Discord's Golden Zipper

by Appleody

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 10049

One night Discord, on one of his random whims, decides it would be a good idea to wear a onesie of Celestia to bed. A very realistic one.

One faithful day, the legendary draconequus Discord, is bored. In an attempt to mitigate this fact, he takes some advice from a friend and decides to get a onesie. A onesie of his favourite alicorn, Celestia.

Sadly for all ponies involved, the wearing of this onesie might cause some issues. Not least of all, for the Sunny onesie in question.

Contains possession

Wow, featured on the first day. Thanks everyone. :)
Still featured day two? I really don't know how that box works.
Featured 31/01/23

Published 2022-12-28 10:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-31 10:06:12 UTC

1: Getting Dressed

Chapter 1

So comes the end of another glorious day in Equestria. The sun was near setting and all the happy ponies were preparing to end their day.

This sadly did not change one very important fact. Discord was bored. The end of the day just made it that much worse for the draconequus, due to the reduced chaos it would bring.

From his lone cotton candy cloud in the sky, the lizard pondered on what to do. The sight of the sun falling, bringing one of his favourite ponies to mind. “Wonder how old Sun butt is doing? She’ll be good for a laugh,” he mused to himself, before raising a talon into the air and snapping. This resulted in the usual pop, removing him from the skies of Ponyville and depositing him where ever the solar diarch was positioned.

That position, was none other than her desk, where she was tiredly working through a stack of paperwork. The sudden appearance of the mismatched creature and his accompanying, “Heeey Sunny! What’s new with day time?” did little to surprise the busy alicorn.

The only reaction she had was to briefly flick her ears to attention, before letting them settle once again. A smile started to grace her tired features at the presence of her old friend. “Sorting out what is left of this paperwork. What brings you here my friend?”

A light laugh escaped the serpentine creature at the final word. Friendship with the pony ruler? Who knew a being like Discord could achieve such a thing? Pushing that thought aside, he floated a stack of paperwork away from his friend, before snapping a sponge cake into existence. “Can’t an old draconequus hang out with his friends now and then?”

As expected, the sun appeared to brighten at the newly formed cake’s presence, before letting out a sound that dashed Discord’s hopes. A very respectful yawn. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I have to get as far through this as possible, before setting the sun. My sister will likely be up to the challenge of entertaining you,” she finished with a polite smile, as she cut a small slice of cake.

“You know why I can’t do that,” came Discord’s response as he spread his mismatched wings in exasperation. “It’ll be at least a week till I can be near her again after that decaffeinated coffee incident.”

With a heart-warming laugh, the alabaster mare said, “yes, you should never mess with Lulu’s pick me ups. Everypony knows that.”

“But it was your idea,” Discord blurted out in the hopes Celestia would see fit to help him with that little situation.

Instead of helping, Celestia only nodded and after sipping some tea said, “yes it was.”

The slightest grumble escaping the serpent, at his limited success. He set about messing with a yoyo as his one hope returned to her paperwork. “Are you really going to do that? Think of the chaotic adventures we could have.”

“Sorry Dissy. I could provide you with some tea perhaps?” she offered in recompense.

Finally getting the message that the alicorn wasn’t in a fit state for banter, Discord politely declined. “No thanks Sunny, I’ll just get out of your mane.” There had to be something else for him to play with, if not the sun. Maybe some more energetic company, but who’d be up for it at this hour, besides Loony?

Before the Sun could ask where he was going, Discord snapped his talons disappearing from view. Thus, leaving the sun alone. She spent a long moment looking at the spot he was once in, before sighing and returning to her work. “Wish he would have stayed for tea,” the pegacorn lamented, before letting her eyes get a little too heavy.

The snap of Discord’s talons wasn’t just sudden for the tired alicorn, as the draconequus himself had no real destination in mind. All he was relying on was that his chaotic magic would bring him to whatever possible entertainment still existed. It did not disappoint, as his reappearance brought him to a place of much enjoyment. The home of one little miss purple smart.

He didn’t quite have chance to get his bearings, before a panicked scream rang out, accompanied by the sudden splash of hot liquid upon his face. A quick lick of his own face with an impossibly large tongue, saw to the removal of the deliciously sweet substance. After smacking his lips a few times, Discord regarded the small pony in the room. “Ah, Twilight, that wasn’t half bad.”

“My hot chocolate!” the purple alicorn complained, now holding a very empty cup, before looking up at the floating serpent with a sigh. “Why do you always have to pop in out of nowhere?”

“Because my dear little pony, that is what I… am,” Discord began saying, before losing his words at Twilight’s current appearance.

When the young pony realized she was being stared at, her face started to rapidly tint towards a rosy colour. Normally this would be quite difficult to see on purple fur, but Discord saw it, bringing a wide grin to his face. The reason for both the embarrassment and Discord’s enjoyment was plain to all who possessed the gift of sight. It was her current attire.

Placing the ruined beverage down on the table, Twilight started to blurt out, “I can explain. It’s perfectly reasonable at this hour.”

“Oh, do tell, I expect this to be great,” the draconequus sniggered, before snapping some of his favoured popcorn into existence to increase his viewing pleasure. What he was observing, was a purple alicorn wearing a full body onesie. Not just any onesie mind you, but one with the matching coat colour of one recently visited pegacorn.

It had a white material that ran from Twilight’s chest, right to the ends of her legs, where her usual cute purple hooves were poking out of the bottom. Where there should have been purple wings, there was a warm looking cover of material, like a hoodie for wings. The piece de resistance, was the little yellow sun marking her rear end. The sight was almost enough to bring a tear to the eye.

After the usual amount of nervous stuttering Discord would have expected, the wannabe Sunny let out a long sigh, before steadily saying, “you’ve caught me in my new pyjamas, okay. I was getting ready for bed.”

That caused the bowl of popcorn to fall from the serpents grasp and hit the floor with an audible thump. “You’re kidding me, right?” He asked in almost disbelief. How could something so funny be kept out of his view?

