Saints Row: Mayhem Is Magic

by Great Humanity

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Sex, Profanity, Derpy Hooves, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Death, Alternate Universe, Anthro, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 7066

Chaos Readings are picked up on a planet not too far from Equis. Celestia sends the Mane 6 (And Derpy) to investigate.

For a while, Celestia kept tabs on a planet not far from Equis, known as Earth, and after sensing something going down between the planet's three gangs, Celestia sends the Mane 6 to investigate, and possibly put a stop to it.

(This takes place before the events of Season 7 in MLP and after the Season 6 opener)

Published 2022-09-13 18:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-09-17 18:09:06 UTC

Season 1, Chapter 1: Investigating The Chaos

It was a rather sunny day in Ponyville, some would even say peaceful… at least, not for one Twilight Sparkle. You would think for the ‘Princess Of Friendship’, every day would be a breeze, but no. She was sorting through thing after thing, filing reports for days on end, and some nights, she wouldn’t even get any sleep.

Spike always saw this, too, and had no doubts in his mind that Twilight was overworking herself, and would bring it up often, but much like a big sister would do with their little brother, she simply just waved him off with her hoof and played it off like it was him exaggerating.

“Twilight, you should really take a break. You haven’t left your desk since 2 in the morning” Spike asked, concerned for her well-being as she threw her hooves up

“Spike, like I’ve said a thousand times before, I’m perfectly okay” she said, her back turned to Spike. She was currently writing a bit of a friendship report, reporting on all that’s happened, including the progress made with Starlight

Spike jumped up onto the desk and looked Twilight in the eyes, “Twilight, your eyes are bloodshot, you should really lay down and take a nap”

Twilight groaned and just threw away her quill, “Fine! Hopefully Celestia understands…” Twilight said, getting out of her seat and trotting to her bed with a sigh.

Spike began to clean up after Twilight, making sure it was organized so that Twilight wouldn’t have a hissy fit. Spike had no idea why Twilight was so busy, but that made sense, as she never told him why and always kept it from her.

At that moment, Applejack entered the library where Twilight had been workin’, and saw Spike, smiling a little, “Spike! There ya are! Ya seen Twilight?”

“No, she went to go take a nap, she’s been constantly working, and hasn’t bothered to let go of her responsibilities for one day” Spike explained as AJ giggled

“That does sound like Twilight. Need any help cleaning up?” Applejack asked him

Spike nodded and pointed all around the library, “If you can handle all that, then sure, go right ahead”

With that in mind, Applejack sweated a little, but regained her composure as she got to helpin’, keeping positive about the whole thing.

Elsewhere…

Princess Celestia was watching an orb with great intensity. This orb observed Earth, and she saw all that went on in the world, though she always seemed to find herself staring at one particular city on all of planet Earth: Stilwater.

Stilwater was one of the most saddening places she’d ever seen. People there looked poverty-stricken, abused, wasted, you name it, it was there. She wasn’t all too familiar with the gangs there, but was at least able to learn their names: Vice Kings, West Side Rollerz, and Los Carnales, which she knew was just The Carnales, as “Los” meant “The” in spanish.

“Such… sadness and violence… how does anyone even survive in a city like that?” she asked herself, “Poor humans who can’t live a day without upsetting the wrong person…”

“Sister, why is it that you show pity on these ‘humans’? From what I’ve seen, they’re practically wild animals with their ‘guns’” Luna said, taking note as a man gunned down another man for passing by their sketchy activity.

“It’s our duty to show pity on the less-fortunate, you know this” she said, getting a sigh from Luna

“I suppose, though it is a bit entertaining to watch…” Luna said as her sister gasped

“Luna! Don’t tell me you actually enjoy seeing this!” Celestia exclaimed, acting as if she was embarrassed that her sister may actually like the suffering of others

“While the, ahem, blood and gore is gag-inducing, it’s much better to watch then sleeping during the day” Luna admitted, and her sister groaned.

“I’ll never understand you…” she said, then glanced at the orb and saw three gangs advancing on one location, “Oh my… chaos readings are rising…”

“Hmmmmm, concerning… what should we do?” Luna asked, and Celestia began writing a letter immediately.

“Contact some experts, dear sister” Celestia said, sighing a little

Many Hours Later…

When Twilight received the letter from Celestia, it drove her nuts, sort of. She instinctively packed everything, and got all her friends together, though they’d also end up bringing a plus one in the form of Derpy. She was hanging out with Rainbow and wanted to come along, so Twilight allowed it, thanks to Fluttershy.

