Bring Your Friend's Parent to Work Day
Author's Note
Twilight Velvet is one of many MLP characters I have a lot of love for despite her limited appearances, and I was probably going to get to doing something focused on her sooner or later even before I saw the Ancestral Tribute contest. Really it just gave me an excuse to write for her.
Comedy fics are always really fun to write, and while this one may be a bit longer than it needs to be, I hope everypony enjoys it regardless! The concept for this is probably one of my wilder ideas, so was perfect for this insanity. Thanks again to my close friend for making this readable! (He is reading MLP fics now, he will be converted.)
Bring Your Friend's Parent to Work Day
“Well. We’re screwed.”
As much as everypony hated to admit it, Rainbow’s statement was the closest to accurately summarising the situation that the six ponies gathered around the map had found themselves in.
“Well, I wouldn’t say it quite so uncouthly darling. But I must confess the situation we’re in is far from ideal…”
“Oh, we’re sorry Sugarcube. Would ya prefer it if we said we’re all totally fuc-”
“Applejack! Heavens no, that’s worse!”
“Huh, didn’t think it would be that kind of party.”
Fluttershy simply whimpered, Starlight rolling her eyes and trotting to the head of the table as she sighed.
“So. Let me get this straight-”
“WHICH IS VERY HARD FOR HER!” Shouted a voice from the other room, followed by the nauseated sounds of a very unwell pony and several loud crashes.
“TRIXIE! FOCUS ON TWILIGHT NOT ME!” Starlight shouted back, groaning as she turned back to the other ponies.
“To celebrate Twilight’s first year of ruling over Equestria, you all decide to go drinking around Canterlot. That’s fine. You are all adults. Some of you even work at the school under me, so I can see that you need time to unwind. Although the fact that you somehow convinced Twilight Sparkle to go with you is nothing short of miraculous.”
“Well, we were very insistent darling! Honestly, Twilight’s reign is successful no doubt, but that mare always forgets to give herself time off. We’ve all accepted that one of our roles as her best friends is to drag her away from work by now, after all.” Rarity said.
“And I am certain she is very grateful.” Starlight assured, before her eyes narrowed once more. “However, I do have to ask, don’t you think the repeated shouts of “we’re never going to be invaded again” and “this period of peace will never end” might have been… tempting fate a little?”
“Pffffff. Come on Starlight! We haven’t had anything go wrong for almost a year now! We'll be fine!” Pinkie Pie said with a smile.
Starlight gestured outside at the flaming skies, skeleton army and screaming ponies.
Pinkie blinked.
“Oops! Guess I drank a bit more than I thought last night! Since I totally forgot about that!”
“Oh for Celestia’s sake, did you all get drunk last night!?” Accused Starlight, everypony in the room suddenly looked very guilty, with the exception of Fluttershy slowly raising her hoof.
“W-well, I don’t l-like drinking and… I wanted to make sure everypony remembered their limits. But I did get a little… eh… distracted.”
“The bar owner had a cat.” Applejack explained, Fluttershy hiding her face behind her mane as Starlight sighed once more.
“I can’t. I cannot deal with this. I am the headmare of a school that includes dragons, changelings, kirins, and yaks. Yet you five ponies together are somehow more destructive than any of them!”
“It’s a gift.” Rainbow smirked, instantly regretting it as Starlight’s eye twitched dangerously.
“I don’t know what else I expected really. Of course the one time you got Twilight drunk, the one time she lets herself relax, the one time Fluttershy isn’t controlling you, IS THE DAY THAT EQUESTRIA GETS INVADED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR!” She shouted, before gulping down some water.
“You didn’t just get her drunk though. Oh no. You got her super drunk! You got her so drunk there are going to be songs composed in its honour! You got her so drunk that statues will be erected in its memory! She is so drunk that she will be in this state for at least another two days and spend the next week hungover! Do you have anything to say for yourselves?”
“Ha. Erected.”
“Sugarcube. Please shut up. Ya not helping.”
Starlight groaned, putting her head in her hooves as she begged to the heavens for the situation to magically get better. “So! Twilight’s out of commission! And as it turns out, her emergency plans and instructions she had ready in case of her not being here do not cover what to do when she is black out drunk and GROGAR HIMSELF HAS RETURNED.”
“In our defence darling, it wasn’t exactly like he gave us the decency of informing us in advance.”
“Are we sure it’s not Discord again?” Rainbow asked with a roll of her eyes.
“I already asked.” Muttered Fluttershy. “He was very offended that you thought he was unimaginative enough to try the same trick twice and he is refusing to help us now out of spite.”
”Seriously? Aw, that would have made this way easier! Guess I have to reschedule my date for later...”
Silence.
”What? I have a life outside of all of you!”
“ANYWAY! SOLUTIONS!” Starlight shouted in increasing distress. “Does anypony have any ideas!? You five got us into this mess, so use your brains to get us out of it! Any idea how we can use the elements when one of the holders is more drunk than anypony in recorded history?!”
The other ponies went silent, raising their hooves in thought as the seconds ticked by, the sounds of screaming ponies joined by distant explosions.
”Perhaps we could rely on the royal guard to handle it?” Rarity suggested, earning very questioning glances in return. “Yes, yes, even I feel silly for suggesting it now...”
”Considering all of them barely handled feeding Celestia and Luna's pets, I wouldn’t trust them with cleaning my barn. Let alone saving the kingdom.”
“Um... maybe we could ask them for help then? Celestia and Luna I mean...”
“Already tried that. They left me on hold.”
“... how in the heavens do you leave somepony on hold through dragon mall?” Rarity raised an eyebrow.
”Spike. Come in here.” Sighed Starlight, the purple dragon waddling in with an annoyed gleam in his eye, opening his mouth wide as relaxing music began to echo through the room.
”You have reached former Princess Celestia! I’m sorry but I’m afraid I’m caught up in something very important! But I’ll answer as soon as I can! I can assure you whatever I’m doing is very urgent and not at all made up since I can’t be bothered to deal with whatever you need help with right now!”
Spike closed his mouth, silencing the music once more. “Thank you Spike. Can you keep helping Trixie with Twilight now?” The dragon nodded, dashing away as the others blinked in surprise.
”Well, that was... something. Ok, new plan! We need Twilight right? Just get Starlight to go back in time and nab a younger version of her to be the element of magic instead!” Rainbow said.
”Silly Rainbow! We can’t mess around with time travel! I mean, remember what Starlight caused when she tried it! Well, not remember since none of us were there, but you know what I mean! It was some party! But not the fun kind! The kind when you really want to leave but can’t think of a good excuse! Know what I mean?”
“Eh... yes. That was exactly what I was going to say. Huh.” Starlight managed to say, just as surprised as anypony else from Pinkie's sudden statement. “But yeah, Rainbow. Time travel. Terrible idea. We’re not doing that.”