Now over the initial shock, the alicorn said, “it’s quite late you know,” in a slightly more composed manner. Her blush had even begun to fade.

“You’re doing a disservice to ol Loony ya know,” Discord pressed in the hopes Twilight might choose to stay up a bit longer.

Alas poor Discord, as Twilight simply said, “I know, but it’s been a long day.” The tired bags under her eyes were plain for even the immortal ruler of chaos to see. Letting him know, there likely isn’t much steam left to keep her talking.

Deciding to pique his curiosity before leaving her in peace, he leaned forward to get a better look, before asking, “so come on, why those PJs?”

With a hint of her earlier embarrassment threatening to return, the young immortal quietly admitted, “well, it’s been a little cold recently and Rarity offered to make me one in any style, and well… I do like feeling close to the princess, soooo…”

The final words to the explanation had the draconequus intrigued. Do clothes like that really make people closer? Maybe, maybe not, but Discord liked the idea of trying. With the slightest scratch of his chin, he decided to make an inquiry. “Hmm, do you think she could make me one?”

That was something that caught Twilight completely off guard, causing her mouth to fall open for a moment, before she shook her head in bewilderment. “Seriously? Aren’t you going to make fun of me?”

Despite the usual MO of the serpent, he continued to look at her without a mocking stare. “Maybe later,” were the not quite reassuring words he uttered, before waiting for a response to his previous question.

After sighing at the non-committal response, the little alicorn answered the desired question. “Probably. She is your friend after all.”

“Ooo, excellent,” he beamed while rubbing his talon and paw together. “I know where I’m off to next. Toodles, and sorry about the mess.”

Those words caused Twilight’s eyes to widen in fear for a moment, similar to when her strange friend first appeared. “Wait! She’ll be asleep!”

Sadly, that came too little too late. As the word poof in a cloud symbolized the disappearance of the lizard. With a light scratch of her chin, the pegacorn remorsefully said, “Sorry Rarity,” before turning back to see her cup. It was now refilled with chocolate and the popcorn had all vanished.

This prompted her to smile and think about how funny it would be to see the larger-than-life character with a themed onesie of his own.

A second later, said larger-than-life character popped into existence within one carousel themed boutique. A very dark carousel boutique for one thing. “Helllooo, where is the little fashion pony?” Discord called out into the darkness, before lighting an old timey lantern for light. It was then his turn to let out a scream, due to the horrifying sight of ponyquins surrounding him. A surprise so great, that it caused the newly formed light to fall to the ground, creating many ominous shadows.

“Ah, you’d never expect Rarity to be a prankster,” the draconequus mused to himself, while floating through the unlit building. He’d have to get her back for the clearly intentional positioning of her fake ponies. For now though, he really hoped his apparently good friend would do him the honour of making a better onesie than Twilight’s. It’s only fair.

After a fruitless search through the clearly abandoned building, Discord let out a slight grumble, “how can nopony be available? I might as well still be a lawn ornament at this rate.” With a light sigh, the serpent continued his search for any signs of life. There was no way he could wait until morning for his own special suit, Twilight had really gotten him hyped up.

Eventually, the search did bare an unexpected fruit. That being the discovery of another onesie, this time of the navy pegacorn Luna. A grin started to form upon the serpents miss matched features, as he started to reach for it with a talon. At the last moment, he stopped himself with a paw and frowned. The thought of the work Rarity had put into the design staying his talon. Maybe those friendship lessons were working out after all? It was nothing to do with the fact the clothing was simultaneously too small and unfinished.

While very nice, it would not be suitable. It was then that Discord’s lantern caused a certain inconspicuous object to glint. Curiosity got the better of him and he reached down to pick it up. The object in question was a long golden zipper, clearly designed to go with the Luna PJs. The draconequus moved the zipper over to the onesie and debated on finishing it. It would be a nice thing to do after all. This zip was clearly designed to open the clothing in such a way that a pony could easily step in.

Rubbing his paw down the side of the suit, he again lamented the absence of the fashion pony. She could have come up with the perfect design, and Discord would have poofed it into existence right there and then. As payment, he could have helped her speed through more of her creations, while giving them a slight chaotic flare. Oh well, she’d probably prefer to make the clothes herself anyway.

With that in mind, Discord continued to eye the mundane zipper and a thought came to mind. Maybe he could make his own onesie! There was a pretty decent Luna one to copy after all. That being said, a Celestia one would be much more his speed. As Twilight said, themed PJs do make you feel closer to the pony they mimic. Then again, if he were to try and make one, where would he get the basic outline? It isn’t easy making something so specific with chaos magic.

As he continued to debate his options, the sun finally dipped behind the horizon to be replaced with that of the ghostly moon. That gave the cunning serpent a great idea. There was one place with a pretty decent base available.

Yet another snap, and yet another poof had Discord disappear once more, zipper in tow. So many teleports, so little time. This journey was different however, as it wasn’t to a new place, but a return journey back to the bedroom of his favourite pegacorn. Surely Sunny would be up for modelling for him?

With his appearance next to the alabaster mare’s desk, Discord declared, “hey Sun butt. Fancy doing some modelling?” His face fell after he took in the scene before him. The tea his friend had been drinking, had long since gone cold and the paperwork she’d been working on, had been stacked much higher. This however, was only a symptom of what caused the draconequus to be disappointed. The noble sun herself was not only unconscious, but she was haphazardly sprawled out across her desk, clearly half way through signing one last document.

“Has lowering the sun sapped you of what you had left?” Discord sympathetically asked, before giving the sun princess’s ear a light scratch. The only response he received, was said ear attempting to flick him away like an annoying fly.

Eyeing the earlier provided half-eaten slice of cake, the next course of action was obvious. Gently picking up the plate, he held it in front of the sun’s regal muzzle, before attempting to waft the smell into her waiting nostrils. After limited success in waking his friend, Discord let out a light chuckle, before whispering, “wow, you must be truly zonked if your famous desire for cake can’t rouse you.”

