This is the House, Something Something
Halloween was approaching; a time for dressing up, getting free candy, and just having fun. It was the perfect holiday for Pinkie Pie. Of course, Halloween was also a time for scares and Pinkie loved getting scared too. Especially from scary movies. So, naturally, she wanted to share the excitement with her sisters; and she had a dozey for them.
"Is this gonna be another one of those old black-and-white movies?" Limestone asked as she took her place on the couch.
"What's wrong with black-and-white movies?" Maud asked. She had already sat herself on the other end of the couch, with Boulder set on the arm.
"They're boring, that's what's wrong with them. All they do is talk, talk, talk, and the monsters look like something put together in the back of a cheap costume store."
"Spoken like an uncultured mind, Limestone. I like old movies; they hold historical significance to cinema and are perfectly entertaining to an open-minded viewer."
"That's all well and good, Maud, but when I watch a 'scary movie', I expect it to be, you know, scary." Limestone rolled her eyes and called to Pinkie, who was still in the kitchen preparing refreshments. "Hey, Pinkie, what you got us watching this time?"
"One second~." Pinkie called back.
Limestone looked to Marble, who was sitting between the two older sisters. The shy girl just shrugged.
Pinkie arrived, balancing an assortment of snacks and drinks in her arms. "So, I was thinking to myself; I said 'Pinkie, I wanna watch scary movie. And I don't mean a regular scary movie, I mean a really horrifying horror movie!' So, I was looking through movies to watch with my bestest sister friends, that's you three, and I saw a movie that looked familiar, so I-."
"Can we get to watching the movie today, Pinkie Pie?" Limestone asked impatiently. "I got a match tomorrow."
Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay; we're watching The Devil's Rejects. It's supposed to be super terrifying. Like, real grindhouse stuff."
"Are you sure you can handle a movie like that?" Maud asked. "I don't want you to have trouble sleeping."
"That's what makes it exciting!" Pinkie plopped down on the couch between Maud and Marble, grabbing the remote. "Everyone comfy? Let's do this!" She hit play.
"Rob Zombie? That's a heck of a name." Limestone commented as the opening credits came to an end.
"Yeah, sounds like the perfect name for a horror movie guy." Pinkie said, getting excited and a tad anxious about the movie.
Maud had pulled out her phone to check some things about the movie. "It says he does music too."
"Ooh, what kind of music?"
"Rock, Metal; he had a band called White Zombie. It's a little redundant."
"White Zombie? Isn't that a drink?"
"Okay, am I missing something here?" Limestone interrupted. "Was this supposed to be a sequel or something?"
"Actually, it is a sequel." Maud remarked. "The first movie was House of 1000 Corpses."
"That sounds sick; why didn't we watch that first?"
Pinkie shrugged. "I didn't know they were related; maybe we can watch that one next."
"As long as we can understand what's going on, I guess."
"Ooh, she's pretty." Pinkie commented on the female member of the protagonists.
"She's Rob Zombie's wife." Maud said after checking her phone.
"Ehh, I've seen better." Limestone smirked and playfully punched Marble on the arm. "Just gotta look in the mirror, right Marble?"
Marble blushed and rubbed her arm.
"Not like the guy with the beard. Guy looks like he hasn't bathed in years."
"I dunno, maybe if he unscruffed himself a bit, he could be handsome." Pinkie offered.
"You kidding? Guy has the skin complexion of a cum stain."
The out of nowhere comment got Pinkie laughing hard. Marble stifled her giggles and even Maud smiled a little.
"Why is this guy dressed like a clown?" Limestone questioned.
"I think it's part of his job." Maud answered.
"Job? I thought he was a serial killer, doesn't he just rob the people he kills?"
"Maybe he just likes being a clown?" Pinkie smiled. "I'd like a job where I can dress up as a clown."
"You don't need a job to dress up as a clown." Maud pointed out. "You used to dress up as one randomly and go around town."
"Yeah, but then the whole 'Clowning' thing happened and plus a lot more people are scared of clowns than I thought. I even tried to surprise Fluttershy as one and she nearly had a heart attack!"
"Geez, he just knocked the crap outta that woman!" Limestone remarked.
"Oh, no; please don't hurt the kid." Pinkie whimpered as she prepared for the worst.
Marble was shrinking into herself.
"Oh, come on," Limestone rolled her eyes. "That kid is clearly trying not to laugh; he's barely even acting scared."
"This clown isn't very funny." Pinkie said, crossing her arms."
"No shit."
"Limey, do we need to bring back the swear jar?" Pinkie joked.
"There ain't a freaking swear jar; I'm the reason you and Maud have this house and I still pay half the bills, I'll swear whenever the fuck I want!"
"Okay, okay; I was just joking."
"Keep it that way."
"Nonononono," Pinkie clinched everything as one of the characters forced a woman to commit sexual acts on him in front of her husband.
"Ugh, this is just sick." Limestone wasn't enjoying the movie as much as she was hoping to. "What is Zombie's deal? He getting his rocks off to this?"
Marble was trying to get comfortable, but found it impossible. Not because the coach wasn't comfy, but she found it hard to relax with this movie playing.
"Well, you wanted something horrifying, Pinkie." Maud commented, seemingly unaffected.
"Y-Yeah, but..." Pinkie straightened up as best as she could. "I'm fine; it's just a movie." She gulped. "Just a movie."
"'I'm the Devil, doing Devil's work'," Limestone mocked. "What a load of shit. Real tough guy with a freaking gun and defenseless old people. Put that gun down and step up to a real one, and we'll see what freaking happens! I dare anyone to say that shit to me!"
"Easy, Limestone, he's not real." Maud half-heartedly said to calm Limestone down. "I will say, Otis' actor does a very good job."
Pinkie gulped. "Y-Yeah, really... convincing."
