Chapters Starlight didn't know what to expect when she went to meet Cozy's substitute teachers, but she knew these weren't it.
The town mayor… a yellow pegasus with strawberries for her cutie mark, and…
"Muffins?"
Starlight turned to the dust-gray, ditzy pony. One eye was focused on her, the other on the floor slightly off to the left. She held out a small basket of pastries that she absolutely had not brought with her into the room. "No… thank you."
Derpy shrugged and took a bite of her muffins. "Okay."
"So… Cozy Glow asked you all to come, right?" Starlight began. "Did she tell you what you would be doing?"
"Filling in for the teachers while they were gone," The yellow pegasus said. "Including that pony who grows those disgusting apples. Repulsive…truly a vile fruit… but the righteous condemnation is nigh, I can promise that…"
"Sorry? Didn't quite catch that last part," Starlight said, stepping closer.
"Oh, nothing. My name is Strawberry Sunrise. Nice to meet you," She shook Starlight's hoof. "I'd love to help out! The school is a Ponyville pride point, and I'd love to say I was part of that, even if it was just for a little while."
"The same," Mayor Mare chipped in. "I'd love a chance to see how the Princess runs things up close. Her organizing skills are second to none, and it would be great to see how things are applied here."
"And I'd like to help too!" Derpy exclaimed, waving a hoof.
"Well… you all seem to have the heart in the right place, and with the guides Twilight put together for all of you, I'm sure it will all be fine," Starlight said. She didn't really know most of these ponies, but they all seemed perfectly capable in their own right, and this way she could split the teaching workload between six ponies rather than just three. That'd leave her with plenty of time to observe everything and assist where needed.
"Oh, the princess's own lesson plan?" Mayor Mare's ears perked up. "Can I see it?"
"Of course you will. I'll get them for you so you can start reading up on your lessons and subjects." Starlight said. "But do any of you actually know where Cozy Glow is? I thought she was going to be here with you?"
They all shook their heads. Starlight was just about to continue when the door opened and a small, pink pony with a blue mane flitted through, desperately balancing a stack of paper larger than her on top of her head. "Sorry Starlight, I came as quickly as I could! I had to make sure Twilight and the others got their travel supplies, and then I had to hurry up and write your address for the morning too, and get the lesson plans from Twilight's office."
She landed, panting, and handed a few discreet notes to Starlight before she passed out the rest of the papers to the waiting ponies. "Golly. I thought the others would be here too. They need their lesson plans!"
"Oh…" Starlight looked from the notes to Cozy and then back. She hadn't expected to have anything more than five minutes where she introduced the teachers and told everypony Twilight was away. A whole speech, complete with key words and everything was far more than she had planned. And she had even brought the lesson plans too.
Cozy was a scary good helper. "I can send the plans to the others with magic," Starlight offered.
"Okay, this goes to Trixie, this to Maud and then this one to Spitfire, should be good," Cozy spread out the files in front of her, and Starlight magicked them away in short order.
They stood silent for a few moments. "So… you've written an address for me?" Starlight asked.
"This way everycreature will see that you are prepared and have things firmly in your hoof," Cozy shrugged. "You only get one shot at making a good first impression, so I figured I'd help make it good! Especially after your last tenure with Discord being…" Cozy shrugged.
"I… see," Starlight said. "Well, it may be a bit more than I had planned, but you're right, Cozy. If everypony is used to Twilight's careful planning, then they are going to see that I'm no worse than her!"
Cozy nodded. Her curly mane bounced slightly on her head. "Good! Let's go, it's almost time for the school day to start. Everypony will be in the main entrance, 'cause that's where I told everypony you'd be yesterday."
"Perfect," Starlight said. She turned to her teachers, all of them absorbed in their lesson plans. "Alright, please all head to your classrooms. None of you will have any lessons in the first time-slot, so use the time till then to study your lesson plans. If you need help with anything, let me know and I'll be happy to help." She glanced at Cozy. "Or, if you can't find me, talk to Cozy Glow. She's one of our best students, and I'm sure she can help you."
"Golly yes!" Cozy chirped.
The three teachers dispersed to different parts of the school, and Starlight and Cozy both started towards the school entrance. "So… Student councilor Cozy Glow," Starlight said lightly, slowing her steps to accommodate for the smaller pony's short legs. "Have you decided who else should be on your council?"
"Uh-huh," Cozy nodded. "I was thinking that I'll just be monitoring stuff for now, helping out here and there and such… and once Twilight comes back, we should have a proper election for the council president and board. It's not fair that they just choose somepony."
Starlight nodded. "Huh… it seems you are really taking these friendship lessons to heart, Cozy. Very good. Very noble of you."
She saw the corridor being packed with students from a while away. Once they noticed her, they shuffled to the side to let her and Cozy through to a small podium on top of a stage where the entire school could see her.
