If I told you that I was living with a woman I'd met only a few months ago, and that she was currently sitting in my lap while I pet her, you'd probably A: give me a weird look and wonder why I'm telling you this, and B: Think there was something up between her and me. But, nope!
I should probably explain. This isn't Earth, and she isn't a human woman. This is Equestria, and she is a talking pony.
It was just over a year ago that I arrived here. After the expected, "Oh my gosh! What the heck are you?! What the heck is going on?!," from both myself and the ponies, I got to meet their leader, Princess Celestia (suprisingly understanding person, pony, whatever), and found a place to stay with Fluttershy.
Now Fluttershy is the local animal whisperer. Imagine if Snow White or Cinderella was a tiny yellow horse with a mane and tail that looked like bubblegum and you'll have an idea of what she's like. Since she spends her time looking after all manner of critters, it seemed like she was best equipped to house the weird monkey-alien.
Since then, with Fluttershy's help I've been gradually adjusting to pony society. On the surface its not to different from back home, but don't let your guard down! Things are not always what they seem. To help myself keep track, I have begun compiling a list of helpful pony facts.
For instance: Pony fact #1- Magic exists. Oh yes. They use it for everything, up to and including the movement of celestial bodies.
Or: Pony fact #23- A musical number could break out at any moment. Any time a pony has an emotion they will break into song and anyone (or anypony as they say) in the area will join in, including yours truly. When I asked Fluttershy about it she just smiled and said that you get used to it after a while.
Speaking of Fluttershy. She spends nearly all day, every day feeding, medicating, cleaning, and cleaning up after a zoo's worth of animals. And she doesn't get paid. It's all out of the kindness of her heart. Of course, that also means that she runs herself ragged and refuses to ask for help. Not out of pride mind you, she's just afraid to inconvenience anyone by asking.
Honestly it would be adorable if it wasn't so frustrating.
It finally came to a head after one evening when Fluttershy was so tired that she could barely drag herself through the door, let alone up the stairs to her room.
The next morning, as always, she'd woken up early and was preparing breakfast by the time I'd gotten up (note to self: get an alarm clock).
"Oh! Good morning!" She said with a smile, "I've made some delicious eggs and sausage for you."
"Morning, Flutters," I replied looking down at the meat she'd gone so far out of her way to find for me. After a minute I looked back at her, "Fluttershy, I'm going to help you with the animals today."
She looked back at me suprised.
"Oh there's no need!" She replied with that same heart-melting smile, "It's no trouble at all!"
"Flutters, you could barely walk last night, you spend all day working for free, you feed and shelter me. I can't just keep sitting around doing nothing while you wear yourself out every day!"
"It's really not that bad...," Fluttershy said, looking at the ground.
"Yes it is."
"I just don't want to be a bother." her voice sank down to almost a whisper.
It was times like this that I needed to remember Pony fact #19- Ponies are incredibly stubborn. I was going to have to take extreme measures. My stomach was about to hate me.
"Fluttershy, if you don't let me help you, then I will not eat this wonderful, delicious breakfast that you have prepared for me."
That got her attention. A pair of blue eyes widened as my words hit.
"But... But..." Fluttershy searched for words, "You need to eat."
"And you need help with your workload. So what's it gonna be?" With that I began to push my plate away.
"I...You...It's..." She held out a hoof as if to stop me, only to slowly retract it once she realized I wasn't going to relent, "Oh, alright. If it's, you know, not too much trouble."
"I promise you it's not a prob-" My response was suddenly interrupted by my stomach loudly reminding me that I had yet to eat anything today.
"Why don't you go ahead and eat your breakfast before it gets cold," Fluttershy said with a cute little giggle that made her nose wrinkle up.
"Right," I said, while mentally I was shouting, "Must resist urge to pet!"
Pony fact #25- Half of all natural processes in Equestria are controlled/guided by Ponies.
I have no idea how she ever did it alone. Every animal needed to be fed, to have their bedding changed, to be washed and groomed. Some of them needed medicines, some of them didn't want to cooperate, and all of them required large, heavy, bags of supplies to take care of. And there were dozens of them.
