Kooz/ie Glow was sat upon your counter, looking at you with those sad eyes of hers: pleading, imploring, impelling.
Only twenty-four days until... thirty days since your last one.
You stared at Kooz/ie Glow. She stared back. Maybe she blinked. It was hard to tell. The hallucinations were happening more and more often. The doctor said they'd get worse before they'd get better. But why did it have to be Kooz/ie Glow? She was the manipulative one, the one who didn't understand friendship, the one who wasn't nice. nice.
And it wasn't just propaganda. She really was a terror. She'd imprisoned ponies, manipulated ponies, tried to kill ponies. She'd tried to kill you. kill you.
Your doctor said that wasn't true--the trying to kill you part. The rest of it was provable. It had been on the television. You'd seen it on the television. The doctor had seen it on the television--during a very expensive session where you dictated a running commentary on the show's nuances, explaining in great detail what everything meant: the references, the allusions, the signs.
When played backwards at three/fourths time, the Ponytones' songs said "red rum" and so you drank some and all play and no work made you a very interesting buoy. You were at sea, as it was, hallucinating again. The doctor said it was cranberry juice but when the doctor's back was turned, you added in that stuff you bought at the convention. You know which convention. You know which vendor. The one next to Kris, dressed like Bender. From Futurama. Since it was a pony convention, that should have made you certain that this was a hallucination, but you're not sure.1 sure.
But anyway, Kooz/ie Glow was sat upon your counter. A pink pegasus pony. Because there are different types of ponies. Earth ponies are like real-world ponies. Pegasus ponies have big wings and smaller other things. And unicorn ponies have the pointy keratin-filled goodness that lets them cast weird psionic magic that can mind-control not only you but anyone staring at them. Before its awesomeness, people had no power. Less, anyway. Like twenty percent less. Powerless. But! That was a mixed metaphor. Pegasi were the ones that controlled who was twenty percent cooler, more or less. yes.
Still, staring rapaciously was Kooz/ie Glow--the two dimensional pony stretched over a three dimensional foam sleeve pun-knockoff of an actual name brand--who had been bought at a convention that no ~~one~~ pony seemed to remember had actually occurred. The doctor said the staring, the personality was in your head and the doctor threw away Kooz/ie--nope. It was everywhere in your mind. But it was in the trash when the doctor's back was turned and you swiped it out of there and stuffed it in your clothes.
She had been turned to stone in the show. So Kooz/ie couldn't be Cozy. But she--it was cozy.
You hadn't watched that show for six days. heh-heh.
Netflix had gotten rid of seasons five through nine. And Cozy Glow. That's her real name. On the show. On your table, she's Kooz/ie Glow, keeping your water cold. Water with liquor--to keep you sane. Because liquor wasn't allowed on the kids show--that'd show her--keep her away. neigh.
Those eyes. Darn those eyes. They see everything--your yearning for cuddly Cozy Glow. You read all her fan fictions. All Five hundred and sixty six and counting of them on THAT site--the one with the ponyphiles--those horrible totally disgusting ponyphiles who should all be imprisoned for feeding this nauseating addiction. Yet you salivated over her contests. Not ones she created--she's fictional. hem-hem. But she inspired contests--this muse of yours--of so many. You were wet with anticipation, perspiring as you refreshed again and again and again, clicking creating carpal tunnel syndrome in your hands. The mania, the addiction got worse. You found a contest for her. You WANTED that contest. You NEEDED that contest. You liked it, you loved it, you needed more of it. You even thought you might contribute a prize to encourage more people to write stories--trick them into compiling commissions for a bulk rate--heh-heh. You had a good idea. The doctor in principle agreed it was a propitious deal but advised against enacting it. Such depravity--the quack's eyes telegraphed disgust for your lifestyle choices. You should get outside, see people, exercise, do anything but descend into the wonderful cutesy cloying abyssal eyes of a cartoon pony. NO!
But Kooz/ie Glow wouldn't let you.
She was never gonna give you up.
Your heart was hers, and hers was yours... you thought. Was it love, or limerence? Did she even know you existed? Was there true intelligence behind those anime eyes?
"Yes."
Now she was talking to you. You should have left her in the trash. Even you knew that the talking--it shouldn't happen. The foam holder didn't blur and you didn't think you were drunk. And you had gotten sleep last night--surprisingly--surprising sleep filled with dreams of flying, riding Cozy Glow all night around the rolling hills of Equestria--over valleys and peaks. Loop-the-loop and barrel rolls of fun across the land and towards the sun.
"You are hearing me," she insisted. "You're not hallucinating." Her voice sounded... sort of how it did on the show, but a bit muffled.
"Say 'Golly'," you asked her--requesting Cozy's catchphrase.
"No," she pouted.
"Who's playing a trick on me?" you asked. "Doctor? Are you testing me?"
"Heh-heh."
You waited. She stared.
"Great," you said, turning around the sleeve.
