Jetstream Sam Slices Shining Armor Into Sushi

by The_Chill_Author

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Royal Guard, Other, Adventure, Shining Armor, Crossover, Metal Gear, Profanity, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Human
Length: 3961

Shining Armor has been sent to a distant base near the mountains of the Frozen North, there, he trains the guards. However, he unfortunately wasn't planning for a certain Brazilian samurai.

Shining Armor has been sent to a distant base near the mountain where he trains the new guards coming in, the base is one of the most secure and honest training facilities for the guards. However, when a Brazilian samurai interrupts their training session, what happens?

Published 2022-10-23 17:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-23 17:00:00 UTC

The Only Thing I Know For Real

Shining Armor was at the train station with his bags by his side, he was waiting for the train to pick him up from the Crystal Empire and head off into the mountains. As he waited he was approached by his wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza - Cadence for short. She had Flurry Heart, their child, in a stroller as she looked at her husband.

"You'll be gone for six months," Cadence looked into Shining's eyes, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, but it's necessary, with all of these villains running amok, we don't really have much of a choice. I have to train the newest recruits, otherwise, even you would be in danger as well." Shining raised a hoof to touch Cadence's cheek, "No matter the distance, I'll forever be your knight in shining armor."

Cadence touched Shining's cheek with her hoof and pulled him close, the two touched horns, and a brief spark of magic flickered into the air. "Please, come back home safe, okay?"

Shining smiled.

"I promise."

"Captain Armor!" Shining snapped out of his trance as he glanced over to the Captain of the Night Guard - Night Glide, a bat pony. "They're waiting for you."

Shining nodded and put his helm on his head, he opened the door from his cabin and stepped out into the base. He felt the cold air fill his lungs and he looked around. He saw four massive walls surrounding the base, on those walls were cannons and ballistae, inside the walls were several cabins and empty plots of land for training. These four walls had been his home for the past three weeks, the fact that it had already been that long wasn't doing wonders for his mental.

All he could think about is snuggling on the couch, Cadence wrapped around his hooves, and cuddling together by the fireplace. Three weeks of this hell, and no sign of snuggles in sight. Shining dug his hooves into the snow and marched forth, he navigated through the base and entered the training fields where he saw thirty lower-rank guards all lined up together. All of them stood shoulder to shoulder and looked ahead. Shining trotted in front of them.

"TEN HUT!" Shining yelled, immediately, all of the guards saluted. "As you all may have gathered from the various news articles and the fact that we have TWO PRINCESSES IN THE HOSPITAL!" Some flinched at the ferocity in his voice, "We need better protection for our princesses, I wouldn't be here if all of you weren't so bucking pathetic at your jobs, yet I'm here and not with my wife. And for that, I want to thank you guys and gals by demanding you drop and give me fifty."

The guards groaned and looked at each other.

"NOW!" Shining boomed, the guards immediately dropped down and began doing push-ups. He glared down at them before glancing over at a guard that stuck out like a sore thumb. A Royal Guard who was red coated and was doing the push-ups easily. He trotted over to the guard as the guard was done. "Name and rank,"

"Uh, Fire Hearth, sir, Private First Class, sir." Fire Hearth responded, a bead of sweat rolling down his face as Shining narrowed his eyes.

"You've finished before everyone else."

"...What?"

"You truly are the cream of the crop."

"Oh god."

"You came first."

"Stop."

"I didn't expect you to last that long."

"Stop it."

"You must be very hard."

"For the love of God!"

"You must be up for round 2."

"Why?"

"What are you talking about?" Shining glared, "You must think you're the toughest finishing first, huh? Drop and give me twenty!"

Chill was cackling and clapping his hands together. He looked to the readers, "I know you're reading this shit, Fire Hearth, have fun reading that."

The five-foot-eleven Samurai of the Brazillian Wind marched through the snow, remembering what was told to him.

