Havoc

Whatever I think I saw is gone now. Shit, I hoped to find a way out of this. I guess I can only wait, so I will continue with my story in the meanwhile.

I felt a powerful magic enveloping me, and I was teleported to a grassy hill, from where Ponyville was a small spot in the distance. In front of me was a pinkish mare with a violet and white mane. Her eyes were purple with a white spiral instead of pupils, and her cutie mark was a baseball and a screw. She also had a beanie with a propeller on top which allowed her to fly around. I turned back to draconequus, the pain in my jaw disappearing to my relief.

“This should be far enough, a chaos battle is no place for the Elements of Harmony,” the earth pony said.

“Screwball?” I asked.

“You know my name, huh? You must be one of those bronies father warned me about,” she said with anger, “pray to your divinities, for your life is about to end.”

“Look, I don’t know what your deal is, but I don’t want to get involved. I just want to find a way back home,” she laughed when I said that.

“You know nothing, Havoc. You are but a chess piece in a larger game, and your master won’t allow you to leave the chessboard until you win or you die.”

“That’s two game of thrones references already... Anyways, I don’t believe you, there must be a way for me to return home. And if there isn’t, I will just live here and enjoy it.” It can’t be that hard, can it?

“You are fooling yourself if you think that. Now prepare to die.”

“You really want to kill me? You are just a weird pony, and I am a freaking draconequus!” I exclaimed, ready to release the frustration I had bottled up against the universe on her.

“You are just a draconequus minor, and I am Discord’s harbinger!” she said, and then she attacked.

She had somehow been hiding her chaos energy from me, as I could only feel it when she used it. Or maybe it’s not something I can feel like Pinkie’s chaos. I didn’t feel energy coming from Twilight Sparkle, either. She conjured a bazooka that fired confetti towards me. A knowledge I didn’t knew I had told me that the apparently harmless projectile would severely drain my magic reserves, and how to stop it. I conjured a party hat that protected me from the assault, as nothing happened when the confetti touched my skin. Then I attacked with a soda siphon, that she drank wholly.

To the untrained eye, all of those things would look like we were playing, but that’s the deal with fights between two chaos users. I will try to explain it: when two creatures that use chaos magic fight each other, the fight is double. On the one side, there’s the normal fight, in which you try to kill the opponent by normal means, on the other side, there’s the chaos part. Doing something chaotic against your opponent will do real damage if he’s unable to come up with an appropriate counter. That is why the way to win is to be more unpredictable and better at improvising than your opponent, so you can reduce his magic reserves until you can kill him with a normal attack. Of course, I wasn’t fully aware of all of that at the moment, I was just following my instincts and hoping they would lead me to victory.

We started a pie fight, both of us summoning them and throwing them at each other. Her smaller frame gave her advantage, but I managed to get close enough to her while blocking her pies with my own to maul her with my right arm. The deep wounds on her belly healed a few seconds later, leaving part of her body soaked in blood but intact.

“Impossible! When did you learn to fight chaos with chaos?!” she asked.

“I have no idea,” in fact, I had never gotten myself in a serious fight back on Earth, so I was as surprised as her. “Surrender already and I won’t hurt you.”

“You really think you can win?” she said, then she started laughing like a maniac, “IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!”

She opened her mouth more than it should be physically possible and fired a huge blue laser. I tried to avoid it, but I was too slow and it vaporized a third of my left arm off. Luckily, my ent arm was almost insensitive to pain and could regrow, so I sped up its regrowth with magic. Doing so severely reduced my mana, but I still had enough to keep on fighting. I threw a blue book with a white f on the cover to her face, but she summoned a blue tweeting bird that stopped it midair. She summoned a shotgun that fired piranhas, but I created a cauldron full of boiling water and forced them to fall in it, then I opened a blue portal, stuck my finger inside, and it exited through an orange portal in front of the shotgun, blocking the barrel. Screwball opened fire and the shotgun’s barrel exploded in her face, blackening it. She cleaned herself and positioned herself to launch a kamehameha, so I imitated her position.

“KAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEHAAAMEEEEEEEEEEE” we shouted in unison, “HAAAAAA!”

Two huge energy waves, hers pink and mine blue, collided midair. The logical thing would have been to continue pouring energy into them until one of us won the struggle, but this was a chaos battle and that would have destroyed my magic reserves in seconds. That is why I stopped my attack and teleported behind her. I concentrated my cosmos in my hands, making the positions of the stars of the Pegasus Constellation, finishing just as Screwball stopped her attack and noticed me.

“Pegasus meteor fist!” I shouted, and I punched her a hundred times in a second. I can’t believe this shit is working, I just used a Ki attack from Dragon Ball and a Cosmo technique from Saint Seiya and I didn’t even waste energy!

She was hit by the first barrage of attacks, but suddenly she had a golden armor and dodged them all.

“You have not unlocked the seventh sense, bronze knight! Your sonic speed attacks are nothing to somepony like me, that can move at the speed of light!” she said while she dodged, her armor disappearing as soon as my attack ended.

