Ponosuba!

Chapters

Prologue- Purple Pony in Purgatory
Chapter 1- A Rocky Start
Chapter 2- Reed Trip
Chapter 3- Frog Horizon
Chapter 5 - Explosion!
Chapter 6- Skill or be Skilled
Chapter 7- A Cabbage Assault
Chapter 4 - The Chapter Where Nothing Explodes

Prologue- Purple Pony in Purgatory

“Hello, miss. Your final act of kindness will not go unappreciated, and your faithfulness to your friend shall be rewarded.”

Huh? That’s a weird way to say thank you.

Okay, keeping my eyes shut. What just even happened? What do I remember?

Usually I tend to keep to myself. Get home from school, do all my homework, do some extra homework just for the heck of it, stay up until midnight playing video games, get some sleep, enjoy another day at school and repeat. Basic stuff for senior year.

But today was the release day for Dragon Emblem 5! So I’d woken up nice and early to get the day one collector’s edition before it sold out. Not that it was going to, but you can never be too careful.

With the game in my hand on my way to the register, I noticed someone from school trying to grab something off the top shelf of a TV rack, and in horror saw the line of TV boxes tip over. In a split second I made a decision, and I ran over and pushed her out of the way…

Wait.

Ohhhhh no.

I open my eyes slowly and see what is notably not the inside of the electronics store.

All I can see is a dark blue void and the legs of a rather nice-looking desk.

As I sat myself up to see who had spoken to me, I found myself staring at a rather odd-looking white horse calmly standing behind the desk.

Great, I die, and someone leaves a horse in purgatory to prank me first thing after death.

“Hello, there!” the horse said. “My name is Celestia, and I’ll be your afterlife guide.”

Okay. Not a prank.

Pushing the odd situation aside for a moment, I asked her the question that weighed on me the most.

“Is the girl I pushed safe?”

With a sad nod, Celestia said, “She would have died had you not intervened. For your selfless act, her life is saved.”

And mine is lost.

“However, for such a sacrifice, your reward will come in your next life. Although I cannot restore life to your old body, I can send you back to Earth with my blessing, with the promise of a loving family with a decent income, but you will lose all memory of your past life and start anew. You could also go to heaven, but,” Celestia leaned closer, “I must say, it can get a bit boring.”

“How could heaven be boring?”

“Although I welcome the love of friendship, all there is in heaven is the most basic of games to play, and no meals of any sort. Unless you particularly like the idea of eternal conversation, I wouldn’t advise it.”

“When you say basic games, do you mean they only have old video games?”

Celestia shook her head. “They don’t have electricity.”

“Do they have tabletop rpgs??”

Shaking her head once more, Celestia answered, “They don’t even have Connect 4.” After a brief pause, Celestia asked, “Did you want to be famous?”

“You can make me famous in my next life?”

“No, I’m only asking because, if it’s any compensation, by dying the way you did, you got on TV,” Celestia said with a wink.

I groaned. I’ve only been dead for three minutes, and this angel horse is already making fun of me.

“I must say, I can relate to it,” she said, unfurling her wings that had been tucked by her side and flying slightly up. “After all, I’ve been on the air myself.”

I found myself chuckling with her a little, if only due to the sheer craziness of the situation. A horse who jokes about your death in purgatory? Maybe I wasn’t even crushed to death, and in my knockout, I’m having a very odd dream.

Well, I’ve read before that the fastest way to make a dream fade is to question its absurdity.

“Celestia. Why are you a horse?”

Celestia laughed. “Oh, dear, my apologies. I probably should have explained earlier. The afterlife lies beyond all worlds, each a bit different than the others in their own special ways. In my world, ponies are the species to found society, and humans do not exist. Speaking of, there is a third option for reincarnation. You like games, do you not?”

I nodded, reluctantly. What was she planning?

She explained that in her world, ponies would fight off enemies with magic, swords, and the like. The world was also under threat of a Chaos Lord, who many adventurers had set out to defeat.

In short, it sounded very much like what you could hope for being reincarnated as an adventurer in a suspiciously game-like world, and although she said that I may choose the life of a civilian in this world, a reincarnated adventurer may have some sort of special extra powers beyond what normal residents have.

One little problem.

“Miss Celestia?”

“You can just call me Celestia. We will only be here for a bit, there’s no need for formalities!”

“Okay, well, Celestia, how exactly will a world full of ponies treat–” I gesture at myself.

“Oh, worried about fitting in? We’ve got just the thing for that! You’ll want to see this.” Suddenly, with a slight glow of her horn, a mirror appeared before me and settled on the ground.
Then, with another glow, I felt an odd warmth as I looked in the mirror and saw myself being turned into a small, purple pony with a darker purple mane, and a small horn appeared on my forehead, with my clothes following the change to fit my new body.

Okay. I guess that explains that. I’m just glad I picked today to wear my favorite tracksuit.

I turn back to Celestia to see that she now towers over me compared to her shortish stature from a moment ago. With another glow of her horn, the mirror zaps back to nothingness and a chair appears behind me.

As I’m getting on the chair, Celestia smiles at me. “Well, my little pony, I’m sure you’re nearly ready to fit in fine now! Only a few things left before you can set off on your grand adventure! Of course, you’ll need to know Equish before you can do anything else since all Equestrian-related documents are written in it. I will also teach you some very basic magic. Hold on one moment.”

With another spell cast, I see a beam of light zap from her horn to mine, and with a slight tingle in the back of my head, I get the vague notion I learned something.

At least, I hope that’s what the tingle was.

Laying down a very heavy book in front of me, Celestia explained, “This is an Equish dictionary. In Equestria, ponies tend to have names that are words. I have heard that this used to be more common on Earth. Now, I could have you read every word in the dictionary to find words to use…”

On it!

Eagerly opening the book to a random page, I started to read the language unknown to me just moments ago. “Loyal, Luck, Lucrative, Ludicrous–” I found myself cut off by a hoof in my mouth.
“Ludicrous is exactly the word I would use to describe reading every word until you find one or two that are the most ‘you’. Now, keep one hoof on the book, and we’ll use magic once more to help!”

Keeping one hoof on the book, I saw Celestia zap the book with her horn, and with a fizzle, the book shocked me and quickly began flipping through its many pages, coming to a stop on the page for … Twang? This book better not have named me “Twang”! But the book quickly highlighted a word on the page in a lavender glow.

twilight

With a gasp, I realized that this name was a perfect fit. Or at least it felt perfect. Maybe if I tried something else? No, wait, this indecision is exactly why we’re using magic for this! It was still missing something, though.

Much slower this time, the pages turned backward, stopping and having a glow appear on–

sparkle

With a satisfied nod, I looked up at Celestia. She beamed at me and said “Twilight Sparkle. A dazzling name for a dazzling pony. We only have one thing left to do before you can go to your new home.”

Her horn glowing, Celestia opened a file on the desk and took out a rather large folder and set it in front of me.

The folder had only one word printed on it.

“Cheats?”

“For your kindness, not only do you get to start in a new world, but your bonus reward in this new world will be anything you can ask for. However, I’d recommend something from here.”

As I opened the folder and began poring over the first item’s description, Celestia smiled. “I suspect this will take a while.” Placing a call bell and a clear envelope on the desk from one of its cabinets, Celestia added, “Please put your choice in this and ding the bell when you’ve made your choice.”

Ugh. Everything looks good, but I know I can only pick one. One paper has “Holy Sword Daybreaker’s Wrath'', the next “Starswirl the Bearded’s Accursed Staff of High Yield Explosive Weaponry ”, and yet another with “Nightmare Night’s Pitch-dark Crescent Sickle”.

There had to be hundreds of these rare artifacts and powers in front of me. Even with Celestia checking on me every now and then, I can’t help but feel like I’m no closer to getting to a decision than when I started reading, even after what felt like a few hours!

But I’ve come too far now to just grab a paper and say that it’s my pick!

Surely, if I’m going to a magic world, It should be something magic!

But if an item is enchanted, isn’t it still magic anyways?

How do I choose a single one to be stuck with for all my days?

Surely one of these powers is a step above the rest!

Surely one of these weapons would help me out the best!

And how can I settle this without any unrest?

Without putting each and every one to the test!

…

Wait. A test! That’s it!

Shaking the vague melody from a moment ago out of my head, I put all of the papers back into the folder, found a spare paper and pen in the desk drawers, and after a few minutes of trying to work out how to hold a pen with my mouth, scribbled Celestia’s name on it as best as I could. Sliding it into the envelope, I confidently slapped my hoof onto the bell.

Immediately, Celestia appeared, with a small plate with chocolate cake on it floating near her as she ate some with a fork. Setting both down and quickly swallowing, she asked, “So, Twilight Sparkle. Have you decided on what item you choose to bring into the new world?”

“Yep!” I point my hoof directly at the envelope, the name in large print and very visible, if a bit illegible. “You! Surely a friend is better to have than any magical artifact! Plus, you must be super-powerful if you’re here in the afterlife! Maybe even a deity!”

Lazily taking another bite of cake, Celestia’s horn started to glow. “Your choice has been made. You will surely make good use of–”

Celestia’s eyes widened. I guess it took her a second to process what I said. Surely very few other ponies have ever made the bold choice of taking the super-powerful afterlife guide!

It’s the cheat among cheats!

“Um, Twilight, I don’t think you can pick me to come with you. Unless I’m mistaken, there is no “Celestia” paper in the folder, and you wrote this down yourself.” she said with a nervous smile.

Sudden darkness appeared to our left.

Well, my left. Celestia’s right.

A tall alicorn a bit shorter than Celestia walked over, her dark blue mane glittering, and spoke in a booming voice, “DEAR SISTER!” She seemed to startle herself for a moment, then continued at a regular volume. “I must say, we both have sent plenty of ponies to Equestria over the years, but this has no precedent. As such, I think you should be sent to Equestria as this mare’s ‘Cheat’.”

“L-Luna! Surely this is quite a silly idea! There hasn’t been an alicorn in Equestria in centuries! The Chaos Lord will surely hear and send all of his commanders to us in mere days!”

Whoops. I guess it wasn’t a test after all.

“Um, it’s okay if I need to pick something else, I think I got about a fifth through my decision-making process…”

The other pony, apparently named Luna, shook her head. “You’ve made your choice by putting the paper into the envelope. Besides, as Celestia mentioned earlier, you may pick anything, which does include her. However, my sister does have a point. Celestia, you may want to sit down for this.”

Dark energy spiraled up from Luna’s horn and connected with Celestia’s. As the energy surrounded her, she turned from an extremely tall alicorn into a fairly tall earth pony.

“There we go! Nopony will recognize your status now!”, she said, sealing what I assume was Celestia’s magic into some sort of clear container.

Looking over herself, Celestia seemed a bit relieved. “I suppose you’re right, Luna. I just hope I may be of some use to Twilight Sparkle in this state. I can’t say I don’t welcome a break from afterlife guidance though!”

“Very well sister. I will be watching over you. As you have been picked as the choice item by Twilight Sparkle, you cannot return here until your quest to defeat the Chaos Lord concludes. If that day comes–”

If? That’s not exactly reassuring!

“ –Twilight Sparkle shall receive the reward of any wish she chooses, in any world that exists.”

After the previous remark, I couldn’t help but speak up. “That sounds nice and all, but has anyone EVER beaten him?”

Luna paused for a moment, before looking away. “Uhm, well, no. No, they haven’t. No one’s even come close in a great many years. But don’t let that deter you! I’m sure you will prevail!”

“Do you say that to everypony who dies and comes to Equestria?”

Luna sighed. “Usually. But in your case, I know my sister will do what she can to help you in Equestria.” Collecting herself, she continued in the louder voice, “Now go out there and make the Chaos Lord quake in fear of your power!”

As her horn began to glow one final time, a large circle appeared around Celestia and me as we began to fade away.

Right before we fade away, I can hear Celestia cry out one frantic final remark as she reaches a hoof towards her desk.

“Wait! I never got to finish my cake!”

Author's Note

Debuting with a longfic? I must be crazy!
The next few chapters are already written up, so look forward to them getting posted in the coming weeks!
Feel free to ask any questions below.

