Chapters Travelers Tales: Discord The Champion Of Ponyville
Discord sat underneath the pleasant Ponyville sun, entangling himself around the bark of an oak tree as he summoned a pair of reading glasses alongside a very long to-do list.
"Let's see," he skimmed through the scroll, "House sit Twilight's castle…" the draconequus looked over to the rubble that was scattered across the plot of land that had once been Twilight's castle, "... Check."
"Tend to animals, speak with Mayor Mare about ongoings with the town, stay out of trouble." Discord clicked his tongue, "Twilight, you really have little faith in me."
He'd yawn before teleporting beside the tree he was once wrapped up in, "I feel like I'm forgetting something…."
"Hoo!"
Above the draconeequs, a brown barn owl fluttered down from the trees, perching itself at Discord's antler. It blinked at the creature, swiveling its head left and right as it looked about.
Strange, owls aren't usually awake during the day... they slept during the day and hunted at night, usually for smaller prey like rabbits and mice. Ironic, considering Fluttershy's pet of choice.
This owl seemed familiar, however, looking down at Discord expectantly with its strangely judgmental gaze.
Discord scratched his head with his claw as he slowly stroked his beard with his paw, seeming to stare at the owl curiously, "Strange… you look… familiar, but you're not part of Fluttershy's repertoire of wildlife critters… trust me, I had it drilled into my head."
The draconequus had a drill pressed against his skull as it buzzed loudly, causing the creature's eyes to swirl around his head, before he quickly disposed of the tool into the aether, "No, no…."
The owl seemed to roll its eyes at his antics, fluttering off his antler.
Discord suddenly appeared to be beside the owl, wearing a fedora similar to one a news reporter would have as he offered the animal a microphone, "What's your angle? Opinion on current happenings in Equestria? Do you agree that Discord is the most handsome creature in all the land?"
"Hoo," Was the owl's only response as he landed on a tree branch, crossing its wings as it cocked its brow. It seemed it could understand what Discord was saying and wasn't impressed.
Discord raised a brow, "Oh, you're sentient. Ah, isn't that a hard sell? To be blessed with sentience but not the ability to speak. Especially considering you're distant cousins to Harpies and, of course, parrots."
"Let's change that, shall we?" A mischievous look overtook Discord's expression. With a snap of his claws, the owl would feel a strange surge pulsate inside him as the bird erupted into a coughing fit.
The owl blinked, suddenly filled with fear. Spreading his wings, he attempted to fly away before the draconeequs could cause him any harm.
Then, it felt as if he were attempting to regurgitate one of his meals, the owl making a rough landing on the ground, using its wings to prop itself up.
"What did you–" The words seemed to tumble from his beak, his beady eyes widening in shock. "What did you DO, you fool?!"
The owl's voice sounded very posh, surprisingly enough. Not quite like the Canterlot elite, or the ritzy Manehattanite draw. In fact, he sounded more like a certain foal from Ms. Cheerilee's class... Pipsqueak, was it? But far more mature, more gentlemanly, if you will.
Catching its breath, the owl lifted itself into the air and flew into Discord's face.
"The princess has trusted you to take care of her town while she is gone, and one of the first things you do is make her owl TALK?!" The owl squawked, getting into Discord's face. "Honestly, do you have ANY sense of responsibility at all?!"
Discord erupted into a fit of laughter, "Oh, oh, this is too rich!" he'd collapse onto the ground and smash his claws and hoofs against the grass, riling in laughter.
"Oh my, I knew the stereotype of a wise old owl, but you sound like that harpy from the commercials!"
He'd quickly sit up, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a fruitsie-roll-pop?" quoted Discord.
The draconeequs got on his hooves as he offered the owl a loli, "Let's find out!"
The owl narrowed his eyes and snapped the lollipop in half, his beak sharp and robust from hunting.
"Now, if you're quite finished with your hilarious comedy routine, perhaps you could change me back? Owls aren't supposed to speak... ponish. It's very difficult on my vocal cords." It seemed to cough, trying to clear its throat.
"Besides, you have other responsibilities! Making sure Ponyville's weather is capably handled, Rainbow Dash was the captain of the local weather team, and now we need another decent captain. And with your wingspan, I doubt you'd be up to the task."
"Have you even checked on Fluttershy's animals? They need feeding more than once per day. And each requires special care. Not to mention there is still some rubble left to be cleaned, and parties need to be planned without Pinkie here."
The owl rambled on like an old school teacher, cutting through any sort of charm his cuddly appearance gave.
Discord seemed to tune out the owl's scolding as he ran his griffin's claw through his beard, seeming to observe the creature with interest, "Yes, yes, I am well aware of the list of chores Twilight and her friends had given me."
"But… don't think it's all… a bit much?" He'd fully unrolled the scroll, presenting it to the owl as it rolled through the park, stretching at least a few yards, "I may be the all-mighty, all-powerful Lord Of Chaos Discord, but I'm only one creature!"
"Much?! That's what the princess and her friends accomplish every day! Why did you volunteer yourself if you weren't capable of such a task? " The owl hissed.
Discord disregarded him, "Seeing as Twilight has either forgotten you in the chaos that was having her house destroyed, or you were simply absent during the week of packing. But it seems that you will have to put in a little effort around here now."
The draconeequs would snag the list and pinpoint a list of all the animals he was obligated to take care of. Owlowiscious was not present on the list, "Now, seeing that I have given you the gift of speech, isn't it only fair that you assist me in my endeavors as my… personal assistant."
The owl raised his wings defensively, insulted by Discord's accusatory reproach, "How dare you insinuate that Twilight would forget about me! I'm her pet and second assistant! She knows I am a predator animal and must hunt, so she lets me come and go as I please. Frankly, I was lucky that day; I decided to sleep in the Everfree Forest the day before her castle was destroyed..."
The owl narrowed its gaze, "And what do you mean, I'm going to put in the effort? This is your job. I'm simply ensuring that YOU don't shirk any of your duties. This isn't a gift; this is you breaking the laws of nature so YOU can slack off!"
Discord yawned, "Owl-delicious, you realize everything I do or do not do has a purpose. I'm sure you realize that everything I do is to maintain and spread chaos within the world. The reason I took this job is because Twilight is spreading order and harmony through Equestria and beyond."
"Now, what do you think my job is, hm?" Discord said with a playful smile, "Now, don't get your feathers in a twist because I simply decided to do something that was in my nature to do."
He'd teleport beside the bird, "So Hooter, do you see what my angle is now? I am helping, but it will most certainly be in the most chaotic way possible."
"It's OWL-icious, not Hooter or Owl-delicious; you're just being insulting on purpose now." The owl huffed.
"Oh, that's rich. You, helping!" Owlicious laughed, which sounded very bizarre coming from an avian such as himself, "I think Spike would be more capable of running Ponyville over you!"
Discord smirked, gently petting the owl's head, "Oh please, did you forget about the democratic institution of our dear Mayor? I've been working with her for days. Do you know how hard it is to keep your physical existence as a being of pure chaos at a civil board meeting!?"
"Oh, I can just feel myself ceasing to exist at the mere thought of coffee and another hour-long presentation on Ponyville's tax money and annual budget!"
