseep partner not wanting cooperate, but I finally got her into my arms and wrapped the both of us in my furry wings. I looked down at her as best I could, being big spoon was hard when she wasn't disguised, and contemplated what to say.

I never got to tell her about Chrysalis. About how I almost killed her sister. Purposely. I had already admitted to the same crime involving her mom, but that didn't mean her forgiveness would extend-

"You're not fondling me. Grab a teat."

"...I don't think that would be appropriate for what I want to talk to you about."

"Mmmm. Luna confessed her undying love. Big deal. We can organise an orgy later." God damn it Carina.

"That's not what happened Carina, I-?"

"She just jumped straight to dick-sucking huh? Oh well."

"Carina, Luna didn't-"

"What, did you turn her down? Puusssy."

"... You already know I almost killed Chrysalis, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah. Big time. Now pinch my nipples or something, it's been awhile and it's the perfect way to unwind."

"We're in a royal guestroom."

"Kinky."

"You're incorrigible."

"I don't know what that means. Maybe massaging my mammaries will milk it from my maze of memories." I just sighed and tucked my face into the crook of her neck. It was good to feel some sense of normalcy again. "... Elfilis you fuckin tease- Ah! Dick! I said massage, not maim!"

Everything as it should be.

"... Alright, I'll bite. Why Luna?"

"She's literally the mare of your dreams. Mmf... Any day now she's going to share her pootang, and when she does-"

"Her what?"

Luna peeked one eye open as the door to her room opened, though she closed it again when she saw it just her sister. She moaned and dragged her blanket up over horn, ignoring Celestia's quiet chuckles.

"Go away. I'm sleeping."

"That's okay, I'll just talk while you listen."

"Blegh."

"Quite. I just want to say that I am glad you are alright, dark spell notwithstanding, and I am proud of you for your part in freeing Star Vision."

"I didn't even do anything. I just talked at him and he used me as a soundboard. He's the one who figured out the whole Dark Matter possession bullshit."

"You say that like he himself actually has any idea of how it works. I'm sure your input was far more important than you realize." Luna just huffed and puffed the sheets covering her face, but she didn't argue. "I am also appreciative of your discretion revolving Starswirls-"

"May his lips be forever sealed, for if they are not I will sew them shut myself with the ratty remains of his beard."

"...Involvement. I know you feel much more strongly about it than I do, but you asked Elfilis to keep silent about it as well. So thank you."

"Did he put on a show like he said he was going too?"

"Oh yeah. It worked too. The girls were very thoroughly distracted. Between Elfilis's performance, the shocking knowledge he shared, and Star Vision's entrance, nopony even noticed that me and Elfilis having our silent exchange."

"Figures. You and him are both too showy. He could have just waited until I woke up and told you, or at least until the Elements weren't in the same room."

"You are the last pony I thought would complain about showmanship. Remember-"

"Nope."

"Ha! Not even going to let me finish? It could have been a good memory."

"Still no. I made this bed and now I shall lie in it."

"The staff made the bed."

"They did so as an extension of myself."

"Well, then I'll be sure to-"

"Tia..." Celestia's smirk fell off her face. She recognized the softer tone for what it was.

"Yes Lulu?" Silence would have filled the room were it not for Luna's breath pushing through the blanket.

"... Blueblood calls us auntie. Is he really our nephew?"

"... Technically? His great-great-great grandmother married into the family. Nice mare, but she spoiled her foals rotten once she was given access to the treasury. Blueblood is actually rather palataple compared to his father. Why...?"

"Because that means you met somepony. And had foals. At least the one."

"... Yes. I had thought that our alicornhood would be inherited, but... I'm sure you know how that went."

"...I'm sorry. Not just for reminding you, but also that I couldn't be there."

"You have nothing to be sorry for dear sister."

"... Who... How did you meet?"

"Pffft. Well. Records have his name listed as Sundial, but, uh. His real name was... R-Rump Pumper. A-and-"

"Tia... what the fuck?" Nervous giggling was her only answer.

"It's not what it sounds like! Really! One day he came to court to file a complaint, and he was introduced to the room as Rump Pumper. He had all kinds of complaints about how different nobles were trying to destroy his business. Paying to have his very few commercial attempts kept out of the papers and stuff like that. I said, and I quote, 'Brothels aren't exactly what Canterlot wants to be known for. Outside of outright attacking you or denying ponies access, the nobles had not yet broken any laws.' He looked me in the eyes and yelled, 'What the fffffuck do brothels have to do with being a proctologist!' Oh I was in tears! Between him and the shocked faces of all the other ponies, I just couldn't help but laugh. It's a memory I'm rather fond of. We would always laugh at how we first met. Always..." The love in Celestia's voice was as obvious as it was somber.

"What's a proctologist?"

"A butt doctor."