Chapter 1- A Rocky Start

Although the sudden brightness that comes with going from a fairly dark void to a bright area had blinded me temporarily, I did my best to try to observe this new world.

The first thing I noticed was the light floral breeze that seemed to be everywhere.

I could feel the warmth of the sun, the chill of the wind!

A rather loud creaking sound, almost like an old tree in the breeze, broke me out of my thoughts.

“Well hey there! Are you both lost?”

Startled at the sudden sound of the sudden masculine voice, I blearily turned to face our first Equestrian. As my vision adjusted to the light, I could now see where we were. We seemed to be in some sort of forest near a path. A pony with a cart behind them was on my right, looking at us with a concerned look on his face.

Celestia spoke up first. “We are. We’re trying to get to Pastelburg, and I’m fairly sure we’re close right now.”

“Well, that’s just dandy! We’re only a short trot away, and I was already headed that way! I’m making a return trip right now, so the wagon’s got plenty of room for the both of ya!”

After hopping in the cart, Celestia briefly explained Pastelburg’s status as quite far outside the Chaos Lord’s domain, with comparatively weak monsters roaming its vicinity. Thus, many adventurers looking to start their adventure would travel here to begin it. Typically, reincarnated heroes are summoned near it for their convenience.

Getting out of the wagon near the center of the town, I asked Celestia, “So, where in Pastelburg do adventurers usually start?”

Celestia smiled serenely. “I have absolutely no idea. I’m nearly as clueless about how this city’s laid out as you are, I just know this is where I’ve been leaving new adventurers.”

Great. I guess an afterlife guide’s not the most reliable source for mortal-world adventuring info.

Well, if it goes anything like an RPG, there should be some sort of gathering place for adventurers somewhere around here where we can get some beginning quests.

I decided to ask the first pony I saw where to find it.

“Excuse me, miss? Do you know where we could find the guild hall? I’m from… out of town.”

The mare looked at me inquisitively. “The guild hall? It’s near the clock tower right over there.” Saying this, she pointed a hoof towards the by-far most conspicuous structure that loomed over the city. “I imagine you’re hoping to sign up with them? Just keep heading towards the clock tower and I’m sure you won’t miss the guild.”

“Follow the tower, got it! Thanks for the help! Let’s go, Celestia!”

Trotting off towards the guild hall, Celestia nervously leaned toward me. “Um, Twilight? I’m afraid I’ve just realized something. Perhaps it’s not best to refer to me as Celestia in this world. Being in charge of many… afterlife affairs, somepony may put two and two together and figure out who I am.”

Taking this into account, I nodded. “You got it. You have any idea what I should call you, then?”

Celestia shook her head. “I’ll need a while to come up with something I’d actually want to stick. Names are even more important for ponies than they are for humans.”

A short trot later, we arrived at the guild hall. Upon entering, we were met with the bustling sight of a gargantuan banquet hall with dozens of ponies sitting at tables eating and drinking, servers flitting about to make sure everyone had what they wanted, and a large, currently empty stage near the front.

I also noticed just how scary some of the ponies looked. I really should have thought of this earlier. Of course the adventurer’s guild would have the most rough-and-tough types around! Even if none of them really seemed to be noticing us.

Oh, no. Spoke too soon! About the most dangerous-looking pony I could even imagine turned to face me. She stood about the height Celestia was now, which I imagine is about as tall a pony can get, with a scar over her left eye. (Well, my left, her right. Wait, now’s not the time for this, Twilight!) And if that wasn’t scary enough, her horn appeared to be broken off! Whoever this was was as battle hardened as it gets, to be sure.

And they were coming straight towards me.

Looming over me, the pony looked down and began to speak. “I can’t say I’ve seen you around here before.”

Quick, Twilight! Just imagine she’s an NPC and say something bold!

“Can’t say I’ve seen you either.”

That’s not bold! That’s stupid!

“I mean, uh, we’re new in town. So obviously we haven’t seen each other before!” I say, with a nervous grin.

“We?” The menacing pony looked over me (not especially hard for her to do) and glanced over at Celestia, who suddenly became very interested in checking out a potted plant behind me. Turning back down to me,the pony continued, “Well, seeing as how you’re new in town, I think I should get your name and what you’re here in the guild hall for, if you don’t mind.”

Thoroughly terrified of this pony, I decide to do what she asks. “The name is Twilight Sparkle. I hope to become an adventurer!”

A small, scary-looking smile grows on the mare’s face. “Twilight Sparkle, eh?” Then she turns around and bellows to the whole room, “Twilight Sparkle here is trying to make it as an adventurer!”

Oh no. Now the whole guild hall is going to make a laughing stock of me for sure! Or worse, put me through some weird hazing! Or–

An odd sound snaps me out of my thoughts. I look around the room and quickly realize that much of the room was stomping, clapping, or otherwise cheering.

“Let’s raise a cup to her! Hoorah!”

Many enthusiastic ponies echo back a “Hoorah!” while several more enthusiastically raised their cup in the air.

The mare looks back towards me with a full-on toothy smile. “Glad to have you on board! The life of an adventurer isn’t easy, but if it’s a path you’re wanting to take, then the guild desk is just over there,” she said, pointing a hoof towards a large counter. “Welcome to the gates of Tartarus!”

The counter had four receptionists sitting behind it. Two had one pony they were assisting, the third counter worker had a fairly long line, but the fourth receptionist was tending an empty section of the shiny black counter, polishing it with a cloth in her hoof.

I walk up, confident in my ability to register us both efficiently. Before I can even get a word out, though, the gray receptionist notices me and speaks up in a rather slow, almost bored tone. “New around here? I know I haven’t seen you before. Did you know that this countertop is made from gabbro? It’s an igneous rock. Most people tend to call it black granite, but geologically speaking it’s too mafic.”

Okay, I can see why she has the shortest line.

“Anyways, I just thought you might like to know that. How may I help you?”

“We’re here to sign up to become adventurers!”

“Alright then. Should have you in and out faster than it took for the counter to form. That’s a joke, by the way. Gabbro is intrusive, and takes several million years to form. The registration fee is ten bits.”

“What’s a bit?”

“I see you appreciate dry humor. Thanks.”

I glance back at Celestia and mouth out Help me!

Celestia trotted up beside me. “Give us one moment please.” Turning away from the desk, Celestia began, “A bit is the standard currency of this world. I’m not sure on the exact conversion, but it’s probably about a dollar or so.”

“Oh! Okay! So you have some, right?”

“...Twilight, I don’t exactly keep a pile of money around. Everything’s free in the afterlife. Even if I did have some, I wouldn’t have got a chance to bring it.”

I remember the artifact pages all having some extra starting items written on them as a bonus, but I didn’t write them down on mine! So I’m missing… A large sum of starter money, quite a bit of starter gear, and who knows what else. Great.

“So how are we supposed to get money if we need ten bits to even join the guild? Do we need to ask everyone in the entire guild hall for money? Find the bank and take a loan? Steal?” I felt panic begin to rise in my voice.

Presumably hearing my panicked rambling, the receptionist spoke back up. “Yeah, um, it’s only ten bits. It’s not exactly a huge fee, if you want me to just pay it for you both. It’d be nice if you paid me back later, though.”

“You’d do that for us?! Thank you so much!” I was probably a bit too enthused about not needing to find somepony else to have to start talking to.

The receptionist seemingly shared none of my enthusiasm, and continued, “Of course, I assume you coming in here and immediately asking to sign up means you know what an adventurer does?” She pointed a hoof at a corkboard on the nearby wall. “The corkboard has a lot of guild-posted quests. Some of them involve getting rid of monsters to keep the townsponies safe. Some are just odds and ends that need doing. Most quests will have a reward posted on the paper. We also try to rate the general difficulty of them.”

Sounding pretty familiar so far. “So how do we start?”

The receptionist ducked under the counter and began poking around for something. About half a minute later, she placed a large blue spherical crystal in an intricately constructed wood-and-gold framework on the countertop along with 2 large cards. “This is the crystal we use to get an idea of your strengths and weaknesses. That way you can make a good pick about what class can help you with what you can already do well. The crystal itself is actually rather interesting, since it’s made of celestite. Contrary to what some ponies think, it’s actually named after its coloration being similar to that of the sky. Now if you just please place your hoof onto the crystal, it’ll work its magic.” The receptionist placed one of the mostly-blank cards under the apparatus.

I delicately place my hoof onto the crystal, and watch in awe as it erupts into a dazzlingly bright display of light as magic coursed over the golden parts of the apparatus, moving them, and eventually all of the magic focused through a floating golden ring at the bottom as a pinpoint and quickly began flitting across the card, writing down all sorts of information as it went.

After the crystal stopped glowing, I eagerly awaited learning what my stats would be! Er, “strengths and weaknesses”. Same thing.

The receptionist picked up the card and began reading it. “Twilight Sparkle. Let’s see. Huh. This is a very average card. At least you have decent luck. Mine is rock bottom. You have really high intelligence, though. If your magic was that high too, you’d definitely want to pick some sort of magic class, especially since you’re a unicorn, but you seem well rounded enough that you should probably just keep general adventurer for your class. It’ll make it a bit harder to pick up skills, but high intelligence makes them easier to learn, so it should balance out a little. If you decide to change your mind, you can always come back here and I’ll give you a rundown on your new class and update the card.”

Celestia spoke up. “Um, sorry, does that crystal get your name when it does its reading?”

The receptionist nodded, then looked around her section of the countertop. “Oh, speaking of names, I just realized I forgot to put my nameplate onto the desk when I got here.” She ducked under the desk and came back up with a stone nameplate that read ‘Maud Pie’. “I always forget to do that. But yeah, the crystal gets your name. Now can you place your hoof onto the crystal, please?”

Celestia placed her hoof onto the sphere reluctantly, and the device began to print once more. A minute later, Maud picked up the second card and began to read it.

“So you’re Celestia. Been enjoying life up in the sky?”

What little color there was in Celestia’s face drained.

“Ha, I crack myself up,” Maud said dryly. “I’ve only met a few ponies named Celestia before, it must be nice to have something in common with this beauty,” she said, lightly poking the crystal. “Actually, speaking of the goddesses, Luna’s right over there.” She then pointed a hoof towards the receptionist with the longest line, a white mare with her yellow mane tied up in a bun with the rest of her wavy mane on either side of her face. Hearing her name, she waved at Maud. “Enough foaling around, though. Let’s check the rest of your card.” Her eyebrows raised fairly high, and her eyelids opened way further than they had before. “Wow. That’s a lot of magic. That might actually be the highest magic I’ve ever seen. Strength is really good too. Really high wisdom, even if intelligence is a bit below average. Decent dexterity, average luck and... Oh, that’s not good.”

“What’s wrong?” asked Celestia.

“Well, your vitality isn’t great, but you have a very low agility. I’ve seen pegasi with injured wings with better agility than this. It probably would be a good idea to work on raising it at least a bit. If I had to recommend a specific class, something that takes a more support-oriented role would fit better for your weaknesses. Probably something faith-based. Wisdom spells are definitely going to be very strong for you, and that class set has the most. In fact, you actually have high enough stats to start as an advanced class, like Arch Priestess.”

After Maud gave a short explanation to Celestia about advanced classes– while Celestia nervously glanced around hoping nopony was going to notice the situation– Celestia chose the Solar Arch Priestess class, gave me her adventurer’s card to put in my tracksuit’s pocket, and we went to check the questboard. As soon as we left the counter, the other receptionist, Luna, squealed as she grabbed another adventurer’s new card.

“My word! That has to be the highest magic score I’ve ever seen! You’re a prodigy! Nopony ever starts with a magic stat of thirty!”

As Luna continued her shower of praise on the novice and much of the room began looking her way, I noticed Celestia briefly pull out her card from my pocket and checked the magic stat.

73.

Probably for the best we took the short line.

Author's Note

Super-huge thanks to everyone for liking the story so far! I've got a few chapters written up as of now, so for a while I should be able to publish every Tuesday. Please keep leaving feedback in the comments!

Chapter 2- Reed Trip

Getting to the corkboard, Celestia and I looked over it.

“So what kind of quest do you think we should start with, Twilight?”

