On most weekends, the town of Ponyville would be rather peaceful. While the small town did have a reputation for being the epicenter of a lot of crazy incidents over the years, those kinds of things would oddly happen only during the weekdays. However, on a saturday or sunday, you would find that the town was calm and quiet. Instead of the residents running in fear, they would be running errands at the market, conversing with friends or just simply going on a walk to enjoy the day.
The same could be said for the residents of a small cottage along the outskirts of Ponyville. While on most days, Fluttershy would either be tending to her animals or her responsibilities as a teacher at the School of Friendship, today was… well, a bit different. The weekends were a time where she would have a particular friend come over to visit for tea. As well as catching up to see how things had been.
Though, when Fluttershy went to go check the mail, she couldn’t help but notice an ominous looking figure pass by the front gate. The pegasus couldn’t quite get a good look at who they were since their face was mostly concealed by a hood, and they disappeared shortly after she stepped outside. At first, she just thought they were wanting to visit Ponyville and didn’t think too much of it.
Yet, when she collected the mail and came back inside, there was one envelope that stood out from the rest. Mainly, because it wasn’t addressed to her… but to the friend that was visiting her today. “Uh, Discord? I just brought in the mail and… well…”
From the other side of the room, the friendly neighborhood draconequus named Discord gently set down the teacup he was holding onto a saucer that was sitting on a small pink cloud above the living room table. While he was there to partake in their usual ‘saturday socials’, he couldn’t help but wonder what exactly his dear friend was trying to say. “Oh, let me guess! Bills? Letters from family? Jury duty summons? … Please don’t be the latter-”
It was then that four simple words stopped him from finishing what he was going to say as Fluttershy held out an envelope with a wax seal on the back. Not a royal seal, but a different one entirely, “Actually… it’s for you.”
Originally, Fluttershy had his curiosity. Now though, she had Discord’s attention. “For me, you say?” the spirit of chaos asked as he inspected the envelope, before snapping a finger as a tiny sword was created to function as a letter opener to cut it open, “If somepony wanted to go through the trouble of mailing me, wouldn’t it be simpler to put it in my mailbox?”
“W-who’s it from?”
“Well, my dear Fluttershy, that is what I’m about to find out!” He declared, before having the sword morph into a pair of reading glasses and put them over his eyes.
To my former colleague and former villain, Discord,
It has been a long time, my friend. It seems that you have been rather busy over the last few centuries with the amount of chaotic schemes you have conspired. You even turned over a new leaf! Something that doesn’t surprise me considering that chaos in itself is as unpredictable as you are.
So, imagine my surprise when I learned that for the last few months, you not only went through the trouble of pretending to be me, but portray me in such a way that’s so appalling that I can’t be able to show my face in public again! I had been traveling the world for nearly a millennium after Gusty and I decided to bury the hatchet of our rivalry and now, your little stunt gave Equestria… Nay, the ENTIRETY OF HARMONIA, the impression that I went back on my word and that I was in the business of making ponies kneel before me in servitude!!! Do you have any idea how long it took for me to get to this point, only for my reputation to be shredded to pieces the moment I step hoof back in Equestria after traveling abroad for Faust knows how long?!
What makes this even worse is that you didn’t even ask me if I would be okay with something like this! You just went through with it without consent and still had fun with it anyways, YOU ABSOLUTE MORON!! This is not just a normal stunt from you, but a betrayal of trust, and I will not let you off the hook for this.
Included in this letter is some more official documentation, but since I know that legal paperwork would bore you more than watching ice melt in real time, let me get to the point. I’m suing you for Identity Theft and Defamation of Character and the amount that I’m suing you for would be twice the amount of whatever the cost for damages was that the ‘taxpayers’ had to pay out of pocket for The Battle of the Bell. Especially since it was your idiocy that led to those three fools finding my bell in the first place.
If you have just as weak of a spine as you were when Tirek stole your magic, then I’d suggest not fighting this one. However, if you do happen to have a backbone, I’ll look forward to the day that I’ll see you in the courtroom. It will be just like old times.
With Regards,
Grogar Von Aries III
P.S. If you think I’m evil, you haven’t met my lawyers yet. They make me look like an Element Bearer. Much like the one that you have become close friends with.