As everybody rode on the train, they each did their own thing. Derpy chatted Fluttershy’s ear off, Rainbow fell asleep, Pinkie practiced party tricks, Rarity admired a gem, AJ was sleeping, and Twilight was the only one who really did what was important

“Hey Twilight! Why so busy? See the sights!” Pinkie said excitedly to Twilight, and Twilight just groaned

“I’m trying to stay on top of what’s important, okay?” Twilight said, sighing as she kept working on her journal. She entrusted the care of the castle to Starlight and Spike, knowing that things would be okay

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie said, bouncing around the train slowly

Eventually, a few hours rolled by, and the Mane 7 (Twilight, her friends, and Derpy) and they all made their way towards the castle. The streets were as busy as ever, no doubt about that, and loud too.

“Ah sure do hope tah princesses have a good explanation. Ah didn’t cancel my farm chores for nothin’” Applejack said, sighing as she readjusted her stetson

“Applejack, darling, I’m sure the princesses have their reasons for summoning us here” Rarity said, brushing her own mane softly

“I just hope it’s not filled with trouble…” Fluttershy said, looking around nervously.

“I’m the comic relief!” Derpy shouted

“Calm down, girls, we’ll figure it out together. Something tells me it’ll just be a simple friendship problem” Twilight said, looking on the bright side

When the Mane 7 got to the throne room, Celestia looked bothered as she smiled a little, but it quickly vanished, “Oh fantastic, you’re all here… and Derpy too. Regardless, I have contacted you, Twilight, and your friends for help”

“Of course, Princess, is it-” Twilight tried to respond

“It is not a friendship problem, but rather, something a lot more… dangerous…” Celestia said, looking pale, and Twilight tilted her head in confusion

“What’s so dangerous about it? Me and my friends have faced tougher foes. Nightmare Moon, Discord, The Changelings, Tirek, even Starlight. What makes you think we are in danger?” Twilight said, noticing the orb as she stepped close, “And what is this orb?”

“Take a look for yourself, though… what you’ll see is… disturbing…” Celestia said, and Twilight took a closer look, gasping at what she saw. Strange bipedal creatures killing each other with strange objects that could only be described as ‘weapons’ to the Princess Of Friendship

“W-W-... W-Why are they doing that…? T-Taking lives…” she said, clearly mortified by this display of violence, even seeing some of the… blood… made her shiver and quiver like a leaf

“I cannot explain, my little pony… but… chaos levels are rising in that universe and are getting unstable, as it may soon interfere with our planet. I’ve called you all here in hopes of going in… and possibly calming the situation” Celestia concluded, still a bit pale then her own fur.

“But… don’t you realize how dangerous this is?! If those creatures-”

“Humans, Twilight”

“Humans are killing each other with no remorse, do you realize what they could do to us?! We’re ponies who don’t know the first thing about death!” Twilight said, clearly scared as her friends were a bit scared now

“D-Death?!” Fluttershy said, now cowering behind Rainbow Dash, “M-Meaning we could actually d-die?!”

“See?! Even Fluttershy understands. Why can’t you and Luna do it?!” Twilight nearly screamed, still a bit panicked

As Celestia took a deep breath, she said this, “Look, Twilight, me and my sister would gladly do it ourselves… if it didn’t put Equestria in extreme danger! Our duty as princesses is to oversee Equestria and ensure its kingdoms and towns are safe. If we were to leave our planet, There’d be nothing to stop The Changelings from planning an invasion”

The whole room fell silent, and then, Applejack walked forward, looking up at Celestia, “Aight Princess, we’re in”

“Applejack?! You’re not scared?!” Twilight said, now hyperventilating

“Of course not! You act like there wasn’t a chance o’ death before! Remember the Crystal Empire? If Sombra succeeded, we might’ve well died there, serving him like a buncha sheep with no food or water fer days!” AJ argued

“B-But…! Rarity, Pinkie, Dashie, somepony back me up here!” Twilight begged

“Twilight, darling. While what has been seen is… disturbing… I’m sure that together we can succeed” Rarity said, though she tenderly petted her own mane, “But if I’m going, I hope to get nothing on my mane, it’d be atrocious if I did…”

“Yeah Twilight! When all six of us are together, we beat the bad guys and show them we don’t mess around!” Pinkie said, excitedly firing her confetti cannon

“I agree with Pinkie, and besides, me and AJ are like the muscles of the Mane 6!” Rainbow said, side-hugging Applejack as she giggled

“It seems you have nothing to really worry about, my faithful student. Can you handle the task?” Celestia asked, and Twilight remained silent for a few seconds.

Surely she was joking. Seeing those humans taking lives like they were somepony else’s bits was not what she expected, but Celestia was right. As long as she had her friends with her, she could get the job done.

“Alright Princess, We’re up to the task!” Twilight said as she smiled, and Celestia grabbed a journal nearby with her magic, “A journal? What’s that for?”