“Well, you may have an advanced class, but it’s probably still best for us to grab a very easy quest anyways. Not to mention, I don’t even have a weapon! You have fairly powerful magic at your disposal, but I don’t even have a stick! We should probably stick to… this one!”

I grabbed a rather small sheet from the corkboard from underneath a larger sheet that read,

Please get me a basket of Lavenderpole Reeds from the banks of Runny Creek in the Painted Woods!

Reward- 50 bits

Timeframe- Soon, please!

Difficulty- Easy

A quest to just get a basket of reeds? For a whopping fifty bits? It seemed so easy!

…

TOO easy. I don't even know anything about these woods, and here I am about to run in? I should be at least a little prepared.

Even though Celestia is an advanced class, and already has quite a few spells at her disposal, I would like to have something to defend myself in the forest.

The obvious choice is to get some sort of sword. We returned to Maud to ask about getting a rental, and luckily their shortsword had a small rental fee of only 20 bits paid upon its return in a week, and we also grabbed a small basket for one bit that Maud paid for. We registered the ‘gather’ quest, and turned to leave the building.

Upon leaving, I checked the clock tower for the time. It read 2:12, which meant we had plenty of time to poke around the forest before night falls.

Following the signposts, we soon found our way out of town and on the path back into the forest.

Not long after we had gotten out of earshot of anypony else, I decided to get some information Celestia wasn’t going to tell me in town. “What exactly did Maud mean by ‘the goddesses’? Your sister’s name is Luna, and the other receptionist was as well, and Maud only even brought it up after she learned your name. I feel like you aren’t giving me the full story, Celestia!”

Celestia sighed. “It is true, I introduced myself to you as an afterlife guide. However, many centuries ago, I walked the lands of Equestria as any other pony would. Through my sister and my own efforts, the Chaos Lord was sealed in a tomb of enchanted stone. However, about a century later, the seal broke, and as my sister and I still were known to everypony as the ones who sealed them away, we had been the first target upon his resurgence. To get rid of us, he sent us to purgatory.”

A shudder ran through my spine. Although I don’t know enough about this Chaos Lord to know what had been done to send them to purgatory, a few dozen brutal ideas quickly swirled through my head as we headed deeper into the woods.

“After our departure from Equestria, the legends of us eventually mixed with the churches of the Sun and Moon, with ponies convinced our return was as sure to come as a sunrise or dusk and revering us as goddesses prepared to vanquish the Chaos Lord. This is likely why we have already met a pony named after my sister. Due to our immense deeds, we were given status as afterlife guides, but we were still trapped and powerless to do much except send a few exceptionally friendly warriors to aid in the world’s deliverance from him with the help of their ‘cheat items’. These heroes would often make valiant attempts to get rid of the Chaos Lord, but ultimately, the sheer chaos of his controlled areas was enough to drive most of them senseless, cause them to retreat, or even to perish.”

We came upon a small, colorfully-painted bridge over a small, clay-streaked stream, a small signpost was posted on the bridge that read–

RUNNY CREEK CROSSING

Stepping off the path to follow the creek, I decided to press further. “But Celestia, if you were powerful enough to defeat him earlier, why couldn’t you defeat him again?”

Celestia stared wistfully at the river. “It’s not a story I like to remind myself about the details of.” Perking up somewhat, Celestia said, “Now, let’s get down to some reed-picking!”

Not far down the stream, a small clump of cattails a similar shade to my coat were waving in the cool forest breeze as the slow moving stream bubbled past them. If this wasn’t a ‘lavenderpole reed’, I don’t know what would be! Although, it may be a good idea to see if there is a book on Equestrian flora somewhere in town to check this sort of thing.

Reaching a hoof down, I realized that the reeds had a fairly prickly stalk. It’s a good thing I didn’t try to bite the base first! Now how could I get it out of the ground? I didn’t even have any gardening gloves! For that matter, can ponies use gardening gloves? I don’t even know how I’ve been lifting things with my hoo–

I feel a nudge on my shoulder as Celestia pokes it with her hoof. “Twilight, you do remember you’re a unicorn, right? You can pick the reed with telekinesis. Just focus on picking the reed up with your horn and it should work.”

After a somewhat lengthy trial and error, and a remark from Celestia about her missing her horn already, I managed to get a hang of it, and get most of the reeds into the basket without ruining them. With the basket about half full, we went in search of another reed clump. We continued this for a while, and eventually, we had gathered a full basket.

If every quest is this easy, maybe things aren’t so bad after all!

Getting back into town, the sun was barely peeking over the city’s walls as it set, the sky glowing a warm orange. If we were going to get some money to eat tonight, we would need to find the address on the quest delivery quickly. When we had registered the quest, Maud had passed me a sheet with the delivery address written on it. I just hoped that we were early enough to get the money tonight!

Pastelburg, luckily, has one main street running down the middle, where a canal separates the north and south halves of the city with bridges crossing the canal at every side street. The address we needed was on a side street right off the main road not too far from the gate.

“Okay, so we found Lemon Lane, now we just have to find building 107.”

A quick look to the north showed stores beginning with two-hundreds, so we continued our search by crossing the canal to the south side. A quick look around and we found our delivery spot- an unassuming storefront with a small sign that read “Shop of Assorted Slightly Fascinating Items”. I poke my head in first.

“Hello? I’ve got a delivery here.”

In a flash, somepony behind the counter rocketed into the rafters with a loud crash. A moment later, she gently flapped down on her wings and started bowing. At least, I think it was bowing? Still new to the whole pony-body-language thing.

“I’m so sorry if that scared you! I just got startled, and it probably startled you!”

“Whoa, it’s okay! You don’t need to bow so quickly!” The yellow mare stopped bowing. “I’m just here to bring you your lavenderpole reeds.”

The yellow mare clapped her hooves together. “Oh, really? I only posted that yesterday! It feels like half the time I post a quest, some adventurer takes it and doesn’t even bother doing it. The other half, I can come by a few days later and it’s still there…”

“Are you kidding? Fifty bits for a walk in the woods seems like a good quest to me!”

“It was only supposed to be twenty, but nopony was ever doing it, and I have the shop to run… I’m just glad somepony finally got them for me!”

The mare fluttered over the counter and grabbed the basket off my back with her mouth, then sat it down next to the cash register. Now that she was in front of the counter, I noticed her purple cloak. She trotted back around the counter and began counting out the bits and putting them into a bag for us before passing it to me.

“Here you go, miss…?”

“Twilight Sparkle! What’s your name?”

“Oh, um, it’s Fluttershy. I’m going to close up soon, but if you find something you want to buy before then, I can ring it up for you!”

“Well, we kind of only have these bits to our name,” I say, jangling the pouch of bits. “We don’t even have anywhere we can stay tonight, and we still need to get something to eat tonight. I’m sure once we get more bits we can come back and get your…” I trotted up to one of the display shelves, “...necklace of minor reinforcement? Does this give you a magic defense buff?”

“Oh, no. It gives you a little positive reinforcement if you’re feeling a bit unsure of yourself. But I can’t just let you leave without having anywhere to stay! The inn charges about twenty bits just for a night, and if you only have those fifty, I can’t just let you spend it all for a few small beds! I actually have a spare bedroom upstairs, it wouldn’t be any trouble at all if you used it! Just, um, keep the noise down. My bedroom shares a wall with it.”

Behind me, Celestia speaks up. “Are you sure? We can pay you something for it. Even though we may not have much to spend, it’s not really fair to you to give us a free room.”

Fluttershy pawed a hoof at the ground. “No! It’s really no trouble! Just think of it as payment for the reeds!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “The reeds that were supposed to only cost you twenty bits? We really shouldn’t burden you with this.”

I decided to speak up. “Celestia, unless you have a better idea on a place we can stay today without losing all our bits, we can at least spend the night here.”

Fluttershy waved a hoof around. “It’s really no trouble! I promise! I’m not expecting a guest for at least a few more weeks! Now, um, you should probably go out and get some food. The door will be unlocked when you get back.”

And so Celestia and I left for the guild hall. On the way, I couldn’t help but ask Celestia, “Why exactly were you so reluctant to take her offer for a room? Unless you have some secret back-up plan, I can’t imagine any reason to pass it up.”

“Twilight, I can’t really explain how, but something just felt… off.”

“That pony was scared stiff by us getting there, you probably just got a bad first impression of her!”

“...Perhaps,” she said warily.

As we arrived at the guild hall, I glanced up at the clock. 8:44. I have no idea what time I had arrived in this world, but I knew by now I was hungry.

Walking into the door, the guild somehow was even more packed than it was earlier, as adventurers who quested through the day settled in for the evening.

We sat ourselves at an empty section of bench and looked over the menu. Pretty much the entire menu was a whole slough of things I couldn’t even imagine what they were supposed to be. While I understood a fair amount of it, including an entire page apparently full of apple-based baked goods, the idea of a ‘hayburger’ made me slightly wary. I decided to just order a salad and an apple pie. Soon, the waiter arrived.

“What will you both be having?”

“Just a super-leafy salad and an apple pie, please. With a glass of water.”

Celestia turned to the waiter. “I’ll have a fried carrot plate with a side of mashed potatoes, a large fruit salad, 2 whole chocolate cakes, and some milk tea.”

As the waiter canters off with the order paper, I can’t help but find myself upset with Celestia. “Two whole cakes?! We only have fifty bits!”

Celestia shrugged. “I don’t really see a problem with what I ordered. If you check the menu prices, I’ve barely made a dent in it.”

I dove my face back into my menu after such an audacious claim. Sure enough, many of the menu items barely exceeded three bits. I guess food is just especially cheap. Celestia’s order only came to a total of twelve bits.

“Still, isn’t that a lot of food?”

“Didn’t your world have the expression, ‘hungry like a horse?’”

I winced. “That’s not… um… yep, that’s right!” I say nervously. It’s not exactly the first hunger and horse related phrase that comes to my mind.

Not long after, we received our food. At first, I tried to eat the salad using telekinesis to grab the fork, but after a bit of trouble, I realized maybe sticking a four-pronged object into my mouth using a skill I barely understood on the first day might be a bit more than what I should try, unless I wanted to make up a cool-sounding backstory to explain why I ended up with an eyepatch. I’ll stick with using hooves and having both eyes, thank you very much!

Celestia, by contrast, seemed to have some trouble with her hooves as she lifted forkful after forkful of food. As the meal went on, she seemed to get better with it, though.

After I finished my food, I realized that I was still hungry. Celestia was kind enough to give me some of her potatoes and a slice of one of the cakes, though. It was honestly really good food for what I was expecting from a literal guild hall!

Celestia finished her main plate and side not long after, and upon taking a bite of the cake, her face melted in pleasure. “Thah hash to be the besht cake I’ve eaten in shenturies!” she said, through a mouthful of cake. She swallowed, and continued, “the last time I actually tasted something that wasn’t ethereal was so long ago, and trust me, it’s not the tastiest. But THIS!” Celestia lifted the cake plate into the air with both hooves, “This is wonderful!”

As Celestia proceeded to ignore her silverware and munch haphazard bites of cake, I couldn’t help but smile. Even if she may not be turning out to be the most powerful of choices so far, seeing Celestia enjoying walking the mortal world after all these years was enough to make my choice to bring her worthwhile.

I still wish I’d written some currency onto the sheet, though.

After we finished our meal, we paid our bill and stopped by the front counter to repay Maud. “Here you go! Twenty-one bits, the same amount you gave us!”

Maud looked down at the money. “Yep. That's twenty-one bits. I didn’t say you had to pay me back for the basket, but I’ll take it. Usually, everypony forgets to pay me back. I really appreciate it.” As we turned to head out, she waved us goodbye, and we stepped out into the cool night.

“Should we do anything else before we go back to Fluttershy’s shop? It’s still a bit early for me to be tired,” I asked Celestia.

“Well, we could go and take a bath before we go to bed.”

“That sounds like a good idea! Should we try to use her tub now though? She might have already gone to bed.”

Celestia looked at me with confusion. “Her tub? Ah, right. It’s actually somewhat uncommon for ponies to have their own tubs, usually we use public bathhouses. They only cost a few bits to use.”

I was struck with a tiny bit of fear. “A public bathhouse? But everypony will see me naked!”

Celestia rolled her eyes.

