Three Birds With One Swat

by Reviewfilly

Rating: teen
Tags: Griffons, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character
Length: 5021

Ponies fear the griffons lurking in the shadows, but perhaps griffons should fear the ponies lurking in the shadows as well.

The Equestrian Herald

Brave Guards apprehend trio of criminals

Exclusive interview with Pvt. Red Tape, one of the five ponies responsible for apprehending the infamous griffon crime band known as the Forest Claws. For more details flip to pages 6 and 7.

Crime rates continue to plummet

In a recent report from Chief Justice of the Crown, the Equestrian Guard continues to measure less and less crime happening despite the country’s rapid expansion. For theories and statistics see page 8.

In historical turn of events, Crown approves griffon immigration

When asked, the lucky griffon, named Gavallo, refused to comment in detail. He merely claimed it was Harmony itself that wished to see him move to Equestria. See more on page 9.

A story which started out as merely an attempt to practice writing fight scenes.

Mildly inspired by (though completely unrelated to) the works of Captain Neckbeard.

Thanks to /fimfic/ and Equimorto for proofreading.

Published 2022-09-06 16:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-09-09 16:43:04 UTC

Birds of Prey

In the middle of a small forest, inside a decrepit house, three griffons sat in silence.

The walls of the small shack they had converted into a hideout groaned from the wind, sometimes masking, sometimes accentuating the muffled groans of pain and pleas emanating from the the bound figure laying on the ground between the birds. She had likely been a white pegasus once, though right now her coat’s color was a wild mix of dirt brown and blood red. Her rope-bound hooves vainly tried to break their bindings as her huge, dark green eyes darted between her assailants in fear.

Next to the captive pony the ruins of a torn-apart saddlebag lay on the floor, like the strewn-open remains of a gutted animal. Its contents - nothing of great value, just a few flowers and trinkets - haphazardly spilled out and rummaged through.

“So,” began the biggest of the trio, breaking the silence. He stopped for a moment and scratched under a gray feather, unsure how to continue. “What should we even do with her?” he finally asked.

“Let's be honest, Gerard, this was a total bust. Let’s just throw her into a slum and look for another hit,” offered the one sitting on his right.

“Oh, that’s a splendid idea, Gerson,” Gerard replied in an unmistakably lecturing tone. “Let’s fly into a pony city and dump a bruised-up pegasus among them. Surely nogriff will ask any questions!” He massaged his temple with two claws. “Did you fall out of your nest as a chick and hit your head or what?”

Gerson scoffed. “Don’t think me an idiot, old bird. I meant at night, in secret. I thought this much was obvious.”

Gerard was about to reply, when the third figure, who until now sat in silence, tapped a claw on a small table nearby. The other two stopped scowling at each other and stared at the source of the noise.

“I say we just cut her neck and bury her in the forest,” the third griffon spoke in a calm voice. The pegasus, who until now had all but stopped struggling, renewed her vicious yet no less hopeless struggle against the ropes. Though the rag in her mouth stopped her from speaking, her fearful voice continued to quietly beg in words incomprehensible.

“Ginerva… Hold your bloodlust,” Gerard replied quietly as he stared at his talons and then the squirming figure below. “This was a loot run. For coin, not blood. Can’t help that she’s dry. Not to mention, she’s bruised, broken, and couldn’t even fight a chick in such a state. While I agree that just letting her go would be a cubish idea —” he tipped his head almost imperceptibly towards Gerson, who caught on the gesture and shot him a hateful glare “— she is not good prey. You know the rules. We cannot kill her.”

“Oh, swallow your pellet,” she spat back. “My eggshell cares about her being ‘good prey’. If we don’t kill her now, she’s gonna chew us out and then we can spend the next two years running from the guards!” Her wings flapped angrily.

“She, uhm, she has a point,” Gerson spoke again. He couldn’t care less about the fate of the pegasus, but the positions in the the room were shifting and he intended to align himself with the stronger one. “Let’s just off her and be done with it.”

“Oh, you backstabbing little whelp!” Gerard's dark eyes penetrated Gerson’s matte blue feathers deeper than even his razor-sharp claws could have. “Have you no respect for your elders? I was already hunting while you hadn’t even broken out of your egg yet!”