Limestone blew a raspberry. "Can't be that hard to dress up like a redneck Saruman and act like you're the sickest bastard in creation."
"I'd shove that whole gun up your ass, bitch!" Limestone yelled at the screen.
"And of course, there's no bullets." Maud noted, unimpressed.
Pinkie shivered in place. "Oh geez, he's wearing his face! Oh no, he's not gonna..."
"He is." Maud confirmed before the scene even changed to reveal the hysterical woman forced to wear her dead husband's face.
"This is so cruel." Pinkie shook her head in disbelief. "What's even the, oh geez!" Pinkie jumped as the woman was hit by a truck.
"And now there'll all dead." Limestone said with annoyance. "What was the fucking point?!"
"It's common for exploitation films to linger on such scenes for shock value." Maud explained.
"I thought you said this was a scary movie?" Limestone questioned Pinkie.
"Y-You don't think this is scary?" Pinkie asked, still shaken by the previous scenes.
"This isn't a scary movie, Pinkie, it's a crazy asshole movie! It's about a bunch of crazy assholes doing crazy asshole things and it's pissing me off!"
"I think that's the point." Maud said.
"Then why the heck are we freaking watching this?!"
"Yeah, gut that crazy whore!" Limestone cheered as the sheriff stabbed the old prisoner to death. "Finally, my man here does something."
"You seem to be enjoying the movie now." Maud commented.
"As long as Sheriff gives those assholes what's coming to them, it'll be worth it."
Marble, seeming tired out of the constant brutality, was relaxed in her seat, looking bored.
Pinkie wasn't so desensitized, remaining on edge for whatever came next.
Limestone smiled wickedly as the sheriff's vigilante squad got the drop on the unsympathetic protagonists. "Yeeeah, he's got ya now. My man got your sorry ass!"
Pinkie, who had calmed a bit, looked to Limestone with a smile. "Limey, do you have a crush on Sheriff Wydell?"
Limestone blushed and glanced away. "I never said that. I just get this guy; avenging his brother and stopping these pricks, you know. If any of you got killed by a bunch of sadistic rapist assclowns, I'd be doing the same thing!"
Limestone laughed with catharsis as the sheriff tortured the three 'heroes'. "Yeah, that's your mama, Baby! Look at her dead body, guts everywhere!"
Pinkie leaned away a bit from Limestone as she cheered on the torture.
"Come on, Sheriff, cut off Otis' balls or something! That'll teach that rapist fuck!"
"That's kiiinda sick, Limey."
"Oh, I'm sick?" Limestone shot Pinkie a glare. "Do we need to rewind the movie? Did you forget everything these freaking monsters have done? I'm sick for enjoying them get what they've been giving?"
"N-No?"
"Then shut up and let me enjoy this."
The movie seemingly reached it's climax as the sheriff started to strangle the female protagonist while the other two were trapped in their burning house.
Limestone's joy was cut short when a large figure snatched the sheriff off of her and snapped his neck. "...What the fuck?! Are you fucking kidding me?! Where the hell did he even come from?!"
"He was at the start of the movie." Maud answered.
"Oh, bullshit!" Limestone watched in disbelief as the large oaf freed the others and brought them to the car. "I don't believe this freaking whatever his name is!"
"I think his name is Tiny."
"Fuck you, Tiny!"
Pinkie watched sadly as the large oaf went to the burning house. "Aww, I kinda feel bad for him. He lost his family and I think he's going into the fire."
"Oh, boo-freaking-hoo!" Limestone replied unsympathetically. "That piece of crap killed the only character I liked! Let him burn to death! And what's with the somber music?"
"I think we're supposed to feel bad for them?" Maud offered.
Limestone looked at Maud incredulously. "'Feel bad for them'?! Who the fuck would feel bad for them?! Is this movie pulling that Clockwork Orange shit? With the freaking rapist asshole; Malcolm Mcdowell played him; and the movie acting like he's the fucking victim. This movie pulling that shit?"
"It might be."
"Oh, blow me."
"Oh, I love this song!" Pinkie said as Freebird started to play; it was the only thing in the movie to make her smile.
"So, we gonna end this in a shootout?" Limestone asked. "Well, there's no way they'll get out of this one... unless another giant lummox is waiting around to shoot all the police."
"You're not gonna let that go, are you?" Maud asked.
"No, I will not."
The movie finally came to an end as the protagonists are riddled with bullets.
Limestone sighed, exhausted by the movie. "Well, that's that. What the hell did we just watch?"
"The Devil's Rejects." Maud answered.
"Fuck The Devil's Rejects." Limestone groaned as she stretched. "Sheriff should've lived. At least those pricks finally bit it at the end."
Maud checked her phone. "Actually, there's a sequel."
Limestone looked to Maud in bewilderment. "What?"
"Yes, there's a sequel called 3 from Hell that came out fourteen years after this. Apparently, the three survived."
"Oh, fuck this." Limestone got up from the couch and left for the door. "I'm picking the next movie!" She yelled before slamming the door.
"I think she enjoyed it." Maud said.
"Hee hee, yeah." Pinkie looked between Maud and Marble. "So, Marble, did you like it."
Marble gave a 'meh' gesture.
"Maud?"
"Well, the constant torture the movie thrives on got tiresome after a while and stopped being shocking. There was a severe lack of engaging characters as well; aside from Sheriff Wydell, all characters were either completely evil or pointless. Overall, I found the movie very boring. But I did enjoy Limestone's reactions." Maud answered honestly.
Pinkie laughed a bit. "Well, uhh, it scared me. So, it did it's job. So, I guess I give it a thumbs up." Pinkie rocked herself, the images of what she just witnessed stuck in her head. "Does, uhh, anyone want to watch Winnie the Pooh?"
