A Tasty Treat that Rots your Teeth
“Have you seen Carrot around, Pinkie?”
Pinkie stopped her vigorous stirring and set the bowl of cupcake batter on the counter. “No, I haven’t. Why? Is he supposed to be somewhere?”
“Well,” Mrs. Cake replied, “the shop’s been closed for about an hour. I was watching the twins and I suspected Carrot would come up when he was done. He hadn’t, so I thought I’d check in on him. Of course, not only is the shop empty, but he’s nowhere to be seen.”
Pinkie licked her lips. “I think he said he was going downstairs to grab some extra flour.”
“No, I checked down there already.”
“Is he in the bathroom, then?”
“No, it’s already open. He’s not with the twins either: I checked once after I came down to check on him.”
“W-well,” Pinkie quickly replied, “maybe he went upstairs while you went downstairs and you were so focused on trying to find him that you didn’t hear him. Or maybe, while I was in the bathroom earlier, he had to go to the bathroom, but couldn’t hold it so he ran somewhere else to go to the bathroom. Or maybe he—”
“Pinkie,” Mrs. Cake flatly interjected, “I can tell when you’re rambling. Where’s Carrot?”
“Sorry, but I can’t spill those beans, Mrs. Cake. I can spill other beans if you like, though!” Pinkie pulled a measuring cup filled with uncooked kidney beans out of her mane. A couple spilt to the floor as she grinned sheepishly.
“Where did—? Never mind,” Mrs. Cake said, her voice betraying frustration. She massaged the bridge of her nose. “Why can’t you tell me where Carrot is?”
“Pinkie Promise!”
“Oh, alright,” she said with an eyeroll. “Let me know when you see him.”
“Can do!”
As Mrs. Cake left the kitchen muttering to herself, Pinkie’s tongue spasmed to the left. “Ooo, the next batch is done!” Pinkie listlessly bounced over to the oven, grabbed the mitts, and pulled out the cupcake pan. She popped out the desserts and placed them on the cooling tray. Her gaze lingered on the pastries, then slowly dissipated.
The creaking stairs brought her out of her stupor. As she poured batter into the next cupcake pan, she heard the front door squeak open. She was suddenly very glad Mrs. Cake didn’t ask for a Pinkie Promise.
Pinkie stuffed the tray back into the oven and tip-hoofed to the café doors, gently pushed them ajar, and peeked through. Mr. Cake was desperately trying not to make a sound as he searched the lobby holding a large bouquet of peonies.
Pinkie grew a broad smile watching Mr. Cake. She grabbed an unfrosted cupcake from the counter and loudly bounced over to him. Mr. Cake’s eyes widened as he brought his hoof up to silently shush Pinkie. Pinkie grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him down below the front desk opposite the stairs. She stood up, stomped a few feet towards the front door, and yelled “Mrs. Cake? I forgot to ask you to try one of the cupcakes I’m making for Lyra’s party tonight; can you come down and try one?”
After some brief shuffling upstairs, Mrs. Cake, her ears angled back, ambled down the stairs. “Honestly Pinkie, I’m sure they taste wonderful.”
“You can’t know that until you’ve tried them, silly!” Pinkie said with the widest grin she could manage.
Mrs. Cake stopped halfway down the stairs. “Dearie,” she said, cold frosting dripping from her tongue, “I’ve had plenty of your cupcakes in my time, I’m sure they’re delightful.”
Pinkie glanced down at Mr. Cake. He was desperately trying not to move, his head curved down, stretching the tendons in his aging neck. Pinkie forced herself to look back at Mrs. Cake and hoped her eye movement hadn’t been noticed. “All the more reason to try one, then!”
“Oh, alright,” Mrs. Cake said with a sigh. She ambled down the stairs and passed by the counter. As she did so, Mr. Cake sprung up, grabbed her with his empty forehoof and pulled her into a chaste kiss.
“I brought you flowers, dear.”
Pinkie plastered on the fullest smile she could manage for the two of them.
Mrs. Cake inhaled the aroma of the peonies. “What’s the occasion?”
“I love you.”
“Odd occasion dearie,” she said with a slight smile, “I thought you always loved me.”
Mr. Cake gave a nervous chuckle. “Well, yes.”
Just then, Pinkie’s tongue spasmed to the left. “I’ll leave you two to it!” Pinkie interjected. “I’ll finish up the order for Lyra’s, deliver it, and then I can watch the twins.”
Mrs. Cake smiled fondly at her. “Thank you Pinkie.” As Pinkie opened the café doors, she paused and furrowed her brows. “Did you know about all of this?”
