SPIDIvonMARDER
The Portrait
Submission for 3rd Annual Cozy Glow Short Story Contest
She still couldn't swallow that defeat, which ended up losing just about everything for her. She triumphed, twisted even those two ancient bastards around her tail, and Discord himself was too stupid to stop her.
And then that bone-piercing fear when she realized that she would no longer escape punishment. That they had beaten her, and nothing, not even being a child, would change the situation. No rescue, only the absolutely cold inevitability of fate. And a feeling that she fortunately didn't remember very well today, but was associated with old age.
Well... maybe she didn't know the feeling itself, but the memory of it was enough to break her sleep brutally and keep her in a feverish fear until the sunrise.
She didn't know how long it had passed before she woke up, and also couldn't describe what happened next. But it was certainly not pleasant, since memory was so fiercely forbidding the mind of any flashback.
And then… it started. Feeding, treating, combing, tying bows, washing, teaching and doing all the nonsense that was supposed to make her mistake her eyes. They wanted to cheat her and play the nice, caring parents, but Cozy was too smart for that to just go after just anybody who gives candy in the street.
Though…
It was not easy to admit it, but whenever she tried to look at the theater and find the string, the proverbial hook on which the whole trap was hanging, she couldn't see anything. This irritated her even more than she thought the artificial courtesy of Cadance. Or maybe it was not artificial? This would turn out to be the worst!
She had been in this cleverly organized prison for seven months. In the Frozen North, it didn't take any bars to lock anyone up. Winter would have left her no chance, as she checked herself when she voluntarily left the dome. The wings nipped, feathers began to crumble, and the blood in the veins congealed. Yes, she was saved and she didn't even hurt herself much, but the wounds she had inflicted on pride turned out to be very deep. It was one of those unbearable moments when nature reminded her that she was still a child and that many things could escape the young mind.
In any case, it had been the seventh month since the stone was ripped open and she was here.
Much has changed.
The princess treated her like a daughter and taught her. And taught. And taught. And loved. Or so she said.
For Cozy Glow it was a strange feeling, never seen before, only peered at and imitated when needed. But since she found herself in the Crystal City, she had never met this need.
Another cause for concern, and surprisingly unsatisfactory, was the encounter with the various changes that had taken place in the crystal castle. Cozy remembered him a bit from the school trip she took at the very beginning of her education at the School of Friendship. And then, when she herself was brought here, she couldn't help but notice that new things had appeared that she surely hadn't been able to find before.
It was about various improvements for children. Many doors have lower handles. In the bathrooms used by the girl, there were stools in front of cupboards and sinks. The most bizarre ones turned out to be the additional steps on the large staircases, placed between the normal ones! She had no doubt it was for her. There were no other children in the castle, and Flurry Heart was either carried or flown alone on those giant mutant wings. It was much more tiring for Cozy, perhaps more after the petrification than before.
She was taking some pills for it and then she was supposed to be rehabilitated, but for now it was put off after Cozy literally jumped on the head of the physiotherapist. It was a very rare case that something was postponed according to the will of the girl. But it was 'postponed', that doesn't mean 'canceled'. And it was terrifying that maybe a second time would not be able to get her way.
Anyway, a number of improvements were installed in the castle and whenever the need to modernize something else came to light, the royal order was immediately issued and the matter was dealt with in no time. Until recently, it would have improved the mood. An evident example that others have only worked hard to make herself more comfortable. It sounded great, and while she would once have pretended to be modest and embarrassed about such a sacrifice, she would not really expect anything else. But now it was embarrassing and awkward.
It's not easy to see why, but Cozy figured it was Cadance's fault. In the past, other ponies served Cozy unaware of the scale of the manipulation, which made them somewhat sensitive to her will. She liked to think of them as the 'inferior', 'lower' ones, placed in the crude place of the hierarchy. But Cadance did not fit that profile, and it would be a very stupid self-deception to even try to throw her down somewhere in the structure. Cadance was an alicorn in her own castle. She made her own decisions and seemed to be immune to any intrigues of the girl. If she gave the order, Cozy would sooner or later succumb despite the rebellion. For example, there was no option of going to bed too late or not brushing your teeth in the morning. In turn, if it was Cadance who allowed something, for example to change the menu after an objection, it was immediately obvious that it envisaged such an option. She did not withdraw, did not break, did not fight.
She was not losing.