Seeing as she would be no help with devising a solution, the serpent decided to try and review her form for himself. That onesie could still be a thing. Casually looking over the collapsed pony, he couldn’t help noticing the smallest amount of drool leaking from between her lips. Most likely due to the cake that was within easy eating reach. Saying that, she probably would have difficulty leaning any further forward, seeing as her whole body was on the desk. Only her rear hooves were partially touching her chair. She must really have flopped when her magic ran out. No wonder her wings splayed out like they did. One of them was even so stretched out, it was touching the floor. Just goes to show how big an alicorn’s wingspan can be.

“Ah, the Sun only I know, how beautiful it would be if the world knew the real you,” Discord said mostly to himself, seeing as his friend was on another plane of existence right now.

Sadly for the chimera, the review of her form didn’t really help with the creation of a onesie. It would take quite a lot of thought to make one that matched his dimensions. Doing so would be too orderly. All he really had was a golden zipper with no idea what materials to attach it to. Flipping the thin metallic object over between his claws, Discord came up with another idea, a shot in the dark that would likely prove chaotic enough to be easy.

Snapping his claw one final time, he caused the golden zipper to sparkle with a magical glow. The magical glow of a newly formed magical artifact. He eyed the sleeping mare for a moment and said, “you’d probably kick yourself if you figured out I could make stuff like this.”

His smile faltered for a moment, as he debated upon whether or not his idea made sense. It was the easiest way to make a realistic onesie, but maybe his friend would disagree. Thinking back to what Twilight told him was the deciding factor in his decision. “Twilight did say onesies make ponies feel closer together. This one will probably work better than any previous,” he enthusiastically said, before floating around behind Celestia’s desk.

Once behind, he angled the zip, before placing it carefully along the back of his friend. Starting from the top of her neck, passing between her wings and stretching right to the base of her tail. It took only a second for the magic to take effect, causing the golden zipper to steadily sink into his blissfully ignorant friend’s back, until it looked as if it had always been there.

The sound of smacking lips, caused Discord to freeze with fear, but after making the small sound, the Sun continued her beauty sleep. She was clearly unaffected by her new adornment, or rather more likely, was just so exhausted it would take much more annoyance to rouse her.

Seeing the first feature of his magical artifact work like a charm, the serpent griped onto the zip’s tab and gingerly pulled. As the zip made the journey down its track, it left behind it a steadily widening opening, starting at the alicorn’s shoulder blades and reaching its maximum width once it hit the base of the tail.

Once Sunny’s back was fully open, Discord moved around to the pegacorn’s side and experimentally pushed his talon through the opening, touching nothing inside. A little emboldened, he then moved to touch the inside of his friend’s torso. A smile met his lips at what he found, a fur lining. Now that would make for a toasty outfit. That would probably make her much better than Twilight’s. He’d have to show off when he got the chance.

Glancing around to the alicorn’s face, a warm smile had steadily formed. Likely due to the affectionate stroke she’d just received. Maybe she would enjoy what was about to happen as well?

Now then, what would be the best way to go about donning such a luxurious item? It couldn’t be that difficult seeing as not only did Twilight have one, but Rarity was clearly making more for some unnamed customers. Maybe the rest of the elements want one?

Seeing nothing else for it, Discord just shrugged to himself, floated directly over his new clothing and used his taloned claw and paw, to gently widen the opening further. Draconequuses are quite large creatures after all. Luckily, not quite as big as a fully grown pegacorn, but it’s pretty close.

With the opening as wide as it could go, the serpent floated his legs into the air before gently easing them down into the zip. As his mismatched limbs steadily disappeared behind the white fur, he had to reorientate himself so they lined up with two tighter openings further down. The entrances to the legs.

Deciding to do this one at a time due to his form’s unevenness, he began with his dragon limb, seeing as it was the slightly more manoeuvrable of the two. Clenching his toes together, the part dragon began sliding his leg downward, still meeting no resistance, right up until it reached the very end where the limb was engulfed in a blissful amount of fluff. Outwardly, the only sign that anything had gone on, was the slightest jiggling of Sunny’s right rear leg, before the limb carefully extended and placed a dainty hoof flat on the floor for balance.

With the first limb being so easy, Discord felt a little emboldened and set about with the second. This time however, there was a minor issue. That being that his deer leg had a solid wide hoof at the end. A solid wide hoof that cannot make itself any smaller. Not considering this in the slightest, the part deer, pushed his cloven hoof downward, causing a large bulge to form in Celestia’s thigh, which slowly travelled until making an abrupt stop at the knee.

It appears, pony limbs really do narrow the further along you go. Despite the glaring design issue with his new suit, Discord was undeterred. Reaching for the joint with his paw, he began attempting to assist his limbs passage, while also continuing to push down with his hoof. This led to the first bit of real discomfort for his new adornment.

With quite a noticeable growl, the sun began trying to shake the offending limb in question. She was quite desperate to dislodge whatever annoying fly was landing upon her. This action inadvertently assisted her good friend in his objective, letting his cloven hoof finally pass through the joint and make its way to the end, just like his claw. “Thanks Sunny,” Discord said while patting Celestia’s side.

In response to the thanking, the graceful pegacorn smiled once more. Or maybe it could have been because the fly’s relentless attack upon her limb had stopped. This let her relax the shaking and let Discord calmly place her other rear hoof upon the carpeted floor, joining the first one.

After flexing the ends of his appendages slightly to test if the hooves fit, Discord giggled slightly to himself. “They might be a little tight, but these are some comfy slippers.”

With the feminine hooves comfortably in place, the draconequus reached down and gripped the pegacorns rear, before pulling it upwards. The image had the clear parallel to that of pulling on a slightly well-padded pair of trousers. Once raised, Celestia’s front half was clearly that of a passed out pegacorn bent haphazardly over a table. While her rear legs, from the way they were stood to attention and casually shifting here rear’s weight, looked positively awake.

That was of course, if you ignored the overgrown serpent sticking out the top. From the awkward angle the torso was splayed, the pony legs looked to be more naturally attached to Discord’s mismatched form than Celestia’s. They even clearly moved at his command, when he balance upon the left and lifted the right to his paw.

