Saturday, September 5th, 909 AB (minutes later)

The door to the conference room closes behind the departing delegation, leaving the four ponies behind.

“That went better than I expected,” Cure admits. “Bummer I couldn’t score some goodwill, but… eh. Can’t win ‘em all, can ya?”

“It was a generous offer, your highness,” Dandy assures the colt. “But I must admit that his reasoning is sound, even if somewhat… rigid in its application.”

“It was the only option available to him,” Celestia argues. “My policy would likely mirror theirs in the same situation. Allowing a member of a foreign government, particularly royalty, to use biomanipulation magic on an ambassador should result in their recall, even if the user is a foal. Given the nature of special talents and the degree of control you have shown even publicly, the threat you could pose is far greater than even a seasoned mage. And let us not forget, you, yourself, would be the first to admit that, by the very definition of the word, as soon as somepony is placed at the mercy of your care they are, indeed, completely and thoroughly ‘compromised,’ correct?”

“I… guess,” Cure begrudgingly agrees. “Like you said, though,” he motions with his head in Dandy’s direction, “to do so even if it was a medical emergency seems a bit over the top.”

Celestia shrugs her great wings and points out, “They can decline treatment and endure, or possibly not, or they can accept your offer of assistance and be assured their continued existence. I believe many, given the situation, would elect to say yes even if they must return home afterwards as a result.”

“Agreed,” Dandy sternly nods. “I suppose that, as with most things, there must be a line in the sand somewhere that cannot be crossed,” the stallion sighs. “For somepony responsible for representing their nation’s interest, that line just happens to be right at the start. We will have to wait and hope that he made the correct choice. I cannot fathom the guilt he will bear should he find he maintained his employ at the cost of a family member’s wellbeing.”

“I believe the offer was still appreciated, highness,” Fair Start proposes. “He may not be allowed to accept while keeping his position, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t grateful for the offer. He certainly seemed less hostile at the end than when he first arrived.”

Dandy scoffs and shakes his head. “He should be grateful, if not for the offer then for the grace with which his highness endured his attitude and accusations. To make such ridiculously false allegations,” he snorts like a bull, “he is fortunate you do not so easily take offense. Seeing such behavior, one would think former Ambassador Quickhorn’s example happened long ago rather than just two months past.”

“Eh… Calling me an abomination and insisting I should be ‘purged’ from existence is quite a bit worse than halfheartedly suggesting I committed the unspeakable crime of insisting they not attack innocents.”

“I cannot argue that,” he easily grants. The stallion inhales a great breath and slowly blows it out, turning to face the princess. “Your majesty?” he softly calls, “is there anything further with which I may be of assistance today?”

“I do not believe there is. I thank you both for taking the time to attend, as well as your insight and support throughout the meeting.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Cure agrees. “It sucks you had to waste your weekend working, but I really appreciate you standin up for me.”

The unicorn chuckles and shakes his head, reassuring the young foal, “You’ve restored my health and vigor, highness. I believe an hour is the very least I can offer in return. Your majesty,” he nods to the elder mare and begins to rise from his seat, “your highness. If you will excuse me, I believe I shall take my leave.” A small smile graces the stallion’s lips. “With little luck, a fair silver maiden will be eagerly awaiting my return.”

Chancellor Start smiles as the older stallion departs, ducking her head slightly in respect. With a playful grin she says, “While I don’t have a silver maiden waiting for me, I will be going as well. Unless, that is, you have further need of me?”

“No, chancellor. I, as always, thank you for your service. Have a wonderful weekend.”

“See ya, Chancellor Start!” Cure calls, waiving his hoof farewell.

The door no more than swings shut before Cure turns around to face the princess and holds both hooves out for her to wait. “Before you start to yell!” he urgently rushes out, “I think we should go to your office.”

“That may be wise,” she agrees, scowling angrily at the colt. As they stand and begin leaving she adds, “The soundproofing is better there. I enchanted that room myself.”

“Yeah. That’s totally my reasoning, too,” he noncommittally agrees. His colors shift back to his Serpentus guise before they leave the room. “I don’t suppose you added heat-dampening wards too?” he hopefully inquires.

She pushes through the door and begins heading for the stairs, turning her neck to cast a withering look at the smart-mouthed brat. In a clipped tone she answers, “Of course I did. I recharged them myself this very morning as soon as you departed. Worry not, Serpentus, the castle will suffer no harm from this discussion. None that cannot easily be fixed, that is.”

“Oh. Thank the maker,” he flatly replies. “I was like, totally super worried about the castle.”

Once the pair enter the more private section of the castle, Cure turns and looks at the six trailing guards and holds a single hoof in front of his lips. Eyes pleading for their silence, he waits until he receives an acknowledging nod. One by one between steps, his shoes disconnect and float up underneath a wing to disappear. His crown lifts off and does the same with his regalia following next. He turns again to the confused soldiers and gives them a playful exaggerated wink, then begins pulling mass through his rings, growing as they walk.

