The Conversion Bureau: A Galaxy Far Far Away.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.
Episode I.V: Attack of the ponies.
Celestia always hated humans, she was like this ever since she heard about those bipedal hairless monkeys. Although this hate remained private for most of her life, mostly because she thought that these creatures didn't exist at all.
But all changes the day in which, due to a magical experiment, she discovers a parallel universe in which this creatures were dominant. She knew that humans were very likely to ho into wars, so she convinced her subjects that they were primitive, and started working on an invasion plan.
Meanwhile, master Obi-wan Kenobi and his padawan Anakin Skywalker were training at the Coursant's Jedi temple; unaware of the invasion plans of the white alicorn.
"Remember Anakin," Obi-wan spoke to his apprentice. "To become a knight, you should complete the tests. And to do that, you must take in account everything that I'm teaching you."
"But you didn't have to go trough the tests," his padawan replied.
"Well, that's because I'm the only Jedi that managed to kill a sith lord in over 1000 years, and I did it when..."
"Yeah, master, everyone knows that story. Darth Maul had the high ground, and the duel almost won, and you still managed to beat him with a quick jump."
"And that was because?"
"Well... you jumped fast?
"No!" Obi-wan exclaimed with disappointment. "Anakin, that was because Maul was so blinded by his anger and dark powers, that he didn't expect that a padawan could beat him!"
"If you say so," Anakin replied. "But..."
"What's... wow!" the Jedi master stopped.
"I sense a GREAT disturbance in the force." both of them exclaimed.
Celestia arrived at the human universe with all of her troops, but she doesn't think that she'll need them. After all, no weapon could be able to destroy the conversion magical barrier that already started to expand.
"How gross!" she thought. "They turned their whole world into a lifeless city! This humans really need a lesson or two; but don't worry, it'll be destroyed very soon. After all, humans don't have magic, and without it, it's impossible to destroy my conversion barrier!"
"So, this quadrupeds are trying to turn everyone at Coursant into their species?" Anakin asked.
"That's pretty much it" Mace Windu responded. "I suggest that you and your master penetrate the barrier, and negotiate with their ruler, and if it doesn't want to surrender, you just kill him."
"Understanded," Obi-wan responded. "Anakin, you know how much I hate flying, but that'll be out best option. Prepare our Jedi starfighters."
"This is were the fun begins!" his padawan exclaimed.
"I sense that the negotiations will be short." Obi-wan exclaimed.
Celestia watched proudly as the very amount of human races turned into mindless ponies as the barrier touched them, she also laughed at the attempts of human ships to penetrate her barrier with green lights. Everything was going according to her plan, and she even noticed two humans sat down with their eyes closed. Maybe some humans did wanted to be ponies! But then, something weird happened. They extended their hands and... No, this should be impossible! Those humans were using magic! The barrier opened a bit and let the humans in their horrible bipedal state. Then they started running to her position.
"G-gu-GUARDS!" she shouted. "Stop those two!"
"They fly now!?" Obi-wan exclaimed as he saw the pegasi approaching their position.
"Yeah they fly now!" Anakin joked.
The duo ignited their lightsabers and started cutting the army of pegasi as they tried to get them. They didn't had any kind of blaster so it was pretty easy to do.
After it, tons of earth ponies tried to tackle the 2 Jedis, but with a force push, they fell to the floor.
The last line of defence was a squadron of horned quadrupeds, they did fired blasts from their horns, but they were no match for jedi reflexes and their lightsabers.
Finally, they encountered a big, white, horned and winged quadruped which they supposed to be their leader. She looked very, VERY angry but that wasn't going to stop the master and padawan.
"So, you are their queen or something." Anakin stated.
"How? HOW DID YOU MANAGED TO USE MAGIC!" she shouted. "HUMANS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT!"
"Magic? Oh, you mean the force." Anakin stated. "Anyways, we are here to ask you politely to stop this invasion."
"Invasion!? Ha! This isn't an invasion, is a purification operation, and when I kill the only 2 humans with magic or 'force' nothing will ever stop me!"
"And what are you gonna do with the remaining 10000?" Obi-wan asked.
"TEN THOUSAND!" Celestia was shocked. "I... I... I'll regroup!" and with a flash of her horn, she vanished, alongside her barrier and remaining troops.
"Well, you were right about one thing master," Anakin spoke. "The negotiations were short."
"Humans with magic!" Celestia shouted to herself. "How is this even possible? According to the books, humans didn't, and that young boy! He was even more powerful than me! And 10000 of those crazy laser knights! This is outrageous, it is unfair!"
"Um, Tia?" her sister spoke. "What happened to half of the Equestrian army?"
"GET OUT OF HERE LUNA!"
"Wow, ok sis." Luna exclaimed a bit scared. "I'll leave."
"It doesn't matter, doesn't matter" the white alicorn repeated to herself. "The dark side of magic is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatural. I'll get more prepared, and if I ever find out that those knights had fallen, I'll invade them again."
But eventually, she lost interest on her human based hate, and almost forgot about the Coursant incident. The Equestrian army was recomposed, the survivors were paid to avoid anypony knowing about the truth of what really happened to half of the army, and Luna decided not to force conversation about the topic. But the Princess will never forget this.
Written and directed by:
654_nosneb.
Author's Note
This one-shot story camed to my mind while reading tons of TCB stories in which human lost, and watching too much Star Wars of course.
Enjoy :)
As always, I accept suggestions.