Therefore, it is impossible to feel that she is ministering to Cozy. It was definitely the opposite, and the girl felt indiscriminately humiliated by alicorn.
Alicorn...
Alicorns are very strange creatures, which didn't seem so bright with Twilight. Twilight... who was so homely and a bit down-to-earth. But Cadance? Never-ever! Everyone admired her and fell to their hooves, and behind the back… they seemed to love her in the same way, only sometimes more bluntly. What was it about it? It wasn't the fact that she wore both horn and wings at the same time! It couldn't matter!
And yet there was something, for Cadance was the only one of all the other adult mares in the castle to impress Cozy Glow. No, it wasn't about height, those huge wings, or even a strange sweetness in her voice. It was about…
Exactly? About what? Probably something with this sweetness, as it was impossible for her to refuse the Crystal Lady. This color scheme of mane and coat, large and worried eyes, throbbing innocent laughter and charming lightness of the silhouette... all this aroused some childish instinct telling the girl to submit to her, hug her leg and expect caresses.
Yes… that was the most annoying of all. Unbearable! Especially when you were forced into some artistic, integrative nonsense, it tried to torpedo it, and Cadance showed statuesque patience!
"Give me a break at last" Cozy shouted, threw her brush across the room and covered her face with her wings. She started biting the tips of the feathers, knowing that it irritated every pegasus mom. She hoped Cadance would eventually get irritated off and yell at her too. She will then answer the same. And so they will both scream and win, throwing the Great and Wonderful Princess of Love herself off balance.
However, there was an unexpected reaction. Her new and never asked mother, remained silent. She looked majestic in the crystal, gothic, soaring rooms. So overwhelming with their mass and cheering up with reflections of lights. It was also irritating. Everything here was so happy and positive.
The girl raised her head timidly and tried to look between the feathers.
The princess stood quietly at her easel, drawing circles with a brush. Even her eyelid did not twitch, and there was a sincere, still girlish smile on her lips.
"It's not necessary, Cozy. We can talk without raising our voices".
"I don't want!" The girl shouted. She would like to throw something again, but the pallet was attached to the easel and she wouldn't have the strength to knock it over.
"I understand you don't want to. It is very difficult at times. Maybe we'll try together?"
"Get mad at me! Yell! Do something!" She literally burned out what she thought and fell silent, realizing that she had completely betrayed herself. She expected some sign of triumph from alicorn now, but this day was full of disappointments.
"Why are you upset? Have I done something wrong?"
"Not! So you tell me, why don't you get pissed?!"
"Because I love you, my little one."
"Nonsense! Not true!"
"Why isn't it true?"
"There is no such thing! 'Love' is such a slogan! Children say that because they get attached! And adults to tie them to each other!"
"That's true. What you mentioned is also a certain part of love. But very small considering the sheer size of the other… other parts. First of all, love is a reflection on the other person."
"Exactly! It's an addiction! He will become someone else's slave! Some stupid emotions make you worry about someone. And what? And this person may not be concerned about it at all, or they may be just as addicted and worry that someone is worried. It does not make sense! Everyone limits themselves! They bind self… and… so… in a whole..."
"You rightly noticed that this dependence can be very embarrassing. And that's actually the price of love. But is not truly free only one who is completely alone?"
"There it is" she did not look at it from this side and was afraid that the princess jumped very quickly in the discussion to the point where she began to operate in an area unknown to a little girl. And that would mean the triumph of the adult over the foal. After all, it was supposed to be the other way around! Nonetheless, Cozy didn't know how to counter it at the moment.
"Yeah... and although I admitted it a moment ago, it is worth remembering one more circumstance. Love can also set us free, but it is very difficult and requires a lot, a lot of reflection. First of all, you need to find the depth. Losing a certain independence gives us back another independence. We can rest easy knowing that someone is thinking about us and cares about us."
"I see! Okay, that's very naive! "The girl thought. "A typical slogan that adults try to discipline children with! 'Do what I tell you, because it's for your own good!'"
"These are such nice words for imposing your will on others. Parents impose on their children. Upbringing is like a school, where children are small and weak, so they have to do everything at the discretion of their parents. And these require various nonsensical things from them. And they always explain that they do it out of love."
Cadance decided that the conversation had gotten to this most important point, where both sides play the strongest cards. Well, then she decided to take Cozy more mature and say it all straight.
