Lens Flare sighed through his nostrils and steeled himself before he spoke.

“A little closer together.”

There were immediately two exasperated groans and he had to withhold one of his own.

“Is this truly necessary?!”

“Surely we must already be more than close enough!”

“There’s no need for me to go along with this any further!”

“I should not have to debase myself to this extent!”

The grey stallion turned away and rubbed at his temples, feeling his blood pumping frantically, threatening to burst. Any pony in his line of work would have begged for the opportunity to take pictures of the royal sisters up-close and personal—these were the kinds of shots that could make a photographer’s career. In spite of all the hoops he’d had to jump to in order to reach this point, however, he found himself tasked with subjects whose temperaments were more comparable to the snobbish foals of rich business ponies. He was very distinctly reminded of a shoot he’d been hired for a month ago, for two fillies in Ponyville who had staunchly refused to behave for more than an hour, tripping over each other to be the center of attention.

That was without delving into the matter of their size.

It might have been ridiculous for either Celestia or Luna to bemoan their circumstances and the proximity they were being forced into under normal circumstances. They were standing quite a few paces away from each other, a distance that was roughly equivalent to being on opposite ends of a room. And yet they were very nearly touching each other, on account of the fact that they themselves each occupied the volume of a room of moderate dimensions. Each of them had a pair of fleshy mounds attached to them that were nearly the size of hot air balloons—in Celestia’s case, attached to her chest, and for Luna, protruding from her rear. They were breasts and buttocks of such magnitude that they were practically unrecognizable as being part of a pony’s anatomy.

This wasn’t something that Lens Flare had been entirely surprised by. The news of what the princesses had been getting up to in the palace had made its way to Canterlot, and every paper had wanted first dibs on the scoop. Lens Flare had been quick about it; he had seen the milky runoff from the palace grounds and inquired about the situation with the staff. Attempting to organize the shoot had been difficult on account of structure inside the staff having largely disintegrated and factionalized between the princesses, with a handful who chose not to get involved—they had been the most helpful to his efforts, the ones who were still the most sane. It had been a real catch-22 dilemma on his hands: the princesses were willing to participate, being eager to get their message out to the country, but there had been demands that neither would be portrayed more favorably than the other. And yet, here they were on the appointed meeting, and they were completely unwilling to share the same space with each other.

As much space as there was, at any rate. Lens Flare had brought the widest camera lens he owned. He had been assured that it would be sufficient for the task. All for him to now come to the discovery that even with the two alicorns so frustratingly close to each other, so close to a collision of tit and ass, they still couldn’t fit into the frame together. Either the attendants had been incorrect about their estimations, or the princesses had grown even more in the intervening time. He wasn’t certain that the picture would even be able to fit on a newspaper page in any reasonable capacity. It would need to be a double-sized magazine centerfold.

He had been aware of the subtle shifting of the shadows around them as the sun marched across the heavens—it was important to be aware of the changes in lighting, but it also served as a reminder of how much time was being wasted.

“Your majesties…please,” he asserted, clasping his palms together, just shy of begging, “I am aware that this is a…tense moment for the two of you…but the simple fact of the matter is that I am going to need the two of you as close together as possible if I am to fit the two of you in the shot together, so that you may have—I reiterate—equal standing with each other.”

“I would not have agreed to this if I had known that I would have to get my bosom so close to her sweaty bottom,” Celestia remarked with her nose upturned.

“Do not chide me for sweat when your oversized udders are constantly leaking, Celestia!” Luna quickly retorted, snarling.

(There was a distant splashing noise in the background all the while; they were standing on a balcony with Celestia facing away, breasts and nipples pointing out over the railing, milk pouring down below.)

“Can we all PLEASE just COOPERATE?!” Lens Flare interjected before the argument could escalate into yet another shouting match.

It was a dangerous move. It prompted all ponies in the immediate area to turn their attention upon him, staring with bitter intensity. Not just Celestia and Luna, at that, but their flunkies too, identifiable by the metallic rattling of armor shifting. The two alicorns each had their own contingent of guards, but usually the corps that was active would simply be the ones corresponding to the current time of day. Presently, there were guardsponies wearing both golden and cobalt helmets, standing just out of view of the shot. They had been bristling all the while, glaring at each other, even more with each time Lens Flare requested that the mares reposition. They were clearly among the more ardent of the princesses’ followers, as was made clear by their choice of uniform. Celestia’s followers had opted to forgo their cuirasses, leaving their muscular torsos exposed, giving the impression that they were aiming for a particularly macho appearance. The guards on Luna’s side, on the other hand, with their refusal to wear pants or even underwear, looked like they were ready for a costumed orgy.