"Alright," Senator Armstrong looked at the Winds of Destruction. All of them had gathered in a small dark room with the only lighting being from the computers screens. Monsoon, Sam. Sundowner, Mistral, and Khamsin all stood together and faced their leader. "Monsoon, Sundowner, you two have done well dispatching the Princesses. Now, we have to take care of the rest, Sam, you go after Shining Armor."

Sam smirked, "Heh, guess I'm getting the easy job."

"Mistral, you go after Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

"Ah, splendide, I get the girl." Mistral licked her lips which caused some of the Winds of Destruction to get shivers down their spines, "What?"

Senator Armstrong looked at Mistral for a bit before turning to Sam, "Ignoring the e-girl, Sam, I'm going to need you to not kill Shining during your first encounter. Humiliate him, make him want to chase after you. Then, I want you to lure him into Fillydelphia, where you can cause as much havoc as you wish. Destroy a skyscraper or two, burn down a hospital, and make them see who we are. Who are we?"

Sam tightened his fist, "We are the Winds of Destruction."

"Ah, there it is." In the distance, Sam saw the big walls of the Royal Guard base, he smirked and put his hand on the hilt of his sword. He didn't unsheathe it, not yet at least. Sam strolled up to the wall and looked at the defenses, on the ground were two Earth Ponies with spears, and on the walls were Unicorns manning the cannons and ballistae. He also noticed Pegasi armed with swords standing guard as well by the cannoneers.

The guards took notice of him and they all aimed at him.

"STATE YOUR NAME AND PURPOSE!" They all shouted simultaneously, Sam chuckled and put his hands up.

"Me? I am a man of many names, people call me Jetstream Sam or Minuano, but you could call me whatever you want. As for my purpose, I'm here to show you my RGB lighting, I spent three thousand dollars on it." Sam grinned.

"FIRE!" The cannons were fired and the ballista bolts were shot, as they came in close, Sam crouched down and readied his finger on the trigger of his blade.

Once they were in range, he pulled the trigger and sliced the cannonballs and ballista bolts in two, letting them fall to the ground. He slashed his sword in the air and got into a stance, "Let's dance." After he said that, loud heavy metal music began to play.

The two Earth Ponies bull rushed him with their spears in hoof, Sam watched as they approached and loosened his stance a little. As they jabbed at the Samurai, with a swift motion, Sam cut the heads of the spears off and let them hit the snow. Using the momentum, Sam spun around and cut off the heads of the Earth Ponies as well, "Four heads in two seconds, I could do better than that."

"FIRE!" Sam glanced up to see the cannons and ballistae being fired, he narrowed his eyes as time began to slow for him. he leaped into the air and landed on one of the cannonballs, and jumped over to a ballista bolt. He began to hop on the ammunition before he finally reached the wall. The guards' eyes opened wide.

"THERE'S BEEN A-" Before the guard could finish their sentence, Sam sliced their head off and looked to the other guards. The Pegasi flew at Sam from both sides, he simply smirked and jumped to avoid them. The two Pegasi smashed into one another and Sam came down, crashing his feet down into their skulls and splattering their brain matter on the ground.

Sam looked at the remaining guards as he swished the blood off his blade, some blood hitting the guards. "I'm giving you a chance to run, so, I recommend you take the chance." The guards immediately ran, disappearing from sight. He looked over the various cabins and saw a certain guard in the training fields. He leaped over to a cabin and landed on the roof, he jumped to another and kept up the pace. He grinned as he came closer and closer to Shining, and with one final leap, he shot towards Shining. Before the Unicorn could try to react, he was shoulder-checked and sent rolling across the field.

Sam adjusted himself and stood to his feet, he saw Shining on his side struggling to get up. Sam looked around and saw the guards too scared to approach, he scoffed. "Some guards you have, they don't even have the balls to even try." After he said that, a guard behind him rushed him with a sword overhead. Sam turned around and caught the sword with his cybernetic hand before shattering it into pieces. "Even still, I can see why, they're weak." With a mighty boot, he forced the guard to roll across the dirt path.

"You..." Shining stood to his feet and Sam turned to face him, "Your name, tell me your name."