"Uhrg... Fine, but how did you know he was, you know, the one?"

"... Luna. There is no 'one' for us. He was the first and last stallion I birthed the foals of, but we are eternal. We... it hurts, but it hurts even more to deny ourselves the warmth of a lover."

"... But, if the 'one' is Elfilis?"

"... I... Huh."

"I know, okay! Herds aren't a thing anymore but-!" Luna was interupted by her sisters cackling. It was just beginning to die down when she pulled the sheet off her horn roughly, tearing it. Her glare sent Celestia further into her fit of mirth. "I'm serious!"

"No- HAha! I know! I'm sorry! I just, feel a little silly is all. For not seeing it earlier." Luna just flopped her head back against the pillow and groaned. After a moment of contemplation, she sat back up to look at the smirk on her sisters face. Then she groaned and threw herself back again while throwing her hooves out to the sides. "Oh, Lulu! It's okay!"

"It would have been okay a thousand years ago! Now-"

"Herds haven't just up and disappeared Luna, they are just much less common. I'm happy you're finally thinking about romance. Just remember that you're supposed to ask the mares in the herd first-"

"Ugh, it's not Carina I'm worried about. She has naughty dreams about you and me once a week."

"I didn't need to know that."

"It's Elfilis I don't know how to approach. I know it's dumb, but I wish he would have a normal dream for once so I could see if he's at least curious. He doesn't understand subtle flirting. I've battled him so often, and have presented myself as the prize many times-!" Celestia flopped bonelessly onto the floor.

"HAHAHAHA! OH! Fuck! Mercy!"

"What!? What's so funny!"

"Oh! Mother forgive me! Luna, you spent far too long at Griffonstone! Ponies don't flirt by combat. Oh my gosh... I'm actually crying Luna. Today has been far longer than it had any right to be... Snrk! Hahaha!"

"I didn't even say anything!"

Author's Note

When the battles over and the dust settles... A lot of people just start thinking about sex. As someone who hasn't gone to war or fought for my life, I don't get it. Apparently coming down from adrenaline can feel like the big horny.

Hope you all like Star Vision.

64. Split-Person Perspective

Elfilis didn't stay asleep for too much longer after Luna dropped the secret of the universe onto his lap. It was a minor miracle he had been able to sleep at all given his emotional state at the time, and while his worries were mildly mollified his anxieties were amplified. In the end he just chose to... not sleep anymore. He said his goodbyes to Luna before vanishing from the dream world entirely, even as his guilt for leaving so suddenly spiked. Luna didn't let any of her own worries show though, simply smiling at Elfilis as he made his excuses and assured him she did not mind. And it wasn't as if Elfilis didn't have anything he could be doing in real life, assuming he could escape Carina the love-bug's clutches. The Phantom Meta Knights needed to be brought up to date on recent events, as they might not have had the chance to investigate themselves, and The Phantom Squeak Squad was still actively looking for the no-longer-lost Elements of Harmony... On second thought, Elfilis didn't know about the Elements either. And wherever was Phantom Galacta Knight during all this?

Point being, Elfilis had finally thought of something to keep himself busy, so he was off to partake in his unhealthy coping mechanisms, leaving Luna alone in the world of his Dream.

... With Me.

Bow down motherfuckers! That's right, Alter Ego gets a go at telling the story now! A break from Elfilis's mood swings and unreliable narration! Now I will tell the story!

... With my disconnected perspective born from self-doubts fueled by fragmented memories of a broken home life, from which I remember everything from an even further dissociated point of view due to my prior existence as merely a young man's defense mechanism as opposed to my current state of being where I am a near-individual mental entity with fluctuating levels of sentience due to the volatile nature of the brain that I am a part of. Moon Knight, eat your fucking heart out... You might have heard of him. He's a Marvel character with split-personality disorder or something like that and-

"I do hope you aren't ignoring me." Oh shit, that's right. Luna. Sorry, I didn't mean to- Fuck, hold on.

Sorry, I was lost in thought. Were you saying something?

You have no clue how much effort it took to be able to project my thoughts in such a way, at least when the recipient of my thoughts wasn't Elfilis. Or Pinkie Pie. It was like putting the narrow side of a funnel up to my mouth and yelling. But the funnel was also four-dimensional. And I had to then use a second funnel that was multi-dimensional to take the 'noise' I made across space-time and focus it back into the three-dimensional space that most sapient creatures could perceive. Even in spite of the fact that none of that should work, hiding the fact that these thoughts were mine was comparatively easy. Provided I wasn't hiding from Elfilis.

"I was asking how you have hidden from my senses. I have gone looking for any influences on the minds of everyone I know." Hey, good segway. Actually, that should be spelled segue but they are homophones, which are two words that sound the same but differ in meaning and/or spelling... And I've ruined the segue. Moving on.