As has become his standard approach when entering a risky situation, Cure did not attend the meeting in his real body, but instead swapped it with a puppet in the carriage on his way back to the palace. Knowing that items such as the Staff of Sacanas or the Alicorn Amulet exist, his paranoid mind had little difficulty imagining some kind of cursed super-death knife or who-knows-what that could “coincidentally” end up in a vengeful zebra’s hooves. As unlikely as it was, the risk was not zero, thus making it unacceptable to dismiss when a simple alternative is at hoof.

Hidden beneath the clinic where nopony could ever hope to find, he spent most of the ride back and the entire meeting preparing for this very moment. Knowing he has been keyed into the palace defenses, infiltrating Celestia’s office was easier than the ambassador’s estate. Though every door and window is magically sealed, he chose not to try, but instead simply teleported directly into the room to make the necessary preparations.

Celestia, fully focused on the task before her, never spares a glance back to the trailing colt, completely unaware that he sent a puppet to the meeting just in case.

He can only imagine the thoughts racing through the guards’ minds as they follow their eternal princess and the suddenly, rapidly growing alicorn stallion to her private office. Perhaps under normal circumstances their assumptions would be more innocent, but at the beginning of the estrus season he doubts that is the case.

The errant consideration of their perspective has him briefly internally debate whether he would give Celestia the afternoon, and possibly evening, of a lifetime simply to abate her anger. The thought is dismissed as preposterous; Celestia is nothing if not patient, and is about as likely to jump his bones before adulthood as she is to blast him through the wall. Less likely, even, he amends, noting the occasional spark sizzling harmlessly in her mane.

So caught up in her angry ruminations, the princess does not notice as Serpentus grows in size. Concerned his height may be caught by her horn’s aura, he slows as he nears her own and carefully stays behind her. His prayers to the maker that she does not look back are answered when they finally reach the correct hall.

Celestia approaches the door to her office, flashing her horn for the barest instant. The door remains on its hinges, barely, but blasts open with unnecessary force. She marches through the door, but halts when she catches movement from the corner of her eye. Sitting at the conference table to her left is a second “Cure,” grown fully and in his natural colors, sitting on his rump and faced away.

“What are -” is as far as she gets. Head ducked down in contrition, the stallion turns and holds out his forelegs to offer her a gift. A massive bouquet of roses, no less than a hundred in count. The vast majority are white, but her eyes are drawn to the message the foal has written out; deep blue blooms dot the arrangement, spelling “I’m Sorry” in unnaturally perfect print.

With her brain struggling to process what she is seeing, a now fully grown Serpentus spots the perfect opportunity to strike. The golden brown puppet pushes the door shut and dashes in the room. He darts to the princess’s left and rears up, landing lightly on her withers to wrap her in a hug.

The unexpected attack startles her and sends a surge of power to her horn, but the alarm disappears a split second later when his neck brushes against her own and he plants a kiss on her right cheek. “I am so, so sorry, Tia,” his deep, rich voice begins, resonating through her skull. More snuffling nuzzles trail up her jaw and he noses gently at her ear. “I know that you’re upset -”

“You think?!”

“- and you have every right to be -”

“You are damn right I do!” she growls.

“- but I would never ask you to lie for me.”

“You could have done nothing!” she insists, swinging her neck to bash against his face. Aware she would likely hurt herself more than him, the act is not done with any force.

“I could have,” he agrees, then slides down off her side to the left. Carefully avoiding whacking her with his horn, he dips his neck underneath her own and twists to nip gently at her chin.

The Cure in front of her sets the flowers aside and approaches, continuing where Serpentus left off. “But I cannot allow them to think they can do whatever they want and get away with it. They had to be shown that they are not safe from reprisal, not even in their guarded, warded home.”

“They do not even think it was you, now!” Despite her words she inclines her head and twists to give Serpentus better access. “All you did was confuse them with your decoy!” she argues, thrusting a forehoof at the blue stallion’s chest. “They suspect another zebra was at fault; perhaps even a whole tribe! You muddied your own message with that foalish act!”

Cure tilts his head to the side and gains a playful smirk. “So you’re saying I should have just told them it was me all along?”

The anger returns a hundredfold and golden flecks shine through her mane. He smiles broadly to distract her while Serpentus renews his attack, wrapping around her side with his forelegs and his wings. The golden stallion pulls her to her left, sending both tumbling to the ground. With a startled yelp, Celestia lands lightly atop the stallion’s chest on her side, his great wings cocooning her on her chest and back.

“What do you think you are doing?!” she demands, looking between the pair of puppets.

Cure leans down to eye level and his horn begins to softly glow. “C’mon now, Tia,” he teasingly chides, tone one of playful mirth. “Read the room. You. Me -”

“Me,” Serpentus echoes from underneath.