It took some getting used to but eventually I learned the ropes and was able to help most of the different critters without Fluttershy constantly holding my hand (well, so to speak). The animals, on the other hand, took a little longer getting used to me. Unlike my host, I couldn't just talk to reassure them, so I just had to hope that they'd eventually learn to accept me.
One day, after feeding Harry the bear (nice guy, loves hugs), I mentioned something that had been sitting in the back of my head for a while.
"You know Flutters," I said as I lugged the now slightly less heavy bag of fish over my shoulder, "where I come from most of these animals do this sort of thing themselves."
"Hrmmph?! Wd dyoo mnn?" Fluttershy's actually words were muffled by the bag of birdseed she carried in her mouth but the meaning was clear.
"Oh yeah," I continued, "I mean, a lot of people do put out bird feeders. But deer? Snakes? Bears?" I nodded back the way we'd come, "They usually feed themselves. Heck if a bear gets too used to humans that's a bad thing. I would never have gone near Harry if I didn't trust you that it was safe."
We reached a tree with several feeders hanging from it. Fluttershy flew up to one and began to fill it up.
"Oh my," She said, "I can hardly imagine something like that. It would be like if all of Equestria was the Everfree forest!"
"Well, its our home," I shrugged, "We're used to it. And most animals will leave you alone as long as you leave them alone. Plus, there's no magic, so it might actually be a little less dangerous than the Everfree."
Fluttershy giggled a bit at that. (Dang it! Why is she so adorable?).
Evenings are usually peaceful. After dinner the two of us will sit near the fire (weirdly enough, ponies have electricity but don't seem to use it in their homes) and talk about whatever comes up.
Flutters tells me about her latest adventure with her friends and I'll tell her about life back home. She especially loves to hear about the animals and how they compare to ones here. Its almost like she was replaced with Pinkie Pie the way she goes from calm and cute to animatedly excited (but still cute).
huh... Now that I think about it they even sound a little similar. I wonder if they're related.
Pony fact #40: Ponies are fascinated by human hands.
On one particular evening we were sitting on the couch while Fluttershy read from a book of old stories. The cottage's third tenant, a bunny named Angel (although I could list a few, more appropriate names), had decided to join us. This critter had taken quite some time getting used to me, and by that I mean that a good day was one where he treated me like part of the furniture. That had changed, however when he realized that human hands were very good at petting, and especially good at giving scratches.
Angel was currently sitting next to me while I absent-mindedly scratched the back of his neck. After a few minutes I realized two things: 1. I had zoned out at some point, and 2. Fluttershy had stopped reading and was now looking at the two of us with a somewhat confused expression.
"Alright," She said, closing the book maybe a bit more forcefully than necessary, "I think it is time for you to go to bed Angel."
The little rabbit tried to protest, but a quick application of the infamous Stare shut him right up.
As Angel hopped away, I turned my attention back to Fluttershy. This wasn't like her. Normally she'd let Angel stay up until he fell asleep by himself. She kept turning to me like she wanted to say something and then quickly turning away. Someone who'd only just met her might think that sounds perfectly normal, but when Flutters has gotten used to someone she only acts like this if she thinks it really important or really silly.
"Are you okay?" I asked. She stared at the floor in a vain attempt to make it seem like she hadn't been looking.
"Flutters?"
"Um... well, I was just wondering..."
"Its alright, I promise I won't laugh."
"Its just," She paused and took a deep breath, "I-I was watching you petting Angel just now and, well, I was wondering... was wondering what... whatitwouldfeelliketogetpetlikethat!"
It took me a second to decipher that last bit, she'd said it so fast. During that brief time Fluttershy had curled up on the floor, hooves covering her face, and what could be seen through them was bright red. Another minute and she'd have steam coming out of her ears.
I knelt down on the floor beside her.
"Flutters," I said, "It's okay. Do you want to talk about it?"
With a little whimper, she lowered her forelegs to peek out at me.