"Welcome, everycreature," Starlight began. She swallowed and glanced down at the topmost card Cozy had given her. It said just one phrase: Twilight away, substitute staff .
"As maybe Cozy may have told you all, Twilight and her friends have been called away on an important friendship mission. As such, today and for the rest of the week, there will be some substitutes to the staff."
Somepony immediately raised their hoof. Starlight thought his name was Sandbar or something. "Yes?"
"It's not Discord again, is it?" Sandbar asked.
Starlight shook her head. "No. This time, I'm the only principal. However, aside from the temporary staff, Headmare Twilight also wanted to introduce a student council, to help get your perspective and let you help improve your time here. For the moment, as a test, she has selected Cozy Glow to serve as the council president until she is back."
A murmur went through the crowd at that. "Twilight's decided, huh," Silverstream said. "Well, I suppose Cozy's okay…"
"It's just temporary," Starlight said. "However," she emphasized the word. Things would be easier for Cozy, and the idea of a student council as a whole, if everycreature understood Cozy's good intentions. "However, Cozy herself suggested that an election should be held once Twilight returns, and it will. However, until then, Cozy will serve as the interim president to figure out the responsibilities and the rights of the future council, and she does so with my full faith."
Cozy took a few steps forward. "We are the friendship school! I know that with the good friendship we all share, we can make the school even better! Twilight and her friends started us off, but we have learned much under her already! I think we have a duty to build on what she started, and make the school even better at friendship!"
"Well said, Cozy," Starlight nodded. "Now, please go and find your classrooms. Your lessons begin soon."
The First Lesson in Harmony
So far so good, Cozy thought as she made her way to the first of her classes. Each and every numbskull in this school was eating right out of her hoof, including the stupid guidance councillor, and even Twilight herself. She had set up every piece exactly where she wanted it, now all she had to do was play her game right. One move after the next, slow and steady, and eventually…
No, she couldn't afford to think that far ahead just yet. She had to focus on the now, and right now she had plenty of moves she had to make. And the first one was to attend Trixie's class on the subject of kindness. Today's lesson was on humility.
Heh… that was a stroke of genius! Cozy had found the lesson plans in Twilight's office when she went to help her get ready to leave, but Twilight had never actually assigned specific classes to specific teachers. However, just like Cozy had suspected, Starlight didn't know that! That meant Cozy got to pick who was teaching what class by letting Starlight think Twilight had already decided that.
Now to see how well Trixie's lesson in humility was received. It was easy to mask her grin as just being excited for the lesson. She didn't even have to fake it; she was excited to see just how quickly this could go downhill.
She went inside the classroom alongside the rest of the students and took a seat at the very front. While she couldn't care less about this subject, she had an image to maintain.
"WELCOME, STUDENTS, TO THE GREATEST, POWERFULEST LESSON OF YOUR LIVES!"
A cloud of lilac smoke appeared by the door followed by the sound of rapid hoofsteps, and a lot of coughing. When it cleared (or rather when it dispersed evenly through the room, leaving a bluish haze that smelled strongly of lavender), Trixie stood in her trademark cap and cape on the desk, though Cozy could only see her so well through the haze and tears left from her own coughing fit.
"Today, the Great and Powerful Trixie shall impart unto you the forbidden knowledge of…!" she picked out a note from inside the cape. "… humility? Huh, okay. It's not like there is anything Trixie can't do."
The changeling who sat by the desk next to Cozy raised her hoof. Her eyes were runny. Maybe she was allergic?
"Yes, whatever-your-name-was?" Trixie vaguely gestured towards Ocellus.
"I'm Ocellus," Ocellus introduced herself and coughed a few more times. "Ehm… Miss Trixie, have you not actually… prepared for this lesson?" she asked.
"Trixie just now got the lesson plan assigned to her," Trixie huffed. "But it matters not, for Trixie is well versed in the ways of the world and fully capable of handling this task… let's start with something simple… Oculus, what does 'Humility' mean to you?"
"Uhm… well… it means that you are aware of your own limitations and act accordingly-"
"Indeed," Trixie interrupted. "As such, the best way to ensure you always act with humility, is to not have any limitations!"
The entire class quieted, aside from a few scattered coughs. Trixie nodded confidently. "You see, if there is nothing you can't do, then you can't not be humble! Trixie herself is the living proof of this, for she is extraordinarily humble. She has even undertaken a humble and penitent tour all across Equestria once!" She brushed her hoof over her coat and then looked at her mirror image in it. "As such, for today's class, Trixie will tell you all about her incredible exploits, as Trixie herself is the only example of a pony who can do everything, and thus is always humble! It all started when Trixie was born. The account of that day varies, but ponies say it was a day of great enjoyment everywhere, when a double rainbow appeared in the sky, and a new star lit up in the night…"
And, while Trixie's lesson proceeded for another two hours, somehow Cozy had a hard time remembering anything after that point. In fact, when she went out of the classroom, she felt almost like she was waking up from a lavender-scented nap.