I looked around at the generally clothingless townsfolk. Okay, I can see why that wouldn’t exactly be a problem now.

After a short bath and a long wait for Celestia to finish hers, we returned to the store.

Although the main lights in the store were off, we found the door unlocked, just as Fluttershy had said. I made sure to lock it.

Walking behind the curtain to the storeroom, we found Fluttershy asleep at a desk. I hesitantly poked a hoof at her.

Fluttershy recoiled “Eep!” She turned around. “Oh. Hello. I must have drifted off counting up the sales from today.”

I looked at the sheet in front of her. She had only made two.

“I was so sleepy, I must have dozed off! Thank you for the wakeup, my neck always gets sore if I end up like this all night.” Standing up, she trotted up the stairs. “Your room is the second one on your right, and the bathroom is right across from it. But um, don’t mix it up with the first one on your right. You don’t need to go in that room.”

As soon as Fluttershy had went down the hall and into the third door, Celestia turned to look at me. “Can we open the door?” she asked, a mischievous grin on her face.

“Aren’t you a goddess? Paragon of virtue, and all that? Shouldn’t you have enough sense not to poke around somepony’s house?”

“Awww, come on! Just a peek!”

Before I could say anything else, Celestia opened the door with a deafening creak, revealing…

A coat closet.

Fluttershy’s head poked out of her door. “That door is really squeaky, please don’t do that.” She then quietly shut her door and went back to bed.

Opening the right door this time, we entered the bedroom. The room was plainly decorated, with a window facing out to the street. A small desk with a bookshelf was near the window, and an enormous bed sat in the middle of the room adorned with a butterfly pattern. I’m surprised the guest bed would be so large, but seeing as how Celestia and I will be sharing it, I can’t complain!

Not too long after my head hits the pillow, I drift off to sleep.

Author's Note

This chapter is a LOT different from the Konosuba counterpart, but chapter 3 will be right back on track with the first battle! As always, feel free to leave any feedback in the comments!

Chapter 3- Frog Horizon

As I woke up the next morning, I nearly fell out of bed in shock. I’d managed to forget for a moment what had happened yesterday, so waking up with hooves caught me off guard enough to make me nearly start screaming.

…

Okay. Actually start screaming. Somehow Celestia slept through it, but Fluttershy came rushing in. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I calmed myself down. No need to make her panic. “I, uh, just had a bad dream. It’s fine.”

Fluttershy gave me an odd look, but left. I decided to spend the rest of the morning checking the bookshelves. After all, if there was anything that could help us adventure more easily, one of the most surefire places to check for it is definitely a book! I may need to ask if there’s a library somewhere in town, actually…

While I let Celestia sleep in a while longer, I checked the small collection of books on the shelf above the desk. Although a quick glance over the small reading selection showed mostly fiction, one of the books was titled “A Beginner’s Guide to Equestrian Fauna”, and was a fairly heavy hardcover. I sat at the desk for an hour or so until Celestia loudly yawned and promptly threw her cover off and flopped onto the floor gracelessly.

“Ow. Luna, what have I told you about levitating the bed?” She opened her eyes and stood up. “Oh. Right. Good morning Twilight! Did you get a good night’s rest?”

I nodded. As Celestia walked towards the door, I grabbed the volume and what I would have described as my tracksuit just a day ago to throw it on. There may not be as many rules about clothes in this world, but I definitely appreciate what little familiarity it still gave me.

As we went downstairs, Fluttershy was sitting behind the main desk. She seemed to hear us come down.

“Good morning! How are you two doing so far today?”

“Pretty good so far. Would it be alright if I borrowed this?” I held up the book.

“Oh, sure! I can’t even remember the last time I read it, to be honest.”

“Thanks! Do you have any work for us today?”

Fluttershy shifted nervously.

“Well, I only really needed the lavenderpole reeds for the week, so I’m afraid I don’t really need help with anything today. But, um, you can still feel free to stay for a while! I can always use some help around here!”

Fluttershy gestured at the neatly organized, totally clean, and absolutely empty store.

Celestia waved a hoof dismissively.

“I’m sure you’ll manage. Now, Twilight? Let’s go check back at the guild hall to see if there are any other quests!”

And with that, we left for the guild hall. If yesterday was anything to go off of, she probably can handle the day on her own.

I can’t help but wonder if the shopkeep was looking forward to our company, though.

As we get to the corkboard, I take a moment to check out some more of the posted papers. Or what’s LEFT of them.

“Oh, you have GOT to be joking.”

The board seems absolutely RANSACKED compared to yesterday, with barely any of the easier quests that I remember seeing yesterday in sight.

Remembering what Fluttershy had mentioned last night, I couldn’t help but get a little ticked off. One of those quest-hoarders who doesn’t even bother finishing the requests probably showed up and registered all the easy quests already! If I’d have known, I’d have grabbed a few extra easy ones yesterday!

Stomping a hoof in anger, I hear a slight crunch. Looking down, I can see the only paper I’ve seen today that seemed remotely doable, torn up a bit and forgotten on the ground.

BY ISS—— — THE CITY OF PASTELBURG

BOUNTY- 5 G—— TOADS

REWARD- PER TOAD: 50 BITS

UPON COMPLETION- AN ADDITIONAL 10—

DIFFICULTY- E———

I can’t say that I know much about catching toads, but they must be pretty hard to find if just scooping one up nets 50 bits! The poster seemed to be torn, but it isn’t so hard to think what’s missing. “Issue of”, “Green”, “100 bits”, and “Easy”! Context clues win again!

I show Celestia the paper and explained my reasoning.

Celestia looked over the near-barren board and shrugged. “Well, it seems like it should be easy enough! Let’s register it!”

We went over to Maude’s desk, finding it once again without the line the desk next to it had. I briefly scanned Luna’s line to check if any of them had a telltale overflowing pile of papers either in their hoof or in their saddlebags.

Speaking of saddlebags, it’d probably be a good idea to pick one up today. Although humans don’t have many issues carrying an object, when you’re trying to hold a book with a forehoof, walking definitely feels off.

I put the paper and book on the counter to give my hoof a break.

“Hey Maud!”

“Hello.”

“We’ve got a quest we would like to register!”

Maud looks at the paper and slowly raises an eyebrow.

“Uhm, where’s the rest of the quest paper?”

“It was sorta-kinda torn-up when we found it. On the floor. I think somepony snatched almost every other easy quest today.”

Maud stared at the paper for a second.

“Well, I should be able to register it, but it might take me a while since I’d need to check the quest registry. I’ll make a copy of the quest sheet when I’m done, if you want to pick it up later. You can feel free to get a head start today.”

“That sounds great! By any chance, could we rent a saddlebag? This book is pretty hard to carry around.”

Maud ducked under the counter and came back up a few seconds later with a drab gray saddlebag, which seemed to match her coat.

“You can borrow mine for a while. I’m not planning a hunting trip for a while”

“You hunt?”

Maud blinked, as if it should have been obvious.

“Yeah. For rocks.”

Of course.

Donning the bag with the book inside and waving to Maud, we headed out towards the town’s gate.

“Twilight? Where are the frogs, anyways? We should ask somepony.”

Ah, right. We probably should get an idea of where we’re supposed to go before we just run off into the woods.

Celestia walked up to the town guard nearest to us and smiled at her.

“Excuse me, we have a quest that involves frogs, would you know where we could find them?”

“Frogs? They should be out in the fields west of town, especially near the river. You shouldn’t have too much trouble finding em.”

And with that, we head out of the town.

After walking a ways, I decide to take a moment to sit down and check the book for info on the frog. Skipping all the technical information that I’d normally love to read just for the sake of it, I go straight to the section on habitats.

Frogs tend to show up near water. They range in size from even smaller than a tooth to as big as your head! Some common frogs are the following-

I looked over the rest of the page. It had a staggering amount of frogs even just starting with g, from the assumed “green frog” to the somewhat worrying “Galvanized frog”, which seemed to be made of solid metal and quite a bit heavier than we could probably carry back.

Actually, are we supposed to carry the frog back? If it’s a bounty, it probably was just to slay them and be done with it. But none of the entries made any of the frogs sound like a significant pest, so aside from the valuable, and exceptionally rare, Golden Frog, I don’t have much to go on as for what frog we need to go after…

I’m broken out of my reading by a frantic hoof tapping on my shoulder.

“Twilight! Hello? I think we may have a bit of a problem.”

I turn to look at Celestia, but while my head is turning I see her hoof pointing at a nearby hilltop, where a frog that was quite a fair bit bigger than a pony was sitting, looking directly at us.

Is this book outdated or something?!

I quickly flipped through the pages on frogs in case I was missing something, and ended up on the page after the frog section.

Toads are generally similar to frogs, and appear in similar places. Formerly, toads were considered to be varieties of what we now call dry frogs, but after the appearance of the Greater Toad, and subsequent species, presumed to be due to meddling by the Chaos Lord, the old categorization was done away with.

Seriously?! How does the entire section on frogs not even bother to mention this once!?

“Twilight? I think it sees us!”

Toads in the modern sense are almost always larger than a fully grown pony. Due to being animals affected by chaos magic, but not themselves a chaos creature, Lunar magic will not have any extra effectiveness. All known “species” of toads share classification with normal frogs, aside from their obvious size.

I felt the ground shake somewhat.

“It’s getting closer, Twilight! What should we do?!”

“I’m trying to find anything I can here!” I said, skipping ahead a few paragraphs.

Toads are known to hunt any number of creatures, most notably, of course, any size of pony. Toads primarily hunt by sight, with moving or especially flying targets being easily noticed. However, there is one surefire way to not get eaten as an adventurer–

The ground shook even harder and Celestia let out a screech.

- as Toads cannot stand the taste of metal. Wearing enough armor is enough to make any toad immediately spit out any adventurer it eats. Afterwards, the toad is an easy kill.

Alright! All we need is a bit of armor! Which we don’t have. Fantastic.

I noticed Celestia wasn’t screaming behind me anymore, and the ground hadn’t shaken for a few seconds, so I turned around. A short distance away, the toad remained sat still, with a few white legs poked out of its mouth flailing around.

“Celestia!”

Drawing my sword with my hoof, I charged around the toad and leapt onto its back.

After a couple of inexperienced blows to the head, the blade finally did its job, and the toad’s would-be meal was freed.

After I dragged her out of the toad, Celestia sat up and remained silent, shivering for a bit. She was lucky the toad decided to sit still while it tried to snack on her, since if it had hopped off or even squirmed I’d have probably had trouble getting the frog downed.

“Are you okay, Celestia?!”

She turned to face me with dull eyes.

“I want to go back to purgatory.”

I was going to consider putting a hoof on her shoulder, but Celestia had been absolutely coated in sticky frog spit, and I have no faith in this world’s detergent if THAT got on my sleeve. It smelled like rancid fish.

Choking back a small sob, Celestia continued, “Thanks for the save, but if it’s alright with you, I think we should just head back for the day. I want this gunk off me as soon as possible.”

I considered our options. On one hoof, go back and make almost no progress on the quest today. On the other hoof, charge at another frog (TOAD, Twilight, this is why we even HAD a problem!), and personally hop in its mouth with the express goal of slicing the tongue.

One gust of the breeze while downwind from Celestia was convincing enough for me!

“We just have to defeat five toads, we can take our time. Besides, we already made as much money as yesterday, so we’re fine! If we come back prepared, it shouldn’t even be a problem.”

Celestia looked at me with an exasperated face. “Do we have to finish it?”

“We can decide that tomorrow. Let’s just head back.”

And so we returned, with only 20% of the quest fulfilled.

Unless the quest WAS for frogs all along, I guess. I’m not sure which would be worse at this point.

Author's Note

Next chapter- Recruiting another member to help with the toads!
Feel free to take one last guess in the comments before they get revealed!

Chapter 5 - Explosion!

About an hour later, we stood on one of the hills outside of town, a toad facing away from us a fair distance away.

“Now, of course, Explosion is no small feat to cast, even for a magician as great and powerful as I! In the event another toad shows up while I’m casting, you two can, of course, handle it, yes?”

Celestia and I shared an uneasy glance and said nothing. I took a quick glance around just in case we had a toad that was already on our case, but the area behind us revealed nothing but more hills, and the town walls beyond.

