And The Rabbit Didn't Even Get Involved
Dear Sensibility,
So does seeing an Equestrian postmark on the newest envelope FINALLY make you feel better?
Yeah, I'm back across the border! I've spent the last couple of weeks in finally trotting over sweet home soil, along with pulling the old place down familiar roads for a change. Well, they're mostly familiar roads. After not having been in my own country for the last five years, there's a few new ones. I had to stop a few times and get good shots. Did you ever notice that no one on a trotway crew ever seems to figure out where to take out the trees to allow the best lighting?
Probably not, because that's still my mark. Not yours.
Look, I know you worry about me. And when you worry, you write it down. Over and over. I read it all the time, at least when your letters catch up to me again. About how I shouldn't traveling the world when I dropped out of school so young that, in your opinion, I couldn't have possibly learned much of anything about it. That you think I can't take care of myself. But you know what it means, when a mark shows up as early as mine did? It means you don't NEED school! I also don't need the books you've tried to send me, because that's just extra weight to carry. But you can keep going with the newspaper clippings, because some of the paper is good for soaking up chemical residue. And that's all it's good for, because I am out on the road and I learn from LIFE. Maybe one of these days, my little sister will understand that. Who needs Current Events when the whole planet is your classroom? It's sure a lot more fun, and there's no grades!
But yeah, it's been a while since I've been on my own ground. I'm sure I've missed some stuff. For one thing, I want to know all about the Canterlot Express. They probably didn't lose every game. But I can always hope. I can check that at the actual stadium in a moon or so, if anypony lets an anti-fan like me get that close.
So I know you recognized the EQ stamp on the letter, but have you ever heard of the postmarked town? I hadn't. I didn't know there was anything this close to the capital. (Don't say anything about how it would have been in a Geography class.) And when I first crossed, I thought I'd just make my way to Canterlot, get all the best photos bound, shop them around to the companies which publish world travel books, pick the one which offers me the biggest voucher, and then I'd come visit you for a while.
I'm hoping that'll REALLY make you feel better. And I can't wait to see what my nieces look like. Directly, because you take lousy shots.
But I've stopped here, because I realized that I hadn't finished developing all of my pictures. Film doesn't weigh much. I can put it in the caravan in bulk and barely notice it's there. But photochemicals are liquids. They slosh, they spill, and sometimes they're really hard to find. I've got rolls of film from nearly five years back which haven't been dipped. And before I go collect those sweet, sweet bits for my best pictures, I've got to develop the lot and figure out what the best pictures ARE.
That's going to take a while. And you know it gets. I'm out there in the world, pulling my little home caravan through crowds of just about every species. And you know what all of those species have in common? They don't mind the caravan so much. But as soon as I break out the chemicals, all of those snouts start to wrinkle. And then the complaints come in. Sometimes there's shouting. I've gotten free tomatoes out of it, but don't ask about the ones who like to kick beets. And durian. That left dents and I couldn't get across the next border for an extra two weeks because they'd outlawed imports and the wood still stunk.
None of them ever seem to understand that a traveling photographer needs to haul his own darkroom. (What good is a school which doesn't teach something that basic?) That's what the caravan is for. Sure, I can carry some bedding and food and some of the other sort of essentials, but I need a DARKROOM. One I can completely control for blocking the light out while I'm still letting some fresh air in. The heavy curtains do that when they're pinned down. Too many things can disrupt a darkroom. I can't just make one out of any enclosed space and hope it'll hold. I've GOT to bring my own. And yeah, the smell still gets out, but it's never been so bad that a reasonable sapient would complain about it. I just can't find any reasonable sapients. And don't go starting on how my mark means it just doesn't smell bad to ME. Photography's been around for years. The world should have adjusted.
But you know how it goes. If I haul my caravan into Canterlot, then it's got to be parked. Start on the developing there and one of those rich jerks is gonna complain for no reason at all, just to get my house off his street. Who needs that hassle? There's probably some stupid regulations about it too, because rich jerks pass laws against ponies who aren't rich just yet.
So as long as there's this whole town right here, why not use it?
You probably stopped reading there to go for the reply paper, didn't you? 'But there's jerks in every town!' I know! Every town, all over the world! So here's the brilliant part: I'm not actually IN town!