“Everything but the peonies!” she said as she walked back into the kitchen. As she pulled the muffins out of the oven, she heard a pair of soft chuckles traveling up the stairs.
She took a deep breath as she approached the counter.
Smiling sadly, she removed the cupcakes from the tray and onto the cooling rack, poured the last of the cupcake batter into the final cupcake tray, and shoved the tray back into the oven. She took another slow, deep breath; grabbed the icing; and started coating the cupcakes.
Pinkie’s mind wandered from the repetitive motion of her hooves to the familiar, sticky track in her mind. Squeezing the icing from the bag, her thoughts turned to Mr. and Mrs. Cake. They were very generous to let her live here. Pinkie had lived with them long enough to know they appreciated her work and the games she played with them.
Didn’t feel like that, though.
Pinkie’s ears drooped.
Pinkie noticed every eye-roll, exasperated sigh, and frustrated groan. Their decision to avoid the obviously necessary confrontation only increased the crushing weight. Pinkie knew exactly how they felt about her: they acted just like her family did as the tension started to build. And, just like her family, the Cakes knew she was fragile and would never ask her to change. They couldn’t. Instead, their annoyances went unanswered and their frustrations with her ridiculous personality grew.
For Pinkie, it seemed only a matter of time until the shouting started. Until they emotionally detached from her. Until they threw her out, and she had to find a new home. Again.
But the Cakes didn’t have those problems with each other. Sure the kids got into more trouble than an enraged manticore, but they loved each other like a real family does. Pinkie had never seen or even heard the Cakes fight. They’d have disagreements, sure. But they talked about it. No honest-to-goodness fights. No shouted demands. No cold shoulders for a week. Just a few minutes of largely calm conversation. Well, maybe more like hours. But still.
Mr. and Mrs. Cake trusted each other. They each knew who the other was down to the underside of their hooves. They kept each other stable, happy, and grounded. And more than anything, they loved each other. Pinkie never felt as safe and loved as they were in each other’s hooves.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Maud knew her well; they shared almost everything with each other.
Yet they almost never saw each other, leaving their relationship to letters and occasional visits. Maud’s place was at Manehattan University. She had aspirations of brilliant scholarship that Pinkie couldn’t bear tearing her away from. Furthermore, she could rarely get away from college: if she wasn’t studying geology, she was doing field research with some extraordinarily brilliant professor of Calcite.
Some of the icing fell off the side of a cupcake. She pulled out a damp washcloth and began to scrub away.
Pinkie was far too bubbly and excitable for the bustling city of Manehattan. Ponies yelled at her for ruining their morning commute with streamers and cake. Ponies in Manehattan didn’t want a good time; they wanted to work.
Even when Maud was still living at the Rock farm, Pinkie wasn’t exactly welcome there either: her presence was disruptive to the family business. She was far too concerned with keeping spirits up to do any helpful work around the farm. It made the rest of Pinkie’s family either too distant or too aggressive for Pinkie to feel comfortable around for weeks at a time. Moreover, even if they were comfortable, they were just as busy as Maud.
A last speck of icing had stubbornly adhered to the counter. Pinkie started to push the washcloth harder into the counter.
Her friends were better, but not anywhere near as good as Maud.
Dashie was always a good buddy for pranks, but she got a little annoyed with Pinkie sometimes. Well, often. Rarely did Pinkie spend an afternoon with her without receiving half a dozen facehooves, groans, and exasperated sighs.
Rarity was much more polite about her annoyance, but Pinkie could still hear it in the careful, hesitant wording. Not to mention how busy she was with Carousel Boutique.
Applejack was just as busy as Maud and the rest of her family. This, of course, wasn’t to mention the slightly dismissive attitude Applejack displayed: treating Pinkie like a child half the time. Applejack was far too serious and responsible for Pinkie’s blithe attitude to be acceptable.
Twilight was nice enough, but her sarcastic comments betrayed her annoyance well. It wasn’t like she didn’t mess up Twilight’s experiments at every opportunity. Not that Pinkie did it on purpose, she even knowingly participated in one. Apparently, that somehow ruined the experiment. She still hadn’t asked Maud why that might be.
In fact, all of Ponyville got annoyed with her if they spent enough time with her. If she stuck around long enough, Pinkie started seeing glares and disapproving looks. Her friends were the few ponies that could put up with her for more than a few hours.
Despite her vigorous scrubbing, the speck of sugary goo held firmly to the counter. Her ears fully flush to her head, she gave up and resolved to take care of it later.