"My name is Jetstream Sam, a pleasure." Sam sheathed his blade.

"Oh, I assure you, the pleasure is all mine..." Sam saw something in Shining's eyes, the very same thing he saw that night with Raiden. It was the intent to kill.

He liked that.

"Oh, good. Why, that's very good." Sam grinned as he circled around Shining, "Yes, I like that."

"Then you're gonna like this!" Sam turned to see Night Glide attempt to pierce his chest with a spear. Time slowed for the Samurai as he maneuvered his body to avoid the attack, Sam held the trigger and his hilt. He pulled the trigger and let his blade fly out, and with a step forward he cut Night Glide in two. Night Glide fell apart like a dysfunctional family and hit the ground.

It was quiet.

It was very quiet.

It was so quiet that you could hear the heartbeats of the scared guards all in sync.

Ba dump... Ba dump... Ba dump...

"I guess you could say he is half the man he once was." Sam cleaned the blood off his blade by using his arm, he looked at Shining with a grin. "With that nuisance out of the way, how about we start this dance?"

Shining quivered as his horn lit up, his sword was caught in his magic aura and he pulled it out of his sheath. He didn't say a word as he crouched down, ready to duel against the Samurai of the Brazillian Wind. Sam rushed Shining with his sword in hand, as he got ready to block the attack. Sam swung, expecting to cut Shining's sword in two, but their blades clashed and sent a spark to fly out into the skies. Sam went to the defensive as he saw Shining's sword slash at him, he kept on blocking the attacks. Sam's eyes narrowed as he saw what was going on.

"Oh, I see, you coated your blade in your magic so I could not cut through it." Sam mused as he gazed at the sweat roll down Shining's brow, "My compliments, Captain Armor."

"I don't need your compliments, I need you to get the hell out of here!" Shining barked, as he glared at Sam with eyes of fury.

Sam shook his head, "Oh no, no, no. I simply can't do that, you see, it's my job to beat you into the dirt."

"What master do you serve?" Shining inquired.

"What am I supposed to say? Jesus? Hahaha!" Shining growled and rushed Sam, the Samurai parried the attack and spun around to slash Shining's chest. But the Captain swiftly leaned back and avoided the attack, Sam went for more attacks and Shining clapped back with attacks of his own. More and more sparks flew into the sky as metal hit metal, but then, Sam sheathed his blade and pulled the trigger, however, he didn't catch it. He let his sword fly and slam the hilt into Shining's face, shattering his nose like glass and sending him rolling across the snow. Sam caught his sword as it fell down and sheathed it.

"To make this fair, I won't use my sword." He walked towards Shining and cracked his knuckles. Shining slowly stood to his feet, and picked up his sword with his magic.

"You will regret underestimating the Captain of the Day Guard!" Shining released his magical grip on his sword and fired bolts of magic at Sam. Using his cybernetic arm, he smacked the bolts away, some hitting cabins and making holes in them. Seeing this was going nowhere, Shining picked up his sword again and rushed Sam. Only to be flipped as he did so, Shining turned into a carousel in the air and hit the ground, landing on his back. Shining gasped as the wind was knocked out of him, he rolled over to his hooves only to be booted by Sam. Sam continued to kick the shit out of Shining repeatedly, and the guards were all gasping as they saw their Captain be reduced to a bloody pulp.

Sam grabbed Shining's hair and pulled him up, looking into his eyes. "I'll be back for you, bitch." Sam dropped Shining onto the ground and walked away from the base, no guard dared to try and stop him.

Shining will have his revengeance.

THERE WILL BE BLOODSHED!

Shining marched down the streets of Fillydelphia, a scar covering his left eye. It had been a total of ten days since the attack on the base, and he was determined to kill this bastard. He was given this location by Sam himself, offering him a duel, whoever wins does what they want with the other. He had too much to lose to be defeated by Sam. And with Cadence trying to drag him back home, this solidified his will. He was to fight Jetstream Sam. And he must win.

As Shining marched dramatically down the empty streets of Fillydelphia, on the buildings, a screen appeared with Sam's face.