After I had my brilliant idea, I hauled the caravan to a real estate office. And I told this older mare that I just wanted to rent some land for a while. Still inside the town borders, so I'll get weather control, there's no chance of running into the bad stuff which turns up when you pull off the road, and it'll be easier to trot down to the stores when I need a few things. But it had to be well away from anypony who might complain. It needed to be in a place where the weather weave was set up to scatter the smell before it reached town, just in case that matters. And it had to be cheap, because I've got a lot of chemicals to pay for.
It makes sense to stop here. There wasn't going to be any cheap land for rent in Canterlot.
So here's the first picture of my new home! Isn't it great? I've got enough room to park the caravan, some decent shade, there's a waterfall close by, and the waterfall means I get a stream!
What I don't get is why she didn't show me this first. She took me around a few places and when I kept saying no, she tried a few more. I caught her checking the sky a few times, seeing just where Sun was. And after a while, she brought me out here. Where it's quiet and nice and there's a little breeze -- I think she said something about the weave changing the direction when Moon got closer -- and you can see the stream. I'll get a better picture of the waterfall later.
But I'm almost up against the town border. I'm just about the only pony around and usually, that wouldn't be the weird part because ponies cluster. The weird part is that there's somepony ELSE out here.
The real estate agent told me about that. Not much, and it was really quick. She took me around the clearing, and there's a couple of angles which let me see part of the cottage. (I'll get shots later. It's got this really unique look.) And the grounds, because the owner has most of the land around here, right up until the point where I start renting mine. She told me not to cross onto those grounds, because the birds would go off.
Yeah, she said 'birds'. Not sure what she meant there. Maybe it's local slang for an alarm spell?
But she also said that the owner didn't usually complain about things. Then she asked me if I was sure I wanted this spot, and I said yes.
Are you writing again after you read that? Telling me I did that too fast, and should have looked around a little more? Gotten more information or something? I'm a photographer! I need to recognize when the conditions exist for the perfect shot just about INSTANTLY and act on them before the moment's gone! As far as I'm concerned, if I can't make a decision in a split-second, then just take my mark and name away because I don't deserve to be Snap Judgment any more.
She took my bits. I didn't know an older mare could move that fast when they were taking bits. Getting out of the clearing was even faster. Maybe the bank was about to close.
It was pretty quiet when I got here. But I guess there's some animals around, and they're starting to made a little noise. I've heard a few cats, and some birds. (Songs, not alarm spells.) The wind's shifted a little, so I guess that is what she said earlier. Some of those cats missed the litter box.
So I hope you're happier. You know I'm coming to see you. Plus I'm off the road and SAFE.
It's funny. For the last few years, there's been four constants in my life. The road. The pictures. Your letters. And that mare. You know the one. The REALLY annoying one with her own caravan and the perfect tail streak, that I kept finding over and over across the whole world and she always said that she was just looking for new places to put on her shows and seeing me all the time was this really irritating coincidence instead of what I knew it was, which was destiny trying to put us together.
She is SO annoying. You'd have to meet her to understand just how annoying. I told her she was meant to be the love of my life, and it's annoying how she never even tried to agree with me. That's almost as annoying as a little sister who thinks she knows more than me, just because she stayed in school.
Her caravan's still on the road somewhere, and I'm off it. (Why doesn't anyone ever complain about the fireworks stink coming off her wood?) I probably won't see her again for a while. She's just lucky I'm into streaked tails or I wouldn't keep giving her more chances.
But it's nice around here. Pretty. And you wouldn't BELIEVE how cheap the land is! The rental's less than a Canterlot caravan-sized parking space, and that's not just by the day: that's practically for a whole moon!
I know you want me to settle down. It's in every letter. And this land is just sort of here. Constant. And cheap. So I asked the agent what the purchase price was. (I was kind of surprised to hear myself say that.) Because it's pretty here, and the town feels nice. Quiet. And it's got some great vistas, plus there's this fantastic view of the palace. She just looked at me for a few seconds, and then she said I could ask after the moon was up. If I still wanted to be here.
Probably waiting to see how much I fall in love with the place so she can hike the cost up. But you saw the design of my caravan, a week before I headed out. It can be taken off the wheel carriage in one piece, if I can find a unicorn strong enough to lift it. It's meant to turn into the foundation of a house.