“Hmm, shame my claws are a bit big,” Discord mused to himself as he rubbed his paw over a couple obvious bumps in the pristine hoof. Ones that matched the exact positions of his draconic toes. As he let it clop back onto the floor, he observed how his left cloven hoof had slightly increased the size of Sunny’s other still dainty appendage. Unicorns are meant to have cloven hooves anyway, right?

With a slight shake of his head and a couple of light clops of his borrowed hooves, Discord heartily said, “Ah, it doesn’t matter. Sunny’s still looking good.”

He then made the first of likely many future mistakes and slapped his trousers right on the cutiemark. His pupils narrowed at the instant realization, but it was too late. The disturbed pegacorn reacted like any horse would under such an assault. She instinctively violently bucked her donned legs. This in turn threw the surprised draconequus forward, slamming him into the desk next to her head.

“Sorry, I deserved that,” came a pained grown from the chastised serpent, as he stared at the slightly grumpier looking, but still sleeping pony’s face. The issues were not at an end there, for the alabaster alicorn had realized her current sleeping position wasn’t the best. Thus, she attempted to tuck her rear legs in, likely in an attempt to curl up. Her action caused her legs to bend under the table and would have had her limbs return to their previous state had it not been for the desperate resistance of Discord. He really didn’t want to trip and bash his head off the chair as well. It might not survive the assault.

The cessation of the sun’s attempts to get comfortable, were accompanied by another quiet complaint, signalling some relief for Discord’s now equine limbs, thus allowing them to stand up once more. Letting out a quick breath, he let himself admit, “it’s harder to put a onesie on than I thought. Maybe asking Twi would have been a good idea? Ah, too late now.”

Grabbing his serpentine tail, he began feeding it into the suits rear. Guided by the ethereal hair, the appendage moved through with no complaint from his host. It did however have a rather drastic affect upon her tail’s styling, making it appear tightly wound together, ending with a very tell-tale tuft of rainbow fur. Swishing the usually wavy appendage back and forth a few times, did cause it to fluff back up, but the limb could still move in a prehensile manner and even pick things up. An ability that a regular pony tail, such as one royal pegacorn’s, could never normally do. “Nobody ever remembers the tail warmer. Good job Sunny thinks of everything,” Discord joked as he began leaning forward.

Placing his forelimbs either side of his charge, he swished the tail one more time, jostling Sunny’s sleeping form. From the way she was precariously splayed out, this was easily enough to cause her to roll onto her heavy side. Right on top of some of her paperwork and more importantly, right on top of a certain lion paw.

To make matters worse, the slightly trapped Discord may have let out a small cry, seeming to somehow alert the sleeping mare he was laying on top of. Her forehooves sensing his presence, greedily reached out and gripped his waiting talon before pulling it to her chest. A warm, “Dissy,” escaped her happily smiling lips at the brand-new teddy bear.

In response to her clearly impatient call, Discord uttered, “don’t worry, I’m almost done. You just gotta let go, it isn’t helping.”

Seeing how the lovable pony was steadfast in her sleep, she was likely to remain a hinderance until she awoke. This left the lizard with a bit of a conundrum; all of his useful limbs were trapped. Well, if you didn’t count the two wings, his two rear hooves or his extra-long wavy tail.

Looking back towards his newly acquired Rainbow, Discord attempted to shrug, before having it slither all the way around to Celestia’s front, kind of like a snake with a mind of its own. When it reached its target, the precious hooves which were lovingly embracing his talon, it began tickling their tips. An action which the draconequus was very familiar with, from previous days of trying to distract his friend at many a boring meeting.

As the light tickling persisted, a light giggle escaped the peacefully sleeping mare, while she steadily fidgeted. “Come on, that’s a good pony. Let go,” Discord encouraged, as she started to wobble slightly. It seemed inevitable that her grasp would faulter, seeing as she was being attacked by the devastatingly ticklish weapon that was her very own tail. With almost no ceremony, Sunny raised a hoof and gently wafted at the offending fur, giving herself immediate relief from the onslaught. That being due to a certain griffon talon being set free.

Taking a moment to take stock of his situation, Discord clenched his talon a couple of times, before looking over to his trapped paw. “Welp, that shouldn’t be an issue in a second.” Rather than attempt to shift the large mare off his forepaw himself, he instead had the much better idea to use the foreleg of the mare in question.

Carefully, he began pushing his eagle claw into the zipper, making his way to the opening of the left forelimb. Pushing it steadily inside the limb, like that of a jumper, Celestia’s foreleg went from bent comfortably close to her body, to slowly stretching in front of herself. Suddenly, it appeared like Sunny was actually waking up, from the way her left forehoof began pushing on the table, lifting her torso up. Her right foreleg still laying limply against the desk.

With the lion paw now free, it took very little effort for the part cat piece to join the majority of the chimera inside. Once snuggly fitted into the last remaining hoof turned slipper, Discord took a step back and planted his now slightly wider rear upon the waiting chair, before taking a victorious lean back. “Ah, finally, nice and warm,” the draconequus sighed, before feeling an odd pressure on the chairs back. A slight flap from his sides reminded him of a couple extra appendage he’d forgotten about. “Oh, silly me, this suit’s built for an alicorn,” he joked to himself, while observing the loosely hanging feathery appendages. The poor things were almost squashed.

Using his new, polished fore hooves, it was foal’s play to push his own mismatched wings into the zipper. One at a time, inserting his bat wing and then his pegasus wing, Discord had managed to almost fully don his new outfit. Granted, his wings were a little small, so it was difficult to get any real purchase on Celestia’s own magnificent set, but with the appropriate amount of coaxing, he managed to get the sleepy Sun to fold her wings of her own volition.

Now with his toasty wing warmers in place, Discord stretched out his new limbs, resulting in a number of small cricks from his back. An audible content sigh escaped the pegacorn’s head almost simultaneously, to which the draconequus gave her an affection scratch with her own hoof.