It was an apt comparison also because just outside the door she nearly crashed into Sandbar, who was galloping down the hallway towards the faculty offices. "Hey, watch it! No running in the halls, somecreature could get hurt!"
Sandbar screeched to a halt. "Cozy, have you seen Starlight anywhere? Strawberry's honesty-class just started and it isn't going well."
"Golly," Cozy said. Yet again she had to congratulate herself on her acting skills. By his expression, he didn't suspect that she had planned exactly on that when assigning Strawberry Sunshine to Applejack's class. "I guess Starlight might still be in her office… But as student council president, I'd love to try and do something! What's the problem?"
"Well, you know how Professor Applejack has a tree in the middle of her classroom? We have our classes under it."
"Uh-huh," Cozy nodded. She rather liked Applejack's classes, since the tree provided some of the best snacks she had ever had free of charge if you answered Applejack's questions correctly. Cozy, naturally, always answered correctly. Honesty was an easy subject once you got the hang of it. Really, you just had to ask yourself what would be the smart thing to do or say in any given situation. Then the answer would be the exact opposite. "What of the tree?"
"Strawberry wanted us to chop it down! She said we should vote, and then she said that since apples are 'disgusting, vile, egregious spawns of Tartarus's deepest, rankest, most abominable pit', every pony who voted against obviously was not honest and would fail their class!"
"Oh… well, that's not good," Cozy put a hoof to her chin. "Okay, see if you can find Starlight! I'll go and talk to her now and see what I can do!"
"Okay, good luck!" He called back and took off again, this time at an oddly fast walk.
"Guess I'll have to be late to Derpy's laughter class," Cozy said to herself. There was one class she hadn't really thought about how to sabotage- most likely the substitute teacher would be doing a fine job all on her own. In fact, Cozy not being present sounded like a much healthier option.
As such, she made her way down to Applejack's classroom, where most of the class stood with saws and shovels in a tentative ring around the apple tree (it had a name, but Cozy had never bothered to remember it. Since it was an apple tree). Strawberry herself stood by the tree, holding a torch.
"Strawberry, can I have a word with you, please," Cozy said with a mature sort of tone. "It seems like there has been a small misunderstanding here…"
"Yes, and the misunderstanding is that this disgusting weed has been allowed to live this long!" Strawberry glared at the apple tree and waved her torch towards it like she was trying to keep a wild animal at bay.
"No, actually," Cozy said. "Oh, golly, Starlight must have given you the wrong lesson plan! You weren't supposed to be down here; I know how much you hate apples. You were supposed to teach generosity; honesty was supposed to be handled by Mayor Mare! 'Cause she's a politician!"
"Oh…" Strawberry balked slightly. "I figured it was strange to put me down here of all places… well then… perhaps you could help me clear things up with Mayor Mare?"
Cozy nodded. "Good idea! Maybe you could end this lesson early, and we'll get it all sorted out before the next class begins… and even if you don't like apples, I don't think it's a good idea to start a fire indoors, right?"
Strawberry felled her ears in displeasure, but extinguished her torch in a nearby barrel of water.
"Right. Class, you heard her! We'll finish early today. You can leave the saws and shovels though, just in case Mayor Mare wants to continue our righteous crusade!" announced Strawberry.
"Cozy!"
Taking a split second to allow herself a smirk before replacing it with her cutest smile, she turned to face a somewhat panicked Starlight Glimmer. "Don't worry, Headmare! I've cleared everything up here! It seems Miss Strawberry and Mayor Mare got their lesson plans mixed up. Think you could help them sort it out… I'm supposed to be at the laughter class now."
"Absolutely, Cozy!" Starlight said with relief. "Thank you for your help! I'll tell Derpy that you had an excuse to be late!"
"Thanks a lot, Headmare Glimmer!" Cozy waved before she took off to her class.
Perfect. Starlight herself and Strawberry's class had both seen her effectively defuse a minor catastrophe, and she even got the class out of their lesson early with no extra homework!
Now that's how you make friends!
The laughter classroom was partially a normal classroom in that there were benches and chairs for the students to sit and take notes at. It also doubled as a party space, with every bench being covered with festive tablecloths, and a generous selection of party favors set up at strategic locations, and balloons floating about under the roof. Finally, it had also functioned as a kitchen to bake cupcakes, ordinary cakes, chocolate cakes, carrot cakes, fruitcakes and more cupcakes.
It had functioned as a kitchen.
Had.
Up until maybe half an hour ago.
Really, even before then, things hadn't been going too well. When Cozy joined the lesson Derpy had explained that they were baking muffins today and no further explanation had been necessary, apparently.
They had tried to bake as best they could. Even Cozy had tried her best, since she didn't want anypony to see her doing anything suspicious, and the best way to avoid that was to not do anything suspicious in the first place. Especially since it probably would not be needed, given the track-record of their substitute teacher.