So maybe it will, if the books sell well enough that I can live on royalties for a while. Nopony has to travel forever.
Gonna get some sleep. I'll trot into town and send this in the morning. Now that I've got a local post office again, maybe I'll send a few more letters than usual. Since it isn't international rates any more.
Love you, stupid sister. See you pretty soon.
So I'm pretty sure I spotted the cottage owner.
I was wandering around the area a little on my way back from town. Getting the lay of the land, since I'm going to be here for a while. I wish I could have gotten some shots for you, but I was hauling chemicals back from Barnyard Bargains and just the amount I had to carry meant leaving a few things behind. Like my camera, because it would have gotten jostled too much and you don't want anything spilling on it, ever. And I was also checking out the wind currents, because I've been getting a smell from the cottage for the last few nights. Maybe I can shift the caravan a little to block some of it out.
I asked some of the locals about the smell, and they just said there's a veterinary service at the cottage. Plus it does some kennel hosting. So I guess that's why the owner is all the way out by the border, and it's also why it sort of smells like everything missed the litter box. Even the animals which don't use one. But I've seen a few ponies going down the approach road. (Some of them fly over it. I almost forgot that happens.) And they've almost ALL got pets with them.
So I was wandering, and I heard ponies coming up the road behind me. Trotting heavy, planting their hooves. And then I heard the wheels, and you know how wheels sound when they're just barely turning? Mine sound like that sometimes when they get jammed. (The annoying mare fixed them for me once. She muttered a lot while she was doing it. Something about how it just freed me to follow her some more. Her tail was lashing when she said it. Truly great streak.)
And then I smelled the dung, but that wasn't much of a surprise because I thought it was coming from the cottage. Except it was washing up from behind.
And then they all yelled at me to get out of the road, before the biggest cart I've ever seen could run me over.
I don't know why they sounded that desperate. I had plenty of time to move. They were barely hauling that thing at all, and that's because it was the biggest cart I've ever seen. I wish I'd gotten a picture, but your mind has to do the work here unless I find it in town somewhere. Picture somepony trying to haul a living room on wheels, only the walls are made of thick metal and instead of windows, there's just a few grates for ventilation at the very top and that's where the dung smell was getting out. There were a dozen earth ponies on the hitch, six rows of two, and they were JUST managing to make it move.
I just watched from the side of the road. The cart took a long time to go by, so I got a really good look. Some of the metal was bowed out in weird places. There was one point when I almost thought I heard something INSIDE. Moving around. Maybe it was the load shifting and the way the earth ponies were stepping, it must have been the heaviest load in the world. Is that how ponies haul dung now? And why would anypony haul dung to start with? If the vet's got a kennel, why aren't they hauling it AWAY?
One of the haulers said something about how they had to make the drop before all the stuff they'd pumped into it wore off. No kidding. Imagine how bad it would have been if the scent-cutting spells hadn't been working.
And that's when I saw the vet coming down the road from the cottage.
I've REALLY got to get a picture of her. And then I've got to meet her at some point because even without a good streak in her tail, she is something else.
I'm not going to describe her tail because you've got kids and someday, they might read this and decide I'm a pervert who makes things up. Let's just say that I've never seen one like that before and now that I have, I'm willing to give it a go. So yeah, I'm thinking about asking her out. Because she's got the prettiest face I've ever half-seen, even if the part which her mane wasn't covering looked sort of worried.
I don't think she really saw me. She was just looking at the world's heaviest cart. Good zoom focus from that one eye. And she said things were almost ready, but she hadn't been expecting the delivery this early, and the hauling ponies said they were almost out of stuff to pump in and they couldn't wait. They were supposed to deliver here and it was happening today, before it all wore off. They had some for her, but she had to be careful about how she used it and they couldn't try any more right now.
Then she looked REALLY worried. Enough that I didn't want to bother her. And she just said oh, or the way it came out of her mouth, it was more like an ...oh. Then she just told them to follow her, which meant the lucky jerks got a great view of the tail all the way down the road.
I am definitely thinking about asking her out.
Don't even start, sis. I am not unkempt. I am DASHING. Also, I've got to haul a whole caravan, and water's heavy! I carry just enough to drink in an emergency, because rain and rivers are free! And you don't know what goes into those foreign soaps. I do, and you don't WANT to know. Besides, what's wrong with a stallion having a healthy musk?