Discord snapped a claw as he provided himself a small cloud of cotton candy, taking a large bite out of it, "You see, I've been a very good boy, all things considered," mumbled Discord, mouth full of candy.
"Now, all I ask of you is to help me. Do you want me to tone down the chaos? Do you want me to help more directly? Then you have to step up, or I'll overwork myself and cease to exist!"
"I am not diminishing Madam Mayor Mare's position, but Princess Twilight and her friends have significant roles in this town. You can't simply skimp over them because you don't feel like it!" Owlicious shoved Discord's paw away, his feathers ruffling up in disdain.
He stared at Discord unblinking, there was apparent distaste in his gaze, but he couldn't help but see the logic in it. If anything, he could keep an eye on the draconeequs and ensure he didn't make a mess of things.
"... Fine. But I am keeping you to a SCHEDULE. You will not be missing anything, and there will only be a break for lunch. Otherwise, this is a JOB, not chores," Owlicious puffed up his chest, "You should consider it an honor to help this community."
Discord pinched his cheek, "Oh don't you worry, your fuzzy little head, I promise I'll be good after all; I am redeemed."
With a snap of his claw, he'd summon pen and paper, "Now then, let's get to work, shall we?"
Author's Note
Harpy/Harpies are the fan given name for Anthropromorphic parrot creatures like Captain Celaeno.
Travelers Tales: Discord The Champion Of Ponyville
Chaos Theory: Part Two The Finale
Discord leaned against the cottage door as he listened closely to the pleasant symphony of chaotic wails, barks, and roars from the animals bundled up inside. An interesting expression of amusement and confusion appeared on his face.
"Ah… I don't remember leaving any animals inside the cottage," Discord said bluntly.
"So either you're blind or deliberately don't pay attention," Owlicious sniffed, resting on a branch outside the cottage.
"Well, are you going to go in, or what? Those animals need feeding, bathing, and attention. Some of them are even sick and injured," the owl looked down at Discord, "You don't want to disappoint Fluttershy, do you?"
Discord scoffed, "I am well aware of my duties. I'm just a bit concerned because the animals aren't supposed to be inside. Clearly, some creature let them in… and I know exactly who…."
Owlicious cocked his brow; of course, Fluttershy had dozens of animals in her cottage, although most were being nursed back to health. He knew as such when he spoke to her about his hunting grounds, asking him nicely to stay out of her yard.
Discord quickly put on a police officer's uniform with a snap of his claw before bursting through the door, "NOBODY MOVE, EVERY CRITTER OFF OF THE COUCH-YOU."
Discord quickly locked his gaze with Angel Bunny, standing defiantly on the dinner table across the room from him, "YOU let them in, didn't you?"
The owl took a seat at a perch, shaking his head. "You don't remember much, do you?"
Angel Bunny, who had been waiting in the living room for hours, ran up and stomped his feet at the draconeequs. He pointed at his stomach, his mouth, and all the other creatures.
A hummingbird with a broken wing sat sadly next to his feeder, which was empty. A few mice scurried about, chewing on the table legs of Fluttershy's coffee table, ignoring the draconeequs. A few wolves sat down expectantly, having been well trained by the pegasus to obey commands.
Harry, the bear, poked his head out of the kitchen, a honey pot stuck on his snout.
Angel Bunny hopped up and down in a tantrum, pointing and miming at Discord in anger. Discord turned to Owlicious expectantly.
Owlicious looked up, "Don't look at me. All animals have different languages. I have no idea what he's saying... but I could guess."
Discord sighed, "Contrary to popular belief, I don't LIVE here, so excuse me for not being completely sure what is considered normal around here. Honestly, I'm surprised they aren't y'know…" he'd slice his claw across his throat.
Owlicious eyes widened, "Fluttershy makes it very clear no animal is to be harmed or eaten on her property or the surrounding area. She and I spoke at length about it."
The draconeequs raised a brow at the owl, "And YOU complain about me violating the laws of nature, tch."
Discord tsk'd as he clicked his tongue, "Let's see here..." he'd approach the animals one by one and scan them closely, eyeing them up and down before slowly turning to face Owlicious.
"I think I see the problem… these animals… need my attention!" proclaimed Discord.
"Gee, you're a quick one." the owl rolled his eyes.
Angel Bunny now realizing that Owlicious was speaking. Looked up in sheer shock and disgust at the words tumbling out of Owlicious' mouth. How was he speaking?!
No, he knew why... Discord, of course! The rabbit jumped up, climbing onto Discord's leg and up to his chest. He grabbed him by the fur, pointing at himself and Owlicious, clearly demanding something.
Discord glanced down at Angel Bunny, "Oh great, YOU want to talk? Fine… I suppose this would be easier with you telling what these miserable saps need."
Discord snapped his claw, and the rabbit felt a strange surge pulsate inside him as the bunny erupted into a coughing fit as Owlicious had.
"You're doing that again ? Well, at least he asked for it..." Owlicious tsked.
Angel Bunny flopped to the ground, overwhelmed by the coughing, before returning to his hind feet.
"Finally, you do something of worth around here!" Angel spat out, "I... I can talk! I can finally talk to someone other than Fluttershy!"
The rabbit jumped up with surprising giddiness, clapping his feet together as he jumped around. Surprisingly, Angel sounded even stranger. In contrast to Owlicious, who sounded like he wasn't even from Equestria, Angel Bunny was reminiscent of a Baltimarian or lower Manehattanite. It was somewhat high pitched, with a snide, sarcastic undertone.
"See ya later, suckers." the rabbit stuck out his tongue, racing for the door.
Discord rolled his eyes as he snapped his claw, instantly summoning the rabbit again into his grasp, "Well, it was worth a try; I suppose you don't get to talk after all."
"Wait!!" the rabbit squeaked, trying to wrestle himself out of the draconeequs' grip.
"Fine! I'll help you, but don't expect me to do all the work!" snapped Angel.
Owlicious rolled his eyes and flew to Discord's shoulder. "It's probably best not to threaten him. He can still talk to Fluttershy even if you remove his ability to speak Ponish."
"Yeah, listen to the bird!" whined Angel.
Discord drummed his fingers on the table, eyeing Angel bunny, "Oh, I won't harm a hair on his little fluffy head, but I will take away his ability to speak Ponish if he misbehaves."
Angel stuck out his tongue, crossing his arms. Owlicious sighed, already sensing how this was going to go.
Discord dropped the bunny on the table, "Now then, since these animals are your friends, acquaintances, neighbors, the like. You will tell me what each of them needs because some aren't as obvious as the others..."
Discord summoned a hammer before perfectly smashing the honey jar from Harry's muzzle, freeing his mouth and leaving him unharmed, before snapping his fingers and replacing the hummingbird feeder… and the hummingbird's broken wing with a hummingbird-sized bat-wing.
"Well, for one, freeze Harry's mouth, he hasn't eaten in hours, and that's been stuck there for that long! He needs his berries and protein." the bunny stared at the now hybrid hummingbird, fur-raising at the strangeness.
"Eugh... anyways... the dogs need feeding, bathing, de-fleaing, and to be walked. The mice's home needs cleaning, new bedding, water, and food pellets. You should check on Walter; he's one of the mice; he's been under the weather."