”Ugh, fine!” Grumbled Rainbow, crossing her legs together in annoyance while Fluttershy cleared her throat.
”Um... then maybe we should leave Twilight for now? I mean... if we can’t get her suitable to help, then we may be better off getting somepony else to use the element instead?” She asked, before blushing and meekly hiding herself with her wings. “I-if not that’s ok too...”
The other ponies blinked, looking around as they each pondered Fluttershy’s suggestion.
“Huh. Starlight, dear? Would that work? Just... using somepony else instead of Twilight to take care of Grogar?”
“I’m... well... I haven’t seen anything that would suggest otherwise. But this is entirely theoretical so-”
”Oh yeah! We didn’t doom Equestria after all! I knew we would be fine all along!” Rainbow cheered.
”Sure, sugarcube. And you were fretting about not telling Scootaloo how proud you were of her enough for no reason at all.”
“YOU’RE ONE TO TALK MISS ‘HEY RAINBOW ARE YA STILL CARRYING MY LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT!?’”
While the two ponies bickered, Starlight rolled her eyes with a sigh, not even surprised at the shouting match unfolding and simply acted like it wasn’t there.
”But how would we find a new bearer so quickly? You can’t get more magic than the princess of Equestria herself! We’re probably still totally doomed!”
”Oh come on Starlight! We don’t need somepony as good with magic as Twilight! Just somepony close enough to help us with this teensy little thing! I mean, how hard can it be? There has to be at least some pony that’s a unicorn, incredibly skilled with magic, overreacts and freaks out all the time, loves reading, and will know enough about the elements to help us!”
“Ok, how do you keep doing this?” Asked Starlight before shaking her head as she regained focus. “You know what? Never mind. I don’t think I’m ready to know. But you're right, Pinkie. We need to get a pony just like that to use the element. Luckily for all of us, hope doesn’t seem lost! Since you just so happen to-”
“Are you serious!?” Butted in Rainbow. “Where in Equestria will we find another unicorn like that!? There’s like nopony that comes even close to that description!”
“What.”
It was at this moment, far across the dimensions, that Sunset Shimmer had the sudden urge to punch Rainbow in the face. While in Canterlot, Moondancer felt an even stronger urge to become social with Twilight’s friends, in case they needed her for something important when they otherwise would forget she even existed. Just in case.
“You’re right Rainbow! We can’t waste any unnecessary time searching for a unicorn while that ruffian Grogar is out there running wild!”
“Girls. Seriously?”
“I know Rarity! But what do you reckon we do then!? We’re already wasting nuff time as is!”
“Are you all seriously just-”
“Oh I know! I know! We’ll just ask Grogar to stop attacking us! Or throw him a ‘congrats on returning for the first time in generations for realsies this time’ party! He’ll love it!”
“Have any of you been drinking this morning?”
“I-I don’t think that’s going to work Pinkie…” Muttered Fluttershy from her chair as Starlight stared blankly in front of her.
“Wait. I’ve got it!” Cried Rainbow in victory as she slammed her hoof onto the map. “I’ve come up with an even better and more obvious solution to all our problems!”
“Oh hooray. I can’t wait to hear it. I’m sure it will be flawless.”
“Thanks Starlight! Ok, so the element of magic is linked to Twilight via her talent, but I bet her body has something to do with it too! So, we can get somepony else in her family to help us instead!”
“Rainbow Dash. That is the single most illogical, downright idotic idea I have heard in my entire-”
“That’s so crazy it just might work!” Pinkie cheered, Starlight’s eye twitching as the rest of the group voiced their agreement.
“It’s hardly the most in-depth idea… but it sounds like the best we’ve got girls!”
“Much as I hate to do something Rainbow suggested… have to admit it’s the only lead we’ve got! So, should we find Shining Armour then?”
“No… I-I think he and Cadence are already going to have their hooves full… w-we probably should get somepony closer by…”
“Ponyfeathers she's right! Ok, so best option’s off the table. But she still has other family! Like she has parents! I think...”
”You weren’t sure?” Asked Applejack with a raise of her eyebrow.
”Oh give it a rest Applejack!”
”Girls, girls! We need to focus on the bigger picture! Luckily for all of you, Twilight's father, Night Light, is a frequent customer of my Canterlot division. So I have her parents' address on hoof.”
”Then what are we waiting for!?” Cried Pinkie as she leapt from her seat. “Let’s go already! Let’s get Twilight’s folks and get this world saving party started!”
The other ponies nodded in agreement, their eyes shining in determination as they dashed from the room, leaving only Fluttershy and a still blankly staring Starlight behind.
”Oh dear... I didn’t think they’d leave in such a hurry... are you coming Starlight?”
”Me? Oh no, I think I’ll sit this one out.” Said Starlight in a tone that gave Fluttershy some very unfortunate flashbacks to Twilight’s freak outs. “You all have fun on your adventure while I’ll reevaluate my choice in friends and help Trixie take care of the drunkest pony in history! Such fun! Such fun!”
”Oh... have fun!” Cried Fluttershy happily, the pegasus dashing from the room as Starlight slammed her head into the map in front of her.
—
Surprisingly, from the outside, Twilight's house seemed more normal than most of the ponies were expecting. It wasn’t a sprawling castle, or even a towering fortress, simply an ordinary house located in the Canterlot suburbs.
It was a little comforting to know that Twilight had come from a similar background to the rest of them, not just being Celestia's faithful student from the very moment of her birth. It was something they all knew of course, but it still seemed odd just how humble the building was.
Well, aside from the flashing neon sign attached to the roof, which in bold, flashing letters proclaimed “MY CHILDREN DID BETTER THAN ALL OF YOURS. ESPECIALLY YOURS MOONRISE.”
“Wow. On the snout much?” Asked Pinkie as she bounced towards the door.
”Never let my parents see that. No matter what.” Rainbow shuddered.
”Agreed. Anyways, onto more pressing matters. Should we perhaps make sure that Twilight's parents are actually in?”
”Whattdya mean Rarity? Why wouldn’t they be in? What a strange thing to as-“
Rarity gestured to the singing purple sludge washing through the opposite street.
”Wowie, am I awful at noticing things today or what?”
While everypony was talking, Fluttershy gently trotted over to the door, knocking quietly with her wing before waiting with bated breath. It only took a minute for somepony to answer, a smiling, pale-furred pony opening the door.
”Oh, it's Twilight's friends! What can I do for all of you? You don’t usually come around here. Shouldn’t you be out with Twilight saving Equestria by now though?”
”Yeah... that’s kinda why we’re here. Did she tell you about the night out she was planning recently?”
”Sweetie, It’s Twilight. I knew about that half a year ago.”
”Fair enough. Well you see Miss Velvet, Twilight may have gotten a little caught up in the festivities of the night... and gotten slightly intoxicated without any of us realising...”