"What's up, gamers?" Sam exclaimed.

"God damn it," Shining swore under his breath.

"Let me tell you something important, Shining. You're a normie and a beta male cuck. I mean, everyone has written or read Cadence getting fucked by someone that's not you." Sam's voice echoed throughout the dead city as Shining continued.

"They can write what they want. I'm only here to dispense justice," Shining claimed as he clenched his blade.

"That's cringe, Shining, and your setup is weak." The Sam on the screen began to walk, "You can't even project yourself onto a building, or a billboard!"

Shining frowned, "Your taunts mean nothing."

"Cope and seethe, Shining. Why don't you go back to Facebook and post some minion memes?" Shining raised an eyebrow.

"What is Facebook?" Shining inquired, however, the Samurai ignored him.

"Do you see now, all this friendship and you still aren't based." Sam smirked.

"You bastard-" Before Shining could finish, Sam interrupted.

"Shut the fuck up, and listen for a moment."

...

...

...

He heard nothing.

"That's the cheers of your fans," Sam grinned, the Unicorn growled and continued down the street where he found himself in Townsquare with Sam standing in front of him.

"Let's get this over with, I might be late-" Before Shining could finish, Sam interrupted.

"Oh don't you worry, the clown college is closer than you think." Sam quipped.

"Yeah, it's right in front of me." Shining shot back.

"Hahaha," Sam rubbed his beard. "Kill yourself."

"And save you the trouble? No thanks." Shining furrowed his brow,

"Your ass will always be cringe, and my ass will always be THICC." Sam grinned.

"Not as thick as your mother," Shining paced around Sam, and the Samurai did the same.

"Haha, you're getting more based by the day. However, she's dead." Sam and Shining stood across from one another and they took out their swords,

"I didn't ask," The two rushed towards each other and clashed blades, making a shockwave that nearly blew them back. Sam pushed Shining, but the Unicorn wasn't giving up that easily as he pushed harder. Seeing this struggle was going nowhere, they both jumped back to gain distance. Sam went on the offensive and ran towards Shining, quickly the Unicorn fired bolts of magic at Sam. Using his High-Frequency Blade, he cut the bolts of magic into pieces as he advanced forth, Sam raised his sword overhead and slammed it down upon Shining, the Captain blocked the attack and a small crater was formed underneath them out of the force that was exerted onto the ground.

Sam spun around and swiped his blade at his opponent, but he dodged the attack and slashed the back of Sam's leg, making him kneel. Shining rammed his horn into Sam's chest and charged up a magical blast, Sam punched Shining in an attempt to cease his assault but he was determined to fire off the attack. And with a mighty yell, Sam was sent flying toward a building and crashed into it. Shining galloped towards the building and with a mighty leap, he jumped into the hole Sam made. There, he found Sam embedded into a wall, the Samurai slowly got himself out and shook his head.

"I've felt better." The room they were in was an office with typewriters, chairs, and cubicles. He looked around at the surroundings and rolled his eyes, "This place is boring." Shining ran at Sam, thinking he was distracted only for him to parry the attack and force Shining back. Sam seized him by the neck and spun around, he planted his foot down and slammed Shining through a wall. Shining crashed into a cubicle, and landed on a table, standing on his hooves he readied his blade. Sam jumped high and double jumped, going for the overhead slash again, but then, Shining turned around and bucked Sam in his chest, sending him through the ceiling and to the next floor. Shining parkoured his way up to the next floor where Sam appeared out of nowhere and flipped him.

"No need to flip out, Shining." Sam mused and turned to face Shining had chairs in his magical grasp, and with a grunt, he threw the chairs at Sam. Sam rolled his eyes and cut the chairs in two as he advanced, eventually, Shining halted his assault. Sam looked at the Captain with a bored expression, "Really? That's all?"

"No," Shining grinned, Sam looked at the sliced-up chairs and they converged on him, slamming into him. They bound Sam and he couldn't move, Shining raised his sword and got ready to cut off Sam's head. With a mighty roar, he threw the debris off of him and blocked the attack with his cybernetic arm.

