My Little Fantasy

Chapters

Chapter 01: And So, My Journey... Begins? What?
Chapter 02: Pastel... Pastel Everywhere!
Chapter 04: I... What... How... Pink Is My New Least-Favorite Color.
Chapter 05: I'm On Fire, Baby.
Chapter 06: I Need Sunglasses.
Chapter 07: Something's Coming from the Sea!
Chapter 08: (Not) Interesting Gemstone Feng-Shui.
Chapter 09: I Guess Barret Was Wrong, After All.
Chapter 10: Pipesmoke.
Chapter 11: Duel at High Moon.
Chapter 12: Stuff That'll Blow Up In My Face Later.
Chapter 13: Ponies, Dragons, and Bears - Oh My!
Chapter 14: Plan C? Never Heard Of It!
Chapter 15: I Hate Cats.
Chapter 16: Twenty Questions, Less-Than-Twenty Answers.
Chapter 17: Defenseless Pancake Ponies.
Chapter 18: Unicorns Can Do Magic, Who Knew?
Chapter 19: I've Met A Terrible Fate, Haven't I?
Chapter 20: A Clown's Tale.
Chapter 21: Wardrobe Malfunctions.
Chapter 22: Awful Alliteration.
Chapter 23: Trains, Trains, Trains.
Chapter 24: That's Not How Anything Works, Trixie.
Chapter 25: Stratospheric Basketweaving.
Chapter 26: The Burnt Magician.
Chapter 27: A Brawl of Ice and Fire.
Chapter 28: The Biggest Dreamer.
Chapter 29: Better Than Daffodils on Rye.
Chapter 30: A Trip Down Memory Stream.
Chapter 31: Pink - Equestria's Natural Warning Label.
Chapter 32: The Most Important Quest, Ever.
Chapter 33: Obsessive Sephiroth Disorder.
Chapter 34: Return of the King.
Chapter 35: The Final Curtain Call.
Chapter 36: Death of a Magician.
Chapter 37: Fashionista, First Class.
Chapter 38: Birth of a New Moon.
Chapter 39: Dawn of the Final Day.
Chapter 40: Day on the Town.
Chapter 41: Move Out!
Chapter 42: Looking for Diamonds, in All the Wrong Places.
Chapter 43: Don't Forget the Kitchen Sink!
Chapter 44: Trixie's Illusory World.
Chapter 45: When Hope Reaches Zero...
Chapter 46: Destroyer of Worlds.
Chapter 47: From Jenova, With Love.
Chapter 48: Shoulders II - Fashion Boogaloo.
Chapter 49: To Be Magnificent.
Chapter 50: Legacy.
Chapter 51: It's Weak to What, Now?
Chapter 52: A Chance Encounter.
Chapter 53: Under the Moonlight.
Chapter 03: Back in Gaea, We Called 'Em "Chocobos."

Chapter 01: And So, My Journey... Begins? What?

And So, My Journey... Begins? What?

Chapter 1: And So, My Journey... Begins? What?

I open my eyes, releasing my head from its resting place in my hands and looking around. The world around me is green, pulsing... flowing like water, all of it. After taking it in for a moment, it's then I notice the other people here. They're... me? Why are there so many copies of myself here? They're definitely me – the same forward-spiked yellow hair, the same blue clothes, held together with the same leather and metal belt, the same metal shoulder and arm guards, the same green eyes. And... there's a woman here too. She seems... familiar... but my memory is hazy. I can't seem to call up those memories, no matter how much I...

“Liar!”

“Fraud!”

“Failure!”

My head is ringing. I quickly grasp it back in my palms, clutching at it, trying to make the pain go away as words continue to echo in my mind. I look back up to the other versions of myself, they're all standing and walking to stand beside her. Can they remember? Do they not hear those obscene voices in the back of their minds? Wait... they're... merging? I don't understand this at all. Soon, there's only her, myself, and my other self left. I look up at them, and they're looking back to me. My double's eyes look so... accepting of everything, as if he's reached some new realization about himself. A realization that we, that I...

No! I won't accept this as real! I... I... I'm sinking? Sinking into the stream? She's running to me full speed now, yelling my name, wanting to save me so I can rejoin the whole. “Cloud! Cloud! You need to fight it! Come back to us, Cloud!”

But... I don't want to rejoin the whole, the whole where I... where I... where I what? I can't seem to remember anymore. I'm enveloped in this pulsing, green stream. I close my eyes, letting it carry my body where it may. At first it was warm, but slowly it became cool, soothing, and I could hear it hum in my ears like a real stream. I let it take me away, drifting into the embrace of sleep...