”Oh she’ll be fine! She gets that from her father, one glass is enough to get them tipsy! Even when she became an Alicorn that was only enough to let her handle half a glass more! Just try and take her books away, that usually snaps her out of the aftermath.” Laughed Velvet with a frightening amount of experience.
”Yeah, about that… well she kinda had a little more than a glass and a half Miss Sparkle. Like a whole doozy worth! And the alcohol was so strong that she’s totally out of commission! Like more drunk than anypony in history! So we kinda need another plan.”
”Oh my. That’s worrisome. Do you want me to ground her for you? You’ll have to wait until my husband gets back though. Somepony needs to watch the house with all this going on... I already had to beat a batpony with a stick just to get my washing inside!”
”Oh yes, where is Mr. Night Light anyways? I think I might have that hat he ordered just last week...” Applejack glared at Rarity, who paid no mind as she used her magic to search through her bag, the older unicorn laughing to herself fondly.
”Oh he went for a bingo game right before the sky got set on fire! He’ll be fine though. The world ending again isn’t going to stop him from winning! Just leave the hat here and he can pick it up later.” She paused, her eyebrows furrowing in curiosity. “Hang on... just why are you here girls? It’s not that I don’t appreciate the company, but surely you can handle this villain by yourselves?”
”Well, since Twilight is uh... you know... we need somepony else to use her element instead, so...”
”So I had the idea of asking one of Twilight's family to use it instead! The element probably won’t even notice the difference! So since Shining Armour is defending the Crystal Empire and your husband’s, well, playing bingo I guess, you’re our only option. Wanna come along?”
“You...” Velvet said slowly, something unidentifiable shining in her eyes that instantly put everypony on edge. “You want me. To go with you? To face untold danger and perils? To embark on a journey with unimaginable odds to face an ancient evil who seeks to destroy all of Equestria?”
Her words spelling out what they had been asking finally made most of the ponies realise how bad of an idea it was to get a civilian pony involved in something so dangerous.
“W-well when you say it like that…"
“Of course, darling we could always get somepony else if you-”
“Oh please! You all can’t be serious! She’s like the best chance we’ve got! I mean, why would she say no?”
“Rainbow Dash!” Said Rarity in offence, her eyes narrowed. “I do hate to be the one who breaks this to you, but not everypony happens to be-”
“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Everypony gaped in shock as Velvet let out a piercing cry of delight, her eyes gleaming with excitement, the unicorn dashing back inside as fast as she could.
“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I’ve dreamed of this day for years! I’ve had an adventuring bag ready for ages! I’ve always wanted to come along when something like this comes up but you know, there’s always things I have to take care of! Usually things Twilight and Shining suddenly get me to do now that I think about it… how odd! I even asked Twilight if I could help spread friendship or be an ambassador to other lands! But Twilight never did since I’d apparently be “a threat for national security” or something. Oh, you know how silly that girl can be sometimes! But I’ve been itching for some action for so long! I’m the thrill seeker in this family yet I never get a good reason to help out! Oh you girls are the best!”
The five ponies were reduced to stunned silence, standing with wide eyes as the sound of rumbling echoed from within the building.
”Why do I get the feeling we just made a very big mistake?” Asked Applejack, Fluttershy nodding in agreement.
”Pish posh, darling. Sure she’s a little... enthusiastic. But that should make things easier! Right?”
”Are you kidding me? How are you all complaining about this?! Finally somepony with the right attitude!”
”Yep. This is going to suck.” Muttered Applejack as she mentally prepared herself for the worst.
—-
“Alight girls! According to Starlight... well, from what I could gather between the swearing, Grogar’s new castle is located in the peaks of even deadlier peril! Located right opposite the peaks of peril!”
”How in Equestria did we not see these last time we were here?” Applejack gaped at the towering, spiked mountains in front of them, piercing though the sky and clouds as thunder and lightning struck all around them.
Fluttershy whimpered.
”I think Grogar summoned them when he returned. So can’t blame you for that! Not sure what to expect from them really, could be anything! But it feels like a real doozy! So, everypony ready?”
”You had me at Grogar.” Velvet swooned, the element of magic perched on her head. “Who knows what could be up there? Unimaginable terror! Twisted monsters more powerful than anything you’ve fought before! And the chance to do who knows how many death defying stunts! Have you ever seen anything more exciting!?”
Rarity sighed as she kept hold of Fluttershy's tail with her magic to stop her from running.
”Fluttershy, darling. You’ve dealt with things just as bad as this before! Why are you so afraid now?”
”S-she makes it sound s-so scary! It’s uh... not really doing wonders for my confidence...”
“Oh come on! This is nothing you lot! Let’s just go already! We won’t get anything done if we just stand around like this! Where’s your sense of adventure?”
”Ah! That’s so true Rainbow! This is why you're my favourite! I always told Twilight she should invite you around more often, but she always came up with such strange reasons why we shouldn’t! A shame really, I don’t see why she was so concerned. We get along great!”
”Yes, I believe that may have been why she was so determined to keep them apart...”
“Pfff don’t be so silly girls! I’m sure Twilight's mom will be a great help! You’re all worrying too much! Everything is going to be fine!” Expressed Pinkie with enough confidence to make up for the lack of support from her three friends.
”And that’s why Pinkie is my second favourite! Oh we’re going to have so much fun together! Twilight and Shining will love hearing about this later! Hey Rarity, just wondering. Honest opinion. But does this crown look better on me or what!?”
Rarity was left stuttering in shock, attempting to think of an appropriate response as Applejack turned to face Rainbow.
“Rainbow. We all love ya. But if Twilight's mom gets killed and she wants to know why, all four of us will collectively throw you under the chariot.”
”Hey! Would it kill you to have more faith? Look at her! She’ll be fine!”
“Rainbow for crying out... hang on a minute. I just realised something! You rank Rainbow and Pinkie above Twilight!?
“Of course! I love Twilight, but she’s definitely not best pony.”
”I-I... you... can’t...” The lack of familial favouritism seemed to stun Applejack, the pony left stammering as Velvet hummed to herself and rummaged through her bag.
”Um... Miss Sparkle? What are you doing?” Asked Fluttershy, peering over the unicorn's shoulder.
”Just looking for something to help us up! I got this years ago at a gift shop! And Night Light said it would never be useful. Who’s laughing now honey?!”
“I don’t t-think I f-fol-”
“Here it is! GRAPPLING HOOK!”
Silence followed, not one pony quite sure what to say at the grappling hook floating in front of them in the grip of Velvet’s magic, even Pinkie Pie looking a little confused.
”How in tarnation is that gonna-“
”GRAPPLING HOOK!” Cried Velvet, firing the hook upwards, crying out in triumph as it caught hold of a protruding spiked stone. ”Success! Come on everypony! Adventure awaits!”