"Smart, but not smart enough," Sweat went down Sam's brow, and he got ready to attack. Shining glared and his horn lit up, he felt vibrations go through the building and Sam looked up to see a piece of the ceiling come crashing down onto him. Sam parried the ceiling and forced it to go out a window, Shining's mouth was agape and Sam flipped into the hole in the ceiling, going into another floor. Shining pursued after Sam only to be booted into a wall, the Unicorn bounced off the wall and hit the ground.

Sam raised his foot to stomp on Shining's head but was blocked by Shining who used his sword to prevent the attack from landing. There was a power struggle between the two, but eventually, Shining rolled out of the way and let Sam's foot hit the ground. With a yell, Shining ran at Sam and used his forelegs to ram into him, Sam raised his sword up and blocked the attack. However, the attack forced him back and nearly made him lose his balance. Shining's horn flared up as he shot bolts of magic at Sam, like before, he began to cut through the bolts like butter. Sam closed in the distance and crashed the heel of his foot into Shining's nose and crashed him through the building and into another.

Sam pursued and found Shining standing in front of him inside the building he crashed into and in front of the hole he made. Sam walked forth and the two stared at each other, a pregnant pause filled the empty air and no sound could be heard. But then, Sam and Shining leaped out of their building and into the open air, Sam and Shining's blades clashed and made a huge shockwave that forced them back. Sam adjusted himself in mid-air and slammed his cybernetic arm to onto the building to reduce speed he was going to hit the Earth. He landed back on the ground. Shining, however, landed back into the building and looked down at Sam.

Sam made a 'bring it' gesture to the Captain and brought it he did. Shining leaped from the building and brought his blade down upon Sam, the Samurai swung his blade up towards the Captain and a crater formed beneath Sam. Sam shoved Shining back only for the Unicorn to come straight back.

The Brazillian Samurai rushed towards Shining and his perception of time began to slow as he got ready to blind the Unicorn with the swipe of his blade. However, much to his surprise, Shining blocked the attack. "What?" Sam blurted out. Shining gritted his teeth and shoved Sam back. The two warriors stood across from one another and noticed that time was going slow around them. But they didn't let that bother them, they were focused on one thing.

The fight.

The rivals leaped towards each other and clashed blades, Sam began to slash wildly and Shining did the same. They began to run across the streets of Fillydelphia and slam into each other, they didn't even notice that they started a fire with the sparks of their weapons against one another. Sam and Shining finally made a clash strong enough to push them away from one another.

Sam spun his weapon around as he got ready to attack, Shining twirled his weapon in his magical grasp and they both ran at each other. They started to throw away all defense for offense and attacked each other with all they got. "HAAAAAAAA!" The two warriors roared like lions and started picking up the pace. Their shockwaves began to destroy their surroundings, causing explosions all over the streets of Fillydelphia. To the untrained eye, it would seem they were clashing blades every few seconds. However, to the trained eye, they would see that they clashed one hundred times per second.

With one heavy strike, they recoiled and stumbled back from another.

"THIS IS IT, SHINING!" Sam sheathed his blade as Shining erected a shield.

"YOU COULDN'T BREAK THIS SHIELD IF YOU TRIED!" Shining yelled.

Sam took up on that bet and pulled the trigger, Murasama cut through Shining's shield like a hot knife through butter, and Sam cut Shining's left foreleg off. Shining howled in pain and recoiled, he fell onto his back and squirmed as Sam cleaned the blood off his sword and sheathed it.

"You deny your weapon its purpose, it yearns to bathe in the blood of its enemies, yet you hold it back." Sam said over Shining's screams of agony, "You showed me a good time, Jack."

"M-my name... Isn't J-J-Jack!?" Shining said in a mix of confusion and anger.

"You're going to Brazil," Sam raised his boot high and stomped on Shining.

In the hospital, Shining was placed next to Luna, wrapped in bandages.

"So..." Luna mused, "Who was it this time?"

"...A prick."