“For you to keep in contact with us. Keep tabs on you all on your adventure. Do you have the elements with you like I asked?” Celestia asked, and every member of the Mane 6 showed their element, showcasing that they had them, “Good, you’ll need them. This planet you’re going to has no magic-stable environments, meaning that your magic could spiral out of control and cause further damage. You will be taking the elements with you, and they’ll contain emergency magic, for when yours runs out” Celestia explained

“But those humans, how will we blend in with them?” Twilight asked as Celestia giggled

“I’m sure you remember your trip through the mirror, correct?” Celestia asked, and Twilight nodded, “Well, I managed to get a bit of magic from that world, and have made it into a spell” she said as her horn glowed and engulfed the seven of them in her magic, then vanished, “Now, when you step through the portal to this new universe, you’ll have forms similar to humans, only without your pony features, except for horns or wings, as those’ll be invisible to the naked eye, and only you will be able to see them. That doesn’t mean though that you can just fly around or use magic in the open, as it could attract unwanted attention, so only use your magic if absolutely necessary, understood?”

“We understand, Princess” Twilight said, and Celestia smiled, trotting off towards another room

“Great, then follow me, everypony” she said, and everyone followed her

As the Mane 7 followed Celestia, they soon came across a purple mirror in a room next to the one that Sunset would travel back and forth in. Twilight gasped, seeing this mirror, “Another mirror? Where did you find it?”

“I didn’t find it, silly filly, I replicated it from the other mirror, and linked it to the other planet. I’ve located a mirror in the other universe and linked it with this one, so that once you pass through, you’ll be in the other world in your new forms.” Celestia concluded as the purple mirror glowed

Twilight gulped as she stuck her hoof through, and sure enough, she saw it turn into a hand like usual, “Whoa… okay girls, let’s go…” she said, carrying her saddlebags as she stepped through the mirror completely

“Right behind ya, Twilight” Applejack said, running in

“W-Wait for me…” Fluttershy said, carefully walking through

“Yahoo!” Rainbow shouted, flying into the mirror

“Good luck, Celestia. Take care!” Rarity waved, passing through

“Yippee!” Pinkie shouted, putting her confetti cannon in her mane and charging in

“Woohoo!” Derpy shouted, following Pinkie, and then the mirror glowed Purple again as Celestia sighed.

“Good luck, my little ponies…” she said, trotting out of the room

As Twilight stepped through a mirror into an empty alley, she felt a familiar feeling, and sure enough, she had a flat face, had hands, two legs, feet, and of course, womanly bits. She did see her horn and wings, but in the reflection, they weren’t there, meaning that in a normal reflection, they wouldn’t be seen, “Okay, these ‘disguises’ are neat” she said

Soon Applejack came through, nearly stumbling into a wall as she stopped herself, “Whoa nelly!” she said as she took a second and steadied herself, “This is gonna take some getting used to…” Fluttershy was next, carefully stepping through as she nearly fell on her face, but Applejack caught her, “Whoa! You okay, Shy?”

“Yes… thank you Applejack…” Fluttershy said, feeling strange, “I’m not used to… this…”

Next was Rainbow Dash, and she came crashing right into some trash bags, and pulled her head out as she rubbed it, “Owie… so this is what it’s like to have hands, cool…”

“Are you okay, Rainbow?” Twilight asked her, helping her to her feet, and Rainbow rested against Twilight softly

“Yeah… yikes, this’ll take some getting used to…” Rainbow said, scratching her neck softly

Rarity was next, and she had little trouble walking out, losing her balance for a second, but managing to hold it, “Oh my! You all look magnificent, darlings!”

“Shhhhhhhh! Keep it down Rarity! Unwanted attention, remember?” Twilight said as Rarity covered her mouth

“Right, my bad…” she said, soon smelling something, “Oh dear… this alley smells like Applejack’s barn…”

“Hey!” Applejack shouted, and despite the shouting, no one was around to hear it

After that, Pinkie came in and fell flat on her butt, though it cushioned the impact as she giggled, “Wowie! New place, new friends to be made!”

“Does nopony know how to be quiet?” Twilight asked aloud in a sarcastic manner

Derpy was last to come through, landing right in Pinkie’s arms as she breathed softly, “That was fun! Now what?”

Twilight, regaining her composure, stood up straight as she got everyone together, “Alright everypony, listen closely. We’re in a world not of our own, so we have to do our best not to attract attention” she said, heading to leave the alley

“Wait for us, Twilight!” Pinkie said as everyone followed her

Meanwhile, something else was going on, as an innocent man walked through the Saints Row district. He was an African American male passing through the streets of Stilwater, home to plenty of harlots and charlatans, pimps and con-artists, you name it, and it was in Stilwater

“Watches! I got watches here!” A black man called out, “Hey man, this shit’d cost you $600 in the store!” the man said, but the male kept walking by, “Ah whatever…”

As the male kept walking he was soon approached by a group of strangely-colored girls, and a purple one made conversation, “Excuse me, sir? Could you help us? We’re new to this town and we could use a guide”

The man shrugged, not exactly knowing how to help them, but then, their attention was distracted by something else.