”How have we not met before now? And how are you so good at this!?” Asked Rainbow in awe, closely following the unicorn as she began to climb upwards.
”Since Twilight is allergic to fun? And this is nothing! I’ve rock climbed on the crystal mountains before!”
“I can get behind that! And oh my gosh really!? That’s so awesome!”
”I don’t know if I’m more afraid of Grogar or those two together.”
”E-eep! This rope is so s-slippery...”
”Um... Fluttershy. Dear? You do remember you can fly right?”
”Oh. Right.”
—-
“Ponyfeathers! There’s some guards over here y'all!” Applejack darted back behind a rock, holding her friends back before the undead ponies could spot them.
”I suppose that shows we’re on the right path at least... ugh. Would it have killed Grogar to give them better uniforms though? That style is so out of fashion!”
”Well they have been dead and buried for a few centuries now, honestly we should be lucky that they're wearing anything! Not like they're going to be out here in your designs Rarity. Well I guess some could be but that’s pretty morbid now that I-“
“Pinkie!” Hissed Applejack. “Be quiet! You’re gonna alert the guards if you don’t shut ya trap!”
“Oh, sorry! Although I think Velvet’s trying to handle it herself. Should I help?”
”SHE'S WHAT!?”
The four ponies quickly darted their heads back around the rock, watching with wide eyes as Velvet smashed one of the guards to pieces with a swing of her bag. They remained silent as both Rainbow and Velvet hoof bumped, the other guards glaring at them and hissing in fury.
Then the pieces of the smashed guard put themselves back together.
Velvet and Rainbow blinked.
The guard snarled.
Velvet smashed the guard again.
The guard reassembled.
Velvet smashed it again.
The guard rebuilt itself, now looking even angrier than before.
Velvet went to-
“Ok. Just taking a wild stab in the dark here. But I don’t think that’s working.”
”Nonsense! This is a perfectly valid strategy Rainbow!”
”That doesn’t make it any less idotic!”
”Yeah!? Well you try and come up with something better, Applejack!”
“Darlings! I do believe we have some more important matters to take care of! Mainly the VERY IRRITATED UNDEAD PONIES THAT ARE VERY MUCH ANNOYED WITH US!”
The undead ponies growled behind them to emphasise the point, Rainbow cursing as everypony burst into galloping as fast as they could.
”This was a terrible idea! Why didn’t you just throw them a party?!”
”Oh like that would have gone any better!”
”G-girls?”
”Yeah, at least ours was awesome! Sure, throw a party for the dead ponies. I’m sure they retained the concept of fun!”
”I-I really think we should-”
”Oh come on Rainbow! Parties can be awesome too!”
”Yeah, Rainbow! Oh gosh, how about we have a party while fighting Grogar! Just because we’re destroying an ancient evil doesn't mean we can’t make it fun!”
”Miss Sparkle. I say this with love and respect. But are you insane!?”
“GIRLS!” Shouted Fluttershy. “CLIFF!”
”Cliff? Why is your puma herAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cried Rainbow as she ran straight off the edge, tumbling to her doom with the skeletons in pursuit.
For a moment, nopony could say a word.
”Oh, you meant that kind of cliff!”
“Oh my… those were some stupid guards.”
“Nice one Rainbow! That should distract them!” Cheered Velvet, while Applejack sighed and took off her hat, holding it close to her chest.
”Well, she died as she lived. A bucking moron.”
”Hey!” Shouted Rainbow as she flew back into view. “First of all. rude. Second, a little more warning would have been nice!”
”I-I tried my best...”
”Awwwwwww... no fair Rainbow! All the fun stuff happens to you! I would have loved to do that!”
“Um, Miss Sparkle? You’re a unicorn.”
“Yep!”
“So you can’t fly?”
”No, Twilight still hasn’t given me Alicornhood. I ask for it every Mother’s Day too! You’d have thought a mare as smart as her could pick up on a few hints!”
”So you would have almost certainly died then.”
”Eh...” She dismissed Rarity’s concerns with a wave of her hoof. “I’d have managed.”
“Are you certain about that? Really?”
“Huh. You worry a lot more than I thought you would. Then again you are Twilight’s friends… so not sure what I was really expecting.”
“I-if Rainbow came back… does that mean the guards m-might though?”
“Nah, don’t worry about them ‘Shy. They have no way of getting back up here. So we should be free to move on! I knew there wasn’t anything to worry about!”
“Shame not all of us have that same luxury…”
“Aw don’t be such a sourpuss Applejack! We'll be fine! Grogar’s castle can’t be too far from here!”
“Yeah, Applejack! You should be more excited! You'll be like an annoying side character in the least awesome Daring Do book if you keep whining!”
“Oh. My. Celestia. You read Daring Do as well!?”
“Of course! It’s my favourite book series! Do you like it as well, Rainbow?”
“Like it? I love it! It’s just the most awesome thing ever! Did Twilight ever tell you how-”
Applejack glared at the gushing mares in silent contempt.
“Rarity?”
“Yes darling?”
“Book me for a spa when this is over. I may not understand the point of them, but it has to be better than this.”
“Consider it done darling.”
“C-can I come too?” Whispered Fluttershy, before flinching from another set of loud, fangirlish squeals.
“Certainly. As soon as we leave those two to their new deafening book club.”
The group was already pushed beyond their wits end from the overexcited duo’s discussion. It was bad enough with Rainbow, but now they were having to deal with it after everything they had gone through recently, with the extra agony of another pony that matched her enthusiasm.
“I can’t believe you love Daring Do as well! You’re literally the coolest pony ever!”
“Oh no, you’re far cooler! I just can’t believe Twilight never told me Daring Do was real!”
“We should probably warn Twilight about this as soon as we can.”
“Agreed.”
—
The ponies narrowed their eyes, all of them trying to make sure they had read what was in front of them correctly.
“The path of unrelenting torment and agony.”
Then in unison to what was next to it.
“The much less deadly and surprisingly pleasant rest point for any foolish ponies.”
“Huh. Have to hand it to him, Grogar gives clear directions.”
”A little too clear don’t you think? He must be trying to trick us! Mess with our minds! Like Ahuizotl did in the last Daring Do book when he switched the diamond of convenience with that fake!”
”Oh, nice reference Rainbow!”
Applejack just sighed, an action she felt like she was doing an awful lot of lately, a sentiment shared by Rarity.
”Rainbow, darling. May I remind you of what we just went through to get here?”
”Oh you mean that uneven hill I flew over since it was too boring?”
”Boring?! Rainbow Dash! The ground was erupting with magma every few seconds! Boulders were raining down on us! Pinkie Pie was almost struck by lightning! It was one of the worst experiences in my life! And that was before I realised it utterly ruined my hooves! I’ll need so many sessions with Lotus and Aloe just to get them back to their usual standard!”