Cure rolls his eyes and continues, “- him. A private room. Flowers.” His horn flashes and a large sheet cake flashes into existence. He lowers it down to lay beside Serpentus’ broad neck. As with the flowers, blue icing offers an apology in print. “A big cake.”

Serpentus deepens his voice another octave, sending a powerful vibration through her chest, “I think it’s pretty obvious what I’m doing,” he leans up, slowly rumbling out one syllable at a time, “Cel. Ess. Tee. Uh.”

Her scowl intensifies and hoof pushes his chin back down. “You are nine and I am in a re-”

A massive grin splits his muzzle and he interrupts, “I’m begging for your forgiveness, duh!”

“Yeah,” the Cure agrees, “Didn’t you read the cake?” he asks, pointing with a hoof. It wobbles slowly side to side as if asking for her attention. “It’s your faaaavorite~!” he playfully croons. Tearing off a piece, he floats it in front of her in offering, “Go on and have a bite.”

The mare fully rotates on her barrel, using Serpentus like an extra thick couch. She notes with some relief that, as he had when he first showcased this form, there is a distinct absence of a particular body part on either of the puppets. Still staring daggers down at Serpentus, she begrudgingly accepts the morsel when it prods gently at her lips. A reluctant hum of satisfaction tears itself from her throat when she bites down; the heavenly taste of wedding cake with buttercream icing working wonders to banish away a large portion of her ire.

“You ate a piece of sorry cake,” Cure sing-songs, sitting on his rump. With a firm nod he assures himself, “That means I am completely, one hundred percent forgiven for all transgressions up to this point.”

“It does not!” she protests, even while accepting another bite.

“Hey,” he begins apologetically, his hooves held up in placation, “I don’t make the rules, boss. I dunno what to tell ya,” he insists, holding the cake steady as she begins chowing down in earnest, “but I’m pretty sure that if you accept a cake that says ‘I’m Sorry’ on it then that means you have accepted the apology too.”

“That makes no sense at all!” she decries around a mouthful of said confection.

“They’re intrinsically linked!” Serpentus argues. Accusingly, he points out, “You can’t have the cake without the sorry when ‘Sorry’ is part of the cake!”

“I am pretty sure you can,” she disagrees.

“You even ate the word!” Cure argues back. He tilts his head to the bouquet sitting on the table. “That doesn’t even factor that you smelled ‘I’m Sorry’ flowers and didn’t rebuff ‘I’m Sorry’ snuggles,” he says while pointing down.

Celestia leans back slightly and glances at Serpentus’ chest, unsurprised yet reluctantly amused to find “Really super sorry!” written in his coat.

“I like snuggles!” the golden stallion eagerly declares. She can feel through the shifting of his body how his tail wags his entire back half.

“Quiet, you,” Cure commands, silencing the pouting puppet. His horn ignites and a goliath mug of tea flashes into existence, its side once again showing the repeated message written in fine cursive. “Here’s an ‘I’m Sorry’ mug of tea to wash it down with. If I get you anything else then, at this point, I suspect you’ll be contractually obligated to apologize to me.”

“You are a pain,” she quietly grumbles, taking the mug and quaffing a mighty gulp.

“I am a prince, by your command. Thus I am a royal pain, I’ll have you know.”

“For the first time since breakfast I find myself in complete agreement with something you have said.”

He levitates the half devoured cake aside and Serpentus reaches up to pull her head down to rest on his neck. Cure lays down beside them to press his cheek against her own, nosing at her neck. “I am sorry, Celestia. Really. I would have told you what I was doing from the get-go, but you are a mare of principles and the leader of the nation. I was very careful, but I know things can go wrong no matter what. If this blew back on anypony then I knew it had to be me that took the fall. Besides, I turned nine like two months ago. What could they really have demanded from a foal at my age, even if I’m a prince?”

“I… am honestly unsure. In most instances such a young foal can only be sentenced to counseling. Under Equestrian law, that is. I do not know how the Zebrican government would choose to react. It would depend at which point you were caught and what you had already done.”

“That makes sense,” he agrees. “If they’d caught me right away then I’m guessing some kind of formal apology?”

She raises her neck up, still lying on Serpentus’ chest and barrel. “Likely, yes, as well as a significant cost to maintain silence. You must keep in mind that I came to power in a time when ponies were relatively weak and alicorns were completely unknown. Ponies are no longer such, largely due to my existence. There are already concerns over what a second alicorn means, especially because before too long you will be old enough to give me foals.

“If everycreature discovers what you are capable of and, more importantly, how willing you are to use those abilities, I can only guess at the results. You need only put yourselves in their position to imagine their response.