Staring at the toad, Trixie’s hat had a faint, red glow begin beneath. A wind began to stir about her, causing her cape to flutter in the growing breeze.

“Explosive forces of forbidden power,
Cover Trixie’s foe in a fiery tower! “

The wind grew stronger, and Trixie’s eyes seemed to shine a brighter shade of red than they had been as dark tendrils of magic converged towards her hat.

“The time of doom has arrived for the pitiful excuse of a frog laid before us, and no string of fate may yet save it! No, the greatest and powerfulest magic ever known to exist to all ponykind will continue its destructive reign!”

By now, the toad had taken notice of the fairly obvious swirl of magic surrounding us, and had begun to hop closer, presumably hoping for its next meal. And yet, Trixie maintained her stance, continuing her chant.

Just how long DOES this thing take to cast?

“The reckoning of the weight of the world- no, the UNIVERSE!- shall descend upon you in a fit of unstoppable destruction!
And with this final chant of the hour,
Deliver upon us a fiery shower!
EXPLOSION!!”

For a moment, the dark power seemingly vanished, as the snaking strands of magic that had been streaking around us faded and the swirling air returned to an unassuming standstill.

And then suddenly, a blinding flash, accompanied a moment later by a deafening thunderclap. As I adjusted to the sudden glare, I could see the pillar of fire relentlessly pounded on where the toad had been not a moment ago, as the heat radiated off in a sudden wave.

Just moments later, the explosion faded, leaving a rippled crater that looked like it could have been left by an entire meteor, with the aforementioned toad seemingly blown to atoms, nowhere in sight. The grass of the field surrounding the crater was either scorched, still burning, or so obliterated that the ground was barren as smoke billowed away above.

Is this the sheer power that this world’s magic can hold? With just one spell causing this much destruction, these frogs won’t stand a chance!

Before I could properly congratulate Trixie, however, I felt the ground rumbling beneath. Could the explosion have triggered some sort of seismic aftershock??

A glimpse of yellow to my side caught my eye. When I turned to look, I could see another toad crawling out of the dirt of a hillside, evidently awoken by the massive shock of the explosion. Whether or not it intended to avenge its fallen friend or make us its next meal, I wasn’t too worried. With the power of explosive magic, the efforts would be in vain!

Probably would be a good idea to get out of the blast radius first, though.

“Nice work, Trixie! Let’s retrea–”

As I looked back to Trixie, I saw her lying on the ground, all legs sprawled to the side, with her hat tipped over her face as she slowly slid down the hill.

“Eh?”

Without removing her face from the ground, Trixie said, “The great and powerful spell has a… great and powerful mana cost. I’ve used up more than all my mana casting it, but… I’m sure you two can handle it from here.”

Seriously?!

“Ah, if she used up all her mana on such a large spell, overdrawing from mana will take life force instead! I’ve seen it happen before,” said Celestia, looking down at Trixie as she still slowly slid, “but usually it’s something saved for a bit more dangerous of situations…”

As the frog hopped closer, its bulging eyes surveyed the group. As I drew my sword, it made its choice of which of us to go for, and with a flick of its tongue, Trixies legs now stuck out of its mouth, dangling limply.

“Well, at least they don’t tend to move too much while they’re trying to eat so this should be–”

A deep croak sounded off behind us.

Turning around, I saw a toad close enough to cast a shadow on us. It didn’t, because we were north of it, but THAT’S NOT EXACTLY IMPORTANT!

A moment later, after two screams echoed across the plains, I found myself quaking, but notably not in the belly of the amphibious interloper. The familiar sight of Celestia’s kicking hindlegs were instead peeking out of the toad’s mouth.

After quickly defeating the two toads, Trixie lay down, still exhausted from her display. Both her and Celestia sat shivering slightly from the dreadful slime of the toad’s mouth, and frankly, smelled horrible.

Turning to me, Celestia asked, “Twilight? How many more do we need to take out?”

“Just one! It shouldn’t be too hard to get it tomorrow.”

Celestia stood up and looked across the plains, eyes scanning the terrain as her face set in a serious look.

“Twilight, I’ve been eaten by these frogs twice now. I haven’t actually attacked any of them first, however. My strength stat is high enough that I should be able to take them on regardless. Now watch this!”

And with that, she ran off at full gallop. Was she going to try to punch the toad?? She didn’t have any other weapon, and last I checked her card, she only had the starting Solar Arch Priestess spells, which don’t use strength to cast. At least, I wouldn’t THINK they would.

I thought back to this morning’s reading session.

Toads possess a large amount of fat. Although this trait is its biggest weakness, being the main cause for its low mobility in combat, it can also be its greatest boon. The thick fat allows toads to almost entirely resist temperature status effects such as freeze, in addition to allowing force to largely dissipate in the fat if struck by a blunt weapon.

“You foul frogs have swallowed me for the last time! I shall make you rue the day you ever decided to make a meal of me!” Celestia’s voice echoed across the plains.

“Hey, Celestia! Stop!” Although I was chasing after her, I doubt she could hear me.

By now, she was already upon the toad. With quite a fair bit of force, she lept in the air and dove directly at the toad’s stomach with a hoof outstretched…

And immediately bounced off, and flopped down in front of it.

“Did… Did it work?”

A mouth opened to answer Celestia’s question. Unfortunately, it wasn’t mine.

While Celestia had been in tears after the first encounter, and enraged just minutes ago by the second, this time she simply seemed to be dejected after freeing her from what, thankfully, was the last toad.

While I did my best to explain that she had tried to do the one attack the toad was strong against, it did little to pick up her mood. While it may not have had much technique, she clearly had put her all into the punch.

As we came back to the first set of downed toads, Trixie still lay on the ground, lazily poking a hoof at the dirt.

“The… Great and Powerful Trixie could use some help getting back to town. Could you lend me a hoof?”

She extended a forehoof to get some help off the ground. It glistened in the sun from slime.

No thank you!

Celestia helped her up and allowed Trixie to clamor onto her back, and we began the walk back to town.

“If I never see the inside of one of those horrid creatures again, it would be too soon!” exclaimed Trixie.

“You know, once you get used to it, it’s actually sort of warm in the toad’s mouth. It takes some getting used to, but it’s not the worst feeling. I wish I didn’t learn it, regardless, though.” said Celestia with a still deadpan tone.

I couldn’t help but think about how easy the quest could have been if Trixie had led with a more… practical spell? It doesn’t make much sense to use such a huge area of effect spell on a single enemy, much less one that totally incapacitates you! It doesn’t even take someone who one-hundred-percented Crypt Seeker 11 to tell you THAT!

“Hey, Trixie? Should you have led with a different spell? I know you only have a few, but if your best one does that, maybe next time you should save it for a better moment?”

The mare instantly shot me an indignant look from her draped position. “I only know Explosion.”

“But your card had other spells listed?”

“Ah, those? …Well, you see…” - She nervously tapped her hooves together -”Those are for the magic show and special effects. They aren’t exactly attacks.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Would the Great and Powerful Trixie dare tell a lie?”

“If you’re claiming to be useful and only have ONE spell, yes, I guess so. How long does it take to recover from casting Explosion, anyways?”

“It varies.”

“From?”

“Half a day or more to cast it again at minimum.”

While I couldn’t deny the power of her Explosion spell, it was hard to imagine being able to use her powers outside of fights where we attacked a single group of enemies or a single huge enemy in an entire day.

“Shouldn’t you get other spells?” asked Celestia. “Last I knew, Explosion was the ultimate ability in the Detonation class of magic. If you can use Explosion, you surely must understand the others?”

The blue mare shook her head with a proud look on her face. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has no need for LESSER detonation magicks! Only the most brazen, most earthshaking, and most POWERFUL of them all could possibly do! Otherwise, what’s the point?”

I put my hoof on my forehead. “Okay, Trixie, what do you do if a wolf attacks you?”

“Explode it.”

“The Explosion has brought more wolves. What would you do then?”

“Explode the wolves.”

“You just exploded the other wolf. You can’t cast Explosion again.”

“I’ve never even exploded a wolf. I just exploded a toad, in case you forgot, Twilight.”

“No I mean… Ugh. What would you do IF you needed to cast two spells to save yourself.”

“I understood the question, Twilight. You believe that knowing a variety of spells, with different strengths, to counter every enemy’s weakness, specifically, is the most efficient way to battle.”

“I… wow. Yes! Exactly! So you’re willing to?” I replied eagerly. I was hoping to change her mind, but it seems like she already had!

Trixie began to snicker, before breaking into an all-out laugh. “Do you think you have been the first to try to dissuade Trixie from her destiny? No, every display of magic I give is only the most powerful spell in the world! Other wizards can keep their pitiful, small spells. To even use them as a stepping stone would betray my love of only the most powerful spell!”

By now, Celestia was looking back and smiling at her passenger. “You know, I can admire your sense of dedication, even if it is not the most practical on the battlefield. You’re doing your best to stay true to yourself, no matter what anypony says!”

Don’t ENCOURAGE her, Celestia!

I've got to put a stop to this, fast.

“Well, Trixie, I can see that it will be a hard path for you, and I wish you the best of luck moving forward. When we get back to town, you’ll get your share of the quest reward, and maybe we’ll cross paths again later.” I did my best to force a smile.

Trixie’s confident smile faltered. “H-hey! My one wish is to grace the world with my magic, so… quest rewards aren’t so important! Yes! The Affordable and Cheap Trixie can be at your side for just the price of her rent and meals! You get the mighty boon of an Archmagician at your side who knows the most powerful spell, for less than what one would even pay a swordspony. Surely such a splendid offer couldn’t be rejected!”

“Well, if it’s such a good deal, I’m sure nopony at the guild could refuse! Besides, your advanced class would SURELY be wasted on two totally new adventurers anyways.”

"While it may be true that I am an advanced class, I am still only level six! With time, I will get Greater and Powerfuller, and won't collapse after casting! By getting me now, while other parties are foolish enough to turn me down, you’ll have the last laugh eventually!”

“So you HAVE been turned down by other parties?”

“... A magician never reveals her secrets.”

“Right... I think we’ll just give you your cut. One spell a day is just a liability, and if we're in a cave or dungeon, you can't even cast it.”

"Please reconsider! This is the closest I've gotten to being in a party in months! I'll carry your bags in dungeons if need be! Just don't toss me aside!"

By now, we had entered the main gate, and Trixie's hysterics were earning us all odd stares from the townsfolk. That or the stench of toad guts were.

"You know, Twilight," said Celestia, "She does have a point about her being an investment. Even if her name is strange, she clearly at least knows one very powerful spell. As long as she isn't a liability, we could at least give her another chance."

I suppressed a groan. How does someone with as high a magic stat as Celestia see a one-spell-wonder as a good addition?! But against my better judgment…

"Now, I won't say this is permanent, but–"

"You won't regret your decision! With the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE by your side, this team will be UNSTOPPABLE!"

"You didn't let me finish."

"Were you not going to extend an invitation to your party?"

"It's not so much an invitation, more of a free trial."

"Trixie can overcome ANY trial!"

And with that, our party gained a new member. Temporarily, of course.

After taking Trixie’s adventurer card, (disdainfully, since it was still soggy,) I headed back to the guild to receive our reward for completion, while Celestia carried Trixie off to the bathhouse for them both to wash up.

I made my way to Maud’s desk and placed my card on the counter, keeping Trixie’s in my hoof.

“Yeah, that’s five toads. Please don’t drip that gunk on the counter, though.”

It’s a good thing these cards are so good at keeping track of monsters slain, since I’m pretty sure the one Trixie blew up got completely vaporized.

After stamping the quest sheet, now proudly displaying 5/5, Maud’s head disappeared under the counter, and she came back up a few seconds later with a coin bag in her mouth. “Here’s the 200 for the toads and 1000 bits for completion. Congratulations.” Maud said expressionlessly.

Divided equally, that's 400 bits per pony, which doesn't seem that bad, aside from the obvious danger of the whole thing… I mean, what would we have done if another toad showed up? Would we have been wiped out? At least I would have had my sword, so I probably could have figured something out, given how much they apparently hate the taste of anything metallic. For the sake of my tracksuit, I am glad it didn't come to that, though.