Her prediction proved correct when the poor ditz slipped and tried to catch herself on the nearby party cannon. To the sound of a party favor, streamers and confetti rained over their stoves, catching fire the moment they came into contact with the hot surface.
Speaking of fire hazards, wasn't it strange how both "flammable" and "inflammable" both meant something that could easily catch fire? It really sounded like inflammable should mean it didn't catch fire.
So for instance, when the bottles of gas pinkie used for her balloons were labeled with "Hydrogen-inflammable" it really wasn't very that strange ponies made mistakes sometimes.
Especially since the gas bottles, if you looked quickly, sort of, almost, nearly looked like fire extinguishers.
It was a small wonder all the students got out with their manes still attached.
It was a bigger wonder that Derpy had survived being engulfed in a fireball that reduced a quarter of the room to cinders. Yet, when the radiant flash cleared, she still stood in the crater with that surprised, slightly scorched expression on her face.
That's when she decided to cut the class short. So Cozy and the rest of the class, smelling of smoke as well as a persistent whiff of lavender from Trixie's class, limped into the cafeteria. Cozy assessed the situation and prepared to play her next part.
"Golly, here we are," she said and ushered the two ponies she had pulled away from the fireball in with her. "You both okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." He was a blue unicorn with a purple, side-slicked mane. "Thanks, Cozy. That was close. Name's Lilac Drops, by the way."
"I can't believe Twilight let her teach!" the other pony huffed, a green pegasus with copper-brown mane and a large purple bow on her head. Cozy knew her name: Spring Rays. "That was dangerous!"
"Now now," Cozy made a placating gesture. "It wasn't her fault. Really, somepony should have made sure the party cannons weren't loaded. And Derpy is really good at baking muffins too." The three of them sat down by a free table. "Not really sure how making muffins helps us learn friendship though."
The other pegasus pony huffed. "As long as our next lesson isn't to help clean up the laughter lab… I don't think I'll be laughing a whole lot." Cozy grinned at the witticism.
"It's really not been a great day, has it?" Lilac said. "Really, whenever Twilight and her friends leave, things really don't work out very well."
"Well, they are really good friends," Cozy mused. "I guess it makes sense for them to be better at teaching friendship than… others." She lowered her voice and glanced around her. "Actually… I've heard some stuff about some of our teachers…"
"Yeah? What's that?" Lilac asked, munching on a celery stick from his lunchbox.
Cozy put together an uncertain expression, hiding her glee. "Golly… I'm not sure I should…"
Spring Ray's ears perked up and she leaned closer. "Oh, you can't say something like that and then just stop! Come on, spill it!"
Cozy bit her lip and glanced around again, just to really sell the act. "Well… okay. I heard that Trixie once lured an Ursa Minor to Ponyville, and it nearly killed two foals. I think she wanted to prove to everypony that she was the best magician, or something like that."
Of course, that was not at all the whole truth, but it didn't have to be. It just needed to be truthful enough that, in the off chance one of these two numbskulls actually bothered to check the incident any deeper, the story still held up. If somepony bothered to fact check her, they'd probably stop when they realized there had been an Ursa Minor incident, and that Trixie was involved. Having come that far, Cozy could pretty safely assume they'd buy the rest of the story too.
"No… that's not… possible, is it?" Lilac asked nopony in particular. "Like… no way Trixie would do something that dumb."
Before Cozy's mind's eye, memories of Trixie's lesson on humility played. "If there is nothing you can't do, then you can't not be humble! Trixie herself is the living proof of this, for she is extraordinarily humble. "
"Or maybe she could," Spring Rays deadpanned.
"And once, when I was helping out at the orchard outside town, I heard somepony say that Starlight Glimmer was actually once a cult leader," Cozy continued.
"Oh, now I know you're just pulling my tail," Spring Rays scoffed, but by the way her eyes were focusing on Cozy, and her ears were still perked up attentively, Cozy knew she was still listening carefully.
"No, really," Cozy said. "You know Apple Bloom's big brother? His fiancée let it slip once when I was helping Apple Bloom! So I asked her, and she said Starlight used to try and brainwash ponies and keep them from leaving her town!"
There was also something about stealing cutie marks, but Cozy wasn't sure she entirely believed that part herself. Better not overdo it; after all, to manipulate somepony, small steps were the best. One little rumor at a time, each one progressively worse than the last.
"You really know a lot of stuff about them," Spring Rays said. "Now it's my turn. My aunt lives in Ponyville, and she's told me that Rainbow Dash actually has big cider problems. She once saw her literally eat dirt where it was spilled."
"Yuck," both Lilac and Cozy said.
"I know, right?" Spring Rays grinned. "And another time, every road in Ponyville turned to solid gold, so everypony was blinded just trying to walk outside. My aunt said that Rarity had picked up some dark magic book."