“Oh hell no!” a man shouted as they all turned to see three men in yellow looking at a graffiti that had the word ‘Rollerz on it, “Man, fuck the Rollerz!”

“Ugh, such harsh language” Rarity said, but the male shushed her, “I beg your-”

“Levar! You gone let those bitches disrespect us?” one man in yellow said to another

“Shit, what you think?” he responded, shaking a can of spray paint as he began spraying over it

“Isn’t that destruction of private property?” Fluttershy whispered, though the male glanced at her and put a finger to his lips, and she got the message

As the male and the girls watched, three men in blue this time rolled up, one armed with a baseball bat, and one of them spoke up, “Fuck you think you doin’?”

“Just being civic-minded is all”

“That so?”

“Yeah, some dumbass cracka shit on this wall, and we was jus’ cleanin’ it up” one of the men in yellow said, only to get a baseball bat to the face.

After that, a fight broke out between the two groups. The male and the girls watched in a mixture of horror and confusion, seeing the violence witnessed here.

It went on for a while before men in red rode up in a car (Strange carriage to the girls) and aimed their guns, with one of them saying, “Hector says Buenas Noches…”

“Shit!” one of the men being attacked yelled, firing at their car, and as the male went to flee, the girls followed him into a small parking lot where they watched the carnage.

As gunfire was exchanged and more of the men dropped lifeless, one with a rifle opened fire on the car, sending it crashing into a wall near the male and the girls, the blast sending them all crashing onto the ground.

A man in blue walked over and gunned down a dying man in red, and was soon shot in the head by the last man in yellow. He then picked up the AK and aimed it at them all, “Wrong time, wrong place, amigos”

He would’ve pulled the trigger, but the blue-skinned girl managed to get up and tackle the man, punching him and punching him and wacking him with the end of the AK until his face didn’t even look like a face.

The African American was surprised, seeing a girl do that, as he slowly got to his feet, and just in time too, as he heard retching from the pink-haired and white-skinned girls, clearly they were disturbed

“That guy was no good” the blue-skinned girl said, and then, footsteps were heard as they all turned or looked up towards a caucasian man and a black man approaching

“You folks ok?” the caucasian asked

The black guy looked down at the dead man in yellow, laughin’ a little, “I’m surprised, we could use help from someone like you, girl” he said, looking at the blue-skinned girl

“R-Really? I mean… he threatened our lives, so I had to do something” she said, rubbing the back of her neck softly

“Hm, fighting for others. That kinda loyalty is something welcome in the Saints. How’d you like to join?” the man asked her, holding out his hand

“The Saints? What is that?” she asked as the man chuckled a little

“Kiddo, we’re a gang. We put an end to people like them” the man explained as the purple-skinned girl got up.

“No! Absolutely not! We are not for gangs!” she said, clearly not for gangs, period.

“We? I was talkin’ to your friend here, not you” the man responded

“But we’re a team. We stick together” she explained, and the black man stroked his chin softly

“Is that so? What can you all provide to the team, huh?” he asked them, “It’s clear your blue friend here has shown loyalty and bravery, which is something the Saints look for, but what about the rest of you?”

“Um… friendship, kindness, generosity, laughter, honesty, and… klutziness?” she said, trying to sound as convincing as ever, only for the black and caucasian man to burst out laughing, causing the purple girl to scowl, “What’s so funny?”

As the black man calmed down, he got serious, “Kiddo, you have to understand something. In this world, those things will only get you killed. Those gangs won’t show you mercy if you cross them again, and will probably only use you for your bodies, and should you say no to them, you’ll be in a bodybag somewhere in a morgue” he said as he paused, “But since I’m feelin’ nice today, I’ll take you all in, including the only normal-lookin’ fella out of all of you, and teach you the ropes of Stilwater. Reject my offer, and at best, you’ll only last a day before you’re turned into some pimp’s slut”

“S-Slut?” the purple girl asked

“Julius, we don’t have time for this shit. I hear police on the way, let’s wrap this shit u-”

“Shut up, Troy” Julius said, “So what’s it gonna be, girly? Come with us, or die in less than a week?”