“And old age made you soft and sentimental,” Ginerva interjected before their petty argument could erupt in full flame. “We’re in Equestria now. The tenets of the hunt don’t hold here. Not to mention, it’s two against one. Respect the group’s decision.”

Gerard looked at the pony in front of him as she continued to weakly try to break her ties, panting into the rag from exhaustion. She was a pitiful thing, killing her would be deeply dishonorable and an affront to his ancestors. Helpless prey should never be killed for the sake of murder, only to chase away hunger. It was a rule.

“So, are we gonna have a problem or not?” asked the griffoness.

And yet he couldn’t completely disagree with the others. Leaving her alive would be too much of a risk for three griffons trying to survive in pony territory.

“No,” he replied quietly after a few seconds. “I will not stop you, but I want no part in it.”

“Oh, is the old hunter scared of a bit of blood?” Ginerva snickered. Gerard opened his beak to reply, but she shot him down with a wave of her hand. “Calm down, I’m just pulling your feathers. If you’d really rather sit here all day, suit yourself.”

She then turned towards Gerson. “Well go on then, bring her outside. I don’t want to smell her stench for weeks.”

The smaller griffon rolled his eyes, but then he easily heaved the pony onto his shoulder. After a quick nod from Ginerva, the duo left the room, leaving Gerard to himself.

He waited until the door closed behind them, then looked to the side and spat.

“Disgusting,” he muttered. Still, he made his choice and there was nothing to be done about it now. Hopefully no one would notice the absence of a single pegasus and even if they did, his pack had been careful not to leave tracks.

This should’ve been it. The necessity of the murder was unfortunate, but such was life and the urge to survive triumphed even above the rules of the hunt. Still, Gerard felt an uneasy itch on himself. It was an evolutionary tingling that alerted his kind of danger for millennia. Something did not add up.

The reason why they even bothered with kidnapping a single pony was because their informant, Gavallo - that bastard, Gerard added in his mind - swore on his grandfather’s feathers that the mare was an easy and valuable target.

And until now his tips were always correct and precise.

But this time things just did not click as well as they usually did. A single pony walking outside the city, apparently carrying enough treasure to be worth splitting by three griffons, even after paying the informant’s cut. Also, there was his odd insistence that they needed not worry about her being a pegasus and that she had no means of defending herself.

If only Ginerva didn’t immediately say yes and that featherbrain Gerson didn’t double down right afterwards! I need them like gnats in my fur, he thought bitterly. I swear by the Four Winds that hunting for rabbits on the Screaming Peaks was a more pleasant livelihood than this.

No, he couldn’t get distracted right now by cursing his half-witted crew.

He forced his mind to focus and a few moments later his predatory intellect finally crunched through all the possibilities. His eyes went wide. Thinking through the events analytically provided him with one clear conclusion: Everything was just too convenient. He buried his face into his palms.

This was not a job. This was a trap.

And they walked straight into it.

There was no time to waste. Ignoring his old age, Gerard shot out from his crouch with great speed and a moment later he was at the door. He ripped it open and darted out into the dusty field doubling as a courtyard behind the shack. He looked behind himself. Beyond the old house he saw only gently swaying trees as far as his eyes could see. No sign of intrusion. He turned back and took off. As he flew he focused on his hearing. Beneath the whispering winds, he caught the noise of his partners’ faint voices. Doubling his speed, Gerard rushed towards them, not noticing the black-clad figures eyeing him from the underbrush.

Going In Dark

While Gerson stood guard next to the pony, who tried her best to blink out the stinging dust from her eyes, Ginerva sat on a nearby rock meticulously sharpening her talons on it.

“Right, I think that should be sharp enough,” she said after a few final touches. “You should be glad, little pony. Some of us wouldn’t bother to give your kind a clean cut. Now then —” she slowly walked next to the mare, ripping the rag from her mouth “— I guess even your kind deserves last words. So tell me, what’s on your mind before I send you to the Great White Bird?”