The dreams... honestly, there were no dreams. I awake wet and cold, and... feeling a tug at the neck of my clothes? I know my memories are missing in action, but that's definitely wrong! I shouldn't be getting dragged around anywhere! I attempt to rouse myself further, jump up to face whatever threat I've somehow encountered, but all I can muster is some groggy writhing as my eyes attempt to refocus themselves. The sun's so... bright. Wherever I am, it must be the middle of the day. Soon, an outline enters my vision, not far above my head, its... no, hers, definitely female. Her hair cascades down the outlines of her face. It reminds me a little of the one from before... from before? From where? All I can remember is being swept along that green current...

As my eyes adjust, I can begin to make out colors. ...Pink? Her hair is pink? The hell? As my eyes adjust further, I begin to notice something else about her – she's definitely not human. This gets my body going at last as I quickly roll and leap to the side, making some distance as I assume a crouching battle stance. I use my left hand for leverage, so I can use it to aide me leaping forward or back as needed, while reaching my right hand up to draw my...? My what? My instincts say there should have been some kind of weapon back there, but... nothing.

Pushing my confusion aside, I look at the creature that had been pulling me. She's... cowering, with her hooves over her face? Were those hooves? I narrow my eyes, watching her as she peeks her head out to watch me as well. I slowly lower my right arm, relaxing it but maintaining my battle posture in case this is some kind of ruse to get me to lower my guard. I may not have whatever weapon I expected myself to have, but I could still be ready to make a cheap shot and flee if things get dicey. She, meanwhile, seems to be getting her confidence back, taking to a fluttering hover a bit off the ground with a pair of tiny wings I hadn't noticed before. Her wide, blue-green eyes seem to be looking me over with a cautious, curious gaze. Why are her eyes so big? Why... why is her coat a pastel yellow? Something is definitely wrong here. My barely-functioning memory cycles through a few nasty creatures I can remember, but nothing even close to this comes to mind. Where exactly am I?

“Um, hello?” She says to me sheepishly. She can speak... and the same language as I use? This normally wouldn't surprise me much... but it's clear I'm probably not even on the same planet I was on before. Then again, I can barely remember anything about that planet, so what do I know? “Hey there, don't be scared now...” She continues, but if anything, she's the one that seems scared...

I contemplate replying, but for now decide to play stupid, merely softening my glare to try and make her feel at ease as I continue to process the situation. She approaches slowly, closing the distance as she rests a hoof on my shoulder. It's a lot... softer and warmer than I'd expect a hoof to be. Huh. She tilts her head, and we maintain eye contact for a few moments before she speaks again.

“I've never seen a critter like you in the Everfree Forest before.” She says, in that calming voice of hers. Wait, critter? I'm not a godda... wait a minute. She's never seen a human before? This is getting a whole lot more confusing, and I've got the feeling it'll just get worse before it gets better... “Can you speak? Do you have a name? I'm Fluttershy, and we should really go get you dried off before you get sick, Celestia knows what you were doing floating down the river like that...” River? I guess that explains the change between silent and warm to humming and cold... Celestia? The name of the God these things worship? How odd, she even uses colloquialisms I'm familiar with...

I'm tempted to take her up on that offer... I am getting rather cold in these drenched clothes, but I'm not stupid. I leap back from her, turning and quickly dashing into the forest. Maybe it's being too untrusting, but I'd rather see more of this strange new place before I mess up trusting the wrong creature and end up flambe'd as their lunch.

“Wait!” She yells back after me, trying her best to keep up with me with those scrawny wings of hers. How do those even give her enough lift to fly, anyway? “The Everfree Forest is dangerous! You might get hurt!” She calls out, warning. I remember enough to know I can defend myself more than adequately if something actually attacks me, assuming she's telling the truth. Right now, though, I just want to get away. I look back, noticing she's already gone. She was slow, but I knew she should still be at least visible behind me. Maybe she gave up? Maybe this place really is dangerous? Ah, shit, what've I gotten myself into now...

Eventually, I arrive at some kind of run-down temple... thing. It's overgrown with plants, the ceiling is missing in several areas, and many windows are obviously shattered. I head deeper inside, and I can't help but admire some of the craftsmanship that's gone into it. The few windows that aren't shattered depict more of those quadruped creatures, in various designs and colors, though it appears many artistic liberties were taken with their forms. I can't imagine they built this structure without... well... hands, so... were they worshiped on this planet? But the one before... Fluttershy? What a comically fitting name. She said she'd never seen a human before. Is there some other kind of creature who could have made this place? Did they make this place and eventually go extinct or into hiding or something? What stained glass windows remain don't tell me anything useful. They just look like, well, pictures to me, though the craftsmanship is clearly top notch.

The sun outside is starting to set, and all the running has left me tired. How long was I unconscious in that river, anyway? Who knows... but I suppose I'll hunker down here for tonight. If this forest really is dangerous, the worst stuff most likely comes out at night, and I doubt I'll find better shelter than here. I find some of the crumbled stones and huddle them into the corner, making a sort of barrier with them to further hide me just in case something from outside wanders in before slumping against the wall. Not the most comfortable of places to sleep to be sure, but better than being outside. Maybe I should have taken up that pastel yellow... thing on her offer. Too late now. I close my eyes, hoping rest comes quickly, but keeping my ears perked in case any intruders happen by...