”Boring!? Rainbow, how could it be boring!? It was amazing! I haven’t had so much fun since barrel jumping off Neighagra falls! And that was only one of the first roadblocks! I can’t wait to see what else there is! Aren’t you all excited? Because I’m super excited!” Cried Velvet, in contrast to Rarity's piercing glare of fury.
“Pffff. I mean, it was exciting for you! But I’ve seen way cooler things. So it was nothing for me. It needed to be like, 20% cooler.”
”Hmmm, the 20% is important...” Muttered Velvet as Rarity put her head in her hooves, Fluttershy comforting her with some pats from her wings.
“Well I thought it was fun! I had no idea Grogar could summon rocks too! I mean it was hard to see it coming. It feels like he can do pretty much anything sometimes! Maybe he’s messing with us! Maybe he’s being nice! Maybe he just really likes being clear! I don’t know, there’s like 30 versions of what he’s like in all these legends! It’s so confusing!”
”Pinkie has a p-point... Oh I used to be t-terrified about all the different Grogar stories I heard as a filly... the one about his lost city gave me nightmares for weeks...”
”Who cares about lame bedtime stories! We just need to find Grogar and beat him up like anypony else! Nothing more to it! Now let’s get a move on!”
”But we’re no closer to figuring out which way to go!” Protested Applejack, Rainbow rolling her eyes as they butted their heads together.
“Oh yeah? Then what were you going to suggest!?”
”I wasn’t gonna suggest anything! Just that we obviously need to keep moving!”
The two growled at each other, Velvet and Pinkie looking back and forth between them in excitement while Rarity groaned.
”Girls. We have two choices. Now, I know you're tired and frustrated. Celestia knows I am. But shouldn’t it be obvious which one we choose? The much less deadly and surprisingly pleasant rest point for any foolish ponies sounds absolutely marvellous right about now.” The unicorn explained as calmly as she could.
”But Rarity! What if Grogar is trying to get us to let our guard down! That path could be even worse than the dangerous one!” Applejack attempted to be the voice of reason.
”I don’t know! Maybe he’s one of those villains that likes to finish off opponents at full power or something! Maybe his guards just put it up since they literally lack brains! I don’t have all the answers!” As usual, Rainbow ignored the path of reason and instead went so off track she ran off a cliff for the second time that day. Metaphorically this time.
”Ugh this is getting nowhere! Can’t we just decide already? We can’t just be waiting around on the path of “unnecessary hero argument of temporary fallout until coming back together in the castle” forever!”
Everypony looked at Pinkie.
”What? That’s what it says on the sign over there!”
Sure enough, it did.
”Huh. So it does darling. I suppose that means that the path somehow amplifies our negative emotions and causes us to argue for pointless reasons. What are the odds?”
“I-it doesn’t actually say that part… I think we’re all just a bit ann-”
”Yikes. Sorry about that Applejack...”
“Never mind…”
”No sugarcube, it was my fault... I guess if that sign was right, then you and Rarity were speaking sense all along. Ok everypony! Let’s go- wait. Where’s Velvet?”
Collectively, everypony’s eyes widened at once.
”She was here a moment ago!”
”D-did the guards come and take her!?”
”No, we would have noticed that! Well, I would have at least. Nopony has ever sneaked up on me successfully! Since I’m just that awe-“
”Aw quit tooting ya own horn for a moment and focus! So if nopony took her then... oh ponyfeathers.”
”OH WOW THIS IS SO LIFE THREATENING!” A voice echoed down from the second path, her tone positively ecstatic. “I’VE ALMOST BEEN FROZEN ALIVE, KIDNAPPED BY A DRAGON AND DRAGGED INTO THE LITERAL UNDERWORLD ALL IN THE LAST THREE MINUTES! CAN THIS DAY GET- OH MY GOSH IS THAT A ZOMBIE KRAKEN!? THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!”
Applejack and Rarity’s eyes twitched.
"Tartarus yeah! Twilight's mom is awesome!"
“I-I… but… w-we… DANG IT! Everypony follow me! Twilight’s gonna kill us if we don’t help her mom!” Cried Applejack as she ran up the path, a few seconds passing until she screamed back. “OH CELESTIA NO AN EVIL ORANGE TREE! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!”
“We should probably go help her.”
“Ya think!? Come on girls! Let’s save Twilight’s mom! That sounded cool in my head…” Rainbow zoomed away, Pinkie and Rarity following as fast as they could, Fluttershy sparing a moment to look longingly at the less dangerous path before sighing and flying after her friends.
—
“That. Was. Amazing!” Cried Velvet as the group finally emerged from the path of unrelenting torment and agony, the unicorn the only one that seemed to be in high spirits after the nightmarish experience. “All that danger! All that excitement! Oh that totally makes up for all the boredom I’ve had to deal with over the years!”
“Well that path wasn’t so bad after all! All those monsters were just really lonely after all those years waiting for somepony to show up! I can’t wait to see them all next week so we can talk about our feelings together!”
“Ok, I can’t believe I’m saying this. But not even I found that cool. Like. At all. That was awful! It just never ended! Monsters everywhere! Everypony screaming like crazy! Anypony who enjoyed that has to be a madmare!”
“Let's do it again!”
“NO! Nonononono! No more oranges! No more lemons! We’re going to fight Grogar! That I can handle!”
“Awwwwwwwwwww.” Groaned Velvet. “But that was so fun! It felt like it ended way too soon!”
“TOO SOON!? THREE YEARS! WE WERE STUCK DOWN THERE FOR THREE YEARS!”
“Pinkie it was only three-”
“THREE YEARS OF TORMENT! THREE YEARS OF NEVER ENDING AGONY!”
“W-well… nevertheless…” Rarity injected, trotting between the ponies and sighing. “It’s over now. And we are all physically unharmed! Despite many of us being traumatised for life… but I digress! We have prevailed against last year's fashion and survived. Let us not push it!”
Awkward silence descended over the group, not one pony wanting to be the one who would push Rarity over the edge further.
“Psst… is it just me or did things get really tense all of a sudden?” Hissed Velvet to a concerned Fluttershy.
If Applejack ever told anypony that she didn’t have the urge to kill Twilight’s mom then and there, it would be one of the only lies she had ever told.
—
“Guards!? Again!? Man, does Grogar lack imagination or what!?”
“Rainbow. We have seen what happens when Grogar has imagination. And I think we can all agree that any sane pony would never want to see it again!”
“But I wanted to-”
“ANY SANE PONY!” Screamed Rarity before Velvet could finish, the other ponies more focused on peering down at the skeleton guards in front of the fortress, covered in dents and marks from fights long past.
“Huh. Are those the same guards we saw earlier?” Asked Pinkie with a tilt of her head.