It took the pegasus a few moments to catch her breath and spit out the staleness from her mouth. However, even after regaining her composure, she did not say a thing. To Ginerva’s surprise, even though she was towering over her, the mare seemed far less intimidated than before.

“Little thing, I know we roughed you up, but is your brain so scrambled as well? Or do you ponies just not understand the concept? This is the end. You’re gonna die. Is there truly nothing you’d say before that?”

Defiant silence filled the field followed by a thin smile.

Ginerva scoffed and then flicked away a few feathers that fell in her face. She shrugged and stepped back.

“Hmph, whatever, I got better things to do than waste my time waiting for a dead pony. Don’t say I didn’t give you a chance though.” She turned towards Gerson. “Lift her up.”

He looked at the pony, but didn’t make any other move.

“Gin, you sure this is the right way to do this?” he asked, averting his gaze as he dug a crease into the porous ground with his claw. “Can’t we just drop her off somewhere in the forest and leave her to her fate? I mean, we’ve only ever killed in proper battle before. This doesn’t feel okay. Maybe Gerard was right about the rules and all.”

Ginerva ran her claws over her face and sighed.

“Stop whining already.” Her voice rang with sheer exasperation. “Need I remind you that you agreed to this and took my side? Are you really gonna hide behind Gerard’s words now? Maybe he was right about you.” She scoffed. “Now, shut your mouth and lift before I pluck your useless feathers.”

The young griffon frowned, but complied. He mechanically reached down, grabbed the mare by her mane, and began lifting her without too much enthusiasm.

Suddenly the mare flexed her wings and her apparently not-so-unbreakable bindings snapped in two. She used the momentum to buck backwards, kicking the air out of Gerson’s lungs. Without even realizing what had just happened, he instinctually let her go and grabbed his chest, letting out only a half-wheeze before collapsing. Before he even hit the ground the mare’s hooves had already touched down and, with a flap of her wings, she jumped to the side.

“Now!” she screamed.

Suddenly six black shades darted across the sky above the field, leaving black clouds in their wake, changing the mid-day brightness into an uneasy darkness.

Ginerva stood in stunned silence. She slowly lowered her upheld claw and looked around. The mare had used the momentary confusion to slip away and now was nowhere to be seen.

The griffoness's eyes suddenly caught motion. Though she lacked the ability to see clearly in the dark, her predatory instincts didn’t leave her completely helpless. As she surveyed the black shapes of trees around them, she felt like there were shapes moving between them. She could not guess how many, but her gut told her they were vastly outnumbered. The feathers on the back of her neck stood up.

“Gerson, get up. We have to go. Now.” Ginerva’s voice cracked slightly as she spoke. She hated it. One should never show fear in a confrontation, especially not against prey. But pride was not going to get her out of this situation, so when the wreck on the ground replied only with a groan, she simply took a deep breath and reached down, forcing her comrade to stand on his legs. “We must get back to the house.”

He gave her a curt nod between two shaky heaves, still unable to properly catch his breath. The duo began the short yet awfully long trip back towards the shack.

Considering they hadn’t been attacked yet, Ginerva banked on the fact that whoever made the sky dark also couldn’t see very well in the pitch blackness of the forest. For a moment she considered flying through the cloud cover and escaping, but the sounds of distant thunder and the muted blue flashes in the clouds made her reconsider. Nothing but the Four Winds had a chance against Father Thunder and Mother Lightning.

However, while she couldn’t escape, ditching Gerson seemed like an enticing idea. The griffon wheezed and groaned loudly with each slow step. If Ginerva had to guess, the kick most likely broke a few of his more delicate bones. Painful, but survivable with a week of rest. What wasn’t survivable, however, was getting ambushed due to his sounds making them stick out like a piece of coal on a snowfield.

Yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Whether it was due to the same instinct that provided them with their hunting skills and also instilled a sense of camaraderie towards each other, or due to the simple fact that they were surrounded in the dark without an obvious way out and he was the only one to keep her company, she did not know, but Ginerva abandoned this idea as well.

The two stumbled their way through the forest, ending up at the shack half by a miracle and half by their inherently good sense of direction. Gerson stumbled through the door, with Ginerva right behind him. The moment they were both inside she slammed the door shut.