"It's just," She almost whispered, still trying to avoid eye contact, "Angel always looks so happy when you're petting him, and all the other animals say that you give the best scratches," She was starting to get louder and her speech was speeding up, "and I can't help but wonder how it feels, and just now I startedimaginingthatitwasmeyouwerepettinginsteadofAngelandyouprobablythinkI'msomekindofweirdonowanddon'twanttospeaktomeeveragain-"
"Fluttershy!"
She looked up.
"I told you. It's okay," I climbed back on the couch and patted the spot next to me, "come on up here."
She hopped up to join me.
"So, do you really want me to pet you?" I asked her.
"... yes..."
"Are you some weirdo who I'll never want to speak to again?"
"No! I was just afraid-"
"Then it's okay."
A few moments later there was a small yellow pegasus lying curled up on my lap.
"Okay," I said, "I'm gonna start."
"Wait!" Fluttershy cried just as I began to lower my hand, "Promise you won't tell anypony?"
"Don't worry, I won't." I replied with a hopefully reassuring smile.
"Pinkie Promise?"
From the look on her face I could tell she really meant it.
"Cross my heart and hope to d- to fly," That part always trips me up, "stick a cupcake in my eye."
The first thing I noticed was how incredibly soft she was. I'd mentally compared ponies to plush toys in the past, but this was on a whole other level. It felt less like fur and more like what you might imagine a cloud feels like. Instantly I never wanted to stop.
"Does that feel alright Flutters?" I asked while running my fingers through her mane.
"mhm,"She replied, eyes closed with a contented smile, "That feels nice."
The two of us sat there in silence for a little while. I could feel her heartbeat slow down as she relaxed.
heh
"She's just like a cat," I thought.
Actually...Wait a minute. What was that sound? I continued petting and leaned my head down slightly. A low, rumbling was coming from the back of her throat; quietly at first, but steadily growing louder.
Was she? She was!
"Fluttershy? Are... are you... purring?"
She stiffened.
"Ummm....noooooo?"
Pony fact #52: Ponies are terrible liars. They look around wildly, stretch out their words, and basically act incredibly suspicious. In fact any pony who is good at lying is basically guaranteed to be evil
"Reeeaaaallly?" I asked, "So what was that sound then?"
"Um, it was, uh, the train!" Fluttershy quickly exclaimed as pink started to creep up her muzzle, "Th-That must have been it!"
"Hmm... I don't think so," I replied, feigning ignorance, "The train doesn't run at this hour"
"Oh, I uh, maaaybeee it was Pinkie Pie out playing her yovidaphone?"
"Nah, couldn't be. That thing doesn't sound nearly as cute as you!"
About half a second later I realized I'd said that last part out loud. Another half second and I realized that Fluttershy was staring up at me, eyes wide, mouth hanging open, and her whole face red as a tomato.
"Y-y-y-y-you-you think I'm c-c-c-cute?" The words barely managed to escape her mouth.
My first instinct was to deny it. To claim she just misheard me. But, now that I'd said it, I couldn't take it back. I decided to go for it.
"Yes Fluttershy," I began after a deep breath, "Yes I do. And I think you are the sweetest, kindest, most adorable person I've ever met. Yes, I said person, not pony. I'm including humans in that. I am so happy to have met you, and to know you, and I hope to show you just as much care as you have given me."
A moment of stunned silence followed. For a second Fluttershy looked like she was going to say something only to instead leap off the sofa and practically gallop out of the room.
I guess I should have expected something like that.
After a few minutes I decided that I should get to bed. Just as I was about to blow out the candle there was a soft knock at the door.
Outside stood a small yellow and pink pegasus.
"I... I just wanted to say," she looked at the ground nervously, "Thank you!"
With that she ran back to her room.
"Goodnight!" She called from down the hall.
"Goodnight Flutters."
Like I said, there's nothing going on between us.
Nothing at all.
Author's Note
I just wanted to make a joke about ponies making cat noises but one thing led to another and I ended up with this.
Let me know if you liked it. Let me know if you didn't like it. Be sure to let me know any way I can improve!