The next thing that happened from an observer’s point of view would have been quite astounding. After stretching her back, our almighty sun princess stood up from the chair and perfectly balanced upon her rear legs. Now because of how brilliant the sun is, this may not be that surprising, but one thing she is, like all ponies, is a quadruped. Seeing her stand up and casually saunter over towards her dresser, as if she’d been a biped her entire life, would surprise even the greatest of Celestia’s followers. It would be markedly less impressive if you took into account her dangling, comatose head with Discord’s own protruding from behind her neck. It would rather more likely be something of many a pony’s nightmare.

Ignoring this fact, Discord continued over to the mirror, the desire to view his new appearance burning strong. Once on view, the serpent smiled at his new radiant visage and performed a little twirl, gaining him the briefest glimpse of the still open zipper. “So Sunny, what do you think, do I wear your fur better than you?” the draconequus asked, while looking at the mare’s peacefully closed eyes.

As was to be expected of someone in her state, Celestia did not respond. This prompted a light sigh from the mostly alicorn Discord. “Shame, kinda wish you’d been awake for this. You might have found it quite amusing.”

Shaking the disappointment from his mind, the lizard looked back down at the zipper, causing his lips to curl back into a mischievous grin. “Welp, time to don the hood,” he called out, before gently lifting the sleeping mares head with her own hooves. The idle thought that it was more of a mask than a hood, permeating his skull.

Upon attempting to pull her head over his own, he found the mare’s long slender neck made the transition fairly easy. So easy in fact, that his head quickly disappeared from view, before almost immediately reappearing, when the end of his muzzle stuck out of Celestia’s horsy mouth. A muffled sound escaped past the lips pressed to either side of Discord’s nose. At least her mouth was big enough for his head. It would have to be for the amount of cake she normally shovelled into it.

The quick application of a hoof to his muzzle, had his face completely obscured from view, allowing the Sun’s mouth to close, while simultaneously dropping the draconequus into darkness. With his world now obscured, Discord left the Princess’s form standing idly, while he pondered on how to sort his situation. Most masks weren’t as complicated as this one.

With a light shrug of his swan like wings, the serpent pressed his newfound hooves once more to his now feminine face, trying to better fit it to his real one. What he found, was that he could slot his lower and upper jaw into the upper and lower sections of the mask, allowing him to open and close a certain mouth. Doing the same thing with his eyes was a little more awkward, seeing as eyelids lack that range of motion, but Discord being a draconequus, he knew how to contort his form in a variety of ways.

Success was obvious, as the dull light from the outside world invaded his now extremely heavy eyes revealing his newly transformed appearance. Before him stood not the creature of chaos Discord, but the usually elegant and order bound princess of the Sun. Her face now bearing a very familiar mischievous grin. The happy look she possessed seemed to increase as the intruder within admired it. She appeared to be so happy, so happy because of him. The only thing that was really amiss was the eyes. Each slightly blood shot due to their owner being truly asleep, but with the added effect of a slightly yellowish tint.

“Wow, beat that Twilight,” Discord joked, before letting out a feminine gasp. “Wow, I even sound like her. Now that’s a good onesie.”

A thoughtful look then crossed Celestia’s face as her head looked around the room, before glancing back into her reflection’s eyes, a slightly lidded quality to them. “Oh Discord, fancy going on a date to some chaotic land?” Celestia’s voice asked herself warmly.

Turning her head to the side, she then upbeatly said, “would I ever.” A loud chuckle escaped her lips at the preposterousness of the alicorn’s words. “If only,” she finished, before glancing around to her still open back. Discord’s brown fur still visible, contrasting with the pristine alabaster of the princess’s. “Better close you up. Wouldn’t want any bugs getting in here.” A sigh then escaped at the continued pleasant sound of his favourite pony’s voice.

The musical tone of the borrowed voice was rudely interrupted by a loud snore from within his own throat, surprising the draconequus mid zip. “Oh yeah, probably should get you to bed,” he said after remembering how tired his friend was. Once the magical zipper was sealed, Discord brought the princess back to all fours and made his way to the comfortable waiting bed. The princess’s gait started out similar to that of a small foal’s, before her wearer relearned the basics of being a quadruped. Due to his very nature, it barely took ten hoof steps for the walk to become that of a confident pony, easily allowing him to carry the princess with her usual level of confidence. Well, it wasn’t quite a royal walk, but it was passable for a regular pony.

Once reached, the princess eagerly pulled back the covers on the gilded bed and made her way beneath. As Discord got her into a comfortably curled up state, he turned her eyes towards the rooms clock. 2am, to Discord’s knowledge, that would give him a good six hours to make himself scarce.

That thought brought a smile to Celestia’s face, as Discord let her eyes close of their own accord. He’d be gone in the morning and she’d be none the wiser. “Good night Sunny. I hope you sleep well, I know I will,” the pegacorn said to herself, before an audible snap echoed from her hoof, plunging the room into darkness.

Author's Note

Welp, here's another dumb story idea. Hopefully, it'll have some laughs. I've never really tried to write comedic stuff before.

This story was inspired by a chapter mid way through my main story, and a recent comment convinced me to give it a go.

2: Back Ache

Welp, that was a very uneventful night. Or, it might as well have been for all one particular alicorn knew. The regal mare in question, being sound asleep almost the moment her work was completed. That was the first thing Celestia thought about, as her heavy eyes drifted open, bringing a pleasant smile to her face.

An almost free day, she happily thought, as one of her hooves started pulling the heavy covers over her head. A content sigh escaping her lips. The work she’d done last night, was enough to put her troubles at ease for days to come. In future, she’d have to ensure she kept on top of all that boring but vital paperwork, then there could be more days like this. The work in question had made her so tired, she barely even remembered getting into bed. She half dreamed that Discord had tucked her in. If he had, she’d have to thank him. That desk could have left her awfully sore.

As her heavy head was about to fully disappear behind her blissful protection, Sunny’s yellow tinted eyes glanced at her clock. “Uh, 6:30… Sunrise is coming,” she allowed herself to complain. Nopony was around, so there was no reason to keep up the usual regal act. It seems, despite all her earlier work, the noble sun would still have to rouse. Ponies would surely panic if the sun rose even a second too late. Everypony knows the sun rises at exactly 07:20.