“Gerard, where are you?” she shouted towards the other room.

Instead of an answer a small white ball rolled out into the hallway. Before Ginerva could say another word, it exploded into a world of light and ear-deafening noise.

Prey Birds

The sudden darkness took Gerard by complete surprise. He immediately landed on the branch of a nearby tree. Flying without sight meant flying towards the Great White Bird.

Carefully, as to make as little sound as possible, he climbed down from the tree using his claws and the years of experience he had amassed.

Finally there were no more branches below and he quietly lowered himself to the ground. When he touched down a few leaves crinkled in anger under his paws due to their slumber being disturbed. The noise cut through the silence like a knife. Gerard froze.

However, after a few seconds spent like a living statue, nothing seemed to react to the noise and the forest appeared silent and motionless. His racing heart calmed enough to allow him another breath.

That was a mistake. His ear swiveled. Something fast was coming!

From the right!

He jumped to the side, not a moment too soon, feeling the air displaced by the attack graze his feathers. He retaliated by slashing towards the spot where he previously stood. His claws only nicked his attacker, but a quiet hiss reassured him that he was still able to do some damage.

He quickly sniffed his hand. It was blood. Too little to tell what kind, but blood was a good sign. If it bled, it could be killed.

Suddenly he heard another incoming attack. This time he merely ducked and as he felt the invisible limb tear through the air above him, he thrust his talons upwards with fearsome speed.

He tore through something and he felt the familiar feel of living flesh surround his claws. He grasped and the thing it was attached to screamed in pain. Wait…

“A pony?” The words slipped from his mouth without even thinking. Though he still couldn’t make it sure with his eyes, the sound was unmistakably telling.

Impossible, the thought flashed through his mind. Was it that pegasus?

Instead of waiting for a counterattack, he yanked his hand out, tearing muscle and eliciting another yelp which quickly died down. He followed with another thrust, but by the time his claws sprang forward, they merely sailed through the air.

Whoever this mysterious pony was, they were far faster than he anticipated, even after such a grievous wound. Gerard was an old hunter, who had already long burned through most of his pride to reach such an age. He did not bother with pretenses and rather just admitted it to himself that under the rush of adrenaline and the sheer iron will the want to survive granted him, he was deeply afraid. A single pony had never stood a chance against a griffon. It was sacrilege to even think otherwise!

But then?

Yes. That’s it.

As if to confirm his suspicions his ears picked up two different sounds at the same time. He jumped up and flapped his wings. As he hung in the air, the attacks passed harmlessly under him.

A group of earth ponies then?

Before he could even finish his thought, he heard the flap of a wing behind himself. He propelled himself higher, careful not to reach the branches, and felt the attacker rush past him. A quiet thud confirmed that they hit the ground and wouldn’t be part of the equation again for at least a few moments.

So even the air is dangerous?

Gerard felt the little hope he gained from assuming the fight to be a ground skirmish melt away. He dove forward and landed again. Without sight he was at an even greater disadvantage in the air.

Another kick! This one came from far closer than before and he didn’t have the time to dodge. Focusing on the sound of rushing air, he took a stance and held out his palms, catching the leg mid-flight. The impact threw him off balance and his hind legs buckled, but he was at least still conscious. Had the attack hit his body instead or, even worse, his head, he would likely not be breathing anymore. He grunted as the leg continued to push against him, threatening to break his arms.

He had to think fast.

In the blink of an eye, his tail shot forward and wrapped around the leg, yanking it to the side. Simultaneously he put all his strength into his arms and pushed back. He could feel the limb bend in an unnatural way until he heard a sickening snap. The pressure on his hands disappeared and a wail cut through the silence.

Gerard used the distraction to jump to the side and change his position. His chest rose and collapsed painfully from his forceful pants. Moments passed, but no new attack came at him.

“That is quite enough,” spoke a voice in the darkness. “Cease your attack, griffon.”

“I have injured three of you and yet I am unharmed. Am I supposed to be intimidated?” he spat back. In truth it was a bluff. He felt his joints aching and his breathing was short and shallow. He could not keep up for longer than a few more minutes at most.

