Hitch's GTO

by Fujimi200SX

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Hitch Trailblazer, Zipp Storm, My Little Pony: A New Generation
Length: 2192

After losing a bet with Zipp, Sheriff Hitch is forced to spend the night on a mountain. The next morning, he finds the perfect patrol vehicle. It's all downhill from there.

After losing a bet with Zipp, Sheriff Hitch is forced to spend the night on a mountain.

The next morning, he finds the perfect patrol vehicle.

It's all downhill from there.

Hundredth story on the Equestrian Auto Association Group!!!

Published 2022-10-20 20:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-20 20:40:00 UTC

Combination of Seven English Letters that spell the word "Chapter".

“I’ll pick you up in the morning!”

…

Hitch was annoyed.

Short story short, he bet against Zipp that he could beat her from one side of Maretime Bay to the other.

He lost. Badly. Couldn’t make it halfway before tiring out.

Because of that, he was forced to spend the night on the nearest mountain. Zipp flew him up with nothing but a blanket and an alarm clock and just… left him.

With nothing better to do, Hitch found a semi-comfortable spot, laid down, prayed for no rainfall, and went to sleep.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- CRACK!

Hitch groaned as his hoof left the top of the clock.

“Wait… Where am I?” he asked, seeing the dark forest around him. “Oh. Nevermind. I know where.”

He stood up and grabbed the blanket and clock, then began walking.

“Actually I don’t know where I am since Zipp never even told me where on the map this is. I can’t even see through these trees! I mean- I was hoping for at least a nice view but I don’t even get that!”

He sighed. “Why did it have to be two princesses? As much as I am the sheriff, I literally canNOT arrest them. ‘Ohhh I’m a Princess, sheriff. Higher ranking’. For the love of- UUUGH. Why!? Why couldn’t it have been two regular pegasi? Or even guards?! Anypony who was lower ranking than-”

PONG!

Hitch just about had the wind knocked out of him as he slammed into a metal object. His face pivoted downward, slamming into the top of the metal, forcing his jaw shut.

“OW! What the- Hey!”

He backed up to look at the object, the word SHERIFF immediately catching his eyes. Confusion growing, he looked down the length of the object, surprised to find that this wasn’t just any object. It was some sort of vehicle! A big one, at that!

It was mostly brown in color, but the doors, hood, trunk, and roof were the color of butterscotch. On the doors was a big star with a blue circle on the inside, but lacked any real markings. On the roof was a small red bubble light, and on the trunk were the words SHERIFF’S PATROL. Just below that,on the chrome fascia, were the words GTO.

It was boxy and stylish, chrome lining the front and rear. It had dual headlights placed side by side, two wide square taillights, small fender extensions, a luxurious blue leather interior…

“What the hay did I just find…” Hitch slowly said, a smile forming on his face.

He looked around. There were no tire markings, no signs of how the car got here. It was like somepony used their magic to carefully carry it through the forest, then simply set it down.

Then again, who the heck would leave such a pristine machine in the middle of the forest? On the top of a freaking mountain, at that?

“Oh screw it,” Hitch said. “Nopony’s around. I’m sheriff, this is clearly meant for sheriff’s, so I’m gonna… possess it.”

He stepped up to the left door and pulled on the handle. It came open easily, so Hitch climbed into the driver’s seat, made sure his tail was in, and closed the door with a satisfying THUNK.

“Alllright. It’s uhh…” His eyes widened as he looked around the interior, overwhelmed by the dials, buttons, and switches. Things like Oil Temp, Speedometer, Tachometer, Engine Temp, he didn’t know what half of those meant.

“Uh- Whaaaaaa?” he let out before taking a breath. “Okay… Don’t worry. It’s just like Izzy’s scooter. Umm… First, I need to start the engine. Where’s the key- Oh. Right here.”

He reached up at a pair of keys dangling from the rearview mirror.

“Wait…” he said, looking at the rearview mirrors, then the side mirrors. “Ohhh now THAT is helpful! Anyway- Actually, how do I open this window? Is it… this? Maybe?”

He began twisting a lever located on the doorcard. Low and behold, the window began coming down, letting in fresh air.

“Ah. There we go. Now where do I put this key… Right here.”