You were looking for foreign influences in the dreams of everyone. Meanwhile, I was effectively born inside the actual mind of Elfilis... Hey, you were just playing nice earlier, right? You didn't want to freak Elfilis out but you found his relative nonchalance about me as suspicious rather than seeing it as reassurance that I wasn't hostile.

"Hmph. I am giving you the chance to explain thyself aren't we?" She slipped back into royal speak. That probably means she's gearing up to kick my ass, but... I wasn't actually in the Dream. I could perceive the contents of the Dream but it took more effort than was worth if I tried to use all the senses. All I really had in there right now was my 'mouth' and my 'ears.' I didn't bother with sight and the rest once I confirmed that it was Luna who had suck into the Dream. It was a pretty damn major limitation, one that had gotten worse as of very recently, but it was also a shield now that would keep me safe from the threat of 'I-would-parade-across-the-streets-of-Canterlot-with-the-balls-of-Starswirl-the-Bearded-speared-on-my-horn-if-I-had-the-chance' Luna.

...Can I talk about that for a sec? Starswirl being a main baddy is unexpected to the extreme, but Luna's threats against his person are even more so. Not just because of how violent they are, but also because a lot of said threats feel, I don't know, self-degrading on her part? Shave herself bald and tattoo the Bearded's name on her body if it meant she could spread the truth of his evil? Walk on the streets with his severed testicles draped across her forehead? It makes me, uncomfortable, to say the least. And I worry what kind of debauchery I will be forced to witness once Elfilis and Luna finally act on their confessed feelings for one another, but just the thought of Luna's probable masochism makes me retroactively regret my little prank of adding a sex dungeon to Elfilis's house. Just felt the need to put that out there.

Where were we? Right, Luna wants to kill me.

You are letting me speak, I guess, but I also get the feeling you aren't exactly giving me the chance to actually prove my innocence so much as you are listening for an excuse to personally dig my grave.

Seriously, where were all these hostile vibes earlier? Oh, I can sense the vibes of others by the way. Which is stupid-speak for I can vaguely feel the emotions and intentions of people nearby my point of focus. Eflilis can do this too, he just thinks he's learning to read the body language of ponies better. His insistence on trying to do so actually fucks up his super-empathy, which is amusingly ironic to me sometimes and imaginary-teeth-grindingly frustrating most other times.

"I believe that you are a natural part of Elfilis. I can feel how enmeshed you are to him, how seemless the connection between you two is, to the point of you being nearly invisible to me. What I am am worried about is how similar you two may be to the original Fecto Elfilis."

... Huh. Have to admit that I underestimated you. That's a legitimate concern not born of personal bias.

I flinched back when her frustration spiked at me.

Er, what I mean is... Uh, I'll just answer the question. Fecto Forgo was all of the hate, anger, and ambition of the original Fecto Elfilis, who was already rather murderous as far as the story goes. Elfilin was the small bit of compassion and stability given it's own body. Me and Elfilis aren't really comparable in the same way they are, but even if we were we aren't really split the same way.

"How are you split then, if that is the case?" It was a much more calm feeling Luna that asked, though still wary.

You probably won't be surprised to hear that the Elfilis you know has inherited the emotional side of things, including the full spectrum of feelings and instinctual behavior. He feels more deeply more easily than I can, for good or worse. Meanwhile, I'm not afraid to admit that I'm rather stunted in that respect but I have a greater capacity to understand advanced concepts, to take things apart and solve problems. It's also not a perfect split, as I do have emotions and Elfilis isn't exactly the worst at learning new things or coming up with plans. His is just a more emotional intelligence and mine is a more conventional intelligence.

After I finished speaking, there was no response. I 'sat' there for a while waiting for Luna to continue but she kept her silence, and I had nothing else to say for the moment either. Reluctantly, I pulled almost the rest of myself from the Dream and started some work on other things.

I checked on Elfilis first, to see that he had found the Main Six in Twilight's old observatory, with said unicorn being the only one still awake in the group. It looks like he was just finding out about the Elements of Harmony having been found, and his spike of anger and embarrassment as he (correctly) assumed I was the reason Swaddle-Dee had them only helped confirm that fact. I sent a quick sense of apology and an image of Swaddle-Dee's location before retreating further inwards. For those curious, Swaddle-Dee was helping Cadence take care of Chrysalis's golden changeling baby and was stubbornly ignoring me. I tried not to let that hurt me, but it was harder than it really should've been...

Regardless, I moved on. Now that Elfilis knew of me, my ability to influence anything was shrinking. The problem though, is even if I asked him to stop fighting me on this and he agreed for some unfathomable reason, it wouldn't help. He wasn't taking my power on purpose, he was angry and frustrated with me and was instinctually supressing my access to his abilities. I... unfortunately only have myself to blame for this, and I fear I might not be able to get back into Elfilis's good graces.

