It's a surreal and strange feeling when you first realize you're dead.
You feel like you're in a nightmare where everything looks normal, but nothing feels right. You feel like you're lost and you ask people where home is—only to tell you that such a place doesn't exist and that you have no home to return to.
It was this first premonition that overwhelmed Captain Brass Screws; the feeling of normalcy.
The second premonition that overcame the Captain was the indescribable awareness that somehow transmitted to... him, that he was dead; whoever him was at this point.
That last thought proved difficult to answer as he saw his stiff body slumped onto the dried and caked-out mud, cooking underneath the badlands' sun. He still donned the armor of the Solar Sentries, one of the Princess's most prestigious recon elements. That armor didn't do very much good against the Marauder's arrows. He could still see the projectiles poking out of him like he was a porcupine.
And with that last sight, he acknowledged the simple and obvious reality that he truly was dead.
He soon saw his comrades emerge from behind him (he still was unsure who was "him" at this point) as they gingerly approached his body. Some looked visibly distraught, others maintained a stony gaze. One, in particular—A Lime tinted Pegasus Mare with a Silver mane—looked down on his body with profound sadness in her eyes.
The captain saw that particular pony staring down at his corpse holding back tears, as she got to work removing the armor from the body. A tug of remembrance gripped him, as he felt like he should remember her. In fact, he did remember her... But he couldn't remember why he remembered her.
The captain heard them struggle to console one another as they gently removed the armor, but language sounds different when you're dead. You hear past the frailness of words, and you hear their meaning directly. One is heartbroken. One is shocked to the core that what happened actually happened. One is trying to keep the wrong images in their mind blocked away to maintain focus—strange clairvoyance into their thoughts and motivations made possible only because he was not alive.
It's the difference between listening to the sea by placing a seashell by your ear, and listening to the waves crash along the seashore while standing by the beach.
As the thought concluded, everything around the Captain goes dark.
Then, something ineffable happens. The Captain was suddenly somewhere else. But "suddenly" and "somewhere" aren't the right words. Time and place; before and after; here and there—these words fall away like the cocoon of a butterfly. It was strangely familiar as if he had been here before.
And like a silver bullet, piercing through the foggy labyrinth of his thoughts, he realized that he had been here before. This was his dreamscape.
Similar, but so very different as well. He could feel the cold around him. A frigid cloak that refused to relent. A fledgling of instinct told him to resist. He tried to move, only to find the weight of entire universes holding him down. He attempted to stand, shivering all the while, as seconds dragged into minutes. He collapsed soon after, colder than before.
Fear gripped him. He couldn't see anything but dark. He couldn't feel anything but cold. And he couldn't think about anything except knowing he was dead.
If this was death, he wished to be alive again.
It's okay now. It's over.
Warmth.
Inexplicable, but ever so soothing heat coursed his being. Even the absence of cold was blissful enough compared to what he felt before, but this warmth felt heavenly.
You don't have to fight anymore.
An orb of light wavers into existence. It then shimmers, fluttering and flitting around like a firefly. It settles in front of him, on the reflective water-like surface that stretches far beyond where the eye can see, and then slowly morphs into the shape of an Alicorn.
Princess Luna took form in front of the Captain, casting that same light from her horn. Her beacon casts shadows upon the wandering soul in the dark. With this light, the captain could finally see Princess Luna in her majestic glory.
And he trembles.
He knows not what is happening, but he knows what will happen with a simple certainty, simpler than any certainty he ever experienced before in life. And as he trembles, like a golden bell lifted and struck, he is plagued with fear and ecstasy.
Your war is over.
The ethereal voice speaks as her lips remain sealed. Even with such few words, she speaks with grace and majesty. The trembles continue.
Her neck cranes down to his chest, her glowing horn gently tapping the captain's head—a gentle, caring kiss from the light surging more heat into him. She whispers, a sound as soft as a warm summer night's breeze trickling through leaves.
Welcome back. We've missed you so much.
Despite having no physical body anymore, the Captain could have sworn he felt his heart skip a beat underneath his coat. The trembles recede as that same ephemeral warmth once again courses his being.
His bravado had long since been abandoned, and dread encompassed him as he dared to find his voice again.
"Wh- Where am I?"
In your dreamscape, my child.
The answer confuses him. And for a moment, the cold returned.
"You mean... I'm not dead?"
Not yet.
The Captain stares out into the vastness of the expanse that surrounded him, feeling that same dreadful blanket slowly seep into his core. But despite the endless darkness surrounding him, he could see something else.
Stars.
Thousands, tens of thousands—perhaps even millions, litter the sky with twinkling lights.
Then he stares at one of his hooves, examining the appendage as he prodded himself. The physical sensation of touch remained, and he can feel himself breathing along with his heartbeat.