A few minutes after taking a seat and aimlessly poking coins around the table, somepony cleared their throat behind me.

Turning around, I was surprised to see not Celestia or Trixie, but somepony I'd never seen before.

The mare was wearing a suit of white armor with gold trim, with some brown clothing underneath, and had an aura of coolness about her. That, and she was wearing sunglasses. I didn't even know this world had any, but if the tinted lenses were any indication, I guess they must. The mare’s neutral expression did little to inform me of what her current temperament was. Could this be somepony from the town guard here to scold our party for something? She certainly had a serious look about her but I can’t imagine what we could have- Oh, right, we caused a huge explosion just outside of town. Probably not appreciated.

The mare shifted somewhat, her mouth moving slightly to a frown, and I realized I hadn’t actually greeted her. “Was there something you needed, miss?” I asked nervously.

“Are you Twilight Sparkle?”

"Yes, I'm Twilight. Is something the matter?"

The mare stuck her face in the saddlebag perched behind her wings, and set a familiar paper on the table. "You posted this recruitment paper, right? I was wondering if you still had an opening."

I breathed a sigh of relief. No jail for us today! I guess we forgot to take the flyer down after we recruited Trixie. "We did already find a third party member, but I can't see any harm in letting you join as well. What are your qualifications?"

The mare smiled. "I'm a level 5 Crusader, which is an advanced class!" she stated proudly.

Perhaps if this happened earlier today, I’d be more inclined to let that speak for itself. Given Trixie’s show of stubbornness though, it’d probably be better to recruit somepony more cooperative.

“Do you have experience with other adventurers?”

"Well, I've been in a few parties before…"

"You DO mean adventuring parties, right?"

"Of course?" the mare replied nervously.

"Any particular hangups, like-" what would make a knight useless, anyways? "-oh, I don't know, a total refusal to fight back?"

"N-no? I will absolutely fight back to the best of my abilities!" the mare replied, not seeming offended but very confused.

Okay, so this mare is clearly somepony of actual importance. Which means she probably totally outclasses us.

"We still have an opening, but I'm not sure it'd be a good fit for you."

"Oh." She looked at the ground, evidently disappointed by the suggestion. "Did you need a wizard?"

"NO! I mean, we already have an Archmagician, so we're fine on that front."

"So you would need a crusader? Trust me, I won't let you down! Please?"

I'm sure she was trying to give doll eyes at me, an effect completely blocked by the sunglasses. She was definitely getting too close to my face though.

"I'm serious, I'm just an adventurer starting out, and it's been rough for us so far."

"But if you have an Archmagician AND an Arch Priestess, surely you'd need extra protection!"

I sighed. So far, everything about this mare pointed to her being FAR too competent for the group, and my gut reaction would be to turn her down, if only to save myself from the inevitable embarrassment of her leaving after one battle. But, if she's this insistent…

"I'll see about letting you meet the group tomorrow. They got, uh, swallowed by toads, so they’re occupied with cleanup at the moment.”

The mare had a look of disgust for a moment. “Well, as a knight of the kingdom, I’d do my best to defend them if you had me on the team! After all-” she tapped a gray hoof to her armor, “-everypony knows toads hate the taste of metal! I look forward to meeting the party tomorrow!”

With that, the blonde-maned mare happily trotted off to another part of the hall, with her head held high... And immediately bumped into a waitress, sending both of them and somepony’s dinner onto the floor.

Author's Note

So, this got done a bit later than I'd have hoped, but it's finally here!

Chapter 6- Skill or be Skilled

It was the afternoon after yesterday’s toad escapades, and after a VERY long night's sleep, I woke up to find it already the early afternoon, and Celestia still asleep in spite of that fact.

Arriving at the guild hall late, we found Trixie was already sat at a table. She had stayed true to her claims the other day, and only asked for a few dozen bits from the stash, and was already chowing down on her salad.

As Celestia and I waited for our food, I pulled out my adventurer card. It seems like I had leveled up, given the glowing text indicating I had hit level 3. However, despite the glowing text of the "learnable skills" box…

"How am I supposed to learn skills? The list is blank!"

"If the list is blank, you must have not leveled up," Trixie said through a mouthful of food.

"It says right here, level 3 Adventurer, 3 skill points available, but not a single skill is listed under that. Look.”

I slid the card in front of Trixie. After a few seconds of looking confused, she slid it back.

“I don’t know what skills adventurers have, but I guess you just can’t learn any,” she said dismissively.

“Celestia, the mare at the counter said something about the adventurer class being able to learn any skill, so why can’t I even learn one?”

Celestia tapped her chin for a moment, before explaining, “Most classes can learn an advanced technique early by being taught how to do it before they may be able to learn it, assuming they can acquire the skill through training rather than a class level. However, I am fairly certain that the adventurer class must acquire all skills this way. Of course, this allows you to pick from any class’s skills, but you have to find somepony willing to teach you, and then also still have the skill points required to learn it. The cost is usually steeper than a specialist’s, but far cheaper than the cost of a specialist attempting to learn an incompatible skill.”

“So if I wanted to learn, say, Explosion from Trixie, she could teach it to me?”

Trixie choked on her salad. “The mighty power of Explosion is no small feat! It took even somepony as Great and Powerful as I years just to acquire the skills to cast such a spell! Even though Adventurer may be the only class able to ever hope to learn Explosion outside of other advanced magicians, the path of Explosions is far too dire for any ORDINARY pony to embark upon!” she declared, head held high and once again flicking her cape.

“Okay, what about your other spells?”

“Off limits. Trade secret.”

“Trade secret? You don’t think I’d try to take up stage magic, do you?”

“Even if YOU didn’t, somepony might be able to pick up my techniques from you. It’s best to leave things as-is.”

“Uh…huh. Sure. How about you Celestia?”

Celestia was looking over her own card, which thanks to shared exp, had also leveled her up.

Taking a peek at her skill list, it was fairly extensive, with healing spells, spells effective against undead, and other support spells. She had a few on her spell list that she could learn, but it was hard to tell at a glance what they did. Celestia took a contemplative look at it.

"I have quite a few spells at my disposal, but most of these are fairly advanced. I'm not sure how many points it would take an adventurer just to even take an advanced healing spell, so… maybe it would be best if I just took a cheap skill now to help you learn it!"

Before I could protest, Celestia had tapped the card and finalized getting a new skill.

"Celestia! What about saving your skill points for later? You already have a TON of skills, and you could have got a better spell later!"

Celestia's enthusiasm fell. "I was only trying to help…"

I sighed, before smiling a bit. "It's fine. I'm sure you know what you're doing, I just don't want you to put your points to waste."

"Well there's no need to worry about that, Twilight! I've picked a perfect spell! It cost a bit extra, since it was outside my spell list, but I unlocked Basic Elemental Magic!"

To call Trixie's reaction to this a laughing fit would be an understatement. By the time she quieted down half a minute later, a decent amount of the guild was staring.

"Ha! Hoo… Celestia, not even the foals back home bother learning that spell! I mean, learning most Basic Magic is already seen as a waste, but Basic ELEMENTAL magic? Do you even know what that skill does?"

"I… don’t recall."

"It's four spells in one skill- making a tiny bit of fire, water, earth, or wind. I'm pretty sure the only time I've ever seen anypony take it was if they REALLY wanted a drink anywhere."

Celestia looked sad for a moment, before her mood perked back up.

"Well at least it sounds like it will be an easy skill to teach Twilight!"

"Ah, so this is the party you mentioned, Darkness? If you're looking to learn some skills, I may be able to assist."

I turned to see who had spoken, and saw the gray, blonde-maned mare from yesterday next to a faded-blue pegasus with a light blue mane. The newcomer wore a pair of boots on her hind legs, with a coat covering much of the rest of her body.

"Who are you?"

The blonde mare spoke. "Darkness, a crusader!” she said proudly, before sheepishly waving a hoof and saying, “We talked yesterday, you might not remember me."

"No, I remember you, I just don't know who she is," I said, pointing a hoof at the blue mare.

"Oh. Allow me to Introduce myself. I am… Selena, and I am a thief."

"...You're a criminal? Shouldn’t you be more, I don’t know, discreet about that?"

"What? No, I’m saying the class. Thief. I would not prance around declaring intention of theft.”

“Ah, right, haha, of course,” I say, nervously putting a hoof behind my head.

“I believe you would be Twilight Sparkle? If your class is adventurer, quite a few thief skills are considered entry-level and should only cost a point or two. Not to mention, not too many ponies actually TAKE the thief class, so the skills are actually a bit harder to come by!”

“Really? What sort of skills could I get?”

“Well, there’s Lurk, Enemy Detection, and of course Steal just to name a few. I can teach you all three in exchange for, say… a grilled cheese?”

Wow! Three skills that cheap? “I think we’ve got a deal, Selena!”

One meal later, Selena, Darkness and I were out in a courtyard behind the building, leaving the other two to 'discuss' Celestia's skills. The yard was nice and open, but nopony besides us were there, making it perfect for practice.

“Steal is rather fun, so I shall start with Lurk and Enemy Detection and save it for last. Lurk is most effective in dark places, as it allows one to use shadows to hide far more effectively.” Selena gazed up at the sky. “Since it’s about noon, it likely will be less effective, but it should be fine for demonstration purposes. Darkness, if you would please turn around?”

Darkness gave a quick salute with a smile and turned around.

Selena stood in the shadow of the building behind a barrel, and said, “Lurk!”. In a moment, she had largely vanished, her outline against the wall being much harder to make out. Then grabbed a rock off the ground and tossed it at Darkness, hitting her armor with an audible plink. For her part, Darkness looked down at the rock, before scanning the courtyard with a confused frown. After a moment, she shrugged, and began to trot vaguely in Selena’s direction with a smile on her face, apparently unfazed.

As Darkness neared the barrel, Selena stepped out from behind it, the lurk skill deactivating and spooking Darkness. “I hadn’t detected an enemy, despite how close you had gotten. I had been hoping tossing the rock would cause some slight retaliation. Twilight, can you turn around now?”

I turned around and a moment later got a rather painful hit to the head with a rock.

“Ow! Seriously, the head?”

As I turned around, sure enough, the courtyard only seemed to have Darkness standing nearby. I got the sense she was probably staring directly at Selena, but with the sunglasses on, I really couldn’t tell where that would be.

Okay, so if the rock bounced off my head and landed there, then that means it had to be thrown from… The shadow of the tree. Which conveniently had another barrel under it with the lid off. Payback time! I checked around the barrel before pushing it over. Sure enough, Selena tumbled out.

“A bit rough, but I suppose warranted. I think that should be sufficient to have gained the skill, since I was outside the barrel for quite a while as you approached.” Dusting herself off, she smiled. “Now it is time for the true thief’s skill! THE STEAL SPELL!” Her voice echoed in the rather narrow courtyard. “It is a rather useful spell, allowing you to claim one item from another creature’s possession. It is based on luck, so if your Luck isn't very good, you more than likely will take something of low value.”

My luck seemed to be slightly above average from what I’d heard, so I should be fine. I hope.

“Alright, the time for demonstration has arrived! STEAL!”

After a wave of her hoof, a small bag of coins appeared in it. Actually, a rather familiar bag!

“As you can see, I have taken your coinpurse. I have not any idea how much else you even have on you, but I am guessing my chances at that were rather high. I will, of course, return it…” - a smile crept onto the mare’s face- “unless, perhaps, you wish to try a wager? If you learn the steal skill right now, and try it on me, you could get your coinpurse, or you could get-” she lifted her wing, revealing a dagger sheath, “-my dagger, which I recently spent over 4000 bits on. Or my own coinpurse, which probably has more bits than yours.”

Get back my original money, or get some extra back? It seemed like a deal to me! Besides, getting a chance to really put my skills to the test is probably a good idea anyways! If I screw something up, it’s better to do it while I can have a proper expert around!

“Alright, you’re on! STEAL!”

With a glow of my horn… Nothing happened.

“You do realize you need to learn the skill first, right?”

“Oh, right. Of course.”

Pulling out the card, the learnable Skills section now had all three thief spells displayed, and I spent one of my few points on Steal. I could feel a small surge of energy as I did, indication that the spell had been successfully learned.