There's a lot of sounds out here at night.
It took a while to notice, and maybe that's because I haven't been in Equestria for so long. But when you're almost home and off the road, you expect things to be more quiet. I've been getting road sounds, and I didn't notice at first because it's been so long since I got off the road in my own nation.
But I kept hearing animals. No monsters: just animals. All the ones who sound off under Moon. A lot of birds sing at night, and that's without my having set the alarm spell off. And there's this new one, which just started up the other night. It's usually nice and soft, until it isn't. That thing gets LOUD, and the bird does it all at once. I haven't heard any birds like that before, anywhere in the world. I want to get a good look at some point. And a picture. And then I want to scream at it. When it goes off, it makes this noise like RYACK RYACK RYACK-YAK-YAK. Only louder.
And there's this other new thing.
It's hard to describe the sound. Sort of like if you had this kind of high-pitched trumpet which also knew how to make some really low growls. And it also moos sometimes. I've heard some squeals, and I swear it's all the same animal. It gets loud. Louder than the bird. And it sounds like it's upset.
But all of those weird noises come from the same spot. And they never get any closer.
So I had a look around.
I've been doing that a lot, after I soak some of the pictures. Kills time while the images are developing, and I can get out of the caravan without letting light in and ruining everything. (I did have to check the curtains to make sure they weren't shifting with the breeze. There's a little slack when they spread, so I've gotta anchor everything down.)
I still haven't gone over to ask the vet out, but soon. I've been moving around my land, looking for those angles where I can get a good view of the cottage, so I can see when she's outside and get a good approach. Mostly I've seen some of her grounds and some chicken coops. Lots of animals. There was a flamingo wandering around, but that probably just landed for a few minutes.
And when I tried to see where the noises were coming from, I found the enclosure. So here's a picture of THAT.
Kind of weird, isn't it? I think if I could get all the way around it, it would be two full metal circles connected along that one edge. I think that raised portion at the center is supposed to be the top of a gate. And it looks like somepony just jammed the metal into the ground. HARD, all at once, and that's why there's so much dirt spray to the sides. They sure didn't figure for that one tree. The one on the left, where you can see the really thick branch that's sort of bent down. The far end is hidden by the metal.
I don't know why the walls are so tall. I can't see over the top. But there's something moving in the left-side circle. And that's where the weirdest noises are coming from. Plus the new bird. And that one tilted branch? It jerks down sometimes, like something is pulling on the far end. The branch jumps.
Sometimes it almost looks like the whole tree jumps. I had to reject one picture for blur.
So right now, my guess is that the vet treats some zoo animals. Because I don't just get noises from that direction. When the wind's right, I also get that weird dung scent. And it would explain the coyote, because I've definitely been hearing one on her land and who's got a pet coyote? But if the dung scent is from the same animal, and it's not something this animal needs, then it came in on the cart.
They really shouldn't use metal for that kind of cart. It was probably hot in there for the poor thing, even with the ventilation. And shouldn't they have kicked the walls back into shape first?
When I finally go over to see her, I am totally going to ask her what that is. But it can wait for a while. I've got a lot of film to sort through first.
Three folders full so far, sis. And that's before I do the next sort, to get it all down to the bound ones. You wouldn't BELIEVE some of these shots. Who needs to use carrying capacity on that much water? I'll be hauling bits!
Hoping you get a letter to me before I start heading your way. We both know how much trouble the forwarding system has with keeping up, and I could use some gift suggestions for the kids before they meet their uncle. First impressions, you know?
(YES I WILL WASH UP FIRST DON'T SEND TWENTY PAGES ASKING.)
I didn't know this part of Equestria had earthquakes.
Don't worry, sis: it was just a really little one. Barely enough to slosh some of the fluid in the photo trays, and I moved fast enough to keep anything from being ruined because THAT is what it means to be Snap Judgment. Reflexes!
So I checked everything and made sure the curtains hadn't shifted. Then I went outside to take a look at the caravan, but all I really spotted was that the stream was rippling more than usual. It was just the sort of rumble which doesn't do anything except maybe loosen the soil a little.
But that was when I heard the water coming down.