“Imagine learning of a zebra foal with similar capabilities to your own. Imagine knowing that, some day, that foal may have as much power as an alicorn, one capable of moving the sun and moon. Further, as a stallion, he may be able to produce more of his kind as well. Then you come to find that within scant months of his ascension he broke into our ambassador’s estate and threatened him, successfully bypassing security measures to do so. What would be your next step?”

Cure doesn’t have to think about his answer much at all. “Find a way to neutralize him or remove him as a threat. I’m not sure I would advocate assassinating a foal either way, but if I knew he may eventually be as powerful as you… it would be a little dumb not to have a plan, at least.”

“Precisely. And that is without their awareness of the knowledge you possess. Even with your known capabilities you are a threat. If they had an inkling of what you could do then they would ultimately have two choices: Do everything they can to remove you from the board, preferably as soon as possible, or accept that there is nothing they can do now, nor will there likely ever be. It is not as if they can simply wait for time to claim you; as far as they know the only way you will die is if you are killed.

“You must not ever do anything like this again. The world cannot ignore how dangerous you truly are or could be, especially if you begin openly flaunting your abilities.”

The blue stallion raises his neck to meet her eyes. Apologetically he insists, “I will have no choice but to do so if they make themselves a threat to my family. I accepted a crown, Celestia, not a set of shackles.”

“They are one in the same, as you are well aware.”

Almost automatically he replies, “Only if you let them be.”

“That crown comes with responsibility, even if not so binding.”

“I accept that, but not at the cost of their safety. That was not part of any deal, and you know that I would have never agreed if it was.”

“Let us dispense with the ridiculous notion that it is the crown that put you in this position. You and I both know it would have mattered little had you turned it down. You are a threat due to your capabilities, royalty or not. I will grant that it does come with some downsides, but it also grants you freedoms and protections far beyond what you would otherwise enjoy.”

He sighs and reluctantly nods. “I guess that’s fair.”

“I am relieved you at least recognize that. As much as it may be difficult, you need to accept the fact that even if you go around threatening the whole world, your family’s safety -”

“Can never be completely guaranteed,” he gently cuts her off. “I know. Not by you. Not by me. Not by anypony. I do accept that. But according to your own intelligence these assholes may be sending assassins my direction as we speak. If they go after the ponies I care about to get to me then there will be consequences. I will show the world a fraction of how dangerous I can be, and it will banish any future thought of coming after me or mine, I promise.”

“You cannot go on a killing spree, even should the worst occur.”

“Maybe not a killing spree, exactly, but I’m not lacking for options regardless. The punishment must be severe or some fool might think it’s worth it to try again. I will not kill anyone that is innocent, but I will do everything in my power to find and destroy anyone that is even the slightest bit responsible. They may not be official, but there are rules in any conflict. Targeting innocents is never acceptable, and I’ll make sure they learn that lesson well.”

“That will only lead to further escalation! Violence begets violence, Cure! I have seen it countless times!”

“And yet you’ve also seen what happens when it escalates beyond one group’s ability to counter, haven’t you? Violence can beget peace as well, Tia. It’s a tool like any other, and against some creatures it’s the only way they’ll learn.”

“That is not the way of Harmony!”

“Are you sure?” he mildly asks, head tilted to the side. “This isn’t some newfound attitude. This is how I’ve been ever since I inherited these memories. Every single action I have taken has been aimed towards ensuring my family’s safety and prosperity. I told you that I would not withhold my displeasure when I wrapped Shield in a snake less than thirty hours prior to my ascension, and you admitted you would expect no less from me not even an hour after it happened. Harmony, presuming it is responsible, does not appear to strongly object to my line of thinking.”

The mare sags, dropping all her weight on Serpentus. Her wings hang down by his sides, resting their edges on the floor.

“Think of it this way,” he continues. “You asked much of me up on that stage before giving me my crown. I pledged to serve Equestria faithfully before any other nation. I pledged to keep her citizens safe. To protect and nurture them. To step in if you cannot. To do what you must not. I have done exactly what I always promised I will do, and I never intend to stop, but your orders do not supersede my responsibility for my family’s safety.”

He sighs and leans in to give her cheek another nuzzle. “In the future, I will at least give you the opportunity to object before I act, assuming I get a chance to do so.”

“How gracious of you,” she blithely retorts.

“I promise that, at the very least, I will propose a hypothetical situation, especially if it goes against one of your standing orders. One where you can plausibly claim you had no foreknowledge in case I have to act. If you can convince me that your solution is the superior one then I will accept it, even if I don’t like it.”

“And if you refuse to listen to reason?”

“Well,” he shrugs, “at least you’ll get another cake out of me.”

A white wing shoots forward to slap him across his face. “That is not funny, Cure!”

“It’s a little funny,” he weakly defends. “And it’s a pretty big concession. Do you have any idea how much that cake cost me?”

“Oh please,” she rolls her eyes. “I happen to be very much aware of the cost of cake.”