"Golly… she really should have been more responsible then," Cozy said. She grinned conspiratorially "But I guess… if you did have omnipotent powers, it'd be fun to do stuff like that…"
Note taken. Once she had disposed of the has-beens, gold-paved roads would definitely be on her list of improvements to Equestria.
"Now it's your turn, Lilac," Spring Rays said. "Do you have something interesting too?"
"Uh… yeah, of course I do," Lilac said. "It was a while ago, but for some time three fillies were writing the juiciest gossip articles in the local newspaper. Like how Applejack's brother still needs a doll when he sleeps, or… oh!" Lilac grinned and beaconed them closer. Cozy and Spring Rays obliged. "So, you know Mayor Mare? Our substitute teacher?"
They nodded.
"Her mane isn't actually gray! It's bubblegum pink. We should totally see if we can't notice that later when we have her class!"
Cozy snickered just at how silly that must look on the mayor. "Golly, we totally should! But we should tell everypony else too. It'd be way more fun if everypony was in on it!"
"Heh," Spring Rays grinned. "You know, I thought you were just a teacher's pet, Cozy. But you're pretty fun."
Lilac nodded. "Uh-huh! I'm gonna tell my friends about your stories with Trixie. I'm sure they have some stories too to share."
"Golly," Cozy said in lieu of a victory cheer. "Thanks. I'd love to hear more about our teachers. They're really great, but it's still pretty funny to hear about their failings too. Makes it feel a bit better when their lessons are hard."
"Well, we'll have to talk more later," Spring Rays said. "Lunch is almost done, and we'll have Loyalty class in the afternoon. And Lilac, you are totally bringing as many of those gossip articles you can tomorrow. I want to read it all!"
"Me too," Cozy chirped and pushed herself away from the table. "I'll see you at loyalty class. I just gotta use the little fillies room first."
That was a lie, but she really did have to take care of something.
So far things had been easy. She had gotten two minions on her side with the door open for plenty more, but it was time to bring in another weapon. Cozy looked over her shoulder at the table of those six students.
Common causes were useful to bind ponies together, and no common cause was stronger than a common enemy. An enemy who was not like them, an enemy they could easily identify and distrust.
All she had to do was to give a reason. Cozy just needed to make sure everypony remembered: they were outsiders. They did not think like ponies. They did not look like ponies. They were not kind like ponies.
They did not belong here.
"COZY!?"
Said filly nearly jumped out of her skin and very much jumped from the floor and flew a small bit over the floor, looking around this way and that. Surely she was not in trouble? She had been careful so far; nopony could suspect somepony so cute and lovable as her, right?
Starlight Glimmer galloped down the hallway and skidded to a halt just in front of where Cozy was flying, huffing and puffing. "Cozy… I need… to talk… just a moment… I need to catch my breath."
"Good golly, Headmare, you really shouldn't run like that," Cozy slowed her wings and landed in front of Starlight. "Can I get you some water? Apple juice maybe?"
Starlight took a deep breath and swallowed. "No, thank you. I just heard what happened in the laughter class. Was anycreature hurt? Were you?"
Cozy shook her head. "No headmare. Everyone is fine. Poor teacher got a little singed, but she didn't seem too bothered… but I dunno how she came out so unscathed. It actually looked a bit…" Cozy gestured broadly with her hoof "…annihilating?"
"I have talked to Derpy just now; she came by after class and offered to help me clean up," Starlight said. "She looked just fine then. Oh, and don't worry," she made a placating gesture. "I sent her home just now. I'd rather clean up myself. Feels safer that way."
"I can help!" Cozy quickly volunteered. "It could even be a good lesson, right?"
Starlight smiled at her. "Thank you, Cozy, but just attend your ordinary lessons. You are a student; I am not going to take away your opportunities to go to your classes by having you do chores for me. But it's really kind of you to offer. It really is."
Cozy smiled back. It was easy to smile now. Cozy had just scored a few extra points with her mark. Oh, it was just too easy at this point. "Okay… I guess I'm supposed to have a loyalty class with Spitfire anyway soon."
"Then I won't keep you any longer. I just wanted to know if everypony was alright," Starlight said and turned to leave.
"Well, you should probably talk a little with some other students though, just to show you hear their concerns," Cozy pointed out. "After all, I'm sure they may want to have the guidance counselor right about now!"
Starlight stopped mid step. "I… guess that makes sense," she nodded. "Thank you, Cozy. Just because I'm the acting headmare it doesn't mean I should stop being the guidance counselor."
"My thought exactly," Cozy chirped and stepped aside from the cafeteria door. "See you soon!"
Cozy started down the hallway Starlight had come from. Spitfire's class was in the school gymnasium, outside behind the school building, and as a responsible student she should make sure to be there early. Now to hope her "improved" lesson plan was going to perform as expected.