With that mood souring thought in mind, Celestia’s horn glittered with golden light, before her duvet pulled back to reveal her alabaster form. The light having the slightest glint off of an impossibly thin strip of metal, mostly hidden beneath the soft white fur of her back.

Rolling onto her front, the alicorn stretched out her forelegs and raised her royal rear in the usual morning stretch. A pleasant yawn escaping, as a few expected cricks came from her steadily waking body. With the warranted stretch complete, Celestia got to her haunches, while lightly smacking her lips. Looking across the room she suppressed a sigh, before gracefully stepping down from her luxurious bed.

The moment her right forehoof touched the soft carpet, the princess’s brow furrowed ever so slightly. That feels a little strange, she thought as her rear hooves joined her fore. Somehow the purple carpet felt much softer than expected, but only for that one hoof. How could that be possible?

Intrigued, Celestia lifted the offending hoof and flipped it over so she could gaze at its frog. What she saw was quite unusual. Hidden within said frog, was a number of bumps that weren’t there previously. At least, the sun was pretty sure they weren’t there before, everypony knows their own hooves’ frogs like well, the frog of their hoof. What was truly bizarre was how they appeared to be arranged like that of a cat’s paw pads. When her left forehoof poked them, they felt like her usual hoof, but simultaneously, somehow softer. The rubbing must have been a little ticklish, as her limb promptly flicked out of her grip, before a mild shudder raced up her spine. It was a strange sensation, seeing as it was always incredibly difficult for a pony to tickle themselves at the best of times.

Deciding to pay the occurrence no mind, Celestia began happily making her way towards her wash room, in order to continue the morning routine. After taking a number of steady steps, the mare started to notice a strange sluggishness to her limbs. It was almost like they were somehow heavier than usual, similar to walking in a swimming pool. Strange, I do not feel tired. Maybe another check is in order? Sunny thought to herself, as her long neck swung around to look at a small, inconspicuous set of scales in the room’s corner. Hopefully, the tired alicorn would feel lighter, once she proved her diet was starting to work. At a minimum, it would certainly be a weight off of her mind.

Making her way towards the small contraption, her tail unusually dragging behind her, the lethargic alicorn stepped forth onto the scales. Seeing as the only scales Celestia could acquire were meant for a normal sized pony, she had to place all four of her hooves really close together, while arching her back into the air like that of a cat. This was fine as nopony could see her, but it did result in her head being pressed very close to the dial. A dial that spun around much faster than she expected with quite an audible racket, causing her lidded eyes to widen.

“You can stop now,” Sunny pleaded, as it shot passed her goal weight of 100kgs and kept climbing. Her buttery eyes might have become dinner plates if her moulded skull would let them. Instead, they only bulged slightly at the unwelcome truth. “Two hundred,” she almost cried, “how could it have gone so wrong?” Falling backwards off the device, she eyed a suspicious offender laying innocently half eaten upon her desk. Discord’s midnight cake.

That’s it, no more midnight snacks, she resolved to herself, gaining a determined look. Turning to her bathroom, she took the time to flip over her taunter with a rear hoof, in order to ensure it was more favourable next time. A smile started to grace her lips at the thought that her weight was no longer being judged by the inanimate object.

Upon reaching the overly ornate sink, Celestia peered at her usually regal reflection, as we all do in morning. Her form appeared as awake as she felt. All except for one tell-tale feature, the eyes. They weren’t quite fully open. Not just that, but they seemed so off coloured, almost sickly in fact. “Oh pony, maybe that was a little too much last night,” Sunny judged, as her padded hoof rubbed down her face, pulling a tired eyelid open as it went. “Ah, I am sure I will bounce back,” Sunny optimistically said, as her hoof let the lid spring back into place. Being so productive would be worth it, she was certain. A quick scrub of her facial fur didn’t quite improve the sleepy look, but it at least made the alicorn feel a little refreshed.

Moving onto her perfect horsey teeth, Celestia picked up a sun marked toothbrush and began the next step of her daily hygiene ritual. The brushing of teeth for those unfamiliar with the tool. Inserting the tool in question into her mouth, she began attempting to expertly remove whatever plaque had dared invade the mouth of the sun. That’s a place nothing should ever go without Celestia’s express permission.

Anyway, the session of tooth brushing started out fine, as expected, but deteriorated fast. Not like tooth lost fast, but in increasing difficulty fast. This unexpected spike in difficulty was there from the start, as once the brush moved over the sun’s incisors, her jaw became more and more difficult to keep open. Unconsciously the sun fought against this force, happily going about her routine, as her body attempted to reject the intruder.

This resistance finally came to a head, right as the gentle brush reached the yet to be cleaned molars near the back of her jaw. This was where her mouth decided, of its own accord, the best thing to do to dissuade its aggressor, was to bite. Not only to bite, but to chew. A little perturbed, the sun found herself unable to stop, as her teeth continually attempted to grind her golden toothbrush into nothing. In an effort to save the implement, she instinctively tried to pull it out, but her gnashing teeth had other plans, continuing to gnaw and grip the end heedless of their owners desire. Eventually, when the intruder was defeated, her uncooperative mouth unceremoniously spat out the tool into the sink, where Celestia began inspecting it. All the while, her lips smacked victoriously, before visibly loosening up.

A mild feeling of relief flooded through her, as the tool was completely undamaged. Seeing as it was made for the immortal sun over a millennia ago, it was built to outlast something like a mild chew from a hungry herbivore. “The sooner breakfast comes, the better,” Celestia idly said, before going for a second attempt. This time, almost completely locking her jaw open with a golden aura of magic, in order to ensure the brush did its work unmolested.

The second round of fighting with her hungry mouth was going to be a little more one-sided. The same issue once again presented itself again, but the sun persevered with the brushing, as her jaw struggled not to clamp down. The alabaster lips curled up with a mild smile, at the eccentric victory over herself. A victory her mouth did not want to give easily.