Put the quill down. I know you, Sensibility. You read a few words and you start on your answer to them before you see the rest of what I wrote. The part which EXPLAINS. I know I've got a waterfall, okay? I'm used to that. This was water coming down on the vet's grounds. And I'm back in civilization, right? Weather schedule and everything. Sky was completely clear. So I wondered if there was a storm coming in off the wild zone, or maybe somepony was pranking her. Obviously the best thing to do was get a look, especially if it was a prank. Stopping a prankster would make a pretty good first impression, don't you think? It's sure better than whatever you want me to do with my naturally-dashing mane.
So I took my camera and moved around until I had a line of sight, and I found it at the metal circles. The right one was open. Turns out there's a door. Really thick, with the edges right up against the rest of it. Explains why I didn't see it before. And there were two mares in there.
Well, one of them was in there. The other one was over it.
So there IS a gate between the circles. Solid. I still can't see what's in the left one. But the right one had the two mares and Celestia's sunny butt, this town's got some lookers. (It's not my fault if you read that out loud to the kids.) And the prismatic has tail streaks! Sort of. A lot of them. Maybe I just prefer two-tone.
The earth pony was standing in the right circle. And there's mostly dirt in there, or at least it started as dirt. I also saw some alfalfa. And soy. Plus there was mixed fruits, and there was a lot for all of it. It's like they're storing enough food for an army. But the pegasus was over the dirt, and she was just pushing a white cloud away when I got a look at her. Then she put another one together, and it wasn't so white. The earth pony stepped aside, and the pegasus dumped all of the water out of the new one, right into the soil. All of it got soaked up.
I just watched for a while, trying to figure out what was going on. I mean, I KNOW they were making mud, because the earth pony kept testing it with her forehooves. There was this one point where she waved the pegasus down, pointed at it, said something I couldn't catch, and then they argued for a while until the earth pony made the pegasus stand IN the mud. The pegasus sunk up to her hocks, and I guess that wasn't good enough because the earth pony said a few more things.
They had another fight. Different kind of fight. If the kids are hearing this, then I can't write about the fight. But it was a really good view. I could probably publish the pictures, but not in any of the usual books. And the whole time they were doing it, the left circle wasn't making any sounds at all.
Well, not the growling trumpet ones. The bird kept going off. And there was this sort of deep grunt, like something was snoring.
Once the fight was over, the pegasus got in the air again. And then she made more clouds, which soaked the mud, and then I guess she probably said something about how that was good enough now because she went right for the fruit and the earth pony stopped her. The second fight has some really dynamic action shots, but most of them got blurred. Once I'm in Canterlot, I'm going to look for an upgrade to my shutter speed.
Towards the end, the earth pony dodged in a way which put her right shoulder into the door, and it swung enough that I couldn't see what was going on in there any more. (She's a strong one, because that thing looks HEAVY.) But once it was over, I went back to the darkroom, wrapped things up there, and decided to head into town for a food run. I made it out to the trees along the road in time to see them going back. They were covered in mud. The pegasus was muttering something about making the earth pony wash all of it out of her feathers. And checking with her own tongue, because the pegasus didn't feel like preening dirt.
Making mud. That's a vet's grounds, not tenant-hosting land. I asked. So there's no pigs there to make mud for. Maybe the pegasus was just practicing while the right circle is waiting for something else to show up?
They're lucky they're cute, because they are WEIRD.
I had this visitor.
I tried to start this letter six times. 'This visitor' is still about the best I can do. And I tried to get a picture for you, even when I wasn't sure anypony would want to see the results. He's the first person to just drop by since the land rental started, and the two main things I was sure on was that he was a sapient from a species I've never seen before and that 'he' was the best word. The voice is male. His body mostly looks like a horrible accident. Or like a whole bunch of things were in the same horrible accident and he's the parts which were left over.
I didn't spot any stitch lines. And I tried to get a picture. He was happy when I asked if I could take one. He even posed a few times, and you do NOT want to know what his torso does when he thinks he's posing. But my shutter-release button kept sticking. And the strap kept wrapping around the lens. It was like my camera was trying to strangle itself.
Ugliest sapient I've ever seen. But really friendly. He knocked on the caravan door, he said that he just wasn't used to anypony staying near the cottage and apparently the vet's his friend, so he just wanted to make sure about what I was up to. And I get that. I mean, everyone's got friends and I guess for a vet, having him around is like getting to study about twenty animal types at once. And I didn't tell him how pretty his friend is and that I'm thinking of asking her out, because I'm sure anyone that different isn't going to understand pony tastes. He'll obviously date someone from his own species.