Angel went through the list, "The cats need their litter changed, to be fed, and pet. Three rattlesnakes and two pythons need their meals; she has eggs in the fridge for them."
"There are also two deer in the backyard, their antlers are stuck together, and they're starving. They showed up yesterday." Angel sighed, "And that should be it... Fluttershy goes through that every day and more; I nearly memorized all of it." he seemed tired just listing everything out.
Discord paused at the deer part, "I thought deer were sentient….and they say this world makes perfect sense."
"You would be surprised; I even saw her care for a giraffe! I suppose Fluttershy simply takes care of any creature needing help." Owlicious shrugged.
"Welp, that's everything, so if you need me...." Angel began towards the door once more.
Discord snatched Angel Bunny, "And where exactly do you think you're going? What do you think you're going to do? Waltz into a place of business or some sort of party and just assimilate?" Discord erupted into laughter, "You're a pet! Owlicious even had the sense not to abuse his new-found blessing."
"Hey, I did my part; I told you what they needed! Now I can actually talk to more than one pony!" Angel struggled in the air, trying to hit the draconeequs with his tiny paws, "Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to talk to only ONE creature?! I'm bored! And I know I don't want to talk to you ."
Discord laughed, "Please! I would've killed to talk to one creature during my imprisonment, especially if it was Fluttershy."
"Yeah, I'm sure you would," Angel mocked him, bringing his paws up to his cheeks, making a kissy face, "Whatever, you know what I mean."
Discord rolled his eyes, "Here's exactly the thrilling conversation you're going to get:" He'd clear his throat as he mimicked the rabbit's tone of voice, "Hi, I'm Angel– AAAAAAaHHHHH IS THAT RABBIT TALKING!? OH SWEET CELESTIA, SAVE US; THE END TIMES ARE HERE!"
"Pfft, please, I'm an adorable talking rabbit. Ponies would love me!" Angel hmphed, "But I guess I don't have a choice."
Discord scoffed, "Fine, I got the memo. I'll introduce you to some ponies once I'm finished… now then…."
The room would begin to rattle and shake as the furniture and animals floated. Discord focused his magic as the house started to deconstruct itself down to every atom in front of Angel and Owlicious.
The animals would helplessly fly around this metaphysical whirlwind the draconeequs had created. The home's interior seemed to disappear entirely as the home began to spin and spin with colors and objects that were too distorted from their original form to tell what they were flying around them.
Every animal felt itself shift and change as if every bone, muscle, and organ was being rearranged in a second.
"What is LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY ARE YOU DOING?!" Owlicious squawked, unable to put a word on what terror he was experiencing.
"Rearranging reality to where every creature here is perfectly healthy and well-fed, what does it look like I'm doing?" Discord said in a matter-of-fact tone as if it was self-evident what he was doing.
"Make it stop!!" Angel cried, covering his eyes
The room kept spinning and spinning as any physical shape, and the animals began to separate into atoms. The animals could see themselves become nothing, ceasing to exist before snapping back into reality.
The whiplash was alien, unlike anything they had ever experienced in their natural lives as humble subjects of nature. It was like embracing death and vitality all at once. Was this enlightenment? Was this the end of their modest lives?
Every creature was back in place with a blink of their eyes. Healthy, groomed, well-fed, with all their necessities provided for them.
The room was quiet for a brief moment until every animal in the vicinity began to panic. Harry started rampaging through the house, trying to escape through the back door, while the other animals attempted other exits. Mice scurried under the door's crack while birds slammed themselves against windows in a desperate plea.
"Look at what you did; you terrified all of them! You may have helped them physically, but you mentally scarred them beyond repair!" Owlicious squawked, his feathers ruffled, looking to flee himself, "How could Twilight put YOU in charge of anything if this is your solution?!"
Angel Bunny wrenched himself free of Discord's grasp and hopped onto a window, opening it for his fellow animals to fly free.
"Why are you even friends with Fluttershy if you don't even care?!" Angel hissed before hopping out the window himself.
Discord sighed as with a snap of his fingers, he'd freeze time, leaving only Owlicious free from the spell's effects, "So… my humble assistant, take a letter to Princess Twilight." he'd toss pen and paper to the owl.
Owlicious cocked a brow, holding the pen and paper in his tiny claws. "I may be able to speak, but I can't write in Ponish... I don't even think I'm physically capable of holding a pen. What are you even going to send her anyways? Are you quitting already?" Owlicious narrowed his gaze.
"You think I gave you the ability to speak without the ability to read and write? What do you take me for, an idiot?" scoffed Discord, "Use your beak or claw; it should come naturally to you once you pick up the pen."
Discord cleared his throat as he mimicked Twilight, "Dear Princess Cel– Twilight, Today I learned you can't bend and tear the fabric of reality to care for animals in a neat and orderly fashion. Instead, you have to groom, feed, and take care of them properly. Who knew? Sincerely, your faithful friend, Discord."
Owlicious sighed and placed the parchment on the floor, awkwardly holding the pen in his claw before giving up and using his beak.
"Couldn't you have just written the message? It's not like Twilight hasn't written her own before." Owlicious grumbled with ink, now staining his beak.
Discord took the letter before making it disappear with a snap of his claw, "It's called sticking to a formula that the audience recognizes." Discord said as he rolled his eyes, "Now…" he'd offer his claw to Owlicious, "Grab on and hang on tight."
The owl cautiously stepped onto Discord's arm, not liking where this was going, "No more bending the reality of time and nature around me, thank you," Owlicious sighed, "Please."
"I won't… anymore… but we're going to have to make one more exception to our rule." smiled Discord.
Discord would summon a large clock before grabbing the large hand with his paw, forcing it to spin backward.
The world around them would play in reverse as the animals dissolve into atoms and reformed into their previous incarnations. The once 'perfect' house had deconstructed itself. Reshaping and reorganizing itself into the messy home it was earlier in the day.
But the two creatures went further back in time, to even before that. Before Owlicious and Discord had begun working together. Going back in the day, right when Discord was supposed to show up.
Discord tapped the arms of the clock to make them stop moving before snapping his fingers to allow time to flow naturally once more.
Discord turned to Angel, who was patiently sitting on the table waiting for Discord, who quickly jumped at the seemingly sudden appearance of Discord and Owlicious. With a snap of his fingers, Discord gifted Angel the ability to speak again.
"Good morning Angel Bunny! Ready to start the day!? Me and my assistant Owlicious are here and ready to help!"
"I really don't like you," Owlicious said bluntly, crossing his wings.
Angel Bunny would look up in surprise, then hold his throat. "Wha... I can talk...? But... why?" The rabbit was utterly put off by the draconeequs' happy demeanor and the gift of speech.
"What's in it for you?" Angel narrowed his eyes.
"Let's just say he and I had a long talk," Owlicious hooted.
Discord smiled smugly at Owlicious, stroking the owl's head before looking at Angel, "Oh yes, we had quite a charming chat," he chuckled.
"... Fine. Let's just take care of everyone," Angel Bunny hopped away toward the kitchen, "Let's start with Harry first... he's got his head stuck in the honey jar."