The second battle was not yet decided, as not all of the orifice’s tools had been disarmed. It still had one defender that would not give in. That being her tongue, which poked and prodded the brush every hoofstep of the way. It was making a real nuisance of itself in its attempt to push out the invader, but wasn’t quite strong enough to fully halt its advance. It merely slowed the brush down as it capitulated tooth after tooth to the cleaning onslaught.

When the brushing was completed, Celestia removed the brush, to the obvious welcome desire of her mouth. As she did so, her rogue muscle tried its best to assist. It pushed the brush as hard as it could and even went so far as to follow it a good way out from the sun’s large mouth. Thus, ensuring the attacker would not return. Sunny only noticed this fact, as she absently tried to close her mouth and found the appendage sticking out from between her lips. It wasn’t just stretching out a little way either. Her tongue was stretched out a good four hooves in front of her, pointing glaringly at her tooth brush.

“Wa, hpenin?” she asked nopony in particular, her words skewed by the lack of aid from the flailing tongue. Seeming to somehow sense its work was done, the appendage slithered backwards like that of a serpent. Back to where it began, all the while, the enraptured sun watched in fascination. As it finally disappeared between her lips with a light pop, she easily opened the now cooperating opening to see the wannabee snake behaving normally. She even stuck it out at her reflection. The appendage only going so far as was to be expected from that of a pony of Celestia’s size. Barely half a hoof.

“I really need to arrange for more rest,” Celestia contemplated, as she set about the next daily hygiene task, her usual wing preening. Still seated at the sink, she attempted to extend her majestic wings to begin. The word attempted was an apt description, as her wings only seemed to slightly unfurl at the gentle command.

Moving a foreleg out of the way, the alicorn looked down at her latest uncooperative appendages, as they once again reclasped to her sides. The strange thing about how they were furled, was how they were slightly stretched out going under her chest. It was almost like Celestia was trying to tenderly hug herself from behind, an action which she most certainly wasn’t.

Using her forehooves, she was able to pry off the over affectionate limbs, which became much more agreeable once they were off her barrel. They even moved to the previously unhelpful mouth, ready for preening without any fuss. The idea that her own wings might not assist her was a funny thought to the alicorn, as she opened her mouth ready to preen. A last-minute remembrance of the toothbrush incident gave Celestia pause. What if I eat my wings? She thought, before shaking her head at the silly suggestion. Why on Equus would anypony do such a thing?

Luckily for Celestia, her mouth did in fact choose not to chew her angelic feathers, allowing her to align most of them as expertly as any other day. At times, the once wayward tongue did get a little stuck on a few of the feathers, causing a few to misalign in an almost chaotic pattern, but you’d never notice unless you went over them with a fine-toothed comb. Celestia certainly didn’t, as she gave her wings a nice flap, leaving the alicorn satisfied with her work, before folding them up in the correct manner.

Her golden magic moved over to the next item on the agenda, the ancient’s favourite hairbrush. One so luxurious, that it barely contained a single hair. Running it through the aurora mane was as pleasant an experience as it always was, rapidly switching the immortal’s mane from that of a rainbow pony’s, to that of an elegant princess. She even whispered, “keep going, that’s nice,” to herself as she finished up.

With her mane back to its usual state, granting Celestia her powerful visage, she moved onto her tail, which was still spread upon the ground. Picking up the unusually lifeless hair with golden magic, the Sun began running her brush through the most tangle infested hair she had ever experienced in her entire long life. It was almost like the mop had become completely woven down its centre, creating a sort of core of thick hair. A core that the brush, despite its impeccable design, couldn’t quite penetrate.

Note to self, do not sit in a chair for six hours again, Celestia ensured she remembered, before trying to brush with a bit more vigour. With this attempt, her tail kept trying to squirrel away out of her magical grip. Having such a magical flowing tail can be a real pain sometimes. Despite these ineffectual attempts for the mats to escape retribution, the brush eventually sank in, causing Sunny’s rear left leg to unexpectedly kick out.

Her hoof only struck air, but the unexpected force behind such a bizarre action, caused the sun to slip and fall flat onto her rear. “Mats for days,” Celestia uttered under her breath, as she continued working to the periodic attempts of her rear legs to kick some imagined hoovsy pony. Pony reflexes can be really irritating sometimes.

With her tail finally resembling something of its usual floating aurora, completely hiding what was left of the mats within, Celestia went ahead with her remaining hygiene tasks. Thankfully, there were no issues with the remainder of these. That would probably have gotten quite messy.

Finally leaving the travesty that would be repeated to no one, the royal collected her regalia from where she’d haphazardly dropped it the night before. The metallic shoes had gotten a bit uncomfortable while she was working, so seeing as nopony was going to enter, she’d tossed them aside. Looking at them now, she internally wished she didn’t need to wear them. A nice set of comfortable slippers, with a warming dressing gown would be much nicer. Not having on any clothes made the alicorn feel a little naked. An experience she didn’t much enjoy. Unlike the majority of her subjects, who liked to be free.

Knowing that to wear anything else would be frowned upon, the sun placed her chest piece over her head, while positioning her shoes upon the ground ready to step in. In one smooth practiced motion, Celestia stepped forward, regally sliding both forehooves into her foreshoes no issue without even looking. However, the same could not be said for her rear set. Her right hoof getting caught on something, before the shoe went pinging off, while her left, flat out kicked the shoe out of the way. Appearing more like a klutz than any alicorn previous. Besides Twilight anyway, but that was part of her charm.

A light, “hmm,” escaped her, before she decided to pony handle her shoes, and attempted to push them over her hooves like a young earth pony. Something that proved impossible. “These cannot have shrunk in the wash,” she joked trying to make light of the irritation the morning was bringing. Her shoes were metal after all.

After inspecting both shoes for defects and finding none, her yellow tinted eyes absently moved over to her usually pristine hooves. A gasp escaped the Sun’s lips, before it was instinctively hidden. Now that is one swollen hoof. Her eyes then travelled to her right where two noticeable bumps protruded. Clearly, they were what her shoe caught on.