“I bet you are,” Serpentus quietly comments from the side of his muzzle, earning himself a stomp.

“I would venture that it costs no more than fifty bits, an amount you earn many times over in a single minute of your work.”

“Hey!” Cure scowls down, folding his legs across his chest. “Fifty bits is still fifty bits!” He jabs a hoof in her direction. “You really should be thanking me, you know.”

“Really?” she scoffs. “Pray tell why I should thank you for today.”

“You should be thanking me because of how I ultimately decided to apologize.”

“I am not thanking you for ‘I’m Sorry’ cake and flowers.”

“Or snuggles, apparently,” Serpentus comments.

“Or snuggles,” she confirms, shifting to make herself more comfortable.

Cure argues, “Well you probably would be thanking me if you knew what other options I considered.”

“I do not think I want to know.”

He shrugs and nods towards the balcony windows. “I thought about maybe hunting down Comet and whatshername and hauling them in here for ‘upgrades’ and an impromptu threesome.”

A jolt of power blasts from her horn only to wash harmlessly off his chest.

“With you!” he quickly adds. “Not me. I ain’t inta dudes, boss.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Serpentus lightly jests.

Ignoring the talking couch, Celestia vehemently insists, “That is not better!”

Cure blasts out a snort and shakes his head. “Seems a lot better in my opinion. Bet Comet’d agree.”

The mare only has to consider that for a moment before nodding in agreement. “I suspect he would agree to that.”

“My other plan - and keep in mind, I didn’t have a lot of time to really flesh this out,” he says, waving around the room, “was to have this puppet,” he taps against his chest, “modeled after a slightly more chaotic friend of yours.”

“YOU. WOULD. NOT. DARE!” she growls, fire sparking through her mane.

“See?” he says in smug victory. “You are welcome for my restraint.”

“Why? Why in the world would you do that to apologize?”

“Well, ya see, the idea is you walk in here and I have him laying across your desk, right?”

“I would have blasted him on the spot.”

“EXACTLY!” he shouts in agreement. “You would’a opened fire, blasted him right out the window, and probably incinerated him and everything in the room in one shot.”

“I am struggling to identify the part that constitutes an apology.”

“But just think of how cathartic it would have been! You would have released all that built up anger you carried around all morning. That release is one of the reasons why we apologize, after all.”

The mare’s face twists in consideration and she gives a tiny nod. “I… suppose that may be true. Barely.”

“See? It was a brilliant idea,” he insists.

“I very strongly disagree.”

“Noted. It would have had an add-on benefit too.”

“What benefit would it have had?! It would have resulted in an incinerated room!”

“Yeah, I know! That’s the benefit! All of the stupid work you have stored up in here would be taken care of.” He claps his hooves twice, exclaiming, “Bam! Boom! You just earned yourself an entire week off while they redecorate! Oh! New furniture too! Everypony likes new things, right?”

Unbidden, her hoof crashes into her own face.

“I know,” he proudly preens, wiggling joyfully in place. “I’m totally a genius. You don’t have to say it. I can read it in your eyes.”

“You are an idiot,” she corrects.

“There’s that Canterlot accent shining through again. You may need to see a speech therapist or something, boss. It’s real simple. Follow along: ‘JEE. NYUS.’ Say it with me, now… JEE-”

“I will do no such thing.”

He sighs theatrically. “Fine. Be that way.”

A momentary silence fills the room as the colt’s bearing shifts. Cure lays down on his barrel to be eye level with the princess and gives her a pitiable, hopeful look. “Are we good, Tia?”

“I… am not happy with what you did. I am even more disappointed that you lied to me afterwards.”

“I didn’t lie! Prior to the letter, nopony told me there was an incident at his estate. Thus, it was indeed the first I had heard of it.”

“But it was not the first you knew of it!”

“And I did not answer that question, which I know damn well tipped you off. Think of how well we worked together from there on out!” he insists, waving back and forth in the air between them. “I was able to pretend to be the innocent, ignorant foal and you could remain the impartial princess without having to lie about what you knew.”

“I still do not know what exactly you did.”

“Oh. Duh. I guess I never really spelled it out, huh?”

“You did not, and I am sure the sequence of events as described by the ambassador was incomplete.”

“Yeah, somewhat,” he agrees. “So, I got started during dinner -”

“Oh? Before or after you tore Chef Garnish a new posterior?”

“Posterior?” he rolls his eyes. “Come on, Celestia… you can say asshole. You’re a big girl.”

She sniffs in disdain, turning away and inclining her snout into the air. “It is not proper for a princess to speak thusly.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one that makes the rules. Therefore, they are yours to break as you so choose.”

“And I choose not to.” He stares in flagrant disbelief. “Mostly.”

“Uh huh. So anyhow, after I read him the riot act and scoured the place of filth -”

“Which you should not have done. Inspectors should have been allowed to examine the evidence.”