It was at this point when Fluttershy noticed that smoke was coming out of Discord’s ears and his face was the complete opposite of his relaxed self from a few moments ago. “Well, I’ll be darned. That’s… a bit of a pickle.”
“Is… something wrong, Discord?”
“Well, it seems that an old friend decided to get in touch with me out of the blue,” the draconequus told her, “However, they aren’t exactly thrilled with me. Side note, do you happen to know anypony who knows a thing or two about legal advice?”
“W-what? Discord, what is this about-?”
“Oh, nevermind, I’ll just go ask our newly appointed ruler princess. Be back in a jiffy!”
Before Fluttershy could say anything else, Discord snapped his talons as a makeshift door manifested through chaos magic. Though, as he left, a piece of paper happened to drop on the floor and float over to the puzzled pegasus as the door closed and she was left alone with Angel Bunny.
However, one look at the paper told Fluttershy how much trouble her chaotic friend was in. “O-Oh my!”
When Twilight had taken over in place of Celestia and Luna, the alicorn thought that she had a general idea of what her day-to-day duties were supposed to be. Raise the sun in the morning, hold court, meet ambassadors and nobles on occasion, sign new legislation, make public appearances, lower the sun, raise the moon, rinse and repeat. Even though everyday didn’t quite exactly go like this, the diarch of friendship knew that as long as she didn’t think too much about it, everything was going to turn out fine.
Of course, there are also times where she had to expect the unexpected. So, when everypony in the castle looked like they were in suspended animation and some of the paperwork she was reviewing was floating on a cloud of cotton candy, only one possibility came to mind. “Discord, where are you?”
“Wow, straight to the point I see,” the spirit of chaos’s voice echoed behind one of the pillars in the hall of elements as he walked on out, dressed in what looked like a trench coat and a matching fedora, “You know, back in the day, it would take a bit longer for you to catch on to things like this. Now, you just read me like I’m an open book… and not the good kind of books either.”
“Well, I can think of only one creature who would not only do something like this, but also do it while I’m in the middle of something important,” Twilight sighed, before she rose up from her throne and teleported over to where Discord was standing, “So, why exactly do you want to see me?”
“Well, that’s the thing,” Discord said, taking off the coat he wore and having it land on a coat rack that he manifested through chaos, “I’m here to ask for some advice.”
That had the diarch of friendship blink for a moment, before she raised an eyebrow, “You know, if this has to do with you and Fluttershy, let it be known that Cadance is more qualified on romantic matters than I am-”
“No, no, no! Not that kind of advice,” he corrected himself, “I mean, legal advice.”
“… What did you do this time?”
“Nothing! I’ve been true to my word with no more funny business,” Discord insisted, before pulling out the letter he had received only a few minutes ago. “However… You remember my ‘curtain call’, right? Like everything after the battle of the bell and what I told you?”
“You mean when you were impersonating Grogar?”
“Yes that,” the draconequus nodded his head, before he handed the letter to Twilight for her to read, “Well, as it turns out, a certain someone wasn’t a fan of it… and they want revenge in court.”
It took Twilight about two minutes to read through the whole letter from top to bottom and when she was finished, the princess looked back at Discord with some manner of restraint. “So, let me see if I understand this correctly. You and Grogar… used to be friends?”
“Eh, almost… We tolerated each other, schemed on occasion, but nothing along the lines of being ‘friends’. I knew that there were times where being the bad guy bored him, but I didn’t think he would go as far as to bury the hatchet with his old rival. Not only that, but anytime I tried to keep in contact with him, any form of correspondence was brought back with ‘return to sender’ on it. Some of them even hit me in the face when I was still a stone statue.”
“And now that he’s back from travel… he thinks you ruined his reputation?”
“Somehow yes,” the draconequus replied, “Which is odd because all I did was take how he was portrayed in the story of Gusty the Great and follow it to the letter. I did not know about how he acted outside of this since he’s only mentioned in that single story and he refused to even send me a letter. Now, the only time he does reach out is with this. And I have no idea what to do.”