(Whatever that is.)
So I came out, and I told him about the traveling and the darkroom and just needing to rent the land for a while. He's a really good listener, and maybe that's because his ears actually match.
So he nodded a lot, especially when I said it was just a rental. But then I told him that I'd considered staying, and he got really thoughtful. He was so thoughtful that he spent like a minute puffing on his pipe while we were sitting outside. Just thinking.
(I've been trying to remember where he got the pipe.)
He asked me if I liked chaos.
That's kind of a weird question, right? But I told him there's all sorts of pictures. A static shot can be sort of scenic, but dynamic can be better. It's good to have some stuff going on, you know? But there's still a limit to how much can be in there before the parts start to wreck each other. So some chaos is fine, but photography is about capturing it. Which, I guess, sort of freezes it? And maybe that's a kind of order. Plus a darkroom really needs peace and quiet, so that's good too.
He didn't look very happy when I said that. Or at least I think he wasn't happy. His voice was clear, but expressions were harder to make out because I've never seen a face like that before either. I'd remember. Usually around three in the morning.
Then he said that the cottage might need to expand the grounds, because it could be hosting more animals in the future. Or more than animals. I should really think about the needs of others. And even if it didn't need more space, then there was always going to be some chaos around here. (He sort of paused before he said 'chaos'. I think he was trying to be dramatic.) And if I couldn't deal with or get used to chaos, didn't truly appreciate it, then I wasn't the sort of pony who should be living near his friend.
I told him I'd been on the road for years. I'd seen some things.
He said this was Ponyville. That was different. And then he put his paw and talons together. (I just realized. Where did he stick the pipe?) And he said he'd ONLY come to talk. His friend knew there was somepony just outside her land, and she'd asked that he ONLY talk. On her behalf, because she's just a little shy, and the other one REALLY shouldn't be doing it. (Whoever that is. The prismatic?) So that was it. He'd come, he'd talked to me, and he understood a little more now. He'd tell her. And if I ever saw her, I could say that he hadn't done anything other than talk.
Directly, he said. He put a really strong emphasis on that. He certainly wouldn't do anything DIRECTLY. But he was asking me to think about whether I was going to stay. Because there would be chaos about. And if I wasn't capable of dealing with it at any time, every time, then I would clearly be better off somewhere else.
I said that was my decision.
He laughed.
(You do NOT want me to write about the laugh.)
And then he said I was funny. He would be sure to tell the vet about how funny I was. And about the simply DASHING mane. Then he left.
The next time I get into town, I'm going into the library. I haven't been in there yet. You know me: I like books which are mostly pictures. Ones I took. But that's probably the best place to look up what he IS.
It's been a few years, right? New species get discovered all the time.
(You graduated school. If anything about his look sounds familiar, what year did you have to get into before they told you how horrible accidents breed?)
Sun and Moon.
Sun and Moon.
Sun and Moon.
Okay, I can finally read my own words on the test lines. Maybe that means you'll be able to read them too. These are the last clean sheets of paper I had. Most of the ones which the animals didn't trample when they came through the caravan got ink-stained. And it took hours before my jaw stopped trembling enough for me to make real letters.
Or maybe I'll wait until I reach Canterlot, then buy more paper and try again. I'm not that far out now. I didn't stop galloping until I was most of the way down the road. The one which runs next to the train tracks. But I had to stop. I found some water and I got the froth out of my coat.
Then the shaking started.
You'll probably see a Canterlot postmark on this one. Or maybe I'll just wait until I'm on your doorstop and nose it over personally. But I think I'm going to mail it. You should have a few days between when it arrives and when I do. Please have tea waiting. The herbal stuff. Calming. I know some really good foreign blends. Will attach list at end of letter if I have enough paper.
Days to deal with what I'm about to write. I've had hours. I spent most of them on the gallop.
I was outside.
I wish I hadn't been outside.
Look, it's not like I've been stalking her. I'm a photographer. I carry a camera. I take pictures. Look at my hips! It's what I'm MEANT to do! So I had the latest batch soaking in the darkroom, and I had some time to kill, and I've been wanting to get a picture of her for a while because she's worth a picture.