“Excuse me for a second…” the girl said as her friends all huddled together, and the African American male just stood near Julius

“You know them… Playa?” Julius questioned the male, who he nicknamed Playa, and Playa shrugged

After what was five minutes, the purple girl came out and sighed, “Okay, we’ll join you, as long as you treat us with respect”

“I can’t guarantee you that, but I can guarantee that you’ll get a roof over your heads, people who’ll train you to avoid fights, survive in them, and walk away with not a hair out of place. Sound good?” Julius offered, and the girl just sighed and shook his hand, “Good choice, welcome to the Saints”

“Yippee! Thank you Julius!” the pink-poofy-haired girl said, going to hug him as he pointed a gun right between her eyes

“Keep your distance girly, we ain’t there yet” he said, “Now, follow me”

The Playa and the girls followed Julius into a small courtyard where several other people stood, dressed in purple, and then Julius stepped out, “Every muthafucka knows what we need to do, ‘cept the newcomers. These bitches in the Row be rollin’ around actin’ like they own these streets. I don’t care what flags they’re flyin’... Rollerz, Carnales, Vice Kings… it don’t matter a goddamn thing… No one’s makin’ this nigga scared to walk the Row. We ‘bout to lock this shit”

“Fuck yeah!” A man with blonde, flat-top hair said, and looked towards Playa and the girls, “Who the fuck’s this guy? And the bitches with him?”

“Excuse me?!” the white-skinned girl said, feeling offended, “You watch your tone!”

“Or what?” the man responded, glaring at her and making her shiver

“N-Nothing… m-my apologies…” she uttered, and he just looked at her funny

“That’s what I thought. Now Jules, what about these folks?” he asked

“I brought ‘em here, hopin’ they’d run with us” Julius said, looking at them all

“Julius, if any of them wanna run with the Saints, they gotta be canonized, you know this” he said

“C-Canonized…?” the yellow-skinned girl said quietly

“Means you have to prove that you can defend yourself” the blonde haired man explained

“He’s right though, Julius, everyone had to do it” Troy said, and a couple of the girls cowered, “Though, how would we do it?”

“We canonize them one at a time, simple as that. We’ll start with the blue chick, as she’s the one who bashed a Vice King with an AK until he couldn’t breathe” Julius said as everyone backed away from the girl and she was surrounded by people in purple

“M-Me?” she said, shaking a little

“Do I need to repeat myself again?” Julius asked, sounding serious

“N-Nope! I g-got it!” she said

“Perfect. Be ready then” Julius said

As soon as he said that, several members in purple raised their fists or cracked their knuckles, and the girl squared up. Surprisingly, she knew what to do, and managed to basically knock out the members back to back, using both punches and kicks, and the crowd fell silent. Even Juilus was speechless.

As the blue-skinned girl panted rapidly, she looked towards Julius, “Did I do good?”

She was then approached by the blonde man, who patted her on the back and put an arm around her, “You got some fight in you, and took ‘em down faster than me. Name’s Johnny Gat, and remember that”

“Thanks Johnny” the girl said, looking away a little with light red cheeks

“What he said. Something tells me you got potential, girl. You earned your colors today” Julius said, “Now for the rest of you”

As the hours went by, everyone’s canonization went differently. The orange girl did just as well as the blue girl, getting even more appraisal from Julius. After her was the purple one, while a bit panicky at first, was able to throw enough punches and kicks thanks to support. The yellow one surprisingly defeated her opponents with feelings, but was told that she’d eventually have to learn to… take a life, which she dreaded. While the white one at first didn’t dare throw a punch, as soon as one of them messed up her hair, she unleashed Hell on the members, showing that she wasn’t one to be taken lightly. The pink one used her spontaneousness and complete trickery to deceive and put down her attackers. The grey one was cross-eyed, and once given a pair of glasses, was able to focus and take down her opponents like normal.

Of course, The Playa showed they could whoop-ass as well, showing that they could easily put down any muthafucka that dare breath in their direction.

After everyone was finished, Julius personally wanted to get to know the girls, so he called them all together inside the church.

“Alright listen up, so most of you have shown that you can provide a lot to the Saints, but we need your names too. Last thing I need is the others calling you all freaks” he said, waiting

The purple girl was the first one, “I am Twilight Sparkle, nice to meet you”

Next was the blue girl, “I’m Rainbow Dash, the fastest… runner in…”

“Stilwater?” Julius finished for her

“Y-Yeah, thanks…” Rainbow answered back

“I-I’m… Fluttershy…” the yellow girl whispered

“Come again?” Julius asked

“F-Fluttershy…” she said quietly

“Sorry, but you’re gonna have to speak-”

“I’m Fluttershy!” she shouted a little, before covering her mouth

Damn, she’s shy. Guess I’ll have to get used to that Julius thought to himself

The orange girl was next, standing up with her stetson, “Ah’m Applejack, pleasure tah work for ya, boss”

“Glad to know you have some respect under your belt” Julius complimented

The white girl was next, standing up with a hand on her chest, “I’m Rarity, a girl with an interest in all things fashion”

“Noted…” Julius said

The grey one was next as she seemed excited, “I’m Derpy! I really appreciate these glasses, it feels great not bumping into everything!”

