I sneak into a Lunarist prison to receive vital information from a pony from the past. Why is Equestria the way it is now, and what should we do about it?

<sup>Received an honorable mention at the 2022 Everfree Northwest "Iron Author" speedwriting competition. The prompt this year required that three themes be included: a gaffe, a guerilla, and a guru.

Thank you to the organizers and congratulations to the winners (unofficially documented here)! Also, thank you Mica for prereading and giving feedback.</sup>