That last statement threw the princess into a bit of a loop as Twilight raised an eyebrow, “No idea-? Discord… do you have any idea how the court system works?”
The draconequus shrugged his shoulders, “Not really. I mean, Fluttershy did have me fill out the paperwork for the whole thing involving ‘jury duty’, but I’ve never been called once. That and I’m pretty sure this court has nothing to do with food.”
His words didn’t exactly inspire a lot of confidence as the alicorn let out a small breath, “Okay, listen. I don’t think I can be able to explain everything to you without you losing focus, so-”
“Princess, with all due respect, I’m not letting this one go,” Discord interjected, “I’m not letting somepony who just happened to show up after being absent for Faust knows how long try to bring me down now that I have my life back on track. I plan to fight this.”
“Discord… if I have to be honest with you, it’s not that simple,” Twilight explained, “You would need a lot of things in order to ‘fight’ this. Hay, I don’t think there would be anypony in their right mind that would even consider defending you-”
However, when the princess looked back at Discord, all she could see was something of a wicked smile on his face. Like a match had struck in his mind and an idea was beginning to burn brightly. A thought that really did not settle well with Twilight as she could only watch.
“My dear Twilight, if my colleague is asking for a fight… then I shall give it to him.”
When Grogar had sent his intention to sue to the draconequus that was responsible for his current predicaments, the ram thought that would be the end of it. That Discord would either be too distracted with his new life or care little to even challenge it.
Much to his surprise, he actually got a response back.
To my former friend in villainy, Grogar,
You disappoint me. You disappoint me more than chocolate bars with raisins tucked inside. You disappoint me more than the parents of every working adult who is fine with just receiving participation awards in life. To think that I have not heard a single word of how you had been over the years no matter how many times I’ve tried to reach out to you, and yet the one time you do reach out, you want to dismantle all the good I have done just because of sheer pettiness? Well, I got a few words just for you.
Bring it on, you son of a witch! I look forward to the day we finally get to see each other again. It will be a joyous reunion.
Warm Regards
Discord Isfet Apophis
The most (in)famous court battle in Equestrian History... sort of
When it comes to the creatures that work at the Canterlot Courthouse, their job was not too difficult at times. As they were notified of upcoming trials, it was their job to help lawyers select a jury for a case and make sure that it was a fair process. Nopony on the jury was to have heard about either the defendant or the one accusing them to avoid bias and make sure that they were qualified to participate on a jury. A pretty simple process that usually takes a hoof-ful of hours in order to get everything done correctly, depending on how long the trial goes on for.
However, when the courthouse learned that they were going to hold the trial between two former villains, Discord and Grogar… that was when things became a lot harder for them. A process that usually took a few hours now had to take days to even find creatures who not only did not know either of them, but were also equestrian citizens and did not have any biases that could influence the trial whatsoever. Not only that, but considering who was involved in this case, a few extra safety precautions had to be put in place on the off chance that either side tried anything malicious to influence the jury.
Nevertheless, once everything was accounted for and a judge was appointed to preside over the case, the trial of Grogar vs. Discord could begin as the gavel hit the stand and those who were in attendance were silenced, “Ahem. If every creature here is accounted for, then we can proceed. Court will now convene for the trial of Mr. Discord Apophis.”
“The prosecution is ready, your honor.” The lawyer that stood next to Grogar spoke. He appeared to be a unicorn in his mid thirties, who clearly looked to have a lot of legal experience under their belt if their demeanor and red suit were anything to go by.
“Is the defense ready-” The judge asked, before he turned his head to see that Discord was just standing by himself, “Mr. Apophis, do you have an attorney? If not, the court can provide you one-”
“How kind, but I will not need one. I’m defending myself.”
Every creature in the room, including the prosecution and the judge, practically did a double take. “I… beg your pardon?”
“That’s right, I’m defending myself,” Discord repeated, “With myself.”
At that same moment, what looked almost like a complete copy of the draconequus stood right next to them. Only that this one had a nice blue suit and had straightened their mane to the point that it looked like the end of it resembled spikes, “The defense is ready, your honor.”
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Grogar said from the other side of the courtroom, “Clearly, that’s breaking some kind of law right there. Aren’t you stretching it a bit?”