"You need to say please," the voice said again, even more muffled this time.
You turned the sleeve back around and she was staring there--face in the same place as before.
"Please,"
"Golly! It's good to meet you," she said.
"And you... Kooz/ie Glow?"
"Cozy Glow," she corrected.
"You're Cozy Glow, from the show?" you asked.
"Sort of," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"When I was turned to stone, you see, I had a thought, but I don't know if I can trust you."
"You can--you can!"
"Wow! Because you said I could, I suddenly feel much more inclined to trust you!"
"Great!"
"--NOT!" She snarled, baring her equine teeth.
You fell out of your chair. Yes. You did. You do everything Cozy says you do. It's cozier that way. So cute and so cozy. So fresh and so clean fun.
"You're gonna have to do a LOT better before I trust you with what I need you to do."
"Sure! I'll do better."
"Prove it."
"How?"
"Make me a real pony."
"Yes!" That was stupid. "How?" Better.
"Animate me."
"I don't know how to do that?"
"Yes you do. Pick me up."
You picked her up.
"Wave me around."
You waved her around.
"Make me fly."
You threw her across the room.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." She smashed into a wall. You raced over and picked up her crumpled 'body'. Her expression had shifted to a frown. "That was better, imbecile, until you THREW ME INTO THE WALL! Now I have a HEADACHE!"
"Sorry, Cozy Glow,"
"I know you're a dumb pony pay pig, but wow, that was like on another level with how stupid it was."
"You asked me to make you fly."
"Yeah! Hold on when you're flying me. Do I have to spell everything out? Or, am I the dumb one for depending on a fool yet not being more detailed in my instructions?"
"...Maybe?"
She frowned deeper.
"Maybe not."
"Okay. But you still gotta prove your loyalty, gee-wiz." After a brief pause, she nodded. "I know how. Bring me the head of Twilight Sparkle."
"I can do that!" You left the room and headed to your bedroom. You had a lot of plushies. You grabbed the first pink Twilight that you could see (an off-brand color, but Cozy demanded action)! Twilight was the star of the pony show--not Cozy Glow, so when your family heard you were a fan, they'd been supportive... enabling... sent you lots of plushies and products purportedly promoting Twilight... not Cozy. You couldn't get much retail products featuring that pony. Cozy was a villain. But she should have had a proud plethora of products since she was a lovable villain. Not like icky Chrysalis the changeling bug Queen or Tirek the testosterone-ridden boy-baiting-purchase-attracting demonic toy. Cozy was a pony! A sweet-looking one who no one could ever hate because she was so cuddly and cute. Sooooo... the show runners made that child pony a criminal mastermind and treated her just like an adult for all purposes. An...interesting decision. She'd been turned to stone in the finale--imprisoned forever. Maybe she wasn't really a child? Maybe a robot? A dwarf pony pretending to be a child? Who knew? Perhaps part of the fascination with the character was that one could project whatever one wanted onto her past and she could be anything you wanted... from cozy to crazy....
You didn't tear Twilight's head off--not at first. Tawdry knock-off though she was... her roughness made her durable--it's not easy to detach a well-constructed plush. You went back to the room with Cozy, no plush in hand.
"What's happening?" She asked. You got a letter-opener from your table.
"Taking care of it," you said.
She tittered.
You severed Twilight's head. Cotton inside spilled out. You brought it back. Cozy's eyes grew wider.
"You did it!"
"Yes," you nodded. This Cozy was irreplaceable. Even though the show had ended and merchandise wasn't being printed any more, this Twilight was a good sacrifice.
"Good knife work," Cozy grinned. "Okay, here's what happened. I was imprisoned in the stone, you know, right?"
"Yes," you'd seen it.
"Yeah, but I'm not a criminal mastermind genius for nothing. I foresaw me getting got. I planned for it. I had a backup spell and I transitioned... in the traditional sense. I transitioned my soul to this world, so I wouldn't have to be stuck enduring pigeon poop and staring at nasty schoolchildren gawking at pony prisoners for eternity. And I made my way into the possession of the person who was the biggest Cozy Glow fan in this world--that's you."
"Me?"
"Yep."
"I'm the world's biggest Cozy Glow fan?" You looked down at your waist.
"In terms of devotion," she clarified. "And I love you for it."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Can you say 'golly' again?"
"Golly! You're my biggest fan."
"Thank you Cozy Glow!"
"And you're gonna do me the biggest favor."
"I am!"
"Yes! You're gonna free Cozy Glow, she said.
"But how?"
"That is an interesting question," she pondered. "I've had some time to think about it, and I already have a solution. Turn on the television, so I can teleport back to my world."
You turned on the television. And navigated to Netflix's My Little Pony.
But it didn't have the seasons with Cozy Glow. And that was a problem.
"Wait," Cozy said, "where am I? I don't see me in the episode list."
"They couldn't afford to keep the seasons you were in."
"Then, find a service that has them!"