Some fifteen minutes later, the last stragglers filtered into the bleachers, quickly as Spitfire fixed them with a scorching stare. "Okay let's get down to business. Today you are going to run an obstacle course relay as a way to build loyalty between one another." She pointed with her wing towards the grass field behind her where a series of obstacles had been set up, including a high wooden wall, a series of rings made from clouds, and a wooden beam for balancing. Good, good… exactly like Cozy had envisioned it. Now she just had to hope that Spitfire stuck to the rest of "Twilight's" instructions.
"Also I'd like to point out that this so-called obstacle course is a joke that I can't even laugh at, and anyone who fails to get through it will be awarded an instant F on the course!"
Cozy was about to raise her hoof to protest, but somehow Spitfire directed her smoldering gaze square at her and Cozy thought better of it. Better not poke the dragon, and all that. And she, herself, should be able to make it through this… hopefully.
"I have the teams for the relay here," Spitfire said. "But before that, we'll start with a warmup. Get down here and give me five laps back and forth to that flagpole." She pointed towards a small flagpole quite a bit away. "NOW!"
Cozy, along with every student in class, jolted at their teacher's sudden outburst and scampered from the bleachers. This wasn't something Cozy had anticipated; she hadn't included a warmup in her lesson plan. She and the rest of the class moved down to the starting point and stood up on a line.
Really, looking at it from here… that flagpole was actually quite a bit away, and Cozy had never been the most athletic filly. Really, in the best of worlds, her ~~slaves~~ ~~bootlickers~~ friends should be doing all the heavy lifting for her.
With just one powerful wingbeat, Spitfire landed in front of the class. Somehow, despite wearing sunglasses, Cozy could feel her baleful stare.
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR; A BETTER STOCK MARKET!?"
If Spitfire's gaze had been searing, her roar made Cozy feel like somepony had set her tail on fire. She, and every other creature in class, startled and ran towards the flagpole. "AND YOU HAD ALL BETTER GIVE ME TEN LAPS!"
Yona and Gallus quickly took the lead, followed by some of the earth ponies. Cozy though found herself almost being stepped on. In the beginning, anyway, as most creatures left her behind soon after.
This wasn't fair! She couldn't run that fast! She was small, and she was not even supposed to do this warmup! Why didn't Spitfire just start the actual lesson, call the teams, and let Cozy's plan work its wonders? Was that so hard!?
Was it really so hard?!
"IS IT!? IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO JUST FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS, YOU OVERGROWN TURKEY ROAST!?"
Several creatures around her startled yet again, slowed down and turned to look at her until the entire class stood frozen in dumb-funded silence.
Only then did Cozy realize that she had, in fact, shouted that bit out loud. She quickly rearranged her face from a murderous sneer into the cute, innocent mask she normally wore. "Come on, everypony! Just a hop, skip and a jump to the flagpole!" She smiled.
Silverstream carefully came up to Cozy. From the expression, she seemed to worry Cozy might try to bite her "Are… you alright? That… scream, sounded a little different from how you normally talk, you know?"
"Good golly, I'm just peachy!" Cozy lied. "But thanks for asking! It's nice that you care about me. And I definitely didn't shout. It must have been an optical illusion you heard."
"I guess that's a logical explanation," Silverstream nodded.
"Charming, really."
Cozy felt a shiver run down her spine at the drill-sergeant's voice coming from right behind her.
"Indeed. Interesting and educational. But I've still got one question."
A deathly silence fell over equestria. Not even the birds in the sky or the wind in the trees dared to make a sound.
"My question is… who let you take a break?"
There were some situations where there really was no right answer.
This situation was one such situation. There was no action she could take that didn't include at the very least the possibility of crushing psychological scars, or very physical bruises.
But Cozy was a filly at heart, so she did what any filly would do when faced with a threat: she turned and bolted as fast as she possibly could. That way she could hopefully put as many bodies as possible between herself and Spitfire. As with any chess game, you can't be afraid to sacrifice some pawns to save your skin.
It was a tired class that stumbled over the finish line after having been hounded from the air by Spitfire's progressively more acrid encouragement and/or verbal abuse. In the end, even the most fit creatures like Gallus or Yona could take this level of sadism. Nor could Cozy for that matter. She had languished in the back of the class as they ran, only keeping up due to a primal fear of what would happen if she fell too far behind.
For this being a warmup, she actually felt quite ready to give the scheming a rest for today and just curl up in her bed.
"Okay slackers, that was pathetic," Spitfire addressed them, looking just as tired and defeated as Cozy felt. "Truly pitiful. I mean utterly worthless. Nothing short of depressing. Still, it's nothing that a good workout won't take care of." She nodded to the obstacle course. "You will be in three teams of six and you will compete against another team to get through the obstacle course as quickly as you can."
Spitfire picked out a list and held it with one win. "Team one is Sandbar, Gallus, Smolder, Silverstream, Yona and Ocellus. Team two is…"
Perfect, all six non-ponies in one team, just like Cozy had written in her lesson plan. That was really all she cared about. That, and maybe some water for her dry throat.