“They might be. The mark on that one’s skull is probably from the twenty-seven rocks it crashed into earlier. Is Grogar such a cheapskate that he only has the two guards?”
”Huh. I wonder what you pay reanimated corpses with? Literal bits?”
”Clearly not enough to afford a halfway decent wardrobe...”
”Who cares! We beat them once and we can do it again!”
”’Beat’ them. Not the word choice I’d have used to be honest. More like dumb luck caused by stupidity.”
”Huh, funny, thought we were off the argument path..” Pondered Pinkie as Rainbow and Applejack glared at each other, Velvet raising an eyebrow as she felt another stare focused on her.
”Why are you looking at me so much Rarity? I know my figure is amazing for my age but still!”
”What!? No! That’s not why I’m looking at you at all! I just know if I look away you’ll wander off again!”
”What? Noooooooooooo. I would never-“
”Yes, yes you would!” Snapped back Rarity.
”Yes I would.” Repeated Velvet with a grin.
”That wasn’t a compliment darling!”
”Well I’m going to take it as one!”
”I-I... you... why...” Rarity sighed, trying and failing to find the right words to describe her feelings of pure frustration.
”W-why does everypony have to argue so much...” Muttered Fluttershy as she hid behind her mane and looked down at the guards with a curious expression.
“Oh give me a break! Let’s just smash them already!”
“Ah yes. Since that went so well the last time.” Applejack rolled her eyes, taking another glare from Rainbow in response.
“Saving Equestria didn’t used to go this badly… did it? It can’t just be me thinking that, right?”
“Unfortunately darling, today seems to be one of ‘those days’, as they say.”
“May I suggest something?”
“I would very much prefer it if you didn’t, darling.”
“Oh fine. You’re no fun. I’ll just wait and see if what Fluttershy is doing works.”
“A wonderful idea darl… wait. What Fluttershy is doing!?” Cried the unicorn as she dashed to Velvet's side, her mouth falling open as she stared at the pegasus walking down to the two hissing guards.
“EVERYPONY STOP! FLUTTERSHY’S IN DANGER!”
“FLUTTERSHY!?” Shouted Rainbow, her one track mind instantly changing course as she dashed next to Rarity, the other two ponies following close behind. “STAY THERE FLUTTERSHY! I’LL- huh?”
The pegasus blinked, watching in silent shock with everypony else as Fluttershy simply trotted away and flew back to them.
“Ok, the guards said we can go in!”
“I-I… what? How… h-huh?” Were some of the many sounds that came from the ponies, who stared at the meekly blushing Fluttershy in awe.
“Wow! Way to go Fluttershy! You didn’t even need to smash them!” Expressed one of the two exceptions.
“Oh it was nothing! It turns out it was just a big misunderstanding! They thought we were tourists.”
“Tourists. On a mountain that just appeared out of nowhere. Filled with dangers no normal pony would ever wish to experience?” Repeated Rarity, before glaring at Velvet to silence any potential interjection.
“They thought some ponies might be interested. But now that they know we’re heroes of Equestria trying to stop their master, they don’t care about catching us and cooking us into a quiche anymore! Yay!”
“I... ok I’m not complaining. But why!?”
”As it turns out, Grogar was already expecting ponies to try and stop him! So he just told his guards to let us right through. They’re terribly sorry for the misunderstanding...”
“Huh. That was easier than I expected then. Guess I don’t need this box after all!” Cried Pinkie as she casually tossed away a cardboard box that came from seemingly nowhere.
”Where did she-“
”Don’t. Just don’t ask.” Said Applejack in a tone that showed that was all she had to say on the topic.
”Well anyways! Now that the path is clear, we can finally show Grogar what’s what! The sooner the better! I very much want to start acting like this day never happened.”
”Then what are we waiting for! Oh gosh this is really happening! My first evil overlord! Oh Celsestia this is so exciting! How will we fight!? How evil is he!? Oh I just can’t wait to find out!”
”Hate to break it to you Miss Sparkle.” Began Applejack as they headed towards the entrance of the castle, the doors creaking open as Rarity slowly pulled them with her magic. “But we usually just make a rainbow laser with the elements and blast the villain with it.”
“Awwwwwwwwww... well I guess that’s good enough...” Velvet sighed as they ventured deeper into the building, their path ahead lit by eerily blue candles.
”Good heavens, and I thought the guards' uniforms were in bad taste! This interior design is abysmal!”
“W-well it’s n-not like he had much time to update…”
“Don’t defend him Fluttershy! There’s never a good excuse for style this bad! Oh we need to make that ruffian pay already! I won’t show him any mercy!”
“I look forward to it. Although, you may get your chance earlier than you think… little pony.” A deep voice chuckled from within the darkness.
Everypony’s eyes widened.
“Pinkie Pie.” Said Rarity very slowly. “Please tell me that is a very convincing funny voice you’ve been working on.”
“W-well I could! But I’d also be lying.” She laughed nervously as Rarity shivered in terror.
“E-even if I say pretty please?”
“Doesn’t work like that, Rares.”
“LET ME COPE APPLEJACK!”
“Enough of this!” Cried Rainbow, the pegasus turning around and searching wildly for any sign of the villain. “Show yourself already coward! We’ve been waiting all day to beat you back into hiding! Let’s just wrap this up so we can all go home!”
“A coward? Me?” An awful, cold laugh echoed through the chamber, Fluttershy squeaking and hiding behind her friends as glowing red eyes peered from the dark. “What an intriguing statement from one who hides behind such fragile bravado.”
“I-I’m not scared of you!”
“Then that is your first mistake. Something I will be more than happy to teach you as the first act of my return.”Spoke the ram, lights bursting all around the room to reveal him in all his glory, stood at the top of the staircase as he glared down at the group in disinterest.
Fluttershy fainted.
“W-we ain’t scared of you! We’ve fought beings just like you before!”
“Oh you earth ponies, always so annoyingly defiant. You remind me of somepony who foolishly defied me before. But believe me Applejack, you have met nothing like Grogar! Perhaps I shall let you live so there is somepony left to tell the tale of my legend’s continuation.” He mused, before his expression turned even more sinister. “Oh well. I will have plenty of time to make up my mind while I stomp you into the ground. It might take a while before you give in.”
“You’ve forgotten one thing Grogar! We have the Elements of Harmony! You are the one at a disadvantage here!”
“Am I? Do you really think those things will do anything against me and my bewitching bell!? Especially without your precious princess of friendship? You come before me now with nothing more than a pale substitute. Did you honestly expect that to work?”
“Well it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Like when you ran off that cliff?”
“THEN YOU ARE ALL FOOLS!” He roared, stamping his hoof as fire burst around him, the echoing sound shocking Fluttershy awake once more. “I only told my guards to let you all through to save me the theatrics. Your arrival was bound to happen sooner or later, so I would prefer to just take care of it now. Besides, you shall serve as an effective example. Even ponies as troublesome as you can serve a purpose.”