"You see, this is the great responsibility of adults. To require, but so as not to limit or impose your own complexes. I know that many parents, bringing up thanks to them, try to do it according to their… vision and being guided only by their own taste. But the most important thing is to prepare a little pony to live in this big and, unfortunately, not quite nice world. Believe me, I would give my best if this sacrifice would make all the ponies wise, generous, kind, honest, loyal and cheerful. But there is no such power, and it probably never will be. So our role… those big and cranky ponies… is to prepare you little ones to handle it all. Therefore, whenever I order or forbid you to do something, I ask myself: will it really help you in this?"
"But what the hell does that have to do with all this love?! Why are you imposing it on me?!"
"Because love helps you to adapt to life like nothing else. It is our most powerful weapon and our shield against scarcity, dread or sorrow. She allows the ponies to understand each other and... live with each other."
"Hate works that way too! Hate also tells who goes where! She allows you to fight them and position yourself in life!"
She hoped using the word and comparing it to all that charity propaganda would irritate Cadance a little bit, but she smiled wider.
"I'm glad you brought up the topic of hate. You see, hatred has one irritating and very pregnant flaw: it is a flame, and even an insatiable fire. It is not only a poetic metaphor. Hatred really needs to be fed constantly, and with time the pony remains less and less. Empty body and blank eyes. Playing with hate is very expensive."
"Love is also said to be a flame."
"Yes, here you have me" she winked. "Love can also burn destructively. Oh, believe me, I know a lot about the dangers it brings. But it is, above all, a welcoming flame that warms but does not hurt. Which illuminates but does not blind. Which inspires but not paralyzes. Therefore, by teaching you about love, I am teaching you to adapt to life in our world. And yes, here you can say that I am imposing something on you. Learning about love in the context of survival among ponies, so to speak. Note the difference: I am not imposing all love on you. It is not possible. I am only teaching you to open up to love."
"So loving others is a good and useful business that brings profits to society! Don't even try to deny it!"
She hoped to contain such a large amount of malicious, overbearing triumph in her gaze that she would finally wipe that stupefying gentleness from the pink mare's face. To see her outrage, or at least confusion, and then be able to recall this image with each subsequent conflict, in order to be able to remind myself of the opponent's weakness. Once broken, Cadance would never be 'steadfast' again.
But the mare sighed very, very discreetly, though burdened thoughts flashed through her mind.
She wondered about the girl's age. It's not that Cozy was somehow supernaturally developed, but it was not very clear how old she was and what to expect from her. Sometimes she spoke as cleverly and as maturely as she is now. After all, she managed to deceive many ponies, and not only thanks to her foal charm. But on the other hand, she was still a little girl throwing brushes when she didn't like something.
You will have to go to the dentist with her*.
"If you are comparing love of trading, it is not a fitting comparison. Mutuality… yes. Mutual exchange of time and... call it 'services'? Yes, I agree here too. But trading is about getting into an emotionless relationship. You don't need to know the other person or have any feelings for them. It is not important, but the good or service in question. And money. And love is a kind of... super trade, where on top of all this there is also a very deep interest in the other person, often even exceeding the practical part of the relationship itself. You're doing it for someone. Not for something."
Cozy opened and closed her mouth several times, realizing she had been led into a corner.
Summarized the facts. First point. Cadance is older and much more experienced at ruling ponies. She used all the love talk, and by observation it wasn't just empty words. So it would be unwise to just throw away and shut ears to them. It turned out that love is power, like friendship. It can be used for personal purposes, to make other ponies dependent on each other.
On the other hoof, the friendship didn't work out and the ponies didn't want to get attached. So, in the words of Cadance, which should be true according to the first paragraph, it is all this ideology, not profit itself.
Third: You cannot use love and friendship solely for your own ends, without ideology. Why? Because then they will not be true love and friendship. As a result, they will not work.
All in all, Cadance was right. And Cozy, as a very intelligent girl, has just noticed that it is not the mind that does not want to accept it, but the emotions themselves. Emotions are stupid, they are inconsiderate.
She began to feel ashamed of giving them so much room for maneuver, de facto weakening herself.
Cadance must have read the whole thought process in her eyes, for she smiled heartily, then stood up and turned her sideways. The mane swung strangely and obscured the cutie mark as if alicorn was ashamed of it. It looked endearing and nice. It was impossible to be angry with this creature, it was not possible to really argue with it!
She was too sweet.