Travelers Tales: Discord The Champion Of Ponyville
Paying Social Calls: Part One
Discord, Angel, and Owlicious sat together at the Ponyville cafe, enjoying their scheduled lunch break assigned to them by Owlicious. Discord took a bite out of his teacup as he looked over at the disillusioned Angel, "What's your problem?"
Angel Bunny looked up suspiciously at the draconeequs, slowly chewing on a lovely salad of lettuce, spinach, carrots, and cucumbers.
"I don't trust you... why did you give me a voice?" he cocked a brow, munching on a slice of cucumber, "What's in it for you?"
Owlicious sighed, taking a bite of a giant moth. Discord had magicked him up a plate of insects, which was a fine meal. He didn't imagine ponies would enjoy watching him choke down a rat.
Discord chuckled, "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me, and besides, I don't speak animal. You help me with Fluttershy's pets, and I help you by allowing you to flirt with any mare that gives you a scratch behind the ear."
Angel's ears popped up, considering Discord's offer as he slowly chewed, "Hmm... sounds like a deal."
"Speaking of our duties, we have more to accomplish, gentlecreatures," Owlicious chomped down another insect before properly wiping his beak, "I believe we should stop by Mayor Mare's and see if she requires any of our help."
Discord sighed, rubbing his temple, "If she goes on about finances again, I think I'll cease to exist… alright gentlecreatures, let's get a move on."
With a snap of his fingers, the three instantly appeared in Mayor Mare's office, "Ms. Mare? It's Discord!~" he chimed.
"I hate when you do that..." Angel shook his head, dizzy from the transport.
Mayor Mare jumped up in fright, turning around in her swivel chair to face the draconeequs.
"Oh! Uh... Discord! And... Fluttershy and Twilight's pets... how... nice?" Mayor Mare smiled nervously, rubbing her hooves. "So glad you visited; I was... hoping you could help with something," It seemed she was more asking out of obligation and fear than genuinely wanting his help.
"Princess Celestia is visiting us this afternoon, and I haven't had any time to do anything but prepare myself for our meeting. Since Pinkie Pie is away, I was hoping you could handle the festivities?" she asked cautiously.
Discord slowly chuckled before erupting into a fit of laughter, "Is that all? This is the easiest thing I've done this week! A party for Celestia, you couldn't ask for a better creature for the job aside from Celestia herself!"
Mayor Mare laughed awkwardly, "Aha, I'm... sure. First, I'd like you to check in with the Cakes to ensure everything is ready for her arrival; you know how much Celestia loves her sweets. Next, I'd like you to check in with Amethyst; she's an event organizer who can help with decorations. Lastly, please ensure the Ponyville police are at their stations. I know she brings her own guard, but with the Princess and her friends away, it would be nice to feel more... secure."
"I'm sure you can handle all of that." Mayor Mare softly smiled.
"Is that all?" Angel rolled his eyes.
"Er... did that rabbit just talk?" The mare blinked, rearing up.
"Yeah, what's the problem?" He hopped up on her desk, crossing his arms.
"Um, nothing, nothing, of course!" Mayor Mare smiled, although she couldn't help but scoot away from her desk.
"Don't bully her, Angel; it's rude," Owlicious crooned from Discord's shoulder.
"And... so is the bird... er..." the Mayor got up and cleared her throat, trotting to her door to open it up for her guests.
"Thank you for visiting; I'll let you know if there are any other duties I need help with," she subtly gestured for the door, "If you need any help... don't hesitate to contact me! With a message... from my secretary."
Discord raised a brow at Mayor Mare, "Oh what, are you too good for me?" he'd scoff as he'd wave off the earth pony, "Teh, typical politicians and their sense of superiority." he'd stamp out of the door before quickly snatching Angel off her desk.
Teleporting outside of Sugarcube Corner, Discord looked at Angel, "Now I know I gave you the ability to speak, so I trust that you'll have the good sense not to use that ability in front of Celestia she tends to get fussy when her 'harmony' gets out of order."
Angel rolled his eyes, "Whatever, I'll talk to anypony I like!" He'd grumble under his breath.
Discord would sigh before stepping into the cake shop, seeming overwhelmed by the thick scent of frosting and baked goods, "Goodness… how could anypony work here, let alone live here, is beyond me… smells like a toothache..."
"It smells rather lovely, although I can't eat it." Owlicious sniffed, "Smells like... sugar-coated heaven."
Discord cleared his throat, "Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Cake? I was sent by the Mayor to ensure we have the proper assortment of teeth rotting confections to give Celestia."
There was the sound of bickering from the other side of the counter behind a door where the kitchen was held. For another minute, there was silence until Mr. Cake trotted out, a bead of sweat going down his brow.
"Oh, Mr. Discord, how nice to see you! I didn't know you were going to help with the festivities... uh... sure, why don't *WE* show you what we've cooked up?" He emphasized the 'we,' a squeak coming from the kitchen.
"Please, no need for formalities. Discord works just fine." Insisted Discord as he raised his brow, amused at the implied bickering the Cakes had moments ago.
"Just follow me..." the earth pony would open the door, trotting inside.
The bakery was filled with confections and pastries of every kind and flavor, layered cakes that went up to two feet in height, a chocolate fudge lava cake with caramel drizzle, vanilla frosted strawberry shortcake cupcakes, and the list went on. A giant sundae was in a serving bowl, topped with banana slices, cherries, and hefty caramel and chocolate drizzle portions.
"As you can see, we have quite a lot already started, but we also need more for the guests..." Mr. Cake spoke before blushing.
"Not to imply the Princess has a large figure, but... she has quite a big appetite."
Discord rolled his eyes, "She'll have more than a big figure if she eats an entire banquet. Fatty." Muttered Discord under his breath.
"Now, what's wrong with a large figure?" Mrs. Cake looked at her husband before turning to the draconeequs, "Ah... hello Discord. I'm not sure we've ever met, but you know Pinkie Pie... and you're... friends, right? Nice to meet you."
Discord shrugged, "We get on from time to time…." he leaned close, "Between you and me, she's has a few screws loose, and that's coming from ME of all creatures!"
"Ohoho, well, Pinkie's always been an... excitable one, that's for sure." Mrs. Cake replied, not quite certain how to take that.
Angel couldn't help but hop up onto one of the counters, taking a nibble of a banana slice. Discord swatted Angel away from the desserts as he examined the selection callously, "Now, I'd hate to scrutinize your hard work, but where did you pull your selection of pastries and cakes from?"
"Actually, most of these are family recipes!" Mrs. Cake smiled proudly, "There's only a few that I've begun experimenting with, but yup, these all came from my grandmother and me!"
"Hey now, sweetie, some of these I made with you," Mr. Cake looked crestfallen.
"Oh honey, you know we're a family, so of course, it comes from both of us!" His wife admonished him.
"Yes, dear..." Mr. Cake sighed, "And all of our ingredients come from the town unless it's quite rare. We've been hoping to get more exotic fruit like mangoes and coconuts for more diverse options, but they're quite expensive this year."
"Yeah… none of these would enter her mouth," Discord replied straight to the point, "Suffice to say she wouldn't touch these, now don't be offended! This isn't because they're bad but… unfamiliar to her."