A/N: Not my first time writing, but my first time writing anything pony-related. I was working on several other projects when this idea came to me. After having fleshed out what I consider the base story arc well enough that I thought I could make something concrete out of it, and hammered it out. I'm fairly happy with the result, something that's rare for me, so hopefully everyone who reads can enjoy! I'm going to be trying to go with shorter chapters that I can update a bit more frequently with, but really the only true determiner of length will be what I consider to be a natural stopping point. This way, I can at least try to keep updates coming out semi-consistently. Enough of my rambling, enjoy everyone!

Chapter 02: Pastel... Pastel Everywhere!

Pastel... Pastel EVERYWHERE!

Chapter 2: Pastel... Pastel EVERYWHERE!

Another dreamless night. I was hoping I'd get lucky with yesterday being the dream. Oh well. Deep down I know I've been through worse, even if I still can't recall any of it. I feel like I'm being watched, but I can't find anything when I take a look around. Hell, I'm in one of the fully enclosed rooms I could find in this place. Plenty of sunlight is filtering in through the high windows... damn, I must've slept a lot more than I should have.

“Achoo!”

...And the pastel thing was right. Now I'm sick. Exactly what I need right now. Only way this could get worse is if-

“Grrruhghhh.”

….For the love of. No, that's not a wild animal, that's my stomach. Eating, that's a thing, right. I'll have to set off. What that... whatever she was said before has me a bit concerned, but there must be some kind of civilization nearby. I'd rather not live off furry woodland creatures if I can help it. I push aside the various rocks I'd used as my makeshift shelter-inside-the-shelter so that anything that comes by won't be able to tell I was here and head off into the woods again.

Now I can definitely feel it as I walk. Eyes. Watching my every move. I'm gonna get jumped by a pack of goddamn guard hounds or something out here while I'm unarmed, aren't I? Wait, guard hound? That's not anything I remembered yesterday. Doesn't matter, maybe it mea-

…

I swear I just saw a guard hound or... something kind of like one jumping through the trees, following me. It looks like it's made out of... wood? No, must've been wrong, that'd be crazy talk. Probably just some good camoflague. I decide to pick up my pace to a full run, in case they suddenly decide to pounce. Why aren't they? If there's one, there's probably more. That's how these things hunt. Am I really that much of a strange and unusual creature to this... wherever I am, that even the pack animals are unsure if they want to pounce on me? Apparently.

After a while of running, the... whatever they are seem to have backed off. I don't feel their eyes on me or catch glimpses of their forms jumping through the trees. Good. I caught glimpses of some other... weird creatures as I ran through. Something that looked like a lizard-chicken and some other stuff. I probably should've paid more attention but I was busy making sure those wood things didn't jump me. Oh well, whatever doesn't get recognized kills me later. Hopefully whatever reason they stopped chasing me isn't a bigger preda-

Well. Definitely not a bigger predator. Unless a town's a predator, which I'm pretty sure it's not. A town with an industrial-scale treehouse in the middle. Again, I'm pretty sure I've seen stupider things so we'll go with it. All I know is right now, a town is answers... and food that's not a small lovable animal or potentially poisonous plant. I head in post-haste, but what my eyes see as I get closer just leaves me, well... what. More of those pastel things. Tons more. So they really are the sentient being here? …How do they build these kinds of things without hands, anyway?

Great, they're staring at me now. All of them. With their nonsensical colors and what look like hip tattoos? I'm still too far out to see what those might be. They're staring at me and talking amongst themselves, so apparently they really have never seen anything like me before. And they look scared. This is exactly what I need, planet's main sentient species thinks I want to eat them or something and turns on me. Wait a second, one's approaching me. It's not the one from yesterday, though. This one's purple and carrying a matching purple lizard. And... it has a horn instead of wings.

“Uhh... hey there?” It... she says to me? Either their entire species sounds like women, or I'm getting lucky in the field of four-legged suitors. ...Never again, brain, never again. She waves her hoof at me in what I can only assume is meant to be a friendly greeting.

“Master greeting there, Twi.” The lizard on her back snarks. So there's sentient lizards too. Yay?

“Forget this!” I can't help saying aloud as I turn to book it again, back the way I came. Some poor furry woodland creature is being turned into stew tonight, it seems. I shouldn't have spoken though, now they know I'm not simply a 'critter' or whatever. Oh well, that ship sailed now. I just need to focus on-

“Wait up!” A voice calls behind me. “Twi's” voice, as the lizard referred to her as. I turn back behind me and sure enough she's chasing me at a full sprint... gallop? Bah. She's also doing much better at keeping up than the butter-colored one did. This could be a real problem. I take a moment to consider how I'm going to shake her, until I hear a scream.