"So... This is not the afterlife?"
As I said, this is the land of dreams.
"Then why am I here?"
For a final goodbye.
The alicorn twists slowly and trots away, her ethereal mane and tale billowing as if beckoning the captain to follow. The latter follows behind the former, his eyes glued to the twinkling stars above.
"I... Don't see any of your constellations." The Captain idly remarks, confused as to what kind of sky he was looking at.
Luna couldn't help but smile at this as she twists her neck to answer.
These are not the same stars in my night sky thou art gazing upon.
"Then... What are they?"
Luna didn't answer. She continued to trot along as she was nearing her destination. Hovering low to the surface, an orb of these twinkling lights was billowing up and down in place.
It was not a ball of gas, nor was it a ball of energy. Inspecting it closely, the captain saw it as an idle flame.
A green flickering flame that looked as if it would belong to a candlestick, but there was no wick to be found supporting it. It was just... There.
It somehow felt familiar to him.
"What is this?" The Captain gazed at Luna in confusion. "Why do I feel like I should... recognize this?"
It is a life force.
This did little to ease the Captain's confusion.
"Whose?"
Somepony that holds you dear.
A tickle was felt in his mind. Another drowning sensation of remembrance. He knows he should remember.
But he can't.
It saddens me you do not remember your comrades. She spoke with a heavy weight in her tone. But it pales in comparison to the grief I feel that you do not remember her.
That last word pierced his mind once again, that same bullet clearing channels through the grime in his thoughts.
He remembers a Lime Green Coat. A Silver Mane. A Pegasus Mare.
He remembers mutual affection. Mutual infatuation.
And mutual despair.
"Clover." He whispers.
His squadmate-turned-lover had been with him for only a few months since he joined the Solar Sentries. Those were some of the happiest memories of his life.
And here he stands, seeing the flame of Clover's life force dwindle to a dying whimper; a light that is about to be snuffed out.
"What can I say?" he pleaded to the Princess rather than inquiring.
Whatever feels right.
The Captain stares at the flame with incredulous confusion. He wishes this to be a nightmare. And technically, it still is.
But there is no waking up from this.
The captain gingerly cups the flame in his two hooves as he sits on his haunches. There was a heat there, but not enough to hurt him. Barely enough for him to feel her existence.
The latter brightened up upon contact as if it somehow registered his presence. The flames ceased to flicker wildly as if the wind has suddenly died. It was now a gentle finger of flame, dim but still burning every so gently.
The Captain could feel tears well up in his eyes, but he did not give in. He kept his composure.
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
There was a contrast in the darkness of the flame, and it suddenly began to grow in luminosity.
"I love you so much. And I am so sorry."
Warmth was beginning to seep into his hooves.
"Though I am not of this mortal coil," he sniffles once to maintain his composure, "I will still watch over you in spirit."
Pulling the light closer, he cradles the flame with his body. As one would with a baby. He can feel it. The warmth was growing ever so gently now. It wasn't a roaring flame, not by any stretch of the imagination. It still qualified as a candle's flame at best, but it was brighter. It felt alive. It felt loved, for they knew they weren't alone.
The captain released the flame and kissed it one last time.
"I love you. I will be with you forever; And I hope that we meet again."
As he releases the flame into the aethers, its flames ceased to flicker entirely as they burned with controlled stability. It no longer was threatened to be undone, and it felt a new purpose to go on. As it floated upwards away from Luna and the Captain, the latter felt vindicated.
Clover would live on, even if it hurts her to do so.
It is done. She spoke with finality.
"What now?"
Now, you must pass on.
The Captain felt an immense sadness in himself at those words.
"I'm scared."
I know you are. Which is why I am here.
"I don't want to go yet." he quivers.
Another glowing hum emits from Luna's horn as she cranes her neck downward once again. A euphoric warmth and purifying peace of mind surged through his being.
May the sun,
and the moon,
and the stars
bless this soul;
make it all bring it back,
to the peace, it once had;
release the fear and the strife,
bless this soul's eternal life.
Her chants had a profound effect on the Captain. He could feel himself lighter and uplifted. Still very much terrified, but still holding his head high. She repeats this chant several times over, and each time it reinvigorates his spirit further until not an iota of doubt remained.
It's okay to feel. For your spirit has been purified. You no longer have to suffer.
It was as if he was waiting to hear those words for all his life. He could feel himself beginning to not be. He felt like he was slipping away in a dream.
A blissful dream. A perfect dream.
He dreams of Clover, and of the happy life they lived.
He dreams of starting a family with her and wishes to grow old with her.
He dreams of euphoric happiness. He dreams his final dream, as Luna gives a sad smile to another guest in Elysium.
Welcome back.