"I see your head is very busy. And I'm glad you listened to me so carefully. I'll be back in a while and if you feel like it, we'll talk further."
*
She was left alone. Yes, it was done deliberately. Cozy had long since figured out the tactic of messing child up, then left alone with new thoughts in the naive hope that all these conclusions would sort themselves out properly, and then a happy ending with premature adolescence. Why did they love it so much, while at the same time being touched by the 'childishness' of foals?
She didn't like it very much, and didn't really feel like the extra fiddling around. Nevertheless, Cadance cleverly left her alone with her own thoughts and, in fact, forced her to chew up again and again all the doubts she had sown. Cozy was strongly opposed to accepting someone else's views 'just like that', but it was not easy in the absence of alternatives.
And an easel. There are easels left.
On which she could express her doubts.
At first she wanted to make purely emotional tangled lines and terrify all the educators, with her fake mother at the helm. But immediately thereafter a question arose: what for? After all, she had just established to herself that Cadance might be right, or that it was not rational to automatically reject her point.
The girl sat down tiredly. She wondered if these new views that were sprouting in her were really only views? Something that is the product of thought and that can be changed by even a single experience? Or was it really a feeling? But it's like a 'feeling'. Emotion? The emotions weren't bad? Stupid, she admitted it herself. What then... about 'love'?
Was she tormenting her heart all by herself now, or was Cozy just getting tired of the resistance and giving way, letting Cadance begin manipulating her heart?
No… the more she thought about it, the more it seemed to be no trick. And yes, Cadance is the Crystal Lady, alicorn of love, so he would probably have the power to do any tricks in this field. But even so, was there any further sense in pretending that it was 'wrong'?
Not. He did not exist.
And immediately my heart felt lighter. Is that… a smile? Some new...
Then she looked up.
She wondered if she would be able to draw Cadance... but so nice.
When she finished, she felt something that genuinely scared her, and it was pride. Worse, it is not just satisfaction with the work done, which you put in a little effort. First of all, she really wanted to show it to others and get praise! And that meant only one thing:
Submission. Submission to adults. Submission to Cadance.
What happened? Where does this feeling come from and why now? Was it related to... love?
As a rule, in such moments there was a definite rejection and the girl was able to immediately peel some of the ticklish thoughts from their aesthetic skin in order to coolly analyze the meaning and use calculation. Not this time. Now she wanted to believe. Take it and buy it without getting into it.
It was nicer to think that way, and the smile somehow popped out of nowhere. And yet Cozy Glow could smile. She remembered it well.
*
She couldn't deny herself the warming comfort that gave her strength and inspiration. She felt almighty and really… happy. Why? Just because she showed that picture to Cadance. She let herself break it and did it. She expected a downpour of embarrassment. But instead, she just couldn't stand still, just fluttered its wings like a hummingbird and literally spun its orbits around Cadance. She relished her laughter and felt… just a better person! Just because she had drawn some… something, and Cadance was glad to see it… something.
And that's all. Amazing how little it could create so much satisfaction!
"It's not easy to express how much I enjoy this" Cadance said in her heart-heartening voice, then hugged Cozy as she somehow got closer. The girl wanted to get away, but... let it go. The joyful atmosphere allowed her to feel even a certain satisfaction in being in someone's embrace. Anyway, the princess released her quickly and Cozy was able to fly next to her head again.
"It's a very fast, beautiful progress!" added the mare, and this provoked the question:
"What progress?"
"You become healthier and happier. I can see the difference between what is now and what was. Even just a couple of weeks ago. Lovely news!"
This was something new. What progress? What changes? Was it... this love? It was so visible?
On the other hoof, it is difficult to hide such things from the princess of love.
"Why are you doing this?"
Cadance narrowed her eyes in a way that showed that she knew the answer to this question perfectly well, and only motivated the girl to develop and manifest her own feelings. Like it or not, Cozy had to submit to it. And it wasn't easy. It is one thing to think about all these doubts, and another to say directly. But curiosity did not allow me to rest and withdraw.
"Why... why did you pull me out of the stone? After all, I was a problem for you. You got rid of it and now again! Me again!"
"Do you think you are a bother to me?"
A hit straight in the heart. The question is like an arrow on target. It left no space in no pony's land, forced to take the side. And to a certain confession, because lying in this case would be so childishly naive that even a foal would feel embarrassed.