Luckily for me, she could only move so fast to avoid my previous attack, or else I would be screwed. I flew back and materialized a katana.

“BANKAI!” I shouted, and my katana turned into a black blade with an inversed swastika for a handle.

“Getsuga Tenshō!!!” I said, slashing the air with the blade. A black wave of energy flew towards Screwball, who shouted “Rasengan!” and created a ball of energy on her hoof that splitted my attack in two, leaving her unscathed.

An instinct told me that doing more anime-based attacks would be predictable and non-chaotic, so I wouldn’t be able to perform more of them in the same fight. But I want to do ‘Za Warudo’!

I changed my strife specibus to ‘hammerkind’ and appearified a pogo hammer, as well as Thor’s hammer. I dual wielded them against Screwball, who blocked my homestuck attack with Gordon Freeman’s crowbar, then she used FusRoDah on me.

The battle dragged on, neither of us gaining advantage over the other, and it seemed like we would never run out of magic (or imagination (or stupid attacks (or time before we were noticed (now that I think about it, how come nopony noticed our fight? It was rather conspicuous with all the energy attacks and explosions)))) until she created a pink barrier and began conjuring something powerful. The amount of power she was spending on whatever she was doing was much more than I had ever had before, which made me realize she probably had a point when she said I couldn’t win. Wait, she’s SPENDING energy, so it’s not a chaos attack, what is she up to? The energy formed a black sphere in front of her, which slowly took the shape of a pony almost as big as Celestia. Wings and three horns sprouted from the black mass, followed by a mane and a tail. The blackness became more compact and suddenly it turned into flesh.

An alicorn was facing me now. An alicorn I knew about, for I suddenly remembered that I was his creator. Back on Earth, I had written a satirical fic in which my really crappy OC defeated his sisters Celestia and Luna because they had banished him to deep space to fight Cthulhu, had Fluttershy as his waifu and did everything a Mary Sue would, killing all the main villains at the same time forever without flinching included. He was a black and white alicorn, with an alicorn horn plus two bullhorns. His wings were leathery, he had carnivore teeth and his red eyes had slitted pupils. He also wore some kind of regalia on his hooves. He didn’t have a cutie mark, as he had erased it from his flank with his eldritch powers because he considered himself too dark and cool to have one. He was Black Hole, worst OC ever.

“Fear not, Equestria!” he exclaimed with his deep, booming, sensual, annoying voice, “for I, Grand Prince Sephirothas Griffingarion Serenity Truenis Raven Crimsonwing Darkshadow Daisuke Emerentius the Second, Black Hole for mortals, Celestia and Luna’s long lost half-brother, have returned from dark space to slay this wretched creature!” As soon as he said that, I started hearing music coming from his body.

“No way,” I said, “you can’t have enough power to create an alicorn stronger than Luna, Celestia, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Discord and Tirek together. Moreover, you shouldn’t even be able to create life like that, isn’t that something reserved to gods or something?” I felt more mad at her than afraid. We have been fighting on the same level, and now she’s created a freaking alicorn to fight me! Not fair!

“He doesn’t need to be as powerful as you made him in your imagination to wipe the floor with you. He is not a chaos creature, so you won’t be able to fight against him like you did against me, you have lost.”

Black Hole didn’t seem to notice how Screwball ruffled his mane as she said that. He started charging an energy beam with his horn, giving me just enough time to conjure a mirror. The beam was reflected and signed Screwball’s tail. The laser beam had been powerful but not overwhelming. I felt a bit relieved when I realized that he couldn’t be stronger than the energy spent on creating him, which was ‘only’ ten times what I had at the beginning of the fight. Well, I’m fucked... Wait, I gave this fag a weakness, I might survive if I exploit it.

I ran away from them, countering Screwball’s chaos based attacks and avoiding Black Hole’s beams and Mary Sueish gravitational magic at the same time. I hoped I was heading in the right direction, as their attacks would eventually overwhelm me at this rate. I finally saw my goal: a small cottage near the forest. I flew through a window, crashing against a birdhouse. I looked around and saw a yellow pegasus mare with a pink mane staring at me in shock.

“Sorry!” I said before I used my mind manipulation on Fluttershy, making her forget she had seen me. Ugh, I will be hated by so many bronies if they ever find out what I am about to do.

When Black Hole came in, I made Fluttershy see a mean fox torturing her bunny, Angel, (the real Angel was kicking me where my balls should be if my body had them, I hate him so much) and changed her shyness into anger.

“HOW DARE YOU?!” she screamed as she used The Stare on the alicorn.

“Fluttershy, my love, what is wrong?”

“You will cease right now and apologize!”

Black Hole’s will was being crushed by the power of The Stare, so he teleported away before being totally subdued. Fortunately, the music left with him. I have never liked Muse.

“What have you done to him?!” screamed Screwball as she came through the window I had broken. I sicked Fluttershy on her.