Good news? No longer being chased by a purple horned whatever. Bad news? She's surrounded by those wooden hounds. Her horn is glowing, and she's put up some kind of bubble that deflects their pouncing at her, but they've got her surrounded. Unless she can walk back to her town like that, I think it's safe to say she's screwed. She's not even looking at me now. I can just leave and...

...It's times like this I hate having a conscience. I look around the nearby trees, breaking off a rather large branch and letting it rest in my hands. This feels rather... natural. I run back toward her, instinct telling me to leap as I bring the branch over my head. I'm able to come down with enough force to shatter the branch on the wooden hound's head, leaving more than a few visible cracks behind as it slumps over. Unconscious? Dead? Hell if I can tell. The others leap back for a bit, circling us and sizing us up with hungry eyes as I pull another, smaller branch from a nearby tree.

“Thanks for the help.” She says, her previously panicked face becoming a lot more confident as she turns back to the wood things. “Sorry if I spooked you back in Ponyville.”

It's now I notice the lizard peeking out from her hair. It looks terrified, though it's quickly becoming braver as it notices the hounds backing off. “Yeah, that's right!” It jumps up, shaking its fist. “The cavalry has arrived! You nasty old timber wolves aren't-” Oh dear god help me he's gonna get us killed.

“Spike!”

“Heh, sorry Twi...”

Now the 'Timberwolves' are closing in on us. The little lizard's outburst pissed them off, most likely. At least six or seven of them, maybe more blended into the background, who knows? I'm still busy computing the fact they're actually made of wood. One leaps for us, and Twi blasts it with a shot of energy from her horn. Right now I'll take what I can get and try to make sense of it later. I turn to our backs to catch a second one leaping directly for her and swat it away with my stick, stunning it but shattering my new weapon in the process. I don't have time to re-arm, though, as another lunges in my direction, and it's all I can do to dodge to avoid sharp, wooden fangs tearing at my flesh. As I recover, I'm able to grab a low-hanging branch off yet another tree, but these ones are too flimsy for much beyond annoying something with a hide as thick as a goddamn wooden dog.

I catch a glance of my new companion to notice she's back into her bubble, being hounded by four of the things at once. They really saw her as more threatening than me, huh? One of the timberwolves lunges at me again, and I swat it away with my meager stick, rolling back towards Twi and the original one I downed before. Grabbing it by its hind leg, I turn and swing it directly into one of the wolves about to pounce at her like a bat, sending it into a crumpled heap on the ground. It doesn't take long for me to notice all their eyes are on me now. Using one of their own kind as a weapon is probably something they're not used to and probably don't like all that much.

Three lunge at me, intent on making sure I go down, and I ready myself. There's no way I'm blocking all of them and there's no space to roll, except into more wolves. Twi readies a blast for one of the wolves, but... suddenly my eyes are drawn to my left wrist. Specifically, to a pair of the inset gems on my bangle. One green and one blue. I can... remember...! On instinct I drop the Timberwolf corpse, closing my eyes and clutching my hands shut. I can feel the power... flowing... as I shoot my eyes open and open my hands, motioning them toward the wolves as my body exudes a green glow... the same green glow as before I arrived here. The two gems I'd taken note of seconds before are now also shimmering brightly. Suddenly, each of the wolves is encased in a ring of numerals and hangs in the air. The ones to the sides of us are equally affected.

“Quick, let's get out of here.” I say, turning to Twi, who has a bit of a confused look on her face as she nods and runs off back towards... Ponyville? I think that's what she called it. This time I follow, not wanting to deal with those things when they unfreeze.

“So... you can use magic?” Twi asks me as we run. When she says magic, I assume she means similarly to what she can do with her horn?

“Sort of.” I reply vaguely. In honesty, I still can't remember all that much about those gems or how they work myself. It was more like instinct took over and did what needed to be done. “...We better run faster.” I say, hearing the rustling from behind us. Clearly, she heard it too, as there was only a quick nod as we picked up our pace.

“Hey Twi,” the lizard on her back spoke up, “didn't you say a long time ago that Timberwolves were noc... noctur...”

“Nocturnal, Spike, and yes, they are...” Twi replied. “Most of Everfree's predators are, so normally the daytime is pretty safe even if you're still better off not going in there at all.”

“The... why were the-”

“That's what I'm trying to figure out, Spike.” She replies, scrunching her brow in thought before turning to me. “Any ideas... err... sorry, what's your name?”

“Cloud.” I reply quickly. Oddly quickly, considering that's on the list of things I hadn't even tried to remember until just now. Just as I reply, though, we break free of the woods and make a beeline for Ponyville. Both of us turn back to make sure our pursuers are gone, but unlike last time, the wolves are right on the border of the forest, growling at us, tempting us to step back in.