“Our word is evidence enough,” he argues with a dismissive flick of his hoof. Celestia accepts the point with a nod. “Besides, if the place manages to stay open, I’m sure the numerous articles about my overheard shouts will prompt them to get involved anyhow. Now stop distracting me and finish your cake,” he insists, setting it to her and his other body’s side.

“I do not have a fork,” she teasingly bemoans.

“Who needs a fucking fork when you have a horn?!” he asks, earning a pout and a quivering lip. His eyes narrow and he asks, “You just want me to have to feed it to you, don’t you?” The quivering intensifies. “Fine!” he whines, fully accepting his defeat. He pulls another morsel off and floats it over in offering to his liege, happy to bathe in the warmth he so terribly missed before.

“As I was saying. Again,” he growls. “I had a robin puppet follow him home from the embassy. Gotta give him props workin that late on a Friday night. I kinda suspected he was plowin the secretary or something, but that wasn’t the case. Dude sat and ate at his desk working all evening, then went home and serviced his wives like a good husband should.”

Celestia silently huffs and rolls her eyes, accepting another bite.

“So that’s right about when I started healing the bats.”

“Which you were using as an alibi.”

He nods in agreement, “That and it’s unfair that they have almost no access to me at all. That’s half the reason I go to Junior Guard training in Baltimare, too; so I can see them afterwards.”

“Thus earning yourself a nearly fanatical following.”

“Everypony wins,” he agrees with a nod. “So while I’m healing family after family, I follow the dude home and park in the tree while he services his mares. They eventually finish, clean up, and go to sleep, all the while I’m thanking the maker that they used washcloths instead of flushable wipes.”

Her snout crinkles in disgust, though that doesn’t slow the steady rate at which she continues taking bite after bite.

“Well, the perimeter fence’s enchantment activated, so I was trapped, right?”

“I do not know the configuration or wardset they use, but that is a safe assumption.”

“So I figure the only way out is through. I had another bird overhead and further away to keep an eye on the patrols, so I flew up to the roof and slipped in through the vent on the kitchen stove after changing into a bigass spider.”

“That… must be odd, to be able to do that.”

“I could show you some day, if you want.”

“I do not wish to be a spider or any other vermin, for that matter.”

“You might find the experience enlightening, boss. Besides, you would still be you, but I could force-feed you via a tube like I do for my underweight patients, then use the excess generated biomass and a portal ring that you enchant to connect you to something like I do myself. I’ll warn ya right now; it takes some getting used to.”

“Sure does,” Serpentus agrees. “But it’s totally worth it.”

“Especially if I’m going to end up with Harmony-knows-how-many wives to take care of,” Cure adds.

“Inappropriate,” the mare calmly chides.

Both puppets shrug in unison.

“Still, you might find it fascinating,” Cure points out. He briefly considers continuing to discuss his ring proposal, but instead decides to divert away from the suggestion for the time being. “I suppose you could probably figure out a spell to polymorph yourself if you were so inclined.”

“I am aware of such spells, but I would need to refresh my memory before an attempt.”

“Eh, it’s kinda neat. Anywho, making it up to their bedroom was pretty easy. I crammed a tube up each of the mare’s snouts and made sure they wouldn’t be waking up, gave him a paralytic, then turned into Mister Snek, woke him up and, long story short, told the dude to pass the message along that they can come for me all they want, but if they hurt anypony else in the process then there will be a reckoning. Then I knocked him out with a hypnotic.”

“The colonel said there was no evidence. If you did not bite him…”

“I pretended to but used tiny skin-penetrating tubes instead. He probably chalked the whole ‘no pain from the bite’ thing up to the paralytic dulling his senses.”

“I see. And you escaped how?”

“Flushed myself down the toilet.”

The mare snorts and makes a valiant attempt at holding in her laughter, ultimately failing.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. It was the safest way out, as best I could figure. Somezebra may have thought it was weird to hear a toilet flushing at three in the morning, but apparently they didn’t pay it any mind. The alarm didn’t get raised until the dude woke up screaming his head off right before sunrise.”

“I feel a great swell of pity for anypony you are truly angry with, Cure. While I cannot say that I approve of the act, your ability is, frankly, bordering on terrifying.”

“Oh, you don’t need to tell me that, boss. The shit I can do to ponies is pretty awful. For example, have you ever had an itch that just doesn’t go away?”

“I cannot say that I have. Perhaps when I was a foal, but certainly not since my ascension. It has been a long, long time and I do not recall the sensation.”

“Do you mind?” he asks, pointing a hoof at her foreleg. “It’ll only be for a moment.”

