An' Endangered WHUT now?!
It had been another successful Harvest, and with a mighty >thunk!<, Applejack turned and watched as the very last apples from the very last tree fell into the baskets. Heaving a deep sigh, she grabbed the load in her teeth, dragged it backwards to the cart, and flipped it inside to join the others. "That's it, Big Mac!" she said, as she took off her hat and wiped her brow. "That's the last o' them!" Mac nodded, hitched himself up to the wagon, and trudged off for home. Applejack plunked herself down under the tree, determined to rest, just for a moment. Before she knew it, her head had fallen forward, and she'd closed her eyes. Her light snores were the only sound for many minutes.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The blonde pony's head snapped up and she was instantly alert! She took a moment to gain her bearings. She must have fallen asleep, for the Sun had fully set, and it was almost full dark. Tuning her ears for the slightest sound, she searched for whoever or whatever had made that noise.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
There it was again! This time she could tell it was coming from her farm, so as fast as she could she raced home!
Once there, she looked frantically around for the source. Then she spied her brother and sister standing out in front of the fishin' pond built close to the house. Perplexed, she wandered slowly up to them. They were all standing completely still staring down at a small, red and pink caterpillar. "Whut...whut's goin' on?" she asked.
Big Mac spoke without turning to her. "Jus' wait..."
Before she could reply, the bug opened its mouth. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
At the unholy screech, Applejack winced and covered her ears. "Whut in tarnation IS that horrible thing?! An' whut is it doin' on our farm?!"
"We don't know," said Apple Bloom. "It jus' showed up outta nowhere, an' started screamin'!"
At this, Applejack's brow furrowed and she clenched her teeth. "Wahl, Ah don't know what it's doin' here, but it's gotta go! It's gonna scare the livestock!" She slowly approached the bug, picked it up off of the lily pad it was resting on and set it on the firm ground.
"Whut are you gonna do, Applejack?" asked Apple Bloom.
"Nuthin'," smirked Applejack as she raised her hoof. "The poor thang sounds like it's in pain. Ah just think it needs a visit from friendly Dr. Hoof..."
Just as she was about to squish it, they all heard a loud, "Stop right there, "Doctor Hoof!" They looked up to see a flock of pegasi descending, all wearing bright uniforms and scowls on their faces. They each had searchlights in their hooves and were beaming them down in the faces of the startled Apple clan.
"Who're you all?!" shouted Applejack.
The lead pegasus landed and carefully picked the bug up before answering. Turning to Applejack with a disapproving look, he said, "We are the Equestrian Protection Agency®, founded for the Protection of Rare and Endangered Creatures!" He cast a loving gaze at the bug in his hooves. "This is the extremely rare Screamapiller, a species under our Protection!"
Applejack grit her teeth. "Wahl, whut's it doin' here, an' how did y'all know it would be here on OUR farm?!"
"We didn't know," he said, as he carefully set it back on the lily pad. "We've been tracking its movements through the Everfree for days, and only now caught up with it." He gave her another stern look. "And it looks like we did so just in the nick of time."
But she refused to be embarrassed. "If'n it's so precious to ya, then fine! Y'all can have it!" She turned aside to Apple Bloom and whispered, "Finish the job..."
He shook his head with a grim smile. "Not so fast. The Screamapiller has chosen your farm as its new temporary home, and until it moves on, YOU are now responsible for its safety!"
The Apples all exchanged puzzled, angry looks. "Say whut now?" demanded Big Mac.
Instead of immediately answering, the leader reached into his saddlebags with a wing and brought out a pamphlet. "It's all explained right here." He gave the pamphlet to Applejack, who scowled at him for a moment, then reluctantly took it. Her expression didn't change as she read the title.
"The Screamapiller and You: Everything You Need to Know for Care and Feeding..." She gave the pamphlet to Big Mac and rounded on the leader. "This don't say why WE hafta take care o' the dang thang!"
"Ummm...AJ..." began the stallion.
"Not now, Mac!" yelled Applejack.
The smirk never left the leader's face. "You should probably listen to what your...brother? Has to say..."
She whirled on him next. "What?!"
He showed the paper to her so she could read it. "It says here there's a substantial reward fer takin' care of that thing."
That stopped her in her tracks. Her eyes grew wide, and she took the pamphlet back from him and read it for herself. "Needs constant attention...hates bein' alone fer more than a few minutes...without continued reassurance it will die...is sexually attracted to...fire?" She looked at her kin. "It sounds like this thang don't want to live!" She kept reading. Frowning again, she looked back up at the pegasus with an accusatory scowl. "It don't say how much of a "substantial reward!"
The pegasus' smirk became even smugger. "That amount is decided by the degree of care you bestow upon this creature...and the final bits amount, which could be well over 100,000 bits, will be determined by the ranking authority of the EPA. " He paused for effect.
"That would be me."
The Apples all stared angrily at the smug pegasus, then as one turned and looked down at the bug. It too was smirking up at them with a superior look, as if it knew exactly what was going on, and the HELL it was going to put them all through.
"Heh heh heh!"