It wasn’t like any other town liked her any better, though. In fact, Ponyvillans were more patient with her than anywhere else she’d been in Equestria.
Well, except for Fluttershy. She never displayed any annoyance nor impatience for her. She was always nice, always patient, and always lovely. No matter how long they talked. No matter how frustrating Pinkie was. No matter how maddening she was, Fluttershy stayed calm, collected, and kind. Maybe it was that Pinkie knew what limits Fluttershy had and stayed away from cacophonous disaster. Maybe Fluttershy was simply more patient with everypony than everypony else. Or maybe…
Pinkie smiled and her ears perked drastically as she frosted the last cupcake.
Maybe Fluttershy found it endearing. Maybe Fluttershy, like Maud, actually enjoyed spending time with her. Maybe...
Pinkie started loading cupcakes into the delivery cart.
Maybe Fluttershy loved her back.
As she loaded in the trays of cupcakes, a thousand magnificent memories played in her mind. Fluttershy smiling delightfully and serenely as she slowly worked up the courage to hop across the gap on Gallop Peak. Fluttershy gently approving Pinkie cheering up her animal patients. Fluttershy confiding her fears about Gilda to Pinkie. Fluttershy remembering her song—Pinkie’s song—to hop across another gorge. Fluttershy bobbing her head along to Pinkie’s songs.
Not to mention how absolutely adorable Fluttershy was.
Pinkie violently shook her head and continued loading the cart.
Yeah, maybe Fluttershy did love her back.
With an extra bounce in her step, Pinkie hitched herself to the cart and started prancing towards Lyra’s.
It could certainly be true. Sure, Pinkie had come to this conclusion before and, sure, Pinkie had dismissed it then. But, she always came right back here. So maybe she wasn’t just trying to bake cupcakes without eggs.
Of course, as Pinkie knew well, Fluttershy was very nervous about these things, so if she did like Pinkie back, there’d be no way she’d mention it. So Pinkie had to find some way to talk to her about it. And Pinkie had to be gentle.
A party!
That was always her first thought. Her second thought was always the same too: no, a party isn’t very gentle for Fluttershy.
Just then, Pinkie noticed someone running towards her. “Hi Bon-Bon!”
“Oh, hi Pinkie!” she said between heavy breaths.
“What'cha up to?”
“Can’t talk,” a pause for a gasp of air, “Davenport.”
“Ooo~! Is it quills or sofas?”
But she was already out of earshot. Pinkie rationalized the curtness to herself as Bon-Bon simply being exceptionally busy.
It wasn’t anything else. Bon-Bon would’ve been excited to see her on any other day.
The wheel on the cart began to squeak again. The Cakes had gotten it fixed dozens of times, but it was always the same left wheel with the same cadence and rhythm.
Pinkie took a deep breath.
She continued on her way to Lyra’s, but her gait had become slightly more mechanical. She found herself just before the yellow oaken door. Pinkie’s rapidly knocking hoof was met quickly by Lyra’s—initially only mildly annoyed—face. The enthusiastic smack of hoof-on-flesh echoed out the doorway.
“Oops,” Pinkie said through a nervous laugh. “Sorry Lyra, got a bit carried away knocking.”
Lyra rubbed her—now slightly bruised—muzzle. “Yeah, sure Pinkie” she said dismissively.
Pinkie’s shoulder slumped, but Lyra missed the action for her hoof in her face and pain in her skull.
“Anyway, I’m here with the Cupcakes you ordered for tomorrow.”
Lyra quickly looked behind Pinkie with an excited glint in her eye. “Already‽ I put that order in a week ago for tomorrow morning.”
“Yep! And what was gonna happen when your family got here tomorrow morning and you didn’t have any cupcakes for them? You’d be all ‘oh here’s a cupcake’ and then realize you didn’t have any cupcakes!”
“Uh… yeah! Thanks for… bringing me the cupcakes early! And… thank the Cakes for making them early!” Lyra said as she grinned sheepishly.
“You’re welcome, Lyra! I’ll be sure to let them know!”
As Lyra scrambled to clean off the messy kitchen counter, Pinkie unhitched herself from the cupcake cart. The pair started unloading the cupcakes.
The awkward silence lasted for a few minutes before Pinkie asked, “Are you excited to be seeing your family this weekend?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. Both my parents will be here and my grandpapa is coming with them. I think all three of my dad’s siblings and two of my mom’s are supposed to be here too.”
“I never got the chance to ask, what’s the occasion? I know your birthday isn’t for another one-hundred twenty-six days.”