There was a silver lining though, in that so long as he didn't know I could do something, I could perform that action with much less resistance. Not no resistance, but much less. Case in point: DNA. I actually couldn't see any of this shit until Ben used his Omnitrix to repair Elfilis's body, but afterwards his DNA became lit up like a christmas tree from my perspective. And, even better, I now had a good idea on what genes did what and how to change them. Elfilis, in his initial panic upon realizing I existed, crashed into a PokéMart stocked with TMs. Technical Machines are used to teach Pokémon moves that they can't learn naturally, and they apparently do this by making subtle changes to the recipient's genome. I got to see how it worked on Elfilis so now I could-

"How long have you been split from Elfilis?" Uh, shit. That was Luna again.

Uh, always? Long as I can remember.

"... I don't suppose you could be more specific?" I made a quick vibe check before answering. Anxiety was present, but she was mostly calm with the little rough spot I associated with determination.

I... have a better memory than Elfilis. Still damaged, but I can safely say I've been a thing since before we arrived in Equestria.

... Hurt? Betrayal? Shitfuck. Right.

Elfilis didn't hide me from you. I hid from him, and from everyone. It was only after Elfilis recovered from the Access Ark's attack that I accidentally let the cat out of the bag.

"What? Why would thou hide? What have you been doing this whole time?"

I... didn't think I would make things better if Elfilis knew about me. He's always been very emotional, and I believe that much of his anxiety and stress from before he became Elfilis was because of me. When he forgot about me... I... I chose to see it as a blessing.

Instead of the tragedy that it felt like. That it still feels like. To say nothing about how I now suspect that my meddling nature was the problem, as opposed to my mere existence.

In regards to what I've been doing... Well, nothing at first. I just filled in the blanks when Elfilis tried to use his powers without certain variables in mind, or otherwise tried to stop him from doing dumb shit like create Phantom Galacta Knight. I'm not always successful, obviously.

... I just had a bad idea.

Hey, can I ask you something? Or something of you, I suppose?

"... Depends on what you wish to ask." Trepidation and thoughtfulness. I always forget to turn of the vibe check when I'm not using it, but it's probably best to leave it on for now.

Alright. So, first I need to clear something up. Elfilis does not, I repeat, does not have an affinity for Dream Matter.

Incredulity. Disbelief. Anger.

No, really. His proficiency with it is a side effect of his main ability. He's Psychic, and he's told you so himself. What he doesn't realize is how important that little detail is. He isn't psychic as well as telekinetic, he's telekinetic because he's psychic. This holds true for every one of his abilities, all of them.

I didn't know how far I would need to go to not only convince her but to also drive the point home, but I wasn't done yet if the suspicion she gave off was any indication.

His body isn't even necessary, it's basically just a puppet or avatar for Elfilis to act through outside of his Dream. You always thought it was odd that his 'real' body could exist inside the Dream, right? This is why. When he 'sleeps' all he's doing is disconnecting from his main body and creating a new body in the Dream. He's just really attached to having a body, to the physical sensations it gives him. I fear he wouldn't know how to function without one. He really is a disembodied conscious entity, but his mind is so absurdly powerful that it can manipulate other forces. The easiest thing for him to control is his Dream though, as it is produced in ludicrous amounts by his own massive subconscious. Which is why I need... Why I want to ask you to train your own connection to Dream Matter. You know his greatest fear is being unable to be stopped, of being so powerful that no one can stop him from making mistakes. And right now, he is just that powerful.

The moment of silence didn't last as long this time, though it wasn't broken by Luna. On the contrary, it was only broken when I flinched at Luna's rough and hasty escape from the Dream world. Like I said, this was possibly a bad move on my part, but I believed that Luna was closest at the moment to being able to resist Elfilis. Toby was powerful, but relying on any Kirby is something I am reluctant to do. Twilight could very well grow to be as powerful as she would in canon, but much of canon has been altered in ways that couldn't be attributed to Elfilis's arrival, so I couldn't rely on her either. Right now, the only one I could rely on to help Elfilis move towards survival and happiness was myself, so I had work to do.

I believe I was talking about DNA? It's manipulation will be a useful tool in my mission, even if Elfilis's body has limited power over his true self. I couldn't use it to limit his powers and invalidate his greatest fear, nor could I pump up happy chemical production to encourage superficial mental health. But what I can do, as much as I know I will regret this, was increase his 'virility.'

I mean, producing offspring was short term anxiety and life-long happiness as far as I could tell.

Author's Note

The formatting of this chapter makes me angry but there doesn't seem to be a way to both fix it and keep all the little gimmicks I started using.

Also not as much of a funny haha chapter, and the next one will likely be mostly serious as well.

Next chapter is also the chapter I am trying to commit to making the last chapter of book 1, so it might be much longer than usual.

Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the wait. Again.