“...That's new.” Twi says, the introductions seem to have become an afterthought for her. “Nothing ever comes right to the edge of the Everfree like that, usually...”

“They must be really mad at us then, huh!” Spike says rather cockily from her back, like we've just done some great thing.

Twi merely narrows her eyes at the thought, slowing to catch her breath. There's a good idea, I could use a bit of that myself. We slow our pace to a walk as we enter the town again, me receiving more stares from the locals and debating if I want to just say screw it and try booking it in a different direction.

“Hey...” Twi says, looking up at me. “Why don't you come back to the library with me to rest for a bit? Least I can do after you helped us back there.” She says with a bit of nervous looking grin. I nod approvingly, rest would be good and I could try to question her about where I am. I imagine from that curious look in her eyes she has similar motives for inviting me back. “Oh, my name's Twilight Sparkle, by the way,” she says, before motioning with one of her oddly flexible forelegs to the companion on her back. “And this little guy here is Spike.”

“Number one assistant, at your service!” He proclaims proudly, puffing out his chest. I think it's safe to assume at this point he's just a kid.

I merely nod at their introductions, which seems to have Twilight Sparkle a bit offput and nervous. What does she expect me to do, bounce around and sing a song? Soon, we reach that giant treehouse from earlier and she pushes one of her legs against it, opening the door that was clearly not meant to let in anything of my height.

“Welcome to the Golden Oaks Library!” She says cheerfully, “I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I'll be your librarian today! Apologies about the door not being high enough, I'll talk to the management about that. Wait, I am the management!” She looks up at me with a cheerful grin, before it slowly turns sheepish and her ears lower and press against her head. “No good...?”

I can't help but let out a small laugh under my breath as I crouch to get into the rather large, book-strewn room and fold my arms against my chest, shutting the door with one leg and leaning against it.

“You can take a seat, if you like.” She calls to me over her shoulder, already walking toward a desk in the center of the room as Spike hops off her back. “Spike, can you get us some tea going?”

“Tea? No problem! Number one assistant is on the job!” He gives her a salute as he runs towards where I imagine their kitchen is, and I look for a decent place to sit.

It's quiet for a moment, but Twilight is the one who ends up voicing the question on both of our minds. “So... what are you? I've never read about anything like you in any of my books before.”

Chapter 04: I... What... How... Pink Is My New Least-Favorite Color.

I... What... How... Pink Is My New Least-Favorite Color.

Chapter 4: I... What... How... Pink Is My New Least-Favorite Color.

I sigh, mentally reeling from my encounter with the pink pony still. She's currently hopping around in a small circle around Twilight firing questions at her faster than a machine gun.

“Come on come on come on come on Twilight! Introduce us to your new friend already! Who is he? Where's he from? Why's he look so weird? Why's he all down in the dumps? Come oooonnnn Twilight!” Twilight merely reaches out a hoof, somehow grabbing Pinkie and causing her to stop bouncing directly in front of Twilight, the two now nose-to-nose, 'Pinkie's' eyes going wide and an uncomfortable looking grin spreading across her face while Twilight sends an annoyed look back at her. “Weeeeeeell~, Twilight?”

“I don't know.” Twilight replies bluntly. I can't help but smirk at that. She shakes her head and turns away, probably realizing how cold her reply was as she sighs. “His name is Cloud. I don't know where he's from. He's a human – whatever that is. And he's probably all 'down in the dumps' because he's got amnesia.”

“Hoo...man?” Pinkie mouths the word slowly. “Wait, Twilight, you don't know what something is? That must mean he's some really rare kind of almost extinct species! Or or or, maybe he's an alien!”

“Pinkie.”

“Oh, sorry! Again! Hehe.” Pinkie scrunches up her brow, reaching a hoof up under her chin in thought. What she's thinking about, I'm not sure I want to know. Ever. “You know what this calls for, Twilight?”

“Pinkie, I don't see how a pa-”

“Not a party, silly! An investigation!” Pinkie runs off for a minute, coming back pushing another chair close to me, sitting in it... somehow... and holding a pad of paper in a hoof... somehow, wearing a plaid beret and low-rimmed glasses, a pencil held firmly in her mouth. “So, Mister... Cloud, tell me what you remember!”

“Uhhh.” I look to Twilight, and she merely shakes her head, doing what I can only interpret to be a shrug.

“Come on, you must remember something!” Pinkie says to me, narrowing her eyes.

I don't really have a choice here, do I? Twilight was about to ask me these questions anyway before Pinkie barged in anyway, so it doesn't matter, I guess... “I remember... feeling like I was being dragged, waking up, and seeing your friend there.” I reply, keeping my composure despite how uncomfortable the pink pony makes me and motioning to Fluttershy, who gives a shy smile and waves her hoof slightly as Pinkie checks to see who I mean.