His ears picked up a new sound. It sounded like a punch… but faster? Before he could move, he saw a flash of light and his arm jerked back by the impact of an invisible force. Gerard stumbled back and grit his beak. He groaned from the pain as he shifted his weight onto his other side.

“Is that the best you got?” he growled into the darkness. “I’m still standing.”

Suddenly a ball of light sprang into life. The unicorn whose horn it was attached to trotted closer to the griffon. He was dressed in black from top to bottom with green-tinted crystal glasses on his eyes.

“No, that was just a warning shot,” he replied in a measured tone as he pulled the mask off his face. To Gerard all stallions were the same. This one didn’t seem any more memorable either, though the absolute calm he showed did get on his nerves.

“Do you realize that fighting in the light gives me an advantage?”

“Certainly, but I will not fight you.”

Gerard did not like his tone one bit.

“Well, that’s too bad.” He tensed up, flaring his wings, as he prepared to pounce.

The unicorn held up a hoof. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Look around.”

The griffon’s instinct told him he should listen, so he hesitated for a moment and obliged. As his eyes scanned his surroundings, his heart skipped a beat. What seemed like merely illusory specs in his vision caused by the darkness, turned out to be at least ten if not fifteen tiny balls of light all around him.

He glared back at the pony, but did not make a move.

“I see you finally understand the situation. Just surrender, we aren’t here to kill you.”

Suddenly the unicorn’s right ear began to glow in a gentle blue light. He took his eyes off the griffon and seemed to be in intent focus as he listened.

“Understood. Good job… Yes, we got him… No, we don’t need it anymore, just clear it away.”

Suddenly, as if a lazy shepherd finally decided to call his unruly sheep, the clouds above began to drift apart, allowing the sunlight to shine through again.

As his eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness Gerard saw about twenty ponies around him. Pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies all in form-fitting black clothes and the same green glasses. Two unicorn medics were already tending to the three injured, their wounds shimmering in a soft green light. He looked around, every single direction was covered by at least three or four ponies.

His stance slowly lost its tenseness. He raised his claws. Two earth ponies rushed to his side and moments later he found himself with his wings bound to his body and his hands chained together.

“Tsk, at least while you were busy with me, I’ve bought the others time to slip away,” he sneered.

The unicorn, who until now had spoken with little emotion, let out a chuckle. “Oh, I’m sorry to disappoint,” he said in a tone far more jovial than before. “But I’m afraid you’re mistaken. We’re merely the smaller contingent of this group. The B-team, if you will. The main detachment stormed your little hideout and I’ve just received confirmation that they had been successful in the capture of two griffons… with zero casualties,” he added with a wide grin.

Gerard hung his shoulders. He wasn’t even sure why, but a smile played on his beak.

It was truly over.

Debriefing

Back in the barracks, a snow-white pegasus sat at her desk in her office. In one hoof she held a small mug of coffee that she absentmindedly sipped every once in a while. Her eyes were glued to a report in her other hoof, its ink still fresh.

“Splendid,” she said, looking up at the figure sitting in front of her for a moment. “You have all done an impeccable job.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

She read through another line of text. “Though, I’m not entirely sure if the amount of damage inflicted on the second suspect was really necessary. I would understand it during different circumstances, but as far as I know the plan to lure them back to their hideout and incapacitate them was executed flawlessly, am I correct?”

She glanced up again. The griffon on the other side of the table shuffled uncomfortably in his chair. “Yes, ma’am. From the little I’ve heard from the others, the squad was quite appalled with the state you were found in, ma’am, so their hooves may have slipped a few times.”

The mare sighed and slowly buried her face in her hooves. “Sweet Princesses, we still have ways to go, haven’t we?” she whispered, before she cleared her throat and looked up again. “Regardless, this was a great first step. Thank you, Gavallo, your service to the Crown will be repaid as promised and you may relocate to Equestria as soon as possible.”

He bowed his head. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Now then, unless there is anything else, you are dismissed.”

The young griffon stood up, but he didn’t leave.

“Ma’am, there actually is. May I ask a question?”

“Yes?”