“Well, the only creature that knows me better than anypony else is myself,” the spirit of chaos replied, “Plus, there isn’t any law that prevents me otherwise.”
A few murmurs went throughout the room, but went silent as the judge began to speak again, “Well… as I was just informed, there is no such law preventing this. So, as long as the defense is able to do their job and only that, then the court will allow it. Are we clear?”
“Yes, your honor,” Lawyer-cord nodded.
“In that case, may the prosecution provide their opening statement?”
“Certainly, your honor,” the prosecution spoke as they levitated a piece of paper and began to read, “Today, the prosecution will make the case that the defendant repeatedly and willingly stole the identity of Mr. Grogar as well as portrayed him in such a negative light for their own personal gain. The evidence that we have is sufficient proof of this.”
When Discord peeked over at the goat on the other side of the room, he seemed… content with what was said. While it looked like he had a lot more to say, Grogar looked a bit disappointed when the opening remarks were kept short.
“Hmm. I see. Very well, then. Does the prosecution have anyone that they wish to call to the stand?”
“Only one… That being the defendant himself.”
“Hold it!” Lawyer-cord shouted as a cartoonish looking speech bubble randomly manifested above his head briefly, “Isn’t it too soon to have my client come forth and speak on the stand? Wouldn’t you have witnesses come forth first?”
“That’s the thing with this case,” the unicorn replied, “Every creature by now already knows what was done. However what is unknown, and what we’re here to try and determine today, is why. Your client did not have any conspirators who knew what he was doing and if everything we have is to be believed, no creature knew about his schemes until after The Battle of the Bell took place. So by definition, Mr. Apophis is the only witness.”
That had Discord flinch a bit. While Grogar had slightly warned him about his lawyers, he honestly thought that the former father of monsters was just bragging to try and get under his skin. Now though, this pony that he didn’t even know the name of had caught him off guard in the opening moments of the trial.
“Mr. Edge, do not be so quick to try and get a conviction,” the judge warned, “We hear testimonies from both sides in this courthouse. We will be hearing from both Mr. Apophis and your client as well before a verdict is reached.”
“I’m well aware,” the unicorn replied, “The prosecution would still call upon Mr. Apophis to the stand.”
With there looking to be no way out of this, Discord just went with it and walked over to the center of the court as he faced the judge. After having to swear to tell the truth and only the truth to the judge and the rest of the court, the unicorn named Mr. Edge began to speak.
“Mr. Apophis. You know what you stand on trial for and the severity of the charges against you, correct?”
Discord nodded his head as the prosecution lifted up a page, “While it says here that you changed your villainous ways for the better, that alone did not stop you from committing the actions that lead to these present charges. Yet, there’s one thing that’s missing.”
While in most situations, a defense lawyer would have their client remain silent on the stand, Lawyer-cord was not like most attorneys. If anything, he didn’t do anything to prevent Discord from what he said next, “Let me guess? My ‘reason’ for doing all of this?”
“Yes,” the unicorn replied, “For your first testimony, let us hear your ‘reasons’ for this.”
Discord took a quick glance over at his attorney, before looking back at the prosecution, “Do you mean the scheme itself, or why I chose to impersonate Groggy? Because, in all honesty, that wasn’t my first plan.”
At that point, the judge was even surprised, “It… wasn’t?”
“My client speaks the truth on this,” Lawyer-cord added, before holding up what looked like an envelope, “And we wish to present this to the court.”
“And what’s… this?”
“Attempted correspondence and documents associated with it,” the defense continued, “Before my client actually went through with his actions, he attempted to correspond with Grogar and try to coerce him into participating in an act of collaboration. My client's original plan was to bring on the plaintiff as a partner to work with and he would take on a more passive role. However, any attempts to try and reach the well-known father of monsters were either ignored completely or sent back.”
“As for the other documents, they include my reasons for why I went forward with it. If the prosecution and the plaintiff wish to see it for themselves, then by all means. When it comes to this, I have nothing to hide.”