“Love the enthusiasm. Now, where’s your pink friend?” he asked, before hearing footsteps from behind and turning, with gun in hand, pointed right between the girl’s eyes again, “What did I say?”

“Aw, come on! Just one hug and I’ll leave you be?” she asked, basically using puppy eyes on him, and he groaned

“Fine, but just one” he said as she hugged him tightly and let him go, “So you’re…?”

“Pinkie Pie, but my friends just call me ‘Pinkie’!” she said, bouncing a little

“Well, I guess that’s all of you. Now, other than your names sounding like a five year old came up with them, it would be better if you went by nicknames instead” Julius said

“But why would we do that? Our names are what make us… us” Twilight admitted

“While true, no one will take you seriously, not even Dex. I’ve already thought of nicknames for each of you. You’ll be Spark, or Sparks” Julius said to her

“Um… okay” Twilight said sheepishly

Julius then pointed to Rarity, “You’ll be Rares”

“It does have a nice ring to it” Rarity said, smiling a little

Julius pointed to Applejack, “You’ll be Jackie”

“Mighty kind ‘o ya, boss” Applejack responded, smiling a little

Julius pointed to Rainbow next, “You’ll be Dash”

“Awesome!” she said, jumping up high before landing like a superhero

Julius pointed to Fluttershy, “You’ll be Flutters”

“That works for me…” she said, brushing her hair softly

Julius pointed to Derpy, “You’ll be Derps”

“Nice!” Derpy said, giggling a little

“And lastly, pink one” he looked at Pinkie, “You’ll be Pinks”

“I love it!” Pinkie said, running around the church

“Alright, simmer down! Look, I actually have to gather the crew together to make a speech, so be ready” Julius said, walking off.

“Can you guys believe we’re in a gang? It’s so cool!” Dash squealed, closing her eyes as she jumped for joy

“I guess.. I’ll have to write to Celestia about this…” Twilight said, opening her journal and writing to Celestia.

Season 1, Chapter 2: Rocky Friendships And Rockier Starts

“Alright everyone, we’ve got some serious shit to discuss. The row has become a dangerous place, none like we’ve ever seen before. In the past, these gangs would steer clear of one another, but now, the tension’s boiled enough that they’re willing to do it everyday. You see, when I formed the Saints, I had plans to take these gangs down and make the Row a safer place for its civilians, but clearly, it’s gonna be harder than first-assumed” Julius said, and he saw a hand raised, “What is it, Pinks?”

“Uhm, just wondering, but… will there be any time for parties?” she asked, and a lot of the members looked at her weird

“Not when we have corrupt gangs terrorizing our city, we won’t” he said, seeing her frown a little, “Moving on, each lieutenant will be assigned to a gang. Dex, you’re handling the Carnales. Ever since they hooked up with the Colombians, it’s like they own this town, and with that drug money rollin’ in, we can’t compete. Be smart how you move against ‘em. The Lopez family’ve been runnin’ that gang for thirty years. There’s a reason why they’re still around”

“Got it” Dex responded

“Troy, I’m taskin’ you with the Vice Kings” Julius said to Troy as his face flushed pale with a scowl

“Not a chance, Jules…” Troy responded with a straight face

“Fuck you say?!” Julius barked in response

“Anyone but them” Troy bargained

“E-Excuse me… but, Mr. Troy…” Flutters asked, getting his attention

“What is it?” he replied

“If you’re a… commanding officer of our gang… why are you so scared?” she asked him, and he looked even paler now as all the members looked at him weird

“I’m not-! you wouldn’t understand, damnit!” Troy shouted, sending Flutters cowering behind Rares

“Enough barking at the girl, Troy” Julius eased

“Look, if Troy won’t do it, I will” Dash said, stepping up front and center, and Johnny smiled, standing by her

“Dash, you’re not a lieutenant, let alone capable of wielding a gun without it spiraling back into your hands. What makes you think I’d allow it?” Julius asked her, and she looked nervous, but then Julius saw Johnny’s expression change, “Johnny, you serious?”

“You bet your ass I’m serious. She’s got the energy, and hey, I know I’m a bit of a loose cannon, but I’m sure she can keep me under control” Johnny said, and Dash just blushed in a flustered manner

“Hmmmmm, alright. Troy, keep an eye on them” Julius said

“Are you fu-“ Johnny nearly said

“Johnny, knowing you, you could easily wrap her ‘round your finger and there’d be no end to your carnage” Julius said

“You’re no fun!” Johnny and Rainbow shouted as Troy nodded in Julius’s direction.