“Why did you put yourself in so much danger and why did you order fifty ponies to capture three griffons? Even if we are stronger than individual ponies, such numbers were more than unnecessary.” He stopped for a second, unsure if he should continue. After taking a deep breath, his voice sank low. “Not to mention, why did you allow them to operate for so long, when I have been giving you reports of their misdeeds for months?”

The mare’s lips curled into a knowing smile. She took another sip of her coffee. “Ah, Gavallo, Gavallo. Do not ask questions that you aren’t meant to know the answers to.” Without raising her eyes from the paper, she continued. “But, since I’m in a very good mood, I might let you in on a little secret.” She placed the paper on the desk and stamped it with a small green checkmark, before folding it and putting it in a drawer.

“Let’s just say the times are changing and you have been part of an elaborate test. Equestria is simply too big nowadays and by the grace of our dear rulers it will only become bigger. There are simply not enough ponies and material to handle every little conflict upfront. We cannot have our poor Diarchs running around solving crisis after crisis, nor the Guard occupy cities for months unending over trivial matters. It is wasteful, noisy, and weighs down on everyone.

“No, it is time to invest into another approach. One ponies won’t even need to worry about let alone know of. Let’s call it being discrete. Nipping issues in the bud before they grow big enough to give our dear rulers and the poor citizens concern. Carrots to the likes of you, sticks to the likes of our three good birds. Oh, by the way, don’t worry about their revenge. They won’t be seeing our Princess’s light for quite some time.”

“I don’t understand, we just brought three criminals to justice, no?”

“That’s the beauty of it. It depends on who you ask. You see, as far as everyone else is concerned, including the Princesses, who are far too busy to personally supervise the arrest of every single petty criminal, yes, that’s exactly all that happened. A couple of bad apples were locked up and Equestria became a little bit safer.

“What they do not know is how much work went into maintaining this facade. For instance, officially we don’t know each other. We’ve never even met. The trio was captured by a lucky sting operation orchestrated by a brave volunteer group of five guardsponies, who shall receive the proper accolades for their duty. Fifty ponies appearing in a forest without anyone seeing or hearing about it? Darkening the sky? Magic gear that allows ponies to see through the night? All of it sounds fantastical and absurd. And that’s intentional. Common sense itself will act as our shield against any slip-ups.

“You may be wondering about the official reason why you’re allowed to immigrate here. It is quite literally ‘Harmony.’ While it has a more nuanced legal meaning rooted in ancient Equestrian law, it is also a code word understood by all bureaucrats to mean one simple thing: ‘It’s none of your business.’

“There was nothing special about these griffons and I’m sorry to say, but there is nothing special about you either. You all were simply very convenient to test how much I can push things before cracks start to form. We must, after all, be vigilant about any and all issues that could cause headaches down the line. And I am very pleased to say that it seems like it was even easier to do than I expected.

“Do you get it now?”

Gavallo looked at her with shock written all over his face. His beak clattered from the panic he felt. “But… but now I know all this. And I know that Ginerva was needlessly hurt! What if I speak?”

The pegasus laughed at him. It was a sweet laugh, without any malice, yet it sent a shiver down his spine. “Oh, you griffons are endlessly amusing! One moment you call me ma’am, now you’re trying to bite the hoof that feeds you!” She shook her head with a sly grin, before emptying her mug and placing it on the table. “But that’s the best part, actually. You won’t speak. No matter how moral you now try to be in the last minute, you’ve been complicit in the whole thing until this point. I have a binder full of your diligent reports, remember? The ones you made to hold up your end of the bargain.”

“You blackmailed me!” he hissed as the realization dawned on him. His face hardened into a scowl. “I… I’ll take you down with me! This sort of trickery is against all honor and I won’t stand for it any longer!”

“Oh please, just try it!” she jeered, flaring her white wings towards him. “Even with how disorganized my staff was, making three griffons disappear was already foal's play. What’s one more?” She put her hooves on the table and raised herself above the griffon. “Now go, enjoy your life in our peaceful country, little bird. And hope we will never see each other again.”

Gavallo stared at the pony in front of him and, for only a single moment, saw something else, something bigger in her place.

The sight sent him stumbling out of the office.

He felt like he was flying without sight.