“No, no, no! Before that, silly!”

“Nothing particularly useful, really.” I reply. It's the truth, really – I used that magic back in the woods, but I don't really know how I did that. I remember a couple things like the floating finger incident, but... nothing remotely substantial. No faces, no names of people or locations, no really important-seeming events, nothing.

Pinkie sighs, thinking. “Asking around Ponyville won't help much. I know every pony in Ponyville, and I've never met anything like you before, so I doubt anyone else has!”

“I get the feeling nopony in all of Equestria has met anything like him, Pinkie.” Twilight says with a sigh before turning to me. “I'm sorry, Cloud, but we've really got no leads to go on here.”

I nod. It's not like I expected any of them to have leads, so I'm not really upset about it. Then again, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about any of this...

“Um, excuse me?” Fluttershy asks meekly, taking the floor. “Twilight, um, why don't you try writing a letter to Princess Celestia asking if she knows how to help... you know... if you don't think she'll get mad...”

Twilight's expression quickly changes to being dazed for a moment, before she runs over and hugs the pegasus. “You're a genius! Why didn't I think of that? Not only does Cloud need help, but meeting him is a momentous occasion for all of Equestria from the looks of things! Even if the Princess can't help, she'll still want to meet him and... and... Spike!”

“On it, Twi!” The lizard salutes and runs off, quickly coming back with a parchment, quill, and ink. A letter? That'll take weeks, at least...

“Alright, Spike, prepare to write this down!” Twilight says, coughing to clear her throat as her Number One Assistant gets ready to write. Huh. Why doesn't she write her own damn letter? I could understand the other two but I know she can levitate that quill and write perfectly fine on her own. Unless she doesn't actually know how to write... that would be a funny thing. But if you can read as much as she seems to, you'd be able to write, wouldn't you...?

“Dear Princess Celestia,” the letter began, “I'm sorry I haven't sent you a Friendship Report in a long time. Sadly, this letter will not be one, either. However, my friends and I have made a... discovery, of sorts, that we believe you'll be very interested in seeing first-hoof. Have you ever heard the word 'human' before, Princess? Apparently, it's a term for some kind of bipedal creature with cognitive abilities similar to a pony. I'd never encountered it before today, and not only did I get the pleasure of learning a new word, I met one as well! From what I can tell, this is a monumental discovery and a huge scientific discovery! The only problem is, he seems to have a bit of amnesia, though he is somehow completely fluent in Equestrian. We were all hoping you could shed light on what kind of creature he is, and maybe help us restore his memory! If not... I'm sure you'll, again, want to at least see him first-hoof. Eagerly awaiting your reply. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.”

A few thoughts came to mind as I heard her dictate that letter – such as the confirmation that their limbs indeed end in hooves... of some kind. The name Celestia sounds familiar, too... it's the name Fluttershy said when I met her at first instead of 'God', I think. So Equstrians take their sovereign's name in vain instead of their deity's? Huh. Good to know, I guess? I'm tempted to question Twilight Sparkle on it, as I'm sure she can tell me far more than I'd ever need to know, but I get stopped as I watch Spike lift up the letter and douse it in wisp of green fire. The wisp causes it to disappear entirely before gliding out the window, presumably to this 'Princess Celestia' person... pony or other.

This makes me realize that Spike must be some kind of young dragon if he breathes fire, though this also makes me think, are dragons like postmen in this world? But Twilight mentioned earlier that dragons are carnivorous by nature, or at least I assume she was implying that by talking about their teeth, yet Fluttershy faints from talk of red meat... when this world's postmen are meat eaters? You know what, forget it. This hurts my brain. Speaking of my brain, the gears in my brain just all clicked together over a certain word Twilight used in her letter... “...'Creature', really?”

“Eh, heh, heh...” Twilight laughs nervously as she turns to me, “Sorry, Cloud, I sort of went into autopilot, I didn't mean... oh darn.”

“Forget about it.” I say, shaking my head, a bit bemused.

“The Princess should get that letter and reply soon, Cloud. Until then, make yourself at home in my library, I suppose. There's plenty of room.”

“Oh, oh, oh!” Pinkie Pie starts, waving a hoof at Twilight like a school kid. “I know how we can pass time until Celestia replies! Pick me, pick me, pick me!”

“A par-”

“A party!” She exclaims, cutting off Twilight as she rears up on her back legs and throws her forelimbs to either side in exaggerated pose, confetti, streamers, and noise makers all going off from behind her. Yes, behind her. I don't know why or how or where she was even keeping all that junk. I don't want to know where she was keeping all of it. “I'll go set up Sugar Cube Corner right now, and I'll invite all of Ponyville, and then Cloud can make all kinds of friends and stop being a mister-poopy-doopy-pants and-”

“Pinkie!” Twilight cuts her off. “That's... not a good idea. If you need to throw a party, at least... do it here. And only invite Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity.”