Discord flicked his claw through the icing of one of the cakes, tasting them before feeling the texture between his claws, "Yes… I'm afraid this won't do at all."
Mrs. Cake shot up, "What in Equestria do you mean?! We've made the same pastries for her every time she visits! How could she not enjoy them?!"
"Now calm down, honey; why don't we... listen to him?" Mr. Cake smiled awkwardly.
"Oh... well..." Mrs. Cake sighed.
Angel sighed loudly, tugging on Discord's tail with an expectant and curious look. Owlicious coughed, rather un-birdlike.
Discord flicked Angel away with a swift movement of his tail, "Celestia is courteous and polite, you could give her vomit on a plate, and she'd still keep it at her table. But would she eat it, no sir!"
The draconeequs continued, "I have witnessed over a thousand years of state dinners, Summer Sun Celebrations, and birthdays. I know exactly what makes Celestia tick." he'd summon a large cookbook before flipping its pages to it.
The Canterlot Marble Cake….
"Only the most experienced bakers can make such a delicacy; I have seen bakers and chefs driven mad, on their knees, begging for the cake to come out just right. I've had some begging ME for help. But only someone truly versed in baking can make such a combination of chocolate and vanilla cake topped with ganache frosting and a drip!"
Discord snapped the book shut, "If you want her to even take a bite of your cake, you will have to surrender yourselves to my instruction! Because we only have so much time to prepare!"
Mr. and Mrs. Cake shared a look, unsure if they were ready for such a feat or if they even believed Discord at all. They were more than confident Celestia had eaten their cakes... hadn't she? They ran out very quickly when she was in town, especially on ingredients... but then again, Pinkie was always there to 'taste test,' causing them to bake triple what they needed anyways...
"We... wouldn't mind learning a new recipe, if that's what you mean." Mr. Cake offered hesitantly, giving the draconeequs a nervous smile.
"I'm almost certain I've made a marble cake before..." His wife muttered, checking her recipe book.
Discord swatted the book out of her hooves, "This isn't some namby-pamby marble cake! This… this is what makes someone an expert at their craft!"
"That was my mother's..." Mrs. Cake squeaked, grabbing it from the floor and dusting it off.
Discord grabbed his pelt and tore it off like a sheet of paper, revealing his chef attire, "Now let's get cooking!"
Discord… simply snapped his fingers as a large cake covered in ganache frosting with a perfect dribble of ganache already appeared on the counter, "What?... Did you think I was going to let you bake this by yourselves? Do you think I'm crazy? You already prepared all these pastries; it'd be ridiculous to have you make more…."
"However… I would like one tineey-tiny, smaaall favor for my efforts…."
"Wait, you weren't going to... teach us?" Mr. Cake cocked his brow, still processing Discord ripping his skin off.
"Oh, what is it you want?!" Mrs. Cake asked, finally at her wit's end. Angel couldn't help but snicker at the outburst.
"Your firstborns!" Discord erupted in a fit of maniacal laughter, thunder, and lighting cracking outside the bakery, despite being the middle of the day and clear skies moments ago.
Mr. and Mrs. Cake turned to each other in shock, unsure whether to take him seriously or not.
"We-- we would never!"
"Could never--!"
"Ah… I'll leave the recipe here if you want to learn for next time… but I'd like a slice of carrot cake and some banana bread with walnuts." Discord politely asked.
"Oh..." Mr. Cake sighed in relief. "Th-That's all?"
"Of course, we can!" Mrs. Cake smiled, one eye twitching. "Right away, why don't you sit down, and it'll be out for you in a jiffy!"
Mrs. Cake forcefully pushed Discord out the door, surprisingly strong for her size. Angel snickered, watching the scene as he nibbled on a cherry. Owlicious flew off of Discord's shoulder and onto a light fixture.
Discord did his best not to burst into hysterical laughter as he allowed Mrs. Cake to shove him out of the kitchen. Snapping his claw as he summoned Angel, holding the bunny by the pelt with his paw.
"I left the recipe in your book, folded neatly in a piece of paper. Good luck, and don't pull your mane out over it…." Discord said as he smiled at Mrs. Cake.
"I'm losing hairs already." Mrs. Cake grumbled before slamming the door.
Within a few minutes, Mr. Cake trotted out with a large slice of carrot cake and a massive slice of banana bread, the walnuts not even appearing to be chopped up.
"S-Sorry about her... she's a little... miffed." The stallion smiled awkwardly. "Er... have a good day?"
Mr. Cake slowly trotted backward, nearly tripping over himself as he stepped back into the kitchen.
Angel Bunny hopped up and snatched a chunk of the banana bread, chewing on it quickly. "So, are you done having fun messing with them, or are we staying here all day?"
The pair heard a hoot as Owlicious flew in, landing on a counter. "We do have other duties, Discord. I hope you won't waste the same amount of time at our next stop."
Discord sighed as he swapped the banana bread with the carrot cake for Angel as he gave the piece of bread to Owlicious, "Yes, yes, I am quite aware. Remember, this is a delicate process for me, my humble assistant. If I go about this too… normally, I will cease to exist, and then we'll have a bigger problem than stuffing Celestia's gullet with sugar and fat."
Angel sneered as he was handed the carrot cake, "What do you take me for, a stereotype?' he shoved the carrot cake away, "Yeah yeah, and that would be just soooo awful if you disappeared."
Discord roughly patted Angel's head, "My dear, sweet, ignorant rodent. If I disappear, your mild annoyance will be the least of your problems. Now eat your carrot cake." he smirked.
Angel Bunny did his best impression of a hiss, showing off his sharp pair of teeth.
"What's next on the agenda? Hoofshakes with the adoring public? Worshiping Celestia's tookus?" scoffed Discord.
Owlicious rolled his eyes and took a bite of the bread, enjoying the crunch of the walnuts. "I believe we are supposed to meet somepony named Amethyst for decoration organization? I believe she's a unicorn..."
Discord crunched on one of the glass plates as he tapped his claw against the table. "Decoration organization? Organization? Organization. They want The Lord of Chaos to manage the organization?... How ironic." chuckled Discord.
"Where did they say they were organizing?"
Owlicious sighed, "Organizing the decorations... you know, streamers from light post to light post, flags, welcome banners, and signs. They like to make it an event and make a good impression each time one of the princesses visits."
"Surely you've witnessed one of them?" The owl cocked his head.
Discord flicked Angel's rump as he turned to the owl, "Honestly, I can't tell what's part of the usual scenery or decoration. It all looks the same, so mundane, so boring…."
He'd sigh, "Let's go find Amethyst, whoever this background pony is."
Travelers Tales: Discord The Champion Of Ponyville
Paying Social Calls: Part Two The Finale
Amethyst Star a purple unicorn with a shoulder-length bi-colored mane, with three diamonds on her flank. She trotted through town with a clipboard hovering beside her, making notes of the decorations that had been recently put up. Everything was going well, especially now that Derpy was on confetti duty. How could somepony mess up tossing paper in the air?
The mare trotted around a corner, her nose stuck into her clipboard, checking off everything they had finished so far. The streamers and banners had been hung, and most signs had been painted. Now felt like the best time to rest her hooves and get lunch.