I swear all of this happened. I'll swear on the Princess. I can even swear on Honesty, like some of the ponies did in those old stories you used to like. ALL OF IT HAPPENED.
I was outside, and trying to get a good line of sight on her grounds. And I sort of heard speech, only it was that sound you get when there's a lot of ponies talking and they're too far off to know what they're actually saying. I just knew it was a bunch of them, and it sounded like they were somewhere near those metal circles. One of the voices I couldn't hear felt kind of familiar. And I did think I heard one say something about moving at one point? 'Moving' was in there as a word. They had to move something.
I couldn't get most of the words, but they all sounded nervous.
Then there was a sound. Two sounds, right on top of each other.
The first one was wood. I just realized that. It was wood breaking. Like a really thick branch had just suddenly snapped in half, all at once. And the second sound was wood falling into metal. There was this CLANG! sound.
It was loud. It felt like it was a lot louder than it should have been.
And then the trumpet bellowed and grunted and squealed and SCREAMED, just before I heard the biggest, heaviest thing ever hitting metal. And it did that again, and again, and THEN I heard the metal crashing into the ground, and the sound froze me, I was just standing there trying to figure out what was going on and I couldn't move and all the birds went off. If that was the alarm spell, it was too late.
Then I heard something crashing through the trees. And when I say crashing through, I mean there were trees going OVER. The thinner ones were breaking, and the squealing trumpet just kept getting louder and angrier. And CLOSER. It was like there was thunder slamming into the ground, over and over, and then I saw the animals coming out of the treeline.
I can't tell you how many there were. I don't think I can count that high, so maybe school is good for something after all. I just didn't have time to move before cats and dogs and birds and a flamingo and I think there were at least three voles and a whole bunch of chickens and most of a really good petting zoo were on top of me.
Most of it went around me. But some of it went on top. Across. I have tracks in my fur. And because they were all running away from what was coming up behind them, they were looking for shelter.
So they went into the caravan.
My curtains block light. But they can be moved. Especially when a lot of things fly into them at once, they move. Then they fall down. So the birds got into the caravan first.
Actually, I guess the light got in first. Because light is faster than birds. So it was light, then birds. And then the next thing was probably cats.
They hid everywhere they could, I guess. They knocked pictures aside to hide. Or they hid under pictures. At least one of them shredded things and tried to conceal itself in the pile. Maybe that was one of the voles. They went into the darkroom section and the bed and under the bed and the blankets and if I'd had more water in the cistern, most of the ducks might have tried to stay.
I knew stuff was getting wrecked. I could hear it. I was trying to get turned around, even when there were rats running across my hooves. I was going to get into the caravan and stop it.
But that was when the REST of it came out of the trees.
You went to school. You graduated. You keep writing about how it makes you more prepared for life than me. So tell me something, sis. In which school year did they teach you WHAT KIND OF VET KEEPS A BUCKING RHINO IN A PONY TOWN?
It was one of the yellow-grey ones. Two horns. The big long sharp pointed one at the front of the head, the smaller one just behind it. Ears like a pig and skin like armor. Taller than a pony. At the shoulder, it would have been a little shorter than the Princess, and it's so much heavier. Bulkier. It must have weighed at least fifty bales, and it could RUN. Not as fast as a pony, because I proved that. I wound up proving how fast a pony can run when hitched to a full caravan, and I'm sure it wasn't faster than that. I might have set a record.
When something that big and heavy is moving, whatever doesn't get out of the way dies. The animals got out of the way. The trees didn't.
The mares...
The vet was flying near its head. Not too close: far enough back that if it swung the longer horn at her, she was safe, and she could have gotten out of the way on a lunge. But she kept making sounds, and it was like the sounds the rhino was making, only quicker and more frantic. Pleading. Like she was trying to tell it to calm down or something!
The pegasus from the other day sort of overshot everything. She was just flying too fast to stay with the group. So she had to dodge the caravan. I think she MOSTLY made it. There's some shingles missing from the roof. The scrape is about wide enough for a pegasus.
There were two earth ponies. One of them was kind of bouncing along. She was one of the only two who saw me, and I know that because she bounced towards me and sort of shoved me out of the way. She's probably the reason I'm still alive, and also why I looked at the quill and found a pink curly mane hair on it because I'm still picking those out of my teeth.