“Listen.” Lens Flare ran his fingers through his strawberry mane, pulling the hair out of his eyes. “Let’s dial things back. How about…we try to think of this a little differently.” He took a deep breath, perhaps hoping that at least one of the other ponies would do the same, but none did. “Pretend for a moment that this isn’t a photo shoot. Pretend…that you’re in your rooms. You are relaxing. You are at rest.” He tensed before he added, “And if there just happens to be a…big fuzzy boulder of gelatin that you feel next to you…you can rest assured that it is merely a big comfy bean bag chair, completely innocuous.”

Celestia grimaced and snorted. “I don’t understand how that is supposed to help—”

“Fine,” Luna interrupted, throwing up her hands in a shrug. “If it will expedite this process. I have much familiarity with the act of painting over reality.”

“What?!” Celestia blurted back in disbelief, unintentionally taking a step closer in the process. “This is ridiculous! If you think for a moment that I’m going to play pretend and sidle up with that ass of yours—!”

“Hmm? What is that sound I hear?” Luna proclaimed, seemingly to any pony in particular, while she closed her eyes. “Some terrible bleating outside my quarters? A shame, some animal must need to be put down, but I am certain it will be handled by the appropriate ponies. It is of no concern to me; it is time for me to take a well-earned nap after dealing with my sister’s incompetence all day.”

“Y-You—!” Celestia’s face was going red with fury and sparks were dancing around her horn. The Sun Guard contingent beside her looked similarly prepared to lunge into action at a moment’s notice. Lens Flare was beginning to wonder if this was a mistake when the alicorn barked, “Fine! If she can do that then so can I! I’ll…I can relax too!”

The stallion behind the camera breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, your majesties, it will only take—”

“You’d better get my good side!” Celestia shouted at him. “I will be most displeased if I go through all of this for an amateur photo!”

“Yes, yes, of course,” he grumbled. He wondered if Celestia was aware that she only really had one side—attempting to look at her from the front would have only offered a tableau of breasts, just as Luna from behind was nothing more than blue-and-black buttocks. “Now if you two would please each take another step inward?”

And so they did, with a minimum of any further outrage, their gargantuan globes wobbling as they shimmied to the side, until soon enough they were touching, white and blue planets together, squishing, compressing. Luna seemed to hold her breath and purse her lips, as if holding back a scream, while Celestia still looked incensed, gritting her teeth. After a brief period of finagling with his camera, Lens Flare announced, “Alright, we’ve got a shot. Remember, relax.”

“I shall gladly do that,” Luna replied, and she sat down on the floor. There wasn’t much difference between her standing and sitting, her buttocks still reaching about as high up over her head. It didn’t seem as if it was a particularly comfortable place to sit, but that was different when one’s thighs and rump were acting as a mattress and cushions. She didn’t have any qualms about spreading her legs and showing her crotch to the whole gathering of ponies present, or to the hundreds who would eventually see the photograph to come from this encounter.

Celestia didn’t have quite the same luxury; she could lean into her breasts for support but not exactly recline upon them. There was still red tinging her face, but this was more of a simple blush upon her cheeks. He noticed the slight way she quivered—her arousal was climbing. They had both clearly been in the throes of stimulated excitement the whole time, even as they yelled at each other, but the elder princess seemed to be having a particularly hard time keeping it under wraps. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she couldn’t hide the reaction that came from her breast brushing against an equal fleshy girth.

But Lens Flare didn’t especially care to trifle over any details like that at the moment. They were finally quiet, cooperating, and together in the frame, and that was all he needed.

Author's Note

Check out Derpibooru ID 2947324.

So because I hadn't sunk enough into this story yet, I felt like getting some art based on it, which meant writing something to go along with it. This scene probably takes place before the cafe scene in Part 2.

There can never be too much petulant arguing and whinging.

Will Lens Flare show up again? Who knows.

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