“It’s my grandpapa’s birthday. He didn’t have space for everyone to come, so I offered my place, which has a little extra room.”
The thick silence stuck mercilessly to the air.
“I would’ve expected his place to be more spacious than yours.”
“He isn’t teaching anymore, so they moved into a smaller place.”
“I see.” As she unloaded the last batch of cupcakes, Pinkie said, “Well, I hope you enjoy your time with your grandpappy!”
“Thanks Pinkie, have a swell day yourself.”
“I will!” Pinkie said as she exited the small house.
As soon as the door shut, Pinkie slouched slightly. She reattached the obnoxiously loud cart, and started back for Sugarcube Corner. It shouted annoying interruptions and useless vocalizations into the open air.
At least carts don’t whack ponies in the face.
Lyra was usually pretty good. It was probably because she wasn’t paying enough attention to the door. She needed to be more cognizant of her surroundings. She wasn’t doing well enough. She—
“Pinkie?”
The soft gentle voice cut through the viscous, sickly-sweet thoughts of her head.
“Oh, hi there Fluttershy!” Pinkie put on a genuine smile. “What are you doing out today?”
“Oh, nothing much. Just going for a small stroll,” she said as she scuffed her hoof against the ground. “Do you… um… while you’re here, that is, do you have plans this weekend? I was hoping you could, um, come over and cheer up some of the animals. If… if it’s not too much trouble.”
“Well,” Pinkie said as she pulled her planner out of her mane, “I’m watching the twins tonight, but I think I can swing tomorrow morning?”
“Oh, that’d be great,” Fluttershy said with a smile. “I’ve got a few injured animals that can’t move about much.”
“Oh no!” Concern filled her face as she looked up from her planner. “Are they okay?”
“Well, I’ve got two mice, one with a broken leg and another with a broken rib. I’ve got a bird with a broken wing. And Harry has a terrible case of salmon poisoning and can’t eat much.”
“Harry’s sick‽”
“Yes, I’m worried about him, but—unless his case gets much worse—he should be okay in the long-run. Right now it’s just a lot of rest and vomit.”
Pinkie let out the breath she was holding.
“They should all be fine, really, but I don’t want the bird or mice moving; to prevent an infection.”
“Well… I’m sure your right then. You’re a great veterinarian!”
“Oh… I’m not really a vet, I just do my best.”
“Are you sure? I seem to remember you treating animals.” Pinkie said with a coy grin at Fluttershy.
“But…”
“Aaaaaand,” Pinkie interrupted, “I seem to recall those animals suspiciously getting better afterwards.”
“Yes, but…”
“And isn’t a veterinarian someone who makes animals less sick?”
“Well, yes, but veterinarians have medical degrees. And I don’t have the medical experience or knowledge to do most of what they can. I typically have to read some textbooks on the conditions before I know what I’m doing. Real veterinarians know it without the textbook.”
“Hmm…” Pinkie paused. “Well, you’re still a vet in my book.”
“Th—thank you, Pinkie.” Fluttershy said with a small blush.
“Welp, I gotta get back to the twins. The Cakes are probably getting a bit impatient.”
“Oh, um…. okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
“See you then!”
Pinkie’s step quickened ever so slightly. Seeing Fluttershy really did put her in a better mood. Fluttershy was always exquisitely patient with her.
Well, not always. Fluttershy was occasionally just a bit short with her. But she apologized afterwards.
The cart squeaked incessantly. Her ears drooped ever so slightly.
But, then again, Fluttershy was like that with everyone. Pinkie had seen Fluttershy get short with Rarity once. And when she was especially tired, Fluttershy could be short with anyone.
Fluttershy blushed at her complements, though. Like the compliments were genuinely important and special to her.
Then again, Fluttershy rarely took compliments from anyone sitting down. She blushed and hid her face at almost any praise. Pinkie’s weren’t any special.
The ears fell a little more; the thoughts gumming up her head.
No, Fluttershy probably didn’t love her back. She was just a truly wonderful mare that cared about everyone. She was simply patient and caring and exceptionally kind.
Pinkie found herself back at Sugarcube Corner. She slowly unhitched the cart and wheeled it into its divots behind the shop.
She ambled over to the last spot of icing at the counter, picked up the washcloth and started scrubbing.
Maybe the twins can cheer me up, Pinkie thought optimistically.
Maybe a few hours of hard scrubbing would de-frost that channel in her brain.
Author's Note
Thanks for reading! If you have any criticism, feel free to share below.