Discord popped into existence next to Amethyst, holding on to his ensemble of pets as he let out a sigh, “Alright, let’s see the decor...” he’d look around as he stroked his fingers through his beard at the decorations before turning to Amethyst.
Amethyst let out a squeak, whipping around to face the draconeequs, her heart running a mile a minute. She caught her breath and scowled at the creature, a huff leaving her nose.
“Do we have entertainment? I already had to lecture the Cakes on the importance of placating Celestia’s pallet; please tell me you have something other than tacky decorations to appease our humble all-loving Empress.” Discord jeered.
“Entertainment? Well, Pinkie would usually play something, but she’s not here... so we allowed the fillies and colts to make up their own song for when she arrives. I think she’d really appreciate meeting the children.” Amethyst gave Discord a suspicious look, “... What are you going to suggest?”
“Tch, you can only rely on the emotionally manipulative gazes of the innocent youth of your village for so long.” Discord snapped his claw as he summoned a band of self-playing musical instruments.
“And of course,” He’d twirl himself rapidly before appearing before Amethyst in a magician’s outfit, taking his hat off as he pulled Angel and Owlicious from it and presented it to the mare.
“I will be the entertainment. Honestly, have you ponies so little faith in me? I can literally do anything!” sighed Discord.
“Would you like to be my lovely assistant? Amethyst does have a nice ring to it….” Discord hummed as he adjusted the hat on his head.
The unicorn scowled at his impromptu changes to the scenery, stepping away from the self-playing instruments, her ears flattening to her head to avoid the terrible clash of cymbals.
“I’d rather not.” She cringed, “I’d rather not be part of... whatever you have planned.”
Discord quickly snapped his claw, and in an instant, the instruments collapsed on the ground, “Suit yourself; I suppose staying out of the stoplight is in your nature,” Discord said rather ominously.
“Excuse me?! I’m fine, just organizing the decorations; thank you very much! And in my opinion, it’s nice that I get to do it for a change, instead of Twilight... Now everypony goes to her for those kinds of things... it’s not that she’s bad at it, but...” Amethyst started to ramble before realizing who she was talking to.
Angel Bunny wriggled out of Discord’s grip, hopping over to Amethyst. “Hey, I don’t blame you, toots.”
“Wh... what...” She blinked, shaking her head several times. “... I’m not even going to question it.”
Discord passed an unamused scowl to Angel and Amethyst, “How can you creatures not wrap your head around this? It’s a talking rabbit; stranger things are concocted in Pinkie Pie’s bakery compared to this!” he shouted in bewilderment.
He’d raise his snout to the mare, “You know what, I can tell when I’m not wanted. So I’ll just go.”
He’d quickly revert his changes for the decor before collecting Owlicious and Angel, “But don’t come crying to me when your off-key choir of colts and fillies does nothing more than give you a pity stamp from her royal highness!”
“Whatever...” The unicorn rolled her eyes and trotted away, stepping over the instruments on the ground. Now she’d have to get somepony to help her clean this up...
Discord quickly stamped off, “Ungrateful… minor character….” He grumbled as he snapped a look to Owlicious, “What now?”
Angel rolled his eyes while Owlicious cleared his throat, “Ahem, well, I believe the last thing on Mayor Mare’s list was making sure the local police are at their stations.”
Discord sighed, “Oh joy! More small talk, you know I’m starting to think Mayor Mare either didn’t have anyone else to do this position or takes pleasure in slowly killing me by making me do the most mundane work in all of Equestria.”
He threw his arms in the air, exasperated, “Can some vengeful creature stamp into the village and cause a ruckus!?.... Besides Celestia!” Discord chuckled to himself as he let out an amused sigh.
Owlicious rolled his eyes at the draconeequs’ whining, “And besides you?”
The draconeequs huffed, “Ha. Ha. Very clever, aren’t you the wise old owl everyone fawns over.”
“Alright, let’s go to the most redundant institution in Ponyville.” Discord quickly teleported them into the station.
Several police ponies jumped up as the creature suddenly popped into the break room in front of them, several spitting out coffee or their half-chewed pastry. An older-looking stallion trotted up, appearing not to be intimidated by the draconeequs.
“Hello Discord... we were told somepony would be coming, not... somecreature.” The stallion had a sandy coat and salt and pepper mane, his cutie mark a pair of handcuffs. “The name’s Padlock, Sheriff Padlock. I assume you’re here to get everypony in place?”
Discord bowed at Padlock, “Yes, yes, I’m sure Mayor Mare had a similar sentiment to you as well, but she’s overbooked, and apparently, I’m Ponyville’s errandcolt.”
He’d clasp his claws together, “Yes, now why don’t you get your ponies into place so I can finally do some regularly scheduled chaos!” he’d begin coughing into his laugh rather hoarsely.
The sheriff narrowed his gaze before whistling, everypony rounding up and standing with their chests puffed out. They were lined up in squads, ready to be sent to their proper places.
“These two will guard the Princess’ chariot once she arrives, one for the chariot itself and one to accompany her through town and to Town Hall. Once her visit is over, she is to be escorted to Sugarcube Corner for lunch. Several squads patrol the areas between those two locations and the chariot.” Padlock instructed, pointing to each platoon by order.
“Here is a map of where each pony needs to go; I hope you can follow these instructions?” The older pony looked up at Discord.
“I-Instructio-” Discord would cough more as he hunched over slowly, extending his claw beckoning for the instructions, “Ugh… Y-yes, I should be able to… follow the instructions….”
He’d offer his best smile at the officer pony.
The sheriff raised a bushy brow before chuckling under his breath. “Don’t worry, they’re color coded to each area. It shouldn’t be too difficult fer you, the all-powerful god of chaos, right?”
Padlock trotted back to the donuts, taking a bite before dunking it into his black coffee. “Well, what er’ you waiting for?”
Angel stomped his foot on Discord’s shoulder, gesturing to the rest of the ponies waiting for the draconeequs to lead them.
Discord slowly examined his claws as he watched himself flicker out of existence for a moment before he quickly sat up, dusting himself off, “Alright… perfectly… organized… perfectly normal….”
He’d slowly turn to the officers, “We’ll all get to our positions… on rollerskates.” he’d snap his claw as suddenly the ponies had skates strapped to their hooves, “Follow me… if you can.”
He’d march forward, chuckling happily to himself, “Crisis averted.”
The pony officers began slipping and sliding everywhere, bumping into one another. Soon there was a pile of ponies lying on the floor, limbs tangled together, groaning in pain. There was definitely going to be some bruising.
A couple of the officers who actually knew how to skate kept their balance, following behind Discord with confused and concerned faces. “Sh-shouldn’t we help them up?” One of the more hesitant mare officers asked.
Discord cleared his throat as he turned to the mare behind him, “Hm, oh yes.”
He’d snap his claw and have the officer ponies marching behind him. However, it wouldn’t be so simple, some ponies were on scooters or pogo-stickers, and others were riding on their partner’s or friends’ backs as they were escorted through the street.
Discord seemed pleased with the ordeal as the chaos appeared to draw the attention of on-lookers, terrified and in awe at the disregard for logic.
“Come on, everypony, let’s get to your color-coded assigned destination!” hummed Discord.