"If two teams compete on the obstacle course at the same time, that leaves one team out," Smolder pointed out. ”What are they doing in the meantime? Resting?"
Spitfire grinned. Somehow Cozy came to think of a wolf when she saw her. "That's the best part. Princess Twilight didn't write anything in the lesson plan about what the rest of you should do in the meantime."
Cozy felt her heart drop like a stone. "So that means that while twelve of you slack on the obstacle course, the rest of you will be doing some real training with me. We'll start with pushups, then another lap to the flagpole and back, then lunges, then jump ups, then another lap. Repeat until you want to die, because that's how you become the best. THROUGH PAIN!"
"And… what about the obstacle course?" Somepony asked, their voice resounding with hopelessness.
"There are six obstacles. Three for the whole team, then one that is supposed to be done alone by one creature on each team: The team exercises are scaling the wall…" Spitfire gestured towards a tall wall of wood.
Good. With Gallus, Silverstream, Ocellus and Smoulder all being able to fly, and Ocellus able to shape-shift too, that should be an easy win.
"…Move that wooden crate between those two markers…"
Yona and Sandbar were both strong enough to do that on their own. Between the two of them they should have enough of an advantage to win that too.
"…and finally one of you will wear a blindfold while the other two have to guide them past another set of walls."
No special advantage for those six on that, but that shouldn't be needed at that point. Besides, it shouldn't be obvious that those six losers were being favored, since that's nothing Twilight would do. This way they would be favored, but it would look like it was just an oversight on Twilight's lesson. No one would suspect Cozy had actually written it herself!
Still gasping for air and nursing her tired hooves, Cozy was able to devote about one tenth of her mind to acknowledge that her plans seemed to at least be good to go still.
Why did her lungs feel like empty balloons? No matter how she huffed and wheezed she didn't seem to get any air down.
"As for the individual tasks, each team will have to choose who will be doing each task. The first task is flying through the rings…"
Well, with no less than four flyers, that should be simple.
"…Throw a ball up in the air and keep it from touching the ground for at least two minutes…"
Shouldn't be too difficult either. Smolder for sure was dexterous with sideways movements, and her claws let her control the ball much better than a pony could.
"…And finally the team needs to do a total of a hundred situps, jump ups, lunges, or push ups together."
Again, nothing that those numbskulls should have an advantage in, but with no less than four events where they should have some sort of advantage, they were still slated to win easily.
Just like Cozy wanted. They were the enemy, at once weak and strong. Weak, inferior and worse than ponies in every way, but still somehow strong enough to be a threat and to be able to win unfairly.
She managed a threadbare grin. Now everypony would see them win and nopony else stood a chance. A little bit of rumor mongering later, and those six would make for the perfect opposite to everything Cozy stood for. She was small, cute and familiar; every bit a pony, whereas they were big, ugly and odd, every bit un-pony.
"Now LET'S GET A MOVE ON!" Spitfire roared.
Already feeling like she had been struck by lightning, Cozy managed to stand. Oh she was going to get back at Spitfire for this one day…
One day soon…
For anypony who knew Twilight Sparkle, a few things that normally would be considered "strange", sometimes were not very strange. She could stare down the demigod of Chaos, but the moment she saw a ladybug, she'd run away spooked. She could recite every book in the Canterlot library forwards and backwards, but one late friendship report was all it took for a whole village to become a madhouse.
Everypony in Ponyville could attest to that fact: strange things were not always so strange when Twilight was involved.
However, there was another fact that was not quite as well known: seeing Twilight Sparkle do things that most ponies considered normal might, in fact, be highly abnormal behavior that warranted the closest scrutiny.
Starlight Glimmer however, did know that. Which was why she raised her eyebrows when she came into the headmare's office of the Friendship School. Behind the desk sat Twilight Sparkle, as per usual. But there were no stacks of paper on the desk. No scrolls floating in her magic, and not even an inkhorn.
However there was a small pegasus pony sitting obediently on a plush pillow in front of her. Cozy Glow, the filly who had once deliberately failed her exam to assist the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Starlight didn't know why she was here. Was she in trouble? Was that why Twilight had asked her, as guidance counselor, here?
"Hi, Starlight! Thanks for coming so soon," Twilight said with a kind, upbeat sort of voice. It didn't sound like Cozy was in trouble…
"Oh, it's nothing. I didn't have much to do."
"But I did!" Cozy piped up, raising her hoof for emphasis. "I was reading up for the seminar on Applied Generosity for Rarity's class next week."
"It's good that you are working hard, Cozy, but there is something I want to ask the both of you," Twilight said patiently. She turned to Starlight. "You remember when you and Discord had to supervise the school when me and my friends were called away on a friendship quest?"
Starlight shuddered. She absolutely remembered, despite repeated, increasingly drastic measures (and volumes of cider) not to.
"Not again, right?" Cozy asked cautiously. She coughed. "Uh… actually, I think I'm maybe starting to get sick… so I'll have to be away… resting… and stuff."