“But, what about you? And Fluttershy! And Cloud! It's his party! I have to invite him!” ...Really?

“Pinkie, you don't need to invite us because we're already here.” Twilight replies flatly.

“Oh, yeah. Well, I'll go get all my party supplies from Sugar Cube Corner and get this placed all spruced up in a jiffy-wiffy then!” Pinkie exclaims, before hopping out on all four hooves like a living pogo stick. Thank God, it's gone... for now...

“Oh, I see how it is!” Spike pouts suddenly, crossing his arms and turning in a huff from the door Pinkie just exited from. “Don't worry about inviting good ol' Spike. I'm just chopped dragon liver here, apparently!” A dragon liver sounds delicious right about now.

“Oh, Spike, you know she didn't mean it like that.” Twilight says, scooping up her Number One Assistant into a hug. “It's just... Pinkie Pie.”

“Just Pinkie Pie, huh?” I can't help but chime in.

“Yeah... sorry about that, Cloud. There really is no other explanation other than 'it's Pinkie Pie', honestly. She's a very... special pony.”

“You can say that again...” I roll my eyes and sigh, slumping back in my chair. It's time for some damn relaxation before that monster comes back.

“Oh you poor thing...” Fluttershy starts, in what I'm sure is that voice she talks to 'her animals' in, as Twilight put it. “Look at you, you're so tired! Did that silly old Pinkie Pie tire you o-” As she goes to finish, I turn my head ever so slightly and dart my eyes to meet hers. “Oh... sorry... again again...”

“...You know what? Forget it. I don't care anymore. I am tired after that.”

I swear Fluttershy just let out an audible squee before flying up behind me and placing her hooves on my shoulders. “See, you can be cute! Now don't you worry your little head, Fluttershy will make all that stress go right away!” She exclaims, oddly confident as she begins massaging my shoulders with her hooves. For being something she's never seen before... and her not having, you know, fingers... she's pretty good at this massage thing. I look to Twilight lazily, and notice her smack her hoof to her forehead again before my eyes grow heavy and fall shut.

Just what I need to get that mind-rape out of my, well, mind. A nap.

…

...A nap that's not anywhere near long enough.

“Prrrrm!” The sound of a noise-maker rouses me from my delightful nap, though my eyes are barely fluttering open and my vision is still basically nil, my head heavy. My vision is probably MIA because I don't want to be seeing the pony working said noise-maker.

“You think he's dead?” A new female's voice asks.

“Why I never, Rainbow Dash! Always so unladylike.” Another replies.

“Tarnation, fellas, will you two mares just git alon' now? I dun think he's a rousin',” A third sounds like she's getting between the first two. Let's place mental bets now. Tomboy. Priss. Hick. Okay, chips are down, and now I start to begin rubbing the bleariness out of my eyes.

“See, Dash? He is most certainly not a corpse!” The one I've mentally tagged as the priss states.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever Rares. It was obviously a joke with how loud he was snoring anyway!” Tomboy. I get the feeling I'm quickly end up being the unwilling receiver of a part involving a whole bunch of people... ponies... whatever... that I'm not going to like very much. Forget the dragon liver, maybe I'll roast a few whole ponies as a bit of catharsis.

I finally get my eyes working properly, and turn my head toward where the trio of voices is coming from, three forms quickly becoming clear to my vision. One's orange and blonde, with freckles and a wide-rim cowboy hat, chewing a length of hay or wheat or something. I feel like I've never seen a more stereotypical hick in my life. One for me. The second's white with purple prim and permed hair that she clearly spends too much time on. Her noise is also held just a little bit higher than the others, which makes me smirk inwardly. Priss. The third... the hell? Cyan with sloppy, scraggly hair in every color of the rainbow... in order? No really, what the hell is this? I know Pinkie Pie doesn't make any goddamn sense but this is hair color. That just doesn't happen. The only conclusion I can get is that it's a tomboy that dyes her hair. Eh, close enough. “Three for three.”

“Three for three, what?” The cyan one asks, peering up at me. Shit.

Thinking quickly, I give the most misleading, believable, and well thought-out reply I can. “...Nothing.”

“...Right.” She totally believes me.

“Hey, you're finally awake, silly!” My insides freeze at that voice. “You almost slept through your own party you know, mister! I don't know how, you're sitting right in the center of it, but you came close!”

“Yeah, we were about to play pin the tail on your flank just to see if you'd wake up!” The rainbow-haired one snorts and laughs.

“Rainbow Dash!” The white one nudges her friend disapprovingly.