She looks at her right leg in consideration, vividly recalling the overwhelming flood of pleasure he inflicted on her ear. “I… suppose,” she hesitantly agrees. It begins with a small tingle, blooming quickly into a feeling that she had long forgotten. She resists the urge to gnaw at her pastern for a moment, instead scratching with her left hoof. The intensity surges all at once, stealing her breath away and nearly sending her into a fit. It disappears an instant later, but still leaves her panting, panic washing through her veins.

“That’s some pretty nasty shit, huh, boss?”

“I… I do not know what I would do if you used that on a larger part of me.”

“Or in a more sensitive area,” he suggests. “I’m betting it wouldn’t take more than a minute or two before you self-destructed. Even simple feelings can be maddening when cranked to their limit. Just imagine if that was on your croup instead of your foreleg, for example.”

The image flits through her mind eliciting a body-shaking shudder.

“It would be hilarious watching you twisting and turning, throwing yourself into a somersault to dig at it. Can you imagine the papers running the picture of you seemingly chasing your own tail on the front page? Maker above!” he chuckles. Pantomiming holding a newspaper, he energetically reads aloud, “Princessly Pests?! Irritating Insect Infestation Inflicts Intense Itch!”

“I am not amused.”

“Eh, everypony else would be. Anyhow, I waited until the ring was well away from the mansion and teleported it away for a very thorough Sanitizing. As far as the whole chase thing?” he shrugs, “I waited until ‘Prince Serpentus’ was being photographed at dance practice, then baited the guards at his estate with the snake and ran away. Once the pegasi started paying attention I faked the whole pill thing and bolted so the two groups didn’t end up in a fight with each other.”

“Do not take this for approval, but I at least do appreciate that you considered what a disaster that could have been.”

“Of course I did,” he retorts, mildly offended. “I went early so the streets were still kind of empty and led them away from any crowds. The whole chase only lasted a minute, tops. I didn’t want to get any bystanders trampled or whatever and I figured if anypony did get hurt I could have a puppet rush over to lend a hoof, subtly healing them if need be. I had another eye in the sky keeping watch the whole time.”

She nods in acceptance. “I presume you had similar contingencies had your incursion been detected.”

“Mmmmmaybe.”

“Cure,” she calls in a commanding tone.

“Does it really matter? I mean, again… nothing happened. I got away with it.”

“It matters to me,” she forcefully declares. “I want to know what you had planned if you were detected.”

“Knock out anypony I had to and leave just like I did, probably. I was going to use a disguise and ensure that they stayed out long enough that any residual magic signature they could have hunted down would have dissipated. If push came to shove I could easily take out their entire guard roster. You know that from our fight, and I went easy on you.”

The mare scoffs. Voice dripping with disbelief, she gives him a patronizing look. “I’m sure you did.”

He meets her condescension with a scowl, insisting, “I totally did! I mean, do you really think I would use frickin Fire Bolt on you if I was going hard?”

“I had wondered…” she admits.

Cure rolls his eyes. “It’s my first time fighting anypony, boss. The very thought of using an attack that could hurt you…” his whole body shakes. “Can’t say I’m a fan. Besides, I know you were just feeling me out, too.”

Celestia’s eyes slowly pan down to Serpentus underneath her who waggles his brow meaningfully. “Perhaps not the best phrasing, considering…”

“Fair. Still, I had another body on standby in case I had to get serious. Don’t worry; I wasn’t going to kill anypony, but the morning shift would have been right and properly freaked out when they arrived to find an entire house of unconscious guards.”

“I can only imagine,” she agrees. “Now…”

“Now?”

“Now we must discuss what is to be done with you.”

He snorts dismissively. “Nothing, obviously. I didn’t commit a crime. Not here, at least.”

“You…” she begins, furrowing her brow.

“It wasn’t espionage,” he begins. “That’s the crime of gathering info. I didn’t do that at all. Technically, I don’t think what I said would meet the criteria for making threats. I did commit assault, but that was done on foreign soil while not acting as a crown prince. I didn’t steal anything, so theft is out.

“I didn’t inflict any harm at all on anyone. Physical harm, at least. I have little doubt I traumatized the ambassador, but if he can’t deal with some stress then he should find an easier job. Either way, scaring the shit out of somepony isn’t a crime on its own and, again, it happened on foreign soil.

“You hadn’t previously ordered me not to go after the zebras, only not to take action in regards to the Bear Drug Co. and the Pure Dew jerks. I have not once disobeyed an order nor, since the incident at the zoo, have I broken any Equestrian laws.” He pauses and adds, “Unless, as I already told you, you want to count the whole license plate thing in Filly.”

“Torture,” she begins, causing him to quirk a brow, “is the infliction of pain or suffering on a creature in order to, amongst other reasons, coerce or intimidate. While the wording of the law does not specify either physical or mental anguish, the courts have held that there is no legal distinction between the two.”