Seeing a keyhole next to the steering wheel, Hitch inserted the key, and turned it.

Kerrruunn-run-run-ruclkner

Hitch quickly turned the key back upon hearing the strange noises. Also because it was much louder than he was expecting.

“Okayyy. Uhh… That didn’t work. Umm… Maybe this?”

He depressed the rightmost pedal on the floor a little. Behind him, he could hear what he assumed was a fuel pump whirring.

“Let’s try it now.”

Kerrrruunnnruh-hu-hu-hunnn-ruh-hu-hu-hunnnn-ruh-hu-hu-hunnn-ruh-hu-hu-hunnnn

Hitch grew more and more determined to get the engine started. He depressed the pedal more, and suddenly…

HunnnrrRRRRUUMMMMM!!

“AH!”

The engine roared to life, scaring the daylights out of Hitch with its low growl. The fear subsided, and Hitch smiled more than he had ever smiled before.

“HAHAAA!” he laughed. “WOW that is awesome! SO much better than Izzy’s scooter!”

The headlights and interior lights came to life, as did a small screen in the middle of the dashboard. Hitch’s eyes narrowed, but widened when he realized what it was.

“Oh! A cassette player! I wonder what’s in it.”

After pressing the eject button, a small cassette popped out of the player. Hitch swiped it and held it in front of him, reading the name.

“Ronny and the Daytona’s, Little GTO. Huh! That’s a different name from what I’m used to. Must be this thing’s theme song.”

He put the cassette back in the player.

“Then again, I don’t know how this thing could be little.

CRUNK

Hitch’s ears perked up at the sudden noise, looking around.

“What was that? Ahhh whatever. I wanna hear this.”

Click

Unknown to him, he had accidentally disengaged the parking brake.

“...Come on! Work!” he exclaimed, tapping the seemingly inoperable tape player a few times. After tapping it a few more times, he groaned.

“Fine. Might as well see what other stuff this thing has.”

He clicked a somewhat out-of-place button on the dash. At first, it seemed like nothing happened. But when he looked up, he saw that the area around him was red.

“What the- Wait a minute.”

Opening the door, he leaned out and looked up at the red bubble light on the top. Low and behold, the mechanism was spinning, providing emergency lighting.

“Okay, I didn’t think I’d fall in love tonight,” Hitch chuckled as he leaned back in and shut the door.

He then found himself listening more intently at the engine. It rumbled and growled, eager to get moving. Hitch looked down at the hoofwell where the pedals were, tilting his head before placing a hoof on the accelerator.

grrrrrOOoooommmmm-rrrOOoommmmm-rOO-rOOOMMMmmmmm

“Ohhh…”

Noticing a seatbelt, he put it on.

“Safety first!”

grrrrrrOOOOMM! GROO-ROOOOMMMM!!

“HAHAA! YES! Alright. I need to get moving. Maybe I can get back to Maretime Bay before Zipp gets here.”

…

“Okay, how do I actually get this thing moving?”

He first tried flicking the lever on the left side of the steering wheel. Flicking it up made an orange light on the right start flashing. Flicking down made an orange light on the left start flashing.

“Hm.”

He grabbed the lever on the right side of the wheel, trying to move it up and down. It wouldn’t budge.

“Oh come ON!”

KCH!

Suddenly, after being pulled forward out of anger, the lever went all the way down. The moment that happened, the car started to move forward.

“Oh! HA! There we go!” Hitch happily exclaimed.

Leaves and branches cracked as the tires went over them. Hitch looked forward to see an interesting lack of trees in front of him.

And also a very interesting lack of ground.

“WAIT. Oh shoot. Nooo nooo no no NO! How do I stop this thing?!”

scrrrrrch

He pressed the pedal next to the accelerator just as the front wheels hung over the cliff, leaving him and the car dangling on the edge.

And after leaning out the window and seeing how steep the cliff was, Hitch let out a heap of air and slumped into the dashboard.

Which then caused the car to slip forward.

And also caused the radio to kick on.

“No. NO! YOU’RE BRAKING! OH MY- AHHHHH!”

With drums and a surf guitar blaring, the GTO put all four wheels on the ground and began careening down the mountain, picking up more and more speed.