The fact that the former ‘lord of chaos’ claimed that he had nothing to hide filled quite a few creatures in the room with doubt. Yet, if you were to take a look at the documents, his reasons for his actions were crystal clear. In the papers, it stated that two weeks prior to Celestia and Luna sharing their plans to retire to Princess Twilight and her friends, Discord overheard them discussing how they were going to break the news. Believing that Princess Twilight at the time would feel rather unprepared to immediately inherit the responsibility of an entire kingdom on her shoulders, Discord believed that if Twilight could overcome one final test against a creature that was unlike anything she had faced before, she would prove that she was capable for the positions and the responsibilities that came with it.
However, when attempts to try and contact Grogar failed and the amount of time he had before the princesses were to meet with Twilight and her friends became shorter, he was forced to do what was labeled as ‘the cover band approach’. That would be to appear similar to Grogar and act like Grogar… even though he wasn’t actually Grogar.
“Objection, your honor,” The Prosecution replied. “This looks more like an admission of guilt from Mr. Apophis of the charges against him. They're just stalling-”
“Oh, you would think that… but check near the back. I made sure to include something else,” the draconequus insisted.
The unicorn did, alongside the Plaintiff… before looking confused at what it said, “Fair use copyright… what in-?”
“As it turns out, your name had been immortalized through the original story of you and Gusty, Groggy.” Discord replied, “That little thing allows for me to use limited copyright of specific material without having to ask permission from the holder of it. Of course, they’re also good friends of mine.”
At this point, Grogar’s face was a burning hot red as he glared at Discord, “And just WHO would dare register MY name as part of this!?”
Outside the courthouse, everything was peaceful and quiet through the streets of Canterlot. Ponies were going about their daily lives as Twilight watched from the tower Luna once resided to watch the stars. It took a lot of work to get to this point, but to her, seeing her newfound subjects being happy and enjoying life was worth it.
Then, a furious war cry raged forth from the courthouse. “WHO THE BUCK IS HASBRO!?!”
Author's Note
"Oh, so it's not bad if I use fair use, but if the authors of fan projects like this story do it, it's cease and desist. Hypocrites."
-Discord, when countering an argument
(Side note, I had a bit more planned for this, but I didn't want to bore everyone with the constant back and forth. I think what everyone wants to see is the verdict... which comes next.)
By the time that Fluttershy had returned back home, she had finished everything that she needed to do today and was a bit exhausted after today. Ponyville was in the middle of a heatwave, there were long lines at the market and she wasn’t able to get everything that she needed to go shopping for. All the pegasus wanted was to trot into her cottage, sit down on the couch in the living room and just let the crisp air cool her off.
Unfortunately, the moment she entered the door, Fluttershy was immediately greeted by a familiar draconequus in a suit. “Oh, hello there Fluttershy. Welcome home.”
“D-Discord?” Fluttershy spoke, a bit caught off guard by his sudden appearance, “W-what are you doing here? D-don’t you have your trial today?”
“Yeah… I did. And there’s both good news and bad news,” Discord said as he removed his coat, “I was found not guilty-”
“-T-That’s great-”
“On one charge.”
“O-oh,” Fluttershy immediately backtracked her previous remark at that, “W-which one?”
“The character defamation charge. Personally, I’m convinced that the verdict was because of how quickly Grogar lost his temper when things weren’t going his way,” the spirit of chaos replied, “The charge of identity theft is the only one I’m being held accountable for… but considering the events that happened in the courtroom, the judge decided to have Twilight determine what happened next going forward.”
That still left Fluttershy a bit confused as she looked back at her friend with a concerned look, “S-so, what’s going to happen now?”
“Well, aside from the fine I have to pay, there’s… another thing I have to do. When Twilight learned about everything and looked over the case, she decided that for my sentence,” Discord paused for a brief moment as he thought to himself, before a lightbulb went off in his mind, “Do you remember when I was released from stone a second time and you reformed me?”
“O-of course. B-but, how does that-?”
“Think that, but I’m in your position and our angry little goat friend is in mine. Twilight has said that if I can reform him within the next few months, then she’ll have Grogar drop the charges completely and my record will be clean… On a related note, is the guest room available?”
Unfortunately for the draconequus, his pegasus friend had already passed out on the couch at that point.
Author's Note
And with that, the case is settled... for now at least