“Really?” he asks patronizingly. “Cherry picking which parts of the code you’re quoting, Tia? For shame. Article twelve of the revised code, section four states that in order for it to be torture the aggrieved party must, by definition, be ‘in the custody or control of’ the accused. By all rights, I have far more ‘control’ over you right now,” he motions to the stallion underneath her with his wings still protectively wrapped around her barrel, “than I did of the ambassador at any point. If you want to go down that road, I absolutely did ‘torture’ Chef Garnish last night, too. I at least made him cry, after all.”

She pouts adorably at being called out. Turning away, she softly says, “I will admit, I had briefly wondered if I would need to intervene. The threat of forcibly feeding him cockroaches was slightly excessive.”

Cure crosses his forelegs over his chest and growls, “He fed cockroach poop to two of the most important mares in my life!”

“Aww, Cure…” she coos.

Flatly, he adds, “Oh, and you, too, I suppose. Poor Misty, though...”

“... I am deeply flattered.”

“Speaking of which, you may want to check in on your nephew. According to her he’s been inconsolable since last night.”

The mare groans and hangs her head.

“Oh he’s not that bad. Certainly not to the degree I’d expected. Maybe you should go stop in and pay him a visit. You know, play up the whole ‘We’re two alicorns and an earth pony who could eat anything and be fine, but I was worried about my dearest nephew’ bit.”

She groans even louder. “I will check in on him later.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Do not think you have distracted me from yourself, however.”

“Perish the thought,” he sighs out. “So, what do you want from me? I am already doing everything you could ask. I heal scores every week, I develop cures and treatments, I ‘prince’ as the need arises, I obey your commands… so far. I do everything you could ever ask from a foal and more. The only thing I will not do is sit idly by when somepony threatens the ponies I care about.”

The mare’s harsh look softens and she gives an accepting nod. “I have neither the right nor the ability to punish you, Cure. All I can do is convey a slice of wisdom. Take it from a mare who has both saved and nearly damned the world: The day will inevitably come when your plans will fail. Something will eventually go wrong, be it due to your actions, your failure to act, or pure happenstance. If you are going to continue to do as you did last night then I can only hope you are prepared to accept the consequences that come as a result. As we already discussed, those consequences may be grave and more widespread than either of us can imagine.”

He accepts the lesson and the seriousness with which it is delivered and offers a firm nod in response. “I won’t act unless I feel I absolutely must, and if I am ever caught, I will do my best to minimize the negative impact my actions have on everyone around me. That is all that I can do.”

A silence settles in the room as each waits for the other to add anything else. After a moment of neither speaking he casts a meaningful look between her and his Serpentus clone underneath. “So… is there anything else or are you just content to lay there all day?”

“I suppose I am done with you, however he,” she taps Serpentus, “must remain exactly. Where. He. Is. I am comfortable and, after worrying all morning I could use a nap.” Piece said, she folds her forelegs across his chest and lays her head down, cracking an eye open in an attempt to discern why Cure remains after the clear dismissal.

“Fine, I guess. Next time I’m putting a freakin timer on the ‘I’m sorry’ snuggles, though.”

Author's Note

I'm betting some folks will be pretty unhappy with the fact that Cure more or less got off completely scot free. He did, but he also didn't. Celestia will not forget this, and if there is ever a "his word vs another's" situation then she may not be able to dispel that creeping doubt. After all, knowing he can pull off this act, how could you ever know someone is innocent, no matter how outrageous the claims are? You would never be able to be absolutely sure, maybe not even if he dispenses with any of the stupid word games and flat out says, "I had nothing to do with it and I am in no way responsible in any part for it happening."

The problem, as pointed out in previous notes, is that Celestia does not really have a way to punish Cure. She can't do anything at all publicly or the zebras will know or suspect something happened.

She can't do much privately for two reasons - first off, he can just take his ball and go home and the whole nation would lose out massive and second, how would she even punish him? Take away his tax break? That won't matter for long and she literally just gave that to him. Take away his rings? He can make more and what would she do if he told her to fuck off? She already said (in a previous chapter) that she doesn't give orders she know will be ignored. Also, if she said "no more rings" then how would she ever know if he's sticking to it?

It's a shitty situation for a ruler, and that doesn't even get into the fact that, mentally, Celestia believes that Cure, by dint of being a real alicorn, he has the right to lead. As he points out, he ascended right after he said he would deal with anyone threatening his family, and Celestia had a pretty good idea of how he was before she offered him a crown, so this whole thing shouldn't really have been a surprise at all. It was damn near an inevitability.

The only thing she can do is convince him not to make the same mistake again.

I suppose the nuclear option (which would be a massive overreaction at this point) would be to try to banish him to Tartarus, turn him into stone, or mindrape him by some other means. Any of those three could fail because she can't be sure she isn't interacting with a puppet, and making the attempt is a full-on declaration of war.

As always, thanks for reading, rating, and especially commenting.

Enjoy!