"Well…" Twilight said sheepishly and emerged from behind her desk. Her cutie mark was glowing in that telltale way that signaled she had, indeed, been called away again. "It's… for my friends too. But don't worry; I checked with Discord! He's going away with Spike and Big Mac to an Ogres & Oubliettes convention in Las Pegasus! So you two won't have to work together again."
Starlight knew that she was supposed to be Discord's friend, and thus she was supposed to feel sad about this. Still, the room suddenly seemed a lot brighter and the whole day felt a lot better. Almost like a looming threat of an impending disaster had suddenly vanished. "Oh. Well, say no more! I'll gladly watch the school while you're gone! And even without Spike, I'm sure I can manage. I'm sure Trixie, Maud and Spitfire will help out as substitute teachers again."
Twilight nodded. "I'm sure you've got it under control. However…" She turned to Cozy. "You have been a model student for the school and from what I see in my classes, many student's look up to you, Cozy."
Cozy smiled brightly and pushed her chest forward.
"As such, I decided to run a small experiment: I want you to work together with Starlight Glimmer when my friends and I are gone! I want to bring the student perspective into the school system a bit more, and having the students themselves say what they think would be a great way to do it!"
"Oh… golly, headmare, I'm honored," Cozy chirped, her eyes sparkling with pride. "And I'm sure I can be a great help, both to you, and the school and the students and… well, everypony!"
"Then it's decided," Twilight said and clapped her hooves together. "Starlight Glimmer, I once again name you the acting headmare of the school while I'm gone. Cozy Glow, I name you… student council president, at first while I'm gone but if you like it, and the students are happy about it, I could see your tenure being extended."
"This will be the start of something great, I'm sure!" Cozy chirped.
"I think so too," Twilight said with finality. "Well, me and my friends will be leaving tomorrow. Will the two of you be able to find substitute teachers on your own? I have prepared all the lesson plans, so it won't be a difficult job at all."
"I already have some ponies in mind," Starlight said.
"I can help too!" Cozy hurried to say. That was surprising. Just who did Cozy know who could be a teacher with just a day's notice? Then again, it was a good thing she did. Trixie, Maud Pie and Spitfire were probably a little apprehensive after last time she asked them, and some extra teachers alongside those three would make things easier.
"Then I'll leave you to it," Twilight said. "Good luck, and have fun!"
Starlight nodded. "Bye for now then." She and Cozy both left the office.
"Right… okay," Cozy said and tapped her small hooves together. "I'll go track down my substitute teachers and ask them here tomorrow morning, so you can see if you like them. And then I'll make the rounds to the dorm rooms to inform everycreature about this, and…" she put a hoof under her chin. "Uhm… what more should I do, Headmare Starlight?"
"That sounds like more than enough," Starlight said. "I'll notify some old friends and review the classes Twilight wants us to cover… I think that will be plenty for today! Say we meet up tomorrow morning an hour before school, and I'll introduce your substitute teachers to the work. Also, before the first lesson, I will address the school about your position too. Just to clarify for everypony that you have both mine and Twilight's full trust."
"Good golly, you're the best!" Cozy all but crooned in satisfaction. Starlight patted her on the head. Cozy was a little bit weird, but she definitely was an ambitious, talented student.
"Then… we'll see each other tomorrow." Starlight smiled as she looked down on the small pegasus.
"And how! I promise it'll be… unforgettable..."
It was strange, but somehow when she said that, Cozy's face seemed to split into a rictus grin for a fraction of a second.
Oh well… it was probably nothing.
Epilogue - A Scheme in Motion
It had been one tiresome day. Managing the school the way she had done was hard work, but it had worked just perfect! Cozy plodded back into her little room in the school and prepared to go to bed.
She had accomplished all three of her goals:
She had Starlight's unquestioning trust, meaning that removing her would be easy, once the time came for that.
She had started to make herself known more and more to the rest of the students. They had heard her address this morning, and both Lilac Drops and Spring Rays would tell their friends that she had been a funny pony to talk to, and she had pulled them out of harm's way too.
Finally, she had started to disarm the potentially troublesome students: the five none-ponies and that loser with the turtles for a cutie mark. She had seen for some time now as they were not swayed by her as easily as the others. But that was fine. They would simply have to help her by being hated, and binding the rest of the school together over that common hate. Cozy knew she wouldn't be able to sway everypony to her side; some would have to be sacrificed and used to project fear onto. But that was fine. She didn't need everypony on her side; all she needed was a critical mass. Once she had enough ponies rising with her, the rest would follow blindly.
Oh, herding was a wonderful instinct! They didn't even realize how she set them all up!
Cozy giggled softly and laid herself down on her bed.
She fell asleep with a smile on her face. In her dreams she had already achieved her goals. All were bowing to her, the empress, the alicorn-to-be, the celebrated one, the beloved of everypony!