Finally, a horrifying thought came to the alicorn’s brain. Could she be ill? What a travesty that would be. If anypony found out, it’d potentially leave the entire nation paralyzed. Not only that, but the neighbours might seek to profit from her absence. Finally, and worst of all, Celestia’s subjects would most likely force her to spend the entirety of her hard-earned day off in bed.

“No thanks,” the mare said with newfound determination. Her buttery eyes now laser focused on the slightly spiked hoof. Using the already shoed forehooves to test, she pressed down on her new found imperfection and found that it gently compressed until it met her hoofs usual size. When she let go, it almost seemed to push outwards like fabric, instead of where solid keratin should be.

Seeing this, the alicorn once again lit her powerful horn and surrounded the bumps with her aura. Now surrounded, she began pushing the bumps back down, the strange feeling that she was folding something up pervading her magic. A bought of laughter escaped her throat at her actions, similarly to when she prodded her newly padded forehoof. It didn’t quite feel ticklish in the same way, as whatever she was gripping shook, it seemed to somehow rub against the inside of her frog. This caused a strange reverb of two sets of laughter to escape.

Being that Celestia was the all-powerful protector of Equestria, she had dealt with worse tortures than this. Using the retraction of the bumps to her advantage, she slid her shoe into its rightful place, before letting her magic drop. Immediately, the strange movement from within her hoof attempted to fold out, but was stopped from surfacing by the metal of her shoe. It then seemed to clench and unclench a few times, kind of like how a griffon or dragon may clench a claw. Whatever it felt like, it was completely alien to the sun, who tried to shake the limb to end the unusual sensation.

It did lessen overtime, when the bumps decided to finally make do with confinement and rest against the metal, likely locking the shoe in place for the rest of the day. With that over with, Celestia was finally able to focus on her last remaining shoeless hoof. What an endeavour it is to put clothes on, eh?

Anyway, looking over to the final unshod hoof, it almost appeared to have enlarged somehow. Not only that, but Celestia could swear it looked like that of a cloven hoof you might see upon a graceful deer. A melancholic smile graced her lips at its presence. The unicorns of old once had cloven hooves, they even ran like deer. How elegant they were before those traits were lost. Still, it was worth it for the tribes to intermingle.

Pushing the memories of times past aside, Celestia had only one real option when it came to donning the shoe. She had to resize it with her magic. Not only that, but to ensure it would fit snuggly, she had to reshape the internals for that of her new cloven design, while simultaneously trying her best to hide any changes from her ponies. The spell was a complete success, and actually led to an increase in comfort compared to her other shoes. For a moment, she actually debated on looking for some transformation magic for her other regular hooves. She wouldn’t need slippers if they could all fit as snuggly as that.

Choosing to latch onto the positive thought, Celestia looked over her now shoed hooves and victoriously said, “ha, a magical malady cannot beat the sun!” She actually felt quite proud at managing to shoe herself. Something she’d mastered at the age of three.

Sensing a familiar call from her sun, the sun’s embodiment moved to her balcony as the moon began to descend. Her sister was quite literally on the celestial ball, as usual. Lighting her own horn with her incredible astral powers, Celestia called upon the faithful sun to rise. The ball of incomprehensible fire, obeyed its princess and began making its way into the sky, where Celestia watched.

Well, she attempted to watch, for the moment the light hit her tired eyes, one of her forehooves rose to block the view. A muffled, “too early” came from between her lips as the light unusually assaulted her senses. Seeing this as part of the sickness, Celestia forced her hoof away from her face, where it hovered in front of the steadily rising sun.

As she once again could witness her ward, a strange occurrence began. A strange resistance trying to push the sun back down. What could possibly do that? Who would do that? Celestia thought as she continued to gaze at the struggling orb. From her perspective, her hoof appeared to rest atop the sun. It even seemed to be pulled upwards along with its ascent. With that observation, Sunny realized what was somehow happening, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. Her hoof had somehow firmly gripped the sun with what felt like talons. Talons she couldn’t loosen.

For everypony watching the sunrise, it appeared like the sun was shaking slightly, as it struggled upwards into its ordained position. Luna’s moon had long since set at this point, leaving its ward to watch her sister’s sunrise like usual. Seeing as the younger alicorn could see the glaring issue, Luna started to feel a little sorry for her sister’s clear fatigue, and decided to lend Celestia some assistance from her own balcony.

The moment Celestia sensed her sister’s magic coming to her aid, the sun started to rise at a rapid pace, pulling the alabaster pegacorn to her rear hooves. By the time the sun left her field of vision, she was standing almost perfectly upright, dangling from her left forehoof, which adamantly refused to let go. Its disappearance from view, suddenly deprived the sun of her claw hold, leaving her to balance upon her own rear legs. Obviously, seeing that she’s a quadruped, Celestia promptly fell from her full height the second the unnatural support was lost, returning the pony to all fours.

“Honestly, what has gotten into me today?” she mused, as she thought about her sickness. It had been well over a thousand years since anything similarly strange had occurred. That was when it hit the alicorn. It was obvious what was happening to her! Diluted poison joke, there’s no other explanation. Oh sister, you thought I would not notice, she thought with a smile. The alicorn sisters had a real penchant for pranks when they were young, and one of Luna’s favourites was to use a mild form of the cursing plant. Clearly, this was meant to be the start of today’s fun. Or maybe, Luna realized who was really behind the decaffeinated coffee incident? It’s hard to tell with these things.

Looking over to the clock, Celestia observed it was 07:30. Time for breakfast with said prankster. Ah, a full day with Luna. Plenty of time to get her back for this, she thought with a happy sigh. Getting to her now hidden mismatched hooves, Celestia began heading out of her private bedroom to meet the mischievous moon. A few ideas on how to get Luna back for her irritating awakening, circling her brain. Maybe Discord would be willing to help? He likes a good prank or two.

Author's Note

Just a nice and quick, early morning for Sunny. As she always does.