The officers, while bewildered, seemed much more comfortable now. Most of them were athletic, leading to very few stumbles or falls.
Owlicious, on Discord’s shoulder, peered at the instructions Discord had been given. “First squad is Daffodil Bright, Cherry Pop, Lime Zest, and Poppycorn.” He’d point a feather at a location near where the chariot’s arrival would take place.
Discord summoned a whistle as he directed the ponies where to go, “First squad! Daffodil Bright, Cherry Pop, Lime Zest, and Poppycorn over there! Dispose of your mode of transport or dismount your partner once you are in position!”
He’d tweet his whistle, “Go!”
The four ponies would jump at the whistle, abandoning their modes of transportation and galloping over to their positions, standing straight and rigid as if they were soldiers.
Owlicious would sigh and glance at Discord, “Do you have to frighten them while you’re at it?”
“At least it’s funny.” Angel sneered.
Discord shook his head, “Everything I do has a purpose, Owlicious; this is the minimum amount of chaos I need to maintain a natural balance within the world.”
He’d tweet loudly, “Next group! Get ready to move into position! And please don’t abandon your scoots, pogo sticks, or skates in the middle of the street; somepony could get hurt!”
“Well, what else are they supposed to do with them, carry them around everywhere?” Angel Bunny rolled his eyes, “Besides, they’re fault if they can’t see it on the road.”
“Yes!” answered Discord, “Why? Because it’s hilarious!” chuckled Discord.
The next group of ponies took their positions near Sugarcube corner, making their rounds through the streets to make sure nopony suspicious was lurking about... other than their resident draconeequs.
Once the officer ponies were in position, Discord could hear the thundering galloping of Celestia’s chariot before pulling out his binoculars, quickly spotting the princess, “SHE’S HERE. EVERYONE GET READY!”
With a snap of his claw, Discord quickly disposed of all the scooters, pogo sticks, and roller shakes and summoned the mayor before clasping his claws, twiddling his thumbs expectantly as the chariot carefully landed in the middle of the street.
Princess Celestia carefully climbed out of the chariot before trotting over to Mayor Mare and Discord, “Madam Mare, Discord. It’s… lovely to see you.” she said hesitantly, more specifically to Discord.
“It’s great to see you too, Princess; I hope your visit will be... ah...” Mayor Mare glanced over at Discord subtly. “One you won’t forget! Haha...”
“Ah, Princess Celestia, it’s always a pleasure to attend one of your parties.” smiled Discord.
Celestia raised a brow, “I don’t recall us ever having a party together.”
“Willingly. But there’s a first for everything! Why doesn’t the mayor show you around? We prepared a lovely get-together for you.” charmed Discord.
Angel and Owlicious shared a look before the rabbit jumped off Discord’s shoulder and into the Princess’ mane, peaking out and doing his best to look absolutely adorable.
Owlicious rolled his eyes.
Celestia chuckled warmly at Angel as Discord carefully plucked the rabbit out of her mane before dropping him next to Discord, “Yes, let’s hope we can make this quick… and painless.”
Discord slowly swallowed as he allowed Mayor Mare to take the lead, hoping she’d go through this before he’d croak.
“Yes, let’s get started, shall we? Please lead the way, Madam Mare.” smiled Celestia.
Mayor Mare cleared her throat and nodded, “Of course, your majesty, right this way.”
Six royal guards escorted the princess and her entourage to Town Hall, the ponies murmuring turning into a hush, awed silence at witnessing Celestia themselves. The mayor paid them no mind and went straight to her office, pulling out an appropriately sized chair for the monarch, which hadn’t been in the office before Discord’s visit.
“I hope you find everything comfortable, Princess.” The mayor smiled nervously, “Now, what would you like to go over first? Agriculture, our local businesses? Education?”
Discord let out a sickly cough at the mayor’s bland offer, quickly masking his cough by covering his mouth with his thick paw.
Celestia raised a brow at Discord before turning to Mayor Mare, “I think your lovely businesses here would be the easiest to go over first. Please, lead the way.”
“Oh! Y-You want to *see* the businesses? I just thought you wanted to talk about taxes... ah, never mind, of course, princess!” Mayor Mare stood up, putting the paperwork she had pulled back into her desk drawer.
Mayor Mare would blush as she stepped out of Townhall with the Princess and Spirit of Chaos in tow, feeling rather stupid.
“Well, there’s Davenport’s Quills and Sofas, Ponyville Day Spa, Rarity’s Carousel Boutique, but you know that’s closed for the time being... the Jeweler, Sweet Apple Acres, Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, the Grocer, we also have a morning market selling fresh fruits and vegetables. And then there are the bakeries and, of course, your favorite, Sugarcube Corner!” They’d trot up to the bakery, “Would you like to step inside? I know it’s a bit early, but I can’t help myself; I haven’t had anything to nibble on in hours!”
Discord appeared to look more sickly as the mayor mentioned the discussion of tax, as a horse cough escaped his lips, “I think the Princess (for once) makes a good point; why don’t we go outside and see all the work this town puts out to make that taxable income.”
He’d held back from retching at the formality of it all.
Celestia pressed a hoof to her chin, “Well, who am I to deny you something to eat? And it would be nice to see a bakery.”
“Let’s hope the Cakes don’t mind us visiting a little early!” Mayor Mare chuckled nervously as she opened the door, holding it for the pair.
Most of the pastries had been set out, ready for guests to arrive, while the back door to the private outside dining area had been set with tables with fine white sheets, dozens and dozens of sweets, and confections piled together. It was practically a buffet of sweets.
Of course, the centerpiece was the Canterlot Marble Cake that Discord had magicked up, accented by a dozen cupcakes made with roughly the same frosting style.
“Oh, Princess, I didn’t know you arrived!” Mrs. Cake trotted out, her twins riding on her back and chewing on her mane, “I’m so sorry, I was busy with my goals; I didn’t realize you were coming so early!”
Mrs. Cake turned towards the bakery and shouted, “CARROT, THE PRINCESS IS HERE!!!”
“Coming, Sugarlump!!!” Mr. Cake shouted back, carrying another large cake on his back.
Celestia’s eyes hyper-focused on the marble cake as she quickly turned her attention to the bakers that she assumed made it, “Oh, please take your time, we were early after all… do you mind if I help myself to a slice of that… beautiful looking care you have there?”
“O-Of course not, Princess, help yourself!” Mrs. Cake replied, a cheery but unsure smile on her lips.
She’d trot toward the marble cake as she helped herself to a massive slice that easily could’ve been slices for three or four ponies. Daintily eating the cake with a plastic fork, she presented her Canterlot etiquette in front of the ponies.
Despite what a particular Gabby Gums article would tell you.
“Are you sure we should trust Discord?” Mr. Cake whispered in his wife’s ear nervously, watching as the princess took a bite.
Discord tried maintaining his composure as he walked up to the cake and grabbed a cupcake, politely eating it in front of the Cakes. He didn’t care much for sweets or any actual edible food, for that matter, aside from the occasional scone or cucumber sandwich.
He slowly swallowed the bite of cupcake he had eaten before he violently flickered in and out of reality for a second, quickly masking his discomfort with a forced, “Mmmmmmm!”