“Excuse me, Julius?” Sparks asked, hand raised

“What?” Julius responded

“You forgot one last gang, Rollerz was it? Who’s got them?” Sparks asked as high heels were heard

“I am” a voice said, and everyone looked to see a girl walk into the room

“Lin? The fuck you wearin’ blue for?” Johnny asked Lin

“I asked Lin to hook up with the Rollerz. Not much is known about these fuckas, so I figured it’d be best to have someone on the inside” Julius explained

“Oh M Gosh! I love your outfit!” Pinks said, admiring Lin’s outfit as she looked at her weird

“Thanks, I guess?” Lin responded, puzzled

“You’ll get used to it, Lin” Julius said, “Now, more importantly, we got eight recruits here that can be divided amongst the three lieutenants. Pick your recruits to take on the gangs with. Johnny’s already got one, so that leaves seven recruits left. Take your pick, and choose carefully” Julius explained

“Playa, you’re with us” Troy said, and Playa walked over as the two lieutenants, Dash, and Playa all stood together

“Guess I’ll need smarts. Sparks, Flutters, Rares, you’re with me in tackling the Carnales” Dex said as the three girls walked over to him, standing by him

“Leavin’ me last, huh? Whatever. Pinks, Jackie, Derps, you’re with me” Lin said, and the last three girls joined her, standing alongside her

“Now that that’s sorted, you all know what to do. It’s our time now, let’s get this shit started” Julius concluded, and everyone left in groups.

First things first was the introduction to the Rollerz. Lin had info on the Rollerz and contacted the girls ahead of time… after they learned to drive, that was.

Once they got there, they hid behind some boxes, watching carefully as some Rollerz approached with Lin

“That’s a sweet ride, Lin” one member complimented

“Who tuned it for ya?” the other asked her

“No one, I did it myself” Lin said, trying to avoid much conversation

“The spoiler looks like Donnie’s work” the black member said

“Nah, that underglow screams Ricky Liu, you trippin’” the white one said

“What are you, fuckin’ third graders?” Lin asked sarcastically as the two members looked puzzled

“What’s that mean?” the black one asked stupidly

“Forget it, see y’all tomorrow” she said, and the two members left, talking about who Lin wanted

After the two members were out of earshot, the three girls came out from behind boxes

“Ya don’t actually want either ‘o them, do ya?” Jackie asked, and Lin rolled her eyes

“Fuck no. More importantly, I heard there’s a shipment of high performance cars comin’ in by truck. Your job is to hijack it-“ Lin attempted to finish

“Hijack means?” Pinks asked, clearly confused, and Lin groaned

“It means steal, Pinks. Don’t ask anymore questions, got it?” Lin asked, and Pinks nodded rapidly, “Good. Now, as I was saying, you’re meant to track the truck down, hijack it, take it to a buddy of mine, Samson, and he’ll rig the cars up with some nasty surprises, then finish the delivery. Now, take your car, find that truck, take it to Samson, then deliver it dressed as deliverywomen. Once the fireworks go off, call me up on your phones, one of you” Lin finished as Jackie nodded

“You can count on us!” Jackie said in a eager voice

“Great, now get going before anyone sees us all together” Lin said, and they split from there with no time wasted.

Moments later…

“Damnit Pinkie! Those damn Rollerz keep aimin’ for our tires! Aim for their heads!” Jackie shouted over the sound of the truck roaring down the freeway. Jacking the truck was easy, but dealing with its convoy wasn’t, and Jackie had already taken a bullet to the arm

“Kinda hard to do in a moving vehicle!” Pinkie shouted, firing at the incoming Rollerz with an AK-47, while Derpy reloaded weapons for Pinkie whenever she ran dry

Pinkie kept squinting her eyes as the wind blew in them, her poofy hair throwing her off every now and again, but surely enough, she did pop a few drivers’ heads, and some tires too, allowing them to get the truck to Samson’s.

As they came out, Jackie dialed up Lin, and Lin picked up, “it’s done?”

“Eeyup, though Pinks has got to work on her aim” Jackie commented

“Hey! It was decent enough! It just had to be done through trial and error!” Pinks argued

“And I reloaded weapons!” Derps cheered as Lin groaned audibly over the phone

“Good job, you three. I’ll update you once Samson’s finished” Lin said, immediately hanging up

As there was silence between the three, Pinks asked, “So… who wants to go to Freckle Bitch’s?”

“Eh sure. ‘Parently they got vegan obtions too” Jackie said as they all jacked a car and drove to Freckle Bitch’s

“Just curious, but what’s with the Los Carnales?” Dash asked, getting a chuckle out of Gat and a sigh out of Dex

“It’s just the Carnales” Dex said with another facepalm

“Shut up Dex” Dash and Johnny said in unison

As they were talking, the Playa walked in, and Johnny noticed him, “Ah, take a seat”

The Playa did so, turning it around and sitting on it, listening closely.