“Just a heads up darlings! But I’m feeling very worried right about now!”
“Y-yeah… I think we kinda all are! This party is totes not my thing!”
“Whatever! Just since he’s a little more menacing than what we usually deal with doesn’t change anything! Let’s just hit him with everything we have!”
“B-but what if the elements don’t w-work? He doesn’t seem concerned at all! W-we don’t even know if Miss S-Sparkle can use the elements!”
“Well we won’t know if we don’t just try already! Now Miss Twilight! Are ya-”
Applejack didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence, an unexpected sound filling the room that gave Velvet the full force of Grogar’s fearsome stare as she finally reacted to what was happening before her beyond a curious glance.
But nopony present had any idea why she was laughing.
“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?”Roared Grogar, the walls of his castle shaking around the group. “YOU LAUGH IN THE FACE OF YOUR OPPONENT? ARE YOU DELUSIONAL!?”
”Oh please. I can see your game from a mile away! I mean really? He’s barely moved and you're all cowering in fear! Sure he might look scary, but to me, is he really much different to skydiving, deep sea diving, or rock climbing?”
”Wow! You’ve done all that!? So awesome!”
”Yes, while that is undoubtedly impressive Miss Sparkle, I have to ask. DO YOU NEED YOUR EYES CHECKED!? LOOK AT THAT THING!” Cried Rarity as she shook the older unicorn by the shoulders.
”That’s my point though! Sure, Grogar looks threatening! But is he really that powerful!?”
”I AM ALMIGHTY YOU FOOLISH MARE! I HAVE PLOTTED FOR AEONS TO MAKE MY RETURN! I COULD HAVE CRUSHED YOU AT ANY MOMENT!”
“Oh I’m sure you could. Which is why you just so happened to make your invasion on the one day my daughter is out of commission I assume?” Velvet said with a smirk, the smug tone making Grogar step back. “After all, if you were so confident you could beat us, I’m sure you would have crushed her without issue!”
”AND I COULD HAVE!”
”Yet here we are. The facts don’t lie. The truth is, you knew you would fail. You're scared of her. Of friendship. Of everything she and her friends have done and represented! You're a smart ram, Grogar. I bet you saw the exact same kind of pony that defeated you all those years ago.”
”YOU KNOW NOTHING WRETCH! GROGAR FEARS NOTHING! HE SIMPLY MADE SURE TWILIGHT WASN'T PRESENT FOR HIS RETURN SO HE-”The ram paused, his eyes widening from what he had let slip.
”Hold on. WHAT!? What the hay do you mean!? Twilight just drank too much! He couldn’t have had anything to do with it! Why in tarnation would he want credit for that?”
”Oh I know. And that struck me as odd from the beginning. Like I said, Twilight’s never been able to handle her alcohol and I could believe she could be a little hungover. But super drunk!? My daughter would never drink more than a bottle and a half at most. Which suggests to me that someone, or something, spiked her drinks to put her out of commission!”
Grogar started to look increasingly uncomfortable.
”W… what’s happening right now?” Stage whispered Pinkie as she watched in awe.
”I do believe, darlings, that we are seeing where Twilight got certain traits from.”
”Huh. Maybe that’s why the waiter only talked in growls and was always obscured in shadow the whole time we were there…”
”What!? Rainbow you idiot! Why didn’t you mention this before now?!”
”Um… Applejack? We were all there. You talked to him the most out of all of us, actually…” Mumbled Fluttershy, as Applejack blinked, lowering her hoof with a blush.
”Oh right. Heh, sorry about that Rainbow. Force of habit.”
”LIES! THESE ARE NOTHING BUT LIES! BE SILENT YOU WORTHLESS NOTHING!”
”Aww what’s the matter? Drop your insult thesaurus?” Taunted Rainbow as Grogar roared in fury, the walls shaking less than before.
”Oh and I’m not done! I’m not as smart as my daughter, but I am very good at noticing things Grogar! You could have killed Twilight! You could have killed us all as soon as we came here if you were as strong as you claimed! But you’ve done nothing! All you’ve done is try and scare us!”
The once confident Grogar now looked even more uneasy.
”Pinkie Pie. Let me ask you something. You had the best look at Grogar’s bewitching bell last time around correct? Does that look anything like what Grogar has on now?”
”G-GROGAR COMMANDS YOU TO BE SILENT!” Screamed the ram, firing a bolt of magic at the group which was blocked just in time by a piece of debris lifted up by Rarity.
”Huh. Now that I look at it? Not really! Why? Is that important?”
”Very.” Smirked Velvet, Grogar roaring as he made another attempt to attack with a piercing blade of thunder, Rainbow pushing everypony out of the way just in time as they rolled into a wall.
”Then just explain already! Have you forgotten about the undead ram attempting to murder us!? Just try and fight the urges Twilight’s mom! You're too cool to go all egghead on me!”
”I’m not an egghead! And that’s besides the point. It’s a different bell! The bell of Nightmares! Its power is related entirely to how much fear the ponies in its presence are generating!”
“You know that still sounds like something an egghead would say right?”
“For Tartarus’s sake!” Hissed Grogar, after finally breaking another makeshift shield from Rarity. “How?! How could you possibly know about that? The bell is nothing more than a myth to you ponies! Not even a good one! It’s a total rip off of my legend! It hasn’t been reprinted since that obscure artefact guidebook decades ago that nopony bought since its target audience was so pitifully small! I did my research to choose the most little known artefact I could find! So how in Equestria do you know about it!?”
”Oh is it now? You failed to uncover one thing about that encyclopaedia. It was Twilight Sparkle’s favourite bedtime story from age four to six.”
As Grogar recoiled in almost fearful outrage, Pinkie Pie's eyes narrowed as she raised a hoof to her face. “Wait... Twilight's favourite bedtime story was... a textbook?”
“You know, part of me really wants to be surprised by this. It really does. But I can see it. I can see it so easily.”
“I-I… wanna argue with you… but you’re so right. Don’t let it go to your head though, ya hear?”
“CEASE THIS POINTLESS CHATTER!” Screeched Grogar. “I AM STILL HERE! STOP IGNORING ME AT ONCE!”
“So what do we need to do, Velvet?”
Grogar screamed in fury.
“Isn’t it obvious? We just don’t take him seriously and then blast him with the elements!”
Grogar screeched louder.
“B-but he seems r-really scary and angry!”
“I AM FAR BEYOND BEING ANGRY! I AM POSITIVELY LIVID!”
“Oh come on girls! You don’t need to be scared! Just remember your elements! Twilight’s gushed to me about how you’re the bestest friends… way too many times. I mean geez. You would have thought she could tell I got the point after, like, the fourteenth time. But you know how Twilight can get. That girl can-”
“Yeah! You’re right, Miss Sparkle! Wow, I feel really silly now! I mean, he can’t be much worse than everything else we’ve fought!” Cheered Pinkie as she unintentionally cut Velvet’s rambling short.