“So, Cloud.” Twilight's voice starts to my side. I turn to face her, and she's wearing one of those silly striped party cone hat things they make. Fluttershy and Her are both wearing the hats as well, and now that I think about it, the white and cyan ones were too. I suppose the hick isn't wearing one because she brought her own stupid hat. “These are my friends Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.” Twilight informs me, moving a hoof to motion towards Hick, Tomboy, and Priss in turn. As stupidly over-fitting as their names are, I kind of like mine more. “Girls, this is Cloud. He's the... 'very special guest' Pinkie Pie mentioned.”

“Well ah'll say he's a special un.” Applejack comments. “Ah ain't seen nuthun' like 'im ever!”

“That's the thing!” Twilight replies. I swear she's about ready to squeal. “No one in Equestria has from everything I can tell! We're the first ponies to ever interact with this new species, 'human', isn't it great!”

“Too bad he can't remember anything from what Pinkie Pie told us.” Rarity says. “I'd be charmed to learn what sophisticated things a whole new species does!” Okay, babe, not to be downing myself here, but do I really look all that 'sophisticated' to you?

“Pfft...” Rainbow Dash snorts in reply to Rarity. “He's got no wings and no horn. These 'humans' probably can't do magic or fly, which means they probably don't have anything really cool they can do anyway! You know I don't like hearing about things that aren't cool.”

“'ey now, Dash!” Applejack says, sounding a bit offended. “Ah ain't got no horn or no wings eitha', do I? You sayin' ah'm lame too?”

“You know what I mean, AJ.” Dash rolls onto her back, using her wings to hover-lounge in mid-air on her back. Okay, I'm not a pegasus biologist by any means, but I know how birds work, and those look like bird wings, and I'm pretty sure bird wings do- you know what? Forget it. I'm not going to try to make sense of this place anymore. Whatever happens, I'm just gonna not and go with it. This is an endless supply of migraines waiting to happen trying to figure out what's going on here.

“Actually, Dash...” Twilight speaks up. “I'm not sure how, but he used magic when we were being chased by some timberwolves in the Everfree Forest earlier today. It was some strange spell I've never seen before that made all of them freeze in place for a while. Even the ones in the air – they just hung there, with no obvious glow of magic or anything. Honestly, now that I'm thinking on it, that's another thing I want you to let me investigate sometime, Cloud...”

I'm not sure if I'm thankful for your defense or skeptical of being your test specimen, Twilight.

“Okay... that is kinda cool.” Rainbow Dash admits, flipping in the air to be right side up. “Hey Cloud, you should show us some of the other magic you can do! I bet you could at least put on a better show that than flout who came to Ponyville last year!”

“Grrruhghhh.” My stomach's replying for me now, lovely.

“Oh yeah, Cloud... you still haven't eaten due to that... incident, earlier.” Twilight says sheepishly, remembering the flower-on-bread she served me before. Apparently that's like a pretty delicious sandwich by pony standards. Just tasted like grass on bread to me, though.

“I have just the thing to fix that!” Her voice says, my head being spun to the side by a pink hoof as she jams an entire cupcake into my mouth, wrapper and all, holding her hoof there until I begin to chew it.

“Pinkie!”

“Oh, sorry Twilight, you probably want a cupcake too!” Pinkie says, hopping over to Twilight and thrusting one of the baked treats into her mouth too.

I take a moment to slide the wrapper out of my mouth before resuming chewing on it. Now that I'm not eating the goddamn paper, it's actually pretty good. Did that pink monster bake these herself? I turn to look at the other ponies and all four of them are giggling, including Fluttershy. Why are you giggling?! You were one of my two friends in this bastion of insanity! I see how it is, you traitorous, flying stick of butter...

“Well, since party boy here's hungry, let's start this party with some sweets!” Pinkie exclaims, spreading plates full of cupcakes, cake, and other confectionaries around with her oddly limber hooves. It's almost like she actually has fingers. While she's doing that, I take a minute to glance out one of the upper library windows. It's pitch-dark out there. How long was I out? Hours? Goddamn...

Either way, there's some delicious looking, real food that needs eating in front of me. I grab a fork – too busy wanting this cake to even wonder why ponies would need such a thing, and slowly cut it into the cake. I'm going to savor this, I tell you. A delicious, white-frosting vanilla cake... I can't remember the last time I had one of these – but given the fact I can't remember much of anything else, that's not very surprising. I scoop the first mouthful onto my fork, delicately setting it in place so it doesn't fall off as I prepare to raise it up and-

Suddenly, there's an ear-splitting, terrified scream outside and all six of my pony compatriots are at attention.

…

GODDAMNIT!

A/N: I decided that considering this is definitely taking more comedic aspects than I originally intended, I'll be adding a Comedy tag to this as well. It really is more of a Tragic Comedy anyway. Just posting that up. Otherwise, not much news to really give this Chapter. Enjoy, everyone!

Chapter 05: I'm On Fire, Baby.