“So, wanna know why the Vice Kings are the Vice Kings?” Johnny asked as the Playa nodded silently, “Good. Vice Kings are named after one guy, Benjamin King. Shit like that don’t happen ‘less you’re a professional or a bad ass, or in king’s case, both” Johnny said as his phone rang, and he took it out, “Hold up y’all, I gotta take this” he said, answering the phone as he recognized who it was, “Aisha, what a pleasant fucking surprise…”

“Aisha?” Dash whispered quietly before being told to shush

As Johnny was on the phone, the voice on the other end got louder and more erratic, “Okay sl- damn, you ain’t even tryin’ to slow down, you just gettin’ louder” Johnny said as the phone went quiet, and then he smiled, “Better, now what?” Johnny asked as murmuring was heard, “Shit, where’s she headed? Don’t worry, I got it under control” Johnny said as he hung up

“What’s up?” Dex asked

“Some mother fucker’s grabbed Aisha’s sister right off the damn street!” Gat complained

“Damn, that’s the sixth one this month. We know who’s doin’ this?” Dex asked

“Who fuckin’ else other than the Vice Kings, obviously“ Johnny stated

“No goddamn way. You damn well know kidnapping ain’t King’s style” Dex argued

“Look, I don’t give a damn whether it’s him or that bitch slut of a lieutenant she is, Tanya. Aisha said they were driving a yellow sedan. Dash, Playa, get a car and tail those bitches back to wherever the hell they go, and rescue the damn girls!” Johnny said, nearly shouting

“You got it! C’mon Playa!” Dash bolted outside, and a pedestrian later screamed

“Get on it, Playa, she’s havin’ all the fun without ya” Johnny said, and the Playa left the room

Hours later, the two gang members tailed the car back to the warehouse.

“Why do people do nasty shit like this to women? It’s not okay” Dash said, cocking her gun, “Now, let’s pop some skulls” she said, and the Playa smiled as they walked into the warehouse

There were a good amount of Vice Kings in there, but they were no match for Dash’s hand to hand, and Playa’s accuracy. Once the warehouse was cleaned out, they rescued the girls after kicking the door down, later dropping them off at the church

Los Carnales was next on the agenda, so Dex called up Sparks, letting her know about what to do

When the girls got there, they entered, seemingly quietly too, as Dex hadn’t noticed them till he turned around, “Oh, hey girls, didn’t see you enter in. Check this out”

Sparks saw the board, stroking her chin softly, “What’s this about, Dex?”

“As you can see here, the Carnales were the first crime-“

“Isn’t it the Los Carnales?” Flutters asked

“No! Goddamn it, it’s not the Los Carnales! I ain’t goin’ over this shit again!” he said, clearing his throat, “Now, as I was sayin’, the Carnales were the first gang to ever be formed in Stilwater, and had the whole damn town owned before Ben King stepped up against them. Add in the fact that they’re backed by one of the world’s largest drug cartels, and y’all will understand why we ain’t gonna be pullin’ a Johnny anytime soon” Dex said, seeing Sparks raise her hand, “What now?”

“What’s a ‘Johnny’ and why can’t we pull one?” she asked him as he groaned

“Basically, we’re not gonna do what Johnny would do, which is go straight for the leader. It’s best to kill their source of income, that way they have less of a chance to return with a new leader or more reinforcements” Dex explained, “They should be easy to find with your GPS”

“Just a question, dear, but… do we have to… hurt anyone?” Rares asked as Dex looked at her like she was fuckin’ stupid, and groaned.

“No, you shouldn’t have to, rather, you’re just blowing up their drug labs to uh… stop them from producin’ drugs. Make sense?” he asked them

“That makes sense! Drugs are very devastating to the world and only cause trouble” Sparks said with confidence, “We’ll get right on it! C’mon girls!” she said, running out with Flutters and Rares

“I’ll never understand those damn girls…” Dex said, sighing as he wandered off elsewhere

Later, the three girls were driving down a road silently. They had blown up the drug labs like Dex told them to, though they didn’t account for the blast on the first one, and Rarity’s hair was ruined

“My poor hair… it’s a disaster!” she wailed, crying into Fluttershy’s shoulder, her cries becoming more and more muffled

“Look on the bright side, Rarity, at least we’ll have proved that we’re capable of getting things done” Twilight said, trying to make light of the situation

“But my hair… a lot of it burned! Now I look hideous!” Rarity almost screamed as Fluttershy comforted her

“Rarity, I’m sure it’s fine. It’ll grow back.” Fluttershy reassured, “Should we write to Princess Celestia at some point?”

“Definitely. We need to inform her of our situation and know where she stands on it” Twilight said, keeping an eye on the road as she went down it.