The other earth pony was the mud supervisor from that other day. She had a lasso. She got it around the big horn. Ever seen a powerful, pretty earth pony mare getting dragged along by her jaw?
And I swear this happened. I SWEAR it. I swear on Honesty, just like the stories. I know I was scared and at that point, I'd been knocked down too. But I saw it.
I saw the alicorn.
It wasn't the Princess. This one was LITTLE. And purple. And had a stripe in her tail more than a streak. She could just barely stay in the air, and she kept trying to catch the rhino in her corona. I know she was trying to get it off the ground because she missed. And then she got the caravan off the ground. Then she realized she had a caravan instead of a rhino and she dropped it.
There was an alicorn. A NEW alicorn. WHAT THE BUCK DID I MISS?
Most of the animals came out after that. I think all of them ran over me. Except for the birds. The birds just dumped weight as they passed. But there was this one bird who didn't do that. It was grey with a red bill. It was riding on the rhino's back, and it kept making this noise. Maybe you know the one. It's the one which goes RYACK RYACK RYACK-YAK-YAK. Only louder.
And that wasn't even the worst of it.
There were two unicorns, towards the back of the main group. Both white ones. One was pretty. The other was gorgeous. Photo-gorgeous and model-perfect. And I wish I'd gotten a better look, especially at the white steak in that soft pink tail, but she was way too tall for me anyway. Both of them were carrying strips of cloth in their coronas, and they kept trying to get them in front of the rhino's eyes. I think I heard the curly-maned earth pony say something about how it might not help.
Then there was one last mare.
She's the other one who saw me.
She didn't stop, because she decided I was out of the way and safe and just wasn't worth it. But I didn't expect to see her there. It was madness to see her, as mad as seeing a new alicorn. It was chaos. But she was there, and I got my head up and tried to call out to her because she was THERE and the one thing I knew in the middle of chaos, and she flicked her shoulders on the run in that way which swishes her cape and her perfect streaked tail hit me in the face as she went by and she yelled something about not even if I was the last stallion in the world!
Then they were all gone. Except for the trees crashing down on the other side of everything. And I think I heard the vet say something about herding the rhino away from the stream, because this wasn't the kind which could swim and she didn't want poor Mr. Thickpants to drown.
The noise faded. I got up. I don't know how I got up. I went in the caravan just long enough to make sure there were no animals in sight. And then I got hitched up.
The rest is sort of a blur.
I obviously found the road. Trains have passed me a couple of times.
I took a look at the photos. There's enough left for books. A lot of rolls hadn't been processed yet, and they're safe. But a lot of stuff got wrecked. And it happened because I decided to rent a cheap piece of land and park in this small town I'd never heard of, instead of nosing over bits in Canterlot. If I rented the land, then it was mine for a while and what was going to make me move? Some rich jerk?
Animals. Animals made me move. A vet who thinks hosting a RHINO is a GOOD idea made me move. And there were all of the other mares, and where and when the BUCK did the country get another alicorn?
It's crazy. It's too crazy. So I'm stopping here for the night. I'm too tired to go any further.
I'll clean up the rest of the caravan when Sun's up again. I'll get into Canterlot and find a hotel room to stay in while repairs are being made. Maybe I'll even take a bath. I hope that makes you happy. The bath part. Not everything else. Because you're my little sister and you love me and don't want to see me get trampled by a rhino. I know that. But you're really weird about baths.
It'll cost a lot of bits to finish everything in Canterlot. But I'm not going back to that town. I sure don't want to be anywhere near the vet.
Going to Canterlot. Putting books together. Then as soon as I have the voucher and the caravan's wheels stop clucking --
-- creaking. They're creaking, even if sometimes it sounds almost like clucking. But they're creaking, because I think the alicorn cracked an axle when she dropped it. But once it's all fixed, I'm coming straight to you. I need some family time.
Love you, Sensibility. Please clear a couch. Here's the herbal tea list. There's also one for sleep aid potions. They're good mixes, but they don't travel well. I'll pay you back as soon as I get home. And I know it's a lot to ask, but if you have any pets now, please ask somepony to look after them.
I don't want to see another animal for at least a MOON.
OH CELESTIA'S HEATED HOOVES THE CHICKENS ARE NESTING IN MY CABINETS.