Screaming loudly with both hooves on the brakes, he grabbed the steering wheel and swerved left right and center, somehow not binning it into a tree.

The brakes quickly began to fail as they overheated, allowing the car to go even faster than it already was. Never before had Hitch achieved even half the speed he was doing.

“PLEEEAAASE STOP YOU PIECE OF- AHHHHHHHH!”

SCREEEEEECH!!

Further down the mountain, Zipp was taking her sweet time getting to the top when she heard a screeching sound coming towards her.

She looked up the mountain and saw what looked like a pair of headlights and a spinning red light careening downhill. At extremely high speeds.

“What the heck?” she asked as she began hearing screaming and…

“Is that surf music? Wait. OH SWEET CELESTIA!!”

“ZIIIIIIPP! HEEEEELP!” Hitch screamed as he and the car flew past her.

“Ohhh shoot!”

Zipp unfolded her wings and tore after the speeding automobile. She caught up in short order, after which she went to the left side, getting her phone out and recording.

“HITCH!” she yelled over the squealing of the brakes. “What the heck is this thing?!”

“A Pontiac GTO- I don’t know! HELP ME! I CAN’T STOP!”

“Uhhh- Oh shoot. OH NO! HEY! YOU! GET OUT OF THE WAY!”

To their horror, there was a mare ahead. A blue unicorn with kinky hair swept to one side. The mare looked at them, eyes widening upon seeing the mass of metal.

“AH-”

PANG!

The mare was barely able to scream before finding herself on the front of the car. When she saw Hitch at the wheel, that was when she screamed.

“OH FOR- LOOK AHEAD!” Zipp yelled.

Everyone looked ahead to see a freaking ravine straight ahead. One with a jump just before it.

“AHHHHHH!”

vroOOOOMMM!

The car hit the jump and caught some serious airtime over the ravine. The mare on the hood caught some airtime of her own, soon landing on the grass on the other side of the ravine.

As for the car, it soared across the ravine landing on the other side with what was by far the most satisfying landing Zipp had ever seen.

And she caught it on camera!

Even Hitch was surprised at the lack of a thump or a jolt into the seat. To him, it was a nice moment, if very brief.

Finally putting his big boy pants on, Hitch tightened his grip on the steering wheel, focusing on actually dodging the trees rather than letting destiny guide him.

Left, Right, Left, Right, he yanked the steering wheel every which way, dodging trees and bushes.

“AAHHH!”

The car rammed through a particularly thick set of brambles, suddenly revealing the oceanside town of Maretime Bay. Hitch could quite plainly see that he had a straight shot into main street.

“WAIT A MINUTE! SHOOT!”

Though it was early, there was close to two dozen ponies wandering the main street. And though they were expecting a nice and quiet early morning, they could hear a distinct honking sound coming closer and closer.

And from the nearby forest, a bright red spinning light.

“GET OUT OF THE WAYYY!” Hitch screamed.

The populace screamed as they ran, jumped, flew, and dove out of the way, mere fractions before the car roared by.

To Hitch’s horror, a group of ponies had been renovating the building next to the sheriff station, the equipment blocking too much road for the car to get through.

With a mighty scream, he pressed on ALL the brakes and yanked the wheel to the right. He felt the car rock as the rear end slid outward, making a long and terrifying screech.

Hitch closed his eyes as the car gave another jolt, certain that this was the end.

Then, everything stopped. Including the surf music.

The low rumble of the engine he opened his eyes to find himself in front of the police station. He looked around at the ponies staring at him - there were many - the lever on the dashboard that sent him on the trip.

Crunk

The engine changed tone as the car was taken out of gear. When he looked up at Zipp who was landing next to the car, he began to laugh.

The laugh was contagious, as Zipp began laughing too.

The two laughed so much the nearby citizens thought the poor ponies had gone mad.

“Heh-Hey, Zipp?” Hitch asked.

“Yeah?” Zipp asked back.

“Twenty Bits says you can’t beat this baby.”

“Oh-hoh-hohhh!” Zipp chuckled. “Now THERE is a bet I’ll take!”

“HOW DID YOU BEAT ME AGAIN?!?!”

Author's Note

Legends will know the movie scene this is loosely based on!