“It’s… delicious…” grumbled Discord.
“Yes, it’s… perfect…” sighed Celestia as she took another bite of the slice of cake, already halfway through with it.
“I’m so glad you enjoy it, princess! Please, feel free to have as much as you like.” Mrs. Cake smiled sweetly, shifting her children on her back. “Carrot, you can handle things here, right? I just need to put these two down for a nap.”
“Right snookums...” Mr. Cake tried not to show his fear, nodding his head.
Angel Bunny hopped up and took a small chunk out of the marble cake in front of Celestia, popping the morsel into his mouth. Owlicious sighed at the behavior, fluttering over to a branch to watch the action.
In the blink of every creature’s eye, Celestia had a second massive slice of cake, ultimately finishing the first one. Half the marble cake was already gone, including Angel’s mere morsel.
Discord stared, jaw agape as he felt himself liven up at the chaos in Celestia’s insatiable hunger for that cake. Taking pride in his ingenious idea of making the marble cake.
Celestia carefully wiped her face before turning to the Cakes, bowing her head to them, “It’s wonderful, thank you.” She’d turn to one of her guards, “Captain, take a note for me to leave a wonderful tip for these bakers and their wonderful cake.”
“Yes, right away, your majesty!” The guard saluted.
Meanwhile, Mr. Cake was shocked. She had eaten only the ONE cake and not even all of it? How were they going to get rid of all of this food? At least the tip would hopefully be worth the trouble.
Discord passed an “I told you so” look to Mr. Cake before fancying himself another cupcake as if it would make a dent in the massive horde of food the two Cakes made.
“Thank you, Princess; it’s always lovely to have your patronage.” Mr. Cake smiled kindly.
Mayor Mare sighed with relief, “What would you like to see next, your majesty? Are there any other businesses you would like to see?”
Princess Celestia tapped her hoof to her chin, thinking for a moment before speaking, “I think that will be all, Madam Mare; just send the usual paperwork to me.”
“O-Oh... well, I... okay!” The mayor seemed totally put off, this seemed like less of an official visit, and more like... the princess was taking a day off. Then again, who was the mayor to judge her?
“I... guess I’ll... leave you to it then?” Mayor Mare slowly trotted to grab herself a slice of cake.
Angel Bunny would shake his head in disapproval, getting impatient. “So, where next, big white and long?” The rabbit gave Celestia a cheeky smile. Owlicious face-winged, sighing deeply.
Celestia would be taken aback by Angel speaking to her before shooting a look at Discord, “Discord, why is the rabbit flirting with me.”
“...evolution?” he helplessly answered, scooping up the animal in his arms, he needed a cop-out and fast, “... Let’s not take away the fact that these kind ponies put in the effort to make these cakes for you, and you take two slices of cake and call it a day.”
“I mean, not to mention the festivities and choir of young school foals and fillies accepting your company!” scolded Discord, “I mean, Amethyst, Something put a lot of work in the terr-lovely decor!”
“Let’s put aside one talking rabbit compared to the elephant in the room! Your… obliviousness!” accused Discord.
Celestia paused as her pleasant expression seemed to dissipate; she said nothing as she stood firmly in place for a moment. Unmoving, unexpressive, as if she was processing everything Discord spouted at her.
Mr. Cake stared at this conversation and slowly backed away, “If you need me... I’ll be... somewhere else.”
Angel Bunny scrambled his head out of Discord’s arms, popping out of his grasp as he wriggled around. “Yer draconeequs friend here is too lazy to do regular work on his own, so he enchanted the bird and me to talk! Real smart guy, ain’t he?” The rabbit had a cheeky grin on his face.
Owlicious sighed, “Well, I supposed the cat is out of the bag, as it were. It’s nice to finally and properly introduce myself to you, princess. My Name is Owlicious, but you may just call me owl.” He presented a wing for her, pecking her hoof in the form of a kiss.
Celestia’s look would turn to a scowl as she shook her head, sighing before pressing a hoof into her face and letting out a deep contemplative sigh, “Discord….”
“Lazy, please! I do most of the work you just translate for the animals and then go busy yourself with your senseless flirting with the local townsmares!” Discord snapped at the rabbit.
He’d sigh, “That’s beside the point, yes, I may have used a bit of chaos magic here and there, but it’s all for the balance throughout Equestria, I promise.”
Celestia groaned, “Discord.”
“I really, REALLY did try; I even went back in time to prevent a few mistakes on my end!”
“YOU WHAT!?” shrieked Celestia.
“This doesn’t take away from the fact you should really hear those foals and fillies sing the song they made you!” shrieked Discord.
“......” Celestia let out a defeated sigh, “Did you do all of this, participate and purposely torture yourself for the good of Ponyville?”
Discord tapped his claws nervously, “Well… of course, somecreature has to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible with Twilight, Fluttershy, and everypony else. I really have been trying; it’s just well… let’s just say I have a few medical issues.”
“Medical issues,” Celestia said in disbelief.
Owlicious hooted, “It is true; I have witnessed Discord going in and out of existence, almost as if he is going to disappear in a moment if he doesn’t do something... wacky. It’s rather disturbing, to be quite frank.”
“But would anypony really care if he was gone?” Angel rolled his eyes.
“Rude.” scolded Owlicious.
“Actually....yes, if Discord ceases to exist, the world as we know it would disappear. I do not blame Discord for his unorthodox methods of helping… I am more… perplexed by his selflessness. By all accounts, he is a selfish creature.” lectured Celestia.
“I’m right here, you know.” hmpfed Discord.
“Discord, I appreciate you helping, but perhaps there are ways to balance out your chaotic nature while… being more palatable to the common public.” smiled Celestia.
“And what would you suggest, oh wise Celestia?” scoffed Discord.
Celestia would look to Mayor Mare, “Madam Mare, you arranged festivities for my arrival, yes?”
Mayor Mare cleared her throat, jumping a little in surprise. “Ahem, oh– y-yes, I did, princess. The Ponyville schoolhouse was hoping to perform a little song for you, and a few ponies have even made gifts... I hope this isn’t too much...”
“Who doesn’t like presents?” Angel shrugged. Mayor Mare turned away, still put off by the sight of a talking rabbit.
“I believe Discord made it a point to highlight the importance of the event. So I will humbly attend the festivities.” proclaimed the princess.
“Of course, princess! I’ll let them know immediately!” Mayor Mare would take one more bite of a slice of cake before running off.
Celestia would shout for the Cakes, “Mr. and Mrs. Cake, would you mind if I shared this banquet with the good people of Ponyville in my honor? I will happily compensate you for your labor!”
Mr. and Mrs. Cake ran out of the bakery and smiled widely. “That sounds more than reasonable, princess! We would be happy to share.” The two ponies began to lift the treats from the table, setting them on a cart to be pushed outside.
“As for you, Discord, I think it’s only fair that you will provide our entertainment.”
Discord sighed, “Alright, fine...” he'd slowly look at Angel.
Angel sighed and rolled his eyes, “Don’t you dare do the rabbit in the hat trick with me...”
"Looks like I'll be doing most of the work then, per usual." scoffed Discord.
Author's Note
"They call me Macawia Pete! I'm King Of The Harpy Beat!"