"I'm… trouble. I'm trying to be a bother. And yet you are still nice to me."
"You're not a bother. I love you too, which is why I want you to get recovered."
This is something new.
"Recovered? I'm not sick!"
"'Illness' is an unfortunate word indeed, but you are definitely 'experienced'."
"What?"
Cadance sat down on the sofa, a sure sign that there was going to be a monologue. Cozy felt the sweet pink pressure on herself to rest beside her. She didn't think about it, and she didn't really want it too much.
And she did it anyway. Why? She didn't know, but something was dawning in her head that she wanted to be close to the person who would tell her something important.
"We don't know much about your past before you arrived at Twilight’s School. I am waiting impatiently and curiously for the moment when you want to tell me about it. However, we know very well what happened next. You became the victim of a terrible adventure and suffered a lot, and the unraveling spiral dragged you even deeper into this enormous misunderstanding."
"Others would say I was the enemy" Cozy confessed, and felt that the awareness was causing a lot of sad feelings. As if sensing it with a sixth sense, Cadance hugged her gently, in a very maternal way. It was comforting.
"We still have a lot to learn about those days and draw conclusions. I don't look at others. I know very well that you needed help, not punishment."
"But why me? Why did alicorn... a princess like you do this... well she took me in?! There are many other children who would probably also like to be here."
Did I use the word 'also'?
"Because we both got hurt by Chrysalis. I felt it was my duty to help the other being she had hurt. Just like I was helped in the past."
It was very direct and real. Cozy never thought about it, but she did. Cadance had a disagreement with Chrysalis as well, and although of a completely different nature, there were still many similarities. The girl thought she was manipulating the changeling queen. The changeling queen tried to manipulate her. The result was that strange and very traumatic coalition of frenemies.
Cozy might have missed some aspects of the old days, but no… certainly not that. She didn't approach the fact that Chrysalis was hurting her. Pissed off, it was. But…
Hmmm... can it be one and the same?
"I see. It even makes sense."
"Sense? It's not a question of a point, baby" alicorn touched Cozy 's left ear lightly and caressingly, and it trembled. "It's not about logic here. It’s love! It tells me where I can do good and who needs it in particular. I love you much sooner than you think. I noticed how much you need to learn about loving yourself in order to be able to love someone and bestow good on someone. And then another person and another, until our beautiful pony herd is formed."
She thought for a moment.
"Hah, here I can jokingly admit that it makes 'sense'. Thanks to love, everyone benefits. And you know what?"
"Composure?"
"First of all, they gain relatives who make us one. A strong and compatible herd, which is quite important to survive safely. So yes… it makes sense."
It was a lot of information and changes for a little girl, especially within a couple of hours. First she was suspicious, then furious, then insulted, doubting, clothed, stressed, happy, and now some kind of… glorious? It was a big word, but it was all she could think of.
Enough to feel very tired anyway.
Cadance couldn't go unnoticed, so she took Cozy a little without question Glow on the back and started walking towards her bedroom.
Being carried… another brilliant discovery of something very pleasant. A proposal rang in the girl's head to say something really important to Cadance. Something so nice that it can be attributed to the "wish-fulfillment" of the pink mare. Certainly, without any doubt, Cadance wanted to hear it.
But no... not today. Despite some intentions, Cozy decided she wasn't ready for it yet. Which did not change the fact that she could repay in another way. She craned her neck and said in a low voice to Cadance's ear:
"Thought I'd be able to tell you something important soon."
The ears rose and stood sharply at attention. But for a moment, after a while, the princess regained her usual calm.
"Yes? What is this?"
"I..." or maybe still? Maybe it's a short word, two-syllable… so light… maybe it should come right now? Perhaps the occasion is perfect! " I... decided... to tell something about my past."
She was afraid of disappointment now, which the princess would mask, of course, but it would still be visible. Yet Cadance seemed genuinely enjoying himself to the fullest nonetheless:
"Great! It is a very nice distinction that you give me such trust! I can't wait!"
"Maybe you want it now?"
"Oh, it's too late today for a little pegasus. But tomorrow I will love to hear your story, honey!"
Honey, Cozy thought, digesting the word. It warmed the heart and gave a tremendous amount of happiness. And it seemed that she had waited a long time for them.
Sooooo long. And at last she received, like a reward after a difficult task.
She felt it was her duty to make sure this award was well deserved.
*Teeth tells a lot about a horse’s age.