“Alright, Selena! Prepare to… uh, what are you doing?”

Selena was picking up rocks and putting them into her coat’s pockets. With a smile, she said “Well, it would hardly be a challenge if one could only stand to win, could it? Consider it a way to learn a valuable lesson in the limits a spell has.”

No wonder her deal seemed so good! It was a scam all along! Who’d have thought that a bunch of pebbles would ever be an effective anti-theft deterrent?

…Probably Maud, actually.

“Seriously? I really don’t think my chances are all that good, but at least I still have a decent chance, right? Alright, STEAL!”

With a glow of my horn, I was hit a moment later by a rock to the forehead.

“Ow! Seriously? Again?”

“That one was NOT my doing. You need to cast it with your hoof, otherwise whatever you steal will just land on your head. I shall let you have another try.”

With a hoof outstretched, I once again cried out, “Steal!”

Within my hoof was… yet another pebble, which was quickly thrown to the ground in anger.

“Augh! What kind of challenge is this?! Steal!”

This time, a small brown bag in my hoof indicated, luckily, the return of my hard earned quest reward. Selena, surprisingly, smiled lightly.

“It is just as well. I was going to give it back if you did fail three times. After all,” she said with a wink, “I’m not a criminal!”

After reuniting with our bits, I returned to the table, where two short colts were gathered around Trixie.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not do tricks for such a paltry audience! Even if you offer me pay, to do a single trick outside of the spectacle of a full show is just wasted mana! Unfortunately for you two, you need to wait until my next show this afternoon! Ah, Twilight, you’re back!”

“Yep! You’re not the only pony who knows some magic now, Trixie! Want to see it in action?”

Trixie scoffed. “I suppose you may show me your new spell, if you are so enthused to do so. After all, when it comes to duels of magic, the Great and Pow-”

“Steal!”

As I said it, I instinctively used my horn again, but luckily the only thing I felt suddenly on my head was soft.

“Wow, Twilight, what a great trick. You moved a hat a few feet. What a magical accomplishment for the ages. Perhaps we should call you the great and powerful Twilight, and let you keep it,” Trixie deadpanned, before floating the hat back over to her own head with magic and nestling it over her horn. “Now, is that all you wanted to show?”

“Actually, I guess it was kind of a waste to try that on you. I’m pretty sure you only have on the hat and cape, so unless you’ve got something in a cape pocket, I’m not sure what I’d even be able to steal! Let’s see…”

Scanning the group, I knew what Selena had on her, and Celestia was still not wearing anything, since I had the saddlebag and the bits on me. So that just leaves…

“Darkness, would you help me with something?”

She smiled. “Okay!”

Making sure to reach out a hoof this time, “Steal!”

Thankfully, my hoof was not immediately weighed down by a piece of armor. Actually, whatever I’d taken was pretty light! A glance down at my hoof revealed it to be her pair of sunglasses.

“Huh. Headwear again. Isn’t what this takes supposed to be random? Here you go, Dar-”

I stop my sentence dead in its tracks. As I looked up at Darkness, I realized the spell must have had a disastrous side effect!

By stealing something so close to her eyes, it had made them go cross!

Author's Note

Hey, look! It hasn't been 4 months this time! It's always a weird balancing act, keeping the plot mostly on track with the differences in characters from the main Konosuba cast, but I like to think I make it work!

Chapter 7- A Cabbage Assault

“Darkness! I’m so, so sorry! How does a Steal spell even do that? Selena, what do I do? You’re the stealing expert!”

Selena looked at Darkness for a moment and hesitated. “Were this caused by the use of Steal, I could see your reason for worry. However, Twilight, I think you may be mistaken.”

Darkness looked between the both of us for a moment, confused. “Is something wrong, Twilight?”

“Well, I cast Steal, which took your sunglasses, but it must have some sort of magic side-effect radius, and now it looks like it may have have had some sort of crazy-disastrous side effect and made your eyes go crossed and I don’t know what to do and-”

I was cut short of my very quick and totally-not-frenzied explanation as Darkness’s confusion turned to a smile and she laughed. “Oh, that’s fine! My eyes are already like this.” She paused for a moment, before looking sullen. “Wait a second. Um, could you maybe… just give me those back?”

As I trotted closer, she used a gray wing to grab the sunglasses and put them back on her face.

“Wait a second. Blonde mane, covered in armor… Is THAT the mare you said was overqualified to join the party, Twilight?” Trixie asked behind me.

“Oh, right! I guess I haven’t actually introduced you! Trixie, this is Darkness!”

Darkness waved and said with a smile, “I hope I can help you out!”

“Twilight, a moment please,” Trixie said with a grim expression on her face.

She turned away and I followed suit.

“I’m not so sure about this so-called ‘Crusader’. I think the fact she isn’t in a party by now says something about her abilities. I say she cannot possibly be a good fit for OUR party, at that rate.”

I simply raised an eyebrow, given who was making the claims.

“I’m serious! A mare such as her may not be a match for my, and to a lesser extent, your and Celestia’s prowess in combat!”

“Uh huh,” I replied dismissively.

I turned back around to face Darkness, an expectant smile still resting on her face. “So can I join your party?”

“Having a crusader on the team would probably be quite helpful, Twilight,” added Celestia, who had still been focused on her dessert plate until a moment ago.

I took a deep breath. May as well explain SOME of the situation now, just to make sure these two really know what they’re signing up for. If it means they want to throw in the towel early, I’d understand.

“Darkness, Trixie, I haven’t mentioned this, since it’s probably a bit early to be saying it, but Celestia and I are adventuring with a specific goal in mind. We’re training to take down the Chaos Lord himself.”

For a moment both of them looked at me in a state of shock, before Darkness started stomping her hooves on the tabletop and a smile returned to her face.

“Wow! This group is even more serious than I thought! Even if you say it will be hard, I’d still love to join! Even taking down a subordinate of the Chaos Lord would be a noble goal!”

Trixie’s expression returned to her trademark smugness. Here we go again.

“As would be expected of any Crimson Alicorn mage, I do not back down so easily from a challenge. No foul creatures of the chaotic lands would stand a chance against me! To face even the most mind-flaying of all chaos would be trivial to the Unshakable and… Orderly Trixie!”

After a few moments of pindrop silence in the hall, Selena, who was still sitting near us, simply nodded her head. “A noble goal indeed. I hope you all do not mind that I excuse myself. I hope to find a party bound for a dungeon in need of my services and-”

“EMERGENCY QUEST! EMERGENCY QUEST! ALL ADVENTURERS TO THE WEST GATE AT ONCE!”

A white mare with a yellow mane was out from her usual spot at the reception desk, and was holding a megaphone. After she made her announcement, she ran off to a back room, and a few seconds later, the whole town probably heard the message as it echoed out from the top of the hall’s clocktower. I’d guess it was some sort of magic sound amplification.

We made our way to the gate with everypony else, the hoofsteps of dozens of adventurers making a serious racket in the wide street.

“Should I be worried about this?” I asked uneasily.

“Well, she DID say it was an emergency, so panic is likely an acceptable response.” Celestia replied warmly.

“What do you think it is?”

“Seriously, Twilight?” said Trixie. “It’s just cabbage season, no need to make a huge deal about it.”

“What kind of a monster is a ‘cabbage’?”

Darkness licked her lips. “The tasty kind!”

“Do you not know what a cabbage is, Twilight? I mean, I guess you can be excused for not knowing, after all, you did not receive the incredible schooling of the-”

“I KNOW what a cabbage is, Trixie. Why would that be an emergency? Do the farmers just need extra help for a day?”

“Okay, Twilight, I’m going to make this nice and simple for you. When the cabbage migration goes through a town, you DEFEAT the cabbage and EAT the cabbage. Well, you sell it, and then it gets eaten.”

By now, we had exited the town’s gate, where, once again, the reception mare, Luna, addressed the crowd once more with her megaphone. “Sorry about the short notice! The city’s western pegasi patrol only just got word from the cabbage tracking unit about the inbound cabbage swarm! Any minute now, those tasty little guys will be flying right through here! They’re moving pretty fast though, so take care not to get hurt! Standard price for cabbage this year will be 100 bits for a head!”

The crowd erupted into cheers and I looked to Celestia, confused and hoping for an explaination. However, her expression confirmed her to be in much the same state as I was.

“Uh, Trixie? Could you tell us more about the cabbage?” I asked.

“Well, if you need it, I guess I can recount the full story.” She cleared her throat. “Far off, deep within the Chaos Lands, is somepony’s old farm. When chaos overtook it, its fields became ripe with cabbage far tastier than anything grown by ponies! The cabbage see fit to venture forth across Equestria on a path of destruction, through the towns and meadows across the continent, before crossing the ocean never to be seen again!” She then dropped her dramatic tone. “Which is TOTALLY a waste, so that’s why we need to kill ‘em. They are VERY tasty, after all!”

“So, the cabbages just… roll across the continent? That doesn’t sound too bad.”

Trixie giggled to herself for a moment. “Ah, rolled. What a sight that would be! No, Twilight, they- Oh, there they are now!”

A distance away at the edge of the forest, I could make out an oddly-shaped green cloud that seemed to be getting bigger by the moment. As it got closer, I realized what Trixie was getting at. It was a flock of flying cabbages!

“Now’s a good time for me to show you my skills as a crusader!” declared Darkness, before immediately taking flight. She drew her sword from its hilt with her mouth and charged at an approaching cabbage.

She missed the cabbage by several feet.

It made enough sense for her to miss. After all, at the speed they both were going, and with her trying to intercept it, it seemed like it’d be a hard target, just from a trajectory standpoint. But as she kept swinging, blade swishing quietly compared to the crispy sound of flapping leaves, she had yet to graze a single one of the dozen cabbages that either flew around her or bounced off her.

“Uh, Darkness? Are you doing okay up there?”

“Huh?” As she turned to look at me, a cabbage hit the side of her face, once again knocking her sunglasses off. Then it hit me.

Not the sunglasses or the cabbage, mind you, just the realization as to how she had missed all her swipes.

“Er, Darkness?”

She looked at me, sword still in mouth.

“Can you… aim?”

The mare shook her head, somehow by sheer luck ending up with one particularly unlucky cabbage impaling itself on her sword while she was distracted.

Ah, maybe this was why she wasn’t in a party. Much as I hate to admit it, Trixie may have been onto something.

“Darkness of the moonlit- OW! Forces of Destruc- Ugh! How in the hay am I supposed to cast this with these stupid cabbages on me every second!” Trixie yelled, stamping a hoof at the ground before starting up yet another chant.

Celestia seemed to take notice of Trixie’s situation, and called up to Darkness. “Darkness, perhaps you could defend Trixie?”

With a nod, Darkness landed in front of Trixie with a loud clattering of armor, simply standing in front of her. Seeing all the cabbages bouncing off her and a few ponies who were getting pummeled also take shelter behind Darkness, I decided to follow suit.

In front of me, Trixie said, “Ah, that’s more like it. Now gaze in awe at the upcoming might of the Great and Powerful Trixie! This feeble crowd of dinner will be no match for I!”

Hearing this, a few of the ponies near us who had heard Trixie began to run off to a different part of the frontline with an apprehensive look back at Trixie.

“The Forces of Destruction, I call upon you!
In this chartreuse haze, let not a pony fear!
For what I wield tops sword OR spear!
Let this portal to a world of ash be a warning to you, feeble cabbages!
A warning of the Greatness and Powerfulness of the …wait, I already said Great- OF TRIXIE!
EXPLOSION!”

With that, the swirling shades of dark magic ceased its dance around Trixie, and a worryingly close distance away, an explosion rocked the battlefield. I felt its heat even from the back of the crowd! Although, it didn’t feel much like the back, with Trixie now collapsed, and Darkness… Where is Darkness, anyways?

A glance up showed her tumbling through the air, the updraft from the explosion apparently propelling her and a few other unfortunate pegasi skyward. As Darkness unwittingly returned to the ground with a loud clank, she resumed defending a different group of ponies further down the line of adventurers where she had landed. A different pegasus, however, landed near me.

“Have you gotten a chance to use your new abilities, Twilight Sparkle?” asked Selena.