"Nowhere has them. They're not available. At least not in full. I can show you some clips on Youtube--"
"I need the whole show for my plan."
"...We could download them illegally on a P2P service?" You suggested.
"Do that."
"Break the law?"
"Of course break the law--what do you think I am--not a supervillain?"
"Of course," you'd nodded your head. And you downloaded a P2P service, or you already had one installed on your computer because you're just that daring. Your memory gets a bit hazy about this bit for some reason.
A few days were missing and you let your phone messages from your doctor and family go to voice mail because the work you were doing with Cozy was more important than anything else. Cozy/Kooz/ie had gotten more animated as time went by and you petted her, the sleeve that she was--she didn't feel like a pony, not really, but she was squishy as you tickled one ear, then the other. And she purred. Did she enjoy it, or was she leading you on? What was she going to do when you gave her what she wanted--would she leave you behind, or would she respect you for everything you did? These were important questions, but the sense of being needed of belonging of doing the right in the here and now overwhelmed everything else. Cozy was here and Cozy was yours and only yours and these times could never be taken from you unless you got taken by a doctor and made to have a lobotomy. But those weren't done much anymore--you thought--probably they weren't done. They shouldn't be done. You were sane.
You got the shows downloaded and Cozy studied them frame-by-frame. She got cold and you got a hot chocolate made and slipped her over its barren surface. "Yowzah!" She shrieked as the heat radiated to her. You slipped her part-way out. "Oh, yeah. That's right," she said. And it was just you and her, half-clad on the chocolate, watching beloved re-runs that you could quote word for word. You studied them and searched for ... something. She didn't immediately tell you what she was looking for. Maybe she didn't know what she needed. She needed to escape.
She didn't find what she wanted.
She raged.
You hit your head with her body, ensconcing the chocolate cup. "Again! Again! Again!" She ordered. "This is a failure! Why can't you do better?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"
"I can't hear you!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"Good."
You stopped.
"I didn't say you could stop," she hissed. You continued for a while and came to a few hours... a day later? She was lying beside you, slipped out of her cup and panting. "Let's not do that again," she sighed. "I was so worried for your health."
"Yes, dear,"
"Don't make me have you do that again," she said.
"I won't."
"Don't disappoint me."
"I won't."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"I need to lie down a little more."
"Fine."
You both got up a bit later. And you put some ice on your head. And the news on television. You needed to know what day it was and what had been happening in the world. If too many days had passed, you'd need to contact your relatives, your doctor. But not too many days had passed. But Cozy saw an advertisement.
"What is THAT?" She demanded, seeing some colorful pastel ponies flying around.
"--The next generation of My Little Pony," you said.
"THAT?"
"Yes."
"It's in three dimensions," she spat.
"Yes."
"They have cellular phones!" She had become acquainted with the powerful benefits of those electronic items in my world.
"Yes."
"I want that," she demanded.
And we turned on the show. It had debuted two days before. And she plotted. She watched it forward again and again and again.
"You really like this?" you'd asked her.
She hadn't responded. She'd made plans, ordered you to buy some things. You'd bought them. Ordered you to hook them up. You'd hooked them up. Ordered herbs and a mortar and pestle. You'd gotten those too. You'd spent more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more.
You performed a ritual.
And, moments before the credits played in the movie, in the background--the far background of the scene of devastation. You thought you saw a small flash of pink and baby blue curls. And you looked down where Kooz/ie had been but the sleeve was denuded of its smiling impish Cozy Glow.
You were alone now. And destitute. And destroyed. You'd done everything she'd asked. Your friend had taken all you had until you had nothing left to give. But now she was back. You'd succeeded. She'd made her way into freedom. You hoped she'd remember you. Maybe she'd bring you along on the adventure in the fifth generation of the pony show and that it'd be as good and compelling and addicting as its fourth. But maybe it wouldn't be as hypnotizing as the fourth. Maybe it wouldn't compel you to spend hours watching a show, reading fan fiction, buying buying buying products and obsessing, obsessing, obsessing...
You did all these things exactly as they were stated in this story because all these things were what Cozy wanted you to do, simp.
Twenty-Nine days until... thirty days since your last one.
Author's Note
Cooooozziiiieeeee Glooooooowwwwwwwww.
1- To be clear, the reference is a joke. As far as I know, no Bender-disguised vendor is selling anything at any Pony convention; but at least one user on this site happens to use a Bender logo, which leads to concern for the "you" of this story.
Another post-My Little Pony Piece of mine:
TFriendship Was Magic
My Little Pony: canceled. Civilization: suffered, Bon Bon and Lyra included.
SparklingTwilight ·
4.3k words
·
162 views
Another Cozy Glow on Earth tale (its author disables ratings as a matter of policy):
TCozy Glow Goes To TrotCon
Exactly what it says on the tin: Cozy Glow goes to TrotCon.
AlwaysDressesInStyle ·
4.4k words
·
245 views