I knew Black Hole would eventually return, and they would find a way around Fluttershy. Also, I feared what kind of cosmic imbalance I would cause if they killed or hurt Fluttershy, who might not be best pony but I was fond of her. I took Screwball, trapped her in a bubble gum and left the cottage, only then releasing Fluttershy’s mind. I kicked the bubble gum containing the still dazed pony as far as I could, then I left in the opposite direction.

I flew in my dragon form as fast as I could until I was too tired to continue. My magic reserves were on critically low levels, as I had wasted the last of my mana on healing my body so I could sprint for two hours. I estimated that I had covered around 500 kilometers, and something in my mind told me that I had left Equestria. Later I realized that there was a lack of ambiental magic, something that I hadn’t noticed in Equestria because it had been always there.

“Shit dude, that was crazy,” I told myself, wheezing as I turned back to draconequus, “I need to find a way to refill my magic reserves.”

I lied down and took a little nap to recover my energies, as I doubted they would find me after putting so much distance between us. I had been sleeping for less than thirty minutes when something falling on me woke me up. It was a heavy net and it would take me some time to get out of it.

“We caught monster!” something with a gruff voice said behind me, then I heard howling. Well, isn’t this convenient.

“Oh no! You caught me! Now I will have to grant you three wishes!” I lied as I turned to face three diamond dogs. Tricking these idiots is going to be easy as cake... I want some cake now.

“Three wishes?” said the one in the middle, who was the only one wearing armor and a spear.

“Yes, I am a faery chimaera. I am obliged to grant three wishes if I am caught. Who was the one who threw the net?”

“Me! Me!” said the one in the right, who was bigger than the others.

“Is that so? Because I will only grant wishes to one of you, the others will get nothing.”

As I expected, the three fought over that. Dance, puppets, dance! Hahahahahaha. The one in the left was soon killed by the armed one, who then fought with the big one. The fight was short but intense, and in the end the big one managed to unarm his opponent and stab him with his own spear. I gained a good amount of energy, but I knew I would need much more if I ever hoped to beat Screwball.

“I trapped you, I want wishes now,” the tired diamond dog said between pants.

“Come closer, my master, and all your wishes will be granted.”

He did as I told him, albeit with a bit of reluctance, and when he was close enough one of the vines that surrounded my ent arm jumped like a snake and touched his forehead. His black fur became gray and he looked at me funny. Now, evil laugh time! I laughed, but... Well, let’s say it wasn’t that much of an evil laugh. I changed to frog, leaped out of the net and changed back.

“Now, listen to me. I am a draconequus, the deadliest creature in this world. I have used my powers to change your personality, and you will do as I say unless you want to be killed. Understood?”

“Yes,” he said with fear, even if his eyes were saying “how can you have such a shitty evil laugh then?” to me.

“Good, tell me about yourself.”

“My name is Ruffus. I am a scout from Copper Depth.”

“What have I changed with my spell?”

“I am not entirely sure. I can speak fluently now, so you may have increased my intelligence. ...Which implies I was stupid before...” he added a bit downcast, “Apart from that, I don’t feel different, even if I am.”

“Tell me about your race. I want to know about your social organization, your culture, everything you know,” he looked surprised.

“That will take hours!”

“Then you may want to start as soon as possible.”

I learned a lot about diamond dogs from Ruffus. They were lead by an Alpha, who was the strongest member. The beta was the only one who could challenge the Alpha to a duel for leadership, and any member could challenge the beta. Like the headbands from Afro samurai. He also told me about their culture, their traditions and myths, social interactions, how they used slaves to dig in their mines for gems, their relationship with dragons, who often demanded a tribute of gems (or flesh) and they wouldn’t destroy the whole diamond dog warren in exchange, the differences between castes, the location of the nearest warrens and the most important ones, the little information he had about them, and much more. I have forgotten many of the things he said, but I guess I will remember them as I keep on telling my story to myself and whoever is listening.
It was already dark when he finished talking. I looked at the corpses of the other two dogs and asked him about them.

“The armed one was the leader of our group. We scouted the area looking for potential slaves. Whenever we capture one, one or two of us brings him to the warren. There must be always a diamond dog in this place to warn the others about dragons or other dangers.”

“Do you cannibalize your deads?”

“Only if the Alpha allows it in extreme circumstances, otherwise we bury them.”

“That’s all I wanted to know. Now I will turn you back to your normal self, and you won’t tell anyone about me. I will know and I can kill you even if you think you are safe deep inside your warren, understood?”

“Yes, I understand,” he said, gulping.

I returned him to normal and he left as fast as his legs could carry him. I wanted to laugh at him, but I remembered with embarrassment my previous failure of an evil laugh, so I just took the clothes of one of the dead dogs that would fit my diamond dog body and flew away. I had decided to infiltrate a warren with my diamond dog form, as Ruffus had told me that Granite Back accepted new members without asking many questions.

Get in there, feed on the energy that the slaves release because of their despair, become stronger than Screwball and Black Hole, beat them, ?????, profit.