“It’s still broad daylight. I don’t see how lurking in the shadows would help.”

Selena shook her head. “I had a different skill in mind.” Turning towards Celestia, she cried out to a cabbage that was approaching her, “Steal!” As she said it, two leaves appeared in her hands, and the cabbage rolled to a stop at Celestia’s hooves. Celestia was rather confused by this revelation, having been prepared to punch the cabbage as it passed, judging by her stance. As Celestia took her prize off to the cabbage cages the guild had laid out, Selena turned to look at me with a slight smile. “I trust that you can take it from here?”

“You bet!”

I put another forkful of cabbage into my mouth.

Who’d have thought that a cabbage stir fry could taste this good? I guess it must suit a pony’s palate more than I would have guessed.

The great taste would also explain just how much they were paying for these things! It took a bit of getting used to, but once I got into the swing of it, snatching the wings off of the cabbage was surprisingly easy.

“Well Darkness, I have to say, you did well out there earlier!” I said.

After Trixie had fired off her explosion, she had continued to defend other ponies in the crowd, and in spite of her accuracy managed to kill a couple other cabbages mostly through luck. Throughout the ordeal, however, her armor took a fair bit of damage, and Darkness now sat at the table with quite a few bits of armor dented. Her sunglasses, however, were trampled in the chaos of the fight, leaving her cross-eyed stare visible to all.

“I’m glad I could help! But I know you’re sort of, well, exaggerating it. I’m just good at defending, I wasn’t much use in taking out the cabbages myself.”

Surprisingly, Trixie said, “Not everypony can be as Great and Powerful when it comes to attacks as I am. However, I do at least have you to thank for being able to actually cast the spell in spite of what SOME things would have liked!” She punctuated the sentence with a stab at her own plate of cabbage.

Celestia smiled slightly. “Ah, yes. I’m sure you don’t forget what happened after you cast the spell, right, Trixie?”

Trixie had been carried back off the frontline by Celestia after her unceremonious collapse onto the path, with Celestia even returning to the frontline to gather her cabbages. Afterwards, she gave out refreshments to quite a few adventurers on the frontline with her Create Water spell, an exhausted Archmagician included.

“Yes, yes, thanks-very-much and all that.” Trixie said, waving her hoof. “Now, Twilight, I’ve got to say, you managed to capture a LOT of cabbages! Er, for a rookie, that is. Perhaps I should now refer to you by a new title, the Great and Thieverish Cabbage Snatcher!” she loudly declared.

“... Please don’t,” I said, feeling the stares of nearby ponies. I turned my attention back to Darkness. “So did you still want to join the party?”

“You’ll still invite me to it? Of course I’ll still join! I’ll do all I can to be your shield!”

And so we had our party. An Archmagician who had one spell a day, a Crusader who couldn’t attack and… Well, I’d hate to insult Celestia, but I’m not entirely sure what she’s done for us so far.

But it’s still twice the party we had when we got here, so we must be at least twice as good now, right?

Author's Note

And here is another chapter! I'll be making a special effort to try and reply to any comments this week especially, and answer questions so long as it isn't in deep spoiler territory, so as always feel free to leave feedback in the comments!

Chapter 4 - The Chapter Where Nothing Explodes

“We really need to find some better way to kill frogs.”

“Toads, Celestia.”

We were currently on our way back from Celestia’s particularly long visit to the bathhouse. I took the extra time to read the rest of the section in Fluttershy’s book on toads, and by the sounds of it, almost nopony aside from the two of us would have screwed up frogs and toads. You’d think Maud or somepony else would have stopped us and said, I don’t know, ‘Hey! You seem kind of under-equipped to fight toads! Maybe you should grab some armor!’

I can’t personally get too upset at Celestia for the screwup, since I wasn’t the one who nearly wound up as a toad treat, but still.

Stepping back into the guild, Celestia and I walked right up to Maud’s counter.

“Oh, hey, it’s you guys. Gotta say, pretty impressive taking a toad quest so early on.” She looked down at a card on her desk. “How’d you manage to take one of them down?”

I gave Maud an odd look. “How’d you know we took one down?”

Maud looked back at me, and raised an eyebrow. “Magical quest sheet? You two really must be new to adventuring.”

I looked at the countertop to see a more complete version of the card we had picked off the floor earlier that afternoon on a fresh sheet of paper.

BY ISSUE OF THE CITY OF PASTELBURG

BOUNTY- 5 GIANT TOADS

REWARD- PER TOAD: 50 BITS

UPON COMPLETION- AN ADDITIONAL 1000 BITS

DIFFICULTY- EXPERIENCED

STATUS- 1 / 5 SLAIN

Well, that makes ONE of my guesses right. What kind of a difficulty level is “experienced” anyways!?

Not complaining about the payout increase, though. If all the toads are THAT hard, at least 1000 bits would be some actual compensation.

“So how’d you do it?” Maud asked again, after placing a bag of bits on the counter.

I looked at Celestia, who shook her head.

“Uh, it’s a secret?”

“If you say so.”

I thought back on what I had read about toads. Surely we’d stand a better chance if we got some armor!

“Do you have any armor for rent?”

Surely any place that has such a generous sword rental policy would have an equally generous armor renting one, right?

“Not at the moment, no.”

Drat.

Soon Celestia and I found ourselves ordering our second meal in this world (Well, Celestia’s second in a while, technically). I opted to try the daisy sandwich with some strawberries, so at least if the sandwich was a total flop I could at least have something I knew was edible.

While we waited for our order, I struck up the topic of finishing the quest to Celestia.

Although I wouldn’t have been too against leaving the quest if it only gave a sum of 350 bits, it was hard to deny the value of an entire 1250 bits quest. If we keep up our food spending average, that would easily pay for well over two months of meals, but more importantly, it could let us get at least some better equipment.

“I definitely think we need more party members. I know it was rough, but we’ll get a LOT more for completing this one quest than completing something easy, like a walk in the woods. Remember, Fluttershy said she had posted her quest for 20 bits, and it still took us a few hours! Armor would help, but I doubt we can afford a set of it right now, much less two.”

Celestia glanced around the room. “I suppose it could be a good idea. I really hope we have a better plan than last time, though.” She shuddered a bit.

“Relax! Remember how many adventurers were here last night? Even if we’re new to adventuring, we shouldn’t have any problem finding somepony who wants to help with the quest!”

“Didn’t you find that quest paper on the floor?”

I blanched. I guess this sort of quest must be understandably unpopular if it had been in such a state of neglect when we had found it.

“Well, it can’t hurt to ask!”

“Well, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it.”

Celestia and I had sat through the entire dinner rush in the guild hall, with not one pony approaching the entire time. At least we had seen several stage shows since we got here in the afternoon. I have to give props to them for using the stage for entertainment, but the shows were a bit of a mixed bag.

While the music acts were pretty good towards lunch and dinner times, some foals attempted an acting production that seemed more like a practice session, followed by a magician whose act probably would have had more impact if she wasn’t performing to a near empty hall in the lull of the afternoon.

While I had seen quite a few adventurers check out the board, not a single one had bothered to come towards our table the whole time we had been here.

The small flyer we had posted on the corkboard was fairly simple.

IMMEDIATE-

Party in need of additional members!

Party currently consists of:

Level 1 Adventurer

Level 1 Arch Solar Priestess

Party is only available with both members!

Any prospective adventurers welcome!

Feel free to look for us in the hall

to join or recruit us!

Below this was a surprisingly well-drawn picture of Celestia and I’s heads she had drawn with colored pencils. I guess drawing must have been a hobby of hers.

I had originally thought to try to limit who could ask, since I was worried Celestia’s high-tier job would have made her too in-demand, but with the way things were going, I’m glad I hadn’t made them even less likely to show up.

Of course, by refusing to split up, we may not have been able to join a high-tier and low-tier party separately… Most parties in need of an arch priest probably don’t want an adventurer, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea to split up after one day here. Besides, they could see me as a potential investment! Or deadweight.

Experience is still experience either way, though!

Seeing as how we had been here the entire afternoon, I was ready to throw in the towel for today. If we get here early enough tomorrow, we might be able to get some of the easy quests before some scumbag nabs them all.

All we need now is to beat the hardest enemy so far in our journey– Waking up early.

“I have seen your notice of recruitment, and in your time of dire need, you may count yourself lucky!”

A voice had sounded from behind me right as I was planning on leaving.

“Such a party is in dire need of somepony as overqualified as I!”

Turning around, I saw the magician who was on stage to a near empty crowd in the afternoon. Although I will admit I hadn’t really been paying much attention to her show, I recognized her blue coat, and more strikingly, her purple, starry hat and cape. Actually, I wasn’t sure if she was a pegasus or a unicorn at this point, seeing as how she has yet to take off either.

“That we shall meet is surely the providence of the stars themselves! A party such as yourselves, wishing to the sky above for a truly great and powerful ally! One capable of casting the equally great and powerful magic known only to the most select few! Explosion! The most feared, deadly and destructive spell in all of Equestria!”

Saying this, she flicked her cape back, causing it to billow slightly for a moment.

So, a mage in this town knows the most powerful spell, and wants to join our party immediately. Sure! That’s totally believable. Maybe she already beat the Chaos Lord, too!

No, this pony sounded less like a benevolent and wise wizard, and more like a middle-schooler trying to impress her friends, despite looking around my age.

“If you wish to make all your quests as simple as they get, you cannot go wrong recruiting one as powerful and gre–” The mare collapsed to the floor.

Celestia was first to rush to her side. “Are you injured? I have healing magic if you need it.”

The mare’s stomach growled. “The great and powerful Trixie requires food. I haven’t eaten in a few days…”

And so the mare took a seat next to Celestia and promptly ordered an entire plate of peanut butter and crackers.

I noticed the mare used telekinesis to eat her meal. I guess that made it fairly clear which sort of pony she was.

“So… you’re a unicorn?”

The mare seemed indignant. “That seems an odd thing to note. But you would be underselling it! The great and powerful Trixie hails from the faraway, yet Equestria-famous Crimson Alicorn clan!”

“What’s a “crimson” alicorn? You seem more blue to me.”

Trixie seemed absolutely flabbergasted at this statement. I looked over to Celestia only to see her sneaking a cracker. She gave a shrug before taking a bite.

“You’ve never heard of the Crimson Alicorn clan?”

“Should I have?”

The mare’s mouth curved from a frown into a slight smirk.

“The Crimson Alicorn clan, is of course, as the name could so-obviously inform you, the most powerful alicorns in all of Equestria!”

Celestia seemed to choke on the cracker a bit.

“This is why I wear my hat and cloak, to protect my identity!”

“You’re being awfully loud for somepony trying to mention something that’s supposed to be a secret.”

“Well, uh… Hey! Hooves off the cloak!”

Celestia had taken a moment to lift the side of Trixie’s cape, revealing…

No wings.

“Uh… Oh, no! Some dreaded wing-snatcher must have stolen my wings in the night! Whatever shall I do?”

I gave her an unamused look.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’m not an alicorn. Happy? It’s not every day I meet someone who has never heard of the Crimson Alicorns, and I play it up sometimes. It adds to–” she waved a hoof, leaving a small sparkling trail in the air “ –the mystique!”

“So what is a ‘crimson alicorn’ anyways?”

“The Crimson Alicorn clan is renowned throughout Equestria for their exceptionally high magical potential! Don’t believe me?” She held out a deck of cards, with an adventurer’s card sitting obviously in the middle. “Pick a card, any card!”

I grabbed one of the smaller cards. This seemed to annoy Trixie, as she laid the cards down on the table and pointed a hoof at her adventurer’s card.

While most of the stats weren’t particularly impressive, the magic stat was impressively high. Her class was the high rank Archmagician, and she was already at level six, but…

“Why do you know so few spells?”

“The path to learning Explosion is a grueling and daunting one! With all of the effort to learn it, I simply have not been able to learn almost anything else!”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense.”

I’m sure she’d pick up some other spells as she leveled up.

Right?

Author's Note

Shoutouts to everyone who guessed Trixie! If memory serves, Trixie reminding me of Megumin is what even led to the idea of this fic back in April when I got into MLP, so this chapter was a long time coming! As always, feel free to leave feedback in the comments!