“Right! I can’t believe I let him catch us off guard like that! Am I losing my edge? Thanks for reminding me, Twilight’s mom! You’re the coolest!”
Grogar growled, watching as the elements on the ponies began to glow with new energy.
“Oh darlings! This positive energy is simply divine! I simply must give you some gifts when we get home!”
“You really don’t have to Rarity! We all appreciate you enough as is!”
“Why thank you Applejack! Oh, you girls are the best friends a pony could ask for!”
“W-we can do it! Grogar may be scary! And strong! But w-we can still win! I believe in us! I believe in our friendship!”
Now all the elements were shining, the ponies starting to float upwards with Velvet in the centre, her smile completely filling her face as Grogar glared at them hatefully.
“ATTA GIRLS! NOW LET’S GET HIM! FRIENDSHIP LASER OF-”
“ENOUGH! Shut up! Shut up already! I do not care! Do you understand!? This is ridiculous! I came back since I was bored! I wanted to have some fun! Do you have any idea how boring it’s been since Gusty beat me and sent me to the underworld for centuries? There’s buck all to do there since management closed down the casinos since they were too sinful! When we are literally in the underworld! Then when I’m finally ready to do something and bring myself back to life, I find out Celestia’s in charge now! Do you know how many creatures are in the underworld that she killed!? Here’s a hint. ALMOST EVERYCREATURE. And that’s not even counting everything in Tartarus! I’m basically the devil, sure! But Celestia is like the devil for me! She’s done more damage to society than I have! I didn’t want to come back just to get destroyed again immediately or thrown into Tartarus! But when she finally retires and I can come back, her even more deadly pupil gets put in charge! Seriously! GIVE ME A BUCKING BREAK!”
“Uh… should we… do something?”
“Nah, let’s just blast him and go home already.”
“Shouldn’t we try and redeem him or something though?” Questioned Pinkie with a tilt of her head.
“Y-yeah… I’m sure he’s not so-”
“Oh for heaven's sake! I just want to go home already! Let’s just blast him! Honestly, trying to redeem him after everything just sounds so exhausting right now.”
“And then it turns out Discord used my name or something! How has he not been sued for identity theft!? I should do that later actually! Then I have to find this bell since my old one is Taratus knows where! But then! When I finally get Twilight out of commission! You show up anyways! With her mother! What kind of stupid idea was that?! And since she’s floating too, does that mean the logic bucking worked!? What!? That’s stupid! That’s downright idotic! This entire day has been an utter disappointment to me!AND ANOTHER THING-”
It was then that he noticed the giant rainbow laser flying towards him.
“Oh. Curse you ponies! I’LL BE BACK NEXT GENERAT-”
He was disintegrated before he could finish.
“Huh.” Said Rainbow as they lowered to the ground, the elements depowering once more. “That was easier than I expected.”
“Easy? You thought that was easy?! I certainly hope that we don’t have to deal with villains for a very long time now! Or at least when I’m drunk… I might be able to handle it then…”
“I thought you said that ladies never drank th-”
“Fluttershy. I say this as a friend. But please don’t test me right now.”
“N-Noted...”
“Shoot!” Groaned Applejack. “Does that mean Rainbow was right? Dang it, didn’t we bet on her being wrong on the way here?”
“YES!” Shouted Rainbow in victory. “That’s more bits for me! Thank you for being so honest Applejack! BOOYAH!”
“Ugh. I’m never gonna hear the end of that, am I? But are we seriously going to overlook the ramifications of Twilight’s mom using the elements though? That’s huge! I could call Big Mac if anything like this comes up again or if I need a week off!”
“Hm… not sure you should plan that just yet. Who knows. Maybe I just lifted myself up and used a luminance spell while the other five elements took care of the rest!”
“Hang on, what now-”
“Oh look at the time!” Exclaimed Velvet like she hadn’t said a thing. “Night Light should be finished with the bingo now! I’d better get back so I can explain what happened! Oh he’ll be so jealous he missed out!”
“After everything, I think I envy him.” Grumbled Rarity.
“Can ya just try not to start something for once? Anyways Miss Sparkle, are you gonna actually explain what-”
“Nope! Bye girls!”
“Figures.” Grumbled the pony as Velvet happily trotted away while happily talking with Pinkie and Rainbow.
“Aw, don’t be so glum Applejack! Now everything’s sorted! Grogar’s defeated and we can finally go home and rest!”
“I suppose…”
“Oh what a r-relief… I don’t think I could cope with anything el…”
Whatever Fluttershy was going to say was lost to time, the trio startled as Starlight suddenly teleported into existence in front of them with an expression of barely concealed panic on her face.
“Oh hello Starlight! Is everything ok with Twilight? Don’t worry, we already took care of Grogar. Rainbow’s plan worked! S-somehow… how’s your reevaluation go-”
“NO TIME! WHERE’S TWILIGHT’S MOM!? If Rainbow’s plan worked, which is something I am very much going to freak out about later since THAT DEFIES ALL KNOWN LOGIC!” She screeched, before lowering her voice a little. “I’m sorry, me and Trixie are very stressed right now. It was bad enough dealing with Twilight but then Capper showed up since…”
“Capper? Oh heavens what’s he doing all the way out here? I thought he’d be-”
“HE NEEDS OUR HELP! Some scientist is attacking Abyssina after she got supercharged by this new substance they dug up! The elements there aren’t going to be enough so we need to get there as soon as possible! Now where’s Twilight’s mom and the others!? We need to teleport back right now! Capper heard Twilight became drunker than anycreature in history and took it as a challenge! And I refuse to deal with anypony else being drunk!”
Silence.
“Horseapples.”
“OH WHY ME!? THIS IS THE WORST! POSSIBLE! TH-”
“C-can everypony stop shouting please… l-let’s just go get Miss Sparkle and stay calm. We don’t need to panic.” Reassured Fluttershy as the group ran to the door, quickly finding Rainbow and Pinkie in the process.
“Rainbow! Pinkie! There ya both are!”
“Oh hey girls! Sup Starlight. Hey when did you-”
“No time to explain! We need Twilight’s mom, like, now! There’s another issue! So where is she?!”
“Oh she just left! We were just talking about the crazy stuff dragons do for fun! Like driving into lava! But then her eyes sparkled and she ran off!”
Silence fell.
“What?” Asked Rainbow in confusion at her friends' horrified expressions.
“Oh come on girls! Does it really sound like Miss Sparkle would…” Pinkie paused for a moment, raising her hoof to her chin before smiling sheepishly. “Wait actually she totally would. Huh. My bad!”
So it was then that much panicking happened.
